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Sir, thank You so much! All these years I've been thinking it is me rejecting them by going low contact and moving away. But now I do reflect and realize that they were rejecting me so strongly that they pushed me away into low contact. You lifted a stone from my heart. Thank You Sir.
The huge shift in empowerment happens when you’ve been demonised, ostracised, shunned & excluded for much of life & you’ve survived, prospered & individuated through that pain. You can then just look at them & say “and” 🤷🏼♀️ because you can see as sad as it is, nothing good happened for them, in fact, they ate themselves & each other alive.
That’s a really helpful way of looking at things, Marianna. Thanks for sharing your take on it. I’m now 52-years-old and the youngest of three. After a lifelong struggle of trying to understand my siblings’ conditional love toward me, they ostracized me, because I didn’t cave in to an unreasonable request of theirs. But thinking about how they’re eating each other alive gets me thinking how I’m fortunate to have freedom from that. They have nothing else to take away from me.
Your words are so true and they absolutely ate themselves and each other alive. In my case I was thrown in the midst of parents so sick that they were drooling for me to be born so they could enjoy profoundly abusing me in every imaginable way. That I walked out as soon as humanly possible made them hate me X 10 which I wouldn’t have imagined possible. 1 down, 1 to go until planet earth is safer.
Sending compassion to everyone dealing with abuse shame depression suicidal thoughts and fear! May god help you all and strengthen you to see your worth again
Jerry I know I am growing because some of the things you suggest I am implementing in my life, and it is working. Thanks for helping me become an emotional bullfighter!
When my mom asks me why I’m stupid(or whatever it is), I tell her it’s ok to be stupid. That lets her know that she’s ok, since she’s the one that feels stupid. It stops her right there. And I think it really helps her accept herself and her feelings.
Your video about scapegoats (and how a scapegoat can even make themselves mentally ill to fulfil the role) and this video about system anxiety has been the most helpful and I am forever grateful. I haven’t heard this before put in such a clear way and it literally made me free ❤️🙏🏻😃
The more I watch Jerry's video, the more I realize how low self differentiation I have. This is an essential work that I really want to do the more I watch. Will definitely be saving towards this so I can work with Jerry.
This helped me to realize how many people projected their own personal issues on to me... which ended up making me feel bad about myself and allowed then a moment of relief to not have to DEAL with what was going on within them. They didn't have to deal with their feelings of unworthiness, feeling unloved and unsuccessful... This was healing/freeing!.. Now I have to fin watching it lol
Glad the video was of help Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
All this stuff is really heavy considering I’m the scapegoat of my family but every time he says “ping” it cracks me up! A nice change from crying when I normally watch this type of video. Thanks Jerry ☺️
Love that! LOL “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Dang! I personally needed to hear this lesson! My wife is a PhD MFT. She knows these things but has chosen not to share the knowledge with me. In fact, I am now more sure that she uses her knowledge to keep me under her thumb to have things her way. This has solved a lot of my confusion and I’ll be working through my issues to become “myself”. Thank you!
MFTs have their own problems. My brother is one, and he has traits of vulnerable narcissism. Good for you for not relying on your wife to bring you up to speed on these things.
@@rosiethomas7960, an MFT is a marriage and family therapist. I should’ve spelled that out to begin with. Too many TLAs (three-letter acronyms) to keep track of! 😬
My mum had so much apprehension fears and anxiety that as a child I had to be like her so she was happy also because I thought I had to feel like that because that was caring for me caring for the others, she didn’t have any self-esteem so she didn’t encourage me to do anything at all in case I failed because she thought I was gonna fail so destroying for me on the other side I had PN dad good girl interpretation and saying yes and having the same thoughts and opinions as him obviously I live in between victimising and interpretation of crying with my mum and shouting and fear et cetera. Etc and long etc I’m totally recovered now is the fact that you get conscious that you were not that guilty? You’re not the problem you were the victim. You were the innocent when you see that you realise what you’ve gone through you feel so proud of yourself on the survivor you feel a good person you feel the person that you always knew you were and now you discover yourself again you xxx
I love these videos when you talk about your responses to the projections that parents can engage in. It's very helpful. I understand that my narcissistic father calls and has arguments with me that make no sense . But is not about the content is about the projection and the shedding of a anxiety and shame
Growth is painful yet beautiful, I came to conquer all those triggers and emotional fight and I'm grateful for your professionalism and wisdom. Some of the questions I started asking them are : -The, you have abandon family, family is sacred ; Me: Can you please help me understand your statement? , or What are your intentions when you say this? I never apologize and if they insist I will ask for a tangible example and mirror them back, well show me how you have proven your love then....Family system is such a Cancer, I choose to practice healthy habits and not feed the gangrene !
This is practically "a sermon"...and a great one at that! Packed with potentially life saving information! Update: Hah! I didn't know you were a pastor. Maybe that has something to do with it! Update #2: Where you say we want to steal the power out of that hidden anxiety, the metaphor that came to my mind (and this is gross, so brace yourself!) was "we want to pop that hidden anxiety boil and drain the power out of it" (eew! but I warned ya!)
I'm learning to control myself better and avoid getting into other people's turmoil. It's not easy, I keep applying your super helpful lesson Jerry! So thankful!❤
I know this video is 2 years old, but I now remember something from my childhood. My parents (mostly my dad) would have terrible fights and require me to be present to listen. I was pressured to pick a side. I remember many times they would wake me up at night and make me get out of bed to listen to them argue. I feel anxiety rising up in me just thinking about these childhood memories. I was a stressed out child, always trying very hard to please them both. They labeled me as overly sensitive. I love both of them deeply.
Jerry, you have such a thorough understanding of the dysfunctional narcissistic family unit. The saying, “It takes one to know one” holds deep relevance when addressing the uncomfortable truths involved in the narcissistic family dynamics. Thank you for shining a light on these very dark yet very real issues.
Thank you, Jerry! I listened to the video while cleaning my house. I truly enjoy your insight and am learning a lot from you. I believe my sister may be a narcissist and have been trying to learn how to navigate our relationship for years. I've tried to go no contact for the past 3 years, and recently she sent me a gift. My mother is pressuring me and making sure I send a "thank you" to my sister. I do not want to accept this invitation back into an abusive relationship and am not sure how to stop my flying monkey mother. But, I am learning clues from your videos about how to navigate all of this and be myself.
Question: Why don’t you have more viewers?? You explain projection soo perfectly! It’s so easy to understand what this hidden anxiety (projection) stems from and how to address it. Thank you!!
Thank you Go out and tell the world LOL haha some people are interested some are not. Thank you for your kind words. “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: • The Illusions of the Narcissist • The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists • Living in the War Zone • 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist • 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently • Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding • Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment • Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents • Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have • And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Thank You For Sharing After Being Severely Abused By A Narcissists. I Struggle With Severe Anxiety I Have Low Self Worth Low Self Esteem I Struggle EveryDay.I Was Recently Discarded I Struggle
I get you, my narc/psychopath narcissist/psychopath fathenemy lol father/enemy still causes issues with OCD, complex post traumatic disorder, performance anxiety, social anxiety and or social phobia, general anxiety, low self-esteem and agoraphobia.
Be kind and understanding to yourself. We're only human. No one's perfect. Continue learning and evolving. It's OK to be you. You're giving yourself what those around you didn't have the knoweledge to give. That's OK. You're getting it now. Remember the parable of the tortoise and the hare? The tortoise always wins!!! So be easier on you. It'll come in good time. Like Jerry said, when people reject us, they're really rejecting themselves!!! Who knew? Apparantly they still don't know that. ☺
Aaa!! Jerry :) I'm so glad to see you again! I'm looking forward to to getting myself in cosy atmosphere, taking a cup of tea and a notebook and listening to it word by word.
Dmytro Prydatko I always mean to do that too and end up doing the dishes listening to Jerry, scribbling amazing points down here and there. Murray Bowen was a genius to figure this family systems thing out.
I love your videos and your personality you have such a calm presence. It's a lot to take in but also exciting because I feel on the other side of these challenges is happiness 😊 Thank you.
I love these videos Mr.Wise , thank you for furnishing videos with so much information, ive yet to find sombody that gives so much information in their youtube videos. All of these videos have helped me understand my childhood so much.
I'm so glad! I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional If you sign up now, I will be offering a live broadcast with my paid members on You Tube soon…
I feel this about my 19 year old daughter, but I’m also so stinking proud of her having the confidence to individuate, financially support herself and I’m proud that she not only practices regular self care, but sees caring for herself as a measure of success.
Wow, too good. Thanks. Very subtle thing. Have been sick bcz of this systems anxiety. Didn't know how to not absorb it. Very interesting way to look at things.
Your great. Just 8 days ago the sh..... hit the fan with longterm fullblown psycopath. Realization. Traumatized. Your phrases among 2 others within narc eductn. & several concerts got me through so far. Thanks.
Very useful as a retired clinician. And the phones ring and a scapgoat is chosen. All rationality is abandoned. Reversals sound like placing a boundary. Oh this is useful. Munechian didn't speak of this.
I'll be going NC this summer but this video provided me with the tips to juggle the time before nc; all those projections from mother, the pings, and the family's obsession with making me react and paying attention to their needs every single second of each minute of every day stem from the system's anxiety. But now I feel more confident to handle this. You are very generous and I thank you for this.
First of all, Thank You Dr. Wise for this precious video. I wanted you to know that your videos are never too long. I somelisten to them more than once ❤
Thanks for another great video, Jerry! In energetic terms (as shamanic practitioners might see it), these games are also always a bid for your psychic energy. They don't care if they get positive feedback or negative feedback, it's all digestible energy for their shadow aspects of consciousness. If you think of how tired you are after interacting with these folks, you'll realize how true that can be in a felt sense. All attacks and criticisms, and all plays of being miserable and pitiable and needy are bids for your psychic energy. It seems adults who are emotionally arrested at age 2 are desperate for attention of any kind, and being at a low vibe state, they are perfectly happy to feed on low vibe energy. Yours, if you're willing to produce it for them. Self differentiation gives you the power to retain your energy, not give it away. Interestingly, the less of your energy they get to feed on, the less often they will make bids for it. Call it behavior modification for the extremely immature. In fact, if you're extremely boring, giving no info of interest (which they were only going to use against you later anyway), sounding bored and being boring, offering little information, they will reduce calling you more and more. You're not feeding the beast in them that wants to feed on your energy, so they turn elsewhere to locate people who want to rant with them (about whatever) or complain endlessly with them or feel pitiful with them. If you make a fit playmate for them, they'll keep coming to you more and more to play those kinds of games. I personally don't like affirming the bad things they assert about me, it's unhealthy programming for my subconscious mind (which is a loyal dog but not very bright, it enacts whatever I tell it is true, helping make it more true). But I can cheerfully assert, "You're certainly entitled to your opinion." That's another way to not bite the bait. Just because they're baiting me doesn't mean I have to take the bait, so I try as much as possible to just stay detached, mature, and cheerful. Even saying that can give rise to a hot fit of rage from the offerer of the bait, but you can still stayed cheerful and detached. Just kept being unwilling to be upset in any way. They may give you weeks of blessed silence if you refuse to feed the beast. They'll think they're punishing you, of course, but take peace wherever you can get it (is my philosophy anyway). It helped also when a therapist reminded me that they (they, not me) are responsible for their choice of emotional state. Abusers are responsible for their choice of game playing. They are responsible for their choice of attitude. They are responsible for their choice of refusing to grow up. And for not genuinely seeking therapy for their anxiety, rage, or depression issues. They are responsible for the consequences of their insistence on being a perpetual victim (who meanwhile doesn't give a rip about you and enjoys beating you up emotionally). In fact, they generally won't work on these things unless they must deal with the consequences, as long as everyone is indulging their BS. They are extremely stubborn and need to experience the consequences of their own choices and their years of unwillingness to go seek professional help (instead of abusing and manipulating everyone around them). I guess things need to get problematic enough for them to motivate them sufficiently to make the effort to make their lives more appropriate and more respectful of other people's individualization. So it's not only bad for our mental health and growth to keep playing these head games with them, it's bad for their growth and potential maturity as well.
Not sure why this particular video has my anxiety level through the roof, to the point where I cannot finish it. Probably has something to do with my very stressful workday today. I’ll revisit it when my levels go down.
You really teach me what other parenting style there are, you are able to be firm with your kids while still being compassionate even if they misbehave and reacts aggressively. In my own culture, a child will not even dare talk back to their parents, he will be severely beaten or punished, for 'disrespecting an elder" I never approved of this style of parenting but since it is the norm in my country of origin I sincerely didn't know how to educate differently. I hope you will do a video that teaches parents how to be compassionate while being firm.
This can be an interesting specific topic. I will say that the whole process of thinking that I teach in my videos could be applied to raising children- it's always about self differentiation, self regulation, self definition and knowing how to take a stand while staying connected to others. If you want something more specific this book does a good job explaining exactly what you're looking for- www.bookdepository.com/Connecting-with-Our-Children-Roberta-M-Gilbert/9780471347866?ref=grid-view&qid=1654425667316&sr=1-1
Thanks for watching Maya I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also
This was incredibly helpful. Very thorough very reasonable commissary balance very details with lots of good examples. And all with the sincere sharing that you have been through something like this yourself so it's not just didactic learning on-the-job training or whatever that funds your knowledge of how these things work. I feel hopeful for the first time in a while not that I can change anyone else but that I don't have to deciding mediately whether to go no contact and feel secure that I had no other choice and therefore sad as it is won't be regretting it later. I have a way to protect myself without trying to change them or even the outcome, so that things unfold in the way that will reveal the truth in the long run.
Also we need to address the issue of the erroneous way we loosely use words like stupid, idiot etc. If an individual behaves what we perceive wrong or faulty. We need to use the appropriate language. For eg. You could have done this differently or next time check with someone. In my personal opinion we easily learn bad language from parents, peers, etc. But we do not realise the bad things we are passing on to future generations which builds up and accumulates like system anxiety and becomes an unconscious vocabulary which becomes our default mode of expression. Something needs to be done in this area. God bless🙏
Wow awesome stuff you are a Ninja Jerry! You were kicking butt at the end with 5 other Ninjas coming at you! Thank you . Looking forward to my next session with you tomorrow. MS
I’ve done so much work to get out of the system. I have to be ok with my family discarding me. I don’t have any desire to change my family, but I will not sacrifice myself so they can feel better. It’s all about controlling to get us to do what they want and when we don’t, they will get angry and reactive. That’s their bag. My sister joined a religious organization and kept calling me a sinner and trying to convert me to be a good person and find God. I told her that I feel connected to God and I am just a human making my way and I’m ok with that. I told her in the best way possible because I do care about her and want her in my life that I will talk to her about other things but I will not talk about religious subjects. She got all upset and told me that I was going to fry in Hell and my prayers are wrong prayers and she told me that she doesn’t have anything else to talk to me about. I said, “ok.” She let me know her opinion of me and I’m ok with that but I won’t sacrifice myself so she can get glory from attacking my character. I have found that it is best NOT to discuss spiritual matters with others as they can get all crazy and preachy for hours. It’s like opening a can of opinion/bigotry Hell.
Not to bring up religion, because Jesus is about as anti religious as one can get, but your sister has the gospel all wrong anyway and IS using it to control behavior instead of loving people, which love is actually one of the only three commands Jesus gave. Seems you got that love your neighbor thing down pat ❤️
The examples are so helpful Jerry! They just make it all so concrete versus the abstractness of some of the ideas. Thanks for this! I've been a Lauri a few times in my life and could not even see my role in all of it. Felt legitimately persecuted, blamed and the victim of it all 😅
Thank you and thank you for watching “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
I want to unplug from my family system. I am not in touch with them right now, and they're punishing me for being hurt, so in a way it's a rest from them, but I know there'll be some stressful confrontation around the corner. I need to under react when it happens, but still hold my boundaries. But...my boundaries are that they can't call me paranoid /emotional anymore. So, I have to do enough work on myself that I have evolved beyond the point of caring that they hurt me, don't care if they hurt me, get angry with me for feeling hurt.............. and eventually this will not feel like being a doormat? I feel like I get this but that last piece of the jigsaw, getting to the point where you care so little that it provokes minimal reaction in you, that still seems a tall order.
hard work this is for me Jerry but not impossible! this is the second time I've come back to this video. this time I've watched it in small sections as to not overwhelm my self which has really helped me to trust my self this way. deep insight and very helpful. much appreciated as always.
You are so welcome Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Jerry, appreciate so much you have offered on these channels. Your family systems ideas have assisted me so much. One thing I’m wondering - is there a relation with these systems with work?? Is there a way to incorporate them with every work relationship? I would be interested in that topic. - Dave
Thanks for the sub! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, Please sign up for the upcoming workshop “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You” Workshop Date: February 6, Saturday Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST Zoom www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
His speech are great. Many people loves the way he speaking. But for people like me which i usually read in high speed, it would be so nice to up the speed of the video to 1.25
System logic..opposite/reversal. They say, the one that holds the silence controls the relationship. The silence, withholding can be used to abuse, too. I don’t listen to “you statements”, their fighting words. I have very bad fight and flight anxiety, it’s like being in shock continuously. Like someone surprises you, that sudden reaction is how I feel 80% of the time. I’ve tried everything including Ketamine infusion, 8 of them. It’s from C-PTSD and very fear base, and I think shame base too. Yes, it is contiguous, I make others feel my worry, not intentionally, of course. I try and hide it as best as I possibly can, because I know I effect others. That’s why I try everything to be stable for my family. Framing, choosing our words consciously is very important to me. Like at a swimming pool, a child running, instead of telling the child to “stop running” on the deck, I say “ please walk”. Walk vs running, set a different imagery. Self defence deflects, my husband is defensive about everything, including passing the salt. PING, PING, PING, so interesting. Holding it....Hidden anxiety......core underneath. Unplug. Respond not react. John Bradshaw from the mid eighties on PBS. Good stuff. The Nibble Effect, was a book on pinging. Also, we ask in our house, “ who is your behaviour pleasing”. It’s usually someone else in the background.
Betty Wormsley you must look into PTSD, the beatings, and abuse one suffers for years afterwards. The cycle of domestic violence is important to understand. The honeymoon stage, tension period then boom, explosive behaviour, out of control, blaming, justifying. The victim is always innocent, remember that. It’s about power and controlling others that makes the abuser go off. Control comes from within. Not by controlling outside of self or others. The more the abuser is controlling, the more dangerous it is. When one is leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for the victim. Victim has zero power to change an abuser. ZERO.
Hi Jerry, what's the difference between social anxiety and social phobia?Your presentation reminds me of my choir final in highschool, when I was away from my famenemy lol family/enemy I knew I couldn't get there on time, I got very anxious to the point of crying.Take care and thanks.
Thank you! Thank you for watching my videos. If you would like to donate to help produce more free videos, it would be greatly appreciated. Any amounts helps us produce great videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Thank you so much Mira Thank you for watching my videos. If you would like to donate to help produce more free videos, it would be greatly appreciated. Any amounts helps us produce great videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
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Sir, thank You so much! All these years I've been thinking it is me rejecting them by going low contact and moving away. But now I do reflect and realize that they were rejecting me so strongly that they pushed me away into low contact. You lifted a stone from my heart. Thank You Sir.
Best of luck!
The huge shift in empowerment happens when you’ve been demonised, ostracised, shunned & excluded for much of life & you’ve survived, prospered & individuated through that pain. You can then just look at them & say “and” 🤷🏼♀️ because you can see as sad as it is, nothing good happened for them, in fact, they ate themselves & each other alive.
wow that's a great way of seeing npd families, they do eat each other up, they flagellate one another out of their own family's anxiety.
That’s a really helpful way of looking at things, Marianna. Thanks for sharing your take on it. I’m now 52-years-old and the youngest of three. After a lifelong struggle of trying to understand my siblings’ conditional love toward me, they ostracized me, because I didn’t cave in to an unreasonable request of theirs. But thinking about how they’re eating each other alive gets me thinking how I’m fortunate to have freedom from that. They have nothing else to take away from me.
Your words are so true and they absolutely ate themselves and each other alive. In my case I was thrown in the midst of parents so sick that they were drooling for me to be born so they could enjoy profoundly abusing me in every imaginable way. That I walked out as soon as humanly possible made them hate me X 10 which I wouldn’t have imagined possible. 1 down, 1 to go until planet earth is safer.
@@marlenaeva3813i hide when I can no longer take the energy 🔋
😊😅❤🎉
Sending compassion to everyone dealing with abuse shame depression suicidal thoughts and fear! May god help you all and strengthen you to see your worth again
You mean me? Thankyou.
Jerry I know I am growing because some of the things you suggest I am implementing in my life, and it is working. Thanks for helping me become an emotional bullfighter!
When my mom asks me why I’m stupid(or whatever it is), I tell her it’s ok to be stupid. That lets her know that she’s ok, since she’s the one that feels stupid. It stops her right there. And I think it really helps her accept herself and her feelings.
It takes a lot of self control to respond and to not react. That’s great how you de-escalate the things that your mom throws at you.
Practicing self-compassion and emotional detachment
Can be hard not to say, "Traumatized brains don't grow normally."
My sister liked to say and do things deliberately to make me miserable and she laughs. I avoid her at all costs.
Sounds like my Mother
this information is truly the road less traveled.
Yes, this is why it is so vital. Thanks for watching
WOW Jerry! This has been one of your best videos in a long time. Your videos are all great but this one is just whoa!
Agreed!
Your video about scapegoats (and how a scapegoat can even make themselves mentally ill to fulfil the role) and this video about system anxiety has been the most helpful and I am forever grateful. I haven’t heard this before put in such a clear way and it literally made me free ❤️🙏🏻😃
I just can't find any other videos on these topics more relatable and sensible sounding as yours!!! Thank you
You're so welcome!
The more I watch Jerry's video, the more I realize how low self differentiation I have. This is an essential work that I really want to do the more I watch. Will definitely be saving towards this so I can work with Jerry.
This helped me to realize how many people projected their own personal issues on to me... which ended up making me feel bad about myself and allowed then a moment of relief to not have to DEAL with what was going on within them. They didn't have to deal with their feelings of unworthiness, feeling unloved and unsuccessful... This was healing/freeing!.. Now I have to fin watching it lol
Glad the video was of help
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
All this stuff is really heavy considering I’m the scapegoat of my family but
every time he says “ping” it cracks me up! A nice change from crying when I normally watch this type of video. Thanks Jerry ☺️
Love that! LOL
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Dang! I personally needed to hear this lesson! My wife is a PhD MFT. She knows these things but has chosen not to share the knowledge with me. In fact, I am now more sure that she uses her knowledge to keep me under her thumb to have things her way. This has solved a lot of my confusion and I’ll be working through my issues to become “myself”. Thank you!
MFTs have their own problems. My brother is one, and he has traits of vulnerable narcissism. Good for you for not relying on your wife to bring you up to speed on these things.
@@lance7973 what is an MFT?
@@rosiethomas7960, an MFT is a marriage and family therapist. I should’ve spelled that out to begin with. Too many TLAs (three-letter acronyms) to keep track of! 😬
My mum had so much apprehension fears and anxiety that as a child I had to be like her so she was happy also because I thought I had to feel like that because that was caring for me caring for the others, she didn’t have any self-esteem so she didn’t encourage me to do anything at all in case I failed because she thought I was gonna fail so destroying for me on the other side I had PN dad good girl interpretation and saying yes and having the same thoughts and opinions as him obviously I live in between victimising and interpretation of crying with my mum and shouting and fear et cetera. Etc and long etc I’m totally recovered now is the fact that you get conscious that you were not that guilty? You’re not the problem you were the victim. You were the innocent when you see that you realise what you’ve gone through you feel so proud of yourself on the survivor you feel a good person you feel the person that you always knew you were and now you discover yourself again you xxx
I’d give this video a thousand thumbs up if I could 😊👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
That sounds like the right amount of appreciation this man diserves for taking so much time to bring peace in so many hearts and homes.
I love these videos when you talk about your responses to the projections that parents can engage in. It's very helpful. I understand that my narcissistic father calls and has arguments with me that make no sense . But is not about the content is about the projection and the shedding of a anxiety and shame
Growth is painful yet beautiful, I came to conquer all those triggers and emotional fight and I'm grateful for your professionalism and wisdom. Some of the questions I started asking them are : -The, you have abandon family, family is sacred ; Me: Can you please help me understand your statement? , or What are your intentions when you say this? I never apologize and if they insist I will ask for a tangible example and mirror them back, well show me how you have proven your love then....Family system is such a Cancer, I choose to practice healthy habits and not feed the gangrene !
This is practically "a sermon"...and a great one at that! Packed with potentially life saving information!
Update: Hah! I didn't know you were a pastor. Maybe that has something to do with it!
Update #2: Where you say we want to steal the power out of that hidden anxiety, the metaphor that came to my mind (and this is gross, so brace yourself!) was "we want to pop that hidden anxiety boil and drain the power out of it" (eew! but I warned ya!)
I'm learning to control myself better and avoid getting into other people's turmoil. It's not easy, I keep applying your super helpful lesson Jerry! So thankful!❤
Wonderful!
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
It's like the system has a mind of its own.
System anxiety is why I'm going no contact w my mother
Whatever helps u going through it🙏❤
Jerry Wise you are a gift from above🙏🏼💕💕💕💕thank you
I know this video is 2 years old, but I now remember something from my childhood. My parents (mostly my dad) would have terrible fights and require me to be present to listen. I was pressured to pick a side. I remember many times they would wake me up at night and make me get out of bed to listen to them argue. I feel anxiety rising up in me just thinking about these childhood memories. I was a stressed out child, always trying very hard to please them both. They labeled me as overly sensitive. I love both of them deeply.
This is terrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through this
This video may be helpful - ua-cam.com/video/Jkw9Uqz85_k/v-deo.html
Thank you Jerry. A great session. Will be working on my hidden anxiety during this lockdown. Your videos are helping me so much 🙏🙏
Jerry, you have such a thorough understanding of the dysfunctional narcissistic family unit. The saying, “It takes one to know one” holds deep relevance when addressing the uncomfortable truths involved in the narcissistic family dynamics. Thank you for shining a light on these very dark yet very real issues.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Jerry! I listened to the video while cleaning my house. I truly enjoy your insight and am learning a lot from you. I believe my sister may be a narcissist and have been trying to learn how to navigate our relationship for years. I've tried to go no contact for the past 3 years, and recently she sent me a gift. My mother is pressuring me and making sure I send a "thank you" to my sister. I do not want to accept this invitation back into an abusive relationship and am not sure how to stop my flying monkey mother. But, I am learning clues from your videos about how to navigate all of this and be myself.
I like the term "ping" it sounds so objective and easy to understand.
Is there any way to resolve or break the chains of hidden anxiety when it is intragenerational.
Question: Why don’t you have more viewers?? You explain projection soo perfectly! It’s so easy to understand what this hidden anxiety (projection) stems from and how to address it. Thank you!!
Thank you Go out and tell the world LOL haha some people are interested some are not. Thank you for your kind words.
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
• The Illusions of the Narcissist
• The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
• Living in the War Zone
• 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
• 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
• Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
• Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
• Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
• Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
• And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Thank You For Sharing
After Being Severely Abused
By A Narcissists.
I Struggle With Severe Anxiety
I Have Low Self Worth Low Self Esteem
I Struggle EveryDay.I Was Recently
Discarded I Struggle
I get you, my narc/psychopath narcissist/psychopath fathenemy lol father/enemy still causes issues with OCD, complex post traumatic disorder, performance anxiety, social anxiety and or social phobia, general anxiety, low self-esteem and agoraphobia.
Demetria Gaines So sad for you, my heart goes out to you.
Be kind and understanding to yourself. We're only human. No one's perfect. Continue learning and evolving. It's OK to be you. You're giving yourself what those around you
didn't have the knoweledge to give. That's OK. You're getting it now. Remember the parable of the tortoise and the hare? The tortoise always wins!!! So be easier on you. It'll come in good time. Like Jerry said, when people reject us, they're really rejecting themselves!!! Who knew? Apparantly they still don't know that. ☺
Lu Guy
Thank You 🙏
marmaladesunrise
Thank You 🙏
Aaa!! Jerry :) I'm so glad to see you again! I'm looking forward to to getting myself in cosy atmosphere, taking a cup of tea and a notebook and listening to it word by word.
Dmytro Prydatko I always mean to do that too and end up doing the dishes listening to Jerry, scribbling amazing points down here and there. Murray Bowen was a genius to figure this family systems thing out.
I love your videos and your personality you have such a calm presence. It's a lot to take in but also exciting because I feel on the other side of these challenges is happiness 😊 Thank you.
You are very welcome, I'm glad you like my videos!
Your presentation of the family you discussed would make a great novel.
I love these videos Mr.Wise , thank you for furnishing videos with so much information, ive yet to find sombody that gives so much information in their youtube videos. All of these videos have helped me understand my childhood so much.
I am so grateful to find your channel, thank you
I'm so glad!
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
If you sign up now, I will be offering a live broadcast with my paid members on You Tube soon…
Great video!! I have to say I’m in the parent situation and it is so gut ripping to not see my 19 year old son as often as I want. 💔😩
I feel this about my 19 year old daughter, but I’m also so stinking proud of her having the confidence to individuate, financially support herself and I’m proud that she not only practices regular self care, but sees caring for herself as a measure of success.
Wow, too good. Thanks. Very subtle thing. Have been sick bcz of this systems anxiety. Didn't know how to not absorb it.
Very interesting way to look at things.
Your great. Just 8 days ago the sh..... hit the fan with longterm fullblown psycopath. Realization. Traumatized. Your phrases among 2 others within narc eductn. & several concerts got me through so far. Thanks.
Very useful as a retired clinician. And the phones ring and a scapgoat is chosen. All rationality is abandoned. Reversals sound like placing a boundary. Oh this is useful. Munechian didn't speak of this.
Thanks Jerry, back to rewinding all your videos!!
Glad you like them and find them helpful. They always hit different when rewatched
Excellent! Please do a video on 'the super-self’ and ‘how to reduce feeling guilt after going no contact’.
Join my website and use the login button to join, I will be doing exclusive content on this subject very soon www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Will always be patient & listen to you, thank you Dr.Wise !
Love this. So helpful.
Thank you for sharing this information I'm working on this in my life. I've had a life of narcissist abuse and on the road to healing.
Laurie is acting like a boss 😁
This needs taught to us in elementary school, middle and high schools. Teachers need taught this as well! Alot of pinging goes on in schools.
I'll be going NC this summer but this video provided me with the tips to juggle the time before nc; all those projections from mother, the pings, and the family's obsession with making me react and paying attention to their needs every single second of each minute of every day stem from the system's anxiety. But now I feel more confident to handle this. You are very generous and I thank you for this.
lol! Rejection will not make your pants fall down or eat your brains inside out. Thank you for that comic relief!
First of all, Thank You Dr. Wise for this precious video. I wanted you to know that your videos are never too long. I somelisten to them more than once ❤
17:10 💯% I’ve heard: ‘I don’t think I’ve ever had anxiety, so no, never had anxiety’ 🤦♀️ 🤷♀️
Many valuable tidbits, thank you!
thankyou so much Jerry. Taking notes while listening. invaluable information and a great presentation. I totally get it now. xxxx Sans
Thanks for another great video, Jerry! In energetic terms (as shamanic practitioners might see it), these games are also always a bid for your psychic energy. They don't care if they get positive feedback or negative feedback, it's all digestible energy for their shadow aspects of consciousness. If you think of how tired you are after interacting with these folks, you'll realize how true that can be in a felt sense. All attacks and criticisms, and all plays of being miserable and pitiable and needy are bids for your psychic energy. It seems adults who are emotionally arrested at age 2 are desperate for attention of any kind, and being at a low vibe state, they are perfectly happy to feed on low vibe energy. Yours, if you're willing to produce it for them. Self differentiation gives you the power to retain your energy, not give it away. Interestingly, the less of your energy they get to feed on, the less often they will make bids for it. Call it behavior modification for the extremely immature. In fact, if you're extremely boring, giving no info of interest (which they were only going to use against you later anyway), sounding bored and being boring, offering little information, they will reduce calling you more and more. You're not feeding the beast in them that wants to feed on your energy, so they turn elsewhere to locate people who want to rant with them (about whatever) or complain endlessly with them or feel pitiful with them. If you make a fit playmate for them, they'll keep coming to you more and more to play those kinds of games.
I personally don't like affirming the bad things they assert about me, it's unhealthy programming for my subconscious mind (which is a loyal dog but not very bright, it enacts whatever I tell it is true, helping make it more true). But I can cheerfully assert, "You're certainly entitled to your opinion." That's another way to not bite the bait. Just because they're baiting me doesn't mean I have to take the bait, so I try as much as possible to just stay detached, mature, and cheerful. Even saying that can give rise to a hot fit of rage from the offerer of the bait, but you can still stayed cheerful and detached. Just kept being unwilling to be upset in any way. They may give you weeks of blessed silence if you refuse to feed the beast. They'll think they're punishing you, of course, but take peace wherever you can get it (is my philosophy anyway).
It helped also when a therapist reminded me that they (they, not me) are responsible for their choice of emotional state. Abusers are responsible for their choice of game playing. They are responsible for their choice of attitude. They are responsible for their choice of refusing to grow up. And for not genuinely seeking therapy for their anxiety, rage, or depression issues. They are responsible for the consequences of their insistence on being a perpetual victim (who meanwhile doesn't give a rip about you and enjoys beating you up emotionally).
In fact, they generally won't work on these things unless they must deal with the consequences, as long as everyone is indulging their BS. They are extremely stubborn and need to experience the consequences of their own choices and their years of unwillingness to go seek professional help (instead of abusing and manipulating everyone around them). I guess things need to get problematic enough for them to motivate them sufficiently to make the effort to make their lives more appropriate and more respectful of other people's individualization. So it's not only bad for our mental health and growth to keep playing these head games with them, it's bad for their growth and potential maturity as well.
Just listening to your videos I am getting so much clarity and ping - the light bulb goes off! X
I'm so glad my videos are helping you
Not sure why this particular video has my anxiety level through the roof, to the point where I cannot finish it. Probably has something to do with my very stressful workday today. I’ll revisit it when my levels go down.
I also felt that; it may be subconscious
It’s all a lot to take in. Did you ever come back to this video on a less stressful day?
This is extraordinary information. Eye opening. Thank you.
I think this could be the way forward! Fascinating!
You are right about this, so spot on. The whole lighter fluid and hose to the wave thing.
Thank you.
You really teach me what other parenting style there are, you are able to be firm with your kids while still being compassionate even if they misbehave and reacts aggressively. In my own culture, a child will not even dare talk back to their parents, he will be severely beaten or punished, for 'disrespecting an elder" I never approved of this style of parenting but since it is the norm in my country of origin I sincerely didn't know how to educate differently. I hope you will do a video that teaches parents how to be compassionate while being firm.
This can be an interesting specific topic. I will say that the whole process of thinking that I teach in my videos could be applied to raising children- it's always about self differentiation, self regulation, self definition and knowing how to take a stand while staying connected to others.
If you want something more specific this book does a good job explaining exactly what you're looking for- www.bookdepository.com/Connecting-with-Our-Children-Roberta-M-Gilbert/9780471347866?ref=grid-view&qid=1654425667316&sr=1-1
Groundbreaking teaching !! Thank you for sharing!
One of the best videos on the topic and of Jerry!!!!
Thanks for watching Maya
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also
This was incredibly helpful. Very thorough very reasonable commissary balance very details with lots of good examples. And all with the sincere sharing that you have been through something like this yourself so it's not just didactic learning on-the-job training or whatever that funds your knowledge of how these things work. I feel hopeful for the first time in a while not that I can change anyone else but that I don't have to deciding mediately whether to go no contact and feel secure that I had no other choice and therefore sad as it is won't be regretting it later. I have a way to protect myself without trying to change them or even the outcome, so that things unfold in the way that will reveal the truth in the long run.
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Also we need to address the issue of the erroneous way we loosely use words like stupid, idiot etc. If an individual behaves what we perceive wrong or faulty. We need to use the appropriate language. For eg. You could have done this differently or next time check with someone. In my personal opinion we easily learn bad language from parents, peers, etc. But we do not realise the bad things we are passing on to future generations which builds up and accumulates like system anxiety and becomes an unconscious vocabulary which becomes our default mode of expression. Something needs to be done in this area. God bless🙏
Pure gold - thanks Jerry
Thank you.
Wow awesome stuff you are a Ninja Jerry! You were kicking butt at the end with 5 other Ninjas coming at you! Thank you . Looking forward to my next session with you tomorrow. MS
🥷😊
I’ve done so much work to get out of the system. I have to be ok with my family discarding me. I don’t have any desire to change my family, but I will not sacrifice myself so they can feel better. It’s all about controlling to get us to do what they want and when we don’t, they will get angry and reactive. That’s their bag. My sister joined a religious organization and kept calling me a sinner and trying to convert me to be a good person and find God. I told her that I feel connected to God and I am just a human making my way and I’m ok with that. I told her in the best way possible because I do care about her and want her in my life that I will talk to her about other things but I will not talk about religious subjects. She got all upset and told me that I was going to fry in Hell and my prayers are wrong prayers and she told me that she doesn’t have anything else to talk to me about. I said, “ok.” She let me know her opinion of me and I’m ok with that but I won’t sacrifice myself so she can get glory from attacking my character. I have found that it is best NOT to discuss spiritual matters with others as they can get all crazy and preachy for hours. It’s like opening a can of opinion/bigotry Hell.
Not to bring up religion, because Jesus is about as anti religious as one can get, but your sister has the gospel all wrong anyway and IS using it to control behavior instead of loving people, which love is actually one of the only three commands Jesus gave. Seems you got that love your neighbor thing down pat ❤️
very painful, uncomfortable internal hard work but like you said Jerry i don't regret starting it.
Awareness and self differentiation work have a price, but also lack of awareness and lack of self differentiation have a price. Keep up the good work
This video is awesome. Its super helpful. Thank you so much!!!
You are so welcome!
The examples are so helpful Jerry! They just make it all so concrete versus the abstractness of some of the ideas. Thanks for this! I've been a Lauri a few times in my life and could not even see my role in all of it. Felt legitimately persecuted, blamed and the victim of it all 😅
Thank you and thank you for watching
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
I want to unplug from my family system. I am not in touch with them right now, and they're punishing me for being hurt, so in a way it's a rest from them, but I know there'll be some stressful confrontation around the corner. I need to under react when it happens, but still hold my boundaries. But...my boundaries are that they can't call me paranoid /emotional anymore. So, I have to do enough work on myself that I have evolved beyond the point of caring that they hurt me, don't care if they hurt me, get angry with me for feeling hurt.............. and eventually this will not feel like being a doormat? I feel like I get this but that last piece of the jigsaw, getting to the point where you care so little that it provokes minimal reaction in you, that still seems a tall order.
omg I love your explanations so much. thank you sincerely!
Amazing Jerry ! God bless you.
Great video Jerry! I especially liked the emotional bullfighter example!
hard work this is for me Jerry but not impossible! this is the second time I've come back to this video. this time I've watched it in small sections as to not overwhelm my self which has really helped me to trust my self this way. deep insight and very helpful. much appreciated as always.
You can do it!
Hidden anxiety - it's constant. It's why I'm a counterdependent and counter-dependency is supposedly a "male problem" so it's extra confusing.
Thank you Jerry ❤
You are so welcome
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Hi Jerry nice tan God Bless Always thx
Thank you, Jerry. This presentation is / has been very insightful.
Another great video Jerry! Thank you for the work you do!
This makes so much sense.
Glad it resonated!
I’m learning so much useful stuff.
Jerry is my Santa this year 🤗🎄💚✨
Happy holidays!
Thank you so much Dr. Wise! ❤
Welcome!
Thanks for posting this...
You are very welcome 🙏🏻
Jerry, appreciate so much you have offered on these channels. Your family systems ideas have assisted me so much. One thing I’m wondering - is there a relation with these systems with work?? Is there a way to incorporate them with every work relationship? I would be interested in that topic. - Dave
There are lots of discussions about this email me and I will give you some reading resources
This was such a great video 🎉
Thank you very much for your work
It really helpful.
God bless you.
Greetings from turkey.
Your so good !!! You offer solutions aswell as all the knowledge. Thanks subscribed!!
Thanks for the sub!
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my UA-cam channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my UA-cam channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
Also,
Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
“Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
Workshop
Date: February 6, Saturday
Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
Zoom
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
[Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]
His speech are great. Many people loves the way he speaking. But for people like me which i usually read in high speed, it would be so nice to up the speed of the video to 1.25
You can do that on any UA-cam video from the view screen
Thank you. I enjoy watching your videos and find them very helpful.
Wow, thank you. So much great content
Glad you enjoyed it!
I wish this video example was about situation when I am not in contact with my family of origin.
System logic..opposite/reversal. They say, the one that holds the silence controls the relationship. The silence, withholding can be used to abuse, too. I don’t listen to “you statements”, their fighting words. I have very bad fight and flight anxiety, it’s like being in shock continuously. Like someone surprises you, that sudden reaction is how I feel 80% of the time. I’ve tried everything including Ketamine infusion, 8 of them. It’s from C-PTSD and very fear base, and I think shame base too. Yes, it is contiguous, I make others feel my worry, not intentionally, of course. I try and hide it as best as I possibly can, because I know I effect others. That’s why I try everything to be stable for my family. Framing, choosing our words consciously is very important to me. Like at a swimming pool, a child running, instead of telling the child to “stop running” on the deck, I say “ please walk”. Walk vs running, set a different imagery. Self defence deflects, my husband is defensive about everything, including passing the salt. PING, PING, PING, so interesting. Holding it....Hidden anxiety......core underneath. Unplug. Respond not react. John Bradshaw from the mid eighties on PBS. Good stuff. The Nibble Effect, was a book on pinging. Also, we ask in our house, “ who is your behaviour pleasing”. It’s usually someone else in the background.
This is so good
Jerry this is insane communication,,so funny.Try coming from a family of 11 siblings my Goodness.
I could ball my eyes out, especially ,the beaten,part,there waa no letting up.I think anger,comes from the on going beatens .
Betty Wormsley you must look into PTSD, the beatings, and abuse one suffers for years afterwards. The cycle of domestic violence is important to understand. The honeymoon stage, tension period then boom, explosive behaviour, out of control, blaming, justifying. The victim is always innocent, remember that. It’s about power and controlling others that makes the abuser go off. Control comes from within. Not by controlling outside of self or others. The more the abuser is controlling, the more dangerous it is. When one is leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for the victim. Victim has zero power to change an abuser. ZERO.
Spring Lemon Thank you very much.......💜
I say fight, flight ✈️, or freeze. I freeze at times.
Hi Jerry, what's the difference between social anxiety and social phobia?Your presentation reminds me of my choir final in highschool, when I was away from my famenemy lol family/enemy I knew I couldn't get there on time, I got very anxious to the point of crying.Take care and thanks.
Thanks!
Jerry, when is your next live broadcast? Thanks!
November 5th 2019 8pm EST
Wow, so good advise.
Glad it was helpful!
This is a fantastic video
Thank you!
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Thank you so much Mira
Thank you for watching my videos.
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That "anxiety" is, fundamentally, shame.