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I found out I was bi by falling in love with a bi man coming to terms with his sexuality faster than I was. He told me that my reaction to his bi-ness was not the normal response he gets from women. I identified with him more than anyone in my life. I figured out there was a reason for it... I am Bi. That religious supression just shoved it way down there. And I hadn't seen any out bi people talk about their experiences so while I knew somewhat that I was queer as I knew I was kinsey 2 so not straight per se, I still had a block. I have a gay male close friend but I didn't identify with his experience per se bc the bi experience is different. The bi male I fell in love with also was attracted to me in a different way than straight men had been. I was never feminine enough for them and he didn't see me that way. He saw my femaleness in less of a stereotyped way? Hope that makes sense. Also, had no issues with him judging my trans sibling. So, I guess I will mostly look for bi folks as well. They're my people ❤ so I relate to this video a lot. Bi men, you are loved 😊.
Im also a bi dude and in the black community it's very heter-masculine rampant and it took till after HS that the suppression of what a whom I was started to unravel. I noticed that bi men (speaking for myself) I do enjoy women who are both feme and masc interchangeably energy-wise or wear androgynous clothing they're just far more interesting, kind, and just fine ash and we typically are less construed on what's "supposed" to happen in the relationship I just want you to be true to yourself. We appreciate your kindness
I'm a straight woman people are drawn to me but I think it's because of my chosen " religion I guess 😅 I'm way too down to earth so people feel comfortable around me lol
Im a straight woman who has been dating a bi guy the past few months and I am enjoying it immensely. The sex is amazing and we have such a good connection. I think what I genuinely appreciate about the whole dynamic is that he is so communciative and open and honest with me.. its so refreshing as I was in a hetero relationship for 19 years with an "Alpha Male"...its a nice change from "my old norm" and im 100% loving every minute of it.
@randommess6667 I like men and women sexually, im sexually attracted to both sexes, but when it comes to romance, I'm romantically only attracted to women if that makes sense. For example, I like to take a woman out on a date, court her, spend quality time together, etc. I've had a "Romantic past with two men" it just didn't work out, I had to end it with both of them, I just can't be with a man romantically my mind just isn't attracted to that, alot ofBi men are like this also.
I feel sympathetic to this, If for no other reason than not having to have “the talk”. When should I tell her? what is her reaction going to be? I’m sick and tired of feeling like my bisexuality is some horrible disease that I need to disclose.
So I'm a straight woman and my boyfriend recently came out as bi. I completely support him and I still love him unconditionally. I've questioned my sexuality before and was bi for quite a while before I realized that women don't really do it for me. I just thought they were pretty, but not an actually attraction to them. I remained an ally, obviously. Lots of queer friends, and ive been through the questioning that he's been through. I feel like I understand what he's feeling right about now, but I try not to bother him too much about him. I'm watching this video so that I can know how to better support him through this and try to get on his level as best as I can to understand how he feels. Thanks for making this.
Completly agree saying ur bi doesnt mean ur dating straight girls for exactly the reasons u explained. Its so nice hearing someone putting together what takes u sometime to explain if someone asks.
I'm on the asexual spectrum (heteroromantic) and I relate to this a lot. I'd prefer to date someone who's on the asexual spectrum for the exact reasons you named here.
This video is such a breath of fresh air. As a bi woman, I’ve always felt like I’ve been straddling two worlds. I don’t feel completely at home in straight circles but I also don’t feel completely at home in gay circles. I find that I connect most with other bi people, for friendships and for romantic partners. They have a fluidity that connects with my own. They understand. I could never comprehend why I struggled so much dating straight men. I’ve also struggled dating gay women because they can also be very different from me, wanting me to fit in a certain box almost like in a straight relationship. Bi people let me be masculine one day and feminine the next and love me for it. I’ve also experienced the bi phobia you described from both straight men and gay women. I have gay and straight friends, but they don’t feel like my tribe the way I feel with bi people. Bi people see more nuance in the world. They are the least likely to “play roles.” I’m generalizing, but this has been my overall experience. Thank you for your video.
I myself would prefer to date other bi people, especially men, as a bi woman myself. If I date a straight men I feel like I have to tell them from the start that I'm bi. As a woman I obviously have an issue with this because in my experience telling them from the start tends to give a straight man certain expectations from fetishizing a bi woman that simply won't happen. If I consider dating straight man I'm not going to tell them for a while that I'm bi but rather I will voice my opinions often on various queer types of people to test the waters on that. Any intentional prejudice would end the relationship. It may be ideal to date bi men because it's more comfortable and understanding yet some straight women won't date bi men and its one of the reasons most bi men stay in the closet for this. Ironic thing is I'm sure most have at least dated a bi man and not realized it. I agree with your choice to not date straight women because I get that a relationship that already has certain understandings in common is more comfortable as well as the queer vs hetero culture & friend groups. You do what you need to, dating is hard enough for anyone bi. Dating as a bi woman I'd be a bit more guarded if I did online dating (but I don't date online) as a bi woman because I worry about unicorn hunters.
Hey Mark: As a Gay man I would love to date you. My 1st relationship was actually a bisexual man when I was living in Costa Rica. That's a story in of itself. I was born in Philadelphia, now living in San Diego (both in the USA). Actually my whole autobiography is very interesting, so much so that I tell people to discard their Netflix subscriptions LOL. I don't want to repeat myself, but I will say it again: Whoever ends up as your boyfriend or girlfriend will be one very lucky dude or lucky lady.Trust me.
Watching your videos has made me understand so much about my sexuality and romantic relationships. I’m a Bi ace woman and I’ve always dated Bi men some realized or came out some didn’t . I love your voice it calms me & would love to date you but I’m in Montreal Canada 😂🇨🇦 sending love !!
I've been out as bisexual for almost 27 years. I was married to a straight woman for 13 years and there was so much anxiety over my sexuality from her, her friends, family, etc. I've been much happier dating only queers the past 7 years.
I really appreciate this comment. I can relate to it so very much. I'm 36, I've been in closet my whole life about my Bisexuality. Very slowly I've been coming more n more to those around me except...my family and girlfriend, whom I've been with for 5 years. She's made it very clear to me also that she finds any kind of sexuality between men&men disgusting to her. So thats made it even more difficult and stressful to even consider talking to her about me and my feelings. There have been occasions where we have had arguments and she just randomly bursted out insults at me including that "I must also be gay or bisexual!" I asked her why she would think that? And she never truly gives me a straight answer. I've even had friends in the past that I came out to about my Bisexuality and they flat out said "yea we knew that about you already" I'd ask them how they knew?? And they'd answer vaguely with the response..."it's in your gestures and mannerisms" that's always confused me because I've tried so hard keeping it hidden and I don't think that I let out any flags? But apparently I do. Anyways back to the original point, I really want to ask you, for your sincere advice as one Bi man to another,...how did you find the courage to come out? How did you do it? Were you terrified? Has your life been much happier since making that choice? I suffer everyday because I wish I can just talk to my girlfriend about this without fear of rejection or any type of shocking disgust from her. I want to tell my family, but scared they will frown upon me and not see me the same way anymore. It's just terrifying, but every year the anxiety and depression of it gets worse. Please,, I'd be so deeply grateful for any tips or advice you can offer me to help get through this struggle. It's literally effecting my daily life to the point where I'm becoming a irritable, miserable, downer to myself and everyone around me. I just want to be happy and my true self, why can't I find the courage 😞 .
@laznunyabiz4133 my friend. I feel you so much. It sounds like you are going through an awful lot of pain in this. First of all you’re not alone. I have felt this way and many many others. We are all here for you and you are going to be okay. I promise. I think the fundamental thing is to build a super solid sense of self approval. Every single day tell yourself “I am the way I am and that is enough. I am a great partner. I am a good person. I deserve love and respect. I am who I am and I am enough. I am enough of a man. I am bi and it’s no one’s business. I deserve love and respect for who I am”. These kinds of words. Every single day. Every single day. Again and again and again. Then hold to it. Speak clearly, speak succinctly and STATE that you are bisexual. Do not ASK for approval. State it. You have to take the risk that people won’t like it. If they have questions you can answer them. If they don’t understand you can help them understand. But do NOT try to convince them or persuade them. This is hard and it takes huge courage. But you have already been open with other people so you know you can do it. You might lose people. But you have to whether the storm. Express yourself as you are and if they don’t like that then they can decide what to do about that. But do not minimise yourself for other people’s ignorance or hostility. If you would like mentoring on this you can come and chat it through with me at Patreon.com/notdefining or 1:1 coaching through notdefining.square.site. Im going to post some links to videos I’ve made that will also give you some further tips. I hope this is in some way helpful. You can absolutely do this my friend and we’re rooting for you every step of the way. Take it easy. Love, Mark x
Hi Mark ! You actually described the same reasons why I don't necessarily want to date (that being said, Never say Never) cishet men. I want to be understood and respected for who I am as a person (the whole complex person that I am), without feeling like I have to explain my queerness. I already have to deal with cisheteronormativity when I leave my house, I don't want to deal with that at home with my partner.
This finally made me understand why in my years of being closeted to myself I felt so uncomfortable in the straight dating scene! I always thought this discomfort was just due to me sweeping my attraction to men under the rug and not being my genuine self, but the discomfort kinda persisted after recognising my biness even tho I felt so much better. As you I am bi but also on the ace spectrum (prob demi) and what you described is soooo close to my experience that it really helps me understand myself. Thank you for that, saves a bunch of time having to figure it out myself ❤
So glad to hear someone else (and more in the comments) do this. Straight, cis women don't even tend to hit my radar so to speak of people to be attracted to, which, with a preference for guys, caused no end of bi doubting and questioning whether I was bi enough growing up. But I'm queer so I find queer people attractive, whether men, women, or non-binary.
Great video! Thank you so much for sharing! I always love your videos and the messages you share in them. You are great at discussing the topics you cover and there honestly isn't a single video from you that I DON'T love and relate to! I'm a bi woman and I can definitely relate to what you are saying in this video, even though I have never been in a relationship before yet. In all honesty, I am terrified of dating either straight men or lesbian women myself in the future, mainly due the rampant biphobia that still exists to this day. :( The amount of biphobia I've seen from both gay/lesbian people AND straight people is extremely disheartening and almost makes me feel ashamed for being bi and feel pressured to "pick a side" (which of course has never worked). I know there are many awesome allies though; don't get me wrong. I don't think I'd refuse to date someone who isn't bi, so long as we care about each other and they are a great person. :D But yeah...I definitely do understand wanting to avoid spaces where biphobia is extremely prevalent and where certain expectations are placed on you. :( Biphobia in any relationship is NOT okay. Great work on this video once again. You rock!
Ah thank you so so much I truly appreciate your kind words. Totally hear you about dating…anyone! I’m exactly the same. Just remember you are amazing and perfect and will find love in its right way and at the right time. Sending you all the very best x
As a panromantic, asexual or demisexual, polyamorous and nonbinary person I agree a 100% because I don’t want to explain all this stuff, I just want to be with someone who understand me, accept me, respect me and love me for who I am. A straigh woman can do that but that’s more difficult and not easy it’s more easy with queer man or queer woman or a nonbinary person. Thank you so much for your video 🤍 much love
Also bi+/mspec here & I appreciate this message. Being stuck in cishet/cisallo communities this year during major transitions has been extremely challenging. I have to rebuild my queer community from scratch for various reasons. This opportunity for discussion was pretty validating since it's been a non starter even just having platonic understandings lately. Thanks!
I’m a bisexual woman with a straight husband of 12 years. I get it. He sees it as a fetish, but doesn’t understand how I can separate it. Like man | woman.
Ok story time (I hope it's not TMI but I feel veeery alone with my issue so I'm spreading it all out here): I'm a straight woman married to a bisexual man. My husband (we've been together for 12 years, got married 1 year ago) actually came out to me as bi just a week ago. There were some occasions where had a feeling that there was "more to him" in the past, but I never thought more of it and we never talked about it other than that I knew he watched gay p*rn sometimes. I've always been an ally, some of my closest family members are queer and I myself had an experience with a girl in my teens (which made me sure that I'm into men). All of that said, watching your video made me realize, that I'm still struggling with some internalized biphobia and I really hate that. Trust is not an issue! But now that I know about some of his preferences while pleasuring himself (you know what I mean, but since I don't want my comment to dissappear, I'm not going into detail) and I feel like, he's missing something. Or that I can't fulfill his needs. How can I overcome that? I want to supportive him but at the same time I'm struggling, hope you can give me some advice ❤
Since it's been a year & no one responded, I might as well (even though I have ZERO experience 😭): I see my bi-ness as me not preferring just one brand of soda, when everyone else does. This doesn't speak to how unhealthy I am due to junk food (being promiscuous or not), just that when I am thirsty, I don't mind Sprite or Pepsi. Or Mountain Dew. I can prefer to switch things up every once in a while, or have things I like about each brand uniquely, or have a close favourite, but if I chose just one, I wouldn't be miserable. All this to say: if your relationship is good in general (you married for love and all that), I don't think there's anything to worry about. Just bc he has a taste in both sexes, doesn't mean he'd flat out abandon you entirely (& all your memories together) for that. He loves you for the soda that you are. Also, I hope you've been talking about this with him instead of letting the anxiety build up. It's better to get it out of the way sooner, rather than later. 😊
I'm an asexual woman (I'm also on the aromantic spectrum so I have little romantic attraction for people but I like being in a deeper emotional connection with someone else). I have only dated straight men and let me tell you, it's hell. There are so many expectations for marriage, sex, and kids. It's awful and even though I tell people I don't want that, they only pretend to want the same before getting frustrated. My sister who's gay says that the queer dating scene is much better because of shared experience + you can be yourself without all the social constructs. She tells me I should date queer people, and I'm strongly considering that. What do you think?
Yes I would say it tends to be a little more open minded depending on where you are. You may try apps like Feeld which are very open minded. Best of luck. I mean, I am on the ace spectrum and really relate with what you’re saying.
Yes, I completely agree. I've known several straight who would ask whether or not they would date a bi-sexual male..some say " I could convert him into being totally heterosexual". Others would state " does he really find me sexually attractive? Or is it just an emotional thing? They would also question whether a bi male views a female in the same light as a heterosexual male? They would also assume all bi-males were Tops? If he is a bottom-how is he going to perform sexually with a woman? Or" this is bi-man is too feminine to like females". I think a bi-female would understand and embrace the full spectrum of his orientation. Where I've known some bi-woman to play the male role in the relationship. They are no set of rules. But straight woman will be constantly wondering if this bi-males is looking at other men? I don't really think a straight woman would be a great match for a bisexual man. Unless he keeps it a secret. But that would be considered a deception in my opinion.
I like how you explore and give insight to why and theorize around the situation, trying to view the dating perspective from the straight angle when dating a bisexual, reversing the roles so to say. It feels like the Venn diagrams between queer women and yourself is a bit more aligned than with straight women, and going outside that (comfort zone?) can feel like a bit like too far from home? I'm speculating at this bit, and am clearly out of my depths.
Hey thanks so much for watching and for your comments. Yes absolutely I love queer women and couldn’t see myself with a straight woman. I also don’t subscribe to the notion of going out of my comfort zone. I can have comfort. It’s lovely to have comfort. I think a lot of us queer people have lived outside of our comfort zone by default our whole lives. So actually when we find a little comfort in our own people it is very special. Does that make sense?
@@notdefining that is an interesting take on the comfort zone I haven't given too much thought about, but it makes sense. and it absolutely makes sense to stick in the comfort zone when you finally find it - who in their right mind wanna go back to wander in the wilderness when you've finally found paradise, if we can be a bit theatrical about it.
You said "boring"! You defined the problem perfectly for me! It's exciting to me because my generation is hardly crawling with people who have intelligent discussions about bi-queer-undecided-ness. It's you guys, my grandchildren's generation, who bring all the intelligence to the discussion! I'm sooo grateful!
I'd have loved to leave a more intellectual comment about some of the more identity-based freedoms of expression you get in queer x queer relationships (my long winded way of saying I get that "not having to explain yourself thing" lol) but can I just say ... Sorry for being selfish but for once I felt really good about my weird masculine & feminine energies that I swing around as a bi woman. I've always felt that the way I prefer to sometimes give affection is so stereotypically "unfeminine" especially to straight men and have always felt insecure about that. Its "easier" in wlw relationships but when it comes to guys I've always had that anxiety. So I love that there's bi men out there like you that actually welcome that dual energy! I just need someone to melt against my aggression at times whilst also understanding I'm still verrryyy much a girl 😂 For real those compliments to bi+ women were awesome, didn't know I could feel so hot & appreciated
I am a cis heterodemisexual woman so technically cishet but also in the asexual spectrum. I don’t have a preference when it comes to the sexuality of my partner, so far I’ve dated one straight man, one bi man and one unlabeled man. I do tend to date allosexual men and never dated an asexual man. I wish I could date someone I don’t have to explain my demisexuality to, but in my experience I ALWAYS have to explain it, because even among people who are in the asexual spectrum, demisexuality works a bit differently for everyone… I don’t know if dating someone in the asexual spectrum would work for me because I do get very sexual once I develop an emotional connection… It’s like an all or nothing switch. Being in the grey area of the a-spectrum can be complicated…
Sapiosexuality and demisexuality are so misunderstood no matter where one is on the sexual spectrum. And there is another commenter here who tends to attract bi men and women nailed it for me.
As someone who is NB/transmasc, I strongly prefer bi/pan people myself. It’s nice to not worry about them not fully loving/being attracted to the different aspects of my identity.
Great video. Thanks for the info. But on a side note, I think people should retire the term "straight". To me it sounds like a short version of saying "following the straight & the narrow" as if heterosexuality is the only morally right path.
Hey thanks so much. I used to not be open too and only just started doing my nails this year. It’s still a journey. I know you will move through things in your own way in the right time. Sending so much love and support to you.
As an aroace woman I completely understand this. I'm aesthetically attracted to men and have only ever been romantically attracted to one man but if I ever decide to try to look for someone again I wouldn't even attempt to go for a straight man. Before I knew I was aroace I tried a dating app once but gave up after 3 day cause I hated it.
I don't think it's just a straight thing in regards to bi sexual people..gays and lesbians can be just as bad. A lot of people are put off by someone being bi sexual. When it comes to dating and preferences there's no right and wrong thing to be attracted to or not attracted to. A lot of women are attracted to super straight men but there are women who don't mind. I agree that it's probably easier to be with someone with the same experience because a lot of people cannot wrap their heads around bisexuality because we are only attracted to one sex.
@@janx8695Straightness is just a sexuality not a performance but people treat as one. The same is true of queer monosexuality, the main issue is society has convinced people that somehow your sexuality says something about you and your behavior when ALL it means is the possibility to be sexually attracted to another person. That's it. What's being talked about on the video is pretty much directly that. The inability of the people of the privileged sexuality (straight women in this case, but it applies across all monosexual experiences) in that there is an annoying belief that if a male partner experiences bisexuality it somehow makes them incapable of loving that women and also somehow makes them more effeminate. All of that is pure nonsense, there meaningfully should be zero reason outside of personality compatibility that the presence of a multi sexual partner somehow makes it impossible for a monosexual partner to be in relationship with them. But because monosexual folks, particularly straight people, don't want to to the work of untangling this stupid idea on there heads it's often just better for a multi sexual person to get with another multi sexual person.
Well … I have not dated a bi-man before. I think it’s my biphobia and I’m a bi-woman myself. I have thought that bi-man would not fancy me. Just now I’m educateing myself on bisexual history and learning about myself. And inner biphobia and biphobia to others are a thing and seeing it can let me starting thinking diffrent. AND what you saying make me think: I DON’T need to date straight men. Maybe I can connect better with a bi-man. I will be more open to it in the future.
I've always been curious about Bi women who are repulsed or don't like us Bi men. I mean, we are just the male version of you guys who have the same sexual orientation. Then again, I only date Bi women that like and prefer Bi mwn
And this is why I love bi-men, those heteronormative expectations... No thank you. Please let me be as masculine and as feminine as I want, show me your true colours and I'll show you mine ❤
Im bisexual and also believe that only bisexual people should only date each other because the heterosexual community doesn't understand Bisexual people but always want to ridicule not to mentioned have insults.
I’m not a dating expert, I am a relationship coach. I coach people to find what works best for them. What works best for me at the moment is being single and I am exceptionally happy. Does that make sense?
Bi guy here. I relate to a lot of what you said and am feeling exhausted with rejection from cishet women bc I'm too gender expansive and don't portray the heteronormative masculinity that makes men attractive to them.
i'm bi woman, finally, i meet someone that could undestand my logic, i'm not confortable with straight universe and like the queer universe, so, like u, i don't want date straight men for now, but, i never say never
I’m a unlabeled queer person. I get it. I only want to date people from the LGBTQ+ community I feel like they understand more. I would date men who find everyone attractive and are queer. Your video is very valid. Also I feel like queer people are little more freeing from the binary.
Found this channel to try and navigate being there for my partner. As a straight women I’m discouraged now 😭 Is your wife a straight woman? You’ve talked about her before and I was so hopeful that our relationship can last because of yours
Hey there. My wife is a queer woman. However that doesn’t mean anything about your marriage. I know it’s hard because we don’t get any information about how to navigate bi/queer relationships or how to be a straight partner to a queer person. I truly hear you when you say you gained hope from seeing us as role models. But you must never ever derive meaning from somebody else’s experience and apply it directly to your own. This is me. This is my experience. My marriage is my experience. My views are my experience. It is not yours or your partner’s. Most bi people are with straight partners. Most bi people have hetero conforming relationships. Most bi people are not even out. So most bi people get on really well dating straight people. The reason I made this video is precisely because it is controversial. It’s not the norm. It’s not the standard view. It’s actually quite a minority view that most people do not agree with. So please know that your experience is valid, perfect and completely separate to mine. The fact that you are here engaging with this content to try to be there for your partner shows that you are a special partner who is TRULY likely to be an amazing support and have a beautiful relationship that lasts…because you care. So please don’t be downhearted. We are a very diverse bunch and we are not one thing. If we try to shoe horn all of us into acceptable hetero norms then we are not authentic and that is where the breakups and the misunderstandings and the pain comes from. Really. Loving the full person in all your authenticity is the bedrock of every solid relationship regardless of gender or orientation. Right? You’re fab. Thanks for being here. Sending all my very best, Mark x
Quick question, and sorry if this seems a little rude , but I’m a bit confused and not sure exactly what is insinuated when you said in the description that “Many bisexual men of course date straight women but this is often out of necessity” …. I’m just curious if that means that I, as a straight identifying female, should probably assume that if a bi guy acts interested in me then there’s a good chance he’s not really that interested after all or likely has an ulterior motive? Or I’m probably just a last resort type of ordeal because he feels he has to? I’m open to dating bi men but this is just giving me high anxiety about people being even more fake with me now, and it kind of sounds like you’re implying that a good amount of bi men who are with straight women don’t actually want them most of the time and are just using them… Is that the implication? 😕
Hey thanks for your question. No not at all, apologies if it was a little unclear. What I mean is that most bi people date straight people because that is simply the most likely probability. Most bi people don’t know other bi people and live in societies where the majority of people identify as heterosexual. So when I say necessity I just mean that it is necessary for a lot of bi people to date straight people because that is literally who is around to date.
@@notdefiningOh ok, so you meant it more in a “chances are that person they’re with is probably straight” type of scenario rather than a “I guess I’ll have to settle for this hetero person because that’s my only option right now” ordeal? I know it would definitely bum me out a bit to learn that the guy I’m seeing is only into me because he hasn’t found other bi/pan people around him instead. Wouldn’t exactly be the greatest feeling lol
As a straight women a lot of what you said doesn't make sense. A real straight women will love and accept you for who you are. You Don't need to explain yourself. Im attracted to men and as long as he's faithful to me, and he knows he's mine he could bi, but he's mine and mine alone.
I’m sorry but this kind of conversation is why I don’t tend to date in the straight world. It’s exhausting to have to hear things like “you can be bi as long as you’re faithful to me!” I know you aren’t meaning to but you are suggesting that being bi has anything whatsoever to do with monogamy or faithfulness which is doesn’t. It has nothing to do with those things at all. It shouldn’t even come into conversation. But because people assume bi people are somehow less monogamous or less willing to be with one person, you get these offensive comments like the one you have just written. I know you are being accepting and being inclusive which I appreciate but can you see how even this conversation is uncomfortable for us. Even if you are a completely accepting straight person, there is a narrative here of “not all straight people”. “Not all straight people are like this so why are you coming for us?” This invalidates the very real lived experience of a marginalised group which is genuinely bringing up a real and pervasive problem. If you want to be supportive and accepting you can say “I’m so sorry you have had to experience this. I love bi men and would definitely date bi men”. You can just be supportive. Rather than try to debate our lived experience. Does this make sense? I’m sorry to be hard on this. Sadly you are one of the few accepting ones I have met so I don’t want to complain, but I just feel like you are so close to getting it and I want you to understand us. Sending so much love and sorry for this back and forth. You’re a good person and I can see that. Thank you for watching and engaging.
Once again, why are you talking about bi men and then bringing up cheating? Why are those two things in the same comment? Bi men are statistically less likely to cheat than straight men. That has been shown in academically rigorous studies. So why are you talking about it? This is the whole problem.
I am a straight mom whose straight daughter has become involved with a bisexual man. I have always taught her to be accepting of the "lifestyles" of other people, but I have, fortunately or unfortunately, also made my opinions of dating bisexual men known to her. My opinions basically are: You'll have to be "the man" in the relationship and the competition will be doubled because a woman can never give a bisexual man what he is seeking in another man. I honestly hope she will be able to mesh what I have told her while also looking at her new boyfriend for who he is and NOT what I fear. He seems to be a good person, loves her and, I hope, a faithful person who will not let distractions, female or male, break their bond, and that she will do the same. I'm an older lady (50's), and while I have had numerous male and female gay friends, all of this bi stuff is relatively new to me. Glad I found your channel. Will be using you as research if you don't mind.🙂✌🏾👍🏾
Yes because straight, gay or lesbian people do not suffer from this real life issue. Bisexual people do. So you making a video about not dating bisexual people would be further embedding the reality that we face. Bisexual people choosing to protect themselves against a real lived experience of discrimination from straight gay and lesbian people is a completely different concept. It’s why All Lives Matter, Straight Pride and #MenToo are irrelevant. The scenario you mention is not an equal situation to what I’m describing in this video. Thanks for understanding.
You are making heterosexual women, as if they all think the same or are the same. You are generalizing a situation. Because of things like this, and these types of videos, if I were a heterosexual woman I wouldn't want to go on a date with a bisexual either. Because of things like this, no one takes them seriously. No all straight women are the same. It's as if I were saying "all bisexuals are PROMISCUOUS" but not.
I just personally find being very open minded and fluid to an extent that being within lgbtq community although I don't particularly like labels personally I also find myself to fluid for labels as far as fitting in is concernced and or unecesary to explain, polyamory constantly nags at me but its not a defining thing of coarse but just saying personally seem to have no limits as to what an end game relationship may look like, but I can't help it and don't know how to control my enthusiasm, not sur eif I need too lol more like a hippie
I'm gay and I relate but about friends. The more time passes on, I just fit better in my lgbt friend group than outside. I do make friends outside, but explaining my sexuality yadiyada, it's cumbersome to have to deal with possible homophobia. I'm just open already to talk freely with lgbt peers.
I'm starting to think that I might be bisexual too. One of my ex-boyfriends was bisexual and we had this unspoken understanding of each other's preferences. I dated a straight guy after that and he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him with a girl because his exes dated a girl after they broke up with him because he cheated on them with a guy. He didn't do that to me which was surprising but it still hurt being questioned all the time. I'm just now starting to realize that this intimidation I feel towards women (especially straight women) is probably just attraction. But yeah I've got some figuring out to do.
What you said about being attracted to women who are comfortable with their masculinity, are comfortable in different roles and have examined these subjects. I feel like a lot of biphobia towards men stems from this very topic. Many straight women don't naturally fit into the box society has laid out for them and at the core they don't feel feminine enough, maybe they carry a more masculine energy and are unconsciously insecure about this. The thought of being with a bi guy who leaves them for a man intensifies that insecurity, that feeling they aren't womanly enough or feminine enough. Or even just being with a feminine guy as though they are a "lesser" woman. Hence they don't or won't date bi men. I for years had the opposite problem as a unopen bi man I felt I wasn't manly enough so I shut out my stronger feminine side (as consciously as I could) it always found a way out. I realized, this is so common for most heteronormative people. They essentially drank the Kool aid early in life for what the other sex wants even though it more often than not doesn't fit and have never given it a second thought.
Okay so if a bisexual person doesn't want to date a straight person, its okay.... But if a straight person doesn't want to date a bisexual, its bad? I don't get it....
I completely agree, when a bi man dates a straight woman she is unlikely to understand the facets of his sexuality. She may always question him. A bi-woman would be more compatible. As a gay male I've seen this happen with many bi friends of mine..Also straight women are more likely to expect the typical alpha-male found in straight relationships. A feel there is a sense of being exclusionary.
I identify as straight but was always massively attracted to queer men and my "secret dream" used to always be until today to date a bi men (it didn't happen so far :,)) The whole range of ways bi men express their fluidity (cloths like wearing skirts, breaking with the ideas how "men have to behave', more open & communicative ....) mesmerizes me. But I also moved to Berlin where as a straight person I still have a massively queer friendship circle with zero heteronotmative lifestyle expectations ....:)
What makes you think that an amazing, proud bi woman would want to date a sad biphobic person like yourself? Also….it takes a very special type of cringe to try to put down members of your own community. Please go away and sort yourself out. You’re sadly not original. We deal with this nonsense all the time. Pathetic.
First off, ew biphobe. As a bisexual and non-binary woman, your biphobia is pathetic. Also the trans and enbyphobia to… ew all around. So pathetic. We’ve always been around sister whether you like it or not, deal with it and stand with us. You’re either with us or not, there is no in between.
He is not a gay man, where did you get this information from? He is bi and guess what, non-binary too. I’m a bi woman and I’m very glad that someone like you would not date me. Natural selection! There are other lesbians who are not biphobic and would NEVER call a non-binary person “cringe”, who would date me, and I’d date them. It’s not a matter of being a lesbian, it’s a matter of being a decent human being.
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As a bi man (that just came out a month ago )this video was helpful I love your videos and channel keep up the great work
Hey thanks so much. Proud of you.
💟💜💙
I found out I was bi by falling in love with a bi man coming to terms with his sexuality faster than I was. He told me that my reaction to his bi-ness was not the normal response he gets from women. I identified with him more than anyone in my life. I figured out there was a reason for it... I am Bi. That religious supression just shoved it way down there.
And I hadn't seen any out bi people talk about their experiences so while I knew somewhat that I was queer as I knew I was kinsey 2 so not straight per se, I still had a block. I have a gay male close friend but I didn't identify with his experience per se bc the bi experience is different.
The bi male I fell in love with also was attracted to me in a different way than straight men had been. I was never feminine enough for them and he didn't see me that way. He saw my femaleness in less of a stereotyped way? Hope that makes sense. Also, had no issues with him judging my trans sibling.
So, I guess I will mostly look for bi folks as well. They're my people ❤ so I relate to this video a lot. Bi men, you are loved 😊.
Im also a bi dude and in the black community it's very heter-masculine rampant and it took till after HS that the suppression of what a whom I was started to unravel. I noticed that bi men (speaking for myself) I do enjoy women who are both feme and masc interchangeably energy-wise or wear androgynous clothing they're just far more interesting, kind, and just fine ash and we typically are less construed on what's "supposed" to happen in the relationship I just want you to be true to yourself.
We appreciate your kindness
@@ayothatsrjofficial aw, thank you. You never realize how much of a weight you are carrying about gender expectations until you let them go.
@@ayothatsrjofficial Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and experiences. I hear you completely
I agree with this so much bi people understand bi people more
I really relate to your experience of not enjoying cis-heteronormative culture and not feeling comfortable when you come into contact with it
I am a straight woman and i often attract bisexual men and women. I probably do come across as in touch with both masculine and feminine sides 🤷♀️
You sound awesome. 🩷😍
I'm a straight woman people are drawn to me but I think it's because of my chosen " religion I guess 😅 I'm way too down to earth so people feel comfortable around me lol
Same! I’m straight but seems like i attract bi men and some women 😭😭
As a bi+ woman this helped to form and articulate my thoughts so much. Thank you for sharing!🏳️🌈
So glad! Thank you for saying. You are awesome. Xxxx
@mack_on_earth what are your opinions on bi men? Curious as you are a bi women and I've even had bi women tell me they wouldn't date me.
Im a bi woman dating a bi man and we definitely agree!
Im a straight woman who has been dating a bi guy the past few months and I am enjoying it immensely. The sex is amazing and we have such a good connection.
I think what I genuinely appreciate about the whole dynamic is that he is so communciative and open and honest with me.. its so refreshing as I was in a hetero relationship for 19 years with an "Alpha Male"...its a nice change from "my old norm" and im 100% loving every minute of it.
Where can i find a bi man? Is this the uk
@cupidok2768 Lool, we're out and about out there. Majority of us don't let it be known dye to Biphobia which is very common amongst most women
@@sverncollins5410 r u living for urself or others
@@cupidok2768 For my self
as a bisexual man i agree with everything in this video. dating straight women nearly made me just turn 100% gay.
Trust me womem can do that even when you're 100% straight
So they were right and you are just a gay man.
💯!! Same reasons I won’t date straight men anymore (I’m a bi woman)! I HATE getting shoved into the cishet normative box. I’m just done with it.
Best way. I'm straight and wouldn't date bi.
@@user-eu6wp6ws7c Glad to hear it, I'm a Bi man and strictly only date Bi women
@@sverncollins5410 good, one less desperate bi male that we straight women can look over.
@@sverncollins5410 How can you be bi but only date bi women? You have to date men too right?
@randommess6667 I like men and women sexually, im sexually attracted to both sexes, but when it comes to romance, I'm romantically only attracted to women if that makes sense. For example, I like to take a woman out on a date, court her, spend quality time together, etc. I've had a "Romantic past with two men" it just didn't work out, I had to end it with both of them, I just can't be with a man romantically my mind just isn't attracted to that, alot ofBi men are like this also.
I feel sympathetic to this, If for no other reason than not having to have “the talk”. When should I tell her? what is her reaction going to be?
I’m sick and tired of feeling like my bisexuality is some horrible disease that I need to disclose.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s so unfair.
💟💜💙
Same here
So I'm a straight woman and my boyfriend recently came out as bi. I completely support him and I still love him unconditionally. I've questioned my sexuality before and was bi for quite a while before I realized that women don't really do it for me. I just thought they were pretty, but not an actually attraction to them. I remained an ally, obviously. Lots of queer friends, and ive been through the questioning that he's been through. I feel like I understand what he's feeling right about now, but I try not to bother him too much about him. I'm watching this video so that I can know how to better support him through this and try to get on his level as best as I can to understand how he feels. Thanks for making this.
Totally get it. Human connection is really difficult and it really needs to come from the right place, right off the bat
Hey thanks for saying
Completly agree saying ur bi doesnt mean ur dating straight girls for exactly the reasons u explained. Its so nice hearing someone putting together what takes u sometime to explain if someone asks.
I'm on the asexual spectrum (heteroromantic) and I relate to this a lot. I'd prefer to date someone who's on the asexual spectrum for the exact reasons you named here.
Hey thanks for saying. Love this. I’m also ace and I get this totally too.
This video was exactly, exactly what I needed today. THANK YOU!
Glad I could help! This is fab.
This video is such a breath of fresh air. As a bi woman, I’ve always felt like I’ve been straddling two worlds. I don’t feel completely at home in straight circles but I also don’t feel completely at home in gay circles. I find that I connect most with other bi people, for friendships and for romantic partners. They have a fluidity that connects with my own. They understand. I could never comprehend why I struggled so much dating straight men. I’ve also struggled dating gay women because they can also be very different from me, wanting me to fit in a certain box almost like in a straight relationship. Bi people let me be masculine one day and feminine the next and love me for it. I’ve also experienced the bi phobia you described from both straight men and gay women. I have gay and straight friends, but they don’t feel like my tribe the way I feel with bi people. Bi people see more nuance in the world. They are the least likely to “play roles.” I’m generalizing, but this has been my overall experience. Thank you for your video.
I myself would prefer to date other bi people, especially men, as a bi woman myself. If I date a straight men I feel like I have to tell them from the start that I'm bi. As a woman I obviously have an issue with this because in my experience telling them from the start tends to give a straight man certain expectations from fetishizing a bi woman that simply won't happen. If I consider dating straight man I'm not going to tell them for a while that I'm bi but rather I will voice my opinions often on various queer types of people to test the waters on that. Any intentional prejudice would end the relationship. It may be ideal to date bi men because it's more comfortable and understanding yet some straight women won't date bi men and its one of the reasons most bi men stay in the closet for this. Ironic thing is I'm sure most have at least dated a bi man and not realized it.
I agree with your choice to not date straight women because I get that a relationship that already has certain understandings in common is more comfortable as well as the queer vs hetero culture & friend groups. You do what you need to, dating is hard enough for anyone bi. Dating as a bi woman I'd be a bit more guarded if I did online dating (but I don't date online) as a bi woman because I worry about unicorn hunters.
Totally
Hey Mark: As a Gay man I would love to date you. My 1st relationship was actually a bisexual man when I was living in Costa Rica. That's a story in of itself. I was born in Philadelphia, now living in San Diego (both in the USA). Actually my whole autobiography is very interesting, so much so that I tell people to discard their Netflix subscriptions LOL. I don't want to repeat myself, but I will say it again: Whoever ends up as your boyfriend or girlfriend will be one very lucky dude or lucky lady.Trust me.
You are a one thirsty old queen... 😂
Aw thank you so much. You are so kind.🩷
Totally agree 😍
🩷
Watching your videos has made me understand so much about my sexuality and romantic relationships. I’m a Bi ace woman and I’ve always dated Bi men some realized or came out some didn’t . I love your voice it calms me & would love to date you but I’m in Montreal Canada 😂🇨🇦 sending love !!
Ah thanks for your kind words. I mean, I can move to Canada 😂
I've been out as bisexual for almost 27 years. I was married to a straight woman for 13 years and there was so much anxiety over my sexuality from her, her friends, family, etc. I've been much happier dating only queers the past 7 years.
Hey thanks for sharing. I’m so glad you are feeling much happier now.
I really appreciate this comment. I can relate to it so very much. I'm 36, I've been in closet my whole life about my Bisexuality. Very slowly I've been coming more n more to those around me except...my family and girlfriend, whom I've been with for 5 years. She's made it very clear to me also that she finds any kind of sexuality between men&men disgusting to her. So thats made it even more difficult and stressful to even consider talking to her about me and my feelings. There have been occasions where we have had arguments and she just randomly bursted out insults at me including that "I must also be gay or bisexual!" I asked her why she would think that? And she never truly gives me a straight answer. I've even had friends in the past that I came out to about my Bisexuality and they flat out said "yea we knew that about you already" I'd ask them how they knew?? And they'd answer vaguely with the response..."it's in your gestures and mannerisms" that's always confused me because I've tried so hard keeping it hidden and I don't think that I let out any flags? But apparently I do. Anyways back to the original point, I really want to ask you, for your sincere advice as one Bi man to another,...how did you find the courage to come out? How did you do it? Were you terrified? Has your life been much happier since making that choice? I suffer everyday because I wish I can just talk to my girlfriend about this without fear of rejection or any type of shocking disgust from her. I want to tell my family, but scared they will frown upon me and not see me the same way anymore. It's just terrifying, but every year the anxiety and depression of it gets worse. Please,, I'd be so deeply grateful for any tips or advice you can offer me to help get through this struggle. It's literally effecting my daily life to the point where I'm becoming a irritable, miserable, downer to myself and everyone around me. I just want to be happy and my true self, why can't I find the courage 😞 .
@laznunyabiz4133 my friend. I feel you so much. It sounds like you are going through an awful lot of pain in this.
First of all you’re not alone. I have felt this way and many many others. We are all here for you and you are going to be okay. I promise.
I think the fundamental thing is to build a super solid sense of self approval. Every single day tell yourself “I am the way I am and that is enough. I am a great partner. I am a good person. I deserve love and respect. I am who I am and I am enough. I am enough of a man. I am bi and it’s no one’s business. I deserve love and respect for who I am”. These kinds of words. Every single day. Every single day. Again and again and again. Then hold to it. Speak clearly, speak succinctly and STATE that you are bisexual. Do not ASK for approval. State it. You have to take the risk that people won’t like it. If they have questions you can answer them. If they don’t understand you can help them understand. But do NOT try to convince them or persuade them. This is hard and it takes huge courage. But you have already been open with other people so you know you can do it. You might lose people. But you have to whether the storm. Express yourself as you are and if they don’t like that then they can decide what to do about that. But do not minimise yourself for other people’s ignorance or hostility. If you would like mentoring on this you can come and chat it through with me at Patreon.com/notdefining or 1:1 coaching through notdefining.square.site. Im going to post some links to videos I’ve made that will also give you some further tips. I hope this is in some way helpful. You can absolutely do this my friend and we’re rooting for you every step of the way. Take it easy. Love, Mark x
Bisexual man - the story of how I came out to my wife, unbelievable reaction! (part 6)
ua-cam.com/video/dRAUUMb6KKA/v-deo.html
9 secret stages you didn’t know about coming out
ua-cam.com/video/ds_FFmO2vYU/v-deo.html
Hi Mark ! You actually described the same reasons why I don't necessarily want to date (that being said, Never say Never) cishet men. I want to be understood and respected for who I am as a person (the whole complex person that I am), without feeling like I have to explain my queerness. I already have to deal with cisheteronormativity when I leave my house, I don't want to deal with that at home with my partner.
Totally. It’s the same thing
This finally made me understand why in my years of being closeted to myself I felt so uncomfortable in the straight dating scene! I always thought this discomfort was just due to me sweeping my attraction to men under the rug and not being my genuine self, but the discomfort kinda persisted after recognising my biness even tho I felt so much better. As you I am bi but also on the ace spectrum (prob demi) and what you described is soooo close to my experience that it really helps me understand myself. Thank you for that, saves a bunch of time having to figure it out myself ❤
I’m so glad.
So glad to hear someone else (and more in the comments) do this. Straight, cis women don't even tend to hit my radar so to speak of people to be attracted to, which, with a preference for guys, caused no end of bi doubting and questioning whether I was bi enough growing up. But I'm queer so I find queer people attractive, whether men, women, or non-binary.
Great video! Thank you so much for sharing! I always love your videos and the messages you share in them. You are great at discussing the topics you cover and there honestly isn't a single video from you that I DON'T love and relate to! I'm a bi woman and I can definitely relate to what you are saying in this video, even though I have never been in a relationship before yet. In all honesty, I am terrified of dating either straight men or lesbian women myself in the future, mainly due the rampant biphobia that still exists to this day. :( The amount of biphobia I've seen from both gay/lesbian people AND straight people is extremely disheartening and almost makes me feel ashamed for being bi and feel pressured to "pick a side" (which of course has never worked). I know there are many awesome allies though; don't get me wrong. I don't think I'd refuse to date someone who isn't bi, so long as we care about each other and they are a great person. :D But yeah...I definitely do understand wanting to avoid spaces where biphobia is extremely prevalent and where certain expectations are placed on you. :( Biphobia in any relationship is NOT okay. Great work on this video once again. You rock!
Ah thank you so so much I truly appreciate your kind words. Totally hear you about dating…anyone! I’m exactly the same. Just remember you are amazing and perfect and will find love in its right way and at the right time. Sending you all the very best x
@@notdefining Aww thank you so much!
:)
As a panromantic, asexual or demisexual, polyamorous and nonbinary person I agree a 100% because I don’t want to explain all this stuff, I just want to be with someone who understand me, accept me, respect me and love me for who I am. A straigh woman can do that but that’s more difficult and not easy it’s more easy with queer man or queer woman or a nonbinary person. Thank you so much for your video 🤍 much love
Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you have.
It hard in this world
Straight women liking coloured nail males is rare so.. 😂
Also bi+/mspec here & I appreciate this message. Being stuck in cishet/cisallo communities this year during major transitions has been extremely challenging. I have to rebuild my queer community from scratch for various reasons. This opportunity for discussion was pretty validating since it's been a non starter even just having platonic understandings lately. Thanks!
I’m so glad you’re here.
I relate to this SO MUCH. Thanks for putting this into words, Mark!
You're so welcome!
I’m a bisexual woman with a straight husband of 12 years. I get it. He sees it as a fetish, but doesn’t understand how I can separate it. Like man | woman.
leave him then if he sees you a fetish
Ok story time (I hope it's not TMI but I feel veeery alone with my issue so I'm spreading it all out here): I'm a straight woman married to a bisexual man. My husband (we've been together for 12 years, got married 1 year ago) actually came out to me as bi just a week ago. There were some occasions where had a feeling that there was "more to him" in the past, but I never thought more of it and we never talked about it other than that I knew he watched gay p*rn sometimes. I've always been an ally, some of my closest family members are queer and I myself had an experience with a girl in my teens (which made me sure that I'm into men). All of that said, watching your video made me realize, that I'm still struggling with some internalized biphobia and I really hate that. Trust is not an issue! But now that I know about some of his preferences while pleasuring himself (you know what I mean, but since I don't want my comment to dissappear, I'm not going into detail) and I feel like, he's missing something. Or that I can't fulfill his needs. How can I overcome that? I want to supportive him but at the same time I'm struggling, hope you can give me some advice ❤
Have you tried talking with him about what else he desires in bed? Maybe you could try pegging? Just a thought
Since it's been a year & no one responded, I might as well (even though I have ZERO experience 😭):
I see my bi-ness as me not preferring just one brand of soda, when everyone else does. This doesn't speak to how unhealthy I am due to junk food (being promiscuous or not), just that when I am thirsty, I don't mind Sprite or Pepsi. Or Mountain Dew.
I can prefer to switch things up every once in a while, or have things I like about each brand uniquely, or have a close favourite, but if I chose just one, I wouldn't be miserable.
All this to say: if your relationship is good in general (you married for love and all that), I don't think there's anything to worry about. Just bc he has a taste in both sexes, doesn't mean he'd flat out abandon you entirely (& all your memories together) for that. He loves you for the soda that you are.
Also, I hope you've been talking about this with him instead of letting the anxiety build up. It's better to get it out of the way sooner, rather than later. 😊
So encouraging!
I'm an asexual woman (I'm also on the aromantic spectrum so I have little romantic attraction for people but I like being in a deeper emotional connection with someone else). I have only dated straight men and let me tell you, it's hell. There are so many expectations for marriage, sex, and kids. It's awful and even though I tell people I don't want that, they only pretend to want the same before getting frustrated. My sister who's gay says that the queer dating scene is much better because of shared experience + you can be yourself without all the social constructs. She tells me I should date queer people, and I'm strongly considering that. What do you think?
Yes I would say it tends to be a little more open minded depending on where you are. You may try apps like Feeld which are very open minded. Best of luck. I mean, I am on the ace spectrum and really relate with what you’re saying.
Yes, I completely agree. I've known several straight who would ask whether or not they would date a bi-sexual male..some say " I could convert him into being totally heterosexual". Others would state " does he really find me sexually attractive? Or is it just an emotional thing? They would also question whether a bi male views a female in the same light as a heterosexual male? They would also assume all bi-males were Tops? If he is a bottom-how is he going to perform sexually with a woman? Or" this is bi-man is too feminine to like females".
I think a bi-female would understand and embrace the full spectrum of his orientation. Where I've known some bi-woman to play the male role in the relationship. They are no set of rules. But straight woman will be constantly wondering if this bi-males is looking at other men? I don't really think a straight woman would be a great match for a bisexual man. Unless he keeps it a secret. But that would be considered a deception in my opinion.
Thanks, Mark, I felt loved through the screen😅 Also made me rethink my dating eperiences with some straight guys
You are loved
I like how you explore and give insight to why and theorize around the situation, trying to view the dating perspective from the straight angle when dating a bisexual, reversing the roles so to say.
It feels like the Venn diagrams between queer women and yourself is a bit more aligned than with straight women, and going outside that (comfort zone?) can feel like a bit like too far from home? I'm speculating at this bit, and am clearly out of my depths.
Hey thanks so much for watching and for your comments. Yes absolutely I love queer women and couldn’t see myself with a straight woman. I also don’t subscribe to the notion of going out of my comfort zone. I can have comfort. It’s lovely to have comfort. I think a lot of us queer people have lived outside of our comfort zone by default our whole lives. So actually when we find a little comfort in our own people it is very special. Does that make sense?
@@notdefining that is an interesting take on the comfort zone I haven't given too much thought about, but it makes sense. and it absolutely makes sense to stick in the comfort zone when you finally find it - who in their right mind wanna go back to wander in the wilderness when you've finally found paradise, if we can be a bit theatrical about it.
:)
I am a straight woman fell in love with my bi bf😊
Just you saying that out in public changes the world 🌍 thank you 🙏🏽
You said "boring"! You defined the problem perfectly for me! It's exciting to me because my generation is hardly crawling with people who have intelligent discussions about bi-queer-undecided-ness. It's you guys, my grandchildren's generation, who bring all the intelligence to the discussion! I'm sooo grateful!
I'd have loved to leave a more intellectual comment about some of the more identity-based freedoms of expression you get in queer x queer relationships (my long winded way of saying I get that "not having to explain yourself thing" lol) but can I just say ...
Sorry for being selfish but for once I felt really good about my weird masculine & feminine energies that I swing around as a bi woman. I've always felt that the way I prefer to sometimes give affection is so stereotypically "unfeminine" especially to straight men and have always felt insecure about that. Its "easier" in wlw relationships but when it comes to guys I've always had that anxiety.
So I love that there's bi men out there like you that actually welcome that dual energy! I just need someone to melt against my aggression at times whilst also understanding I'm still verrryyy much a girl 😂
For real those compliments to bi+ women were awesome, didn't know I could feel so hot & appreciated
Thank you for expressing this. You are so appreciated and you sound absolutely stunning. 😍
I am a cis heterodemisexual woman so technically cishet but also in the asexual spectrum. I don’t have a preference when it comes to the sexuality of my partner, so far I’ve dated one straight man, one bi man and one unlabeled man. I do tend to date allosexual men and never dated an asexual man. I wish I could date someone I don’t have to explain my demisexuality to, but in my experience I ALWAYS have to explain it, because even among people who are in the asexual spectrum, demisexuality works a bit differently for everyone… I don’t know if dating someone in the asexual spectrum would work for me because I do get very sexual once I develop an emotional connection… It’s like an all or nothing switch. Being in the grey area of the a-spectrum can be complicated…
Thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate it so much.
Sapiosexuality and demisexuality are so misunderstood no matter where one is on the sexual spectrum. And there is another commenter here who tends to attract bi men and women nailed it for me.
Biological Cis is a label
As someone who is NB/transmasc, I strongly prefer bi/pan people myself. It’s nice to not worry about them not fully loving/being attracted to the different aspects of my identity.
Welp I guess now that I've stumbled upon your channel I can suddenly say I have never had an original thought 😂
Welcome aboard!
I totally get it.
Great video. Thanks for the info. But on a side note, I think people should retire the term "straight". To me it sounds like a short version of saying "following the straight & the narrow" as if heterosexuality is the only morally right path.
I couldn’t agree more. I hate it.
i completely feel what you're talking about👌👌💖❤
Im bi and not open as much, but i love your nails bro, wish i could do that
Hey thanks so much. I used to not be open too and only just started doing my nails this year. It’s still a journey. I know you will move through things in your own way in the right time. Sending so much love and support to you.
As an aroace woman I completely understand this. I'm aesthetically attracted to men and have only ever been romantically attracted to one man but if I ever decide to try to look for someone again I wouldn't even attempt to go for a straight man. Before I knew I was aroace I tried a dating app once but gave up after 3 day cause I hated it.
That's a very normal response to a dating app
I'm a straight woman and totally agree with you. I feel straight couples belong together and lgbtq couples belong together. All the best!
Err…this really wasn’t the point of the video at all. But thanks for watching.
@@notdefiningwhat was your point than?
I don't think it's just a straight thing in regards to bi sexual people..gays and lesbians can be just as bad. A lot of people are put off by someone being bi sexual. When it comes to dating and preferences there's no right and wrong thing to be attracted to or not attracted to. A lot of women are attracted to super straight men but there are women who don't mind. I agree that it's probably easier to be with someone with the same experience because a lot of people cannot wrap their heads around bisexuality because we are only attracted to one sex.
@@janx8695Straightness is just a sexuality not a performance but people treat as one. The same is true of queer monosexuality, the main issue is society has convinced people that somehow your sexuality says something about you and your behavior when ALL it means is the possibility to be sexually attracted to another person. That's it.
What's being talked about on the video is pretty much directly that. The inability of the people of the privileged sexuality (straight women in this case, but it applies across all monosexual experiences) in that there is an annoying belief that if a male partner experiences bisexuality it somehow makes them incapable of loving that women and also somehow makes them more effeminate.
All of that is pure nonsense, there meaningfully should be zero reason outside of personality compatibility that the presence of a multi sexual partner somehow makes it impossible for a monosexual partner to be in relationship with them. But because monosexual folks, particularly straight people, don't want to to the work of untangling this stupid idea on there heads it's often just better for a multi sexual person to get with another multi sexual person.
Bs
Well … I have not dated a bi-man before. I think it’s my biphobia and I’m a bi-woman myself. I have thought that bi-man would not fancy me.
Just now I’m educateing myself on bisexual history and learning about myself. And inner biphobia and biphobia to others are a thing and seeing it can let me starting thinking diffrent.
AND what you saying make me think: I DON’T need to date straight men. Maybe I can connect better with a bi-man. I will be more open to it in the future.
I've always been curious about Bi women who are repulsed or don't like us Bi men. I mean, we are just the male version of you guys who have the same sexual orientation. Then again, I only date Bi women that like and prefer Bi mwn
@@sverncollins5410From my perspective, gay man, it’s similar to their reaction to us. They don’t see us as real men.
And this is why I love bi-men, those heteronormative expectations... No thank you. Please let me be as masculine and as feminine as I want, show me your true colours and I'll show you mine ❤
Omg this is so great. Thank you. It made my day.
Im bisexual and also believe that only bisexual people should only date each other because the heterosexual community doesn't understand Bisexual people but always want to ridicule not to mentioned have insults.
Hey I hear you on this. I personally would only date bi or gay people. I know there are good hetero people out there but still. It’s a safety thing.
@@notdefining exactly, especially for us bisexual men cause it's somewhat a double standard.
I have e question. Why are you still single when you are such a dating expert?
I’m not a dating expert, I am a relationship coach. I coach people to find what works best for them. What works best for me at the moment is being single and I am exceptionally happy. Does that make sense?
Bi guy here. I relate to a lot of what you said and am feeling exhausted with rejection from cishet women bc I'm too gender expansive and don't portray the heteronormative masculinity that makes men attractive to them.
i'm bi woman, finally, i meet someone that could undestand my logic, i'm not confortable with straight universe and like the queer universe, so, like u, i don't want date straight men for now, but, i never say never
I’m a unlabeled queer person. I get it. I only want to date people from the LGBTQ+ community I feel like they understand more. I would date men who find everyone attractive and are queer. Your video is very valid. Also I feel like queer people are little more freeing from the binary.
Hey thank you so much for this lovely validating comment.
@@notdefining No problem. Queerness is beautiful and I just want to share that with other queer people. ❤️
Found this channel to try and navigate being there for my partner. As a straight women I’m discouraged now 😭
Is your wife a straight woman? You’ve talked about her before and I was so hopeful that our relationship can last because of yours
Hey there. My wife is a queer woman. However that doesn’t mean anything about your marriage.
I know it’s hard because we don’t get any information about how to navigate bi/queer relationships or how to be a straight partner to a queer person. I truly hear you when you say you gained hope from seeing us as role models.
But you must never ever derive meaning from somebody else’s experience and apply it directly to your own.
This is me. This is my experience. My marriage is my experience. My views are my experience. It is not yours or your partner’s.
Most bi people are with straight partners. Most bi people have hetero conforming relationships. Most bi people are not even out. So most bi people get on really well dating straight people.
The reason I made this video is precisely because it is controversial. It’s not the norm. It’s not the standard view. It’s actually quite a minority view that most people do not agree with.
So please know that your experience is valid, perfect and completely separate to mine.
The fact that you are here engaging with this content to try to be there for your partner shows that you are a special partner who is TRULY likely to be an amazing support and have a beautiful relationship that lasts…because you care.
So please don’t be downhearted. We are a very diverse bunch and we are not one thing. If we try to shoe horn all of us into acceptable hetero norms then we are not authentic and that is where the breakups and the misunderstandings and the pain comes from. Really.
Loving the full person in all your authenticity is the bedrock of every solid relationship regardless of gender or orientation. Right?
You’re fab. Thanks for being here. Sending all my very best,
Mark x
Quick question, and sorry if this seems a little rude , but I’m a bit confused and not sure exactly what is insinuated when you said in the description that “Many bisexual men of course date straight women but this is often out of necessity” …. I’m just curious if that means that I, as a straight identifying female, should probably assume that if a bi guy acts interested in me then there’s a good chance he’s not really that interested after all or likely has an ulterior motive? Or I’m probably just a last resort type of ordeal because he feels he has to?
I’m open to dating bi men but this is just giving me high anxiety about people being even more fake with me now, and it kind of sounds like you’re implying that a good amount of bi men who are with straight women don’t actually want them most of the time and are just using them… Is that the implication? 😕
Hey thanks for your question. No not at all, apologies if it was a little unclear. What I mean is that most bi people date straight people because that is simply the most likely probability. Most bi people don’t know other bi people and live in societies where the majority of people identify as heterosexual. So when I say necessity I just mean that it is necessary for a lot of bi people to date straight people because that is literally who is around to date.
@@notdefiningOh ok, so you meant it more in a “chances are that person they’re with is probably straight” type of scenario rather than a “I guess I’ll have to settle for this hetero person because that’s my only option right now” ordeal? I know it would definitely bum me out a bit to learn that the guy I’m seeing is only into me because he hasn’t found other bi/pan people around him instead. Wouldn’t exactly be the greatest feeling lol
@Undecidedxx he will leave you for a man, you'll see. You're just a place holder.
@@jodali11More likely to leave for woman. From a gay dude, he’s 100% justified in that too.
9:46 lol you saying you're asexual and don't date anyone and then within 5 seconds wanting to date queer women xD
Yes. Welcome to being fluid.
As a straight women a lot of what you said doesn't make sense. A real straight women will love and accept you for who you are. You Don't need to explain yourself. Im attracted to men and as long as he's faithful to me, and he knows he's mine he could bi, but he's mine and mine alone.
I’m sorry but this kind of conversation is why I don’t tend to date in the straight world. It’s exhausting to have to hear things like “you can be bi as long as you’re faithful to me!” I know you aren’t meaning to but you are suggesting that being bi has anything whatsoever to do with monogamy or faithfulness which is doesn’t. It has nothing to do with those things at all. It shouldn’t even come into conversation. But because people assume bi people are somehow less monogamous or less willing to be with one person, you get these offensive comments like the one you have just written. I know you are being accepting and being inclusive which I appreciate but can you see how even this conversation is uncomfortable for us.
Even if you are a completely accepting straight person, there is a narrative here of “not all straight people”. “Not all straight people are like this so why are you coming for us?” This invalidates the very real lived experience of a marginalised group which is genuinely bringing up a real and pervasive problem.
If you want to be supportive and accepting you can say “I’m so sorry you have had to experience this. I love bi men and would definitely date bi men”. You can just be supportive. Rather than try to debate our lived experience.
Does this make sense? I’m sorry to be hard on this. Sadly you are one of the few accepting ones I have met so I don’t want to complain, but I just feel like you are so close to getting it and I want you to understand us.
Sending so much love and sorry for this back and forth. You’re a good person and I can see that. Thank you for watching and engaging.
Speak for yourself because most straight women don’t think that way….
Oh Lord
@@Rebecca.xoxoxoI'm straight and I agree with her .I like bi men too. I like anyone. Cheating is bad though.
Once again, why are you talking about bi men and then bringing up cheating? Why are those two things in the same comment? Bi men are statistically less likely to cheat than straight men. That has been shown in academically rigorous studies. So why are you talking about it? This is the whole problem.
I am a straight mom whose straight daughter has become involved with a bisexual man. I have always taught her to be accepting of the "lifestyles" of other people, but I have, fortunately or unfortunately, also made my opinions of dating bisexual men known to her. My opinions basically are: You'll have to be "the man" in the relationship and the competition will be doubled because a woman can never give a bisexual man what he is seeking in another man. I honestly hope she will be able to mesh what I have told her while also looking at her new boyfriend for who he is and NOT what I fear. He seems to be a good person, loves her and, I hope, a faithful person who will not let distractions, female or male, break their bond, and that she will do the same.
I'm an older lady (50's), and while I have had numerous male and female gay friends, all of this bi stuff is relatively new to me. Glad I found your channel. Will be using you as research if you don't mind.🙂✌🏾👍🏾
If any gay or lesbian made a video like that about "why don't we date bisexuals" they would be considered biphobic. lol wtf.
Yes because straight, gay or lesbian people do not suffer from this real life issue. Bisexual people do. So you making a video about not dating bisexual people would be further embedding the reality that we face. Bisexual people choosing to protect themselves against a real lived experience of discrimination from straight gay and lesbian people is a completely different concept.
It’s why All Lives Matter, Straight Pride and #MenToo are irrelevant.
The scenario you mention is not an equal situation to what I’m describing in this video.
Thanks for understanding.
You are making heterosexual women, as if they all think the same or are the same. You are generalizing a situation. Because of things like this, and these types of videos, if I were a heterosexual woman I wouldn't want to go on a date with a bisexual either. Because of things like this, no one takes them seriously. No all straight women are the same. It's as if I were saying "all bisexuals are PROMISCUOUS" but not.
@@notdefiningyou're just salty cause you're not wanted by the women who will give you social validation. Just admit it.
The straight people got offended. I feel bad for straight and bisexual men tbh. I had the honor of being a “gold star.”
@@adroaldosanchez7998Straight people getting offended when their behavior is called out… More at 11.
I just personally find being very open minded and fluid to an extent that being within lgbtq community although I don't particularly like labels personally I also find myself to fluid for labels as far as fitting in is concernced and or unecesary to explain, polyamory constantly nags at me but its not a defining thing of coarse but just saying personally seem to have no limits as to what an end game relationship may look like, but I can't help it and don't know how to control my enthusiasm, not sur eif I need too lol more like a hippie
You're do cute when you say "yeah?"
Haha thanks.
Also Bi/Ace Demi romantic
Yes indeed. Love this
I'm gay and I relate but about friends. The more time passes on, I just fit better in my lgbt friend group than outside. I do make friends outside, but explaining my sexuality yadiyada, it's cumbersome to have to deal with possible homophobia. I'm just open already to talk freely with lgbt peers.
I'm starting to think that I might be bisexual too. One of my ex-boyfriends was bisexual and we had this unspoken understanding of each other's preferences. I dated a straight guy after that and he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him with a girl because his exes dated a girl after they broke up with him because he cheated on them with a guy. He didn't do that to me which was surprising but it still hurt being questioned all the time. I'm just now starting to realize that this intimidation I feel towards women (especially straight women) is probably just attraction. But yeah I've got some figuring out to do.
You're not bi, just an autogynephile(obsessed with your own body) like most women
So you dated two bisexual men?
no, you don't
Im bisexual if i ever decide to date i wouldn't date a straight person because i know that some people don't believe in bisexuality
What you said about being attracted to women who are comfortable with their masculinity, are comfortable in different roles and have examined these subjects. I feel like a lot of biphobia towards men stems from this very topic.
Many straight women don't naturally fit into the box society has laid out for them and at the core they don't feel feminine enough, maybe they carry a more masculine energy and are unconsciously insecure about this. The thought of being with a bi guy who leaves them for a man intensifies that insecurity, that feeling they aren't womanly enough or feminine enough. Or even just being with a feminine guy as though they are a "lesser" woman. Hence they don't or won't date bi men.
I for years had the opposite problem as a unopen bi man I felt I wasn't manly enough so I shut out my stronger feminine side (as consciously as I could) it always found a way out. I realized, this is so common for most heteronormative people. They essentially drank the Kool aid early in life for what the other sex wants even though it more often than not doesn't fit and have never given it a second thought.
Hey thanks for sharing your perspectives on this. I totally hear what you’re saying.
I would gladly date a straight polyamorous woman and a pansexual poly man in a triad relationship! The first lady I kissed was straight
Oooh now this sounds interesting.
Okay so if a bisexual person doesn't want to date a straight person, its okay....
But if a straight person doesn't want to date a bisexual, its bad?
I don't get it....
Wait, are you asking me out cause the answer is yes 😉
🩷🩷🩷
nailed it on the head with the hetronormative gender expectations on men in straight relationships
Saludos de alguien Bi desde Argentina
RIP all the straight women who would definitely date you
Aaaaah thank you. Haha. They have plenty of other guys to choose from haha.
I completely agree, when a bi man dates a straight woman she is unlikely to understand the facets of his sexuality. She may always question him. A bi-woman would be more compatible. As a gay male I've seen this happen with many bi friends of mine..Also straight women are more likely to expect the typical alpha-male found in straight relationships. A feel there is a sense of being exclusionary.
You say bisexual then mainly only reference dating bi women
Because I’m talking about women and the distinction between straight women and bi/queer women. That’s what the video is about.
I avoid straight women because I resent being treated like a "Challenge" or "Conversion Project" to stoke their ego. A trophy for their portfolio.
I identify as straight but was always massively attracted to queer men and my "secret dream" used to always be until today to date a bi men (it didn't happen so far :,)) The whole range of ways bi men express their fluidity (cloths like wearing skirts, breaking with the ideas how "men have to behave', more open & communicative ....) mesmerizes me. But I also moved to Berlin where as a straight person I still have a massively queer friendship circle with zero heteronotmative lifestyle expectations ....:)
Dude! Get out of my head!! 😅
Haha! Sorry bi guys are just telepathic. Get into it. We see each other. 😂
I remember getting on well with a lesbian
Lol. As a lesbian, I won't date bi women.
Also... you are a gay man, my dude. Not a nonbinary cringe. Chillax.
What makes you think that an amazing, proud bi woman would want to date a sad biphobic person like yourself?
Also….it takes a very special type of cringe to try to put down members of your own community.
Please go away and sort yourself out. You’re sadly not original. We deal with this nonsense all the time.
Pathetic.
First off, ew biphobe. As a bisexual and non-binary woman, your biphobia is pathetic. Also the trans and enbyphobia to… ew all around.
So pathetic. We’ve always been around sister whether you like it or not, deal with it and stand with us. You’re either with us or not, there is no in between.
He is not a gay man, where did you get this information from? He is bi and guess what, non-binary too. I’m a bi woman and I’m very glad that someone like you would not date me. Natural selection! There are other lesbians who are not biphobic and would NEVER call a non-binary person “cringe”, who would date me, and I’d date them. It’s not a matter of being a lesbian, it’s a matter of being a decent human being.
Thank you for this. Love you x
Beautifully said. Thank you my sister. Really appreciate our community standing up for each other. 🩷💜💙