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Hello. Bi guy here. I was in a friendzone with a girl I was in love, but over time we just became friends amd we still are. At one point I came out to her, telling her I am bisexual. She offered to introduce me to a gay friend of her and I started more and more to have deep feelings for him. So, we became a couple. 😊 I have a boyfriend now, I love him a lot. I am thankful for her introducing me to him. I have no regrets that I couldn't be together with the girl. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing
i my case male to male intimacy connected at a raw level where female intimacy connects with me in a nurturing way - I've come to find I need both since coming out as bi in my mid- 40s. It's not about what is 'better' - but the need to experience both at different levels - either romantically or not. Great video Mark!! :)
Hey thanks so much for sharing Mark. This is beautiful. I can totally see how male and female intimacy can have those different effects for you. As humans we identify different feelings with different genders and experience those energies and feelings depending on how we see ourselves and our own gender. We gain feelings and experiences through connecting with other bodies and energies and it's all really personal. That's why it's so diverse and magical. Thank you so much for sharing your unique perspectives Mark - so many people read these comments and will certainly feel seen and understood as a result. Sending so much love to you, Mark x (other Mark!) haha
as a woman I feel the same way-- when with men I feel a certain raw (almost animalistic?) intimacy, whereas with woman... I wouldn't say nurturing for me although I understand where you are coming from. The feminine energy I experience with women is very grounding and mental. Sometimes I get lost in physical intimacy with men, it is very bodily. But with women I feel very zen and (most of the time) very emotionally grounded. Thoughts?
The question of "Preferences" has been quite a point of tension each time I think of it. As a 15-year-old teen, I recently came to terms with my sexuality and came out as gay, because after a period of careful reasoning and analyzing past experiences, I realized that I was more turned on by the same gender and I also frequently have same-sex fantasies. So for the most part I too can relate to that "dirty mystique" you mentioned. I'm into men both romantically and sexually, but I also think I'm more homoromantic than homosexual. But unlike my other gay friends at school, I didn't feel so straightforward like them in choosing my gender preferences, and each time I felt more confused and obsessed. Since recently, I've been turned on by women too, and that feeling is also kinda strong... so that's when I came back to the questioning table again and realized as bisexual. When I looked back into my past childhood again, I realized that I have indeed felt for women too, especially teachers, more emotionally. But I have to mention your channel has been really helpful with my own self-reflection. Especially this video. Most of your experiences and feelings do relate to mine. I feel happy that I identify myself as queer or bisexual now because it gives me freedom and much relief. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Another great video dude! The whole fantasy vs reality thing happened to me too, and I think happens to a lot of bi/bicurious guys. But I do feel the need to say something, as I believe many bisexual guys view this incorrectly - but just because you find both sexes sexually/romantically attractive, DOESN'T mean you HAVE to act on it if you are in a loving monogamous relationship. I'm bi (but much more attracted to women), and from time to time there will be a guy I find cute, or I have a fantasy. But when I was with my ex, I never once thought I NEED to have sex with a guy, as she was totally enough for me, and no guy could compete with her attraction/personality. Moral of the story - if you feel the need to have sex with both when in a loving relationship (and against your partners wish), then you are either not in the right relationship, not into one sex as much as you thought, not ready for a monogamous relationship (or not suited to one), or you have unresolved issues you need to work out. But I really loved your point about self-worth and confidence. I'd love to see some studies on this, but I really do think bi guys have lower than average self-esteem (especially around women), and this can totally impact your sexual life with women. In other words, if you feel like you are not enough of a man to have great sex with a woman, or if you are internally conflicted about whether you prefer men or women, OF COURSE you aren't going to be able to have optimal sex. Great sex only comes when YOU ARE AT EASE, and CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF :)! But as you pointed out, finding the right girl who accepts you for who you are REALLY makes a difference. Sorry for caps locks haha, but again, great video man :).
This wass so beautifulll ♥️.... I felt as if I am hearing my own story from someone else's mind...... Thanks for building up a space for bi and queer kins to dive deep in their own experiences and understand them better.... Love youuu ☘️
I'm ngl, I tend to prefer men because on dating apps with us not knowing each other yet they are more likely to be accepting of who I am. Whereas with women who see me as a cishet male they are more likely to reject me off of gender and sexuality stuff that will eventually come up. Purely physical attraction wise it's hard to say. I find fewer men attractive than women, but I think that's mainly because society kind of forces men to present and act in a certain way (i.e. masc not femm) in order to just exist.
This is true, for sure. I like geeky stuff, videogames and things, and women are much less tolerant and more superficial on average, and less likely to be accepting of anything that doesn't fit a very narrow idea of a big, strong, taller male provider/protector and that's it. Particularly heterosexual women, 80% of whom wouldn't touch us bisexual men with a ten foot pole anyway. So in terms of just striking up a conversation with people and seeing where it goes on a dating app, men are *much* easier. *Much* easier. But... out of those tentative conversations, for the odd conversation that *does* go somewhere, when a woman gets it, oh wow, she *really* gets it. Women with profound minds who've really thought about things have an immense emotional depth and that is great for me, because being a typical INFP I love talking about my feefs all the time. 🤣
I’m glad you had more positive experiences with women in relationships, my experiences have always been negative and rejection whereas men have always made me feel loved and accepted. It’s probably why I lean more gay than straight. But I really like to spend time and chat with women.
I once had a long relationship with a woman, but she was a real tom boy. Almost man like. The woman type relationships just never have worked well for me. Men have always treated me well and have stayed loyal
@@Matty12333 oddly enough masculine women don’t usually interest me very much. I like very feminine women or very masculine men. I also like contrast so like I’m black but I like white guys mostly because of the contrast. For women I like shorter women in contrast to my height.
We are always a mystery, but it's great to get to the point of knowing yourself better. Good luck and be very happy in your life. It is always necessary to make choices, but they do not necessarily have to be definitive.
I once heard someone respond to this question simply by saying men and women are like apples and oranges to them. I didn’t think any further elaboration was needed, as it was such a great and simple way to sum out how it feels to me haha
Thank you for making these great videos. I feel that I’m not alone in this world. After viewing your videos, I decide to come to terms with myself and start to realize that life is a journey waiting to be explored. There is nothing wrong being one way or another, it is how we live and explore different aspects of our lives that enrich our life experience. Thank you Mark.
Women are better at advice, and tend to be more understanding. I think men are more complete and confident and more dominant and tend to be more stable overall. some women can be difficult to get along with, which turns me off
I prefer women, but the person that I’m seriously dating now is a male. My preference is what it is but it’s really about the connection you have with that particular person. Sounds cliche but it’s true.
I love you and your content so much! I love bisexual men! They are so open-minded and affirming. I used to identify as a bisexual guy before I transitioned. Before I realized I was a woman, I experienced a similar connection to women (emotional love) and men (forbidden, physical love). I've only had sex with men, most of whom identify as bi. I am not exclusively one thing or another like you were saying in the video. I am a gender-diverse [trans] woman. My pronouns are she/her. I stopped using she/they because people did not respect the feminine pronouns as much as the neutral ones. I prefer men. I want a man or a boyfriend. However, I have loved women before I became or knew I was one, and I still do. I look forward to spending quality time with a significant other who encourages me to embrace my queerness and transness and vice versa. I would love to meet you one day. Yes, I can also agree that I am more than a man or a woman, straight or gay. I am on the fluid and bi+ spectrum, and I love who I love. I am open to that. We are whole as we are!
This has been something I’ve been asking myself for a while. I remember when I was in elementary school, I was into girls, but only rarely. I only remember having 2 or 3 actually girl crushes at school. But starting in the 6th grade I started to develop feelings for boys. I remember when I was 14 and learning what androgynous was, and holy shit. I’m currently 17, almost 18, and I think I prefer men because I often have more fantasies about men. But I’m still young, so I could become straight or gay (or stay bisexual) whenever I start to actually experiment. I’m just happy there’s other people that have similar experiences
I don't have a favorite. I know, I'm weird for a bisexual... but I'm really, really indifferent. The first thing I usually fixate on with people is their eyes. I am romantic and I love other sweet, romantic people, but I definitely don't depend only on women for that. Trust me honey, you ain't seen romantic and sweet and nurturing 'till you've been snug in the arms of a sweet, tender bear. 😉 Also I've been with neurotypical women and women with some degree of autism, and they are very different experiences. I will say with cis men, when we are touching, there is a certain familiarity and complicity in our bodies (though obviously any two bodies will work differently), you see the physical arousal, and you relate more directly to it. With cis women the physical is more mysterious, and you find yourself imagining more, how might that feel, what is that feeling like that makes her moan, or gasp, or, you know... hump. 😅 I mean it's obviously pleasant, but *how* does it actually feel from her perspective, from her embodiedness. You don't relate quite as directly to it. You look for hints in the face, in the eyes, in the smile. I like to call it loving from similarity vs. loving from difference. But either experience for me is equally lovely. The fundamental thing for me, being demisexual, is being with someone I love and feel safe with. The rest is details. Also, since psychologically I tend to be more similar to neurotypical women than any other cohort, there is a kind of psychological similarity combined with physical difference I've felt with them that is pretty awesome, whereas with men it's often the opposite... there is a physical similarity combined with a psychological difference. I've found that often creates chemistry. 🤭 But if Cupid flagged me down at any moment and said 'Close your eyes, when you open them someone will appear and you'll fall in love with each other. What sex should they be?' I'd say, 'surprise me'. I really don't have a preference. Once you told me we'd fall in love with each other, you told me everything I need to know.
Let me start with a disclaimer that I am not judging you, rather asking a question because I do not understand and genuinely seek an knowledge. You stated that you "found the love of your life". If that is true, why were you looking at anyone else (male or female)? When I found my "Mr. Right", I wouldn't even consider anyone else. Is it that you wanted sexual intimacy with both genders even though you had a commitment?
I still experience attraction even though I’m with someone I love. Doesn’t mean I want to act on that. Also sadly I am now separated from the love of my life.
I'm probably coming across as the north end of a south bound bull, but the colours of your nails seems like a bit in conflict of the rest of your colour scheme? Intentional? breaking the pattern? I dress like a mess, so I am in no position to judge...., oh, and I still have no new words that starts with bi that I can work a wordplay with. binoculars? idk
Omg I wish I had a colour scheme lol! Haha. Actually the nails are very luminous so they stand out a lot. I just love pink. I’ve tried other colours but I just love the pink. I think it’s the deepness and brightness of the colour it just makes me happy. That’s it. That is the reason. No other thinking goes into it! 😂😂 thanks for watching. Sending so much love.
To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info.
Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining.
For more videos click the JOIN button.
Hello. Bi guy here. I was in a friendzone with a girl I was in love, but over time we just became friends amd we still are. At one point I came out to her, telling her I am bisexual. She offered to introduce me to a gay friend of her and I started more and more to have deep feelings for him. So, we became a couple. 😊 I have a boyfriend now, I love him a lot. I am thankful for her introducing me to him. I have no regrets that I couldn't be together with the girl. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing
Omg thank you for sharing this gorgeous story 🩷🌈
i my case male to male intimacy connected at a raw level where female intimacy connects with me in a nurturing way - I've come to find I need both since coming out as bi in my mid- 40s. It's not about what is 'better' - but the need to experience both at different levels - either romantically or not. Great video Mark!! :)
Hey thanks so much for sharing Mark. This is beautiful. I can totally see how male and female intimacy can have those different effects for you.
As humans we identify different feelings with different genders and experience those energies and feelings depending on how we see ourselves and our own gender.
We gain feelings and experiences through connecting with other bodies and energies and it's all really personal. That's why it's so diverse and magical.
Thank you so much for sharing your unique perspectives Mark - so many people read these comments and will certainly feel seen and understood as a result.
Sending so much love to you,
Mark x (other Mark!) haha
as a woman I feel the same way-- when with men I feel a certain raw (almost animalistic?) intimacy, whereas with woman... I wouldn't say nurturing for me although I understand where you are coming from. The feminine energy I experience with women is very grounding and mental. Sometimes I get lost in physical intimacy with men, it is very bodily. But with women I feel very zen and (most of the time) very emotionally grounded. Thoughts?
You sound all over the place. You sound like monogamy would be difficult for you.
The question of "Preferences" has been quite a point of tension each time I think of it. As a 15-year-old teen, I recently came to terms with my sexuality and came out as gay, because after a period of careful reasoning and analyzing past experiences, I realized that I was more turned on by the same gender and I also frequently have same-sex fantasies. So for the most part I too can relate to that "dirty mystique" you mentioned. I'm into men both romantically and sexually, but I also think I'm more homoromantic than homosexual. But unlike my other gay friends at school, I didn't feel so straightforward like them in choosing my gender preferences, and each time I felt more confused and obsessed.
Since recently, I've been turned on by women too, and that feeling is also kinda strong... so that's when I came back to the questioning table again and realized as bisexual. When I looked back into my past childhood again, I realized that I have indeed felt for women too, especially teachers, more emotionally.
But I have to mention your channel has been really helpful with my own self-reflection. Especially this video. Most of your experiences and feelings do relate to mine. I feel happy that I identify myself as queer or bisexual now because it gives me freedom and much relief. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Another great video dude! The whole fantasy vs reality thing happened to me too, and I think happens to a lot of bi/bicurious guys.
But I do feel the need to say something, as I believe many bisexual guys view this incorrectly - but just because you find both sexes sexually/romantically attractive, DOESN'T mean you HAVE to act on it if you are in a loving monogamous relationship. I'm bi (but much more attracted to women), and from time to time there will be a guy I find cute, or I have a fantasy. But when I was with my ex, I never once thought I NEED to have sex with a guy, as she was totally enough for me, and no guy could compete with her attraction/personality. Moral of the story - if you feel the need to have sex with both when in a loving relationship (and against your partners wish), then you are either not in the right relationship, not into one sex as much as you thought, not ready for a monogamous relationship (or not suited to one), or you have unresolved issues you need to work out.
But I really loved your point about self-worth and confidence. I'd love to see some studies on this, but I really do think bi guys have lower than average self-esteem (especially around women), and this can totally impact your sexual life with women. In other words, if you feel like you are not enough of a man to have great sex with a woman, or if you are internally conflicted about whether you prefer men or women, OF COURSE you aren't going to be able to have optimal sex. Great sex only comes when YOU ARE AT EASE, and CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF :)! But as you pointed out, finding the right girl who accepts you for who you are REALLY makes a difference.
Sorry for caps locks haha, but again, great video man :).
Hey thanks for this awesome comment. Appreciate you very much. Sending love. X
This wass so beautifulll ♥️.... I felt as if I am hearing my own story from someone else's mind...... Thanks for building up a space for bi and queer kins to dive deep in their own experiences and understand them better.... Love youuu ☘️
This is so beautiful, sensitive and raw. I feel so touched about it. And, you talking about the love of your life, it's so beautiful...
I don't know if I like one over the other. Now I'm having a little personal crisis because I can't choose.
Very bi of me.
The definition of bi.
I'm ngl, I tend to prefer men because on dating apps with us not knowing each other yet they are more likely to be accepting of who I am. Whereas with women who see me as a cishet male they are more likely to reject me off of gender and sexuality stuff that will eventually come up.
Purely physical attraction wise it's hard to say. I find fewer men attractive than women, but I think that's mainly because society kind of forces men to present and act in a certain way (i.e. masc not femm) in order to just exist.
I prefer men sexually.
Concordo homens bonitos são raros,I'm from Brazil of course
I agree handsome men are rare
This is true, for sure. I like geeky stuff, videogames and things, and women are much less tolerant and more superficial on average, and less likely to be accepting of anything that doesn't fit a very narrow idea of a big, strong, taller male provider/protector and that's it. Particularly heterosexual women, 80% of whom wouldn't touch us bisexual men with a ten foot pole anyway. So in terms of just striking up a conversation with people and seeing where it goes on a dating app, men are *much* easier. *Much* easier.
But... out of those tentative conversations, for the odd conversation that *does* go somewhere, when a woman gets it, oh wow, she *really* gets it. Women with profound minds who've really thought about things have an immense emotional depth and that is great for me, because being a typical INFP I love talking about my feefs all the time. 🤣
I’m glad you had more positive experiences with women in relationships, my experiences have always been negative and rejection whereas men have always made me feel loved and accepted. It’s probably why I lean more gay than straight. But I really like to spend time and chat with women.
I once had a long relationship with a woman, but she was a real tom boy. Almost man like. The woman type relationships just never have worked well for me. Men have always treated me well and have stayed loyal
@@Matty12333 oddly enough masculine women don’t usually interest me very much. I like very feminine women or very masculine men. I also like contrast so like I’m black but I like white guys mostly because of the contrast. For women I like shorter women in contrast to my height.
always love your videos they make my day, ad alot of your sentiments always resonate
Ah thank you for saying
We are always a mystery, but it's great to get to the point of knowing yourself better. Good luck and be very happy in your life. It is always necessary to make choices, but they do not necessarily have to be definitive.
Beautiful story ❤. I'm watching this from Sydney. Definitely a fan
Hey thanks so much. I appreciate it.
As a bisexual man I mostly prefer women. But a guy would have to be very lucky for me to choose him
Wow! Thank you for this story!!! I seriously want to cry. Thank you for sharing..
I once heard someone respond to this question simply by saying men and women are like apples and oranges to them. I didn’t think any further elaboration was needed, as it was such a great and simple way to sum out how it feels to me haha
Thank you for making these great videos. I feel that I’m not alone in this world. After viewing your videos, I decide to come to terms with myself and start to realize that life is a journey waiting to be explored. There is nothing wrong being one way or another, it is how we live and explore different aspects of our lives that enrich our life experience. Thank you Mark.
Your story really resonated with me, thanks for sharing.
You are so welcome
I absolutely love theses videos and I believe I might be bisexual 💗💜💙
Thank you, this made my day. You are most welcome in the bi community. We love you
I connect so much to your story, thanks for sharing, it's so healthy to listen to someone with similar situations. ❤
Hey thank YOU so much for the validation back.
Women are better at advice, and tend to be more understanding. I think men are more complete and confident and more dominant and tend to be more stable overall. some women can be difficult to get along with, which turns me off
I prefer women, but the person that I’m seriously dating now is a male. My preference is what it is but it’s really about the connection you have with that particular person. Sounds cliche but it’s true.
I enjoy your videos, but could you possibly increase the sound! Even with ear buds I miss some of what you say, and it's frustrating... 😞
I love you and your content so much! I love bisexual men! They are so open-minded and affirming. I used to identify as a bisexual guy before I transitioned. Before I realized I was a woman, I experienced a similar connection to women (emotional love) and men (forbidden, physical love). I've only had sex with men, most of whom identify as bi. I am not exclusively one thing or another like you were saying in the video. I am a gender-diverse [trans] woman. My pronouns are she/her. I stopped using she/they because people did not respect the feminine pronouns as much as the neutral ones. I prefer men. I want a man or a boyfriend. However, I have loved women before I became or knew I was one, and I still do. I look forward to spending quality time with a significant other who encourages me to embrace my queerness and transness and vice versa. I would love to meet you one day. Yes, I can also agree that I am more than a man or a woman, straight or gay. I am on the fluid and bi+ spectrum, and I love who I love. I am open to that. We are whole as we are!
Omg thank you so much for this fab comment and for sharing. I’m so happy you’re here. Sending love.
This has been something I’ve been asking myself for a while. I remember when I was in elementary school, I was into girls, but only rarely. I only remember having 2 or 3 actually girl crushes at school. But starting in the 6th grade I started to develop feelings for boys. I remember when I was 14 and learning what androgynous was, and holy shit. I’m currently 17, almost 18, and I think I prefer men because I often have more fantasies about men. But I’m still young, so I could become straight or gay (or stay bisexual) whenever I start to actually experiment. I’m just happy there’s other people that have similar experiences
People never "get it" unless they are....Sexuality is fluid not Concrete.
Exactly
Wow. Hugs 🤗 from Argentina ❤ thanks for sharing
I don't have a favorite. I know, I'm weird for a bisexual... but I'm really, really indifferent. The first thing I usually fixate on with people is their eyes. I am romantic and I love other sweet, romantic people, but I definitely don't depend only on women for that. Trust me honey, you ain't seen romantic and sweet and nurturing 'till you've been snug in the arms of a sweet, tender bear. 😉 Also I've been with neurotypical women and women with some degree of autism, and they are very different experiences.
I will say with cis men, when we are touching, there is a certain familiarity and complicity in our bodies (though obviously any two bodies will work differently), you see the physical arousal, and you relate more directly to it. With cis women the physical is more mysterious, and you find yourself imagining more, how might that feel, what is that feeling like that makes her moan, or gasp, or, you know... hump. 😅 I mean it's obviously pleasant, but *how* does it actually feel from her perspective, from her embodiedness. You don't relate quite as directly to it. You look for hints in the face, in the eyes, in the smile. I like to call it loving from similarity vs. loving from difference.
But either experience for me is equally lovely. The fundamental thing for me, being demisexual, is being with someone I love and feel safe with. The rest is details. Also, since psychologically I tend to be more similar to neurotypical women than any other cohort, there is a kind of psychological similarity combined with physical difference I've felt with them that is pretty awesome, whereas with men it's often the opposite... there is a physical similarity combined with a psychological difference. I've found that often creates chemistry. 🤭
But if Cupid flagged me down at any moment and said 'Close your eyes, when you open them someone will appear and you'll fall in love with each other. What sex should they be?' I'd say, 'surprise me'. I really don't have a preference. Once you told me we'd fall in love with each other, you told me everything I need to know.
Let me start with a disclaimer that I am not judging you, rather asking a question because I do not understand and genuinely seek an knowledge. You stated that you "found the love of your life". If that is true, why were you looking at anyone else (male or female)? When I found my "Mr. Right", I wouldn't even consider anyone else. Is it that you wanted sexual intimacy with both genders even though you had a commitment?
I still experience attraction even though I’m with someone I love. Doesn’t mean I want to act on that. Also sadly I am now separated from the love of my life.
I'm probably coming across as the north end of a south bound bull, but the colours of your nails seems like a bit in conflict of the rest of your colour scheme? Intentional? breaking the pattern? I dress like a mess, so I am in no position to judge...., oh, and I still have no new words that starts with bi that I can work a wordplay with. binoculars? idk
Omg I wish I had a colour scheme lol! Haha. Actually the nails are very luminous so they stand out a lot. I just love pink. I’ve tried other colours but I just love the pink. I think it’s the deepness and brightness of the colour it just makes me happy. That’s it. That is the reason. No other thinking goes into it! 😂😂 thanks for watching. Sending so much love.
@@notdefiningAs long as it makes you happy, then that is what is important.
Bifocal
@@notdefining I LOVE PINK TOO. 💗💗💗💗💗💗
@jiliciar.1423 omg yay. Thanks for saying.