This is so accurate. I hated my mother for most my life until I started reading about dysfunctional families and came to realize she was just acting out what she was taught by her own parents and simply didn't know any better, it's how she was raised and how she went on to raise her kids. Doesn't make it ok and we're certainly not close, because she's still evil, but I don't hate her anymore because I understand her.
I had similar story, except after understanding this I talked to my mom and I told her of all the things that hurt me, and she apologized and we have reconciled our relationship. I have my kids now so I understand her better from that and then feom the info I started to learn feom Different psychologists
Beautiful you got to this place , shes like a wounded woman & she didnt know any better so forgive her & understand her stops the pain been carried on .
It took me till I was 53 to understand my "mother" she hurt me, betrayed me, lied to me, belittled me all my life, I tried to overdose at 14 and another attempt in my 30,s..i lost my brother to addiction when he was 47..i have battled addiction, my mom is an addict, she wuld never admit that, she is a narcissist and very selfish, she never stood up for me.. And thinks she is the perfect Christian.. While she lies everyday, it's always about her, I have had soo much counselling,, I hope I am in a place now where she cannot hurt me to the point of destroying me, I sometimes think I will only feel free when she passes and that sounds terrible.. She has left a trail of destruction in her path and feels completely justified.. Its soul destroying.. 😢
As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD as a child from childhood trauma I can confirm regular therapy does not work. It makes things worse. They always wanted me to talk about the negative experiences in my life without anyway to actually process and deal with it all. I went once a week to be reminded of how crappy my life was and how I was not loved. I always left there suicidal even if I was having a good day before the session. I've found more healing in prayer and reading my Bible. I've also grown and matured enough to pity those who hurt me, knowing their behavior was a vicious cycle and not personal. I was able to forgive and let go when I was able to forgive them and pity them for their own issues.
@@Ash-of1yl if it is helping you, you should go. Also just because one therapist doesn't work out, doesn't mean another won't. Find someone who makes you feel understood and safe and better once you've shared with them. If not, maybe find another.
Yes. My own healing began with a rediscovered sense of faith through joining a 12 Step program. Feeling that I am loved JUST AS I AM has been profoundly healing.
A major part of my healing was learning about sociopaths and narcissists, that's what abused me as a child. I continued the cycle by dating and marrying one, taking on more trauma. There just wasn't enough info on personality disorder back then (I'm 49 now) so I didn't understand what I was dealing with. I've had tremendous healing since learning about them, cleansed them all from my life and very guarded who enters now. I needed to understand them to heal and feel safe in this world.
Same. I retraumatized myself by attracting unavailable partners since I didn't have a clear set of boundaries and things that weren't okay seemed normal or were made to seem normal. I'm in my mid-thirties and I have to tell myself to eat and brush my teeth and things I should've learned when I was neglected in childhood. It's embarrassing and makes me not want to form friendships with many people. I'm starting by reaching out to a few more genuine people. It's a slow but sure process. I really like The Crappy Childhood Fairy if that sounds like something that resonates with you.
@@seanrandleman60 I have a few resources but it'll take me a minute to write them all down for you and they all have different specialties. Some aren't professionals but have experience in the healing process.
I healed my childhood trauma by understanding that it wasn’t what happened to me that was the source of my current problem but it was my perception of my own value based on what happened to me that was my only problem now. And my repeating of this trauma in my adult life led me To understand my own contribution to it and this accountability brought me out of victimization and in to wholeness
Thank you. Your words speak to my heart. Back then I did not understand my worth. I had low self-esteem and lacked confidence to stand strong which led to compromises and then guilt and shame.
this is nice ,,may i ask you what kind of books or authors that help you come up with this healing thought? i would be grateful if you share your sources if you have Thanks again
The depth of this man's insight into human nature is absolutely incredible. It's getting cliche, but he really is a blessing for those of us who need to hear his thoughts
I love this man right now I'm listening to him and I'm writing things down taking notes never had a therapist or anyone to break down to me all the terror I went through. Thank you mr. Peterson by the way I'm 72 years old
I didn’t expect that either and I really appreciate the fact that you shared something like that so openly and to be so grounded at the same time. Everytime I try and say it I cry. I was also sexually abused at 5 years old by a stranger. And it’s so true; you know what is happening is bad but you don’t understand it at the same time. I have never met anyone who also experienced that at such a young age and it always made me feel less than as a human being and like used goods that is now contaminated. The fact that you also experienced that makes me feel less weird and less alone. Thank you 🙏
A major part of my healing was finding out what narcissists were and how they affect your life and affect who you believe you are and I'm 65 years old. So grateful for the internet and the information that can be learned.
But they are everywhere. And especially after the covid malarchy. It's gone rotten to the core, I'm ashamed and mystified at the human experience. I truly believe that the reptilian brain is what humans are only capable of residing with inside and are so invested in it that they shall never become enlightened and rise above it
@@dinahn6955I have to disagree because I grew up being told I was not adequate not good enough and for this inadequacy I was beaten on a daily basis for the belt along with my siblings this man had no life except to torture his step-children. It was very important to me as an adult to figure out why this man hated me so much and over a 8-year time frame never once said a loving comment or made eye contact just simply beat us and tortured us for 8 years until he was sent to prison. It was wonderful to find out that it wasn't me it was him that was f***** up. The internet is actually helping me heal not leading me to obsessive watching a videos for the purpose of living the pain. I was rejected by Society in general and I couldn't figure that out until I watched a TED video last night on how mentally and physically abused children when the abuse happens at a young age are actually rewired mentally. I've never been able to remember my past because I was always inthe future ; hyper-vigilant to be watching out for what was coming down and how I could avoid being beaten never happened but that's the state he wanted these children in that he was abusing ,and my mother was complacent, so please please give me your expertise. It's actually helping me heal now I know why I act the way I do and why people reject me. So what was your experience? I am a 67 year-old female and I just started working on the abuse that I suffered as a child and until you work on it it doesn't go away it's always there now I know why; the past is the past and I will continue to work on seeing myself as a valued person now.
@dinahn6955 you're a jerk. People have different experiences and therefore require different methods to become at peace with whatever they are battling with. You wanna stay ignorant of knowledge around you be my guest but don't speak for the rest of the people out there who really want to dive deep.
I think an important element is missing from this conversation and it is the trauma that remains in your body. In your nervous system. It's important to understand that you are not 5 years old anymore and why evil things happen in the world, yet cognitive conceptualization (while necessary) is not enough to free yourself from trauma or rather not enough to stop trauma from totally controlling your life. That's where somatic work comes into play. It has to be incorporated into the healing process. I am someone who suffered a whole bouquet of traumas in the past that disabled me from living. Years of cognitive therapy just wasn't producing many results. It is working with the body that started shifting things. Look for therapists who do somatic work or they don’t have to be therapists per se, as long they are somatic practitioners. 💓
Peterson is riddled with anxiety -- he really doesn't know this. Also, the understanding that God or Universe has a plan for you that included challenges, and maybe even your body will perish but your spirit is Infinite. That's the understanding that can address the horribleness
@@justgivemeanumber8215 No he knows it. It's a daily struggle for him and it is the reason for the topics he speaks about and the understanding he has. For him and his family these psychological issues are part of a multi-system immune disorder. He is religious in a sense. What he believes and tells himself helps, for sure, but it's clearly a drop in the bucket vs getting the physical disease under control.
From being adopted at 3 days old from a 50 year old lady and 63 year old man with six kids who abused me from one trauma to the next. At 12 finding my mom on Christmas day deceased started a new chapter of abuse , neglect and trauma to my father leaving back to the Philippines to leave me amongst the abusers. At 18 with 150$ a car with 4 gears outta 5 working I got away. It's been the toughest thing to get out of the past and not let my triggers control my actions to get councious of how our brains work.. I'm so grateful for this information
Sincerely hope you’ve found more peace and if you haven’t yet I.genuinely hope you do. That’s a tough luck of the draw. Good for you to take yourself out of the situation.
I love this: What your brain wants in relation to a traumatic memory is indication that you are no longer vulnerable to the same problem. That's what memory is for (in evolutionary terms). You remember something bad and you process it so that you change your interpretation, your behaviour or the situation (or whatever you can) in such measure that it doesn't happen again in the future, and if you do that thoroughly or successfully, you'll generally let yourself rest. The purpose of memory, in general, is to duplicate the good things that happen to you and for the bad things to be avoided. It's not to make an objective record of the world, it's to make a functional map of the world that you can apply to the future.
Agreed. ! X Also..I helped myself by making myself go 'by' or to places.... locations where I had been either traumatised or was caused bad memories. I survived n thrived BY...creating NEW n GOOD memories in those places. I am pleased to have helped others - do the same. ;)
I listened to this part at least three times. I saw your comment and read it at least three times. I don't think I'm able to really grasp what he's saying because I don't know that I've ever seen anyone accomplish this. When it comes to sexual trauma suffered by a child it would almost seem like so many allow themselves to be traumatized sexually by others well into adult hood. Many of them never put a stop to it. They often live a life of promiscuity and some go on to cause trauma to children themselves. They don't value the sanctity of their own body because of the abuse. They relive the memory over and over with sexual partners never able to come to the knowledge that this is further harming them. Thank you for taking the time to write that part of the clip down.
@@BLFullethe one way I'll put it, is the trauma circumstance could be made into a math equation. If the expected result is Y, and the person who was traumatized's behavior is x...they are going to repeatedly replace X to try to get Y whether they know it or not. That's just one way you could look at it.
@@decryptthestory861 I think he had another akathesia attack due to a change in medication, according to his twitter. Hopefully he recovers again soon, he was looking much better.
The quick and easy way to heal: Think through those bad things that happened with brutal honesty about the details. Let the emotions flow even if its anger, sadness, shame. Be HONEST with yourself.
I had bottled up pain from middle school anxiety that flared up in my life 25 years later after seeing the death notice of one of the principles. I had to think through all the pain. I was not ok for a few months. I had to process all the things I didn't deal with. It was a really dark time for me and I thought I was going crazy. I feel healed from it now because I analyzed everything and could see vivid pictures in my mind of all the rejection and anxiety and self hatred I felt and had sympathy for the child part of me that couldn't cope with what was going on at the time. I cant normally solve my own issues but it seemed to work that time
💯 *10 Important Lessons:* ◾ *1) Stop Living for Other People.* ◾ *2) Stop skipping the gym.* ◾ *3) Stop trying to be cool -> be yourself.* ◾ *4) Stop chasing relationships -> find yourself.* ◾ *5) Focus on your personal growth.* ◾ *6) Stop keeping yourself in your comfort zone.* ◾ *7) Don't waste your precious time.* ◾ *8) Have a spiritual practice.* ◾ *9) Make mistakes and learn from them.* ◾ *10) Start investing in yourself.*
1. No problem there, as long as they don't harm me as a result of my saying 'no'. 2. Hmm... Gotcha! 3. Can't help it. It's built in to my framework. 4. Tried this my whole life. All I get is endless arguments with my introjects. 5. No issue there. Every damn day. 6. [Panic attack ensues] 7. Thanks for nothing, ADHD. You got me hooked on all manner of poisons. 8. Does grandiose fantasy count? 9. I'll need therapy for this one, or a hand to hold. 10. Find a cure to ADHD and I'll be way ahead of you.
Now that I learned that there are narcissists and people that get into a relationship with you just to hurt you I am free from feeling sad about my past relationships and it is wonderful 😊🎉 Learning about narcissists can seriously improve ones life
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I'm so very happy for you, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
Saw people talking about..checked him out, I must say he's good at what he does. My son is clean 1 year now. Good luck. just micro dose and you won't trip. Mushrooms helped my son get off opioid.
For me the healing from emotional trauma can happen when the person focus only on learning to love him/herself. It's never about the other person or what the other person did, but what it means about us. How we see and feel ourselves because of it. When there's emotional trauma the person always feels, I believe, shame, unworthy, wrong, guilty, not good enough, etc, and trying to forget or understand won't change this. When the person does the work to elevate how he/she views the self and the value and importance in the world, loving the self and feeling proud and worthy, what happened it's no longer relevant, because it means nothing about who he/she is.
Wow! This is exactly what I needed. Thank you. What I take from this is that being pro-active and changing our lives literally is probably the best solution.
I had a grandmother that was more of a blessing than I realized until I started getting older, she always asked me to focus on clarity. One small word but putting it into action changes everything in life. I wish everyone would have had the blessings and love I found in my grandmother. Being clear means focus, understanding, communication, honesty and many more good things.
As you start healing, you stop blaming yourself, you forgive yourself and the shame will lift. I had to accept I had a narcissistic mother and Every rotten experience that came with that...and that I attracted other narcissists as an adult. But with Awareness and ending those relationships, I've stopped the cycle. Healing also means sticking up for yourself.
In the first 10 mins of this has given me more therapeutic healing than years of attempts of therapy from my past than years of suppressing my abuse with sex, alcohol, drugs or self harm. As a single mom of 5 boys (their father was and is severely abusive) I’m so thankful to god for jp and all his compassion and lectures. His work that he has blessed the world with for free has deeply helped more people than I think he could ever truly realize.
I have suffered many traumas and I have a dialogue with myself where I tell myself that I am safe. This is done as though I were speaking to another and I consider my behaviour so that my brain can be assured that I can mitigate harm through my choices and handle the harms that cannot be avoided. In this way I build trust with my mind and it is assured that whatever’s happens, we are safe!
When I started studying Narcissism I understood my ex mate was an abused child and used his ego as a safeguard. I finally stopped giving him my heart because I didn't want to hurt anymore and I didn't want to trigger the badly hurt child inside of him anymore. I made sense of it all so yes we need to understand why these things happen so true.
So pleased to hear an emotionally mature response to this. There can be a lot nature in someone and a lot of nurture in someone. It’s not our call how someone - including us - is hurt when we were raised. It’s only our responsibility to recognize the pain and move beyond it. Blame shifting is one-sided and can come back to bite us in the butt in the end especially if we’ve played a part in hurting someone else along the way. If we would wish to receive compassion as someone who was hurt, we also need to be ready to dole out some compassion for others who have also been hurt.
Something happened to me 40 years ago that I have just begun to dismantle. It’s some of the most difficult work I have had to do in my life, but do it, I must if I want to be free.
Some of the major points he mentioned that really resonated with me: 1. It's good to recognize some experiences that an individual has suffered is universal. Not recognizing this isolates that individual. 2. Discover a theory of malevolence , understand that evil CAN exist, and try to figure out how it operates. These are things I've learned on my own, and it's one of the things I wish I knew sooner. I wonder if I had heard this before the pertinent events had come to pass if I would heed what he has said?
@@darrellborland119 "Faith healing religions" where they say you assume everything is well till it kills you. Church got no mechanism to address trauma because thats where it largely occurs from molestation and sexual escapades.
I think it's better to understand that "evil" is a manmade concept and to not try to so much divorce "evil people" from normal people. All of us are capable of the same things that the most evil people can do, we just choose not to.
Demonizing and idealizing are twins, two sides of the same coin. So be careful not to put him on a pedestal. He is what you see in him. And yes, I like to listen to him too.😊
Not finding anyone that could relate to my upbringing has been difficult,especially when even the therapists I’ve seen were hearing these issues I faced for the 1st time . Listening to Jordan Peterson is very helpful .
If you didn't talk about what happened to you you won't find anyone else to whom it happened in all likelihood. By talking about it you find out many other can relate. That is why AA works, or Overeaters Anonymous etc
I was involved in an abuse survivors support group, and I realized that most abusers are just damaged ppl, evil in some of their acts…. That was a very empowering revelation I shared in the group. It takes the monster/victim out of its powerful context. It made it less like a personal attack, though feeling abused is personal and I wholeheartedly validate that, realizing it from a different perspective is beneficial. I was in fact victimized by one who was a damaged person… in that revelation you realized you were victimized but you do not have to live as the eternal victim.
Correct but there is more to it when they refuse to heal themselves and acknowledge there traumas and heal them they continue hurting themselves and there loved ones
"When something terrible happens to you, you dont understand it... running freezing in terror... how do you get out of the terror... You elaborate the world until ... you have a more sophisticated map of the world. And it's really hard to do that." Paraphrasing the last minute here because it beautifully outlines the healing process through trauma. Thank you #JordanBPeterson
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Bro the same thing happened to me man .I am 52 and I just started dealing with it..But I never passed it to my kids, niece or nephew. But I always thought something was wrong with me..I am healing through therapeutic methods. Thank you for sharing..
Bless your journey. You are not your trauma. You are beyond your body and beyond anyone's ill intentions and actions. You can let go of that experience and live freely.
The cure for emotional trauma is forgiveness. You have to replay your life and remember everything that traumatized you. You have to forgive the person who did it and you have to forgive yourself for it happening. When you forgive the trauma, you are no longer focused on it. Focusing on the future is the most important. We cannot fix what happened to us in the past but we hold on to the experience and let it drive us into the future.
When I was in high school, my Mom attempted suicide several times and I was always the one to find her and deal with it. Totally messed me up for a long time. PTSD, anxiety, depression, drug abuse/addiction, everything. I'm 43 now and a few years ago, I was finally starting to address some of these issues and the trauma that I had and was making a recovery. I also have a really good relationship with my Mom now. But last year it all unraveled as my ex-girlfriend attempted suicide as well and I was again the one to deal with it. Feeling like I'm back to square one with the healing process. It sucks, but at least I'm not drinking or smoking anything to self-medicate these days. Trying to plow through it in a much healthier way, but it's still difficult.
Triggered. Thankyou My mum used to do the same, so much drama and I was expected to clean it all up too. My poor mum must have been going through some hellish thoughts. Very very difficult. But a woman holding a knife up to me yesterday (my mum used to strangle me). I'm just done!
The realization that came to me the moment he spoke about the abuse and that I’m no longer that scared child … I’m still a victim but so was the person that abused me… it just relaxed me. I can’t believe I was so tense and in a cramp till my muscles relaxed… thank you both !
Ruminating over traumatic experiences enlarges them. We need to let the scars heal and stop picking the scab off. EMDR therapy retrains the brain and helps heal the scars.
EMDR was very helpful for me as well. My therapist used vibrating things in the hands instead of lights tho. But it gets worse before it gets better. The ‘journey’ was very difficult. But very helpful.
I surrender. I looked it up: EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. If you look it up, it looks a lot like hypnotism. You think of the trauma watching a therapist's hands and other things and try to see the event in a different light.
@@paulascott5701 Why can't you just do that mentally yourself. Just recreate the memory, since all memories are adjusted every time you access them anyway.
Lewis Howes - 2 years since you posted this excellent excerpt which continues to fulfill its purpose. Thanks, thanks and more thanks - to you and Dr Peterson.
I have read so many awesome comments. He loses me sometimes. And also, MY trauma is from my narcissistic family. Not a man I dated. I agree that learning about narcissistic abuse etc. helped me.
Another useful thing for me is to connect with your body. When trying to rationalise traumatic events to yourself It is highly possible for a negative physical sensation to continue reoccurring and that affects you conclusions. In many cases It's guided by the fight of flight instinct . What worked for me to a good extend is to feel the concrete sensations in your body, stiffness in the neck or head, emptiness in your stomach, weak knees, etc. and then try to relax your nervous system (yoga, running, check also how to reset vagus nerve). Once the body is relaxed and there is no anxiety and fear ,even for a moment, you can think in peace from a safe place. Don't get me wrong.. that's not easy at all, but for me it was a start.
I've been 28 years no contact with my histrionic malignant narcissist mother. There was such dehumanization that there was no way of finding a healthy relationship. Healing from a parent like that is also a lifelong necessity. 🌈 💜 🌈
Dr. Petersen , thank you for remaining accessible on Utube. Your lectures make a lot of sense . Don’t allow fellow professionals to muzzle you because of their envious weaknesses
As much as I loving listening to Jordan, I would have to say he doesn't really answer the question. The trauma inside us is not easy to removed just by improving cognitive awareness because it is in your soul, not your mental. When a child is hurting , he or she just cries and then get back to normal really fast. There is a lot of metaphysic meanings behind our tears and one of them is the emotion detox mechanism that helps through tough times. However, the more we grow up, the harder it is for us to cry , both man and woman. I believe crying is the best way to release all the residual traumatized emotion . Try to find a way to cry , cry out all the pain the suffering inside so that we can get back to normal simply like a child can .
I thought he gave pretty good answers to the question actually. #1 - realize you are not alone in this. It has happened to others. This is very important. While people experience things and feel them in a different level and manner, trauma is universal and there is solace in knowing you are not alone. #2 - you are no longer there. You are not the person who it happened to. You got away. Focus on the now so that your memory realizes that this is not happening. You are no longer a victim. He's not saying it's easy...he's saying that it's a long process. I've worked with students who have been through trauma and suffer from dissociation and one of the ways to get them out of this is to help them come to the now and the reality of what's going on around them as opposed to the thoughts that they are experiencing.
Thank you! The trauma I endured cannot be fix by “ changing my thinking” it so much more then that, it is in the deepest of my soul. So it will take a lot of soul searching and work to heal, and it could take a lifetime.
Phoenix Rising, I agree with you about the healing that takes place through crying. However, for some people, it is difficult to dig deep into the root cause of the trauma and therefore, “cry it out”. I went through a process diving deep into my subconscious mind to be able to get to the core and then I was able to “purge” it through crying at the deepest most soulful way, which then liberated me from the trauma. I did this with a Shaman in Peru through ayahuasca. I did years of research on this indigenous healing modality and found that one session it’s the equivalent of 10 years of therapy. However, it is not for everyone.
Pray you will be totally healed. Accept it happen but that is the. Past. Take back control and give you all the love. Release them and you'll be on the much better journey. But take it day to day
Yep, I was just about to write something similar. Unfortunately these days seemingly most therapy and certainly counselling is on the level of the mind and simply doesn't go deep enough. There's not a lot of healing going on due to the cultural changes that have taken place in the last 20 or so years. I hate to say it but I listen to a guy like this and even with all that supposed knowledge it's as if he is speaking into a bucket listening to the sound of his own voice. I'm afraid I have no answer to what's happening anymore.
Jordan Peterson has been my saving grace in many ways! May God bless him with longevity, filled with excellent health, and happiness, and to his fourth generation! 🙏🙌
This is so beautiful to watch. Jordan Peterson - such a blessing of a man - helps this guy. And he is genuinely moved by it. All the best for your future!
Loved seeing this! What a great introduction to abuse. It took me 24 years and a full body/mind flashback to finally break me from keeping my childhood SA a secret. Being a young Mother at the time of this horrific flashback, I was graced with the strength to pursue healing. I’ve yet to feel I’ve “healed.” “Healing” from this is part of my daily life.
Agree. My therapist used vibrating things in each hand instead of lights. I don’t know how the lights work, but she said it’s distracting and uncomfortable for some people. Either way, it took a long time getting thru the layers via EMDR. But what a difference in how I physically, mentally, and emotionally respond to what happened.
Great news, Ivd finally reached out for emdr and yet donkeys years off psychotherapy. I’m still barely getting through days, on SSRI meds and dissociating in rages.
Glad to hear it had helped. Would you please share the info of the therapist? I am looking for a good EMDR therapist whether offering therapy online or in my province. I live in Ontario, Canada. Would appreciate your input in this matter, how to find a good EMDR therapist. Thank you :)
I was finally able to let go when I asked God to take it away. I learned to rebuke the memory (satan) then started asking God to take it away. And he did. And yes it was helpful to realize there is evil in the world. Again a God thing.
I did similar but the Lord had to also walk me through forgiveness in all these instances, things I couldn't look back on without a relapse of all the pain I'd gone through I can now look back on just like a story of something that happened to me, without the pain.
liked "we are bad about reading our own mind" he has a knack with words, with conveying what we should have learned in school but, didn't. Im grateful to freely learn from Jordon, a great gem of a man now! So beautifully trying to heal the world blessings all! I finally have learned over the past few years, what "narcissism" really is and understand it, so that i will protect myself from narcissists.
You've done a great job of dealing with your abuse Lewis. My mum was 4 years old and it sent her into schizophrenia and alcoholism which affected her parenting. It's so fantastic that you've turned it into something positive by transforming your life to what it is today! C-PTSD is a real thing. Understanding how the effects ones experiences is important. The crappy childhood fairy has a great channel.
The thing with that flirting example. A person rarely says "Ok yes I was flirting. What do you need me to do?". They usually deny they were flirting, or say that they should be free to flirt - or that you're controlling and insecure for believing that they were flirting. That's what people usually deal with.
Denying they were flirting - gaslighting. Saying that you're controlling and insecure - gaslighting/deflection. Look up the techniques a narcissist uses to control their victims and become familiar with them for your own sake.
@@yeseniarobles4289 The world is so over the "I was just being friendly" excuse Yesenia. There's a notable difference between friendliness and flirting, it's not a thin line. I'm a woman and have done both and have had both done to me. They're not the same at all.
Right- and that's why that kind of communication doesn't work and ends up sowing resentments. He's saying couples need to be honest, direct and clear in a way that is foreign to most people- but is necessary for good communication and to work things out.
Jordan Peterson was exemplary in explaining what happens with your brain on trauma. But I think healing isn't all about developing a comprehensive view of the world. Healing isn't always about cognition. Experts like Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine propose body-based therapies to help process trauma. Things like somatic experiencing, EMDR, and theater help us to get out of the first stress response caused by trauma, the flight-freeze-fight-fawn reaction. And then our cognition enters in, helping us to make sense of the world. Religion, culture, philosophy and even social psychology propose hypothesis about why evil happens, and how to live a reasonably happy life in this world. But these ideas often cannot penetrate the scared recesses of our traumatized brains. In order to make our brain fewl safe we need touch, food, a friendly face, movement, and so on. Plus, thumbs up for the host. Being able to discuss personal trauma in auch a composed and curious manner is such an accomplishment. You're very brave!
Jordan's advice is great about relationships and arguments. I was married 10 years and we never fought or argued a single time and that actually ended up being the downfall of our marriage. We couldn't resolve the big conflicts when they came about.
I’m so impressed with the way this doctor explains how to come out of a trauma. He explained something so important, complex in a direct simple way to understand. Not easy to achieve but certainly with information like this way more likely to do so. Thank you so much for this video.
If you were abused as a child like me and you feel shame towards your abuser (especially if it’s family), just realise that the person who did that to you was probably unconsciously looking to integrate the part that got rejected when he/she was younger. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Hope this helps. It helped me. ❤ Sending love.
Traumatized people need comforting and empathy. Intellectualizing puts spiritual growth on hold. Trauma injures our spirit. Imagine what Christ would do and do the same. This is what becoming one means.
Just bullshitt! You need to be courageous and straightforward. You need to have RULES and to respect them. Those can be in every area of your life: work, relationship, family etc
I know, nothing without rules, but nothing injured likes rules, that is what injury means. It takes away from functionality, but sure, alive creature can heal.
@@katula14 it's about the rules that protect you, that can help you overcome bad situations: never eat junk food, drink alcohol very rare, learn something everyday, exercise, stay always around creative and optimistic people etc. That's the rules that empower you. In the and all we should become aware that past can't be changed. At least we should learn something and take care in the future. Those who don't know history are damned to repeat it.
There are not always people around you to cuddle you. Sometimes one need to find way fixing itself. Throwing yourself at other people with a trauma doesn't fix you, but poisons your relationships. I speak from experience.
All these motivational speakers saying “get your life together” gets old. Refreshing are the conversations that talk about trauma and how to heal it. Thank you!
As a child my parents did not have the skills to parent in a positive manner. I have come to terms with that and understand by parents did their best. I am ready to move on except I have emotional damage that I don't know how to fix. I need to be reprogrammed. I need a therapist that's good in that specific area.
@C. LordHow did you interview a therapist to find the one that suited you and your needs? Any tips to someone who is seeking a therapist for the first time?
I recommend EMDR. Interview your therapist on their education and expertise. They need to be skilled in trauma therapy. Experience in body work is a huge bonus, as trauma gets lodged in the body. You need to feel safe and validated by your therapist. Listen to your body.
When I was an EMT, we were always given the option of receiving counseling after a traumatic call. The thing was, according to statistics provided by my training officer, that anyone who accepted the standard post-scene therapy did significantly worse than those who didn’t.
I would agree. The reason why the results are worse, is because the "other crises" of calls creep in and are left out of the processing. We have micro-tears in our psyche from other calls and part of our psyche feels, why is this call any different the other "traumatic" calls I've ran. Everyone's definition of "tough call" can be different. We had a CISM after the May 19, 30, 31 2013 series of tornadoes in Oklahoma and I felt insulted in the moment that someone was trying to relate to me who wasn't even there. This "trauma bonding" occurs in the military all the time. This is why sometimes you're greatest counselor is your partner on the call.
"Sex goes wrong some way..." And once again, JP helps us *all* understand horrible things that happen to other ppl. For some ppl, sex goes horribly wrong in unimaginable ways.
Lewis. I watch a lot of podcasts. I'd like you to know that I really enjoy your honest and simplistic approach to interviewing. Your questions are succinct and precise. Your poise (as I remember your attempt to get an answer from Robert Kiyosaki) was exemplary in the virtue of patience and humility. A counterpart of yours, Tom Bilyeu, is a highly intelligent human. Yet, he tends to over intellectualize just about every word coming out of his mouth as if it must be scrutinized and examined to the point of exhaustion. Your interviews are virtually seamless, and that's what I enjoy about your channel. Keep up the good work! I honestly hope you get a chance to read this comment.
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my UA-cam channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,960 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
Maybe, he didn't achieve intellectual stage as he would want to achieve. Maybe, he is humble in respect of all mighty persona (God?) that he even cannot think to compete with? Whatever it is, JP has unusual intellectual capacity and its manifestation. I wouldn't even try to compete with him :) However, I don't see him as a God :) He is human and has right to his opinion and its expression as all of us, despite of intellectual capacity.
One refers to themselves as stupid due to the level of intelligence and smarts. It implies there's so much more to learn then what has already been figured out and retained. This continues the growth and development of a person. Without you do not grow and you remain in that one particular spot. So I'm clear on the difference of intelligence and smarts. Intelligence is the ability to retain information. Smarts is ability to use conductive reasoning for problem solving.
It doesn't make it less real. However, you can use your imagination, with a practitioner, to delve into it in whatever means necessary, feel and amplify the emotion in your body, as then you will be connected to it. Then validate it that it is valid and it makes sense that you feel that way / it is there to protect you. Then, using your imagination, you can shift or change the past memory, into something that should have happened instead and feel that. Because everything exists in the now, changing your past is also a process in the now. Good luck to you all! ✌🏻
It took me 30 years to realize many of my problems were because what I thought I was was incorrect. My parents put so many labels and personality traits and flaws on me, and I didn't know not to believe them. I was suicidally depressed, and a large majority of my problems were just lies I'd been fed since birth. Knowing those labels aren't true, and that you can change is honestly one of the most important things I've ever experienced. I hope more people can figure that out.
@@toreyjones5715 but I can tell my self that they ar lies but how do you really get your body and mind to let go and feel free that you aren’t actually the horrible person your parents tried to mold you as. It feels like I still think like I am not capable or worthy
@@jayden28430 Just persistence, mostly. I still feel that anxiety and worthlessness sometimes, but pushing past that and succeeding in spite of it is the best way you can give them a steaming middle finger. You can change your mindset. It takes work and time, but it's possible. You just have to get out of all the feedback loops. Something I realized that helped was that just because nobody else can hear what you're saying to yourself doesn't mean you're not still putting that negativity into the world. You're still creating pain and frustration, even if you're aiming at yourself. Every day, try to criticize yourself just a tiny bit less. You don't even have to succeed every day. But if you succeed 1 day out of 10, then you're making progress.
When you understand how something terrible can happy to such an extensive degree, you become confident that you are adequately prepared if it or anything similar enough ever does happen again. That confidence is what helps you move forward from trauma. I think there will always be that twinge of lingering discomfort but that is there to serve a purpose as an important reminder of what could happen if you aren't paying attention and it isn't close to the chronic discomfort you will continue to feel if you don't make the effort to understand how that terrible thing that has happened to you happened to you.
I'm not allowed to change my life ..... Toxic control in family .... It's powerful .... Feel like dying ... Because it will never change it will never stop. I wouldn't wish it on anyone ..... This man keeps me here ... But I'm hanging on.
Jordan Peterson is having a cry for help moment in here with his depression. Like how he usually does tho, i hope he's better now. Also I'm hoping Lewis you're not haunted by the past memories anymore God Bless you.
Thank you for this gift of wisdom. Jordan says 'your brain needs you to know that you're no longer a victim, vulnerable to what happened so that you can let it go'. And he speaks of getting a framework from which to refer the truth of this. If you are spiritual or philosophical, find a deitical or conceptual reference to your invincibility that you understand your unconditional access to this Grace on some level, and from it launch your campaign for your freedom
I like what you say here. Thanks for the reminder! (I watched the video, of course, but find it helpful to read the comments, it helps me internalise the insights as my mind/emotions are scattered sometimes.)
I have had a lifetime of abuse, and this is probably the most useful, informative, helpful clip I've ever seen. If only this could be sent to every mental health organisation, for the patients to use. From my heart, thankyou Jordan Peterson.
Sometimes I feel like Jordan Peterson is the only person I know who speaks fluent logic ❤️❤️❤️ So much rest ❤️❤️❤️ Memory is a map of the world. If it pains you it isn't history, it's still happening. You must decide what you believe about evil. (A/Non-A) You are now years old. You are new every breath and blink. (That part's mine-ish) Thank you so much. I don't have the full answer to how to heal from mine but I get closer every day. Jordan is a resting place that allows me to take deep, full breaths.
I have ptsd and i have just straight up started telling other people when they ask me about therapy "if you have trauma, dont go to a regular therapist, make sure that person has some kind of specialization in trauma. Go find a trauma therapist". Ive been to 4 therapists in my life (3 of the changes were from relocating to different states and one of them just sucked). The 2 that had a specialization in trauma therapy helped me tremendously. Of the other 2 that did not, one of them was a really nice lady but couldnt really help me the way my previous one had, and the other one just flat out sucked to the point i never wanted to go back to therapy again for a while. Im not telling anyone not to seek treatment. Treatment has helped me alot. But some of these people who are practicing and dont know enough about trauma, can make things worse. Seek help, but look for people who specialize in trauma if you have PTSD.
I'm in a weird situation with a man. I think I love him, but I don't know if this thing we have is actually healthy, or really just another trauma bond. I need prayers. Him and I both do, that whatever this is between us, will ultimately be for our own healing. And that we will co-create something that is loving and magical and beautiful and happy and wonderful and miraculous and healthy, together. Love and/or friendship to last lifetimes...
I pray you have a healthy relationship where you are both willing to work at it when the times are tough. I pray you are both happy individually and that you don’t depend on each other for your source of happiness. I also pray you don’t set yourself up for magic but for love. Best definition of love can be found in the Bible. 1 Corinthians, chapter 13.
Jp, is the truest form of the ultimate empathy. Pay attention to the pain that his body attached to and physically gells the pain when asked to address the topic whatever it may be in the interview... Jp is beyond anyone's ability to understand the depth and true complexity of just how miraculously made he is... I love you JP
This, exactly this mechanism of becoming aware and conscious of the possibility to adapt your agency in a way that prevents future trauma of the same type, is what people always mean when they say you have to take responsibility for what happened to you. You can only learn something out of a situation if you actually process it in a solution - oriented manner. It's the difference between acing a math test because you actually took the time to understand math vs. Acing it because you internalized all the formulas and cheat sheets relevant to this test.
Knowing about the psychological characteristics of my ex helped me to a degree to heal from the trauma but after ten years I still have nightmares about it at least once a week! It’s extremely painful.
Very grateful to be living in this time and place when all this information is really accessible to someone who looks for it. I hope that others are strong enough to seek healing it hurts but it's so very worth it to stop repeating patterns and to live freely. With love 🙏☺️💕✝️
Finally, now I understand that THIS is what I was trying to get from my therapists. I wanted to understand HOW to overcome the things that were holding me back. My therapists were just trying to help me overcome it, so our sessions became pretty much me talking and them listening. Of course, it was helpful to a degree to have someone listen who wasn’t involved in my life personally, and it was helpful to know I’d be accounting to someone regularly. But it really helps me to actually have a plan, an outline, an overview, and this video is an example of just that-it explains what’s going on in the brain/body and why, and what needs to occur to get to the desired result. I told my last therapist that I wanted to know what I could do to overcome my issue, but until watching this I myself didn’t understand that what I wanted was this kind of breakdown/overview as well as personal coaching to get through my issues.
I understand what he is saying, it's personal journey you have to do your self. The first step is talking about it and then the rest follows like he mentioned. One thing I took from my experience is realizing kids have to be empowered to speak and be listened to. My dad always wanted us to shut up and be seen , not heard. I had low self esteem because of that which made me easy prey. Now that I'm older I empowered my nephews and niece. I always listen what they say and the things I don't understand I work to understand.
Jordan is so spot on. My mom, stepmom of 20 years, and my gf of two and half years committed suicide. The last two were seven days apart. This set me down a path of understanding psychology and mental illness. It’s been a long journey but once I developed the understanding, it was much easier to cope.
@@LouisBarham sure we do. The information is out there. People weren’t meant to live the way we’re living today. We’re meant to be outside, working together with the common goal of survival. Isolate yourself and/or poison your mind and bad things will surely happen to your thoughts. Brains are complex but not so much so that we can’t understand that stress combined with a severe lack of emotional intelligence and/or resiliency is killing people left and right.
@@billyhawkins721almost every mother I know is on an anti depression or anti anxiety Medication. That tells us something is really wrong in this society in the United States. Most men are very disconnected from their families.
If one loves another person REALLY than one can have that conversation he talks about in the beginning. If someone doesn’t love you they don’t care about what you want or feel. If you both ask each other, ‘what do you want’, than an understanding can come about and some kind of compromise maybe made or a change in someone’s behavior. I Do believe that if the other person does not care enough about you to ask and listen and this is their reaction repeatedly than it is not healthy to be with that person.
Hi Lewis, I just watched this video as I recently reached out about a similar shared experience and am now in therapy. I was 5 also and and compartmentalized it for way too long. thanks for sharing I understand hoe hard it can be!!!
Truly can begin to come to an understanding of recent horrors I've endured. I know I'm strong enough to gather and forge ahead. But at the end of the day certain key elements still ring through my head. Knowing the source of strife is half the battle, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wise words. Been watching Jordan Peterson for over 4 years now!!
Strength and love to you. I had a older brother who abused me or tried up until i was an early teen, thats when i started acting violently toward him. When he died at 40 years old, i actually felt guilty for being mean to him. Can you imagine, he secually abused ne and i am the one who feels guilty. I will never find peace in this life. But you can
I was about 6. I have no memories of anything from about that age and before. I can't even remember what happened. I can remember everything after that age very clearly but nothing before.
Wow Lewis I’m so happy and proud that you have overcame your trauma. It’s very brave of you to speak out. I too overcame some of my childhood trauma(not completely) I am still healing.
Thanks, JP. It was very helpful to hear your comments about the importance of evolving ones philosophical understanding in order to process trauma. I very much appreciate all the effort you put into deeply understanding principles like this. This level of insight is liberating.
The key phrase JP uses for me in relation to trauma is ‘the theory of malevolence ’…it released so much understanding of not only my personal experience, but of my perception of humanity …I can put my trauma into context now…so grateful for his insights.🙏❤️
This is so accurate. I hated my mother for most my life until I started reading about dysfunctional families and came to realize she was just acting out what she was taught by her own parents and simply didn't know any better, it's how she was raised and how she went on to raise her kids. Doesn't make it ok and we're certainly not close, because she's still evil, but I don't hate her anymore because I understand her.
I congratulate you on your wisdom
I had similar story, except after understanding this I talked to my mom and I told her of all the things that hurt me, and she apologized and we have reconciled our relationship. I have my kids now so I understand her better from that and then feom the info I started to learn feom
Different psychologists
Beautiful you got to this place , shes like a wounded woman & she didnt know any better so forgive her & understand her stops the pain been carried on .
It took me till I was 53 to understand my "mother" she hurt me, betrayed me, lied to me, belittled me all my life, I tried to overdose at 14 and another attempt in my 30,s..i lost my brother to addiction when he was 47..i have battled addiction, my mom is an addict, she wuld never admit that, she is a narcissist and very selfish, she never stood up for me.. And thinks she is the perfect Christian.. While she lies everyday, it's always about her, I have had soo much counselling,, I hope I am in a place now where she cannot hurt me to the point of destroying me, I sometimes think I will only feel free when she passes and that sounds terrible.. She has left a trail of destruction in her path and feels completely justified.. Its soul destroying.. 😢
This i understand.
As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD as a child from childhood trauma I can confirm regular therapy does not work. It makes things worse. They always wanted me to talk about the negative experiences in my life without anyway to actually process and deal with it all. I went once a week to be reminded of how crappy my life was and how I was not loved. I always left there suicidal even if I was having a good day before the session. I've found more healing in prayer and reading my Bible. I've also grown and matured enough to pity those who hurt me, knowing their behavior was a vicious cycle and not personal. I was able to forgive and let go when I was able to forgive them and pity them for their own issues.
I relate to this. I try
So I shouldnt go to therapy anymore? My mom is telling me to
@@Ash-of1yl if it is helping you, you should go. Also just because one therapist doesn't work out, doesn't mean another won't. Find someone who makes you feel understood and safe and better once you've shared with them. If not, maybe find another.
That's awesome I am so happy for you I still cannot get over it but your 100% right therapy does not work well traditional therapy anyways
Yes. My own healing began with a rediscovered sense of faith through joining a 12 Step program. Feeling that I am loved JUST AS I AM has been profoundly healing.
A major part of my healing was learning about sociopaths and narcissists, that's what abused me as a child. I continued the cycle by dating and marrying one, taking on more trauma. There just wasn't enough info on personality disorder back then (I'm 49 now) so I didn't understand what I was dealing with. I've had tremendous healing since learning about them, cleansed them all from my life and very guarded who enters now. I needed to understand them to heal and feel safe in this world.
Any particular books or materials that helped educate you on these?
Same. I retraumatized myself by attracting unavailable partners since I didn't have a clear set of boundaries and things that weren't okay seemed normal or were made to seem normal. I'm in my mid-thirties and I have to tell myself to eat and brush my teeth and things I should've learned when I was neglected in childhood. It's embarrassing and makes me not want to form friendships with many people. I'm starting by reaching out to a few more genuine people. It's a slow but sure process. I really like The Crappy Childhood Fairy if that sounds like something that resonates with you.
@@seanrandleman60 I have a few resources but it'll take me a minute to write them all down for you and they all have different specialties. Some aren't professionals but have experience in the healing process.
@@seanrandleman60 I know you weren't asking me but I do have answers.
Ate aww W we qa wwwŵ and aww we wa aww
I healed my childhood trauma by understanding that it wasn’t what happened to me that was the source of my current problem but it was my perception of my own value based on what happened to me that was my only problem now. And my repeating of this trauma in my adult life led me To understand my own contribution to it and this accountability brought me out of victimization and in to wholeness
This is beautiful. Thank you
"it was my perception of my own value based on what happened"
PERFECTLY stated.....
Guilt & low self-esteem is a killer.
L.0
Thank you. Your words speak to my heart. Back then I did not understand my worth. I had low self-esteem and lacked confidence to stand strong which led to compromises and then guilt and shame.
this is nice ,,may i ask you what kind of books or authors that help you come up with this healing thought?
i would be grateful if you share your sources if you have
Thanks again
The depth of this man's insight into human nature is absolutely incredible. It's getting cliche, but he really is a blessing for those of us who need to hear his thoughts
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
⨣2348140799323
I love this man right now I'm listening to him and I'm writing things down taking notes never had a therapist or anyone to break down to me all the terror I went through. Thank you mr. Peterson by the way I'm 72 years old
Lewis to admit what happened to you on a public platform shows you have immense strength. Thanks for sharing!!!
I fell for his strength in admitting his vulnerability! ❤🙏🏻
By bringing forth "your secret" the shame goes away. That's a gift you give to yourself.
I did not expect to hear that but so appreciate it. It helps others to know they are not alone.
Yes what a dude ,very helpful to others .His a great man he really is x
I didn’t expect that either and I really appreciate the fact that you shared something like that so openly and to be so grounded at the same time. Everytime I try and say it I cry. I was also sexually abused at 5 years old by a stranger. And it’s so true; you know what is happening is bad but you don’t understand it at the same time. I have never met anyone who also experienced that at such a young age and it always made me feel less than as a human being and like used goods that is now contaminated. The fact that you also experienced that makes me feel less weird and less alone. Thank you 🙏
A major part of my healing was finding out what narcissists were and how they affect your life and affect who you believe you are and I'm 65 years old. So grateful for the internet and the information that can be learned.
But they are everywhere. And especially after the covid malarchy.
It's gone rotten to the core, I'm ashamed and mystified at the human experience. I truly believe that the reptilian brain is what humans are only capable of residing with inside and are so invested in it that they shall never become enlightened and rise above it
I'm 45 and just starting to learn this now. Wishing I had learned about this sooner.
@@dinahn6955I have to disagree because I grew up being told I was not adequate not good enough and for this inadequacy I was beaten on a daily basis for the belt along with my siblings this man had no life except to torture his step-children. It was very important to me as an adult to figure out why this man hated me so much and over a 8-year time frame never once said a loving comment or made eye contact just simply beat us and tortured us for 8 years until he was sent to prison. It was wonderful to find out that it wasn't me it was him that was f***** up. The internet is actually helping me heal not leading me to obsessive watching a videos for the purpose of living the pain. I was rejected by Society in general and I couldn't figure that out until I watched a TED video last night on how mentally and physically abused children when the abuse happens at a young age are actually rewired mentally. I've never been able to remember my past because I was always inthe future ; hyper-vigilant to be watching out for what was coming down and how I could avoid being beaten never happened but that's the state he wanted these children in that he was abusing ,and my mother was complacent, so please please give me your expertise. It's actually helping me heal now I know why I act the way I do and why people reject me. So what was your experience? I am a 67 year-old female and I just started working on the abuse that I suffered as a child and until you work on it it doesn't go away it's always there now I know why; the past is the past and I will continue to work on seeing myself as a valued person now.
Should have gone to the library......old folks
Read mofos
@dinahn6955 you're a jerk.
People have different experiences and therefore require different methods to become at peace with whatever they are battling with.
You wanna stay ignorant of knowledge around you be my guest but don't speak for the rest of the people out there who really want to dive deep.
I think an important element is missing from this conversation and it is the trauma that remains in your body. In your nervous system. It's important to understand that you are not 5 years old anymore and why evil things happen in the world, yet cognitive conceptualization (while necessary) is not enough to free yourself from trauma or rather not enough to stop trauma from totally controlling your life. That's where somatic work comes into play. It has to be incorporated into the healing process. I am someone who suffered a whole bouquet of traumas in the past that disabled me from living. Years of cognitive therapy just wasn't producing many results. It is working with the body that started shifting things. Look for therapists who do somatic work or they don’t have to be therapists per se, as long they are somatic practitioners. 💓
Peterson is riddled with anxiety -- he really doesn't know this. Also, the understanding that God or Universe has a plan for you that included challenges, and maybe even your body will perish but your spirit is Infinite. That's the understanding that can address the horribleness
I have been going to therapy too and still feel disabled from my trauma. How did you work with the body to help you ?
@@justgivemeanumber8215 he does look anxious yes
@@justgivemeanumber8215 No he knows it. It's a daily struggle for him and it is the reason for the topics he speaks about and the understanding he has. For him and his family these psychological issues are part of a multi-system immune disorder. He is religious in a sense. What he believes and tells himself helps, for sure, but it's clearly a drop in the bucket vs getting the physical disease under control.
@@Gt3ch I'm not familiar, does he support a dualistic mind/body split like you're mentioning?
From being adopted at 3 days old from a 50 year old lady and 63 year old man with six kids who abused me from one trauma to the next. At 12 finding my mom on Christmas day deceased started a new chapter of abuse , neglect and trauma to my father leaving back to the Philippines to leave me amongst the abusers. At 18 with 150$ a car with 4 gears outta 5 working I got away. It's been the toughest thing to get out of the past and not let my triggers control my actions to get councious of how our brains work.. I'm so grateful for this information
Bloody hell I hope your in a better place now. This type of content is invaluable
You did good. I hope you're very proud of yourself. Stay strong.
Sincerely hope you’ve found more peace and if you haven’t yet I.genuinely hope you do. That’s a tough luck of the draw. Good for you to take yourself out of the situation.
Be proud of your tremendous strength and perseverance, I wish you all the best.
That endurance and willingness to continue in admirable, hope you're on your way to a much better future
Jordan Peterson has the most brilliant mind in psychology history ❤❤
🙌
Those are facts
Absolutely
@@chivalrous_chevy1163 plural with what :D ROFL Jesus Christ what is this insanity be careful people
No. He is not. So silly.
I love this:
What your brain wants in relation to a traumatic memory is indication that you are no longer vulnerable to the same problem. That's what memory is for (in evolutionary terms).
You remember something bad and you process it so that you change your interpretation, your behaviour or the situation (or whatever you can) in such measure that it doesn't happen again in the future, and if you do that thoroughly or successfully, you'll generally let yourself rest.
The purpose of memory, in general, is to duplicate the good things that happen to you and for the bad things to be avoided.
It's not to make an objective record of the world, it's to make a functional map of the world that you can apply to the future.
Agreed. ! X Also..I helped myself by making myself go 'by' or to places.... locations where I had been either traumatised or was caused bad memories. I survived n thrived BY...creating NEW n GOOD memories in those places. I am pleased to have helped others - do the same. ;)
Remember and heal. It’s there as a reference and to help others. It’s part of your life story, so turn the page and add another chapter.
I listened to this part at least three times. I saw your comment and read it at least three times. I don't think I'm able to really grasp what he's saying because I don't know that I've ever seen anyone accomplish this.
When it comes to sexual trauma suffered by a child it would almost seem like so many allow themselves to be traumatized sexually by others well into adult hood. Many of them never put a stop to it. They often live a life of promiscuity and some go on to cause trauma to children themselves. They don't value the sanctity of their own body because of the abuse. They relive the memory over and over with sexual partners never able to come to the knowledge that this is further harming them.
Thank you for taking the time to write that part of the clip down.
@@BLFullethe one way I'll put it, is the trauma circumstance could be made into a math equation. If the expected result is Y, and the person who was traumatized's behavior is x...they are going to repeatedly replace X to try to get Y whether they know it or not. That's just one way you could look at it.
@@pfb74 Thank you
My god he looks so healthy I’m so happy for him!!!
Looks and sounds sharp! Genuinely so relieved. It would've been a tragedy to not see the old JBP again.
@@decryptthestory861 I think he had another akathesia attack due to a change in medication, according to his twitter. Hopefully he recovers again soon, he was looking much better.
I had the opposite impression. I was worried he was getting worse. He does look different though.
@@quickgirl80 This is an old video. He’s better now than how he was in May.
its amazing how Jordan has more Boyz fans than Girls, lol Real man love lol
The quick and easy way to heal: Think through those bad things that happened with brutal honesty about the details. Let the emotions flow even if its anger, sadness, shame. Be HONEST with yourself.
I had bottled up pain from middle school anxiety that flared up in my life 25 years later after seeing the death notice of one of the principles. I had to think through all the pain. I was not ok for a few months. I had to process all the things I didn't deal with. It was a really dark time for me and I thought I was going crazy. I feel healed from it now because I analyzed everything and could see vivid pictures in my mind of all the rejection and anxiety and self hatred I felt and had sympathy for the child part of me that couldn't cope with what was going on at the time. I cant normally solve my own issues but it seemed to work that time
🎯❗️
All energy goes somewhere. Let it go appropriately.
That’s my style too
Well done
💯 *10 Important Lessons:*
◾ *1) Stop Living for Other People.*
◾ *2) Stop skipping the gym.*
◾ *3) Stop trying to be cool -> be yourself.*
◾ *4) Stop chasing relationships -> find yourself.*
◾ *5) Focus on your personal growth.*
◾ *6) Stop keeping yourself in your comfort zone.*
◾ *7) Don't waste your precious time.*
◾ *8) Have a spiritual practice.*
◾ *9) Make mistakes and learn from them.*
◾ *10) Start investing in yourself.*
I STOP reading this!!!!!!!
I'm doing really well on number 9 ☺️
1. No problem there, as long as they don't harm me as a result of my saying 'no'.
2. Hmm... Gotcha!
3. Can't help it. It's built in to my framework.
4. Tried this my whole life. All I get is endless arguments with my introjects.
5. No issue there. Every damn day.
6. [Panic attack ensues]
7. Thanks for nothing, ADHD. You got me hooked on all manner of poisons.
8. Does grandiose fantasy count?
9. I'll need therapy for this one, or a hand to hold.
10. Find a cure to ADHD and I'll be way ahead of you.
❤
Word
Now that I learned that there are narcissists and people that get into a relationship with you just to hurt you I am free from feeling sad about my past relationships and it is wonderful 😊🎉 Learning about narcissists can seriously improve ones life
One thing I've learnt from all that has happened to me that people hurting you are suffering themselves.
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I'm so very happy for you, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
How do I reach out to him? Is he on Facebook
Thanks for sharing this great information, this would help my son.
Saw people talking about..checked him out, I must say he's good at what he does. My son is clean 1 year now. Good luck. just micro dose and you won't trip. Mushrooms helped my son get off opioid.
Professor Peterson is the father we all need!
100%
Yes. He is. And, I love him just like the father That I need. Age 60.
For me the healing from emotional trauma can happen when the person focus only on learning to love him/herself. It's never about the other person or what the other person did, but what it means about us. How we see and feel ourselves because of it. When there's emotional trauma the person always feels, I believe, shame, unworthy, wrong, guilty, not good enough, etc, and trying to forget or understand won't change this. When the person does the work to elevate how he/she views the self and the value and importance in the world, loving the self and feeling proud and worthy, what happened it's no longer relevant, because it means nothing about who he/she is.
Amen.
I love this.. thanks l!
Thank you, Carla. "How we see and feel ourselves because of it."
🙏🏻🍀
Wow! This is exactly what I needed. Thank you. What I take from this is that being pro-active and changing our lives literally is probably the best solution.
I had a grandmother that was more of a blessing than I realized until I started getting older, she always asked me to focus on clarity. One small word but putting it into action changes everything in life. I wish everyone would have had the blessings and love I found in my grandmother. Being clear means focus, understanding, communication, honesty and many more good things.
🧡
I’m trying to figure out why I like your post. I think it’s because it’s not complicated but feels effective. Thank you for posting this.
As you start healing, you stop blaming yourself, you forgive yourself and the shame will lift.
I had to accept I had a narcissistic mother and Every rotten experience that came with that...and that I attracted other narcissists as an adult. But with Awareness and ending those relationships, I've stopped the cycle.
Healing also means sticking up for yourself.
In the first 10 mins of this has given me more therapeutic healing than years of attempts of therapy from my past than years of suppressing my abuse with sex, alcohol, drugs or self harm. As a single mom of 5 boys (their father was and is severely abusive) I’m so thankful to god for jp and all his compassion and lectures. His work that he has blessed the world with for free has deeply helped more people than I think he could ever truly realize.
I have suffered many traumas and I have a dialogue with myself where I tell myself that I am safe. This is done as though I were speaking to another and I consider my behaviour so that my brain can be assured that I can mitigate harm through my choices and handle the harms that cannot be avoided. In this way I build trust with my mind and it is assured that whatever’s happens, we are safe!
Safe and very capable! I could not agree more.
Safe and happy, and it’s not happening now :-)
there is CRAZY INSANITY out there be careful people ha
When I started studying Narcissism I understood my ex mate was an abused child and used his ego as a safeguard.
I finally stopped giving him my heart because I didn't want to hurt anymore and I didn't want to trigger the badly hurt child inside of him anymore. I made sense of it all so yes we need to understand why these things happen so true.
Bethie82 I’ve watched hours upon hours of videos on narcissism, and this is the most mature statement I’ve heard or read yet.
So pleased to hear an emotionally mature response to this. There can be a lot nature in someone and a lot of nurture in someone. It’s not our call how someone - including us - is hurt when we were raised. It’s only our responsibility to recognize the pain and move beyond it. Blame shifting is one-sided and can come back to bite us in the butt in the end especially if we’ve played a part in hurting someone else along the way. If we would wish to receive compassion as someone who was hurt, we also need to be ready to dole out some compassion for others who have also been hurt.
@@ThingsILove2266 I appreciate you saying so. 💙
Listen to how your partner speaks of others .
What Peter says of Paul says as much or more about Peter.
That was very brave letting him go! Not for him, for you. God bless
Something happened to me 40 years ago that I have just begun to dismantle. It’s some of the most difficult work I have had to do in my life, but do it, I must if I want to be free.
good luck and be careful
Some of the major points he mentioned that really resonated with me:
1. It's good to recognize some experiences that an individual has suffered is universal. Not recognizing this isolates that individual.
2. Discover a theory of malevolence , understand that evil CAN exist, and try to figure out how it operates.
These are things I've learned on my own, and it's one of the things I wish I knew sooner. I wonder if I had heard this before the pertinent events had come to pass if I would heed what he has said?
Thank you
@Dante Jackson...for those raised in faith healing religions, the coverup for healthy emotions, is per.verted. Thanks.
Good question, it is difficult to recognize malevolence in someone we care about.
@@darrellborland119 "Faith healing religions" where they say you assume everything is well till it kills you.
Church got no mechanism to address trauma because thats where it largely occurs from molestation and sexual escapades.
I think it's better to understand that "evil" is a manmade concept and to not try to so much divorce "evil people" from normal people. All of us are capable of the same things that the most evil people can do, we just choose not to.
insane that some people have demonized this great man.
There are what I would call, "evil".
have you seen the media coverage of that CHECK AND YOU FIND WHAT is with the narrative HA
He’s demonising Palestinians
Vengeance saith the Lord , Jordan Peterson is a asset of a person.
Demonizing and idealizing are twins, two sides of the same coin.
So be careful not to put him on a pedestal. He is what you see in him.
And yes, I like to listen to him too.😊
Not finding anyone that could relate to my upbringing has been difficult,especially when even the therapists I’ve seen were hearing these issues I faced for the 1st time . Listening to Jordan Peterson is very helpful .
If you didn't talk about what happened to you you won't find anyone else to whom it happened in all likelihood. By talking about it you find out many other can relate. That is why AA works, or Overeaters Anonymous etc
I was involved in an abuse survivors support group, and I realized that most abusers are just damaged ppl, evil in some of their acts…. That was a very empowering revelation I shared in the group. It takes the monster/victim out of its powerful context. It made it less like a personal attack, though feeling abused is personal and I wholeheartedly validate that, realizing it from a different perspective is beneficial. I was in fact victimized by one who was a damaged person… in that revelation you realized you were victimized but you do not have to live as the eternal victim.
The victim is the person you were. It is not the person you are - and you are not defined by it.
Very well said.
Correct but there is more to it when they refuse to heal themselves and acknowledge there traumas and heal them they continue hurting themselves and there loved ones
"When something terrible happens to you, you dont understand it... running freezing in terror... how do you get out of the terror... You elaborate the world until ... you have a more sophisticated map of the world. And it's really hard to do that."
Paraphrasing the last minute here because it beautifully outlines the healing process through trauma.
Thank you #JordanBPeterson
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Is he on instagram?
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
I have seen this spam comment twice in about an hour. Be careful, people.
There's also a chance that someone can lose their mind from using psychedelics
Bro the same thing happened to me man .I am 52 and I just started dealing with it..But I never passed it to my kids, niece or nephew. But I always thought something was wrong with me..I am healing through therapeutic methods. Thank you for sharing..
Same here. Father was a narcissist. I'm just now dealing with it at age 52.
Bless your journey. You are not your trauma. You are beyond your body and beyond anyone's ill intentions and actions. You can let go of that experience and live freely.
I like how he really "think" before he speaks. RESPECT!
The cure for emotional trauma is forgiveness. You have to replay your life and remember everything that traumatized you. You have to forgive the person who did it and you have to forgive yourself for it happening. When you forgive the trauma, you are no longer focused on it. Focusing on the future is the most important. We cannot fix what happened to us in the past but we hold on to the experience and let it drive us into the future.
💯
@@Navi405replace it with Gods' truth
It's OK not to forgive who causes.just know the root cause is enough
To acknowledge the trauma
I dont think it's necessary to forgive your abusers, just to understand it wasn't your own fault
Jordan Peterson is a wise man. Thank you for sharing this.
When I was in high school, my Mom attempted suicide several times and I was always the one to find her and deal with it. Totally messed me up for a long time. PTSD, anxiety, depression, drug abuse/addiction, everything. I'm 43 now and a few years ago, I was finally starting to address some of these issues and the trauma that I had and was making a recovery. I also have a really good relationship with my Mom now. But last year it all unraveled as my ex-girlfriend attempted suicide as well and I was again the one to deal with it. Feeling like I'm back to square one with the healing process. It sucks, but at least I'm not drinking or smoking anything to self-medicate these days. Trying to plow through it in a much healthier way, but it's still difficult.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🧡
Stay strong dear! May God help you on your way and give you strength!
Sounds like the issue is Codependency. Hope you get the help you need.
I send you hugs ❤
Triggered.
Thankyou
My mum used to do the same, so much drama and I was expected to clean it all up too. My poor mum must have been going through some hellish thoughts. Very very difficult. But a woman holding a knife up to me yesterday (my mum used to strangle me).
I'm just done!
The realization that came to me the moment he spoke about the abuse and that I’m no longer that scared child … I’m still a victim but so was the person that abused me… it just relaxed me. I can’t believe I was so tense and in a cramp till my muscles relaxed… thank you both !
Ruminating over traumatic experiences enlarges them. We need to let the scars heal and stop picking the scab off. EMDR therapy retrains the brain and helps heal the scars.
I don't want to look up EMDR. It isn't words. It is a series of initials - it is short talk.
EMDR was very helpful for me as well. My therapist used vibrating things in the hands instead of lights tho. But it gets worse before it gets better. The ‘journey’ was very difficult. But very helpful.
I surrender. I looked it up: EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. If you look it up, it looks a lot like hypnotism. You think of the trauma watching a therapist's hands and other things and try to see the event in a different light.
@@paulascott5701 Why can't you just do that mentally yourself. Just recreate the memory, since all memories are adjusted every time you access them anyway.
@@toreyjones5715 Exactly.
That stuff about arguing with a spouse/S.O. is great, BUT it assumes you're dealing with a rational person, which often isn't the case.
Not only rational but good caracter and sincerd too.
Lewis Howes - 2 years since you posted this excellent excerpt which continues to fulfill its purpose. Thanks, thanks and more thanks - to you and Dr Peterson.
I have read so many awesome comments. He loses me sometimes. And also, MY trauma is from my narcissistic family. Not a man I dated. I agree that learning about narcissistic abuse etc. helped me.
May I suggest Jackson MacKenzie 2 books : psycopath free, and Whole Again
Have you tried those ? Could be helpful :) And Richard Grannon documents too
Another useful thing for me is to connect with your body. When trying to rationalise traumatic events to yourself It is highly possible for a negative physical sensation to continue reoccurring and that affects you conclusions. In many cases It's guided by the fight of flight instinct . What worked for me to a good extend is to feel the concrete sensations in your body, stiffness in the neck or head, emptiness in your stomach, weak knees, etc. and then try to relax your nervous system (yoga, running, check also how to reset vagus nerve). Once the body is relaxed and there is no anxiety and fear ,even for a moment, you can think in peace from a safe place. Don't get me wrong.. that's not easy at all, but for me it was a start.
I've been 28 years no contact with my histrionic malignant narcissist mother. There was such dehumanization that there was no way of finding a healthy relationship.
Healing from a parent like that is also a lifelong necessity.
🌈 💜 🌈
Dr. Petersen , thank you for remaining accessible on Utube. Your lectures make a lot of sense . Don’t allow fellow professionals to muzzle you because of their envious weaknesses
Thank you for being here!
God bless you both.Jordan Peterson is truly a great heartfelt intellectual human being.
As much as I loving listening to Jordan, I would have to say he doesn't really answer the question. The trauma inside us is not easy to removed just by improving cognitive awareness because it is in your soul, not your mental. When a child is hurting , he or she just cries and then get back to normal really fast. There is a lot of metaphysic meanings behind our tears and one of them is the emotion detox mechanism that helps through tough times. However, the more we grow up, the harder it is for us to cry , both man and woman. I believe crying is the best way to release all the residual traumatized emotion . Try to find a way to cry , cry out all the pain the suffering inside so that we can get back to normal simply like a child can .
I thought he gave pretty good answers to the question actually. #1 - realize you are not alone in this. It has happened to others. This is very important. While people experience things and feel them in a different level and manner, trauma is universal and there is solace in knowing you are not alone. #2 - you are no longer there. You are not the person who it happened to. You got away. Focus on the now so that your memory realizes that this is not happening. You are no longer a victim. He's not saying it's easy...he's saying that it's a long process. I've worked with students who have been through trauma and suffer from dissociation and one of the ways to get them out of this is to help them come to the now and the reality of what's going on around them as opposed to the thoughts that they are experiencing.
I loved reading both of these. Thank you Both 🙏💛💖
Thank you! The trauma I endured cannot be fix by “ changing my thinking” it so much more then that, it is in the deepest of my soul. So it will take a lot of soul searching and work to heal, and it could take a lifetime.
I agree. It goes a lot deeper than this.
Phoenix Rising, I agree with you about the healing that takes place through crying. However, for some people, it is difficult to dig deep into the root cause of the trauma and therefore, “cry it out”. I went through a process diving deep into my subconscious mind to be able to get to the core and then I was able to “purge” it through crying at the deepest most soulful way, which then liberated me from the trauma. I did this with a Shaman in Peru through ayahuasca. I did years of research on this indigenous healing modality and found that one session it’s the equivalent of 10 years of therapy. However, it is not for everyone.
It's not just memories. The trauma is locked in every cell of your body.
Pray you will be totally healed. Accept it happen but that is the. Past. Take back control and give you all the love. Release them and you'll be on the much better journey. But take it day to day
Yep, I was just about to write something similar. Unfortunately these days seemingly most therapy and certainly counselling is on the level of the mind and simply doesn't go deep enough. There's not a lot of healing going on due to the cultural changes that have taken place in the last 20 or so years. I hate to say it but I listen to a guy like this and even with all that supposed knowledge it's as if he is speaking into a bucket listening to the sound of his own voice. I'm afraid I have no answer to what's happening anymore.
The body remembers.
💯
EMDR is great
Jordan Peterson has been my saving grace in many ways!
May God bless him with longevity, filled with excellent health, and happiness, and to his fourth generation! 🙏🙌
This is so beautiful to watch. Jordan Peterson - such a blessing of a man - helps this guy. And he is genuinely moved by it. All the best for your future!
I just love you, Mr. Peterson. I’m so grateful for your insight 🙏
Loved seeing this! What a great introduction to abuse. It took me 24 years and a full body/mind flashback to finally break me from keeping my childhood SA a secret. Being a young Mother at the time of this horrific flashback, I was graced with the strength to pursue healing. I’ve yet to feel I’ve “healed.” “Healing” from this is part of my daily life.
🧡
EMDR therapy is an evidence based treatment for PTSD and trauma. It’s amazing.
Agree. My therapist used vibrating things in each hand instead of lights. I don’t know how the lights work, but she said it’s distracting and uncomfortable for some people. Either way, it took a long time getting thru the layers via EMDR. But what a difference in how I physically, mentally, and emotionally respond to what happened.
Second
Great news, Ivd finally reached out for emdr and yet donkeys years off psychotherapy. I’m still barely getting through days, on SSRI meds and dissociating in rages.
@@madamdardis So happy to hear how it’s helped you. There is truly nothing like it.
Glad to hear it had helped. Would you please share the info of the therapist?
I am looking for a good EMDR therapist whether offering therapy online or in my province. I live in Ontario, Canada. Would appreciate your input in this matter, how to find a good EMDR therapist. Thank you :)
I was finally able to let go when I asked God to take it away. I learned to rebuke the memory (satan) then started asking God to take it away. And he did. And yes it was helpful to realize there is evil in the world. Again a God thing.
I did similar but the Lord had to also walk me through forgiveness in all these instances, things I couldn't look back on without a relapse of all the pain I'd gone through I can now look back on just like a story of something that happened to me, without the pain.
liked "we are bad about reading our own mind" he has a knack with words, with conveying what we should have learned in school but, didn't. Im grateful to freely learn from Jordon, a great gem of a man now!
So beautifully trying to heal the world blessings all! I finally have learned over the past few years, what "narcissism" really is and understand it, so that i will protect myself from narcissists.
You've done a great job of dealing with your abuse Lewis. My mum was 4 years old and it sent her into schizophrenia and alcoholism which affected her parenting. It's so fantastic that you've turned it into something positive by transforming your life to what it is today!
C-PTSD is a real thing. Understanding how the effects ones experiences is important. The crappy childhood fairy has a great channel.
The thing with that flirting example. A person rarely says "Ok yes I was flirting. What do you need me to do?". They usually deny they were flirting, or say that they should be free to flirt - or that you're controlling and insecure for believing that they were flirting. That's what people usually deal with.
A wall of denial of their own issues, externalized
Denying they were flirting - gaslighting. Saying that you're controlling and insecure - gaslighting/deflection. Look up the techniques a narcissist uses to control their victims and become familiar with them for your own sake.
Maybe they do it unconsciously?? Not everyone is aware of how others perceive things, and kindness seems to get massively confused with flirting.
@@yeseniarobles4289 The world is so over the "I was just being friendly" excuse Yesenia. There's a notable difference between friendliness and flirting, it's not a thin line. I'm a woman and have done both and have had both done to me. They're not the same at all.
Right- and that's why that kind of communication doesn't work and ends up sowing resentments. He's saying couples need to be honest, direct and clear in a way that is foreign to most people- but is necessary for good communication and to work things out.
omg this is free therapy. I love JP and just subscribed to you Lewis. Way to go.
Jordan Peterson was exemplary in explaining what happens with your brain on trauma.
But I think healing isn't all about developing a comprehensive view of the world. Healing isn't always about cognition.
Experts like Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine propose body-based therapies to help process trauma. Things like somatic experiencing, EMDR, and theater help us to get out of the first stress response caused by trauma, the flight-freeze-fight-fawn reaction. And then our cognition enters in, helping us to make sense of the world.
Religion, culture, philosophy and even social psychology propose hypothesis about why evil happens, and how to live a reasonably happy life in this world. But these ideas often cannot penetrate the scared recesses of our traumatized brains. In order to make our brain fewl safe we need touch, food, a friendly face, movement, and so on.
Plus, thumbs up for the host. Being able to discuss personal trauma in auch a composed and curious manner is such an accomplishment. You're very brave!
Jordan's advice is great about relationships and arguments. I was married 10 years and we never fought or argued a single time and that actually ended up being the downfall of our marriage. We couldn't resolve the big conflicts when they came about.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
I’m so impressed with the way this doctor explains how to come out of a trauma. He explained something so important, complex in a direct simple way to understand. Not easy to achieve but certainly with information like this way more likely to do so. Thank you so much for this video.
Just came across this video and it really helped me to understand some childhood trauma and how to learn to let it go
Seeing a loved one take their own life.. 10 years almost. Freeze in terror and run like hell. It is tough to get from Start to finish. He is spot on.
If you were abused as a child like me and you feel shame towards your abuser (especially if it’s family), just realise that the person who did that to you was probably unconsciously looking to integrate the part that got rejected when he/she was younger. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Hope this helps. It helped me. ❤ Sending love.
Traumatized people need comforting and empathy. Intellectualizing puts spiritual growth on hold. Trauma injures our spirit. Imagine what Christ would do and do the same. This is what becoming one means.
Too many of us are traumatized, so the workload should be divided also among the traumatized.
Just bullshitt! You need to be courageous and straightforward. You need to have RULES and to respect them. Those can be in every area of your life: work, relationship, family etc
I know, nothing without rules, but nothing injured likes rules, that is what injury means. It takes away from functionality, but sure, alive creature can heal.
@@katula14 it's about the rules that protect you, that can help you overcome bad situations: never eat junk food, drink alcohol very rare, learn something everyday, exercise, stay always around creative and optimistic people etc. That's the rules that empower you. In the and all we should become aware that past can't be changed. At least we should learn something and take care in the future. Those who don't know history are damned to repeat it.
There are not always people around you to cuddle you. Sometimes one need to find way fixing itself. Throwing yourself at other people with a trauma doesn't fix you, but poisons your relationships.
I speak from experience.
All these motivational speakers saying “get your life together” gets old. Refreshing are the conversations that talk about trauma and how to heal it. Thank you!
As a child my parents did not have the skills to parent in a positive manner. I have come to terms with that and understand by parents did their best. I am ready to move on except I have emotional damage that I don't know how to fix. I need to be reprogrammed. I need a therapist that's good in that specific area.
ReParenting. Nicole LePera.
@C. LordHow did you interview a therapist to find the one that suited you and your needs? Any tips to someone who is seeking a therapist for the first time?
I recommend EMDR. Interview your therapist on their education and expertise. They need to be skilled in trauma therapy. Experience in body work is a huge bonus, as trauma gets lodged in the body. You need to feel safe and validated by your therapist. Listen to your body.
When I was an EMT, we were always given the option of receiving counseling after a traumatic call. The thing was, according to statistics provided by my training officer, that anyone who accepted the standard post-scene therapy did significantly worse than those who didn’t.
Are you talking about CISM? I've read that it is counter to the actual process of going through and comprehending trauma or secondary trauma.
Yep, that’s it!
I don't understand why that is? Please explain that phenomena.
I would agree. The reason why the results are worse, is because the "other crises" of calls creep in and are left out of the processing. We have micro-tears in our psyche from other calls and part of our psyche feels, why is this call any different the other "traumatic" calls I've ran. Everyone's definition of "tough call" can be different. We had a CISM after the May 19, 30, 31 2013 series of tornadoes in Oklahoma and I felt insulted in the moment that someone was trying to relate to me who wasn't even there. This "trauma bonding" occurs in the military all the time. This is why sometimes you're greatest counselor is your partner on the call.
"Sex goes wrong some way..." And once again, JP helps us *all* understand horrible things that happen to other ppl. For some ppl, sex goes horribly wrong in unimaginable ways.
Lewis. I watch a lot of podcasts. I'd like you to know that I really enjoy your honest and simplistic approach to interviewing. Your questions are succinct and precise. Your poise (as I remember your attempt to get an answer from Robert Kiyosaki) was exemplary in the virtue of patience and humility. A counterpart of yours, Tom Bilyeu, is a highly intelligent human. Yet, he tends to over intellectualize just about every word coming out of his mouth as if it must be scrutinized and examined to the point of exhaustion. Your interviews are virtually seamless, and that's what I enjoy about your channel. Keep up the good work! I honestly hope you get a chance to read this comment.
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my UA-cam channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,960 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
I'm rooting for you!
You know JP is an extremely articulated and intellectual being when all he seeks is knowledge and understanding and still sees himself as stupid.
Maybe, he just understands the limitations of the human brain, or what I like to call mental capacity.
Maybe, he didn't achieve intellectual stage as he would want to achieve. Maybe, he is humble in respect of all mighty persona (God?) that he even cannot think to compete with?
Whatever it is, JP has unusual intellectual capacity and its manifestation.
I wouldn't even try to compete with him :) However, I don't see him as a God :) He is human and has right to his opinion and its expression as all of us, despite of intellectual capacity.
One refers to themselves as stupid due to the level of intelligence and smarts. It implies there's so much more to learn then what has already been figured out and retained.
This continues the growth and development of a person. Without you do not grow and you remain in that one particular spot.
So I'm clear on the difference of intelligence and smarts. Intelligence is the ability to retain information. Smarts is ability to use conductive reasoning for problem solving.
@@jasonrobbins4227 that's kind of presumptuous, don't you think?
@@reggyreptinall9598 how is it presumptuous? Either you continue learning and have that drive or you don't. There's no real inbetween.
"There's something that needs to be healed in us.." is imagined. ❤
It doesn't make it less real. However, you can use your imagination, with a practitioner, to delve into it in whatever means necessary, feel and amplify the emotion in your body, as then you will be connected to it. Then validate it that it is valid and it makes sense that you feel that way / it is there to protect you.
Then, using your imagination, you can shift or change the past memory, into something that should have happened instead and feel that. Because everything exists in the now, changing your past is also a process in the now. Good luck to you all! ✌🏻
Yes, when parents tell kids that all the problems are the kid’s fault. Starting very young, over and over, for many years. It’s a lie!
It took me 30 years to realize many of my problems were because what I thought I was was incorrect. My parents put so many labels and personality traits and flaws on me, and I didn't know not to believe them. I was suicidally depressed, and a large majority of my problems were just lies I'd been fed since birth. Knowing those labels aren't true, and that you can change is honestly one of the most important things I've ever experienced. I hope more people can figure that out.
@@toreyjones5715 but I can tell my self that they ar lies but how do you really get your body and mind to let go and feel free that you aren’t actually the horrible person your parents tried to mold you as. It feels like I still think like I am not capable or worthy
@@jayden28430 Just persistence, mostly. I still feel that anxiety and worthlessness sometimes, but pushing past that and succeeding in spite of it is the best way you can give them a steaming middle finger. You can change your mindset. It takes work and time, but it's possible. You just have to get out of all the feedback loops. Something I realized that helped was that just because nobody else can hear what you're saying to yourself doesn't mean you're not still putting that negativity into the world. You're still creating pain and frustration, even if you're aiming at yourself. Every day, try to criticize yourself just a tiny bit less. You don't even have to succeed every day. But if you succeed 1 day out of 10, then you're making progress.
Sounds like a stunted person you had as a parent. My mother is a narcissist so I know.
When you understand how something terrible can happy to such an extensive degree, you become confident that you are adequately prepared if it or anything similar enough ever does happen again. That confidence is what helps you move forward from trauma. I think there will always be that twinge of lingering discomfort but that is there to serve a purpose as an important reminder of what could happen if you aren't paying attention and it isn't close to the chronic discomfort you will continue to feel if you don't make the effort to understand how that terrible thing that has happened to you happened to you.
The first thing he said was so brilliant. This shows what a good person this man is
I'm not allowed to change my life ..... Toxic control in family .... It's powerful .... Feel like dying ... Because it will never change it will never stop. I wouldn't wish it on anyone ..... This man keeps me here ... But I'm hanging on.
Jordan Peterson is having a cry for help moment in here with his depression. Like how he usually does tho, i hope he's better now.
Also I'm hoping Lewis you're not haunted by the past memories anymore God Bless you.
the hero needs help ... am praying for god for him .. he's the father we all needs i love him ... such a great man
Thank you for this gift of wisdom. Jordan says 'your brain needs you to know that you're no longer a victim, vulnerable to what happened so that you can let it go'. And he speaks of getting a framework from which to refer the truth of this. If you are spiritual or philosophical, find a deitical or conceptual reference to your invincibility that you understand your unconditional access to this Grace on some level, and from it launch your campaign for your freedom
I like what you say here. Thanks for the reminder! (I watched the video, of course, but find it helpful to read the comments, it helps me internalise the insights as my mind/emotions are scattered sometimes.)
I have had a lifetime of abuse, and this is probably the most useful, informative, helpful clip I've ever seen.
If only this could be sent to every mental health organisation, for the patients to use.
From my heart, thankyou Jordan Peterson.
Sometimes I feel like Jordan Peterson is the only person I know who speaks fluent logic
❤️❤️❤️ So much rest ❤️❤️❤️
Memory is a map of the world.
If it pains you it isn't history, it's still happening.
You must decide what you believe about evil. (A/Non-A)
You are now years old. You are new every breath and blink. (That part's mine-ish)
Thank you so much. I don't have the full answer to how to heal from mine but I get closer every day. Jordan is a resting place that allows me to take deep, full breaths.
I have ptsd and i have just straight up started telling other people when they ask me about therapy "if you have trauma, dont go to a regular therapist, make sure that person has some kind of specialization in trauma. Go find a trauma therapist". Ive been to 4 therapists in my life (3 of the changes were from relocating to different states and one of them just sucked). The 2 that had a specialization in trauma therapy helped me tremendously. Of the other 2 that did not, one of them was a really nice lady but couldnt really help me the way my previous one had, and the other one just flat out sucked to the point i never wanted to go back to therapy again for a while. Im not telling anyone not to seek treatment. Treatment has helped me alot. But some of these people who are practicing and dont know enough about trauma, can make things worse. Seek help, but look for people who specialize in trauma if you have PTSD.
Very similar experience here. I agree wholeheartedly. I also highly recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van Der Kolk
I'm in a weird situation with a man.
I think I love him,
but I don't know if this thing we have is actually healthy,
or really just another trauma bond.
I need prayers. Him and I both do,
that whatever this is between us, will ultimately be for our own healing.
And that we will co-create something that is loving and magical and beautiful and happy and wonderful and miraculous and healthy, together.
Love and/or friendship to last lifetimes...
Im in the exact situation. I feel you. I pray it will be good for all who are experiencing this .
@@hiiakaikapoliopele2056 amen
I pray you have a healthy relationship where you are both willing to work at it when the times are tough. I pray you are both happy individually and that you don’t depend on each other for your source of happiness. I also pray you don’t set yourself up for magic but for love. Best definition of love can be found in the Bible. 1 Corinthians, chapter 13.
That’s true about the developing a theory of malevolence. Remembering that “hurt people hurt people” really helps me cope with my pain.
Jp, is the truest form of the ultimate empathy. Pay attention to the pain that his body attached to and physically gells the pain when asked to address the topic whatever it may be in the interview... Jp is beyond anyone's ability to understand the depth and true complexity of just how miraculously made he is... I love you JP
Hearing Dr. Peterson acknowledge that it is difficult to do was reassuring. I don’t feel so hard on myself anymore
This, exactly this mechanism of becoming aware and conscious of the possibility to adapt your agency in a way that prevents future trauma of the same type, is what people always mean when they say you have to take responsibility for what happened to you.
You can only learn something out of a situation if you actually process it in a solution - oriented manner.
It's the difference between acing a math test because you actually took the time to understand math vs. Acing it because you internalized all the formulas and cheat sheets relevant to this test.
Knowing about the psychological characteristics of my ex helped me to a degree to heal from the trauma but after ten years I still have nightmares about it at least once a week! It’s extremely painful.
Very grateful to be living in this time and place when all this information is really accessible to someone who looks for it. I hope that others are strong enough to seek healing it hurts but it's so very worth it to stop repeating patterns and to live freely. With love 🙏☺️💕✝️
Thank you for being here 🧡
Finally, now I understand that THIS is what I was trying to get from my therapists. I wanted to understand HOW to overcome the things that were holding me back. My therapists were just trying to help me overcome it, so our sessions became pretty much me talking and them listening. Of course, it was helpful to a degree to have someone listen who wasn’t involved in my life personally, and it was helpful to know I’d be accounting to someone regularly. But it really helps me to actually have a plan, an outline, an overview, and this video is an example of just that-it explains what’s going on in the brain/body and why, and what needs to occur to get to the desired result. I told my last therapist that I wanted to know what I could do to overcome my issue, but until watching this I myself didn’t understand that what I wanted was this kind of breakdown/overview as well as personal coaching to get through my issues.
I understand what he is saying, it's personal journey you have to do your self. The first step is talking about it and then the rest follows like he mentioned. One thing I took from my experience is realizing kids have to be empowered to speak and be listened to. My dad always wanted us to shut up and be seen , not heard. I had low self esteem because of that which made me easy prey. Now that I'm older I empowered my nephews and niece. I always listen what they say and the things I don't understand I work to understand.
Jordan is so spot on. My mom, stepmom of 20 years, and my gf of two and half years committed suicide. The last two were seven days apart. This set me down a path of understanding psychology and mental illness. It’s been a long journey but once I developed the understanding, it was much easier to cope.
Sorry to hear this. I don’t know if we will ever know enough though.
@@LouisBarham sure we do. The information is out there. People weren’t meant to live the way we’re living today. We’re meant to be outside, working together with the common goal of survival. Isolate yourself and/or poison your mind and bad things will surely happen to your thoughts.
Brains are complex but not so much so that we can’t understand that stress combined with a severe lack of emotional intelligence and/or resiliency is killing people left and right.
@@billyhawkins721almost every mother I know is on an anti depression or anti anxiety Medication.
That tells us something is really wrong in this society in the United States. Most men are very disconnected from their families.
@@ZFern9390 the media and big pharma is what is wrong with our society.
If one loves another person REALLY than one can have that conversation he talks about in the beginning. If someone doesn’t love you they don’t care about what you want or feel. If you both ask each other, ‘what do you want’, than an understanding can come about and some kind of compromise maybe made or a change in someone’s behavior. I Do believe that if the other person does not care enough about you to ask and listen and this is their reaction repeatedly than it is not healthy to be with that person.
Hi Lewis, I just watched this video as I recently reached out about a similar shared experience and am now in therapy. I was 5 also and and compartmentalized it for way too long. thanks for sharing I understand hoe hard it can be!!!
I’m sorry you had to go through that, Lewis. I fully understand why you carried it for so long. I carried my ‘stuff’ for 30yrs.
Truly can begin to come to an understanding of recent horrors I've endured. I know I'm strong enough to gather and forge ahead. But at the end of the day certain key elements still ring through my head.
Knowing the source of strife is half the battle, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wise words. Been watching Jordan Peterson for over 4 years now!!
🙌
I was sexually abused when I was 10 years old and my uncle was 21, you are not alone :(
I wish i could give you a hug . This awful experience cannot define who you are
I'm sorry for the horror you went through.
Strength and love to you. I had a older brother who abused me or tried up until i was an early teen, thats when i started acting violently toward him. When he died at 40 years old, i actually felt guilty for being mean to him. Can you imagine, he secually abused ne and i am the one who feels guilty. I will never find peace in this life. But you can
So sorry for the pain and trauma you went through,....🌺💐🌸!!!
I was about 6. I have no memories of anything from about that age and before. I can't even remember what happened. I can remember everything after that age very clearly but nothing before.
Wow Lewis I’m so happy and proud that you have overcame your trauma. It’s very brave of you to speak out. I too overcame some of my childhood trauma(not completely) I am still healing.
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
±2348140799323⏭⏭💕💕
Thanks, JP. It was very helpful to hear your comments about the importance of evolving ones philosophical understanding in order to process trauma. I very much appreciate all the effort you put into deeply understanding principles like this. This level of insight is liberating.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Where have I been all my life without Dr. Jordan Peterson! Brilliant Man.
💯
The key phrase JP uses for me in relation to trauma is ‘the theory of malevolence ’…it released so much understanding of not only my personal experience, but of my perception of humanity …I can put my trauma into context now…so grateful for his insights.🙏❤️
Thanks for being here!