Why I embraced being lonely and how it got me laid

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  • Опубліковано 25 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 581

  • @ata_473
    @ata_473 2 місяці тому +1623

    Greatest things humanity has produced has indeed came from negative emotions, loneliness and sadness, including my perma ban on league. Blessing in disguise 💯

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +63

      Hahahaha I relate to this hard bro

    • @lamilanesa99
      @lamilanesa99 2 місяці тому +16

      I need a war thunder perm ban

    • @SeriousStudent603
      @SeriousStudent603 2 місяці тому +9

      yeppp during covid i was suppa depressed
      but that shit caused me to loose weight. so i became skinny. now ive been building muscle & have never felt better

    • @nicolasbolas2247
      @nicolasbolas2247 2 місяці тому +7

      They did you a favor with that ban

    • @hupe5836
      @hupe5836 Місяць тому +2

      i also got perma banned and all i did was not know how to play the game and running into enemy base constantly with garen lmao, so i created a new account and now I am level 106 shaco main mastery 11

  • @gulakov9006
    @gulakov9006 2 місяці тому +849

    " I said no and then played LoL until 5 a.m " bro you are so real for this one xD

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +76

      Hahahaha anyone who relates to us knows this isn't an exaggeration at all

    • @TheFracturedfuture
      @TheFracturedfuture 2 місяці тому +56

      He made the right decision.
      Girls like that are a waste of time.

    • @WorldKeepsSpinnin
      @WorldKeepsSpinnin 2 місяці тому +22

      @@TheFracturedfuture It was a 2 in one, He dodged a bullet, and LEARNED from it at the same time.

    • @darkee03
      @darkee03 24 дні тому +1

      Gigachad

    • @CarrotMuncher
      @CarrotMuncher 15 днів тому +4

      @@TheFracturedfuturehow? Life happens, she liked him and showed it. I would respect a woman like that who’s there for her friend and be excited to meet her later if she considered my feelings and tried to set something up later. Why do you think it would’ve been a waste of time?

  • @lin75575
    @lin75575 2 місяці тому +569

    Feeling like an idiot is something i really understand.
    Now I am trying my best to not be attached to people and learn how to leave my life alone.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +59

      I'd say it's good to learn detachment, and at the same time, Being honest with myself, I craved intimacy and closeness, it's normal to feel that - even if finding it is difficult.

  • @YouTubeOverrated
    @YouTubeOverrated 2 місяці тому +178

    *Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.*

  • @G59METH
    @G59METH 2 місяці тому +393

    If this guy gets rejected on Tinder, we're all fucked for real

    • @ragingsaviorkami9862
      @ragingsaviorkami9862 24 дні тому

      Tinder is a disgusting lonely place for hookups, where majority of users are guys. The competition is too wide.

    • @drowsyspook3455
      @drowsyspook3455 20 днів тому +48

      dont use dating apps

    • @BrainMeltGaming
      @BrainMeltGaming День тому

      He will is the sad part

  • @flyaway6671
    @flyaway6671 2 місяці тому +276

    This was a great message against self sabotage. Don't rage quit, see things out till the bitter end cause you never know the end result. Leave with no regrets.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +18

      Exactly bro, I self sabotaged so long and considered myself unlucky...
      thanks for the support

    • @joejojo5966
      @joejojo5966 2 місяці тому +2

      Just like a mp match in call of duty, never stop fighting against the other teams hacker, cuz you can still win. 😅😅

    • @kingofrivia1248
      @kingofrivia1248 14 днів тому +1

      I think that is bad advice. Its good as professionel advice but not good for people.

  • @alitava6844
    @alitava6844 2 місяці тому +397

    I believe that dismissing the second chance actually was a good decision. It is called self love and self respect. If she was really into you and had respect, she proved that to you the upcoming days.
    The thing is most of the time their excuses are not valid. So don't be so accessible to girls who cancelled the first date.

    • @japz321
      @japz321 2 місяці тому +61

      What bothers me the most is that why she didn't at the very least inform him ahead of the time? It's simple courtesy, a simple heads up before the actual time would be nice rather than let the guy wait alone for 30 minutes.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +48

      Great point, I think if I had said no due to what you said it would've been good - I was just too embarrassed and scared though. Sometimes the wrong working out, gives the right answer 😅

    • @sapujapu6323
      @sapujapu6323 2 місяці тому +11

      @@japz321Theres a very good possibility that it was a ego boost type thing. She knows a guy is currently waiting on her and she denies him, making her feel self-assured and giving a confidence boost.

    • @LIQUIDxOCELOT93
      @LIQUIDxOCELOT93 2 місяці тому +22

      @@SolomonDarbey '' I need to watch over my friend...''
      No, some other dude she's more interested in texted her, but when she knew they weren't gonna meet she magically became available to meet you.

    • @TheMusicalKnokcers
      @TheMusicalKnokcers 5 днів тому +8

      Wtf you guys are incels wtf are you saying she had a very valid excuse and it shows she's caring about her friends, i'd value that despite my disapointment. Moreover she still wanted to see him once it was sorted out, even though she totaly could have left it at that not risking being rejected in turn.
      Even had she lied out of anxiety, aren't we humans anymore ? You are so quick to doubt judge and attack everytime it's a woman and so forgiving for any man's wrongdoing.

  • @necianuni
    @necianuni 2 місяці тому +265

    It’s a different level of comfort to know that you’re not alone and others feel the same way you do I hope you and everyone else in the world gets the love they deserve ❤

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +13

      Totally agreed, I hope people relate to the vulnerability and realise that these types of experiences are normal!

    • @Liam-m3x6d
      @Liam-m3x6d 2 місяці тому +3

      @@necianuni you're right. And it seems so common now for men to experience difficulty when it comes to dating. Women have too many options where as men have not enough.

  • @NerdAlert66
    @NerdAlert66 2 місяці тому +433

    I stayed single, started setting boundaries and isolated for a good 6 months to make sure I could love myself before another relationship.
    Started therapy, started meditation.
    When you feel the pain and depression it gets better afterwords.
    Now iv met 2 new friends, have a date in a month and im going back to school next year.
    Its crazy what happens when you recognize your inner deeper feelings.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +17

      Amazing!! So happy for you bro.

    • @marcodimario73
      @marcodimario73 Місяць тому +2

      How did the date go?

    • @technov1deo
      @technov1deo Місяць тому +17

      Who organises dates for a month in advance??

    • @thevoicewithin137
      @thevoicewithin137 27 днів тому

      ​@technov1deo dude, women keep themselves ridiculously busy these days. I was in a relationship for 10 years, spent almost a year single and trying to set up a date now is like pulling teeth. I met up with a girl, 1st and only date, and at the end she said she wanted to see me again. Pulled out her phone, showed me her calendar and she wasnt free for a whole 8 and a bit weeks and then mostly full after that too. So I said no thanks then and there... Like wtf? If you won't actually make time and move stuff around to get to know me, I'm making zero effort and shutting you out.
      So now we don't talk, blocked each other and deleted our numbers (I think, I certainly deleted and blocked her).

    • @technov1deo
      @technov1deo 27 днів тому +7

      @@thevoicewithin137
      Honestly if a girl likes you they will clear their plans and see you the next day. Or at least within a few days.
      I've never organised a date more than a week in advance.
      If they can't see me within a week, I'll assume they don't want to see me at all

  • @aleenachaudhry4892
    @aleenachaudhry4892 2 місяці тому +242

    remember us when you’re famous bro

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +30

      Hahahaha, stop it. The fact thousands of ppl are watching is scrambling my brain.

    • @aleenachaudhry4892
      @aleenachaudhry4892 2 місяці тому +4

      @@SolomonDarbey yeah 26k is absolutely crazy and i’m sure it’s just the beginning!! 🫶🏼

    • @onatics
      @onatics 23 дні тому +1

      @@SolomonDarbey 100k now, subscribed man

  • @utkarshg.bharti9714
    @utkarshg.bharti9714 Місяць тому +79

    You have so much courage to say this out on a public platform, man. Millions of men worldwide face this at all ages. No one is there to listen to them. But you said all this and it takes courage.

  • @nicolasbolas2247
    @nicolasbolas2247 2 місяці тому +57

    I think you did the right thing in saying no to the first girl. Waiting until 30 mins after you planned to meet up with someone to tell them you can't make it is very rude.

  • @scaratlas3347
    @scaratlas3347 2 місяці тому +154

    Honestly speaking I felt you had self-respect saying no. I was not expecting that the first story

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +23

      A few people have said this actually, thanks for the feedback brother ❤

  • @austinfeener8166
    @austinfeener8166 2 місяці тому +105

    You really have a gift for storytelling, this channel is for sure growing

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +8

      Trying to improve something every video, really tried to paint a picture with this one, so I'm glad you enjoyed it bro

  • @KainaanSlater81
    @KainaanSlater81 10 днів тому +5

    The emotional switch from being so excited about an upcoming event to embarrassment when it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted is so real!
    I remember the few times I made plans to meet girls, I was so excited and it was so rare to me that I was telling my friends and everything, and when it nothing materialised the embarrassment I felt for getting so excited on top of the disappointment and sadness just made everything feel so much worse.

  • @Maincourse19
    @Maincourse19 23 дні тому +25

    Gosh I love the RuneScape music in the background paired with this talk. Thanks for making this! I really needed to hear this today. I’ve been dealing with some disappointment in my attempts to foster genuine friendships.

  • @anamariadraghici6506
    @anamariadraghici6506 2 місяці тому +58

    I felt the same way lately. It's better now. I'm cultivating my passions, rather than desperately looking for someone else. I felt like I was getting a big hug watching this video. u have it, keep going!💗

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +1

      Awww, cultivating your passions sounds exciting. Glad we could connect on this issue ❤

  • @Andrew--S
    @Andrew--S Місяць тому +142

    Telling her "no" was the correct decision. She told you a fake story. You were probably the 5th dude she had lined up for free drinks.

    • @danilasavelev6775
      @danilasavelev6775 Місяць тому

      😆

    • @thevoicewithin137
      @thevoicewithin137 27 днів тому

      Exactly!
      Saying no means you have standards! Telling her no would have rocked her way more than it did you!
      Besides, as soon as a girl messes you about, plays with your feelings, tries to take control of the situation or relationship as a whole, those are all red flags. GTFO of there ASAP.
      Woman stands you up, block her, move on.
      Hot girl shows you a red flag, like potentially a narcissist and/or has daddy issues and wants to play princess, tell her no and walk away. Trust me. You did yourself a favour by saying no. Personally, I would have blocked her the moment she stood me up and would never have given her another chance to contact me. But at least the guy said no in the end!
      Show women you have standards, self respect and dignity. Who gives a crap if you played LoL instead of going on a date!? If you can't be happy doing something on your own like gaming, you'll never find happiness with a partner.

    • @robmarshall9026
      @robmarshall9026 22 дні тому +4

      But she invited him to her place lol?

    • @Andrew--S
      @Andrew--S 22 дні тому +2

      @@robmarshall9026 Did you watch the video? She kept cancelling on him.

    • @MylotheZooLovingScientist
      @MylotheZooLovingScientist 10 днів тому +1

      Haven’t finished the video so I don’t know the rest of the story but as soon as he said he turned her down and felt ashamed, I thought, “No, man, that was the right decision, that sounded pretty suspect” lmao

  • @crnicerak
    @crnicerak 2 місяці тому +98

    don’t usually watch smaller creators, but you have the character to be something big keep it up man respect

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +15

      I really appreciate the love bro, thanks!!

  • @GIDDY_PARTY
    @GIDDY_PARTY 23 дні тому +6

    Honestly this was really good advice. I never thought about it this way. I would always distract myself whenever something made me feel like crap. I get it now, we need to embrace the pain we feel and let it fuel our future ambitions. That’s why I’ve always felt so numb to everything and just let life pass me by. It’s important to feel sadness and pain to motivate you to be better. Thank you for this.

  • @NathanMUFCfan
    @NathanMUFCfan Місяць тому +10

    If even a good looking guy like you isn't getting many matches on Tinder, it's really looking bad for the rest of us. Dating apps are brutal.
    Using gaming as a cope to to deal with sadness and loneliness is definitely something a lot of us guys have in common.
    l really liked this video. You're a good storyteller and being vulnerable on camera isn't easy. It's great that you approached someone and got her number. Even if things didn't last too long, it was still a W.
    Hopefully this video goes even more viral. More guys should watch it.

  • @TheBubbleoh
    @TheBubbleoh 28 днів тому +9

    I didn't expect this random video I clicked on to give me actual good advice. I think the most important thing is not to fall into this feeling of desparation. People will also sense that you are desparate and that's not really attractive. I think you really did the right thing by saying no to that first girl. It shows that you have respect for yourself. At the same time you should also respect your emotions and not push them away. In the end the best approach is to not think about it too much and get too into your head about it. Just as you did with the last girl.

  • @akshay-kumar-007
    @akshay-kumar-007 2 місяці тому +28

    Thanks brother. I needed this.
    I'll no longer distract myself by daydreaming.
    Subbed!

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +4

      You're welcome, please report back how you find things when you distract yourself less, I'd love to know :)

    • @yossefsaafan9595
      @yossefsaafan9595 2 місяці тому +1

      Nmm how did it go :3?

  • @inreisen
    @inreisen 2 місяці тому +28

    I had similar stories brother. I’ve lost all of my friends from high school and from middle school, just because they knew me of my old version. No one could understand me truely and I was always a joke in conversations. I always followed people, did what they asked. I was trying to be a good person as evenly as possible. A white knight on a white horse you know. A main character of an anime, pure gold good heart. But being a “good guy” is not always good.
    You did a good job not going to the pub in your first story. Because that girl dumped you the first time and probably her story was a lie as well.
    And you are absolutely right about feeling emotions to their end. We shouldn’t distract ourselves from a sad, depressing moment. 1 month ago when I argued with all of my high school friends, declaring war to them etc. I lost all of them intentionally and I literally cried 3 hours in my room with minimal moon light coming to my room from outside. I thought so much while I was crying. I accepted everything I went through. Removed every last one of my supposedly “high school friends” and my Villain Arc journey has started.
    The thing is, I have total freedom right now. I am absolutely alone but at least I respect myself and I’m ready to make new connections with new people. Of course I won’t become a total evil villain, I just quit being a total good guy in every occasion.
    I started doing calisthenics, caring my hygiene more and changing my style of appearance. Like a remake of a video game. Of course I am still myself, but first thing that I will care about in the future will be me instead of other people. We shouldn’t put others in first(except family or really close friends).
    This isn’t only about crying in a room for 3 hours. I’ve literally accepted everything. My mistakes, my failures, my weaknesses(I have Speech Fluency Disorder for 11 years) my nature and these’s opposites. When I embraced myself, I started to care less about future. I started just to live the present, carpe diem.
    If I need to cry again in the future, I will do it because us humans need to live these emotions fully. In order to ascend from the ground, we need to fall completely, seeing the desperation once but also hope afterwards!

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +2

      Wow.
      Sorry to hear that your friends treated you that way, very impressed that you realised how you were behaving partially created those situations. That lesson took me so long to learn.
      Well done for allowing yourself to feel that emotion without resorting to distracting yourself. You know reading your comment, I was proud and then concerned and then inspired hahaha.
      You seem to have stumbled across EXACTLY what I stumbled across, even down to you talking about weaknesses and failures.
      My next video is going to be on embarrassment and I'd love to know your thoughts ❤️

  • @snakedogman
    @snakedogman 23 дні тому +3

    You've made a very wise discovery. What we call "negative" emotions aren't really negative at all. We can learn to see them as expressions of what is truly great and awesome about us. Like, as you say, loneliness. Yes it feels unpleasant to be lonely. But it doesn't mean you're broken or there's something wrong with you. It's an expression of your desire for connection! And that is a beautiful thing, an important thing.
    Even something like depression, the most negative of them all. It's really an expression of our intense desire to live a life of meaning, connection, love and purpose. When we don't have those things, we get depressed. Does that mean that there's something wrong with us, or that there's something very _right_ with us?

  • @MathewParker2008
    @MathewParker2008 2 місяці тому +9

    I was feeling ugly recently but I discovered your channel and it’s an absolute goldmine

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +6

      Being average is a super power bro, glad you like the vids

  • @BradCritt
    @BradCritt 28 днів тому +4

    It’s wild how we live in an age that connects us all but nobody wants to reach out to one another. I’ve given up making friends completely and it FeelsGoodMan.

  • @retrowave8232
    @retrowave8232 2 місяці тому +38

    Bro I am currently in a situation - where I have a crush on an ex-colleague and I regret every single day that I have not asked her out or attempted to get more close - i genuinely felt that i found someone that can be a suitable partner for me in the long-term. I tried even connecting on social media and took a step far to message request here to get a conversation going - she did not even respond nor acknowledge the message , I waited and waited and started to develop negative and lonely thoughts now currently I am taking a break from social media to try and move on from the person and try to see it as a lesson. Good video man.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +25

      Hey bro, one thing really stood out to me.
      You mentioned at the start that you have regret for not pursuing things with this girl (believe me i know the feeling), what I find interesting is that you then conquered this fear (hard asf to do) but then you see it as a failure because she didn't respond.
      Brother, the fact you even SENT the message means you are a beast, you have to think about what YOU did that was good, not how she responded that was bad. Proud of you and thanks for the support

    • @BendikHolthe
      @BendikHolthe 2 місяці тому +13

      @@SolomonDarbeyW response G. Focus on the action, not the outcome. Control your controllables, forget about the rest.

  • @scottaguilar2326
    @scottaguilar2326 2 місяці тому +16

    Thanks for being vulnerable, great video mate.

  • @cristiandavid2334
    @cristiandavid2334 2 місяці тому +6

    You know, a girl I really liked, that was my girlfriend for about three and a half years, she one day just lied to me, and hurt me so deeply that I broke. For months I was so sad, so miserable, but I never tried to hide my feelings, never tried to distract myself from the sadness, the sorrow and the pain. 7 or 8 months later, almost all the bad feelings are gone, and I feel so much better, even better than before.
    I really loved that girl, she arrived at my life when I was looking for the same than you: a deep and meaningful connection with someone. Eventually she was gone, my life changed, and the connection was lost. But right now, everything is just better. Let you feel your feelings friends, it's the best way to arise stronger and mature after everything was hurting you

  • @bradengookey6877
    @bradengookey6877 21 день тому +4

    I am saving this video and going to keep referring back to it. I find myself in the same situation as you were. I think you may have given me the key to life that I need. Thank you

  • @multicreativeartist6579
    @multicreativeartist6579 2 місяці тому +10

    As a fellow introvert, I have become more confident in being myself and talking to people. I approach women every once in a while. But I just feel alone too. All my high school friends have drifted away from each other after graduation (2023) so I don't have any friends at all. Just acquaintances. I've tried online dating before but it doesn't go anywhere. I'm on SR with a long streak so far (been practicing it since 17, i'm 20 now). I feel like women don't find me attractive or interesting and the amount of times i've been rejected doesn't motivate me to approach more women. So now i'm just focusing/distracting myself with work and getting to my goals

  • @Gustavo-dy5zm
    @Gustavo-dy5zm Місяць тому +3

    The best way to overcome a feeling is to face it head on and understand it and where it comes from. Amazing video, bro! I loved the style of this!

  • @stephenY96
    @stephenY96 2 місяці тому +78

    The sad truth is that most guys are lonely because THEY CHOOSE to sit inside every evening watching netflix, playing computer games, youtube and doomscrolling.
    Friendships are made outside of your house and they are truly built by regular and consistent experience together in person

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +13

      True bro, the decisions you make are who you are. Make different decisions and who you 'are' changes.

    • @KXNNY405
      @KXNNY405 2 місяці тому +8

      ive made the best friendships online

    • @HamzaAgha-b6l
      @HamzaAgha-b6l 2 місяці тому

      Not true. Men need to be good looking to have relationships. Women don't

    • @freetothink284
      @freetothink284 Місяць тому

      Feel this. Due to circumstances I commuted an hour to college and still had to take care of my brother. Always..sad I couldn’t have the ideal college experience. Though my last year was such a struggle, after graduating I didn’t want to go back unless I had to. Now a year later, working an entry level job I’m not really passionate about while my social circle never really moved an inch. Most days after work it’s so easy to just zone out and game the rest of the night away. Though that only lasts so long before the day begins again. The ultimatum seems so black and white: stay at this level, or get your ass back to school for a higher quality of life. I struggled with the idea/fear of losing motivation and I still do to an extent. But I’d like to believe what I’m lacking is discipline - getting back to a regular gym schedule, making time for my hobbies outside of just video games, and also a better mindset. To which I mean trying to enjoy the journey rather than just the destination. Wishing everyone luck on their journey..!

    • @joshua_5683
      @joshua_5683 Місяць тому +3

      Okay, but it's difficult to go to stuff alone and even if i choose to go, it's difficult to get to know other people 'cause of social anxiety
      I get the feeling if people already are at a place as a group together you don't want this random dude you don't know joining you and making things awkward, as the random dude doesn't know anything about anybody in the group and thus it's hard to get conversations to go smoothly and naturally

  • @kube410
    @kube410 Місяць тому +3

    One of the most wholesome and relatable videos ive seen in this sea of brainrot i get on YT usually. You are very good at telling those stories man. 18 minutes passed like 5. Thank you!!

  • @games68775
    @games68775 2 місяці тому +20

    Yea the numbing the pain thing and essentially coasting by taking no action because you are distracting yourself just enough is relatable and something I've been trying my best to avoid.

  • @fodge5395
    @fodge5395 Місяць тому +4

    Ngl man. I kind of needed this video, sometimes I self sabotage a lot with girls. "What if she's boring, what if I don't find her attractive on the date" so what, just see it through no matter what and take a chance. It will at least be an experience.

  • @Fakeaccountas
    @Fakeaccountas Місяць тому +2

    I just ended an almost two year relationship, which lasted that long mostly because of my inner fear to be alone. I finally made the step to rather embrace the loneliness than to be in a relationship that creates a lot of negative emotions and unnecessary stress in my life. It's scary, I definitely had thoughts like "what if you don't ever find anyone else better" and "what if this is not that bad as my mind makes it to be and I should try even harder to fix the relationship". However i realise that i was not happy for a very long time and i genuinely tried to make everything better. So right now my best choice is just to learn how to be happy alone and improve myself.

  • @Tivis7
    @Tivis7 2 місяці тому +4

    This is very important, as men we're traditionally told to avoid our feelings which ultimately culminates in a lot of negativity and pain. It's nice to see the culture slowly shifting to a healthier perspective.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +1

      So true, kept me trapped for a long time avoiding those feelings.

  • @thelastdaybreathinginetern1385
    @thelastdaybreathinginetern1385 2 місяці тому +70

    I have no choice but to be lonely. I'm Goth, I dress differently and although I'd say I'm a pretty cool and chill person it doesn't matter because people can't relate. I didn't know you had to relate aesthetic and music wise to be friends with someone... I thought other factors played a role.. like personality. I am watching this video because I'm 29, I've been lonely since I was 14. I look younger than my age. 20-25.. I hate the loneliness but when you choose to express yourself, you get ostracized.. I'm attractive, artistic, and funny but people don't know anything about me because they don't give me a chance. I already accepted my fate.. I have to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone have the life I want. Friends, love, dates, relationships and etc..

    • @akshay-kumar-007
      @akshay-kumar-007 2 місяці тому +23

      You don't have to fix yourself in a box. I too once believed I'm a loner. Had only a bunch of friends in college(with whom i talked occassionally) and avoided opposite gender like a plague. This only reinforced my beliefs about myself.
      What helped me was just going out and meeting people in tech events and having something to talk about. You don't have to be like this.
      Peace.

    • @jrtg1990
      @jrtg1990 2 місяці тому +3

      You are me and I am you.

    • @thelastdaybreathinginetern1385
      @thelastdaybreathinginetern1385 2 місяці тому +5

      @@akshay-kumar-007 I tried all of that.. but thanks, peace.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +8

      I'm glad to hear you say good things about yourself, I find that hard sometimes. I think there is definitely a game to be played when meeting partners, but there's a balance, you must also express yourself, or there'll be no authenticity and you won't connect.
      Why do you think people don't give you a chance?

    • @stephenY96
      @stephenY96 2 місяці тому

      Every town/city has at least some sort of goth community...usually through music gigs. Genuinly feel sorry if youv not even attempted to go to them regularly.

  • @zeethree
    @zeethree 2 місяці тому +12

    You're lucky that you can recognize non verbal communication. I think I'm autistic or something. I just played video games and other copes, didn't bother with girls. Sometimes I'm lonely, but not that often, I was alienated from childhood so I had to learn how to entertain myself. Plenty of distractions nowadays. I've never been to a pub, only had a few drinks in my life. Good for you, nice story. I'm happy for you.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +7

      Aww man, thanks for the kind words, also I can't help but wanna know more.
      I dissociated from a young age too, I was completely stuck in a rut until I learned how my mind worked. After that my life transformed.

    • @kingape1619
      @kingape1619 21 день тому

      I'm autistic too, but definitely relate to Solomon's experiences. Either build on your weakness, or utilize your strengths. Those who reject us are not our preferred women anyways.

  • @vL412G3Y
    @vL412G3Y 24 дні тому +2

    Awesome video mate, so much more authentic and impactful than most of the videos on here like "here's 10 killer ways to stop feeling lonely; number 1: get up at 5am and get in shape"... I'm in a similar situation myself and this video really made me think 👍

  • @jermasbiggestfan7796
    @jermasbiggestfan7796 2 місяці тому +8

    Well said. I can definitely relate to the disappointments and loneliness. Thank you sir.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +1

      Glad you related bro, you manage to use it in a positive way?

    • @jermasbiggestfan7796
      @jermasbiggestfan7796 2 місяці тому

      @@SolomonDarbey I've been doing what you covered in this video for about 1.5 years now, actually. I've had several successes and failures. Keep at it, lads.

  • @JR-ol9pc
    @JR-ol9pc 16 днів тому +4

    Imma start living like a Jedi. Master my body and mind and become the person I want to be

  • @ryancollinsvideo
    @ryancollinsvideo Місяць тому +2

    Bro saying no after being fucked around was a baller move

  • @dizking743
    @dizking743 2 місяці тому +4

    honestly one of the best videos I've seen in a while, so real bro

  • @larryreis7273
    @larryreis7273 Місяць тому +2

    This is why you should live being mindful in the moment and never anticipate the future going well living in your imagination of the future. That way, you can never be disappointed. Things usually never work out the way you imagined them. You should accept things as they come in the moment.

  • @ShailPM
    @ShailPM 2 місяці тому +6

    every runescape kid I swear. Good stuff man

  • @goriflex2441
    @goriflex2441 2 місяці тому +3

    Your story made my day, I get those same lonely feeling you get, I´m 21, and I have a good life, I go to the gym, I work, I go to college, have good friends, and I felt now more confident than I ever felt this last few years, when I was depressed and felt life had no meaning, but sometimes at night, I still feel a little empty dealing with the fact that I never found a good partner for me, and I had lots of signals from girls in the past, I just didn´t understand them😆

    • @kieranb7047
      @kieranb7047 Місяць тому

      Most people are exactly the same at 21. I'm 36 and felt the same as you at 21. I am from the generation where we had no dating apps and we had to talk to women face to face in a bar. I missed A LOT of signals when I think back now. If I could go back to being 21 and do it again knowing everything I know now, I would just confidently and kindly ask them if I'm reading the singles wrong. The worst thing that happens is they say yes and you get rejected. But I'm middle aged now and I live with more regrets for not trying more than I ever regret being embarrassed.

  • @KingJaeTV
    @KingJaeTV 20 днів тому +3

    Your not alone. Keep your head up!

  • @jeremyfisher8512
    @jeremyfisher8512 Місяць тому +2

    Its sorta like working out, your "heart" is a muscle, and it gets sore the harder you use it. But the more you do the less sore it gets and the more you can handle and achieve with it.
    And that part about seeing those thoughts and feelings through to the end is the best exercise you can do. Don't dwell, don't distract, just feel.

  • @A_moment_w_Jake
    @A_moment_w_Jake 2 місяці тому +3

    this is on track to blow up, thank you for telling your story and sharing a lesson you've learnt

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +3

      Honestly getting 500 views feels like I've blown up already, can barely believe thousands have listened to it bro. Thanks!!

  • @DestroyerTV
    @DestroyerTV Місяць тому +4

    I've never seen this type of video before. Thanks for the genuine advice. Subscribed!

  • @williamk398
    @williamk398 2 місяці тому +4

    Thank you for this video, it feels so authentic and real, you are gonna make it on yt

  • @VNGR
    @VNGR 15 днів тому +3

    TL;DR - Your bad emotions are telling you something you desperately need to hear
    This is a really important point that applies to so much more than loneliness.
    As a society we've gotten so many ways of distracting ourselves, ways of escaping, ways of numbing our "bad" emotions, that we've gotten so used to not actually feeling them.
    We have to realize that they aren't bad at all. They're just uncomfortable - and for good reason. The uncomfortableness is meant to feel bad enough that it pushes us into action.
    If we touch a hot stove top it hurts so bad that it forces you to remove it; to save you.
    When we feel depressed, anxious, lonely, etc. it's not our bodies or brains malfunctioning; it's the exact opposite.
    It's our bodies telling us that we have unmet needs, and they're desperately trying to push us to meet those needs.
    Instead we place our effort into silencing these crucial signals with anything that might distract us and temporarily make us feel good - even though it makes us feel worse in the long run.
    So many of us struggle with feeling bad and we keep asking ourselves why we feel this way, not realizing that our bodies are screaming the answers at us.
    We have unmet needs, and as soon as we stop distracting ourselves and start to listen to what those needs are, we can start actually healing

  • @kanesaunders3533
    @kanesaunders3533 27 днів тому +2

    Wow, i’m going through the exact same emotions atm in life, it’s so reassuring to know that other people having the same experience, thanks for the advise and sharing👌🏻

  • @JJO117
    @JJO117 9 днів тому +1

    Funny how cold pickups have become a surprise when our parents and grandparents had no issues.

  • @Fullnattyalchemist
    @Fullnattyalchemist 25 днів тому +1

    my man pull through it, wish you the best

  • @Kostaras4444
    @Kostaras4444 24 дні тому +4

    I literally laughed out loud when you mentioned league xD. Great video, with a very nice message and inspiring.

  • @Moonii_YT
    @Moonii_YT 5 днів тому

    I’m so happy I found this video. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you

  • @WillFrost99
    @WillFrost99 2 місяці тому +5

    I'm a very indecisive person by nature so this video was great. Last story made me smile haha. Much love man 🫶

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +1

      Please let me know if what I said helps you! Love brother ❤

  • @fuzzypanda1684
    @fuzzypanda1684 Місяць тому +5

    I spent years building myself into a man with a physique like an MCU superhero and an outgoing, charismatic personality, which was hard because I was a skinny introvert as a kid. I talked to pretty much everyone at my local supermarket, including a girl who I thought was cute. A little while later, the manager, who I knew and was friendly with, pulled me aside and told me that she'd filed a complaint about me for making her feel uncomfortable. I'd never said anything rude, crude, or inappropriate to her, never asked for her number or anything.
    I'm in great shape so a while later, 2 girls who worked there came up and asked if they could feel my biceps. I let them and we talked for a bit until I excused myself. They were obviously interested in me and asked when I'd be back. I said I didn't know, but we'd see each other again. The next time I saw them, they completely avoided me and wouldn't even look at me.
    Those are 2 of many, many examples, but I'm at the point now where I can't hope or try anymore, because life has proven to me over and over again that whenever I do, not only will things not work out, I'm likely to make them worse.

    • @smoc2
      @smoc2 Місяць тому

      Chin up broski. Fuck that person that wanted to file a complaint on you. Dudes can’t even talk to a girl without being labelled a creep. It’s not you. It’s society. You’re doing nothing wrong. Keep going brother

  • @vaha6869
    @vaha6869 13 днів тому +1

    Great video and also great advice, for me I have been always antisocial and shy I have started to better myself over the year and this final piece of advice from your video makes a lot of sense, feel what your feeling don't avoid it, it makes so much sense! Again thank you for the advice.

  • @Roxaslunar-s9j
    @Roxaslunar-s9j 2 місяці тому +8

    As of 2024 dating was terrible for me all of the relationships I had this year failed and I had friends for a while and unfortunately they started ghosting me and not inviting me out eventually we had a falling out. I isolated myself from people I stopped dating . I picked up boxing as a new hobby and I started playing basketball (I might apply for tryouts next year ). I'm working on my relationship with God. College grades improved. Right now I'm happier now with myself.

    • @dr.chalmers7923
      @dr.chalmers7923 12 днів тому +2

      Good for you man, life’s good

    • @MannysVisionStudio
      @MannysVisionStudio 9 днів тому

      Well done brother. I’d definitely be friends with you, I love boxing. 🥊 if you lived closer to me I’d say let’s go train together

  • @TheAndre2131
    @TheAndre2131 6 днів тому +1

    When I embrace loneliness I just end up alone. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

  • @Rayon811
    @Rayon811 Місяць тому +4

    You got what is called heartbreak swag, its so fucking good

  • @BigPuffDaddy
    @BigPuffDaddy 2 дні тому

    Served up another absolute banger video by the algorithm. You can take my job AI, you've earned it!

  • @exeopro410
    @exeopro410 2 місяці тому +1

    It’s shocking to me how similar all of our experiences are as guys. Much love brothers, stay up. ❤

  • @TheAiConqueror
    @TheAiConqueror 14 днів тому +2

    You made the right decision... never let women take the piss out of you. 👍

  • @sebulbadundee459
    @sebulbadundee459 2 місяці тому +3

    Ive been struggling pretty hard with lonliness for almost 3 months now and you are right, allowing yourself to feel it and not supress it will drive you to work harder toward it. Im almost at the point where I am going to say fuck it and just make a fool of myself in front of strangers until someone matches my vibe

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому

      I would LOVE if you give this a go, and update me the results.

  • @sheiladarbey7380
    @sheiladarbey7380 2 місяці тому +8

    Significantly improved production 👏 🎉
    Keep speaking from your heart 'bro'!!!!

  • @renediaz3217
    @renediaz3217 2 місяці тому +1

    Great story and thanks for sharing. I had a similar experience where I woke up one day with the same motivation to get a girls number but never realized where it came from. It wasn’t till I watched this video that I realized it was because I was abstaining from distractions (video games, porn, etc) that I gave myself the opportunity to feel the emotions I had blocked out for so long. Can’t believe this didn’t click before.

  • @JiihaaS
    @JiihaaS 2 місяці тому +1

    Just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you!

  • @d.z.6669
    @d.z.6669 2 місяці тому +6

    I'm glad that you rejected the second offer. You were put as the 2nd priority. The second option.
    If you allowed this to happen you will learned your lesson sooner or later:)

  • @pimpmyride7278
    @pimpmyride7278 Місяць тому +1

    Legion of me. Sent me here! Great story. Courageous! Keep grinding.

  • @superdude7445
    @superdude7445 26 днів тому +2

    As an introvert... trust me finding someone on tinder is 10000% harder than real life.

  • @kellansager
    @kellansager 4 дні тому

    I haven't resonated with a video so much, like yours man. Your situation is downright inspiring, and I hope the best for you! The overwhelming feeling is dead on, sometimes it feel like I have no control lol. Thanks again for sharing your story man!✌️

  • @komanch3667
    @komanch3667 Місяць тому +2

    Rejecting second chance was so sigma. Yeah guys we must to respect yourselves

  • @AverageCommenter2023
    @AverageCommenter2023 5 днів тому

    The mindset or quote that gets me through that void is just saying to myself ‘you reminisce the memories you had with that girl, not the girl herself.’ Kind of ironic but it helped me through most periods. However I hate that I grew like a sort of player around girls, since the accident with that girl I (well I would say that) have ruined a couple of girls’s emotions on love specifically, to the point that I kind of unintentionally manipulated them in order to not face rejection because that was and probably still is my biggest fear on the love part. It comes to the point that the manipulation is integrated so deep in my brain that I’m slightly convinced a genuine love relationship will never happen for me.

  • @naut_nigel
    @naut_nigel 2 місяці тому +6

    Thank you for being vulnerable ❤

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +2

      All good brother, hope you liked the vid :)

  • @thevoicewithin137
    @thevoicewithin137 27 днів тому +2

    Self dignity and respect come above all else. If a woman stood me up, I would have (and have done in the past) immediately blocked her and moved on. She wouldn't get the chance at a second attempt, sorry. The fact you even responded to her txt was a sign of weakness imo. You being able to say no, though, that took strength. Good for you bro. Always maintain control of your own life. Someone messes with that, messes you about, show them the door asap.

  • @nick_bal99
    @nick_bal99 12 днів тому

    Basically my life and I'm already 25. I cannot feel more identified with u

  • @jc_dogen
    @jc_dogen 2 місяці тому +1

    damn.
    inspiring story. i'm gonna lean into the loneliness and anxiety as much as I can.

  • @gynxthe1st
    @gynxthe1st 2 місяці тому +4

    Layed the game down haha, I like it, great video with immaculate production.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +3

      Thanks, definitely levelled up the editing on this one!! ❤️

  • @rail7646
    @rail7646 2 місяці тому +2

    touching content man, you are very good at describing how it was I directly felt what you felt back then, while listening to it I was so curious what happens next and was hoping what you say next would give you finally something positive to work with. The advice is also quite incredible just feeling yourself without the need to pull for your addictions.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому

      When you say happens next, you mean after I got her number? Or my dating life afterwards?
      You understood the advice perfectly, ty for the kind words bro

  • @johnsimon8158
    @johnsimon8158 2 місяці тому +3

    Literally what I have done with my life, I just told myself that you can't get everything in life and not everything's for everyone. So, I just up and left the world of trying of get a partner chasing the connection or intimacy.
    It's been so long that I don't even know what do I even want, so just stopped trying and have come the conclusion of Imma die alone, and if it's a good day might be with some bros and I just started my 20s.
    I gave up because life looks bleak If I consider just always trying and failing instead I just thought let's try putting my energy into things in life where I know I'll keep trying no matter how many times I fail. Getting a good career, going to the gym, building a business and if I hit a burnout just travel to somewhere.

    • @smoc2
      @smoc2 Місяць тому

      Bro you’re in your 20s. Your life’s just started man

  • @chimkinNuggz
    @chimkinNuggz 2 місяці тому +4

    Your a good story teller man. I have a similar story except i never got a second chance with the girl. Its crazy when you run into the first girl in your life that likes you as much as much as you like her.

    • @SolomonDarbey
      @SolomonDarbey  2 місяці тому +1

      If it's okay, I'd love to hear the story! :)

  • @eliasperezguzman3995
    @eliasperezguzman3995 27 днів тому +2

    This was a cool video , especially the realistic part of going to an aisle to avoid someone lol and already having the sponge and dish soap spot on brother lmao

  • @joustingknight2088
    @joustingknight2088 Місяць тому +2

    i related this this way more than i thought i did lol you've unironically inspired me

  • @NickMeyer-l3f
    @NickMeyer-l3f 2 місяці тому +1

    Great video. I do think sometimes we tend to forget the past and stuff it down so far and block it out so sometimes media can remind us of those hurts or traumas we no longer remember, to bring them up to be healed. This is what I discovered about myself in the last few years I was so into yoga and meditating when it was all over and I was alone in a new city just like you I just felt numb and it wasn't until various TV and movies and games reminded me of things from my past that I felt enough emotion to feel like I could heal myself. But yea just like what you said, sitting in the pain and the hurt and the emotion oftentimes does lead to a solution. Thanks for sharing this story.

  • @beags9995
    @beags9995 2 місяці тому +1

    amazing video man, love your editing style. it’s simple but it’s so genuine and relaxing. the music in the background and just you talking. great vido.

  • @AlexanderB41
    @AlexanderB41 2 місяці тому +1

    Such an exciting and beautiful story! I felt you throughout the telling. Keep it up man😊

  • @yaminaboub-jo2lb
    @yaminaboub-jo2lb 4 дні тому

    Great vedio btw , keep posting .
    I want to share my thoughts about this, I am lonely because i do not trust people and I do not like most ppl I am fine with being alone , in fact the people I trusted and called friends never wanted the best for me they were toxic and jealous and it hurt me so bad , I am my own best friend , and I can be the most loyal friend a person could ever have because I know what I feels like to be let down . Loneliness has made me stronger and more self reliant, I am not saying it is the best feeling it sucks but at least I am not being hurt , I always support , love and beleive in myself . Yes , and fake friends, no we do not need that !

  • @StephenIC
    @StephenIC 2 місяці тому +2

    This is such a great vifeo, and that story of meeting the Tesco girl is so funny and endearing 🤣 i needed to hear this man

  • @joshbessey9647
    @joshbessey9647 Місяць тому

    I had ptsd. I perceived the world with psychotic hallucinations. Until one day I had this therapist that gave me her mindfulness recordings. And the hallucinations were gone and I’m a free man!

  • @Lathspell_
    @Lathspell_ 2 місяці тому +15

    Guys DO NOT EVER use dating apps. This is not how you get true love. You will just get hurt

  • @Nebulisreconx
    @Nebulisreconx 27 днів тому +1

    Clearly there is a level beyond introversion, cause I can never act on what I want when it comes to communicating with other people. But I also don’t like talking much. Loneliness is just the destiny for some.

  • @psysir3974
    @psysir3974 26 днів тому +1

    man's pickup line is "you work here don't you" xD legendary haha

  • @powder_artist7438
    @powder_artist7438 14 днів тому

    This was a great bit of motivation. Thanks mate

  • @comicsandsuch
    @comicsandsuch 2 місяці тому +11

    Runescape music is just so good