Your father growing up with all boys has nothing to do with how he treated you. Your parents were grown ups. You were a child. You deserved so much better. They shouldn’t have treated you the way they did. I’m so sorry 🙏🏼❤️🩹
The "sexually off" parents can be so insidious. My dad talked (and ew still does at 89) about the women he's "banged' in his life. He cheated on my mom and i had to lie to her about it when i was super little. He would tell me how he couldn't satisfy my mom. I really struggle with jealousy of younger, prettier woman. Very damaging, very potent. Im 51 and just starting to move past it. I used to tell the story glibly, too, and boy did it shock some people! I've healed so very much by listening to Anna! We can heal people!!!!❤❤❤
Sometimes you get so enmeshed with someone (a parent) and it takes so long for you to figure out something is off with the relationship. That's why us 40 somethings are just now finding healing. Thank you for your videos.
My God. I wish all he people who write into to this channel well. I just want to say that there is normal out there. I'm a father of two girls (now women). They are fabulous and well balanced. I couldn't even conceive of exposing my kids to what you describe. I had problems with my own family, nothing as bad as what you describe here. However, I have made it my mission that the shit stops with me and that my kids would be free from my problems. Whatever burdens you are carrying, I wish you well and hope that you can find peace.
Hearing this dredges up the frustration and oppressive feeling I got back as a teen hearing my mother's boyfriend quite openly listening to - movies - loudly and NGAF how it affected the other females in the household. Yes, he was a sexist, bigoted pig. I know it's a grey area but it does feel abusive when you're in bed and stuck in the household late at night. My mum prioritised what he wanted, what made him happy, and told us sisters 'you're out of here when you're 16'. Of course she had a child with sexist pig man and he was the golden child (I really love my brother, though, it didn't affect how we bonded)... And I don't have to deal with them any more (my mum just plays the 'I don't remember that' card).
Thank you for this. It reopens a couple cans of worms for me, that should've been all shaken out of the can years ago. Hmm... florid language? That feels pertinent too. I dislike seeing similarities in my late beloved husband's 47-year-old daughter's self-pity, she who cut me off immediately after his death, and my own tendency to lean into what happened to me as a child. I AM healing, I know: I have much healthier relationships with men, especially after my second, much better marriage. But my parents acted out their sexual frustrations and resentments in front of me sometimes, and it grossed me out. My late mate's daughter told me he and her mother were too sexually expressive in front of her. He told me he wasn't a good dad, and had remorse over it, so I expect she's not exaggerating. I know both sets of parents had their own CPTSD, and probably cynically figured they were just "showing their daughters how the world really is." I'm dating again, and figuring out - slowly - what my own boundaries are, at 71. But it's still so worthwhile, building my own peace inside.
My mother grew up believing that touching me inappropriately when I was an adult asking me if I had sex was ok because I was her child and its not bad. She had done it 2 or 3 times and I confronted her and she always made it seem that it wasnt very intentional. Until I had a flashback from my teen years that she said to me and my cousin while she was watching with my aunt that if we show our breasts they would give us money. Nice right? Very normal. When I confronted her almost one month ago because I was mentally crushed and wanted to vomit for days just by thinking about it first she denied it then she told me sorry then she made it about herself that I made her sad by confronting her then she tried to make it normal that her and my aunt did it for fun and then she gave me an example about an old lady at her family that she was doing the same for fun at one of my cousins and he didnt take it seriously. That cousin of mine was on drugs when he was younger and now thank god he is ok. As I understand its a learned practice that runs in dysfunctional families especially by women that had the same treatment from parents or husbands and became sexually disturbed and starved for real intimacy. My mother was always telling me when I was young that she felt that my father raped her. By the way my father is a covert narc and my mum a codependent with cptsd and obviously narc traits. Me? The golden always nice child that passed me their shit and have my own cptsd and always trying to break the generational trauma and my sister the scapegoat that still wants to believe that these two people cared for us. The thing is that I dont really talk to them after mu last flashback but I still love them. How can you love someone that did these things to you?
Ah and one last thing the cherry on the top when I said this to my therapist that my mum touches me sometimes inappropeiately she told me this is wrong but its something that some parents do and if this statement is something that I need to accept as normal. I was relieved somehow but then it came as a flashback and my body and my mind couldnt just accept it. Even therapists they try to normalize these behaviours here in Greece. If its not rape isnt abuse right? Its just an innocent touch so hush hush. So obviously she stopped being my therapist anymore and now I cant trust any therapist even if I need one badly.
Your father growing up with all boys has nothing to do with how he treated you. Your parents were grown ups. You were a child. You deserved so much better. They shouldn’t have treated you the way they did. I’m so sorry 🙏🏼❤️🩹
The "sexually off" parents can be so insidious. My dad talked (and ew still does at 89) about the women he's "banged' in his life. He cheated on my mom and i had to lie to her about it when i was super little. He would tell me how he couldn't satisfy my mom. I really struggle with jealousy of younger, prettier woman. Very damaging, very potent. Im 51 and just starting to move past it. I used to tell the story glibly, too, and boy did it shock some people! I've healed so very much by listening to Anna! We can heal people!!!!❤❤❤
Sometimes you get so enmeshed with someone (a parent) and it takes so long for you to figure out something is off with the relationship. That's why us 40 somethings are just now finding healing. Thank you for your videos.
My God. I wish all he people who write into to this channel well. I just want to say that there is normal out there. I'm a father of two girls (now women). They are fabulous and well balanced. I couldn't even conceive of exposing my kids to what you describe. I had problems with my own family, nothing as bad as what you describe here. However, I have made it my mission that the shit stops with me and that my kids would be free from my problems. Whatever burdens you are carrying, I wish you well and hope that you can find peace.
❤❤❤
Hearing this dredges up the frustration and oppressive feeling I got back as a teen hearing my mother's boyfriend quite openly listening to - movies - loudly and NGAF how it affected the other females in the household. Yes, he was a sexist, bigoted pig.
I know it's a grey area but it does feel abusive when you're in bed and stuck in the household late at night.
My mum prioritised what he wanted, what made him happy, and told us sisters 'you're out of here when you're 16'.
Of course she had a child with sexist pig man and he was the golden child (I really love my brother, though, it didn't affect how we bonded)...
And I don't have to deal with them any more (my mum just plays the 'I don't remember that' card).
Thank you for this. It reopens a couple cans of worms for me, that should've been all shaken out of the can years ago. Hmm... florid language? That feels pertinent too. I dislike seeing similarities in my late beloved husband's 47-year-old daughter's self-pity, she who cut me off immediately after his death, and my own tendency to lean into what happened to me as a child. I AM healing, I know: I have much healthier relationships with men, especially after my second, much better marriage. But my parents acted out their sexual frustrations and resentments in front of me sometimes, and it grossed me out. My late mate's daughter told me he and her mother were too sexually expressive in front of her. He told me he wasn't a good dad, and had remorse over it, so I expect she's not exaggerating. I know both sets of parents had their own CPTSD, and probably cynically figured they were just "showing their daughters how the world really is." I'm dating again, and figuring out - slowly - what my own boundaries are, at 71. But it's still so worthwhile, building my own peace inside.
Makes sense thanks for all do.
My mother grew up believing that touching me inappropriately when I was an adult asking me if I had sex was ok because I was her child and its not bad. She had done it 2 or 3 times and I confronted her and she always made it seem that it wasnt very intentional. Until I had a flashback from my teen years that she said to me and my cousin while she was watching with my aunt that if we show our breasts they would give us money. Nice right? Very normal. When I confronted her almost one month ago because I was mentally crushed and wanted to vomit for days just by thinking about it first she denied it then she told me sorry then she made it about herself that I made her sad by confronting her then she tried to make it normal that her and my aunt did it for fun and then she gave me an example about an old lady at her family that she was doing the same for fun at one of my cousins and he didnt take it seriously. That cousin of mine was on drugs when he was younger and now thank god he is ok. As I understand its a learned practice that runs in dysfunctional families especially by women that had the same treatment from parents or husbands and became sexually disturbed and starved for real intimacy. My mother was always telling me when I was young that she felt that my father raped her. By the way my father is a covert narc and my mum a codependent with cptsd and obviously narc traits. Me? The golden always nice child that passed me their shit and have my own cptsd and always trying to break the generational trauma and my sister the scapegoat that still wants to believe that these two people cared for us. The thing is that I dont really talk to them after mu last flashback but I still love them. How can you love someone that did these things to you?
Ah and one last thing the cherry on the top when I said this to my therapist that my mum touches me sometimes inappropeiately she told me this is wrong but its something that some parents do and if this statement is something that I need to accept as normal. I was relieved somehow but then it came as a flashback and my body and my mind couldnt just accept it. Even therapists they try to normalize these behaviours here in Greece. If its not rape isnt abuse right? Its just an innocent touch so hush hush. So obviously she stopped being my therapist anymore and now I cant trust any therapist even if I need one badly.