How Narcissist Deceives YOU (Aggressive Mimicry: Predator Faking Prey)
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2023
- Psychopathic narcissist would imitate a sensitive, much-wronged victim of narcissistic abuse, or an empathic savior-rescuer. S/he then proceeds to reel you in by offering you everything you ever dreamed of.
How to Recognize a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date, Before It is Too Late?
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How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date: The Tocsins of Abuse samvak.tripod.com/abuse7.html
How to Recognise a Narcissist? samvak.tripod.com/faq58.html
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The scariest part is when you see it, but you don't leave!
Stockholm Syndrome, Future Promises, etc. Their tool box is effective
8 years. Finally clearing out all dissonance to make it the last, this being a big component. It's exhausting rather than devastating at last.
I've known there was something off for years. But this past mother's day, my mother wasn't even having a dialog with me, just 10min of all her tactics. Started researching. Realized the dysfunction of my entire family, got tf out within a week.
@@pearpo Well articulated.
Yes... 😒
I remember a particular narcissistic person putting on a victim posture, shoulders dropped " give me love" body language. Once he felt I was locked in he changed immediately which shocked me because I was under the impression he was on his way to being a better person. I don't fall for the croc tears and fake posture anymore. I see actions and facts.
I remember facial expressions that looked so, so real, so vulnerable. I haven't seen those expressions since. I'm wondering if those were my own expressions, mirrored back to me.
Oh wow! This is exactly what my father does and has done for as long as I can remember, shoulders dropped and the lost puppy look in the eyes.
I always felt imitated by my "best" NPD friend - unill I saw behind her mask. The game is over now.
During a vacation with her, I got disregarded, silent treated. When I confronted her with my feelings, she blamed me and did't take any responsibility.
Good. If such NPD “best friends aren’t imitating, they are sucking the life force out of you unknown to you.
After 32 years of marriage, I finally got to see the monster, so did Karma. His cancer spread and he passed away a year ago at 63 years old. His legacy is deception and betrayals, but I am now free to enjoy a real life and take care of myself
Death is freedom from the electromagnetic prison.
Karma is Bliss!!
@@mday3821 yes, and it can only get better!
I don't think it is wise to gloat about people dying of cancer. Be humble so you don't warm your own bad karma.
@@TheDot872 where exactly did you see “gloating”… I told my story, if you don’t like it, move on
The loner is a type that remains largely unchanged by a narc attack. They didnt like people before and preferred to spend time alone. They were taken advantage of by a narc. They continued to live largely away from others which was their preferred way of being.
I’m a loner this is 100% me
Me!
Me!!
Me!!!
"Please,just leave me alone."
These shape-shifting demons drain me and I need my energy 😂😂
The loner is a good target because their smear campaigns are more effective. They will pull their stuff and then act like a victim and smear you. Have this happening to me right now with a scumbag neighbor. Luckily, I talk to a few neighbors who told me about the smear campaign. Guy was trying to get my neighbors to shun me lol
James, What would that even do if you're a loner? I mean, unless the narc said something serious, like you're a pedo, which would cause more of a stir.
@@jordanferguson2254 The lengths they will go is insane and I wouldnt be surprised to hear that. I try to keep to myself, but this guy is always pressing boundaries trying to get a reaction out of me.
Towards the end of a relationship when the victim wakes up. the victims deploy defensive mimicry as they plan their get away. They pretend to still be in love
After I was cheated on, I journaled to try to heal. My soon to be ex READ my journals and accused me of being a liar. I couldn't believe he'd violated my privacy like that. Unfortunately, he did read that I was planning my escape as he had adopted my two kids. I never was able to forgive him and had to lie for years. It was so much cognitive dissonance for me. It felt horrible. Finding him on porn was the last straw. Some how he managed to turn it around on me. Go figure.
@@kimberlymorrison4880My story aligns very similarly to yours. I had a relationship with a covert female narc as a BPD male, who cheated on me and lied to me with her ex. Blame shifted it to it being his fault somehow and my dumbass believed it, until I stumbled upon Sam
Yes....I did that....pretended to still be in love. I did foliar things that stroked his ego, so he didn't realize it wasn't genuine.
I have left my covert narc so we no longer live together and I have told him several times I wanted out of this marriage and he still doesn’t get it, he thinks he will be able to push his way back in my life. He is in some kind of strange denial. I have always found him to be weird however now that he sees that I am not falling for his act anymore his behavior has gotten even stranger. The problem I have is that we were married for 25 years and we have a daughter and we are connected financially so therefore to some degree I have to have him in my life. Because he won’t except the fact that I want nothing to do with him and therefore want a divorce until all of our financial matters are separated I am having to somewhat play along with his delusions because he could really screw me over right now so I am working on my escape plan. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that someone would actually want to keep someone in their life when the other person (me) doesn’t want to be in their life. I know it’s about control and supply but I still can’t wrap my head around it!
If you had any doubts before that you were/are with a narcissist, this video clears that up. This content helped me a lot. No more justifications!! Perfect Sam! Thank you!
This video really did actually put the last nail in the coffin for me 😅
"the twilight zone" the exact words i use when describing the family i came from
I listened to this video in the morning. Later that day man from online dating responded to my profile writing about how he shared all of my interests...he even stole one of my jokes and had it in his profile. I get a strong feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was a narcissist. I may not have sensed that without hearing this video. Thank you Sam I think I dodged a bullet.
Good eye! What was the joke?
LOL that happened to me - the online dating responder literally copied the “style” of how I formatted my bio - exactly! I was shocked because I found out after I deleted the app & rejoined (found the individual again). So, then I laughed & moved on. Definitely a nutty one! 🤣
Or they could just be... socially inept for whatever reason and trying way,way too hard.
I have a light form of autism and sometimes have trouble understanding what people are going through emotionally. It's not like I don't have feelings for others but those feelings are out of sync with others. So when they are sad I might not be or when they are happy I might not be. This is caused by mind blindness. Because I don't know when others are sad I can't share their sorrow with them. I can feel sad for them after the fact. Because of this time lapse between me and others I feel confused when others are crying. To cope with this problem I have learned to cry with others not by understanding why they are crying as they do it but rather by focusing on something I find sad to the point of tears while the other person is crying. So I may be crying about childhood abuse I experienced while my friend is crying over a dead dog or cat. By doing this I can emphasize and share an emotional experience with my friends even if I fail to understand why they were sad. In this way I learn to match my feelings where my thoughts don't match.
It's my understanding that Sam Vaknin has been diagnosed with narcicicism. Clearly he is very intelligent and very self aware for someone plagued by a lack of empathy. I wonder if he would take up the challenge of trying to use his own joyful and sorrowful memories as a means of feeling joy and sorrow at the same time as others so as to get into the habit of feelings joy when others are happy and feeling sorrow when others feel sorrow. I wonder if this could be a working method to help those lacking empathy to get into the habit of functionally caring for others even if they can't relate to other people's emotions.
If only a narcissist could meet the challenge of trying to achieve control by finding victory over his or her own emotions instead of trying to control other people's emotions. If a person lacking empathy could learn to focus on self pity every time someone else was sad then perhaps he or she could learn to automatically (by habit) learn to experience sorrow with others. I'm not saying it's a perfect cure but perhaps it's the best a narcissist can ever hope for. People like me with autism are different from those who lack empathy but we are mind blind and out of step with others on an emotional level. But perhaps my issues have led me to meet the challenge of meeting others halfway emotionally even though my methods are different. It's really too bad that narcissists with all their intelligence and power refuse to perfect themselves and fail to see the point of relating to others by the art of emotional self mastery. Frankĺy the rewards are more self gratifying than wasting time calculating how to outwit everyone around you. There is deep self fulfillment and satisfaction when your emotions are in sync with others regardless of the reasons why you feel the way you do. The travesty of narcissism is that in their obcession to outwit the "stupid sheep" to get an easy meal they themselves miss out on the emotional banquet and feast that could have been theirs had they learned that the prey has more value when cared for and valued rather than abused. A living sheep will give you warm wool for the rest of it's life and breed to increase the flock while the dead one only gives you one meal and one sheepskin. How sad that narcissists cheat themselves by cheating others!
Take your time, the mimicry and mirrors only work for awhile. They can’t fake it forever.
Prof. Vaknin has the most in-depth understanding of narcissism of any professional I've encountered on UA-cam. Being a self-aware former narc. has really given him a up close and personal life changing perspective that he shares with us today.
Former narc????
I don't believe I've heard him refer to himself as a former narcissist. I'm afraid there's no such thing.
@@tickety-bootoyou1850I was told that NPDs can never change.
@@judithhorvath887Everyone with personality disorder can change - personality is ever evolving. The question is to what extent and with what amount of time, effort or outside pressure/events.
I had a fake lover and a best friend for over more than 15 years and she turned out to be a compulsive liar without any empathy. Con artist. The rage I have felt from her jealousy made my whole world turned upside down. It felt she wanted to destroy me, because I was healing from codependency. Now I see those fakers everywhere, because I recognize the energy they put off... I trust nobody and it makes me very very sad. But I know I will trust as soon I am healed. Many lessons to learn, started from childhood. Take care everyone❤
I just went through similar. She couldn't be honest to save her life. No empathy or personal accountability for anything. Jealous of me and everyone in my life, didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me either. As soon as I identified my own codependency and started doing the work, I think she realised I wasn't going to be a viable source of supply anymore. She tried harder and harder to gain control with silent treatments, discards, etc. and the time spent away from her only made me better, stronger, happier, and healthier, which only fuelled her jealousy and hatred. After what felt like the longest years of my life, I am finally free and healing.
Good for you, leaving her Randy! Be very proud of yourself!! 🌞
@SagiMoon222 and you as well :) I wish you all the best in your healing and your future ❤️
Thank you Rank! 🩷
Sam is right about the ancients understanding the traits of narcissists. When you study how much they did, especially in literature and fairy tales, it is very interesting.
A frighteningly perceptive and stark explanation and warning. Thank you Professor Vaknin.
The narc I was engaged with initially used defensive mimicry. He presented himself as a monster, an evil person who has wronged and harmed people. This was followed, of course, by a confession that he felt remorse and that he had done many mistakes in his life. This lasted a couple of days. Then, he triumphantly proceeded to employing aggressive mimicry presenting himself the way you thoroughly described. A weak person, scared of falling in love, in need of affection and the typical lovebombing expresions ("Only you make me feel good", "I've never felt like this before" and so on and so forth. Obviously, discard was inevitable in his mind. Devaluation followed with a complete shift in his behaviour. All confessions stopped abruptly and withholding of even the slightest feelings was prevailing our interaction. Thank you for enlightening us. Being a codependent/borderline, I feel blessed that the minute I started interacting with this person I discovered your channel and knew from the beginning where it would lead me. The end and the pain is inevitable. Good luck to everyone interacting with narcs (including myself). Thank you again, Professor.
Billy Rooper.
My Rabbi of sanity! Thank you Dr Vaknin!
It is so. Most of us people experience fear to know of This macabre dance in life, but in fact to be equipped whit this information is crucial to develop a healthy inmune system I guess. Thanks for sharing professor
Yes, I'm the middle sister between two narcissistic sisters, older overt, younger covert. The narc is the ultimate actor. Overt older sister was so hatefully aggressive towards me that I trusted my "sweet, dotty" younger sister to be my best friend and I adored her. After [too much] time I came to realise however that what I thought was the caring, black-velvet drinking-in of my talk wherein I was seeking real help (through her empathy & understanding of my situation) to deal with the outrageous aggression of the older sister was actually blatantly outrageous mere cold observation of me so she could use it to copy in building her Persona, her outward mask-self! I was trying to gain sisterly support through the trauma of being the butt of older sister's aggression and I thought I was getting it, only to realise the hideous truth decades later. Covert Ns being so hard to spot.
Wow. I think I can relate.
thanks for your response - it's so nice to feel heard!
This man is a genius. This is a revelation
I Totally agrred! They are “ entitys “! That’s for sure! Evil Entitys.
Thank you Prof. Sam. This was explained so well. People do go through changes after marriage but, when you say "your not the same person I married" you ain't kidding! Because he was mimicking me. He would even say.. are you sure we are not related? We are so much alike. Now I see the predator. I also see all the lies he told me about his previous marriage and his relationship with his sons. They were the bad ones...sick. We are proceeding with a divorce now. Thank goodness I didn't have too many years with him because I know he would have sucked the life out of me....parasite. All of your videos are so clear and precise thank you.
If you want to understand a narcissist or psychopath, just watch some documentaries about wild animals because both are acting on survival instincts. It's all so primitive.
Thank you Professor Vaknin , that was very interesting. Now it makes sense when the predator gradually takes over and subtly invades every area of a victims life and then seems to becomes them , thats what they are doing .
I have seen this , the predator seems to have turned into the prey and like a cuckoo takes over their nest completely.
Mimicky, fascinating , and so subtle . One definitely does not see it coming .
Plus its very creepy .
Thank you for explaining this .
"Inhuman"...perfect description !!
Defensive Mimicky: The narcissist constantly, "I can make anything happen, I'm GOD." Me after listening to this for a couple days, "Can we talk about how magical I am?" They have very low self-awareness, pointing out their grandiosity in a passive/aggressive way is a coping mechanism. They have no idea you are mimicking what they are doing and they think you are crazy for saying you are magical yet they see no issue with seeing themselves as GOD. They truly believe they are GOD.
There are many different species among the human race!! We are not all the same, not even similar! That makes so much sense!!
I agree.
yes exactly that's what she did to win over all my children! but to try to remove me forever to poison me and I believe to try as she said to make me goe crazy! But Thank God I'm okay! I could not talk or walk for six months!
Holy smokes! That is criminal. If you can prove it, press charges.
@@TheDot872iv been in narcissist groups and you tube channels almost 3 years now. This is extremely common with them. The one I was with ended up being a child predator and I believe he was placing nails on the ground for me to step on
There was a period of time while with him my legs and arms kept jerking. I wondered if he was poisoning me. As o was leaving he said he couldn’t put anything in the fridge because my son might be poisoning him
The nex has a former friend divorcing her 'boring' husband - she has two school age kids - he convinced her how I abused him and what an awful person I was!!!
I feel so bad thinking such bad things about another person, especially if I’m wrong
You’re awesome. Thanks so much for your work. It is outstanding.
It's like a dog...a dog barks when it feels intimidated...same as a narc, they become loud and disruptive like a dog. All bark, no bite.
You are taking about all governments too
Yes. Collectives.
I watched a nature video about tree ants.
A spider lived amongst the nest.
The spider looked and had the same smell as the ants. The difference was the false ant had eight legs. The predator was ignored by the ants.
Until it was dinner time🤔
Wow! This is the most discriptive explanation and information about molevolent people I have ever heard! To know this is the Armor of God! Thank you for the information sir!
Very succinct observations. I appreciate this video so much. You helped put the final nail in the coffin, im owning up to my ignorance and leaving my narc. Just need to finalise my exit plan. I have no job and no money, basically he now has the house job and money that i had when we met and he was the penniless one. And to think i wanted us both to be successful now we've only swopped roles 😢
I've had way too much experience with these people. I had one in a romantic relationship.
I think the main take away is to not let their damage fool you into thinking that EVERYONE is like them. But be on the lookout for telltale signs: snobbery, being jerks to service workers or anyone 'lower' status. A focus on looks and aesthetics, but also phony virtue signalling. Also, take a look at the people they have hurt, or broken relationships. Also they will attempt to manipulate, gaslight, and abuse, but if it gets to that point you've already missed the early signs. Even so, there is only one solution. Get out while minimizing drama, cut out, and don't look back. These people are incapable of change. I have had 2 bosses and 1 relationship. These people are awful and corrosive, but you won't see it while as much while you are in it. They can damage you permanently.
Such an interesting video, I went through the defensive/protective and uninteresting mimicry with a narc the last 2 months. All of this is so true. It was in my nature to react in that way I wasn’t doing it on purpose. It’s so interesting to learn about this and put words to what happened with him and inside of me. Luckily I got out completely unscathed and now know all the signs. I will consider my time spent with that person as a case study. Despite spending a lot of time with him I never got emotionally involved… something in me knew he was off and I watched him closely since our first date. I remember he was even making comments about how much I was watching him. Thank you for this information!!
Thank you for this video. It helped straighten out some of the confusion I was still having. ❤
Excellent video! ❤️ Thank you
Porf.Vaknin i thank you so much i wish that i had a professors like you when i was in school you teach so beautifully ❤ be blessed Master teacher 🙏🏾
Wow! Glad I stopped to watch this video. The dynamics of the predator/prey analogy are pretty fascinating. My “firewall” is up, & I try to not put myself in that vulnerable position again.
Oh my goodness!!! It is such a revelation of the entire mechanism of deception. You explain it in such a meticulous way! Thank you so very much, prof. Vaknin. You are such a help.
Thank you for the insight. It's amazing the lengths they go to for their incidious needs. 😊
This is Huge!!! HUGE!!!
Thanks, Doctor Sam!
You've very convincingly confirmed the disgusting truth about some inhuman pile o' filth that I did manage to figure out myself ... hopefully, not too late. But, indications are not very encouraging.
Thank You again for all you do!
~TD, Boston (the Model)
You did a very good job in this video, well done. I learned and enjoyed the way you explained it.
Dr Vaknin is the most decent kind of sage we can get nowadays ❤😊
I love to listen to those videos. First thing is - they connect me to my dark and shadow self. Second of all - they connect me well to the narcissist I have to let go of 🌹
Again ...i see how i was a devoured by my predator....what a long swim....i must heal my traumas...if possible...
Another masterpiece...thank you❤
Brilliant explanation as always!!! 🎉🎉 Thanks 😊
Spot on as usual. Thanks Sam.
I keep coming back to this video. It is so thorough.
This presentation is put together with such depth.
Thabk you for such clarification .
Always great information!📚📖✏️
Thank you for sharing! I learn so much, from your videos.
Thank you for this! ❤
Amazing take, I’m impressed
So this is similar to a covert narcissist becoming a minister
or preacher.
This right here!!! I'm currently off the internet because my friends wife was copying me constantly after she taunted me with a ring I left at her house. When I first met her, she was emotionally abusing my friend. Since I was not in treatment and unaware of my borderline diagnosis, I took it amongst myself to text my friend and be like you're wife is a asshole to you. And I've been her target ever since. Now she is fleeing the country to isolate him. Making him give up his pets because she's jealous of them. Tried to dump them on us after I got my ring back. Wanted to trigger a reaction since a bunch of toxic people I knew would dump their animals on me because they couldn't or didn't want to take care of them. So she started copying everything I was doing to the pose on Instagram lololol. So I'm like let me help you and I deleted my social media. Now she's texting us tryna hang out updating me and my partner about the move to continue to get me to react. They literally can't take no for an answer 🤣
Absolutely brilliant explanation
Thank you so much for sharing this information, it is very helpful.
Perfect explanation
What you see is not what you get teaches the dupe to learn a different way of seeing what you see is a possible predator that does not deserve your trust rather your observations 🚩🚩🚩
Excellent video.
My brother was stalked, mimicked and ultimately murdered by a Predator. A Black Hole of a Woman. She tricked him into making her the beneficiary of his Pension then proceeded to Murder him. She even bought the same exact car that he owned. It was bone chilling Scary. She played the victim and manipulated the entire family into thinking she was a sweet woman. God sees everything. She got fired from her job after he was killed. Karma has more in store for her. This is important information. It's complicated and very real. Psychopaths walk among us. Pay attention to the company you keep.
I've watched many vids on narcissists... this guys pretty good. To me it's the classic good and evil story, predator and prey, he even mentioned Darwinism, survival of the fittest... spot on.
right on man
Im absolutely in shock with this revelations😱 we're talking about catastrophic consequencies for the human natural selection. Its scary🤯
29:30 this is why you cannot win you either escape and move on or their genie in a bottle , adopting them as Master.
Omg. I accept Jesus Christ only as my master, in Jesus’ name, amen.
100% accurate.
Amazing, I only watched a video yesterday and someone asked to do a video re covert nar's, (that's what I'm dealing with) and hey presto. I'm still taking it all in what u said, but omg, I sooo needed to hear this to validate me 🙏 ❤🙏 x
Phenomenal 💫
You’ve just described my ex and in-laws in a knot shell 😂! Thank you.
Love u SAM
This is very true .
Wow!
Thanks Profesor San Vaknin.
Great topic 👐 I have often noticed how similar the psychology of the Narc and AI, like they are the same species 👐
You have a funny way of describing politicians and rich people.
Planet of the Apes rings a bell in reference too this message for me
Brilliant.
I love you Sam Vaknin. It's OK. It's healthy
Sam! Could you talk about when NPD overlaps with ASD? Love u thank u ur the best
I'm 45 mins in, omg u got it all to a tee, would any of you send it to your ex to try help them understand themselves, it ticks all the boxes,maybe not, they would try do more damage, but I'm so tempted
very impressive
That is 🎯🎯🎯 genius 😁
Thank you
Masquerading as a well read and ardent feminist was the key disarming mimicry I have experienced
WOW. It does some kinda something to me when i hear you talk. It’s like you made the video specifically for me…
Dear Dr. Vaknin, what do you think about this predicament. If you stand up for yourself (pretty much any place in the world), it is considered taboo, but if you don't, perhaps worse. Is it better to be a tiger skin rug, or live life as a worm? I have a canny feeling that you can more than look after yourself; what do you recommend or advise in this circumstance? Is this a recent thing, or is it universal and as old as time? BTW Love your use of English, serious vocabulary maestro Shushanim. OK!
Thanks
I should wrote a book Sam .
Yup, targeted on purpose when she learned through others i was treated badly in the past. Love bombed, devalued ( withdrew emotionally affection and conversation,told to ' go find better as she was no good...rinse and repeat till your utterly broken and trauma bonded. Luckily i can see ot all now ....
Welcome to the twilight zone! 😂
Thank you so much for this deep analysis 🙏
The serpent in the garden that everyone overlooks
Prof Sam Vaknin you are a genius who is enjoying revealing the most elusive secrets of human behaviour.
Very sharp intelligence very penetrating observation and an intuitive connecting of dots. Thankyou listening to you is life changing.
This description of mimicry reminds me of the film...'The Servant' with Dirk Bogarde.
While listening I was reminded of a wildlife documentary i saw years ago about female mimicry by male red sided garter snakes when leaving hibernation.
Here's an interesting article
Female mimicry in garter snakes
R T Mason et al.
Nature.
1985 Jul.
Cool ❤🙏
I learned not to be stuck traveling in a vehicle with that thing...on mountain roads.
He would "feel faint'..on the highway.
good times.
.