To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining. For more videos click the JOIN button.
As a bisexual man, I have had struggled a lot with my own sense of masculinity. I am a short guy. Oftentimes I use to feel invalid within my body and sexuality. Your content helped me eventually realize that the most masculine characteristic of all is wholehearted self-acceptance and fierce confidence within ourselves. I also find women who possess masculinity hot and men who possess femininity attractive. Each one of us has both the masculine and feminine traits which are equally valid. Cheers!
Wow thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so proud of you man. It’s so eternally difficult to dig down and honour that inner confidence in ourselves isn’t it, especially when we’ve been told we don’t fit the gender norm all our lives? You’re doing so great. Tell me, how has your height affected your confidence? I’d love to know. I’m extremely tall actually and am so aware of the bias people give me for it. In reality it makes me feel out of place and self conscious but I’d love to hear your perspective. Thanks again for your great comments. Keep them coming.
Being short is no impediment to manliness. It's how you feel and carry yourself. The main reason that straight men don't experiment with other guys is not the taboo as much as it has to do with the fear of it being unmanly- which of course is BS. So don't fall into that trap. Cultivate the idea that you know better and be secure and independent in that and it will actually give a boost to your masculinity. It worked for me.
You don't have to try to be more manly!! You're are already a man. Being a man is who you already are and you just need to tap into what's already there. If you were born with a penis, you're a man and masculinity is in your inner nature. Its just a remembering of what you already have. I too am a short man and I've struggled with my masculinity and felt inferior to other men. I didn't feel like I measured up. Finally coming into a place in my Life where I'm embracing my inner man. When I look back at it, I think me having same sex attraction was just me trying to complete myself by sleeping with another man in order to feel whole and complete in my masculinity. It was a psychological thing with me. I'm so curious about woman because my inner man is drawn towards them. Its like yin and yang.
I have come to realize that many straight men are manly on the outside. But a complete mess on the inside. So we compare ourselves to these men, and how they come across. And then we wonder why we are a bundle of contradictions on the inside. . But we really are not all that different than the average straight guy. . Avoiding toxic masculinity is a good point. Accepting ones self is also something we do. Thanks for the video Mark.
A true man is a person who accepts both his masculine and feminine sides and values. Complete identity is Self acceptance and self Love. Real masculinity is honesty, caring love, and protective gentleness. And of course, a hot male with dark hair and kind eyes that cums forward as quite intelligent with a nice smile is also concidered hot, sensual and so very masculine indeed. Thanx for your videos. Such a Treat. 🖤
Very true, you're very kind and nice 😊👍🏻, many people in school called me girly and feminine and other stuff, but now I am 22 and a bisexual with feminine gender expression, I am happy and proud, also yes true manliness comes from within ❤️
Hey thank you so much for sharing this I’m absolutely thrilled that you’ve found a sense of confidence in your own unique way of being. How did it feel when people called you those things when you were younger? And can you share a bit about how you came to heal from it? I’d really love to hear more. Thanks again my lovely friend. I appreciate your words x
@@notdefining it felt horrible at that time, I was very sensitive and used to cry too, I am still sensitive but today I don't see that as a weakness but as a good part of my personality, then I came across many content creators who were gender fluid or bisexual etc, who were confident and thriving, I then made online lgbt friends as well, and I came to know that I'm not alone and there are soo many people out there like me, my online friends supported me, I could talk freely with them, be myself, and then I slowly realised that I'm not defined by societal roles or by the words of haters, I am who I am and I may not be fully confident and strong maybe, but I love myself, and there has been a change in my confidence and for good, its still going on and I feel happier now
I’m so happy to read this. Sometimes the internet can actually be a really affirming place where we lgbt people can find others like us. This happened for me too. It’s great isn’t it?
I’m quite thin and have effeminate mannerisms.. I’m most comfortable in tight clothes, I’m shy and quiet I’m pretty childish and soft natured I have no idea how to interact with manly men as “one of the guys “ Monday to Friday though at work I’m completely different I’m strong and confident, I walk taller, I’m not shy at all, I get along with the guys I work with and we all laugh and rip on each other.. I’m a different person I guess I never appreciated having that connection with “manliness” It only comes out at work If I had to wear casual clothes and meet at a bar with those same guys I’d be an anxious wreck..
IMO these are manly traits 1) Independent (as in, can easily be alone and enjoy own's own company) 2 Concise ( Speaks to the point and only as much and often as needed, as in not a 'Chatty Kathy' 3) Secure ( as in not needing validation or attention) 4 Conservative movement ( Erect posture and lowered arms and no excessive hand movements when talking or over expressiveness). If you can do all that you can cry and blush and still be manly. And you don't need to be tall or handsome.
@@notdefining Maybe too masculine in some ways. For instance, some people think I'm a little mean or not considerate of feelings enough. But I'm happy with myself. I'm still very sensitive; I can get teared up watching competitive pairs figure skating. :-)
@@DRthistle Haha the bit about figure skating made me smile!!! Haha. That's brilliant. Well I think you sound like a great guy so just remember you're doing great ok? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also, I remember from this topic, quite some time ago, I had shaved the hair on my hands and my dad was so angry doubting my masculinity and some other not so good stuff, after that didn't shave my visible body hair, felt quite bad, am still in the closet so some things are complicated, have you ever faced any similar things?
Wow it’s so crazy that you bring this up. Hair removal has always been such a source of confusion for me. Like why is it considered manly to shave your face, head, maybe back but no where else? It makes me so mad. And why do women HAVE to shave their legs etc.? Guess what? I had laser hair removal yesterday. It’s great. I really love it. It’s your own body so whatever. Do what you feel. I completely hear you though on being nervous to show it. I’m still nervous to tell anyone.
@@notdefining aww, glad you went for it, though I've heard laser hurts but yay, you do you 👍🏻💫🌟, and truee, even I never understood why body hair is associated with being masculine or feminine depending on legs or face, and whatever
It doesn’t really hurt actually. It’s not painful. I love it and I’m so pleased with it. But yeah it’s a weird one. I guess there are things which physically have associated men from women so traditionally men and women want to look as different as possible (opposites attract and also it’s easier for society to discriminate and apply roles to them if there’s an obvious binary). So men want to accentuate their hairiness and women want to accentuate their non hairiness. But in reality it depends on the person and we don’t need to segregate like that. I’m so pleased you are loving your body as it is and enjoying it. You’re so valid. Thanks so much for your comments. I love when we can discuss things.
@@notdefining yes, I love it when there's a healthy discussion too, and cool that laser doesn't hurt and that you like it, also very true, we don't need the segregation, just be you 😁, much love ❣️
Hey thanks for the lovely replies. I’ve just published a new video today on healing from internalised Queerphobia. It builds on some similar themes. I’d love to know what you think. Much love and thanks again x
My hocd has went away for the most part but idk if I’m in denial now when I think about me and a girl doing yk I get a thought why am thinking this I just want to get back to normal can you help me out and when I say I’m straight I get a thought why idk now
Hey thanks for sharing. It may be that you're having some lingering doubt. This is very normal and sometimes it can just come up. I have healed but every now and then I get it too. And that's ok. How about you feeling about things?
Since you asked, no this doesn't resonate with me much. Forget the past? That's not a thing. "Tell yourself" something you don't believe? That's not a thing either. Do I have issues? Absolutely. I'm not trying to be mean, but you asked me to comment with my thoughts. Cheers!
To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info.
Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining.
For more videos click the JOIN button.
As a bisexual man, I have had struggled a lot with my own sense of masculinity. I am a short guy. Oftentimes I use to feel invalid within my body and sexuality. Your content helped me eventually realize that the most masculine characteristic of all is wholehearted self-acceptance and fierce confidence within ourselves. I also find women who possess masculinity hot and men who possess femininity attractive. Each one of us has both the masculine and feminine traits which are equally valid. Cheers!
Wow thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so proud of you man. It’s so eternally difficult to dig down and honour that inner confidence in ourselves isn’t it, especially when we’ve been told we don’t fit the gender norm all our lives? You’re doing so great. Tell me, how has your height affected your confidence? I’d love to know. I’m extremely tall actually and am so aware of the bias people give me for it. In reality it makes me feel out of place and self conscious but I’d love to hear your perspective. Thanks again for your great comments. Keep them coming.
Being short is no impediment to manliness. It's how you feel and carry yourself. The main reason that straight men don't experiment with other guys is not the taboo as much as it has to do with the fear of it being unmanly- which of course is BS. So don't fall into that trap. Cultivate the idea that you know better and be secure and independent in that and it will actually give a boost to your masculinity. It worked for me.
You don't have to try to be more manly!! You're are already a man. Being a man is who you already are and you just need to tap into what's already there. If you were born with a penis, you're a man and masculinity is in your inner nature. Its just a remembering of what you already have. I too am a short man and I've struggled with my masculinity and felt inferior to other men. I didn't feel like I measured up. Finally coming into a place in my Life where I'm embracing my inner man. When I look back at it, I think me having same sex attraction was just me trying to complete myself by sleeping with another man in order to feel whole and complete in my masculinity. It was a psychological thing with me. I'm so curious about woman because my inner man is drawn towards them. Its like yin and yang.
I have come to realize that many straight men are manly on the outside. But a complete mess on the inside. So we compare ourselves to these men, and how they come across. And then we wonder why we are a bundle of contradictions on the inside. . But we really are not all that different than the average straight guy. . Avoiding toxic masculinity is a good point. Accepting ones self is also something we do. Thanks for the video Mark.
Yes omg yes to this comment. Thank you so much. I would like to post this to my Instagram stories because it’s so bang on and important.
A true man is a person who accepts both his masculine and feminine sides and values. Complete identity is Self acceptance and self Love. Real masculinity is honesty, caring love, and protective gentleness. And of course, a hot male with dark hair and kind eyes that cums forward as quite intelligent with a nice smile is also concidered hot, sensual and so very masculine indeed. Thanx for your videos. Such a Treat. 🖤
Hey thank you I couldn’t agree with what you’ve said more. Really grateful for your comments.
Very true, you're very kind and nice 😊👍🏻, many people in school called me girly and feminine and other stuff, but now I am 22 and a bisexual with feminine gender expression, I am happy and proud, also yes true manliness comes from within ❤️
Hey thank you so much for sharing this I’m absolutely thrilled that you’ve found a sense of confidence in your own unique way of being. How did it feel when people called you those things when you were younger? And can you share a bit about how you came to heal from it? I’d really love to hear more. Thanks again my lovely friend. I appreciate your words x
@@notdefining it felt horrible at that time, I was very sensitive and used to cry too, I am still sensitive but today I don't see that as a weakness but as a good part of my personality, then I came across many content creators who were gender fluid or bisexual etc, who were confident and thriving, I then made online lgbt friends as well, and I came to know that I'm not alone and there are soo many people out there like me, my online friends supported me, I could talk freely with them, be myself, and then I slowly realised that I'm not defined by societal roles or by the words of haters, I am who I am and I may not be fully confident and strong maybe, but I love myself, and there has been a change in my confidence and for good, its still going on and I feel happier now
I’m so happy to read this. Sometimes the internet can actually be a really affirming place where we lgbt people can find others like us. This happened for me too. It’s great isn’t it?
I’m quite thin and have effeminate mannerisms.. I’m most comfortable in tight clothes, I’m shy and quiet
I’m pretty childish and soft natured
I have no idea how to interact with manly men as “one of the guys “
Monday to Friday though at work I’m completely different
I’m strong and confident, I walk taller, I’m not shy at all, I get along with the guys I work with and we all laugh and rip on each other.. I’m a different person
I guess I never appreciated having that connection with “manliness”
It only comes out at work
If I had to wear casual clothes and meet at a bar with those same guys I’d be an anxious wreck..
Hey thanks for sharing this. Perhaps is it something about your role in work that gives you confidence? That's so interesting.
You have probably heard before, but you are so attractive! That’s something in your voice, you know💙
Ah well thank you. That is very kind of you to say. 🙂
IMO these are manly traits 1) Independent (as in, can easily be alone and enjoy own's own company) 2 Concise ( Speaks to the point and only as much and often as needed, as in not a 'Chatty Kathy' 3) Secure ( as in not needing validation or attention) 4 Conservative movement ( Erect posture and lowered arms and no excessive hand movements when talking or over expressiveness). If you can do all that you can cry and blush and still be manly. And you don't need to be tall or handsome.
Hey thanks for sharing these thoughts. Are these traits you feel you possess?
@@notdefining Hi . Yes most but some I learned or practiced.
@@DRthistle That's cool. How do you feel in yourself most days at the moment?
@@notdefining Maybe too masculine in some ways. For instance, some people think I'm a little mean or not considerate of feelings enough. But I'm happy with myself. I'm still very sensitive; I can get teared up watching competitive pairs figure skating.
:-)
@@DRthistle Haha the bit about figure skating made me smile!!! Haha. That's brilliant. Well I think you sound like a great guy so just remember you're doing great ok? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Great video, thanks 😊 💙
Hey thanks so much, I'm so pleased you liked it. If you can share it with someone who might benefit then please do. Thanks and much love x
You are amazing! 💖
OMG thanks so much my friend. Please subscribe and share if you can to help get this to others. Sending so much love x
Also, I remember from this topic, quite some time ago, I had shaved the hair on my hands and my dad was so angry doubting my masculinity and some other not so good stuff, after that didn't shave my visible body hair, felt quite bad, am still in the closet so some things are complicated, have you ever faced any similar things?
Wow it’s so crazy that you bring this up. Hair removal has always been such a source of confusion for me. Like why is it considered manly to shave your face, head, maybe back but no where else? It makes me so mad. And why do women HAVE to shave their legs etc.? Guess what? I had laser hair removal yesterday. It’s great. I really love it. It’s your own body so whatever. Do what you feel. I completely hear you though on being nervous to show it. I’m still nervous to tell anyone.
@@notdefining aww, glad you went for it, though I've heard laser hurts but yay, you do you 👍🏻💫🌟, and truee, even I never understood why body hair is associated with being masculine or feminine depending on legs or face, and whatever
It doesn’t really hurt actually. It’s not painful. I love it and I’m so pleased with it. But yeah it’s a weird one. I guess there are things which physically have associated men from women so traditionally men and women want to look as different as possible (opposites attract and also it’s easier for society to discriminate and apply roles to them if there’s an obvious binary). So men want to accentuate their hairiness and women want to accentuate their non hairiness. But in reality it depends on the person and we don’t need to segregate like that. I’m so pleased you are loving your body as it is and enjoying it. You’re so valid. Thanks so much for your comments. I love when we can discuss things.
@@notdefining yes, I love it when there's a healthy discussion too, and cool that laser doesn't hurt and that you like it, also very true, we don't need the segregation, just be you 😁, much love ❣️
Hey thanks for the lovely replies. I’ve just published a new video today on healing from internalised Queerphobia. It builds on some similar themes. I’d love to know what you think. Much love and thanks again x
I watched the video about what not to say to Bi sexual. Who asked strangers if their straight or gay or bi in public. I certainly don’t
My hocd has went away for the most part but idk if I’m in denial now when I think about me and a girl doing yk I get a thought why am thinking this I just want to get back to normal can you help me out and when I say I’m straight I get a thought why idk now
Hey thanks for sharing. It may be that you're having some lingering doubt. This is very normal and sometimes it can just come up. I have healed but every now and then I get it too. And that's ok. How about you feeling about things?
Since you asked, no this doesn't resonate with me much. Forget the past? That's not a thing. "Tell yourself" something you don't believe? That's not a thing either. Do I have issues? Absolutely. I'm not trying to be mean, but you asked me to comment with my thoughts. Cheers!
Thanks for sharing these honest feelings. That’s totally okay and understandable.