5:16 It's called Selective Mutism, but it's a very misleading term - you don't get to choose when it happens! For that reason many argue that something along the lines of Spontaneous Mutism or any other term would better describe the trait.
1. With the flushing toilets, the one I hated mostly was the airplane toilets where theyre super loud and messy, and it felt like it was sucking you into another dimension. I hated fireworks and abulances as well so loud. 2. I always rub my hand and wash them if they smell and feel wrong. 3. I had no issue with pretend play with the other kids because I just copied them. It's mainly based on a TV show and Movies like Pokémon. My cousin and I played a lot and got along very well and he is autistic so we played very well. It's hard for me to play with other kids, but I did well by myself with pretending. I had an imagination more as a kid but not as an adult. My toys never had names, but I did love naming trees. They aren't that social, I think. 4. In class we were told to draw what God looked like, and I couldn't do it because I didn't know, and I couldn't imagine it. 5. My eye contact has always been intense because I look into peoples eyes instead of the whole face so I get accused of staring a lot.
I share many of those traits too. The non-verbal thing is something I have experienced my entire life - its the most debilitating trait making impossible to work and make friends. I think the right term is selective mutism. 💜
Yes! I've struggled with that my whole life. Dealing with the selective mutism was just awful. It made school even more of a nightmare than it already was.
thx 4 sharing. the constricting thing I have too. to this day I have no rings, never wore a tie, no jewellery, no wrist watch. and socks are a story of their own, I hate the ones with a band, but if it is to lose, it feels also wrong. I do sometimes use a belt, but really only if I have to. strangely enough I do like having a buff scarf. I think I like it when I can feel my body from a broad fabric, but hate it when it come from a thin thing.
I never realized I played differently until recently as an adult, hearing how typical kids' play is. Now I know why I was always bored and annoyed when my friends wanted to play pretend and I just wanted to sort their toys so I could find all the parts to a teaset or a match up the pairs of Barbie shoes (missing shoes from a pair were the worst) or when I went to the children's museum and there was a play supermarket, I wanted to stock the shelves and make it look real, not play a cashier or customer. I was always disappointed that there was never enough play food to actually fill shelves correctly. I also often didn't react to falling or getting hurt while playing as a toddler, so my mom used to joke about it, but looking back, I wonder if that was not that I didn't feel hurt, but that I had more important things to do than be distracted by being injured. Getting stuck was a totally different matter and there are lots of photos of me about to cry because I'm stuck after crawling into a tight spot
I want to sooooo bad, part of me is worried there’ll be some kind of consequence for doing it, but mostly I’m like I’d be telling the truth, maybe don’t be a crappy person if you don’t want people to talk about you being a crappy person 🤭
@@DanaAndersenoh yeah, totally understand the hesitation. I’d only encourage you to talk about it if you feel safe doing it! But yes it sounds like this was a nasty nasty person! One of my pet peeves is people being inconsiderate of others’ space and need for a quiet safe environment to come home to. I just don’t get it at alllll
I hope your move went smoothly. The worst move I had was working nights and having to put a bed in a living room for a month, starting out with not knowing how long it was for. I couldn't sleep during the day because of the noise from the other people.
I have never been able to "make up stories," and even as a kid had little idea what other kids were doing when they played war or whatever. With the kids in my neighborhood I could play games like kickball, but at school I just stood there and watched others play. I sort of wanted to join in, but what they were doing always seemed so arbitrary. I couldn't even copy their behavior; I just felt no connection to it at all.
we need to do a survey about TFS (Toilet Flushing Sensitivity, just made it up) because i'm thinking about this ever since i remembered it but i was like, aren't all kids like this? kids are naturally more sensitive to everything so isn't this just a normal phase everyone goes through? i still don't know, and this is why we need the survey
Honestly I want a questionnaire about all sorts of things I did as a kid with answers from everyone in the west to see which are normal and which aren’t so much 😂
@@DanaAndersen the other thing like this that comes to mind, weren't all kids baffled by the fact that adults say it's 5 o'clock when it's clearly 2 minutes to, or 3 minutes past or something i asked one friend about this but she didn't remember it happening to her. that's not that much data yet tho Also they tell you to eat All the food on your plate and then they clearly leave scraps on theirs. ahhhh those adults!!!
when i started asking my mom about potential autism signs in my childhood, it turned out i never made eye contact despite them trying very hard to teach me to do so 🙃 also i was told my entire life how smart i was as a baby; i skipped babbling and went straight to talking at 1 year. now i come to find out i wasn’t talking TO anyone. i learned sentences from the get go, but i apparently refused to use my language to actually communicate with anyone 🤦🏽♀️ i also was extremely particular about my play, preferred to play alone, and would have a meltdown if my parents played with me but didn’t play my script exactly as i wanted. i cannot be convinced i didn’t get diagnosed as a child bc i was a brown girl. i TRULY thought i must’ve been Master Masker 1 Million before i started learning these things ab my childhood.
Knowing you found a place to move to on time that doesn’t horrify you really gives me hope for some reason. I will be homeless by the end of July if I don’t pull myself together and rally to get this all sorted out. But it was looking grim for you. And things are grim for me - the timing is just Awful. But you did it. I can do it, too.
Hi Dana, I noticed you hadn’t been uploading and I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing okay this past week with moving and everything. Sending my best wishes ❤
Even as an adult, my mom still gets upset at me if I don't greet strangers when I'm with her. But it's funny because I often do say "hello", but I'm so quiet and she's so busy talking she just doesn't notice that I DID say something 😅Frankly I think she can just say "hello" for both of us lol good luck with moving!
I had times as a child that I'd lose my words (I still do at times in certain situations). I was quiet anyway away from home. In high school a few times I remember some girls asking me why I don't talk and I'd freeze. I couldn't answer them. Then when I would talk at other times, they'd make a big deal out of it... oh she can talk. I hated being put in the spot light at that moment. I hated high school. At the time, I never knew it was autism. But I see it now.
“Social imagination”, did you make that up on the spot? Wow, that sums it up for me! When I went to kindergarten for my first school experience, I found it a rude awakening. I watched the other kids playing and I had no idea how to join in their pretend world, nor did I want to. The best part of my imagination was it was MY imagination. I thought the others played “baby games” and were loud, excitable and bossy. I withdrew into myself and at best I was an observer, but I was never a participant.
I wish I could claim I had, but it’s a ‘real’ term! It absolutely blew my mind when i first heard it because I could finally just say that instead of having to try to fully explain my brain 😂
Also! about _social imagination_ i Need To get this off my chest: ( _infodump incoming_ ) ever since i was a kid i adored stories. as far as i can remember, i always wanted to make story based video games etc etc but when it comes to coming up with the stories themselves, especially lifelike characters, or dialogue, or motivations, or dynamics, i just... can't for the love of god do it. like i know what makes a story tick, i know the frameworks and the recipees but i just don't know where all the actual elements are supposed to come from, when it comes to just coming up with something or someone, nothing comes, i blank out i'm sure there are plenty of good autistic authors out there and maybe they could help me out. the best i'm able to do is like, vibes, and maybe _some_ of the elements, but they're rarely woven together also when it comes to character motivations, i fall back to the fact that i have no idea what makes most people tick. like i know on an intellectual level, but it's so unintuitive i find it hard to imagine it myself. i can recognize authenticity in characters, just not create them intuitively if that makes sense i think i'm way better when it comes to conjuring up coherent concepts, cultural or abstract elements, worldbuilding, some plot points, spacial storytelling, literal viiibes etc and in the end i find myself systemizing these elements instead of just writing the damn characters and plot 💀 i'm having this epiphany in real time right now. idk what to doo, wanna make up cool stories sometime
yesssss!!!!! writing plots or setting the scene is fine ig (altho i would still struggle to do it on demand with no jumping off points), but i don’t think i could write a lifelike person at all. but i don’t think it’s impossible to develop this ability, if you really want, i believe in you!! or if it’s easier you can collab with someone and they write the personal stuff while you do the rest ahahah
DUDE I FEEL THIS COMMENT SO MUCH.I look at my favorite franchises and I wonder how they came up with the characters or how they able to place those said characters in a story and how they came up with the plot in the first place😭😭
I remember this one time in daycare i was invited to play with the dolls and pretend stuff. I was excited and brought over Donatello to represent me (each kid had 1 doll) and the ninja turtles were the coolest and maybe a special interest. So it became apparent to me pretty quickly that I was doing something wrong because they kept giggling about something. I kept at it because despite the friction I was kinda excited about getting to play with the other kids and they were girls too! Neat! Then I got too literal. My character was supposed to go in the other room to do something. And i thought "ya know you take 1 step at a time, and Donny is small so he'd need a lot of steps to go that far" Then instead of pantomime steps i had him take a ton of little steps on the wood floor and it was quite noisey. Tippy tappy in rapid succession They all 3 lost it. They started laughing big uncontrollable laughing fits and continued for ... well it was probably actually at most minutes but it felt like eternity. I wasn't invited to play with them again.
I think the word they’re using for episodes of nonverbal-like behavior is ‘intermittent speech loss’. Been there. Felt that. Going through your channel with a fervor for feeling Seen. Boi I used to exclusively wear a beanie because I liked the pressure on my head and I hated to shower tooo. (I started typing this as adverts started and I am just. Autistically adverse to Advertisements. It makes me yell insults at the screen. I have to turn the volume off or I start losing so much patience and mental stability so fast. Idk if anyone else experienced this. I hate being sold to. Especially after a few lessons on how advertisements are literally meant to TRICK YOU into wanting something (and I can TELL the strategies they’re using and it FRUSTRATES ME they think I’m stupid!!). Awooo. You’d think Premium would be an accommodation I *need*, but I ain’t spending $20 for peace of mind). (They play like every thirty seconds these days!! It’s a nightmare!!!) *off topic there for a second* The ‘unload your thoughts in parenthesis’ I think is an adhd thing for me and I can’t rly. Decide how important it is. Don’t All Thoughts feel important? (Tho I guess I can tell it’s Off Topic). When you got executive dysfunction yEAG. Plus it’s the comment section bout mental health symptoms so like maybe someone will respond like ‘yeag’ also. A SECOND ROUND OF ADVERTS PLAYIN AS I TYPE. I gotta end this. I have to hit that skip button. This is not The Lovely Dulcet Tones of a Fellow Autist. This is annoying advert noise.
I’ve never heard the phrase “social imagination.” Definitely also didn’t have much of THAT. But it makes me think, what other kinds of imagination are there? I think the imagination I did have was aesthetic (dressing things up, doing make up, getting dolls ready to do something - they genuinely never did anything though…) and… I guess mechanical/physics imagination? For lack of a better way to phrase it… I had this one Barbie doll with a shopping cart, whose legs would jut forward like it was walking when you pushed her and the cart forward, and as young as 4 or 5, I would stare at it for ages imagining the inner mechanics of the doll that made it possible. What could I feel from the outside? what could I hear? What is the sequence of motions that trigger other motions? How far across the floor would you have to push it before the next leg kicked forward? What angles would the knees be at during which steps? Is that a spring in the knee? How does Barbie’s biomechanics compare the a real human’s biomechanics while walks? Obviously I didn’t have all of those words to describe my thoughts, but those were my thoughts. Deeper and deeper and deeper I would dissect how particularly interesting toys functioned. I suppose this was an instance of hyperfocus. But what kind of story do you make for a grocery shopping Barbie? I had nothing, aside from “my mom also shops for groceries, so maybe Barbie has kids, too.”
I struggle to remember details of my childhood but some of it trickles back into mind when I'm reflecting. I'm not sure if I had much of a social imagination myself but I know I didn't lack imagination in other things. I could think up alien worlds in detail and draw them out with the various creatures that lived there lol. Edit: I had to come back and add to this comment once I watched to the end. Congrats on nailing down a new place to move into! I hope the move itself goes quick and smooth.
The more video like this I watch the more and more i become thankful for having been raised by undiagnosed ND parents 🙈. They unknowingly raised us in an environment that was very supportive. Sure I still had problems and issues and it definitely wasn’t perfect don’t get me wrong. But just for an example. My parents would have never encouraged me to talk or hug stranger cause they themselves would never want to do that 🙈. Nobody would make spontaneous plans or change them too much cause my whole family doesn’t like that … are we wondering why? No? - See what I mean… And I have such a hard time thinking about the autistic traits in childhood but whenever I watch these videos they come to mind and make me remember these more and more 🙈. There were so many signs … the real problems didn’t start though until I moved out and realized how the world “really” is and works and I COULD NOT deal with it 🙈. Mind you I had gotten diagnosed with adhd when I was 11 so it’s not like nobody figured anything out … but we weren’t educated and I just believed it’s a concentration thing only and the rest of my issues were just personality and I totally relate to the “I always feel like everybody else was given a rule book of how people work and I just didn’t” 🙈. So it was a big deal for me to get diagnosed with autism as well last year 🙈.
I wouldnt like how loud the toilet flushing was as a kid , i also hated how loud the shower was when i first turned it on also congrats on ur new place ! you seem genuinely excited and content and that's wonderful to see . it makes me feel maybe i can also get to that place one day where I feel things are looking up . thankyou for your videos !
omg first of all congrats on finding a place!! hope the move goes smoothly :D i also had an imaginary friend who was a pre established character from a franchise i was obsessed with when i was 9-11 years old lol !!
I'm 41 and still flush the toilet last thing before I leave the bathroom as hate the noise. HATED socks as a child lol, I would cry about having to wear them! I love being barefoot around the house. Just realised I'm too tired to continue. Havnt heard about your moving situation yet but will say congratulations now as I'm fading fast and probs wont remember to comment later. Hope all goes well and you settle in fast xx
Haha I used to do the same thing, the toilet would scare the crap out of me when I flushed it, I would run out and slam the door. The sound of Gutter cleaning trucks still freak me out
I love your shirt Dana. I'm an old Dead Head from way back: think 1969 when I was 16 and hardly anyone had heard of the Dead outside of California and I was living in Minnesota. Have a great time in your new home adventure!
I'm happy for you regarding your move. I can't really imagine moving w/o a vehicle. I've moved/ helped others move more than a dozen times in my life and always used a car. I guess it's because I'm in rural America.
I used to sometimes play Ninja Turtles with some of the other kids in elementary school, but there was only one girl role (April) and they wouldn't let me be a turtle, so I got left out anytime there was another girl around Congratulations on the house and good luck with your move!
I always thought I played like neurotypical kids did because I learned from my siblings, but I realized recently that I don't think I had names for my dolls. Stuffed animals, yes, but dolls? If they had names, I can't remember them. And yet my niece has names for all her dolls, some of which change according to her whims.
Im so happy to hear that you have a new home, that is so exciting! Please do a tour of it when you get settled in 🙏 your content today is so relatable, i thought it was just me with the toilet flushing! I also can't bear the sound of vacuum cleaners or lawnmowers! Or drills. Good luck with your move!
I never "made up" my imaginary friends either. They just came to me when I needed them. The biggest surprise was when I wanted to interact with an imaginary friend and a different character appeared and told me that the friend I wanted to see wouldn't be seeing me anymore 😱
So happy for you ❤ I’d love to move to a better place with my partner but haven’t had the energy because of burnout, can’t wait for it to happen though 😊
Hi Dana, I don’t usually comment but I’m just checking in to see if you’re ok and that everything went well with the move? Definitely miss seeing your posts, but praying you are well. Sending wishes from Sydney Australia ❤
A lot more to sort out and deal with than I expected, and a lot more stressful than I’d planned for! I’m a bit more settled/regulated now though and aiming to post a video chatting about it all on Sunday so I can get back into the roll of it all! It’s so kind of you to notice and comment, thank you! 💕💕💕
The "non-verbal" thing. I think situational mutism also called selective mutism might be more appropriate. They're trying to change the name or have already changed it because "selective" sounds like the person has a say in it. But in my experience it's just the brain having a kneejerk "NOPE not happening" reaction. So f*ck people who say it's a choice or "you should just try harder" Can totally relate to the clothes always being to tight thing as child. But as i've grown older it's switched to the opposite my clothes can never give me enough pressure while not simultaneously making it hard to breath or reducing mobility. Autism can really be a study in imposibilities and pure frustration edit: @suetaylor-owens6654 already commented about selective mutism
I won’t lie, I’ve only listened to a handful of their songs and only when I’ve been… not so sober 😂 it was $3 in a goodwill though so I had to, I’m gonna get round to listening to them I swear!
Socks and shoes are a lifelong struggle for me. My body throws a fit and i shake my leg and stomp and it's just horrid. Sometimes i get used to it fast though. Bras and belts are horrible too.
I don’t understand what the more correct term is for “going nonverbal” either. It seems like a pretty literal description of what happens… but if someone could explain the preferred verbiage, that’d be great.
Have you ever seen the Dave Allen joke about how he misread the priest over the grave say "in the name of the Father, and the Son, and into the hole he goes"? The joke is really funny.
My husband wants to force my son to do the things he hates because of autism and to me it feels abusive… like taking a shower because he hates the sound of it, or something like that… I think it’s fine he only take baths
I don’t think it’s necessarily abusive, I feel like it’s pretty natural for parents to want their children to be able to do things, especially things considered ‘normal’. That being said, I’m definitely with you and think he’s fine with baths! As long as he’s clean, why does it matter?
@suetaylor-owens6654 Exactly! I don’t want to claim a term that isn’t correct for what I’m experiencing, but then the ‘correct’ term feels like I’m just deciding I don’t fancy talking to someone
Similar to 'nonverbal', I've also seen people objecting to this use of 'selective mutism'. It's in the DSM as its own condition, with a note that you can't diagnose it if there's an existing ASD diagnosis. So people sometimes get pissy about autistic folk using the word. I think there's not a word that someone isn't going to object to
I’ve also heard people more recently starting to use the term, “situational mutism,” for the same reason of “selective” sounding like a choice when it’s not.
Please consider uploading your videos to spotify, I'd love to listen to your vids while working but can't do so with youtube. Love your content. Thank you!
5:16 It's called Selective Mutism, but it's a very misleading term - you don't get to choose when it happens! For that reason many argue that something along the lines of Spontaneous Mutism or any other term would better describe the trait.
1. With the flushing toilets, the one I hated mostly was the airplane toilets where theyre super loud and messy, and it felt like it was sucking you into another dimension. I hated fireworks and abulances as well so loud.
2. I always rub my hand and wash them if they smell and feel wrong.
3. I had no issue with pretend play with the other kids because I just copied them. It's mainly based on a TV show and Movies like Pokémon. My cousin and I played a lot and got along very well and he is autistic so we played very well. It's hard for me to play with other kids, but I did well by myself with pretending. I had an imagination more as a kid but not as an adult. My toys never had names, but I did love naming trees. They aren't that social, I think.
4. In class we were told to draw what God looked like, and I couldn't do it because I didn't know, and I couldn't imagine it.
5. My eye contact has always been intense because I look into peoples eyes instead of the whole face so I get accused of staring a lot.
I share many of those traits too. The non-verbal thing is something I have experienced my entire life - its the most debilitating trait making impossible to work and make friends. I think the right term is selective mutism. 💜
Ahhh that’s probably why I blanked, I haaate the term selective mutism, I haven’t selected shit 😭😂
@@DanaAndersen 😂so true!
Yes! I've struggled with that my whole life. Dealing with the selective mutism was just awful. It made school even more of a nightmare than it already was.
I have a hard time with faces too. People would say hi and I’m too embarrassed to ask them where I know them from.
thx 4 sharing. the constricting thing I have too. to this day I have no rings, never wore a tie, no jewellery, no wrist watch. and socks are a story of their own, I hate the ones with a band, but if it is to lose, it feels also wrong. I do sometimes use a belt, but really only if I have to. strangely enough I do like having a buff scarf. I think I like it when I can feel my body from a broad fabric, but hate it when it come from a thin thing.
btw, a term that has been suggested is verbal shutdown! altho going mute works well enough too!
I never realized I played differently until recently as an adult, hearing how typical kids' play is. Now I know why I was always bored and annoyed when my friends wanted to play pretend and I just wanted to sort their toys so I could find all the parts to a teaset or a match up the pairs of Barbie shoes (missing shoes from a pair were the worst) or when I went to the children's museum and there was a play supermarket, I wanted to stock the shelves and make it look real, not play a cashier or customer. I was always disappointed that there was never enough play food to actually fill shelves correctly. I also often didn't react to falling or getting hurt while playing as a toddler, so my mom used to joke about it, but looking back, I wonder if that was not that I didn't feel hurt, but that I had more important things to do than be distracted by being injured. Getting stuck was a totally different matter and there are lots of photos of me about to cry because I'm stuck after crawling into a tight spot
So happy for you that you’re moving! The gossipy side of me is so excited to hear the dirt about your roommate if you still plan on dishing it!! 😆
I want to sooooo bad, part of me is worried there’ll be some kind of consequence for doing it, but mostly I’m like I’d be telling the truth, maybe don’t be a crappy person if you don’t want people to talk about you being a crappy person 🤭
@@DanaAndersenoh yeah, totally understand the hesitation. I’d only encourage you to talk about it if you feel safe doing it! But yes it sounds like this was a nasty nasty person! One of my pet peeves is people being inconsiderate of others’ space and need for a quiet safe environment to come home to. I just don’t get it at alllll
I hope your move went smoothly. The worst move I had was working nights and having to put a bed in a living room for a month, starting out with not knowing how long it was for. I couldn't sleep during the day because of the noise from the other people.
I have never been able to "make up stories," and even as a kid had little idea what other kids were doing when they played war or whatever. With the kids in my neighborhood I could play games like kickball, but at school I just stood there and watched others play. I sort of wanted to join in, but what they were doing always seemed so arbitrary. I couldn't even copy their behavior; I just felt no connection to it at all.
we need to do a survey about TFS (Toilet Flushing Sensitivity, just made it up) because i'm thinking about this ever since i remembered it but i was like, aren't all kids like this?
kids are naturally more sensitive to everything so isn't this just a normal phase everyone goes through? i still don't know, and this is why we need the survey
Honestly I want a questionnaire about all sorts of things I did as a kid with answers from everyone in the west to see which are normal and which aren’t so much 😂
@@DanaAndersen the other thing like this that comes to mind, weren't all kids baffled by the fact that adults say it's 5 o'clock when it's clearly 2 minutes to, or 3 minutes past or something
i asked one friend about this but she didn't remember it happening to her. that's not that much data yet tho
Also they tell you to eat All the food on your plate and then they clearly leave scraps on theirs. ahhhh those adults!!!
when i started asking my mom about potential autism signs in my childhood, it turned out i never made eye contact despite them trying very hard to teach me to do so 🙃 also i was told my entire life how smart i was as a baby; i skipped babbling and went straight to talking at 1 year. now i come to find out i wasn’t talking TO anyone. i learned sentences from the get go, but i apparently refused to use my language to actually communicate with anyone 🤦🏽♀️ i also was extremely particular about my play, preferred to play alone, and would have a meltdown if my parents played with me but didn’t play my script exactly as i wanted. i cannot be convinced i didn’t get diagnosed as a child bc i was a brown girl. i TRULY thought i must’ve been Master Masker 1 Million before i started learning these things ab my childhood.
Knowing you found a place to move to on time that doesn’t horrify you really gives me hope for some reason. I will be homeless by the end of July if I don’t pull myself together and rally to get this all sorted out. But it was looking grim for you. And things are grim for me - the timing is just Awful. But you did it. I can do it, too.
Hi Dana, I noticed you hadn’t been uploading and I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing okay this past week with moving and everything. Sending my best wishes ❤
“played like an adult would if you told them to” 😂👏🏼
Even as an adult, my mom still gets upset at me if I don't greet strangers when I'm with her. But it's funny because I often do say "hello", but I'm so quiet and she's so busy talking she just doesn't notice that I DID say something 😅Frankly I think she can just say "hello" for both of us lol
good luck with moving!
I had times as a child that I'd lose my words (I still do at times in certain situations). I was quiet anyway away from home. In high school a few times I remember some girls asking me why I don't talk and I'd freeze. I couldn't answer them. Then when I would talk at other times, they'd make a big deal out of it... oh she can talk. I hated being put in the spot light at that moment. I hated high school.
At the time, I never knew it was autism. But I see it now.
“Social imagination”, did you make that up on the spot? Wow, that sums it up for me! When I went to kindergarten for my first school experience, I found it a rude awakening. I watched the other kids playing and I had no idea how to join in their pretend world, nor did I want to. The best part of my imagination was it was MY imagination. I thought the others played “baby games” and were loud, excitable and bossy. I withdrew into myself and at best I was an observer, but I was never a participant.
I wish I could claim I had, but it’s a ‘real’ term! It absolutely blew my mind when i first heard it because I could finally just say that instead of having to try to fully explain my brain 😂
Also! about _social imagination_ i Need To get this off my chest: ( _infodump incoming_ )
ever since i was a kid i adored stories. as far as i can remember, i always wanted to make story based video games etc etc
but when it comes to coming up with the stories themselves, especially lifelike characters, or dialogue, or motivations, or dynamics, i just... can't for the love of god do it.
like i know what makes a story tick, i know the frameworks and the recipees but i just don't know where all the actual elements are supposed to come from, when it comes to just coming up with something or someone, nothing comes, i blank out
i'm sure there are plenty of good autistic authors out there and maybe they could help me out. the best i'm able to do is like, vibes, and maybe _some_ of the elements, but they're rarely woven together
also when it comes to character motivations, i fall back to the fact that i have no idea what makes most people tick. like i know on an intellectual level, but it's so unintuitive i find it hard to imagine it myself. i can recognize authenticity in characters, just not create them intuitively if that makes sense
i think i'm way better when it comes to conjuring up coherent concepts, cultural or abstract elements, worldbuilding, some plot points, spacial storytelling, literal viiibes etc
and in the end i find myself systemizing these elements instead of just writing the damn characters and plot 💀
i'm having this epiphany in real time right now. idk what to doo, wanna make up cool stories sometime
yesssss!!!!! writing plots or setting the scene is fine ig (altho i would still struggle to do it on demand with no jumping off points), but i don’t think i could write a lifelike person at all. but i don’t think it’s impossible to develop this ability, if you really want, i believe in you!! or if it’s easier you can collab with someone and they write the personal stuff while you do the rest ahahah
DUDE I FEEL THIS COMMENT SO MUCH.I look at my favorite franchises and I wonder how they came up with the characters or how they able to place those said characters in a story and how they came up with the plot in the first place😭😭
I remember this one time in daycare i was invited to play with the dolls and pretend stuff. I was excited and brought over Donatello to represent me (each kid had 1 doll) and the ninja turtles were the coolest and maybe a special interest. So it became apparent to me pretty quickly that I was doing something wrong because they kept giggling about something. I kept at it because despite the friction I was kinda excited about getting to play with the other kids and they were girls too! Neat!
Then I got too literal. My character was supposed to go in the other room to do something. And i thought "ya know you take 1 step at a time, and Donny is small so he'd need a lot of steps to go that far"
Then instead of pantomime steps i had him take a ton of little steps on the wood floor and it was quite noisey. Tippy tappy in rapid succession
They all 3 lost it. They started laughing big uncontrollable laughing fits and continued for ... well it was probably actually at most minutes but it felt like eternity. I wasn't invited to play with them again.
I think the word they’re using for episodes of nonverbal-like behavior is ‘intermittent speech loss’. Been there. Felt that. Going through your channel with a fervor for feeling Seen. Boi I used to exclusively wear a beanie because I liked the pressure on my head and I hated to shower tooo. (I started typing this as adverts started and I am just. Autistically adverse to Advertisements. It makes me yell insults at the screen. I have to turn the volume off or I start losing so much patience and mental stability so fast. Idk if anyone else experienced this. I hate being sold to. Especially after a few lessons on how advertisements are literally meant to TRICK YOU into wanting something (and I can TELL the strategies they’re using and it FRUSTRATES ME they think I’m stupid!!). Awooo. You’d think Premium would be an accommodation I *need*, but I ain’t spending $20 for peace of mind). (They play like every thirty seconds these days!! It’s a nightmare!!!)
*off topic there for a second*
The ‘unload your thoughts in parenthesis’ I think is an adhd thing for me and I can’t rly. Decide how important it is. Don’t All Thoughts feel important? (Tho I guess I can tell it’s Off Topic). When you got executive dysfunction yEAG. Plus it’s the comment section bout mental health symptoms so like maybe someone will respond like ‘yeag’ also.
A SECOND ROUND OF ADVERTS PLAYIN AS I TYPE. I gotta end this. I have to hit that skip button. This is not The Lovely Dulcet Tones of a Fellow Autist. This is annoying advert noise.
I’ve never heard the phrase “social imagination.” Definitely also didn’t have much of THAT.
But it makes me think, what other kinds of imagination are there?
I think the imagination I did have was aesthetic (dressing things up, doing make up, getting dolls ready to do something - they genuinely never did anything though…) and… I guess mechanical/physics imagination? For lack of a better way to phrase it…
I had this one Barbie doll with a shopping cart, whose legs would jut forward like it was walking when you pushed her and the cart forward, and as young as 4 or 5, I would stare at it for ages imagining the inner mechanics of the doll that made it possible. What could I feel from the outside? what could I hear? What is the sequence of motions that trigger other motions? How far across the floor would you have to push it before the next leg kicked forward? What angles would the knees be at during which steps? Is that a spring in the knee? How does Barbie’s biomechanics compare the a real human’s biomechanics while walks?
Obviously I didn’t have all of those words to describe my thoughts, but those were my thoughts. Deeper and deeper and deeper I would dissect how particularly interesting toys functioned. I suppose this was an instance of hyperfocus.
But what kind of story do you make for a grocery shopping Barbie? I had nothing, aside from “my mom also shops for groceries, so maybe Barbie has kids, too.”
Congrats on your new man-free space! Hope moving goes as smoothly as possible. I love your Grateful Dead t-shirt!
I struggle to remember details of my childhood but some of it trickles back into mind when I'm reflecting. I'm not sure if I had much of a social imagination myself but I know I didn't lack imagination in other things. I could think up alien worlds in detail and draw them out with the various creatures that lived there lol. Edit: I had to come back and add to this comment once I watched to the end. Congrats on nailing down a new place to move into! I hope the move itself goes quick and smooth.
The more video like this I watch the more and more i become thankful for having been raised by undiagnosed ND parents 🙈. They unknowingly raised us in an environment that was very supportive. Sure I still had problems and issues and it definitely wasn’t perfect don’t get me wrong. But just for an example. My parents would have never encouraged me to talk or hug stranger cause they themselves would never want to do that 🙈. Nobody would make spontaneous plans or change them too much cause my whole family doesn’t like that … are we wondering why? No? - See what I mean…
And I have such a hard time thinking about the autistic traits in childhood but whenever I watch these videos they come to mind and make me remember these more and more 🙈. There were so many signs … the real problems didn’t start though until I moved out and realized how the world “really” is and works and I COULD NOT deal with it 🙈. Mind you I had gotten diagnosed with adhd when I was 11 so it’s not like nobody figured anything out … but we weren’t educated and I just believed it’s a concentration thing only and the rest of my issues were just personality and I totally relate to the “I always feel like everybody else was given a rule book of how people work and I just didn’t” 🙈. So it was a big deal for me to get diagnosed with autism as well last year 🙈.
I identify with so many of your stories! Especially the noisy toilet flush 🚽
I wouldnt like how loud the toilet flushing was as a kid , i also hated how loud the shower was when i first turned it on
also congrats on ur new place ! you seem genuinely excited and content and that's wonderful to see . it makes me feel maybe i can also get to that place one day where I feel things are looking up . thankyou for your videos !
You are delightful! Listening to you helps me understand my newly diagnosed 17 year old daughter. I’m happy for your new home!
I used to play the same way when I was a child!! That all sounds so familiar 💚
ps Congrats on the moving!!
Glad for you that you've found a new place, best of luck to you and your new roommate and hoping it all goes as smoothly as possible :)
omg first of all congrats on finding a place!! hope the move goes smoothly :D i also had an imaginary friend who was a pre established character from a franchise i was obsessed with when i was 9-11 years old lol !!
I'm 41 and still flush the toilet last thing before I leave the bathroom as hate the noise. HATED socks as a child lol, I would cry about having to wear them! I love being barefoot around the house. Just realised I'm too tired to continue. Havnt heard about your moving situation yet but will say congratulations now as I'm fading fast and probs wont remember to comment later. Hope all goes well and you settle in fast xx
Haha I used to do the same thing, the toilet would scare the crap out of me when I flushed it, I would run out and slam the door. The sound of Gutter cleaning trucks still freak me out
I love your shirt Dana. I'm an old Dead Head from way back: think 1969 when I was 16 and hardly anyone had heard of the Dead outside of California and I was living in Minnesota. Have a great time in your new home adventure!
I'm happy for you regarding your move. I can't really imagine moving w/o a vehicle. I've moved/ helped others move more than a dozen times in my life and always used a car. I guess it's because I'm in rural America.
I used to sometimes play Ninja Turtles with some of the other kids in elementary school, but there was only one girl role (April) and they wouldn't let me be a turtle, so I got left out anytime there was another girl around
Congratulations on the house and good luck with your move!
So glad you found somewhere to live!!! 🙂
I always thought I played like neurotypical kids did because I learned from my siblings, but I realized recently that I don't think I had names for my dolls. Stuffed animals, yes, but dolls? If they had names, I can't remember them. And yet my niece has names for all her dolls, some of which change according to her whims.
Im so happy to hear that you have a new home, that is so exciting! Please do a tour of it when you get settled in 🙏 your content today is so relatable, i thought it was just me with the toilet flushing! I also can't bear the sound of vacuum cleaners or lawnmowers! Or drills. Good luck with your move!
I never "made up" my imaginary friends either. They just came to me when I needed them. The biggest surprise was when I wanted to interact with an imaginary friend and a different character appeared and told me that the friend I wanted to see wouldn't be seeing me anymore 😱
So happy for you ❤ I’d love to move to a better place with my partner but haven’t had the energy because of burnout, can’t wait for it to happen though 😊
Congratulations on moving 👏🎉👏
This was a great video about the topic, plus soooo freakin' excited for your new home!
All the best on your move Dana
Hi Dana, I don’t usually comment but I’m just checking in to see if you’re ok and that everything went well with the move? Definitely miss seeing your posts, but praying you are well. Sending wishes from Sydney Australia ❤
A lot more to sort out and deal with than I expected, and a lot more stressful than I’d planned for! I’m a bit more settled/regulated now though and aiming to post a video chatting about it all on Sunday so I can get back into the roll of it all!
It’s so kind of you to notice and comment, thank you! 💕💕💕
The "non-verbal" thing. I think situational mutism also called selective mutism might be more appropriate. They're trying to change the name or have already changed it because "selective" sounds like the person has a say in it. But in my experience it's just the brain having a kneejerk "NOPE not happening" reaction. So f*ck people who say it's a choice or "you should just try harder"
Can totally relate to the clothes always being to tight thing as child. But as i've grown older it's switched to the opposite my clothes can never give me enough pressure while not simultaneously making it hard to breath or reducing mobility. Autism can really be a study in imposibilities and pure frustration
edit: @suetaylor-owens6654 already commented about selective mutism
Congratulations on your move!
ooh Grateful Dead! one of my special interests!
I won’t lie, I’ve only listened to a handful of their songs and only when I’ve been… not so sober 😂 it was $3 in a goodwill though so I had to, I’m gonna get round to listening to them I swear!
@@DanaAndersen Goodwill is fun i worked there before. start Grateful Dead from live 8-27-72.
LOVE your shirt!
The shower is also a sensory nightmare. Although I do like just being in the bathroom...
Socks and shoes are a lifelong struggle for me. My body throws a fit and i shake my leg and stomp and it's just horrid. Sometimes i get used to it fast though.
Bras and belts are horrible too.
I’ve give up on bras and belts and forget they exist, or they’d have been on my list too!
@@DanaAndersen I totally would if I could! I’m heavier set and kind of have to but I’ve been trying out those like T Shirt bras and it’s been helping.
I don’t understand what the more correct term is for “going nonverbal” either. It seems like a pretty literal description of what happens… but if someone could explain the preferred verbiage, that’d be great.
Have you ever seen the Dave Allen joke about how he misread the priest over the grave say "in the name of the Father, and the Son, and into the hole he goes"? The joke is really funny.
My husband wants to force my son to do the things he hates because of autism and to me it feels abusive… like taking a shower because he hates the sound of it, or something like that… I think it’s fine he only take baths
I don’t think it’s necessarily abusive, I feel like it’s pretty natural for parents to want their children to be able to do things, especially things considered ‘normal’. That being said, I’m definitely with you and think he’s fine with baths! As long as he’s clean, why does it matter?
Congrats on the moving !
I agree about the toilet flushing...
There’s no reason for something so simple to sound so monstrous 😭😂
@@DanaAndersen Yet it is ...
💜💜💜💜
Dana? Are you okay? Are you safe, did something happen? Are you alright? Are you moved okay? Could you throw together a vid if you can pls?
It’s been stressful, but I am okay and will be posting a video about everything on Sunday! 💕
@@DanaAndersen thank 💚 you for the reply, i'm honoured and you just gave many minds peace
So you empathize with cats and dogs with the toilet flushing
I don’t like hoovers either 😂
💖
I think maybe you are talking about "selective mutism" when you talk about going non-verbal. But I'm definitely not an expert.
I think you’re probably right, but I also haaate the term selective mutism 😩
@@DanaAndersen I think it is a frustrating term because it makes it sound like its a choice... which its not.
@suetaylor-owens6654 Exactly! I don’t want to claim a term that isn’t correct for what I’m experiencing, but then the ‘correct’ term feels like I’m just deciding I don’t fancy talking to someone
Similar to 'nonverbal', I've also seen people objecting to this use of 'selective mutism'. It's in the DSM as its own condition, with a note that you can't diagnose it if there's an existing ASD diagnosis. So people sometimes get pissy about autistic folk using the word. I think there's not a word that someone isn't going to object to
I’ve also heard people more recently starting to use the term, “situational mutism,” for the same reason of “selective” sounding like a choice when it’s not.
First comment! (i know im pathetic)
The fact I’ve reached a point on UA-cam where people want to comment this is really exciting for me 😅
Please consider uploading your videos to spotify, I'd love to listen to your vids while working but can't do so with youtube. Love your content. Thank you!