I thought I would have a nice job, wear cute work clothes, manicured nails, a little house with pets and lots of roses, and maybe a marriage and a few kids. I thought I would be visiting family or they would come and I would cook grand meals and laugh and be happy. I am now divorced, my child is off to college, I am living in a tiny apartment in a beautiful city, going to museums and painting, I have 2 degrees and I travel, help animals and I love my simple life. I realized a lot of my expectations were what OTHERS expected of me and those expectations had me shackled to something I didn't want. I started prioritizing my life by what I wanted to do, how I TRULY pictured myself.
I think many people grieve their lives because they are still operating within the confines of societal expectations and conformity, especially women. When you see genuinely happy people, they are living the way THEY want to live.
@childfree334 have you ever thought about your own advice channel? I see your comments on a LOT of these videos and they're always really insightful! I think you'd do well! I'd subscribe!! ❤
I want to talk to the people who are no longer dreaming and aspiring because they realize what a jip it all is. I want to hear from someone who put in a ton of work only to get nothing. Thats who needs to lead this conversation. Im beyond tired of everything.
Here here, when they said education is the key of life but it didn't open your door to life. Masters didn't open the door, the goal post kept moving.... stuck doing jobs just to pay the bills.🤬
Yes! I've failed and the fight is so much better than the alternative which is nothingness which equals depression. So start over and indeed let this be day one.
When I was in high school I thought that by the time I was 25 I would be married to a college sweetheart, children and white picket fence house. I turned out to be the single rich auntie 😂
Thought I was going to be the rich travelling aunt. Married with two kids and life is amazing. Now I can’t imagine just being only the “rich aunt”. Life will life whether you like it or not. Life is good the way it happened and I am so grateful, especially in today’s world. 🙏🏽😊
The problem was all the people telling us "go to college, get a job, work hard, and you will be successful" and not only is that not true, even if it worked out, that success is only being defined one way. Our generation has got to be the unhappiest generation in a long time.
I didn't even know about other components of happiness until I was 35! It's all about "making a family" or "building a career" that society pushes as the way to be happy. It's just not true
If your parents didn’t save any money for you to go to college how they expect you to go without debt.. many ADOS net worth is negative we are wealthless as a group we are descendants of slaves /Jim crow couldn’t own homes,red lining , substandard education because schools are tied to property taxes of homes so education is not standard across races/ socioeconomic group.. most of us is not getting an inheritance the average white person gets one from their family to the tune of 200-300k blacks will never be able to compete we can only do our best but the odds stacked aganist us
I was born in 1983. The world we were "trained" for no longer exists. It was eroded away by our parents' choices in the voting booth. Reaganomics, artificially inflated college tuition & high interest student loans were the beginning of the end for our generation.
It’s actually grieving the life we were PROGRAMMED to think we should/would have by a certain age. We really need to address how our relationship to age is dysfunctional AF, especially in America. There are women in their 50s and 60s in France, Italy etc that have a better quality of life than most women in their 20s and 30s here. We need a mindset shift.
Rural France is a great quality of life. Its much more calm, people talk to each other and they are helpful (my experience anyway). I say rural because some of the cities aren’t the same experience.
I wish people also talked about grieving the life you THOUGHT you wanted. Realizing all the work that put into a dream for it to only make you unhappy is another type of devastation.
I grieve the fact that i thought id be childless living a calm life traveling with a degree. Then i ran into a narcissist and he messed up my entire life though i had part in it as well. I love my 4 year old but I'm tired
No sister you are not tired, you are disappointed. And I know the feeling! So, forgive yourself first! You deserve to know that you did not make a mistake by trying to love a broken soul. You were just being whom the most high designed you to be; an earth angel! Just do your best stay positive and fly again! Remember God is always taking care of his children. And that if you seek him in all his ways. You will find peace/comfort in his kingdom on earth. ❤❤❤ You got this, Queen ❤
As a teenager, I always told myself that by 24 I would be married and living in a nice condo with my husband, and I truly believe that like it was an obvious fact. But in the first half of my 20s mental illness happened, I had severe acne, I was gaining weight, I met terrible people who took advantage of me and boom, the pandemic happens and steals two years from my life. I had a hard time with college with all the restrictions and online classes, and I procrastinated with my goals. I’m 26 now and back in school and I made peace with the fact that things are not going to be the way I thought they would. Things have gotten better. My acne is gone, I lost all the extra weight, I feel better, I feel more stable mentally (although I have my ups and downs). I don’t have a boyfriend but with the way things are nowadays, celibacy doesn’t sound so bad.
I needed this. I never thought I would be divorced with 2 young kids. I did everything the “right” way i.e. got married then had kids. But didn’t anticipate my husband to cheat on me after 6 years of marriage. Now I’m here. Still grieving but I know God has a plan for me.
I hoped to be married with kids but it hasn't happened yet but I may end up with neither, still praying though. Sorry that yours didn't work out, hopefully the right one will come..if you want another love
At 18, I never would have expected I'd be in danger of homelessness at 24, and expensive health scares at 27. I thought I'd be married with a big house. Now I'm just content to have an apartment, food, and health insurance, and occasional vacations. I do want to try and motivate myself for higher paying work so I might get a house.
I am in my early 30's and during my 20's I spent all of it in college and building my career. Right now I am at the tail end of being debt free (only have 14K in student loans left out of 101K). I used to feel that I wasted all my time finding security while I watched my friends and family vacation and live their life. Now that I am close to having all the money I own be all mine there is a shift happening. All those who were having fun are now struggling to catch up on bills and debt. All the ones who used to joke about me "damn you still in school" are trying to find better paying jobs to catch up on their lifestyles. Although I wished things would have been different I see the light at the end of the tunnel now that all my hard work has been slowly physically manifesting a peaceful and stress-free life.
I’m happy and love that for you. Make sure you take advantage of the small wins and celebrations in life. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you when you worked so hard and you’re finally at the end.
Comparison is the thief of Joy. Most people look at social media and actually think it's real and put real pressure on themselves based on fake content. Have a plan for your life and surrender the timing, God is good all the time and all the time God is good ❤ Focus on yourself and stay in your lane, so much happiness there.
This year at 29 i realized i was trying to achieve certain goals and a certain lifestyle so would be not be considered a failure. I realized society and my family's expectations cause me to consider these things. Now i realize i don't really want those things. Im on a journey now trying to find out what I truly desire.
I’m 35 and let me tell the 20-something-year-olds, you can accomplish a lot before you reach 35. Trust me. Thank god you came to the realization very young so you can make the necessary changes. Firstly, educate yourself. Take good care of your health. Set goals and constantly review and revise accordingly. But most importantly be honest with yourself and never follow others. Do what’s beneficial to you. Always aim to be the best version of yourself. ❤
The life that I wanted and knew I deserved was when I left America and moved to Europe. Changing the toxic environment one is in does wonders for mental state. Chasing degenerate men and relationships, not having a vision board and executing them will kill your spirit. All the prayer in the world will not help. PUT IN THE WORK. LIVE for YOU. Take the path less travelled. Wish everyone the best of luck.
After grieving the life I thought I'd have properly, my pangs of guilt reduced and I'm no longer bitter. It's a good thing anyone would want to do for themselves, it makes moving on easier.
Sissy, As long as we ain't dead, the game is not overrr. Be private, work in silence, don't jinx yourself by announcing your plans. What is done is done. It is what it is. If you're comparing yourself to others, that's a real confidence killer. Besides, we all view "success" differently. A simple life is a fulfilling life.
I wanted to be a doctor or nurse, until I realized I hate hospitals and I would have a nervous breakdown everyday if I was forced to work in one. People might call that an excuse, but once you’ve had 4-5 meltdowns in a year you realize it’s a good enough excuse to stay away from the things that cause them. I’m not where I wanna be but I’m a lot closer to finding where I’m supposed to be and that feels so much better than running after where I thought I should be.
Same did nursing hated hospitals & having to work in teams now I'm in healthcare management. I run & manage a healthcare centre. I love it. I work half the time I would have as a nurse & make double the money & its still in a field I enjoy.
I respect anyone who is able to admit that they have made mistakes in life and are willing to make the necessary decisions to grow. Much respect to everyone🤗
I am 35. I refuse to ever follow people. I've never permitted anyone to dictate the path of my life, including the many bitter naysayers. I'm SO very happy & thoroughly LOVE the professional industry that I've been enjoying being within for many, many yrs. My family is also very happy, safe and healthy, which is of the utmost importance to me. I've been successful in everything I ever wanted to do. I learned when I was a very young child that my timeline of my life is only determined by me and no one else.
I only wish I was a child again. Never wanted to grow up. Too many responsibilities, lol. But I'm happy with my life. Just need to refine my relationship with God. 💖
The girl that spoke about things being out of your control is so right. I mean some of us don’t ask for abu5ive parents and all the predators that come with that. Then the lessons they intentionally don’t teach you or set ups they watch you fall into bc they want your life to be as screwed up as theirs. It’s possible to work your way out of things, it just takes so much more effort and time than ppl that didn’t go thru that.
I know most people are tired of hearing this but "you are never too old to turn your life around." I graduated from uni, ended up in a dead end job, living paycheck to paycheck while living with relatives and working 12 hour shifts. It was by far the worst time of my life. But I went back to uni, got another degree and 5 years later I'm living in a foreign country earning roughly... 10x my first salary and a job I actually love most days. I'm doing my masters next year but I can't help feeling I wasted so many years of my life and the could haves, should haves never go away when I look at people my age and what they have achieved while it looks like my life just started. and I grieve all the things I didn't do because I was comfortable or afraid.
I'm exactly where I supposed to be. The life I thought I wanted wasn't for me. I wanted to be accountant, be married with kids. One tragic event in my life put me on the right path. Today I'm an artist, I don't want to have kids at all. I'm very happy and fulfilled. This is the life I've never thought I wanted. Thanks God 🙏
The problem is life changes and things get more expensive. Every one doesn't have to get a PH. D. However, you need several streams of ways to make money. We can't always depend on family forever. Even if you complete short-term certification programs that is good. You should have a backup plan. People die, things are getting more expensive...you need to be able to be financially able to handle life when things change beyond your control.
Yes. I think a lot of times people miss their calling or their blessing because they wanted to go left but their parent told them (or forced them) to go right.
Was intrigued and relating until the 19 year old popped up on the screen. What is she relating to? What life could she be grieving, when up until a year ago she would not have had the final say in her life? It's giving "ooh i'm so special and driven. God got me, so it will never be me." Why would she stitch that?
This is such an ignorant comment. What does her age have to do with grieving a life/things she wanted to have at the age she is now. Yall love shitting on young people and think they have nothing to worry, stress or grieve about
I’ve been sitting with this discomfort not quiet sure what I was feeling. I look out into the world & I don’t want to bring more people to this place, this life. The examples and the way I see marriage I no longer desire it. The life I want is a fairy tale, and only lives in the romantic novels I read. This is it, grieving the life I always wanted having to understand it will never happen 💔
My expectation was to marry once and for life. I was not a teenager when I married. I married 1 week after my 28th birthday. My husband was a 35 year old divorced professional who divorced due to his wife of 3 years cheating. Never in my wildest dream did I think I would have fertility problems. Yet alone have a child with a disability through IVF. To add to this, the husband cheated with a woman 20 years younger than himself. I promptly divorced him. Looking back, it is like I am talking of someone else not my life. I have raised both our children minus any support from him of any kind. I am proud of whom I have become and would like to thank him and the Jezebel spirit who lured him!😂
It is darkest before the dawn. This is fraught time, especially for women. But, the thing is, you ARE doing it and you are trailblazing the way for future generations. You are seeing what's wrong with society and policies. You are the ones who woke up. I know you're still tired. Lean on each other. You _are_ doing it. I'm proud of you.
I needed this today. I had so much potential and let myself fall into depression, into long periods of procrastination due to anxiety. I'm picking up at 27 and pushing into God's purpose for my life. I wasted a lot of time and I regret It, but I still got a lot of time to do something good ❤ lets keep moving!
You have time I turned my life around starting at 27 - I'm 33 now and it's never been better. You are still very young and you have time and also insight. Good luck.
This is important. I grieve the life i could have had as my childhood was very abusive. I wonder sometimes who i could have been and the experiences thereof if i didn't have such a controlling and abusive family. The grief is real. 😢
Ppl often talk about midlife crisis but no-one talks about the crisis ppl go through when they are at the end of a decade 19, 29, 39, 49, 59. Its often when ppl reflect & find themselves wanting or confuse where they want their life to be or even where they want it to go & for many letting go of dreams & expectation & some timelines. Its also the years that many ppl take huge leaps. They are more likely to move, change jobs, go back to school, have a baby, get married, get divorced, come out, transition or detransition in these years.
I'm in my 40's. I went to university and worked. I had years of bad mental health and can't work now. Diagnosed with autism in early thirties. It is very different to what l thought l would be. I'm happy that l'm solo and childfree and live a quiet life and l am better than l have been mentally. But otherwise l grieve for other parts. Success is only defined in one way in society its very hard if you dont fit in the mold.
I swear, as a younger woman, I thought I was going to do so much. I had big dreams plus the fancy education I was given. Went to a private uni and finished up in the uk. I assumed I had it all in the bag, graduating with a 2.1 in two degrees. Imagine my shock when I ended up married and was told that I wouldn't be allowed to work. Then, the nightmare began. I thought that by this time, i should be a mum, a thriving career, and all. Looking back, I try not to grieve for that girl with all those dreams.
It is important to grieve the life you wanted/thought you would have. It can be many things you might grieve, for me it was thinking the career I had chosen in my 20s would be enough to sustain me on its own but lol lmao that salary was not livable and the people in charge said I just needed to marry to pay the bills. Part of grieving was accepting that my plan wasn't working out and figuring out how to move forward. 5 years later I am now in a more sustainable career and managed to escape needing to marry for security. Some of it is don't procrastinate, don't hesitate, but a lot of it is grieving so you accept that path is closed and figuring out what to change to move forward.
The hardest part of grieving the life I wanted was accepting that we don't live in a meritocracy and that there are many careers that are closed off to many of us because we have to be breadwinners instead of following passions. But part of settling into and appreciating my current life is seeing how all my previous effort wasn't a waste. I wouldn't have made it into my current comfortable career without what I learned in my previous one. And realizing that the most important thing in my success has been being a genuinely good person so when I needed help people held out their hands without hesitation to help me out because they knew how hard I worked/how I help others/how skilled I am. Oh and also figuring out what is important to me and setting my focus on that!
I grieve the life that I have always wanted to have by being a tall slim thick super model but god wanted something different for me and I became a wife and mother and I'm proud of it.😊
He more than likely saved your life in doing so. Being a famous supermodel is fun in any imagination, but there's a lot that goes on behind doors that no one talks about. I wanted to be a famous singer and God allowed me to pursue it and have a peak behind the curtain.... I had to fall to my knees and repent then learn to say Lord let your will for my life be done. God certainly saved my life. That industry will eat you up then spit you back out. 💝🙏🏾
Look at our model examples as well. Tall and skinny go much further than slim thick. You would've had a rude awakening about the two conflicting ever changing societal body standards. Look at Kendall Jenner, compared to Kim K. Her wanting to be known for being slim thick then all of a sudden, taking Ozempic and becoming a skinny as she possibly can? The industry probably told her she was too fat again because we're under 2024 standards. A good mother is not a model. How can she be when she's constantly worrying talking about her looks and insecurities, she's going to pass down body dysmorphia to all her children, because they look like her.
Wow this resonates with me so much!! Struggling with being middle age who had a plan ahead of me and messed up marrying a nightmare and having a child who I love more then life itself, but is profoundly disabled and he deserved better. Reared him alone when ex abandoned us.
I’m sending you a hug. I’m crying watching this video because I grieve over the life I thought I would have had too. I wanted marriage & a child but it doesn’t look like those things may happen. It’s devastating but I’m trying to stay strong. Hang in there ❤
I think many people have to put things in perspective. We are all here for reasons. People may be inspired to be anything in this world. But we must understand that there is a higher power. There is a young woman somewhere wishing her pregnancy ends in her giving birth to a healthy baby. All the while, there is a couple filing to adopt because they can't have kids naturally. How many women once as a kid, would ever think that they would grow up not being able to bear a child? I for one never thought that would be the case, but here I am resigned to the fact that I may not be so lucky to have a child of my own. I now have to take a step back and reevaluate my purpose. Am I here to be a foster mother to animals in need of interim care? Am I here to adopt a child? Career wise, it's been the same way. I have been enlightened along the way, realizing that my childhood dreams were just that, dreams. Dreams that may have been forged through the eyes and mind of a person other than me. Yet, this is my life and I continue to seek God for guidance because this hasn't been an easy road. It's not meant to be. Here we all are, in earth school, the learning plain.
P. S. That quote really did hit me personally, because I never did fit anywhere, and when, it was a short period of time. Everything I wished and worked for, came out totally different. In the end I'm just thankfull, for what I have and go from there. But people really did screw me over hard. Over and over again. So I rather stick around in nature and animals.
Going thru YOUR stages of life is so important. It is very personal and individual. I always wanted to travel when I was in high school and that is what I did. I went to a community college, got a job bought a car, moved out and traveled. I dated but never let a man steer me off course. Stay focused. Your goals/dreams/aspirations lead to fulfillment in life. I know most women want to be married and have a family. Don't get bogged down with that.
You mention finding your people and surrounding yourself with people going to the place you want to go and its so important. Equally important is to be aware of what energy people around you give off and cutting people off if you realize they are just super negative. Its okay to acknowledge bad things or situations but if all they ever talk about is negative, if its always "bad things keep happening to me nothing good ever happens!" you should drop them. Because it will bleed negativity into how you approach the world and also it shows they are too focused on their own misery to not appreciate when people go out of their way to do something nice. And thats not a habit you want to accidentally take into yourself!! I had a former friend literally rant about how terrible their life was and how noone did anything nice ever for them... literally the day after one friend offered to drive 6 hours round trip out of their way so negative friend could go to a concert they really wanted to see and a month after a different friend got them a rare thing they had really wanted. It hurt our friends so much!! So I dropped negative friend because they were hurting my friends and over time I realized how many toxic negative things I had adopted into my own mannerisms from hanging out with that negative person. Like if you cant acknowledge good things you will inevitably hurt people around you and only focus on being miserable.
The pandemic had a huge impact, it was almost 2 years of our life gone and with the current recession that’s taking many job opportunities from people, specially the young generation out of college and seeing the house market skyrocketing I would say that our 30s and 40s will be the new 20s for us, I hope things will keep getting better and age is not a restriction for anything that we want.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Some people thrived during the pandemic, but many of us didn't. When things started to open up, it felt like a reset but without a direction. A lot of us are just trying to recover still and try to find an ounce of financial stability. Let alone trying to achieve dreams or goals.
Yesss the pandemic ruined a lot for me. I turned 30 that year too and felt my all my early 30s went to waste being homeless, struggling and hating my life…
I don’t believe in god, I’m an atheist. I believe you make the best choices you can with data you have on hand at the time. This system is not set up for all to succeed even if you grind till you drop at 40 on the desk from a stress induced heart attack! Just do the best you can and squeeze out every tiny drop of joy. For example If you’re laughing don’t damp it down to be appropriate and not embarrassing. If something sets me off I let it go and roar with laughter till tears run down my face! Joy and fun is success.
People are finally getting tired though. Are you watching the populations drop and the governments failing at incentivizing this nonsense like I am? Capitalist have made things so bad people said no more children; I'm here for it.
I stopped watching this video after stomaching through hearing a 19yr old give advice, then the 23yr old came on, and i was done. They still have plenty of time and don't even have the time in yet to be able to relate on a real level to this topic.
You should never EVER grieve over society's expectations...especially as a woman. I personally feel that our society expects way too much from women, while expecting the bare minimum from men. Women are expected to marry young, have children and be the sole caretaker, stay physically hot/attractive/in-shape FORVER, satisfy/please their man, and of course the list goes on. I am a 40-year-old woman who is single/childfree/car-free and work a remote job and live in a 2-bedroom apartment. I am chilling at the moment!
Sometimes, I feel like it's too late for me at 32, and like I missed my opportunities in life. So much has happened. Not all in my control, but I do accept that I also made mistakes from not knowing better. I'm trying harder now, though. I just pray that I can continue to trust in God's timing and that I can be patient. I know He has bigger plans.
I’m 23 approaching 24 in less than a month. I thought that in my early 20s I was gonna work in a successful marketing job shit, only for me to still end up in my parent’s house struggling to be 100% myself. I have no desire to learn new shit cause I’m not happy with where I currently am in life. Especially being in school for this dumbass certificate computer information systems. I have a useless marketing degree that I deeply regret pursuing. I understand that we can’t go back to the past. But I feel like if I were to go back in time and not go to college at all or go to a community college for a field that’ll help me secure a job in the job market, I would’ve been had my own apartment in a different state and city. I don’t want to see my life for when I’m 24 and 25 and watch my parents get old asf. I feel like this is 100% my fault of this predicament that I am rn. I hope young black girls under 21 take this time to read this comment to learn from my mistakes. Please take your time with what you truly want out of your twenties.
Now that you know better do better. It's the best thing you can do & very important forgive the part of you who did the best with what they knew at the time.
I'VE GONE THROUGH THIS...MORE & MORE I'M LEARNING 2 ACCEPT WHAT IS VS WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE...WHAT I WANTED IT TO BE. JUST WORKING ON MY GOALS & LOVING MYSELF MORE. PRAYER, MEDITATION & DAILY AFFIRMATIONS HELP A LOT!!! EVEN MANIFESTING... IT MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR THE NEXT PERSON. BUT IT ALL WORKS FOR ME. I'M A SUCCESSFUL, INDEPENDENT WOMAN. LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME, SO MANY LESSONS AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS LIFE ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECTED I WOULD BE BY NOW. EVERYTHING HAPPENS 4 A REASON. (NOT RESPONDING TO TROLLS OR IDIOCY ✋🏽 I SAID I SAID) LOVE & LIGHT 2 Y'ALL!
Life is often a marked change from what we think or fantasize it should be than what it often turns out to be. The main thing that all people should always be cognizant of is life is constantly changing. As wise quote is, “You cannot control the wind but you can adjust your sails.” Be prepared as much as possible but don’t lament that change can and will happen. PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING as the young lady in the lavender said. If you only see the negative, then that negativity will be your focus.
Gratitude can save your life 🙏🏾 Family, Instagram, high society, movies, tv shows can distort and distract youu from your true purpose and robs you of your blessing of being alive🙏🏾 #noregretsonlygrace
So I recently went through a tote that was closed over a decade. I found pictures, cards, letters, report cards etc. So many people were like see you in med school! Future Dr. Well, I did not in fact become a doctor. I became a teacher. I resigned from teaching this year. I don’t know where I’m going or who I am right now. I’m trying to reinvent myself or find myself one. I’m 43😮
I wish people would talk more about topics like this. I went 3 year’s grieving what I thought my life would’ve been like by now.I’m grateful everyday that I have made it out and have started practicing gratitude and contentment. A lot of things I grieved was out of my control and I realized that all that is in my control I have reached thus far.
Ill be 30 next year too. In my early 20s I thought my life was going to look so different than what it is now. I was forced to be held back my time was stolen from me. Now im taking it all back and accomplishing the things I couldn't. Just know its never too late im happy to be leaving my 20s and excited for my next chapter in life.
Listening to this 19 year old girl talk is like nails on a chalkboard bro, because they feel like they are so grown like they know everything and it's like unless her Grandpa or her daddy is going to co-sign her or buy her a f****** car or give her the money to start a business she don't know how that 10 years going to go. It might be a whole bunch of trial and error. Like what she says is politically correct and it sounds correct but she just graduated from high school, what was she know about morning a life
I’m seeing all these comments from people who are disappointed life didn’t work out the way they thought or planned. I understand having goals and expectations but at the same time, life is unpredictable, no one’s life works out the way they want it too 100%, literally no one’s even if they seem to be doing well. The only thing we can do is not give up on ourselves and learn to be content in your life no matter where you are at the moment. No things don’t go our way but it is never too late. Don’t give up on yourself. One of the biggest life lessons for everyone growing up should be “life will not go the way you planned”, there are things you can control and things you can’t “. But it doesn’t mean you failed.
One of the most powerful realizations I ever had was recognizing that my life doesn't look like how I thought it would because the image I had been holding for myself came.from my parents and my culture, not my preferences. It also made me realize that the ways I "failed" to meet my goals were usually because the goal was incompatible with my preferences, values and priorities. In other words, when I grieved because I was single at 29 and accepted kids were probably not in the cards, I expected to feel disappointment and sadness but mostly what I felt was relief. I didn't actually want kids, which is why I never prioritized creating a family, which is why I didn't have one. Now, I'm not saying every aspect of my life is exactly as I want it to be, nor that I don't have a fair amount of lazy and self destructive habits to go along with this, but I do think in general, what we do is what is important to us. So if there's a goal you have that you are not making progress on and you're beating yourself up, thinking about habits and making it a priority is one aspect. But it's worth considering if a goal you need to force yourself to work on is something you ACTUALLY want or if you have another reason for thinking you should do it, when you really don't want to. Meeting goals is amazing. Dropping goals that no longer serve you, also amazing.
It hurts my heart to see women not feeling that they haven’t accomplished certain goals in life. Age doesn’t determine success in life. Just long as you reach your goals then age doesn’t matter. It’s okay to have a restart at any age because life is unpredictable. I wish these ladies the best.❤
I’m currently grieving the live I thought I’d have with my almost 2 year old daughters dad. It’s been a little over a month since I left him with the house I helped him purchased 3 years ago. It wasn’t my ideal decision but I just couldn’t stand being verbally abused, unappreciated, strung on awaiting a marriage that was never going to happen and thinking less of me because I don’t make as much money as he wants me to. Ugh. It breaks my heart to had walk away but he pierced my soul for the last time when he verbally assaulted me back in September. It hurts so bad because we tried for almost 10 years for a baby and we finally did IVF and got her baby on the first try and we didn’t even get to be the family i thought we’d be.
You kept your self respect, if sounds like you'd be grieving from having a much worse life if you'd stayed, it's good you were strong enough to walk away. Hope things are only up from here for you
Oh, I understand to the fullest grieving the life that you thought you would have. I really feel like it is essential for women to sit with that thought process that this didn’t go the way it was supposed to or the way that I had dreamt it. I feel like that would heal so many wounds and let so much weight off of the shoulders of women who, feel like they somehow did something wrong simply because what they had envisioned didn’t come or hasn’t come yet. I really like this. It’s an important conversation to have once I let go of all of my hurt. Things started happening for me. I always look at my friends who have children and wondered for myself as someone who wanted them early in my life why they never happened for me, even after being engaged and trying for nine years. I did see children in my future, my own children, but I guess that just wasn’t in the cards. And now I’ve learned to be OK with that.
🙁😔 I was thinking about this today and I have to say I am glad that in the past I did not visit any of my ex's bf homes coz I would be a mom right now, I'm 18 and thinking of being childfree Growing up I did not know it was a choice. Thanks to the internet❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ And this UA-cam channel❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I am so grateful for all of the vulnerability. I left my narc family and did years of healing. I thought that would be the end of it..but no. Still depressed, anxious as hell and haven’t found a support system. It’s lonely over here but I’ve done so much for myself. I thank God everyday for my second life. It shall be well ❤ thank you for this video
This discussion was NOT for the 19yrs old young woman to voice her opinion on. She just graduated from HIGH SCHOOL and possibly still living with her parents. In other.words, she has not had enough life experiences to have an FAIR opinion on this topic. Instead she victim blame by putting an emphasis on excuses and laziness. People who are over the age of 21 understand that life happens no matter if your are lazy or not or making the right decisions or not.
Now that you know better do better. Forgive yourself. Move on & prosper. If possible get counseling when we find ourself in toxicity it's cause we are toxic ourselves or have been raised to normalise toxicity.
Not gonne lie I thought my sister and I were going to be like Frasier and Niles Crane from the show Frasier when we got older. That is not what happened lol. I see these young girls on youtube with apartments and by themselves and realized how much of my life was being lived for my family and not for myself. They held me back from so much and made me totally dependent on them. They wouldnt help me get a license until I was 37 because they wanted to keep me stranded on our rez because I didnt want to drive off of it without a license. I am 43 now and it only took me until the last year to decide to live for myself and do for myself. I explained to them that that was what I was going to do and surprisingly they were okay with it. Probably because after 23 years they probably decided it was time to let me live my life or it may be I outlived my usefulness. Too bad it took so long for that to happen. 🙁
I have made So Many plans and right as I am close to accomplishing the goal, life says NO. Or the plan falls apart. I used to be mad but that got exhausting. Now I just play some Tina Turner chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and sit down and breath. Everything passes away. The good, the bad , it all comes and goes in waves. The trick is to not fight the current of Life.
Welcome to "being a human": we are WEIRD, no one knows what "normal" is, and 90% of the time we only do "damage control" because we barely understand what the hell we are doing...
I've been wanting to have a kid for at least ten years, now I've just turned 35 and I'm starting to grief and I'm trying to accept that maybe that'll never happen for me
Thank you Priscilla, I really need to hear that. I feel that's a topic no one discuss among the people I know. You have the power to transform your own wounds to a tools that heal people. You didn't have an easy life but here you are helping others to better their life. I am grateful I found this channel Stay pretty, wise and blessed❤
Life is often a marked change from what we think or fantasize it should be than what it often turns out to be. The main thing that all people should always be cognizant of is life is constantly changing. As wise quote is, “You cannot control the wind but you can adjust your sails.” Be prepared as much as possible but don’t lament that change can and will happen.
I just had a mental breakdown then saw this video and it’s Exactly what I’m going through. I am grieving the life I want but I know I’ll never get. Sometimes there are things we want so much or people but it’s just simply not the life we are going to get. Sometimes God has a different plan for you and it’s so painful when you wanted something completely diff than what God wants
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I thought I would have a nice job, wear cute work clothes, manicured nails, a little house with pets and lots of roses, and maybe a marriage and a few kids. I thought I would be visiting family or they would come and I would cook grand meals and laugh and be happy. I am now divorced, my child is off to college, I am living in a tiny apartment in a beautiful city, going to museums and painting, I have 2 degrees and I travel, help animals and I love my simple life. I realized a lot of my expectations were what OTHERS expected of me and those expectations had me shackled to something I didn't want. I started prioritizing my life by what I wanted to do, how I TRULY pictured myself.
This! And also, sometimes the life we want changes as we gain more experience and perspective.
You realize you got a lot of what you wanted! It’s just different than what you thought
@@Aniexo_ YES! On my terms, my true wants and dreams!
@@txspacemom765 very happy for you and tbh as someone who doesn’t want kids the tiny apartment and going to museums is MY dream lol
@@Aniexo_ Come be my neighbor! I'll put on the tea or coffee!
I think many people grieve their lives because they are still operating within the confines of societal expectations and conformity, especially women. When you see genuinely happy people, they are living the way THEY want to live.
This 💯 Life is such a joy when you ignore the noise and follow your bliss.
PREACH!
So true
Right! You can always work towards a goal
@childfree334 have you ever thought about your own advice channel?
I see your comments on a LOT of these videos and they're always really insightful!
I think you'd do well!
I'd subscribe!! ❤
I want to talk to the people who are no longer dreaming and aspiring because they realize what a jip it all is. I want to hear from someone who put in a ton of work only to get nothing. Thats who needs to lead this conversation. Im beyond tired of everything.
Me too.
same, am exhausted, i've worked hard, been good, tried harder and all that, its literally driving me crazy.
Here here, when they said education is the key of life but it didn't open your door to life. Masters didn't open the door, the goal post kept moving.... stuck doing jobs just to pay the bills.🤬
Yes! I've failed and the fight is so much better than the alternative which is nothingness which equals depression. So start over and indeed let this be day one.
Me too. Lol we will all be dead and forgotten soon. So im just enjoying what I have.
When I was in high school I thought that by the time I was 25 I would be married to a college sweetheart, children and white picket fence house. I turned out to be the single rich auntie 😂
🔥
Me to - I had that deadline by 30.
I’m a single rich 35 year old Auntie.
What do you do for a living? I’m trying to be a rich auntie too😂
Thought I was going to be the rich travelling aunt. Married with two kids and life is amazing. Now I can’t imagine just being only the “rich aunt”. Life will life whether you like it or not. Life is good the way it happened and I am so grateful, especially in today’s world. 🙏🏽😊
The problem was all the people telling us "go to college, get a job, work hard, and you will be successful" and not only is that not true, even if it worked out, that success is only being defined one way. Our generation has got to be the unhappiest generation in a long time.
I didn't even know about other components of happiness until I was 35! It's all about "making a family" or "building a career" that society pushes as the way to be happy. It's just not true
If your parents didn’t save any money for you to go to college how they expect you to go without debt.. many ADOS net worth is negative we are wealthless as a group we are descendants of slaves /Jim crow couldn’t own homes,red lining , substandard education because schools are tied to property taxes of homes so education is not standard across races/ socioeconomic group.. most of us is not getting an inheritance the average white person gets one from their family to the tune of 200-300k blacks will never be able to compete we can only do our best but the odds stacked aganist us
@@helena3631 you’re 100% right. It’s not fair at all!
I was born in 1983. The world we were "trained" for no longer exists. It was eroded away by our parents' choices in the voting booth. Reaganomics, artificially inflated college tuition & high interest student loans were the beginning of the end for our generation.
@@Drageisha 💯
It’s actually grieving the life we were PROGRAMMED to think we should/would have by a certain age. We really need to address how our relationship to age is dysfunctional AF, especially in America. There are women in their 50s and 60s in France, Italy etc that have a better quality of life than most women in their 20s and 30s here. We need a mindset shift.
Rural France is a great quality of life. Its much more calm, people talk to each other and they are helpful (my experience anyway). I say rural because some of the cities aren’t the same experience.
I wish people also talked about grieving the life you THOUGHT you wanted. Realizing all the work that put into a dream for it to only make you unhappy is another type of devastation.
Exactly!!! Felt this
I grieve the fact that i thought id be childless living a calm life traveling with a degree. Then i ran into a narcissist and he messed up my entire life though i had part in it as well. I love my 4 year old but I'm tired
Sending love to you mama💜
Blessings to you precious one!
No sister you are not tired, you are disappointed. And I know the feeling! So, forgive yourself first! You deserve to know that you did not make a mistake by trying to love a broken soul. You were just being whom the most high designed you to be; an earth angel! Just do your best stay positive and fly again! Remember God is always taking care of his children. And that if you seek him in all his ways. You will find peace/comfort in his kingdom on earth. ❤❤❤ You got this, Queen ❤
Babyyyyyyy if THIS ain't a topic we should be discussing then Idk what is 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Especially for us millennials and Gen Xers who are having either an identity crisis, a midlife crisis, or both.
As a teenager, I always told myself that by 24 I would be married and living in a nice condo with my husband, and I truly believe that like it was an obvious fact. But in the first half of my 20s mental illness happened, I had severe acne, I was gaining weight, I met terrible people who took advantage of me and boom, the pandemic happens and steals two years from my life. I had a hard time with college with all the restrictions and online classes, and I procrastinated with my goals. I’m 26 now and back in school and I made peace with the fact that things are not going to be the way I thought they would.
Things have gotten better. My acne is gone, I lost all the extra weight, I feel better, I feel more stable mentally (although I have my ups and downs). I don’t have a boyfriend but with the way things are nowadays, celibacy doesn’t sound so bad.
❤
I needed this. I never thought I would be divorced with 2 young kids. I did everything the “right” way i.e. got married then had kids. But didn’t anticipate my husband to cheat on me after 6 years of marriage. Now I’m here. Still grieving but I know God has a plan for me.
I hoped to be married with kids but it hasn't happened yet but I may end up with neither, still praying though. Sorry that yours didn't work out, hopefully the right one will come..if you want another love
At 18, I never would have expected I'd be in danger of homelessness at 24, and expensive health scares at 27. I thought I'd be married with a big house. Now I'm just content to have an apartment, food, and health insurance, and occasional vacations. I do want to try and motivate myself for higher paying work so I might get a house.
I am in my early 30's and during my 20's I spent all of it in college and building my career. Right now I am at the tail end of being debt free (only have 14K in student loans left out of 101K). I used to feel that I wasted all my time finding security while I watched my friends and family vacation and live their life. Now that I am close to having all the money I own be all mine there is a shift happening. All those who were having fun are now struggling to catch up on bills and debt. All the ones who used to joke about me "damn you still in school" are trying to find better paying jobs to catch up on their lifestyles. Although I wished things would have been different I see the light at the end of the tunnel now that all my hard work has been slowly physically manifesting a peaceful and stress-free life.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I’m happy and love that for you. Make sure you take advantage of the small wins and celebrations in life. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you when you worked so hard and you’re finally at the end.
Comparison is the thief of Joy. Most people look at social media and actually think it's real and put real pressure on themselves based on fake content.
Have a plan for your life and surrender the timing, God is good all the time and all the time God is good ❤
Focus on yourself and stay in your lane, so much happiness there.
SURRENDER THE TIMING!! 🙌🏾
Yesssss!!!! That “surrender the timing” was a whole word in itself!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
This year at 29 i realized i was trying to achieve certain goals and a certain lifestyle so would be not be considered a failure. I realized society and my family's expectations cause me to consider these things. Now i realize i don't really want those things. Im on a journey now trying to find out what I truly desire.
I’m 35 and let me tell the 20-something-year-olds, you can accomplish a lot before you reach 35. Trust me. Thank god you came to the realization very young so you can make the necessary changes. Firstly, educate yourself. Take good care of your health. Set goals and constantly review and revise accordingly. But most importantly be honest with yourself and never follow others. Do what’s beneficial to you. Always aim to be the best version of yourself. ❤
The life that I wanted and knew I deserved was when I left America and moved to Europe.
Changing the toxic environment one is in does wonders for mental state.
Chasing degenerate men and relationships, not having a vision board and executing them will kill your spirit.
All the prayer in the world will not help. PUT IN THE WORK. LIVE for YOU.
Take the path less travelled. Wish everyone the best of luck.
I grew up in Europe, it's really no better here
After grieving the life I thought I'd have properly, my pangs of guilt reduced and I'm no longer bitter. It's a good thing anyone would want to do for themselves, it makes moving on easier.
How did you heal?
Sissy, As long as we ain't dead, the game is not overrr. Be private, work in silence, don't jinx yourself by announcing your plans. What is done is done. It is what it is. If you're comparing yourself to others, that's a real confidence killer. Besides, we all view "success" differently. A simple life is a fulfilling life.
Love this perspective!
I wanted to be a doctor or nurse, until I realized I hate hospitals and I would have a nervous breakdown everyday if I was forced to work in one. People might call that an excuse, but once you’ve had 4-5 meltdowns in a year you realize it’s a good enough excuse to stay away from the things that cause them. I’m not where I wanna be but I’m a lot closer to finding where I’m supposed to be and that feels so much better than running after where I thought I should be.
Same did nursing hated hospitals & having to work in teams now I'm in healthcare management. I run & manage a healthcare centre. I love it. I work half the time I would have as a nurse & make double the money & its still in a field I enjoy.
@@Youareheretoo keep up the good fight, find as many outlets for frustration and invest in your relaxation.
I respect anyone who is able to admit that they have made mistakes in life and are willing to make the necessary decisions to grow. Much respect to everyone🤗
I am 35. I refuse to ever follow people. I've never permitted anyone to dictate the path of my life, including the many bitter naysayers. I'm SO very happy & thoroughly LOVE the professional industry that I've been enjoying being within for many, many yrs. My family is also very happy, safe and healthy, which is of the utmost importance to me. I've been successful in everything I ever wanted to do. I learned when I was a very young child that my timeline of my life is only determined by me and no one else.
I only wish I was a child again. Never wanted to grow up. Too many responsibilities, lol. But I'm happy with my life. Just need to refine my relationship with God. 💖
The girl that spoke about things being out of your control is so right. I mean some of us don’t ask for abu5ive parents and all the predators that come with that. Then the lessons they intentionally don’t teach you or set ups they watch you fall into bc they want your life to be as screwed up as theirs. It’s possible to work your way out of things, it just takes so much more effort and time than ppl that didn’t go thru that.
I know most people are tired of hearing this but "you are never too old to turn your life around." I graduated from uni, ended up in a dead end job, living paycheck to paycheck while living with relatives and working 12 hour shifts. It was by far the worst time of my life. But I went back to uni, got another degree and 5 years later I'm living in a foreign country earning roughly... 10x my first salary and a job I actually love most days. I'm doing my masters next year but I can't help feeling I wasted so many years of my life and the could haves, should haves never go away when I look at people my age and what they have achieved while it looks like my life just started. and I grieve all the things I didn't do because I was comfortable or afraid.
I'm exactly where I supposed to be. The life I thought I wanted wasn't for me. I wanted to be accountant, be married with kids. One tragic event in my life put me on the right path. Today I'm an artist, I don't want to have kids at all. I'm very happy and fulfilled. This is the life I've never thought I wanted. Thanks God 🙏
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
The problem is life changes and things get more expensive. Every one doesn't have to get a PH. D. However, you need several streams of ways to make money. We can't always depend on family forever. Even if you complete short-term certification programs that is good. You should have a backup plan. People die, things are getting more expensive...you need to be able to be financially able to handle life when things change beyond your control.
lets talk about how some of our parents runed our lives by trying to run it after we became adults
THIS
Yes. I think a lot of times people miss their calling or their blessing because they wanted to go left but their parent told them (or forced them) to go right.
and sabotage if we try to better ourselves, parental envy
💯🎯 this actually breaks my heart
Embrace the lessons that God teaches you in that season in your life
This spoke to me and I wrote it down. Thank you 😊
This❤❤❤❤❤
Was intrigued and relating until the 19 year old popped up on the screen. What is she relating to? What life could she be grieving, when up until a year ago she would not have had the final say in her life? It's giving "ooh i'm so special and driven. God got me, so it will never be me." Why would she stitch that?
I was thinking more mid 30s and up myself lol
The next one is early 20s about to fast forward again...
@@dollhouseq1530 yeah i got to the end. The last lady at the end really spoke to me. Going to look up that book later.
Chalk it up to the ignorance of youth
This is such an ignorant comment. What does her age have to do with grieving a life/things she wanted to have at the age she is now. Yall love shitting on young people and think they have nothing to worry, stress or grieve about
I’ve been sitting with this discomfort not quiet sure what I was feeling. I look out into the world & I don’t want to bring more people to this place, this life. The examples and the way I see marriage I no longer desire it. The life I want is a fairy tale, and only lives in the romantic novels I read. This is it, grieving the life I always wanted having to understand it will never happen 💔
My expectation was to marry once and for life. I was not a teenager when I married. I married 1 week after my 28th birthday. My husband was a 35 year old divorced
professional who divorced due to his wife of 3 years cheating. Never in my wildest dream did I think I would have fertility problems. Yet alone have a child with a disability through IVF. To add to this, the husband cheated with a woman 20 years younger than himself. I promptly divorced him. Looking back, it is like I am talking of someone else not my life. I have raised both our children minus any support from him of any kind. I am proud of whom I have become and would like to thank him and the Jezebel spirit who lured him!😂
Pewwww! 💔
@FEMININELY_ME It has been a journey which I am proud of despite its challenges.
It is darkest before the dawn. This is fraught time, especially for women. But, the thing is, you ARE doing it and you are trailblazing the way for future generations. You are seeing what's wrong with society and policies. You are the ones who woke up. I know you're still tired. Lean on each other. You _are_ doing it. I'm proud of you.
I needed this today. I had so much potential and let myself fall into depression, into long periods of procrastination due to anxiety. I'm picking up at 27 and pushing into God's purpose for my life. I wasted a lot of time and I regret It, but I still got a lot of time to do something good ❤ lets keep moving!
You have time I turned my life around starting at 27 - I'm 33 now and it's never been better.
You are still very young and you have time and also insight. Good luck.
I'm a bit unhappy. I don't have the life I envisioned for myself. I'm grateful, because it could have been worse. 🙏
This is important. I grieve the life i could have had as my childhood was very abusive. I wonder sometimes who i could have been and the experiences thereof if i didn't have such a controlling and abusive family. The grief is real. 😢
Ppl often talk about midlife crisis but no-one talks about the crisis ppl go through when they are at the end of a decade 19, 29, 39, 49, 59. Its often when ppl reflect & find themselves wanting or confuse where they want their life to be or even where they want it to go & for many letting go of dreams & expectation & some timelines.
Its also the years that many ppl take huge leaps. They are more likely to move, change jobs, go back to school, have a baby, get married, get divorced, come out, transition or detransition in these years.
I'm in my 40's. I went to university and worked. I had years of bad mental health and can't work now. Diagnosed with autism in early thirties. It is very different to what l thought l would be. I'm happy that l'm solo and childfree and live a quiet life and l am better than l have been mentally. But otherwise l grieve for other parts. Success is only defined in one way in society its very hard if you dont fit in the mold.
I did live the life I wanted, turns out it wasn’t what I wanted 😂😂😂
Listen!!
I swear, as a younger woman, I thought I was going to do so much. I had big dreams plus the fancy education I was given. Went to a private uni and finished up in the uk. I assumed I had it all in the bag, graduating with a 2.1 in two degrees. Imagine my shock when I ended up married and was told that I wouldn't be allowed to work. Then, the nightmare began. I thought that by this time, i should be a mum, a thriving career, and all. Looking back, I try not to grieve for that girl with all those dreams.
Not allowed??? But you're not a child and having a career should be your choice. I hope you reconsider.
why does another adult have that much power in your life?
That sucks. I hope you are/were able to get out of that situation. Because that level of controlling can be fatal.
I am still working toward working in tv/film development. I don't plan to give up. We needed that prayer!
It is important to grieve the life you wanted/thought you would have. It can be many things you might grieve, for me it was thinking the career I had chosen in my 20s would be enough to sustain me on its own but lol lmao that salary was not livable and the people in charge said I just needed to marry to pay the bills. Part of grieving was accepting that my plan wasn't working out and figuring out how to move forward. 5 years later I am now in a more sustainable career and managed to escape needing to marry for security. Some of it is don't procrastinate, don't hesitate, but a lot of it is grieving so you accept that path is closed and figuring out what to change to move forward.
The hardest part of grieving the life I wanted was accepting that we don't live in a meritocracy and that there are many careers that are closed off to many of us because we have to be breadwinners instead of following passions. But part of settling into and appreciating my current life is seeing how all my previous effort wasn't a waste. I wouldn't have made it into my current comfortable career without what I learned in my previous one. And realizing that the most important thing in my success has been being a genuinely good person so when I needed help people held out their hands without hesitation to help me out because they knew how hard I worked/how I help others/how skilled I am. Oh and also figuring out what is important to me and setting my focus on that!
I grieve the life that I have always wanted to have by being a tall slim thick super model but god wanted something different for me and I became a wife and mother and I'm proud of it.😊
He more than likely saved your life in doing so. Being a famous supermodel is fun in any imagination, but there's a lot that goes on behind doors that no one talks about. I wanted to be a famous singer and God allowed me to pursue it and have a peak behind the curtain....
I had to fall to my knees and repent then learn to say Lord let your will for my life be done. God certainly saved my life. That industry will eat you up then spit you back out. 💝🙏🏾
@@Tigerlily_Fresh You make an amazing point.
Look at our model examples as well. Tall and skinny go much further than slim thick. You would've had a rude awakening about the two conflicting ever changing societal body standards. Look at Kendall Jenner, compared to Kim K. Her wanting to be known for being slim thick then all of a sudden, taking Ozempic and becoming a skinny as she possibly can? The industry probably told her she was too fat again because we're under 2024 standards. A good mother is not a model. How can she be when she's constantly worrying talking about her looks and insecurities, she's going to pass down body dysmorphia to all her children, because they look like her.
cringe
Wow this resonates with me so much!! Struggling with being middle age who had a plan ahead of me and messed up marrying a nightmare and having a child who I love more then life itself, but is profoundly disabled and he deserved better. Reared him alone when ex abandoned us.
I’m sending you a hug. I’m crying watching this video because I grieve over the life I thought I would have had too. I wanted marriage & a child but it doesn’t look like those things may happen. It’s devastating but I’m trying to stay strong. Hang in there ❤
I never thought I’d be married or have kids but I tried to do it because I was told to. But deep down I never wanted it
I think many people have to put things in perspective. We are all here for reasons. People may be inspired to be anything in this world. But we must understand that there is a higher power. There is a young woman somewhere wishing her pregnancy ends in her giving birth to a healthy baby. All the while, there is a couple filing to adopt because they can't have kids naturally. How many women once as a kid, would ever think that they would grow up not being able to bear a child? I for one never thought that would be the case, but here I am resigned to the fact that I may not be so lucky to have a child of my own. I now have to take a step back and reevaluate my purpose. Am I here to be a foster mother to animals in need of interim care? Am I here to adopt a child? Career wise, it's been the same way. I have been enlightened along the way, realizing that my childhood dreams were just that, dreams. Dreams that may have been forged through the eyes and mind of a person other than me. Yet, this is my life and I continue to seek God for guidance because this hasn't been an easy road. It's not meant to be. Here we all are, in earth school, the learning plain.
"Fairytales are make believe."
Go get your blessings. All praises to the most high.
P. S. That quote really did hit me personally, because I never did fit anywhere, and when, it was a short period of time. Everything I wished and worked for, came out totally different. In the end I'm just thankfull, for what I have and go from there. But people really did screw me over hard. Over and over again. So I rather stick around in nature and animals.
Going thru YOUR stages of life is so important. It is very personal and individual. I always wanted to travel when I was in high school and that is what I did. I went to a community college, got a job bought a car, moved out and traveled. I dated but never let a man steer me off course. Stay focused. Your goals/dreams/aspirations lead to fulfillment in life. I know most women want to be married and have a family. Don't get bogged down with that.
You mention finding your people and surrounding yourself with people going to the place you want to go and its so important.
Equally important is to be aware of what energy people around you give off and cutting people off if you realize they are just super negative. Its okay to acknowledge bad things or situations but if all they ever talk about is negative, if its always "bad things keep happening to me nothing good ever happens!" you should drop them. Because it will bleed negativity into how you approach the world and also it shows they are too focused on their own misery to not appreciate when people go out of their way to do something nice. And thats not a habit you want to accidentally take into yourself!! I had a former friend literally rant about how terrible their life was and how noone did anything nice ever for them... literally the day after one friend offered to drive 6 hours round trip out of their way so negative friend could go to a concert they really wanted to see and a month after a different friend got them a rare thing they had really wanted. It hurt our friends so much!! So I dropped negative friend because they were hurting my friends and over time I realized how many toxic negative things I had adopted into my own mannerisms from hanging out with that negative person. Like if you cant acknowledge good things you will inevitably hurt people around you and only focus on being miserable.
The pandemic had a huge impact, it was almost 2 years of our life gone and with the current recession that’s taking many job opportunities from people, specially the young generation out of college and seeing the house market skyrocketing I would say that our 30s and 40s will be the new 20s for us, I hope things will keep getting better and age is not a restriction for anything that we want.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Some people thrived during the pandemic, but many of us didn't. When things started to open up, it felt like a reset but without a direction. A lot of us are just trying to recover still and try to find an ounce of financial stability. Let alone trying to achieve dreams or goals.
Yesss the pandemic ruined a lot for me. I turned 30 that year too and felt my all my early 30s went to waste being homeless, struggling and hating my life…
I don’t believe in god, I’m an atheist. I believe you make the best choices you can with data you have on hand at the time. This system is not set up for all to succeed even if you grind till you drop at 40 on the desk from a stress induced heart attack! Just do the best you can and squeeze out every tiny drop of joy. For example If you’re laughing don’t damp it down to be appropriate and not embarrassing. If something sets me off I let it go and roar with laughter till tears run down my face! Joy and fun is success.
Living my best life now with all I have....in the moment. Tomorrow is never promised. God help us all.
The problem is capitalism for a lot.
People are finally getting tired though.
Are you watching the populations drop and the governments failing at incentivizing this nonsense like I am? Capitalist have made things so bad people said no more children; I'm here for it.
You have to make peace with those things that haven't happened. Because it's really not about you, but putting your trust in god.😊
I stopped watching this video after stomaching through hearing a 19yr old give advice, then the 23yr old came on, and i was done. They still have plenty of time and don't even have the time in yet to be able to relate on a real level to this topic.
Girl, This 😣
You should never EVER grieve over society's expectations...especially as a woman. I personally feel that our society expects way too much from women, while expecting the bare minimum from men. Women are expected to marry young, have children and be the sole caretaker, stay physically hot/attractive/in-shape FORVER, satisfy/please their man, and of course the list goes on. I am a 40-year-old woman who is single/childfree/car-free and work a remote job and live in a 2-bedroom apartment. I am chilling at the moment!
Sometimes, I feel like it's too late for me at 32, and like I missed my opportunities in life. So much has happened. Not all in my control, but I do accept that I also made mistakes from not knowing better. I'm trying harder now, though. I just pray that I can continue to trust in God's timing and that I can be patient. I know He has bigger plans.
Just remember there are alot of 42 year olds & 52 year olds that feel the same & wish they could turn the clock to 32.
If you didn’t know better, and were innocent, then it’s not your fault. You, like most of us, were failed by your elders.
The prayer was needed for me. Amen 🙏 God is great
I’m 23 approaching 24 in less than a month. I thought that in my early 20s I was gonna work in a successful marketing job shit, only for me to still end up in my parent’s house struggling to be 100% myself. I have no desire to learn new shit cause I’m not happy with where I currently am in life. Especially being in school for this dumbass certificate computer information systems. I have a useless marketing degree that I deeply regret pursuing. I understand that we can’t go back to the past. But I feel like if I were to go back in time and not go to college at all or go to a community college for a field that’ll help me secure a job in the job market, I would’ve been had my own apartment in a different state and city. I don’t want to see my life for when I’m 24 and 25 and watch my parents get old asf. I feel like this is 100% my fault of this predicament that I am rn. I hope young black girls under 21 take this time to read this comment to learn from my mistakes. Please take your time with what you truly want out of your twenties.
Now that you know better do better. It's the best thing you can do & very important forgive the part of you who did the best with what they knew at the time.
@@beewest5704 thank you. Self-forgiveness is very difficult. I will try my best. ❤️
I'VE GONE THROUGH THIS...MORE & MORE I'M LEARNING 2 ACCEPT WHAT IS VS WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE...WHAT I WANTED IT TO BE. JUST WORKING ON MY GOALS & LOVING MYSELF MORE. PRAYER, MEDITATION & DAILY AFFIRMATIONS HELP A LOT!!! EVEN MANIFESTING... IT MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR THE NEXT PERSON. BUT IT ALL WORKS FOR ME. I'M A SUCCESSFUL, INDEPENDENT WOMAN. LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME, SO MANY LESSONS AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS LIFE ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECTED I WOULD BE BY NOW. EVERYTHING HAPPENS 4 A REASON. (NOT RESPONDING TO TROLLS OR IDIOCY ✋🏽 I SAID I SAID)
LOVE & LIGHT 2 Y'ALL!
Life is often a marked change from what we think or fantasize it should be than what it often turns out to be. The main thing that all people should always be cognizant of is life is constantly changing. As wise quote is, “You cannot control the wind but you can adjust your sails.” Be prepared as much as possible but don’t lament that change can and will happen. PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING as the young lady in the lavender said. If you only see the negative, then that negativity will be your focus.
Gratitude can save your life 🙏🏾 Family, Instagram, high society, movies, tv shows can distort and distract youu from your true purpose and robs you of your blessing of being alive🙏🏾 #noregretsonlygrace
I would've liked to hear more from older women
So I recently went through a tote that was closed over a decade. I found pictures, cards, letters, report cards etc. So many people were like see you in med school! Future Dr. Well, I did not in fact become a doctor. I became a teacher. I resigned from teaching this year. I don’t know where I’m going or who I am right now. I’m trying to reinvent myself or find myself one. I’m 43😮
I wish people would talk more about topics like this. I went 3 year’s grieving what I thought my life would’ve been like by now.I’m grateful everyday that I have made it out and have started practicing gratitude and contentment. A lot of things I grieved was out of my control and I realized that all that is in my control I have reached thus far.
Ill be 30 next year too. In my early 20s I thought my life was going to look so different than what it is now. I was forced to be held back my time was stolen from me. Now im taking it all back and accomplishing the things I couldn't. Just know its never too late im happy to be leaving my 20s and excited for my next chapter in life.
Listening to this 19 year old girl talk is like nails on a chalkboard bro, because they feel like they are so grown like they know everything and it's like unless her Grandpa or her daddy is going to co-sign her or buy her a f****** car or give her the money to start a business she don't know how that 10 years going to go. It might be a whole bunch of trial and error. Like what she says is politically correct and it sounds correct but she just graduated from high school, what was she know about morning a life
I’m seeing all these comments from people who are disappointed life didn’t work out the way they thought or planned. I understand having goals and expectations but at the same time, life is unpredictable, no one’s life works out the way they want it too 100%, literally no one’s even if they seem to be doing well. The only thing we can do is not give up on ourselves and learn to be content in your life no matter where you are at the moment. No things don’t go our way but it is never too late. Don’t give up on yourself. One of the biggest life lessons for everyone growing up should be “life will not go the way you planned”, there are things you can control and things you can’t “. But it doesn’t mean you failed.
My life is definitely not what I expected, but I'm not going to give up on what I want.
One of the most powerful realizations I ever had was recognizing that my life doesn't look like how I thought it would because the image I had been holding for myself came.from my parents and my culture, not my preferences. It also made me realize that the ways I "failed" to meet my goals were usually because the goal was incompatible with my preferences, values and priorities. In other words, when I grieved because I was single at 29 and accepted kids were probably not in the cards, I expected to feel disappointment and sadness but mostly what I felt was relief. I didn't actually want kids, which is why I never prioritized creating a family, which is why I didn't have one.
Now, I'm not saying every aspect of my life is exactly as I want it to be, nor that I don't have a fair amount of lazy and self destructive habits to go along with this, but I do think in general, what we do is what is important to us. So if there's a goal you have that you are not making progress on and you're beating yourself up, thinking about habits and making it a priority is one aspect. But it's worth considering if a goal you need to force yourself to work on is something you ACTUALLY want or if you have another reason for thinking you should do it, when you really don't want to. Meeting goals is amazing. Dropping goals that no longer serve you, also amazing.
I'm like the 3rd girl. Life kicked me in the head for years. Also, the summary at the end was greatly appreciated.
It hurts my heart to see women not feeling that they haven’t accomplished certain goals in life. Age doesn’t determine success in life. Just long as you reach your goals then age doesn’t matter. It’s okay to have a restart at any age because life is unpredictable. I wish these ladies the best.❤
Thank you, Priscilla, for your opening thoughts. ❤
You are so welcome ❤️
I’m currently grieving the live I thought I’d have with my almost 2 year old daughters dad. It’s been a little over a month since I left him with the house I helped him purchased 3 years ago. It wasn’t my ideal decision but I just couldn’t stand being verbally abused, unappreciated, strung on awaiting a marriage that was never going to happen and thinking less of me because I don’t make as much money as he wants me to. Ugh. It breaks my heart to had walk away but he pierced my soul for the last time when he verbally assaulted me back in September. It hurts so bad because we tried for almost 10 years for a baby and we finally did IVF and got her baby on the first try and we didn’t even get to be the family i thought we’d be.
You kept your self respect, if sounds like you'd be grieving from having a much worse life if you'd stayed, it's good you were strong enough to walk away. Hope things are only up from here for you
@@louiseanne830 thank you so very much ❤️ you’re absolute right and I surely didn’t think of the grief I’d experience from simply staying !
Literally was down this week grieving the life I thought I would have and boom this video pops up
Oh, I understand to the fullest grieving the life that you thought you would have. I really feel like it is essential for women to sit with that thought process that this didn’t go the way it was supposed to or the way that I had dreamt it. I feel like that would heal so many wounds and let so much weight off of the shoulders of women who, feel like they somehow did something wrong simply because what they had envisioned didn’t come or hasn’t come yet. I really like this. It’s an important conversation to have once I let go of all of my hurt. Things started happening for me. I always look at my friends who have children and wondered for myself as someone who wanted them early in my life why they never happened for me, even after being engaged and trying for nine years. I did see children in my future, my own children, but I guess that just wasn’t in the cards. And now I’ve learned to be OK with that.
Much love to you Human Sister! Thank you for sharing! Such inspiration!♥♥♥
🙁😔 I was thinking about this today and I have to say I am glad that in the past I did not visit any of my ex's bf homes coz I would be a mom right now, I'm 18 and thinking of being childfree
Growing up I did not know it was a choice. Thanks to the internet❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
And this UA-cam channel❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I am so grateful for all of the vulnerability. I left my narc family and did years of healing. I thought that would be the end of it..but no. Still depressed, anxious as hell and haven’t found a support system. It’s lonely over here but I’ve done so much for myself. I thank God everyday for my second life. It shall be well ❤ thank you for this video
This discussion was NOT for the 19yrs old young woman to voice her opinion on.
She just graduated from HIGH SCHOOL and possibly still living with her parents.
In other.words, she has not had enough life experiences to have an FAIR opinion on this topic.
Instead she victim blame by putting an emphasis on excuses and laziness.
People who are over the age of 21 understand that life happens no matter if your are lazy or not or making the right decisions or not.
I wish I would have never married this man... he has ruined my life and the good life I could have had if I didnt have this dumb trauma bond 😢
It’s never too late to start over
Now that you know better do better. Forgive yourself. Move on & prosper. If possible get counseling when we find ourself in toxicity it's cause we are toxic ourselves or have been raised to normalise toxicity.
Oh honey 🫂 🫂 🫂
Not gonne lie I thought my sister and I were going to be like Frasier and Niles Crane from the show Frasier when we got older. That is not what happened lol. I see these young girls on youtube with apartments and by themselves and realized how much of my life was being lived for my family and not for myself. They held me back from so much and made me totally dependent on them. They wouldnt help me get a license until I was 37 because they wanted to keep me stranded on our rez because I didnt want to drive off of it without a license. I am 43 now and it only took me until the last year to decide to live for myself and do for myself. I explained to them that that was what I was going to do and surprisingly they were okay with it. Probably because after 23 years they probably decided it was time to let me live my life or it may be I outlived my usefulness. Too bad it took so long for that to happen. 🙁
I have made So Many plans and right as I am close to accomplishing the goal, life says NO. Or the plan falls apart. I used to be mad but that got exhausting. Now I just play some Tina Turner chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and sit down and breath. Everything passes away. The good, the bad , it all comes and goes in waves. The trick is to not fight the current of Life.
Welcome to "being a human": we are WEIRD, no one knows what "normal" is, and 90% of the time we only do "damage control" because we barely understand what the hell we are doing...
We are living the life that God has for us. And, I'm 60
Amen to that!
❤
Our ancestors, grieve the fact we are not grateful, live to honor them by being grateful for the life you have🙏🏾
No they don't... They are dead..
Yes!
I've been wanting to have a kid for at least ten years, now I've just turned 35 and I'm starting to grief and I'm trying to accept that maybe that'll never happen for me
You made me feel better about life 😊 Thank you !
I needed this .
This topic really hits home for me. Great topic!!
I just love you. Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring message ❤️❤️
Wow, thank you ☺️ ❤️❤️
You’re welcome sis❤️❤️
Thanks for this video!
Glad it was helpful!
This is me currently
Thank you Priscilla, I really need to hear that. I feel that's a topic no one discuss among the people I know.
You have the power to transform your own wounds to a tools that heal people. You didn't have an easy life but here you are helping others to better their life. I am grateful I found this channel
Stay pretty, wise and blessed❤
The best TikTok compilation I’ve seen 🙌🏿💯
Needed this video, thank you!❤️
Life is often a marked change from what we think or fantasize it should be than what it often turns out to be. The main thing that all people should always be cognizant of is life is constantly changing. As wise quote is, “You cannot control the wind but you can adjust your sails.” Be prepared as much as possible but don’t lament that change can and will happen.
I just had a mental breakdown then saw this video and it’s Exactly what I’m going through. I am grieving the life I want but I know I’ll never get. Sometimes there are things we want so much or people but it’s just simply not the life we are going to get. Sometimes God has a different plan for you and it’s so painful when you wanted something completely diff than what God wants
I feel you on this one!
Thank you for sharing your story, it was very interesting and has made me reflect and think a lot.