Mine asked me repeatedly for specific phrases he'd said. If i couldn't produce them, I was making it up. If i could produce them, I was petty. He said he wanted them as examples so he could learn what he "wasn't supposed to say" but expected me to keep track of everything so he wouldn't be inconvenienced. Which was clearly a setup so he could point out how petty I was for keeping a running tally that HE'D asked for.
@@tinywalnut6337 yeah these guys are not our problem you don't just walk you do the rock and roll stroll. The problem child in my life got to me early on and cause some pretty interesting problems that I'm working my way through basically alone at this point because the doctor that was hired was a multiple problem child as well and cause some major major problems that I subsequently wasn't even allowed to react to and that's when I got it because sometimes it takes me a little while to understand what's going on in the world around me, big surprise. I've reached that final step but because of the current situation I can't get employed and no money coming in no moving to another location. Back before this 2020 bug hit I was trying to get a job and I was told that my insurance covered basically nothing and that I would be straight up in the air should I try to move out which of course was one of the neatest finagles I've ever seen in my entire life. Sometimes it's just big wheels go choo choo over what's under them and sometimes there's an art to it. So yeah if you can get the heck out of there and yeah you might have to solve it alone as well.
When they say "this didnt happen", "i didnt say that", or "you remembered wrong". like they are the arbiter of truth and they have a perfect memory. but the very SECOND you talk about them its "i dont remember", or "my memories bad"
I actually started to hit record on my smartphone as soon as my husband came home. Recorded until I went to bed, so I could listen to it later to confirm for myself that I was not the crazy one.
OMG, I couldn't understand why we were always fighting. So I started recording our conversations to find out what I was saying to trigger him. Found out it was all him!
I hope you all are doing well. Mine has me asking questions. But I know she has had it a bit rough in life. Not that gaslighting is ok or excusable. Nothing has been major "attack" if you will; more accidental even it seems. But saying one thing that makes you totally happy one moment; then when reality hits they say basically the opposite, if not, about the situation & making you feel bad, it is never good. But I really am unsure if she realizes she's doing it even, to be honest. I believe she knows she does 'something'. I did read something recently online. This is not 100%, it seemed somewhat new. But, supposedly some reaserch has found a correlation between child abuse and gaslighters. Roughly 70% of kids don't even realize they were being abused. I never fully did until more recently and I'm 33. Now, my mother was a GRAND MASTER at gaslighting compared to my girlfriend. But I think girlfriend is use to more aggressive people. So whenever she has done it, she comes off more passive / defensive mechanism. Similar, but not the same, as me when I was in my teens. I, only if necessary, used it to keep people at a distance. I was a kind person but kept to the shadows, if you will. Never to abuse people. But that ALSO had significant consequences too. Personally not just socially. I love being honest & more comfortable in me, it is way, WAY better! ❤ Keep up the work everyone. Take care of what you have power over. Never assume responsibility for something someone else has to work on & refuses to work on. 😎
Left my husband because I heard all of these things. I was on seven different types of medications and developed fibromyalgia because of his abuse. I am a year out, not on medication and not in pain anymore. There is a light on the other side. Life is short, don't let people abuse you! You deserve better!
Me Good for you. I had one too and left him a long time ago. Every single day was misery and when he knew it was over and that I was leaving him, he made my life even more miserable but I didn't relent. Freedom and peace are priceless. The toxicity they put into you on a regular basis will make you ill and I was always experiencing something especially with stomach issues. I was in such a knot that I had pain everywhere at some points. Now he can torment himself for the rest of his life. Initially, I didn't like him. Then he weaseled his way into my life with persistence. My gut feeling was not right when I met and I should have listened to it but better late than never. Be well!
9:30 You’re too sensitive! 10:47 I never said that! 11:43 I’m not angry! 12:44 It’s all your fault! 13:13 You’re Broken! 14:44 Nobody likes you (Nobody wants to be around you) 16:06 You’re Petty or You’re childish 18:42 You can’t take a joke! 20:21 If you really loved me... *There’s nothing you can do or say to get them to own up to their gaslighting of you! They know they’re hurting you and they doing it on purpose! But they’re cowards and they will never admit to it!*
@Denell L. Bennett Survivor/Warrior, I AM happy to report I failed at becoming a gaslighter. Not even once in my fifty, soon to be fifty-one years of life have I ever used any of the above-listed phrases. In fact, earlier today, my life partner referred to himself as broken, and I flat out told him that I refuse to see anyone one as broken.
Live the life of someone who cares coming from a different direction than others in a situation. It's easy to be this person with honorable motives that dictate you must take the approach to reach an understanding with someone, while simultaneously someone else is doing the same to keep them off balance and see you as the bad guy.
Omg I tried to explain to him that he causes an issue, I try to confront him, he twists everything up, Manipulates me, or tries to, then pushes my buttons just enough to where I get upset and then has the balls to call me crazy!!!
I think my friend’s husband does this to her all the time. I gave her a smart phone she really wants but he says things that discourage her from using it such as not “approving” purchase of an ISP. She lacks self-confidence. so sad.
@@Rain9Quinn exactly. I spent nearly the entirety of 2019 on my couch on the verge of an adrenal crisis due to the stress he caused, even after I knew what he was and was looking for a way out. Adrenal crisis can easily be fatal, especially since he told me if I had a crisis he would refuse to give me my emergency injection (I need that to live long enough for the ambulance to arrive). So he basically told me he'd just let me die if the stress caused me to go into crisis. Adrenal Insufficiency aka Addison's Disease, is no joke. Even emotional stress can cause a crisis.
Yup, I had suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury) in combat. My wife would tell me that I had forgotten (insert here whatever the topic was) that she had told me all about this in a previous conversation and that she was really getting concerned about my memory loss. Thing is I knew that she had never discussed it with me before, but it got to the point that I was seriously becoming concerned about it. I even discussed it with my TBI clinician. Over a year later, when I had recovered, and in a rare moment of transparency she told me that she would use the excuse of my TBI To do things, buy things ect. and then if I found out she would gaslight me and blame it on my TBI. She even said that she would say she had told me stuff that she hadn’t just for entertainment value and watch how it concerned me and how distraught I would become. 2 years Later she denied even knowing what gaslighting was, when I reminded her of the conversation she denied it ever happened. SHE GASLIGHTED ME ABOUT GASLIGHTING ME ABOUT GASLIGHTING!!! We’re now going through a divorce...
Don't put up with being put down. My brother, who I love dearly, and who is not a bad person, teased me with the same insulting name for more than 50 years, and he would laugh obnoxiously every time. Obviously, ignoring it wasn't going to work, so at a big family gathering I laughed with everyone else and said "It's been more than 50 years, and that's still the funniest and wittiest thing I ever heard..." and I looked at him and added "from you." The laughing stopped and he never said it again.
It's good to find a a way to stop it when all else fails. Im guessing even if you try talk to him about it they only abuse more. My sister was annoyed at an innocent comment i made about her and instead of telling it me she waited until a public setting to make the same comment about me back in a nasty 'joking' way. In her case it may seem like the way to stop my comment but if she had just told me that would have been it. I was eternally upholding Her boundaries, with nothing in return. Her way instead showed me that she had not liked my comment about her and most of all it showed me that her way to resolve anything was never to communicate with me. It showed me that all my communication to her was always for nothing and why nothing works with her for me. I simply said yes that's right and shrugged it off. And took note that she is toxic. One of the many things that started to wake me up to her. And one of the few times when i was able to stop her ways on the spot not carry it around for her. Her favourite gaslighting phrase: 'It's your reality' , cynicaly, when it is her doing and her harming.
One of the best defense I found for me against gaslighting was just getting older. As I passed through my forties, I stopped caring what people thought of me. IT. WAS. LIBERATING. Once you know who you are, gaslighting bounces right off of you. I can see how this can affect younger people who might need external validation. The secret is...you don't need it.
exactly. by the time I got into my late 30's I cared even less than I did before. when you don't care bro stop caring, the gaslights tend to flee, at least to my experience.
Thank you John!! I too have reached the latter part of my life, and I feel free to tell my husband, kids, or strangers if necessary that I know they're full of 5#!+ when needed! Great comments 😎
I did the same. I always thought it was me until I finally got him to admit it. I asked why he treated me that way and he said it was to impress his dad. That is the closest thing I got to a confession.
10 Gaslighting Phrases 1. You’re too sensitive 2. I never said that 3. I’m not angry (when they clearly are) 4. It’s all your fault 5. You are broken… You can’t handle the truth (Why they lie) 6. This is why people don’t like you or this is why everyone doesn’t like you. 7. You’re petty, you’re childish (for blowing up) 8. You can’t take a joke (they call you names and when you get angry they call it a joke). 9. You’re insecure, you’re jealous (when you know they are cheating or suspect cheating they turn it around like it’s because you’re jealous). 10. If you really loved me…
@@joshuaallen5453 bottom line, if you think you're experiencing gaslighting, get into contact with a good therapist for at least a couple sessions...if possible do not tell the potential abuser or anyone who might tell the abuser
@@joshuaallen5453 ...I was agreeing with you, Joshua. If someone sees a video like this and is concerned they're being gaslighted, or even that they're gaslighting someone else, the best thing to do is to seek some quality counseling or therapy. Of course, a person who is actively and consciously an abuser likely won't do that. But someone who feels upside down and doesn't know what to think anymore, if they reach out? That could be a lifeline to save them from a very unhealthy situation. And someone who could be abusive but doesn't realize it and is also in a lot of emotional pain (for example, someone on the spectrum for Borderline Personality Disorder) might seek it out, and it would benefit them, their overall health and their relationships immensely.
My "frienemy" would insult, criticize, make fun of, or complain about me to other people right in front of me and when I confronted her on it she would always say she's "just joking" and I took it wrong. But you better dare not joke about her or say anything to criticize, confront, or insult her. Just bringing this up sent her into a rage. Then her idea of an apology is, "I'm sorry you took it that way but that's not what I meant". It got worse and worse so I confronted her on all of her rude behavior and then she said "Oh so I'm a rude bitch? I'm a bully? I'm a sarcastic bitch?" She would add her own words and accuse me of calling her names I never said.
I’m literally crying. My mother literally said every single one of these phrases to me the other day when I confronted her about an interaction she had with my daughter.
My day today with my sister has had me in tears for hours. It was horribly intense I think because I told her that she has called me crazy for the last effing time. And indeed, I was WRONG!
My mother I found out is just as narcissistic as my soon to be ex husband. I just never knew. I had to cut ties when she made comments why she wasn't their at the birth of my baby after I had told her ahead of time.. "Well last time you told him I divered my baby after I told you the plan was to please not tell him and she was like Okay." the man left me pregnant again and when he called my mom whi never does she told him where I was. Traumatized me for this 4th time and with social media at her finger tips not even 3 hrs after the birth of my baby she said some awesome stuff insulting me.Then few mths later she snuck around by meeting up with my ex and my kids during his visitation instead of reaching out to me for forgiveness. Listen ladies. It's your body. You decide how to keep yourself safe and if people like even your mother don't respect your wished after deep explanations the reasons for your safety and integrity. You did nothing wrong. Keep going. You don't have to forgive and don't let people tell you Jesus did bc they don't understand what Jesus meant by this. Those who did you wrong first need to ask for forgiveness and repent all their sins before asking for forgiveness. But guess what...they will never ask for forgiveness only it from you who did no wrong and they will never change. Believe me you'll keep having bad days but they will be less burden by your understanding that Gid has better things waiting for you at the end
@@glynnisthomas9165 Both my sisters are narcissistic and can be cruel. Lots of gaslighting. I try to be kind and respectful but I have to keep my distance for my own sanity.
Divorce them. even if it's a parent. as 1 who knows, from experience.. too well.=| ........ Own *this💖 NOW? that we're grown up? Think +Say +BELIEVE 😌this new Better way. NOW THAT YOU *KNOW BETTER! You can Stand Up! FOR your💖self! YOU Dont Have2! (tolerate, OR take) ANY more! No! Not ANY more. Of your mother (it's because of Demons influencing her)=| to be OUT-OF-LINE Mean😡 +Hurtfull to you?? Step Out of the way. Stay OUT --- of the Line of Fire! you Think /Say /+BELIEVE to 🛡️PROTECT ( YOU♥️ ) 🛡️ AND your Daughter! (like a Commenter said above, Dont put up! with being put Down.") ✋"you Dont GET to treat (me) Bad ANYMORE. It's OVER. +Keep (yourself♥️) AWAY from them. That's (*your♥️) job. 🙂
I have gotten to the point in my life where I no longer ALLOW ANYONE to have any contact with me if they are "bringing any negativity" into my life. No more.
I'm so happy you have really healthy and strong personal boundaries. I hope we all shift our energy around deserving wonderful relationships, and then the good stuff will come through 💖
It's fairly normal for humans to go through periods of being negative. You may be putting an unhealthy and unreasonable limitation on your social self.
I left everything and ran! All my furniture and took what i could within 4 hours. Been a year and still feel the effects. It’s a slow recovery process.
Good for you, Michelle. It's not easy, but you did the best you could. I took my 19-month old son and five suitcases when we ran to get away from my husband. It was hard, but well worth the escape. We went through drunken threats to our lives, promises that things would be better, and almost no child support... But we made it through. When I found his obituary (Google does make things easier.) in 2008, five months after his death, and 36 years after I ran, although I was concerned for my son who barely knew the man, it was quite possibly the best day of my adult life.
I did exactly the same, it was on May 5th, 2021. I am rescuing myself every day, working on myself, loving myself again. I was lost, I used to look at the mirror and the woman I saw it wasn’t me… now I am back, prettier, lovable, stronger… learning and learning… to grow up hurts, it worth the pain.
I was always careful as a mom to tell my kids not "you're fine", but "you WILL be fine" -- not to cancel their feelings, but to give them light at the end of the tunnel.
I LOVE that! I have a poster in my classroom that I quote constantly. It says, "I'm not saying it is going to be easy, but I can promise it will be worth it." (paraphrasing, using quotes so as not to take credit).
Might also be a good idea to qualify that, by putting it in context of a time frame. Like: I know this really hurts right now and I can really understand how that feels. But I promise you that next (week, month, year put in what's appropriate for the situation), you'll ( feel differently, that cut will heal, you may even laugh about it, etc).
Yes, my boss does this every conversation we have. When he hits that point in the conversation, I look him square in the eye, maintain eye contact and tell him plainly what is really happening. He always backs down and acts somewhat apologetic...its because he is not used to someone calling him out on his crap behavior. These people are simply trying to create a false illusion that they are somehow superior to you. Stick to your guns, look them in the eye and stand up for your self.
@@evamariesneed-rodriguez7047 I don't think so; there can be admirable, even adorable qualities in others who have behavior problems. They may even love you back as best they can. But it is sooo rare for them to admit their behavior is harmful. Even when they become willing to accept this behavior is damaging the relationship they may not be able to change. I am sorry you lost a significant relationship; it hurts to leave. But the price to stay may be too high. The people who do these things may have differences in their brain, or they grew up in chaos and emotional poverty. They leaned techniques to control relationships so they could feel safe. Some are aware of what they do and enjoy hurting others. Some really don't understand why it's damaging. All the best to you🙏 keep learning and growing😃
@@evamariesneed-rodriguez7047 of course you’re not a masochist. You’re quite normal. You miss the person you left because you had a few good moments. And, right now you feel abandoned. Gaslighters want you to think they’re the only one that would want you, when in reality, you’re compatible with 2% of the population. I think the last population count was 7 billion. That means you’re compatible with 140 million people. Approx 70 million of the opposite sex.
The amount of times I have heard “You’re too sensitive” or “It was just a joke” is unbelievable and I’m glad to slowly start recognizing these behaviours in people so that I can finally get away from them.
shelter. heard that I'm too sensitive my whole life. I am sensitive. but not in a negative way.I feel things deeply. I think more so than most people.Many timesit's a burden but I'm open to what others are going through. Humans and animals.❤
this is such a mood; people have messed so much with my self-perception that I struggle a lot to get a clear, realistic and whole picture of myself. I'm getting there tho
I remembering my ex-wife saying using the words during our marriage. When I filled for,,she told me that I would never find another woman like her. My reply was why would I want another woman like you. I want someone I like.
I’m reminded of what Clint Eastwood said about divorce in a magazine interview. To paraphrase, "why bother to get married and divorced? Just pick someone you hate and build them a house."
Today I was gaslighted by my professor at university who is supposed to be my thesis supervisor and has been neglecting and unavailable since I started my thesis. She made me rewrite basically the entire thesis three months before the due date for the thesis. I spent the summer working on it and have been asking for feedback since august. She delayed giving me feedback over and over and finally gave me a half-assed feedback last friday. This is 8 days before I have to hand it in. I confronted her about all of this and she turned it all on me saying I should be less arrogant and stop expecting her to do my thesis for me. She said that my othr colleagues - who didnt have to rewrite their thesis btw - had already finished theirs and I was being lazy and uninterested. I have always treated her with respect and to be gaslighted like this by a psychology professor is very frustrating.... I know I gotta finish this thesis literally on my own now. Wish me luck!
So, one thing that did get my ex to shut up for a day or so, was to tell him "I rebuke your lies in the name of Jesus Christ." It was good for my spirit also.
I was drinking some water and almost chocked when I read this!! For extra impact say it while holding a cross or crucifix while flicking water at them.
🤣😂🤣😂 THAT- is hilarious! I'm gong to us that. My sister is a narcissistic gaslighter with delusions of grandeur. The other day we were on line at the grocery store, when a woman attempted to cut in the line. After telling her there it was one line in English, then I said it in Spanish, she nodded and pretended she didn't know. My sister quip in, saying loudly I'm all up in people's business, then she looked around for others to join in. I respond with "that's right, you're gaslighting me while waiting on line at the grocery store". The man behind her nearly busted out laughing, my sister saw him smirking and got mad. Believe it or not she doesn't know what the term means, but she was pissed and silent there after. 😂🤣😂🤣
The following happens all the time. I will say, “I love that lavender flower, it’s so beautiful!” He will say, “That’s not lavender, that’s pale purple. I will say, “They’re the same thing.”. Then I get ignored and all the joy of the beautiful flower has now become frustration. I think part of gaslighting in this way has to do with taking away joy and happiness.
'All the time...' That's gaslighting right there! Your being just as guilty as those whom you point the finger at Trying to change the world to ensure your never hurt or undermined is a frivolous task. Better off investing in your own internal image of yourself and bolstering that, then it doesn't matter what idiot comes along and tries to attack you, it doesn't dent your character. Yeah, I've lived on this rock s long time, I've learnt this the hard way after being a sensitive person and then eventually learning that trying to change the world be be sensitive to me is a waste of time Start with the Bible. Yeah, that old book. Go and search out what the God of the New Testament says of you, you'll be surprised that the God of this universe thinks your worth a LOT. All the best on your journey
I was married for twenty years to a woman that never loved me. I was just a resource for her to get the things that she always wanted. All along, she'd tell her family lies about me to get sympathy for herself. I had frequent migraine headaches so severe that I thought they would kill me. After twenty years of that, I found a cure...divorce. Had I not gotten out, I would not have survived. "Where there's life, there's hope!"
Did you date my ex? Then they'll run off cheating lieing ect. Your crazy or your over reacting. They laugh ect smile. You wanna smack the taste out of there mouth.
Thanks for sharing. I was married for 15 years to an ER Nurse. When my daughter and I had a health issue he was in complete denial and left me and kidnapped her. I get it. He was a complete narcissists and I never knew it until the real him came out. So happy I am not with him anymore. When I made $80K he wanted me. But,when I became disabled he left. Well, that was 7 years ago and I am still here and well. I live a healthy life and and very happy. Blessed to be a blessing.
WOW! I heard each one of these phrases continually during my 7 year "situationship" with the ex narc. Deep down, I knew that he was manipulating me and was being abusive, but it took an outside person whom I barely knew to validate it for me! SO GLAD to be out of that toxic, crazy mess!!! 😥
My abusive mother's favorite line: "Everyone knows you're crazy!" And, in a sense, she was right; everyone "knew" I was "crazy" because that's what she told them.
You’re not alone. From 12 years old until 25 when I fought cases as my own attorney and won for crimes I did not commit, I was literally incarcerated... forced into mental hospitals for treatment for myself for all of which lies were completely false being used to discredit myself. God is good however. All of these things produced great inner strength & my ability of knowing myself truly. Keep your head up, it’s okay to walk away from abusive relationships, no matter who is doing it. Do not let the world 🌎 change how you treat others, ESPECIALLY if they treated you wrong. Then it wins!
@@galactic_road9113 please do not cry..unless its tears of joy! my mother is like this..she is now 74-75 yrs...Do not expect the narc to change !! even when i was an adult..moved out, married etc...visiting her would lead to yelling, cursing gaslighting(with my mother) my husband would say: please do not get into an argument with your mother !! all i would try to do is defend myself...The narc person loves the drama, the yelling, attention and at the end she would cry and look like SHE is the victim ! You and your twin just go on with your life and do not "feed the monster" ! its like arguing with a drunk person, it leads to nothing ! Do not give details about your life, your hopes, wishes..the narc will use anything against you, later on ! my mother told me, i was a terrible child (at the age of 2 yrs) and she just "gave up" and let my grandma and great grandma raise me. (my mother+father+me we all lived under one roof). So you see, it is "my fault" .The less you interact with the narc, the better it is for you !!
God, I feel so validated. My ex would just say cruel, graphic, violent things on a daily basis, and when I objected, he'd always say, "You're too sensitive, you can't take a joke." I never knew that could be considered gaslighting.
But, what if I am too thin skinned? How do I know if it's gaslighting or I have an actual flaw that gets exposed under stress, or is triggered by an experience?
If you are in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. It will slowly and insidiously kill you. It will put you in an early grave. Do what you have to do to GET OUT.
@@janinedevilliers510 definitely get out of the relationship. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to have no contact when there are children involved, more’s the pity.
One of the most frustrating ways I've been gaslit was by my own mother when I was healing from a T.B.I., and as my brain started to heal I was realizing she had been doing this to me for a while. EVERY time I called her out on a specific shitty thing she did, her response was "I had NO idea that I did that ...but I'm SORRY if I did!" Be careful with the people you trust. Some of them are just waiting for you to become weak enough for them to prey on you safely.
Something I’ve heard all my life is, “you’re way too sensitive.” There are times when that’s true, but often it’s just used to excuse really nasty behavior.
Highly Sensitive People are gifted and cursed with capabilities to sense and absorb the energies of others. Knowing one self and being able to discern the difference is the gift. Not realizing how sensitive, (empathic) one is can be the curse as it gets confusing and sometimes causes disorganized thought processes and doubts.
I was told I wasn't a "logical" thinker, I couldn't communicate effectively, was too emotional in my thoughts and responses, etc. Yet, I graduated college (he didn't), was a successful outside sales director (he didn't work) and purchased a home completely based off my credit, my income and my work history. 🤔🤔 but I wasn't logical or couldn't communicate??
I grew up sensitive thankfully. It gave me the tools to understand the gaslighting of my eldest siblings, who used the technique to steal hundreds of thousands of pounds from me. One sibling lying to the other, BOTH willing to accept the lies as it suits their agendas. Both willing to lie to their own children about the reasons for the family becoming broken. They are now out of my life. It was an expensive lesson learning about Narcissism and sad as it was in the family unit, and once again being an empath, what concerns me most? The impact living under the auspices of Narcisistic parents will have on my siblings adult children? Its hard to live a decent life living in a distorted view of the world created by gaslighting.
@@rufanuf1 I have a sister who’s a narcissist. I cut her out of my life and it was the best decision I ever made. Sadly you have to protect yourself from some people even if they’re family.
OMG!!! SAME!!! I invite anyone & everyone here to visit my channel & listen & take part in my videos on "Living with Narcissistic Abuse".I have videos on other subjects as well, with my intention being to help ppl with various life challenges ❤️
I got this penfriend (email friend really) who absolutely sides with someone who has been abusing me for several years (not a partner). When I finally got rid of that person, and told that penfriend about this, and he therefore couldn't side with my abuser any more (to reinforce the abuse against me), he started with the classic "you always forget" and "that's not what happened". Think I'll have to get rid of that one too!
Omg my husband says that to me when we get in a fight!! To me his actions speak louder than words..he says that and his favourite thing to say is "NOT...MY.. PROBLEM" 😥
When I met my wife she came from a relationship with a very hostile communication. First thing I had to do is to establish that my communication will not be hostile. No need to read between lines, no need to read the air. Mature love fixes problems talking. Drama is for teenagers.
My father was very overt in his emotional abuse. He would berate me for hours, until i would brake down in emotional rage. He did this often during my early teen years, almost every night for years, lectures for several hours into the early morning. The strange thing that he would do was to bring me to a screaming, crying rage, and then get a smile of satisfaction in doing so. He would say things like "I cant wait to see you fail and fall flat on your face". He would make fun of me for things I liked to do. He tore me down and put me down in front of others, and would say things like "it takes a man" when I did something the wrong way. I felt my spirit in me sink literally to my knees many times.. This is emotional abuse, and it has a very devastating effect on a persons self worth. Its strange that one can still "love" someone who does this to there very own children. My parents took care of my basic needs of food ,clothing and shelter, but never took care to give any emotional love. It was like I was in a home where I was more of a burden than a blessing to my parents. I am old now, they have been dead for decades yet there effect still lingers deep in my heart. The bible talks about love as the most supreme important spirit in our lives. We can have knowledge of mysteries, have faith to move mountains, give all that we have to feed the poor, give our bodies to be burned, yet have not love, it profits us nothing. (1 Cor.13) Religion without love is useless. That is where I went to find worth, it was plain to me after many years that this is so. Without love, nothing matters.
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you went through this. My heart goes out to you. I have gone through something very similar with my dad and when my mom died I lived with his sister ,my aunt. And she told me how terrible and abusive he was but then she started to do the same thing and right now it feels impossible to get out of layers of grief and trauma
I'm so sorry you went through such awful abuse at such a young age. Your quote from the Bible is beautiful. I'm not Christian, but I can still very much appreciate it.
I was gaslighted by a friend everytime she wasn't the center of attention. I got the heck away from her, and a dark cloud has been lifted from my life immediately. I feel free, healthy, happy. Don't let anyone bring you down. You are worthy of more and anyone who is actually a friend won't do these things to you. Love and light.
Been there, done that more times than I care to admit. I think people target me to gaslight me because of my ADHD, they see me as someone that can be manipulated easily because as I grew up and left my family I realized my parents did it to me all the time. Now as an adult I simply tell them no. And I've stopped backing down. They really don't like that and try to turn the tables. Even had a "friend" make a report to CPS because I was fed up with her telling me that I wasnt being a parent the way she would, so because her feelings were hurt she reported a false case against me to CPS.....I never let her around my family anymore......putting her own feelings above the safety of my children was a deal breaker.
The thing about gaslighting is... even if you know, by heart, you were abused and gaslighted - that you are NOT insane - you might still think you're the crazy person. You feel ashamed because of thinking bad of another person. Im so glad to be out of this hellhole of a "relationship".
@RicksterAF yeah I felt the same. She get upset if I didn't communicate about what was bothering me but if I did I was shamed. It was a damned if I do damned if I dont situation. I wanted communication so bad but if it wasn't in her favor or her way it was no way. I'll always love my ex and forever miss her but its for the best. She wanted someone else. I tried but sometimes its just not enough
So did I. I would retract like maybe he's right, maybe it didn't go like that. Maybe my memory failed me...never owning up to anything even when I showed him his words verbatim, then he would try another tactic like well I didn't mean it that way. He had an excuse for everything smh.
He would accusingly say, " Oh YES! You write Everything down" In 7 years, I only filled 3 ( one sided ) journal pages of his BIZARRE lies and shitty pathetic behavior. I didn't waste anymore paper because it was always the same crap. My son at 22 years old is more mature, selfaware, and capable of expressing his feelings than my 46 year old ex.. All of my close friends and family spent the majority of the last 7 years trying to understand and help him in whatever way we could ( He is the one that claimed he didn't know why he was messed up, secretly suffering his whole life and just wanted to be a "better person" . Everything was about him. He NEVER once accepted help or attempt to help himself. ( ALL BULLSHIT TO EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOR ) I became physically, mentally, emotionally sick. ( Duh) I couldn't even form sentences sometimes because my brain couldn't handle the nightmare I was living. I felt like I was going to die. 2 month's later I still can't wrap my brain around the whole thing. I don't think he comprehends the hurt he caused everyone that loved him and just wanted him to be happy. He hasn't even responded to one person who has reached out to still know how he is. It's like we were all actor's in his movie. And now it's done.. Have no idea what the point was or why the fuck it had to be sooo long. ( He refused to leave even for a night ) . 😳💔
I’ve been in a relationship with a gaslighter. We’ve been married 6 years now and after my phase of “depression” and feeling bad about the whole thing, I no longer care. I’m financially on my feet and able to support myself so I don’t have to worry about not having a dime now. Once you get out of their grip, it feels good. The not having a dime really got to me. I wasn’t allowed to buy things for our kids or ANYTHING AT ALL.
@@Toni_Snark yes, I am. It’s going. Some days are better than others. We have two kids and they are the ones I worry about. I became financially independent because he controlled every single penny and wouldn’t let me have any spending money. I also found hobbies and things I like to do on my own so I don’t have to “depend” on him for my happiness- church, playing piano/singing and even listening to music. I love to read as well. Keeping busy and having friends is a MUST with someone like my husband. The more independent I have become, the happier I have been. When we first got married 6 years ago, he tried to isolate me from all my family and friends. That is the WORST thing someone can do. NEVER get rid of your friends. He would “punish” me when I would talk to my mom and make my life miserable when I would “go against” him and his wishes. It was absolutely horrid but I never let him think it was ok to talk down to me and the more he has pushed me, the harder I have pushed back. I DEMAND respect even though he doesn’t give it. In short, I have found happiness but expecting him to give respect and the care due a wife is just more than he is capable of. He NEVER sees that he has done anything wrong and I am always the cause of all our relationship problems. “If I wouldn’t have such a big mouth, if I wouldn’t be so rebellious, then everything would be fine” etc etc… that’s all he says and it’s all a bunch of lies. Two weeks after we married, he asked for a divorce. That was so devastating. All because he felt I was dirty, lazy and couldn’t clean house and he wanted out of the marriage. I really wish I had left then but then I wouldn’t have my wonderful boys. I kind of wish I could get out of the relationship at times but I also know our boys love their dad so I am staying due to that. I could get out but I just haven’t had enough yet. I probably need to go to therapy to get some peace or something to get more peace but I am basically happy if I don’t interact with him. Being financially independent has been the best thing though. I’m not sure if all I said makes sense but this has been my life and there is a way to have a good life even with a terrible person. I have really had to let go of a lot of dreams and goals in life though and that’s the worst part… wanting to be a stay at home mother for one(at least until the kids were in school- I have a one year old). I love my job though so it’s not as bad I guess.
@@meganr9280 I was with someone like that for far TOO LONG! You will regret every single moment of your life that you wasted with this piece of crap excuse for a human being. 😕😕😕
Gaslighter says you take my words out of context. And bring up everything you've said. Gaslighter don't take responsibility or admit that their words hurt you.
Wow, that was one of my ex's favourite go-to's. "You're taking it out of context". Even when the words he said were hurtful no matter the context. I asked: "in what context would what you said be not hurtful?" and he didn't have an answer. But, never took responsibility for what he said, much less acknowledged that it hurt me.
You should play their game back and treat them as such.Make fun of them back. Also, record your next convo that you have when they gaslight you for proof. I know it sounds immature but it may relieve some of your stress with them and, although they likely will not see that you are giving them a dose of their own med, they might see a little bit.
My daughter told me what her father had said to her - I heard it myself but couldn't believe my ears, it was horrible, I only asked her what he said for confirmation. Then I confronted him... and he said that he didn't say that. Fast forward to after we've left, and I'm trying to explain why his child refuses to see or speak to him - 'you said she ruined your life and you wish she'd never been born and then called her a liar when she told me what you said, what did you expect?' Him: 'I did NOT call her a liar, I just said I never said that' Me: 'saying you didn't say what she says you said IS calling her a liar' Him: 'I NEVER CALLED HER A LIAR' I twisted his words.... No mf, I summarised.
You just described every conversation with my mother. Several years ago, I told her she can only speak to me if she's nice. At the first nasty little jab, I hang up. No argument. No "Mom you're doing it again". It has made my life so much better.
Proud of you. My mother was very similar. Fortunately I have forgiven her as I’ve gotten older. Hurt people hurt others but doesn’t mean you can’t put up boundaries and protect yourself
My husband when he starts making me try to explain anything or questions me or questions me even after o give an yes or no answer I’ll hang up. Wish I had a version of having up in real life in person 😩
@@marcd2743 What kind of question is that? You mean while they’re growing up as a _child_ ? That’s just bad parenting. There’s different types of boundaries to be set for adults than for children. An adult should already know better. A child should be taught to know better. You can ignore your parents if they’re abusive or upsetting but you NEVER ignore your children while they’re still growing up as kids, even if they are upsetting.
I finally left a husband who insisted for years that I was "over-reacting." It's much more difficult to drop an adult child who won't listen -- probably because you're redefining your future, not just responding to the past. I studied and took notes for two years before concluding that my daughter was habitually making me uncomfortable whenever we were together, so I dared to tackle the subject with her. Her reaction was predictable, not to mention painful. But I'm in my 70s and think what's left of my life will be much more rewarding if I surround myself with people who love and support me, so I had to draw the line.
You're correct! Only a really good open-minded therapist will be able to pierce through this as long as they come from a position that is not authoritarian because they have some sort of degree in diplomas!
Yup. I was diagnosed with BPD when I truly believe that I have CPTSD but changing that DX has been impossible. I was told that it doesn’t matter what the DX is, therapy will be the same which is utter crap and a cop out.
Or when you communicate to someone about thier abusive behavior and they say "well nobody is perfect." I look at them and just think about how they really believe that me telling them that they are hurting me is equivalent to me demanding perfection. It's so manipulative. They are trying to make me feel like I'm asking too much just because I want a little compassion, kindness, and decency.
THIS^^^ I had someone say this to me just the other day!! I wish I would’ve said something like this rather than replying with “Nobody’s perfect” but your response is so much better!
I was told, "I didn't know, what I was doing, was hurting you so much." Who doesn't know that yelling, cursing, threatening, name calling, silent treatments, etc, doesn't hurt a person?
i find this to be the double confirmation, if you set a boundary and start enforcing it with very clear and certain intent, they INSTANTLY change that into "OK YOU'RE PERFECT." the angrier / more disrupted they become confirms more surely, because it's not always gonna be rage but they REALLY dislike being called out and asked to stop. When you write down the math of what's happening in the situation that you call out the contaminated behavior (that which shuts down your side of whats supposed to be a two way person to person process), you can measure the way they hang on to the path, it becomes very clear that they either strongly don't want to stop pushing your voice as close to 0 as possible, or literally CAN'T. Like if they could see the line at all, (the one they are crossing) it would be the definition of not compulsively abusing someone who cares about them.
Amazing informative video. The main thing I learned is a genuine "gasligher" will be the first to make an accusation of being "gaslighted". A genuine "narcissist" will be the first to accuse another person/persons of being "narcissistic". A judgemental person will be the first to judge another person/persons. Usually the first passage of judgement is to judge another person as being "so judgemental".
I had the opposite use of that. I used it when the narc I interacted with would say, “ you think XYZ”... When I definitely didn’t think what he was projecting on me. or he’d say, “everyone knows that if someone says XYZ, they actually mean ABC”. More word salad and bizarre projections. I stopped explaining or trying to have conversation about those very bizarre perceptions about what he “KNEW” I felt and thought (none of which I ever thought, felt or inferred) and I would simply respond with no emotion (grey rock) “that’s not true” and walk away. He wasn’t able to bait me or engage me in that game and he couldn’t get his supply and eventually realized he couldn’t feed off me.
Love the blank stare We would sit there and he'd be like we'll talk about it later and we would never talk about it and I would be like and then when I would bring it up he'd be like no or I thought I said I talk about it later.
When I was younger and a little more naive I assumed most people wouldn’t put soo much time, energy, and thought into plotting emotional abuse. It’s surprising how many people make this their life’s work!
Many of us are raised with the notion that people are overwhealmingly good and honest. So we give narcissists the benefit of the doubt, by doubting ourselves. After you encounter a couple of narcissists you learn what to watch for, and how to react.🦋
@@leonieromanes7265 It's the happy clappy bullshit that says "Most people are essentially good". No, they're not. The truth is some people are essentially good. The rest are varying levels of D1ckhead or B1tch.
am like you .. we are kindhearted people and assume everyone is the same but we are not sadly there are sad people out there that are out to harm and only use people to their advantage xx
I have found myself guilty of accidental gaslighting in my relationship, it has caused numerous stress points and I am trying to work on being a better partner
Me too.. It's hard to understand what's going on when I feel that this has been done to me so I guess I just picked it up from past relationships and now I catch myself saying some of these things to partners now and I get worried that maybe I just don't know how to stand up for myself anymore so I just "throw digs or shade" at the other person because I don't feel allowed to ask for what I need in a partnership without the other person getting mad and defensive and arguing with me about it.. 😔 I just wish everyone was taught better communication skills growing up because I feel like it's all he broken people in the world forcing me to be more like them, when really I just wanna be open and honest and compassionate towards each other 🤲💞 but every time I do I get so much backlash I just shut down all over again
I'm so glad I have decided to live my life alone, loving and living for myself after a couple of failed relationships. No more relationships for me, I love myself and I'm happy alone!!!
Same here, Anna. At this point in my life I respect myself too much to put up with any more crap. I was married for too many years to a weak, insecure passive aggressive type...who was also a chronic liar.
@@margietucker1719 All that but he was a chronic compulsive liar. And he was French Canadian! I’m 66 now and if you cannot be my friend without other hopeful intentions... just keep walking by. I have great relationships with my cat and dog.
@@patriciaalber367 Patricia people can lead full and fulfilled lives on their own. You do not need another to complete you in any way. Once you grow up and accrue life experience you will understand this.
Womanizers are pros at this. I was so depressed from losing both my parents, I had a newborn and my husband verbally abused me all the time. Put me down so much about my weight, criticizing my lack of money, made fun of my accent, left all day to go to work and “school “ and when I would find texts from other women he would constantly say I was seeing things and my insecurities caused it all. I nearly took my life, I nearly left my child with him because I thought I was a shitty mom. Don’t know how I went to see a doctor and he gave me thyroid medicine and vitamins because I was malnourished, went to therapy for many months and church. my son is 10 now and thriving in life. Also Took that man to court and now I’m grateful I didn’t end my life. If They to you when in a low time in your life it can be fatal. Stay strong, believe in yourself and your truth! They’re not better than you!
I’m glad you elaborated on your comment. I was going to type much more. I’ve been called a late bloomer because I finally caught on. Suddenly bank accounts were emptied, money sent to Sicily…. Everything you said and then some.
I think everyone has at some stage in their life. We all need to be aware and treat people nicely. If what you are going to say or do would offend you - don't do it.
I heard that phrase " I 'm just human" from abusers to justify their attitude. Humans are great beings and they should not let themselves used by demonic energies. That ' s the truth about gaslighting and other abuse !
@@laurieparis2203 My husband and I have said at least half of these to each other 😂😂😂 But i think we were just young and immature and not sure how to have a healthy argument ...
When I first listened to this, I could not pinpoint most of these. But it was only because my mother was a literary genius and she was SO very, very covert (convict) and polite. I could not recognize these techniques in her. But actually now I know that they are all there!!!! I can't believe it. Now I know why she thought she was so clever. She was as clever as a convict.🧛♀...but spent NO time in jail.
You haven't been gaslit by friends. Gaslighting is intentional malicious manipulation, and its not done by a friend. Just someone pretending to be one.
I liked what one of my nurse practitioners said to me...if it feels bad pause, walk away or take time to process it. If it feels light and good energy ...explore it
Very good advice. I am doing this more and more. Sometimes it is difficult to even understand why it feels bad. Still the feeling needs to be honored, respected. The reason is not always obvious. Thats ok. To respect oneself is number one.
I still struggle with people. Women in particular bc my mother was possibly borderline. You never knew what you would get. ShE was either sweet as pie or the mean and horribly abusive. Therefore I’ve repeated the same people over and over trying to heal (I own it even though didn’t really realize it). Trusting my gut…ie…something feels wrong about this or I actually physically feel uneasy around a person constantly…I just stay away.
This happened a lot with my ex. I would tell him you poke and poke until I explode. Why? He says because he wants to see if I can actually change my outbursts and be more calm. He also tells me I’m crazy and too sensitive
The pos unfortunately still in my life has done this continuously for the last worthless two decade+ I've been with it. He refuses to do any gd thing differently. The always an excuse to do so and nothing is ever his fault ,he's a victim of everyone around him. I wonder how someone he beats down(me) with I'm less worthwhile than him could possibly make his gd ass a victim??????????? I'm getting the fuck out from under him like I should of done so very long ago soon even if I have to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else here dragged through the mental health system growing up as a "troubled, angry and defiant kid" because they were defending themselves via reactive abuse?? Despite all the oversight, only three that I recall pointed this out, two of them were at a mental hospital. One in particular flat out told my mom "I want you to know that YOU are in fact the problem!" He was only an orderly, yet he had more balls and more insight than any of the "professionals" there and was the only one who took time to hear what I had to say. Wherever you are Adam, thank you and I hope you are living your best life because you deserve it!!!💚💜💚💜
Often the "gas lighter" will "minimize" important topics/events to make the listener start to believe that perhaps the issue is less important too. Passive-aggressive behaviour is often related to gas lighting too.
@@jenamirgholi6004 Yes, that is what is the main reason: insecurity or inferiority complex. they are trying to make themselves look and feel better ! i grew up with a mother like this, i felt like she somehow saw me as "competition" ! wtf ? i even asked her as a child: why did you have me ? i did not ask to be here(to be born). this was my response to her trying the "i brought you into this world" shit.
My daughter says the same thing, “I’m not the only one who thinks so”, as if she has a team or a consensus? She always has a team, while she wants me to think I am Solo???? Me Against them suggestions to seal the deal???? A secret team unnecessary need to say who she is speaking about.....
Your video was soooo right on and so succinct. This is my DOC at the long term care facility I work at, my ex-husband(which is why he’s an ‘ex’), my daughter, mother etc…. I survived major! abuse since a baby’s age and gas-lighting is the consistent thread. Alas, I learned and am now better for knowing and perfecting how to be and deal with these people. I am just now celebrating that I was so proud of the necessary family decisions I’ve had to make and just recently how I handled myself and let my DOC know that I figured her out and she can’t ever break me now and stood my ground like ‘you can’t touch me !’. I know my worth, I stand my ground and no one can rock me now! Confidence feels wonderful. 💫👍🌈 Knowledge is power🎉
Don't interact with a narcissist. It just feeds their energy. They want a reaction , don't give them one, just walk away. They cannot cope with being found out as a fraud, and they are all frauds.
If you actually took the time to study you would realise and understand that every human is a naracist to a certain degree, this is actually a fact and believe it or not buts its healthy as well!! Seems like all of you people need more science in your lives!!
My gas lighting family of origin always called me "too sensitive". I gas lighted myself and denied I was being gas lighted by a person I was in "love" with because he choose different wording. He said about my emotions "your so heavy" aka "your too sensitive". I am extremely sensitive, not too sensitive, I am beautifully aware and empathetic which creates my heightened sensitivity. Something abusers lack.
I am the same. And I think this is why it took me so very long (32 years w/my narc) to see clearly. He almost sucked my beautiful, empathetic self dry. He had so many issues from a physical anomaly from birth, to a POS father, to social rejection from the anomaly, and on and on...he found his perfect patsy in me. I never realized. And OMG did I trust him. Looking back at the early years the mirroring he did is jaw dropping. I would have tried to stop a train for him. I *did* believe that no one loved me, has loved me or will ever love me like he did. People would ask me "why do you love him?" and I would tell them that because I believed to the depths of my soul that he too would stop a train for me. But, alas, I was so wrong. So very wrong. Adios, muchacho, I'm getting healthy now and you can no longer abuse. I am praying for your current victim.
@@karenquinn1707 We also project onto them. Meaning you saw him through your beautiful empathetic eyes. You believed he would stop a train for you also because we see in people what we contain. Sadly they don’t always contain what we do. I’m glad you’re out! You deserve to have someone that wants to stop a train for you 🙏❤️
I’m glad you mentioned how many people do it unintentionally. We may have been raised with many of the phrases used in gaslighting and unintentionally pass them on. They seem normal to us. It’s good to have the language to avoid that so we don’t cause problems.
Listening to this my blood pressure went sky high, my stomach twisting, you nailed it! You described in 3D the pressure cooker I am living inside of. And then sometimes they are nice and you just wait for it, the favor they need from you.
This is just so incredible, this happens almost with everyone, especially women in indian society , no matter where you live. Subtle, obvious, and downright on your face.
I wish I’d seen this 35 years ago before I got involved with a classic narcissist. He was the King of Gaslighting, but I didn’t know what that was at the time. I can feel it in my bones if it happens now! Keep up the great work!
Please stop affirming regret into your future. Instead of regretting what you didn't learn in the past...become excited about what you HAVE learned going forward. It may seem small, but I guarantee you it's colossal.
Gaslighted all my life. Mother is a covert narcissist. I was oddly attracted to and married a couple narcissists. My whole life has been filled with gaslighting and narcissistic abuse.
Same here. Being a magnet to them. Some get away when I had enough. Plus I have the worst type to be around, because they tried to push me into suicide once, just to get things their way. Normal, healthy people are rare.
Dang. This was eye opening. I cried. It took me 11 years in before I noticed it and stayed over a year in the denial, depression phase. Love was blind. Lmao- studied this in college, still lived it. It can happen to anyone! Loyal hearts don’t see disloyalty when you see everyone at a soul level. I was blessed with this gift. Love is my superpower! Selling myself short was a thing of the past. I’m not going to beat myself up for being heart centered and for leading with love. One person’s trash is another person’s treasure. Treasure yourself first and you’ll be happy daily. That’s a gift you give to yourself from yourself! Sending loving energy everyone’s way! Namaste!
If you've been diagnosed with *any* kind of mental illness, even depression or some anxiety disorder, some people will try to use this against you, by saying that you're just getting upset with them because you haven't taken your meds yet today, or you must need to have your dosage adjusted, or you need to be switched to something stronger. I swear, if my family *ever* tries that with me again, I'm just going to walk away. I'm actually beginning to think that some of them might be sick, and they might just be projecting some of their own crap onto me. And I've had it. Enough already.
very true, my ex used my anxiety against me. constantly bringing up “have you been looking for any therapists lately?”, when I was literally only having anxiety attacks when we argued or even if I felt like we were going to.
Anything to tear you down. Wound you, diminish you. "You're crazy!" "You are clearly needing to up your meds" and my favorite "Did you take your meds?" In a loud condescending tone, mocking concern. I can't believe I let it go on for so long
Oh wow, I have consistently heard all of these phrases from my ex! After we broke up, he still tried to have a friendship with me. He literally tried to still abuse me emotionally but I could recognize it better because he still did it like we were in a relationship. That was when I realized he has a serious problem, he didn't even know how to switch it up. I finally just had to stop all communication as though he died and I have never felt more happier. Separation is definitely the key to seeing things clearly!
Good point. You may be making a good point and they don't react to it in a positive way or tell you why they are not liking it, which would be okay too. At least they would be honest... they are just withholding interacting as a form of disrupting and sabotaging anything good that could come of what you are doing.
Omission of information about what they have and are doing is another great too for her. She does not realize that I’ve been through this before and can read the signs
Omg, I hear “stop being so sensitive all the time” non stop! But I know I’m not. I’m luckily strong in the mind. I know I’ll be able to afford to get away from my abuser soon.
Yep I hear that one all the time too. I get told that I take offense to everything and to stop being so sensitive and also told I'm "grudge holding" when I tell my fiance his behaviour bothers me...well I don't see how punching a hole in the wall out of anger is acceptable and am told that I'm grudge holding because him punching a hole in the wall in the bathroom door while I'm in the bathroom scares me...last I checked that is not grudge-holding...also he has been trying to manipulate me into going to his parents house where I don't feel comfortable because they are toxic...I got told on christmas day "mom won't have christmas dinner unless you come"....
Oh my. I’m listening to this whilst freaking right out as this video is virtually my marriage in a shadow box. All wrapped up neatly and presented. Holy God. Give me strength.
Ahhh, didn't realize what gaslighting meant but I've done this to my wife and others for a while and im really glad to hear exavtly what it is so i can be more conscious
I think I may have unintentionally done this. I've been looking into this subject for a while because sometimes I get frustrated and then I realize....I sound exactly like my abusive parents, especially my mom, the bigger gaslighter. And my dad, the one that can't talk at a reasonable volume ever in life & with the anger issues. Both very damaging. I hate how they speak to my children when we visit sometimes. I remember being a teen and promising that I wouldn't be like them and then I moved out & started becoming independent at 17 after high-school and went on to get a degree. It sucks how your own parents can show you who you dont want to be because you know EXACTLY what it could do to you, and others. My brothers that weren't as mentally strong as I am. They're not in good places in life at all. Its like they're brainwashed.
Love that you csn own up to your behaviour. I also can say I've bedn guilty of this on occasion. But if it's pointed out to me and someone told me it hurt them I would sure as hell apologise and stop it. I remember my ex started jokingly calling me a snob.. And after him saying it a couple of times I said "I don't like you saying that" and immediately he said "sure you always slag me about my accent..." Which I did. But he'd never said it to me until I said that to him. And I said "does it offend upset you? Because if it does I won't do it" and immediately he said "I know it's a joke" and basically why can't you take my joke... There's jokes and there's jokes...
I definitely recommend how to do the work by Dr Nicole. The trauma from childhood runs our entire lives. It helps unravel that and become more aware of our subconscious mind and break generational trauma
I'm just praying that my husband's actions were learned from his mother, a malignant narcissist, and not that he himself is actually a narcissist. I'm navigating this all for the first time these past couple months. God forbid I tell him I think his mother is a narcissist 😅
I've never been in a personal relationship with someone who successfully did this to me, primarily because my initial reaction to it is to tell them that they're full of shit and walk away from them if they continue. I think having the willingness to cut people out of your life when they start to behave this way is the absolutely best defense against gaslighting. Even if it's just the "You're too sensitive" thing, I'm not going to repeatedly put up with someone else deciding how much "sensitivity" I'm allowed to have. Either respect my boundaries (like I respect yours) or hit the highway.
So easy to say when you weren't there for the best of their fake game until you are married and have children. That's when the mask comes off, and all this other stuff begins. Not so easy to upend your children's lives, when you are a parent, there is a lot you will go through and sacrifice to raise solid kids and stay the course. You will notice that many many of us commenting here did just that. Now, 20 to 30 years later it's time for us to save ourselves. Of course if the narcs had let their real selves show and used these tactics prior to marraige when we were all young and had the luxury of thinking ONLY about ourselves, we'd have dumped them then. Don't mistake fighting for a normal life for your children as stupidity. How arrogant to assume you are somehow smarter because you could cut and run. Part of the anguish is that NONE of these tactics were used until we were locked into putting 100% into a family and home we were building, like normal people do, only to realize after that we had invested everything into something that was never real. This isn't physical abuse we are talking about here, this is a covert slow simmer of a cycle. You wonder why things are amiss with the person you were building a future and life with. The correct thing to do is to try to solve the issues. It's when people come here looking for answers that it all clicks, and then they have to face the fact that everything they thought was real or genuine, is not and never will be. Neither is the person they married even close to who they faked to be. The very last thing they need to read is somebody passive aggressively telling them they were stupid to waste all those efforts and years of their lives. You are correct, you have never been in a relationship like this. Perhaps a different set of videos would be more for you. Not sure why you are here posting at all.
@@proudamerican2133 "How arrogant to assume you are somehow smarter because you could cut and run." You are projecting thoughts, feelings, and attitudes onto me that I do not have. I never assumed anything of the kind. I'm simply grateful I've been able to avoid people like this. Please, take a deep breath and move on. I am not your enemy.
@@livinginthenow Nope. Not projecting that back on me. You know what you wrote, you know what you meant. Read it as another person who is not in YOUR head. Nice try though. This is fun. You are trying everything you can on here which has already been covered. 😃 This discussion in here includes many of those who have lived this, so more who are possibly still in the confusion stage can understand. Not for those who think they can spot one after a 2 minute conversation, and give the advice to simply walk away, when most in here are related to, married to, work for, serve under, or are the parents of a narcissist. Way more invested in time and emotional energy by the time they come searching for answers. It's like if you saw smoke and flames coming from your neighbor's car you'd be immediately calling 911 and getting away, because you don't want to get burned, and that is the way they can avoid being burned too. But it's their car, so they might need to consider grabbing a fire extinguisher, and thinking of what and who might be in that car. They will want to try to save it. Narcissist wait until you have too much invested to just walk away to reveal themselves. No covert passive aggressive narc is going to pull crap in the beginning. Because, we WOULD ALL walk away from the weirdness. Their are stages their process goes through. Some are lucky and figure them out before they invest too much in them. Some HAVE to stay invested because it's a close family member, knowing they are who they really are. Others can't put theor finger on what's wrong, KNOWING full well something is off, and come seeking help. This isn't a matter of just walking away from everyone you think is an a-hole. It's much more insidious, hence categorized as abuse, life shattering, disorienting, and soul crushing. Given the chance, we'd all turn the clock back to take self preservation steps earlier. The fact that we didnt know we should back then is regretful, and we need to come to terms with losing all that time. But thanks for the advice to avoid losing those years Capt. Obvious.
My ex used to do ALL of these. The one that would irritate me the most was when I would catch him cheating and he’d say “Omg you’re crazy, you are literally stalking my every move!!” It was always my fault. I was to blame for everything. Even when he would do something horrible to me he would never take any responsibility for it.
I woulda said, "yeah, for good reason!" You'd only be crazy if you had no reason for it, but a woman's intuition is always right. Defend yourself and be strong. "Can we talk about the reason now, or are you going to continue to deflect?"
@@rlolo777 it’s not just intuition, if you are with them for enough time you start to notice the slightest little changes in their attitude when they are doing something they know is destructive towards you. There were these small little things I would pick up on and everyone around me would just be like “what are talking about? He seems like he’s acting normal to me” it did start to make me question myself but then it would all come to light. This went on for years and it was a never ending cycle. It felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get out of it. Thank God it’s in my past now but I am totally traumatized from everything I’ve been through with him. I don’t trust anyone now. I can’t even be in a relationship now after dealing with everything he put me through.
Yeah thats all bad shit my fiancee just up and left me for no good reason at all all I did was take care of her nature she was always good I thought that's what you're supposed to do for the person that you're going to fall in love with and be with for the rest of your life turns out she f****** over so bad I can't even leave my damn home I hate this s***
I found out I had a benign brain tumor. My mother responded with “Ive been getting headaches all the time too”. 😳 When something serious happens to you and the narc comes out with a way to upstage or minimize you: Gaslighting. I spent three months getting treatment alone in another country where I lived and she said she couldn’t come because she had four other vacations already planned. It made me weak and even sicker during treatment hearing that because I took it very hard. When I tried to talk to her about it, she said I was making it up! She was so angry and threw tantrum. Then she acted even more irrational. If I told you what happened, you’d think I was lying! Then in a few hours she acted like nothing happened and I was left with this traumatic situation. She then pushed an apology on me and pretty much told me that I was wrong. She is a Christian as am I, but she uses her faith to her advantage and will tell you that Satan is in you. 🥺Yes. It’s a lot! To this day, she never asks about my health, never checks in to make sure my tumor is ok. Nothing. Im an empath and 45, and healthy but I’ve separated myself emotionally from a narcissistic parent who wasn’t going to change. And I’m happily married! 🥰 I just pray for her because I’m sad her mindset isn’t right. She’s 71. Not sure she will change but anything is possible with God! 🕊🕊🕊
You and I have the SAME MOTHER! You are not alone. They are soooo toxic . Especially when you are not well. I completely hear what you’ve been through . These UA-cam commenters and videos have helped me to understand that !
My ex husband used to say things like " you look smart when you wear your glasses" and "it's your fault the way the kids turned out"... although they are fine people. My own mother used to gaslight me saying things like..."You don't look at people, you look through them" and "I don't know why you straighten your hair, it doesn't do a thing for you." I've been mentally abused my whole life, almost on a daily basis. It's really made me hate people. They rarely have anything good to say to me or about me. I'm alone by choice and I'm a better person for it. Its self preservation I guess.
Marsha I can relate to the criticisms of your appearance so much, but there are good people out there, I know because I have good friends after weeding out the fake ones following an abusive relationship and an historical toxic family system as my upbringing. Your comment just made me want to reach out and say please don't lose hope. I isolated myself for ages and started preferring dogs to people, abuse is such a hard lesson, but there are kind, loving people out there.
Marsha, I am so sorry that you have gone through so much with unkind people. I hope someone kind comes along and befriends and loves you. I have also experienced a lot of emotional abuse and gaslighting with my aunt who raised me and people I have dated in the past.
Same, my ex husband is evil to the core. The gaslighting and silent treatment was insidious, such cruelty. I live with my dog and don’t want to know anyone except my daughter. Don’t trust anyone else.
I am sorry for your pain, you are definitely not alone there. I had no idea this kind of thing was so common, I thought the gaslighting from my ex was the kind of thing that only happened in our relationship. The damage that it did to me, the pain it caused me, will take years to recover from. Please take heart, God loves you and will heal you.🙏
Going through this now. Understand they have demons of gossip, lust, lies, betrayal, etc and most importantly you can't fix them. GET AWAY. If you're worrying how you're paying bills etc and that's why you stay...you are not trusting God. Fear is a liar. Get away and be blessed.
My dorm roommates have been gaslighting me ever since the school year started and I realized it five months into living with them. It got to the point of them bullying me and spreading rumors about me, and I have finally taken this to the housing department and they are moving out this weekend. I already feel a sense of relief, just knowing that I don't have to deal with them for another three months until the school year is over. At long last!!!
Wow...the very same thing happened to me in college, almost 30 years ago. My roommate had sex with a strange guy in the bunk bed below me, while I tried to sleep...then blamed ME for being upset, because I did not ask her for an apology. I moved out on my own, they all called me a "weirdo" for seeking that peace from their bs...but my life of independence has been so worth it! You stick by YOUR TRUTH, and your true friends and loved ones will stick by you.
@@janetmclaughlin393 My roommate forgot her key to our room when I locked the door (for, you know, safety purposes) and then got mad at me for “not communicating” (even though we literally talked about this with our RA last semester) and then decided to retaliate by bringing up something I did months ago (that I apologized for and I thought we were over) and decided the perfect way to hold me accountable (even though I’ve already been held accountable for this so it was time to move on) was to spread it around our dorm GroupMe and blow the whole thing way out of proportion. That’s when I told the housing department about it, and as of now my roommates moved out two weeks ago and I have never been happier in my room before.
@@DanielaBodoh What a bunch of sorrow to hear you young people are still being bullied at college. I am mad for you and proud of you for standing up for yourselves! So glad such courage is in the world!
Oh my goodness. My sister told me I needed to learn what gaslighting was. She told me I was being gaslighted. I didn’t even know this was a thing. I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for posting this. There are so many of us that doesn’t even know this is a thing. Makes me see everything different now.
@@daviddebroekert506 He is vain and arrogant but doesn't gaslight, project, or any of it. There are those in DC right now that actively do all of the narc tricks, though.
I watched this video with my gaslighting husband sitting next to me. But I watched it in silence and read the subtitles. 😢 This video hits home in so many ways. I have no one to talk to about it. Thank you for confirming what I've known all along.
Silent Grove - Gaslighting is now a strategy for controlling large numbers of people... and it is not going to end. At the very least it's lucrative- advertising, foisting guilt on ppl to buy (a study in itself) our politics, education, seemingly innocent rules.. covid?... More about control than teaching people - children! of empathy, attention to self health, "common sense", safety, commmunity and family responsibilities.
This is the exact way my relationship of 6 years was. Only physical abuse was also a part of it. The most scarring emotionally damaging relationship I’ve ever had. It’s all so very recent too and I’ve been isolated for so long I don’t even have any friends because of him. This video gives me hope that I am not alone and I can get through this 🤗
You are not alone!!!! Definitely not alone! There are millions of us! Thank God you escaped! We are the lucky ones... You need your alone time to find yourself after losing it, so take advantage of your "loneliness" and never treat it as a disadvantage!!!!!! Meet yourself, embrace and LOVE it!!!!! This is the beginning of your healing journey! And it is difficult but trust me.... SO WONDERFUL!!!!!! Have NO REMORSE AND NO FEAR!!!! Identify your type of personality by taking the MBTI test and then start research about it. It helped me in the level that when the next bloodsucking narcissist appeared I sent him home no questions asked! Also! Meditate! It helps!!!!!YOU CAN DO IT! YOU DESERVE IT! PUT FAITH IN YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE STRONG (God knows you endured that level of abuse and survived, so you are no joke) AND MOST OF ALL YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!! God bless you and your healing journey! Stay determined and strong!
@@mirtzi. Thank you. I will definitely take a look at the MBTI test. I signed up for a domestic violence workshop. It’s on Zoom but I hope to find some support there and learn to love myself again. I really appreciate your reply. It means more than you know 🤗
You did a great job by signing up! Take this opportunity and make use of it as much as you can! Seek help if this is what your inner child and your soul needs!Do not be embarrassed and do not be afraid! YOU ARE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF AND YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY GOING TO LOVE IT AND PROTECT IT! And of course you are going to meet new people, but when the time comes for that you will have set your boundaries in the right position! 😉 We are all mentally together in this journey! Smile, express your gratitude for surviving and have FAITH! 🙂
It is very important to be your own person. Never allow negative entities to direct or control your life. Sometimes it is really good for you to say goodbye to people. Not down with those who play the blame the game, frame to blame and gaslighting. You are a strong person and let love give you strength.
My ex used the 'you're so sensitve' when he made me cry. My daughter had just left to work abroad and I was a bit upset about that. Then he kept on about the mess she left the bathroom in which actually was a few splashes of water on the floor. He kept on and on about it saying how in other people's houses she should learn to clean up etc etc. I'd only been living with him a short time and my daughter had been staying a few days. I was upset because I realised how I'd never be able to live up to his standards and the house rules were getting ridiculous. That was the beginning of a very controlling abusive relationship which lasted 10 years and got physically abusive just before I finally left him. These small traits of gaslighting are signs of abuse to come. I wish I'd seen it years ago but we keep thinking it's not that bad or he'll get better. So glad of these videos. If I was a head teacher I'd make sure all my pupils learned about emotional abuse.
You and your kids..."cant" make mistakes. The Narc Can, it's always talked about that He s having a hard time. No mercy, no allowances given from narcs. They React with various Tantrum like shut downs ( disappear, dont eat/sleep, get sick...overwork) and then say You dont care they are "taking care of themselves". Its like they Rage out. They are gonna show you! Dont you try to encourage good behaviours, patterns or relating regularly!! Their spoiling tendency Is the Root design to keep everyone Believing They are really inconsiderate. So we leave them alone to rebalance. That's when they are even more demonic( seek Flying monkeys, sleep around, slash our behaviours). And I'm sure the monkeys Also say Do good stuff to help you. And narcs say Of course..gotta go. But really they thumb their nose at All good words. Thus..the triangulating webs go on and on. THEY plant doubt in everyone-sick!
My father used to explain himself after beating up my mother this way: she was "saying annoying things that made no sense" and this "made him very angry" and so he had the right to shut her up.
@@imwatching2960 this shows he made her Responsible for Him and how he responded emotionally. A strange manipulation that really is to Ignore reasonable requests that are Rights and Responsibilities in the Most Significant Relationship: marriage. Him believing he did not need to Consider his Behaviour( harming her) is the most 1 sided, irresponsible act in light of them "supposedly" being a unit, for each others growth, building up, and betterment. Abuse does an effect of working from a place of Fear: the opposite of Love. Love holds great place,and does not ask one must forget one 's self as part of a dynamic relationship. When one is going against another in a truly Separate way, actually causing question to the legitimacy of their Relationship, ( all sorts of selfish pursuits gone overboard, so the original partner is No longer shown great value..is the compartmentalizing notion that they can be partners, then not. Delusion is the mindset when one is Not in view of the other, one can behave without conscience. Or here with the abuse of your mother .viewed by children who Heard, fathers love their mothers..The message shown in total disregard of care, safety, protection of each others life..only confuses the entire positive of family growth, love,bonds. Anger reacting, is the lack of self control. How men or women do respond Must be qualified, and based on Right ethics, in the realm of solving challenges we all face. If responsibility for 1 s emotions is not viewed responsibly, then room for Misbehaviour/ tendencies to create more issues/ ignore how to improve one s self control carries on. The value of a life has to be regarded ..personhood, rights to safety and choices that promote its sanctity. Violence is no answer, perpetuating it happens by ignoring the Greater virtues: love that is to grow by, truth that is to uphold our potential in living, and the self that can know when it has pushed beyond Reasonable decency into "extorting/ threatening". I.e. if she speaks of him being reckless about anything he will react..Dont tell him he is wrong or he will have to hurt her( he will)..and he wont hear of Correcting what is destructive to himself, his partner, children, Really the representatives of society. Justice for all..is bent out of possibility. Even Einstein said civilization requires morals, ethics..( standards to maintain and keep) or the idea of civilization will not be possible.
I love your videos. I just relived about 20 of my 24 years with my ex-wife. After being out of that relationship for 5 years now, I am so much better. I wish That UA-cam was around way back then. This would have helped me get out of that abusive relationship earlier. Thank you so much again! Excellent!
This video just popped up for me after a big fight with my daughter and the word gaslighting came up. I’m grateful for this cause it’s not some thing I’m familiar with. After watching this video it’s very possible and probable that I’ve been unintentionally gaslighting everyone around me, and now my daughter is a Gaslighter, not a big surprise, but I’ve worked through a lot of my emotional issues and I don’t respond to it anymore which is making her even more angry and frustrated. I’m going to go back and watch more of your videos now and see what other behaviors I can become aware of to assist in transforming our family dynamic. I very interesting topic. Thank you🙏🏻🌻💕
I had a friend who was supportive of me when we first met, he knew how I was going through the WORST time of my life. Then years later I started to recognize the gas lighting for what it was, I realized it when I was defending my experiences. I walked away over a month ago. You nailed it all.
When you feel that you need to wear a body camera as backup for evidence to what you’re experiencing and witnessing, it’s gaslighting and it’s abuse.
:-(
Wow. This comment might be exactly why I found myself here. THANK YOU.
So true. Or start recording your phone calls....
Lol..I got to the point where I wanted to tape every conversation.
I got to the point where I DID record 24/7 (with his permission). When I presented him with evidence, he STILL talked his way out of it.
True... they seem to “ forget” things they say, but seem to have memorized everything youve said and done..🙄
Truest thing that I‘be all week!!!
Aint that the truth.
Mine asked me repeatedly for specific phrases he'd said. If i couldn't produce them, I was making it up. If i could produce them, I was petty. He said he wanted them as examples so he could learn what he "wasn't supposed to say" but expected me to keep track of everything so he wouldn't be inconvenienced. Which was clearly a setup so he could point out how petty I was for keeping a running tally that HE'D asked for.
@@tinywalnut6337 yeah these guys are not our problem you don't just walk you do the rock and roll stroll. The problem child in my life got to me early on and cause some pretty interesting problems that I'm working my way through basically alone at this point because the doctor that was hired was a multiple problem child as well and cause some major major problems that I subsequently wasn't even allowed to react to and that's when I got it because sometimes it takes me a little while to understand what's going on in the world around me, big surprise. I've reached that final step but because of the current situation I can't get employed and no money coming in no moving to another location. Back before this 2020 bug hit I was trying to get a job and I was told that my insurance covered basically nothing and that I would be straight up in the air should I try to move out which of course was one of the neatest finagles I've ever seen in my entire life. Sometimes it's just big wheels go choo choo over what's under them and sometimes there's an art to it. So yeah if you can get the heck out of there and yeah you might have to solve it alone as well.
@@tinywalnut6337 My narc mum says this too
I was told by both my parents that “I’m too sensitive” all my life… when in reality I wasn’t, they both were just totally insensitive.
👍🏼
Same 😞
From day one
Yup. Same. By extended family members though.
Sad but true my dad was the same with me and still is😔 that's why I stay away most of the time.
When they say "this didnt happen", "i didnt say that", or "you remembered wrong". like they are the arbiter of truth and they have a perfect memory. but the very SECOND you talk about them its "i dont remember", or "my memories bad"
This is spot on and I've experienced this several times.
I actually started to hit record on my smartphone as soon as my husband came home. Recorded until I went to bed, so I could listen to it later to confirm for myself that I was not the crazy one.
OMG, I couldn't understand why we were always fighting. So I started recording our conversations to find out what I was saying to trigger him. Found out it was all him!
Hope you are fine.
Oh my gosh ME TOO!!!
I hope you all are doing well.
Mine has me asking questions. But I know she has had it a bit rough in life. Not that gaslighting is ok or excusable. Nothing has been major "attack" if you will; more accidental even it seems.
But saying one thing that makes you totally happy one moment; then when reality hits they say basically the opposite, if not, about the situation & making you feel bad, it is never good. But I really am unsure if she realizes she's doing it even, to be honest. I believe she knows she does 'something'.
I did read something recently online. This is not 100%, it seemed somewhat new. But, supposedly some reaserch has found a correlation between child abuse and gaslighters.
Roughly 70% of kids don't even realize they were being abused. I never fully did until more recently and I'm 33. Now, my mother was a GRAND MASTER at gaslighting compared to my girlfriend. But I think girlfriend is use to more aggressive people. So whenever she has done it, she comes off more passive / defensive mechanism. Similar, but not the same, as me when I was in my teens. I, only if necessary, used it to keep people at a distance. I was a kind person but kept to the shadows, if you will. Never to abuse people. But that ALSO had significant consequences too. Personally not just socially. I love being honest & more comfortable in me, it is way, WAY better! ❤
Keep up the work everyone. Take care of what you have power over. Never assume responsibility for something someone else has to work on & refuses to work on. 😎
How do you get it to keep recording? My iPhone stops recording if I set it down usually.
Left my husband because I heard all of these things. I was on seven different types of medications and developed fibromyalgia because of his abuse. I am a year out, not on medication and not in pain anymore. There is a light on the other side. Life is short, don't let people abuse you! You deserve better!
Good for you! 👏♥️
♥️
Good for you. Hugs
I got out after 37 years, so happy I cry.
Me Good for you. I had one too and left him a long time ago. Every single day was misery and when he knew it was over and that I was leaving him, he made my life even more miserable but I didn't relent. Freedom and peace are priceless. The toxicity they put into you on a regular basis will make you ill and I was always experiencing something especially with stomach issues. I was in such a knot that I had pain everywhere at some points. Now he can torment himself for the rest of his life. Initially, I didn't like him. Then he weaseled his way into my life with persistence. My gut feeling was not right when I met and I should have listened to it but better late than never. Be well!
9:30 You’re too sensitive!
10:47 I never said that!
11:43 I’m not angry!
12:44 It’s all your fault!
13:13 You’re Broken!
14:44 Nobody likes you (Nobody wants to be around you)
16:06 You’re Petty or You’re childish
18:42 You can’t take a joke!
20:21 If you really loved me...
*There’s nothing you can do or say to get them to own up to their gaslighting of you! They know they’re hurting you and they doing it on purpose! But they’re cowards and they will never admit to it!*
@Denell L. Bennett Survivor/Warrior, I AM happy to report I failed at becoming a gaslighter. Not even once in my fifty, soon to be fifty-one years of life have I ever used any of the above-listed phrases.
In fact, earlier today, my life partner referred to himself as broken, and I flat out told him that I refuse to see anyone one as broken.
I've seen it in nursing
Big time
TY for the summary!
How about: “you misunderstood” lol
Live the life of someone who cares coming from a different direction than others in a situation. It's easy to be this person with honorable motives that dictate you must take the approach to reach an understanding with someone, while simultaneously someone else is doing the same to keep them off balance and see you as the bad guy.
It breaks my heart how many people get affected by this. We are never alone in this. I'm starting my journey to recovery.
What’s for you will never do this to you so why even feel bad 😂😂🚩🚩 just read the red flags before you get to deep into it
me too good luck!
Best of luck with your healing journey and progress. ✌🏻❤️
It's unfortunately becoming an epidemic.
we are living in a sick, SICK WORLD
Gaslighter provokes and remains calm. Victim gets upset. Gaslighter says "You need to get help for your anger issues".
Or "act your age".... 😑
Omg I tried to explain to him that he causes an issue, I try to confront him, he twists everything up, Manipulates me, or tries to, then pushes my buttons just enough to where I get upset and then has the balls to call me crazy!!!
Classic
Oh man, I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me. Grrr!!
@@itsmedenel9048 true..
25 years. That’s how long I dealt with this. It started so subtly that I didn’t realize it was happening. Freedom is wonderful
My late husband was like that. Always my fault, always me. He passed away 2 years ago, cancer. Strange now, I have complete freedom.
So sorry to hear that..Thank God ur safe and at peace..God bless you🙏❤
Ex: found a higher paying job different industry .I was going to make more money.
Him: I don't see you doing that.
I got that job
It's such a sloooowwwww burn. We all stayed longer than we should have. I'm just glad we're all OUT!!
I think my friend’s husband does this to her all the time. I gave her a smart phone she really wants but he says things that discourage her from using it such as not “approving” purchase of an ISP. She lacks self-confidence. so sad.
Oh and when you have a chronic illness that affects your memory function, it's a lot easier for gaslighters to do their damage.
YEP
And such abuse can lead to illness, confusion, even memory loss😢💜
@@Rain9Quinn exactly. I spent nearly the entirety of 2019 on my couch on the verge of an adrenal crisis due to the stress he caused, even after I knew what he was and was looking for a way out. Adrenal crisis can easily be fatal, especially since he told me if I had a crisis he would refuse to give me my emergency injection (I need that to live long enough for the ambulance to arrive). So he basically told me he'd just let me die if the stress caused me to go into crisis. Adrenal Insufficiency aka Addison's Disease, is no joke. Even emotional stress can cause a crisis.
That's especially nasty!
>:(
Yup, I had suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury) in combat. My wife would tell me that I had forgotten (insert here whatever the topic was) that she had told me all about this in a previous conversation and that she was really getting concerned about my memory loss. Thing is I knew that she had never discussed it with me before, but it got to the point that I was seriously becoming concerned about it. I even discussed it with my TBI clinician.
Over a year later, when I had recovered, and in a rare moment of transparency she told me that she would use the excuse of my TBI To do things, buy things ect. and then if I found out she would gaslight me and blame it on my TBI. She even said that she would say she had told me stuff that she hadn’t just for entertainment value and watch how it concerned me and how distraught I would become.
2 years Later she denied even knowing what gaslighting was, when I reminded her of the conversation she denied it ever happened.
SHE GASLIGHTED ME ABOUT GASLIGHTING ME ABOUT GASLIGHTING!!!
We’re now going through a divorce...
Don't put up with being put down. My brother, who I love dearly, and who is not a bad person, teased me with the same insulting name for more than 50 years, and he would laugh obnoxiously every time. Obviously, ignoring it wasn't going to work, so at a big family gathering I laughed with everyone else and said "It's been more than 50 years, and that's still the funniest and wittiest thing I ever heard..." and I looked at him and added "from you." The laughing stopped and he never said it again.
It's good to find a a way to stop it when all else fails. Im guessing even if you try talk to him about it they only abuse more.
My sister was annoyed at an innocent comment i made about her and instead of telling it me she waited until a public setting to make the same comment about me back in a nasty 'joking' way. In her case it may seem like the way to stop my comment but if she had just told me that would have been it. I was eternally upholding Her boundaries, with nothing in return.
Her way instead showed me that she had not liked my comment about her and most of all it showed me that her way to resolve anything was never to communicate with me. It showed me that all my communication to her was always for nothing and why nothing works with her for me.
I simply said yes that's right and shrugged it off. And took note that she is toxic. One of the many things that started to wake me up to her. And one of the few times when i was able to stop her ways on the spot not carry it around for her.
Her favourite gaslighting phrase: 'It's your reality' , cynicaly, when it is her doing and her harming.
hell yeah
Actually he WAS BEING A BAD PERSON when he was enjoying himself at your expense all those years. I'm very glad he repented and changed his ways.
@@NB-ig8ziSorry, but I think both you and your sister could have used counseling.
ACHIEVEMENT AWARDED
One of the best defense I found for me against gaslighting was just getting older. As I passed through my forties, I stopped caring what people thought of me. IT. WAS. LIBERATING. Once you know who you are, gaslighting bounces right off of you. I can see how this can affect younger people who might need external validation. The secret is...you don't need it.
Yes, TY!👍🏻🙏🏻😊🌹❤️✅
exactly. by the time I got into my late 30's I cared even less than I did before. when you don't care bro stop caring, the gaslights tend to flee, at least to my experience.
Thank you John!! I too have reached the latter part of my life, and I feel free to tell my husband, kids, or strangers if necessary that I know they're full of 5#!+ when needed! Great comments 😎
@lZl HAHAHA!🤣🤣I think if we knew each other that we would be fast friends!! Love your sense of humor!😉😎
@lZl will do!! If you come to Oklahoma USA, you do the same! BTW...love the Pyrenees mts!! Beautiful 😍
I found myself desperately apologizing for my reactions to their toxic behavior. What a sadistic trick.
me too. so happy to be out of that relationship
Same here
Same here don't make no since.
I did the same. I always thought it was me until I finally got him to admit it. I asked why he treated me that way and he said it was to impress his dad. That is the closest thing I got to a confession.
Exactly! I hate when they say, “don’t be sorry” hate that phrase. If I want to be sorry I can be sorry jeez
10 Gaslighting Phrases
1. You’re too sensitive
2. I never said that
3. I’m not angry (when they clearly are)
4. It’s all your fault
5. You are broken… You can’t handle the truth
(Why they lie)
6. This is why people don’t like you or this is why everyone doesn’t like you.
7. You’re petty, you’re childish (for blowing up)
8. You can’t take a joke (they call you names and when you get angry they call it a joke).
9. You’re insecure, you’re jealous (when you know they are cheating or suspect cheating they turn it around like it’s because you’re jealous).
10. If you really loved me…
@@joshuaallen5453 bottom line, if you think you're experiencing gaslighting, get into contact with a good therapist for at least a couple sessions...if possible do not tell the potential abuser or anyone who might tell the abuser
@@joshuaallen5453 ...I was agreeing with you, Joshua.
If someone sees a video like this and is concerned they're being gaslighted, or even that they're gaslighting someone else, the best thing to do is to seek some quality counseling or therapy.
Of course, a person who is actively and consciously an abuser likely won't do that.
But someone who feels upside down and doesn't know what to think anymore, if they reach out? That could be a lifeline to save them from a very unhealthy situation.
And someone who could be abusive but doesn't realize it and is also in a lot of emotional pain (for example, someone on the spectrum for Borderline Personality Disorder) might seek it out, and it would benefit them, their overall health and their relationships immensely.
People like that disgust me
My "frienemy" would insult, criticize, make fun of, or complain about me to other people right in front of me and when I confronted her on it she would always say she's "just joking" and I took it wrong. But you better dare not joke about her or say anything to criticize, confront, or insult her. Just bringing this up sent her into a rage. Then her idea of an apology is, "I'm sorry you took it that way but that's not what I meant". It got worse and worse so I confronted her on all of her rude behavior and then she said "Oh so I'm a rude bitch? I'm a bully? I'm a sarcastic bitch?" She would add her own words and accuse me of calling her names I never said.
Was that purposely all lines from amber heard, or do the dominoes just fall just right?
I’m literally crying. My mother literally said every single one of these phrases to me the other day when I confronted her about an interaction she had with my daughter.
My day today with my sister has had me in tears for hours. It was horribly intense I think because I told her that she has called me crazy for the last effing time. And indeed, I was WRONG!
My mother I found out is just as narcissistic as my soon to be ex husband. I just never knew. I had to cut ties when she made comments why she wasn't their at the birth of my baby after I had told her ahead of time..
"Well last time you told him I divered my baby after I told you the plan was to please not tell him and she was like Okay." the man left me pregnant again and when he called my mom whi never does she told him where I was. Traumatized me for this 4th time and with social media at her finger tips not even 3 hrs after the birth of my baby she said some awesome stuff insulting me.Then few mths later she snuck around by meeting up with my ex and my kids during his visitation instead of reaching out to me for forgiveness. Listen ladies. It's your body. You decide how to keep yourself safe and if people like even your mother don't respect your wished after deep explanations the reasons for your safety and integrity. You did nothing wrong. Keep going. You don't have to forgive and don't let people tell you Jesus did bc they don't understand what Jesus meant by this. Those who did you wrong first need to ask for forgiveness and repent all their sins before asking for forgiveness. But guess what...they will never ask for forgiveness only it from you who did no wrong and they will never change. Believe me you'll keep having bad days but they will be less burden by your understanding that Gid has better things waiting for you at the end
@@glynnisthomas9165 Both my sisters are narcissistic and can be cruel. Lots of gaslighting. I try to be kind and respectful but I have to keep my distance for my own sanity.
What did your mother say to your daughter?
Divorce them. even if it's a parent.
as 1 who knows, from experience.. too well.=| ........
Own *this💖
NOW? that we're grown up?
Think +Say +BELIEVE 😌this new Better way. NOW THAT YOU *KNOW BETTER!
You can Stand Up! FOR your💖self! YOU Dont Have2! (tolerate, OR take)
ANY more! No! Not ANY more. Of your mother (it's because of Demons influencing her)=|
to be OUT-OF-LINE Mean😡 +Hurtfull to you??
Step Out of the way.
Stay OUT --- of the Line of Fire!
you Think /Say /+BELIEVE
to 🛡️PROTECT ( YOU♥️ ) 🛡️
AND your Daughter!
(like a Commenter said above,
Dont put up! with being put Down.")
✋"you Dont GET to treat (me) Bad ANYMORE. It's OVER.
+Keep (yourself♥️) AWAY from them. That's (*your♥️) job. 🙂
I have gotten to the point in my life where I no longer ALLOW ANYONE to have any contact with me if they are "bringing any negativity" into my life. No more.
Amen sister!!
me too...they aint that many left!
I'm so happy you have really healthy and strong personal boundaries. I hope we all shift our energy around deserving wonderful relationships, and then the good stuff will come through 💖
Agreed , why did it take so long to kick those demons to the curb
It's fairly normal for humans to go through periods of being negative. You may be putting an unhealthy and unreasonable limitation on your social self.
I left everything and ran! All my furniture and took what i could within 4 hours. Been a year and still feel the effects. It’s a slow recovery process.
Isn't it a shame life has to be that way?
Good for you, Michelle. It's not easy, but you did the best you could. I took my 19-month old son and five suitcases when we ran to get away from my husband. It was hard, but well worth the escape. We went through drunken threats to our lives, promises that things would be better, and almost no child support... But we made it through. When I found his obituary (Google does make things easier.) in 2008, five months after his death, and 36 years after I ran, although I was concerned for my son who barely knew the man, it was quite possibly the best day of my adult life.
I did exactly the same, it was on May 5th, 2021. I am rescuing myself every day, working on myself, loving myself again. I was lost, I used to look at the mirror and the woman I saw it wasn’t me… now I am back, prettier, lovable, stronger… learning and learning… to grow up hurts, it worth the pain.
It takes 2 years to recover from leaving an abusive situation.
It's hard bc you are not used not being abused
I did that 40 yrs ago, not one regret. And it took me about a year to feel my sense of self return.
I was always careful as a mom to tell my kids not "you're fine", but "you WILL be fine" -- not to cancel their feelings, but to give them light at the end of the tunnel.
I LOVE that! I have a poster in my classroom that I quote constantly. It says, "I'm not saying it is going to be easy, but I can promise it will be worth it." (paraphrasing, using quotes so as not to take credit).
This is an important distinction. Good move
My husband cancels my feelings!
@@tristandeee my wife wears her feelings on her sleeve, and holds a grudge.
Might also be a good idea to qualify that, by putting it in context of a time frame. Like: I know this really hurts right now and I can really understand how that feels. But I promise you that next (week, month, year put in what's appropriate for the situation), you'll ( feel differently, that cut will heal, you may even laugh about it, etc).
Yes, my boss does this every conversation we have. When he hits that point in the conversation, I look him square in the eye, maintain eye contact and tell him plainly what is really happening. He always backs down and acts somewhat apologetic...its because he is not used to someone calling him out on his crap behavior. These people are simply trying to create a false illusion that they are somehow superior to you. Stick to your guns, look them in the eye and stand up for your self.
😉👍👌👏
I watched this and cried ! Just reminded me of what it was like ! I’ve been free 10 years ! Thank God
I'm at 20 years now.
I'm only 4 yrs away . . . Am I a masochist because I miss my partner?
@@evamariesneed-rodriguez7047 I don't think so; there can be admirable, even adorable qualities in others who have behavior problems. They may even love you back as best they can. But it is sooo rare for them to admit their behavior is harmful. Even when they become willing to accept this behavior is damaging the relationship they may not be able to change. I am sorry you lost a significant relationship; it hurts to leave. But the price to stay may be too high. The people who do these things may have differences in their brain, or they grew up in chaos and emotional poverty. They leaned techniques to control relationships so they could feel safe. Some are aware of what they do and enjoy hurting others. Some really don't understand why it's damaging. All the best to you🙏 keep learning and growing😃
@@evamariesneed-rodriguez7047 of course you’re not a masochist. You’re quite normal. You miss the person you left because you had a few good moments. And, right now you feel abandoned. Gaslighters want you to think they’re the only one that would want you, when in reality, you’re compatible with 2% of the population. I think the last population count was 7 billion. That means you’re compatible with 140 million people. Approx 70 million of the opposite sex.
I cried at this too, it really gets to you when someone, even a youtuber FINALLY validates your feelings
The amount of times I have heard “You’re too sensitive” or “It was just a joke” is unbelievable and I’m glad to slowly start recognizing these behaviours in people so that I can finally get away from them.
shelter. heard that I'm too sensitive my whole life. I am sensitive. but not in a negative way.I feel things deeply. I think more so than most people.Many timesit's a burden but I'm open to what others are going through. Humans and animals.❤
This! Thought it was just me!
this is such a mood; people have messed so much with my self-perception that I struggle a lot to get a clear, realistic and whole picture of myself. I'm getting there tho
Passive aggressive insensitive people would say "it was a joke." They are too cowardly to admit it. Like how it was. It was not!
If you have heard that so many times means you are the problem
I remembering my ex-wife saying using the words during our marriage. When I filled for,,she told me that I would never find another woman like her. My reply was why would I want another woman like you. I want someone I like.
Brilliant 😂
Priceless 😂
Awesome
Hah🤣 Perfect!
I’m reminded of what Clint Eastwood said about divorce in a magazine interview. To paraphrase, "why bother to get married and divorced? Just pick someone you hate and build them a house."
Today I was gaslighted by my professor at university who is supposed to be my thesis supervisor and has been neglecting and unavailable since I started my thesis. She made me rewrite basically the entire thesis three months before the due date for the thesis. I spent the summer working on it and have been asking for feedback since august. She delayed giving me feedback over and over and finally gave me a half-assed feedback last friday. This is 8 days before I have to hand it in. I confronted her about all of this and she turned it all on me saying I should be less arrogant and stop expecting her to do my thesis for me. She said that my othr colleagues - who didnt have to rewrite their thesis btw - had already finished theirs and I was being lazy and uninterested. I have always treated her with respect and to be gaslighted like this by a psychology professor is very frustrating.... I know I gotta finish this thesis literally on my own now. Wish me luck!
Good luck!
Don’t give up. She’ll get her comeuppance in one form or another.
She's a professor for a reason.
Usually because professors can't actually hold any other job.
@@springerworks002explain bc I had to go to the dean’s office and get a grade removed. She was horrid
You do know some of the craziest people are in the mental health field.
So, one thing that did get my ex to shut up for a day or so, was to tell him "I rebuke your lies in the name of Jesus Christ." It was good for my spirit also.
Amen
😂 that's great lol
I'll try this on my mum
I was drinking some water and almost chocked when I read this!! For extra impact say it while holding a cross or crucifix while flicking water at them.
🤣😂🤣😂 THAT- is hilarious! I'm gong to us that. My sister is a narcissistic gaslighter with delusions of grandeur. The other day we were on line at the grocery store, when a woman attempted to cut in the line. After telling her there it was one line in English, then I said it in Spanish, she nodded and pretended she didn't know. My sister quip in, saying loudly I'm all up in people's business, then she looked around for others to join in. I respond with "that's right, you're gaslighting me while waiting on line at the grocery store". The man behind her nearly busted out laughing, my sister saw him smirking and got mad. Believe it or not she doesn't know what the term means, but she was pissed and silent there after. 😂🤣😂🤣
The following happens all the time. I will say, “I love that lavender flower, it’s so beautiful!” He will say, “That’s not lavender, that’s pale purple. I will say, “They’re the same thing.”. Then I get ignored and all the joy of the beautiful flower has now become frustration. I think part of gaslighting in this way has to do with taking away joy and happiness.
That is what they do. You are not allowed to be happy. They want you to feel guilty and depressed.
That’s when you have to do you... you are allowed to be selfish no one will ever love you like you love yourself!
Yes! Correcting everything i say. Absolutely everything. I stopped talking and became very insecure
'All the time...'
That's gaslighting right there!
Your being just as guilty as those whom you point the finger at
Trying to change the world to ensure your never hurt or undermined is a frivolous task. Better off investing in your own internal image of yourself and bolstering that, then it doesn't matter what idiot comes along and tries to attack you, it doesn't dent your character.
Yeah, I've lived on this rock s long time, I've learnt this the hard way after being a sensitive person and then eventually learning that trying to change the world be be sensitive to me is a waste of time
Start with the Bible. Yeah, that old book. Go and search out what the God of the New Testament says of you, you'll be surprised that the God of this universe thinks your worth a LOT. All the best on your journey
Absolutely
I was married for twenty years to a woman that never loved me. I was just a resource for her to get the things that she always wanted. All along, she'd tell her family lies about me to get sympathy for herself. I had frequent migraine headaches so severe that I thought they would kill me. After twenty years of that, I found a cure...divorce. Had I not gotten out, I would not have survived. "Where there's life, there's hope!"
@@sallygoldfinger People were not meant to be doormats for other people. F, 02/12/2021
Did you date my ex? Then they'll run off cheating lieing ect. Your crazy or your over reacting. They laugh ect smile. You wanna smack the taste out of there mouth.
Did you have any kids?
Yes how about you?
Thanks for sharing. I was married for 15 years to an ER Nurse. When my daughter and I had a health issue he was in complete denial and left me and kidnapped her. I get it.
He was a complete narcissists and I never knew it until the real him came out.
So happy I am not with him anymore. When I made $80K he wanted me. But,when I became disabled he left. Well, that was 7 years ago and I am still here and well. I live a healthy life and and very happy. Blessed to be a blessing.
WOW! I heard each one of these phrases continually during my 7 year "situationship" with the ex narc. Deep down, I knew that he was manipulating me and was being abusive, but it took an outside person whom I barely knew to validate it for me! SO GLAD to be out of that toxic, crazy mess!!! 😥
How is it even possible to be in a situationship for 7 years??
My abusive mother's favorite line:
"Everyone knows you're crazy!"
And, in a sense, she was right; everyone "knew" I was "crazy" because that's what she told them.
I'm crying my mom calls me and my twin sis crazy because we call her out on abuse
Great point!
You’re not alone. From 12 years old until 25 when I fought cases as my own attorney and won for crimes I did not commit, I was literally incarcerated... forced into mental hospitals for treatment for myself for all of which lies were completely false being used to discredit myself.
God is good however. All of these things produced great inner strength & my ability of knowing myself truly. Keep your head up, it’s okay to walk away from abusive relationships, no matter who is doing it. Do not let the world 🌎 change how you treat others, ESPECIALLY if they treated you wrong. Then it wins!
@@galactic_road9113 please do not cry..unless its tears of joy! my mother is like this..she is now 74-75 yrs...Do not expect the narc to change !! even when i was an adult..moved out, married etc...visiting her would lead to yelling, cursing gaslighting(with my mother) my husband would say: please do not get into an argument with your mother !! all i would try to do is defend myself...The narc person loves the drama, the yelling, attention and at the end she would cry and look like SHE is the victim ! You and your twin just go on with your life and do not "feed the monster" ! its like arguing with a drunk person, it leads to nothing ! Do not give details about your life, your hopes, wishes..the narc will use anything against you, later on ! my mother told me, i was a terrible child (at the age of 2 yrs) and she just "gave up" and let my grandma and great grandma raise me. (my mother+father+me we all lived under one roof). So you see, it is "my fault" .The less you interact with the narc, the better it is for you !!
@@belgadog99 ilysm I shall take your advice altho itll be hard thank you for the help!!!
God, I feel so validated. My ex would just say cruel, graphic, violent things on a daily basis, and when I objected, he'd always say, "You're too sensitive, you can't take a joke." I never knew that could be considered gaslighting.
How are you doing now.
They always say you're thin skinned. No, you're disrespectful and nasty!
But, what if I am too thin skinned? How do I know if it's gaslighting or I have an actual flaw that gets exposed under stress, or is triggered by an experience?
You're wearing a ritual mask.
Same.knowlege is power
If you are in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. It will slowly and insidiously kill you. It will put you in an early grave. Do what you have to do to GET OUT.
Yes, absolutely. There is NO other way! And go NO contact! I am a survivor.
Run like hell
I wonder where should I run if I often hear 'I could never said thing like that' from my mom.
@@janinedevilliers510 definitely get out of the relationship. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to have no contact when there are children involved, more’s the pity.
@@Crokaert3009 so true
One of the most frustrating ways I've been gaslit was by my own mother when I was healing from a T.B.I., and as my brain started to heal I was realizing she had been doing this to me for a while.
EVERY time I called her out on a specific shitty thing she did, her response was "I had NO idea that I did that ...but I'm SORRY if I did!"
Be careful with the people you trust. Some of them are just waiting for you to become weak enough for them to prey on you safely.
Something I’ve heard all my life is, “you’re way too sensitive.” There are times when that’s true, but often it’s just used to excuse really nasty behavior.
Highly Sensitive People are gifted and cursed with capabilities to sense and absorb the energies of others. Knowing one self and being able to discern the difference is the gift. Not realizing how sensitive, (empathic) one is can be the curse as it gets confusing and sometimes causes disorganized thought processes and doubts.
@@billvandorn5332 Yeah, and sometimes people are just bullies, plain and simple.
I was told I wasn't a "logical" thinker, I couldn't communicate effectively, was too emotional in my thoughts and responses, etc.
Yet, I graduated college (he didn't), was a successful outside sales director (he didn't work) and purchased a home completely based off my credit, my income and my work history. 🤔🤔 but I wasn't logical or couldn't communicate??
I grew up sensitive thankfully. It gave me the tools to understand the gaslighting of my eldest siblings, who used the technique to steal hundreds of thousands of pounds from me. One sibling lying to the other, BOTH willing to accept the lies as it suits their agendas. Both willing to lie to their own children about the reasons for the family becoming broken. They are now out of my life. It was an expensive lesson learning about Narcissism and sad as it was in the family unit, and once again being an empath, what concerns me most? The impact living under the auspices of Narcisistic parents will have on my siblings adult children? Its hard to live a decent life living in a distorted view of the world created by gaslighting.
@@rufanuf1 I have a sister who’s a narcissist. I cut her out of my life and it was the best decision I ever made. Sadly you have to protect yourself from some people even if they’re family.
I always got “Well you took it that way, but that’s not what I meant” or “that’s not what happened, you always forget”
Yes!!! Same here
Or. You're too sensitive 😟 classic
Me too!
OMG!!! SAME!!! I invite anyone & everyone here to visit my channel & listen & take part in my videos on "Living with Narcissistic Abuse".I have videos on other subjects as well, with my intention being to help ppl with various life challenges ❤️
I got this penfriend (email friend really) who absolutely sides with someone who has been abusing me for several years (not a partner). When I finally got rid of that person, and told that penfriend about this, and he therefore couldn't side with my abuser any more (to reinforce the abuse against me), he started with the classic "you always forget" and "that's not what happened". Think I'll have to get rid of that one too!
In my experience, my personal favourite was “it’s all in your head”
Battling with someone’s ego is not only exhausting, but pointless.
Omg my husband says that to me when we get in a fight!! To me his actions speak louder than words..he says that and his favourite thing to say is "NOT...MY.. PROBLEM" 😥
My dad used to say this all the time to be little me. My sister is doing stuff like now to me.
Sometimes it is all in your head.
When I met my wife she came from a relationship with a very hostile communication. First thing I had to do is to establish that my communication will not be hostile. No need to read between lines, no need to read the air. Mature love fixes problems talking. Drama is for teenagers.
OMG yess... there was this person who said to me in kinda of a way ''I apologise if you are hurt(aka sensitive) wtf
My father was very overt in his emotional abuse. He would berate me for hours, until i would brake down in emotional rage. He did this often during my early teen years, almost every night for years, lectures for several hours into the early morning. The strange thing that he would do was to bring me to a screaming, crying rage, and then get a smile of satisfaction in doing so. He would say things like "I cant wait to see you fail and fall flat on your face". He would make fun of me for things I liked to do. He tore me down and put me down in front of others, and would say things like "it takes a man" when I did something the wrong way. I felt my spirit in me sink literally to my knees many times.. This is emotional abuse, and it has a very devastating effect on a persons self worth. Its strange that one can still "love" someone who does this to there very own children. My parents took care of my basic needs of food ,clothing and shelter, but never took care to give any emotional love. It was like I was in a home where I was more of a burden than a blessing to my parents. I am old now, they have been dead for decades yet there effect still lingers deep in my heart. The bible talks about love as the most supreme important spirit in our lives. We can have knowledge of mysteries, have faith to move mountains, give all that we have to feed the poor, give our bodies to be burned, yet have not love, it profits us nothing. (1 Cor.13) Religion without love is useless. That is where I went to find worth, it was plain to me after many years that this is so. Without love, nothing matters.
That sounds very rough 😢
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you went through this. My heart goes out to you. I have gone through something very similar with my dad and when my mom died I lived with his sister ,my aunt. And she told me how terrible and abusive he was but then she started to do the same thing and right now it feels impossible to get out of layers of grief and trauma
I'm so sorry you went through such awful abuse at such a young age. Your quote from the Bible is beautiful. I'm not Christian, but I can still very much appreciate it.
I was gaslighted by a friend everytime she wasn't the center of attention. I got the heck away from her, and a dark cloud has been lifted from my life immediately. I feel free, healthy, happy. Don't let anyone bring you down. You are worthy of more and anyone who is actually a friend won't do these things to you. Love and light.
Amen
Amen blessings!😊
Been there, done that more times than I care to admit. I think people target me to gaslight me because of my ADHD, they see me as someone that can be manipulated easily because as I grew up and left my family I realized my parents did it to me all the time. Now as an adult I simply tell them no. And I've stopped backing down. They really don't like that and try to turn the tables. Even had a "friend" make a report to CPS because I was fed up with her telling me that I wasnt being a parent the way she would, so because her feelings were hurt she reported a false case against me to CPS.....I never let her around my family anymore......putting her own feelings above the safety of my children was a deal breaker.
The thing about gaslighting is... even if you know, by heart, you were abused and gaslighted - that you are NOT insane - you might still think you're the crazy person. You feel ashamed because of thinking bad of another person. Im so glad to be out of this hellhole of a "relationship".
@RicksterAF yeah I felt the same. She get upset if I didn't communicate about what was bothering me but if I did I was shamed. It was a damned if I do damned if I dont situation.
I wanted communication so bad but if it wasn't in her favor or her way it was no way.
I'll always love my ex and forever miss her but its for the best. She wanted someone else. I tried but sometimes its just not enough
You are used to treating another person with respect; the door is not swinging both ways.
I feel bad that I feel bad about my sister. I have finally stopped talking to her and I told her why..
I feel so enlightened
but yet, I feel guilty
@RicksterAF Go to Al Anon for free or a therapist if you can afford it. Go to a lawyer and let them tell you if she can actually take the kids or not.
At ricksterAF...it’s common to use when in these relationships. We numb up to stop the pain. ✌️ well wishes
I started journaling because I was never sure if i heard or remembered what was truely said
Same. Proves to yourself they did are said what they did.
So did I. I would retract like maybe he's right, maybe it didn't go like that. Maybe my memory failed me...never owning up to anything even when I showed him his words verbatim, then he would try another tactic like well I didn't mean it that way. He had an excuse for everything smh.
Me 2!
@@mimij4341 yes, "I didn't mean it like that". How I knew that she DID mean it but it was her "show" phrase in front of others.
He would accusingly say, " Oh YES! You write Everything down"
In 7 years, I only filled 3 ( one sided ) journal pages of his BIZARRE lies
and shitty pathetic behavior. I didn't waste anymore paper because it was always the same crap. My son at 22 years old is more mature, selfaware, and capable of expressing his feelings than my 46 year old ex.. All of my close friends and family spent the majority of the last 7 years trying to understand and help him in whatever way we could ( He is the one that claimed he didn't know why he was messed up, secretly suffering his whole life and just wanted to be a "better person" . Everything was about him.
He NEVER once accepted help or attempt to help himself. ( ALL BULLSHIT TO EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOR )
I became physically, mentally, emotionally sick. ( Duh) I couldn't even form sentences sometimes because my brain couldn't handle the nightmare I was living. I felt like I was going to die.
2 month's later I still can't wrap my brain around the whole thing. I don't think he comprehends the hurt he caused everyone that loved him and just wanted him to be happy. He hasn't even responded to one person who has reached out to still know how he is. It's like we were all actor's in his movie. And now it's done.. Have no idea what the point was or why the fuck it had to be sooo long. ( He refused to leave even for a night ) . 😳💔
I’ve been in a relationship with a gaslighter. We’ve been married 6 years now and after my phase of “depression” and feeling bad about the whole thing, I no longer care. I’m financially on my feet and able to support myself so I don’t have to worry about not having a dime now. Once you get out of their grip, it feels good. The not having a dime really got to me. I wasn’t allowed to buy things for our kids or ANYTHING AT ALL.
Are you still with this person? How’s it going?
@@Toni_Snark yes, I am. It’s going. Some days are better than others. We have two kids and they are the ones I worry about.
I became financially independent because he controlled every single penny and wouldn’t let me have any spending money. I also found hobbies and things I like to do on my own so I don’t have to “depend” on him for my happiness- church, playing piano/singing and even listening to music. I love to read as well. Keeping busy and having friends is a MUST with someone like my husband. The more independent I have become, the happier I have been. When we first got married 6 years ago, he tried to isolate me from all my family and friends. That is the WORST thing someone can do. NEVER get rid of your friends. He would “punish” me when I would talk to my mom and make my life miserable when I would “go against” him and his wishes. It was absolutely horrid but I never let him think it was ok to talk down to me and the more he has pushed me, the harder I have pushed back. I DEMAND respect even though he doesn’t give it. In short, I have found happiness but expecting him to give respect and the care due a wife is just more than he is capable of. He NEVER sees that he has done anything wrong and I am always the cause of all our relationship problems. “If I wouldn’t have such a big mouth, if I wouldn’t be so rebellious, then everything would be fine” etc etc… that’s all he says and it’s all a bunch of lies. Two weeks after we married, he asked for a divorce. That was so devastating. All because he felt I was dirty, lazy and couldn’t clean house and he wanted out of the marriage. I really wish I had left then but then I wouldn’t have my wonderful boys. I kind of wish I could get out of the relationship at times but I also know our boys love their dad so I am staying due to that. I could get out but I just haven’t had enough yet. I probably need to go to therapy to get some peace or something to get more peace but I am basically happy if I don’t interact with him. Being financially independent has been the best thing though.
I’m not sure if all I said makes sense but this has been my life and there is a way to have a good life even with a terrible person. I have really had to let go of a lot of dreams and goals in life though and that’s the worst part… wanting to be a stay at home mother for one(at least until the kids were in school- I have a one year old). I love my job though so it’s not as bad I guess.
@@meganr9280 I was with someone like that for far TOO LONG! You will regret every single moment of your life that you wasted with this piece of crap excuse for a human being. 😕😕😕
Wow you have just described this idiot I am with
Gaslighter says you take my words out of context. And bring up everything you've said. Gaslighter don't take responsibility or admit that their words hurt you.
Wow, that was one of my ex's favourite go-to's. "You're taking it out of context". Even when the words he said were hurtful no matter the context. I asked: "in what context would what you said be not hurtful?" and he didn't have an answer. But, never took responsibility for what he said, much less acknowledged that it hurt me.
Narcissism
You should play their game back and treat them as such.Make fun of them back. Also, record your next convo that you have when they gaslight you for proof. I know it sounds immature but it may relieve some of your stress with them and, although they likely will not see that you are giving them a dose of their own med, they might see a little bit.
My daughter told me what her father had said to her - I heard it myself but couldn't believe my ears, it was horrible, I only asked her what he said for confirmation. Then I confronted him... and he said that he didn't say that. Fast forward to after we've left, and I'm trying to explain why his child refuses to see or speak to him - 'you said she ruined your life and you wish she'd never been born and then called her a liar when she told me what you said, what did you expect?'
Him: 'I did NOT call her a liar, I just said I never said that'
Me: 'saying you didn't say what she says you said IS calling her a liar'
Him: 'I NEVER CALLED HER A LIAR'
I twisted his words....
No mf, I summarised.
@@christingonzalez9642 , these are good ideas, but I don't think they will work on a narcissist. They have no guilt or remorse.
Her voice has lowered my blood pressure. She's got a very soothing tone...it's quite nice.
At this very moment my blood pressure is lower. She really have a calm feminine voice.
Very soothing voice...I am about to fall asleep I’m so relaxed🥱💤
Yes. Now that you mentioned it. But I was focused on her rack.
You just described every conversation with my mother. Several years ago, I told her she can only speak to me if she's nice. At the first nasty little jab, I hang up. No argument. No "Mom you're doing it again". It has made my life so much better.
Honestly, good for you for setting that boundary. whether or not she figures it out, it's her problem now and not yours
Wonder what would have happened if your mother set the same boundaries with you when you were growing up?
Proud of you. My mother was very similar. Fortunately I have forgiven her as I’ve gotten older. Hurt people hurt others but doesn’t mean you can’t put up boundaries and protect yourself
My husband when he starts making me try to explain anything or questions me or questions me even after o give an yes or no answer I’ll hang up. Wish I had a version of having up in real life in person 😩
@@marcd2743 What kind of question is that? You mean while they’re growing up as a _child_ ? That’s just bad parenting. There’s different types of boundaries to be set for adults than for children. An adult should already know better. A child should be taught to know better. You can ignore your parents if they’re abusive or upsetting but you NEVER ignore your children while they’re still growing up as kids, even if they are upsetting.
I finally left a husband who insisted for years that I was "over-reacting." It's much more difficult to drop an adult child who won't listen -- probably because you're redefining your future, not just responding to the past. I studied and took notes for two years before concluding that my daughter was habitually making me uncomfortable whenever we were together, so I dared to tackle the subject with her. Her reaction was predictable, not to mention painful. But I'm in my 70s and think what's left of my life will be much more rewarding if I surround myself with people who love and support me, so I had to draw the line.
Me too !! Should have done it 40 years back but m sure glad I left
My ex-husband's favorite was to criticize everything about me and then say, why are you so defensive.? God.
What a beautiful, inspiring post you wrote. x thank you x
A Shocking number of people get when in fact, they’ve been dealing with Gaslighting personalities. 💔
Truth
🙋♀️
Present and accounted for as being the gullible one.
Me!
You're correct! Only a really good open-minded therapist will be able to pierce through this as long as they come from a position that is not authoritarian because they have some sort of degree in diplomas!
Yup. I was diagnosed with BPD when I truly believe that I have CPTSD but changing that DX has been impossible. I was told that it doesn’t matter what the DX is, therapy will be the same which is utter crap and a cop out.
Gaslighting equals invalidating someone else. It's rude and mean-spirited.
It is EVIL. M, 04/19/2021
its much deeper than rude I'd suggest. Its destructive demoniacally inspired to keep you second guessing your self
Finally someone who can explain this ridiculously named term.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or when you communicate to someone about thier abusive behavior and they say "well nobody is perfect." I look at them and just think about how they really believe that me telling them that they are hurting me is equivalent to me demanding perfection. It's so manipulative. They are trying to make me feel like I'm asking too much just because I want a little compassion, kindness, and decency.
THIS^^^ I had someone say this to me just the other day!! I wish I would’ve said something like this rather than replying with “Nobody’s perfect” but your response is so much better!
I was told, "I didn't know, what I was doing, was hurting you so much."
Who doesn't know that yelling, cursing, threatening, name calling, silent treatments, etc, doesn't hurt a person?
i find this to be the double confirmation, if you set a boundary and start enforcing it with very clear and certain intent, they INSTANTLY change that into "OK YOU'RE PERFECT." the angrier / more disrupted they become confirms more surely, because it's not always gonna be rage but they REALLY dislike being called out and asked to stop. When you write down the math of what's happening in the situation that you call out the contaminated behavior (that which shuts down your side of whats supposed to be a two way person to person process), you can measure the way they hang on to the path, it becomes very clear that they either strongly don't want to stop pushing your voice as close to 0 as possible, or literally CAN'T. Like if they could see the line at all, (the one they are crossing) it would be the definition of not compulsively abusing someone who cares about them.
This
YES
Amazing informative video. The main thing I learned is a genuine "gasligher" will be the first to make an accusation of being "gaslighted". A genuine "narcissist" will be the first to accuse another person/persons of being "narcissistic". A judgemental person will be the first to judge another person/persons. Usually the first passage of judgement is to judge another person as being "so judgemental".
I got “that’s not true” as a standard response for everything. So i started to say tell me what is true. And I would get a blank stare
That's a good one!
I had the opposite use of that. I used it when the narc I interacted with would say, “ you think XYZ”... When I definitely didn’t think what he was projecting on me. or he’d say, “everyone knows that if someone says XYZ, they actually mean ABC”. More word salad and bizarre projections.
I stopped explaining or trying to have conversation about those very bizarre perceptions about what he “KNEW” I felt and thought (none of which I ever thought, felt or inferred) and I would simply respond with no emotion (grey rock) “that’s not true” and walk away.
He wasn’t able to bait me or engage me in that game and he couldn’t get his supply and eventually realized he couldn’t feed off me.
A narc wouldn't know the truth if it smacked them up side the head.
Love the blank stare We would sit there and he'd be like we'll talk about it later and we would never talk about it and I would be like and then when I would bring it up he'd be like no or I thought I said I talk about it later.
@@helenhighwater5313 🤣👍🏼
When I was younger and a little more naive I assumed most people wouldn’t put soo much time, energy, and thought into plotting emotional abuse. It’s surprising how many people make this their life’s work!
Agreed!!!!! I still can't believe it!
Many of us are raised with the notion that people are overwhealmingly good and honest. So we give narcissists the benefit of the doubt, by doubting ourselves. After you encounter a couple of narcissists you learn what to watch for, and how to react.🦋
You would be surprised at the level some folks will stoop to keep from being wrong
@@leonieromanes7265 It's the happy clappy bullshit that says "Most people are essentially good". No, they're not. The truth is some people are essentially good. The rest are varying levels of D1ckhead or B1tch.
am like you .. we are kindhearted people and assume everyone is the same but we are not sadly there are sad people out there that are out to harm and only use people to their advantage xx
I have found myself guilty of accidental gaslighting in my relationship, it has caused numerous stress points and I am trying to work on being a better partner
Me too.. It's hard to understand what's going on when I feel that this has been done to me so I guess I just picked it up from past relationships and now I catch myself saying some of these things to partners now and I get worried that maybe I just don't know how to stand up for myself anymore so I just "throw digs or shade" at the other person because I don't feel allowed to ask for what I need in a partnership without the other person getting mad and defensive and arguing with me about it.. 😔 I just wish everyone was taught better communication skills growing up because I feel like it's all he broken people in the world forcing me to be more like them, when really I just wanna be open and honest and compassionate towards each other 🤲💞 but every time I do I get so much backlash I just shut down all over again
Me too 💜
Another form of malicious gaslight is saying you're sorry when it's not necessary or you're not actually sorry. ♡
I'm so glad I have decided to live my life alone, loving and living for myself after a couple of failed relationships. No more relationships for me, I love myself and I'm happy alone!!!
Same here, Anna. At this point in my life I respect myself too much to put up with any more crap. I was married for too many years to a weak, insecure passive aggressive type...who was also a chronic liar.
@@margietucker1719 All that but he was a chronic compulsive liar. And he was French Canadian! I’m 66 now and if you cannot be my friend without other hopeful intentions... just keep walking by. I have great relationships with my cat and dog.
@@margietucker1719 👏🏻👏🏾
Wow! That is a horrible way to live. That's not even life!
@@patriciaalber367 Patricia people can lead full and fulfilled lives on their own. You do not need another to complete you in any way. Once you grow up and accrue life experience you will understand this.
Womanizers are pros at this.
I was so depressed from losing both my parents, I had a newborn and my husband verbally abused me all the time. Put me down so much about my weight, criticizing my lack of money, made fun of my accent, left all day to go to work and “school “ and when I would find texts from other women he would constantly say I was seeing things and my insecurities caused it all.
I nearly took my life, I nearly left my child with him because I thought I was a shitty mom.
Don’t know how I went to see a doctor and he gave me thyroid medicine and vitamins because I was malnourished, went to therapy for many months and church. my son is 10 now and thriving in life.
Also Took that man to court and now I’m grateful I didn’t end my life.
If They to you when in a low time in your life it can be fatal. Stay strong, believe in yourself and your truth! They’re not better than you!
Proud of u
Thank you for sharing. I am happy to hear you turned the situation around. I wish you and your son all the best.
I’m glad you elaborated on your comment. I was going to type much more. I’ve been called a late bloomer because I finally caught on. Suddenly bank accounts were emptied, money sent to Sicily…. Everything you said and then some.
Proud of you. Thats awful but glad your thriving. Mine did as well
You've given me hope. I'm so proud of you.
I'm definitely guilty of unintentional gaslighting. 😥
Being human is hard.💝
It takes a good person to admit a fault
It's all about context. Some of these phrases are legit given the right context.
I think everyone has at some stage in their life. We all need to be aware and treat people nicely. If what you are going to say or do would offend you - don't do it.
I heard that phrase " I 'm just human" from abusers to justify their attitude. Humans are great beings and they should not let themselves used by demonic energies. That ' s the truth about gaslighting and other abuse !
@@laurieparis2203 My husband and I have said at least half of these to each other 😂😂😂 But i think we were just young and immature and not sure how to have a healthy argument ...
When I first listened to this, I could not pinpoint most of these. But it was only because my mother was a literary genius and she was SO very, very covert (convict) and polite. I could not recognize these techniques in her. But actually now I know that they are all there!!!! I can't believe it. Now I know why she thought she was so clever. She was as clever as a convict.🧛♀...but spent NO time in jail.
I’ve been gaslit by friends and I’m finally free of all the gaslighters. I feel like my life is so much happier now!
We’ll get ready to be gaslit again… jk just joking… oh shit. I just became a narcissistic gaslighter. 🔥
as it should be.
You would work on your emotional intelligence. Ot get a flame suit.
👍
You haven't been gaslit by friends. Gaslighting is intentional malicious manipulation, and its not done by a friend. Just someone pretending to be one.
I liked what one of my nurse practitioners said to me...if it feels bad pause, walk away or take time to process it. If it feels light and good energy ...explore it
Very good advice. I am doing this more and more. Sometimes it is difficult to even understand why it feels bad. Still the feeling needs to be honored, respected. The reason is not always obvious. Thats ok. To respect oneself is number one.
Good advice. I shall remember this.😁
TRUST YOUR INSTINCT.
I still struggle with people. Women in particular bc my mother was possibly borderline. You never knew what you would get. ShE was either sweet as pie or the mean and horribly abusive. Therefore I’ve repeated the same people over and over trying to heal (I own it even though didn’t really realize it). Trusting my gut…ie…something feels wrong about this or I actually physically feel uneasy around a person constantly…I just stay away.
The “you’re petty” part = reactive abuse. They poke and poke at you till you burst and you are seen as “unstable”, “too much”, etc.
This happened a lot with my ex. I would tell him you poke and poke until I explode. Why? He says because he wants to see if I can actually change my outbursts and be more calm. He also tells me I’m crazy and too sensitive
Exactly
The pos unfortunately still in my life has done this continuously for the last worthless two decade+ I've been with it.
He refuses to do any gd thing differently. The always an excuse to do so and nothing is ever his fault ,he's a victim of everyone around him. I wonder how someone he beats down(me) with I'm less worthwhile than him could possibly make his gd ass a victim??????????? I'm getting the fuck out from under him like I should of done so very long ago soon even if I have to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else here dragged through the mental health system growing up as a "troubled, angry and defiant kid" because they were defending themselves via reactive abuse??
Despite all the oversight, only three that I recall pointed this out, two of them were at a mental hospital. One in particular flat out told my mom "I want you to know that YOU are in fact the problem!" He was only an orderly, yet he had more balls and more insight than any of the "professionals" there and was the only one who took time to hear what I had to say. Wherever you are Adam, thank you and I hope you are living your best life because you deserve it!!!💚💜💚💜
True
This video describes the way one of my aunts treats me 💯
I never thought I deserved to get yelled at or called names!
Often the "gas lighter" will "minimize" important topics/events to make the listener start to believe that perhaps the issue is less important too. Passive-aggressive behaviour is often related to gas lighting too.
BIG TIME
Yes. It doesn't bother me so why should it bother you... Basically why don't you be more like me and everything will be OK... 🤦♀️😂
do people gas light because of inferiority?
@@jenamirgholi6004 yes I definitely think so
@@jenamirgholi6004 Yes, that is what is the main reason: insecurity or inferiority complex. they are trying to make themselves look and feel better ! i grew up with a mother like this, i felt like she somehow saw me as "competition" ! wtf ? i even asked her as a child: why did you have me ? i did not ask to be here(to be born). this was my response to her trying the "i brought you into this world" shit.
Death by a thousand paper cuts - wow so beautifully explained! Thank you 🙏
My ex would say "I'm not the only one who thinks so" and when I'd question him and ask for specifics he'd get VERY cagey, wouldn't want to say who.
Angie McLeod,you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
My daughter says the same thing, “I’m not the only one who thinks so”, as if she has a team or a consensus?
She always has a team, while she wants me to think I am Solo????
Me Against them suggestions to seal the deal???? A secret team unnecessary need to say who she is speaking about.....
My mother has said this to try to strengthen her criticism of the moment.
My husband does this also.
"You have these problems with everyone" yes I've heard that a lot
Your video was soooo right on and so succinct. This is my DOC at the long term care facility I work at, my ex-husband(which is why he’s an ‘ex’), my daughter, mother etc…. I survived major! abuse since a baby’s age and gas-lighting is the consistent thread. Alas, I learned and am now better for knowing and perfecting how to be and deal with these people. I am just now celebrating that I was so proud of the necessary family decisions I’ve had to make and just recently how I handled myself and let my DOC know that I figured her out and she can’t ever break me now and stood my ground like ‘you can’t touch me !’. I know my worth, I stand my ground and no one can rock me now! Confidence feels wonderful. 💫👍🌈
Knowledge is power🎉
This is so important this is why it's even more important to have good self-esteem
I got good self esteem then, because after I saw what was “trying” to take place, i rejected it and I rose above it, took my control back and live on.
Don't interact with a narcissist. It just feeds their energy. They want a reaction , don't give them one, just walk away. They cannot cope with being found out as a fraud, and they are all frauds.
That is deep and truly helped me see. Thank you
0
If you actually took the time to study you would realise and understand that every human is a naracist to a certain degree, this is actually a fact and believe it or not buts its healthy as well!!
Seems like all of you people need more science in your lives!!
@@lonewolf8997 Actually it is NOT a fact, it is only an opinion. Check your mirror.
@@lonewolf8997 Hey, cool - we found a genuine example of attempted gaslighting right here in the comments!
My gas lighting family of origin always called me "too sensitive". I gas lighted myself and denied I was being gas lighted by a person I was in "love" with because he choose different wording. He said about my emotions "your so heavy" aka "your too sensitive". I am extremely sensitive, not too sensitive, I am beautifully aware and empathetic which creates my heightened sensitivity. Something abusers lack.
This is very helpful. I need to start thinking more about what I say to people.
I feel you…this has been happening to me my entire life…
I am the same. And I think this is why it took me so very long (32 years w/my narc) to see clearly. He almost sucked my beautiful, empathetic self dry. He had so many issues from a physical anomaly from birth, to a POS father, to social rejection from the anomaly, and on and on...he found his perfect patsy in me. I never realized. And OMG did I trust him. Looking back at the early years the mirroring he did is jaw dropping. I would have tried to stop a train for him. I *did* believe that no one loved me, has loved me or will ever love me like he did. People would ask me "why do you love him?" and I would tell them that because I believed to the depths of my soul that he too would stop a train for me. But, alas, I was so wrong. So very wrong.
Adios, muchacho, I'm getting healthy now and you can no longer abuse. I am praying for your current victim.
@@karenquinn1707 We also project onto them. Meaning you saw him through your beautiful empathetic eyes. You believed he would stop a train for you also because we see in people what we contain. Sadly they don’t always contain what we do. I’m glad you’re out! You deserve to have someone that wants to stop a train for you 🙏❤️
Being overly sensitive is also something abusers look for in their victims. Easy prey
I’m glad you mentioned how many people do it unintentionally. We may have been raised with many of the phrases used in gaslighting and unintentionally pass them on. They seem normal to us. It’s good to have the language to avoid that so we don’t cause problems.
I always got, "I had it worse than you" or "my pain is worse than yours"
Yes, I heard that daily. Or no one understands how I feel
"noone ever helps me!"
Yesss my mother has to top.whatever I say as if it's a competition.
I have damaged the relationship much worse than he ever has. His pain is more than mine. He has a right to be hurt, not me.
-my stepmom and dad
Listening to this my blood pressure went sky high, my stomach twisting, you nailed it! You described in 3D the pressure cooker I am living inside of. And then sometimes they are nice and you just wait for it, the favor they need from you.
Please take care to yourself
Yes!
Exactly!! Charming when it suits their agenda.
Yes
And those reactions make you feel like it's something wrong with You. But it's not you - it's the stress from the pressure cooker THEY are creating.
This is just so incredible, this happens almost with everyone, especially women in indian society , no matter where you live.
Subtle, obvious, and downright on your face.
The most common one I've had is, 'Are you alright?' - often asked for no apparent reason.
WOW, i hear that often too.
In Scotland we say " How's tricks"?(But never to prostitutes).
WOW, i hear this so often. Are you alright?
Scott Quintin, they look for your vulnerable traits and then use them against you.
Ugh. It's so evil when you think about it. A comment that sounds empathic but is used specifically for destroying and dismantling another person
I wish I’d seen this 35 years ago before I got involved with a classic narcissist. He was the King of Gaslighting, but I didn’t know what that was at the time. I can feel it in my bones if it happens now! Keep up the great work!
Please stop affirming regret into your future. Instead of regretting what you didn't learn in the past...become excited about what you HAVE learned going forward. It may seem small, but I guarantee you it's colossal.
Allowing the closed captioning option to be available brings inclusivity for the deaf and hard of hearing communities. 💯
Gaslighted all my life. Mother is a covert narcissist. I was oddly attracted to and married a couple narcissists. My whole life has been filled with gaslighting and narcissistic abuse.
I can relate to that. It'll make you old very quickly.
Me too. Just got discarded by another. She hated my boundaries.
Same here. Being a magnet to them. Some get away when I had enough. Plus I have the worst type to be around, because they tried to push me into suicide once, just to get things their way. Normal, healthy people are rare.
Dang. This was eye opening. I cried. It took me 11 years in before I noticed it and stayed over a year in the denial, depression phase. Love was blind. Lmao- studied this in college, still lived it. It can happen to anyone!
Loyal hearts don’t see disloyalty when you see everyone at a soul level. I was blessed with this gift. Love is my superpower!
Selling myself short was a thing of the past. I’m not going to beat myself up for being heart centered and for leading with love.
One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.
Treasure yourself first and you’ll be happy daily. That’s a gift you give to yourself from yourself!
Sending loving energy everyone’s way!
Namaste!
Thank you love same to you Love is a gift stay strong don’t go bitter just get better 🙏🏽💖
To the pure, all is pure. Sane people cannot even fathom the mind of a sick person
Me too
If you've been diagnosed with *any* kind of mental illness, even depression or some anxiety disorder, some people will try to use this against you, by saying that you're just getting upset with them because you haven't taken your meds yet today, or you must need to have your dosage adjusted, or you need to be switched to something stronger. I swear, if my family *ever* tries that with me again, I'm just going to walk away. I'm actually beginning to think that some of them might be sick, and they might just be projecting some of their own crap onto me. And I've had it. Enough already.
My husband says this to me all the time. I’m wrong if I take my medicine or wrong if I don’t take it!!
yep.
very true, my ex used my anxiety against me. constantly bringing up “have you been looking for any therapists lately?”, when I was literally only having anxiety attacks when we argued or even if I felt like we were going to.
Happened to me time and time again
Anything to tear you down. Wound you, diminish you. "You're crazy!" "You are clearly needing to up your meds" and my favorite "Did you take your meds?" In a loud condescending tone, mocking concern. I can't believe I let it go on for so long
Oh wow, I have consistently heard all of these phrases from my ex! After we broke up, he still tried to have a friendship with me. He literally tried to still abuse me emotionally but I could recognize it better because he still did it like we were in a relationship. That was when I realized he has a serious problem, he didn't even know how to switch it up. I finally just had to stop all communication as though he died and I have never felt more happier. Separation is definitely the key to seeing things clearly!
How about "stonewalling" where they just refuse to react to any point you make? Not something they say but what they won't say. Very frustrating.
Good point. You may be making a good point and they don't react to it in a positive way or tell you why they are not liking it, which would be okay too. At least they would be honest... they are just withholding interacting as a form of disrupting and sabotaging anything good that could come of what you are doing.
Omission of information about what they have and are doing is another great too for her. She does not realize that I’ve been through this before and can read the signs
Omg, I hear “stop being so sensitive all the time” non stop! But I know I’m not. I’m luckily strong in the mind. I know I’ll be able to afford to get away from my abuser soon.
They’re sensitive to your sensitivity 😂
Yep I hear that one all the time too. I get told that I take offense to everything and to stop being so sensitive and also told I'm "grudge holding" when I tell my fiance his behaviour bothers me...well I don't see how punching a hole in the wall out of anger is acceptable and am told that I'm grudge holding because him punching a hole in the wall in the bathroom door while I'm in the bathroom scares me...last I checked that is not grudge-holding...also he has been trying to manipulate me into going to his parents house where I don't feel comfortable because they are toxic...I got told on christmas day "mom won't have christmas dinner unless you come"....
@@AILDgURL wow, babydoll.
Be careful.
That's what my ex fiance used to do.
I had to move out while he was gone
I got away
@@taralyman4442 what??!!! That's awesome!! Are you ok?
Oh my. I’m listening to this whilst freaking right out as this video is virtually my marriage in a shadow box. All wrapped up neatly and presented. Holy God. Give me strength.
Ahhh, didn't realize what gaslighting meant but I've done this to my wife and others for a while and im really glad to hear exavtly what it is so i can be more conscious
I think I may have unintentionally done this. I've been looking into this subject for a while because sometimes I get frustrated and then I realize....I sound exactly like my abusive parents, especially my mom, the bigger gaslighter. And my dad, the one that can't talk at a reasonable volume ever in life & with the anger issues. Both very damaging. I hate how they speak to my children when we visit sometimes. I remember being a teen and promising that I wouldn't be like them and then I moved out & started becoming independent at 17 after high-school and went on to get a degree. It sucks how your own parents can show you who you dont want to be because you know EXACTLY what it could do to you, and others. My brothers that weren't as mentally strong as I am. They're not in good places in life at all. Its like they're brainwashed.
Staying conscious is a major challenge... the habits run deep, and it takes an intense effort to change our habits and rewire the brain.
Love that you csn own up to your behaviour. I also can say I've bedn guilty of this on occasion. But if it's pointed out to me and someone told me it hurt them I would sure as hell apologise and stop it. I remember my ex started jokingly calling me a snob.. And after him saying it a couple of times I said "I don't like you saying that" and immediately he said "sure you always slag me about my accent..." Which I did. But he'd never said it to me until I said that to him. And I said "does it offend upset you? Because if it does I won't do it" and immediately he said "I know it's a joke" and basically why can't you take my joke... There's jokes and there's jokes...
I definitely recommend how to do the work by Dr Nicole.
The trauma from childhood runs our entire lives. It helps unravel that and become more aware of our subconscious mind and break generational trauma
I'm just praying that my husband's actions were learned from his mother, a malignant narcissist, and not that he himself is actually a narcissist. I'm navigating this all for the first time these past couple months. God forbid I tell him I think his mother is a narcissist 😅
Its really mind blowing when you find your doctor to be a gaslighter..more difficult to convince others of the fact..🇨🇦
I've never been in a personal relationship with someone who successfully did this to me, primarily because my initial reaction to it is to tell them that they're full of shit and walk away from them if they continue. I think having the willingness to cut people out of your life when they start to behave this way is the absolutely best defense against gaslighting. Even if it's just the "You're too sensitive" thing, I'm not going to repeatedly put up with someone else deciding how much "sensitivity" I'm allowed to have. Either respect my boundaries (like I respect yours) or hit the highway.
Its a bit difficult if its a relative.
So easy to say when you weren't there for the best of their fake game until you are married and have children. That's when the mask comes off, and all this other stuff begins. Not so easy to upend your children's lives, when you are a parent, there is a lot you will go through and sacrifice to raise solid kids and stay the course. You will notice that many many of us commenting here did just that. Now, 20 to 30 years later it's time for us to save ourselves. Of course if the narcs had let their real selves show and used these tactics prior to marraige when we were all young and had the luxury of thinking ONLY about ourselves, we'd have dumped them then. Don't mistake fighting for a normal life for your children as stupidity. How arrogant to assume you are somehow smarter because you could cut and run. Part of the anguish is that NONE of these tactics were used until we were locked into putting 100% into a family and home we were building, like normal people do, only to realize after that we had invested everything into something that was never real. This isn't physical abuse we are talking about here, this is a covert slow simmer of a cycle. You wonder why things are amiss with the person you were building a future and life with. The correct thing to do is to try to solve the issues. It's when people come here looking for answers that it all clicks, and then they have to face the fact that everything they thought was real or genuine, is not and never will be. Neither is the person they married even close to who they faked to be. The very last thing they need to read is somebody passive aggressively telling them they were stupid to waste all those efforts and years of their lives. You are correct, you have never been in a relationship like this. Perhaps a different set of videos would be more for you. Not sure why you are here posting at all.
"I'm not going to repeatedly put up with someone else deciding how much "sensitivity" I'm allowed to have." So nicely formulated... Well done! ❤
@@proudamerican2133 "How arrogant to assume you are somehow smarter because you could cut and run."
You are projecting thoughts, feelings, and attitudes onto me that I do not have. I never assumed anything of the kind. I'm simply grateful I've been able to avoid people like this. Please, take a deep breath and move on. I am not your enemy.
@@livinginthenow Nope. Not projecting that back on me. You know what you wrote, you know what you meant. Read it as another person who is not in YOUR head. Nice try though. This is fun. You are trying everything you can on here which has already been covered. 😃 This discussion in here includes many of those who have lived this, so more who are possibly still in the confusion stage can understand. Not for those who think they can spot one after a 2 minute conversation, and give the advice to simply walk away, when most in here are related to, married to, work for, serve under, or are the parents of a narcissist. Way more invested in time and emotional energy by the time they come searching for answers.
It's like if you saw smoke and flames coming from your neighbor's car you'd be immediately calling 911 and getting away, because you don't want to get burned, and that is the way they can avoid being burned too. But it's their car, so they might need to consider grabbing a fire extinguisher, and thinking of what and who might be in that car. They will want to try to save it.
Narcissist wait until you have too much invested to just walk away to reveal themselves. No covert passive aggressive narc is going to pull crap in the beginning. Because, we WOULD ALL walk away from the weirdness. Their are stages their process goes through. Some are lucky and figure them out before they invest too much in them. Some HAVE to stay invested because it's a close family member, knowing they are who they really are. Others can't put theor finger on what's wrong, KNOWING full well something is off, and come seeking help. This isn't a matter of just walking away from everyone you think is an a-hole. It's much more insidious, hence categorized as abuse, life shattering, disorienting, and soul crushing. Given the chance, we'd all turn the clock back to take self preservation steps earlier. The fact that we didnt know we should back then is regretful, and we need to come to terms with losing all that time. But thanks for the advice to avoid losing those years Capt. Obvious.
My ex used to do ALL of these. The one that would irritate me the most was when I would catch him cheating and he’d say “Omg you’re crazy, you are literally stalking my every move!!” It was always my fault. I was to blame for everything. Even when he would do something horrible to me he would never take any responsibility for it.
I woulda said, "yeah, for good reason!" You'd only be crazy if you had no reason for it, but a woman's intuition is always right. Defend yourself and be strong. "Can we talk about the reason now, or are you going to continue to deflect?"
@@rlolo777 it’s not just intuition, if you are with them for enough time you start to notice the slightest little changes in their attitude when they are doing something they know is destructive towards you. There were these small little things I would pick up on and everyone around me would just be like “what are talking about? He seems like he’s acting normal to me” it did start to make me question myself but then it would all come to light. This went on for years and it was a never ending cycle. It felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get out of it. Thank God it’s in my past now but I am totally traumatized from everything I’ve been through with him. I don’t trust anyone now. I can’t even be in a relationship now after dealing with everything he put me through.
Yeah thats all bad shit my fiancee just up and left me for no good reason at all all I did was take care of her nature she was always good I thought that's what you're supposed to do for the person that you're going to fall in love with and be with for the rest of your life turns out she f****** over so bad I can't even leave my damn home I hate this s***
I gotta a look like that, he does the crime and he will twist it around to being my fault......such bull$&!/
I came to the conclusion that people who don't take any accountability for their actions, are dangerous and highly immature
My mom would always go with some version of ‘you made that up I don’t remember that’
I found out I had a benign brain tumor. My mother responded with “Ive been getting headaches all the time too”. 😳 When something serious happens to you and the narc comes out with a way to upstage or minimize you: Gaslighting. I spent three months getting treatment alone in another country where I lived and she said she couldn’t come because she had four other vacations already planned. It made me weak and even sicker during treatment hearing that because I took it very hard. When I tried to talk to her about it, she said I was making it up! She was so angry and threw tantrum. Then she acted even more irrational. If I told you what happened, you’d think I was lying! Then in a few hours she acted like nothing happened and I was left with this traumatic situation. She then pushed an apology on me and pretty much told me that I was wrong. She is a Christian as am I, but she uses her faith to her advantage and will tell you that Satan is in you. 🥺Yes. It’s a lot! To this day, she never asks about my health, never checks in to make sure my tumor is ok. Nothing. Im an empath and 45, and healthy but I’ve separated myself emotionally from a narcissistic parent who wasn’t going to change. And I’m happily married! 🥰 I just pray for her because I’m sad her mindset isn’t right. She’s 71. Not sure she will change but anything is possible with God! 🕊🕊🕊
You have to let them go 🤗 love from afar.
Don't count on God for anything ! He is a notorious and consistent Under Preformer !!!!
@@theraseburke5034 absolutely♥️
@@colinsanders3667 Sending you lots of love and a virtual hug anyway. ♥️
You and I have the SAME MOTHER!
You are not alone. They are soooo toxic . Especially when you are not well. I completely hear what you’ve been through . These UA-cam commenters and videos have helped me to understand that !
My ex husband used to say things like " you look smart when you wear your glasses" and "it's your fault the way the kids turned out"... although they are fine people. My own mother used to gaslight me saying things like..."You don't look at people, you look through them" and "I don't know why you straighten your hair, it doesn't do a thing for you." I've been mentally abused my whole life, almost on a daily basis. It's really made me hate people. They rarely have anything good to say to me or about me. I'm alone by choice and I'm a better person for it. Its self preservation I guess.
Marsha I can relate to the criticisms of your appearance so much, but there are good people out there, I know because I have good friends after weeding out the fake ones following an abusive relationship and an historical toxic family system as my upbringing. Your comment just made me want to reach out and say please don't lose hope. I isolated myself for ages and started preferring dogs to people, abuse is such a hard lesson, but there are kind, loving people out there.
@@AmethystDreaming Thank you 💖👍
Marsha, I am so sorry that you have gone through so much with unkind people. I hope someone kind comes along and befriends and loves you. I have also experienced a lot of emotional abuse and gaslighting with my aunt who raised me and people I have dated in the past.
When you realize how much and how often other people have abused you, it's VERY hard to trust anyone.
Same, my ex husband is evil to the core. The gaslighting and silent treatment was insidious, such cruelty.
I live with my dog and don’t want to know anyone except my daughter.
Don’t trust anyone else.
I can’t even get through this video without crying. So much trauma in my former relationship. 😔
I am sorry for your pain, you are definitely not alone there.
I had no idea this kind of thing was so common, I thought the gaslighting from my ex was the kind of thing that only happened in our relationship. The damage that it did to me, the pain it caused me, will take years to recover from.
Please take heart, God loves you and will heal you.🙏
I'm sorry. I had that too.
Me too, but I’m still in it. Just dealt with one of his gaslighting episodes. I’m so tired of this.
Big hugs, love and support to you. You can accomplish anything you want, it is up to you. Yes you can.
Going through this now. Understand they have demons of gossip, lust, lies, betrayal, etc and most importantly you can't fix them. GET AWAY. If you're worrying how you're paying bills etc and that's why you stay...you are not trusting God. Fear is a liar. Get away and be blessed.
My dorm roommates have been gaslighting me ever since the school year started and I realized it five months into living with them. It got to the point of them bullying me and spreading rumors about me, and I have finally taken this to the housing department and they are moving out this weekend. I already feel a sense of relief, just knowing that I don't have to deal with them for another three months until the school year is over. At long last!!!
Wow...the very same thing happened to me in college, almost 30 years ago. My roommate had sex with a strange guy in the bunk bed below me, while I tried to sleep...then blamed ME for being upset, because I did not ask her for an apology. I moved out on my own, they all called me a "weirdo" for seeking that peace from their bs...but my life of independence has been so worth it! You stick by YOUR TRUTH, and your true friends and loved ones will stick by you.
@@janetmclaughlin393 My roommate forgot her key to our room when I locked the door (for, you know, safety purposes) and then got mad at me for “not communicating” (even though we literally talked about this with our RA last semester) and then decided to retaliate by bringing up something I did months ago (that I apologized for and I thought we were over) and decided the perfect way to hold me accountable (even though I’ve already been held accountable for this so it was time to move on) was to spread it around our dorm GroupMe and blow the whole thing way out of proportion. That’s when I told the housing department about it, and as of now my roommates moved out two weeks ago and I have never been happier in my room before.
@@DanielaBodoh good for you! Keep going with those good vibes and I hope you have a wonderful semester!
@@DanielaBodoh What a bunch of sorrow to hear you young people are still being bullied at college. I am mad for you and proud of you for standing up for yourselves! So glad such courage is in the world!
So glad that that is over for you- enjoy the rest of your studies
Thankyou. Breaks my heart I'm going through this everyday. God help me through thus and to leave peacefully without any drama
Oh my goodness. My sister told me I needed to learn what gaslighting was. She told me I was being gaslighted. I didn’t even know this was a thing. I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for posting this. There are so many of us that doesn’t even know this is a thing. Makes me see everything different now.
Watch the movie. Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. Great movie in glorious black and white. Makes it really scary.
Does Trump show up in it?
@@daviddebroekert506 He is vain and arrogant but doesn't gaslight, project, or any of it. There are those in DC right now that actively do all of the narc tricks, though.
@@daviddebroekert506 lmbo 😂
Glad your sister is there for you.. It's good to have support.
I watched this video with my gaslighting husband sitting next to me. But I watched it in silence and read the subtitles. 😢 This video hits home in so many ways. I have no one to talk to about it. Thank you for confirming what I've known all along.
Therapist?
Gray rock him and leave. You don't deserve to be a food source for a parasite. 💚
You poor thing, hope you're okay
Bless you. Maybe find a support group. I love AlAnon!!
Pack up and just leave
The subtle form of gaslighting has been effectively normalized in society. I see it a lot.
Crazy how narcissism is like a religion in the world, almost like a holiday tradition/celebration
Yes. Sorely seems to be everywhere.
Yes. I was just thinking this but I don't think it's subtle. I think it's overt.
Silent Grove - Gaslighting is now a strategy for controlling large numbers of people... and it is not going to end. At the very least it's lucrative- advertising, foisting guilt on ppl to buy (a study in itself) our politics, education, seemingly innocent rules.. covid?... More about control than teaching people - children! of empathy, attention to self health, "common sense", safety, commmunity and family responsibilities.
@@tjp2109 I agree, and It's a subject that needs to be examined in broad daylight.
This is the exact way my relationship of 6 years was. Only physical abuse was also a part of it. The most scarring emotionally damaging relationship I’ve ever had. It’s all so very recent too and I’ve been isolated for so long I don’t even have any friends because of him. This video gives me hope that I am not alone and I can get through this 🤗
You Can get through it! You will be SO much stronger because of it, & have true friends, as you will know which ones to walk away from!
You are not alone!!!! Definitely not alone! There are millions of us! Thank God you escaped! We are the lucky ones... You need your alone time to find yourself after losing it, so take advantage of your "loneliness" and never treat it as a disadvantage!!!!!! Meet yourself, embrace and LOVE it!!!!! This is the beginning of your healing journey! And it is difficult but trust me.... SO WONDERFUL!!!!!! Have NO REMORSE AND NO FEAR!!!! Identify your type of personality by taking the MBTI test and then start research about it. It helped me in the level that when the next bloodsucking narcissist appeared I sent him home no questions asked! Also! Meditate! It helps!!!!!YOU CAN DO IT! YOU DESERVE IT! PUT FAITH IN YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE STRONG (God knows you endured that level of abuse and survived, so you are no joke) AND MOST OF ALL YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!! God bless you and your healing journey! Stay determined and strong!
@@jackiekelly845 Thank you for your kind words
@@mirtzi. Thank you. I will definitely take a look at the MBTI test. I signed up for a domestic violence workshop. It’s on Zoom but I hope to find some support there and learn to love myself again. I really appreciate your reply. It means more than you know 🤗
You did a great job by signing up! Take this opportunity and make use of it as much as you can! Seek help if this is what your inner child and your soul needs!Do not be embarrassed and do not be afraid! YOU ARE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF AND YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY GOING TO LOVE IT AND PROTECT IT! And of course you are going to meet new people, but when the time comes for that you will have set your boundaries in the right position! 😉 We are all mentally together in this journey! Smile, express your gratitude for surviving and have FAITH! 🙂
It is very important to be your own person. Never allow negative entities to direct or control your life. Sometimes it is really good for you to say goodbye to people. Not down with those who play the blame the game, frame to blame and gaslighting.
You are a strong person and let love give you strength.
My ex used the 'you're so sensitve' when he made me cry. My daughter had just left to work abroad and I was a bit upset about that. Then he kept on about the mess she left the bathroom in which actually was a few splashes of water on the floor. He kept on and on about it saying how in other people's houses she should learn to clean up etc etc. I'd only been living with him a short time and my daughter had been staying a few days. I was upset because I realised how I'd never be able to live up to his standards and the house rules were getting ridiculous. That was the beginning of a very controlling abusive relationship which lasted 10 years and got physically abusive just before I finally left him. These small traits of gaslighting are signs of abuse to come. I wish I'd seen it years ago but we keep thinking it's not that bad or he'll get better. So glad of these videos. If I was a head teacher I'd make sure all my pupils learned about emotional abuse.
You and your kids..."cant" make mistakes. The Narc Can, it's always talked about that He s having a hard time. No mercy, no allowances given from narcs. They React with various Tantrum like shut downs ( disappear, dont eat/sleep, get sick...overwork) and then say You dont care they are "taking care of themselves". Its like they Rage out. They are gonna show you! Dont you try to encourage good behaviours, patterns or relating regularly!! Their spoiling tendency Is the Root design to keep everyone Believing They are really inconsiderate. So we leave them alone to rebalance. That's when they are even more demonic( seek Flying monkeys, sleep around, slash our behaviours). And I'm sure the monkeys Also say Do good stuff to help you. And narcs say Of course..gotta go. But really they thumb their nose at All good words. Thus..the triangulating webs go on and on. THEY plant doubt in everyone-sick!
My father used to explain himself after beating up my mother this way: she was "saying annoying things that made no sense" and this "made him very angry" and so he had the right to shut her up.
@@imwatching2960 this shows he made her Responsible for Him and how he responded emotionally. A strange manipulation that really is to Ignore reasonable requests that are Rights and Responsibilities in the Most Significant Relationship: marriage. Him believing he did not need to Consider his Behaviour( harming her) is the most 1 sided, irresponsible act in light of them "supposedly" being a unit, for each others growth, building up, and betterment. Abuse does an effect of working from a place of Fear: the opposite of Love. Love holds great place,and does not ask one must forget one 's self as part of a dynamic relationship. When one is going against another in a truly Separate way, actually causing question to the legitimacy of their Relationship, ( all sorts of selfish pursuits gone overboard, so the original partner is No longer shown great value..is the compartmentalizing notion that they can be partners, then not. Delusion is the mindset when one is Not in view of the other, one can behave without conscience. Or here with the abuse of your mother
.viewed by children who Heard, fathers love their mothers..The message shown in total disregard of care, safety, protection of each others life..only confuses the entire positive of family growth, love,bonds. Anger reacting, is the lack of self control. How men or women do respond Must be qualified, and based on Right ethics, in the realm of solving challenges we all face. If responsibility for 1 s emotions is not viewed responsibly, then room for Misbehaviour/ tendencies to create more issues/ ignore how to improve one s self control carries on. The value of a life has to be regarded ..personhood, rights to safety and choices that promote its sanctity. Violence is no answer, perpetuating it happens by ignoring the Greater virtues: love that is to grow by, truth that is to uphold our potential in living, and the self that can know when it has pushed beyond Reasonable decency into "extorting/ threatening". I.e. if she speaks of him being reckless about anything he will react..Dont tell him he is wrong or he will have to hurt her( he will)..and he wont hear of Correcting what is destructive to himself, his partner, children, Really the representatives of society. Justice for all..is bent out of possibility. Even Einstein said civilization requires morals, ethics..( standards to maintain and keep) or the idea of civilization will not be possible.
@@torriepenney936 Thank you. Much truth in what you said.
"Get out of the car. You can have your little tantrum inside."
I love your videos. I just relived about 20 of my 24 years with my ex-wife. After being out of that relationship for 5 years now, I am so much better. I wish That UA-cam was around way back then. This would have helped me get out of that abusive relationship earlier.
Thank you so much again! Excellent!
This video just popped up for me after a big fight with my daughter and the word gaslighting came up. I’m grateful for this cause it’s not some thing I’m familiar with.
After watching this video it’s very possible and probable that I’ve been unintentionally gaslighting everyone around me, and now my daughter is a Gaslighter, not a big surprise, but I’ve worked through a lot of my emotional issues and I don’t respond to it anymore which is making her even more angry and frustrated. I’m going to go back and watch more of your videos now and see what other behaviors I can become aware of to assist in transforming our family dynamic.
I very interesting topic. Thank you🙏🏻🌻💕
I had a friend who was supportive of me when we first met, he knew how I was going through the WORST time of my life. Then years later I started to recognize the gas lighting for what it was, I realized it when I was defending my experiences. I walked away over a month ago. You nailed it all.