As an introvert, I've often experienced very strong limerence. I try to battle it but it always wins over me. A introspective existence is hell on earth.
What causes me to go deep is that I feel I'll never connect with anyone and then something will make me think maybe I could and then I just self-destruct and it causes the limerance to rise. There will often be other people involved who sort of block my attempts to get close to the person.
Oh God yes 😫 I'm here now trying to figure out how not to be so limmerant over this guy now. I know I shouldn't be obsessing over him like this but I still do
Thanks for the comment, something I could have mentioned in this video is how heavily imagination impacts limerence. If you are introspective and an introvert, it's likely your limerence can be even more gripping and stressful. If you can notice when this happens and bring yourself into the moment e.g. movement (exercise, stretch, even shaking out your emotions) and mindfulness can help here. Look after yourself.
Next time you feel limerent towards someone, break it off before it can take off. Often a break is enough to stop the addictive cycles from starting and taking root. Rarely do two limerent people become healthy enough to have a healthy relationship, I think, but I’ve read of one UA-cam comment that said otherwise, so I guess it can happen. Limerence happens because the other person is unavailable. You should have rules with yourself that you will not entertain any relationship/marriage prospects where the other person is not 100% available. That way the chances of limerence ever starting off is greatly reduced. If the other person is emotionally healthy, they’ll take this boundary to step up. But if they don’t, then your boundary will prevent you from getting involved with such a person (no matter how dreamy they feel). That way, no limerent relationships have any room to even take root in your life, which forces you to show up in your life 100% and only entertain relationship/marriage prospects that are grounded in reality. So, the answer basically is creating boundaries and limits around yourself, which, if someone isn’t able to satisfy, prevents them from getting into your life. (And if you cared to know, having rules and boundaries will also have the added benefit of making you appear high value lol).
If I had had people in my life who loved me unconditionally and I could turn to, I wouldn’t have become limerant in the first place. My limerance came from Childood Emotional Neglect. My limerant object reciprocated my feelings but was unavailable, it lasted decades. It was like an addiction that comforted me and made me feel that at least there was one person in the world who loved me. I wanted love but was scared of love as I didn’t know what it really looked like. Having a fantasy love that could never manifest in reality allowed me to function (albeit poorly) with some feeling of self worth.
Thank you for sharing this. I also experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect. My limerant object is a romance scammer. Thankfully I came to my senses before I gave him any money.
No, it's how the brain and nervous system are functioning. If one has gone through traumas before and not healed the effects, this is what happens. It's a life learning. Now I recognise it and I do more plant medicine to heal
I’ve suffered with these emotions since I was around 5. There has always been someone I was infatuated with because they showed me a small amount of interest. I’m to the point in my life where I want to be happy and not feel like this. Or keep bouncing from person to person. Thank you so much for clarity and a starting point for treatment.
I can basically relate and I'm trying to work on it. So far I got even more clear on what it is that I want in a partner. Writing it like this has helped to give me more strength to hold my standards up: "I want a relationship in which I can thrive in, not one that I got to struggle for the bare minimum." Anyone who isn't willing to effortlessly give me the bare minimum and then some, can go right out. I know it easier said than done and it hurts, though I must stand my ground and respect myself. Because some people they'll continue hurting us while claiming they don't want us hurting. And I've experienced just that!
Also I came to realize that the person I've feelings for is the old him and not into the person he's showing me now. That is also contributing to helping me to see him for who he is. I'm not putting up with anymore of this if he's not willing to really make a genuine change instead of just toying with me.
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
@@prettydisabled9060 Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
Limerence is escapism and can be addicting. Because whenever you think your fantasy, you will feels good. You want more and more, it is like crack. Craziest part is I always motivated on limerence. Whenever I stopped thinking certain individual, my motivation just drop. Only by thinking her, I feels alive. It is just crazy.
100% ..I was so motivated by limerance that in 6 weeks I was able to work hard by working out and eating healthu to drop 12 kg and get into better shape. Once I stopped seeing that person it was like all motivation was yanked away from me. It was like a high that had worn off and I had a hole in my heart.
I have a tear in my eye finally finding out im not alone in this. I've been obsessively thinking about this girl that i BARELY KNOW for fucking almost THREE YEARS. I've been gaslighting myself every day that my feelings can't be real cus i don't really know her. So so many attempts to convince myself that this isn't real and just "stop thinking about her", "get over it", but it just doesnt stick. I've been on the verge on puking from the overwhelming feelings that thinking about her can cause. I didnt know what the term "knees weak" meant before this ordeal. I even have my own "party trick" where i can willingly get goosebumps from just looking at her picture. Works every time. I was so scared that my mind was permanently broken for the rest of my life considering how long this has been going on. Thousands and thousands of hours of mental effort wasted on this whole thing. I've cried more the past 3 years than i have the entirety of my life before this. I really thought at some point there was no other way out than just stop living... Knowing that this isn't just a me thing and other people go through this as well is comforting and gives me hope that i can beat this.
Same, I know almost nothing about my LO yet thinking of him gives me some sort of relief feeling. It's so strange. The scariest thing is that life happens while I'm caught in my own thoughts. I feel sorry about myself for being delusional and wish to find a way out.
@@etorres5823 Jesus. I'm so glad I found your comment. From the first visit at the dentist clinic, I've been obsessing over my Dr. He's young like me, and was incredibly delicate, stoical, calm and precise with everything that he was doing and the way he's always talking to me. I've been over his social media multiple times, seeing how happy he is with his partner, how much in love they are, and I still have feelings for him, even if he's a complete stranger to me. I would like to think, that in an alternative world, that would be me with him, not the other woman. I've found myself over thinking this daily, and I have to see him often now because of my treatment. I haven't watched the video yet. I hope I will find my answers there, because I'm loosing my mind over someone that will never be mine
Sweet Jesus I'm so glad I've read this comment. Literally in the same situation for like almost two years. What's the most intriguing fact is that I am perfectly aware is that it's a delusion, but I just can't help it. So painful to have to experience this, especially since it's a coworker and a huge narcissist, craving for attention. I've had so much mood swings, and really started to lose myself. I've become so distant and oversensitive. And most people just don't get it, how much strength and mental energy I've wasted for this, and still seems impossible to overcome, it's so fucking tiring. How I wish I could just stop this, but like you said, this gives me hope.
In my opinion which nobody asked for , you romanticize about another person and idealize them, because you unconsciously believe that they can meet you needs, the needs that were never met by your parents and caregivers have left this emptiness within you that you keep going through life attaching to this person or that person seeking to get your needs met one way or the other. You are not aware that nobody can ever fulfill your needs that went unmet by your parents and caregivers. And being an adult meeting your own needs is 100% your responsibility all the time, even if you meet a good person, even after you get into a romantic relationship, or marriage. And until you understand that and begin to show up for yourself and work on being there for yourself you will seek attachments to others that become obsessive, unhealthy and lead to pain and disappointment.
@@lessismore8533profesional help, not go and ask help from friends or family who have no clue about your situation nor do they have good and unbiased solutions.
Interesting. It's like the mind doesn't want you to be conscious of these things. The moment you recognize these patterns, they lose their power. Thank you for this information.
I have both… I obsess over him every second of the day but I also love him, I see his flaws, see his shortcomings, see his unattractive side. I’m usually torn between wanting it to work and moving on to someone who actually wants to love me as well. I’m absolutely sick of the constant obsessive thoughts. I’m on a healing journey but it’s so incredibly daunting 😔😭
Just learned this the other day: The four neural paths to addiction are, arousal, fantasy, deprivation and numbness. Being in limerance involves the first three, and if it's in the context of an affair, the addiction is even stronger. The thing that sucks is the reasoning part of your brain knows it's an illusion but the addicted part of your brain is 100% sure that the limerant object is the love of your life. And those two aspects are in a constant fight. Add in the moral conflict of infidelity and experiencing your heart being divided between two people and you end up with a highly toxic emotional sh!t stew.
Dude yes!!!! Man that movie punches me in the gut!! Every time!! Like I’m glad he met “Autumn” at the end but she’s probably going to break his heart too. And summer played him. Limerance or not! That’s the hard thing about realizing I struggle with limerance is knowing people will still take advantage of you with your emotional handicap
Рік тому+70
I thought my problem was daydreaming, but now I understand it was actually limerance. Thank God I'm not on that mental state anymore and I hope I never go back to that point like wtf
I have suffered unwanted limerence, often platonic, towards people, even strangers and it can be overwhelming and can make me feel nauseous. I worry that if the person knew about it, they would think I am a weirdo.
I have found myself doing similar things all my life until recently when I've been doing a lot of self healing through shamanic hape and sananga and other plant medicines. They help heal the trauma that causes addictions. I also have had hypnotherapy to deal with limerence from friends and first loves. It's gotten a lot better. I also ended up in Codependents Anonymous. Best thing ever.
This is so very enlightening to know I am not alone. I swear I had no idea this was a recognized sense is being. Part of me thought It has to be live- But the shame and embarrassment was overwhelming because I knew all along it was overkill
@@biondna7984 I shall have to watch that movie. Sometimes all we want is a response from them in a platonic way, as that is the only way we feel we can be free from obsessing about this person. I had this once on a website about 14 years ago over a girl, and she never spoke to me but complained to one of her friends on there and I saw the message from her pal saying "This guy is a total weirdo, it is clear you do not wanna speak to him so block him". I was very offended as they do not understand I suffered from severe limerence.
“Are you acting in a way that’s congruent with someone who respects themselves?” This is the million dollar question. People should ask themselves this question several times at the start of relationships if they’re prone to being limerent. And if the answer is no, they should set things right that restores their respect, or they should end the relationship, even though they really, really like them. This method is often a good way to counteract getting into situations one has no business being in.
Absolutely, you've highlighted a fundamental and crucial question for anyone entering relationships, especially those prone to limerence or intense emotional involvement. Evaluating whether your actions align with self-respect is an excellent way to maintain healthy boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. Recognizing and respecting your own worth is paramount. If a relationship compromises your self-respect, it's important to address the situation or, if necessary, walk away. Setting boundaries and honoring your own value is key to building and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships. Your advice serves as a valuable reminder for everyone to prioritize their self-worth in matters of the heart. Thank you for sharing this insight.
My biggest issue is what he said at the end what if you work with that person or in my case we have a business together so we have to interact and we are long ago exes from 30 yrs ago that reconnected as friends now business partners. Any suggestions - need to hear it
OMG! I burst into tears as soon as the video had ended. This is the first time I have heard about the concept, which shows how underrated it is. I was literally blank for sometime, & everything in my life started making sense: why I am the way I am (specially in relationship with men). In my teenage days, it started off with unreciprocated crushes since I felt too embarassed to propose, or even talk to them b'coz i thought they would never like me back. As long as I can remember, I had had 'deep crushes', & each time it's getting tougher to overcome the obsession. After I have healed from my last one, which lasted for a year or so, I was so afraid to fall in that vicious cycle again that I started heavily ignoring men who were approaching me. They were potential men, but I found myself being very closed off, irritated & sometimes rude to them, which I later felt sorry for. When I analyzed my situation, I found that I had suffered a deep sense of unworthiness in my childhood, which is not really rooted to lack of love in my life, but how my mother was treated by her in-laws (we lived in a joint family back then). Her worth was challenged several times, specially during her pregnancy & while I was a little baby. I did not understand anything at that time, but those feelings transferred onto me. Now that I know why I am like this, I will become aware as soon as I start getting those feelings, practice the suggested coping mechanisms & not punish myself for being this way. This video was a life changing one! I can never be grateful enough to the makers of this video.
Thank you for sharing your story. I relate to this significantly . It feels nice to know we are not alone. I’d really like to see someone whose healed from this make a video
I went through this. Got stuck in the twin flame ideation over a covert narcissist. What helped me heal is educating myself about narcissism, narcissistic abuse, cptsd...but ALSO healing on a spiritual level. Learning that all the love and acceptance I wanted and hoped for but didnt get from family & lovers, I could get from within. Learning to love myself wholly and unconditionally. Forgiving those who had hurt me, forgiving myself, all were key elements in healing from limmerance. It has been a LONG journey, but there is hope. Remember, your soul is a fighter, and if you allow it, your mind will follow and be healed too.
Your journey and the wisdom you've gained are truly inspiring. It's incredible how education and self-discovery, both intellectually and spiritually, can lead to profound healing. Learning to love oneself unconditionally and finding that inner strength are transformative steps.
Your statement really hit home with me. I think everything you stated is right on point. I suffered childhood neglect and got tangled up with a covert narcissist. I had no Idea what a healthy relationship looked like and didn’t figure it out until I got out of that relationship and started working on myself and working to understand my childhood traumas. I just always felt like I was the only one going through this stuff. Glad to know it gets better.
I wish I knew how to handle limerence when I was younger. I would have severe depressive episodes when I girl I was "in love" with didn't feel the same way and it put me off dating for years. Now in my 30s I've FINALLY learned to stop obsessing over someone I barely know.
Wow I wasn’t aware this is a mental health problem and called limerence :(( I used to feel so desperate and shameful because of my situation this video made me think that maybe what I have been experiencing is not that weird. I literally live with this person in my mind. It feels as if I’m living a double life in one body and it’s so tiring and overwhelming. In the meantime I have never felt this happy in my life. It’s definitely an addiction. It’s been two years and keeps coming back every time I thought it’s over.
when i read your comment i immediately had tears in my eyes. this is spot on and completely how i've been feeling like for the past months. i dearly hope your situation will get better soon. i, too, have never been so happy and so broken and dependent at the same time before, i hope the limerence will fade away because my LO and me (long-distance situationship) might really be going somewhere. i am so infatuated by him and i feel like he's the one. which is just another symptom of limerence, i know, but i just really wish to see him and love him in a healthy way, not like this.
@@dr.beckyspelman May I speak to the therapist who appears in this video about quoting him for a biography I am writing for a major New York publisher on a narcissistic rockstar from the 1970s?
Had massive amounts of limerence for a girl at work, and I can't even begin to describe the pain I've had because of it, since she already has a boyfriend and I still have to see her every day and be reminded of that fact. I've reduced it heavily, but I'm honestly also looking forward to not seeing her again when I change job in a few months. Finally, the struggle will be over.
Dealing with the exact same situation with a girl at work. First we got along well, had long conversations, and even hung out together on the weekends - then she blocked me on IG recently. Limerence over.
Hey Dave, what's up? My limerence is gone. I am 36 yo and I had this thing since I was 12 yo I guess (with different LOs). Do not look for a "limerent relationship", engage in a relationship, don't wait for the perfect person. I married and I have a pretty daughter and I feel that things are back to normal. I am not saying that a married person doesn't have limerence, the point is, you have a life, so, live it.
Limerence was sheer torture for me and came close to upending my life. Lasted for years. Luckily I was able to get help and extricate myself and move on. Moving on seemed unimaginable to me. It was pure hell. If you are going through this, get help. There is life, a good life, after limerence. I promise.
Here's a test that gave it away for me (that it was a limerence): Your not enjoying your other passions: art, music, surfing, working out, socializing with friends, reading... If you are in love you might imagine sharing these hobbies with that person, but if you limerencing, you won't even want to do those things that are "normal" to you. Also, there is an absence of Agape love, (unconditional, God like love). Your are meant to be loved like this, but even our own parents may have struggled to give us that sense of being loved unconditionally, this love is offered by God, who created you! You knows your every need and wants a relationship with you! Enjoy you passions and talents, that are God-given, and know that He will heal you, and give you healthy relationship s and habits!
Yes, thank you. I always turn to God. I pray for others and it is true that I've recently become less joyfull for my passions. It comes and goes and it was just 3 days ago that I was painting and felt so happy because I hadn't done it in a while. Then I went through the peak again yesterday and today and I became desensitized to my passion for art.
@@sakaguchishiori I totally understand. It was a clear sign when my thoughts were addicted to understanding the person I was thinking about. But you'll know it's a limerance too when you don't want to really find out if said person is mutually interested, because it will ruin the limerance! The limerance has a life of its own!!
God doesn't love you unconditionally lol The condition is you believe he exists and obey him, or he torments you in eternity. It's Coercion. He also created some to love, and others he created to destroy. It's the reason he hardened Pharoh's heart, because he wanted to destroy him, not have mercy and love. Romans 9 16-21 I hope you learn one day that God is an illusion just like limerence and your healing can begin.
For a long time, I have been thinking LIMERANCE = NORMAL CRUSH. Until in recent years, I started noticing each thing you are stating ( I was done falling for people in my fantasy world when it wasn't reciprocated it was heartbreaking ). Thank God! It's still being talked about for a few years. Before when I wanted to do some research I couldn't coin the right term, people around me wouldn't understand my weirdness.
Limerence and CPTSD going hand in hand from my experience. Being a lonely child living in your own imagination. Turns into an adult living in their imagination. But once you are aware of this, it helps to better control limerence behavior.
So true. I just came to realize this and its hard to acknowledge that so much of my life is just imagination and not real at all. And it never will be. It's painful to confess that at the end I'm just a lonely woman.
This topic is so necessary to understand for addicts in recovery. One of the biggest causes of relapse in early sobriety is turning the addictive brain toward fixating on a person instead of a substance.
How to Sober I totally agree and it was a regular occurrence with many people at AA and NA meetings when I attended! I had to stop going a long time ago, for reasons I won't go into now. They didn't always relapse, yet would go to meetings to see the person, or to meet someone, especially the predatory types of individuals. I found that they don't usually acknowledge the childhood trauma issues involved at meetings though, which is one reason why I left. 😊
I have been obsessed with this university girl almost nonstop for 6 weeks, and it made its toll on my goals, ambitions, grades, overall mood. This person not only doesn't care about me, but even hurts me by never helping with anything, usually by making a promise she would do something and never does it. Really glad I found your video, now I know it's not some harmless crush
when you brought up the fact that limerence is affectiing one's mood... so true. No word from that person for several days? I'm depressed. Hell, even him mentioning he want to meet new people, have new friendships made me depressed (thoughts like "am I not good enough? That's why you want to meet new people, right? Because I'm boring to you?") I need to get out of this state this is eye opening thank you
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
I was once, temporary, in a state of hormonal limerence where my body would tingle, vibrate and feel totally exceptional in a love high state with my lover every time we touched. It was a wonderful feeling like floating on a love cloud in a tub of love.
Same happened to me once with someone. I never had felt so alive and so happy to be so that it was like a permanent state of rush. Letting them go is one of the biggest challenges I'm facing as an adult nowadays.
I’ve spent two weeks learning about attachment styles, wondering if they would unblock me, but it was never love… it was 2 months of lust, a need for adoration, and now I’m stuck obsessing over the idea of her. This video gives me all the information I need to move on. Thanks.
I have some abandonment issues from childhood so I tend not to see/act on red flags early stages and end up dating an emotional unavailable person who will at some point suddenly ghost or drop me or stonewall me with no explanation or closure. Then my limerence is triggered and I start obsessing over them….even if I didn’t love or even like them that much. I’m trying to get out of this familiar cycle and educate myself on it as I’m beginning to understand I can’t trust my natural instincts…! Good luck to everyone suffering/healing from something similar 💕✨ The fact you are here means you’re on the way to having a brighter happier future !! ✨✨
Thank you so much! I've been crying for a couple of days because I've been feeling so desperate and ashamed because these feelings and thoughts won't go away. I just texted the guy I like out of an impulse and I felt super guilty. I needed this so much, really thank you!
Why do we not have bigger hopes and plans for our lives than for this persons ultimate love and accepting of us. It boggles my mind, but the addiction I feel persists
Thank you. This is excellent advice. I recently got out of a brief, destructive limerent relationship, and not long after found myself conjuring up the same obsessive bullshit with someone who's actually helping me and teaching me things I need. This one is MARRIED, for God's sake: from the frying pan into the fire. So far I'm conducting myself with dignity, and am on track to finish the training I'm getting from him. I suffer in silence. I'm working to end this addictive torture I put myself through. I got off alcohol 19+ years ago and I'll get free of this too.
I feel like I'm in the same boat. I'm on a limerent state and the limerent object is my trainer at this new work. He truns out to be happily enggaged. We have 15 more days of training and yesterday turned out to be his last day in our work place as he and his fiance were actually planning to settle down in the provinces. A blessing in disguise, truly. But I'm still very much struggling to cope.
@@janinemarycocamas1478 I'm with you. Since the viruses seem to be letting up and more things are opening up, I'm ramping up my new experiences. This coming weekend alone I'm going to a local foods and live bluegrass BBQ; the next evening I'm having dinner out with a friend who is also recently widowed and has also been way too isolated. We're going to see and be seen. I wish you all courage in expanding your life into new adventures and starting it with clear boundaries. You are someone's prize, who WANTS to earn your love. You'll find him.
This is such an important mechanism to understand… so many generations have been affected by their caregivers expressing approval or connection only when the child lives up to the idealized version of themselves instead of encouraging who they already are. Thank you for this video. To everyone who’s working through personal growth, you’re doing such brave work. You’re not alone ♡
Your empathy and encouragement are deeply appreciated. Understanding the impact of early experiences, especially in the context of approval and connection, is indeed crucial for personal growth. It's a powerful realization that the journey to self-discovery and self-acceptance is often about unlearning old patterns and embracing one's authentic self. Your words of support are a source of strength for those on this brave journey of personal growth. Everyone's path is unique, but knowing that there are others who understand and empathize can make a significant difference. Thank you for sharing your kindness and reminding others that they are not alone in their struggles. ❤
As a gay man in a Latin country, you start developing this at school pleasing others for approval and hoping they don’t know. Bullying triggered this behavior. Trying to be nice to them to not get beaten. Then the crushes and fantasy started with age. Decades of this situation. Now I can this eye opener made an effect on me. I can’t thank Marios enough. Xo
Yes, it's an addiction. I have a history of extreme idealisation towards specific individuals. This latest person is narcissistic, like most of the previous ones. I'm still working through it but the idealisation is waning somewhat because he is selfish, narcissistic, lacks empathy and consideration.
Ughhh im going thru this my gf is a narc and she keeeps breaking up and then hanging around putting me down tellinng me “move on already the relationship is dead” “ur so attached to me” it makes me sickkk
I am going through this at the moment and I literally thought I was going mad until i watched this video. I have been so unhappy for the last 4 months but now I know I have an addiction and will take steps to ween myself out of it. I want my life back.
1. View as an addiction . This is a really good idea. Understand that you are viewing theme as an idea rather than as a person. 2. Build on positive and real relastionships. Cut out triggers. Make new associations ...interesting ...gonna try this one. 3. Don't judge yourself . Those are really good suggestions.
going through a breakup right now and I'm stuck in limerance of an image or fantasy version of them that just plainly did not exist. i became so co dependent with then throughout the 5 year relationship and the worst part is that the relationship was not a healthy one, but rather emotionally abusive one from both sides. the withdrawal aspect of the breakup is the toughest part for me. i miss them every single day, thinking obsessive thoughts of then any time that I'm not busy, and ruminating on "what could've been"
This was super helpful. I like the idea of looking at it like an addiction. “I’m having obsessive thoughts” separate your thoughts from yourself. And knowing that it’s a wave, with peaks and allow it to pass
Wow, I think this is my problem! This typically happens to me when there is an intense sexual attraction at first. I'll often get the attention, but I begin to think it's about love and become obsessed by this person. It's also almost never with someone I would find very attractive, though not unattractive. In fact, I look at their flaws or what I see as physical flaws and I love them more. Maybe because the intense sexual element involved (often perceived or imagined) I get all kinds of physical reactions along with difficulty focusing. It is like a drug
With me, the sexual attraction comes much later. I'll want this woman's friendship and companionship because she's nice to be around, and then I start getting sexual feelings for her.
This was GREAT. A clear definition, a clear cause I wasn't aware of, plus concrete steps to take to fix it. The only thing I would add is to focus on your purpose; it crowds out the limerant object - at least it has for me. But that took some healing work first - understanding CPTSD, knowing my Top 5 personal needs (and meeting them daily), daily bodywork, and core wound reprogramming. I fall into this trap about once a decade on average. My last bout took me out for two whole months - as in completely non-functional - but after just two months of healing work it's down to brief daily episodes or sporadic longer ones, and is definitely fading out. I like that one of your tips is to schedule a little time each day where you're allowed to do it - that works well for me who was over-controlled as a child as zero tolerance only results in rebellion and doing it even more than I would have in the first place.
Thank you! Glad this video was helpful as it was my first recorded on the topic. You are so right to say that a focus on purpose is important, it is something most people with limerence are lacking.
I learned in therapy that my childhood abuse taught me to believe in my worthlessness. I will probably be sick and alone for years longer considering it took till I was 47 to learn I don't know what trust is and 48 I don't know what love is. 49 unhealthy attachments mostly limerent. Stuck in childhood adolescence. This video does not give me hope I am addicted to many things and my greatest accomplishment is never attempting suicide that I survive the best I can
You helped me realize a really important key to my experience with limerence… the deprioritization of my own life in favor of theirs. It stems (possibly) from my relationship with my mom and growing up I had to suffocate myself and put my emotional needs on hold to satisfy hers
I thought I was in limerence state but it turns out I genuinely love her man this feels amazing even though I will never see her again and it will never work out, ain't love a weird thing, she changed me so much I cannot comprehend how, women are a blessing fellas take good care of them.
I’ve watched a lot of videos on limerence, and this is really well done. I’m also a sugar addict newly in recovery. Both are real struggles. Thank you for this!
I hope you find the correct healing tools to heal. I also have both addictions. I found shamanic plant medicines really help me. Kambo, hape, sananga and hypnotherapy. Psylicibin as well xx
Genuinely opened up my eyes, i spent soo much time constantly obsessing and thinking about them, i changed my appearance, bought them gifts, starved myself, and i felt i had a chance but recently they got with someone and it upset me soo much i felt ill and started having horrible horrible invasive thoughts, and i did some really strange things just in hopes of getting their attention. Now i realize how WEIRD and gross it was of me, its soo selfish for me to only want them for myself, they deserve to be happy as well, putting myself in their shoes is super helpful,
thank you so much for this video! i have been in a limerence state for over 6 months. it’s been painful, isolating, hard to control. i thought i was losing my mind and this put so much clarity on the situation. i knew i needed help but didn’t know where to start. thanks again 🙏🏽 😊 ✨
Hay so how you doing now it's been 2 months since you've made a comment and I was wondering if you made any headway I just learned this and this is me now
@@MrColtonrob1 hey! i am doing so much better. i was able to work myself out of that situation, however it was not easy. took a lot of discipline, restraint, reflection, and working on myself. i had to distance myself from the person. and i can proudly say i am at peace. lesson learned. thanks for asking! i am praying for the same for you! ♥️
This is incredible. Wow! I have addiction issues and I just came out of a 9-year relationship and I'm getting a lot of attention from a very attractive younger woman. I've been obsessing like crazy because of a shaky childhood, etc... This puts so many things in perspective. I'm trying to just slow down and not think too much and go with the flow, but it's difficult because I want to control and I won't validation and inside I just feel insecure and messed up. I understand addiction pretty well from going to meetings, but this video really helps me understand how it gets into relationship issues. I'm old enough to get a handle and things pretty quickly and going to try and be mindful of what I just learned in this video. Thanks so much!!!
Great video. Best explaination & analysis. My limerance is affecting my productivity severely. I've gotten this pattern my whole life. I experience every symptom & can't get a therapist right now. It's been almost a year now & I'm missing personal goal deadlines. The addiction component is strong & I've likened it to crack. The highs I get are so good (I'm also bipolar) where I can get avoid withdrawal or "overdose". I follow them on Twitter which is the worst thing I could do but when I deactivated my account it was like a painful breakup & I got seriously depressed. The idea of a designated obsession time is a good strategy
I've always been aware that the way I'd become unrealistic amd obsessive with certain people wasn't okay or healthy. As someone with addiction issues i assumed they were tied closely together. Only recently did I find out about limerence and that there's a name for it. And that I'm far from alone! Interesting to me is that the object of my obsession can be someone I'd never even respect overall. My current LO holds beliefs far from my own and affects the way i feel about my own integrity. This whole thing can be absolutely tortuous for some of us.
I have a history of addiction too and this last lo seems to be literally killing me. All types of health issues have been triggered because of this, weight loss stomach pains can’t sleep or enjoy anything heart hurts. I’ve been on a 5 month obsession, Crazy part is this girl/my LO actually was obsessed with me (or she was in love fr which makes me feel even worse/like I missed out on the one) beforehand but I wasn’t interested in her then - wasn’t my “type” then and I was getting over another LO/my therapist(who’s engaged/cold towards me)and told myself I was done with girls for a bit and focusing on myself😊. Then they pulled me back in! Once she became cold/rude towards me I started to “see her differently” and fell for her, she became the perfect girl. This reminds me of why I got into drug addiction in the first place, to escape this. Now I’m clean and have to deal with it all over again just 5x heavier than anything I remember beforehand. Your right this is torture.
Someone probably already said this but Goenkaji addresses this in the vipassana lectures. He literally refers to a person we might have attachment to as a 'picture' we painted or created in our minds, and not the actual person.
Hi Jeanette, yes I do agree that abandonment can be a big driver in limerence. When I said “getting one’s needs met”‘ I was referring to the need for validation, approval, and confirmation from the limerent object. Also I would say, your “‘needs” are partly defined by things like your fear of abandonment. Therefore the two are not mutually exclusive. Thanks for the comment! I’ll try and be clearer next time but it’s a tough subject to reduce to just a few minutes in video form.
Definitely. I definitely agree that experiencing love or attachment as synonymous with emotional distance. My first love was a narcissist who would egg me on for attention (he loved attention from girls but he was 26) but then tell me about his relationships with other women. Talk about being emotionally unavailable!
A lot of people here are blaming their parents and family for limerence. As someone who gets limerence often, I'm confident that you could have a loving parent or relatives and still develop this. If you have a low dopamine condition like ADHD, perhaps thinking about that person gives you a dopamine boost so you keep thinking about them. Then your brain has accidentally become wired to keep having similar fantasies. Perhaps you have an anxiety disorder and so you're playing out things in your mind since you're too anxious to really go talk to them. The best ways to get rid of Limerence IMO are: 1. Get outside more. The more you're indoors the more you are trapped in your mind 2. Talk to them more (I know its easier said than done). It may make the limerence stronger initially but soon you'll see they aren't as interesting as they seemed 3. Journal. Write down your fantasies or thoughts so that there is closure 4. Work on yourself. I exercise. When Im in shape, I feel more confident approaching the person I want to talk to, and others seem interested to talk to me too.
thank you this sounds like realistic advice. I'm not sure if a depression counts as low dopamine condition? I would think so. I am depressed, have been for a loong time. I worked with this person on a group project a few months ago. We talked for hours at night while working on our project and it was a lot of fun for me and made me feel happy. I guess these talks were like an oasis for my dopamine deprived brain, so I started to want to hang out more and more with that person. (I still did not think of them in a romantic way.. at least i think so?). Then we spend some time together (as friends) on 2 or 3 occasions, and this must've overloaded my brain with enough dopamine or serotonin or whatever makes you feel happy, that it turned into an addiction. She noticed my weird behaviour and asked if i had romantic interest. I said yes, even though I was (and still am) confused about wether or not I am really feeling romantic feelings towards this person or just an "extreme connection" or need to be around them. Ofc I got rejected. And after finding out what unrequired Limerence can do to a person, I am glad she set me straight as soon as possible. But now the question is, can I overcome this and still stay friends with her? Of course I DO want to talk to her more, but right now, it feels really weird. I am fine with staying away from her for weeks to let the feelings (hopefully) die off. And also, should I keep this Limerence thing a secret from her? It's very possible this information would stress her out at lot.
Struggled with this my whole life. Sought a Christian counsellor recently, and this was the advise I got: I’m trying to find my missing pieces in my “crush”. The missing pieces are what I admire in my crush (eg sense of authority, highly intelligent, charisma/well liked, etc). These missing pieces can also be considered as my weaknesses or what’s causing my lower self esteem. And that the missing pieces I’m trying to find, can actually be found in Jesus Christ (our savior). He alone compensates all my weaknesses. He’s the one I’m looking for. He created me, and my crush. And I have to spend more time reading the scriptures (to know who He is, that I can trust that He knows best and what He’s doing in my life and situations..) and praying .
You’re doing an excellent job of presenting this topic and productive solutions in a concise manner! Thank you for respecting our time like that! Too often there’s too much word salad!
Im an introvert with no real friends at the moment. And then I got into this limerence fantasy relationship with a lady from another country. She was like having everything I desired. That probably triggered the addiction. Now that its over , 7 days with no contact Im getting the obsessive thoughts very strongly throughout the day. (Except when I sleep or watch some thriller movies) I really need to get my mind of the object of limerence. My mind is creating illusory fantasies of reigniting the relationship when she has already moved on with someone. I feel so ashamed 😢 Thank so much for the video and the stragies. I guess with time things will improve, but Im really struggling to focus on my future goals
I never heard about this word until a few days, now I completely resonate with this. My ex GF who is an dismissive avoidant drew me in and with the hot and cold behaviour ended up with me being ghosted x 3. The pain is surreal. Thanks for this upload. Much appreciated.
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
Unfathomable how directly this video spoke to me. The part about losing sight of your aspirations hit me hard. I've been so distracted by this person for weeks, i haven't worked nearly as hard as i should have.
Thank you Marios that was extremely helpful, articulate and clear. I have suffered from limerant episodes throughout my life due to CPTSD and a difficult childhood. I am in the middle of a limerant phase which began last summer. I am trying to deal with it, and have increasingly learned to do so throughout my life but this episode caught me unawares and it is a huge time-waster, potentially embarrassing and inconvenient as I have a busy professional life, as well as being emotionally draining. Anyhow, it was useful to hear you speak about it in such a grounded and grounding way. I have subscribed to your channel as a result. Renewed thanks.
I resonate Sophie, I've struggled with it throughout my life since childhood too. I too have endured complex trauma. I truly thank the academic Dorothy Tennov who discovered limerence. I suppose another term for it could be 'extreme idealisation'? It takes me months or even years to overcome my idealisation of certain individuals.
If anyone wants to understand limerence I highly suggest watching Sabrina starring Audrey Hepburn. It's a textbook example. The main character pines away for YEARS over a man with more money and status than her because she lacks self-confidence. As soon as she gains some independence and self-esteem and he shows her attention, she realizes he was an asshole and wasted all that time fantasizing about an idea of a man that never really existed.
Thank you so much for this video. It helps to know this is a thing. I have experienced limerence from a very young age, and I knew it was my escape, my coping mechanism for a dysfunctional household. Yet, at 31, I still get limerent from time to time. Just recently, I was crushing hard on a guy I barely know, just because of what he represents. He looks clean, competent, and responsible (everything my dad isn't) and the sexual attraction I felt for this man from the moment I saw him was overwhelming. I see him at specific times in the city, usually around work schedules, and he has noticed me and makes eye contact every time. Well, yesterday I found out who he was, and it turns out that yeah, he is a big shot but also married with children. Seeing those pictures affected me more than I would ever like to admit. It ruined my whole mood for these couple of days and it's still ongoing. I sure as hell won't talk about this to anyone but I will try to occupy my time with more useful things. I know I will still have the urge to see him, but I will try to abstain from it. This sucks.
Thanks for watching, I have other videos like this on my channel if you want to check them out. Yeh you touch on an important point which is it's more about the idea of the person than the person themselves! Limerence is a call to action to work on yourself.
Suffering with this since I was a kid. With complete strangers usually celebs and Always feel terrible and lost about it. I’m not sure why I haven’t been able to get over it but I want to stop dealing with it 😞
I feel for you, you need to realise your self worrth, because you really are worth more than you think you are. You are loved and cherished for you. Spreading love ! I hope you a happy healing journey
I have never heard of this but it so perfectly describes what I am going through. I started talking to someone right after my fiancé left me which was also on my birthday- this person was very complementary and We had very intense conversation. Then when I wanted to spend more time he began to act elusive and made excuses. I began to lament over him. And I knew with everything in me it was irrational but could not get him out of my mind. Knowing this has a name Both overwhelmed me and empowered me to recognize that it’s something in me and I can take steps to change. I feel so weak and flawed but I already knew that. Now I can see a little hope for peace.
The best video I've seen on limerence. I even read the book on it but the way explained here breaks it down nicely and it's great you included tips on how to overcome it! Excellent content! Thanks for sharing your knowledge. 😊
This is so helpful to me. Thank you so much, this seems like the best advice yet, that I've come across trying to deal with my feelings. I'm eternally grateful.
Ive just discovered this and Ive been doing it for over 25 years. It explains my tendency to fall in with the wrong people. I fantasize and thats the only idea of love Ive ever known. Its shocking and I feel disgust toward myself for it...even though I know its not my fault
This is sooo helpful, thank you. Just been through it. I realised that in reality I wasn't that attracted to them but while I was away from them I couldn't stop thinking about them. I created this fantasy that they were perfect for me when actually they weren't.
I wish I knew about this when I was going through it! I went through two of these situations both went on for years. Getting over them was one the hardest things I’ve ever done. They wouldn’t let me go either. I had to completely cut off all contact with them and have never spoken or seen them again. I spent about a year and a bit healing myself after the most recent one. I had to look deep within to figure out why I was settling for so little. It’s been a journey but I’ve been with two men since and it hasn’t worked out but it hasn’t been an obsessive relationship at all and I’ve even been able to stay in contact and friendly with one of them. I’m so proud of myself for that. I’m hoping to keep working on myself to attract that healthy, committed and loving relationship I deserve. I hope this provides some hope for the people who are currently in this situation 🙏🏾
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
Thank you for this! It’s fascinating. I’ve found myself on the other end of this limerance phenomenon a few times in my life, and it has made me feel very uncomfortable. This helps me understand what it is and how to handle the uncomfortable situation.
I have a limerant situation with a romantic infatuation over 2 other women while married to my wife. I'm desperate to cure and clean up this maddening obsession
Hi Scott, that sounds difficult. If you want to reach out for help we are here for you. We offer free 15 minute phone calls with members of our team, just email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book your call if you wish to discuss this with someone. Either way, wishing you the best.
One novel addiction experience: I've binged tarot videos on youtube almost daily for about 3-4 hours every night for almost 6 years straight. I didn't even realize how strange that was until about like 2 years in. They're basically perfect for maintaining/feeding the addiction.
Thank you so much for this presentation. This video fortuitously popped up on my UA-cam feed. I did suffer from limerence. There was a girl from high school that I obsessed over, and couldn't get her out of my mind, even 30 years later. I'm much better about it today, because I don't let it overwhelm me. I realize she never had feelings for me, and doesn't care about me, because she's not obliged to. But the first 10 years after my initial encounter with her destroyed me bad, real bad. I don't blame her though. It was my psychological make up or weak upbringing on the subject of "true love" that I didn't grasp during my formative years. Though this girl was very kind, by opening up to me (she'd talk to me on the phone and wave to me in person), I naively thought she was ready to "commit" to me. She knew I had a crush on her; I explicitly told her. All the girls, prior to her, that I had crushes on, either snubbed me or made me look foolish. They'd giggle with their friends when they saw me walk by or whatever, and humiliation was unbearable for me. But this girl was very kind by refraining from that kind of behavior. I couldn't believe she was open minded and kind enough to "let me in." And that's where my obsession grew out of control. Looking back, I don't blame her for anything. The only positive thing I see from her was her genuine kindness in not snubbing me. But other than that, I grasped the reality that I was not in her heart. I do think about her time to time, but no longer am attached.
I am so grateful for this video. I have watched so many videos on psychology and this is the first time I hear about limerance. And bingo! This has been me for the past 30+ years...😅
This was so helpful. I love that you actually give tips to cope with it. I keep finding videos that tell what it is but I couldn't seem to find any info on how to fix it!
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
My dog got off leash and ran away a week and a half ago. I’ve been thinking about him every day since then. I doubt he thinks about me at all. Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear this.
I've had two cases of limerence with two men (one of which started out as a friend, but I travelled overseas to meet but didn't reciprocate feelings to me) and another one still ongoing, and I can definitely pinpoint it to my childhood with emotionally distant (divorced) parents who mainly thought about themselves and me trying hard and having to please them and my parents partners (particularly my Dad with multiple stepmothers) to feel any worth of love from them, but now that I've grown it has moved on to relationships.
The way you talk is so comforting. And the sped of which you talk is perfect. I'm currently experiencing limerance and I have so much energy, so hyper. This really kept me focused and hit so many nails on the head. Thank you for covering this so much and so well!!
Such a big part of the "twin flame" journey. Often this person is the first time they felt home, safety, connectedness. Definitely easy for their twin to become the limerant object.
I've suffered from acute limerence for 18 months now. Its awful. I'm incapable of doing anything at all without thinking about her. Its 24/7 and I never stop. Its ridiculous. I cant concentrate at work. Eating is very difficult. Sleeping is ruined. It's been two weeks since we've decided seeing eachother and spending time together isnt a good idea as its getting out of hand - but the worst thing is not speaking to or seeing her seems to have made it worse. Its having really adverse effects on my life. Although I am aware shes not perfect, and I know shes not the best person thats ever existed - but her flaws make me love her more. I do love her, but I'm also limerent, stupid as that sounds. Everything reminds me of her. I would do anything not to be, and I've tried everything. I actually get upset and angry that people aren't her sometimes. It's so crazy and intense that I get jealous of my cat getting a stroke ot a kiss from her! FFS I feel like I'm going insane.
t has been 15 years for me. I met so many nice guys in between and that wanted to date me. This guy is great but these videos helped me and I am finally on the other side. Fenna has been through it. Limerence, feeling worse after no contact Self-compassion Channel - Fenna van den Berg
@@hobedyhobes732, I notice that you posted this a year ago. Did you get through it? I could sure benefit reading from people who found a way out of this dark, life sucking pattern. I'm so exhausted moving through it...
Thank you so much for this video! I’ve been dealing with this for the past 4 months. It’s been the hardest struggle of my life! Im starting to come out if it thankfully
I wish I could go away for this condition for rehab😥 Also, I know people who had very supportive parents and loving childhoods who have ended up in these types of relationships. I don’t think it’s always,”if you had a healthy childhood”.
It’s totally a false reality or a reality that was and is no longer. I had a limerant episode where my friend ran into my teenage X. I started to remember all the good, neglecting the reality of how she really was. A year after that episode she divorced and all the horrible things I ignored were what caused her break up. I won’t lie, I still think about it and I wish I could just turn it off. I don’t talk to those people anymore. They’re in another state. I have a good life so I’m focusing on that as best I can.
For the past 10 months, there’s this guy who I’ve been thinking about CONSTANTLY. like all the time. when I go to school, when I come back, when I wake up, before I sleep, when I shower, when I do my homework. I’m not even exaggerating. he was in my class and when he dropped hints here and there that he had taken an interest in me, that sent me down a spiral of obsession for months. What I think my problem isthat I think/look at this person and see them as a solution to my problems, or more like a way to distract myself from unpleasant circumstances or past experiences. Like sometimes id be at home and I’d be feeling a bit down and imagine myself being in their presence, or them walking past me or something (basically just imagining dumb and stupid scenarios). It’s really embarrassing for me and i feel so guilty and pathetic when I realise what it is that im doing. All I want is to live my day to day life like a normal person, not constantly being in my head imagining that someone i like is watching me or thinking about me. I just want it to stop. I get so sick of myself for doing this. I think it’s just a lustful attraction that has to do with his outward appearance, nothing more really. I know all that in my head but I don’t know why I still want it. Any tips for getting over this COMPLETELY? please
As an introvert, I've often experienced very strong limerence. I try to battle it but it always wins over me. A introspective existence is hell on earth.
What causes me to go deep is that I feel I'll never connect with anyone and then something will make me think maybe I could and then I just self-destruct and it causes the limerance to rise. There will often be other people involved who sort of block my attempts to get close to the person.
Oh God yes 😫 I'm here now trying to figure out how not to be so limmerant over this guy now. I know I shouldn't be obsessing over him like this but I still do
Thanks for the comment, something I could have mentioned in this video is how heavily imagination impacts limerence. If you are introspective and an introvert, it's likely your limerence can be even more gripping and stressful. If you can notice when this happens and bring yourself into the moment e.g. movement (exercise, stretch, even shaking out your emotions) and mindfulness can help here. Look after yourself.
Next time you feel limerent towards someone, break it off before it can take off. Often a break is enough to stop the addictive cycles from starting and taking root. Rarely do two limerent people become healthy enough to have a healthy relationship, I think, but I’ve read of one UA-cam comment that said otherwise, so I guess it can happen. Limerence happens because the other person is unavailable. You should have rules with yourself that you will not entertain any relationship/marriage prospects where the other person is not 100% available. That way the chances of limerence ever starting off is greatly reduced. If the other person is emotionally healthy, they’ll take this boundary to step up. But if they don’t, then your boundary will prevent you from getting involved with such a person (no matter how dreamy they feel). That way, no limerent relationships have any room to even take root in your life, which forces you to show up in your life 100% and only entertain relationship/marriage prospects that are grounded in reality. So, the answer basically is creating boundaries and limits around yourself, which, if someone isn’t able to satisfy, prevents them from getting into your life. (And if you cared to know, having rules and boundaries will also have the added benefit of making you appear high value lol).
This concept is gonna confuse more people than anything.
If I had had people in my life who loved me unconditionally and I could turn to, I wouldn’t have become limerant in the first place. My limerance came from Childood Emotional Neglect. My limerant object reciprocated my feelings but was unavailable, it lasted decades. It was like an addiction that comforted me and made me feel that at least there was one person in the world who loved me. I wanted love but was scared of love as I didn’t know what it really looked like. Having a fantasy love that could never manifest in reality allowed me to function (albeit poorly) with some feeling of self worth.
Having loving friends and family wont stop limerence. There’s a lot of factors.
Limerance is so real, this comment is so true on every aspect
6 years so far. Other person is avoidant
You said it. And I feel ya. Thanks for summarizing my experience so eloquently
Thank you for sharing this. I also experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect. My limerant object is a romance scammer. Thankfully I came to my senses before I gave him any money.
Let's be real. If you had loving friends and family and a support system, you probably wouldn't be going through this.
💯💯
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation.
You're right. So now what?
I have loving friends and family, still going through this as I have never met anyone like this person.
No, it's how the brain and nervous system are functioning. If one has gone through traumas before and not healed the effects, this is what happens. It's a life learning. Now I recognise it and I do more plant medicine to heal
I’ve suffered with these emotions since I was around 5. There has always been someone I was infatuated with because they showed me a small amount of interest. I’m to the point in my life where I want to be happy and not feel like this. Or keep bouncing from person to person. Thank you so much for clarity and a starting point for treatment.
I can basically relate and I'm trying to work on it. So far I got even more clear on what it is that I want in a partner. Writing it like this has helped to give me more strength to hold my standards up: "I want a relationship in which I can thrive in, not one that I got to struggle for the bare minimum." Anyone who isn't willing to effortlessly give me the bare minimum and then some, can go right out. I know it easier said than done and it hurts, though I must stand my ground and respect myself. Because some people they'll continue hurting us while claiming they don't want us hurting. And I've experienced just that!
Also I came to realize that the person I've feelings for is the old him and not into the person he's showing me now. That is also contributing to helping me to see him for who he is. I'm not putting up with anymore of this if he's not willing to really make a genuine change instead of just toying with me.
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
@@prettydisabled9060 Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
Same 😢
Limerence is escapism and can be addicting. Because whenever you think your fantasy, you will feels good. You want more and more, it is like crack.
Craziest part is I always motivated on limerence. Whenever I stopped thinking certain individual, my motivation just drop. Only by thinking her, I feels alive. It is just crazy.
You crave for love and someone to cherish and take care of.
That's how it feels for me too 💖
It's natural bruh!
100% ..I was so motivated by limerance that in 6 weeks I was able to work hard by working out and eating healthu to drop 12 kg and get into better shape. Once I stopped seeing that person it was like all motivation was yanked away from me. It was like a high that had worn off and I had a hole in my heart.
Exact same feelings. It’s like being in withdrawal after a drug addiction.
I have a tear in my eye finally finding out im not alone in this. I've been obsessively thinking about this girl that i BARELY KNOW for fucking almost THREE YEARS. I've been gaslighting myself every day that my feelings can't be real cus i don't really know her. So so many attempts to convince myself that this isn't real and just "stop thinking about her", "get over it", but it just doesnt stick. I've been on the verge on puking from the overwhelming feelings that thinking about her can cause. I didnt know what the term "knees weak" meant before this ordeal. I even have my own "party trick" where i can willingly get goosebumps from just looking at her picture. Works every time. I was so scared that my mind was permanently broken for the rest of my life considering how long this has been going on. Thousands and thousands of hours of mental effort wasted on this whole thing. I've cried more the past 3 years than i have the entirety of my life before this. I really thought at some point there was no other way out than just stop living... Knowing that this isn't just a me thing and other people go through this as well is comforting and gives me hope that i can beat this.
Same, I know almost nothing about my LO yet thinking of him gives me some sort of relief feeling. It's so strange. The scariest thing is that life happens while I'm caught in my own thoughts. I feel sorry about myself for being delusional and wish to find a way out.
So sorry you have to go through that. Hope you overcome this soon.
@@etorres5823 Jesus. I'm so glad I found your comment. From the first visit at the dentist clinic, I've been obsessing over my Dr. He's young like me, and was incredibly delicate, stoical, calm and precise with everything that he was doing and the way he's always talking to me. I've been over his social media multiple times, seeing how happy he is with his partner, how much in love they are, and I still have feelings for him, even if he's a complete stranger to me. I would like to think, that in an alternative world, that would be me with him, not the other woman. I've found myself over thinking this daily, and I have to see him often now because of my treatment. I haven't watched the video yet. I hope I will find my answers there, because I'm loosing my mind over someone that will never be mine
Sweet Jesus I'm so glad I've read this comment. Literally in the same situation for like almost two years. What's the most intriguing fact is that I am perfectly aware is that it's a delusion, but I just can't help it. So painful to have to experience this, especially since it's a coworker and a huge narcissist, craving for attention. I've had so much mood swings, and really started to lose myself. I've become so distant and oversensitive. And most people just don't get it, how much strength and mental energy I've wasted for this, and still seems impossible to overcome, it's so fucking tiring. How I wish I could just stop this, but like you said, this gives me hope.
Please go redpill to save yourself. Dont ignore this advice for your own good ! Else expect deterioration of your health and rest of your life.
In my opinion which nobody asked for , you romanticize about another person and idealize them, because you unconsciously believe that they can meet you needs, the needs that were never met by your parents and caregivers have left this emptiness within you that you keep going through life attaching to this person or that person seeking to get your needs met one way or the other. You are not aware that nobody can ever fulfill your needs that went unmet by your parents and caregivers. And being an adult meeting your own needs is 100% your responsibility all the time, even if you meet a good person, even after you get into a romantic relationship, or marriage. And until you understand that and begin to show up for yourself and work on being there for yourself you will seek attachments to others that become obsessive, unhealthy and lead to pain and disappointment.
You can’t always do things yourself tho. It’s OKAY to ask for help..
Dang, that sounds very selfish. Can’t take everything from that person in a relationship. It’s give and take dynamic.
@@lessismore8533profesional help, not go and ask help from friends or family who have no clue about your situation nor do they have good and unbiased solutions.
Yes we need each other in the world but we can work on it in a healthy way ❤️ peace and love 🕊️
Interesting. It's like the mind doesn't want you to be conscious of these things. The moment you recognize these patterns, they lose their power. Thank you for this information.
That is so true, i really find that immensely fascinating
I have both… I obsess over him every second of the day but I also love him, I see his flaws, see his shortcomings, see his unattractive side. I’m usually torn between wanting it to work and moving on to someone who actually wants to love me as well.
I’m absolutely sick of the constant obsessive thoughts. I’m on a healing journey but it’s so incredibly daunting 😔😭
Right there with you 😕
Any updates?
Same 😔
Updates?
real
Just learned this the other day: The four neural paths to addiction are, arousal, fantasy, deprivation and numbness. Being in limerance involves the first three, and if it's in the context of an affair, the addiction is even stronger. The thing that sucks is the reasoning part of your brain knows it's an illusion but the addicted part of your brain is 100% sure that the limerant object is the love of your life. And those two aspects are in a constant fight. Add in the moral conflict of infidelity and experiencing your heart being divided between two people and you end up with a highly toxic emotional sh!t stew.
True
Dude….profound insight. Thank you!! So much wasted time….and even more time to get through the self compassion and forgiveness…..smh
That's very interesting, wish I'd known that when I recorded this video. I will look into it. Thanks for sharing.
So true. Even in my fantasies, I have to reconcile being "happily married" and a Christian. 😢
My desire ain't a fucking illusion.
500 days of Summer movie is the perfect example of limerance.
Dude yes!!!! Man that movie punches me in the gut!! Every time!! Like I’m glad he met “Autumn” at the end but she’s probably going to break his heart too. And summer played him. Limerance or not! That’s the hard thing about realizing I struggle with limerance is knowing people will still take advantage of you with your emotional handicap
I thought my problem was daydreaming, but now I understand it was actually limerance. Thank God I'm not on that mental state anymore and I hope I never go back to that point like wtf
I have suffered unwanted limerence, often platonic, towards people, even strangers and it can be overwhelming and can make me feel nauseous. I worry that if the person knew about it, they would think I am a weirdo.
Thank you for sharing, we hope you found the video helpful
I have found myself doing similar things all my life until recently when I've been doing a lot of self healing through shamanic hape and sananga and other plant medicines. They help heal the trauma that causes addictions. I also have had hypnotherapy to deal with limerence from friends and first loves. It's gotten a lot better. I also ended up in Codependents Anonymous. Best thing ever.
It is so amazing that you are self aware
This is so very enlightening to know I am not alone. I swear I had no idea this was a recognized sense is being. Part of me thought It has to be live- But the shame and embarrassment was overwhelming because I knew all along it was overkill
@@biondna7984 I shall have to watch that movie. Sometimes all we want is a response from them in a platonic way, as that is the only way we feel we can be free from obsessing about this person. I had this once on a website about 14 years ago over a girl, and she never spoke to me but complained to one of her friends on there and I saw the message from her pal saying "This guy is a total weirdo, it is clear you do not wanna speak to him so block him". I was very offended as they do not understand I suffered from severe limerence.
“Are you acting in a way that’s congruent with someone who respects themselves?” This is the million dollar question. People should ask themselves this question several times at the start of relationships if they’re prone to being limerent. And if the answer is no, they should set things right that restores their respect, or they should end the relationship, even though they really, really like them. This method is often a good way to counteract getting into situations one has no business being in.
Absolutely, you've highlighted a fundamental and crucial question for anyone entering relationships, especially those prone to limerence or intense emotional involvement. Evaluating whether your actions align with self-respect is an excellent way to maintain healthy boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
Recognizing and respecting your own worth is paramount. If a relationship compromises your self-respect, it's important to address the situation or, if necessary, walk away. Setting boundaries and honoring your own value is key to building and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships. Your advice serves as a valuable reminder for everyone to prioritize their self-worth in matters of the heart. Thank you for sharing this insight.
Perfectly said!!
My biggest issue is what he said at the end what if you work with that person or in my case we have a business together so we have to interact and we are long ago exes from 30 yrs ago that reconnected as friends now business partners. Any suggestions - need to hear it
OMG! I burst into tears as soon as the video had ended. This is the first time I have heard about the concept, which shows how underrated it is. I was literally blank for sometime, & everything in my life started making sense: why I am the way I am (specially in relationship with men). In my teenage days, it started off with unreciprocated crushes since I felt too embarassed to propose, or even talk to them b'coz i thought they would never like me back. As long as I can remember, I had had 'deep crushes', & each time it's getting tougher to overcome the obsession. After I have healed from my last one, which lasted for a year or so, I was so afraid to fall in that vicious cycle again that I started heavily ignoring men who were approaching me. They were potential men, but I found myself being very closed off, irritated & sometimes rude to them, which I later felt sorry for.
When I analyzed my situation, I found that I had suffered a deep sense of unworthiness in my childhood, which is not really rooted to lack of love in my life, but how my mother was treated by her in-laws (we lived in a joint family back then). Her worth was challenged several times, specially during her pregnancy & while I was a little baby. I did not understand anything at that time, but those feelings transferred onto me.
Now that I know why I am like this, I will become aware as soon as I start getting those feelings, practice the suggested coping mechanisms & not punish myself for being this way.
This video was a life changing one! I can never be grateful enough to the makers of this video.
Wow thank you so much for sharing! I'm so glad the video was helpful, I have another on my channel you might find useful. Look after yourself.
yes!
This is so spot on!! ❤
Same here!
Thank you for sharing your story. I relate to this significantly . It feels nice to know we are not alone. I’d really like to see someone whose healed from this make a video
I went through this. Got stuck in the twin flame ideation over a covert narcissist. What helped me heal is educating myself about narcissism, narcissistic abuse, cptsd...but ALSO healing on a spiritual level. Learning that all the love and acceptance I wanted and hoped for but didnt get from family & lovers, I could get from within.
Learning to love myself wholly and unconditionally. Forgiving those who had hurt me, forgiving myself, all were key elements in healing from limmerance. It has been a LONG journey, but there is hope.
Remember, your soul is a fighter, and if you allow it, your mind will follow and be healed too.
Your journey and the wisdom you've gained are truly inspiring. It's incredible how education and self-discovery, both intellectually and spiritually, can lead to profound healing. Learning to love oneself unconditionally and finding that inner strength are transformative steps.
Your statement really hit home with me. I think everything you stated is right on point. I suffered childhood neglect and got tangled up with a covert narcissist. I had no Idea what a healthy relationship looked like and didn’t figure it out until I got out of that relationship and started working on myself and working to understand my childhood traumas. I just always felt like I was the only one going through this stuff. Glad to know it gets better.
Omg my exact state rn
I wish I knew how to handle limerence when I was younger. I would have severe depressive episodes when I girl I was "in love" with didn't feel the same way and it put me off dating for years. Now in my 30s I've FINALLY learned to stop obsessing over someone I barely know.
Wow I wasn’t aware this is a mental health problem and called limerence :(( I used to feel so desperate and shameful because of my situation this video made me think that maybe what I have been experiencing is not that weird. I literally live with this person in my mind. It feels as if I’m living a double life in one body and it’s so tiring and overwhelming. In the meantime I have never felt this happy in my life. It’s definitely an addiction. It’s been two years and keeps coming back every time I thought it’s over.
when i read your comment i immediately had tears in my eyes. this is spot on and completely how i've been feeling like for the past months. i dearly hope your situation will get better soon. i, too, have never been so happy and so broken and dependent at the same time before, i hope the limerence will fade away because my LO and me (long-distance situationship) might really be going somewhere. i am so infatuated by him and i feel like he's the one. which is just another symptom of limerence, i know, but i just really wish to see him and love him in a healthy way, not like this.
This is definitely the best definition of limerance I have ever heard. And it's worth watching several times so it will really soak in.
That's a lovely compliment, thank you.
Thank you for watching
Thank you so much. This was the first video I recorded on limerence so I am glad it was useful!
It's describing me.😢😢 but I feel helpless en caged coz of some people.
@@dr.beckyspelman May I speak to the therapist who appears in this video about quoting him for a biography I am writing for a major New York publisher on a narcissistic rockstar from the 1970s?
Had massive amounts of limerence for a girl at work, and I can't even begin to describe the pain I've had because of it, since she already has a boyfriend and I still have to see her every day and be reminded of that fact. I've reduced it heavily, but I'm honestly also looking forward to not seeing her again when I change job in a few months.
Finally, the struggle will be over.
Sorry to hear this, that’s really tough.
Dealing with the exact same situation with a girl at work. First we got along well, had long conversations, and even hung out together on the weekends - then she blocked me on IG recently. Limerence over.
I’m in the same boat but it’s my boss and it’s even worse 💀
Did your struggle end?
Hey Dave, what's up? My limerence is gone. I am 36 yo and I had this thing since I was 12 yo I guess (with different LOs). Do not look for a "limerent relationship", engage in a relationship, don't wait for the perfect person. I married and I have a pretty daughter and I feel that things are back to normal. I am not saying that a married person doesn't have limerence, the point is, you have a life, so, live it.
Limerence was sheer torture for me and came close to upending my life. Lasted for years. Luckily I was able to get help and extricate myself and move on. Moving on seemed unimaginable to me. It was pure hell. If you are going through this, get help. There is life, a good life, after limerence. I promise.
Here's a test that gave it away for me (that it was a limerence):
Your not enjoying your other passions: art, music, surfing, working out, socializing with friends, reading...
If you are in love you might imagine sharing these hobbies with that person, but if you limerencing, you won't even want to do those things that are "normal" to you.
Also, there is an absence of Agape love, (unconditional, God like love).
Your are meant to be loved like this, but even our own parents may have struggled to give us that sense of being loved unconditionally, this love is offered by God, who created you! You knows your every need and wants a relationship with you!
Enjoy you passions and talents, that are God-given, and know that He will heal you, and give you healthy relationship s and habits!
Yes, thank you. I always turn to God. I pray for others and it is true that I've recently become less joyfull for my passions. It comes and goes and it was just 3 days ago that I was painting and felt so happy because I hadn't done it in a while. Then I went through the peak again yesterday and today and I became desensitized to my passion for art.
@@sakaguchishiori I totally understand. It was a clear sign when my thoughts were addicted to understanding the person I was thinking about. But you'll know it's a limerance too when you don't want to really find out if said person is mutually interested, because it will ruin the limerance!
The limerance has a life of its own!!
Good luck and God Bless!
@@christianscott6963 Very true, thank you loads scott!!!
God doesn't love you unconditionally lol The condition is you believe he exists and obey him, or he torments you in eternity. It's Coercion. He also created some to love, and others he created to destroy. It's the reason he hardened Pharoh's heart, because he wanted to destroy him, not have mercy and love. Romans 9 16-21
I hope you learn one day that God is an illusion just like limerence and your healing can begin.
For a long time, I have been thinking LIMERANCE = NORMAL CRUSH. Until in recent years, I started noticing each thing you are stating ( I was done falling for people in my fantasy world when it wasn't reciprocated it was heartbreaking ). Thank God! It's still being talked about for a few years. Before when I wanted to do some research I couldn't coin the right term, people around me wouldn't understand my weirdness.
Limerence and CPTSD going hand in hand from my experience. Being a lonely child living in your own imagination. Turns into an adult living in their imagination. But once you are aware of this, it helps to better control limerence behavior.
So true. I just came to realize this and its hard to acknowledge that so much of my life is just imagination and not real at all. And it never will be. It's painful to confess that at the end I'm just a lonely woman.
@@milks9289You are never alone. Feel the same x
This!! I feel seen
@@rayfih Thank you.
This topic is so necessary to understand for addicts in recovery. One of the biggest causes of relapse in early sobriety is turning the addictive brain toward fixating on a person instead of a substance.
How to Sober I totally agree and it was a regular occurrence with many people at AA and NA meetings when I attended! I had to stop going a long time ago, for reasons I won't go into now.
They didn't always relapse, yet would go to meetings to see the person, or to meet someone, especially the predatory types of individuals.
I found that they don't usually acknowledge the childhood trauma issues involved at meetings though, which is one reason why I left. 😊
If you see people as drugs for sure
I have been obsessed with this university girl almost nonstop for 6 weeks, and it made its toll on my goals, ambitions, grades, overall mood. This person not only doesn't care about me, but even hurts me by never helping with anything, usually by making a promise she would do something and never does it. Really glad I found your video, now I know it's not some harmless crush
That’s toxic to make promises and not keep them gtfo as soon as possible
Please go redpill to save yourself. Dont ignore this advice for your own good ! Else expect deterioration of your health and rest of your life.
You know whats even worse? A girl that plays into it because she likes the attention.
when you brought up the fact that limerence is affectiing one's mood... so true. No word from that person for several days? I'm depressed. Hell, even him mentioning he want to meet new people, have new friendships made me depressed (thoughts like "am I not good enough? That's why you want to meet new people, right? Because I'm boring to you?")
I need to get out of this state
this is eye opening thank you
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
I was once, temporary, in a state of hormonal limerence where my body would tingle, vibrate and feel totally exceptional in a love high state with my lover every time we touched. It was a wonderful feeling like floating on a love cloud in a tub of love.
That’s called lust 😂
Same happened to me once with someone. I never had felt so alive and so happy to be so that it was like a permanent state of rush. Letting them go is one of the biggest challenges I'm facing as an adult nowadays.
Whoa.
I’ve spent two weeks learning about attachment styles, wondering if they would unblock me, but it was never love… it was 2 months of lust, a need for adoration, and now I’m stuck obsessing over the idea of her. This video gives me all the information I need to move on. Thanks.
I have some abandonment issues from childhood so I tend not to see/act on red flags early stages and end up dating an emotional unavailable person who will at some point suddenly ghost or drop me or stonewall me with no explanation or closure.
Then my limerence is triggered and I start obsessing over them….even if I didn’t love or even like them that much. I’m trying to get out of this familiar cycle and educate myself on it as I’m beginning to understand I can’t trust my natural instincts…! Good luck to everyone suffering/healing from something similar 💕✨ The fact you are here means you’re on the way to having a brighter happier future !! ✨✨
Same to you my friend :)
Thank you so much! I've been crying for a couple of days because I've been feeling so desperate and ashamed because these feelings and thoughts won't go away. I just texted the guy I like out of an impulse and I felt super guilty. I needed this so much, really thank you!
It’s been over 5 years and he’s (still) all I think about or daydreaming of what could have been or wish could happen, it’s depressing.
Why do we not have bigger hopes and plans for our lives than for this persons ultimate love and accepting of us. It boggles my mind, but the addiction I feel persists
I am also having it.. I just remind myself how shitty people are and how shitty and flaw I am.. It kinda calms you down.
Just be pessimist..
Gaming helped me with limerence. It’s still there but it’s a lot less debilitating. Medieval dynasty has been an amazing distraction
Thank you. This is excellent advice. I recently got out of a brief, destructive limerent relationship, and not long after found myself conjuring up the same obsessive bullshit with someone who's actually helping me and teaching me things I need. This one is MARRIED, for God's sake: from the frying pan into the fire. So far I'm conducting myself with dignity, and am on track to finish the training I'm getting from him. I suffer in silence. I'm working to end this addictive torture I put myself through. I got off alcohol 19+ years ago and I'll get free of this too.
I feel like I'm in the same boat. I'm on a limerent state and the limerent object is my trainer at this new work. He truns out to be happily enggaged. We have 15 more days of training and yesterday turned out to be his last day in our work place as he and his fiance were actually planning to settle down in the provinces. A blessing in disguise, truly. But I'm still very much struggling to cope.
@@janinemarycocamas1478 I'm with you. Since the viruses seem to be letting up and more things are opening up, I'm ramping up my new experiences. This coming weekend alone I'm going to a local foods and live bluegrass BBQ; the next evening I'm having dinner out with a friend who is also recently widowed and has also been way too isolated. We're going to see and be seen. I wish you all courage in expanding your life into new adventures and starting it with clear boundaries. You are someone's prize, who WANTS to earn your love. You'll find him.
It's the first time I have come across the term limerence. It's exactly what twin flame chasers go through.
Thank you for watching
You might be my other half!
@@thunkjunk there are no halves, friend! 😊😁😅
@@irene2081 OMG. Now I KNOW you are my other half...
@@thunkjunk 😂you are so funny! 😂You made my night!..
This is such an important mechanism to understand… so many generations have been affected by their caregivers expressing approval or connection only when the child lives up to the idealized version of themselves instead of encouraging who they already are. Thank you for this video.
To everyone who’s working through personal growth, you’re doing such brave work. You’re not alone ♡
Your empathy and encouragement are deeply appreciated. Understanding the impact of early experiences, especially in the context of approval and connection, is indeed crucial for personal growth. It's a powerful realization that the journey to self-discovery and self-acceptance is often about unlearning old patterns and embracing one's authentic self.
Your words of support are a source of strength for those on this brave journey of personal growth. Everyone's path is unique, but knowing that there are others who understand and empathize can make a significant difference. Thank you for sharing your kindness and reminding others that they are not alone in their struggles. ❤
As a gay man in a Latin country, you start developing this at school pleasing others for approval and hoping they don’t know. Bullying triggered this behavior. Trying to be nice to them to not get beaten. Then the crushes and fantasy started with age. Decades of this situation. Now I can this eye opener made an effect on me. I can’t thank Marios enough. Xo
That's so nice to read, thank you for your comment.
Agreed
Yes, it's an addiction. I have a history of extreme idealisation towards specific individuals. This latest person is narcissistic, like most of the previous ones. I'm still working through it but the idealisation is waning somewhat because he is selfish, narcissistic, lacks empathy and consideration.
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation.
Ughhh im going thru this my gf is a narc and she keeeps breaking up and then hanging around putting me down tellinng me “move on already the relationship is dead” “ur so attached to me” it makes me sickkk
@@redline350zHR narcs hate it when you ghost them
Thank you for watching
It sounds like you're breaking through. Brava!
I am going through this at the moment and I literally thought I was going mad until i watched this video. I have been so unhappy for the last 4 months but now I know I have an addiction and will take steps to ween myself out of it. I want my life back.
Thank you for sharing, glad you enjoyed the video and it helped.
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation
Get his WhatsApp number on my comment section on my channel
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation
Get his WhatsApp number on my comment section on my channel
1. View as an addiction . This is a really good idea. Understand that you are viewing theme as an idea rather than as a person.
2. Build on positive and real relastionships.
Cut out triggers.
Make new associations ...interesting ...gonna try this one.
3. Don't judge yourself .
Those are really good suggestions.
going through a breakup right now and I'm stuck in limerance of an image or fantasy version of them that just plainly did not exist. i became so co dependent with then throughout the 5 year relationship and the worst part is that the relationship was not a healthy one, but rather emotionally abusive one from both sides. the withdrawal aspect of the breakup is the toughest part for me. i miss them every single day, thinking obsessive thoughts of then any time that I'm not busy, and ruminating on "what could've been"
i am wishing the best for you, hope you will heal and become the best version of yourself
I thought I commented this… my exact situation 🫣
You’re not the only one
I hope you are in a better place now
In the same exact spot right now after 9 years and him breaking up with me
This was super helpful. I like the idea of looking at it like an addiction. “I’m having obsessive thoughts” separate your thoughts from yourself. And knowing that it’s a wave, with peaks and allow it to pass
Wow, I think this is my problem! This typically happens to me when there is an intense sexual attraction at first. I'll often get the attention, but I begin to think it's about love and become obsessed by this person. It's also almost never with someone I would find very attractive, though not unattractive. In fact, I look at their flaws or what I see as physical flaws and I love them more. Maybe because the intense sexual element involved (often perceived or imagined) I get all kinds of physical reactions along with difficulty focusing. It is like a drug
I feel this same exact way. Interesting. How do we get rid of the intense sexual attraction to begin with?
I always said my husband was on drugs when he left to go live with a woman he met ...nothing of his liking.
@@jeanjoseph7905I’m a recovering heroin addict but my ex a narcissist or at least very very cruel has been the tougher battle.
omg how do you get out of this situation
With me, the sexual attraction comes much later. I'll want this woman's friendship and companionship because she's nice to be around, and then I start getting sexual feelings for her.
Oh my God this was frighteningly accurate for me at times. Why isn't this more mainstream?
This was GREAT. A clear definition, a clear cause I wasn't aware of, plus concrete steps to take to fix it. The only thing I would add is to focus on your purpose; it crowds out the limerant object - at least it has for me. But that took some healing work first - understanding CPTSD, knowing my Top 5 personal needs (and meeting them daily), daily bodywork, and core wound reprogramming. I fall into this trap about once a decade on average. My last bout took me out for two whole months - as in completely non-functional - but after just two months of healing work it's down to brief daily episodes or sporadic longer ones, and is definitely fading out. I like that one of your tips is to schedule a little time each day where you're allowed to do it - that works well for me who was over-controlled as a child as zero tolerance only results in rebellion and doing it even more than I would have in the first place.
Thank you!
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation
Get his WhatsApp number on my comment section on my channel
Thank you for sharing your experience. Did you do this by yourself or were you assisted by a psychologist?
Thank you! Glad this video was helpful as it was my first recorded on the topic. You are so right to say that a focus on purpose is important, it is something most people with limerence are lacking.
I learned in therapy that my childhood abuse taught me to believe in my worthlessness. I will probably be sick and alone for years longer considering it took till I was 47 to learn I don't know what trust is and 48 I don't know what love is. 49 unhealthy attachments mostly limerent. Stuck in childhood adolescence. This video does not give me hope I am addicted to many things and my greatest accomplishment is never attempting suicide
that I survive the best I can
Replace those thoughts with TRUTH Jenny!
You helped me realize a really important key to my experience with limerence… the deprioritization of my own life in favor of theirs. It stems (possibly) from my relationship with my mom and growing up I had to suffocate myself and put my emotional needs on hold to satisfy hers
I thought I was in limerence state but it turns out I genuinely love her man this feels amazing even though I will never see her again and it will never work out, ain't love a weird thing, she changed me so much I cannot comprehend how, women are a blessing fellas take good care of them.
I’ve watched a lot of videos on limerence, and this is really well done. I’m also a sugar addict newly in recovery. Both are real struggles. Thank you for this!
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation.
🥺👍 took all the words from my mouth! Good luck
Thanks for sharing!
I hope you find the correct healing tools to heal. I also have both addictions. I found shamanic plant medicines really help me. Kambo, hape, sananga and hypnotherapy. Psylicibin as well xx
Ditto on both. Good for you!
Genuinely opened up my eyes, i spent soo much time constantly obsessing and thinking about them, i changed my appearance, bought them gifts, starved myself, and i felt i had a chance but recently they got with someone and it upset me soo much i felt ill and started having horrible horrible invasive thoughts, and i did some really strange things just in hopes of getting their attention. Now i realize how WEIRD and gross it was of me, its soo selfish for me to only want them for myself, they deserve to be happy as well, putting myself in their shoes is super helpful,
thank you so much for this video! i have been in a limerence state for over 6 months. it’s been painful, isolating, hard to control. i thought i was losing my mind and this put so much clarity on the situation. i knew i needed help but didn’t know where to start.
thanks again 🙏🏽 😊 ✨
You're welcome - thanks for watching!
You are so welcome!
Hay so how you doing now it's been 2 months since you've made a comment and I was wondering if you made any headway I just learned this and this is me now
@@MrColtonrob1 hey! i am doing so much better. i was able to work myself out of that situation, however it was not easy. took a lot of discipline, restraint, reflection, and working on myself. i had to distance myself from the person. and i can proudly say i am at peace. lesson learned.
thanks for asking! i am praying for the same for you! ♥️
I'm so glad I've never known a word like limerence until now, very painful.
Sometimes it feels like when something is wrong, it’s always wrong with me? It’s like it can never be the other person as the issue
fr
This is incredible. Wow! I have addiction issues and I just came out of a 9-year relationship and I'm getting a lot of attention from a very attractive younger woman. I've been obsessing like crazy because of a shaky childhood, etc... This puts so many things in perspective. I'm trying to just slow down and not think too much and go with the flow, but it's difficult because I want to control and I won't validation and inside I just feel insecure and messed up. I understand addiction pretty well from going to meetings, but this video really helps me understand how it gets into relationship issues. I'm old enough to get a handle and things pretty quickly and going to try and be mindful of what I just learned in this video. Thanks so much!!!
Limerence is also related to childhood trauma 😢 people need to be educated about this.
Great video. Best explaination & analysis. My limerance is affecting my productivity severely. I've gotten this pattern my whole life. I experience every symptom & can't get a therapist right now. It's been almost a year now & I'm missing personal goal deadlines. The addiction component is
strong & I've likened it to crack. The highs I get are so good (I'm also bipolar) where I can get avoid withdrawal or "overdose". I follow them on Twitter which is the worst thing I could do but when I deactivated my account it was like a painful breakup & I got seriously depressed. The idea of a designated obsession time is a good strategy
Thank you Melanie!
Thank you for watching
I've always been aware that the way I'd become unrealistic amd obsessive with certain people wasn't okay or healthy. As someone with addiction issues i assumed they were tied closely together. Only recently did I find out about limerence and that there's a name for it. And that I'm far from alone!
Interesting to me is that the object of my obsession can be someone I'd never even respect overall. My current LO holds beliefs far from my own and affects the way i feel about my own integrity. This whole thing can be absolutely tortuous for some of us.
I have a history of addiction too and this last lo seems to be literally killing me. All types of health issues have been triggered because of this, weight loss stomach pains can’t sleep or enjoy anything heart hurts. I’ve been on a 5 month obsession, Crazy part is this girl/my LO actually was obsessed with me (or she was in love fr which makes me feel even worse/like I missed out on the one) beforehand but I wasn’t interested in her then - wasn’t my “type” then and I was getting over another LO/my therapist(who’s engaged/cold towards me)and told myself I was done with girls for a bit and focusing on myself😊.
Then they pulled me back in!
Once she became cold/rude towards me I started to “see her differently” and fell for her, she became the perfect girl.
This reminds me of why I got into drug addiction in the first place, to escape this. Now I’m clean and have to deal with it all over again just 5x heavier than anything I remember beforehand.
Your right this is torture.
Someone probably already said this but Goenkaji addresses this in the vipassana lectures. He literally refers to a person we might have attachment to as a 'picture' we painted or created in our minds, and not the actual person.
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation.
Limerence is from Childhood abandonment issues, not about getting ones needs met.
Hi Jeanette, yes I do agree that abandonment can be a big driver in limerence. When I said “getting one’s needs met”‘ I was referring to the need for validation, approval, and confirmation from the limerent object.
Also I would say, your “‘needs” are partly defined by things like your fear of abandonment. Therefore the two are not mutually exclusive.
Thanks for the comment! I’ll try and be clearer next time but it’s a tough subject to reduce to just a few minutes in video form.
Are you the expert now Jeanette? Lol
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation
Get his WhatsApp number on my comment section on my channel
Definitely. I definitely agree that experiencing love or attachment as synonymous with emotional distance. My first love was a narcissist who would egg me on for attention (he loved attention from girls but he was 26) but then tell me about his relationships with other women. Talk about being emotionally unavailable!
A lot of people here are blaming their parents and family for limerence. As someone who gets limerence often, I'm confident that you could have a loving parent or relatives and still develop this. If you have a low dopamine condition like ADHD, perhaps thinking about that person gives you a dopamine boost so you keep thinking about them. Then your brain has accidentally become wired to keep having similar fantasies. Perhaps you have an anxiety disorder and so you're playing out things in your mind since you're too anxious to really go talk to them. The best ways to get rid of Limerence IMO are:
1. Get outside more. The more you're indoors the more you are trapped in your mind
2. Talk to them more (I know its easier said than done). It may make the limerence stronger initially but soon you'll see they aren't as interesting as they seemed
3. Journal. Write down your fantasies or thoughts so that there is closure
4. Work on yourself. I exercise. When Im in shape, I feel more confident approaching the person I want to talk to, and others seem interested to talk to me too.
thank you this sounds like realistic advice. I'm not sure if a depression counts as low dopamine condition? I would think so. I am depressed, have been for a loong time.
I worked with this person on a group project a few months ago. We talked for hours at night while working on our project and it was a lot of fun for me and made me feel happy.
I guess these talks were like an oasis for my dopamine deprived brain, so I started to want to hang out more and more with that person. (I still did not think of them in a romantic way.. at least i think so?). Then we spend some time together (as friends) on 2 or 3 occasions, and this must've overloaded my brain with enough dopamine or serotonin or whatever makes you feel happy, that it turned into an addiction.
She noticed my weird behaviour and asked if i had romantic interest. I said yes, even though I was (and still am) confused about wether or not I am really feeling romantic feelings towards this person or just an "extreme connection" or need to be around them.
Ofc I got rejected. And after finding out what unrequired Limerence can do to a person, I am glad she set me straight as soon as possible.
But now the question is, can I overcome this and still stay friends with her? Of course I DO want to talk to her more, but right now, it feels really weird. I am fine with staying away from her for weeks to let the feelings (hopefully) die off.
And also, should I keep this Limerence thing a secret from her? It's very possible this information would stress her out at lot.
Struggled with this my whole life. Sought a Christian counsellor recently, and this was the advise I got: I’m trying to find my missing pieces in my “crush”. The missing pieces are what I admire in my crush (eg sense of authority, highly intelligent, charisma/well liked, etc). These missing pieces can also be considered as my weaknesses or what’s causing my lower self esteem. And that the missing pieces I’m trying to find, can actually be found in Jesus Christ (our savior). He alone compensates all my weaknesses. He’s the one I’m looking for. He created me, and my crush. And I have to spend more time reading the scriptures (to know who He is, that I can trust that He knows best and what He’s doing in my life and situations..) and praying .
You’re doing an excellent job of presenting this topic and productive solutions in a concise manner! Thank you for respecting our time like that! Too often there’s too much word salad!
Im an introvert with no real friends at the moment. And then I got into this limerence fantasy relationship with a lady from another country. She was like having everything I desired.
That probably triggered the addiction.
Now that its over , 7 days with no contact Im getting the obsessive thoughts very strongly throughout the day. (Except when I sleep or watch some thriller movies) I really need to get my mind of the object of limerence. My mind is creating illusory fantasies of reigniting the relationship when she has already moved on with someone. I feel so ashamed 😢
Thank so much for the video and the stragies. I guess with time things will improve, but Im really struggling to focus on my future goals
i have suffered from limerence for most of my life and building my internal self love has been a key in my revovery
I never heard about this word until a few days, now I completely resonate with this. My ex GF who is an dismissive avoidant drew me in and with the hot and cold behaviour ended up with me being ghosted x 3. The pain is surreal. Thanks for this upload. Much appreciated.
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
Unfathomable how directly this video spoke to me. The part about losing sight of your aspirations hit me hard. I've been so distracted by this person for weeks, i haven't worked nearly as hard as i should have.
Thank you Marios that was extremely helpful, articulate and clear. I have suffered from limerant episodes throughout my life due to CPTSD and a difficult childhood. I am in the middle of a limerant phase which began last summer. I am trying to deal with it, and have increasingly learned to do so throughout my life but this episode caught me unawares and it is a huge time-waster, potentially embarrassing and inconvenient as I have a busy professional life, as well as being emotionally draining. Anyhow, it was useful to hear you speak about it in such a grounded and grounding way. I have subscribed to your channel as a result. Renewed thanks.
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation.
I resonate Sophie, I've struggled with it throughout my life since childhood too. I too have endured complex trauma. I truly thank the academic Dorothy Tennov who discovered limerence.
I suppose another term for it could be 'extreme idealisation'? It takes me months or even years to overcome my idealisation of certain individuals.
Thank you for watching
Thank you for the comment and compliment! This was my first video on limerence and I hope to make more on the topic on my own channel. Take care.
If anyone wants to understand limerence I highly suggest watching Sabrina starring Audrey Hepburn. It's a textbook example. The main character pines away for YEARS over a man with more money and status than her because she lacks self-confidence. As soon as she gains some independence and self-esteem and he shows her attention, she realizes he was an asshole and wasted all that time fantasizing about an idea of a man that never really existed.
I think the LO usually ha a trait the person wants
Thank you so much for this video. It helps to know this is a thing. I have experienced limerence from a very young age, and I knew it was my escape, my coping mechanism for a dysfunctional household. Yet, at 31, I still get limerent from time to time. Just recently, I was crushing hard on a guy I barely know, just because of what he represents. He looks clean, competent, and responsible (everything my dad isn't) and the sexual attraction I felt for this man from the moment I saw him was overwhelming. I see him at specific times in the city, usually around work schedules, and he has noticed me and makes eye contact every time. Well, yesterday I found out who he was, and it turns out that yeah, he is a big shot but also married with children. Seeing those pictures affected me more than I would ever like to admit. It ruined my whole mood for these couple of days and it's still ongoing. I sure as hell won't talk about this to anyone but I will try to occupy my time with more useful things. I know I will still have the urge to see him, but I will try to abstain from it. This sucks.
Thanks for watching, I have other videos like this on my channel if you want to check them out. Yeh you touch on an important point which is it's more about the idea of the person than the person themselves! Limerence is a call to action to work on yourself.
Suffering with this since I was a kid. With complete strangers usually celebs and Always feel terrible and lost about it. I’m not sure why I haven’t been able to get over it but I want to stop dealing with it 😞
I feel for you, you need to realise your self worrth, because you really are worth more than you think you are. You are loved and cherished for you. Spreading love ! I hope you a happy healing journey
@@sakaguchishiori oh my ! Thank you so much 🥹🥹 I really needed to hear this today! 💕
@@7crunch sorry for the late reply 😭 but of course, just being a decent human being :)
Me too
I have never heard of this but it so perfectly describes what I am going through. I started talking to someone right after my fiancé left me which was also on my birthday- this person was very complementary and We had very intense conversation. Then when I wanted to spend more time he began to act elusive and made excuses. I began to lament over him. And I knew with everything in me it was irrational but could not get him out of my mind. Knowing this has a name Both overwhelmed me and empowered me to recognize that it’s something in me and I can take steps to change. I feel so weak and flawed but I already knew that. Now I can see a little hope for peace.
The best video I've seen on limerence. I even read the book on it but the way explained here breaks it down nicely and it's great you included tips on how to overcome it! Excellent content! Thanks for sharing your knowledge. 😊
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation.
Get his WhatsApp number on my comment section on my channel.
Thank you Anca!
Thank you for watching
This is so helpful to me. Thank you so much, this seems like the best advice yet, that I've come across trying to deal with my feelings. I'm eternally grateful.
Ive just discovered this and Ive been doing it for over 25 years. It explains my tendency to fall in with the wrong people. I fantasize and thats the only idea of love Ive ever known. Its shocking and I feel disgust toward myself for it...even though I know its not my fault
I’m having Limerence experience right now watching this video. Thank you
This is sooo helpful, thank you. Just been through it. I realised that in reality I wasn't that attracted to them but while I was away from them I couldn't stop thinking about them. I created this fantasy that they were perfect for me when actually they weren't.
I wish I knew about this when I was going through it! I went through two of these situations both went on for years. Getting over them was one the hardest things I’ve ever done. They wouldn’t let me go either. I had to completely cut off all contact with them and have never spoken or seen them again. I spent about a year and a bit healing myself after the most recent one. I had to look deep within to figure out why I was settling for so little. It’s been a journey but I’ve been with two men since and it hasn’t worked out but it hasn’t been an obsessive relationship at all and I’ve even been able to stay in contact and friendly with one of them. I’m so proud of myself for that. I’m hoping to keep working on myself to attract that healthy, committed and loving relationship I deserve. I hope this provides some hope for the people who are currently in this situation 🙏🏾
cutting off all contact is key. good look finding the love you deserve
Limerance, Co dependency, Anxious Attachment, Trauma Bonds, Cognitive Dissonance absolutely horrific to get out of
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
I’ve had a number of addictions so it makes sense that I’m addictive in love
Thank you for this! It’s fascinating. I’ve found myself on the other end of this limerance phenomenon a few times in my life, and it has made me feel very uncomfortable. This helps me understand what it is and how to handle the uncomfortable situation.
I have a limerant situation with a romantic infatuation over 2 other women while married to my wife. I'm desperate to cure and clean up this maddening obsession
Hi Scott, that sounds difficult. If you want to reach out for help we are here for you. We offer free 15 minute phone calls with members of our team, just email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book your call if you wish to discuss this with someone. Either way, wishing you the best.
I can help you to connect to someone who helped me with the help of his magic spell manifestation to Attract my husband back to me after separation
Get his WhatsApp number on my comment section on my channel
@@melissagolden8485 seriously you need to be blocked. Stop your satanic breeding.
One novel addiction experience: I've binged tarot videos on youtube almost daily for about 3-4 hours every night for almost 6 years straight. I didn't even realize how strange that was until about like 2 years in. They're basically perfect for maintaining/feeding the addiction.
Thanks for this video, I'm currently suffering from limerance right now and I'm trying to get over it
Thanks for watching and best of luck.
Thank you for watching
I use limerence to numb myself from feeling lonely..But now it becomes hell inside me..Burning my soul day by day by day!😢
Thank you so much for this presentation. This video fortuitously popped up on my UA-cam feed. I did suffer from limerence. There was a girl from high school that I obsessed over, and couldn't get her out of my mind, even 30 years later. I'm much better about it today, because I don't let it overwhelm me. I realize she never had feelings for me, and doesn't care about me, because she's not obliged to. But the first 10 years after my initial encounter with her destroyed me bad, real bad. I don't blame her though. It was my psychological make up or weak upbringing on the subject of "true love" that I didn't grasp during my formative years.
Though this girl was very kind, by opening up to me (she'd talk to me on the phone and wave to me in person), I naively thought she was ready to "commit" to me. She knew I had a crush on her; I explicitly told her. All the girls, prior to her, that I had crushes on, either snubbed me or made me look foolish. They'd giggle with their friends when they saw me walk by or whatever, and humiliation was unbearable for me. But this girl was very kind by refraining from that kind of behavior. I couldn't believe she was open minded and kind enough to "let me in." And that's where my obsession grew out of control. Looking back, I don't blame her for anything. The only positive thing I see from her was her genuine kindness in not snubbing me. But other than that, I grasped the reality that I was not in her heart. I do think about her time to time, but no longer am attached.
I am so grateful for this video. I have watched so many videos on psychology and this is the first time I hear about limerance. And bingo! This has been me for the past 30+ years...😅
This was so helpful. I love that you actually give tips to cope with it. I keep finding videos that tell what it is but I couldn't seem to find any info on how to fix it!
Behold the results was negative. I'm HSV negative it's been 4 years since I got my complete healing naturally with the help of Drchala from west Africa who I find here on UA-cam channel..
My dog got off leash and ran away a week and a half ago. I’ve been thinking about him every day since then. I doubt he thinks about me at all.
Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear this.
I've had two cases of limerence with two men (one of which started out as a friend, but I travelled overseas to meet but didn't reciprocate feelings to me) and another one still ongoing, and I can definitely pinpoint it to my childhood with emotionally distant (divorced) parents who mainly thought about themselves and me trying hard and having to please them and my parents partners (particularly my Dad with multiple stepmothers) to feel any worth of love from them, but now that I've grown it has moved on to relationships.
The way you talk is so comforting. And the sped of which you talk is perfect. I'm currently experiencing limerance and I have so much energy, so hyper. This really kept me focused and hit so many nails on the head. Thank you for covering this so much and so well!!
Such a big part of the "twin flame" journey. Often this person is the first time they felt home, safety, connectedness. Definitely easy for their twin to become the limerant object.
This is maybe the most enlightening take on this experience I've ever ever heard. Thank you so very deeply for sharing this extraordinary video
Im going through this right now. Thank you for opening my eyes.
I've suffered from acute limerence for 18 months now. Its awful. I'm incapable of doing anything at all without thinking about her. Its 24/7 and I never stop. Its ridiculous. I cant concentrate at work. Eating is very difficult. Sleeping is ruined. It's been two weeks since we've decided seeing eachother and spending time together isnt a good idea as its getting out of hand - but the worst thing is not speaking to or seeing her seems to have made it worse. Its having really adverse effects on my life. Although I am aware shes not perfect, and I know shes not the best person thats ever existed - but her flaws make me love her more. I do love her, but I'm also limerent, stupid as that sounds. Everything reminds me of her. I would do anything not to be, and I've tried everything. I actually get upset and angry that people aren't her sometimes. It's so crazy and intense that I get jealous of my cat getting a stroke ot a kiss from her! FFS I feel like I'm going insane.
t has been 15 years for me. I met so many nice guys in between and that wanted to date me.
This guy is great but these videos helped me and I am finally on the other side. Fenna has been through it. Limerence, feeling worse after no contact
Self-compassion Channel - Fenna van den Berg
Hang in there - I'm sure there will be a lot of liberation and joy waiting for you once you've worked past this
@@carmenkamberos1156 thankyou I will. I'm getting help for it. Its absolutely horrible and I need it gone!
@@hobedyhobes732, I notice that you posted this a year ago. Did you get through it? I could sure benefit reading from people who found a way out of this dark, life sucking pattern. I'm so exhausted moving through it...
Thank you so much for this video! I’ve been dealing with this for the past 4 months. It’s been the hardest struggle of my life! Im starting to come out if it thankfully
I wish I could go away for this condition for rehab😥
Also, I know people who had very supportive parents and loving childhoods who have ended up in these types of relationships. I don’t think it’s always,”if you had a healthy childhood”.
It’s totally a false reality or a reality that was and is no longer. I had a limerant episode where my friend ran into my teenage X. I started to remember all the good, neglecting the reality of how she really was. A year after that episode she divorced and all the horrible things I ignored were what caused her break up. I won’t lie, I still think about it and I wish I could just turn it off. I don’t talk to those people anymore. They’re in another state. I have a good life so I’m focusing on that as best I can.
Thank you so much for this video. I finally have a name for what’s been going on in my head. It’s an addiction. Just knowing that helps.
This is because I have not 1 other person in the world. And I’m on the verge of being rejected.
For the past 10 months, there’s this guy who I’ve been thinking about CONSTANTLY. like all the time. when I go to school, when I come back, when I wake up, before I sleep, when I shower, when I do my homework. I’m not even exaggerating. he was in my class and when he dropped hints here and there that he had taken an interest in me, that sent me down a spiral of obsession for months. What I think my problem isthat I think/look at this person and see them as a solution to my problems, or more like a way to distract myself from unpleasant circumstances or past experiences. Like sometimes id be at home and I’d be feeling a bit down and imagine myself being in their presence, or them walking past me or something (basically just imagining dumb and stupid scenarios). It’s really embarrassing for me and i feel so guilty and pathetic when I realise what it is that im doing. All I want is to live my day to day life like a normal person, not constantly being in my head imagining that someone i like is watching me or thinking about me. I just want it to stop. I get so sick of myself for doing this. I think it’s just a lustful attraction that has to do with his outward appearance, nothing more really. I know all that in my head but I don’t know why I still want it. Any tips for getting over this COMPLETELY? please