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I have been guilty of uttering several of those phrases in my past, and wish to apologize for them. Though I've never said any of that directly to bi men, certainly to other gay guys. Within the last decade or so, I have joined several Meetup groups where I have met and spoken to more than a few bisexual guys, and just by the simple act of talking and listening, have begun to realize just how diverse they can be. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Hey thank you so much for these beautiful words. Apology accepted, forgiven and completely forgotten - new leaf of love and togetherness turned! It's important to add that we also are guilty as Bi+ people for saying and thinking these things towards each other. I'm not too proud to say that I have met so many Bi people and thought "you're totally just gay/straight and pretending". It's awful but we have internalised biphobia within us too. So it's okay to have said or thought things. They key is that when we learn, we listen and we change, with love. That's the best thing. It is those who learn how much they're hurting people and just carry on, or disregard it - that's the sad thing. Thank you again, I'm so honoured to have this comment on my channel. Sending so much love to you and all of my gorgeous gay community who are our biggest support x
Oh my gosh yay! I'm so pleased. Thank you for your lovely comment. If you like this, then subscribe and hit the bell because I'm making loads more content just like this. Sending so much bi community love to you and thanks again, Mark x
As a bi guy, while I agree with most of these I don't mind people being nonchalant when they find out I'm just glad they're not asking weird, invasive questions and I genuinely would not be bothered by a woman hitting on me in a gay bar as long as it didn't turn into harassment.
Hey thanks so much for saying. Yes I totally agree. As long as it's not too intense I'm generally okay too. Thanks for watching and sharing. Us bi guys need to do it more!
Hey thanks so much for your kind words. Ah yes, bisexual men are gay and bisexual women are straight. Love this one. Because, everything revolves around being attracted to men....! Such a lovely misogynistic viewpoint there isn't it? I wonder if it was...A MAN that came up with it.... Jeeeez
I’m a bi cis women and I actually starting dating a bi guy after I hit on him at a gay bar lmao. But I definitely don’t condone aggressively pursuing anybody, cuz that’s just creepy.
Right. Exactly. Also bi women, wherever you are, if you want to chat me up, I'm here for it. Always. I live for bi women. You are all gorgeous and I'm single please so call me. Thanks. x
My ex gf fooled around with girls before and knew I was full blown bisexual when we met. She actually loved it but it did make her wary of me cheating since I like guys and girls.
@@notdefining I feel annoyed because they're being invasive. My response is "it shouldn't matter which one I prefer. I like both genders, that's literally what bisexuality is"
@@classclown55210 Totally feel you on this. They are just perverts really aren't they? Weird vibe. One of my favourite answers to this question is, "...I prefer whoever buys me the most presents"! haha!
Very excellent video. As a Bi guy, I observe how the straight community has become more tolerant and curious. However, there are many ignorant people who have no idea of what to say or how to express themselves. We all need understanding and compassion. It has taken me a lifetime to understand who I am and accept myself. For me, my orientation is a very private matter that has been a special part of who I am and I’m grateful for knowing that and very careful who I share that with.
Thank you for this it’s helped clear up a lot of archaic misconceptions and language I might of had or used in the past as a gay man the last thing I want to do is offend anyone I’m freinds with or who I’m dating that is Bi
To the first one, I’m literally just thinking comments like, “Well that’s nice,” because I’d have no idea what to say. To me, if I’ve enjoyed my time talking with someone or becoming close to someone for them to open up to me, it makes me feel good that they trust me enough to open up, but otherwise, ngl, I’m completely emotionless. It’s not that I don’t care about the person, and obviously it takes a lot for them to come out (as someone who’s polyamorous, I genuinely understand how difficult if possible at all with a person, it is to come out), but at the end of the day, unless someone is asking me out, it’s just a spurt of information they wanted to tell me about themselves. It’d be no different to me than someone saying, “My favorite color is blue.” The only way to really respond is with what my favorite color is or to say “cool.” I’m not sure what I’d be expected to say. It doesn’t change anything in the relationship emotionally or physically (unless they are asking to date me), so it’d just be a cool fact about a person for me. I think it’s important to recognize the type of people you communicate with as well. For me, I have a social disability, so unless you directly tell me why you’re relaying information to me, I’ll just respond based on how I emotionally feel about the topic. If I feel nothing, I may give a lame response. Not negative, just neutral. Can’t blame a person for not knowing. Saying, “My favorite color is blue” will receive a neutral response from me, but saying, “I want the blue shoes because blue is my favorite color,” will peak my interest because now I know what you want and I can help you get it, get it for you, or be happy for you when you get it. I’ll give a more enthusiastic response. Likewise, saying “I’m bi” will get a neutral response from me because I won’t know what you’re wanting me to do about it. Even if it’s just acknowledging that I care. I won’t know. However, if you say, “I really want to share something personal with you. I’m bi.” Then I’ll understand that you want support and I’ll genuinely give it. Thanks to my disability, I’m extremely direct and need directness in return. People process differently, so it’s nice that you let us know to say something, but it’d also be helpful to people who may think differently to be honest with your intent on telling them.
Hey thanks this is a really interesting point and I’m glad you made it. (The intent of this comment for you is to thank you and make you feel heard and appreciated). How’s that? Sending you much love. Thanks for watching.
@@notdefining yes, that is helpful, since sarcasm isn’t something you can read through text, a “thank you,” I’ll generally take positively and when I’m wrong, I’ll just feel dumb. I can tell from your general attitude, though, that you are genuine, so you won’t have to say that to me every time. Just when it doesn’t seem like it will always be obvious. It’s something people really take for granted online, especially
@@elisakrivas I hear you totally. You are so welcome here and always okay to communicate how we can make things easy and comfortable for you to understand. We are a neuro diverse friendly page.
(I'm straight and currently dating a bi guy) Well if this person basically just a stranger comes out from no where to you and ask you all those random questions no matter if you are straight or bi or gay or whatever, they are rude regardless... If it's your partner or good friends, they mostly just want to get to know more about you genuinely. Sometimes it might get to some points where it gets rude like "Do you like guys more or girls?" "Are you a bottom or a top?". But it mostly comes from curiousity with love, they don't intentionally to offend you. Sometimes we have to admit that it's hard to empathize when you're an outsider. The key is just to communicate more and try to understand each other. Thanks for the content!
As a Bi man myself and having suffered substance abuse, HOCD because of during my teen years. I appreciate your videos alot. I actually had a gay guy try to get in argument with when I was first out and I literally walked away from him.
Hey thank you for sharing this. I'm hearing that you've been through a lot my friend. Substance abuse and anxiety disorders disproportionately affect our community so I am with you. I have had my own struggles with this too. I'm proud that you have got through this and well done for just walking away. Arguing with people is so pointless most of the time. Proud of you man. Thanks for sharing x
I had a heroin addiction and also had gay guys laughing and telling me I'd be full blown gay in 10 years. I'm not. I've never been gay and I've never been straight. I've never hid it either and now at 41 I am very happy with how I've developed it.
You explain things so well btw, I’m really loving your videos. Also, I’m sorry my comments are so long and blunt. If I seem mean or rude in them, I’m not trying to be. As I explained in another comment of mine, I do have a social disability, so sometimes I come off stronger or harsher than I intend. Especially if I’m passionate or genuinely questioning something.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so glad your enjoying the content. If you’re ever able to share I’d be so happy so more people can benefit. Also we are VERY welcoming of neuro diversity so don’t worry. Your comments are lovely. I am neuro divergent myself so it’s all good. Tell us about your disability. If you’re comfortable. It is loved and welcomed here.
@@notdefining I have panic disorder and depression and I’m OCD and autistic. I actually take pride in being autistic, but I’ll admit it has its issues, especially socially. As to my other disabilities: My OCD helps on a perfectionism basis, but otherwise, like my other disabilities, I hate them. As to LGBTQ+ pride, I mostly just support, except that after talking to you I think I’ve discovered I’m non-binary, but I’m comfortable with however a person wants to call me. I’m demisexual, heterosexual (honestly, I just don’t date women because my mentality doesn’t align, but I wouldn’t mind if I dated a transgender man, so mostly heterosexual), and polyamorous. I know these are odd combos. Also, I’m polyamorous oriented, so I’ve always been this way. I know there’s different kinds of polyamorous people, so I thought I should clarify that.
Your video's are so helpful and informative. Being a new born bi sexual man I'm still emotionally raw and a hot mess right now. But what I do have is the spirit of a warrior poet so I'm going to win in the end!
Hey I’m so glad you found it helpful my friend. You are so welcome in our community. If you need some further support check out www.notdefining.com. We have lots for you. ❤️💜💙
Hey Rehan thanks so much for your comment, and welcome to the bisexual world. You are most welcome. Check out my other videos and subscribe to the channel as I'm making loads more content which should hopefully help you on your journey to feeling great in your bi identity. If you ever want to chat, I'm here. Much love, Mark.
@@notdefining I would love to chat about my story of becoming bi in a podcast format or interview as I come from a Muslim background as its a double struggle.
@@ririmia5595 Hey thanks so much for getting in touch. I will definitely consider you as a guest if we have a next season of our podcast. Also look up two bi guys, bisexual brunch and binowpod. These are all great podcasts which may be accepting new guests.
Hello Mark, informative video🙌🏻. I would like to get some mentoring support from you in context of masculinity. However, for me this a bit different to deal with. As a man who is short in body height(5'2"), I have always struggled to find a sense of fulfilment within my masculinity. Whenever I am in public I always compare my height with other people (especially men) and then it leads to me feeling less of a man. I do embrace my own version of manliness yet I feel negatively about my height. How do I overcome these negative thoughts?
Hey thanks for raising this important question. I know this can be a real struggle and very real so I hear you. So the truth is that our natural state of being is the strongest, best, happiest and most attractive state of being. Fact. So you, the natural way you are, is the best version of you. So why don't we let go and stop resisting what we naturally are? Because at some point in our lives, we grew to believe that our natural state was flawed, less-than, horrid, weird, shameful or in some way lacking. We are terrified to be vulnerable and exist in our true, natural state because we believe that it is not nice, unattractive, unmanly, unacceptable in some way. This is a complete lie. The complete opposite is true. So we distract ourselves with comparisons. We look at other men, other people. If only I was taller, if only I was more muscular, if only I was more confident, if only I was more macho, if only......etc. Literally every second we waste comparing ourselves to others, our energy is drained from us. We feel less confident, we feel stressed, we feel bad about ourselves. It is completely wasted energy. We come across to others as needy, shy, anxious, awkward, undesirable. Stop it. I know its hard but challenge yourself. Stop doing it. Whenever you look at other guys imagine taking all of that energy back and putting into you. Let it fill you up. All of that positive energy you're putting on them, put it on you. Claim back your energy. Fill yourself with compliments. Say "you're so great" "you're amazing" "you're doing so well" "you're doing great" "you're so handsome". Honestly, give yourself so much support. You have so much energy within you to make yourself feel amazing. You're just giving it all away to other people because you're afraid to be vulnerable. Be vulnerable. Be you. Believe you are perfect. Believe you are great. Believe you are manly AF. But Mark, if I believe that then people are going to see the real me and they will reject me or ridicule me or not accept me.... No they won't. It is impossible to put someone down who is loving and honouring themself. If you build yourself up and love yourself as you are, literally no one can touch you. You will shine. Embrace your height. Love your height. Love yourself. Love the man that you are. You are PERFECT. You are absolutely perfect the way you are and the more you embrace that the sexier and the more magnetic you will be to everyone around you. Trust me. I have seen so many shorter men who have massive confidence in themselves just get the hottest dates and attract the best jobs and the most friends. Why? Because they embrace their own selves and don't waste ANY time comparing themselves to others. It's scary. Because it requires letting go. You feel exposed. You feel scared. It's vulnerable. But you have to trust the unknown. I am telling you this is the absolute truth of the world. 100% no doubt. What I am telling you is true OK? Now... What do you think? Sending you so much love my brother x
@@notdefining Mark, Thank you so much for guiding me. It is going to be a process to eventually own and accept my height. However, I believe that your words will definitely be of assistance. Diamonds shine regardless of their size, so does men of all body types. 😃🙌🏻
@@kuldeepvsoni Yes it takes practice to let yourself be vulnerable. Sometimes it can feel like jumping off a cliff or opening up a wound to the world. But know that it is true. Know that it is the path to feeling confidence. Try it little by little. Why would you hide the amazing person you are from the world?
@@notdefining I would never hide my individuality. I am focusing on being original and real. No one is me and that is my power. Actually allowing myself to embrace the combination of me that makes the Kuldeep that I am. And letting him present himself to the outside world with pride and self love.
These vids help a lot of people understand their feelings and more importantly, it helps them embrace those feelings (which leads to happiness mentally and physically).
I tend to meet bi-men (I’m gay) that have children. I’m not interested in children or a family. What do you think is the best way to approach this? (Gawd, you bi-guys are so effin’ gorgeous!)
Haha, thanks so much for the compliment. We are gorgeous aren't we?! Gay guys are also gorgeous and fab and I love you all. All of you! You are my brothers. With family/children etc. How do you feel in that conversation? How would you normally approach it? If someone has a family I would normally just say "oh that's lovely" or something like that. Just as you would anyone with kids. Is there something particular that you're feeling which is challenging to work through when faced with that conversation? Loads of love to you my friend, Mark x
Another one is being told that you're just in a "transition phase". I've been bi since primary school, and I've seen how over the past 30 or so years misassumptions about bisexuality have actually gotten worse, not better! So any discussion puts us as the bi person on the defensive, and it's not my job to educate the gay or straight person. I rarely discuss it anymore, and accept that people's validation is unlikely, and that the topic leads to an unsatisfying conversation. Best to not need people to sign-off on what's ultimately a unique and personal matter. Yeah... I know. I'm a Gen-Xer oldie. Ha ha!
Slightly tmi but I also don't understand why anyone would assume I'm just a top. I can't pick between men or women so why would you expect me to top or bottom when I'm actually vers? 🤣
I guess that's because straight people think bi people are actually gay people while gay people think bi people are like straight people but they like to experiment a little bit😂(i don't know but i assume this as a gay man😅) like when i was at my ex's home his mom told us she doesn't believe in bi people someone is either like women or men😅
Haha, that's okay. I'm sure it was asked with love as it's your bf. For this I was meaning normally random people just asking you outright...! That can be a bit weird.
I was really interested in this as a gay guy cause i am currently chatting with a bi guy he seems pretty fun good perdon(i am not saying dating cause we havent met each other yet😅 just planning to do so next week) well yeah i didn't find so far only bi guys who wanted casual things nothing serious he is the first exception and i am also the first one for him as a serious relationship, so it is kinda exciting what will be from this lol
I get where you are coming from. . But I think some of the things straight people say are not to invalidate a bi person. . So when they say "Oh I've kissed someone of the same sex" I think they are trying to relate. Trying to say they are not giving you judgement. . But you are taking offence to it. The other thing I thought of. . is when they say "is your partner OK with this?" they are asking because so many bi men have partners who are opposite sex, and the partner doesn't know. So they don't want to blurt out "oh I hear Mark is bi" and have the partner say "WHAT?????" . . So they are trying to see if you are out or not. . . It bugs me that straight women go into gay bars. Right. They should not try to pick a guy up. They have no idea what your relationship status is. Go to a straight bar, where they belong. . . So, the point of my message, Mark, is to say that not everyone is trying to be rude or invalidate you. . They are just trying to relate or understand. But I sense a lot of anger from you. Or maybe defensiveness. . Yes, of course there are stupid people. But I'm not sure everyone is. . I think they are trying to relate to you. . That is all. . So think about what I am saying. . Tell me I am full of shit if that is what you think. . .But I still send love and hugs, and look forward to your videos. --Steven.
Hey my friend yes of course you are absolutely right. And most of these things are kind of little annoyances rather than huge offences. Definitely most people are trying to be nice and relate but it actually doesn't come out that way. It's like when I mention to someone that I have a mental disability and suffer from OCD, many people will say "oh yes I'm a bit OCD too, I like to have my postits in the right order" and stuff like that. It's extremely invalidating and ignorant. You are minimising somebody's experience of something very major and difficult in their life by comparing it to something trivial. So it does annoy me. Also, the partner thing, you make a good point. We definitely have to check who is "out" and who isn't in the community and be careful what we talk about with who etc. I would also say though that I tend to know who is genuinely asking about my partner for reasons of confidentiality and who is not. Like it's very obvious. The way you would frame that question would be completely different. Most people are just "curious" because they believe that it would be a problem. Trans people get this all the time as well. Anyone on the sexually, asexual/aromantic or gender diverse spectrums gets the "but how can you have a relationship" question. Like how can your partner be ok with that? Why would anyone be ok with that? It must be hard for them. Then of course you get into the whole narrative of "oh you're so lucky to have an accepting partner, isn't it great?" No, it's not great at all. It's just normal and should be 1000% expected. Oh my gosh I have so much rantiness in me Steven don't I? hahaha I live for these conversations though because so often we don't get to have them. I'm super happy that you and I can chat like this. What do you think? Most of the time I talk absolute nonsense so I'm always happy to be challenged. This video is one of my less serious, more fun ones so I completely expect that not everyone will feel the same about everything. But I love to stir up some controversy once in a while! haha. Us Bi people are controversial by just existing right? Hope you're having an amazing day and thanks again for watching and supporting. I really appreciate it.
Hey Mark. . Here is something completely different than the message above. . But anyway, I read a thread for bisexual men. And one post said: the biggest issue seems to be how women see it. (being bi) for the past six months or so I've only slept with closeted bi men because that's all I can find in my area. and while I've enjoyed these bi men sexually, their need to keep themselves a secret from their female partners started getting depressing to me. There was even one guy who obviously wanted male affection, he'd want to hold my hand and cuddle and make out and everything, but then I reflexively nodded at him at the grocery store the other day and he clearly avoided eye contact -- there was nobody else even in the isle and we live in a friendly town where people nod at each other -- but I guess I was breaking the unwritten DL "code" by nodding at him... There are so many bi men who are having trouble with their sexuality. . So I made a post referring people to your page. . I hope that generates more traffic. . The guys on the page were thankful for my recommendation. So we will see if they view your posts. . -- Steven
Did you just say go to a straight bar where straight women belong?? Well then LGBTQ stay out of straight bars and go to gay bars "where you belong". Is it okay if straight people say that?? And i guarantee if you were in a straight bar and a guy there who happened to be gay struck up conversation with you and flirted a bit you would NOT be all pissed off about it like you guys seem to be with women approaching a bi guy in a gay bar. Why the hypocrisy? See im cool with LGBTQ people but man, crap like this makes me just want to disregard you guys and pull away. You are really no more accepting or tolerant than straight people. And if you aren't bi or gay then why would that hypocritcal mess even come from you? smh
@@alexajordan8610 there are a million straight bars. There is no reason for a straight person to be in a gay bar. Really. Why would you think it would be OK to be in a gay bar and then get upset of a gay person tried to talk to you? cuz that's what happens. Gay, Bi and Lesbian people need their own space in a straight world.
@@alexajordan8610 you have made a common misunderstanding between (1) the slight knock to the ego that some straight women feel when they choose to visit LGBT venues and don’t get the attention they take for granted in all other spaces in society and (2) the abject fear of violence that LGBT people have to experience in almost all spaces in society. These two things are on no level the same. So it’s not hypocrisy at all. I want you to imagine you grew up in a gay world. Everything was gay. Your parents were gay, only gay marriage was allowed. All the bars were gay. You were taught that being straight was disgusting and wrong. Straight people feared holding hands in public because people would attack them. Imagine you were straight in that situation. All bars were gay. Every female you liked was a lesbian and you were terrified to talk to any girl because you would probably be punched if tried to talk to her. Imagine you’d been ridiculed your whole life for the way you behaved, the way you spoke, the things you liked, the clothes you wore. No one liked the music you liked, no one liked the hobbies or interests you liked. No one understood you. You stood in these gay bars all your life as they played music you hated and you watched all your friends (who of course were gay) having the best time. Gay people would hit on you constantly. It was incredibly traumatic because you didn’t know how to react. You even had to pretend you were gay for years and kiss or even have sex with members of your own gender because you feared so badly you would lose everything if they knew you were straight. Imagine then that there was one bar in the town. One “straight bar”. They played the music you liked, there were other straight guys who you could relate with and loads of gorgeous straight women who were actually interested in you. Imagine how sacred and special that bar would be. Now imagine a load of gay people started coming to that bar. They had all the bars in the town to choose from. But for some reason they chose to come to your one safe bar. Now that would be fine. But you would want them to respect the space. Imagine then that the gay men started hitting on you, in your straight bar. Pestering you. Imagine they got huffy because you weren’t interested in them and started being rude to you. How completely frustrated would you be? Now then imagine you make a lighthearted video about it to raise awareness of this incredibly unfair and frustrating situation and a gay person comes to you and says “this is why we don’t like you straight people. You don’t welcome us in your bars so why should we welcome you in ours? You’re oppressing straight people. It’s just the same.” I love you so much but it’s not the same. It is so deeply ignorant to suggest that it is the same on any level. I’m sorry. The whole world is straight. We have one gay bar. It’s not the same. You have everything. We have one space to feel safe. One.
Bi person here, and I disagree with most of this video actually... I feel you are speaking for *yourself* and not for all of us. These are things that you want people to ask you and not ask you, and that's all fine and dandy, but that's YOU, and I don't want people to come away from this video as like an instruction manual on how to talk to us. We're not a monolith. My take... I vet who I disclose my sexuality very seriously, because there are 8 billion people on this earth, and not every soul needs to know who I'm shagging. My sexuality is not relevant to my line of work, and quite frankly anyone outside the people I'm intimate with. I have tried coming out at work once, but it resulted in my coworkers treating me with kid gloves and asking me weird questions. Probably after watching a confusing video like this. It's very confusing to say "Ask me questions! I'm open! But don't ask me THOSE questions..." You can't decide what questions will come. And you can't make judgement on which ones are "genuine" and which ones aren't. If you choose to disclose, you've got to be ready for whatever happens. That's been my experience. And so I'm really careful about who I tell. That is *opening* the door to people fetishizing me, asking me strange questions etc. I supposed I've developed the intuition to tell who is "safe" or not to tell. The thing is, while a lot of what you say is true, the fact is, bisexuality *is* abnormal in a heterosexualnormative society, and so there *will* be questions. I find it confusing that you tell people not to ask the very questions they might want to ask. It's human nature to ask what you're into once you've disclosed your sexuality! (So why do it!) My close family knows, my wife knows, some close friends know. My coworkers know, now I wish they didn't. As I've said, it really is irrelevant for them. They know now, and it's a past event that in retrospect, didn't need to happen. We still do our work with the odd "What do you think of that guy/girl?" thrown in. A lot of the questions you say you hate being asked? I don't mind. Ask away. My life is an open book, with the people I have decided I'm going to disclose this part of my life to. I can't speak for all Bi people but as for me, I don't feel like I need to be "seen." You talk about "feeling valid." I'm done with external validation. The people who matter to me know, and that's all that matters. I don't need to be seen. If I can walk life without a care, I'm good. The questions won't come unless people know, and I guess I'm pretty "straight passing," so I must admit I have that "privilege." Yes. You deny it, but I do feel we who act straight have a privilege that our gay counterparts, the guys who have the gay accent and have the mannerisms, do not. I can choose to disclose or not what my sexual orientations are, or keep them to myself, while flaming gay guys can't help themselves. It's who they are. I personally would like to live in a world where it's acceptable to say "Yeah, I'm bi," and not really care. You know? Have it be no different than say "I can drink either Pepsi or Coke." A quick "OK that's cool" and moving on would be perfectly acceptable for me. Why does it need to be more than that? Why do I need to wear like a pin and wave a flag about it? Why would I want people to ask further questions than that? If I'm going to be asked a series of questions about my "journey" to decide what I like more, I'm just not going to mention it. And to reiterate, having the option to disclose or not is a privilege fem gays and butch lesbians just don't have. (But even nowadays; hasn't it become more acceptable to be openly gay or lesbian in society?) So I feel a video like this, giving people what is essentially a long instruction manual on how to talk to us is going to make it even MORE difficult for us to disclose, not easier, because now people have this image that we're these fragile snowflakes who see "bi-phobia" in everything. The one thing that you say here that's true is, I've gotten "Oh, you're actually gay, you just don't know it yet" by people in the "LGBTQ community." It's funny, but if I here someone is a flag-waving, card-carrying LGBTQ activist that's the person I want to tell the LEAST, because I feel they're more likely to dismiss my bisexuality than anyone. Essentially if I could just live like anyone else without being like a street attraction, that would be great. It'd be nice if society moved in that direction. Where liking the same sex or even both sexes is a taboo of a bygone past. Wouldn't it be great to live in a world where being LGBTQ just didn't matter and we would not have to "raise awareness" or have pride parades or anything? Just live life. No need for validation for what's an innate, immutable characteristic like hair, eye or skin color or left-handedness. Yeah, it would be awesome. "Woh you're with a dude? I thought you were straight." "Yeah man, I'm bi." "Yah cool! Here have a beer." It would be great.
The most annoying thing straight people say to me is are you sure your bisexual or is it just a phase like really is being straight a phase or are you just pressured into it from other people
I have thought of myself as bisexaul for a long time. I have been with guys and I like playing. Sometimes I feel like it's more of a "kink" for me though. I may be capable of bi-romantic feelings, but I haven't yet experienced much of that. I hope I can be bi-romantic. I'm really not interested in becoming romantic with any females at this point in my life. Chicks are too complicated, and I've been with plenty of them already. Mostly relationships that weren't worth the trouble. Dudes are much less complicated.
I'm a proud bisexual male. Please don't tell me that I'm going through a phase or that bisexual males don't actually exist. I will tell the person that I'm 56 years old not an adolescent it's definitely not a phase. And I. Sure that I exist. I'm sure that being equally attracted to men and women both physically and emotionally and having had the experiences I know bisexual males and bisexuality are real.🩷💙💜
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I have been guilty of uttering several of those phrases in my past, and wish to apologize for them. Though I've never said any of that directly to bi men, certainly to other gay guys.
Within the last decade or so, I have joined several Meetup groups where I have met and spoken to more than a few bisexual guys, and just by the simple act of talking and listening, have begun to realize just how diverse they can be.
Thanks for sharing your insights!
Hey thank you so much for these beautiful words. Apology accepted, forgiven and completely forgotten - new leaf of love and togetherness turned!
It's important to add that we also are guilty as Bi+ people for saying and thinking these things towards each other.
I'm not too proud to say that I have met so many Bi people and thought "you're totally just gay/straight and pretending". It's awful but we have internalised biphobia within us too.
So it's okay to have said or thought things. They key is that when we learn, we listen and we change, with love. That's the best thing.
It is those who learn how much they're hurting people and just carry on, or disregard it - that's the sad thing.
Thank you again, I'm so honoured to have this comment on my channel. Sending so much love to you and all of my gorgeous gay community who are our biggest support x
As a bi person myself, I enjoyed this video very, very much!
Oh my gosh yay! I'm so pleased. Thank you for your lovely comment. If you like this, then subscribe and hit the bell because I'm making loads more content just like this. Sending so much bi community love to you and thanks again, Mark x
As a bi guy, while I agree with most of these I don't mind people being nonchalant when they find out I'm just glad they're not asking weird, invasive questions and I genuinely would not be bothered by a woman hitting on me in a gay bar as long as it didn't turn into harassment.
Hey thanks so much for saying. Yes I totally agree. As long as it's not too intense I'm generally okay too. Thanks for watching and sharing. Us bi guys need to do it more!
'all bisexual men are gay and all bisexual women are straight' 😑 that's a popular one it seems.
What a GREAT video 😄
Hey thanks so much for your kind words. Ah yes, bisexual men are gay and bisexual women are straight. Love this one.
Because, everything revolves around being attracted to men....! Such a lovely misogynistic viewpoint there isn't it? I wonder if it was...A MAN that came up with it....
Jeeeez
I’m a bi cis women and I actually starting dating a bi guy after I hit on him at a gay bar lmao. But I definitely don’t condone aggressively pursuing anybody, cuz that’s just creepy.
Right. Exactly. Also bi women, wherever you are, if you want to chat me up, I'm here for it. Always. I live for bi women. You are all gorgeous and I'm single please so call me. Thanks. x
My ex gf fooled around with girls before and knew I was full blown bisexual when we met. She actually loved it but it did make her wary of me cheating since I like guys and girls.
Question I hate being asked as a bi guy
“Do you prefer men or women?”
Oh my gosh I hate this too. How do you feel when someone asks you that?
@@notdefining I feel annoyed because they're being invasive. My response is "it shouldn't matter which one I prefer. I like both genders, that's literally what bisexuality is"
@@classclown55210 Totally feel you on this. They are just perverts really aren't they? Weird vibe. One of my favourite answers to this question is, "...I prefer whoever buys me the most presents"! haha!
@Be REAL not gonna lie, but your comment is biphobic
@Be REAL What you just said had nothing to do with my original comment
Very excellent video.
As a Bi guy, I observe how the straight community has become more tolerant and curious. However, there are many ignorant people who have no idea of what to say or how to express themselves.
We all need understanding and compassion. It has taken me a lifetime to understand who I am and accept myself. For me, my orientation is a very private matter that has been a special part of who I am and I’m grateful for knowing that and very careful who I share that with.
Thank you for this it’s helped clear up a lot of archaic misconceptions and language I might of had or used in the past as a gay man the last thing I want to do is offend anyone I’m freinds with or who I’m dating that is Bi
Hey thanks so much for watching and for your kind and honest comment. I appreciate it so so much. xxx
To the first one, I’m literally just thinking comments like, “Well that’s nice,” because I’d have no idea what to say. To me, if I’ve enjoyed my time talking with someone or becoming close to someone for them to open up to me, it makes me feel good that they trust me enough to open up, but otherwise, ngl, I’m completely emotionless. It’s not that I don’t care about the person, and obviously it takes a lot for them to come out (as someone who’s polyamorous, I genuinely understand how difficult if possible at all with a person, it is to come out), but at the end of the day, unless someone is asking me out, it’s just a spurt of information they wanted to tell me about themselves. It’d be no different to me than someone saying, “My favorite color is blue.” The only way to really respond is with what my favorite color is or to say “cool.” I’m not sure what I’d be expected to say. It doesn’t change anything in the relationship emotionally or physically (unless they are asking to date me), so it’d just be a cool fact about a person for me. I think it’s important to recognize the type of people you communicate with as well. For me, I have a social disability, so unless you directly tell me why you’re relaying information to me, I’ll just respond based on how I emotionally feel about the topic. If I feel nothing, I may give a lame response. Not negative, just neutral. Can’t blame a person for not knowing.
Saying, “My favorite color is blue” will receive a neutral response from me, but saying, “I want the blue shoes because blue is my favorite color,” will peak my interest because now I know what you want and I can help you get it, get it for you, or be happy for you when you get it. I’ll give a more enthusiastic response.
Likewise, saying “I’m bi” will get a neutral response from me because I won’t know what you’re wanting me to do about it. Even if it’s just acknowledging that I care. I won’t know. However, if you say, “I really want to share something personal with you. I’m bi.” Then I’ll understand that you want support and I’ll genuinely give it. Thanks to my disability, I’m extremely direct and need directness in return.
People process differently, so it’s nice that you let us know to say something, but it’d also be helpful to people who may think differently to be honest with your intent on telling them.
Hey thanks this is a really interesting point and I’m glad you made it. (The intent of this comment for you is to thank you and make you feel heard and appreciated). How’s that? Sending you much love. Thanks for watching.
@@notdefining yes, that is helpful, since sarcasm isn’t something you can read through text, a “thank you,” I’ll generally take positively and when I’m wrong, I’ll just feel dumb. I can tell from your general attitude, though, that you are genuine, so you won’t have to say that to me every time. Just when it doesn’t seem like it will always be obvious. It’s something people really take for granted online, especially
@@elisakrivas I hear you totally. You are so welcome here and always okay to communicate how we can make things easy and comfortable for you to understand. We are a neuro diverse friendly page.
@@notdefining thank you 😊
(I'm straight and currently dating a bi guy) Well if this person basically just a stranger comes out from no where to you and ask you all those random questions no matter if you are straight or bi or gay or whatever, they are rude regardless...
If it's your partner or good friends, they mostly just want to get to know more about you genuinely. Sometimes it might get to some points where it gets rude like "Do you like guys more or girls?" "Are you a bottom or a top?". But it mostly comes from curiousity with love, they don't intentionally to offend you.
Sometimes we have to admit that it's hard to empathize when you're an outsider. The key is just to communicate more and try to understand each other. Thanks for the content!
Hey thanks so much for sharing your perspectives. I appreciate it so much.
The question I hate is "Which one do you like more men or women?" Apparently they don't know what Bisexual means.
Couldn’t agree more.
As a Bi man myself and having suffered substance abuse, HOCD because of during my teen years. I appreciate your videos alot. I actually had a gay guy try to get in argument with when I was first out and I literally walked away from him.
Hey thank you for sharing this. I'm hearing that you've been through a lot my friend. Substance abuse and anxiety disorders disproportionately affect our community so I am with you. I have had my own struggles with this too.
I'm proud that you have got through this and well done for just walking away. Arguing with people is so pointless most of the time.
Proud of you man. Thanks for sharing x
I had a heroin addiction and also had gay guys laughing and telling me I'd be full blown gay in 10 years. I'm not. I've never been gay and I've never been straight. I've never hid it either and now at 41 I am very happy with how I've developed it.
You explain things so well btw, I’m really loving your videos.
Also, I’m sorry my comments are so long and blunt. If I seem mean or rude in them, I’m not trying to be. As I explained in another comment of mine, I do have a social disability, so sometimes I come off stronger or harsher than I intend. Especially if I’m passionate or genuinely questioning something.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so glad your enjoying the content. If you’re ever able to share I’d be so happy so more people can benefit.
Also we are VERY welcoming of neuro diversity so don’t worry. Your comments are lovely. I am neuro divergent myself so it’s all good.
Tell us about your disability. If you’re comfortable. It is loved and welcomed here.
@@notdefining I have panic disorder and depression and I’m OCD and autistic. I actually take pride in being autistic, but I’ll admit it has its issues, especially socially. As to my other disabilities: My OCD helps on a perfectionism basis, but otherwise, like my other disabilities, I hate them.
As to LGBTQ+ pride, I mostly just support, except that after talking to you I think I’ve discovered I’m non-binary, but I’m comfortable with however a person wants to call me. I’m demisexual, heterosexual (honestly, I just don’t date women because my mentality doesn’t align, but I wouldn’t mind if I dated a transgender man, so mostly heterosexual), and polyamorous. I know these are odd combos. Also, I’m polyamorous oriented, so I’ve always been this way. I know there’s different kinds of polyamorous people, so I thought I should clarify that.
Your video's are so helpful and informative. Being a new born bi sexual man I'm still emotionally raw and a hot mess right now. But what I do have is the spirit of a warrior poet so I'm going to win in the end!
Hey I’m so glad you found it helpful my friend. You are so welcome in our community. If you need some further support check out www.notdefining.com. We have lots for you. ❤️💜💙
Am a person who is new to this bi sexual world got not much to share still learning.
Thanks for this very informative video.
Hey Rehan thanks so much for your comment, and welcome to the bisexual world. You are most welcome. Check out my other videos and subscribe to the channel as I'm making loads more content which should hopefully help you on your journey to feeling great in your bi identity. If you ever want to chat, I'm here. Much love, Mark.
@@notdefining I would love to chat about my story of becoming bi in a podcast format or interview as I come from a Muslim background as its a double struggle.
@@ririmia5595 Hey thanks so much for getting in touch. I will definitely consider you as a guest if we have a next season of our podcast. Also look up two bi guys, bisexual brunch and binowpod. These are all great podcasts which may be accepting new guests.
All i get as a bi guy is hate and racism,i needed this video thank you.
I’m so glad you found what you needed today. My heart is with you.
Hello Mark, informative video🙌🏻. I would like to get some mentoring support from you in context of masculinity. However, for me this a bit different to deal with. As a man who is short in body height(5'2"), I have always struggled to find a sense of fulfilment within my masculinity. Whenever I am in public I always compare my height with other people (especially men) and then it leads to me feeling less of a man. I do embrace my own version of manliness yet I feel negatively about my height. How do I overcome these negative thoughts?
Hey thanks for raising this important question. I know this can be a real struggle and very real so I hear you.
So the truth is that our natural state of being is the strongest, best, happiest and most attractive state of being. Fact. So you, the natural way you are, is the best version of you.
So why don't we let go and stop resisting what we naturally are? Because at some point in our lives, we grew to believe that our natural state was flawed, less-than, horrid, weird, shameful or in some way lacking.
We are terrified to be vulnerable and exist in our true, natural state because we believe that it is not nice, unattractive, unmanly, unacceptable in some way. This is a complete lie. The complete opposite is true.
So we distract ourselves with comparisons. We look at other men, other people. If only I was taller, if only I was more muscular, if only I was more confident, if only I was more macho, if only......etc.
Literally every second we waste comparing ourselves to others, our energy is drained from us. We feel less confident, we feel stressed, we feel bad about ourselves. It is completely wasted energy. We come across to others as needy, shy, anxious, awkward, undesirable.
Stop it. I know its hard but challenge yourself. Stop doing it.
Whenever you look at other guys imagine taking all of that energy back and putting into you. Let it fill you up. All of that positive energy you're putting on them, put it on you. Claim back your energy. Fill yourself with compliments. Say "you're so great" "you're amazing" "you're doing so well" "you're doing great" "you're so handsome". Honestly, give yourself so much support.
You have so much energy within you to make yourself feel amazing. You're just giving it all away to other people because you're afraid to be vulnerable.
Be vulnerable. Be you. Believe you are perfect. Believe you are great. Believe you are manly AF.
But Mark, if I believe that then people are going to see the real me and they will reject me or ridicule me or not accept me....
No they won't. It is impossible to put someone down who is loving and honouring themself. If you build yourself up and love yourself as you are, literally no one can touch you.
You will shine.
Embrace your height. Love your height. Love yourself. Love the man that you are.
You are PERFECT. You are absolutely perfect the way you are and the more you embrace that the sexier and the more magnetic you will be to everyone around you.
Trust me.
I have seen so many shorter men who have massive confidence in themselves just get the hottest dates and attract the best jobs and the most friends. Why? Because they embrace their own selves and don't waste ANY time comparing themselves to others.
It's scary. Because it requires letting go. You feel exposed. You feel scared. It's vulnerable. But you have to trust the unknown. I am telling you this is the absolute truth of the world. 100% no doubt.
What I am telling you is true OK? Now...
What do you think?
Sending you so much love my brother x
@@notdefining Mark, Thank you so much for guiding me. It is going to be a process to eventually own and accept my height. However, I believe that your words will definitely be of assistance. Diamonds shine regardless of their size, so does men of all body types. 😃🙌🏻
@@kuldeepvsoni Yes it takes practice to let yourself be vulnerable. Sometimes it can feel like jumping off a cliff or opening up a wound to the world.
But know that it is true. Know that it is the path to feeling confidence.
Try it little by little.
Why would you hide the amazing person you are from the world?
@@notdefining I would never hide my individuality. I am focusing on being original and real. No one is me and that is my power. Actually allowing myself to embrace the combination of me that makes the Kuldeep that I am. And letting him present himself to the outside world with pride and self love.
@@notdefining this was such a great message Mark!
love this video so much. Hugs from Brazil.
Hey thanks so much! Sending loads of hugs back to you from over here.
@@notdefining ❤
These vids help a lot of people understand their feelings and more importantly, it helps them embrace those feelings (which leads to happiness mentally and physically).
These are so true to the tenth power.
Thanks so much for validating this.
I tend to meet bi-men (I’m gay) that have children. I’m not interested in children or a family. What do you think is the best way to approach this? (Gawd, you bi-guys are so effin’ gorgeous!)
Haha, thanks so much for the compliment. We are gorgeous aren't we?! Gay guys are also gorgeous and fab and I love you all. All of you! You are my brothers.
With family/children etc. How do you feel in that conversation? How would you normally approach it? If someone has a family I would normally just say "oh that's lovely" or something like that. Just as you would anyone with kids.
Is there something particular that you're feeling which is challenging to work through when faced with that conversation?
Loads of love to you my friend, Mark x
@@notdefining : Well, the moment I find out I will have to bring it up. Let them know that having a family and children are not values of mine.
@@xtradelite903 That makes sense. I guess when people assume it is your values and that they're superior it can be so frsutrating right?
@@notdefining : I don’t feel they are being superior, it’s just that they need to know what I want. I need to communicate it to them at some point.
@@xtradelite903 That's cool. You're so valid in that.
Hi Mark. Love your videos! I've a suggestion. How about a video on what not to say to a Bisexual/Pansexual non-binary person. I'm non-binary!
I like it! Thanks for the suggestion. I will do that.
Thanks. Mark
🩷
You are so welcome
Another one is being told that you're just in a "transition phase". I've been bi since primary school, and I've seen how over the past 30 or so years misassumptions about bisexuality have actually gotten worse, not better! So any discussion puts us as the bi person on the defensive, and it's not my job to educate the gay or straight person. I rarely discuss it anymore, and accept that people's validation is unlikely, and that the topic leads to an unsatisfying conversation. Best to not need people to sign-off on what's ultimately a unique and personal matter. Yeah... I know. I'm a Gen-Xer oldie. Ha ha!
Slightly tmi but I also don't understand why anyone would assume I'm just a top. I can't pick between men or women so why would you expect me to top or bottom when I'm actually vers? 🤣
Good point. Very good point.
I guess that's because straight people think bi people are actually gay people while gay people think bi people are like straight people but they like to experiment a little bit😂(i don't know but i assume this as a gay man😅) like when i was at my ex's home his mom told us she doesn't believe in bi people someone is either like women or men😅
is it ok if someone says to me that i have the best of both worlds??
Does it feel okay to you?
@@notdefining well I kind of laughed didn't get offended or anything it's true I guess??
Well then that’s great. Sounds like it was okay to you. That’s fab.
#BisexualWrath is a t-shirt I need!!
Omg, I accidentally asked him if he's Top or Bottom before watching this 😢
Haha, that's okay. I'm sure it was asked with love as it's your bf. For this I was meaning normally random people just asking you outright...! That can be a bit weird.
I was really interested in this as a gay guy cause i am currently chatting with a bi guy he seems pretty fun good perdon(i am not saying dating cause we havent met each other yet😅 just planning to do so next week) well yeah i didn't find so far only bi guys who wanted casual things nothing serious he is the first exception and i am also the first one for him as a serious relationship, so it is kinda exciting what will be from this lol
Hey that’s fab. Thanks for sharing. I’m sure he will appreciate you learning about bisexuality. It means a lot.
I hope so😊 though noone knows this in his family, not even his friends😞
@@erikhorvath4297 I'm sorry to hear this.
You covered a lot of ground! Very interesting.
I get where you are coming from. . But I think some of the things straight people say are not to invalidate a bi person. . So when they say "Oh I've kissed someone of the same sex" I think they are trying to relate. Trying to say they are not giving you judgement. . But you are taking offence to it. The other thing I thought of. . is when they say "is your partner OK with this?" they are asking because so many bi men have partners who are opposite sex, and the partner doesn't know. So they don't want to blurt out "oh I hear Mark is bi" and have the partner say "WHAT?????" . . So they are trying to see if you are out or not. . . It bugs me that straight women go into gay bars. Right. They should not try to pick a guy up. They have no idea what your relationship status is. Go to a straight bar, where they belong. . . So, the point of my message, Mark, is to say that not everyone is trying to be rude or invalidate you. . They are just trying to relate or understand. But I sense a lot of anger from you. Or maybe defensiveness. . Yes, of course there are stupid people. But I'm not sure everyone is. . I think they are trying to relate to you. . That is all. . So think about what I am saying. . Tell me I am full of shit if that is what you think. . .But I still send love and hugs, and look forward to your videos. --Steven.
Hey my friend yes of course you are absolutely right. And most of these things are kind of little annoyances rather than huge offences.
Definitely most people are trying to be nice and relate but it actually doesn't come out that way. It's like when I mention to someone that I have a mental disability and suffer from OCD, many people will say "oh yes I'm a bit OCD too, I like to have my postits in the right order" and stuff like that. It's extremely invalidating and ignorant. You are minimising somebody's experience of something very major and difficult in their life by comparing it to something trivial. So it does annoy me.
Also, the partner thing, you make a good point. We definitely have to check who is "out" and who isn't in the community and be careful what we talk about with who etc.
I would also say though that I tend to know who is genuinely asking about my partner for reasons of confidentiality and who is not. Like it's very obvious. The way you would frame that question would be completely different. Most people are just "curious" because they believe that it would be a problem.
Trans people get this all the time as well. Anyone on the sexually, asexual/aromantic or gender diverse spectrums gets the "but how can you have a relationship" question. Like how can your partner be ok with that? Why would anyone be ok with that? It must be hard for them. Then of course you get into the whole narrative of "oh you're so lucky to have an accepting partner, isn't it great?"
No, it's not great at all. It's just normal and should be 1000% expected.
Oh my gosh I have so much rantiness in me Steven don't I? hahaha
I live for these conversations though because so often we don't get to have them. I'm super happy that you and I can chat like this. What do you think? Most of the time I talk absolute nonsense so I'm always happy to be challenged.
This video is one of my less serious, more fun ones so I completely expect that not everyone will feel the same about everything. But I love to stir up some controversy once in a while! haha. Us Bi people are controversial by just existing right?
Hope you're having an amazing day and thanks again for watching and supporting. I really appreciate it.
Hey Mark. . Here is something completely different than the message above. . But anyway, I read a thread for bisexual men. And one post said:
the biggest issue seems to be how women see it. (being bi) for the past six months or so I've only slept with closeted bi men because that's all I can find in my area. and while I've enjoyed these bi men sexually, their need to keep themselves a secret from their female partners started getting depressing to me. There was even one guy who obviously wanted male affection, he'd want to hold my hand and cuddle and make out and everything, but then I reflexively nodded at him at the grocery store the other day and he clearly avoided eye contact -- there was nobody else even in the isle and we live in a friendly town where people nod at each other -- but I guess I was breaking the unwritten DL "code" by nodding at him...
There are so many bi men who are having trouble with their sexuality. . So I made a post referring people to your page. . I hope that generates more traffic. . The guys on the page were thankful for my recommendation. So we will see if they view your posts. . -- Steven
Did you just say go to a straight bar where straight women belong?? Well then LGBTQ stay out of straight bars and go to gay bars "where you belong". Is it okay if straight people say that?? And i guarantee if you were in a straight bar and a guy there who happened to be gay struck up conversation with you and flirted a bit you would NOT be all pissed off about it like you guys seem to be with women approaching a bi guy in a gay bar. Why the hypocrisy? See im cool with LGBTQ people but man, crap like this makes me just want to disregard you guys and pull away. You are really no more accepting or tolerant than straight people. And if you aren't bi or gay then why would that hypocritcal mess even come from you? smh
@@alexajordan8610 there are a million straight bars. There is no reason for a straight person to be in a gay bar. Really. Why would you think it would be OK to be in a gay bar and then get upset of a gay person tried to talk to you? cuz that's what happens. Gay, Bi and Lesbian people need their own space in a straight world.
@@alexajordan8610 you have made a common misunderstanding between (1) the slight knock to the ego that some straight women feel when they choose to visit LGBT venues and don’t get the attention they take for granted in all other spaces in society and (2) the abject fear of violence that LGBT people have to experience in almost all spaces in society.
These two things are on no level the same. So it’s not hypocrisy at all.
I want you to imagine you grew up in a gay world. Everything was gay. Your parents were gay, only gay marriage was allowed. All the bars were gay. You were taught that being straight was disgusting and wrong. Straight people feared holding hands in public because people would attack them. Imagine you were straight in that situation. All bars were gay. Every female you liked was a lesbian and you were terrified to talk to any girl because you would probably be punched if tried to talk to her.
Imagine you’d been ridiculed your whole life for the way you behaved, the way you spoke, the things you liked, the clothes you wore. No one liked the music you liked, no one liked the hobbies or interests you liked. No one understood you. You stood in these gay bars all your life as they played music you hated and you watched all your friends (who of course were gay) having the best time. Gay people would hit on you constantly. It was incredibly traumatic because you didn’t know how to react. You even had to pretend you were gay for years and kiss or even have sex with members of your own gender because you feared so badly you would lose everything if they knew you were straight.
Imagine then that there was one bar in the town. One “straight bar”. They played the music you liked, there were other straight guys who you could relate with and loads of gorgeous straight women who were actually interested in you. Imagine how sacred and special that bar would be.
Now imagine a load of gay people started coming to that bar. They had all the bars in the town to choose from. But for some reason they chose to come to your one safe bar.
Now that would be fine. But you would want them to respect the space. Imagine then that the gay men started hitting on you, in your straight bar. Pestering you. Imagine they got huffy because you weren’t interested in them and started being rude to you.
How completely frustrated would you be?
Now then imagine you make a lighthearted video about it to raise awareness of this incredibly unfair and frustrating situation and a gay person comes to you and says “this is why we don’t like you straight people. You don’t welcome us in your bars so why should we welcome you in ours? You’re oppressing straight people. It’s just the same.”
I love you so much but it’s not the same. It is so deeply ignorant to suggest that it is the same on any level. I’m sorry.
The whole world is straight. We have one gay bar. It’s not the same. You have everything. We have one space to feel safe. One.
Bi person here, and I disagree with most of this video actually... I feel you are speaking for *yourself* and not for all of us. These are things that you want people to ask you and not ask you, and that's all fine and dandy, but that's YOU, and I don't want people to come away from this video as like an instruction manual on how to talk to us. We're not a monolith.
My take... I vet who I disclose my sexuality very seriously, because there are 8 billion people on this earth, and not every soul needs to know who I'm shagging. My sexuality is not relevant to my line of work, and quite frankly anyone outside the people I'm intimate with. I have tried coming out at work once, but it resulted in my coworkers treating me with kid gloves and asking me weird questions. Probably after watching a confusing video like this. It's very confusing to say "Ask me questions! I'm open! But don't ask me THOSE questions..." You can't decide what questions will come. And you can't make judgement on which ones are "genuine" and which ones aren't. If you choose to disclose, you've got to be ready for whatever happens. That's been my experience. And so I'm really careful about who I tell. That is *opening* the door to people fetishizing me, asking me strange questions etc. I supposed I've developed the intuition to tell who is "safe" or not to tell.
The thing is, while a lot of what you say is true, the fact is, bisexuality *is* abnormal in a heterosexualnormative society, and so there *will* be questions. I find it confusing that you tell people not to ask the very questions they might want to ask. It's human nature to ask what you're into once you've disclosed your sexuality! (So why do it!)
My close family knows, my wife knows, some close friends know. My coworkers know, now I wish they didn't. As I've said, it really is irrelevant for them. They know now, and it's a past event that in retrospect, didn't need to happen. We still do our work with the odd "What do you think of that guy/girl?" thrown in.
A lot of the questions you say you hate being asked? I don't mind. Ask away. My life is an open book, with the people I have decided I'm going to disclose this part of my life to. I can't speak for all Bi people but as for me, I don't feel like I need to be "seen." You talk about "feeling valid." I'm done with external validation. The people who matter to me know, and that's all that matters. I don't need to be seen. If I can walk life without a care, I'm good. The questions won't come unless people know, and I guess I'm pretty "straight passing," so I must admit I have that "privilege."
Yes. You deny it, but I do feel we who act straight have a privilege that our gay counterparts, the guys who have the gay accent and have the mannerisms, do not. I can choose to disclose or not what my sexual orientations are, or keep them to myself, while flaming gay guys can't help themselves. It's who they are.
I personally would like to live in a world where it's acceptable to say "Yeah, I'm bi," and not really care. You know? Have it be no different than say "I can drink either Pepsi or Coke." A quick "OK that's cool" and moving on would be perfectly acceptable for me. Why does it need to be more than that? Why do I need to wear like a pin and wave a flag about it? Why would I want people to ask further questions than that? If I'm going to be asked a series of questions about my "journey" to decide what I like more, I'm just not going to mention it. And to reiterate, having the option to disclose or not is a privilege fem gays and butch lesbians just don't have. (But even nowadays; hasn't it become more acceptable to be openly gay or lesbian in society?)
So I feel a video like this, giving people what is essentially a long instruction manual on how to talk to us is going to make it even MORE difficult for us to disclose, not easier, because now people have this image that we're these fragile snowflakes who see "bi-phobia" in everything.
The one thing that you say here that's true is, I've gotten "Oh, you're actually gay, you just don't know it yet" by people in the "LGBTQ community." It's funny, but if I here someone is a flag-waving, card-carrying LGBTQ activist that's the person I want to tell the LEAST, because I feel they're more likely to dismiss my bisexuality than anyone.
Essentially if I could just live like anyone else without being like a street attraction, that would be great. It'd be nice if society moved in that direction. Where liking the same sex or even both sexes is a taboo of a bygone past.
Wouldn't it be great to live in a world where being LGBTQ just didn't matter and we would not have to "raise awareness" or have pride parades or anything? Just live life. No need for validation for what's an innate, immutable characteristic like hair, eye or skin color or left-handedness. Yeah, it would be awesome.
"Woh you're with a dude? I thought you were straight."
"Yeah man, I'm bi."
"Yah cool! Here have a beer."
It would be great.
The most annoying thing straight people say to me is are you sure your bisexual or is it just a phase like really is being straight a phase or are you just pressured into it from other people
I have thought of myself as bisexaul for a long time. I have been with guys and I like playing. Sometimes I feel like it's more of a "kink" for me though. I may be capable of bi-romantic feelings, but I haven't yet experienced much of that. I hope I can be bi-romantic. I'm really not interested in becoming romantic with any females at this point in my life. Chicks are too complicated, and I've been with plenty of them already. Mostly relationships that weren't worth the trouble. Dudes are much less complicated.
I feel what you’re saying. A lot of bi men say similar things actually.
are you marry to a woman or a man pleases I need to know ?
I will gladly tell you, but may I ask, how would your thoughts change depending on the answer?
I'm a proud bisexual male. Please don't tell me that I'm going through a phase or that bisexual males don't actually exist. I will tell the person that I'm 56 years old not an adolescent it's definitely not a phase. And I. Sure that I exist. I'm sure that being equally attracted to men and women both physically and emotionally and having had the experiences I know bisexual males and bisexuality are real.🩷💙💜
Love this thank you for sharing