Thank you so much for saring your experiences & great suggestions! I can identify with so much of what you've shared here & it is incredibly comforting to know I'm not alone w/ various challenging triggers! God bless you & keep doing what you're doing (lifesaving work!)! 💞❤
I appreciate that you share your experience, strength and knowledge. After years of wrong diagnosis, a shrink at a trauma center suggested that I had PTSD. With counseling, came to understand CPTSD, and after more years of counseling and simple meds, I've been free of suicidality and experience much less self loathing for about the last eight years. What has not happened is any of this working out to changes in life, relationships, environment and so on. I decided to start searching for that, found you online, and have watched enough videos now to really decide to begin a daily practice with your help. I look forward to having more in life than just not needing to die, so thank you.
We were 5 kids, 2 abusive parents. There was a code of silence in our family. I was 11yrs old & called for help when our alcoholic father was fighting in the basement with another drunk. Mother was away at a weekend sport event with my 15yr and 13yr old brothers. Before she left, she asked me to care for my little sisters (9 yrs. & 8 yrs. at that time). The call was made at 3 am...3 little girls...terrified...drunks screaming, broken furniture...Police came. Mom had to come home early, she was furious. Sat my siblings down and said "Dad is in jail now because I called for help". I broke that code of silence. CPS also got involved, which really infuriates everyone. Parents have passed away, siblings still blame me, and we are now beyond our 60's. They have excluded me from their family gatherings, treated as dead to them. Scapegoated. Finally, I have removed myself emotionally and phisically from this toxic family . Through counseling I understand and learned that I am the strongest person in the entire dysfunctional family group.
I've learned that it's the truth tellers in the family that always get ostracized because the others are too weak to handle the truth. The greatest freedom I ever experienced was when my sister said I was dead to her. I couldn't understand why I wasn't sad and crying after she said it and then I realized I was actually relieved. I didn't have to pretend and be less than who I was to please her and to protect her anymore. Your badge of honor is truth and you are free ❤
My heart breaks for you. You have done the best possible thing in an impossible situation and yet you are being blamed because your family is sadly not healthy. Might sound weird for me to say this, but for them to stop talking to you might just be the biggest gift. Because if you get consistently around healthy people they will tell you - proud of you that you acted the way you did. That was very strong. That took integrity. Well done. Keep going...
@@Ganxao-l5xwe learn ways of filling our time and setting up a life that doesn't need so much companionship. I'm the same never belonging. I don't even have a country that I feel a part of. I like being alone. To me, it feels like a luxury to be able to do what I want with my time without any interference. It does make for a pretty small life though, in my case anyway.🤷🏽
This is so me. I feel so uncomfortable around people. I'm always wonder what they think of me. I wonder why I'm so strange and people don't want to stay with me.
I hear you. Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
I feel so awkward around people. I’ve been told I’m like an acquired wine, meaning I take some getting use to. I’d rather be alone with my kids because I can be me ( goofy etc) and still be loved.
I feel this loneliness all the time. I’m getting used to it and I find other ways to be happy like sewing and other arts. If I stay creative I can fend off self pity and self loathing for a long time. I’m 64 and am finding I like being older. The Word of God and prayer will get us through anything.
You can do more than just fend it off. Why not try to apply more of wwhat Anna's teaching and get to 'genuinely happy'... I started waking up @ 55 and tried to die. Many times over in the next year, but now-@ 58, I actually don't feel self-pity or even sad about my solo circumstance! I really enjoy my life with my kitties these days. It took work. Lots of it. But it paid off. You can too! ❤
amen sweetie amen im a loner too i cannot trust ppl ive had bad experiences was bullied at school i cannot stand loud bossy nasty negative opininated ppl ugh they irritate me i avoid them like the plague and i read my word pray depend on God for my walk in life stick to him an he will heal us amen God bless u sweetie ☺❤🙏🧔♀💐
my parents NEVER picked me up from school....EVER...I was always alone....no one ever knew where I was or cared.....no one ever went to the teachers meetings etc....I was totally on my own from DAY ONE......
I remember vividly in 7th grade - my family was not good at making sure I did anything - my homework, making sure I went to bed, bathed, etc. My English teacher hated me. She hated that I did not complete my assignments. We were about to go on a field trip and my parents never wanted to pay for them. So I was set up to complete a fundraiser. Well, I was shy. I didn’t do very well achieving my goal. The day it was due I turned into her what I had. She blew her top. “UGH - NOW I HAVE TO CALL YOUR PARENTS!” I remember being so embarrassed and humiliated that right in the middle of the classroom I decided I had to get away and to run out in front of everyone. I ran to the girl’s bathroom at the other end of the hall and hid in a stall. She sent another student to demand I return. I did not. It is one of the most vivid memories I have of school. Or when I was struggling due to my parents constantly fighting at home - I was punished for my academic challenges. Made to eat lunch alone. Walked the hallways in a line where other people knew I was a bad student and I was to eat my lunch in silence. I was depressed from 4th grade through my senior year. Nobody ever asked me if I was alright and my parents never changed their ways. I never went to therapy until my late twenties. I had a deeply embedded wound of being rejected. I was rejected nearly everywhere I turned and was starving for acceptance. It created a wound so deep it affected my self esteem into adulthood. I was bullied so many times I had lost count. Now I have this little voice that says “they don’t even care if you’re around” and abusive men detected if I was infatuated “she’ll do anything to make me like her.” I mistook that pang of rejection as chemistry at times. I was hooked the most on rejecting men. What it was - was anxiety. That I would be left in the dust. Alone in the bathroom stall. Alone when the neighbor kids are playing. Alone when kids delivered me cruel notes. Alone when my sister vehemently refused to be nice to me. I would “crap fit” all the time. To avoid their abandoning of me. Learning that I deserved better and that I needed to stand up for myself was foreign almost. I never felt good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Developing the real me free from the abandonment melange has been challenging but worthwhile. I developed self esteem, a voice, an opinion, and I began being the one rejecting the rejecting men and the rejecting people. A lot of the people who had issues with me, didn’t like that I was kind, quiet, etc. Saw my introverted personality as being weak. I am not weak, and I don’t need everyone to like my anymore. The truth is they won’t all like me, and that’s ok because now - I can say hmm do I even like them? Do I even like this crappy dude? Do I even think these people criticizing me have any merit?
Thank you for sharing your experience and insight with us. You've made huge progress in your healing and you deserve to feel great about yourself, without anyone else's confirmation. Hope you can still work on a social life though as having good people around helps us stay healthy. We're all rooting for you! Nika@TeamFairy
Such tragedy to have had such horrific childhood. I am sure it made you stronger and I really wish you all the best. Your post brought back my memories from my childhood
I can relate so much to your story, and I'm sorry we had such crappy childhoods... but thank God for channels like this that show us we are not alone in our struggles
I am so sorry you went through this at such a young age. I also went through this in 7th grade. I struggled through school and my narcissistic mother was neglectful at home. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t understand the English course. My teacher yelled at me and made me cry. What’s sad is back in the early 80’s no one knew about ADHD or sadly, neglectful parental abuse at home. I feel for so many children who had to endure trauma from teachers who were ignorant of certain kids needs. Many teachers ignored signs of abuse at home. I wish they would have asked questions….
Oh my goodness, I went through this this summer. I usually protect myself from allowing this. I had against my better judgment made friends with a table full of women. O e ended up in the hospital and everyone went and was included but me. When I realized this I tried to tell them how I felt but they did not understand and acted as if I was out of line. I ended that right quick. I was unexpectedly so hurt and angry. It caught me off guard and I behaved badly and now I just don’t do that anymore. It’s better to trudge along as I DO THEN GO THROUGH THAT EVER AGAIN. I was so confident that I was a part of this little group but I was wrong as usual. I’m good by myself. I could not believe that no one thought to include me. Then the reality that no one had thought to include me hit and I was done. I’m cordial polite and surfacy. I’m good at that. This is my life. Better alone that way I can’t be hurt or disappointed.
The way this reads, i completely understand. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve done my work and I’ve changed so much- loved ones do tell me they see such a difference. But friends… I’m not included. My best friend is doing this now and I’m 💔💔💔💔 my therapist believes the new me is not comfortable for them-
This has happened to me, too. It is completely perplexing. Why didn't they include you and why aren't they mature enough to acknowledge that they left you out and should apologize. If someone told me I had hurt their feelings, I would say it was not my intention to do so and I will be more inclusive.
@@Kmglnj6 From experience I'd say your therapist is right. When ppl are used to seeing you weak, with a lack of confidence, etc, and then you become stronger, they don't like that, it's threatening to them. I remember I was always very soft spoken in my insecurity and when I started speaking up for myself in a normal tone they accused me of yelling😂😂😂. What was normal for everyone else was considered angry and aggressive by me. At first it hurt and made me angry and then I thought F it. I'm tired of bending and adjusting myself for them. My favorite saying is " I can't be less of who I am to make you feel good about yourself."❤
nasty birds of a feather flock together its not you sweetie its them im a loner too i dont make friends they either end up gossiping or back stabbing you or throwing off at you nope get that from family so i stay to myself
Does he do this when you are just trying to have a normal conversation or tell him something? Or does he only do it when you’re talking about something he doesn’t want to hear? Mine walks away when I am talking to him and it is very hurtful. I have talked to him about it before but it hasn’t changed anything. It makes me feel very unloved and ignored.
When I am sharing thoughts or anything with my husband, he starts looking at his phone and scrolling. However, if he hears the same thing I was sharing with him…from another source, he will tell me like it is the most interesting thing in the world! After so many years of marriage, it doesn’t bother me at all…his behavior is interesting to me and I know that those kind of things are HIS issues…not mine.
With consistency, we can. I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
41:05 I have been called selfish, stuck up, stubborn and more, because I wouldn't accept last minute plans. I need time to mentally "prepare" before I meet people (even friends and family), so spontaneous plans make me anxious and I instinctively say no. My parents used to make last minute plans all the time when I was living with them; it really triggers me.
😮I also go through all of the exact same feelings..we do mentally need time to prepare. The things that people say and think about me hurt me so deeply, I pray they could just get to know me.
My abandonment wound went way back to basic needs as a baby. My twin brother and I were not planned or expected as two. My Mom worked full-time with a 5 and 3 year old and my drunk of a dad. My twin brother was sickly and had bad colic. So in my Mom's own words she was the only one who could feed him a bottle. I had to wait to eat and get my needs met. It continued through our lives. Twin got all the attention from Mom. Dad was not the type to jump in and compensate. Thank god our neighbor would help my Mom feed me. I bonded with her, and she was my Dad's cousin too. One of my first memories was being in a crib with my twin and she always grabbed him first. He made more noise. I am 52 and she still defends him and justifies why he gets more attention. I do my thing now and minimize my contact with family to keep my peace. I hate when people exclude me from events. Big trigger for me.
You're in the right place. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Have you tried Daily Practice? It is a good tool to help with calming triggers. You can try it in a free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I wasn't a twin, but the whole family sure had been waiting for my little brother to come along when he did, when I had just turned 2. People made sure I knew that my parents had wanted a boy, in so many words. Well, clearly. It is no wonder that he is also rather toxic now, so there's that. 🙄
I’m 58 twin brother as well. Almost same situation my mother died at 52 and father at 84 and my father forgot he had a daughter as well. Don’t let it get you down your heart is clear you are good and whole. Dysfunctional family traits will not continue with you. Be thankful know your worth❤❤❤❤
Wow, exactly Anna, the chronic sleep issues since childhood and never being able to sleep through the night and always being tired due to the external chaos, rage, neglect anad abandonment hit the CPTSD nail on the head...and loathing all the disappointing 'hellidaze'... ALWAYS taking leftovers and the hotel tolietries and having a giant handbag packed with everything I might ever need at any time, along with being left alone as a little kid in the car for hours in the cold while the so-called adults were doing whatever they were doing.. always keeping ultra busy and needed to check chores off a daily list nonstop and keeping a 'food stash' just in case. It all really resonates, thank you for sharing, I have had more success with not 'crap fitting' with people and friends any longer but still having such a difficult time stopping it with jobs as the need for security and stability at all costs is so ingrained...and never ask anyone for help, ever. Thank you so much for what you do.
It took me a lot of prayers but now i?I sleep too good. We are all different with what could trigger us or symptoms etc however why do cruel people say we are faking....my head hurts
I was abandoned, not actually but mentally. I was beaten by my parents and used as their personal psychologist (at 7yo) or positioned as their scapegoat. At least 2 times parents left and I was left at my house as an oversight. Young sister was sent to babysitter and I was out of their mind. They all left and I hid under the bed for an hour or two before they realized they had left me alone. Then at the end of the night, it was a joke. If I took it badly, it was because I was crazy and needed psychiatric help. Cptsd is awful and I’m not fully recovered from it.
These types of family situations are awful. Sorry you have experienced that. Daily Practice can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
I relate a lot. I also used to hide or run away for hours hoping someone would care and they didn’t notice. It’s ok. It’s a lot of work I don’t know if that will ever end but the journey is much happier now I’m on it, so don’t worry. Sending you love xx
This is my whole life. Grateful for sobriety- 631 days in a row. I am single not a relationship hater anymore. I just can't see me in a intimate relationship. I am weary of fixing a mate. I want to do what I want.
I feel the same way. It is exhausting & I'm not sure I can deal w/ the challenge of working through the differences & challenges of working through relationship differences?!
Congratulations on your sobriety 👍 Stay strong. 💪Today is my 10 year sobriety. I know every day is a new day, but I am so grateful for how far I’ve come. I wish you all the best ❤️🌹🙏🏼
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
You're not alone! One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
00:00 🚸 Childhood neglect can lead to difficulties in adult relationships, driven by anxieties and longing for stable connections. 03:00 🧠 Understanding triggers is essential in managing symptoms of CPTSD, including neuro-regulation and self-defeating behaviors. 04:10 🚶♂ Walking out during intense conversations can trigger abandonment wounds, particularly for individuals with CPTSD. 06:15 🤐 The silent treatment can be emotionally immature and triggering for those with abandonment trauma, potentially leading to emotional abuse. 07:55 🕰 Waiting for someone can trigger feelings of abandonment, rooted in childhood experiences of neglecting needs. 08:23 😠 Feeling jealous and suppressing it can lead to dissociation, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and setting boundaries. 12:05 🕰 Empty time can trigger anxiety for individuals with abandonment trauma, but it can also be an opportunity for healing and introspection. 13:55 💔 Closeness with loved ones, especially when intense, can trigger feelings of abandonment for those with unresolved trauma. 15:30 😔 Watching others enjoy social ease can trigger feelings of inadequacy and anticipation of rejection, stemming from abandonment trauma. 16:12 😔 Seeing others happy can trigger feelings of shame or ostracization, often influenced by unresolved trauma and interpersonal dynamics. 26:55 💡 May struggles with triggers related to planning and waiting in relationships, stemming from childhood experiences. 30:13 💡 May questions the validity of her expectations in relationships due to past trauma, but Anna reassures her that expecting respect and consideration in communication and plans is reasonable. 32:47 💡 May's experiences reflect a pattern where she accommodates inappropriate behavior due to past trauma, indicating a need for healing and setting healthy boundaries in relationships. 35:16 💡 May recognizes the influence of her father's behavior on her relationship patterns and acknowledges the possibility of attracting similar dynamics in her romantic relationships. 36:09 💡 May acknowledges the potential for healthy, non-triggering relationships and seeks to understand her triggers better to establish healthier communication and boundaries. 36:36 🗝 Recognize and respect your need for communication and clarity in relationships, even if others may not share the same need. 37:33 🚪 Overcome fear of checking in or asking for updates by simply communicating your needs without fear of judgment. 38:43 📝 Practice a daily routine to express and release feelings, helping to discern between personal and external triggers and promote healing. 39:11 💔 Acknowledge when a relationship may not be healthy or fulfilling, and be willing to end it to prioritize your own well-being. 40:37 📅 Set boundaries in dating by not accepting last-minute plans, signaling self-respect and attracting partners who value your time. 42:28 💡 Practice self-respect and self-care as a legitimate plan when faced with disrespectful behavior or uncertainty in relationships. 44:44 🧠 Recognize and manage current triggers to prevent further retraumatization and reduce the impact of complex PTSD symptoms in daily life. 45:36 🔔 Subscribe to receive notifications for upcoming videos discussing common triggers and coping strategies for individuals with complex PTSD. 47:40 🗣 Identify and address personal triggers, such as loud noises or sleep disturbances, stemming from experiences in an out-of-control household. 51:23 🤐 Overcome reluctance to speak up or express needs due to past experiences of being ignored or invalidated, which can hinder healthy communication in relationships. 54:46 🥕 Compulsions related to food and eating behaviors can stem from childhood neglect or trauma, such as feeling the need to hoard snacks for fear of scarcity. 55:44 🕰 Being stood up triggers deep-seated emotions from childhood experiences, such as feeling abandoned or neglected by parents. 57:45 🤥 Feeling like someone is lying or manipulating triggers memories of past experiences where manipulation was used to dismiss one's emotions or concerns. 58:29 🛋 Idleness can trigger anxiety and stress, especially for individuals raised in chaotic or unpredictable environments, highlighting the importance of finding a balance between activity and relaxation. 59:41 😡 Public arguments can trigger intense shame and a desperate need to escape, stemming from past experiences of conflict or abuse. 01:03:44 🎉 Special occasions and receiving accolades can trigger feelings of inadequacy or disappointment, especially if past experiences involved unmet expectations or neglect. 01:03:58 🆘 Asking for help can be triggering due to feelings of shame or inadequacy, often stemming from childhood experiences where help was scarce or unreliable. 01:09:05 💥 Witnessing real-life violence can trigger shock and detachment, highlighting the ongoing impact of traumatic experiences on one's emotional well-being. 01:09:45 🗣 Discussing personal trauma can trigger dissociation and emotional dysregulation, especially when recounting recent or intense experiences. 01:11:21 🤐 Being ignored or silenced can trigger feelings of agitation and resentment, particularly when seeking validation or support from others. 01:12:30 🔄 Validation from loved ones during difficult times can be challenging to accept, but it's an essential part of caring relationships. 01:14:08 🚫 Getting interrupted frequently can trigger neurological dysregulation, affecting focus and cognitive abilities, particularly in high-pressure work environments. 01:18:45 💼 Feeling left out or unprepared in professional settings can evoke strong emotional responses, impacting productivity and confidence. 01:19:58 🗣 Being ridiculed or put down, especially in front of others, can resurface childhood experiences of being mocked or belittled, leading to emotional distress. 01:21:19 💡 Opinion bullies, individuals imposing their beliefs forcefully, can trigger feelings of discomfort and withdrawal, particularly in environments where open discussion is discouraged. 01:23:53 🎪 Street fairs, with their sensory overload and chaotic environments, can trigger negative emotional responses, especially for individuals with past traumatic experiences. 01:24:46 🎵 Loud music reminiscent of past traumatic events, such as 70s drug scene music, can evoke feelings of depression and discomfort, highlighting the influence of sensory triggers on emotional well-being. 01:26:35 🛏 Public nudity, stemming from past experiences of pressure and discomfort, can trigger feelings of vulnerability and discomfort, emphasizing the importance of personal boundaries and autonomy
I thought I was the only one who couldn't stand certain kinds of music. I couldn't stand the 60's hippie style music either. I have the same reaction to drunks and high people. I don't want to smell them, I don't want to see them, I want no part of what they are doing. I never went to parties as a teen, I avoided gathering where I knew there would be alcohol or any other substances being used. My father terrified me. He was so out of control, that when he'd get back from the bars at 2 am he'd raise hell till everyone was awake in the house. When I was 4,-6 sometimes he'd get me up out of bed to sing and dance with me. He would listen to sad songs and hold me like we were slow dancing and he'd cry. It was terrifying to me because he was so unpredictable. One minute he'd be crying and saying he loves you and the next yelling at you saying that you're selfish and undeserving. Even today, I can't stand to be around people who're not consistent and even tempered. When I got to the age of 12, he'd get me out of bed to make him breakfast. He did that a few times before my mom put a stop to it. She had an auto immune disease and would be sick for days at a time where she could barely get out of bed. Her dying was my worst nightmare. Many times she was the only thing that stood between us and my father. And when she was flaring up and sick I protected her from my father. I was so traumatized by my father's aggressive behavior and my fear of my mother's dying that when she did die many years later, I was convinced that I would die with her. IDK why I believed that. I didn't even know that I believed that until she was on her death bed, and I truly thought I was dying too, They had to get a hospital chaplain to come talk to me, to calm me down. I was an adult with children....and I can't believe that I believed such a strange thing. When my father died, I actually felt relieved. I felt so guilty also. I carried around that guilt for a long time. I loved him because he was my father....but the pain he inflicted on his family...let's just say, I didn't miss him, but I did miss the person that he could've been. Once they are dead, there is no reconciliation. I grieved the hope that there could ever be one.
I totally get triggered when I need to speak up. I'm 47 and can't do it without uncontrolable tears, which in turn make me feel like I loose all credibility and also drained for the day. It's absolutely debilitating.
I've been training my reflexes, my crying reflex goes nuts in certain situations, it's a messy body function. I've been training this reflex lately & getting some relief. so I know just what you mean.
Anyone else playing an awful game of trigger bingo?! I'm checking off each trigger like "oh yeah that makes sense, oh, yeah, that one too, and that one..."
Watching my mom pass …it felt like I was in a panic, scrambling to get every piece of love I could get, ask every question I could ask, bc I knew it was all I could keep.
i was ignored completely and left to litetally fend for myself.....starved,left behind,i didnt matter at all ever to anyone,then SA ,married an alcoholic who was bipolar,abusive in everyway possible......i just want to be alone in a very quiet room.....with a book or my dogs.thats it.thats all i can do.i work in the public ,fake fuction very well,come home and decompress alone.....i am on high alert always,ready to fly out of my skin.insomnia.(and i think im doing well!!!! lmao😮😂 love to all here.....❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You ARE doing well after all that, tell yourself well done, I’m amazing to be able to work or function at all, because you are. I’ve been through so much too. Of course I don’t have a partner of many years or even close friends of many years who love and support me. My trauma led me to very bad choices and being distant with friends who wanted to get on with life without being that close. So from one bad relationship to the next. Now, I’ve stopped. I’m 54 and I’m ill from it all. But I’m happier than I ever was, sitting with myself, doing my reading and writing. But do make sure you socialise outside of work, there are lots of us out here! ❤
There is a video on here called the happiness frequency that I like to listen to…. I don’t think I’m allowed to post a link but it’s like being hugged by angels. And the comment section is so supportive.
Yes, emotional flashbacks! With "regular" flashbacks, I am usually pretty aware of the memory that is causing me dysregulation. But there are those times when I feel suddenly dysregulated (foggy thinking, anxiety, panic, sadness that seemingly comes from out of nowhere), and I don't know why. This term "emotional flashback" makes sense, and explains this phenomenon to me. If there was a traumatic event that happened when I was too young to have language for it, or a clear visual memory, it makes sense that I would still carry the emotions within me.
Many people have tried to shame me by saying that I'm "immature," "insecure" or "anti-feminist" because I refuse to stay friends with exes or get involved with persons who are still close to their exes and/or the family members & friends of their exes. I really cannot understand why there is so much shame thrown at us who refuse to still be involved with exes as friends or be involved with partners who are still friends with their exes.
I think both are valid, but it depends on the people and situation. Some people really are better as friends than lovers, and friendship is just as important as romance. I’m also not in contact with any of my exes, I didn’t have a good reason to stay in touch anyway, but on the whole, I’m actually not great at maintaining relationships or friendships (a lot of it is due to trauma. I’m getting better but don’t know if I’ll ever have a friendship or anything where I have no anxiety that I’m about to be ditched).
My mom called me all kinds of names in the childhood and I was a good child. She was rager and so hateful towards me. I was surviving till I was able to move out of the house.
Oh boy this was a tough one to listen to. I found myself just wailing. Especially when you talked about your dad sending lifetime of love in his letters.
I find listening to your videos helps me get unstuck when I'm dysregulated. I started tearing up at certain points listening to this video. I don’t remember at what point. I just felt this release, like a permission in my head saying "she gets me". I have been living with depression since age 4-5 and anxiety since age 12-13. I'm now 55. Your videos provide me with hope.
I wish somebody had told me all of this when I was in my 20s and a series of guys cheated on me, then gaslit me about and called me “right wing” for having feelings and wanting monogamy. Calling someone “right wing” for having normal things was very common then where I lived. And it was social destruction to be deemed a right wing. A fate worse than death. I spent years pretending I was the cool girl, putting up with horrible things, and not realizing that the actual “cool girls” weren’t putting up with that kind of behavior at all.
Omg…the speaking up piece resonated deeply. I held in so much - anger primarily - locked me into a cycle of anxiety and depression. And the spontaneous thing - wow! My parents moved 31 times during their married life and we were not a military family. I am so proud that even though my mother wanted me to move from the city I lived in when my marriage blew up I did whatever it took to allow my kids to stay in the same city and the same schools. It can make me cry when I hear that my youngest who is 35 now still sees friends he has had since he was preschool in a babysitting coop that I started since we had no family around.
that mall thing is so right. I get triggered while trying to choose the perfect "cheapest" thing. I spend hours sometimes and I cant decide, as I cant decide I get more irritated and angry on myself. And the end is always disappointing. I waste the day, spend for nothing and go back to home as dead tired.
One time I worked in a nursing home and we were getting ready for the holiday season. we were talking about which holidays we were going to have off, I started talking about having off on Christmas, and my coworker looked at me and said, "Lila holidays are for people who have families, not you." That really hurt me.
That was so insensitive and terrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that. People who need to always down others are usually the ones who lack the most peace. Family isn’t always blood, it’s the ones you choose. Just know that you are loved and most importantly, God sees you. ❤
Watching your videos has helped me a lot. I see myself in a more forgiving light while holding myself accountable for reactions that are not so great. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Who knew! My mom was 17 when I was born. We lived with my grandparents until I was 8 and it was just me and my mom. My grandma ran my dad off so I never got to know him. Anyway I was alone a lot of the time and she worked constantly. I remember getting on my hands and knees scrubbing the floors and really cleaning the house and hoping she would notice when she got home but she never did. She never did drugs or anything like that it was just work keeping her away. She says now that she feels bad for not being around, but it's kind of too late. There were so many things that happened with me and my grandparents that she was never around for. It's funny because I always thought I was being dramatic when someone would leave me and I would get so upset and feel like life was just over LOL but it does feel like that, I feel like maybe I'm just not good enough. My mom was constantly saying "that's stupid" when I would say something or even say how I feel. She's also the type to never take responsibility and feels attacked when someone mentions something she did wrong or how she made someone feel. She starts talking about what she thinks that person did wrong instead of acknowledging what she did. Now my grandma, she constantly said kids are to be seen and not heard so I think that's why I'm so quiet and don't get involved in the adult conversations. Mind you I'm 47 and still feel like this. It was beat into my head. Then there is the control and not wanting me to grow up or do anything at all.
I relate to feeling like my life is over if someone I like leaves. I’m used to solitude, I like it to an extent but I’d love to have some real, solid feeling friendships. Seems like no matter how I try to approach them, they fizzle out or I’m just an afterthought.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Sorry you have experienced these types of family situations. Daily Practice can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
Re plans, I recently dated a guy that said he can’t make plans. Every time he left I’d say I’ll see you when I’ll see you, he’d say make your own plans and I’ll see where I can fit in. This triggered me. It felt rude, disrespectful of my time and made me feel optional and like I don’t matter. I brought this up to him saying making plans is the bear minimum in a relationship, I said how it makes me anxious when someone is inconsistent. he said I don’t like what you said and I need time to think. he made me wait until he’d thought before he texted to tell me it’s not negotiable and he can’t do plans. He did in the beginning but 2 months in he suddenly couldn’t. I ended it but was made to feel like I was being controlling. I questioned whether I was right so thank you Anna for validating that I was right, he was selfish and rude and for the bin. Proud of myself for holding my boundary finally. X
RE: street fair/mall/store triggers, towards the end of a long term live-in relationship, I took our shopping list to the supermarket and felt woozy and light headed. The music, the colors, the lights, the crowded aisles and oblivious people hit me in the gut. I saw carrots on the list and in the produce section I stared at all the different choices of carrots and froze up. I walked away from my cart and went outside to get some air, hoping to go back inside but I just couldn't. On the walk home I cried and when I sent inside, she asked me where the groceries were and that was when I took her hand and said, we need to sit down and talk. After we broke up I heard the lyrics to the Clash song Lost in the Supermarket and cried again.
A HEDGEHOG WITH RABIES!...Lord,that made me laugh!... I totally get that... As a recovering cptsd woman. YOU ARE FANTASTIC, ANNA...... THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALL YOUR WONDERFUL KNOWLEDGE... That you have personally experienced a crazy, awful childhood with continuous trauma is very reassuring, you KNOW what it is to feel like we do... AMANDA 💕💕💕
I have learned to calm my triggers over the years (I'm 66), but until I watched this video today, never even realized that those feelings were triggered or what caused those triggers. Anna, your videos have explained so much to me about myself, and this video in particular--I'm going to have to listen to it a second time. I grew up in very chaotic "house of hate" and all I remember from my childhood was the screaming, yelling, and fighting every day, the backhanding across my face, being ignored, teased and ridiculed, and the high anxiety it caused (I also had undiagnosed ADHD). I was not allowed to cry (might get hit or teased if I did) or feel sorry for myself. Father spent my childhood at the bar and came home drunk every night. Narcisstic mother. Somehow, I'm able to remain extremely calm in any situation to the point of feeling and appearing very unemotional. I never cry in front of anyone and though I'm still a mess inside, no one knows it. I still feel like I don't really matter to anyone, but I find your examples and explanations very helpful and my issues are starting to make some sense. Thank you!
My parents were always loners. They simply didn’t socialize and we seldom if ever had guests. We all just grew up having solitude as our normal. Growing up, I instinctively did everything alone and saw nothing unusual about it. I ate alone in the cafeteria, I went to the community swimming pool or to the playground alone. Although there were groups of neighborhood kids around me everywhere, I had no interest in joining in. I kept to myself, not noticing anything unusual about it until much later. I have never been interested in social situations, but as a young adult I felt obligated to reluctantly participate, just because “you’re supposed to”. Years later, I finally got sick of going through the motions and I stopped participating altogether. I’m much happier now being at home with my husband and my pets. I’ve found my happiness in solitude. Some may think it’s lonely or weird, but to me it’s the perfect fit. Trying to be like everyone else didn’t work for me because I’ll never be like everyone else, and that’s okay. 😊
I'm stuck in a misplaced childhood Broken homes Petrol bombs Parents partners Too many schools Parents running from trouble Incurable disease Ive absolutely no idea of how i get out of this malaise of sh*t Im only hear because my dog is here Not waking up tomorrow is such a pleasant thought
Hi 👋 So this is a random thing I wish I could share so I'll have to explain a meme instead... I hope it helps as it did for me. It was years ago and stuck with me because it made me lol, granted not everyone appreciates it like I do but, keep the sentiment & change the language to suit.... like a funny little mantra you can tell yourself at the end of your list 'o shit you have there( - much the same btw.... ❤ those doggos ) t Rather than leaving it at what equates as negative, reconfirmed self talk each time you say/ think of your list of traumas, you end it with a BIG ol'' BUUUUT.... *meme picture is a big cartoon Buzzard, goofy looking , like if Foghorn Leghorn was a buzzard...muscular build giving you thumbs up lol I have this list of shit to deal/have delt with, BUT: "In your life so far you have survived Heartbreak, you've had Loss, Disappointments, you've been Scared, you've had trauma and pain... Yet, Here You Are. You Go, motherf'er You Got This. ❤ " It's a beutiful life if WE let it - despite, and more importantly Inspite of all the bits that aren't. It IS YOURS, to live- remember that & don't let the bastards get you down, luv. Sometimes, it's ok to just tell people, even family, to fuck right off -and just live your life for you - not selfishly, but with intention. We only get one time around this crazy journey, take everything good and turn your back on the crap, it really is a beautiful life. Hard, challenging, weird and confusing, and so damn fascinating, awe inspiring, beautiful and... dogs ❤ Forget about the not being here anymore, there will be more than enough time for that as is. Keep On, Keeping On & if you do need a chat, please reach out to someone. Even to me on this post. otherwise, good luck out there, and giv'em hell. 💪💪
I know how you feel. My son made a comment as I left the cooker on and he said “imagine if the oven wasn’t turned off and we didn’t wake up in the morning” and I secretly thought …if only xx
I used to get offended when people explained things I already know. Then I realized it's better to not assume they know, and explain anyway just in case. When I assume people know things, they often mess my stuff up.
We haven’t met all the people who will truly love us. What’s beautiful is when you are living the life you love means, your inner light is on…fire! 🔥When people are being people, it is so much easier to see true intentions of someone’s behavior. Honest, considerate Communication is paramount in healthy relationships. Everything is touch and go when people are superficial. Let them be superficial and keep your light on to connect with those who want something meaningful. Everyday we are above ground is another opportunity to meet the right people who will show you love. I’ve learned self worth is an inside job.
Oh my God, There are so many situations in my life you have described in this video. Instead of boyfriend it's my son, sibs and work. I've felt not valued at all in all instances and felt it's because I suck at getting my point across. I want to cry. I don't remember being abandoned or neglected in my child hood. I made a decision last year that I wouldn't bring up these issues again to my sisters or my son because I knew that I was depending on their actions to make me happy. I want to share this with them to help them understand why I felt/feel a certain way. But I'm scared it may backfire and make things worse. I live far away from all of them so it's difficult to make plans as I don't have the financial resources to get together as they have. I cut back on social media so that I don't view another post that triggers being left out.
oh, I can relate, going to malls is never fun day for me. It is overwhelming selection etc. I go straight to specific store try on a top if it fits, I buy all colours available and leave as quick I possibly can. I did the same thing when I had to buy new furniture last year. It was horrible experience; I am frugal by nature. I just wished I could enjoy the moment, but I was extremely stressed. I had several panics attacks had to return to the furniture several times. I was embarrassed to say the least
Oh, so interesting you mentioned sleep issues. I have had dreams where I acted out... Screamed, yelled and very clearly cussed people out. Must be a c-ptsd symptom.
I grew up in the roman Catholic Children's Aid Society of Ontario, Canada . I had two adoption breakdowns as well as my mother giving me up. They were all extremely abusive and I'd become an advice columns done narcissism. I have a couple very successful blogs. There is such a thing called desnose. C p t s d doesn't cover it. People that have been repeatedly abandoned in their childhood develop so many in securities as well. As not loving themselves. I can say I finally love myself but it took the past five years of incredibly hard work. I never felt like I belonged. I feel like I belong to myself now thank god❤
My parents would go into their bedroom and lock the door for like 6-7 hours when they had a day off, I would just sit outside the door quietly and wait - not allowed to knock or be yelled at - only child - now she wonders why I dont call more often...Im avoidant so my answer isnt to cling but to reject people so they cant withhold their precious attention.
You obviously know this and probably hear it all the time, but I just want to say that it is so inspiring to see your ability to count, list, reduce and precisely describe your triggers..it is so impressive! To me personally that is so much more motivating than just hearing from people they learned to deal with situations..of course that's also amazing, but being able to have such a clear overview of what is happening in your mind and body, that's just mesmerising and I aspire to get there too, one step at a time :)
I've suffered w this my entire life . The last 4 yrs I isolated myself from my crap fit "friends" & working on me. This was difficult to hear , tears fell thinking about my childhood ' teens , 20s 30s 40s 50s.. crapped on endlessly . I'm trying to learn how to be the best person to that abandoned kid inside me..😢 thanks for this video
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. That sounds hard but remember healing is possible! I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment and it's been already appreciated by many others from our community here. It's a free course and you can find it here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I had a friend who initiated getting together during Easter break. I was planning to go away to be with family and she never called or responded to my calls. I had one week holiday vacation and no plans because she ghosted me. She had the nerve to call me years later to catch up. I was stupid enough to take her call and never mentioned it. I am forgiving but I didn’t wish to continue a friendship with someone who could be so rude and insensitive .
I have the really fun combo of C-PTSD and ver high masking autism. So, some of these things get better with healing but some of it will never go away because there is overlap between the two.
"what are you doing with people that cause you anxiety all day" holy crap this video is gold for me (and I'm sure many of us). I'm learning to not keep seeing people that want me to be their friend more than they want to be my friend. Thank you again, Anna. ❤
All of these things describe me so well. Super sensitive to social rejections rejections at work jobs and bosses that won't promote me or respect my boundaries. I'm so sorry about your father, that's such a terrible way to lose a parent at such a young age.
My cousins- so as a kid my parents were going through it… I have cousins who are the same age and and 7 other siblings who are 10+years older. My cousins have always excluded me. I got breadcrumbs of inclusion. They would make plans together without me at thanksgiving etc… I’m 33 now. I still hold out on social media for their attention. They are not my vibe, but I still want their approval and attention. I’ve minimized who I am because of it. I don’t speak with my dad anymore. My mom I sometimes speak with. I don’t talk with my sibs much… they don’t really include me.
When I was a kid, my cousin's mom would play psychological mind games with me because she was jealous that my mother and stepfather were wealthy and she thought I was spoiled and treated better than her daughter because I had perfect grades all the time and everyone in our small community regarded me as super intelligent. My biological father was also a well known wealthy business owner from a rich family that owned cotton gins for generations, although he never came near me or acknowledged me even once in my life. I have never seen him up close, ever. But my cousin's mom was still jealous because of these things, I guess because she married our cousin from my mom's mother's side of the family, the poor side, so her husband's folks weren't too wealthy and didn't help them much. She would tell me that she was going to get me and a couple of our friends and take us to movies or have a party or something and hype it up trying to get me excited for weeks, asking me in a weird way over and over, "are you excited?" Then on the day I would wait and they didn't show up. Then she never acknowledged it and I could tell by how my cousin talked and acted that her mom had planned it. She never asked my parents about it during those weeks of hyping me up, so my mom told me that the lady was bullshitting even when I told her how much she was insisting. So I wasn't really hyped up because I was emotionally shut down during childhood since my mother married her wealthy husband and they both pretended I didn't exist and my mother knew it was a lie because if it had been true then she would have told my mom first. But that woman really did a number on my mind as a kid. She coached my cousin and other kids we knew to hate me and treat me differently.
I've had a lot of counselling that highlighted abuse and neglect. Neither of my parents ever had time and my father utterly hated me from a very young age. I have struggled and now in my 60s I have nobody. I am far more together that I use to be but I have nobody; no friends, never married and it has taken years for me to stop blaming myself but life seems at an end. The worst is the loneliness but I think i am a very easy person to get to know but being semi disabled the silence is depressing. I would say, get help and get it early. The longer you leave it the harder it is.
I have a strong, fun , outgoing, confident & authentic personality. Professional RN for 45 years where I had strong and fulfilling relationships with sharp, educated coworkers & always got positive evaluations on my ability to resolve workplace conflict. But my family of origin is so awful to me - gossipy, grudge-holding, quick to label people & toss them aside. My mother is the ringleader. She’s 88 & giving me the silent treatment bc I called her out on talking bad about me to my grown kids. (Who have told me she did) My sister has no interest in being a sister & is cold hearted. Both are married to men who are total pansies in this sick family dynamic, never standing up for the right thing or pushing these women to grow up!What do I do when there’s not a chance in hell of having a rational conversation with them, esp my mother. Not a chance. I really can’t even stand her. She used to reveal to us the private problems of people coming to her work place for counsel! Even before HIPPA she should’ve had more integrity than that!! I actually have people ask me why she is so faux sweet, that it is just weird. I always say, it’s called PHONY. Ugh.🤦🏼♀️
Relationships & friendships go well for a while then eventually fall apart. I want to give up sometimes because it’s so hurtful when I think of all the friendships that have faded away or are broken.
That sounds hard. You might like Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. It can help improve relationships with acquaintances and the people close to you. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
My life is the same way. I can’t seem to find genuine people or keep relationships. People are hurtful and they use you for their needs and don’t care about you 😔
Wow this was so helpful. It really resonated with me. I have to drive always. I tell people I get sick, but that isn’t true. I need to feel some sense of control. I have similar triggers and thought I was broken. I have been working on my shadows for about 2 years and have found a sense of calm through meditation and being alone in nature. I am learning to love myself. I remain single because I tend to attract narcissists. I understand why now and so while I hope to find my person, I would rather be alone than abused again and again. Thank you for all you do. Your life was worse than mine but I wasn’t far behind. Those triggers are in there really deep. It is helpful to know you can learn to regulate them to some degree.
I have been really enjoying your videos, great stuff! I thought it was interesting you mention high sugar foods as a trigger. There have been recent studies that metformin can help alleviate ptsd symptoms.
Waiting is a HUGE trigger for me. My partner has kept me waiting throughout our 14 year old relationship He has been up to 2 hours late for a date, and still battles to stick to plans and/or keep me informed when there's an issue. It turns out he has high functioning aspergers, but I wish I'd walked away before it affected me to the extent that it now has.😢
Everything you have said here explains how I am and why I feel like I do. All the triggers, the disruptive household, there were rarely any calm times or times I felt safe and loved. Abandonment is a huge thing for me but I always feel I’m to blame. This is the first time I have realised it’s not me, it’s the effect of my childhood. You speak with such a kind voice and without any vindictiveness that I can listen to you. It is so hard feeling my feelings that it is easy not to carry on listening. Thank you for your channel and for discussing what a crappy childhood does to a person.
1:28 - Oh my goodness! You're the first person I've heard who shares this. Flour/gluten and sugar make me an entirely different person in my head, and not it a good way at all! Thank you for this video. It's both hard and helpful. Hard because it makes me realize how significant the situation really is and helpful because it gives me hope for continued growth and improvement.
Your episodes on here are my childhood. Violent alcoholic dad and violent narcissist Ma. I remember stuff from when I was 18 months old. I am 68now and am only just fine. It took this long to figure it out. Crazy. But…. Have hope!
You mentioned you were called a "worry wort" growing up. I was too and still tend to worry about things I do not have any control over outcomes. Thank you for your video, Anna. Your sharing I can identify on several levels including I am a member of 12 step Alanon and it certainly has several resources and suggestive ways to heal through 12 steps and traditions. You are helping so many people by validating their own CPTSD just by hearing your story.
I should have been looking into cpst for a long time. I was diagnosed with PTSD so long ago, I didn't keep up with therapy. It was so spotty. I am so happy you are doing what you're doing. I thank you for what you do
Dear Anna. Even though I am undiagnosed autistic, I feel very deeply and can empathise, moved to tears by what happened with your father. I can relate. In my case, my parents divorced when I was 19. When I got back from holiday, my dad was gone. I felt real trauma, there was a huge void, despite the massive fights and other incidents our family had gone through. I still felt for my dad but didn't know quite how to connect with him or communicate that, (I believe he is an undiagnosed autistic.). I do think he loved my mother in his own way. Things got so nasty that our whole family exploded. I was also racked with guilt because I helped make it happen to protect my mother and then we were condemned by the Catholic Church which I eventually left. So yes, sometimes do things EVEN if you feel uncomfortable because the guilt afterwards when it's too late. I'm crying now. I've returned to God as a Christian, still finding ALL relationships difficult even in the church. It might be part of God's will for my life to help the church be more loving and accepting people with mental health/ neuro divergent conditions so that we can form the proper family that Jesus intends us to be. Much love and thanks so much for your ministry. 🙏😘💕
This is me at 56......put up with all of the pain/re trauma.....then they go on to someone else & u are dismissed.......Thankyou soooo much for finally putting a word/making sense to my emotions/nervous system/feelings going through the roof....Emotional flashbacks.....but no memories, so much blocked.... Thankyou so much for this clarity...... It makes absolute sense!!! ..no therapist has ever said this......🙏🙏
Thank you so much. I was in a really bad place today and watching your video reminded me of how much I've done to be myself and happy in my life. Not feeling scared, abandoned and misunderstood all the time. It turned me from dwelling on feeling miserable and helpless to being proud of myself.
18:37 the group thing and FINALLY someone else who did this when raising their hand in class. I always thought I was weird for feeling that way and the only one. I never even have talked about it. I mean, I am weird but I'm not the only one and that is such a relief! I'm an adult now but I still do the equivalent of that in social and work situations very so often. Not something I thought I'd be excited about right now but here I am. 😂
Dear C.C.Fairy, 1000 thanks for posting Your videos! I've been following You for over a half of a year. You are so relatable and you' ve helped me a great deal, even if my native language is not English. Please know, you are appreciated all over the world! ❤🇱🇻
YOU ARE SUCH AN ANGEL ! the loud noises, yelling and chaos around me is super triggering to me. The other aspect of my childhood included emotional neglect from Dad when i needed it. In the response to that, in my life to this day, i have never been able to feel good with boundaries that i deserve to hold in a relationship with a man.
You might find one of Anna's courses helpful. Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD may be right for you: bit.ly/3IBbrv7 Nika@TeamFairy
I just want to say…I appreciate you so much!… I’m from a chaos household… Thank you for sharing and giving us the tools to heal and know that it’s not our fault. That what’s happening is “normal” for people who grew up or dealing with trauma symptoms. ❤🦋;
Anna…. Thank you, thank you, for the important description of behaviors & memory triggers of your childhood… l work with families & try to communicate how parental behaviors trigger children that will carry into their child’s adulthood 😢
What a great letter! I thought just like her mostly through my youth and was talking to video saying "I call crap-fit!" because I've been there. I got used to having my parents dump even big plans at a very young age that I was REALLY looking forward to. Talk about dysregulating. As it went on I taught myself to not expect ppl to come through. Promises were just ideas in the moment. When young friends were flakey, instead of looking for better friends, i crap-fit to lower my normal expectations again and basically became a too tolerant doormat. Same with early romantic interests. It hurts and dysregulates less when you expect the least or even shut off your feelings...which I'm working on repairing. Doing this teaches ppl to not respect you and there's a LOT of them out there who are flakey jerks or worse. You have to trust yourself and not accept bad behaviour. It's hard to walk away from a big crush or fun friend and good ppl are hard to find but they're out there.
My fave is working hard on recovery, finally relaxing in a situation, and the same exact thing happens that always did. I am not just hurt or angry, I feel like it is 100% my fault for being so dumb to believe it could be different.
I just want to share my gratitude with you. All my life I sought insight, counseling, support...no one ever risked honesty, reflection or connection of the dots with regard to my childhood history and it's impact on my ability to garner a relationship with longevity. I am a young, spirited, healthy 67 year old, but I cant help but feel I've wasted so, so much of the "love" part of my life. How can you attract someone to love you for exactly who you are when your triggers, inner voices and fears make no sense even to you. To hear your explanation of your own, literally brings tears to me. What I realize is that I am part of a tribe who shares all these things I thought were just "odd". This tribe may or may not be what I idealized to be "me"...but rather what I rejected trying to be "normal". It simpky brings me peace to hear I am not alone, bc certain life experiences bring about certaun maladaptive tools. Thank you for your kind, articulate, honest sharing and perspective. God bless and keep you. (Us, and me). : )
I'm the same age and can totally empathize. Same life experience. Married someone who ignores me. I'm learning! Determined I cannot let another destroy me. God bless you too!❤🤗
I can identify with so much here...never feeling safe, my concerns totally disregarded, never validated, my needs a complete bother. Totally conditioned and manipulated to crapfit. . So glad I'm not alone in my experiences. Healing is possible.
Thank you so much for saring your experiences & great suggestions! I can identify with so much of what you've shared here & it is incredibly comforting to know I'm not alone w/ various challenging triggers! God bless you & keep doing what you're doing (lifesaving work!)! 💞❤
I appreciate that you share your experience, strength and knowledge. After years of wrong diagnosis, a shrink at a trauma center suggested that I had PTSD. With counseling, came to understand CPTSD, and after more years of counseling and simple meds, I've been free of suicidality and experience much less self loathing for about the last eight years. What has not happened is any of this working out to changes in life, relationships, environment and so on. I decided to start searching for that, found you online, and have watched enough videos now to really decide to begin a daily practice with your help. I look forward to having more in life than just not needing to die, so thank you.
Same
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@@jamesbradley-l5f😮3😅
Lord Anna! Sometimes the lesson is too sharp. I learn everywhere from I've tried to run.
We were 5 kids, 2 abusive parents. There was a code of silence in our family. I was 11yrs old & called for help when our alcoholic father was fighting in the basement with another drunk. Mother was away at a weekend sport event with my 15yr and 13yr old brothers. Before she left, she asked me to care for my little sisters (9 yrs. & 8 yrs. at that time). The call was made at 3 am...3 little girls...terrified...drunks screaming, broken furniture...Police came. Mom had to come home early, she was furious. Sat my siblings down and said "Dad is in jail now because I called for help". I broke that code of silence. CPS also got involved, which really infuriates everyone. Parents have passed away, siblings still blame me, and we are now beyond our 60's. They have excluded me from their family gatherings, treated as dead to them. Scapegoated. Finally, I have removed myself emotionally and phisically from this toxic family . Through counseling I understand and learned that I am the strongest person in the entire dysfunctional family group.
I am treated the same way . But they aren’t worth trying to be part of that family.
I've learned that it's the truth tellers in the family that always get ostracized because the others are too weak to handle the truth. The greatest freedom I ever experienced was when my sister said I was dead to her. I couldn't understand why I wasn't sad and crying after she said it and then I realized I was actually relieved. I didn't have to pretend and be less than who I was to please her and to protect her anymore. Your badge of honor is truth and you are free ❤
My heart breaks for you. You have done the best possible thing in an impossible situation and yet you are being blamed because your family is sadly not healthy. Might sound weird for me to say this, but for them to stop talking to you might just be the biggest gift. Because if you get consistently around healthy people they will tell you - proud of you that you acted the way you did. That was very strong. That took integrity. Well done. Keep going...
Same!
Thanks for sharing❤
Almost 70. Never fit in or included
@@Ganxao-l5xwe learn ways of filling our time and setting up a life that doesn't need so much companionship. I'm the same never belonging. I don't even have a country that I feel a part of. I like being alone. To me, it feels like a luxury to be able to do what I want with my time without any interference. It does make for a pretty small life though, in my case anyway.🤷🏽
I get it! Be strong ❤
@@Ganxao-l5x Stay busy friend. Travel, read, take a road trip, learn something new...
Same.
@katella oh I relate so much, my family is nuts, but I was raised in ireland / uk/ Spain. Wherever I go, I'm asked where I'm really from.
This is so me. I feel so uncomfortable around people. I'm always wonder what they think of me. I wonder why I'm so strange and people don't want to stay with me.
I hear you. Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
So do I.. I'm sorry for your pain 😢
I feel so awkward around people. I’ve been told I’m like an acquired wine, meaning I take some getting use to. I’d rather be alone with my kids because I can be me ( goofy etc) and still be loved.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy I wonder if I'm addicted to trauma relationships
Most people see kindness as weakness and do all they can to “exploit” it!
Very very true and I learned this the hard way
Not everyone does though, you just need discernment
Yes they do. Kindness is a great strength when it is accompanied by healthy boundaries.
Why? It’s such a beautiful quality to have
I feel this loneliness all the time. I’m getting used to it and I find other ways to be happy like sewing and other arts. If I stay creative I can fend off self pity and self loathing for a long time. I’m 64 and am finding I like being older. The Word of God and prayer will get us through anything.
Amen!
I like getting older, because most people DO leave me alone, and because I have better coping skills for the toxic people in life. ❤
You can do more than just fend it off. Why not try to apply more of wwhat Anna's teaching and get to 'genuinely happy'... I started waking up @ 55 and tried to die. Many times over in the next year, but now-@ 58, I actually don't feel self-pity or even sad about my solo circumstance! I really enjoy my life with my kitties these days. It took work. Lots of it. But it paid off. You can too! ❤
amen sweetie amen im a loner too i cannot trust ppl ive had bad experiences was bullied at school i cannot stand loud bossy nasty negative opininated ppl ugh they irritate me i avoid them like the plague and i read my word pray depend on God for my walk in life stick to him an he will heal us amen God bless u sweetie ☺❤🙏🧔♀💐
I like the idea of creativity fending off self loathing…thank you, I am going to try to initiate some creative practices.
my parents NEVER picked me up from school....EVER...I was always alone....no one ever knew where I was or cared.....no one ever went to the teachers meetings etc....I was totally on my own from DAY ONE......
😢so sad❤
How did u deal with it, cause Same boat mate!!!!
Feeling lost!!!!
I remember vividly in 7th grade - my family was not good at making sure I did anything - my homework, making sure I went to bed, bathed, etc. My English teacher hated me. She hated that I did not complete my assignments. We were about to go on a field trip and my parents never wanted to pay for them. So I was set up to complete a fundraiser. Well, I was shy. I didn’t do very well achieving my goal. The day it was due I turned into her what I had. She blew her top. “UGH - NOW I HAVE TO CALL YOUR PARENTS!” I remember being so embarrassed and humiliated that right in the middle of the classroom I decided I had to get away and to run out in front of everyone. I ran to the girl’s bathroom at the other end of the hall and hid in a stall. She sent another student to demand I return. I did not. It is one of the most vivid memories I have of school.
Or when I was struggling due to my parents constantly fighting at home - I was punished for my academic challenges. Made to eat lunch alone. Walked the hallways in a line where other people knew I was a bad student and I was to eat my lunch in silence. I was depressed from 4th grade through my senior year. Nobody ever asked me if I was alright and my parents never changed their ways. I never went to therapy until my late twenties. I had a deeply embedded wound of being rejected. I was rejected nearly everywhere I turned and was starving for acceptance. It created a wound so deep it affected my self esteem into adulthood. I was bullied so many times I had lost count. Now I have this little voice that says “they don’t even care if you’re around” and abusive men detected if I was infatuated “she’ll do anything to make me like her.” I mistook that pang of rejection as chemistry at times. I was hooked the most on rejecting men. What it was - was anxiety. That I would be left in the dust. Alone in the bathroom stall. Alone when the neighbor kids are playing. Alone when kids delivered me cruel notes. Alone when my sister vehemently refused to be nice to me. I would “crap fit” all the time. To avoid their abandoning of me. Learning that I deserved better and that I needed to stand up for myself was foreign almost. I never felt good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. Developing the real me free from the abandonment melange has been challenging but worthwhile.
I developed self esteem, a voice, an opinion, and I began being the one rejecting the rejecting men and the rejecting people. A lot of the people who had issues with me, didn’t like that I was kind, quiet, etc. Saw my introverted personality as being weak. I am not weak, and I don’t need everyone to like my anymore. The truth is they won’t all like me, and that’s ok because now - I can say hmm do I even like them? Do I even like this crappy dude? Do I even think these people criticizing me have any merit?
Thank you for sharing your experience and insight with us. You've made huge progress in your healing and you deserve to feel great about yourself, without anyone else's confirmation. Hope you can still work on a social life though as having good people around helps us stay healthy. We're all rooting for you!
Nika@TeamFairy
Such tragedy to have had such horrific childhood. I am sure it made you stronger and I really wish you all the best. Your post brought back my memories from my childhood
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I found myself in it. I can see you're doing better now and wish you the best.
I can relate so much to your story, and I'm sorry we had such crappy childhoods... but thank God for channels like this that show us we are not alone in our struggles
I am so sorry you went through this at such a young age. I also went through this in 7th grade. I struggled through school and my narcissistic mother was neglectful at home. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t understand the English course. My teacher yelled at me and made me cry. What’s sad is back in the early 80’s no one knew about ADHD or sadly, neglectful parental abuse at home. I feel for so many children who had to endure trauma from teachers who were ignorant of certain kids needs. Many teachers ignored signs of abuse at home. I wish they would have asked questions….
Oh my goodness, I went through this this summer. I usually protect myself from allowing this. I had against my better judgment made friends with a table full of women. O e ended up in the hospital and everyone went and was included but me. When I realized this I tried to tell them how I felt but they did not understand and acted as if I was out of line. I ended that right quick. I was unexpectedly so hurt and angry. It caught me off guard and I behaved badly and now I just don’t do that anymore. It’s better to trudge along as I DO THEN GO THROUGH THAT EVER AGAIN. I was so confident that I was a part of this little group but I was wrong as usual. I’m good by myself. I could not believe that no one thought to include me. Then the reality that no one had thought to include me hit and I was done. I’m cordial polite and surfacy. I’m good at that. This is my life. Better alone that way I can’t be hurt or disappointed.
The way this reads, i completely understand. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve done my work and I’ve changed so much- loved ones do tell me they see such a difference. But friends… I’m not included. My best friend is doing this now and I’m 💔💔💔💔 my therapist believes the new me is not comfortable for them-
This has happened to me, too. It is completely perplexing. Why didn't they include you and why aren't they mature enough to acknowledge that they left you out and should apologize. If someone told me I had hurt their feelings, I would say it was not my intention to do so and I will be more inclusive.
@@Kmglnj6
From experience I'd say your therapist is right. When ppl are used to seeing you weak, with a lack of confidence, etc, and then you become stronger, they don't like that, it's threatening to them. I remember I was always very soft spoken in my insecurity and when I started speaking up for myself in a normal tone they accused me of yelling😂😂😂. What was normal for everyone else was considered angry and aggressive by me. At first it hurt and made me angry and then I thought F it. I'm tired of bending and adjusting myself for them. My favorite saying is " I can't be less of who I am to make you feel good about yourself."❤
nasty birds of a feather flock together its not you sweetie its them im a loner too i dont make friends they either end up gossiping or back stabbing you or throwing off at you nope get that from family so i stay to myself
@@codzy3532
This 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
My husband likes to walk out of the room when I'm talking to him - Definitely triggers my childhood trauma
Does he do this when you are just trying to have a normal conversation or tell him something?
Or does he only do it when you’re talking about something he doesn’t want to hear?
Mine walks away when I am talking to him and it is very hurtful. I have talked to him about it before but it hasn’t changed anything. It makes me feel very unloved and ignored.
My father does that too. He asks me a question and while I'm im the first half of a sentence, he just nods and walks out of the room 🤷♀️
When I am sharing thoughts or anything with my husband, he starts looking at his phone and scrolling.
However, if he hears the same thing I was sharing with him…from another source, he will tell me like it is the most interesting thing in the world!
After so many years of marriage, it doesn’t bother me at all…his behavior is interesting to me and I know that those kind of things are HIS issues…not mine.
I feel that. @@bernadettem750
Oh, sweetie, I used to get passed over at milk and cookie time in preschool. Like I was invisible. I hope we can be healed.
With consistency, we can. I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
That was awful for anyone to do to a child. That makes me so angry.
41:05 I have been called selfish, stuck up, stubborn and more, because I wouldn't accept last minute plans. I need time to mentally "prepare" before I meet people (even friends and family), so spontaneous plans make me anxious and I instinctively say no. My parents used to make last minute plans all the time when I was living with them; it really triggers me.
Same.
Same.❤
People can learn to be sporadic.
I used to be that way also until I had children lol!
Me too, I need to psych myself up for social things, being spontaneous sends me into a panic!
😮I also go through all of the exact same feelings..we do mentally need time to prepare. The things that people say and think about me hurt me so deeply, I pray they could just get to know me.
My abandonment wound went way back to basic needs as a baby. My twin brother and I were not planned or expected as two. My Mom worked full-time with a 5 and 3 year old and my drunk of a dad. My twin brother was sickly and had bad colic. So in my Mom's own words she was the only one who could feed him a bottle. I had to wait to eat and get my needs met. It continued through our lives. Twin got all the attention from Mom. Dad was not the type to jump in and compensate. Thank god our neighbor would help my Mom feed me. I bonded with her, and she was my Dad's cousin too. One of my first memories was being in a crib with my twin and she always grabbed him first. He made more noise. I am 52 and she still defends him and justifies why he gets more attention. I do my thing now and minimize my contact with family to keep my peace. I hate when people exclude me from events. Big trigger for me.
You're in the right place. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Have you tried Daily Practice? It is a good tool to help with calming triggers. You can try it in a free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I wasn't a twin, but the whole family sure had been waiting for my little brother to come along when he did, when I had just turned 2. People made sure I knew that my parents had wanted a boy, in so many words. Well, clearly. It is no wonder that he is also rather toxic now, so there's that. 🙄
I’m 58 twin brother as well. Almost same situation my mother died at 52 and father at 84 and my father forgot he had a daughter as well. Don’t let it get you down your heart is clear you are good and whole. Dysfunctional family traits will not continue with you. Be thankful know your worth❤❤❤❤
I’m a twin too… I was ignored, and invisible. I’m 56 years old now.
Wow, exactly Anna, the chronic sleep issues since childhood and never being able to sleep through the night and always being tired due to the external chaos, rage, neglect anad abandonment hit the CPTSD nail on the head...and loathing all the disappointing 'hellidaze'... ALWAYS taking leftovers and the hotel tolietries and having a giant handbag packed with everything I might ever need at any time, along with being left alone as a little kid in the car for hours in the cold while the so-called adults were doing whatever they were doing..
always keeping ultra busy and needed to check chores off a daily list nonstop and keeping a 'food stash' just in case. It all really resonates, thank you for sharing, I have had more success with not 'crap fitting' with people and friends any longer but still having such a difficult time stopping it with jobs as the need for security and stability at all costs is so ingrained...and never ask anyone for help, ever. Thank you so much for what you do.
It took me a lot of prayers but now i?I sleep too good. We are all different with what could trigger us or symptoms etc however why do cruel people say we are faking....my head hurts
I was abandoned, not actually but mentally. I was beaten by my parents and used as their personal psychologist (at 7yo) or positioned as their scapegoat. At least 2 times parents left and I was left at my house as an oversight. Young sister was sent to babysitter and I was out of their mind. They all left and I hid under the bed for an hour or two before they realized they had left me alone. Then at the end of the night, it was a joke. If I took it badly, it was because I was crazy and needed psychiatric help. Cptsd is awful and I’m not fully recovered from it.
These types of family situations are awful. Sorry you have experienced that. Daily Practice can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
I relate a lot. I also used to hide or run away for hours hoping someone would care and they didn’t notice. It’s ok. It’s a lot of work I don’t know if that will ever end but the journey is much happier now I’m on it, so don’t worry. Sending you love xx
This is my whole life. Grateful for sobriety- 631 days in a row. I am single not a relationship hater anymore. I just can't see me in a intimate relationship. I am weary of fixing a mate. I want to do what I want.
I feel the same way. It is exhausting & I'm not sure I can deal w/ the challenge of working through the differences & challenges of working through relationship differences?!
It's nobody's job to fix your SO. Just look for an unbroken individual.
Congratulations on your sobriety 👍 Stay strong. 💪Today is my 10 year sobriety. I know every day is a new day, but I am so grateful for how far I’ve come. I wish you all the best ❤️🌹🙏🏼
Congratulations on your sobriety!👍👍😊
Same!
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Vecchi Nese .
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
Great to see you guys talking about her, she changed the game for me.
I’m glad you explained starting to feel out of your body because it scares me thinking I may be dissociating.
You're not alone! One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you
The man you talked to on the side of the highway will forever remember that he talked to an angel. You were there for a reason. God bless 💖
00:00 🚸 Childhood neglect can lead to difficulties in adult relationships, driven by anxieties and longing for stable connections.
03:00 🧠 Understanding triggers is essential in managing symptoms of CPTSD, including neuro-regulation and self-defeating behaviors.
04:10 🚶♂ Walking out during intense conversations can trigger abandonment wounds, particularly for individuals with CPTSD.
06:15 🤐 The silent treatment can be emotionally immature and triggering for those with abandonment trauma, potentially leading to emotional abuse.
07:55 🕰 Waiting for someone can trigger feelings of abandonment, rooted in childhood experiences of neglecting needs.
08:23 😠 Feeling jealous and suppressing it can lead to dissociation, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and setting boundaries.
12:05 🕰 Empty time can trigger anxiety for individuals with abandonment trauma, but it can also be an opportunity for healing and introspection.
13:55 💔 Closeness with loved ones, especially when intense, can trigger feelings of abandonment for those with unresolved trauma.
15:30 😔 Watching others enjoy social ease can trigger feelings of inadequacy and anticipation of rejection, stemming from abandonment trauma.
16:12 😔 Seeing others happy can trigger feelings of shame or ostracization, often influenced by unresolved trauma and interpersonal dynamics.
26:55 💡 May struggles with triggers related to planning and waiting in relationships, stemming from childhood experiences.
30:13 💡 May questions the validity of her expectations in relationships due to past trauma, but Anna reassures her that expecting respect and consideration in communication and plans is reasonable.
32:47 💡 May's experiences reflect a pattern where she accommodates inappropriate behavior due to past trauma, indicating a need for healing and setting healthy boundaries in relationships.
35:16 💡 May recognizes the influence of her father's behavior on her relationship patterns and acknowledges the possibility of attracting similar dynamics in her romantic relationships.
36:09 💡 May acknowledges the potential for healthy, non-triggering relationships and seeks to understand her triggers better to establish healthier communication and boundaries.
36:36 🗝 Recognize and respect your need for communication and clarity in relationships, even if others may not share the same need.
37:33 🚪 Overcome fear of checking in or asking for updates by simply communicating your needs without fear of judgment.
38:43 📝 Practice a daily routine to express and release feelings, helping to discern between personal and external triggers and promote healing.
39:11 💔 Acknowledge when a relationship may not be healthy or fulfilling, and be willing to end it to prioritize your own well-being.
40:37 📅 Set boundaries in dating by not accepting last-minute plans, signaling self-respect and attracting partners who value your time.
42:28 💡 Practice self-respect and self-care as a legitimate plan when faced with disrespectful behavior or uncertainty in relationships.
44:44 🧠 Recognize and manage current triggers to prevent further retraumatization and reduce the impact of complex PTSD symptoms in daily life.
45:36 🔔 Subscribe to receive notifications for upcoming videos discussing common triggers and coping strategies for individuals with complex PTSD.
47:40 🗣 Identify and address personal triggers, such as loud noises or sleep disturbances, stemming from experiences in an out-of-control household.
51:23 🤐 Overcome reluctance to speak up or express needs due to past experiences of being ignored or invalidated, which can hinder healthy communication in relationships.
54:46 🥕 Compulsions related to food and eating behaviors can stem from childhood neglect or trauma, such as feeling the need to hoard snacks for fear of scarcity.
55:44 🕰 Being stood up triggers deep-seated emotions from childhood experiences, such as feeling abandoned or neglected by parents.
57:45 🤥 Feeling like someone is lying or manipulating triggers memories of past experiences where manipulation was used to dismiss one's emotions or concerns.
58:29 🛋 Idleness can trigger anxiety and stress, especially for individuals raised in chaotic or unpredictable environments, highlighting the importance of finding a balance between activity and relaxation.
59:41 😡 Public arguments can trigger intense shame and a desperate need to escape, stemming from past experiences of conflict or abuse.
01:03:44 🎉 Special occasions and receiving accolades can trigger feelings of inadequacy or disappointment, especially if past experiences involved unmet expectations or neglect.
01:03:58 🆘 Asking for help can be triggering due to feelings of shame or inadequacy, often stemming from childhood experiences where help was scarce or unreliable.
01:09:05 💥 Witnessing real-life violence can trigger shock and detachment, highlighting the ongoing impact of traumatic experiences on one's emotional well-being.
01:09:45 🗣 Discussing personal trauma can trigger dissociation and emotional dysregulation, especially when recounting recent or intense experiences.
01:11:21 🤐 Being ignored or silenced can trigger feelings of agitation and resentment, particularly when seeking validation or support from others.
01:12:30 🔄 Validation from loved ones during difficult times can be challenging to accept, but it's an essential part of caring relationships.
01:14:08 🚫 Getting interrupted frequently can trigger neurological dysregulation, affecting focus and cognitive abilities, particularly in high-pressure work environments.
01:18:45 💼 Feeling left out or unprepared in professional settings can evoke strong emotional responses, impacting productivity and confidence.
01:19:58 🗣 Being ridiculed or put down, especially in front of others, can resurface childhood experiences of being mocked or belittled, leading to emotional distress.
01:21:19 💡 Opinion bullies, individuals imposing their beliefs forcefully, can trigger feelings of discomfort and withdrawal, particularly in environments where open discussion is discouraged.
01:23:53 🎪 Street fairs, with their sensory overload and chaotic environments, can trigger negative emotional responses, especially for individuals with past traumatic experiences.
01:24:46 🎵 Loud music reminiscent of past traumatic events, such as 70s drug scene music, can evoke feelings of depression and discomfort, highlighting the influence of sensory triggers on emotional well-being.
01:26:35 🛏 Public nudity, stemming from past experiences of pressure and discomfort, can trigger feelings of vulnerability and discomfort, emphasizing the importance of personal boundaries and autonomy
Thank you so much!!!
You are an angel sent from above, just like Anna.
You wonderful person ❤
thank you for this
Im 52. The best way to avoid feeling anything IS TO STAY AWAY FROM people! And tbe older i get the less i interact with anyone
I thought I was the only one who couldn't stand certain kinds of music. I couldn't stand the 60's hippie style music either. I have the same reaction to drunks and high people. I don't want to smell them, I don't want to see them, I want no part of what they are doing. I never went to parties as a teen, I avoided gathering where I knew there would be alcohol or any other substances being used. My father terrified me. He was so out of control, that when he'd get back from the bars at 2 am he'd raise hell till everyone was awake in the house. When I was 4,-6 sometimes he'd get me up out of bed to sing and dance with me. He would listen to sad songs and hold me like we were slow dancing and he'd cry. It was terrifying to me because he was so unpredictable. One minute he'd be crying and saying he loves you and the next yelling at you saying that you're selfish and undeserving. Even today, I can't stand to be around people who're not consistent and even tempered. When I got to the age of 12, he'd get me out of bed to make him breakfast. He did that a few times before my mom put a stop to it. She had an auto immune disease and would be sick for days at a time where she could barely get out of bed. Her dying was my worst nightmare. Many times she was the only thing that stood between us and my father. And when she was flaring up and sick I protected her from my father. I was so traumatized by my father's aggressive behavior and my fear of my mother's dying that when she did die many years later, I was convinced that I would die with her. IDK why I believed that. I didn't even know that I believed that until she was on her death bed, and I truly thought I was dying too, They had to get a hospital chaplain to come talk to me, to calm me down. I was an adult with children....and I can't believe that I believed such a strange thing. When my father died, I actually felt relieved. I felt so guilty also. I carried around that guilt for a long time. I loved him because he was my father....but the pain he inflicted on his family...let's just say, I didn't miss him, but I did miss the person that he could've been. Once they are dead, there is no reconciliation. I grieved the hope that there could ever be one.
This was rough to read, because I related to so much of it. You have enough material to write an entire book about! If you’re a writer, go for it!
To be included while completely mocked as a clown I rather not even be included
This happened to me my entire life
I totally get triggered when I need to speak up. I'm 47 and can't do it without uncontrolable tears, which in turn make me feel like I loose all credibility and also drained for the day. It's absolutely debilitating.
I've been training my reflexes, my crying reflex goes nuts in certain situations, it's a messy body function. I've been training this reflex lately & getting some relief. so I know just what you mean.
Anyone else playing an awful game of trigger bingo?! I'm checking off each trigger like "oh yeah that makes sense, oh, yeah, that one too, and that one..."
Absolutely :(
Oh yeah... And the worst part is if you don't know where it began. But you definitely check on to the feelings.
It makes me feel like I'm faking it
Watching my mom pass …it felt like I was in a panic, scrambling to get every piece of love I could get, ask every question I could ask, bc I knew it was all I could keep.
💕
It never came l bet...sad but true
I deeply relate to this. It didn’t end well for me but I’m rebuilding.
i was ignored completely and left to litetally fend for myself.....starved,left behind,i didnt matter at all ever to anyone,then SA ,married an alcoholic who was bipolar,abusive in everyway possible......i just want to be alone in a very quiet room.....with a book or my dogs.thats it.thats all i can do.i work in the public ,fake fuction very well,come home and decompress alone.....i am on high alert always,ready to fly out of my skin.insomnia.(and i think im doing well!!!! lmao😮😂
love to all here.....❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You ARE doing well after all that, tell yourself well done, I’m amazing to be able to work or function at all, because you are. I’ve been through so much too. Of course I don’t have a partner of many years or even close friends of many years who love and support me. My trauma led me to very bad choices and being distant with friends who wanted to get on with life without being that close. So from one bad relationship to the next. Now, I’ve stopped. I’m 54 and I’m ill from it all. But I’m happier than I ever was, sitting with myself, doing my reading and writing. But do make sure you socialise outside of work, there are lots of us out here! ❤
We hear you and we really do understand, really really understand. ❤💪👍
You are doing amazing!! Sending love and support.
There is a video on here called the happiness frequency that I like to listen to…. I don’t think I’m allowed to post a link but it’s like being hugged by angels. And the comment section is so supportive.
@@ultravioletpisces3666thanks
I find that I get along the best with people who have trauma. I feel seen by them and I let them feel seen.
Yes, emotional flashbacks! With "regular" flashbacks, I am usually pretty aware of the memory that is causing me dysregulation. But there are those times when I feel suddenly dysregulated (foggy thinking, anxiety, panic, sadness that seemingly comes from out of nowhere), and I don't know why. This term "emotional flashback" makes sense, and explains this phenomenon to me. If there was a traumatic event that happened when I was too young to have language for it, or a clear visual memory, it makes sense that I would still carry the emotions within me.
Well explained. This was helpful xxxx😊
Many people have tried to shame me by saying that I'm "immature," "insecure" or "anti-feminist" because I refuse to stay friends with exes or get involved with persons who are still close to their exes and/or the family members & friends of their exes. I really cannot understand why there is so much shame thrown at us who refuse to still be involved with exes as friends or be involved with partners who are still friends with their exes.
For me, the only VALID reason to still be in close contact with an ex and/or their family members if there are minor children involved (coparenting).
I know how you feel! It’s not healthy & not something I would tolerate either!
I think both are valid, but it depends on the people and situation. Some people really are better as friends than lovers, and friendship is just as important as romance. I’m also not in contact with any of my exes, I didn’t have a good reason to stay in touch anyway, but on the whole, I’m actually not great at maintaining relationships or friendships (a lot of it is due to trauma. I’m getting better but don’t know if I’ll ever have a friendship or anything where I have no anxiety that I’m about to be ditched).
My mom called me all kinds of names in the childhood and I was a good child. She was rager and so hateful towards me. I was surviving till I was able to move out of the house.
Oh boy this was a tough one to listen to. I found myself just wailing. Especially when you talked about your dad sending lifetime of love in his letters.
I find listening to your videos helps me get unstuck when I'm dysregulated.
I started tearing up at certain points listening to this video. I don’t remember at what point. I just felt this release, like a permission in my head saying "she gets me".
I have been living with depression since age 4-5 and anxiety since age 12-13. I'm now 55.
Your videos provide me with hope.
Wow, thank you for sharing this! Hope you will find more help here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I wish somebody had told me all of this when I was in my 20s and a series of guys cheated on me, then gaslit me about and called me “right wing” for having feelings and wanting monogamy. Calling someone “right wing” for having normal things was very common then where I lived. And it was social destruction to be deemed a right wing. A fate worse than death. I spent years pretending I was the cool girl, putting up with horrible things, and not realizing that the actual “cool girls” weren’t putting up with that kind of behavior at all.
Omg…the speaking up piece resonated deeply. I held in so much - anger primarily - locked me into a cycle of anxiety and depression. And the spontaneous thing - wow! My parents moved 31 times during their married life and we were not a military family. I am so proud that even though my mother wanted me to move from the city I lived in when my marriage blew up I did whatever it took to allow my kids to stay in the same city and the same schools. It can make me cry when I hear that my youngest who is 35 now still sees friends he has had since he was preschool in a babysitting coop that I started since we had no family around.
I wish I had found this channel 20 years ago!
I have so many of the same triggers - especially retail shopping and street fairs!!!
that mall thing is so right. I get triggered while trying to choose the perfect "cheapest" thing. I spend hours sometimes and I cant decide, as I cant decide I get more irritated and angry on myself. And the end is always disappointing. I waste the day, spend for nothing and go back to home as dead tired.
Your dad would be so proud of you for helping others!
One time I worked in a nursing home and we were getting ready for the holiday season. we were talking about which holidays we were going to have off, I started talking about having off on Christmas, and my coworker looked at me and said, "Lila holidays are for people who have families, not you." That really hurt me.
Wow 😢
That was so insensitive and terrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that. People who need to always down others are usually the ones who lack the most peace. Family isn’t always blood, it’s the ones you choose. Just know that you are loved and most importantly, God sees you. ❤
@@Ilovevedios44 thanks
Watching your videos has helped me a lot. I see myself in a more forgiving light while holding myself accountable for reactions that are not so great. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Who knew! My mom was 17 when I was born. We lived with my grandparents until I was 8 and it was just me and my mom. My grandma ran my dad off so I never got to know him. Anyway I was alone a lot of the time and she worked constantly. I remember getting on my hands and knees scrubbing the floors and really cleaning the house and hoping she would notice when she got home but she never did. She never did drugs or anything like that it was just work keeping her away. She says now that she feels bad for not being around, but it's kind of too late. There were so many things that happened with me and my grandparents that she was never around for. It's funny because I always thought I was being dramatic when someone would leave me and I would get so upset and feel like life was just over LOL but it does feel like that, I feel like maybe I'm just not good enough. My mom was constantly saying "that's stupid" when I would say something or even say how I feel. She's also the type to never take responsibility and feels attacked when someone mentions something she did wrong or how she made someone feel. She starts talking about what she thinks that person did wrong instead of acknowledging what she did. Now my grandma, she constantly said kids are to be seen and not heard so I think that's why I'm so quiet and don't get involved in the adult conversations. Mind you I'm 47 and still feel like this. It was beat into my head. Then there is the control and not wanting me to grow up or do anything at all.
I relate to feeling like my life is over if someone I like leaves. I’m used to solitude, I like it to an extent but I’d love to have some real, solid feeling friendships. Seems like no matter how I try to approach them, they fizzle out or I’m just an afterthought.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Sorry you have experienced these types of family situations. Daily Practice can help with the understandable fears and resentments, and if you’re looking for more Anna has a longer course, Healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
Re plans, I recently dated a guy that said he can’t make plans. Every time he left I’d say I’ll see you when I’ll see you, he’d say make your own plans and I’ll see where I can fit in. This triggered me. It felt rude, disrespectful of my time and made me feel optional and like I don’t matter. I brought this up to him saying making plans is the bear minimum in a relationship, I said how it makes me anxious when someone is inconsistent. he said I don’t like what you said and I need time to think. he made me wait until he’d thought before he texted to tell me it’s not negotiable and he can’t do plans. He did in the beginning but 2 months in he suddenly couldn’t. I ended it but was made to feel like I was being controlling. I questioned whether I was right so thank you Anna for validating that I was right, he was selfish and rude and for the bin. Proud of myself for holding my boundary finally. X
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Good job with holding your boundary! Keep it up!
Nika@TeamFairy
RE: street fair/mall/store triggers, towards the end of a long term live-in relationship, I took our shopping list to the supermarket and felt woozy and light headed. The music, the colors, the lights, the crowded aisles and oblivious people hit me in the gut. I saw carrots on the list and in the produce section I stared at all the different choices of carrots and froze up. I walked away from my cart and went outside to get some air, hoping to go back inside but I just couldn't. On the walk home I cried and when I sent inside, she asked me where the groceries were and that was when I took her hand and said, we need to sit down and talk. After we broke up I heard the lyrics to the Clash song Lost in the Supermarket and cried again.
A HEDGEHOG WITH RABIES!...Lord,that made me laugh!... I totally get that... As a recovering cptsd woman.
YOU ARE FANTASTIC, ANNA...... THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALL YOUR WONDERFUL KNOWLEDGE...
That you have personally experienced a crazy, awful childhood with continuous trauma is very reassuring, you KNOW what it is to feel like we do...
AMANDA 💕💕💕
I have learned to calm my triggers over the years (I'm 66), but until I watched this video today, never even realized that those feelings were triggered or what caused those triggers. Anna, your videos have explained so much to me about myself, and this video in particular--I'm going to have to listen to it a second time. I grew up in very chaotic "house of hate" and all I remember from my childhood was the screaming, yelling, and fighting every day, the backhanding across my face, being ignored, teased and ridiculed, and the high anxiety it caused (I also had undiagnosed ADHD). I was not allowed to cry (might get hit or teased if I did) or feel sorry for myself. Father spent my childhood at the bar and came home drunk every night. Narcisstic mother. Somehow, I'm able to remain extremely calm in any situation to the point of feeling and appearing very unemotional. I never cry in front of anyone and though I'm still a mess inside, no one knows it. I still feel like I don't really matter to anyone, but I find your examples and explanations very helpful and my issues are starting to make some sense. Thank you!
You are so welcome! Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
My parents were always loners. They simply didn’t socialize and we seldom if ever had guests. We all just grew up having solitude as our normal. Growing up, I instinctively did everything alone and saw nothing unusual about it. I ate alone in the cafeteria, I went to the community swimming pool or to the playground alone. Although there were groups of neighborhood kids around me everywhere, I had no interest in joining in. I kept to myself, not noticing anything unusual about it until much later. I have never been interested in social situations, but as a young adult I felt obligated to reluctantly participate, just because “you’re supposed to”. Years later, I finally got sick of going through the motions and I stopped participating altogether. I’m much happier now being at home with my husband and my pets. I’ve found my happiness in solitude. Some may think it’s lonely or weird, but to me it’s the perfect fit. Trying to be like everyone else didn’t work for me because I’ll never be like everyone else, and that’s okay. 😊
I'm stuck in a misplaced childhood
Broken homes
Petrol bombs
Parents partners
Too many schools
Parents running from trouble
Incurable disease
Ive absolutely no idea of how i get out of this malaise of sh*t
Im only hear because my dog is here
Not waking up tomorrow is such a pleasant thought
Hi 👋
So this is a random thing I wish I could share so I'll have to explain a meme instead... I hope it helps as it did for me. It was years ago and stuck with me because it made me lol, granted not everyone appreciates it like I do but, keep the sentiment & change the language to suit.... like a funny little mantra you can tell yourself at the end of your list 'o shit you have there( - much the same btw.... ❤ those doggos ) t
Rather than leaving it at what equates as negative, reconfirmed self talk each time you say/ think of your list of traumas, you end it with a BIG ol'' BUUUUT....
*meme picture is a big cartoon Buzzard, goofy looking , like if Foghorn Leghorn was a buzzard...muscular build giving you thumbs up lol
I have this list of shit to deal/have delt with, BUT:
"In your life so far you have survived Heartbreak, you've had Loss, Disappointments, you've been Scared, you've had trauma and pain...
Yet, Here You Are.
You Go, motherf'er
You Got This. ❤ "
It's a beutiful life if WE let it - despite, and more importantly Inspite of all the bits that aren't. It IS YOURS, to live- remember that & don't let the bastards get you down, luv.
Sometimes, it's ok to just tell people, even family, to fuck right off -and just live your life for you - not selfishly, but with intention. We only get one time around this crazy journey, take everything good and turn your back on the crap, it really is a beautiful life. Hard, challenging, weird and confusing, and so damn fascinating, awe inspiring, beautiful and... dogs ❤
Forget about the not being here anymore, there will be more than enough time for that as is.
Keep On, Keeping On & if you do need a chat, please reach out to someone.
Even to me on this post. otherwise, good luck out there, and giv'em hell. 💪💪
I know how you feel. My son made a comment as I left the cooker on and he said “imagine if the oven wasn’t turned off and we didn’t wake up in the morning” and I secretly thought …if only xx
Your channel is amazing. Another video where I check all the boxes 😞
I used to get offended when people explained things I already know.
Then I realized it's better to not assume they know, and explain anyway just in case. When I assume people know things, they often mess my stuff up.
We haven’t met all the people who will truly love us. What’s beautiful is when you are living the life you love means, your inner light is on…fire! 🔥When people are being people, it is so much easier to see true intentions of someone’s behavior. Honest, considerate Communication is paramount in healthy relationships. Everything is touch and go when people are superficial. Let them be superficial and keep your light on to connect with those who want something meaningful. Everyday we are above ground is another opportunity to meet the right people who will show you love. I’ve learned self worth is an inside job.
Thank you for sharing your insight with us.
Nika@TeamFairy
Oh my God, There are so many situations in my life you have described in this video. Instead of boyfriend it's my son, sibs and work. I've felt not valued at all in all instances and felt it's because I suck at getting my point across. I want to cry. I don't remember being abandoned or neglected in my child hood. I made a decision last year that I wouldn't bring up these issues again to my sisters or my son because I knew that I was depending on their actions to make me happy. I want to share this with them to help them understand why I felt/feel a certain way. But I'm scared it may backfire and make things worse. I live far away from all of them so it's difficult to make plans as I don't have the financial resources to get together as they have. I cut back on social media so that I don't view another post that triggers being left out.
oh, I can relate, going to malls is never fun day for me. It is overwhelming selection etc. I go straight to specific store try on a top if it fits, I buy all colours available and leave as quick I possibly can. I did the same thing when I had to buy new furniture last year. It was horrible experience; I am frugal by nature. I just wished I could enjoy the moment, but I was extremely stressed. I had several panics attacks had to return to the furniture several times. I was embarrassed to say the least
Oh, so interesting you mentioned sleep issues. I have had dreams where I acted out... Screamed, yelled and very clearly cussed people out. Must be a c-ptsd symptom.
I grew up in the roman Catholic Children's Aid Society of Ontario, Canada . I had two adoption breakdowns as well as my mother giving me up. They were all extremely abusive and I'd become an advice columns done narcissism. I have a couple very successful blogs. There is such a thing called desnose. C p t s d doesn't cover it. People that have been repeatedly abandoned in their childhood develop so many in securities as well. As not loving themselves. I can say I finally love myself but it took the past five years of incredibly hard work. I never felt like I belonged. I feel like I belong to myself now thank god❤
My parents would go into their bedroom and lock the door for like 6-7 hours when they had a day off, I would just sit outside the door quietly and wait - not allowed to knock or be yelled at - only child - now she wonders why I dont call more often...Im avoidant so my answer isnt to cling but to reject people so they cant withhold their precious attention.
You obviously know this and probably hear it all the time, but I just want to say that it is so inspiring to see your ability to count, list, reduce and precisely describe your triggers..it is so impressive! To me personally that is so much more motivating than just hearing from people they learned to deal with situations..of course that's also amazing, but being able to have such a clear overview of what is happening in your mind and body, that's just mesmerising and I aspire to get there too, one step at a time :)
I feel so broken because of this anxiety. I don't have how to deal with these abandonment issues, and it gets on my professional life way too much
I've suffered w this my entire life . The last 4 yrs I isolated myself from my crap fit "friends" & working on me. This was difficult to hear , tears fell thinking about my childhood ' teens , 20s 30s 40s 50s.. crapped on endlessly . I'm trying to learn how to be the best person to that abandoned kid inside me..😢 thanks for this video
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. That sounds hard but remember healing is possible! I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment and it's been already appreciated by many others from our community here. It's a free course and you can find it here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks!
You are not alone I can relate completely, in fact I could’ve written this. 🙏🏻❤️🩹🙏🏻
I had a friend who initiated getting together during Easter break. I was planning to go away to be with family and she never called or responded to my calls. I had one week holiday vacation and no plans because she ghosted me. She had the nerve to call me years later to catch up. I was stupid enough to take her call and never mentioned it. I am forgiving but I didn’t wish to continue a friendship with someone who could be so rude and insensitive .
I have the really fun combo of C-PTSD and ver high masking autism. So, some of these things get better with healing but some of it will never go away because there is overlap between the two.
Exactly! As you know, the best response to narcissists is NO RESPONSE! YOU GO GIRL!!!😊
"what are you doing with people that cause you anxiety all day" holy crap this video is gold for me (and I'm sure many of us). I'm learning to not keep seeing people that want me to be their friend more than they want to be my friend. Thank you again, Anna. ❤
Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
All of these things describe me so well. Super sensitive to social rejections rejections at work jobs and bosses that won't promote me or respect my boundaries.
I'm so sorry about your father, that's such a terrible way to lose a parent at such a young age.
My cousins- so as a kid my parents were going through it… I have cousins who are the same age and and 7 other siblings who are 10+years older. My cousins have always excluded me. I got breadcrumbs of inclusion. They would make plans together without me at thanksgiving etc… I’m 33 now. I still hold out on social media for their attention. They are not my vibe, but I still want their approval and attention. I’ve minimized who I am because of it. I don’t speak with my dad anymore. My mom I sometimes speak with. I don’t talk with my sibs much… they don’t really include me.
When I was a kid, my cousin's mom would play psychological mind games with me because she was jealous that my mother and stepfather were wealthy and she thought I was spoiled and treated better than her daughter because I had perfect grades all the time and everyone in our small community regarded me as super intelligent. My biological father was also a well known wealthy business owner from a rich family that owned cotton gins for generations, although he never came near me or acknowledged me even once in my life. I have never seen him up close, ever. But my cousin's mom was still jealous because of these things, I guess because she married our cousin from my mom's mother's side of the family, the poor side, so her husband's folks weren't too wealthy and didn't help them much. She would tell me that she was going to get me and a couple of our friends and take us to movies or have a party or something and hype it up trying to get me excited for weeks, asking me in a weird way over and over, "are you excited?" Then on the day I would wait and they didn't show up. Then she never acknowledged it and I could tell by how my cousin talked and acted that her mom had planned it. She never asked my parents about it during those weeks of hyping me up, so my mom told me that the lady was bullshitting even when I told her how much she was insisting. So I wasn't really hyped up because I was emotionally shut down during childhood since my mother married her wealthy husband and they both pretended I didn't exist and my mother knew it was a lie because if it had been true then she would have told my mom first. But that woman really did a number on my mind as a kid. She coached my cousin and other kids we knew to hate me and treat me differently.
I've had a lot of counselling that highlighted abuse and neglect. Neither of my parents ever had time and my father utterly hated me from a very young age. I have struggled and now in my 60s I have nobody. I am far more together that I use to be but I have nobody; no friends, never married and it has taken years for me to stop blaming myself but life seems at an end. The worst is the loneliness but I think i am a very easy person to get to know but being semi disabled the silence is depressing. I would say, get help and get it early. The longer you leave it the harder it is.
I have a strong, fun , outgoing, confident & authentic personality. Professional RN for 45 years where I had strong and fulfilling relationships with sharp, educated coworkers & always got positive evaluations on my ability to resolve workplace conflict. But my family of origin is so awful to me - gossipy, grudge-holding, quick to label people & toss them aside. My mother is the ringleader. She’s 88 & giving me the silent treatment bc I called her out on talking bad about me to my grown kids. (Who have told me she did) My sister has no interest in being a sister & is cold hearted. Both are married to men who are total pansies in this sick family dynamic, never standing up for the right thing or pushing these women to grow up!What do I do when there’s not a chance in hell of having a rational conversation with them, esp my mother. Not a chance. I really can’t even stand her. She used to reveal to us the private problems of people coming to her work place for counsel! Even before HIPPA she should’ve had more integrity than that!! I actually have people ask me why she is so faux sweet, that it is just weird. I always say, it’s called PHONY. Ugh.🤦🏼♀️
OMG…I’ve listened to many of your videos and this one has resonated so deeply and been so helpful.
I'm so glad the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Relationships & friendships go well for a while then eventually fall apart. I want to give up sometimes because it’s so hurtful when I think of all the friendships that have faded away or are broken.
That sounds hard. You might like Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. It can help improve relationships with acquaintances and the people close to you. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
My life is the same way. I can’t seem to find genuine people or keep relationships. People are hurtful and they use you for their needs and don’t care about you 😔
Wow this was so helpful. It really resonated with me. I have to drive always. I tell people I get sick, but that isn’t true. I need to feel some sense of control. I have similar triggers and thought I was broken. I have been working on my shadows for about 2 years and have found a sense of calm through meditation and being alone in nature. I am learning to love myself. I remain single because I tend to attract narcissists. I understand why now and so while I hope to find my person, I would rather be alone than abused again and again. Thank you for all you do. Your life was worse than mine but I wasn’t far behind. Those triggers are in there really deep. It is helpful to know you can learn to regulate them to some degree.
I have been really enjoying your videos, great stuff! I thought it was interesting you mention high sugar foods as a trigger. There have been recent studies that metformin can help alleviate ptsd symptoms.
I was raised in a totally selfish atmosphere, thats a new area to explore within my trauma healing.thank you.
Waiting is a HUGE trigger for me.
My partner has kept me waiting throughout our 14 year old relationship He has been up to 2 hours late for a date, and still battles to stick to plans and/or keep me informed when there's an issue.
It turns out he has high functioning aspergers, but I wish I'd walked away before it affected me to the extent that it now has.😢
so so important and timely....a million thanks for the validation and direction
You are so welcome!
Nika@TeamFairy
Everything you have said here explains how I am and why I feel like I do. All the triggers, the disruptive household, there were rarely any calm times or times I felt safe and loved. Abandonment is a huge thing for me but I always feel I’m to blame. This is the first time I have realised it’s not me, it’s the effect of my childhood. You speak with such a kind voice and without any vindictiveness that I can listen to you. It is so hard feeling my feelings that it is easy not to carry on listening. Thank you for your channel and for discussing what a crappy childhood does to a person.
1:28 - Oh my goodness! You're the first person I've heard who shares this. Flour/gluten and sugar make me an entirely different person in my head, and not it a good way at all! Thank you for this video. It's both hard and helpful. Hard because it makes me realize how significant the situation really is and helpful because it gives me hope for continued growth and improvement.
You're in the right place and we're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
Your episodes on here are my childhood. Violent alcoholic dad and violent narcissist Ma. I remember stuff from when I was 18 months old. I am 68now and am only just fine. It took this long to figure it out. Crazy. But…. Have hope!
Wow! That accident sounds rough. I was getting triggered hearing about it. I am glad that you were there for that man.
I know that you will do it. You have started your journey to healing. I wish you all the best.
I have so many triggers from childhood😥
You mentioned you were called a "worry wort" growing up. I was too and still tend to worry about things I do not have any control over outcomes. Thank you for your video, Anna. Your sharing I can identify on several levels including I am a member of 12 step Alanon and it certainly has several resources and suggestive ways to heal through 12 steps and traditions. You are helping so many people by validating their own CPTSD just by hearing your story.
I should have been looking into cpst for a long time. I was diagnosed with PTSD so long ago, I didn't keep up with therapy. It was so spotty. I am so happy you are doing what you're doing. I thank you for what you do
I'm still here ❤Anna! I'm still here😓
Wow this is so brutally accurate
Dear Anna. Even though I am undiagnosed autistic, I feel very deeply and can empathise, moved to tears by what happened with your father. I can relate. In my case, my parents divorced when I was 19. When I got back from holiday, my dad was gone. I felt real trauma, there was a huge void, despite the massive fights and other incidents our family had gone through. I still felt for my dad but didn't know quite how to connect with him or communicate that, (I believe he is an undiagnosed autistic.). I do think he loved my mother in his own way. Things got so nasty that our whole family exploded. I was also racked with guilt because I helped make it happen to protect my mother and then we were condemned by the Catholic Church which I eventually left. So yes, sometimes do things EVEN if you feel uncomfortable because the guilt afterwards when it's too late. I'm crying now. I've returned to God as a Christian, still finding ALL relationships difficult even in the church. It might be part of God's will for my life to help the church be more loving and accepting people with mental health/ neuro divergent conditions so that we can form the proper family that Jesus intends us to be. Much love and thanks so much for your ministry. 🙏😘💕
This is me at 56......put up with all of the pain/re trauma.....then they go on to someone else & u are dismissed.......Thankyou soooo much for finally putting a word/making sense to my emotions/nervous system/feelings going through the roof....Emotional flashbacks.....but no memories, so much blocked....
Thankyou so much for this clarity...... It makes absolute sense!!! ..no therapist has ever said this......🙏🙏
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm so glad I'm not alone. Thank you for all your guidance, and thank you to all the commenters for sharing your stories.
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much. I was in a really bad place today and watching your video reminded me of how much I've done to be myself and happy in my life. Not feeling scared, abandoned and misunderstood all the time. It turned me from dwelling on feeling miserable and helpless to being proud of myself.
I'm so glad! Thank you for sharing!
Nika@TeamFairy
18:37 the group thing and FINALLY someone else who did this when raising their hand in class. I always thought I was weird for feeling that way and the only one. I never even have talked about it. I mean, I am weird but I'm not the only one and that is such a relief!
I'm an adult now but I still do the equivalent of that in social and work situations very so often. Not something I thought I'd be excited about right now but here I am. 😂
I'm crying over the Dad story.
Dear C.C.Fairy,
1000 thanks for posting Your videos! I've been following You for over a half of a year. You are so relatable and you' ve helped me a great deal, even if my native language is not English.
Please know, you are appreciated all over the world! ❤🇱🇻
YOU ARE SUCH AN ANGEL ! the loud noises, yelling and chaos around me is super triggering to me. The other aspect of my childhood included emotional neglect from Dad when i needed it. In the response to that, in my life to this day, i have never been able to feel good with boundaries that i deserve to hold in a relationship with a man.
You might find one of Anna's courses helpful. Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD may be right for you: bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Nika@TeamFairy
I can’t believe how relatable your content is
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I just want to say…I appreciate you so much!… I’m from a chaos household… Thank you for sharing and giving us the tools to heal and know that it’s not our fault. That what’s happening is “normal” for people who grew up or dealing with trauma symptoms. ❤🦋;
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna…. Thank you, thank you, for the important description of behaviors & memory triggers of your childhood… l work with families & try to communicate how parental behaviors trigger children that will carry into their child’s adulthood 😢
I still don’t like when people yell in the house and slam things. Reminds me of my father unfortunately.
Gosh. Every word resonates. Thank you for showing the way. There’s light at the end of the tunnel
What a great letter! I thought just like her mostly through my youth and was talking to video saying "I call crap-fit!" because I've been there. I got used to having my parents dump even big plans at a very young age that I was REALLY looking forward to. Talk about dysregulating. As it went on I taught myself to not expect ppl to come through. Promises were just ideas in the moment. When young friends were flakey, instead of looking for better friends, i crap-fit to lower my normal expectations again and basically became a too tolerant doormat. Same with early romantic interests. It hurts and dysregulates less when you expect the least or even shut off your feelings...which I'm working on repairing. Doing this teaches ppl to not respect you and there's a LOT of them out there who are flakey jerks or worse. You have to trust yourself and not accept bad behaviour. It's hard to walk away from a big crush or fun friend and good ppl are hard to find but they're out there.
My fave is working hard on recovery, finally relaxing in a situation, and the same exact thing happens that always did. I am not just hurt or angry, I feel like it is 100% my fault for being so dumb to believe it could be different.
I just want to share my gratitude with you. All my life I sought insight, counseling, support...no one ever risked honesty, reflection or connection of the dots with regard to my childhood history and it's impact on my ability to garner a relationship with longevity. I am a young, spirited, healthy 67 year old, but I cant help but feel I've wasted so, so much of the "love" part of my life. How can you attract someone to love you for exactly who you are when your triggers, inner voices and fears make no sense even to you. To hear your explanation of your own, literally brings tears to me. What I realize is that I am part of a tribe who shares all these things I thought were just "odd". This tribe may or may not be what I idealized to be "me"...but rather what I rejected trying to be "normal". It simpky brings me peace to hear I am not alone, bc certain life experiences bring about certaun maladaptive tools. Thank you for your kind, articulate, honest sharing and perspective. God bless and keep you. (Us, and me). : )
I'm the same age and can totally empathize. Same life experience. Married someone who ignores me. I'm learning! Determined I cannot let another destroy me. God bless you too!❤🤗
Thank you for sharing. Glad you are a part of our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I can identify with so much here...never feeling safe, my concerns totally disregarded, never validated, my needs a complete bother. Totally conditioned and manipulated to crapfit. . So glad I'm not alone in my experiences. Healing is possible.
Glad you are here! Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy