The 7 gaslighting phrases mentioned in this video are: 1) I'm under a lot of pressure. 2) What about my feelings? 3) You need help. 4) You are too sensitive. 5) But he/she is so nice. 6) Aren't you supposed to forgive? 7) I never said that. Cheers!
I used to be like the woman who was waiting for people to come to her. The Lord showed me that "He who would have friends must show himself friendly". Made a big difference when I started taking the initiative.
I’m sorry. I understand how difficult that is. I started recording conversations to have solid proof that he in fact, DID say those things. Even with proof he still finds a way to lie and say he didn’t ACTUALLY say what he said 🤦♀️ it is demonic.
@@kirox34 my NPD ex would say "listen back on your recording and listen to how you contradicted yourself" and all i heard when i listened back was a lunatic speaking over me, drunkenly singing, insulting me and utterly bizarre word salad. ive showed one call to a few people and they can't even get through a few minutes of it without having to turn it off because of how nuts it makes THEM feel and they weren't even there LOL. narcs are wild
Married to a Christian narcissist husband for 30 years. So grateful that I found your videos. I couldn't say what it was but now I know it makes it much easier to pray for myself and daughters and for God to make a way out. Know God has a better life than this for me. Thanking you for your prayers also
I just found your channel a few days ago. Your teaching is so sound. Unfortunately, you have confirmed what my husband and I have been thinking/saying for a while about our daughter in law. We have “bent over backwards “ with her for years, but we have finally reached a point where we feel like we are at an emphasis that cannot be fixed (by us) Of course, it’s a long, long story of drama and upheaval, and I don’t have the time to tell you about everything we’ve been through. My husband and I are retired, and just want to live in peace. There is no peace when she is around. We were the ones always “walking on eggshells whenever she was around, hoping we wouldn’t “set her off.” It’s just sad that our family is broken. Your advice is spot on, and we can see the truth in your teaching.
"There's no peace when she's around" sounds pretty like my mother too. I had to ban her from our house which is a house of God. Psalm 120 for starters. 🙏
Amen! I As a Christian to another “Christian” family member, who is a narcissist, and they use one of these excuses,👇🏼you can tell them: When you will stand on front of God on judgment Day tell him this excuse for your behavior. 1. That you are under a lot of pressure 2. What about my feelings? 3. Or tell God “that he needs help” 4. Or you are too sensitive.. 5. I never said that.. Will it work? No! It won’t matter to God what excuse you use! It’s done. And you know what you did wrong and there will be no more excuses. Wrong behavior is wrong behavior. It Sure Makes them think. I’ve ignored and walked away many years! Enough is enough. Learn to stand your ground and push back wisely. Prayers work! And soon you will ignore and it won’t bother you anymore. And the toxic people do change with Gods help. Surround yourself with loving understanding, supportive people.
Ex narcissist would say I never said that. When I would let him know when and where he would come back and say I don't remember..therefore if he didn't remember it was fruitless to communicate.
I love your explanations for these gaslighting phrases, especially "Aren't you supposed to forgive?" Remember, forgiveness is given and often you benefit the greatest from giving this precious gift to others, but trust has to be earned. It is ok not to trust someone who has not earned your trust.
Hi there. The videos are great! The material is very useful and educational. Unfortunately, I was in a relationship with a narcissist and she would say some of the phrases that you mentioned. And what you said about "forgiveness" and "trust" is so helpful. I've noticed that to be a common pattern among those who have narcissism. Thank you!
I have prayed for daily discernment with the narc in my life. It is a particular bad situation. I prayed for God to always give the the words to say, and then I leave these situations to Him.
Thank you very much for content such as this. God bless you for you work. I could add a lot of phrases that i have heard in the time i was dealing with the narc in my life, but some of the frequent phrases that i heard are : " why are you always making a problem out of nothing, you are to sensitive, oh you think you are God, it is not possible to have a normal conversation with you, why are you always bringing up the past....", and many many others. May God protect us. Amen
So many arguments and lectures were magically justified by him having so much stress!! I've never met someone so controlling, and I've been living with it for 33 years. I realized a while ago , that I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS STRESS!! I just couldn't see the guilt trips, gaslights and other tactics!!
"I'm under a lot of pressure." "Work stresses me out." "I was so overwhelmed." I have heard them all. I am thankful for ministries like Kris Reece's that have helped me process the lies and understand that I can't fix someone who can't be honest with me, and with whom I can't be honest, because there are always excuses (for the horrendous and nasty outbursts and rages) and I am told I am the one who needs to change. I nearly lost myself in this relationship. I am on the way back to being the person I am inside, to being the genuine and open and joyful person I always was.
Wow! Dear Kris, have you actually been eavesdropping on conversation with my ex narc?? I mean #2, "what about my feelings?" Yeah, he actually said it after I told him how much he hurt me. Thank you!💕you Christian perspective is just what I needed while learning about what I have been through
I appreciate your honest, down to earth wisdom and your willingness to share this gift of God with us. I’m learning so much! Thank you! You will know the truth and the truth will set you free 🙌
I have a "friend" that has watched enough videos about narcissists to know what NOT to say. For example, she will not say "you're too sensitive," but she will say "it sounds like you took what I said wrong."
ugh, i hate that! this is why taking someone with NPD to therapy can be a mistake. like 90% of the time. because all they do is learn how to be better abusers.
The NPD in my life is my daughter! She has gotten worse (or better) at her manipulations the older she gets. She is 33 now and I am 73. She is trying to make me feel old and incompetent and recently we got into a blowout fight! That fight was because she had manipulated me into a devilish entrapment and yes I was furious when I figured out what happened. Of course she's playing the victim in all of this and I am overwhelmed at this point! I thank you for the prayer, I certainly prayed with you for myself and my daughter!
My mother is a narcissist and my older sister is the enabler.. A week ago I was pushed to the edge and I made ungodly remarks... Now I know I shouldn't have reacted as I'm responsible for my reactions. I wish I had heard of this earlier... I've learned a lot so far. Thank you.
You are a God send to me!!! Every word you say I have experienced in my last 8 years long toxic relationship... which is still leaving - and finally going no contact - the hardest thing I had to do...and I went through a lotttt...I come from complete narcissistic family where my three siblings left my 86 year old mother without anything and now under my sole care...and my codependency exploded... I understood if I did not leave for good I was not going to survive more abuse ... God help me and keep me safe and lucid , thank you Kris 💖
Wow #4! Drove up to surprise my Mom for her birthday with my 11 year old twin boys. When she opened the door she looked at us and asked what we were doing there (not in a happy manner) we say”Surprise” and she tells me that us that she wasn’t expecting company and hasn’t washed her floors or bathrooms ~ like we cared!!! My boys stood there looking back and forth between us. I went to her after and told her that it hurt me and I was told I’m too sensitive and a spirit of offence
I really appreciate these videos. My son’s dad is the narc I can’t get rid of, he uses our son as a pawn to control me. Your videos have been helpful in my understanding of the situation and how I handle it.
Even though I keep forgiving my Mother many times I just cannot stand her. How do I get over this??? She has even apologized but I cannot really get over how cruel she was to me as a child.
Time is grueling to wait for it to heal deep wounds. Please understand that gaslighting is sin. Sin is psychotic spiritual disease, that while it's in effect is numbing, that possesses a person. Not by their will, the free will God gave us is in suspended animation. That person unknowingly is a puppet. Demons and the devil are the puppet masters. Think of it like a person that blacks out when they are drunk and had sex with a person they if sober would never have. The gaslighter is victim too. Healing though is distance called "grey rock." Please look into this, " grey rock" I mean.
@@marlenevideos8666 I tried to do that but now it feels like I’m mourning their lost for my life. It’s like I’m trauma bounded with them and miss their affection but I’ve never really had it!!
Are you sure that she was cruel only when you were a child? I am 58 and I considtently see how my old mother first thinks about how to punish me or make a revenge if I do not think like her, do as she likes or if I do something outside her box. I think it is cruelty in the deepest meaning: she is always ready to tuin MY dreams, my plans, my relations. She has never stopped doing so. Well, I’ve taken no contact and first time in my lufe I’ve lived months without thinking that I should kill myself, that I am worth nothing. I am taking back my dreams and wants and needs snd notice that well, I can even take action towards them without being afraid of what she will do or say this time to put me down.
@@sannajohanna5579 she still is cruel to me in her words and is never interested in anything in my life so I went no contact with her. And now I feel guilty lol
I've been told that I'm 2 and 4 a lot, and I think it's because I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). It's something I've realized even more so now by watching your videos and listening to the podcast. I even questioned, "Wait am I the problem or are they?" But now that I understand what an HSP is, it makes sense. Toxic people use those lines because they know it triggers us-because we're highly sensitive! And it's exhausting to deal with someone who has no empathy for others' feelings. Praise God though, I've now learnt to completely distance myself from these toxic people and realize they're not safe people for me to be around. They're exhausting and draining, so having them at arm's length works much better. Still a work in progress, but Glory to God at the small changes taking place from 20 years of narcissistic emotional abuse!
Amen, to all of this! We are only required to forgive when they are repentant to restore a relationship. Luke 17:3-4 "…3Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” We are never to do revenge or be rude but we cannot have a relationship with someone who has not repented. Also, the most important thing is to remain faithful to God and not become like them. Our walk is the most important.
Even if this is someone like a believer in church, we are told to let go: Mat 18:15-17: "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: *but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."*
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER 2 Timothy 3 is a last days description of the apostate church and it is pretty ugly. having a form of religion but denying God in practice. 2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these. "Avoid such people" verse 5.
@@juditharsenault2131 God said; If they come and say 'I repent"." So many people think we are to forgive even if they do not repent, but God never said that. The requirement to confess our sins is a way of accountability that is necessary if someone is going to change their ways. We don't forgive just so someone feels better, we cancel their debt against us but if they are not sorry then the debt remains. Confession and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin, both must be present for the relationship to be restored. The purpose of confession and forgiveness is to restore the relationship. If we shortcut God's ways we stunt the growth of ourselves and others. We do not become bitter if they do not confess and we do not forgive, we simply pray for them and allow God to do His work in them.
SPOT ON!! #6 was chilling for me. Often, my husband says that I don't things go!! "Oh, I haven't said that to you in ages!" Why bother keeping track of their bad behavior. At some point, the diary or even voice recordings are pointless. Best to leave and 🙏🏽
By far the bestest !!! explanation. Every point. Especially about the' unforgiving Christian '. But we need to forgive, give them into God's hands. But keepin them at a distance after forgiving, is biblical. You don't have to shake hands with them.
I’m living through this as we speak!!! After 9 years I’ve found this all started with my husbands grandmother, but its his mother who is the ultimate narcissist, has destroyed her family but always blames the kids. Pray for her, him and I. Bless you Kris! I’m so happy I found you
Thank you!🌹 Really good information and teaching. So helpful to be reminded of what to keep an I on and guard up. It's not my job to show them or teach them. 🖒 I can't be manipulated if I don't let them! Yay, good to be reminded of this fact. God bless you abundantly. Shalom. 💖🕊
Dealt with this manipulative behavior from my mother all of my life, she’s a master at all 7 & doesn’t even realize how toxic her behavior is. My twin brother nicknamed her Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez from the good the bad & the ugly 🤠 Comic relief was a life saver for me since I have been the scapegoated sibling 😵💫
If you give a narcissist an out they"ll take it and have the nerve to look to you for more. She may be clueless on some occasions but believe me, she is aware of her overly malignant manipulations. You help her when you support her "unawareness"and may..no, will harm yourself and not realize how badly. This crap is difficult enuf..No?
I am scared all my children have been severely affected and my heart is bleeding for them. I don't know where to start to help him. And my wonderful grand children! God have mercy on my family and remember me and my family. The family Bible was given away to one of the suppliers.
Oh my yes ,, its a LEARNED serious dysfunction !! I see it already in my grandchildren ... so soo very sad ,, BUT GOD can turn it all around ,,, satan has NO POWER over our families or us !!! NONE ,,, God is OUR HEAVENLY FATHER
Here's my favorite: "I don't appreciate you putting words in my mouth." As if my ears don't work and as if I'm so stupid, I can't remember the insults that were hurled at me.
I am going over conversations with my boss, & if I get anything I want because of my contract boss makes a way for me in spite of her, she reminded me, "you will be working the morning shift even though S & C wanted those shifts." Attempting to make me feel guilty for receiving something my contract boss worked out for me. Even though C has received favoritism in training, hours, last minute days off. I do not feel guilty, & I am going to enjoy some day shifts for a change. I like her, & C, and will keep praying for them. Self prevents receiving, & I pray for them however God sees to work in their hearts! I will check out your courses! I am getting so free! God bless you & your family!
Yes!!!!! That "rabbit trail" about manipulators lacking the where-with-all to communicate honestly. Thinking of a recent conflict with a particular family member...who seems to feel 100% free to say something one minute to achieve one end.... and then five minutes later say the opposite to achieve some other end...and any attempt to point out the inconsistency is met with an endless variation of more gaslighting tactics until you're head is spinning. She has always gotten away with this by just being so difficult that any normal human naturally realizes they MUST just "give up" on the "small issue" of whether she did in fact "say the thing" if they're to stand a snowball's chance in hell of returning to and resolving the actual "issue at hand".
Just 1 thing,I could swear that about a year ago you said that a narcissist can be Christian (I disagreed, personally) but somewhere among this12 day series you say that they can't..and I agree. Just letting you know so it can be clarified , Not to be a thorn in your side. Their religion is them.
It’s a thin line. I believe the one with traits can be. There is some level of reflection but a full blown npd one I say never because they can’t repent. Truly repent. Only with Christ Holy Spirit power can a true npd person repent. She always says that too. It has to be a God things and nothing is too hard for him. I live in reality that the narc Idivorced is not saved. His fruit to his core proves it. I think true narcs really are mad at or hate God. He was a PK saying he was called to Pastor but evil to his core. Still in somebody church singing worship. Where God helped me was I forgave him and pray Gods will over him. Not willing that any man perish but comes to repentance. It’s up to God to save him and it keeps our hearts humble so that we don’t look down on them. Also even though we forgive I am still no contact. People say that can be both either but it can be done and still be forgiving. It’s all about perspective and a man’s heart.
Thank you so much for your videos! This is exactly my husband. The crazy part is that he professes to be Christian. He's the first to volunteer at church, and lead our kids' youth groups,... he's just "so nice." I love that you mentioned they can learn to be better manipulators from what you tell them. My husband has stolen my identity to look empathetic. He also mirrors friends, talk radio, television, movies - I don't even know who he is. Do you have any courses or counseling for those of us married to Christian Covert Narc spouses?
I taught my husband how to apologize....but like you said the music doest match the words... Now I say we'll that sounded completely sarcastic and it was only meant to agree so I would stop talking. I can't stand it. All of this is soooo true. #4 for me instead of being to sensitive he just tells me I'm nuts.
Amen! Jude 1:20-25 / Proverbs 16:16-How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver! / Isaiah 54:17 /Thx! / John 3:16 /Selah!
Yes, your last statement about they offer no real apology and try to make some weak changes in the "background", as iff it will just go away. Then when said problem still exists, or they just find a new way to cocer up their behavior to avoid accountability. Now im the problem again for stull being upset. Its the Crazy Train!
#3 was huge for me 😢 After a while I caught on to her accusations. She was telling me everything that she was actually doing. The projection was clear.
forgiveness and move on (they do not apologize, now acknowledge the damage. silence / stone wall and put off til next round) following their rabbit trail can get confusing b/c its how they think.
Your rabbit trails are what separates you from the others- therein lies the REAL NUGGETS I need- to get clarity- !!! The many little examples are explaining what Incant figure out! Please keep the details coming!!!
Hello, Kris, thank you to your video's!! They helped me a lot! I just wanted to add another phrase.. it is a modern new age one. It is: "what you say is a mirror of your own shortcomings"!!! And by this they never listen to your arguments, because bit is a projection of your own lacks and problems. So there can be a conversation they will never accept your arguments.🙅
yes, I ask him to go with me to a bible study for counseling. he said you need the help not me go get help !!! he told the cops am not gng be countable for her action : we spoken in privacy, about going home to GOD he used against me when we both agree ,never says things like this thy can use it against you. GOD I should lift but I listen to the someone in Christ , I shld called my brother to get me out ,and move in with my mom. I kick myself for not takg that path.
The one thing your teaching has taught me is that ITS NOT ME!! I am not a narcissist. I sought Jesus for my life and my family. I knew I was broken and I asked Jesus to change me and he did. My wife is the one that refuses to work to change and only communicates through sarcasm, silent treatment and turning our kids against me. I have been told that I need medication, therapy and everything else. I have JESUS! I love Jesus and I love my wife and kids…. But my wife doesn’t want to be responsible for anything because she is lazy and has no desire to work or be a follower of Christ. Narcissists aren’t able to be honest, responsible or dedicated to putting Christ first in their life. Narcissists do NOT KNOW CHRIST and can not openly speak the name of Jesus or call on him in prayer. I was railroaded right out of my own home because of my love for Christ. I was told by my wife that I was TOO SENSITIVE because I don’t participate in gossip, malicious talk and hurtful behaviour. Just because I had no desire to remain in bondage to porn and lust and wanted to be able to truly love and care for my wife; I was labelled “too sensitive “ and controlling. I wanted to simultaneously give God control of my life and gain self control… and SHE hated me for it. She told me she needed to see permanent CHANGE from me but DIDNT WANT A CHANGED MAN!!! I am SO SICK OF THE INSANITY!!!!
One thing I finally learned was that just like Ishmael treated Issac, the child of the bond women always persecutes the child of the free woman. In other words the child of the law always hates the child of grace. We have something they don't have. They are empty, distrustful, and judge us by their standards. They are attracted by kindness and grace from us, but also can't stand it, so they have to punish us.
He literally said to me, "If YOU hadn't brought it up, my cheating wouldn't be a problem. Look at you! Now you're all worked up and looking stupid.I'm outta here! " And he left to go see her... 🤣
Yep, he says, "You're the one that keeps bringing it up." Or "How long do I have to pay (for cheating, multiple times)? Or " If you didn't do this...or because you did do XYZ I cheated!!! " So many excuses for his toxic behaviors! Prayers requested.
#3 You need help - heard that a lot from my narcissistic parents, especially after marriage (with an unwanted person for THEM) and when being saved by the grace of God. My widowed mother will still call me 'psychotic' without even knowing the definition. My father was a psychologist so she throws around with vocabulary. 👍👍
My narcissistic would make fun of me for believing in GOD! I knew I had to get away, but it was tricky! I got away when he assaulted me one night, I was able to get the police there and he served time in prison.
It's amazing how your videos come right out of the gates dropping truth bombs. I have to hit pause chronically throughout these videos to process this stuff because it's so accurate and so true… I would think that you were a psychic or something and I would totally fall for it. Of course I would 😂
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The 7 gaslighting phrases mentioned in this video are:
1) I'm under a lot of pressure.
2) What about my feelings?
3) You need help.
4) You are too sensitive.
5) But he/she is so nice.
6) Aren't you supposed to forgive?
7) I never said that.
Cheers!
On the, I never said that. I've been told that I said something that I never said. Something I would NEVER Say.
@@Jewelsquiss I for one know that happens to us.
I get all of those from my husband and my mum in law
@@maureenhazle1237 got another phrase for you: I do don't things like that.
I used to be like the woman who was waiting for people to come to her. The Lord showed me that "He who would have friends must show himself friendly". Made a big difference when I started taking the initiative.
He doesn't bother to apologize ever. He rewrites history.
I’m sorry. I understand how difficult that is. I started recording conversations to have solid proof that he in fact, DID say those things. Even with proof he still finds a way to lie and say he didn’t ACTUALLY say what he said 🤦♀️ it is demonic.
@@kirox34 my NPD ex would say "listen back on your recording and listen to how you contradicted yourself" and all i heard when i listened back was a lunatic speaking over me, drunkenly singing, insulting me and utterly bizarre word salad. ive showed one call to a few people and they can't even get through a few minutes of it without having to turn it off because of how nuts it makes THEM feel and they weren't even there LOL. narcs are wild
Married to a Christian narcissist husband for 30 years. So grateful that I found your videos. I couldn't say what it was but now I know it makes it much easier to pray for myself and daughters and for God to make a way out. Know God has a better life than this for me. Thanking you for your prayers also
25 years here. I feel ya!
It’s always about control 😅Glad to know God is in control🙏🏼
Amen!
I just found your channel a few days ago. Your teaching is so sound.
Unfortunately, you have confirmed what my husband and I have been thinking/saying for a while about our daughter in law.
We have “bent over backwards “ with her for years, but we have finally reached a point where we feel like we are at an emphasis that cannot be fixed (by us)
Of course, it’s a long, long story of drama and upheaval, and I don’t have the time to tell you about everything we’ve been through.
My husband and I are retired, and just want to live in peace.
There is no peace when she is around.
We were the ones always “walking on eggshells whenever she was around, hoping we wouldn’t “set her off.”
It’s just sad that our family is broken.
Your advice is spot on, and we can see the truth in your teaching.
"There's no peace when she's around" sounds pretty like my mother too. I had to ban her from our house which is a house of God. Psalm 120 for starters. 🙏
Prayers and gentle hug sending in your way,God protect you and your husband 🙏💙🌹
Please look up her video on Toxic adult children xx
This is absolutely FANTASTIC teaching; really helped me personally and as a Pastor, Ill be speaking on it. Well done
You may lose some pastor friends and people in the church especially when they know you are onto them.
Amen! I As a Christian to another “Christian” family member, who is a narcissist, and they use one of these excuses,👇🏼you can tell them: When you will stand on front of God on judgment Day tell him this excuse for your behavior.
1. That you are under a lot of pressure
2. What about my feelings?
3. Or tell God “that he needs help”
4. Or you are too sensitive..
5. I never said that..
Will it work? No! It won’t matter to God what excuse you use! It’s done. And you know what you did wrong and there will be no more excuses.
Wrong behavior is wrong behavior. It Sure Makes them think. I’ve ignored and walked away many years! Enough is enough. Learn to stand your ground and push back wisely. Prayers work! And soon you will ignore and it won’t bother you anymore. And the toxic people do change with Gods help. Surround yourself with loving understanding, supportive people.
Ex narcissist would say I never said that. When I would let him know when and where he would come back and say I don't remember..therefore if he didn't remember it was fruitless to communicate.
I love your explanations for these gaslighting phrases, especially "Aren't you supposed to forgive?" Remember, forgiveness is given and often you benefit the greatest from giving this precious gift to others, but trust has to be earned. It is ok not to trust someone who has not earned your trust.
I value the gift God has given you. The biggest thing for me, drawing the line between self & doing God's will.
All your "rabbit trails" have been ABUNDANTLY HELPFUL. So SO helpful!! I appreciated them VERY much, Kris!!
Hi there. The videos are great! The material is very useful and educational. Unfortunately, I was in a relationship with a narcissist and she would say some of the phrases that you mentioned. And what you said about "forgiveness" and "trust" is so helpful. I've noticed that to be a common pattern among those who have narcissism. Thank you!
I have prayed for daily discernment with the narc in my life. It is a particular bad situation. I prayed for God to always give the the words to say, and then I leave these situations to Him.
Thank you very much for content such as this. God bless you for you work.
I could add a lot of phrases that i have heard in the time i was dealing with the narc in my life, but some of the frequent phrases that i heard are : " why are you always making a problem out of nothing, you are to sensitive, oh you think you are God, it is not possible to have a normal conversation with you, why are you always bringing up the past....", and many many others.
May God protect us. Amen
So many arguments and lectures were magically justified by him having so much stress!! I've never met someone so controlling, and I've been living with it for 33 years. I realized a while ago , that I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS STRESS!! I just couldn't see the guilt trips, gaslights and other tactics!!
"I'm under a lot of pressure." "Work stresses me out." "I was so overwhelmed." I have heard them all. I am thankful for ministries like Kris Reece's that have helped me process the lies and understand that I can't fix someone who can't be honest with me, and with whom I can't be honest, because there are always excuses (for the horrendous and nasty outbursts and rages) and I am told I am the one who needs to change. I nearly lost myself in this relationship. I am on the way back to being the person I am inside, to being the genuine and open and joyful person I always was.
‘I’m under a lot of pressure, you wouldn’t understand’ - I hear this everyday
My husband EVERYDAY
Wow! Dear Kris, have you actually been eavesdropping on conversation with my ex narc?? I mean #2, "what about my feelings?" Yeah, he actually said it after I told him how much he hurt me. Thank you!💕you Christian perspective is just what I needed while learning about what I have been through
I appreciate your honest, down to earth wisdom and your willingness to share this gift of God with us. I’m learning so much! Thank you!
You will know the truth and the truth will set you free 🙌
I'm so glad it's helpful. Thanks for watching
I have a "friend" that has watched enough videos about narcissists to know what NOT to say. For example, she will not say "you're too sensitive," but she will say "it sounds like you took what I said wrong."
ugh, i hate that! this is why taking someone with NPD to therapy can be a mistake. like 90% of the time. because all they do is learn how to be better abusers.
Very helpful
The NPD in my life is my daughter! She has gotten worse (or better) at her manipulations the older she gets. She is 33 now and I am 73. She is trying to make me feel old and incompetent and recently we got into a blowout fight! That fight was because she had manipulated me into a devilish entrapment and yes I was furious when I figured out what happened. Of course she's playing the victim in all of this and I am overwhelmed at this point! I thank you for the prayer, I certainly prayed with you for myself and my daughter!
My mother is a narcissist and my older sister is the enabler..
A week ago I was pushed to the edge and I made ungodly remarks...
Now I know I shouldn't have reacted as I'm responsible for my reactions.
I wish I had heard of this earlier...
I've learned a lot so far.
Thank you.
I'm so glad. Thanks for sharing. Keep growing!
You are SOOOOO right on!!!! Body language, tones....etc... Exactly!!!
You are a God send to me!!! Every word you say I have experienced in my last 8 years long toxic relationship... which is still leaving - and finally going no contact - the hardest thing I had to do...and I went through a lotttt...I come from complete narcissistic family where my three siblings left my 86 year old mother without anything and now under my sole care...and my codependency exploded... I understood if I did not leave for good I was not going to survive more abuse ... God help me and keep me safe and lucid , thank you Kris 💖
Wow #4! Drove up to surprise my Mom for her birthday with my 11 year old twin boys. When she opened the door she looked at us and asked what we were doing there (not in a happy manner) we say”Surprise” and she tells me that us that she wasn’t expecting company and hasn’t washed her floors or bathrooms ~ like we cared!!! My boys stood there looking back and forth between us. I went to her after and told her that it hurt me and I was told I’m too sensitive and a spirit of offence
Your Rabbit Trails are Awesome!
wow...spot on. check.check.check. Hollow apologies and short period change for YEARS!
and I never said that...made me think I was crazy...to the point where I started to record her!!
Thank you again ❣️
Thank you Heavenly Father.
Thank you for this video . I was never sure what gaslighting really meant. I thought it just meant lying, but I see it goes deeper than that.
I really appreciate these videos.
My son’s dad is the narc I can’t get rid of, he uses our son as a pawn to control me.
Your videos have been helpful in my understanding of the situation and how I handle it.
Even though I keep forgiving my Mother many times I just cannot stand her. How do I get over this??? She has even apologized but I cannot really get over how cruel she was to me as a child.
Time is grueling to wait for it to heal deep wounds. Please understand that gaslighting is sin. Sin is psychotic spiritual disease, that while it's in effect is numbing, that possesses a person. Not by their will, the free will God gave us is in suspended animation. That person unknowingly is a puppet. Demons and the devil are the puppet masters. Think of it like a person that blacks out when they are drunk and had sex with a person they if sober would never have. The gaslighter is victim too. Healing though is distance called "grey rock." Please look into this, " grey rock" I mean.
Please do not excuse the inexcusable. Many poor and abused children grow up to be considerate and friendly adults.
@@marlenevideos8666 I tried to do that but now it feels like I’m mourning their lost for my life. It’s like I’m trauma bounded with them and miss their affection but I’ve never really had it!!
Are you sure that she was cruel only when you were a child? I am 58 and I considtently see how my old mother first thinks about how to punish me or make a revenge if I do not think like her, do as she likes or if I do something outside her box. I think it is cruelty in the deepest meaning: she is always ready to tuin MY dreams, my plans, my relations. She has never stopped doing so. Well, I’ve taken no contact and first time in my lufe I’ve lived months without thinking that I should kill myself, that I am worth nothing. I am taking back my dreams and wants and needs snd notice that well, I can even take action towards them without being afraid of what she will do or say this time to put me down.
@@sannajohanna5579 she still is cruel to me in her words and is never interested in anything in my life so I went no contact with her. And now I feel guilty lol
Amen...God bless me thru you as u preach this topic...very informative,gave me Clarity about" unforgiving versus trust ".
I've been told that I'm 2 and 4 a lot, and I think it's because I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). It's something I've realized even more so now by watching your videos and listening to the podcast.
I even questioned, "Wait am I the problem or are they?"
But now that I understand what an HSP is, it makes sense. Toxic people use those lines because they know it triggers us-because we're highly sensitive! And it's exhausting to deal with someone who has no empathy for others' feelings.
Praise God though, I've now learnt to completely distance myself from these toxic people and realize they're not safe people for me to be around. They're exhausting and draining, so having them at arm's length works much better. Still a work in progress, but Glory to God at the small changes taking place from 20 years of narcissistic emotional abuse!
I’m so happy for you. Keep going 🤗💐💎
I can relate to all you have written, same here
Amen, to all of this!
We are only required to forgive when they are repentant to restore a relationship.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
We are never to do revenge or be rude but we cannot have a relationship with someone who has not repented.
Also, the most important thing is to remain faithful to God and not become like them. Our walk is the most important.
Even if this is someone like a believer in church, we are told to let go:
Mat 18:15-17: "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: *but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."*
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER 2 Timothy 3 is a last days description of the apostate church and it is pretty ugly. having a form of religion but denying God in practice.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these.
"Avoid such people" verse 5.
@@gwendolynwehage6336 👍👍💖🙏 AMEN!
What about forgiving 7 x 70?
@@juditharsenault2131 God said; If they come and say 'I repent"." So many people think we are to forgive even if they do not repent, but God never said that. The requirement to confess our sins is a way of accountability that is necessary if someone is going to change their ways. We don't forgive just so someone feels better, we cancel their debt against us but if they are not sorry then the debt remains. Confession and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin, both must be present for the relationship to be restored. The purpose of confession and forgiveness is to restore the relationship. If we shortcut God's ways we stunt the growth of ourselves and others. We do not become bitter if they do not confess and we do not forgive, we simply pray for them and allow God to do His work in them.
SPOT ON!! #6 was chilling for me. Often, my husband says that I don't things go!! "Oh, I haven't said that to you in ages!" Why bother keeping track of their bad behavior. At some point, the diary or even voice recordings are pointless. Best to leave and 🙏🏽
By far the bestest !!! explanation. Every point. Especially about the' unforgiving Christian '.
But we need to forgive, give them into God's hands. But keepin them at a distance after forgiving, is biblical. You don't have to shake hands with them.
I’m living through this as we speak!!! After 9 years I’ve found this all started with my husbands grandmother, but its his mother who is the ultimate narcissist, has destroyed her family but always blames the kids. Pray for her, him and I. Bless you Kris! I’m so happy I found you
Thank you!🌹
Really good information and teaching.
So helpful to be reminded of what to keep an I on and guard up.
It's not my job to show them or teach them. 🖒
I can't be manipulated if I don't let them! Yay, good to be reminded of this fact.
God bless you abundantly.
Shalom. 💖🕊
Dealt with this manipulative behavior from my mother all
of my life, she’s a master at all 7 & doesn’t even realize how toxic her behavior is. My twin brother nicknamed her Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez from the good the bad & the ugly 🤠 Comic relief was a life saver for me since I have been the scapegoated sibling 😵💫
If you give a narcissist an out they"ll take it and have the nerve to look to you for more. She may be clueless on some occasions but believe me, she is aware of her overly malignant manipulations. You help her when you support her "unawareness"and may..no, will harm yourself and not realize how badly. This crap is difficult enuf..No?
I am scared all my children have been severely affected and my heart is bleeding for them. I don't know where to start to help him. And my wonderful grand children! God have mercy on my family and remember me and my family. The family Bible was given away to one of the suppliers.
Oh my yes ,, its a LEARNED serious dysfunction !! I see it already in my grandchildren ... so soo very sad ,, BUT GOD can turn it all around ,,, satan has NO POWER over our families or us !!! NONE ,,, God is OUR HEAVENLY FATHER
Here's my favorite: "I don't appreciate you putting words in my mouth." As if my ears don't work and as if I'm so stupid, I can't remember the insults that were hurled at me.
This is great help for Christians and not preached about nearly enough. God bless you for your ministry. Cheers, Australia.
I am going over conversations with my boss, & if I get anything I want because of my contract boss makes a way for me in spite of her, she reminded me, "you will be working the morning shift even though S & C wanted those shifts." Attempting to make me feel guilty for receiving something my contract boss worked out for me. Even though C has received favoritism in training, hours, last minute days off. I do not feel guilty, & I am going to enjoy some day shifts for a change.
I like her, & C, and will keep praying for them. Self prevents receiving, & I pray for them however God sees to work in their hearts!
I will check out your courses! I am getting so free! God bless you & your family!
Yes!!!!! That "rabbit trail" about manipulators lacking the where-with-all to communicate honestly.
Thinking of a recent conflict with a particular family member...who seems to feel 100% free to say something one minute to achieve one end.... and then five minutes later say the opposite to achieve some other end...and any attempt to point out the inconsistency is met with an endless variation of more gaslighting tactics until you're head is spinning. She has always gotten away with this by just being so difficult that any normal human naturally realizes they MUST just "give up" on the "small issue" of whether she did in fact "say the thing" if they're to stand a snowball's chance in hell of returning to and resolving the actual "issue at hand".
Just 1 thing,I could swear that about a year ago you said that a narcissist can be Christian (I disagreed, personally) but somewhere among this12 day series you say that they can't..and I agree. Just letting you know so it can be clarified , Not to be a thorn in your side.
Their religion is them.
It’s a thin line. I believe the one with traits can be. There is some level of reflection but a full blown npd one I say never because they can’t repent. Truly repent. Only with Christ Holy Spirit power can a true npd person repent. She always says that too. It has to be a God things and nothing is too hard for him. I live in reality that the narc Idivorced is not saved. His fruit to his core proves it. I think true narcs really are mad at or hate God. He was a PK saying he was called to Pastor but evil to his core. Still in somebody church singing worship. Where God helped me was I forgave him and pray Gods will over him. Not willing that any man perish but comes to repentance. It’s up to God to save him and it keeps our hearts humble so that we don’t look down on them. Also even though we forgive I am still no contact. People say that can be both either but it can be done and still be forgiving. It’s all about perspective and a man’s heart.
Thank you so much for your videos! This is exactly my husband. The crazy part is that he professes to be Christian. He's the first to volunteer at church, and lead our kids' youth groups,... he's just "so nice." I love that you mentioned they can learn to be better manipulators from what you tell them. My husband has stolen my identity to look empathetic. He also mirrors friends, talk radio, television, movies - I don't even know who he is. Do you have any courses or counseling for those of us married to Christian Covert Narc spouses?
Anywhere he ‘looks good to others’?
YES!!! Me too!!!!! I agree with everything you just stated!!
Always love your informational and instructional videos!
Rabbit trails are helpful! I've taught him what I like to hear😢
I taught my husband how to apologize....but like you said the music doest match the words... Now I say we'll that sounded completely sarcastic and it was only meant to agree so I would stop talking. I can't stand it. All of this is soooo true. #4 for me instead of being to sensitive he just tells me I'm nuts.
Amen! Jude 1:20-25 / Proverbs 16:16-How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver! / Isaiah 54:17 /Thx! / John 3:16 /Selah!
Yes, your last statement about they offer no real apology and try to make some weak changes in the "background", as iff it will just go away. Then when said problem still exists, or they just find a new way to cocer up their behavior to avoid accountability. Now im the problem again for stull being upset. Its the Crazy Train!
,yes that rabbit trail is important and helpful please go down it help us know how to handle and see it for the truth
Excellent!! You brought to mind a couple of behaviors from a family member. Wow! You clarified it perfectly!
#3 was huge for me 😢
After a while I caught on to her accusations. She was telling me everything that she was actually doing. The projection was clear.
Amazing! Lived all of it. You always hit it on the head!
forgiveness and move on (they do not apologize, now acknowledge the damage. silence / stone wall and put off til next round)
following their rabbit trail can get confusing b/c its how they think.
Thanks for pointing on how a healthy relationship and answers could be. Sometimes I can't even see that.
Thank you for clarifying gaslighting.
Yes, the rabbit holes help.
Your rabbit trails are what separates you from the others- therein lies the REAL NUGGETS I need- to get clarity- !!! The many little examples are explaining what Incant figure out! Please keep the details coming!!!
My boss is doing this. She always does this & I recognize it every time!
Manipulative people Want to be loved on THIER TERMS. 🙏 for then and MOVE ON. ...
I LOVE ALL YOUR RABBIT TRAILS…YES KEEP THEM ALWAYS COMING.
From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WI
If they would just tell the truth...!
Amen! You are Soooooooooooooooooo Beautiful!!! ❤❤❤Thank You!!!! for What You Do!! It Is Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perfect, abusing and gaslighting, you need help ...The evil people who are doing this would need help
but I read and know they will seldom change
Hello, Kris, thank you to your video's!! They helped me a lot! I just wanted to add another phrase.. it is a modern new age one. It is: "what you say is a mirror of your own shortcomings"!!! And by this they never listen to your arguments, because bit is a projection of your own lacks and problems. So there can be a conversation they will never accept your arguments.🙅
that certainly sounds like another form of deflecting....which they are masterful at (or so they think)
The rabbit trails are extremely helpful!!
I needed this teaching 2 years ago.
But, thank you anyway.
Thanks👍
So glad to see you im learning thank God .inJoshua texas
I never said that, that's a big one!
I love the rabbit trails.
You are spot on !
Love the rabbit holes! Such good insight! Love this ❤
your rabbit trails are very helpful
This is sooo good! Bless you❤❤❤
Love the rabbit trails!!! ❤
THAAAAAANK YOU for your videos!
Hugs
From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WI
yes, I ask him to go with me to a bible study for counseling. he said you need the help not me go get help !!! he told the cops am not gng be countable for her action : we spoken in privacy, about going home to GOD he used against me when we both agree ,never says things like this thy can use it against you. GOD I should lift but I listen to the someone in Christ , I shld called my brother to get me out ,and move in with my mom. I kick myself for not takg that path.
Yes the rabbit trails are helpful
The one thing your teaching has taught me is that ITS NOT ME!!
I am not a narcissist. I sought Jesus for my life and my family. I knew I was broken and I asked Jesus to change me and he did.
My wife is the one that refuses to work to change and only communicates through sarcasm, silent treatment and turning our kids against me. I have been told that I need medication, therapy and everything else.
I have JESUS! I love Jesus and I love my wife and kids…. But my wife doesn’t want to be responsible for anything because she is lazy and has no desire to work or be a follower of Christ. Narcissists aren’t able to be honest, responsible or dedicated to putting Christ first in their life. Narcissists do NOT KNOW CHRIST and can not openly speak the name of Jesus or call on him in prayer. I was railroaded right out of my own home because of my love for Christ. I was told by my wife that I was TOO SENSITIVE because I don’t participate in gossip, malicious talk and hurtful behaviour. Just because I had no desire to remain in bondage to porn and lust and wanted to be able to truly love and care for my wife; I was labelled “too sensitive “ and controlling. I wanted to simultaneously give God control of my life and gain self control… and SHE hated me for it. She told me she needed to see permanent CHANGE from me but DIDNT WANT A CHANGED MAN!!!
I am SO SICK OF THE INSANITY!!!!
One thing I finally learned was that just like Ishmael treated Issac, the child of the bond women always persecutes the child of the free woman. In other words the child of the law always hates the child of grace. We have something they don't have. They are empty, distrustful, and judge us by their standards. They are attracted by kindness and grace from us, but also can't stand it, so they have to punish us.
I need to hear this today.
He literally said to me, "If YOU hadn't brought it up, my cheating wouldn't be a problem. Look at you! Now you're all worked up and looking stupid.I'm outta here! " And he left to go see her... 🤣
Yep, he says, "You're the one that keeps bringing it up." Or "How long do I have to pay (for cheating, multiple times)? Or " If you didn't do this...or because you did do XYZ I cheated!!! "
So many excuses for his toxic behaviors!
Prayers requested.
@@agoodgurl2k Prayers sent🙏❤🙏
#3 You need help - heard that a lot from my narcissistic parents, especially after marriage (with an unwanted person for THEM) and when being saved by the grace of God. My widowed mother will still call me 'psychotic' without even knowing the definition. My father was a psychologist so she throws around with vocabulary. 👍👍
Ready!
Number 7 drives me up a wall but I’m also told I said things I know I didn’t say. Also told how I should’ve said.
I'm watching on the replay but yes the rabbit trails are useful! Lol!
My brother is everything you described.
I remember that movie seen it a few times.... I will look for it now since Ive been a classic movies fanatic.
I truly appreciate your great help
Kris, thank you for the wonderful work you do 💜
Thank you Chris
My narcissistic would make fun of me for believing in GOD! I knew I had to get away, but it was tricky! I got away when he assaulted me one night, I was able to get the police there and he served time in prison.
Oh my goodness. You nailed it. All my self doubt is clarified now…. You blew away the smog of gas lighting I’ve been receiving!!!!!
It's amazing how your videos come right out of the gates dropping truth bombs. I have to hit pause chronically throughout these videos to process this stuff because it's so accurate and so true… I would think that you were a psychic or something and I would totally fall for it.
Of course I would 😂
Your describing exactly the last 13 years of my life.
I wish I would have known all this 30 years ago.
The word “Serpent” means To Twist. Yes, they twist words just like the adversary did. 17:06
Wicked means to twist. Satan means the accuser. It's wicked to twist the truth.