There's 4528243 more, but I'm leaving you with these ones for now! / dana_._andersen / danaoandersen ko-fi.com/dana... / dana_._andersen patreon.com/DanaAndersen
It literally triggered a memory of how my fave show when I was a kid was The Nanny and I didn’t like barbie dolls but I played with little dog figurines and I made them all characters of the nanny and I’d make up scenarios for hours.
This reminds me of how as a child I would always imagine a fictional character accompany me / be next to me and communicate with me. It's like I had them following me throughout my days, even as far as shopping or having a sleepover. And I've always inserted myself into my favorite TV shows, games, etc. Like, isn't that a normal thing to do??? Even now I partially like to self-insert myself into certain media I enjoy, but in a form of a fan-OC or something of the sort, or imagine how an interaction between me and a character would go if I were in their world I thought this was common for everybody...
Totally agreed with the experience of not being able to do anything productive before the appointment. That's why I hate when I have to start work in the afternoon instead of the morning. I literally can't do anything all morning, because I'm saving my energy for work. I hate it!
I do the exact same thing. I work overnight, and I really don't do anything outside of work because I have to conserve the little energy I do have for work.
@@marchfast8291 I can do something if I am pushed to do it, like if I need to do certain thing in order to participate properly in the afternoon meeting. But even when I am expected to have friends over, it's hard to focus on anything other than tidying up. If, say, I need to study on the day that people come over in the afternoon, I have to plan ahead so that everything is in order, so that the only two things I need to focus on are the studies and the time that they will arrive. So it's possible to plan around and mask the weird proclivity to just want one or two "things" to do a day. If something is a routine it is less or a thing for me, like shopping the groceries I usually need in the local store. Going to another, unknown store at an unknown destination suddenly feels like regular groceries X5 in terms of energy expenditure.
I think the reason is time blindness (basically perception of time either now or not now), and it's not really an inherent thing, but rather, if you start doing something else, you will lose the track of time and then be late, so you will learn a strategy of not doing anything before an appointment. So to our brains, the appointment is either not now (and you forget about it entirely) or now (and you cannot do anythig else, because in a sense, the appointment is already happening in our mind). As far as I know, this is actually more of an ADHD trait. But there is a huge overlap in both the population and symptoms between ADHD and autism (also many of the same genes are involved). I'm an AuDHDer myself, and for example, I need to get the chores of the day done before I feel like I can relax. Which is really annoying if e.g. there's a nice weather in the daytime and I want to stay outdoors.
Me too! I took the summer off and focused on doing more with my kids, exercise, and family time. Now I’m like “how am I going to do this??” When thinking about starting school and work back up again this fall. Now that I have the kids in activities like 3 nights a week, plus family time on weekends and daily family responsibilities, it feels like I can’t do anything except wait for those appointments. If I do get my mind into something else then I am way more triggered when my kids do demand my time or make loud noises or they’re defiant or repeating themselves a lot after I already answered them. Anyhow I’m not confident I can manage doing so much with them and working but we shall see how I do. I’m going to start getting psychiatrist visits or therapy in October and if it helps I may have to rely on that. I’m worried how I’m going to keep all the plates up. In the past I didn’t do so much with my kids every week, but I can’t bear the thought of taking them out of their extracurriculars because I can’t handle basic parenting, and work/school at the same time. Even if they’re at school from 9-6 I still have a hard time focusing because I feel unable to shift focus knowing I’m going to need to be super zoned in to family time that evening and keep myself regulated with that which is the most overwhelming responsibility I have.
One time in high school my friend made a comment after Halloween that he didn't like Coffee Crisps (my favourite chocolate bar at the time) so I made a point of eating ten of the little Halloween sized ones straight in a row just to gross him out. Couldn't eat them again for years lol though I'll happily say I'm able to enjoy them once in a while again now.
It sort of explains why we get confused when people react negatively to things we do that we literally thought were the normal, accepted things to do. 😢
I brought it up to so many friends throughout my life that were like ‘no, Dana, we don’t do that’, and then I started making autistic friends as an adult and we all do or did it to some degree 😂
@@DanaAndersen I have diagnosed ADHD and dyspraxia and suspected autism 😅 and I used to love world building in my head, I was a day dreamer and would lose myself often in my favourite stores and world's but also create my own versions in my head or try to merge them 😅
So all these years where I’d be the character in the world is not the same as normal imaginary play? I’d always be the character I liked. I thought that was imaginary play xD
Related to the "unable to do anything before a timed event": when you are talking to a friend/family member on the phone and they say "I'll call you right back" and then they don't. I am sitting there staring at the phone for hours waiting for it to ring, or however long it is before I call them to end the torture. I started responding to "I'll call you back" with "please don't, we'll talk later".
Relatable. I've also done it in reverse. Said I'd call right back, finished whatever was distracting me and then, you know...called back, usually in a few minutes, to the shock of the person I was calling.
No one would drive a car if they only had a 99% success rating at it. That would mean having an accident approximately once every hundred miles/kilometers, or probably about once a week. So yes, the rate at which social disasters happen is very traumatic when it happens drastically more frequently than is typical.
I still never know if I am supposed to shake hands or hug someone most of the time when greeting them. Every time in my head: "Wait, is this a hug person? Uh oh, look for hug cues, look for hug cues."
I still cringe at the time I shook somebody's hand upon meeting them and he awkwardly said "wow, very formal..." I stopped shaking peoples' hands after that 🌚
I did this a lot as a kid, constantly when walking somewhere. Not with myself in the daydreams, but with characters and often including things I saw or the nature around me into them. I was the kind of child that would make explosions with my hands in the air while staring on the ground a few feet in front of me, deep in a daydream until I reached mu destination, constantly readjusting my walk as the road turned. I daydreamed a lot as I got older too, but the daydreams changed and a lot of the time it's just me thinking about having conversations with people I've seen interesting YT videos about (podcasts or similar), or friends that are similar to me. Friends that I know are autistic, or that most likely are, I feel a great deal of connection with, and I'll imagine talking to them, as I have at least 10 times more to say than I ever have time for when we meet. I do it unconsciously, and always imagine how I would explain things to them. I'm not diagnosed, but I can relate so much to the daydreaming. However, I do not recall ever thinking that a character was running alongside me while walking around as a kid was normal, even then I was very aware that this is not something that people do, or at least admit to doing. I even recall someone catching me in my weird hand gestures that were supposed to be energy blasts, and then never doing it unless the person meeting me on the road was far away and instantly reverting to it if people were behind me or facing away from me and in front of me on the street.
@@an8790 Yes, I was never in the fantasies either until I got older and I basically started talking to people in my head. Pretending I'm talking to the UA-camr I'm watching or being interviewed by my favorite kpop idol etc. Usually when it involves people from my real life, it's for the purposes of scripting and it distresses me and it's really hard to stop. But when it's with online people of fantasy people, I really like it. I also used to make gestures while imagining. One time at class, I would do wavy hands towards the window (I don't even remember what I was thinking, it's possible I just got fascinated by the gesture and the light and got distracted) and the teacher called me up and said "What kind of witchcraft are you performing?" and everyone laughed and... Yeah it didn't feel very good.
I have never understood what people mean when they say they're bored. Like, just watch the neverending movie of yourself and your favorite characters in your head, right? ...right???
I have recently been bowled over utterly by the realization that other people are not living life with these challenges. I just thought everyone struggled but there was a collective social understanding that 'one does not talk about it'. Because there are a million such agreements. Why would this be any different? And now I have come to certain realizations, I am frequently finding myself saying "I had no idea! How was I supposed to know this wasn't typical?"
Totally did the head-cannon fan-fic imaginary play as a child!! I'll show my age a bit here - I was always Atreyu (from Neverending Story), or a hobbit, or in Narnia talking to the animals. I rarely took on female roles (except Princess Leia, of course) because they weren't portrayed as being as cool as male characters were. Let's face it - female representation in media leaves a lot to be desired even now, but it was worse when I was growing up! I loved Ace from Dr Who (Sylvester McCoy, although *my* Dr will always be Tom Baker) because she wasn't pathetic like most assistants were. That ended up a much longer comment than I anticipated 🤣
Timed events paralyze me, and I struggle to make the appointment. I have to make an appointment for getting my official diagnoses and sleep disorder studies right now but I just can't.
I imagine myself in situations all the time. In my favorite games, music, movies, etc. I even imagine myself dying in heroic ways sometimes as a favorite character in my favorite media. Not that I want to die, but it's like cathartic or something. It's hard to explain, lol
Yesssss I’m with you entirely, 90% of my Ashes to Ashes imaginings end with me dying heroically to save Alex and/or Gene, though given the show they also tend to start with me dying 🤔😂
The one about not being able to do anything the day of an appointment hits home. I used to feel very self-conscious about it, but honestly - when things take more energy and you have less, shutting off for a bit is just practical. There is another side to it though - a LOT of people say they're "doing" is stuff that I don't ever register as "doing" anything. I don't feel like I'm "doing chores" when I feel a sudden burst of energy and clean up a bit and I'm not "going to the shops" when I run out and buy the same things I buy most days. I'm not "preparing for the appointment" when I decide which clothes to wear based on how they'll make me feel, or letting my mind wander to get a better picture of how I want the appointment to go. I don't feel much of a need to talk up and about my daily goings-on, which makes it look like the difference between me and others is way larger than it actually is. I do have less energy and shut down a lot when I have something stressful hanging over me, but there's also a whole lot of sorting things out going on in the subconscious while that's happening.
I'm not diagnosed but I do find I relate to the neurodivergent community a lot more and learning about other peoples experiences has helped me a lot to understand myself better... For most of my life I felt behind like everyone always had more energy and ability to do more in a day and so I felt like I must just be lazy. But I've come to realize I'm actually not lazy just normal daily activities can take a toll on me mentally. I also started to realize I'm more sensitive to my surroundings which is part of why I might need a little time to decompress after socializing at work, even if the day went relatively smooth I might feel angry or irritable, and for a long time I didn't understand why I felt like that but now I am able to help myself regulate better using fidgets or sensory items And don't even get me started on going new places/ going out with people. Takes me at least a week to recover. 😅 Anyways I relate to a lot of what you talked about. And I always love hearing about how others experience daily life it's just intriguing to me! 😊 ❤
You really articulated the total fuckery that we go through quite well. It happened the same way for me. I have a lot of very similar behaviors to yours, and it really shocked me when I found out that other people didn't do that. When I found out I was Autistic, it totally changed my perception and made me reexamine everything I have done in my life. For the first time in my life, I am able to see myself the way that others see me. It's both a blessing and a curse. It has been relatively recent for me, so I am still unwrapping and unmasking. It is a lot to process. I just never realized how different I am from other people until I found out I am Autistic.
I relate to most of this. Definitely a daydreamer. I probably spend hours every day just imagining various scenarios. The food thing is so real. Fortunately I like enough different foods that I usually don't completely run out of things to eat, but I definitely know the experience of the thing that is your safe food, eat it every day for a month, and then suddenly you can't eat it anymore. Or having to stop eating a meal a few bites in and feeling devastated that you put all of that time and energy into making it only to not be able to eat it. I hate that. Clothing I have sensitivities to, but not to the extent of needing to change outfits several times a day. Instead, it's just that I only buy and wear comfy clothes. Anything that isn't, I just won't wear, unless I have to. And you can bet that as soon as I don't have to wear it anymore, I will change into something comfortable. I definitely can't do so many things in a day. I never understood how other people could. I can maybe do one thing before an afternoon appointment, but nothing that would get me too engrossed, since I have to keep track of the time and mentally prepare for the thing. Social cues... it's kind of a mix. I'm good at observing people and noticing subtle shifts in behavior. I probably would notice someone putting a hand out for me to shake. But I would never be the person to initiate a handshake. I know how to respond to certain specific cues in certain situations, but I don't fare well in novel situations, or if I'm the one expected to initiate something. Everything I know how to do is reactive. It's like, someone asks me a question, I answer it. I forget that I'm supposed to ask them something else back. I have to consciously remind myself to ask people questions when making small talk. God, I hate small talk. So uncomfortable and uninteresting.
I am self diagnosed AuDHD. I have indoor clothes and outdoor clothes. I wear the same indoor clothes 99% of the time, and it's only a few outfits that don't get washed enough probably. My food cooking experience is the same as yours. I smoke cannabis and have safe strains which sometimes get discontinued and that fucking SUCKS.
I feel you with safe strains! My store is always changing products so sometimes it feels like russian roulette to pick a strain 😆 like, will I be paranoid and hungry today, or relaxed and focused? 🤔😂
I have so many traits/behavior like this, plus sensory issues. I am always able to stay abnormally calm during emergency situations (family being hospitalized, etc). People always repeatey ask me if Im okay and I tell them yes. In the moment, I really do feel calm. After diagnosis, I realized thats a combination of delayed processing, hyperfocus, and probably alexithymia. I find it beneficial in those situations. While everyone else is freaking out, I stay calm and collected.
Great video ❤ You're talking about 'waiting mode' which can affect both autistic people and those with ADHD (or AuDHD people, of course). I suffer badly with this. On the subject of thinking everyone does a particular thing, it was only about 3 years ago (and I'm in my 50s!) that I realised most people actually DO make eye contact!! I had always assumed that they didn't because I find it so unbearably painful to do it myself. And yes to the same clothes for weeks! I actually only ever get dressed if I have to leave the house...I am never out of my pyjamas at home, because nothing else is ever really comfortable.
So many I relate to but I literally have only just realised about the clothes.. mind blown. Previous partners have mentioned it but recently I was on holiday with a friend and I kid you not I put on 11 outfits before I found the right one everyday. She found it hilarious how many times I could remix an outfit from my suitcase and just thought I’m being a fashion babe. But really none of them felt right. Then I’d change multiple times throughout the day because the right feeling can change during the day. Always was told and thought I was being indecisive, like doesn’t everyone dress to feel right 🙃
Since you had to share a cringy memory of a missed social cue, I'll say that I regularly miss when people are trying to greet me. If even they're walking in my direction I can still miss it. My brain won't register they're trying to get MY attention lol One time I was walking down a hallway and my supervisor at work was walking towards me from the other end. I could mostly recognize it was them, but I didn't realize they were waving to me the WHOLE time until they were right in my face speaking to me. Like, we were the ONLY two people in the hallway so nothing was obstructing my view. It's like my brain just assumed "oh they don't mean me" (they did)😅
I can relate with the not being able to "do anything" before an appointment has happened thing. It is amazing how it feels so "wrong/difficult" to do something while waiting in those situations. Maybe this has something to do with the difficulty of living in the moment autistic people experience? Forthcoming appointments become "all there is in the near future" and the few hours before it kind of don't exist in the mind, so planning to do something during that time period feels crazy. Just killing time not doing anything feels the correct solution. Appointments kind of cast a "time shadow" backwards in time for autistic people...
I despise wearing clothes they are always so uncomfortable. I have a jersey Ive had for almost 20 years which has seen better days, but if I don't have go out and it's cold, its my go to, jersey and and a particular pair of socks. Also have a fave set of bed sheets I refuse to get rid of
That's me with my pink sweatpants. My mom is sick of looking at them, but my rational is that, until there's a hole in them or they're otherwise ruined, I see no reason to get rid of them. They're comfy and clean, so why does it matter if they're ten years old? 😅
I was obsessed with the princess bride and replayed that all the time in my head, at one point I got the girl next door to act out a bunch of it with me. The food thing sucks, Ive stocked up on certain things only for it to become the grossest thing ever.
"Everyone else is just managing it better" - totally this. I would get glimpses that people thought differently, but could never hold on to them: for instance, I couldn't wrap my head around why so many kids said they got bored during the summer holiday, because surely that was the time when you didn't get worn out dealing with people at school all day and could really focus on what interested you - were other kids' parents stopping them doing that? It made no sense.
Just today got caught up in my head playing out scenarios with my little fictional characters. 98% of the time I do it for fun/to get to sleep but today was one of those times where just the brain wouldn't let me move on and do something else because it just _really needed_ to figure out how these characters would respond to the same scenario as presented in the video I was watching. Please tell me I'm not the only one on that front too!
No, I do this too. Glad to know I'm not the only one who needs to play fictional scenarios through in my head to get to sleep. I also like to imagine my characters into other worlds or scenarios. I'll read a book, and then stay up until 2:00 in the morning thinking how X Character would respond if placed in the same situation.
OMG, I imagined characters, too! My imaginary friends were Gary Oak, Giovanni (from Pokemon), and Spike (Buffy). I thought I was the only one that did that because my friends acted like it was weird that I did that. I also can barely function before an apt or plans. I forget to eat, I barely manage to get coffee, and I'm afraid of doing anything that might make me messy or distract me and cause me to lose track of time and be late. I'll see my family chilling doing things, and I'm like reminding them, and they're like, "I know, it's fine." I SUCK at social cues. I can't tell when it's my turn to talk. I dunno what's too much or too little. Sometimes, I overshare or info dump. Other times, I seem rude or anti-social.
I’m autistic and it’s hard to find a balance between masking but not masking "too much" and turning people off from me because I’m coming across as inauthentic. Also, luckily in America, no one does the double kiss greeting lol…it’s simply just handshakes and/or hugs.
I have also had "Oh wait, everyone else doesn't do that?" experiences. Some things like having strong opinions about what numbers are better than others, are just silly little things (7 is the best. 8 and 9 suck. Others depend on commbinations). Other times it's been me realizing that I'm actually face blind and other people don't just fake knowing someone until they figure out from cues who the person must be. Or that most people don't mix up names of similar looking coworkers or relatives, or not remember any of their schoolmates after the fact. 😅 I also struggle with the appointment waiting mode thing, though not always as severely. The WORST, though, is when you have plans with someone and then they are late without telling you so you just sit there and it's like being stuck in limbo. You can't even properly sit and read or something because they could be there at any moment. My family is terrible for that- always an inconsistent time later than the planned time. Ugggh.
Wish I had more spoons to comment all the things I wanna comment haha! 😆 So instead I'll just say AWWW to the lil' Oat Man smooch at the end!! 🥰🤣 Otis is indeed adorable 😍 I love to see people who love their furbabies 🤗😚😸🐾 Another brilliant 'Dana video' (as I've been calling your vids!) 😁😄 I love them all 🙏🏻
My current theory is that autistic people don't have social deficits, they are just more aware of communication break downs or irrational norms. I think neurotypicals miss/misinterpret social cues plenty, they are just less cognizant and more likely to blindly blame the other person (where we always blame ourselves).
1:40 "Getting picked up by the doctor" 😂😂 The one thing the internet has taught me is the stuff I Thought were personality traits were actually autism....
I feel less alone when I hear all your experiences (dana and comments). I relate alot. The appointment thing, or just having anything new to do that breaks my routine, is very disruptive/anxiety inducing. I'll avoid as much as possible, this makes it hard to effect change in my life or sort out things, eg jobs, dr/dentist, socialising. This prevents my life moving forward and I get stuck.
I feel SO stuck, and it sucks that so many of us feel like this, but I also feel so much less alone and so much better about things knowing it’s not just me 💕
i exploded when i heard the first thing tbh like why wouldn’t you imagine going on cool adventures with your favorite characters? i’ve been doing it since i was like 6 it’s great
So many relatable things! I am the same if i have any type appointment during the day, I cannot do anything else before that. I cannot pickup something at the store or eat out before. I'm worried I'll just forget about it if I get busy with something else. I used to "live" in my favorite TV shows/movies for years as a child/teen/even adult and stuff I did in my real world was being done "with" those characteris in my mind a lot of times. I thought it out as I was either one of them or their friend or relative.
Wait... Most people don't imagine themselves in their favorite books and/or TV shows? Really? I've been doing that my entire life! I mean... I do also make up my own characters and places sometimes, but I never realized this was odd. I have ADHD so if I have an appointment, I cannot do anything at all before the appointment.
Safe clothes - oh yes. As a child this was intense and I had secret names for the best items. There were also very bad clothes that made me feel so bad I'd actually throw up when forced into them. As a teenager I wore the most ridiculous clothes, trying to find where I fitted in rather than what fitted me. Now in my old-age, I wear what feels good - the same few items get cycled through day in day out, and I have a limited choice of 'going out' clothes so I don't have to think about what to wear ever. Also the appointment thing - and being given sufficient notice before being expected to do anything social. My idea of 'sufficient' seems to be a bit longer than most...😂
The sufficient notice thing makes me think about how many people have said I ignored or ghosted them when I was absolutely just getting around the replying to them 🫣
I’ve also vomited from uncomfortable clothing! It’s truly one of the worst feelings. Most underwire bras choke my upper stomach and give me bad acid reflux.
I do that too even to this day i and I'm my 50s. That's one of the reasons I was diagnosed as kid, putting myself into a Star Wars movie in my head. I buy the same cloths. I have draws full plain white T-shirts. I have 4 exact same hoodie but I'll wear on for days. Then wash, next one a few days next. I can't wear the newly washed one till I've used the ones in closet. Once all are washed repeat.
I'm 44, realised I'm autistic about 1 months ago. It's awful. I'm both the most relaxed I've ever been and at the same time, my life has been destroyed because of not being diagnosed sooner. Been struggling for over 30 years... It all makes sense, yet at the same time, until I get a formal diagnosis, I don't know what it means.
It’s usually the first thing therapy wants you to get rid of/cut back on. Took me years to get a therapist who doesn’t consider my daydreaming maladaptive.
Ew, the kiss on the cheek thing is so gross. Why would you want to kiss acquaintances or what are these air kisses? Disgusting! A former colleague did that to me a few months ago and it was so unexpected and harsh that I actually got really angry and had to go wash my face and hair a few times. Felt violating. I'm ok with some family members actually kissing my cheek, but I'd prefer for it not to be a thing.
"Why would you want to kiss acquaintances" Because evolutionary touch and human connection is beneficial for our mental and body health, provides endorphins, and so on. This is just problematic for us autistic folks due to genetic changes compared to the average person (and not even all, I know some who have no issue with touch and hugs)...
@@foljs5858I disagree. I'm fine with physical touch but I hate those weird kisses and hand shakes. Kisses are for romantic partners, not for acquaintances. There are many ways to interact physically, kisses on the cheek are completely unnecessary as a greating. Hugs and fist bumps should be enough.
@@foljs5858kisses are for family and very close trusted friends or romantic partners, acquaintances could have diseases and it’s natural to be disgusted by kissing someone you hardly know. That’s what handshakes, hugs and pats on the back are for.
I don't think I'm autistic, but I absolutely struggle with doing things before timed appointments. Like if someone is coming over to visit, I basically can't do anything until they arrive. It is especially bad when people are late because I just do nothing while I wait for them. I do notice that other people don't do this when I come over, they are usually busy doing something when I arrive, and I can't imagine doing that. I guess it is just an effort to get into the "visiting" headspace, so once I'm in that mode I sort of need to stay there until the visiting is done.
The first one hits so hard. I’m undiagnosed but feel pretty confident in saying I think I’m on the spectrum. I used to “play Lord of the Rings”. I’d dress like the hobbits, take my backpack with some bread and apple (I didn’t even like eating them whole, but that’s how they showed them in the movie) and cheese and go play in the woods. One time a neighbors dad got mad at me because I hit his kid with my walking stick (typical little kid disagreement) and he threatened to break it. That really hurt my feelings. I didn’t understand that other kids didn’t play games like this. Makes a lot of sense now.
I relate to the food thing, I often go through stages where I would love (for example) apples and eat 3 every day, and then after a week or two I just don’t want apples anymore for months.
#Preach One thing I have is an awful combination of the waiting to do a thing for far longer than allistic people do plus specific social norms (which I've learnt should happen). So, like, I progressively get more and more anxious about having missed a cue that someone wants to leave, for example, so then I'm looking out for cues that people are leaving, so then I'm just sort of waiting for them to get ready and go just so that I can wave and say goodbye(, and then get ready and leave myself, if applicable). I ffffing love your hair btw.
Thankfully my SO lets me indulge in clothes that feel right. But the food thing. It's so frustrating. Especially when the first couple of bites are SO GOOD, but then my entire body just REJECTS the idea of even touching the damn thing x.x; Probably the most frustrating thing for me, especially since cooking for me is like basically a major love language for my hubby - making me food.
I want to do TV and often enough, I imagine scenes ij n my head. They actually helped me in real life, more so than any outside advice ever. Through imagining situations, I came to my own conclusions about how the world works and who I wanted to be in it. Sadly though, when I do this at home, family insists that I should "stay on the ground" i.e. focus on my surroundings constantly. But that very behaviour would cause me to become one amongst many people who simply follow orders...
OMG! ALL OF THIS!! Especially the clothing thing. I would just hang up clothes I felt were "safe" to avoid washing them and making them feel "wrong." I had to change clothes daily because I worked in an office but "safe" clothing was hung up to "air out", maybe a spritz of febreeze if I smelled like traffic or whatever. It was a nightmare when I was serving in the US Navy. I had specific "work day" uniforms that were "safe" and others I avoided like the plague! Inspection days were true NIGHTMARE fuel! I HATED our Dress Uniforms, the polyester actually made me break out and itch. I couldn't wait to get out of it. I truly enjoyed the routine of my work in the Navy, the schedule, everything stayed pretty much the same for days and weeks...but any disruption would throw me off balance and make me horribly annoyed. I was also pregnant while in the military, so that was a challenge. Talk about a routine break! WHEW! But I managed to work my infant son's routine into mine, and for a big part of it, it worked out well. He enjoyed and thrived on a schedule, it made HIM feel safe too! (Yes, both my son and I are on spectrum - so now it makes sense) Now I work from home because I can't handle going into an office setting anymore. I have my schedule and routine that makes me feel "safe" and secure. Briefly, when my company tried to force us all back into the office, I actually had panic attacks! Thankfully, my boss was REALLY understanding and would just tell me to pack up my laptop and work from home. Now that we're permanently remote working, I have never been so comfortable and productive! I have all my "safe" things, my "Stim" things, my "comfort" things. I can be in gross sweats (tracksuits), or PJs all day long and I won't gross anyone out! I have an entire wardrobe of "safe" clothes now and LOVE IT!
Buying multiples is still worth it to me- yes you still end up with a favorite, but the others are better then finding another good one from scratch. I usually go for the same thing in a few colors so I can tell them apart as they get worn down differently.
Maladaptive daydreamer here! :3 I sometimes laugh out loud because within a daydream a character makes a funny joke or a scene is hilarious in my head. And I’ll repeat it in my head. XD If I don’t write it down, it kinda gets blown away by a new crazy daydream and a new slew of ideas thoughts and even intrusive thoughts. Hyper with intimate daydreams as well. I dislike that about my daydreams. But it’s never just an hour it’s five hours of wasted time. lol True about the safe food and how one thing can ruin that safe food after it’s been years. Like giving me a sickness when drinking or eating a specific item or drink that I used to eat everyday. Just one bad day of having the food come back up and I’m sadly unable to go back and will gag or feel sick when trying to go back to that specific food or drink. I miss this one protein meal and drink but got violently sick trying to drink it again recently. Why does it happen. >_
I've had a constant imaginary character in my mind named Rev. Earl Fajen Lee or "Reverend Earl" who is this extremely delusional right wing Calvinist backwoods hillbilly religious zealot. Sometimes I might be seen seemingly laughing at nothing when I'm actually laughing at some ridiculous imagined commentary in my head that Rev. Earl made about something.
The first one, imagining oneself as a character in a show is also not one that ever occurred to me. I do have vague memories of imagining myself as having (The Secret World of) Alex Mack's power, or Pleskit the alien from "I was a Sixth Grade Alien" or dutchified-title it aired as in Belgium, lol. (Bit of a theme there? Alex Mack's face would visibly glow, like emit light if she got overwhelmed, pleskit would levitate, c'mon.) The waiting mode thing is _the worst_. I end up trying to find little tasks I can do that I can drop at a moment's notice, but mostly it's just doing mindnumbing stuff like doom scrolling and checking the time despite having reminders set up. Any variable outside of my control that gets between now and when the event is happening is a source of stress. Going somewhere with another person and I they started getting ready... much later than I, having to rely on train times, ... Aagh.
aw man i do like most of this stuff. ESPECIALLY the food thing and the changing clothes thing. my best friend always gives me shit for changing clothes so often and i thought he was kidding up until now lmao
Have you looked into ARFID? My niece had eating patterns/frustrations that sound a lot like yours, and she’s got ARFID. I definitely have texture issues/safe foods, but not to the extent you talked about. Oh wow when you talked about “mentally preparing” for appointments… 😬😭 I don’t know how it can be so different for other people… recently, I hugged a person I don’t know super well because I misread their body language…😩😩😩
I don't think any of these _exactly_ match my experiences, but most or all of them at least _partially_ and relatably connect to my experiences. As one example: there are some favorite-for-a-time foods that later become repulsive, but there are also foods I can eat over and over again without ever getting tired of them... for example, sometime after my Honey Nut Cheerios phase (haha, that one was relatable!), I then moved on to Cracklin' Oat Bran. And ate that cereal basically every day for the next... 30 years?? So, yeah.
The handshaking thing is why I'm glad I'm also blind, because it's a lot more, from the understandable outside, understandable of excuse. It's still very awkward though. A lot of times I'll be reviewing a social interaction in my head, and realize that somebody was doing something for X reason that I didn't realize at the time. It's really frustrating. Curse you nonverbal cues!
When it comes to eating I am the complete opposite. I can eat all day given the chance. Takes a lot of will power to not do that. I just never feel full. I find eating smaller meals every 3 to 4 hours helps better than 2 big meals per day.
I just thought it was an interesting notice that while you can't stand to be in the same outfit all day and were always changing clothes, I need to wear the same clothes all day and do my best to avoid changing clothes,. This means on weekdays I dress in the morning for school and only undress for bed, and on the weekends, (unless I go somewhere) I can stay in the same clothes several days in a row. It really is a spectrum huh, great video, I also related to the imagination one.
Oh, actually, there's a whole slavic country, that can relate to indoor/outdoor clothing, you are totally not alone in this I'm writing it in my indoor dress
I am 40, only last 4, 5 years I understood I have a lot a querks that other poeple seem to not have. The clothes, the eating habits, the eye contact, being literal. Aslo as a child I uses to count all the time, 3 by 3, by 3 and then this makes a group of another three and so on...I also use to feel like a character when I saw some movie, for a certain period of time I was him/her then change to another person from a book or a movie.
This is my introduction to your channel! I loved this video because it made me think about all of the things that have happened in my life where friends and family have been like 'hey, that's not an experience I have or that any of my friends and family have' If only I could have received an assessment before my late 30s... And congratulations on hitting 10K! That's an awesome milestone :-)
My front teeth slightly stick out and twice I've sort of accidentally 'bitten' people where I've been smiling hello and then I realise they want to do the cheek kissing thing - but I forget to stop smiling as I'm kissing and my teeth sort of nip their cheek. Very embarrassing. My terrible awkwardness at whats just happened then makes me sort of announce it "Oh sorry, I kind of bit you there!" 🫣🤭
my parents would get mad at me for switching clothes so much because of the price of laundry, so now the need to switch clothes has faded bc i had to force myself to ignore it.
oh no I litterally do all these things except I knew nobody else does them because other people have always made sure to let me know every detail of my weirdness so I just started giving it for granted 😭 you can't imagine the relief when I found out my little cousin also had little worlds in her head and liked to imagin herself in the shows we watched and videogames.
I don't really imagine myself hanging out with fictional characters but I spend a lot of time have imaginary conversations with real people in my life. It has always felt like I was practicing for if I was to talk to them about something but it is never useful because the imaginary version of the person I am talking to is usually as autistic as I am because imagining them being their normal self is really tough. Sometimes I also do this because in a conversation that day there was a tangent I really wanted to explore but didn't get to. I live about a 30min drive from my job so this is usually what I do on the way home. I think it helps me to decompress from the day since as a teacher I have a lot more social interaction then I would probably like. Unfortunately I didn't really realize I was autistic until I did a teacher training session for an autistic student we got at the school and I was confused because everything they said the student would need and do described me as well so I started researching. Before that I just thought I was a little bit odd or weird but as I learn more as a teacher I realize that what other people think is weird or odd is usually just ADHD, autism, or anxiety.
The double kiss is freaking me out too, and unfortunately it's very common in my country. Where are you supposed to put your mouth? Are you supposed to actually kiss them on the cheek or are you supposed to kiss the air to make a kissing sound? Where do you put your hand? I don't get it and I hate it. I constantly mess up and feel very awkward. Also, some older women pull you very closely and their cheeks are sticky from some make-up or something... ugh...
I've had similar experiences, but which were slightly different. When it comes to imagining yourself in a fantasy world, I preferred imagining characters I'd made up VS ones from other media. I one hundred percent would be in the backyard killing orcs, though, haha. I used to have a whole collection of fake plastic swords, but a bamboo stick always worked too! I can also relate to the daydreaming part - if I was bored, I'd zone out and visualize elaborate scenes with my characters. As a kid, I was part of the imaginary world I'd made up; as an adult, I'm not "in" that world anymore, but I still think about the same characters constantly. Getting to draw 200 pictures of the same person sounds wonderful to me. 😅 I also have sensory issues with certain clothes. I can't stand jeans, and fought with my mom if she tried to make me wear any. It was the worst when I was really little, because I couldn't stand clothes AT ALL, and my poor mother had to keep an eye on me in the stroller, so she could gather all the shoes, shirts, and socks as I dropped them.
It is funny that you talk about thinking that it was normal to change clothes several times in a day. I knew people in my high school that would do that I generally thought it for athletic reasons, but they would have multiple shirts packed in their bags and change it in the middle of the day I thought that was odd. I guess I don't remember a time of ever thinking that I was normal because I was behind on reading and I had an older sister that called me weird all the time.
I have eaten McDonald’s my whole life but now it taste just like poison and I refuse to eat it and no one in my family gets it because they don’t taste a difference. 😔
I never realized people don’t just imagine themselves hanging out with fictional characters or fictional worlds… I had no idea
i just now found that out lmao, i always imagined myself in another universe or this one with powers or something like that.
It literally triggered a memory of how my fave show when I was a kid was The Nanny and I didn’t like barbie dolls but I played with little dog figurines and I made them all characters of the nanny and I’d make up scenarios for hours.
This reminds me of how as a child I would always imagine a fictional character accompany me / be next to me and communicate with me. It's like I had them following me throughout my days, even as far as shopping or having a sleepover. And I've always inserted myself into my favorite TV shows, games, etc.
Like, isn't that a normal thing to do??? Even now I partially like to self-insert myself into certain media I enjoy, but in a form of a fan-OC or something of the sort, or imagine how an interaction between me and a character would go if I were in their world
I thought this was common for everybody...
I learned it just today, watching this video! 40 years living without even thinking about it
@@DeadVoxel me toooo, exactly the same things!!
Totally agreed with the experience of not being able to do anything productive before the appointment. That's why I hate when I have to start work in the afternoon instead of the morning. I literally can't do anything all morning, because I'm saving my energy for work. I hate it!
I do the exact same thing. I work overnight, and I really don't do anything outside of work because I have to conserve the little energy I do have for work.
@@marchfast8291 I can do something if I am pushed to do it, like if I need to do certain thing in order to participate properly in the afternoon meeting. But even when I am expected to have friends over, it's hard to focus on anything other than tidying up. If, say, I need to study on the day that people come over in the afternoon, I have to plan ahead so that everything is in order, so that the only two things I need to focus on are the studies and the time that they will arrive. So it's possible to plan around and mask the weird proclivity to just want one or two "things" to do a day. If something is a routine it is less or a thing for me, like shopping the groceries I usually need in the local store. Going to another, unknown store at an unknown destination suddenly feels like regular groceries X5 in terms of energy expenditure.
i hate it too, but if I am planning what i will do before work in the afternoon I am doing pretty much okay
I think the reason is time blindness (basically perception of time either now or not now), and it's not really an inherent thing, but rather, if you start doing something else, you will lose the track of time and then be late, so you will learn a strategy of not doing anything before an appointment. So to our brains, the appointment is either not now (and you forget about it entirely) or now (and you cannot do anythig else, because in a sense, the appointment is already happening in our mind).
As far as I know, this is actually more of an ADHD trait. But there is a huge overlap in both the population and symptoms between ADHD and autism (also many of the same genes are involved). I'm an AuDHDer myself, and for example, I need to get the chores of the day done before I feel like I can relax. Which is really annoying if e.g. there's a nice weather in the daytime and I want to stay outdoors.
Me too! I took the summer off and focused on doing more with my kids, exercise, and family time. Now I’m like “how am I going to do this??” When thinking about starting school and work back up again this fall. Now that I have the kids in activities like 3 nights a week, plus family time on weekends and daily family responsibilities, it feels like I can’t do anything except wait for those appointments. If I do get my mind into something else then I am way more triggered when my kids do demand my time or make loud noises or they’re defiant or repeating themselves a lot after I already answered them. Anyhow I’m not confident I can manage doing so much with them and working but we shall see how I do. I’m going to start getting psychiatrist visits or therapy in October and if it helps I may have to rely on that. I’m worried how I’m going to keep all the plates up. In the past I didn’t do so much with my kids every week, but I can’t bear the thought of taking them out of their extracurriculars because I can’t handle basic parenting, and work/school at the same time. Even if they’re at school from 9-6 I still have a hard time focusing because I feel unable to shift focus knowing I’m going to need to be super zoned in to family time that evening and keep myself regulated with that which is the most overwhelming responsibility I have.
I can relate to the food thing - the amount of chicken breasts you can eat until you never want to have another chicken breast again is 2000.
is that 2000 breasts or 2000 meals?
This is why I try to make myself eat a variety of different foods so my safe foods are as varied as possible
One time in high school my friend made a comment after Halloween that he didn't like Coffee Crisps (my favourite chocolate bar at the time) so I made a point of eating ten of the little Halloween sized ones straight in a row just to gross him out. Couldn't eat them again for years lol though I'll happily say I'm able to enjoy them once in a while again now.
It sort of explains why we get confused when people react negatively to things we do that we literally thought were the normal, accepted things to do. 😢
It must be hard. Social cues are so nuanced and context-dependent. ❤️🩹
@@user-tq4fm4he8iYES! In addition to memorizing rules, you also have to memorize the situations in which the rules apply
There is No way that other people dont imagine themselves in their favorite tvs shows as a kid, I dont do it so much now.
I brought it up to so many friends throughout my life that were like ‘no, Dana, we don’t do that’, and then I started making autistic friends as an adult and we all do or did it to some degree 😂
Do you think imagining the characters being in your world (rather than imagining yourself being in the characters' world) is the same trait?
@@GraceBrooks-zy3ms
Yeah I'd say it the same trait
Cuz i do both all the time
@@DanaAndersen I have diagnosed ADHD and dyspraxia and suspected autism 😅 and I used to love world building in my head, I was a day dreamer and would lose myself often in my favourite stores and world's but also create my own versions in my head or try to merge them 😅
So all these years where I’d be the character in the world is not the same as normal imaginary play? I’d always be the character I liked. I thought that was imaginary play xD
Related to the "unable to do anything before a timed event": when you are talking to a friend/family member on the phone and they say "I'll call you right back" and then they don't. I am sitting there staring at the phone for hours waiting for it to ring, or however long it is before I call them to end the torture. I started responding to "I'll call you back" with "please don't, we'll talk later".
I've learned that whenever someone says they'll call you back, it usually means they won't.
Relatable. I've also done it in reverse. Said I'd call right back, finished whatever was distracting me and then, you know...called back, usually in a few minutes, to the shock of the person I was calling.
I feel so bad I've accidentally done this before 😭
No one would drive a car if they only had a 99% success rating at it. That would mean having an accident approximately once every hundred miles/kilometers, or probably about once a week.
So yes, the rate at which social disasters happen is very traumatic when it happens drastically more frequently than is typical.
Thank you. I really needed this.
This is so comforting.
I still never know if I am supposed to shake hands or hug someone most of the time when greeting them. Every time in my head: "Wait, is this a hug person? Uh oh, look for hug cues, look for hug cues."
I still cringe at the time I shook somebody's hand upon meeting them and he awkwardly said "wow, very formal..." I stopped shaking peoples' hands after that 🌚
Same. I hate it.
Walking by someone and you aren't sure if they are going to wave, fist bump, dap, or do nothing... *SO MANY THINGS!!!*
@@Shirayumi9090 I have a colleague at work that is particularly unpredictable about that.
@@Zayaxa I did this once with a hug and I will cringe on that for the rest of my life.
I've also been daydreaming scenarios with characters basically from the day I can remember myself. My first one was characters from Yu-gi-Oh 😅
Saaaame! And I anthropomorphized everything around me: raindrops, blades of grass, trees, shampoo bottles, streetlights, etc. etc.
That's how I eventually became a fiction writer!😂
@@Em_Elizabeth YAY! Omg I've been dreaming of doing it for forever but every time I see a blank document my brain just empties
I did this a lot as a kid, constantly when walking somewhere. Not with myself in the daydreams, but with characters and often including things I saw or the nature around me into them. I was the kind of child that would make explosions with my hands in the air while staring on the ground a few feet in front of me, deep in a daydream until I reached mu destination, constantly readjusting my walk as the road turned. I daydreamed a lot as I got older too, but the daydreams changed and a lot of the time it's just me thinking about having conversations with people I've seen interesting YT videos about (podcasts or similar), or friends that are similar to me. Friends that I know are autistic, or that most likely are, I feel a great deal of connection with, and I'll imagine talking to them, as I have at least 10 times more to say than I ever have time for when we meet. I do it unconsciously, and always imagine how I would explain things to them. I'm not diagnosed, but I can relate so much to the daydreaming. However, I do not recall ever thinking that a character was running alongside me while walking around as a kid was normal, even then I was very aware that this is not something that people do, or at least admit to doing. I even recall someone catching me in my weird hand gestures that were supposed to be energy blasts, and then never doing it unless the person meeting me on the road was far away and instantly reverting to it if people were behind me or facing away from me and in front of me on the street.
@@an8790 Yes, I was never in the fantasies either until I got older and I basically started talking to people in my head. Pretending I'm talking to the UA-camr I'm watching or being interviewed by my favorite kpop idol etc.
Usually when it involves people from my real life, it's for the purposes of scripting and it distresses me and it's really hard to stop. But when it's with online people of fantasy people, I really like it.
I also used to make gestures while imagining. One time at class, I would do wavy hands towards the window (I don't even remember what I was thinking, it's possible I just got fascinated by the gesture and the light and got distracted) and the teacher called me up and said "What kind of witchcraft are you performing?" and everyone laughed and... Yeah it didn't feel very good.
I have never understood what people mean when they say they're bored. Like, just watch the neverending movie of yourself and your favorite characters in your head, right? ...right???
Cries in Autistic person with Aphantasia
tbh I don’t get "bored" I get severely understimulated
Right!
@@W3irdK1d28i thought those were the same thing ;-;
@@leafylynx983i think they are :p thats what boredom is
I have recently been bowled over utterly by the realization that other people are not living life with these challenges. I just thought everyone struggled but there was a collective social understanding that 'one does not talk about it'. Because there are a million such agreements. Why would this be any different?
And now I have come to certain realizations, I am frequently finding myself saying "I had no idea! How was I supposed to know this wasn't typical?"
Totally did the head-cannon fan-fic imaginary play as a child!! I'll show my age a bit here - I was always Atreyu (from Neverending Story), or a hobbit, or in Narnia talking to the animals. I rarely took on female roles (except Princess Leia, of course) because they weren't portrayed as being as cool as male characters were. Let's face it - female representation in media leaves a lot to be desired even now, but it was worse when I was growing up! I loved Ace from Dr Who (Sylvester McCoy, although *my* Dr will always be Tom Baker) because she wasn't pathetic like most assistants were.
That ended up a much longer comment than I anticipated 🤣
I'm almost 35, and almost every single week I learned something that is not normal that I've been doing for like 20 plus years.
Timed events paralyze me, and I struggle to make the appointment. I have to make an appointment for getting my official diagnoses and sleep disorder studies right now but I just can't.
Same here. I've been completely paralysed for months and can hardly do anything....even basic self-care tasks.
I imagine myself in situations all the time. In my favorite games, music, movies, etc. I even imagine myself dying in heroic ways sometimes as a favorite character in my favorite media. Not that I want to die, but it's like cathartic or something. It's hard to explain, lol
Yesssss I’m with you entirely, 90% of my Ashes to Ashes imaginings end with me dying heroically to save Alex and/or Gene, though given the show they also tend to start with me dying 🤔😂
The one about not being able to do anything the day of an appointment hits home. I used to feel very self-conscious about it, but honestly - when things take more energy and you have less, shutting off for a bit is just practical. There is another side to it though - a LOT of people say they're "doing" is stuff that I don't ever register as "doing" anything. I don't feel like I'm "doing chores" when I feel a sudden burst of energy and clean up a bit and I'm not "going to the shops" when I run out and buy the same things I buy most days. I'm not "preparing for the appointment" when I decide which clothes to wear based on how they'll make me feel, or letting my mind wander to get a better picture of how I want the appointment to go.
I don't feel much of a need to talk up and about my daily goings-on, which makes it look like the difference between me and others is way larger than it actually is. I do have less energy and shut down a lot when I have something stressful hanging over me, but there's also a whole lot of sorting things out going on in the subconscious while that's happening.
I'm not diagnosed but I do find I relate to the neurodivergent community a lot more and learning about other peoples experiences has helped me a lot to understand myself better... For most of my life I felt behind like everyone always had more energy and ability to do more in a day and so I felt like I must just be lazy. But I've come to realize I'm actually not lazy just normal daily activities can take a toll on me mentally. I also started to realize I'm more sensitive to my surroundings which is part of why I might need a little time to decompress after socializing at work, even if the day went relatively smooth I might feel angry or irritable, and for a long time I didn't understand why I felt like that but now I am able to help myself regulate better using fidgets or sensory items And don't even get me started on going new places/ going out with people. Takes me at least a week to recover. 😅 Anyways I relate to a lot of what you talked about. And I always love hearing about how others experience daily life it's just intriguing to me! 😊 ❤
You really articulated the total fuckery that we go through quite well. It happened the same way for me. I have a lot of very similar behaviors to yours, and it really shocked me when I found out that other people didn't do that. When I found out I was Autistic, it totally changed my perception and made me reexamine everything I have done in my life. For the first time in my life, I am able to see myself the way that others see me. It's both a blessing and a curse. It has been relatively recent for me, so I am still unwrapping and unmasking. It is a lot to process. I just never realized how different I am from other people until I found out I am Autistic.
I relate to most of this. Definitely a daydreamer. I probably spend hours every day just imagining various scenarios. The food thing is so real. Fortunately I like enough different foods that I usually don't completely run out of things to eat, but I definitely know the experience of the thing that is your safe food, eat it every day for a month, and then suddenly you can't eat it anymore. Or having to stop eating a meal a few bites in and feeling devastated that you put all of that time and energy into making it only to not be able to eat it. I hate that. Clothing I have sensitivities to, but not to the extent of needing to change outfits several times a day. Instead, it's just that I only buy and wear comfy clothes. Anything that isn't, I just won't wear, unless I have to. And you can bet that as soon as I don't have to wear it anymore, I will change into something comfortable. I definitely can't do so many things in a day. I never understood how other people could. I can maybe do one thing before an afternoon appointment, but nothing that would get me too engrossed, since I have to keep track of the time and mentally prepare for the thing.
Social cues... it's kind of a mix. I'm good at observing people and noticing subtle shifts in behavior. I probably would notice someone putting a hand out for me to shake. But I would never be the person to initiate a handshake. I know how to respond to certain specific cues in certain situations, but I don't fare well in novel situations, or if I'm the one expected to initiate something. Everything I know how to do is reactive. It's like, someone asks me a question, I answer it. I forget that I'm supposed to ask them something else back. I have to consciously remind myself to ask people questions when making small talk. God, I hate small talk. So uncomfortable and uninteresting.
I am self diagnosed AuDHD. I have indoor clothes and outdoor clothes. I wear the same indoor clothes 99% of the time, and it's only a few outfits that don't get washed enough probably. My food cooking experience is the same as yours. I smoke cannabis and have safe strains which sometimes get discontinued and that fucking SUCKS.
most people have indoor/outdoor clothes.
I feel you with safe strains! My store is always changing products so sometimes it feels like russian roulette to pick a strain 😆 like, will I be paranoid and hungry today, or relaxed and focused? 🤔😂
I have so many traits/behavior like this, plus sensory issues. I am always able to stay abnormally calm during emergency situations (family being hospitalized, etc). People always repeatey ask me if Im okay and I tell them yes. In the moment, I really do feel calm. After diagnosis, I realized thats a combination of delayed processing, hyperfocus, and probably alexithymia. I find it beneficial in those situations. While everyone else is freaking out, I stay calm and collected.
Great video ❤
You're talking about 'waiting mode' which can affect both autistic people and those with ADHD (or AuDHD people, of course). I suffer badly with this.
On the subject of thinking everyone does a particular thing, it was only about 3 years ago (and I'm in my 50s!) that I realised most people actually DO make eye contact!! I had always assumed that they didn't because I find it so unbearably painful to do it myself.
And yes to the same clothes for weeks! I actually only ever get dressed if I have to leave the house...I am never out of my pyjamas at home, because nothing else is ever really comfortable.
So many I relate to but I literally have only just realised about the clothes.. mind blown. Previous partners have mentioned it but recently I was on holiday with a friend and I kid you not I put on 11 outfits before I found the right one everyday. She found it hilarious how many times I could remix an outfit from my suitcase and just thought I’m being a fashion babe. But really none of them felt right. Then I’d change multiple times throughout the day because the right feeling can change during the day. Always was told and thought I was being indecisive, like doesn’t everyone dress to feel right 🙃
Since you had to share a cringy memory of a missed social cue, I'll say that I regularly miss when people are trying to greet me. If even they're walking in my direction I can still miss it. My brain won't register they're trying to get MY attention lol
One time I was walking down a hallway and my supervisor at work was walking towards me from the other end. I could mostly recognize it was them, but I didn't realize they were waving to me the WHOLE time until they were right in my face speaking to me. Like, we were the ONLY two people in the hallway so nothing was obstructing my view. It's like my brain just assumed "oh they don't mean me" (they did)😅
I can relate with the not being able to "do anything" before an appointment has happened thing. It is amazing how it feels so "wrong/difficult" to do something while waiting in those situations. Maybe this has something to do with the difficulty of living in the moment autistic people experience? Forthcoming appointments become "all there is in the near future" and the few hours before it kind of don't exist in the mind, so planning to do something during that time period feels crazy. Just killing time not doing anything feels the correct solution. Appointments kind of cast a "time shadow" backwards in time for autistic people...
I despise wearing clothes they are always so uncomfortable. I have a jersey Ive had for almost 20 years which has seen better days, but if I don't have go out and it's cold, its my go to, jersey and and a particular pair of socks. Also have a fave set of bed sheets I refuse to get rid of
I have a coat that is 26 years old. I still wear it, lol.
That's me with my pink sweatpants. My mom is sick of looking at them, but my rational is that, until there's a hole in them or they're otherwise ruined, I see no reason to get rid of them. They're comfy and clean, so why does it matter if they're ten years old? 😅
Imagining myself in my favorite books and stories is how I fall asleep!
I was obsessed with the princess bride and replayed that all the time in my head, at one point I got the girl next door to act out a bunch of it with me. The food thing sucks, Ive stocked up on certain things only for it to become the grossest thing ever.
"Everyone else is just managing it better" - totally this. I would get glimpses that people thought differently, but could never hold on to them: for instance, I couldn't wrap my head around why so many kids said they got bored during the summer holiday, because surely that was the time when you didn't get worn out dealing with people at school all day and could really focus on what interested you - were other kids' parents stopping them doing that? It made no sense.
Just today got caught up in my head playing out scenarios with my little fictional characters. 98% of the time I do it for fun/to get to sleep but today was one of those times where just the brain wouldn't let me move on and do something else because it just _really needed_ to figure out how these characters would respond to the same scenario as presented in the video I was watching. Please tell me I'm not the only one on that front too!
No, I do this too. Glad to know I'm not the only one who needs to play fictional scenarios through in my head to get to sleep. I also like to imagine my characters into other worlds or scenarios. I'll read a book, and then stay up until 2:00 in the morning thinking how X Character would respond if placed in the same situation.
OMG, I imagined characters, too! My imaginary friends were Gary Oak, Giovanni (from Pokemon), and Spike (Buffy). I thought I was the only one that did that because my friends acted like it was weird that I did that.
I also can barely function before an apt or plans. I forget to eat, I barely manage to get coffee, and I'm afraid of doing anything that might make me messy or distract me and cause me to lose track of time and be late. I'll see my family chilling doing things, and I'm like reminding them, and they're like, "I know, it's fine."
I SUCK at social cues. I can't tell when it's my turn to talk. I dunno what's too much or too little. Sometimes, I overshare or info dump. Other times, I seem rude or anti-social.
I’m autistic and it’s hard to find a balance between masking but not masking "too much" and turning people off from me because I’m coming across as inauthentic. Also, luckily in America, no one does the double kiss greeting lol…it’s simply just handshakes and/or hugs.
I have also had "Oh wait, everyone else doesn't do that?" experiences. Some things like having strong opinions about what numbers are better than others, are just silly little things (7 is the best. 8 and 9 suck. Others depend on commbinations). Other times it's been me realizing that I'm actually face blind and other people don't just fake knowing someone until they figure out from cues who the person must be. Or that most people don't mix up names of similar looking coworkers or relatives, or not remember any of their schoolmates after the fact. 😅
I also struggle with the appointment waiting mode thing, though not always as severely. The WORST, though, is when you have plans with someone and then they are late without telling you so you just sit there and it's like being stuck in limbo. You can't even properly sit and read or something because they could be there at any moment. My family is terrible for that- always an inconsistent time later than the planned time. Ugggh.
Wish I had more spoons to comment all the things I wanna comment haha! 😆
So instead I'll just say AWWW to the lil' Oat Man smooch at the end!! 🥰🤣 Otis is indeed adorable 😍 I love to see people who love their furbabies 🤗😚😸🐾
Another brilliant 'Dana video' (as I've been calling your vids!) 😁😄 I love them all 🙏🏻
My current theory is that autistic people don't have social deficits, they are just more aware of communication break downs or irrational norms. I think neurotypicals miss/misinterpret social cues plenty, they are just less cognizant and more likely to blindly blame the other person (where we always blame ourselves).
1:40 "Getting picked up by the doctor" 😂😂 The one thing the internet has taught me is the stuff I Thought were personality traits were actually autism....
I feel less alone when I hear all your experiences (dana and comments). I relate alot. The appointment thing, or just having anything new to do that breaks my routine, is very disruptive/anxiety inducing.
I'll avoid as much as possible, this makes it hard to effect change in my life or sort out things, eg jobs, dr/dentist, socialising. This prevents my life moving forward and I get stuck.
I feel SO stuck, and it sucks that so many of us feel like this, but I also feel so much less alone and so much better about things knowing it’s not just me 💕
@@DanaAndersen wow, the first time ever I comment on a UA-cam vid and the channel creator responds! That's made my day 😁
i exploded when i heard the first thing tbh like why wouldn’t you imagine going on cool adventures with your favorite characters? i’ve been doing it since i was like 6 it’s great
So many relatable things! I am the same if i have any type appointment during the day, I cannot do anything else before that. I cannot pickup something at the store or eat out before. I'm worried I'll just forget about it if I get busy with something else.
I used to "live" in my favorite TV shows/movies for years as a child/teen/even adult and stuff I did in my real world was being done "with" those characteris in my mind a lot of times. I thought it out as I was either one of them or their friend or relative.
Wait... Most people don't imagine themselves in their favorite books and/or TV shows? Really? I've been doing that my entire life! I mean... I do also make up my own characters and places sometimes, but I never realized this was odd.
I have ADHD so if I have an appointment, I cannot do anything at all before the appointment.
Love yours videos . Social cues sometimes saying the wrong thing
Safe clothes - oh yes. As a child this was intense and I had secret names for the best items. There were also very bad clothes that made me feel so bad I'd actually throw up when forced into them. As a teenager I wore the most ridiculous clothes, trying to find where I fitted in rather than what fitted me. Now in my old-age, I wear what feels good - the same few items get cycled through day in day out, and I have a limited choice of 'going out' clothes so I don't have to think about what to wear ever. Also the appointment thing - and being given sufficient notice before being expected to do anything social. My idea of 'sufficient' seems to be a bit longer than most...😂
The sufficient notice thing makes me think about how many people have said I ignored or ghosted them when I was absolutely just getting around the replying to them 🫣
I’ve also vomited from uncomfortable clothing! It’s truly one of the worst feelings. Most underwire bras choke my upper stomach and give me bad acid reflux.
I do that too even to this day i and I'm my 50s. That's one of the reasons I was diagnosed as kid, putting myself into a Star Wars movie in my head. I buy the same cloths. I have draws full plain white T-shirts. I have 4 exact same hoodie but I'll wear on for days. Then wash, next one a few days next. I can't wear the newly washed one till I've used the ones in closet. Once all are washed repeat.
I'm 44, realised I'm autistic about 1 months ago.
It's awful. I'm both the most relaxed I've ever been and at the same time, my life has been destroyed because of not being diagnosed sooner.
Been struggling for over 30 years... It all makes sense, yet at the same time, until I get a formal diagnosis, I don't know what it means.
I could never do things "before work"...
The fictional characters and the daydreaming for hours is something I relate to so much.
It’s usually the first thing therapy wants you to get rid of/cut back on.
Took me years to get a therapist who doesn’t consider my daydreaming maladaptive.
What you describe in the beginning sounds like immersive daydreaming, just in case you never heard of it :)
Lol, I imagined myself being picked up by The Doctor, too.
Ew, the kiss on the cheek thing is so gross. Why would you want to kiss acquaintances or what are these air kisses? Disgusting! A former colleague did that to me a few months ago and it was so unexpected and harsh that I actually got really angry and had to go wash my face and hair a few times. Felt violating.
I'm ok with some family members actually kissing my cheek, but I'd prefer for it not to be a thing.
Air kisses are "mwah, mwah!" Fake as f.
"Why would you want to kiss acquaintances" Because evolutionary touch and human connection is beneficial for our mental and body health, provides endorphins, and so on. This is just problematic for us autistic folks due to genetic changes compared to the average person (and not even all, I know some who have no issue with touch and hugs)...
@@jamesmckean3221 exactly! No idea what's that supposed to be.
@@foljs5858I disagree. I'm fine with physical touch but I hate those weird kisses and hand shakes. Kisses are for romantic partners, not for acquaintances.
There are many ways to interact physically, kisses on the cheek are completely unnecessary as a greating. Hugs and fist bumps should be enough.
@@foljs5858kisses are for family and very close trusted friends or romantic partners, acquaintances could have diseases and it’s natural to be disgusted by kissing someone you hardly know. That’s what handshakes, hugs and pats on the back are for.
“i was just filling in for Ron” is too funny 😂
When even as a child your self esteem was so low you were just a Ron fill in 💀😂
I don't think I'm autistic, but I absolutely struggle with doing things before timed appointments. Like if someone is coming over to visit, I basically can't do anything until they arrive. It is especially bad when people are late because I just do nothing while I wait for them. I do notice that other people don't do this when I come over, they are usually busy doing something when I arrive, and I can't imagine doing that. I guess it is just an effort to get into the "visiting" headspace, so once I'm in that mode I sort of need to stay there until the visiting is done.
Clothes are an issue for me but I just remove them when I get uncomfortable. (Always at home)
I do that too. Food and clothes. And heavens yes, lots of imaginary friends. Not so much real ones.
yes, preappointment or event is lost time where I can't do other stuff
The first one hits so hard. I’m undiagnosed but feel pretty confident in saying I think I’m on the spectrum. I used to “play Lord of the Rings”. I’d dress like the hobbits, take my backpack with some bread and apple (I didn’t even like eating them whole, but that’s how they showed them in the movie) and cheese and go play in the woods. One time a neighbors dad got mad at me because I hit his kid with my walking stick (typical little kid disagreement) and he threatened to break it. That really hurt my feelings. I didn’t understand that other kids didn’t play games like this. Makes a lot of sense now.
I relate to the food thing, I often go through stages where I would love (for example) apples and eat 3 every day, and then after a week or two I just don’t want apples anymore for months.
I'm afraid I've allowed my failures at being like other people to drive me towards bitterness. Love you!
#Preach
One thing I have is an awful combination of the waiting to do a thing for far longer than allistic people do plus specific social norms (which I've learnt should happen). So, like, I progressively get more and more anxious about having missed a cue that someone wants to leave, for example, so then I'm looking out for cues that people are leaving, so then I'm just sort of waiting for them to get ready and go just so that I can wave and say goodbye(, and then get ready and leave myself, if applicable).
I ffffing love your hair btw.
The subscribe button actually glowed with a rainbow ring around it when You said "subscribe" near 16:32
My entire life is me trying to get more stories in my head.
Thankfully my SO lets me indulge in clothes that feel right. But the food thing. It's so frustrating. Especially when the first couple of bites are SO GOOD, but then my entire body just REJECTS the idea of even touching the damn thing x.x; Probably the most frustrating thing for me, especially since cooking for me is like basically a major love language for my hubby - making me food.
I want to do TV and often enough, I imagine scenes ij n my head. They actually helped me in real life, more so than any outside advice ever.
Through imagining situations, I came to my own conclusions about how the world works and who I wanted to be in it.
Sadly though, when I do this at home, family insists that I should "stay on the ground" i.e. focus on my surroundings constantly. But that very behaviour would cause me to become one amongst many people who simply follow orders...
OMG! ALL OF THIS!!
Especially the clothing thing. I would just hang up clothes I felt were "safe" to avoid washing them and making them feel "wrong."
I had to change clothes daily because I worked in an office but "safe" clothing was hung up to "air out", maybe a spritz of febreeze if I smelled like traffic or whatever.
It was a nightmare when I was serving in the US Navy. I had specific "work day" uniforms that were "safe" and others I avoided like the plague! Inspection days were true NIGHTMARE fuel! I HATED our Dress Uniforms, the polyester actually made me break out and itch. I couldn't wait to get out of it.
I truly enjoyed the routine of my work in the Navy, the schedule, everything stayed pretty much the same for days and weeks...but any disruption would throw me off balance and make me horribly annoyed.
I was also pregnant while in the military, so that was a challenge. Talk about a routine break! WHEW! But I managed to work my infant son's routine into mine, and for a big part of it, it worked out well. He enjoyed and thrived on a schedule, it made HIM feel safe too! (Yes, both my son and I are on spectrum - so now it makes sense)
Now I work from home because I can't handle going into an office setting anymore. I have my schedule and routine that makes me feel "safe" and secure.
Briefly, when my company tried to force us all back into the office, I actually had panic attacks! Thankfully, my boss was REALLY understanding and would just tell me to pack up my laptop and work from home. Now that we're permanently remote working, I have never been so comfortable and productive! I have all my "safe" things, my "Stim" things, my "comfort" things. I can be in gross sweats (tracksuits), or PJs all day long and I won't gross anyone out! I have an entire wardrobe of "safe" clothes now and LOVE IT!
Buying multiples is still worth it to me- yes you still end up with a favorite, but the others are better then finding another good one from scratch. I usually go for the same thing in a few colors so I can tell them apart as they get worn down differently.
Maladaptive daydreamer here! :3
I sometimes laugh out loud because within a daydream a character makes a funny joke or a scene is hilarious in my head. And I’ll repeat it in my head. XD
If I don’t write it down, it kinda gets blown away by a new crazy daydream and a new slew of ideas thoughts and even intrusive thoughts.
Hyper with intimate daydreams as well. I dislike that about my daydreams. But it’s never just an hour it’s five hours of wasted time. lol
True about the safe food and how one thing can ruin that safe food after it’s been years.
Like giving me a sickness when drinking or eating a specific item or drink that I used to eat everyday. Just one bad day of having the food come back up and I’m sadly unable to go back and will gag or feel sick when trying to go back to that specific food or drink. I miss this one protein meal and drink but got violently sick trying to drink it again recently. Why does it happen. >_
This is all so relatable 🤣 your story at the very end omg: that’s me all the time 😅
I've had a constant imaginary character in my mind named Rev. Earl Fajen Lee or "Reverend Earl" who is this extremely delusional right wing Calvinist backwoods hillbilly religious zealot. Sometimes I might be seen seemingly laughing at nothing when I'm actually laughing at some ridiculous imagined commentary in my head that Rev. Earl made about something.
The first one, imagining oneself as a character in a show is also not one that ever occurred to me. I do have vague memories of imagining myself as having (The Secret World of) Alex Mack's power, or Pleskit the alien from "I was a Sixth Grade Alien" or dutchified-title it aired as in Belgium, lol. (Bit of a theme there? Alex Mack's face would visibly glow, like emit light if she got overwhelmed, pleskit would levitate, c'mon.)
The waiting mode thing is _the worst_. I end up trying to find little tasks I can do that I can drop at a moment's notice, but mostly it's just doing mindnumbing stuff like doom scrolling and checking the time despite having reminders set up. Any variable outside of my control that gets between now and when the event is happening is a source of stress. Going somewhere with another person and I they started getting ready... much later than I, having to rely on train times, ... Aagh.
Im american and I just learned today by listening to you about using “fuck off” for big amounts and sizes.
I'm autistic too but I'm the contrary, I can wear the same, and I wash everyday, if I don't do I would have some kind of shutdown :(
I relate to a lot of this. I have so much food that I've stocked up on and CAN'T eat 🤦🏾
aw man i do like most of this stuff. ESPECIALLY the food thing and the changing clothes thing. my best friend always gives me shit for changing clothes so often and i thought he was kidding up until now lmao
Have you looked into ARFID? My niece had eating patterns/frustrations that sound a lot like yours, and she’s got ARFID. I definitely have texture issues/safe foods, but not to the extent you talked about.
Oh wow when you talked about “mentally preparing” for appointments… 😬😭 I don’t know how it can be so different for other people…
recently, I hugged a person I don’t know super well because I misread their body language…😩😩😩
I don't think any of these _exactly_ match my experiences, but most or all of them at least _partially_ and relatably connect to my experiences. As one example: there are some favorite-for-a-time foods that later become repulsive, but there are also foods I can eat over and over again without ever getting tired of them... for example, sometime after my Honey Nut Cheerios phase (haha, that one was relatable!), I then moved on to Cracklin' Oat Bran. And ate that cereal basically every day for the next... 30 years?? So, yeah.
The handshaking thing is why I'm glad I'm also blind, because it's a lot more, from the understandable outside, understandable of excuse. It's still very awkward though. A lot of times I'll be reviewing a social interaction in my head, and realize that somebody was doing something for X reason that I didn't realize at the time. It's really frustrating. Curse you nonverbal cues!
I relate to every single thing you’ve said. That is wild…
When it comes to eating I am the complete opposite. I can eat all day given the chance. Takes a lot of will power to not do that. I just never feel full. I find eating smaller meals every 3 to 4 hours helps better than 2 big meals per day.
I just thought it was an interesting notice that while you can't stand to be in the same outfit all day and were always changing clothes, I need to wear the same clothes all day and do my best to avoid changing clothes,. This means on weekdays I dress in the morning for school and only undress for bed, and on the weekends, (unless I go somewhere) I can stay in the same clothes several days in a row.
It really is a spectrum huh, great video, I also related to the imagination one.
I love your lovely accent 🎉
Oh, actually, there's a whole slavic country, that can relate to indoor/outdoor clothing, you are totally not alone in this
I'm writing it in my indoor dress
Love the T-shirt! Wear it proudly! (It's also a good fit for Nirvana. Not sure if it would work as well if it were some posh band. xD)
I am 40, only last 4, 5 years I understood I have a lot a querks that other poeple seem to not have. The clothes, the eating habits, the eye contact, being literal. Aslo as a child I uses to count all the time, 3 by 3, by 3 and then this makes a group of another three and so on...I also use to feel like a character when I saw some movie, for a certain period of time I was him/her then change to another person from a book or a movie.
This is my introduction to your channel!
I loved this video because it made me think about all of the things that have happened in my life where friends and family have been like 'hey, that's not an experience I have or that any of my friends and family have'
If only I could have received an assessment before my late 30s...
And congratulations on hitting 10K! That's an awesome milestone :-)
10k subscribers! 🧡 Don't change a thing!
My front teeth slightly stick out and twice I've sort of accidentally 'bitten' people where I've been smiling hello and then I realise they want to do the cheek kissing thing - but I forget to stop smiling as I'm kissing and my teeth sort of nip their cheek. Very embarrassing. My terrible awkwardness at whats just happened then makes me sort of announce it "Oh sorry, I kind of bit you there!" 🫣🤭
awesome girl super relatable xx
OH FUUUUCK THE CHEEK DOUBLE KISS THE HUG THE HAND SHAKE Here in America I get away with doing none of these most of the time 😂
If people try to hug/kiss you: give them the "outstretched arm handshake":
And they go ‘silly girl, that’s not what we’re doing!’ And do it anyway
@@DanaAndersen :(
I never knew others didn't pretend to be other characters or imagine other characters being around them.
Also legend for knowing Gene Hunt! 😎
"How are you just doing things before you have to do a thing?"
Very relatable tbh
my parents would get mad at me for switching clothes so much because of the price of laundry, so now the need to switch clothes has faded bc i had to force myself to ignore it.
oh no I litterally do all these things except I knew nobody else does them because other people have always made sure to let me know every detail of my weirdness so I just started giving it for granted 😭 you can't imagine the relief when I found out my little cousin also had little worlds in her head and liked to imagin herself in the shows we watched and videogames.
I don't really imagine myself hanging out with fictional characters but I spend a lot of time have imaginary conversations with real people in my life. It has always felt like I was practicing for if I was to talk to them about something but it is never useful because the imaginary version of the person I am talking to is usually as autistic as I am because imagining them being their normal self is really tough. Sometimes I also do this because in a conversation that day there was a tangent I really wanted to explore but didn't get to. I live about a 30min drive from my job so this is usually what I do on the way home. I think it helps me to decompress from the day since as a teacher I have a lot more social interaction then I would probably like. Unfortunately I didn't really realize I was autistic until I did a teacher training session for an autistic student we got at the school and I was confused because everything they said the student would need and do described me as well so I started researching. Before that I just thought I was a little bit odd or weird but as I learn more as a teacher I realize that what other people think is weird or odd is usually just ADHD, autism, or anxiety.
I love the TARDIS cup in the background.
The double kiss is freaking me out too, and unfortunately it's very common in my country. Where are you supposed to put your mouth? Are you supposed to actually kiss them on the cheek or are you supposed to kiss the air to make a kissing sound? Where do you put your hand? I don't get it and I hate it. I constantly mess up and feel very awkward. Also, some older women pull you very closely and their cheeks are sticky from some make-up or something... ugh...
I've had similar experiences, but which were slightly different. When it comes to imagining yourself in a fantasy world, I preferred imagining characters I'd made up VS ones from other media. I one hundred percent would be in the backyard killing orcs, though, haha. I used to have a whole collection of fake plastic swords, but a bamboo stick always worked too! I can also relate to the daydreaming part - if I was bored, I'd zone out and visualize elaborate scenes with my characters. As a kid, I was part of the imaginary world I'd made up; as an adult, I'm not "in" that world anymore, but I still think about the same characters constantly. Getting to draw 200 pictures of the same person sounds wonderful to me. 😅
I also have sensory issues with certain clothes. I can't stand jeans, and fought with my mom if she tried to make me wear any. It was the worst when I was really little, because I couldn't stand clothes AT ALL, and my poor mother had to keep an eye on me in the stroller, so she could gather all the shoes, shirts, and socks as I dropped them.
It is funny that you talk about thinking that it was normal to change clothes several times in a day. I knew people in my high school that would do that I generally thought it for athletic reasons, but they would have multiple shirts packed in their bags and change it in the middle of the day I thought that was odd. I guess I don't remember a time of ever thinking that I was normal because I was behind on reading and I had an older sister that called me weird all the time.
YES! I’ve always felt that characters were my imaginary friends and I’d imagine stories with them
I have eaten McDonald’s my whole life but now it taste just like poison and I refuse to eat it and no one in my family gets it because they don’t taste a difference. 😔
It is poison. Well done for not eating that garbage anymore 👏
I do that too, wear the same clothes all the time 😂 but I do wash regularly.
I do the imaginary character thing all the time. But not with me just them.