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My husband is so much like Rob. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when we were dating and he was so accepting and supportive. He made sure I took my medication everyday and kept close contact with my mental health team. I was later diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and he never judged me or said that it was too much to handle. I’ve been hospitalized twice and he was amazing. He came to visit me every single day and called regularly to check on me. I’m truly blessed.
Another schitzoaffective here to say... you rock. keep kicking ass. i know you can do it. :) Listen to your support structure and keep focused on the things that bring you joy. A guy like your husband is one in a million. I hope, (and know) that you wil be ok and that everyone who helps you even a little bit, are angels in disguise. its hard to ask for help, but you know what to do :) -your friendly neighborhood spiderman
My friend is studying to be a rehabilitation therapist, but I am not sure if he is really my boyfriend. It’s hard to tell if it is for sure in the beginning. He is probably really confident with his good looks. He is as good looking as Rov
@@laurieberry162 you sound like you are asking why this handsome person would want a flawed person like you. Think about all the things you offer in the relationship and the things he offers. Forget about looks. If it isn't a 60/ 40 relationship then make a decision. Both partners have to give 60% and be happy with 40%.
She may have brought her mental health to the table but he brought 2 children which are precious responsibility but still a responsibility. Lauren, you are incredible to take on that responsibility. Rob you are a great support. Long story short. EQUAL TEAMMATES. Wonderful partnership. PS Don't let the replies to my comment get you down. People are picky. I'm picky and think you're fabulous.
@@Chris-qn8zu yea, I get the intended point. I don't see it that way at all. Kids are a responsibility, but also a choice. Nobody chooses a mental illness. Kids also aren't a hellish burden to live with like it is to live with a mental illness.... So for that reason, I don't think it's right to compare kids to mental illness as though that creates equality in the relationship... It either demeans what it is to live with mental illness, or it degrades the children and casts them in a pretty negative light, or both. Either way, not good. I think this was perhaps a well intended, but not well thought through statement. I just think it's a bad comparison for many reasons.
@@Chris-qn8zu I don't think D is being an ass, but his/her response is exactly why I felt my comment was necessary. People bring all sorts of baggage to a relationship. I know i bring my own however it's frustrating when one is considered acceptable and another is not. Because of my mental illness I always expected myself to be the bottom of the barrel but I kept running into all these people with no mental illness history acting like what people thought I was supposed to act like.
My best friend growing up was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when he was 15. He was bigger then me, more popular at school, stronger then me and a better athlete. He had a wonderful sense of humour. We lost touch when I went to another state for college and he went to another state when his whole family moved there. It was hard to see him having issues with his mental health and how that affected him. I loved him in a platonic manner (neither of us was gay) but I loved him as a brother. He passed a way a few years ago, but I still love him, even though it was 30 years since we had actually seen one another. He was a huge factor in my growing up, from my toddler stage to early adulthood and his contribution to my personality and sense of humour was enormous. As expected, I tried to help him when he was psychotic and as you indicated, I really couldn't help him in regards to curing him. Trying to help him was a good experience for me and remaining his friend while others fled from him was to my credit and a character strengthening result.
As a Psychiatry student, it's great to see stable patients share their perspectives so to help us get a better understanding of these complex phenomena so to help better our patients in our day to day work. Keep up the good work!
Don't call us 'stable patients', but 'people's personal perspectives on schizophrenic experiences', please. 'Stable' is just so untrue, increasing the feeling of being misunderstood, and 'patient' is demotivating to me, almost dehumanising, making the distance larger, the wall stronger. I would hopefully be 'someone clearly communicating personal experience's perspectives'.
@@zbnmth I think Ignacio probably means it is helpful to understand from a person who can describe the feelings well as Lauren is able to. Many workers see people who are quite unwell and unable to do so. I dislike the term patients also xx
I feel like when the psychiatry student said stable people, I felt judged in an unfair and inappropriate way. I don’t feel like part care about me except for my family. That I do believe with the help of my therapist, I can become a recovered person with bipolar disorder. Pretty much, any disorder. So glad that there are now advertisements for schizophrenic treatments because I have a friend with schizophrenia who I wonder if she is recovered??????
Thank you both for the videos. It has helped me see a future for my daughter who was just diagnosed Schozphrenia at 20. I pray when I can no longer be with her in life that she has a loving and supportive partner.
It's a nice thought, but I hope my just 30 this week schizoaffective daughter can learn to be content, fulfilled, and safe with herself. Her experience in relationships has been very, very poor like the definition of insanity doing the same thing over & over, expecting a different result.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective at 19, and i’m 20 now. I’ve been in a very stable relationship for 5 years, that started just months before my first psychotic episode. I live with him when I’m not at college and our relationship has a lot of similarities to what I know of lauren and rob’s relationship through videos and talking with both of them. There are people out there, and i hope your daughter can have a partner someday who meets her where she’s at and loves her for who she is.
I’m 30. I was diagnosed when I was 20 as schizoaffective. I got married at 21 & My husband has experienced me in episodes and has been great support for me. It’s possible
I told my future husband about my diagnosis on about the third date too. He was understanding and said it couldn’t be very nice for me. As our relationship grew he said that all that mattered was that he loves me and he didn’t think about the illness. Just offering encouragement to others that you can find love with the right person and that true love overcomes many things 💚
My mother never pursued (that I know of) a diagnosis & certainly never shared her lived experience of schizophrenia with me or my dad. Since they married relatively young (& since my dad & I are likely autistic), we were just confused by mother's behavior & did interpret most of it as occurring in relationship to us, not as being heavily influenced by the prodromal cycles that she continuously navigated. When COVID came, though, she suffered a severe psychotic break & did not come back. Her physical & mental health deteriorated steadily throughout the pandemic, &, two days ago, she died. My dad cared for her the entire time in their home. Meanwhile, I visited when able, but I am also the single parent of two neuro-divergent children & have spent the pandemic in treatment for cancer & in recovery from being hit by a car. . . . Lauren & Rob, while you both are likely a few years younger than I am (I'm 38), you remind me of my parents. However, you each possess a deeper sense of self-awareness, coupled with confidence sharing your story & openness to seeking out quality therapy. I think this is partly a generational shift, but I also recognize that generational shifts happen because people like you are brave enough to share your experiences. Thank you for doing this work & best wishes as you continue to grow together. 🖤
This is such an amazing channel. I don't have schizoaffective disorder but I do struggle with trauma and depression and I find every video you make super helpful and informative :) Thank you Lauren and Rob!
exercising really helps, I was horribly depressed and didn't even want to move at all for a really long time but i just forced myself to exercise and it broke me out a month long period of being depressed, I was honestly really surprised on the extent of the impact.
What a model husband. What a saint of a man who can have such open communication. You two give women and men hope that people with mental illness can have not just a “normal” relationship, but a partner who knows and tolerates that things will be abnormal more often than they may desire.
I think Rob is a very lucky man to have you in his life, I can totally see how much he truly loves you because of who you are as a person, I want to send my blessings to both of you Lauren.
I have dealt with a schizoaffective disorder diagnosis for 17 years, , and am currently hospitalised for it. My husband of nearly ten years has been such a huge support in all reality, but I still struggle very much to trust that love and support that he offers. Seeing your videos over the past day (just found your channel) has helped me immensely, and I'm very grateful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️
The conclusion is that: it doesn't matter your diagnosis, relationships work when 2 ppl are willing to make it work. When there's love, everything is possible. Communication and respect are keys. It might be hard sometimes, but we all struggle somehow with diff things and that's how we grow together. Thank you 4 sharing your story wih us. XX 😘🌷 (your channel is getting better and better :)
That's true. I've been married for 7 years, we both have difficult diagnoses and absolutely opposite interests. But we work out just fine because we love each other and always try to make ourselves and each other better people.
It depends. Some relatiomships shouldnt be worked on and can't be repaired, especially with serial cheaters or episodes of domestic violence. The hidden truth of domestic violence is that it isn't always happening. After an abusive episode, the abuser will often beg and plead for forgiveness, promise to never do it again, claim they will work as hard and as long as it takes to save the relationship. They may buy flowers, shower the abused partner with love and attention, etc. That is why people stay. They may in fact both love each other, but love can't fix someone who can't control themselves and who lashes out physically when they are angry or upset. Many abusers have major mental illnesses like bipolar, schizophrenia, borderline, etc. It often goes hand in hand. So no, not every relationship can be successful no matter how hard you both work.
@@mygirldarby what I wrote in the beginning is that : "relationships work when 2 ppl are willing to make it work". Im not talking about abusive relationships or anything of the matter, thats not what the video wanted to show. They wanted to show ppl with mental health problems can have healthy relationships that depends on both. Having a child is "similar" to a lot of couples, when they are trying their best and happy to build a family. They chose to have a family and they are doing their best. Thats what its all about. Im sorry if you had bad experiences with love partners, but thats not what i meant to say, or what the video wanted to show. Take care.
My dad has been having hallucinations since he was 7 after having a very high fever. He grew up in a terribly abusive home. He is now into his 50s and just opening up to us about this. He has never told anyone because he “didn’t want to be thrown into a looney bin” he has been self medicating since he was 17. I won’t go much into his other symptoms but my mom and I are trying to find the best and most sensitive way to approach him about our concerns. It will be difficult as he has been abusive to us, we want to help him though because no one deserves to be seeing the terrible things he has and not be able to get help Your channel has been very helpful in understanding disorders like schizophrenia, etc. Another part is I, (16) have had minor hallucinations as well along with some other symptoms. It’s hard to be concerned and trying to focus on someone else while you are struggling yourself. Hopefully everything works out.
I think there might be a genetic component to schizophrenia. If you are noticing hallucinations, it's good you caught it so early . You might want to talk to someone about that as well as talk about your father's situation. The fever might be "correlation, not causation" as they say, and he might have just started noticing the symptoms at that time. Almost all schizophrenics have normal childhoods and then the symptoms appear in young adulthood. ((hugs)) I know you left this comment a year ago, I hope you are doing well.
@@montyollie Just want to respectfully add that in my own experience, and those of many people I have had relationships with and worked with as a peer support worker (who have had the diagnosis of schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder), we did not have 'normal' childhoods. There was a lot of trauma, and many of us grew up with an internal (and external) world that was filled with fear, and the absence of necessary and/or appropriate supports.
You guys are such a model couple. I realise the challenges that you guys experience off screen cannot be described fully onscreen, like there are lots of ugly that we don't see. But the way that you guys work together to do this thing is amazing. Please keep on fighting the good fight, its so inspiring. Sending Love ❤❤
This is so valuable! Thank you for this resource. I am saving this to share with couples I meet who struggle with their mental health. I wish I had influences like this in the past when struggling in relationship.
47:20 Rob says something spot on about the fact the ALL relationships have their challenges and this is theirs. They're ability to talk through this sensitive topic with grace, humility and respect is inspiring. ALL couples need to approach their challenges with this kind of deference to one another. Great channel!
You two are so perfect for each other and I love seeing the more human and vulnerable sides of both of you. You have grown together and have developed more understanding than most couples without challenges and you should be very proud of that.
My partner and I both have bipolar disorder type 1. We definitely have some unique challenges because of our mental illnesses, but so far haven't both been unwell at the same time - we've been together for four years, and I've been unwell roughly once every twelve months, and he's had two episodes pretty far apart. I think we're managing symptoms pretty well. But I definitely relate to questioning whether difficulties we have are related to illness or to actual conflict. I think we have just had to be really frank about how we're feeling and be very open with communication. I also tend to not have as much insight into when I'm getting unwell, so I've asked my partner to intervene and contact my psychiatrist for me when I'm getting sick. He tends to be really good at reaching out for help when he needs it.
My son married a woman with schizophrenia which gives me some insight into what you’re saying. They are very intelligent, in love for the long term and, somehow make it work.
As someone who is currently single and want to get married in the future, I absolutely related to and appreciated hearing what you both shared about struggling with feeling unworthy and how you don't have to be perfect to have a successful partnership.
I'll always remember the day my girlfriend told me about her mental illness. I've never known anyone braver. We've now been married for twenty years. Sometimes my wife reminds me that she just wants me to listen to her. I confess that I often try to "fix" her, when the reality is that I need to "hear" her.
Such a vulnerable video, thank you both so much! This is about schizophrenia but this applies in so many ways to many mental health issues and disorders. We’re all in this together ❤️. Thank you for sharing so much with us
Education is key! I’m a nurse in psychiatry in Edmonton and I used to be scared when I was around my patients because of stigma I had been surrounded by my whole life. Working where I work I’ve learned that education is key and people with mental illness are “normal”, kind people and nothing to be worried or scared about!
I remember I developed schizophrenia but went into denial and rejected the diagnosis and I still had prejudice against the mentally ill. I would almost discriminate against them. If someone would tell me they're bipolar etc I'd avoid that person until I got an education in psychology. Then my mind was freed of that
it's such a blessing that you were able to find a partner, I suffer from depression, ocd and anxiety and all of my relationships ended as soon as I disclosed myself :(
I am so sorry you went through this. Sending you so many hugs. Those dead ends are not a reflection of who you are and I'm extremely proud of you for showing up as your full self to these difficult conversations no matter the outcome.
@@nimu04 ,very true insight and Amen. Well stated and said,too. What you expressed also helps reduce the stigma about mental illness.TY😊🙏Faith and Hope and Love in our lives really makes life "hopeful within challenges".Daily life is precious,never forget to work on our emotions together.Compassion and trust in our relationship is key.💕 🔑
@@marymaher4036 I am so glad you resonated with my words. I'm living with bipolar 2 and have direct experience with facing rejection and misunderstanding once I revealed my symptoms/diagnosis. I'm lucky enough to be stable right now and use my platforms to educate and share just as Lauren does
Rob is so awesome!!! Lauren You are brave, beautiful, and helping so many people out there!!!!! Lauren you give voice to those with mental illness!!! What a great spokeswoman for us all!!!!!
You two are so adorable... Also, you listen to each other really well. I feel like that is so vital in any relationship. That ability you both exhibit of immediately shutting up to let the other speak is one we can all learn from.
I recently started living with my partner who has schizophrenia and hearing your thoughts and answers really gave me a lot of insight and helped things make more sense ... thank you for sharing your experience!!
Yeah what you two covered was absolute relationship gold!! My fiance was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years ago and on top of many other things I've always emphasized with her is that her mental illness does not define who she is. And like Lauren felt that her schizophrenia made her unlovable. But I've always supported her and given her A LOT of reassurance that I fell in love with her for who she is...and that it wasn't in spite of her schizophrenia. We've built our relationship on trust, compassion, understanding and of course real genuine love and I can't imagine being with anyone else....nor will I ever want to. I wish peace and love for both of you and can't thank you enough for creating this channel. 😌
After being with my girl for 20+ years she started having serious delusions and hallucinations. It's been a year since her first real episode and I'm not sure how much more I can handle for my own mental wellness.
Ooo, ooo! Advice for the hubby here. She needs to hear “I LIKE YOU. I like you as a person. I like who you are. I enjoy your company.” Then she needs a LIST of things you like about her. A long list. Start thinking them up. She’ll need reassurance many times and a long list of things you like about her that you’ll have to repeat many times before she’ll believe you - but it will work. Remember, tell her you love her AND like her.
I think you talking about saving vs supporting is soooo important for all relationships. We can’t pull each other out of an episode (no matter the mental illness) but you can support each other. My anxiety and depression are my own and only I can pull myself out of it but having support is helps me in realizing I have others who do support me, which gives me a reason to pull myself up
I don't think you guys understand how helpful and important this video is. I suffer from ptsd and bpd and i have really intense episodes. It is hard to deal with alone, but at times it can be even harder when you are in a relationship. Navigating the other person and having to ask for help is really hard right now, and it's a new experience. You are opening up important conversations and I have learned so so so much through this video. Sending it to my girlfriend so we can have more conversations about how to move forward together in the future. I love this channel and I love you guys!!
I can't tell you how comforting it is to have your voices on in the background. I only watch parts. I don't have schizophrenia but two of my relatives do. I suffer from off and on extreme anxiety and depression. This time of year is a typical extremely tough time for me.
I just want to say that so much of this channel is about supporting Lauren and listening to how Rob supports her but this very much feels like a video where the love and support should go to Rob. Not in lieu of Lauren. Both need support. But I very much felt his struggle with depression in this and just want to send him encouragement. It's time for him to have the supportive partner and have time to heal.
I really appreciated the fact that you both were able to address the issue of how shame and guilt about mental illness can impact your feelings of lovability as well as your ability to communicate with a partner. I admire your courage in openly discussing this, and find it helpful in coping with my own struggles! Thanks a lot!
I have had Psychosis 7 or 8 times and was diagnosed Schizoaffective and Schizophrenic (it's usually one or the other) just over 20 years ago now... I have never had a partner since then.... It's either how I look or how I come across to others I can not work it out... one of life's mysteries... Good to see some can have great relationships...
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I deal with mental illness and have worried about many of the topics you discussed. I found it reassuring when Rob said that everyone has something to offer to a partner. The way we view relationships and interactions in the world are from the frame of productivity, as if relationships and love are an exchange of goods. But love is so much more than that. If we, as a society, valued people for who they are and not what they can produce, there would be a lot less pressure on everyone, mentally ill and not, to perform in order to feel worthy of love and belonging. Thank you both for your vulnerability.
Super cute. You are so awesome with chipping away at the stigma, fear and ignorance there is around mental health conditions. You're so comforting, reassuring and life affirming for me.
Thank you so much for these videos. Mental illness gallops in my family Lol!!! My brother is schizophrenic and is a wonderful husband and father to two wonderful kiddos. My son is also schizophrenic and is a wonderful, loving person. They have both gone through horrible times when first diagnosed. Now on the right medication life is going good. These videos gives a lot of people hope that things get better. There’s a lot of happiness still out there. Once you’re more stable life gets easier.❤️
Hi Lauren and Rob, I know it’s a sensitive topic, but could you address how the medication effects intimacy? I experience lowered desire for my partner as a consequence of it and it has really undermined our relationship. But you guys seem solid. How do you manage?
I'm obviously not Lauren, and I don't have schizophrenia, but I did take an anti-depressant (paxil) for almost a year, and omg, intimacy was impossible. In fact, that's why I stopped taking it. I couldn't tell if it was really helping anyway.
Maybe look into switching medications, an issue with intimacy can be detrimental to relationships. If thay doesn't work then you may want to screen your hormones or try different diets along side exercise.
Can't speak for lo, but from a males perspective... i could never get it up on Welbutrine, invega and abilify. The cocktail of the 3 made/make me hallow thoughtless numb emotionless shell of my former self. So no desire for even gorgeous gals knowing they could never love somebody like me back the way I think or feel I deserve to be loved..or they way I desire to love someone else. Some meds make people more suicidal. Hard Truth from a real type2 schizo yall..
Oh how I needed to hear the conversation around question #17. My struggles are actually more physical but I could relate to everything Lauren was saying. I’ve actually closed myself off to opportunities to find a love connection because of my belief that nobody would be able to accept me as I am or the kind of partner I would be. Hearing that Lauren has felt that way and yet sits here with someone who loves her as she is and the kind of partner she is, has inspired and encouraged me to open my heart back up to the same possibility for me! It has also helped me realize that the “movie keeping their lives together” kind of relationships are actually probably the least common and not a realistic or healthy standard to look to! Thank you both for your courage and vulnerability with what you do on this channel! It has blessed my life and those of my loved ones. 💗💗💗
Who or what kind of person puts thumbs down for a video like this??? 🤦🏻♂️ It was awesome! It's obviously difficult to lay your personal relationship out there for all to see. But it is so helpful for the rest of us - feeling like our struggles are unique and overwhelming - to see others going thru many of the same challenges. Keep it up!!!
I experience nothing close to what you do, but as someone with Tourette's Syndrome, it always makes me happy when people can speak openly about neurological disorders. You're brave and amazing!
You two seem to have a decent, healthy relationship. That is amazing (anyone, not just people who have mental health illnesses), thank you for allowing us the privilege of witnessing that.
Thank you for this video and all your videos and honesty. I am a psychology student and currently work as a counsellor. Having real like, lived experience being shared helps me to understand how hard life can be. And makes me think more about how I can assist people struggling. You’re both so generous to share you lives.
If it helps you to know, I have a friend with BPD, and she and her husband are in one of the most stable, loving relationships I know! He has been Having BPD does not mean that a loving, stable, supportive relationship is not possible! It most certainly is!
ive desalt with BPD symptoms on medications and mild psychotic symptoms and the BPD symptoms were hands down the worst. all I wanted to do was cry and unalive myself for days and weeks at a time. I know you guys also dealt with psychosis sometimes as well. I don't understand how people think BPD is better
My daughter turned 30 this week and has suffered with schizoaffective since she was 17 for her 20s are a lost decade of her life and she is still in a mental healthcare center and has just been appointed guardian. Relationships for her are like her encounters with the police. She is afraid they will hurt her, then they do. There are guys out there whose main and maybe only talent is having a radar for picking out someone they can victimize and with her mental illness, my daughter is a ready-made victim. I don't think she has any trust left for a relationship and has found life to be safer and simpler just living on her own and being content, satisfied, and safe with her own company. She prefers solitude and her own company, ironically much as I do.
Thank you for making this video Lauren. You're the reason me and my boyfriend are still together. We've been together 4 months and about a month and a half ago he had an episode of severe psychosis (turns out he's had schizophrenia for about 2 yrs but hid it from everyone). I had to move out of my apartment with my young son until I could get him to the psychiatrist. Your videos with your partner are the reason I came back and gave it another go! We are doing great now. You gave me, and us, hope...and that matters. Your work matters. Your videos also helped me understand what was going on. Thank you so much 💓
My mom dated a schizophrenic. I would strongly advise against dating this man, especially since he doesn't seem to be taking his meds. He also lied to you about his condition. This is a huge red flag. My mom's boyfriend lied about it too. It would be your choice to be with him if it was just you, but you have a child. You say you had to leave your apartment because of him? Was he threatening you? Let me tell you, my mom's boyfriend had several psychotic episodes while they were dating. He choked her, thought he saw her with other men (he was hallucinating), and many other awful things. After he choked her, she broke up with him. He threatened her and my life. He stalked her and followed me to school. The police wouldn't help us. We eventually had to go into hiding and moved far away. We lost everything because of him. Please don't date this guy. He isn't well, he lies about his condition and you've already had to move with your son and disrupt his life once because of your boyfriend's psychosis. It will happen again and again. And why did you have to find your bf a psychiatrist? He shouldve already had one. Please don't date this man. You will deeply regret it and it could be very dangerous for your son. Your son is too important to invite this kind of serious mental illness into his life. Don't do it. I don't care what anyone else says about my advice. I am being very candid with you because this is a serious situation. Please don't date him.
While that is your decision to make, I think it's a very very big red flag that after only four months, all of this has happened and you had to leave your apartment. I strongly hope you're not dating him anymore and have found peace.
I think you are both a lot stronger than you realize, you are doing really good job of managing something that must feel very difficult for both of you, stay strong.
This is a really important video. I didn't know I could ever have a partner and reveal this. I can't even find a friend or partner who'd be willing to 'deal' with me/it and I also appear clever and attractive like yourself. This gives me hope and I am not formally diagnosed, but I had a period of time in my life.
This is a brutally honest conversation you are having with each other. I don't think I could bare my soul like you two. Did you find this therapeutic ? Also, is Schizophrenia progressive. The world needs this video.
You both are the coolest couple I have ever watch on the you tube, and you both give good advice, hope to see more of your videos on the you tube, and definitely give you a two thumbs 👍❤ and definitely love watching your channel on the you tube
On the issue of Rob struggling with a mental health issue... That wasn't "luck," it was love. My son suffers from some pretty bad mental health issues and the very minute he hears me upset or distraught, his focus is 100% on helping me and he stops thinking about his own issues. Just some food for thought!
I am so utterly grateful to you for sharing those conversations and your experience. Your videos have been an incredible tool for my partner (who is struggling with schizophrenia) and me.
Just the sound of that word gives me terrifying nightmares of what my mind has been through....I'm at the beginning of recovery and acceptance. I hate to admit that voices totally lead me astray and I'm humiliated at the entire situation. Good to see you are normal on the surface and hope one day I can regain care of my four children who I lost to the ministry in BC..during the early stages of psychosis. I'm still scared and have to fight everyday to find myself again. I lost my entire life and soon my home as well but luckily me and my kids will be moving closer to family...even though I still have mild paranoia about my parents...it's complex because I was abused by my father which adds to the confusion. P.s I am on medication now which I opposed to previously..and it does help 90 percent..so whoever is reading this..take the damn pills...it will help lol
I know I have said this before but every single video you guys put out just keeps reminding me how amazing it is that you can reach this level of reflection and self awareness. The amount of respect I have for you just keeps getting higher and higher and when I think it can’t go any higher I watch another video and it manages to keep growing…..
I think this type of channel is truly what the world wide web was meant to be and do..... have this amazing first hand knowledge be a resource for millions! Seeing this sort of hope and success is so important. Serious mental illness has been stigmatized for so so long!!!!
TY Both for providing a valuable resource to those who are in a similar situation as you both. Your videos have been extremely helpful, my GF suffers from Schitzo Effective Disorder and your advice has helped me to understand and be more helpful to her as I care very deeply for her as she’s a great person. TY for your continued help . 👍🏻
After watching a lot of your videos I’m finally learning what schizoaffective disorder is .. and how to deal with it. The love of my life recently Got diagnosed with it.. im truly Blessed I found this channel
I'm 37, have chronic mental health issues and never been in a long-term relationship. People reject me all the time. Lauren is really blessed to have Rob. I wish I could have such person in my life. Rob is a great person. 👍
I really love this. I don't have schizoaffective disorder, but I do have Severe Anxiety, Moderate Depression, Severe ADHD, struggle with OCD tendencies, and I'm on the Autism Spectrum and am married to someone also on the spectrum, but moreso suffers from physical/genetic illness than mental health/developmental difficulties. Sometimes just hearing from the partner of a person who is struggling with mental health difficulties can be really comforting. Sometimes I can't get out of my own head thinking I'm still weighing him down and if he'd be better off without me. Sometimes you care so deeply about whether or not you're hurting someone you love you end up pushing them away or ignoring their own talk about how they are doing with it. If you ever feel like you can't trust what they tell you or feel an inclination to obfuscate your own feelings, you probably had people in your life who raised or treated you in an incredibly passive aggressive way and you can overcome that fear or lack in self confidence. I had like a ton of relationships before I felt like I had a something I could be totally open in. ANYWAYS. Videos like this just remind everyone that YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK HONESTLY ABOUT ANYTHING WITH YOUR PARTNER. It's hard. It can hurt to put yourself out there. But don't continue a relationship with someone that is unwilling to listen to you. BUT you also have to be willing to listen. If there isn't a 2 way communicative street than its going to hurt one or both of you when it eventually bombs in the end. BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE AND RELY ON EACH OTHER IS #1 IN A RELATIONSHIP EVERY TIME
Hello, first of all, I have found this channel looking for more info about schizophrenia, trying to understand it better, and this is the most wonderful channel I've found. Lauren and Rob you're amazing and so brave... My (ex) bf has a schizophrenic disorder, and he broke with me in May. I always tried to support him since he told me about his mental illness (he told me that in December, after 3 years of relationship). He doesn't go to therapy and he doesn't want to take any medications, and, after his dog passed away and I was not there with him in December (I am from Spain and he's from England and I was getting ready to move to the UK, but those things take time, even more after the Brexit) he started to blame on me that I was one of the reasons he got into a very bad psychotic episode. He wanted to broke with me in February as well, but I always wanted to understand and support him with all of my heart, and he understood that and he wanted me with him. We were talking about marriage, sharing our lives together... Finally he left me after he was being again really depressed and showing some symptoms, and he broke my heart so deeply... I love him with all of my heart, and I promised him I was going to look after him no matter what. He's currently on a psychotic episode (or the same he had in December but he has managed to keep going, working etc), but he's being so confusing: he told me he still likes me, and he's so proud of me and maybe we could be together again, but at the same time he says he needs space and time, when I send him messages asking him how is he feeling or that he can ask for my help anytime and I will go. He also told me he's currently on an anhedonia episode, and it's like since he broke with me he has lost his empathy, when he was the most lovely and understanding person in the entire world. I still want to support him because he lives alone, and his family doesn't want to know about him, and also he has no friends. Nobody except me and his family knows he has schizophrenia... And I am so scared he can hurt himself or lost his job... I don't know what can I do to help him because he's isolating himself, I think I would need to convince him to leave me visit him and support him there in the UK, but I don't know how to do that... Without meds or support he's going to be more and more lost, and I only want him happy and having the best life 💔 PS: Sorry about my English, and thanks for this channel and this amazing community!
I love the way Lauren’s blinking and eyes intensified when Rob talked about her being “salty” 😂 This kind of authentic showing of their personality and relationship is great to see!
Thank you so much for making this episode. I just found your channel, and though I don’t have your diagnosis, I do have my own chronic mental health issues. Schizophrenia has always scared me in a sense where it’s the one that seems to just completely pull you out of reality. It’s the one that’s always publicized with people who are unmedicated or in an episode of psychosis. I love seeing this picture that it’s not all that different in regards to struggles with relationships as any other mental illness (like in general). Thank you. This is beautiful. The world needs more Robs and Laurens!
I don't know you and you don't know me, but for some reason I feel so proud of both of you. There's so much warmth and healthy balance between you. That was achieved by will. You expressed your free will to be balanced and it happened. I can't tell if you'd allow me to be proud of you, but I am 😋 In case you allow me to and you can accept it, please, do. You're authentic. You have a beautiful journey together 😉
This conversation is SO important, and you two are doing a great job of setting an example that gives people a place to start. This video could easily be titled "Relationships and Mental Health." So much, if not all, of what you covered applies to Depression, Anxiety, Suicidality, etc. By the way, the ones i've mentioned are ones I deeply struggle with, so I can speak to those 3 directly. I think a very important way to approach things is to replace negatives or weakness with challenges. "One of my chellenges is time management." "i had a very challenging (insead of negative) experience the other day." Another point that is worth making is there is only so much you can learn from a therapist who knows first hand what you experience, let alone one who doesn't. In office therapy (and yes, i'm including intensive out patient and in patient in this) can only help to a point. Having a support system that can help in your life is absolutely invaluable, and requires skills from everyone that are not common in our society. Not taking things personally for one. Not assuming ones intentions for another. Understanding that its ok to not be ok is HUGE. Regarding it being ok to not be ok, it lets us take a break. I would also like to share how impactful it was working with a friend who also dealt with intense anxiety as well. Doing tree work is one of the more dangerous jobs in the US. A momentary lapse in attention at the wrong time could injure or kill someone. My coworker and I knew about each others difficulties and never pressured each other to do more than we were safely capable of in that moment. We both had a lot of experience so had the ability to function even when having a hard time with our mental health. Because we knew what the other was going through, we often knew how to help each other, when to encourage, and when to give space. We never required anything of each other. Worked with what we had at the moment at hand and got the job done safely and efficiently. As I said, we were both experienced and watching out for each other. We were a team. Mental health is not a solo "sport", its a team "sport" (for lack of a better term). When one of us was struggling, the other took the lead. At that point in time, working with him saved my life. I had something to do that I could support myself with. I had a very good friend I spent time with. Etc. I find the team concept very useful when discussing mental health because a team is working together to achieve a goal, whatever that goal is. When it comes to mental health, that goal is the best life possible for all involved. We all have different strengths and different challenges, and when we work together we can help each other so everyone does better.
I will not bore you with my life story. And you probably won’t see this given the time I am writing, but I really appreciate this video - relatable and also quite helpful - thank you for sharing your insights
This kind of acceptance is beautiful. I dated this guy who didn't like it when I was sad/expressed any kind of negative emotion and it was so stifling, it made me feel on edge all the time...I am always afraid of being myself in the presence of potential romantic partners, I feel like I hide so much of myself just to be perceived as nice and agreeable, and the stress of hiding it translates into me not even wanting to give dating a chance bc. it will trigger my anxiety even more. One day, I hope I will find this kind of companionship and acceptance.
Thank you guys so much for sharing your relationship with all of us, I cant tell you how helpful I found this and on how many levels. You two are incredibly strong. Happy new year wishing you and yours all the best!
I very much appreciate the opportunity to learn and discover other people's experiences, experiences that I always knew existed but was never educated or informed about. But also, I have a notebook where I write down the phrases or advice that I hear or read from other people, and I take several from this video. As a way to remember it in the future...or make it real, instead of being just something I read or heard. So, my challenges go more hand in hand with the violence I suffered and my feeling of needing "not to depend on anyone, because I can only safely count on myself", which makes connecting with someone sometimes difficult. In this video I found a lot of good advice that I would have liked to know before, and that...I took with me to the future, to better deal with situations where...I did not know how to explain myself, what I needed...or the times when I did not know how to support my partner who needed help too. Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart.
I've known a lot of people with schizophrenia l, and I personally have BPD, and ADHD, anxiety and some paranoia, and it's great to learn about your experiences.
May "The Force" bring both of you closer together every minute. ❤️ "Go take a shower," "take a walk..." When I am depressed, I also say "Uggh." I don't want to hear any of it. I think it is, for me, that people aren't slow and deliberate about communication like Lauren and Rob are learning.
Thank you both so much... My son is Schizophrenic, my father was Schizophrenic... This channel helps me realize that all challenges in life can be negotiated with consciousness/awareness of the issue; and positive support system. You and Rob are tremendous examples of supporting/really HEARING/humor mattering more than PERFECTION--which should never be the goal ❤
JOIN OUR ONLINE PEER SUPPORT COMMUNITY
Schizophrenia Peer Support Community: www.schizophreniapeersupport.com
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My husband is so much like Rob. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when we were dating and he was so accepting and supportive. He made sure I took my medication everyday and kept close contact with my mental health team. I was later diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and he never judged me or said that it was too much to handle. I’ve been hospitalized twice and he was amazing. He came to visit me every single day and called regularly to check on me. I’m truly blessed.
Another schitzoaffective here to say... you rock. keep kicking ass. i know you can do it. :) Listen to your support structure and keep focused on the things that bring you joy. A guy like your husband is one in a million. I hope, (and know) that you wil be ok and that everyone who helps you even a little bit, are angels in disguise. its hard to ask for help, but you know what to do :)
-your friendly neighborhood spiderman
My friend is studying to be a rehabilitation therapist, but I am not sure if he is really my boyfriend. It’s hard to tell if it is for sure in the beginning. He is probably really confident with his good looks. He is as good looking as Rov
I hope my daughter is blessed to find that type of relationship!
@@laurieberry162If he hasn't acknowledged that you two are dating or are an exclusive couple, he may just be being friendly.
@@laurieberry162 you sound like you are asking why this handsome person would want a flawed person like you. Think about all the things you offer in the relationship and the things he offers. Forget about looks. If it isn't a 60/ 40 relationship then make a decision. Both partners have to give 60% and be happy with 40%.
My mother had schizophrenia. My father was always blowing his top. You are blessed to have a man who is calm and even-keeled.
She may have brought her mental health to the table but he brought 2 children which are precious responsibility but still a responsibility. Lauren, you are incredible to take on that responsibility. Rob you are a great support. Long story short. EQUAL TEAMMATES. Wonderful partnership. PS Don't let the replies to my comment get you down. People are picky. I'm picky and think you're fabulous.
well put
... I don't think children are comparable to schizophrenia... and vs/vs ... two totally different and non-comparable factors.
@@hamburgerbrain the point is they both had their own individual issues and responsibilities that their partner had to take on. Stop being an arse
@@Chris-qn8zu yea, I get the intended point. I don't see it that way at all. Kids are a responsibility, but also a choice. Nobody chooses a mental illness. Kids also aren't a hellish burden to live with like it is to live with a mental illness.... So for that reason, I don't think it's right to compare kids to mental illness as though that creates equality in the relationship... It either demeans what it is to live with mental illness, or it degrades the children and casts them in a pretty negative light, or both. Either way, not good. I think this was perhaps a well intended, but not well thought through statement. I just think it's a bad comparison for many reasons.
@@Chris-qn8zu I don't think D is being an ass, but his/her response is exactly why I felt my comment was necessary. People bring all sorts of baggage to a relationship. I know i bring my own however it's frustrating when one is considered acceptable and another is not. Because of my mental illness I always expected myself to be the bottom of the barrel but I kept running into all these people with no mental illness history acting like what people thought I was supposed to act like.
My best friend growing up was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when he was 15. He was bigger then me, more popular at school, stronger then me and a better athlete. He had a wonderful sense of humour. We lost touch when I went to another state for college and he went to another state when his whole family moved there. It was hard to see him having issues with his mental health and how that affected him. I loved him in a platonic manner (neither of us was gay) but I loved him as a brother. He passed a way a few years ago, but I still love him, even though it was 30 years since we had actually seen one another. He was a huge factor in my growing up, from my toddler stage to early adulthood and his contribution to my personality and sense of humour was enormous. As expected, I tried to help him when he was psychotic and as you indicated, I really couldn't help him in regards to curing him. Trying to help him was a good experience for me and remaining his friend while others fled from him was to my credit and a character strengthening result.
As a Psychiatry student, it's great to see stable patients share their perspectives so to help us get a better understanding of these complex phenomena so to help better our patients in our day to day work. Keep up the good work!
Don't call us 'stable patients', but 'people's personal perspectives on schizophrenic experiences', please. 'Stable' is just so untrue, increasing the feeling of being misunderstood, and 'patient' is demotivating to me, almost dehumanising, making the distance larger, the wall stronger. I would hopefully be 'someone clearly communicating personal experience's perspectives'.
It can happen to anyone, even to medical students. Us vs them is not what you want to start your career with.
@@zbnmth I think Ignacio probably means it is helpful to understand from a person who can describe the feelings well as Lauren is able to. Many workers see people who are quite unwell and unable to do so. I dislike the term patients also xx
@@joyllywoodb5402 Yea that rubbed me the wrong way too
I feel like when the psychiatry student said stable people, I felt judged in an unfair and inappropriate way. I don’t feel like part care about me except for my family. That I do believe with the help of my therapist, I can become a recovered person with bipolar disorder. Pretty much, any disorder. So glad that there are now advertisements for schizophrenic treatments because I have a friend with schizophrenia who I wonder if she is recovered??????
Thank you both for the videos. It has helped me see a future for my daughter who was just diagnosed Schozphrenia at 20. I pray when I can no longer be with her in life that she has a loving and supportive partner.
It's a nice thought, but I hope my just 30 this week schizoaffective daughter can learn to be content, fulfilled, and safe with herself. Her experience in relationships has been very, very poor like the definition of insanity doing the same thing over & over, expecting a different result.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective at 19, and i’m 20 now. I’ve been in a very stable relationship for 5 years, that started just months before my first psychotic episode. I live with him when I’m not at college and our relationship has a lot of similarities to what I know of lauren and rob’s relationship through videos and talking with both of them. There are people out there, and i hope your daughter can have a partner someday who meets her where she’s at and loves her for who she is.
@@EmilyChipMusic thank you 🙏🏼 i will show this to my friend
I’m 30. I was diagnosed when I was 20 as schizoaffective. I got married at 21 & My husband has experienced me in episodes and has been great support for me. It’s possible
I told my future husband about my diagnosis on about the third date too. He was understanding and said it couldn’t be very nice for me. As our relationship grew he said that all that mattered was that he loves me and he didn’t think about the illness. Just offering encouragement to others that you can find love with the right person and that true love overcomes many things 💚
My mother never pursued (that I know of) a diagnosis & certainly never shared her lived experience of schizophrenia with me or my dad. Since they married relatively young (& since my dad & I are likely autistic), we were just confused by mother's behavior & did interpret most of it as occurring in relationship to us, not as being heavily influenced by the prodromal cycles that she continuously navigated. When COVID came, though, she suffered a severe psychotic break & did not come back. Her physical & mental health deteriorated steadily throughout the pandemic, &, two days ago, she died. My dad cared for her the entire time in their home. Meanwhile, I visited when able, but I am also the single parent of two neuro-divergent children & have spent the pandemic in treatment for cancer & in recovery from being hit by a car. . . . Lauren & Rob, while you both are likely a few years younger than I am (I'm 38), you remind me of my parents. However, you each possess a deeper sense of self-awareness, coupled with confidence sharing your story & openness to seeking out quality therapy. I think this is partly a generational shift, but I also recognize that generational shifts happen because people like you are brave enough to share your experiences. Thank you for doing this work & best wishes as you continue to grow together. 🖤
Third date with you, or one of your alters?
@@Blubeaubo Ouch... That's a shitty thing to say. How did it affect the relationship in the long run?
This is such an amazing channel. I don't have schizoaffective disorder but I do struggle with trauma and depression and I find every video you make super helpful and informative :) Thank you Lauren and Rob!
A blessing to anyone who watches. What a wonderful gift to all people…
Agreed!
I was going to comment the same exact thing! 💛💛💛 Thank you Lauren and Rob
exercising really helps, I was horribly depressed and didn't even want to move at all for a really long time but i just forced myself to exercise and it broke me out a month long period of being depressed, I was honestly really surprised on the extent of the impact.
Ditto. Triple ditto....
What a model husband. What a saint of a man who can have such open communication. You two give women and men hope that people with mental illness can have not just a “normal” relationship, but a partner who knows and tolerates that things will be abnormal more often than they may desire.
I think Rob is a very lucky man to have you in his life, I can totally see how much he truly loves you because of who you are as a person, I want to send my blessings to both of you Lauren.
I have dealt with a schizoaffective disorder diagnosis for 17 years, , and am currently hospitalised for it. My husband of nearly ten years has been such a huge support in all reality, but I still struggle very much to trust that love and support that he offers.
Seeing your videos over the past day (just found your channel) has helped me immensely, and I'm very grateful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️
The conclusion is that: it doesn't matter your diagnosis, relationships work when 2 ppl are willing to make it work. When there's love, everything is possible. Communication and respect are keys. It might be hard sometimes, but we all struggle somehow with diff things and that's how we grow together. Thank you 4 sharing your story wih us. XX 😘🌷 (your channel is getting better and better :)
That's true. I've been married for 7 years, we both have difficult diagnoses and absolutely opposite interests. But we work out just fine because we love each other and always try to make ourselves and each other better people.
It depends. Some relatiomships shouldnt be worked on and can't be repaired, especially with serial cheaters or episodes of domestic violence. The hidden truth of domestic violence is that it isn't always happening. After an abusive episode, the abuser will often beg and plead for forgiveness, promise to never do it again, claim they will work as hard and as long as it takes to save the relationship. They may buy flowers, shower the abused partner with love and attention, etc. That is why people stay. They may in fact both love each other, but love can't fix someone who can't control themselves and who lashes out physically when they are angry or upset. Many abusers have major mental illnesses like bipolar, schizophrenia, borderline, etc. It often goes hand in hand. So no, not every relationship can be successful no matter how hard you both work.
@@mygirldarby Obviously if abuse is involved, you should always make sure that you're not putting yourself in danger by staying in that relationship.
@@mygirldarby what I wrote in the beginning is that : "relationships work when 2 ppl are willing to make it work". Im not talking about abusive relationships or anything of the matter, thats not what the video wanted to show. They wanted to show ppl with mental health problems can have healthy relationships that depends on both. Having a child is "similar" to a lot of couples, when they are trying their best and happy to build a family. They chose to have a family and they are doing their best. Thats what its all about. Im sorry if you had bad experiences with love partners, but thats not what i meant to say, or what the video wanted to show. Take care.
Married zero years. Totally Ace. Don’t deny it. Or you’re not an ally
My dad has been having hallucinations since he was 7 after having a very high fever. He grew up in a terribly abusive home. He is now into his 50s and just opening up to us about this. He has never told anyone because he “didn’t want to be thrown into a looney bin” he has been self medicating since he was 17. I won’t go much into his other symptoms but my mom and I are trying to find the best and most sensitive way to approach him about our concerns. It will be difficult as he has been abusive to us, we want to help him though because no one deserves to be seeing the terrible things he has and not be able to get help Your channel has been very helpful in understanding disorders like schizophrenia, etc.
Another part is I, (16) have had minor hallucinations as well along with some other symptoms. It’s hard to be concerned and trying to focus on someone else while you are struggling yourself. Hopefully everything works out.
❤ ❤
I think there might be a genetic component to schizophrenia. If you are noticing hallucinations, it's good you caught it so early . You might want to talk to someone about that as well as talk about your father's situation. The fever might be "correlation, not causation" as they say, and he might have just started noticing the symptoms at that time. Almost all schizophrenics have normal childhoods and then the symptoms appear in young adulthood. ((hugs)) I know you left this comment a year ago, I hope you are doing well.
@@montyollie Just want to respectfully add that in my own experience, and those of many people I have had relationships with and worked with as a peer support worker (who have had the diagnosis of schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder), we did not have 'normal' childhoods. There was a lot of trauma, and many of us grew up with an internal (and external) world that was filled with fear, and the absence of necessary and/or appropriate supports.
@@jensterooniam Thank you so much for sharing your experience. There is so so so much I don't know.
You guys are such a model couple. I realise the challenges that you guys experience off screen cannot be described fully onscreen, like there are lots of ugly that we don't see. But the way that you guys work together to do this thing is amazing. Please keep on fighting the good fight, its so inspiring. Sending Love ❤❤
This is so valuable! Thank you for this resource. I am saving this to share with couples I meet who struggle with their mental health. I wish I had influences like this in the past when struggling in relationship.
47:20 Rob says something spot on about the fact the ALL relationships have their challenges and this is theirs. They're ability to talk through this sensitive topic with grace, humility and respect is inspiring. ALL couples need to approach their challenges with this kind of deference to one another. Great channel!
You two are so perfect for each other and I love seeing the more human and vulnerable sides of both of you. You have grown together and have developed more understanding than most couples without challenges and you should be very proud of that.
This was very helpful. You are both very brave. My partner has severe depression, PTSD and suicidal ideation. I needed this.
My partner and I both have bipolar disorder type 1. We definitely have some unique challenges because of our mental illnesses, but so far haven't both been unwell at the same time - we've been together for four years, and I've been unwell roughly once every twelve months, and he's had two episodes pretty far apart. I think we're managing symptoms pretty well. But I definitely relate to questioning whether difficulties we have are related to illness or to actual conflict. I think we have just had to be really frank about how we're feeling and be very open with communication. I also tend to not have as much insight into when I'm getting unwell, so I've asked my partner to intervene and contact my psychiatrist for me when I'm getting sick. He tends to be really good at reaching out for help when he needs it.
My son married a woman with schizophrenia which gives me some insight into what you’re saying. They are very intelligent, in love for the long term and, somehow make it work.
As someone who is currently single and want to get married in the future, I absolutely related to and appreciated hearing what you both shared about struggling with feeling unworthy and how you don't have to be perfect to have a successful partnership.
I'll always remember the day my girlfriend told me about her mental illness. I've never known anyone braver. We've now been married for twenty years. Sometimes my wife reminds me that she just wants me to listen to her. I confess that I often try to "fix" her, when the reality is that I need to "hear" her.
Awesome!!! Awareness
Such a vulnerable video, thank you both so much! This is about schizophrenia but this applies in so many ways to many mental health issues and disorders. We’re all in this together ❤️. Thank you for sharing so much with us
Education is key! I’m a nurse in psychiatry in Edmonton and I used to be scared when I was around my patients because of stigma I had been surrounded by my whole life. Working where I work I’ve learned that education is key and people with mental illness are “normal”, kind people and nothing to be worried or scared about!
Totally agree 👍
I remember I developed schizophrenia but went into denial and rejected the diagnosis and I still had prejudice against the mentally ill. I would almost discriminate against them. If someone would tell me they're bipolar etc I'd avoid that person until I got an education in psychology. Then my mind was freed of that
it's such a blessing that you were able to find a partner, I suffer from depression, ocd and anxiety and all of my relationships ended as soon as I disclosed myself :(
I am so sorry you went through this. Sending you so many hugs. Those dead ends are not a reflection of who you are and I'm extremely proud of you for showing up as your full self to these difficult conversations no matter the outcome.
You deserve someone who'll accept you and love you exactly the way you are, with your strengths and weaknesses.
Screw those ppl. They don’t deserve you and it’s probably better for you overall they’re gone
@@nimu04 ,very true insight and Amen. Well stated and said,too. What you expressed also helps reduce the stigma about mental illness.TY😊🙏Faith and Hope and Love in our lives really makes life "hopeful within challenges".Daily life is precious,never forget to work on our emotions together.Compassion and trust in our relationship is key.💕 🔑
@@marymaher4036 I am so glad you resonated with my words. I'm living with bipolar 2 and have direct experience with facing rejection and misunderstanding once I revealed my symptoms/diagnosis. I'm lucky enough to be stable right now and use my platforms to educate and share just as Lauren does
Rob is so awesome!!! Lauren You are brave, beautiful, and helping so many people out there!!!!! Lauren you give voice to those with mental illness!!! What a great spokeswoman for us all!!!!!
You two are so adorable...
Also, you listen to each other really well. I feel like that is so vital in any relationship. That ability you both exhibit of immediately shutting up to let the other speak is one we can all learn from.
I recently started living with my partner who has schizophrenia and hearing your thoughts and answers really gave me a lot of insight and helped things make more sense ... thank you for sharing your experience!!
Yeah what you two covered was absolute relationship gold!! My fiance was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years ago and on top of many other things I've always emphasized with her is that her mental illness does not define who she is. And like Lauren felt that her schizophrenia made her unlovable. But I've always supported her and given her A LOT of reassurance that I fell in love with her for who she is...and that it wasn't in spite of her schizophrenia. We've built our relationship on trust, compassion, understanding and of course real genuine love and I can't imagine being with anyone else....nor will I ever want to. I wish peace and love for both of you and can't thank you enough for creating this channel. 😌
I LOVE seeing your dynamic and adding the more casual bits is really amazing in the channel!!
After being with my girl for 20+ years she started having serious delusions and hallucinations. It's been a year since her first real episode and I'm not sure how much more I can handle for my own mental wellness.
Ooo, ooo! Advice for the hubby here. She needs to hear “I LIKE YOU. I like you as a person. I like who you are. I enjoy your company.” Then she needs a LIST of things you like about her. A long list. Start thinking them up. She’ll need reassurance many times and a long list of things you like about her that you’ll have to repeat many times before she’ll believe you - but it will work. Remember, tell her you love her AND like her.
I think you talking about saving vs supporting is soooo important for all relationships. We can’t pull each other out of an episode (no matter the mental illness) but you can support each other. My anxiety and depression are my own and only I can pull myself out of it but having support is helps me in realizing I have others who do support me, which gives me a reason to pull myself up
I don't think you guys understand how helpful and important this video is. I suffer from ptsd and bpd and i have really intense episodes. It is hard to deal with alone, but at times it can be even harder when you are in a relationship. Navigating the other person and having to ask for help is really hard right now, and it's a new experience. You are opening up important conversations and I have learned so so so much through this video. Sending it to my girlfriend so we can have more conversations about how to move forward together in the future. I love this channel and I love you guys!!
I can't tell you how comforting it is to have your voices on in the background. I only watch parts. I don't have schizophrenia but two of my relatives do. I suffer from off and on extreme anxiety and depression. This time of year is a typical extremely tough time for me.
I just want to say that so much of this channel is about supporting Lauren and listening to how Rob supports her but this very much feels like a video where the love and support should go to Rob. Not in lieu of Lauren. Both need support. But I very much felt his struggle with depression in this and just want to send him encouragement. It's time for him to have the supportive partner and have time to heal.
You guys appear to work very well together. I hope the kindness you show to each other will spread to the rest of society. 🌻🌻🌻
I really appreciated the fact that you both were able to address the issue of how shame and guilt about mental illness can impact your feelings of lovability as well as your ability to communicate with a partner. I admire your courage in openly discussing this, and find it helpful in coping with my own struggles! Thanks a lot!
I have had Psychosis 7 or 8 times and was diagnosed Schizoaffective and Schizophrenic (it's usually one or the other) just over 20 years ago now... I have never had a partner since then.... It's either how I look or how I come across to others I can not work it out... one of life's mysteries... Good to see some can have great relationships...
WIshing you the strength and that bit of luck to make it work. It's in the stars, honestly, but here is holding thumbs
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I deal with mental illness and have worried about many of the topics you discussed. I found it reassuring when Rob said that everyone has something to offer to a partner. The way we view relationships and interactions in the world are from the frame of productivity, as if relationships and love are an exchange of goods. But love is so much more than that. If we, as a society, valued people for who they are and not what they can produce, there would be a lot less pressure on everyone, mentally ill and not, to perform in order to feel worthy of love and belonging. Thank you both for your vulnerability.
Super cute. You are so awesome with chipping away at the stigma, fear and ignorance there is around mental health conditions. You're so comforting, reassuring and life affirming for me.
Thank you so much for these videos. Mental illness gallops in my family Lol!!! My brother is schizophrenic and is a wonderful husband and father to two wonderful kiddos. My son is also schizophrenic and is a wonderful, loving person. They have both gone through horrible times when first diagnosed. Now on the right medication life is going good. These videos gives a lot of people hope that things get better. There’s a lot of happiness still out there. Once you’re more stable life gets easier.❤️
What a beautiful role model for healthy, AUTHENTIC, relationships. Thank you for your bravery sharing this 🙏🤗
Hi Lauren and Rob, I know it’s a sensitive topic, but could you address how the medication effects intimacy? I experience lowered desire for my partner as a consequence of it and it has really undermined our relationship. But you guys seem solid. How do you manage?
I have the same concerns. I think communication and compassion is important.
Same.
I'm obviously not Lauren, and I don't have schizophrenia, but I did take an anti-depressant (paxil) for almost a year, and omg, intimacy was impossible. In fact, that's why I stopped taking it. I couldn't tell if it was really helping anyway.
Maybe look into switching medications, an issue with intimacy can be detrimental to relationships. If thay doesn't work then you may want to screen your hormones or try different diets along side exercise.
Can't speak for lo, but from a males perspective... i could never get it up on Welbutrine, invega and abilify. The cocktail of the 3 made/make me hallow thoughtless numb emotionless shell of my former self. So no desire for even gorgeous gals knowing they could never love somebody like me back the way I think or feel I deserve to be loved..or they way I desire to love someone else. Some meds make people more suicidal. Hard Truth from a real type2 schizo yall..
Oh how I needed to hear the conversation around question #17. My struggles are actually more physical but I could relate to everything Lauren was saying. I’ve actually closed myself off to opportunities to find a love connection because of my belief that nobody would be able to accept me as I am or the kind of partner I would be. Hearing that Lauren has felt that way and yet sits here with someone who loves her as she is and the kind of partner she is, has inspired and encouraged me to open my heart back up to the same possibility for me! It has also helped me realize that the “movie keeping their lives together” kind of relationships are actually probably the least common and not a realistic or healthy standard to look to!
Thank you both for your courage and vulnerability with what you do on this channel! It has blessed my life and those of my loved ones. 💗💗💗
Who or what kind of person puts thumbs down for a video like this??? 🤦🏻♂️ It was awesome! It's obviously difficult to lay your personal relationship out there for all to see. But it is so helpful for the rest of us - feeling like our struggles are unique and overwhelming - to see others going thru many of the same challenges. Keep it up!!!
I experience nothing close to what you do, but as someone with Tourette's Syndrome, it always makes me happy when people can speak openly about neurological disorders. You're brave and amazing!
You two seem to have a decent, healthy relationship. That is amazing (anyone, not just people who have mental health illnesses), thank you for allowing us the privilege of witnessing that.
Thank you for this video and all your videos and honesty. I am a psychology student and currently work as a counsellor. Having real like, lived experience being shared helps me to understand how hard life can be. And makes me think more about how I can assist people struggling. You’re both so generous to share you lives.
This is amazing, I deal with BPD and yes different illness but this brings me a lot of joy and hope:) thank you guys again for a great video
If it helps you to know, I have a friend with BPD, and she and her husband are in one of the most stable, loving relationships I know! He has been Having BPD does not mean that a loving, stable, supportive relationship is not possible! It most certainly is!
ive desalt with BPD symptoms on medications and mild psychotic symptoms and the BPD symptoms were hands down the worst. all I wanted to do was cry and unalive myself for days and weeks at a time. I know you guys also dealt with psychosis sometimes as well. I don't understand how people think BPD is better
My daughter turned 30 this week and has suffered with schizoaffective since she was 17 for her 20s are a lost decade of her life and she is still in a mental healthcare center and has just been appointed guardian. Relationships for her are like her encounters with the police. She is afraid they will hurt her, then they do. There are guys out there whose main and maybe only talent is having a radar for picking out someone they can victimize and with her mental illness, my daughter is a ready-made victim. I don't think she has any trust left for a relationship and has found life to be safer and simpler just living on her own and being content, satisfied, and safe with her own company. She prefers solitude and her own company, ironically much as I do.
Happy birthday to your daughter!
Thank you for making this video Lauren. You're the reason me and my boyfriend are still together. We've been together 4 months and about a month and a half ago he had an episode of severe psychosis (turns out he's had schizophrenia for about 2 yrs but hid it from everyone). I had to move out of my apartment with my young son until I could get him to the psychiatrist. Your videos with your partner are the reason I came back and gave it another go! We are doing great now. You gave me, and us, hope...and that matters. Your work matters. Your videos also helped me understand what was going on. Thank you so much 💓
My mom dated a schizophrenic. I would strongly advise against dating this man, especially since he doesn't seem to be taking his meds. He also lied to you about his condition. This is a huge red flag. My mom's boyfriend lied about it too. It would be your choice to be with him if it was just you, but you have a child. You say you had to leave your apartment because of him? Was he threatening you? Let me tell you, my mom's boyfriend had several psychotic episodes while they were dating. He choked her, thought he saw her with other men (he was hallucinating), and many other awful things. After he choked her, she broke up with him. He threatened her and my life. He stalked her and followed me to school. The police wouldn't help us. We eventually had to go into hiding and moved far away. We lost everything because of him.
Please don't date this guy. He isn't well, he lies about his condition and you've already had to move with your son and disrupt his life once because of your boyfriend's psychosis. It will happen again and again. And why did you have to find your bf a psychiatrist? He shouldve already had one. Please don't date this man. You will deeply regret it and it could be very dangerous for your son. Your son is too important to invite this kind of serious mental illness into his life. Don't do it.
I don't care what anyone else says about my advice. I am being very candid with you because this is a serious situation. Please don't date him.
@@mygirldarby that's her call
@@mygirldarby that's her call
Girl you are being selfish, put your child first and get some therapy.
While that is your decision to make, I think it's a very very big red flag that after only four months, all of this has happened and you had to leave your apartment. I strongly hope you're not dating him anymore and have found peace.
I think you are both a lot stronger than you realize, you are doing really good job of managing something that must feel very difficult for both of you, stay strong.
It's great to see how healthy your relationship is in terms of how you both deal with the tougher issues and especially those relating to the illness.
I really loved the banter at the beginning with the "constructive feedback".
This is a really important video. I didn't know I could ever have a partner and reveal this. I can't even find a friend or partner who'd be willing to 'deal' with me/it and I also appear clever and attractive like yourself. This gives me hope and I am not formally diagnosed, but I had a period of time in my life.
This is a brutally honest conversation you are having with each other. I don't think I could bare my soul like you two. Did you find this therapeutic ? Also, is Schizophrenia progressive. The world needs this video.
Schizophrenia is not usually progressive no. It is possible to actually improve over time with the right treatment.
Medications can have many progressive long term contraindications.
You guys play back and forth with each other so well. This was a really engaging, informative and fun watch. Thanks for the video.
You both are the coolest couple I have ever watch on the you tube, and you both give good advice, hope to see more of your videos on the you tube, and definitely give you a two thumbs 👍❤ and definitely love watching your channel on the you tube
On the issue of Rob struggling with a mental health issue... That wasn't "luck," it was love. My son suffers from some pretty bad mental health issues and the very minute he hears me upset or distraught, his focus is 100% on helping me and he stops thinking about his own issues. Just some food for thought!
I am so utterly grateful to you for sharing those conversations and your experience. Your videos have been an incredible tool for my partner (who is struggling with schizophrenia) and me.
Just the sound of that word gives me terrifying nightmares of what my mind has been through....I'm at the beginning of recovery and acceptance. I hate to admit that voices totally lead me astray and I'm humiliated at the entire situation. Good to see you are normal on the surface and hope one day I can regain care of my four children who I lost to the ministry in BC..during the early stages of psychosis. I'm still scared and have to fight everyday to find myself again. I lost my entire life and soon my home as well but luckily me and my kids will be moving closer to family...even though I still have mild paranoia about my parents...it's complex because I was abused by my father which adds to the confusion.
P.s I am on medication now which I opposed to previously..and it does help 90 percent..so whoever is reading this..take the damn pills...it will help lol
I know I have said this before but every single video you guys put out just keeps reminding me how amazing it is that you can reach this level of reflection and self awareness. The amount of respect I have for you just keeps getting higher and higher and when I think it can’t go any higher I watch another video and it manages to keep growing…..
I think this type of channel is truly what the world wide web was meant to be and do..... have this amazing first hand knowledge be a resource for millions! Seeing this sort of hope and success is so important. Serious mental illness has been stigmatized for so so long!!!!
TY Both for providing a valuable resource to those who are in a similar situation as you both. Your videos have been extremely helpful, my GF suffers from Schitzo Effective Disorder and your advice has helped me to understand and be more helpful to her as I care very deeply for her as she’s a great person. TY for your continued help . 👍🏻
I could watch you guys talk about your relationship all day. Love the insights, the honesty, and the very apparent love. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
After watching a lot of your videos I’m finally learning what schizoaffective disorder is .. and how to deal with it. The love of my life recently
Got diagnosed with it.. im truly
Blessed I found this channel
I'm 37, have chronic mental health issues and never been in a long-term relationship. People reject me all the time. Lauren is really blessed to have Rob. I wish I could have such person in my life. Rob is a great person. 👍
This was absolutely wonderful. You two are doing a huge service to many. Thank you.
I really love this. I don't have schizoaffective disorder, but I do have Severe Anxiety, Moderate Depression, Severe ADHD, struggle with OCD tendencies, and I'm on the Autism Spectrum and am married to someone also on the spectrum, but moreso suffers from physical/genetic illness than mental health/developmental difficulties.
Sometimes just hearing from the partner of a person who is struggling with mental health difficulties can be really comforting. Sometimes I can't get out of my own head thinking I'm still weighing him down and if he'd be better off without me. Sometimes you care so deeply about whether or not you're hurting someone you love you end up pushing them away or ignoring their own talk about how they are doing with it.
If you ever feel like you can't trust what they tell you or feel an inclination to obfuscate your own feelings, you probably had people in your life who raised or treated you in an incredibly passive aggressive way and you can overcome that fear or lack in self confidence. I had like a ton of relationships before I felt like I had a something I could be totally open in.
ANYWAYS. Videos like this just remind everyone that YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK HONESTLY ABOUT ANYTHING WITH YOUR PARTNER. It's hard. It can hurt to put yourself out there. But don't continue a relationship with someone that is unwilling to listen to you. BUT you also have to be willing to listen. If there isn't a 2 way communicative street than its going to hurt one or both of you when it eventually bombs in the end.
BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE AND RELY ON EACH OTHER IS #1 IN A RELATIONSHIP EVERY TIME
Hello, first of all, I have found this channel looking for more info about schizophrenia, trying to understand it better, and this is the most wonderful channel I've found. Lauren and Rob you're amazing and so brave...
My (ex) bf has a schizophrenic disorder, and he broke with me in May. I always tried to support him since he told me about his mental illness (he told me that in December, after 3 years of relationship). He doesn't go to therapy and he doesn't want to take any medications, and, after his dog passed away and I was not there with him in December (I am from Spain and he's from England and I was getting ready to move to the UK, but those things take time, even more after the Brexit) he started to blame on me that I was one of the reasons he got into a very bad psychotic episode. He wanted to broke with me in February as well, but I always wanted to understand and support him with all of my heart, and he understood that and he wanted me with him. We were talking about marriage, sharing our lives together... Finally he left me after he was being again really depressed and showing some symptoms, and he broke my heart so deeply...
I love him with all of my heart, and I promised him I was going to look after him no matter what. He's currently on a psychotic episode (or the same he had in December but he has managed to keep going, working etc), but he's being so confusing: he told me he still likes me, and he's so proud of me and maybe we could be together again, but at the same time he says he needs space and time, when I send him messages asking him how is he feeling or that he can ask for my help anytime and I will go. He also told me he's currently on an anhedonia episode, and it's like since he broke with me he has lost his empathy, when he was the most lovely and understanding person in the entire world. I still want to support him because he lives alone, and his family doesn't want to know about him, and also he has no friends. Nobody except me and his family knows he has schizophrenia... And I am so scared he can hurt himself or lost his job...
I don't know what can I do to help him because he's isolating himself, I think I would need to convince him to leave me visit him and support him there in the UK, but I don't know how to do that... Without meds or support he's going to be more and more lost, and I only want him happy and having the best life 💔
PS: Sorry about my English, and thanks for this channel and this amazing community!
vulnerability is a real skill, thank u guys so much
I think if we all could learn to be more vulnerable the world would be such a better place for us all
Lauren. So lovely to have the insight into your mental health. Rob supports you. Awsome xx
I love the way Lauren’s blinking and eyes intensified when Rob talked about her being “salty” 😂
This kind of authentic showing of their personality and relationship is great to see!
Thank you so much for making this episode. I just found your channel, and though I don’t have your diagnosis, I do have my own chronic mental health issues. Schizophrenia has always scared me in a sense where it’s the one that seems to just completely pull you out of reality. It’s the one that’s always publicized with people who are unmedicated or in an episode of psychosis. I love seeing this picture that it’s not all that different in regards to struggles with relationships as any other mental illness (like in general). Thank you. This is beautiful. The world needs more Robs and Laurens!
This Man is Gold. And of course you are GOLD❤ I appreciate you both for creating this video.
You two are 100% adorkable! This was incredibly heartwarming and honest and good. Thank you so much for your content.
I don't know you and you don't know me, but for some reason I feel so proud of both of you. There's so much warmth and healthy balance between you. That was achieved by will. You expressed your free will to be balanced and it happened. I can't tell if you'd allow me to be proud of you, but I am 😋 In case you allow me to and you can accept it, please, do. You're authentic. You have a beautiful journey together 😉
This conversation is SO important, and you two are doing a great job of setting an example that gives people a place to start. This video could easily be titled "Relationships and Mental Health." So much, if not all, of what you covered applies to Depression, Anxiety, Suicidality, etc. By the way, the ones i've mentioned are ones I deeply struggle with, so I can speak to those 3 directly.
I think a very important way to approach things is to replace negatives or weakness with challenges. "One of my chellenges is time management." "i had a very challenging (insead of negative) experience the other day."
Another point that is worth making is there is only so much you can learn from a therapist who knows first hand what you experience, let alone one who doesn't. In office therapy (and yes, i'm including intensive out patient and in patient in this) can only help to a point. Having a support system that can help in your life is absolutely invaluable, and requires skills from everyone that are not common in our society. Not taking things personally for one. Not assuming ones intentions for another. Understanding that its ok to not be ok is HUGE.
Regarding it being ok to not be ok, it lets us take a break. I would also like to share how impactful it was working with a friend who also dealt with intense anxiety as well.
Doing tree work is one of the more dangerous jobs in the US. A momentary lapse in attention at the wrong time could injure or kill someone. My coworker and I knew about each others difficulties and never pressured each other to do more than we were safely capable of in that moment. We both had a lot of experience so had the ability to function even when having a hard time with our mental health. Because we knew what the other was going through, we often knew how to help each other, when to encourage, and when to give space. We never required anything of each other. Worked with what we had at the moment at hand and got the job done safely and efficiently. As I said, we were both experienced and watching out for each other. We were a team. Mental health is not a solo "sport", its a team "sport" (for lack of a better term). When one of us was struggling, the other took the lead. At that point in time, working with him saved my life. I had something to do that I could support myself with. I had a very good friend I spent time with. Etc.
I find the team concept very useful when discussing mental health because a team is working together to achieve a goal, whatever that goal is. When it comes to mental health, that goal is the best life possible for all involved. We all have different strengths and different challenges, and when we work together we can help each other so everyone does better.
Rob is so adorable 🥰
Lauren is a beauty clearly she is the queen of his heart 💕
I will not bore you with my life story. And you probably won’t see this given the time I am writing, but I really appreciate this video - relatable and also quite helpful - thank you for sharing your insights
Rob is such a good man. In my culture, it is rare to find a man that would say his mom/family's opinions would not alter his decisions ...
Lauren never showed any prejudices. I like her.
This kind of acceptance is beautiful. I dated this guy who didn't like it when I was sad/expressed any kind of negative emotion and it was so stifling, it made me feel on edge all the time...I am always afraid of being myself in the presence of potential romantic partners, I feel like I hide so much of myself just to be perceived as nice and agreeable, and the stress of hiding it translates into me not even wanting to give dating a chance bc. it will trigger my anxiety even more. One day, I hope I will find this kind of companionship and acceptance.
You two are beautiful people with beautiful personalities.
Thank you guys so much for sharing your relationship with all of us, I cant tell you how helpful I found this and on how many levels. You two are incredibly strong. Happy new year wishing you and yours all the best!
I like that, the idea of two people sharing vulnerable issues allows them both to feel safe.
I love the chemistry between these two
You two are so cute together, I'm wishing you all the best, and thank you for sharing your lives with us!
I very much appreciate the opportunity to learn and discover other people's experiences, experiences that I always knew existed but was never educated or informed about.
But also, I have a notebook where I write down the phrases or advice that I hear or read from other people, and I take several from this video. As a way to remember it in the future...or make it real, instead of being just something I read or heard.
So, my challenges go more hand in hand with the violence I suffered and my feeling of needing "not to depend on anyone, because I can only safely count on myself", which makes connecting with someone sometimes difficult.
In this video I found a lot of good advice that I would have liked to know before, and that...I took with me to the future, to better deal with situations where...I did not know how to explain myself, what I needed...or the times when I did not know how to support my partner who needed help too.
Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks, Rob and Lauren for sharing this good points with us. I wish the best for both of you in a journey of life despite this challenge.
The hard cut at 47:23 makes me wonder what else was said. Really brave to put this kind of content out into the world to help others!
This video has truly given me insights, encouragement and hope that there will be a partner for me.
I can't thank you enough...this is just wow.... everything I needed to be answered ♥️and everything that gives me great hope and only hope💕
The thumbnail made me GIGGLE !! So excited to watch this omg
I just came across you & am in love with your passion here around mental illness.
Thank you. You're right. All relationships have difficulties. Love works though them. Thank you for sharing.
I've known a lot of people with schizophrenia l, and I personally have BPD, and ADHD, anxiety and some paranoia, and it's great to learn about your experiences.
May "The Force" bring both of you closer together every minute. ❤️
"Go take a shower," "take a walk..." When I am depressed, I also say "Uggh." I don't want to hear any of it. I think it is, for me, that people aren't slow and deliberate about communication like Lauren and Rob are learning.
Thank you both so much... My son is Schizophrenic, my father was Schizophrenic... This channel helps me realize that all challenges in life can be negotiated with consciousness/awareness of the issue; and positive support system. You and Rob are tremendous examples of supporting/really HEARING/humor mattering more than PERFECTION--which should never be the goal ❤
thank you for your authenticity. This is such a good and useful video!