My insecurities have ruined my mind and relationships. I have so many regrets and disappointments in how I acted and wish I could have my last relationship back and start over. I have been working so hard.
I truly relate to this. My insecurities have caused me good relationships because I wasn't happy with myself and it's a real struggle to get out of that mindset
Insecurities in relationships it’s very natural and it is very common to feel insecure so not necessarily a permanent predicament. 'There's a natural ebb and flow within any relationship over time' If you find your anxiety sticking around, you might need to do some inner work on yourself and have some conversations with your partner, so they can help you feel better about you. If you're feeling insecure in your relationship, you might start reading into problems that aren't really there, and everyone does that at times so just be aware. Sometimes, people think that acting clingy or needy is a textbook sign of insecurity. But the truth is, acting distant or aloof might mean you're feeling anxious, too. If I don't get too close, my partner can't hurt me. In this case, you're trying to “prevent this abandonment or hurt because of the insecurity that is manifesting in you and is anxiety based. Maybe you're starting to notice that you aren't voicing your opinions in your relationship or standing up for yourself. “Your partner is kind of driving the relationship, because you don't really show up with strong opinions or interests. One of the main reasons you may back away is your afraid if you speak up for yourself you might get abandoned? Always stand up for yourself and your needs in a relationship, that's very important from the very start. Sometimes, insecurity can manifest as controlling behavior, or even manipulation. In order to change this pattern of behavior, the person should first have self-awareness and realize they're being controlling-and they should want to change the behavior instead of justifying their actions. If you're someone who has controlling tendencies in a relationship, try working through the reasons you might be acting this way, whether it's due to insecurity or anxiety from your childhood or past relationships. A lot of times we can take an emotion, a feeling, and talk about it as though it is a personality trait - You might not be an “insecure person,” but you might be feeling more insecure at a certain point in the relationship. If we can look at insecurity as this thing that can pop up and then go away and pop up and then go away, that can then help you look at where it's coming from. Your attachment style maybe is anxious or avoidant in relationships. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might have a habit of constantly seeking reassurance and feeling like the relationship is always unstable. Or you might always try to keep distance to protect yourself from getting hurt in relationships if you have an avoidant attachment style. In both cases, your attachment style “can influence your ability to derive a sense of security from the relationship. you just got to figure out where it's coming from and why you feel that way! Don't be afraid to be in a relationship just set some healthy boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate, don't be over-excessive though as that can drive someone away, just healthy mental and emotional boundaries that takes into account both individuals in the relationship! We all get insecure, but we can reduce the anxiety if we work with our partners!!!
Someone said to me once: Either this person wants to be with you or they don't. Either you want me or you don't. If you want someone else, fine. It doesn't feel that easy, but it is that simple. Be strong in yourself, have confidence, don't compare yourself to others.
Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go,i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
I have a wife and son, very love them, but i dont want to be attached to them), i found one way is to be attached to God, who never leave you, and always accept )
Sweet simple things Good hygiene Smelling good Baby oil Hugs and kisses Making a simple meal for them Flowers Chocolate Perfume Fruit Soft music Coffee eg together Popcorn Massage away tension A walk in the park together Forgiving Watching comedy,lol Watching the sunset Looking at the stars Exploring new things Experiencing new Memories Remembering good memories Singing to the other person even if you can't sing that makes it even better Not waiting for the perfect time Make the perfect time now Love to live and live to love Have boundaries Respectful of each other Read a book to the other one Improve your surroundings Declutter Shower together Have a fun day everyday
That is not the respect he deserves. That is actually how any grown up conversation should work. You listen and than you talk. And this goes the other way around. It's the most basic for healthy communication and is how respect works.
I think the host was mesmerized for a bit too, which is why he couldn’t come up w follow up questions, but luckily Jordan Peterson continued the topic himself
I hope you understand that much of the mordern worlds problems is because of women liberation and IF, you are angry when you read this,then you cant understand nothing Jordan is talking about
I want my jealous thoughts gone. Envy is tearing my life apart…I feel absolutely bound and suffocated… After suffering with them for years, I’ve had enough
@@brute9867 those feelings can likely be from imprisoning yourself within your own comforts. What you could use are challenges like weight lifting. and sticking to it! nothing happens overnight. you build yourself up brick by brick every day. put the horse race blinders on and focus on you. Because you have your own pace.
Yes I agree with most of this. My views are pretty traditional and I believe the society's approach and view of sexuality harms people a lot and causes a great deal of unhappiness. I think sex (including emotional intimacy) should be a sacred and special thing between a couple, and that this helps the relationship survive and thrive long term
I love listening to Jordan Peterson he's so intelligent I've honestly become like so callous and so indifferent to the world I'm just incapable of trusting other people but he has been helping me get my life on track so that I can focus on myself this man is truly a godsend to me I'm so glad that I discovered his stuff and I sincerely hope that everyone can appreciate how valuable this man is to the human race.
He completely misunderstood the first question he was asked and started saying some nonsense and the host had to repeat his very simple question again to get an actual answer. Dude is a pseudo intellectual bloviating to idiots
Love doesn't cost anything Example: a smile when you're tired A kind word of appreciation A hug a supportive arm around your shoulder Short love notes left on the fridge Helping out with the housework Going for a walk together even in the rain Sharing an umbrella Switching the phone off
Love costs time & energy & investment-not just measured by money. But all find it’s worth the cost-evidenced by multiple efforts towards it & the misery of those who are miserable without it
@Eric Miller not really if you don't want to raise children don't make them? If you don't have time and want to do something else in your life don't do it. If you do it then learn to live with love for them even if you didn't do exactly what you wanted its not the end of the world or your life, then you do whatever you want again when they can and I say again they can take care of themselves.
"You are on the same team, that is the point." So well said. You should never think of your partner as competition or someone you own. They are you team player. You need to provide assists and congratulations because when they win the team wins. If they are cheating then it is a different story. Cheating is saying you want to be on the other team.
I love how Jordan takes the liberty to answer questions he knows we probably want to ask,or at least want answers to but through his practice knows one might be ashamed or too prideful to ask directly.im sooo glad I discovered him
*3 Quotes to Live By:* 🔥 *1) "Don't compare yourself to someone else, compare yourself to your yesterday's self."* 🔥 *2) “You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”* 🔥 *3) "Once you decide your lifes purpose, you will only have to pack one thing: "Your Heart."*
Lol I get bored VERY easily but I put that into my businesses. I love creating new content. Motivational content, beauty content, gym content, blogs on productivity mindset etc. My brain is very creative and I appreciate the part of me that gets bored easily, it helps me not settle in life bc I’m always challenging myself. Also, if I’m watching a movie or reading a book and it’s not intellectually stimulating-I will stop and begin a different movie or find a more in-depth book. There’s always two sides or two different viewpoints. It sucks being labeled and put into a box w other people who can’t hold themselves to a standard or aren’t accountable oh man😭
If someone has no jealously and insecurity at all in a relationship then they don't care about you and wouldn't care if you weren't there. There's a healthy balance but if someone has no insecurity or jealousy at all I'd see that as a major flag they're not taking the relationship seriously. Too much is obviously bad but if they're just indifferent to you then why be with them
This is just my own personal opinion, NOT to be read as “THE ONLY RIGHT OPINION IS MINE AND YOU SUCK!” Because of trust, obviously. My wife and I have been to hell and back together, more times than I can count and we make sure we both make it back each time. External and internal forces we have suffered could easily have broken most couples, and do every day, but we both know we’re in it for the long haul. One couples choice are anothers absolute. If not both of us, one of us will make it perfectly clear “We’ll make it through this, together, as we always do.” When you reach that level of, for lack of a better word, ‘love’, jealousy and insecurities moments are very brief and logic kicks in almost instantly; it doesn’t mean we’re indifferent to each other, quite the opposite, since jealousy with insecurity in tow is the drama button that makes the “I forgot how much I ACTUALLY care about him/her and, because of my own projected insecurity and it makes me nervous and angry - trust stops existing, somehow!” alarm goes off.
@@creepycasta9430 no I can see that but you’ve clearly been together a long time and have a well established connection. If you’re in the first year or so and you don’t have that experience or better yet the first few months I see someone being perfectly fine with me walking away as a sign they’re not into it
@@creepycasta9430 would jealousy not kick if let’s say you notice your spouse spending too much time with the same person? It would be jealousy, but like Jordan said it doesn’t always mean that the cause of it is irrational. It’s more like a mechanism to say “hey I notice you’re drifting off a little come back” I will say though it’s very difficult to not mix it up with something toxic like them just greeting or conversating with some of the opposite sex you becoming jealous. There’s times where it’s ok to be jealous I also understand from what you said that after a while you can see their actions for what they are and it’ll be more difficult for you to be jealous because you know nothing is going on which would make it easier to spot if something is truly off.
You make a good point ,I went through a 4 year relationship like what you described ,at the end I was crushed . I got over fairly quick though and moved on . after 3 months of stewing I finally realised that ,they did not deserve me and I am not unworthy of love because I have a lot of love to give ,HalleluYAH!
@@marcdemell5976 I just walked out of that situation with someone I was dating last week. Just always busy, I hadn’t seen him for 3 weeks and just thought while I’m becoming increasingly anxious about this situation he doesn’t care. So I pulled the plug. He was surprised as he knew I liked him, but more that I don’t think he expected to lose his back up plan rather than his first choice. I’ve been in your situation and I learned from it. Any tips or advice to give? It’s a tough pill to swallow as even though I know I did the right thing it still hurts
This talk is profound. Many people have shame of talking about porn and would not admit publicly they are watching it. It seems like a growing problem, I remember when it was first erotic magazines when we were kids, this moved to the triple x rated channels and internet pictures and videos later on. Porn gives false and very shallow gratification. The last words where Dr. Peterson mentions that "watching a sexual act where you are not involved says something about you" rang a bell. There are multiple causes of this to be possible to happen but if you are in that situation start taking care of yourself, do sports. Educate yourself. If you try changing all the small things about you that are under your control it is like magic how much your life can change. For people to see you as attractive and potential sexual partner you have to develop yourself so you have things to offer on the table. It is not easy. Or it seams it is not until you start doing it.
I agree, you and Dr. Peterson make valid points. Personally however I have found that porn can have a helpful use and that being it makes it easier to be faithful. This is because my partner has a much lower sexual drive than I do and I don’t want to ask her to do something she isn’t comfortable with all the time, so I will use porn to help control my urges and it keeps me from having the desire to step out. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not but in my view it’s a big help.
@@peterlord7682 It's imagining sex in your head which I would argue is similar to porn anyway. I think the goal would be to cut out both of these and focus on the physical pleasure of your parts/body solo or with a partner.
“You can be a slave or a tyrant, or you can negotiate. Those are your options. And we default to slavery or tyranny, because that doesn’t take any cognitive effort” -Jordan Peterson
Communication and compromise are ways to negotiate in a relationship- not always easy but very effective - thank you Dr. Peterson -I have learned a lot from you
A perfect mix of discretion, timing, honesty, compassion, discernment, and self respect is what works in a monogamous relationship. If you know, you know.
Idiots tend to say people who are insecure are jealous, well, I am very jealous, specially with people my instinct tells me to be with. Think about it, there are few things we really care or are important to us and it is not a car, or a house or a dog, it is a person , and you do not want to risk losing the love of your life, not because she/he would make you happy, but because that person is the only one you want to share it all.
I always been chill, I don't get jealous if I trust a person enough. But damn oh damn, once that trust is gone or I am no longer giving them the benefit of the doubt, my jealousy is off the roof. I used to feel bad about it. Not anymore. I feel things because there is something going on there. I will not deny it.
Wow this was my life with my high school sweetheart. I was with him for 14 years since I was 14, had 3 children together. I feel like I did nothing put encourage him and I wanted him to be happy. I was scared because the odds were against us he had issues with drugs and alcohol, his mom passing, no family support on his side. I went to school throughout all this while I kept a full time job he was in and out of work but this was all throughout the years in which he was growing up an maturing. I felt like his mother and I understood that I knew the dynamics weren’t working but I stayed for the kids, I’m glad I did because if I would have left early on he would not have been the man he is today I say that because the men in his family are horrible no goals no job so he was headed down a dark path. I don’t like to say I alienated him from his family but he realized the more he would leave to Go hangout with them bad things would happen so he stopped going around them. He became more successful at work as did I. He was never happy, I made more money and I think that’s what ended up with him hating me. I never understood I was so motivated and wanted him to be happy. He cheated on me and completely abandoned us. Interestingly enough I became more successful since the break up almost 2 years now and he’s never been happy with me and say I’ve never done anything for him. It’s sad sometimes people will never realize they’re in their own way.
@@I_am_under_water_5044 he felt demasculinized. She was the leader of the house and he couldn't handle it. However she's right she can't do much for him. He was in his own way. But women being breadwinners can upset a few men.
My high school sweetheart of 16 years ended up marrying one of my best friends. So I lost 2 important people in my life. It seems to be getting easier to deal with but it is still a painful situation when I think about it
Why not be happy for them? You head says you lost them. Why? The rejection it wasn't you? Or the happiness you believe they bring eachother. Perhaps it wasn't about you.
I read that first part about trust then realized that I'm not jealous or insecure. I just know people are generally selfish when they believe they can get away with it. Why set yourself up when the probability is so high that you will get screwed in the end.
I think it's a very liberating message that shame is an inherent part of sex in a way, it is a social act so there is no reason it should be entirely stripped of it as it is a regulator. The degree of shame can be a problem, but if you have a desire to get rid of it entirely then that is an impossible goal.
As a teen I always thought that people "grew out of" jealousy when they reached or ended their teens (life is difficult enough without focusing on other people), how wrong I was I`m sad to say. It`s sad how people focus on what others think of them. Focus on being the best you can be because only then you are able to be the best you can be to the people around you and be a true friend (jmho). "Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius". I wish everybody a healthy, happy, positive. and wonderful life 🙏🌎☮
Thank you for talking about this and porn. I’ve been struggling so hard that every man I’m with can’t see or be honest about not watching it… I’ve never been so self hating and my ideas of intimacy and love… my reflection. Just everything from being told get over it. Just thank you 🙏💗
@@dn1697 And men do not share enough. And neither of both should be shamed or being pointed out as blame. Healthy conversation without judgement is what makes everbody strive to work on anything.
It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s natural to feel jealousy, another way of turning that feeling around is to in turn look at the meaning of Compersion. A hard thing to learn but absolutely enlightening and a way in which to turn these negative emotions into something more constructive and positive.
@@juliericksmcclintic4514 Compersion, definition. Compersion is related to “sympathetic joy,” which is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It includes the positive thoughts, emotions, and sensations derived from knowing of another person's gratifying experience, even when this experience does not involve or benefit us directly.
@@juliericksmcclintic4514 so sort of, as a noun here is basically a comparison of the two Compersion is the feeling of joy one has experiencing another's joy, such as in witnessing a toddler's joy and feeling joy in response while compassion is deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it.
I have always trusted my bf in our 5 years LDR. But a few days ago we went on a jogging date and i found that he has been really nice to his new female friend. He bought her family breakfast, gave toys to her nephew, helping her out with uni forms, going to her house twice in 1 day. It's insanity!! He never gave me that before. And i have a 7 year old sister but he never gave her any gifts. It really questions my trust for him and made me rethink of all the nice things he could be doing to other 'friends' all these years. He said that her family was nice to him thats why he's just returning the favour but it was really suspicious. I cant brush the feeling.
You’re in a 5yr long-distance-relationship? …if he hasn’t proposed yet, there’s something you’re not doing. He either either doesn’t want to be around you bc they treat him better, or he gains something from being there… either way you should be asking yourself what you’re not doing, w/out blaming him. Take the symptoms out of the equation, and find the root problem… tbh, it might be you.
It is my experience that I am never experiencing such feelings with women who aren't doing anything wrong. Which tells me that if you're in a relationship with someone who brings that out in you, perhaps it's something about them you're picking up on that you instinctively know is wrong.
@@702CitY perhaps it's because he either has a history of disloyalty or is extremely self conscious of how he perceived himself in terms of him versus other men (as in a low sense of self worth he feared you clearly saw). I find that the two times I was jealous and had insecurity were with the two women I discovered were in fact cheating. And what's interesting is that it wasn't that I started that way but rather as I would be around them and deal with them longer, I'd see red flags that would be bothersome. Best thing I could say as a man talking to a woman is if you truly are an honest person (as in as honest as what we'd classify decent people being), then just do your best to make your partner know you are interested and aren't off chatting it up with other guys, and so long as your partner doesn't have a history of cheating themselves, you should be good. I have one ex was a cocktail waitress at a bar and I trusted her completely, even when she'd drink with guy friends. I never caught her doing anything suspect and she wouldn't have odd moments that made things feel like something might be going on. Where as my ex wife worked remotely, and at points in our relationship before marriage she made comments about her not thinking cheating is that big a deal, and her always chatting with her married boss on video chats one on one, and the way they looked at each other and would just sit there and socialize the entire time sent up a lot of red flags. In the end I discovered I was right, she was cheating with him. So just don't give a guy a reason to question you, and if he's a decent guy he won't.
@@702CitY well if it makes you feel better, people generally suck lol but I believe for better or worse men and women are supposed to be together. After my divorce I spent about a week thinking this must be some crazy woman thing, and for about a week I listened to those red pill guys thinking it was true. But then something hit me. The main premise of their argument is that "women are designed to smell bullshit" but the message of the red pill leaders? "Don't be yourself" lol so essentially I had a laugh once I realized the focus is to do ALL this stuff to attract women, without focusing on ever attracting women and then once you have said woman, be sure to never let your guard down around her and get comfortable, otherwise she'll ditch you for someone else. What a bleak way to look at relationships lol Just be realistic in what you're looking for and remember that men and women are different, and if you find someone who has more baggage than you want to deal with, there's nothing wrong with ending it. I had committed so much by the time I realized who my wife was, that it had become this colossal investment that I didn't want to quit at that point. Definitely should have, she was a nightmare. Lesson to the wise, if your eyes are the thing that are leading you, you're going in the wrong direction.
Could be chicken and egg too. Someone is likely to stray from a person that has an "instinctual" distrust of them. You become a self-fulfilling prophecy. ...that and most people are shit so if you always think the negative you'll be right more time than naught. I forget the exact quote, but it's something like: if you predict bad things, you'll soon become a prophet". ....you can MAKE a good future or predict a bad one.
I agree. Trust your gut always. Most times it has to do with leverage in the relationship. Never have I been jealous with women when I felt deep down they were chasing me as opposed to the other way around. There’s always someone who has the leverage, so be on the better side.
To add on, I would never go through a woman’s phone now that I’ve matured. I would leave far before. But every time I have in the past, I’ve found something. When there was nothing to find, I didn’t even feel the need to. That sixth sense is real.
I have a problem with jealousy. I’m jealous when I see someone with a girl because I don’t, I’m jealous when someone has friends, I’m jealous when others capture someone else’s attention, etc. Even when I’m calm in that situation, my face still betrays.
I hope you're doing better now, man. I used to let jealousy control my life, but the only thing you can truly control is yourself and your own actions.
I’ve been playing 2nd fiddle to the ‘ex’ for 4 years - having kids involved I have been very understanding but she has been treated priority and I had breadcrumbs. A very complicated, unclear, confusing situation where I had the intuition that I was just the side dish. Trying to have grown up conversation about the situation (getting introduced to kids, being present at family gatherings like holidays, creating blended families etc) always met with resistance and dismissal. I clearly stated what I want and need but met with excuses. Just had to let it all go.
Good you did. I felt the same in my situation. Not knowing he actually still has strings with his ex. We women need time to deteach bit once we do, its forever. And men come back suffering and missing. Nothing we women should do aught to be out of spite. That's why conversations, questions, followed by days and nights of thinking are needed. And I'm glad seems you took your time. Now always go for your happiness!!!! ❤️
@@hgfw9295 Thank you for your support. She needed him financially too. I just wanted him not his money. He didn't live with me. I moved abroad because of it. He kept visiting me. Now moved her and the kids out to his villa and I got left behind. Broke my heart listening to him talk about how happy everyone was when he PROMISED I'd be able to go, but last minute changed his mind that it would be too much conflict. Always putting the ex's feelings as priority before mine. Plus if I had been there they couldn't play happy families. I am convinced they reconciled since. Not spoken to him over a week.
@@G_ATA_7 keep it that way. no need to talk. And girl! I only needed to hear my boyfriend explain to his ex that he cannot come pick up the kids because its raining, bc he is running out of gas, because he feels sick......., while I was the reason as I was staying invited over the weekend. The weekend passed and it was down the hill from there forever. Always trust your intuition and yes....take time. I am not a supporter of emotional moves, I support switching on common sense and depending on it. It takes time to trust yourself. Good job and keep writing to me if you need. Let him go 💯. There is more to your life than you presently see I promise you that, beautiful.
@@hgfw9295 update on my situation: reconciliation failed between NEX and his ex (as expected in true narc style) and he had the cheek to hoover and love bomb me but I made it clear to him he is persona non grata in my life forever. Still tried to dangle the same carrot of finally meeting the kids, ex talking to me etc but just descended into drama as ex would unblock me and block me back after one polite message from me so I said fuck that I’m not dealing with children 😂🙈
I just took jelousy with my girlfriend to another level. I ended up disrespecting her and causing her sadness. We're in a long distance relationship and, even though she's usually the one who feels more jelousy and me the one who's more "secure" about oneself, I am the one who shows it more often. That is a massive mistake. I am SCARED to death that she might end up leaving me. It's been some rough and hard couple of months... People please, be cautious. Cool down before you take action because you might kill something that you want very much alive.
@@fakeraxl9462 yes, they do. Update: I wrote her recently that I wanted to apologize and ammend things, but she doesn't want to and that she'll be busy for the day and doesn't know when she'll be done. I just hope this isn't the end. I have never been so happy with someone. Even at thousands of miles apart, the feeling is so strong.
Ah yes, the internet waifu sob story. People please, be cautious. Get in a "relationship" with an actual person instead of investing your emotions in a pen-pal situationship, because a heartbreak is IMMINENT.
The more important detail is that you learned that you're capable of inflicting such pain. You will have to redefine an element of your persona in order to not make a similar action in the future.
Hey Lewis, I really love the way you conduct intetviews. You make the topic the star and not 'youself' like many other podcasters do. And what's not to love about JP 👍
It comes down to a balance between jealousy, freedom and the perception of inappropriate behavior. On one extreme end you say you don't want her talking to any other man. On the other extreme you have an open marriage. You both are somewhere on this sliding scale, if your positions are very different you need to have ongoing conversations for each encounter that your spouse has. Sometimes you need to sacrifice some level of jealousy for their freedom. But just being aware of this struggle instead of just being ignorant is 90% of the battle.
My husband had this messed up idea that if he makes me jealous it’s gonna make me more sexually interested in him. I told him it does the exact opposite but he doesn’t listen
That is terrible. Thank you for sharing... maybe more people secretly think the same as him. I am truly sorry he does that to you... what a painful game.
I keep trying to live the present, the shadow of my gf affairs just a month before starting to hang out follow me, what keeps me afloat and what I keep saying to myself is ''Try to make this moment so unforgettable, that at least, if there's no a clear future, a subtle smile will emerge remembering this precise moment'', it´s not her fault at all, she did't even though that I would be a good match for her, but my mind works without permission and from time to time kills me, I hate to overtink things, but it is what it is
Insecurity and jealousy is a very normal part of us. To deny it is absurd, and to be disgusted by it is childish. "All things within reason" i think applies to this subject. Having 0 Insecurities or jealousy would be weird and off putting i think to most ppl. And have your insecurities and jealousy on blast/full and letting it ruin your relationship, obv not good. Basically just avoid the extremes, but when isn't that the case. Your partner yells to much and gets angry all the time? Well thats their anger/rage on the extreme end instead of somewhere in the middle... Leave.... Find a person that manages to stay pretty close to a middle ground in their emotions and you've got a good baseline to start with. If however you find a person that hasn't yet found their balance and found that middle ground, Do not let the honeymoon phase trick you into staying with them longer then you should. And never assume you will be the thing they will change for, because thats a very very big gamble. Best advice, not sure how great it is.
This is all true presuming the two actually love each other and/or know what loving each other is. I think its important to know WHERE your relationship is so that you know your not doing all these steps in vane. If your wife walks in wearing something nice, you can compliment her all day, if she lost love for you.....theyre just words for her. visa versa. And I also think that in our society we are so used to doing things the human way instead of God's way that we create our own stumbling blocks concerning relationships, love, jealousy, concerns and problem solving as a team. Thats my brief on this
I agree 100% I have for many year thought that it was fascinating that people will do things that they are not willing to or haven’t yet managed to do so… There is no deep intimacy without vulnerability…
My partner is constantly looking at other women. It’s hurtful and I feel so inadequate. He hasn’t cheated I don’t think but it’s horrible. I don’t think it’s jealousy or insecurity when someone is doing this. It’s disrespectful and very inconsiderate.
It is disrespectful. However, it's not about you and your worth. It's about him and his worth. People who cheat, actually cheat on themselves. They cheat themselves out of true intimacy, love and commitment. It is resistance to being fully seen and accepted. I am not saying your person is cheating. This is just an example. Love yourself more, don't worry about him . Love and blessings ❤
I get retroactive jealousy getting worse for no reason. Suddenly after 23 years I am thinking back to my husbands previous life😢derive myself mad thinking of his sexual activity with certain women I know about and guessing who else he has been with. I know I am wrong to behave like this. But I feel sick some days with my thoughts.
@@darnitthelma4247 no it‘s not in his mind. Its a problem in your heart and your mind tries to resolve/control it. Look up: Internal Family System (IFS) It will help you regain control over yourself.💙
"People are not taught to negotiate" THIS, everyone thinks they have to be stubborn and don't even consider meeting in the middle. This is so important!! It is possible.
A marriage where sex is withheld will eviscerate a man’s or woman’s self confidence. “Am I undesirable?” This question haunts the rejected spouse. Such a person may turn to pornography, knowing it is a counterfeit representation, for a proxy fantasy of being desired. Sad but probably not uncommon.
The only way to experience or understand how bad betrayal feels... is by being betrayed. So... there is no point in being insecure or toxic about the possibility of it happening... you won't know until it happens and THEN you react accordingly... just like loyalty... the only way to find out someone is disloyal to you is AFTER the fact...
That's a big old reference point right there. Nope. I don't have the time for the desire for much of what was discussed. And I'm a big Jordan Peterson fan. Thank you for the reminder, JP
I think negotiation in a relationship is calculated communication. It's not only saying here's what I think, feel, want, but here's how it makes me happy and how it leads me to be a better partner to you and then hopefully vice versa. Maybe??? But it's so uncomfortable to have sometimes.
i have major trust issues as my ex cheated on me after few years, i got into another relationship everything is fine but distance is the major issue apart from it my ability to trust my new partner is declining and we got into many arguements also i like the way she asks about my problem but i think the more i get vulnerable more they use it as a weapon against me also, telling your problems to your partner makes you weak that's the reason im so afraid to open up with my partner
Budd look I’m in your shoes literally! Your instincts and intuition is telling you to say it out loud and be open with her about your insecurities, Howe there is a good thing in that you’re missing! If you been open and she didn’t appreciate your honesty and pain and help you to arrange a deal together help your relationship grow together healing each other and build a credit of trust, intimacy and security then...GOOD For you she’s not the right one for you man! Now you have yourself the reason and the metric to measure who you need in your life to make you feel secured again you deserve that my friend. And if she wasn’t the person for you please don’t get upset I used to think like you however I am different now and even got more standards to make me happy too not just secured also make my partner happy and secure in process she deserves the best if she’s the right one definitely Chill and trust me nothing wrong with you man you’re human don’t feel shame for getting hurt you should be confident as you still have good heart deserves the best for you who’d make you happy,secured , successful, fulfilled and reach your own serenity together
thanks for replying, really appriciate it so my current gf is very helpful and understaning but i dont want to be a burden by putting my stuff on her shoulders whenever i got triggered for something, i just tend to leave the conversation and say stuff like "you deserve someone better" moreover our relationship is long distance my ex ditched me so bad that she put me in trauma and now the whole trauma is projected over my current GF which is toxic i really want to be with my current gf these insecurities are really killing me plus this long distance from outside i look like the most funny and confident person but from inside i have my dark side which is in a way or other killing my relationship though i have no contact with my ex neither i want her in my life but before ditching me she made very insecure about my self and my self esteem is super low
If you are with someone who is exploiting the things you share for tactical advantage, they most likely always will, or should I say this is a tool that they feel it is acceptable to use on honest people, and that they embrace that tactic tells you WHO they are. Admitting that you have problems does not make you weak only human, sharing those burdens with those we love is necessary because it lets us/them know we don't suffer alone. There is a certain amount of griping that is natural and allows you to express your frustration, angst etc, after a certain point it just becomes dwelling on the negative, because the problem is always less important that the question "What are we going to do about it?" So express your top frustrations but briefly, stay focused on how you are going to fix it. Share how you feel but watch and wait see if they exploit it. If so you may have to call them on it, it damages trust when they behave that way, and if they/you want a future together you must acquire the skill of working on problems together as a team.
@@a.hunter1812 sometimes I tend to open with my partner, but I think it just lower down the attraction between us As our relationship is LDR So I don't want her to see me as a weakling Moreover, there is a great chance that she will use it against me if we got into an argument And that's where my trigger enables
Jealousy stems from an the insecurity, what is happening within the relationship where one of the partners is feeling second fiddle? Some people are insecure within themselves & to them jealousy is a normal condition. Harsh reality is that. It's a toxic environment and eventually the marriage dissolves. See each other as THE ONE, treat each other as THE ONE, and you're building a House of Love, rather than 'did I choose correct?'
KEYWORDs: “it doesn’t require any cognitive effort”. It’s thoughtless to enslave, shit easy when people do shit for you. It’s more mentally challenging to negotiate back and forth. But the benefits....
my relationship was terminated due to my partner not being willing to verbally negotiate in order to obtain what we both truly want. i resulted to slavery and tyranny because i simply could not negotiate with her. thank you for finally showing me what went wrong mr. peterson
This is how I'm feeling right now. I can remember four to five times in the last year I've tried to create an open dialogue in private and it's just not reciprocated. Feels like they want to live like they're single and I'm along for the ride. I've become a slave and my soul is being eaten away. I can't last much longer unless things change, but they have to want to change.
Man I just love him! I have always felt, why can people do the act but not talk about it? People can’t even comfortably talk about poop! It’s a natural function. Good stuff’
Idk if anyone will respond to this because the video is from a while back but I need some advice. I UA-camd women and jealousy last night and that’s how I came upon this video. Jordan and Lewis? Yes. I have an amazing relationship with my husband but there is one weakness I have which is jealousy and insecurity. I feel secure and confident in myself so I don’t imagine those things to be a problem. However. My husband is 10 years younger than me and he did commit to me at a pretty young age. We are honest about everything and he tends to be a little too honest when lusting on other women. This I understand and logically don’t mind. BUT. I am cooped up with the kids all day. I don’t do a lot of things I enjoy because I am completely devoted to us. So I expect to have his attention. That’s my love language. I want to be admired. I want the nice things said about me. I don’t want to hear about other women’s ass and feet no matter how nice they are. How tf am I supposed to have perfect hands and feet with these two tiny amazing people that are constantly following me around and demanding that all my energy is drained daily. To him.. he grew up with a dad that comments women all day long on the tv and was shown pornography daily well before 10 years old. I completely understand his angle. I love him I respect him. I don’t judge him. The problem is me. I wait all day. I do my best all day. He comes home I’m excited and he’s happy we eat and somewhere in there a joke or a comment or a hey look at her arises and I’m telling you I lose my mutha fuckin bananas. It hurts me that me being my modest respectful self.. he can’t get his eyes off of these strippers and models that literally live for taking attention from men. I’m from a time before phones and his generation grew up engulfed in technology. He cannot help that there is pussy everywhere he looks. He has spent too much time on his phone since the day I met him so I would never impose him stopping that because.. hello? I signed up for this. He is faithful. He is always there. He shows up. He provides. He handles all the life stuff I literally worry about making sure we’re fed and the house is clean and he takes care of everything else. He is am amazing dad we have amazing fluidity in every part of our relationship. It’s just I freak tf out inside when I feel like some female that has been twerking half naked since she was 12 is stripper dancing with her fake body in ways that I am not able. If I was her… he wouldn’t love me because she would not obey nor devote herself to him the way he expects me to. None of those women would. But instead of devoting 10 years of my time in shaking my ass I devoted it to becoming everything that I am and I was raised by mom and dad to cover my body and not act like a whore and respect myself. Jordan mentions that we all want all things open on the table sexually as well as very boarded up modest. This is heavy on my heart because I have a stunning daughter that I am raising in this insanely sexualized country we live in and I feel I need to know how to look at these things because her world is like.. everyone lives on social media. How does a woman that is good wife material maintain decency and confidence in a world that is infected with infidelity.. fake bodies.. and these women that are commited to selling themselves to the media monsters and promoting that the men that we love and love to serve can’t help but see everywhere they turn if they choose to spend any time scrolling? Please help. - a sane woman just trying to be a great wife and mom.
*“You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”*
I love it!
and by changing the ending it would alter the meaning/value of the causality from the beginning
LOVE!!! Is this an original quote, or are you quoting a book, or whatever?
Well said
Wow
My insecurities have ruined my mind and relationships. I have so many regrets and disappointments in how I acted and wish I could have my last relationship back and start over. I have been working so hard.
I truly relate to this. My insecurities have caused me good relationships because I wasn't happy with myself and it's a real struggle to get out of that mindset
hows ur progress and wat r u doing to better yourself? bc im in the same boat i ruin my relationship bc of my insecurities
Insecurities in relationships it’s very natural and it is very common to feel insecure so not necessarily a permanent predicament. 'There's a natural ebb and flow within any relationship over time' If you find your anxiety sticking around, you might need to do some inner work on yourself and have some conversations with your partner, so they can help you feel better about you. If you're feeling insecure in your relationship, you might start reading into problems that aren't really there, and everyone does that at times so just be aware.
Sometimes, people think that acting clingy or needy is a textbook sign of insecurity. But the truth is, acting distant or aloof might mean you're feeling anxious, too. If I don't get too close, my partner can't hurt me. In this case, you're trying to “prevent this abandonment or hurt because of the insecurity that is manifesting in you and is anxiety based. Maybe you're starting to notice that you aren't voicing your opinions in your relationship or standing up for yourself. “Your partner is kind of driving the relationship, because you don't really show up with strong opinions or interests. One of the main reasons you may back away is your afraid if you speak up for yourself you might get abandoned? Always stand up for yourself and your needs in a relationship, that's very important from the very start.
Sometimes, insecurity can manifest as controlling behavior, or even manipulation. In order to change this pattern of behavior, the person should first have self-awareness and realize they're being controlling-and they should want to change the behavior instead of justifying their actions. If you're someone who has controlling tendencies in a relationship, try working through the reasons you might be acting this way, whether it's due to insecurity or anxiety from your childhood or past relationships.
A lot of times we can take an emotion, a feeling, and talk about it as though it is a personality trait - You might not be an “insecure person,” but you might be feeling more insecure at a certain point in the relationship. If we can look at insecurity as this thing that can pop up and then go away and pop up and then go away, that can then help you look at where it's coming from. Your attachment style maybe is anxious or avoidant in relationships. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might have a habit of constantly seeking reassurance and feeling like the relationship is always unstable. Or you might always try to keep distance to protect yourself from getting hurt in relationships if you have an avoidant attachment style. In both cases, your attachment style “can influence your ability to derive a sense of security from the relationship. you just got to figure out where it's coming from and why you feel that way!
Don't be afraid to be in a relationship just set some healthy boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate, don't be over-excessive though as that can drive someone away, just healthy mental and emotional boundaries that takes into account both individuals in the relationship! We all get insecure, but we can reduce the anxiety if we work with our partners!!!
“People will do and desire things they won’t talk about”- a fascinating quote
Someone said to me once: Either this person wants to be with you or they don't. Either you want me or you don't. If you want someone else, fine. It doesn't feel that easy, but it is that simple. Be strong in yourself, have confidence, don't compare yourself to others.
Thank you
Don't listen to what they say but pay attention to what they do ( behavior). They will show you who they are and what they think of YOU.
Its the confidence and not comlaring myself to others that gets me 😔
❤️ I love this 🙏🏽
Love that. Thank you.
Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go,i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Why did it end?
Were you jealous or her?
Pray for spiritual independence. 5 years don’t go wasted, it was meant to teach you a tough lesson
I have a wife and son, very love them, but i dont want to be attached to them), i found one way is to be attached to God, who never leave you, and always accept )
Sweet simple things
Good hygiene
Smelling good
Baby oil
Hugs and kisses
Making a simple meal for them
Flowers
Chocolate
Perfume
Fruit
Soft music
Coffee eg together
Popcorn
Massage away tension
A walk in the park together
Forgiving
Watching comedy,lol
Watching the sunset
Looking at the stars
Exploring new things
Experiencing new Memories
Remembering good memories
Singing to the other person even if you can't sing that makes it even better
Not waiting for the perfect time
Make the perfect time now
Love to live and live to love
Have boundaries
Respectful of each other
Read a book to the other one
Improve your surroundings
Declutter
Shower together
Have a fun day everyday
Ahhhhh, that’s the life.
💕💯🙏🏽
Reading this made me feel warm :)
So funny to see women say things like this, but when you actually get it you run away into the arms of the most vulgar douchebag you can find. 😂
@@0Hitmanofnorway0 SUPER FACTS !
Love how the host just lets dr. P talk without interrupting! That's the respect he deserves! Love this
That is not the respect he deserves. That is actually how any grown up conversation should work. You listen and than you talk. And this goes the other way around. It's the most basic for healthy communication and is how respect works.
I agree 100%.
I think the host was mesmerized for a bit too, which is why he couldn’t come up w follow up questions, but luckily Jordan Peterson continued the topic himself
I hope you understand that much of the mordern worlds problems is because of women liberation and IF, you are angry when you read this,then you cant understand nothing Jordan is talking about
I just put a video out on how to deal with jealousy. Harness it positively and he a top tier man
I want my jealous thoughts gone. Envy is tearing my life apart…I feel absolutely bound and suffocated… After suffering with them for years, I’ve had enough
Me too. You are not alone x
They he she, are still with you. Enjoy your life don't waste energy worrying . You'll be fine
Get a time and thought consuming hobby. Usually works well
Take action then
@@brute9867 those feelings can likely be from imprisoning yourself within your own comforts. What you could use are challenges like weight lifting. and sticking to it! nothing happens overnight. you build yourself up brick by brick every day. put the horse race blinders on and focus on you. Because you have your own pace.
Yes I agree with most of this. My views are pretty traditional and I believe the society's approach and view of sexuality harms people a lot and causes a great deal of unhappiness. I think sex (including emotional intimacy) should be a sacred and special thing between a couple, and that this helps the relationship survive and thrive long term
Yep.
Good luck balancing those beliefs with having attraction standards of your own
I have the same view, most people don't agree with me but this is the way I view sex and relationships
Same
Agreed 👍
I love listening to Jordan Peterson he's so intelligent I've honestly become like so callous and so indifferent to the world I'm just incapable of trusting other people but he has been helping me get my life on track so that I can focus on myself this man is truly a godsend to me I'm so glad that I discovered his stuff and I sincerely hope that everyone can appreciate how valuable this man is to the human race.
Same. I’m able to hear him when I can’t hear others.
He completely misunderstood the first question he was asked and started saying some nonsense and the host had to repeat his very simple question again to get an actual answer. Dude is a pseudo intellectual bloviating to idiots
@DCX971 Ooga booga. Man know big words.
He is amazing . He talks about what no one else will. In depth . Genius .
Amen to that "pornography is not especially helpful to anyone". This is the truth!
Love doesn't cost anything
Example: a smile when you're tired
A kind word of appreciation
A hug a supportive arm around your shoulder
Short love notes left on the fridge
Helping out with the housework
Going for a walk together even in the rain
Sharing an umbrella
Switching the phone off
Word!
It's actually so easy to detect real love, I dare to say, especially in our times
Love costs time & energy & investment-not just measured by money. But all find it’s worth the cost-evidenced by multiple efforts towards it & the misery of those who are miserable without it
Not if you are a man, in that case, love costs.
@Eric Miller not really if you don't want to raise children don't make them? If you don't have time and want to do something else in your life don't do it. If you do it then learn to live with love for them even if you didn't do exactly what you wanted its not the end of the world or your life, then you do whatever you want again when they can and I say again they can take care of themselves.
"You are on the same team, that is the point." So well said. You should never think of your partner as competition or someone you own. They are you team player. You need to provide assists and congratulations because when they win the team wins. If they are cheating then it is a different story. Cheating is saying you want to be on the other team.
He's so freaking intelligent.
It’s beyond that.
He's less intelligent than you'd think. He balances that out with the following things: Experience, Knowledge, Wisdom, Certainty, and Precision.
Jealous people are human snakes
@@titusjames4912 You don’t become intelligent without that.
@@yummdiddy yeah
I love how Jordan takes the liberty to answer questions he knows we probably want to ask,or at least want answers to but through his practice knows one might be ashamed or too prideful to ask directly.im sooo glad I discovered him
You can be a slave, a tyrant or you can negotiate
That's the highlight of this video🔥
Yes man
*3 Quotes to Live By:*
🔥 *1) "Don't compare yourself to someone else, compare yourself to your yesterday's self."*
🔥 *2) “You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”*
🔥 *3) "Once you decide your lifes purpose, you will only have to pack one thing: "Your Heart."*
Be terrified of those that say they get bored easy, that spells DRAMA.
Run!
Glad to see im not the only one who has noticed that. It's uncanny! Why do you think that is though?
Those R inmature pouting children
@@johnf4388 to me, it means cluster b type personality. They can’t go within and be content, ever.
Lol I get bored VERY easily but I put that into my businesses. I love creating new content. Motivational content, beauty content, gym content, blogs on productivity mindset etc. My brain is very creative and I appreciate the part of me that gets bored easily, it helps me not settle in life bc I’m always challenging myself. Also, if I’m watching a movie or reading a book and it’s not intellectually stimulating-I will stop and begin a different movie or find a more in-depth book. There’s always two sides or two different viewpoints. It sucks being labeled and put into a box w other people who can’t hold themselves to a standard or aren’t accountable oh man😭
Lol not true though.
If someone has no jealously and insecurity at all in a relationship then they don't care about you and wouldn't care if you weren't there. There's a healthy balance but if someone has no insecurity or jealousy at all I'd see that as a major flag they're not taking the relationship seriously. Too much is obviously bad but if they're just indifferent to you then why be with them
This is just my own personal opinion, NOT to be read as “THE ONLY RIGHT OPINION IS MINE AND YOU SUCK!”
Because of trust, obviously. My wife and I have been to hell and back together, more times than I can count and we make sure we both make it back each time. External and internal forces we have suffered could easily have broken most couples, and do every day, but we both know we’re in it for the long haul. One couples choice are anothers absolute. If not both of us, one of us will make it perfectly clear “We’ll make it through this, together, as we always do.”
When you reach that level of, for lack of a better word, ‘love’, jealousy and insecurities moments are very brief and logic kicks in almost instantly; it doesn’t mean we’re indifferent to each other, quite the opposite, since jealousy with insecurity in tow is the drama button that makes the “I forgot how much I ACTUALLY care about him/her and, because of my own projected insecurity and it makes me nervous and angry - trust stops existing, somehow!” alarm goes off.
@@creepycasta9430 no I can see that but you’ve clearly been together a long time and have a well established connection. If you’re in the first year or so and you don’t have that experience or better yet the first few months I see someone being perfectly fine with me walking away as a sign they’re not into it
@@creepycasta9430 would jealousy not kick if let’s say you notice your spouse spending too much time with the same person? It would be jealousy, but like Jordan said it doesn’t always mean that the cause of it is irrational. It’s more like a mechanism to say “hey I notice you’re drifting off a little come back” I will say though it’s very difficult to not mix it up with something toxic like them just greeting or conversating with some of the opposite sex you becoming jealous. There’s times where it’s ok to be jealous I also understand from what you said that after a while you can see their actions for what they are and it’ll be more difficult for you to be jealous because you know nothing is going on which would make it easier to spot if something is truly off.
You make a good point ,I went through a 4 year relationship like what you described ,at the end I was crushed . I got over fairly quick though and moved on . after 3 months of stewing I finally realised that ,they did not deserve me and I am not unworthy of love because I have a lot of love to give ,HalleluYAH!
@@marcdemell5976 I just walked out of that situation with someone I was dating last week. Just always busy, I hadn’t seen him for 3 weeks and just thought while I’m becoming increasingly anxious about this situation he doesn’t care. So I pulled the plug. He was surprised as he knew I liked him, but more that I don’t think he expected to lose his back up plan rather than his first choice.
I’ve been in your situation and I learned from it. Any tips or advice to give? It’s a tough pill to swallow as even though I know I did the right thing it still hurts
This dude has inadvertently saved so many peoples lives because of these videos
Means a lot!!! Glad this was helpful for you🧡
I’m saving this video so I can reference it in the future.
Exactly. So much wisdom in such a short video. Sex, money and children are the most argued about subjects in a partnership.
Lol
@@publicserviceannouncement4777 not sex. Thats not really a huge issue if you love someone. The arguments stem from money, children, and religion.
🤣
This talk is profound. Many people have shame of talking about porn and would not admit publicly they are watching it. It seems like a growing problem, I remember when it was first erotic magazines when we were kids, this moved to the triple x rated channels and internet pictures and videos later on. Porn gives false and very shallow gratification. The last words where Dr. Peterson mentions that "watching a sexual act where you are not involved says something about you" rang a bell. There are multiple causes of this to be possible to happen but if you are in that situation start taking care of yourself, do sports. Educate yourself. If you try changing all the small things about you that are under your control it is like magic how much your life can change. For people to see you as attractive and potential sexual partner you have to develop yourself so you have things to offer on the table. It is not easy. Or it seams it is not until you start doing it.
I agree, you and Dr. Peterson make valid points. Personally however I have found that porn can have a helpful use and that being it makes it easier to be faithful. This is because my partner has a much lower sexual drive than I do and I don’t want to ask her to do something she isn’t comfortable with all the time, so I will use porn to help control my urges and it keeps me from having the desire to step out. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not but in my view it’s a big help.
@@peterlord7682 Why need porn.
Use your very own mind instead of sick imprints.
@@chilloften So you can get off using your mind? Hey man if that works for you go for it but this is the first time I heard of someone doing that.
@@peterlord7682 It's imagining sex in your head which I would argue is similar to porn anyway. I think the goal would be to cut out both of these and focus on the physical pleasure of your parts/body solo or with a partner.
@@dddestruction527 I’m confused, cut them out for what exactly?
“You can be a slave or a tyrant, or you can negotiate. Those are your options.
And we default to slavery or tyranny, because that doesn’t take any cognitive effort”
-Jordan Peterson
Negotiation leads to responsibilities, compromise and accountability of the participants. Inmature pouting children go for defaults.
This hits hard for me given my current situation
OMG..just cuts right to the core. He is unbelievable straightforward shooter isn't he
I love the way lewis grins the whole way through, he relishes every word of this man's wisdom
Communication and compromise are ways to negotiate in a relationship- not always easy but very effective - thank you Dr. Peterson -I have learned a lot from you
A perfect mix of discretion, timing, honesty, compassion, discernment, and self respect is what works in a monogamous relationship. If you know, you know.
Jordan has taught more in 2021. Thank you sir I am becoming a better human being.
I can't believe the things they say about my man JP he's amazingly helpful to not just young men but everyone!
I love it when he says "what the hell's the matter with you!"... there's something refreshing about that.
Idiots tend to say people who are insecure are jealous, well, I am very jealous, specially with people my instinct tells me to be with. Think about it, there are few things we really care or are important to us and it is not a car, or a house or a dog, it is a person , and you do not want to risk losing the love of your life, not because she/he would make you happy, but because that person is the only one you want to share it all.
I always been chill, I don't get jealous if I trust a person enough. But damn oh damn, once that trust is gone or I am no longer giving them the benefit of the doubt, my jealousy is off the roof. I used to feel bad about it. Not anymore. I feel things because there is something going on there. I will not deny it.
Wow this was my life with my high school sweetheart. I was with him for 14 years since I was 14, had 3 children together. I feel like I did nothing put encourage him and I wanted him to be happy. I was scared because the odds were against us he had issues with drugs and alcohol, his mom passing, no family support on his side. I went to school throughout all this while I kept a full time job he was in and out of work but this was all throughout the years in which he was growing up an maturing. I felt like his mother and I understood that I knew the dynamics weren’t working but I stayed for the kids, I’m glad I did because if I would have left early on he would not have been the man he is today I say that because the men in his family are horrible no goals no job so he was headed down a dark path. I don’t like to say I alienated him from his family but he realized the more he would leave to Go hangout with them bad things would happen so he stopped going around them. He became more successful at work as did I. He was never happy, I made more money and I think that’s what ended up with him hating me. I never understood I was so motivated and wanted him to be happy. He cheated on me and completely abandoned us. Interestingly enough I became more successful since the break up almost 2 years now and he’s never been happy with me and say I’ve never done anything for him. It’s sad sometimes people will never realize they’re in their own way.
Praying for u
Proverbs 29:1 A man who keeps stiffening his neck after much reproof will suddenly be shattered beyond recovery .
@Captain Obvious what made you conclude to that?
@@I_am_under_water_5044 he felt demasculinized. She was the leader of the house and he couldn't handle it. However she's right she can't do much for him. He was in his own way. But women being breadwinners can upset a few men.
Sometimes things just doesnt work out. And the explanation People Come up with is never sufficient.
I keep saying that communication is key in relationships!
And negotiations are equally needed!
My high school sweetheart of 16 years ended up marrying one of my best friends. So I lost 2 important people in my life. It seems to be getting easier to deal with but it is still a painful situation when I think about it
Why not be happy for them? You head says you lost them. Why? The rejection it wasn't you? Or the happiness you believe they bring eachother. Perhaps it wasn't about you.
Try putting envisioning yourself in his shoes Heidi. It's a painful situation if you really think about it
@@heidi22209 what a terrible reply to a comment. seek therapy
If he didn't cheat on you with her then what is the problem... Did you cut them out? Or they cut you out?
@@elyayers5993 thank you 🙏
This guy has changed my life he’s a blessing
Literally
I read that first part about trust then realized that I'm not jealous or insecure. I just know people are generally selfish when they believe they can get away with it. Why set yourself up when the probability is so high that you will get screwed in the end.
People that say their not jealous in the context of a relationship are either lying or aren't in love
100%
Truth
@James Bond and trust and communication.
What degree of jealous? I doubt Peterson would agree… There is gray area w mutual trust and set boundaries.
Agree
This man gives absolute perfect and logical answers and even questions👍👍👍
That's why he's so popular!
I think it's a very liberating message that shame is an inherent part of sex in a way, it is a social act so there is no reason it should be entirely stripped of it as it is a regulator. The degree of shame can be a problem, but if you have a desire to get rid of it entirely then that is an impossible goal.
As a teen I always thought that people "grew out of" jealousy when they reached or ended their teens (life is difficult enough without focusing on other people), how wrong I was I`m sad to say.
It`s sad how people focus on what others think of them. Focus on being the best you can be because only then you are able to be the best you can be to the people around you and be a true friend (jmho). "Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius". I wish everybody a healthy, happy, positive. and wonderful life 🙏🌎☮
Thank you for talking about this and porn. I’ve been struggling so hard that every man I’m with can’t see or be honest about not watching it… I’ve never been so self hating and my ideas of intimacy and love… my reflection. Just everything from being told get over it. Just thank you 🙏💗
Thank you Mister Jordan
Expressing what you want is not shameful, expecting the other person to be psychic is so what you waiting for
... most tend not to express unless asked ... and even then it's not clear if genuine or not ... most women don't ask enough in my experience ...
@@dn1697 And men do not share enough. And neither of both should be shamed or being pointed out as blame. Healthy conversation without judgement is what makes everbody strive to work on anything.
It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s natural to feel jealousy, another way of turning that feeling around is to in turn look at the meaning of Compersion. A hard thing to learn but absolutely enlightening and a way in which to turn these negative emotions into something more constructive and positive.
Exactly we need to think more about why we feel a certain way and less about the feelings themselves
What is "compersion"?
@@juliericksmcclintic4514 Compersion, definition.
Compersion is related to “sympathetic joy,” which is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It includes the positive thoughts, emotions, and sensations derived from knowing of another person's gratifying experience, even when this experience does not involve or benefit us directly.
@@MightyFoogle Do you mean compassion?
@@juliericksmcclintic4514 so sort of, as a noun here is basically a comparison of the two
Compersion is the feeling of joy one has experiencing another's joy, such as in witnessing a toddler's joy and feeling joy in response while compassion is deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it.
“Why is it that you’re sitting at home at night with your laptop, what the hell is wrong with you ??? “ lol I LOVE Jordan P 🥰👏
... no holding back on that one ... LOLLLL!!! ... some would say the imagination is better than the reality ... LOLL!!
I have always trusted my bf in our 5 years LDR. But a few days ago we went on a jogging date and i found that he has been really nice to his new female friend. He bought her family breakfast, gave toys to her nephew, helping her out with uni forms, going to her house twice in 1 day. It's insanity!! He never gave me that before. And i have a 7 year old sister but he never gave her any gifts. It really questions my trust for him and made me rethink of all the nice things he could be doing to other 'friends' all these years. He said that her family was nice to him thats why he's just returning the favour but it was really suspicious. I cant brush the feeling.
Follow your instincts. The things your boyfriend is doing for this woman are acts of love..
I’m so sorry. I would be very suspect of this as well.
What happened?
Yeah and he doing that al infront of you? He doesn’t respect u fr
You’re in a 5yr long-distance-relationship?
…if he hasn’t proposed yet, there’s something you’re not doing. He either either doesn’t want to be around you bc they treat him better, or he gains something from being there… either way you should be asking yourself what you’re not doing, w/out blaming him.
Take the symptoms out of the equation, and find the root problem… tbh, it might be you.
It is my experience that I am never experiencing such feelings with women who aren't doing anything wrong. Which tells me that if you're in a relationship with someone who brings that out in you, perhaps it's something about them you're picking up on that you instinctively know is wrong.
@@702CitY perhaps it's because he either has a history of disloyalty or is extremely self conscious of how he perceived himself in terms of him versus other men (as in a low sense of self worth he feared you clearly saw). I find that the two times I was jealous and had insecurity were with the two women I discovered were in fact cheating. And what's interesting is that it wasn't that I started that way but rather as I would be around them and deal with them longer, I'd see red flags that would be bothersome. Best thing I could say as a man talking to a woman is if you truly are an honest person (as in as honest as what we'd classify decent people being), then just do your best to make your partner know you are interested and aren't off chatting it up with other guys, and so long as your partner doesn't have a history of cheating themselves, you should be good. I have one ex was a cocktail waitress at a bar and I trusted her completely, even when she'd drink with guy friends. I never caught her doing anything suspect and she wouldn't have odd moments that made things feel like something might be going on. Where as my ex wife worked remotely, and at points in our relationship before marriage she made comments about her not thinking cheating is that big a deal, and her always chatting with her married boss on video chats one on one, and the way they looked at each other and would just sit there and socialize the entire time sent up a lot of red flags. In the end I discovered I was right, she was cheating with him. So just don't give a guy a reason to question you, and if he's a decent guy he won't.
@@702CitY well if it makes you feel better, people generally suck lol but I believe for better or worse men and women are supposed to be together. After my divorce I spent about a week thinking this must be some crazy woman thing, and for about a week I listened to those red pill guys thinking it was true. But then something hit me. The main premise of their argument is that "women are designed to smell bullshit" but the message of the red pill leaders? "Don't be yourself" lol so essentially I had a laugh once I realized the focus is to do ALL this stuff to attract women, without focusing on ever attracting women and then once you have said woman, be sure to never let your guard down around her and get comfortable, otherwise she'll ditch you for someone else. What a bleak way to look at relationships lol
Just be realistic in what you're looking for and remember that men and women are different, and if you find someone who has more baggage than you want to deal with, there's nothing wrong with ending it. I had committed so much by the time I realized who my wife was, that it had become this colossal investment that I didn't want to quit at that point. Definitely should have, she was a nightmare. Lesson to the wise, if your eyes are the thing that are leading you, you're going in the wrong direction.
Could be chicken and egg too. Someone is likely to stray from a person that has an "instinctual" distrust of them. You become a self-fulfilling prophecy. ...that and most people are shit so if you always think the negative you'll be right more time than naught. I forget the exact quote, but it's something like: if you predict bad things, you'll soon become a prophet". ....you can MAKE a good future or predict a bad one.
I agree. Trust your gut always. Most times it has to do with leverage in the relationship. Never have I been jealous with women when I felt deep down they were chasing me as opposed to the other way around. There’s always someone who has the leverage, so be on the better side.
To add on, I would never go through a woman’s phone now that I’ve matured. I would leave far before. But every time I have in the past, I’ve found something. When there was nothing to find, I didn’t even feel the need to. That sixth sense is real.
You can be the slave, tryant, or the negotiator. Favorite line in the whole video.
Quote worthy
This guy makes so much sense to me. So logical, so right, very fair. Resonates with me about 90%
He has such sensible advice.
I could listen to him all day
I have a problem with jealousy. I’m jealous when I see someone with a girl because I don’t, I’m jealous when someone has friends, I’m jealous when others capture someone else’s attention, etc. Even when I’m calm in that situation, my face still betrays.
Well done for owning it.
Yup u owned it know take care of it
I hope you're doing better now, man. I used to let jealousy control my life, but the only thing you can truly control is yourself and your own actions.
I am so attracted to him mentally and physically 😜 wish there were more men like him that could talk openly and honestly!
He's my intelectual crush too
They exist
I’ve been playing 2nd fiddle to the ‘ex’ for 4 years - having kids involved I have been very understanding but she has been treated priority and I had breadcrumbs. A very complicated, unclear, confusing situation where I had the intuition that I was just the side dish. Trying to have grown up conversation about the situation (getting introduced to kids, being present at family gatherings like holidays, creating blended families etc) always met with resistance and dismissal. I clearly stated what I want and need but met with excuses. Just had to let it all go.
Good you did. I felt the same in my situation. Not knowing he actually still has strings with his ex. We women need time to deteach bit once we do, its forever. And men come back suffering and missing. Nothing we women should do aught to be out of spite.
That's why conversations, questions, followed by days and nights of thinking are needed. And I'm glad seems you took your time. Now always go for your happiness!!!! ❤️
@@hgfw9295 Thank you for your support. She needed him financially too. I just wanted him not his money. He didn't live with me. I moved abroad because of it. He kept visiting me. Now moved her and the kids out to his villa and I got left behind. Broke my heart listening to him talk about how happy everyone was when he PROMISED I'd be able to go, but last minute changed his mind that it would be too much conflict. Always putting the ex's feelings as priority before mine. Plus if I had been there they couldn't play happy families. I am convinced they reconciled since. Not spoken to him over a week.
@@G_ATA_7 keep it that way. no need to talk. And girl! I only needed to hear my boyfriend explain to his ex that he cannot come pick up the kids because its raining, bc he is running out of gas, because he feels sick......., while I was the reason as I was staying invited over the weekend. The weekend passed and it was down the hill from there forever. Always trust your intuition and yes....take time. I am not a supporter of emotional moves, I support switching on common sense and depending on it. It takes time to trust yourself. Good job and keep writing to me if you need.
Let him go 💯. There is more to your life than you presently see I promise you that, beautiful.
Brave
@@hgfw9295 update on my situation: reconciliation failed between NEX and his ex (as expected in true narc style) and he had the cheek to hoover and love bomb me but I made it clear to him he is persona non grata in my life forever. Still tried to dangle the same carrot of finally meeting the kids, ex talking to me etc but just descended into drama as ex would unblock me and block me back after one polite message from me so I said fuck that I’m not dealing with children 😂🙈
Propriety interest- the guy s
so spot- on& articulate.
I just took jelousy with my girlfriend to another level. I ended up disrespecting her and causing her sadness.
We're in a long distance relationship and, even though she's usually the one who feels more jelousy and me the one who's more "secure" about oneself, I am the one who shows it more often.
That is a massive mistake. I am SCARED to death that she might end up leaving me. It's been some rough and hard couple of months...
People please, be cautious. Cool down before you take action because you might kill something that you want very much alive.
And even words can hurts deeply
@@fakeraxl9462 yes, they do.
Update:
I wrote her recently that I wanted to apologize and ammend things, but she doesn't want to and that she'll be busy for the day and doesn't know when she'll be done.
I just hope this isn't the end. I have never been so happy with someone. Even at thousands of miles apart, the feeling is so strong.
Ah yes, the internet waifu sob story. People please, be cautious. Get in a "relationship" with an actual person instead of investing your emotions in a pen-pal situationship, because a heartbreak is IMMINENT.
The more important detail is that you learned that you're capable of inflicting such pain. You will have to redefine an element of your persona in order to not make a similar action in the future.
Too late
Hey Lewis, I really love the way you conduct intetviews. You make the topic the star and not 'youself' like many other podcasters do. And what's not to love about JP 👍
This went waaaay differently than I thought but I’m glad I listened 😂
It comes down to a balance between jealousy, freedom and the perception of inappropriate behavior. On one extreme end you say you don't want her talking to any other man. On the other extreme you have an open marriage. You both are somewhere on this sliding scale, if your positions are very different you need to have ongoing conversations for each encounter that your spouse has. Sometimes you need to sacrifice some level of jealousy for their freedom. But just being aware of this struggle instead of just being ignorant is 90% of the battle.
Don't compete because you are on the same team
What a man, that was deep.
The interviewer was so in touch we Jordan, well done.
My husband had this messed up idea that if he makes me jealous it’s gonna make me more sexually interested in him. I told him it does the exact opposite but he doesn’t listen
That is terrible. Thank you for sharing... maybe more people secretly think the same as him. I am truly sorry he does that to you... what a painful game.
That’s is not ok
So you’re allowing it or what
@@Angel-ms7sf allowing? I’m not his mother lol you can’t control what people do
@@TiMe-sj4hy you can control what you accept. if he doesn't listen, you are accepting it. isn't he afraid of losing you?
Sex is powerful and often made a joke when in reality it changes lives and can devastate hearts and minds
I keep trying to live the present, the shadow of my gf affairs just a month before starting to hang out follow me, what keeps me afloat and what I keep saying to myself is ''Try to make this moment so unforgettable, that at least, if there's no a clear future, a subtle smile will emerge remembering this precise moment'', it´s not her fault at all, she did't even though that I would be a good match for her, but my mind works without permission and from time to time kills me, I hate to overtink things, but it is what it is
Insecurity and jealousy is a very normal part of us. To deny it is absurd, and to be disgusted by it is childish.
"All things within reason" i think applies to this subject.
Having 0 Insecurities or jealousy would be weird and off putting i think to most ppl.
And have your insecurities and jealousy on blast/full and letting it ruin your relationship, obv not good.
Basically just avoid the extremes, but when isn't that the case.
Your partner yells to much and gets angry all the time?
Well thats their anger/rage on the extreme end instead of somewhere in the middle...
Leave....
Find a person that manages to stay pretty close to a middle ground in their emotions and you've got a good baseline to start with.
If however you find a person that hasn't yet found their balance and found that middle ground, Do not let the honeymoon phase trick you into staying with them longer then you should. And never assume you will be the thing they will change for, because thats a very very big gamble.
Best advice, not sure how great it is.
This is all true presuming the two actually love each other and/or know what loving each other is. I think its important to know WHERE your relationship is so that you know your not doing all these steps in vane. If your wife walks in wearing something nice, you can compliment her all day, if she lost love for you.....theyre just words for her. visa versa. And I also think that in our society we are so used to doing things the human way instead of God's way that we create our own stumbling blocks concerning relationships, love, jealousy, concerns and problem solving as a team. Thats my brief on this
😍
I agree 100%
I have for many year thought that it was fascinating that people will do things that they are not willing to or haven’t yet managed to do so…
There is no deep intimacy without vulnerability…
EXCELLENT interview. Thank you for sharing.
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
My partner is constantly looking at other women. It’s hurtful and I feel so inadequate.
He hasn’t cheated I don’t think but it’s horrible.
I don’t think it’s jealousy or insecurity when someone is doing this. It’s disrespectful and very inconsiderate.
It is disrespectful. However, it's not about you and your worth. It's about him and his worth.
People who cheat, actually cheat on themselves. They cheat themselves out of true intimacy, love and commitment. It is resistance to being fully seen and accepted. I am not saying your person is cheating. This is just an example. Love yourself more, don't worry about him . Love and blessings ❤
Disrespectful indeed.
Tell him
Disrespectful for sure.
Then let him know that what he is doing is disrespectful
I get retroactive jealousy getting worse for no reason. Suddenly after 23 years I am thinking back to my husbands previous life😢derive myself mad thinking of his sexual activity with certain women I know about and guessing who else he has been with. I know I am wrong to behave like this. But I feel sick some days with my thoughts.
That sounds painful! A thought, take what you like and leave the rest: It might be in your mind because it’s also on his mind.
@@SofiaLloyd-b4n I’d like to think it’s not on his mind after 23 years so thanks for making me feel worse😒
Hello I hope you are alright. Did you solve what was happening? Its happening to me to with and its making me nuts.
@@darnitthelma4247 no it‘s not in his mind. Its a problem in your heart and your mind tries to resolve/control it. Look up: Internal Family System (IFS)
It will help you regain control over yourself.💙
"People are not taught to negotiate" THIS, everyone thinks they have to be stubborn and don't even consider meeting in the middle. This is so important!! It is possible.
A marriage where sex is withheld will eviscerate a man’s or woman’s self confidence. “Am I undesirable?” This question haunts the rejected spouse. Such a person may turn to pornography, knowing it is a counterfeit representation, for a proxy fantasy of being desired.
Sad but probably not uncommon.
Someone needs therapy if they are putting their worth into someone else's hands.
@@lahicks9773 ... no holding back on that one ... LOLLLL!!! ... some would say the imagination is better than the reality ... LOLL!!
My favorite speaker, I love him and his mind.
The only way to experience or understand how bad betrayal feels... is by being betrayed. So... there is no point in being insecure or toxic about the possibility of it happening... you won't know until it happens and THEN you react accordingly...
just like loyalty... the only way to find out someone is disloyal to you is AFTER the fact...
Don’t entertain suspicion of others and don’t lose love
this dynamic reminds me of a father giving his son advice
Great question about jealously in a relationship!
Putting some effort is not difficult
Example in the daytime treat with kindness will be returned
That's a big old reference point right there. Nope. I don't have the time for the desire for much of what was discussed. And I'm a big Jordan Peterson fan. Thank you for the reminder, JP
👍
You are changing my life , thank you doc
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Long live Jordan Peterson. I love this man! His words should be translated in as many languages as possible!
You can either be a slave or a tyrant or you can negotiate, mann thats tough 💯
I think negotiation in a relationship is calculated communication. It's not only saying here's what I think, feel, want, but here's how it makes me happy and how it leads me to be a better partner to you and then hopefully vice versa. Maybe??? But it's so uncomfortable to have sometimes.
Loved the video thanks for your bravery.
Could I ask you how one could get to speak with DR. Peterson, please?
Media back then and now that with social media it’s half or more percentage of why things go down the drain for the most part.
Word
Without a doubt.
i have major trust issues as my ex cheated on me
after few years, i got into another relationship
everything is fine but distance is the major issue
apart from it my ability to trust my new partner is declining
and we got into many arguements
also i like the way she asks about my problem
but i think the more i get vulnerable
more they use it as a weapon against me
also, telling your problems to your partner makes you weak
that's the reason im so afraid to open up with my partner
Budd look I’m in your shoes literally!
Your instincts and intuition is telling you to say it out loud and be open with her about your insecurities, Howe there is a good thing in that you’re missing!
If you been open and she didn’t appreciate your honesty and pain and help you to arrange a deal together help your relationship grow together healing each other and build a credit of trust, intimacy and security then...GOOD For you she’s not the right one for you man!
Now you have yourself the reason and the metric to measure who you need in your life to make you feel secured again you deserve that my friend.
And if she wasn’t the person for you please don’t get upset I used to think like you however I am different now and even got more standards to make me happy too not just secured also make my partner happy and secure in process she deserves the best if she’s the right one definitely
Chill and trust me nothing wrong with you man you’re human don’t feel shame for getting hurt you should be confident as you still have good heart deserves the best for you who’d make you happy,secured , successful, fulfilled and reach your own serenity together
thanks for replying, really appriciate it
so my current gf is very helpful and understaning but
i dont want to be a burden by putting my stuff on her shoulders
whenever i got triggered for something, i just tend to leave the conversation
and say stuff like "you deserve someone better"
moreover our relationship is long distance
my ex ditched me so bad that she put me in trauma
and now the whole trauma is projected over my current GF
which is toxic
i really want to be with my current gf
these insecurities are really killing me
plus this long distance
from outside i look like the most funny and confident person
but from inside i have my dark side
which is in a way or other killing my relationship
though i have no contact with my ex neither i want her in my life
but before ditching me she made very insecure about my self
and my self esteem is super low
Dont use your partner to heal your insecurities, find a therapist. Dont dump everything on her, life is not a movie
If you are with someone who is exploiting the things you share for tactical advantage, they most likely always will, or should I say this is a tool that they feel it is acceptable to use on honest people, and that they embrace that tactic tells you WHO they are. Admitting that you have problems does not make you weak only human, sharing those burdens with those we love is necessary because it lets us/them know we don't suffer alone. There is a certain amount of griping that is natural and allows you to express your frustration, angst etc, after a certain point it just becomes dwelling on the negative, because the problem is always less important that the question "What are we going to do about it?" So express your top frustrations but briefly, stay focused on how you are going to fix it. Share how you feel but watch and wait see if they exploit it. If so you may have to call them on it, it damages trust when they behave that way, and if they/you want a future together you must acquire the skill of working on problems together as a team.
@@a.hunter1812 sometimes I tend to open with my partner, but I think it just lower down the attraction between us
As our relationship is LDR
So I don't want her to see me as a weakling
Moreover, there is a great chance that she will use it against me if we got into an argument
And that's where my trigger enables
I absolutely, 100% love this man
@Rh-bk8pu ❣️✝️
Jealousy stems from an the insecurity, what is happening within the relationship where one of the partners is feeling second fiddle?
Some people are insecure within themselves & to them jealousy is a normal condition. Harsh reality is that. It's a toxic environment and eventually the marriage dissolves.
See each other as THE ONE, treat each other as THE ONE, and you're building a House of Love, rather than 'did I choose correct?'
KEYWORDs: “it doesn’t require any cognitive effort”. It’s thoughtless to enslave, shit easy when people do shit for you. It’s more mentally challenging to negotiate back and forth. But the benefits....
Right when I think he’s about to make no sense, he blows my mind.
Work hard, be independent 💪 Motivate your partner by doing different activities together.
A little bit of jealousy is a good thing. Too much is bad thing.
Exactly too much of anything is bad
This feels like a personal conversation between two married men.
... most tend not to express unless asked ... and even then it's not clear if genuine or not ... most women don't ask enough in my experience ...
This is painful.
Slave/tyrant. Makes a lot of sense. This whole conversation is great.
The truth about any successful long term relationship is it’s the cumulation of countless negotiations.
THIS. THIS. THIS. ALL DAY!👏💯
Listen, you don't have to be in any kind of relationship for someone to be jealous of you.
my relationship was terminated due to my partner not being willing to verbally negotiate in order to obtain what we both truly want. i resulted to slavery and tyranny because i simply could not negotiate with her. thank you for finally showing me what went wrong mr. peterson
I have also just realized tyrant boss and slave employee. Figure what you want then strategies....it's not okay to sacrifice your time
This is how I'm feeling right now. I can remember four to five times in the last year I've tried to create an open dialogue in private and it's just not reciprocated. Feels like they want to live like they're single and I'm along for the ride. I've become a slave and my soul is being eaten away. I can't last much longer unless things change, but they have to want to change.
Man I just love him! I have always felt, why can people do the act but not talk about it? People can’t even comfortably talk about poop!
It’s a natural function. Good stuff’
🙌
Idk if anyone will respond to this because the video is from a while back but I need some advice. I UA-camd women and jealousy last night and that’s how I came upon this video. Jordan and Lewis? Yes. I have an amazing relationship with my husband but there is one weakness I have which is jealousy and insecurity. I feel secure and confident in myself so I don’t imagine those things to be a problem. However. My husband is 10 years younger than me and he did commit to me at a pretty young age. We are honest about everything and he tends to be a little too honest when lusting on other women. This I understand and logically don’t mind. BUT. I am cooped up with the kids all day. I don’t do a lot of things I enjoy because I am completely devoted to us. So I expect to have his attention. That’s my love language. I want to be admired. I want the nice things said about me. I don’t want to hear about other women’s ass and feet no matter how nice they are. How tf am I supposed to have perfect hands and feet with these two tiny amazing people that are constantly following me around and demanding that all my energy is drained daily. To him.. he grew up with a dad that comments women all day long on the tv and was shown pornography daily well before 10 years old. I completely understand his angle. I love him I respect him. I don’t judge him. The problem is me. I wait all day. I do my best all day. He comes home I’m excited and he’s happy we eat and somewhere in there a joke or a comment or a hey look at her arises and I’m telling you I lose my mutha fuckin bananas. It hurts me that me being my modest respectful self.. he can’t get his eyes off of these strippers and models that literally live for taking attention from men. I’m from a time before phones and his generation grew up engulfed in technology. He cannot help that there is pussy everywhere he looks. He has spent too much time on his phone since the day I met him so I would never impose him stopping that because.. hello? I signed up for this. He is faithful. He is always there. He shows up. He provides. He handles all the life stuff I literally worry about making sure we’re fed and the house is clean and he takes care of everything else. He is am amazing dad we have amazing fluidity in every part of our relationship. It’s just I freak tf out inside when I feel like some female that has been twerking half naked since she was 12 is stripper dancing with her fake body in ways that I am not able. If I was her… he wouldn’t love me because she would not obey nor devote herself to him the way he expects me to. None of those women would. But instead of devoting 10 years of my time in shaking my ass I devoted it to becoming everything that I am and I was raised by mom and dad to cover my body and not act like a whore and respect myself. Jordan mentions that we all want all things open on the table sexually as well as very boarded up modest. This is heavy on my heart because I have a stunning daughter that I am raising in this insanely sexualized country we live in and I feel I need to know how to look at these things because her world is like.. everyone lives on social media. How does a woman that is good wife material maintain decency and confidence in a world that is infected with infidelity.. fake bodies.. and these women that are commited to selling themselves to the media monsters and promoting that the men that we love and love to serve can’t help but see everywhere they turn if they choose to spend any time scrolling? Please help. - a sane woman just trying to be a great wife and mom.