Savior/Rescuer as Entitled Narcissist (Excerpt)
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- Watch Victim in Drama Triangle with Abuser, Savior: Karpman's Drama Triangle • Victim in Drama Triang...
Karpman’s triangle, shifting roles
Perfidious fake friends, who always claim to be the helpless and defenseless victims of manipulation and abuse and so, oh so in need of love. Women lap it up, of course.
Saviors, healers, fixers, rescuers are grandiose, covert (fake), and predatory
Wingman or backdrop for contrast as empathic, compassionate, altruistic, loving, caring, saintly.
Can’t see them coming, like a snake in the grass. Masquerade as good people but engage in perfidy and betrayal.
Actually rabidly misogynistic (closet gays), narcissistic, and psychopathic in dating (players)
Pick up line: self-appointed savior of damsels in distress from bad, mentally ill, dangerous, damaging so called abusers. “I am the alternative to the horrors of your relationship”.
But often savior is the abuser, not the “abuser” (Karpman: roles not fixed, playacting)
Select heartbroken, sad, damaged, crying, devastated, anxious, depressed women as targets. They need to talk and end up being preyed on.
The “abuser” could be a friend or a colleague. They are fake friends, seething with envy and resentment owing to inferiority complex. Saving is omnipotence.
Badmouth and betray confidences for hours, not realizing that their words are reported back to the “abuser” (example: this guy and me, I gad info from multiple sources about his badmouthing and egregious backstabbing, but I refused to believe it, he is that good at faking).
Savior/rescuer attempts to create alliance/coalition with victim against abuser.
Predatory 3 Ss: save you, sex you, scram (“not another fantasy”, “not ready for a relationship”)
May believe their own lies about saving or rescuing as their “job” (abuser all bad, they all good splitting): caters to grandiosity, unboundaried sexual needs
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com...
This ressonates so mouch! I have seen so many spiritual narcissists, it's really scary really. I have this fake friend in my life now - whom i have realized over time that she is a predatory female narc. She is also a rescuer and she never shows any kind of wounerability herself.
There are a TON of men like this in the yoga/wellness industry, as well as in coaching. They act like they care and are morally superior and can help you, then use it as a way to get laid. Many are into spirituality and may seem very intelligent. But they use what they know to further their goals. They don't really care about the people they claim they want to help. It's all a game to them.
I feel like the narcissists go the most into healing industry, no other person with that much grandiose ideation to believe they can help another.
Indeed
@elizabethkelsey8087
I just watched this video and don't have time to write as much as I'd like to now, but it's important to let you know that it's extremely common at Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous and churches as well!
Mind you, they do encourage members to "help" the often vulnerable newcomers in order to not drink etc at the former groups, but this advise isn't right at all, especially since some of them are dangerous predators. 🙁
Professor Vaknin you are the one with the superior insight and intelligence, you shook him off your coat tails. You are the leader in this field 💯
@Gichard Rannon 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Gichard you got me where it hurts, right in the repressed Mummy issues 😖
Yes after my husband died there were some who came out of the woodwork and tried to prey on me at my lowest. I wasn’t fooled for a second!
Very good lesson in this video. If you ever wonder about how there are some abusive nurses, corrupt cops etc. well here you go. I have recently dealt with several sweet talking types who have no boundaries and are on a narcissistic savior trip. When you are strong and set up boundaries or worse call them out, watch the mask come off and see them rage. It is really horrifying.
I thought this was the case, that's why I stopped watching his videos regularly quite a while back. The charm is a bunch of theatrics, and it feels like its fully loaded with motive and resentment.
You mean the videos in this channel????
@@I9s7lam5is-S3tu1pid no
@@templeguide556 yes, I think so too. but actually he led me to Sam - I originally watched his vids because I thought he was approaching the topic at a deeper level, and with much more insight than others. As time went on he became more melodramatic or something. I think Sam is able to be honest with himself so he is able to present in a much more balanced way.
@@templeguide556 Prof Sam is the only one I watch when it comes to cluster B stuff. :) I'm anti-hype culture
@@templeguide556 yeah, I have some narc traits myself in flux. :) don't worry, I'm a big girl
It happens so often Sam. So sorry you had to experience this.
Still you know the truth, that is empowering now. This person is exposed. He can no longer hide.
Everything is exposed in the light.
Best wishes and profound thanks for all of your insight. You have brought light to so many people’s lives.
Personally you have been a source of great help to me.
Your life is well lived.
How many people can say this?
People are gifted with various talents at birth. Some are very gifted. Some work extremely hard to bring these talents to fruition to help humanity.
Whether you acknowledge this or not is neither here nor there, the fact is that you add to our human experience.
So Sam this is a New Year. In retrospect you will see this in a more benign light.
Thank you for everything you are doing.
And yes, G-D bless, (He does exist) 😊 🌷
You are incredibly insightful. I can tell you that what he is saying is absolutely 100% correct.
The levels to which they will go to present themselves as saviors and good person is grotesque.
There is no help for this type of person.
They are predators.
What bothers me most is they claim as theirs the knowledge they have acquired from genuine people merely used to curate a character.
Predator is accurate wording for what a covert malignant narcissist is. it's like you say, with a overt at least you know when you are being attacked so you can be on defense. With covert they study you and learn your weaknesses and carefully plan when and where you are most vulnerable that you never see it coming. No one can understand unless they live through it
Omg I couldn't figure out to describe my co worker.... If you pay attention, they're morally incapable of not causing problems. Every favor was conditional, because eventually the tiniest thing they did for you they will use it. It's so strange, and uncomfortable because you can feel nothing is genuine from that person.
Tank you Professor for this eyeopener!
It was my impression too, that this guy was misogynistic.
So glad to hear this video today... it confirms and validates everything I thought in my first impression of this person we are all speculating is the subject who operates as a rescuer/abuser con-man. Reaffirms my ability to trust my gut. Thank you.
This is “Richie” “ beach-ie”
As always, great video Sam 😊 Thanks for sharing
ALL TOO FAMILIAR Thank you Professor. This is exactly HOW IT ALL BEGAN 30 years ago.. my Covert Narcissist Psychopath husband was predatory when I met him and he's only gotten multitudes worse in the 3 decades I've (THOUGHT) I known him. He was playing savior and made his wife (at the time) out to be a sick, psycho who he said wouldn't "sleep" with him for over 7 years, etc.. He pulled me in.. even with 2 small boys, very young, he went out on his wife of 20 years and lied about her to make me feel sorry for him. I feel SO SICKENED
This describes my father. I’m not sure when men like him get off thinking they can “rescue” anyone. They should really be focusing on rescuing themselves from their stupid decisions and dysfunctional psyches.
This describes the last 3 years of my life.
As I sit in the garage listening, I feel a sense of relief now, in a modest way, but I'm going to listen until I HEAR it and honor it for what it is.
The entire community I live amongst is against me, the neighbors, our friends, his family, my family, and everyone we know believes I have abused him, while I am struggling alone with my young children after being "cut off" financially and became non-existent, he made me vanished and no one looked for me.
I never thought I would believe this is real and had started to take the blame little by little, privately of course, but because there were no answers and I felt lost and very confused.
I pray my way out of the debilitating anxiety I currently experience day to day, it has been impossible at times to show my face, even in the smallest form.
I find it cruel that these people are allowed to roam the streets and prey on us, then leave us to fend for ourselves like stray animals while they smear everything we have invested and worked for like it is nothing.
all of it makes me incredibly sad, but I am doing the work it takes to recover.
Thank you for your sacrifice Sam, and most of all thank you for this video, you have more than likely saved my life by speaking on this.
Thank you so much 💗
So sorry you were hurt and betrayed ❤️😍🙏
Sam gets it. He's explaining the dynamic perfectly.
When a covert narcissist reveals himself is a terrifying experience, I agree. I felt so betrayed, dissociative, confused, helpless and hopeless that you really start to think that the humanity is helpless and hopeless too.
It becomes a trauma that with time and study you began to accept what happened as a learning curve experience and start to relax a little with the hypervigilance of your thoughts. But from time to time the trauma comes back to haunt you in a day you seem to be almost normal and everything falls apart again.
I watched your friend channels and although some knowledge helped me a lot, I always got the feeling that something was off. His look, attitude, tantrums, humour... I really thought that someday he would confess that he was not a codependent only, but he was a narcissist too.
I can confirm this as my personal experience from 2 relationships in my life. Exactly as you describe. Thank you for clarifying this.
Thank you for always bringing a video out just when I start to romanticise to forget/question my experience…to be a video directly validating my experience, reminding me not to become unsure or depressed, every single aspect of character you describe is the classic behavioural pattern I have fallen for and now dealng with the aftermath of discard whilst the new one is clueless believing his pattern was ‘just for her, never happened before’ lovebomb
Oh, Sam after my whole life was ruined by borderline-c narcs, I could clearly see he was manipulating you. Not only he took your knowledge but he pinned u as the bad guy, he even made u come off as the misogynist and made u say all the negative things HE wanted about women. You could see his smug smile as you went on saying these stuff about the "gender war" etc, while snearing like "I'm the good guy, look at what this psycho says, but although im a good guy, I kind of agree cause ladies are sooo bad"...!
He played you so extensively, it's a pity you fell into his stroking your ego trap. I always knew you were his victim, despite or because of your own mental health issues. I also know how he treated women and you offer an extremely accurate, thoroughly precise and entertaining description of his tactics and personality..!
Totally agree Sam with you. That's most dangerous than anyone else as this experience will make you doubt what is black and white . Especially in the family. That's disaster.
Thank you for saving lives Professor.
By speaking your thoughts you help an innumerable amount of people behind screens to stand in their senses and stand their ground against false hope and false help.
Ps: I can’t watch RG. The vibe feels inauthentic and not as nuanced as your material, and those nuances that take over an hour to flesh out gives such a real depth of understanding no other source can provide. Chin up professor! Champagne for real friends and real pain for sham friends.
Thank you for pointing out, Narcissists taking over the helping professions, narcissistic therapist on the loose. When you trust a therapist and suddenly they show you quite another face, and indeed, whom can you trust after that.
Daniel Makler is one of the few I know, speaking about this that there are very few good therapists around..
My guess is, he talked about Grannon throughout the video.
Yes, I have experienced this on more than one occasion, the answer was provided by you Sam, take your time with people, verify everything, check their history, keep boundaries eg don’t jump into bed from the get go. The victim also needs to take responsibility for their side.
This perfectly describes the loser who swooped in and convinced my ex girlfriend to leave me. He hung out with us as a friend, while undoubtedly casting me as an abuser behind my back.
OMG! This describes precisely what I've been through recently. Yes, my savior turned out to be the monster. The sweetest, the kindest, the most helpful, the most caring, the most compassionate man. I've never felt that grateful for anyone in my life. All the good things he did to me, I feel like they're all brutally taken away from me all of a sudden. I was shocked that my hero is actually my abuser. It hurts so much. I can't believe I'm now planning on getting revenge on my so-called hero. And yes, that's true. I can't trust anyone right now. I question my judgment and it's driving me crazy. I started to get flashbacks from past experiences as well. It's in a nutshell Retraumatizing. Thanks a lot, I'll watch out from rescuers next time.
Sorry this happened to you, thanks for sharing this type of persons traits and behaviours. It’s good learning for us also shows how we can all get taken by these covert types. I never liked him, I tolerated him as I need your valuable education.
Thank you for this vid! It confirmed my experience in its entirety. Especially with the homosexual aspect I had a feeling was going on. It was the weirdest experience of my life. I can't even describe it, almost like it happened in another lifetime.
Exactly what happened to me in 2021.
From one abusive rescuer to the next one.
It really left me devastaded, confused and retraumatised.
And it made my abandonment issues as a pwBPD even worse.
So I prefer to stay single and isolated. No emotional response to any flirting attempts or anything else.
Total emotional shutdown.
This happened to me back to back 3X. Exactly what you say exactly. Can’t believe I survived.
Wounded healers can be so evil and predatory. But it can also be a mindfuck, they have such an amazing fake mask of helper, but their shadow side can be so slimey.
Unfortunately, not only is the self-help industry full of these, professional therapists, teachers and other helping professions have tons of these.
People who fall for this b.s., choose their sugary lies and amazing performances, instead of developing an appetite for heavy truths that unsettle and take lots of time to digest.
@@missy5513 He still has some entertaining stuff and makes some really good points quite precisely. I suppose I'm preferring to let people decide for themselves, and balance it out with some warnings. I think my channel offers a lot of diversity, along with my own personal perspectives and twists. But, hearing more details from SV and others experiences with RG, I'll continue reassessing the situation.
@@VisceralGravitas , what are other experiences with RG?
Sam Vaknin got screwed by a covert Narc, damn not even Vaknin can spot this monsters.
I spotted him alright. I just did not cut him off.
@@samvaknin Trauma bond.
@@memento_mori_22 once he also said he was borderline
@@samvaknin , interesting.. does he also have a BPD?
@@raspberrymediapost8186 He said himself he meets the criterion of BPD but doesn't accept the diagnosis...I just saw that clip.
I personally want to diagnose how increasingly tight his clothes are becoming. 🤣 Whaddaya call that?
Pierre xo Tentacle Croissant has also severed his relationship. I feel hurt and betrayed too! I believe you Sam because I know I was pretending not to see or hear a lot of what I was watching. 😟
Currently going through this ! You are absolutely on spot, as usual !
He became my best friend, safe place and confident for months; when I was the most vulnerable after a relationship with a narc; he lured me into trusting him; We got intimate, went on dates but then wasn’t ready for commitment and ran. Now I am retraumatised
Pathological Altruism/Narcissism might be thought of as any behavior or personal tendency in which either the stated aim or the implied motivation is to promote the welfare of another. But, instead of overall beneficial outcomes, the “altruism” instead has irrational (from the point of view of an outside observer) and substantial negative consequences to the other and even to the self. I can recommend you this book: "Pathological Altruism" by Edward O. Wilson.
If you don’t understand that this is one of THE most important videos on yt then you haven’t understood the video.
Amen
Going through this now. I don’t know how I would have coped with this whole situation if I didn’t know what I know now.
Georgie porgiy, pudding and pie, kissed the girls then made them cry. When the boy's came out to play, Georgie porgy ran away. Lol!
Yes…30 minutes after him saying “you gaslit me and shamed me,” we were in bed. Can’t believe I didn’t see it 🤦🏻♀️ thank you so much for this video 🙏🏼
RG’s duplicity is as egregious as his haircut.
I never comment, but here it goes….
I like to listen to all your subject matter because you are so quick and smart. No BS!
Something he obviously envy’s.
With the exception of my father, most personality disordered people in my life experience, familial and professional have all been women.
Years ago, I was watching one of his videos and an alarm bell went off. He reminded me of all the BPD / Covert women I have ever known.
He said he had one of them until recently. Maybe it’s a shade to Richard Grannon🤭
Listening to RG, I felt confused & stupid. I am not. My opinion comes prior to their split. They may have differences, but I'll listen to Prof. V. I unfollowed RG a while back. Don't really care about the why's, why nots and etc. I get more knowledge from Prof V. I want information and not negitivity... persue your own truth, I have...
This was my best friend for 30 years. He destroyed the girl I loved when she was 15, he was 24. He targeted me sadistically.
He used her and abused her. He hurt her permanently and she doesn’t know it. He was a true monster.
Great video and a much needed topic to address. Thanks Sam
Straight to the point. Thankyou proff. Vaknin!
Fall 2016; A well known internet savior sais that he is tired of all the abuse on his channel.
He sets out to rescue the ones who need to have a safe place to talk.
He creates for us a safe place away from the public eye.
So i subscriebed because i needed to talk with mature sane people.
He welcomed me with a cheers! and an invitation to an upcomming seminar.
I politely declined.
In stead i wrote a message to get some communication going.
He placed my writting on public display, contrary to any agreement.
Also i got some strange short pop up videos whenever i visited his site, where he, in a regressed childlike state would speak about abuse in his own childhood.
This was a total turn off. In total disbelieve anger and disgust.
I guess it is not only sex, that is the harvest here for this type of salesman.
The situation was desciebed in a commenting dream:
We are sitting in a cosy talk in his kitchen.
We will have some people over for dinner later that evening, and i offer my help to clean up the appartment.
I am cleaning the bathroom, when through a window i se him eating dinner with my family.
The family, that i felt so betrayed by. Which he knew off course.
So much for that.
Thankyou for an honest voice.
What is more important than to shine a bright light into our shadows?
Can’t think of anything.
Off course you knew for some time btw :)
Relieved by this video:
Happy Newyear!
So true.I have experienced this. I left 9 months ago after 23 years. He plays the victim/ hero role and manages to convince so many people..I would really like for you to unpack narcs new supply and their endless quest for validation on social media platforms .
The narcissistic saviour/rescuer is more cruel than the former abuser.
This whole video reads as one really thorough burn to me
Thanks. Sorry you experienced this, yourself. The pattern is familiar; in fact, my marriage was like this, only longer.
Can you talk about codependents? The savior codependent that focuses on other people’s problems. From my understanding they are not narcissistic just have a very fixed mindset.
I’m a big believer in the ying and yang of our personalities. Working in the helping professions for over 30 years, I’m always suspicious of a worker who never speaks Ill of, or jokes about their clients to colleagues (in a debriefing context or just letting off steam). If a person doesn’t show the light and dark in their personality and maintains an almost pious professional veneer, you can bet they’re boiling the proverbial bunny in their cellar.
I can see why historically people had to hide out in sanctuary cities, we’ll be needing them soon.
This is my mother. Married to my father, who is a depressive. Individually they’re very difficult but together, united against you, their behaviour towards me is diabolically, emotionally abusive. I’m all bad, they’re saints - particularly my mother who, when you call her out on her behaviours doubles-down (like Trump). Both medical professionals. 🙄 I’ve walked away now. They fool me no more.
Let me stay anonymous because this is genuinely an attempt at kindness, offering no original advice other than your own. We all announce what we are, especially to people like you, within moments of meeting you. Because you're not his usual type - he worked to dent your superiority by seeking an unboundaried acceptance that would cost you your dignity. And you knew this from the start, but also knew, he'd algorithmically put together what you lack elsewhere - a sympathetic AND competent interlocutor. So you complied, knowing you'd gain more from your interaction than you're losing at the moment. And even if you wanted to do another few rounds of it, before drifting off into the starless void of other people, you may still gain more than he costs you. | My own separate opinion - not the above - which is what I believe to be yours... Gen X are more societally damaged than your generation. Your persona may be a facade, I can't say - but at least your persona is decent - even that bloke's persona is riddled with inconsistencies. Given what he offers, I'd do the same as you but I'd probably go back for more.
I prefer narcissists to be Trump-like; easy to spot and you know where you stand. Coverts are very dangerous.
Who says Trump is a Narc then???
@@Sterre303 Dr. Bandy Lee, Prof. Sam Vaknin, and Mary Trump, to name a few.
@@daughterofdysfunction5623 ahh..ok ty
@@Sterre303 Seems pretty obvious but I’d vote him in any day over Biden.
@@Alice77550 😄
He is definitely not an exception!
This describes my ex and I to a creepy degree 😳 I can’t wait until I forget him…. It’s all that I want. He’s so evil. 😭
Thought it was known what he is. So sorry this happened. 😰
I was grieving over my dad. Husband didn’t give me attention. Met a manipulative guy who happens to be the head of a Venture capital firm….lets just say, i am angry at myself for letting that mysogynistic manipulative sociopathic guy get that close to me. Oh, he is 43 years old but is so keen on being part of our friend group that’s full of 30 year olds. Oh and he has helped all of us find jobs. He keeps saying i am his best friend, I thought I was- he is a manipulative guy. I pointed it out to him he started lashing out at me.
This is my boss 💯
Well.. I'm team Sam :)
I am highly suspicious of altruism. The majority of people operate from a place of personal gain and motivated by their 'good' deeds to enhance their lives somehow, whether by being praised or dopamine hits. I agree with Ayn Rand, that charity and altruism are vulgar.
Yeah, that's a pretty psychotic way to go through life bruh.
@beaubradley9539 Thank you for diagnosing me. I assume you are qualified. Bruh.
One word: accurate.
Christ the Redeemer ♥️🙏
He did and unconsented tried for months then took what he wanted in the end
This is true🙂 I have a friend like this from 7 years
Drama triangle collapse: when the intimate partner leaves the construct for good (and for safety) what happens to the remaining two persons? Do they still cling together looking for a replacement or do they fall apart?
I wonder if you spoke to us as if we were narcissistic would that be helpful or manipulative?
It sounds like a lot of us are probably dysfunctional at best
I don't see you ever trying to profit from 'narcissism'. As an educator you are amongst the most influential in my experience. Thank you Sam
I hope you find a trustworthy partner, Sam, who will be exciting enough to you despite her stability. I don't believe you are as "ugly" on the inside as you think you are (at least relative to the mean).
What DO we do with them prof? More than half of my life feels invalidated. But what they do isn’t illegal. (it was at the time)
Spot on!!
I would like to watch the full video. Does anyone know where I can find it?
sending a virtual HUG 🤗
Thank you 🙏
All hollywood movie screen plays
OmG!!!! This is who I married!!!! 😮
So true 💪
Yes
Just read art of War 🤮👾
Yes