Heroes of the 41st Millennium - Commissar Ciaphas Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- Script Writers:
Takahata101
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Alfabusa
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Soundtrack (including main theme) by:
OfficioAudiorum
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Art by:
Garrot
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RudeRubicante
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Gods-and-Kings
gods-and-kings....
Video Editor:
Alfabusa
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Takahata101 as Ciaphas Cain
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Karl the Deranged as Marneus Calgar
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Pr0bait as Jurgen
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xbubblemunkx as Guardsfan 1
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D. Tyler Fultz as Guardsfan 2
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Takahata and Alfabusa as random assorted guardsmen screaming and singing
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This video is completely unofficial and is in no way endorsed by Games Workshop Limited. Adeptus Astartes, Blood Angels, Bloodquest, Cadian, Catachan, the Chaos devices, Cityfight, the Chaos logo, Citadel, Citadel Device, Codex, Daemonhunters, Dark Angels, Dark Eldar, 'Eavy Metal, Eldar, Eldar symbol devices, Eye of Terror, Fire Warrior, Forge World, Games Workshop, Games Workshop logo, Genestealer, Golden Demon, Gorkamorka, Great Unclean One, Inquisitor, the Inquisitor logo, the Inquisitor device, Inquisitor:Conspiracies, Keeper of Secrets, Khorne, Kroot, Lord of Change, Necron, Nurgle, Ork, Ork skull devices, Sisters of Battle, Slaanesh, Space Hulk, Space Marine, Space Marine chapters, Space Marine chapter logos, Tau, the Tau caste designations, Tyranid, Tyrannid, Tzeentch, Ultramarines, Warhammer, Warhammer 40k Device, White Dwarf, the White Dwarf logo, and all associated marks, names, races, race insignia, characters, vehicles, locations, units, illustrations and images from the Warhammer 40,000 universe are either ®, TM and/or © Copyright Games Workshop Ltd 2000-2012, variably registered in the UK and other countries around the world. Used without permission. No challenge to their status intended. All Rights Reserved to their respective owners.
THANKS to OfficioAudiorum for the disgustingly good music in this video.
Please, I insist, go and check his stuff out and ABSORB the atmospheric 40k music into your BRAIN.
ua-cam.com/users/OfficioAudiorum
And, OF COURSE, big thanks to the boy himself, Takahata, who decided to actually spend time creating this script. I am happy to have been given the chance to release an essay touching on the destructive condition of acute imposter syndrome on youtube.com.
You truly are Hero of the Imperium.
++ THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: No this is not EP29, it's still in the works, am working on the Magnus scenes right now ++
1st
Thanks for the video and the update
The simple fact you are working on our Red Chicken Boi scene makes me happy.
Look at that 7 times damned chin, you could summon Angron with that one skull alone.
This is beautiful!
"god I am such a piece of shit!"
-Cain while strangling a hive tyrant to death to save a baby
"Because that's what a HERO OF THE IMPERIUM is supposed to do."
-Cain, probably.
@@the-other-guy8991"if i didnt jump inside the mouth of the hive tyrant with only a granade and a knive to save that baby, that baby would never grow to be a guardsmen and act as a meat shild for me" - cain doing mental gymnastics
Cain facing off a hive tyrant to save the baby...and still somehow think its the cowardly thing to do. XD
ok bear with me but did Cain actually did something like that
@@riven5677 He did! Admittedly, he used a (edit: chain of exploding) Pyrovore to blow it up, and had a couple squads helping him take them down, but yes, he has killed a Hive Tyrant, even saved a squad and a young commisar doing so!
-The Last Ditch
Ciaphas Cain: the walking personification of "Task Failed Successfully"
Him and Tanya would get along swimmingly
I prefer to think of him as the Living Saint of Luck and Charm
Blessed by the Emperor with the power of infinite respawns (even if Cain himself doesn’t know it)
@@weldonwin I swear, he stole the entire Imperium's luck for himself
@@tannermatthews519 Who? Tanya from shoujo senki or Tanya from command and conquer red alert?
regular virgin Commissar: _shot his owned soldier to raise troop morale_
Commissar Ciaphas the Chad: _Shot himself, missed and hit the enemy general instead, raise troop morale_
He did try to shoot him self when the Eldar slaver was trying to take him back to comorrah and when she tried to save him she was killed by tyranids.
I can see it happening.
@@cheebmcweeb3241 you confuse me at the "Dark Eldar save someone" part @ _@
@@phamthienphuc3951 can't bring the hero of imperium into comorrah to be tortured for fame and prestige if said hero of the imperium gets eaten by tyranids
Exactly, he also flooded the webway with tyranids as a happy side accident.
The fact that this man *died of old age* in the 40k universe
Boosted by the fact that he was given rejuvenat treatment. He's approximately 225+ when he finally died, full military honor and such. Despite that he's still listed as "active" forever since then because he came back from apparent death so many times it constantly fraks up the Militarum's paperwork.
@@ngominh259 Living Saint Cain. Because the Emperor helps those who helps themselves.
Fear the old in a profession where men die young
Did he really die though? I mean he’s “died” and come back so many times.
Wrong guy
A reminder, The Emperor is aware of Cain and thinks he is a sensible individual and likes him
I would totally would love to see a vox podcast were they invite him over its were cain tells the truth
@@n3nt2nd464 A round table of Commissars.... The emperor summons members of the Commissariat to get a better idea of the morality and tactics of the Imperial Guard and a run down on what happened to the Imperial Army. Yarrick, Holt, Cain, Gaunt, and Fucklaw in a room arguing about the best way to "Inspire" the troops!
@bruvaalfabusa I NEED this!
What about Kubrick Chenkov?
Cain: I'm just as surprised that worked as the rest of you, stop worshiping me!
Emperor: Same.
Source? Or just a joke?
Calgar: mood kindred?
*ULTRA DEPRESSION CURED*
Damn that made me almost cry for Calgar he has finally found someone to talk to.
Lol
@@DeinosCZ they are both suffering from success
@@guardianofthetoasters2323 a truly terrible affliction.
Never a truer statement has been said XD
I like the little touch of Cain being worried that his failures will actually _hurt other people._ The poor bastard.
only commisar that thinks that way
Godamn, what a noble soul. He needs a medal for that too
@@the.nerd.knight2078 Well I mean Ibram Gaunt also cares.... if it's specifically his men.... at least his men who aren't complete ***** hats anyway.
jackson kye Granted, Ciaphas Cain has a lot more men than Gaunt and his Ghosts.
@@the.nerd.knight2078 Laugh in Gaunt.
Commissar Cain even made up a monologue about being a fraud to help that Space Marine open up to others about his troubles. Truly, a hero of the Imperium.
That's not a "space marine"- that's Marneus Calgar, the chapter master of the ultramarines, among other titles. He's to the average space marine what a space marine is to the average human.
@@jesusojeda7850 exgerating a little bit
@@jesusojeda7850 Before the Calgar comic book ruined him.
@@sithisarcaniswhy? I didn't read the comic?
@@berilsevvalbekret772 calgar got killed and some dweeb initiate took his identity.
Ciaphas Cain the personification of “holy shit did I do that”
Calphais Cain is the personification of, "why yes, I did just roll all of those 6's against an Ork Warboss"
(Honestly wished I knew more about Warhammer gameplay)
@@Zerpderp0 you're actually fairly close on, lmao
@@buttahXD yay!
He's the blackadder of 40k
@@Zerpderp0 Why yes, I expertly rebounded that dice off that building, knocking your pathetic Warboss over, not only breaking the actual model, but scoring that full D6 damage roll, instantly killing said now-broken Warboss.
Actually the dice just slipped but whate-
I love how he inflates like All Might to keep up appearances.
Makes sense he found Mood Kindred with an Ultramarine Chapter Master.
PLUS ULTRA!
You're now aware that Takahata101 is voicing All Might in the something Witty entertainment version of My Hero Academia Abridged.
ua-cam.com/video/AJHVYLKUrTw/v-deo.html
@@superanimeniac PFFFFFFBAHHHAAHAHA.
*FHUCKING AMAZING.*
PLUS ULTRAMARINES!
@@superanimeniac I now wonder if this is a direct reference.
And let's not forget how he bravely screamed like a little girl while running to make himself seem like an easy target and bring more attention on himself. Truly heroic.
Indeed!
It was his wild screaming that distracted the Carnifex from assaulting the Orphanarium. He then cleverly fell back behind a ruined manufactorum, baiting the Carnifex to charge through. The manufactorum collapsed, crushing the Carnifex and it's warriors, and saving all the orphans.
Hooray Ciaphas Cain!
@@kp6378 The entire manufactorum??? That's a lot of collateral damage...
@@Matihood1 Its fine i heard that the collapsing manufactorum not only took out the carnifex and its warriors but also a hidden cult that were hiding in its basement! Truly Ciaphas Cain is a hero!
@@nightflash4782 That cult was found out to be holding out on an STC fragment that could give the Guards an edge in the battlefield though! It was a canteen that kept all rations fresh, warm, and keep that manofactorum chemical preservative smell! Give a cheer to Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium!
@@Asayano CI CI CIAPHUS CAIN!!! HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!!
I love the bit in one of the books where Cain and his men are making an almost certain last stand, and Cain ponders how his men can fight so well knowing they're almost certain to die. Any sane soldiers would break ranks and run for it, or curl into a ball and cry. Yet they fight on as fearlessly as if victory was a sure thing.
He never even considered that they were fighting that hard because HE WAS THERE WITH THEM
Cain has had several of those last stand fights...Amberly comments on one of them that he doesn't understand just how much his troops believe in him.
Well his humble attitude helps him not to be corrupted by chaos If he thought he was the hottest shit after emperor slaneh might corrupt him
"It's ok! We can win this! As long as Commissar Cain is here! Hope is not lost. For The God-Emperor!"
@@Nempo13 She even comments one time on how absolutely devastated Valhallans everywhere would be if word got out Cain was KIA
@@Nempo13 What's even better is when he makes a SECOND "last stand" on the same planet, in the same valley, 100 years later.
Bruva Alfabusa when depicting other 40K characters: grossly exaggerate them for comedic effect.
Bruva Alfabusa when depicting Cain: 100% canon compliant.
I mean, not really? Cain is pretty self-interested, he doesnt really have the kind of crushing self hatred shown here.
@@chaoticsky106 He actually does have a good amount in every line in every book.he pretty much never breaks down though. Him always smiling or making a frown is as bad as the books would show it even as he was under effect of necron pariahs.
@@chaoticsky106 he doesn't have self hatred. But he is totally terrified that someone might find out he is actually a coward.
@@TheFeyd And for all that, he is much more calculating than just some blubbering crybaby breaking down in his office. He knows how to manipulate morale in his officers, he's an insanely good chainsword duelist that he'll take down a chaos marine of khorne while shouting " HARRIERS FOR THE CUP!" single-handedly, can navigate damn near any tunnel system underground from his upbringing in a hive world, and said "no way, fag" to a slaaneshi cultist turned demon after she came back from the dead and plagued him with nightmares.
true that, hear hear takes a swig of amasec
Ciaphas Cain - The man who realise he has plot armor and that this is wrong in the 40K Universe
To be honest the parody goes a bit too far. Cain is lucky but never "insanely, shoot a rock to destroy an army" lucky. It's more like nobody can call out his lies because he was the only one there or something like that
@@fantochedollmaker7030 nah he's luckier than the luckiest guy in the galaxy af lucky
@@fantochedollmaker7030 Victory requires no explanation. Defeat allows none.
That said, he did get called out by a junior commissar in one book for what she perceived as less than exemplary acts, but the tribunal of fellow commissars said he was in the right and offered to have her killed for insulting him.
@@fantochedollmaker7030 Bull, He took on a fucking Carnifex with a Chainsword
Dude managed to survive when a whole squad of Necrons tried to kill him because
1. A Tech-Priest pushed him out of the way of a whole volley of gauss fire and took the hits for Ciaphas in the process.
2. He then dove into the warp portal the Necrons had used to surprise him, by actually leaping towards them. This confused them long enough that he didn’t get shot in the process.
3. It just so happened that the Necron ship the portal lead to was being boarded by a Space Marine Terminator squad at that exact moment and he popped out mere meters away from them.
Commissar Cain has the chin of *TEN MEN*
Don't you dare insult Ciaphus Cain like that it's a chin of *ONE HUNDRED MEN*
Or 1/2 Tor Garadon
And the testicles of twenty!
And sheer luck of a billion.
Hell, I am pretty sure 40k is so grim and gritty mostly because all the good things and luck that were supposed to be administered to every living human were, by some freakish joke of the universe, linked to Cain and Cain only.
And 28 ads!!!!
Calgar being the one to witness Cain's breakdown is just another stroke of the man's incredible luck in surviving impossible situations. Of all the possible space marines to witness his self-deprecation and incredible imposter syndrome, it was the one who knew exactly what he was going through.
I hadn't even thought about that
Very on brand 🤣🤣
What ever do you mean? He clearly put on that display to make sure calgar felt at home and to comfort him
The man SIMPLY cannot lose!
When the disclaimer says it's a parody, but turns out to be an accurate depiction
Truly the Hero that we deserved, not the Hero that we wanted.
Sandy Mitchell: *Looks at his 'invisible Ork' manuscript*
*Cursing in British*
GW: B-but Marneus Calgar is a real hero, guys...
I like how he's still cares about his troops.
Even in this failed state he's still a better commissar than 99% of everyone else.
Who's the other 1%? Sebastian Yarrick?
@@beastwarsFTW Yarrick and Gaunt.
What are you saying? HERETIC
@Anzu Wyliei Yarrick is last survivor solely by virtue of being nigh invincible bastard. He is always in the heat of it himself instead of using his troops to defend his ass, it's just that he usually fights odds so overwhelming that competence isn't enough and he can't pull a miracle out of his ass. Put Yarrick under Creed and things will change.
Meanwhile there’s Kryptman
The joke of this episode is, there is no joke. That's literally how Cain and others around him behave.
Humblest hero=coward=brave man of the Imperium.
He also has common sense too that Big E approves
So tough and acomplished that even when they have his dead body in front of their eyes and are buring him, they still keep him on active roster on the off chance that he may still somehow pop up somewhere alive.
@@iglidor Considering that resurrection happens occasionally in 40k, I could see him rising from the grave at some point.
@@iglidor mostly because the administratum, in their infinite beaurocracy, had had to go 'oh. so he's actually not dead. well. that's 4 years of records down the drain again' that they instituted an active policy of just keeping him on the books regardless of whatever other news they received.'
@@azariyelvarro6271 i could only hope his partner would be cute jurgen descendant.
“Man, guess I better fight this ork warboss in melee combat and kill him so no one sees through my totally undeserved reputation of heroism” - Ciaphas Cain, Death or Glory
Oh Sht, theres a Space Marine of the Worldeaters charging at me but there are Soldiers of another Regiment watching. I better defeat him just with my Sword or they think i lied.
Traitors Hand
Fueled by faith and social anxiety!
@@fuchsmichael93of fvck, the patriarch of a genestelar cult is trying to kill me, but this Hot blonde is looking at me I must kill it so she Will belive im a hero and then I can bed her (turns out she was an inquisitor)
This is why i love cain, its literally just imposter syndrome because he of all people in the imperium deserves the title of hero along with malcador
@@gatordragon6140 Do words make a hero or deeds?
“Invisible Orks”
Thus supporting the fact of never seeing a purple ork before
Alright, who let the Blood Axes have access to purple paint pots again?!
Internet Zen Master BAD MOONZ: DEM BLOD AXE’Z GOTZ LODZ A TEEF
The actual reason why no one has ever seen a purple ork is because they always gets eaten by the tri horned seven winged flying purple ork eaters before anyone can lay an eye on them.
@Hoàng Nguyên but where they got Ultraviolet pigments so violet it invisible ,must be lost stc
Based on the fate of the celestial lions I would say such orcs wear black. And use sniper rifles. And rhyme with mindicare bassassins.
Brave are not the ones that "Know no Fear". Brave are the ones that stand and fight against their fears and that's something Cain always did. He may not believe it himself, but he is true hero of the Imperium.
Agreed - I’m not too into the lore, but I do know enough to be aware that the galaxy really needs people with at least half the metaphorical spine he does.
Real bravery when he feel his first fear
@MrNahual2099 The world broke before the dog did...
That pink dog, is pretty brave for a coward, sure he screams all the time but who the heck wouldn't?
He knows that if he ends this horrible charade, thousands upon thousands of innocent imperial citizens will lose hope, further giving onto despair. So he has to uphold a lie, a blatant fraudulent piece of utter shit visiage that couldn't be further from the truth all so these people can have some scraps of hope, some tiny shreds of the idea that everything's gonna be okay. And that's what makes him a real hero.
“And THEN he soiled himself so as to hide his scent from the impending Tyranid raid causing them to turn on the Orks, BRILLIANT”
He followed that by playing dead, which he KNEW the Necron vita scanners would see through, lulling them into a false sense of security and luring them right into the secret ritual that was going to bring forth a Demon Prince, spoiling it and neutralizing both forces without firing a shot.
He really did that?!
@@johndelacruz1422 yes hahahaha
I feel like that was actually a part of one of the books.
@Cloier Neirmr ...Also, that time he stopped a NEcron Invasion...
By flooding them with Promethum, and tossing down a VERY big match on the way down.
The way Cain just instantly accepts that Calgar is also a 9th tier bullshitter and breaks down in his arms is so perfect, I really wanna see this dynamic more in future,
No lo sabia 🫠
And thus Cain earned not only the respect of the ultramarines but the entire ultima segmentum by proxy
Whose gonna tell em
Cough*
They are mood kindreds, after all. 😊
Can't wait for Cain being dragged in into Corvus and Vulkan's crusade to save Holy Terra; after all, a proper crusade need a proper HERO OF THE IMPERIUM
Make this happen!
idk, Does sly count?
Friend Commissar Cain must be rewarded for his bravery with the hug of friendship!
Given that Vulkan and Corvis are running a tour of guardsmen regiments. It wouldn’t surprise me if Cain appeared when they were doing one on Valhalla. Seeing as the 597th is the most well known Valhallan regiment.
"Of course at the time i couldn't have thought of a safer place in the galaxy then behind an actual primarch. But If i had known what untold suffering and horror laid on the path to Terra with the sons of the emperor, i would have gladly led a patrol into a genestealer nest with a rusty spoon."
Tzeench: okay watch this shit - Im going to take all the luck of these Lamenters and give it to this Ciphas dude! This is gonna be fcking hilarious!,
...
Sounds about right.
Now I want to see Cain teaming up with the Lamenters during one mission except he doesn't know what chapter they're from and treats them like he would a regular Space Marine
And then he learns those were the Lamenters and goes "whaaat? no way, I was told they were cursed"
@@Jampolo_OG this needs to happen now so they can have a win!
@@Jampolo_OG I imagine the lamenters freaking at their sudden change in luck. Basically looking around like "wtf our luck is never this good, oh sanguinius when's the other shoe gonna drop?" and Cain is just like "they're awfully jumpy for asartes aren't they."
to be honest knowing the demonic god he totally would do that...hell he might be in agreement with the Emperor to do that just to see what happens LOL
The Cycle of Cain's Life:
-is assigned to a dangerous front
-triumphs over enemy while only trying to save his own ass.
-can never tell anyone all his 'heroics' were actually selfserving attempts to save his own skin or he'll be executed for cowardice, so accepts mantle of hero reputation.
-uses success accolade to quietly reassign himself to a world/assignment that seems safe and he can reasonably expect to while away the rest of his lifetime of service drinking amasec and playing regicide.
-formerly safe world/easy assignment unexpectedly becomes dangerous front, and due to his reputation, everybody turns to him.
-repeat cycle.
This cycle continued EVEN AFTER HE RETIRED.
But you must give it to him, that when everyone turns to him for help, he ussualy has pretty good idea what to do and how to save things (mostly because by that he is also saving his own hide)
TBF it probably continued after he died and was buried w/ full military honours, and just by having his name on the roster whole worlds were saved.
He has been listed dead 3 times already. Now they just lost him as Missing In Action because they do not know when he will appear when everything looks from before surviving what is trying to kill him... Which ends up killing the problem for everyone else.
i can picture it clearly, in his testament he wants his mortal remains buried on a nice peacefull world, and to honor this heros last wish the administratum actually tries, but every time they burry him the dig up a necron tomb or something.
@@bairdrew It did. The Administratum actually kept his account open EVEN AFTER HIS CONFIRMED DEATH just in case. It's still gathering money.
My only issue with this video is the fact that Jurgen would absolutely make an astartes chapter commander wait outside the office in the blank stank until Cain was ready for him.
You deserve more credit for Blank Stank
Jurgen saw right through Calgar and decided to hook up his buddy with his mood kindred.
You are fething a god for this comment!
And only an Astartes would appreciate Jurgen's devotion to obeying his orders.
I took this as Juergen already letting Calgar into the room before hand but he heard Cain having a panic attack so he burst in to be like “Yo, my dude, he’s right there!”
Cain's spirit animal is Courage the Cowardly Dog
"Oh the things I do for love"
Jesus it really is though..
I hate myself for not making this connection sooner.
Ok, but what's his Stand ?
@@therasslintheatre2960 "Staying alive"?
Cain is the kid that remembers only half the curriculum, but by random luck every question is from the half he remembers so he passes each test with an A.
I think I remember his grades actually being average in the academic parts of his training. But he excelled in tactics, combat training, and sports.
Thats me in college at the moment. Emperor preserve me.
@@ConfusedGuardsman Mood kindred???
That is me in general! I'm kinda surprised at how lucky i am not to have failed til I hit college!
I'm hoping that's me this semester
Man, Ciaphas Cain is so humble he tries to put himself down as to act with more humility. Truly an inspiration to us all.
This is unironically Jurgen's interpretation of him.
Make that face purple and it's Thanos Cain
NOOOO STOP DOING THAT -Ciaphas Cain
@Cian Abroad well, I mean, it is true. He is a total coward who under normal circumstances would have been disgraced long ago. It is only through extreme luck that he is even alive, and that his blunders make people think he is a hero.
@@robertmartin8907 He isn't a total coward though. You put him in a horrible situation and he will make rational decisions to ensure his survival (and his friends) rather then break down and panic and start crying on the spot. At times he will even do brave and foolhardy things because he knows he has a rep to protect. Most importantly he has an inquisitor reading his accounts and constantly chiming in to say that Cain's vision of himself is undeservedly harsh.
Eavesdropping Guardsmen:
"Did you hear that?"
"Oh, ABSOLUTELY. We need to tell everyone..."
"...that Cain called a Chaptermaster POS and got declared his kindred for that honesty!"
XD That would totally fall into Cain's range of luck.
Not just any Chaptermaster. Papa Smurf himself, leader of Big Blue's chapter and realm.
"Ciaphas Cain has the pair of Mars Pattern Adamantium Balls Mk. 2s!"
@@darthmeta6445 And no one would do anything because, if a chaptermaster wouldn't deal with it personally to his face, who has the right to do anything about it?
Cia-Cia-Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium!
Imagine this from the point of a guardsman.
You see the massive commander of the Ultramarines enter the room in which commissar Cain stands, soon after the door closes, you hear the commander crying...
I'm honestly not sure who to be more worried for. Space Marines have died both because, nearby and directly from Cain.
This is Jurgen, he's honestly used to this.
Dude that's Jurgen, he'll shrug and go "Oh my lord is crying for the Emperor, I'll go prepare some tanna and get him lunch"
"Commisar Cain was so moved by one of the emperor's own godly warriors presenting him with the star of terra that even he, as stoic and heroic as he was, was in fact moved to tears by the honor. Naturally I felt a surge of pride swell in my own breast upon hearing him admittedly through the thick wooden door." -From 'Like a Pheonix on the Wing', Part 2 of the Memoirs of General Jenet Sulla (Ret)
Jurgen be like : this is fine
Necrons: 'exist in the sub-sector'
Cain: Nigerundayo, Jurgen!
Genestealers cultists: exist on the planet
Cain: Nigerundayo, Jurg-.. FUCK THAT'S AN INQUISITOR THEY'LL KILL ME IF HE DIES AAAAAAAAAA
@@kharak6204 Okay, let's just wait here and let that Blank and his hanger-on screen for- OK CHANGE OF PLAN! *FOR THE EMPEROR!!!*
@@kharak6204 Especially if its a very specific, very blonde, very sexy lady Inquisitor
IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE?!
@@Kaymazo Joseph Joestar: "NICE!"
Finally, he found a kindred spirit in his overtly exaggerated fame.
the entire Ultramarines Chapter
MOOOOOOOOOD KINDRED!
They can sit and cry together about how undeserving they are of their fame.
@@Marinealver To be fair, Papa Smurf is probably the only one self-aware among them...
At first I thought "wait is that some kind of Xenos that I haven't heard about?"
Then all of the sudden they hug. And I'm like oh. They just feel the same way about themselves.
This man died of Old Age in 40K, survived battle against literally every enemy faction, won a 1v1 against a traitor space marine and perhaps most impressively got laid with an inquisitor. Truly a legend.
And a techpreistess
And survived bedding a slanneshi cult leader who became a daemon prince and she still say's he's her best sex partner ever.
@@kriegertechpriest7011wait what
@@Kenny1one_2 Yeah he banged a techpristess apparently
His relationship with Amberly lasted over a hundred years. It is canon they boned like rabbits whenever they were stationed near one another. She is also the one who kept getting him authorized for rejuvenation treatments. Though she isn't authorized or high enough to get her hands on the REALLY good ones for others, even her own aren't the best.
Those two legit cared for one another, but weren't allowed to show true care or they would have been separated permanently.
Calgar is a terrifyingly stealthy Astares
The plot needed him to be.
Plot armor is how the Ultramarines work, after all.
@@Akranejames This is true. Still imagine how screwed you are if a 10 foot mountain of muscle and armor sneaks into your room.
@@beowulf4545 It would be brown trouser time followed by dead person time
Astartes are in general much stealthier than they have any right to be.
@@Akranejames Just look at Cato Sicarius. He managed to sneak into Forgefather He'Stan's quarters with a Land Raider.
Its funny because this is only SLIGHTLY exaggerating this mans life. It's not even plot armor at this point, the mans got a plot baneblade.
No, a Plot Emperor-Class
He exists for the amusement of the Chaos Gods and/or the Emperor so of course he has protection!
He is where the luck of the entire Lamenters chapter got transplanted to.
To be fair, while there is obviously some luck (good and bad) involved in the situations he finds himself in, he's harder on himself internally than is actually justified.
To all his protests, he does genuinely risk his life for his troops when the chips are down, and he is a fantastic sword-fighter and absurdly good at inspiring his men's bravery and getting the best out of them - which is pretty much exactly his job.
When the video calls it "Imposter Syndrome", I think it hit the nail right on the head - I think he honestly deserves far more of his victories, praise, and accolades than he himself believes he does.
Aveio Acosta while there is a bit of plot Titan at his back, he is also a shockingly competent officer, master swordsman, motivational speaker and tactician. Part of his charm as a character is his imposter syndrome making him a far from reliable narrator. You can read him as a fraud, like he sees himself, or you can see him as a brilliant commander who is his own worst critic.
Cain should really be impressed with himself. He survived getting hugged by a Space Marine for crying out loud.
Merritt Animation And the fact that he’s wearing terminator armor is even more so!
Meh, I will be impresed when goes through Vulkan's overfriendly hug with his bones intact.
@@ThatGuyUpThere in all fairness with his luck a fault in vulkans *master crafted* armour would suddenly burst and break vulkans bones, reversing the bone break, leaving cain unharmed
@@guyfieri148 To make it worse its plausible, He is so lucky he not only stumbled upon the probably single actual sexy tech priestress in the galaxy, but said tech priestress prefered good ol flesh to satisfy her desires instead of the regular power dildo.
@@ThatGuyUpThere so he managed to bang the only sexy tech priestess?
Remember, one of the reasons Cain is still alive is because his imposter syndrome won't let him get cocky
on it, it remembers me of Rincewind
I'll never forget the day Commissar Ciaphas Cain saved me and my family...
The world was under siege from both chaos and Xenos forces. My wife had just given birth. In my arms, I held her and my newborn son. I fled towards a gunship preparing to leave knowing it was my family's only hope. I could see Commissar Cain entering the gunship. Even if confronting a commissar only meant a swifter death it was still better than what chaos and Xenos had in store. I beg him to take my wife and child. He turned to me... and ill never forget what he said "Not where I'm headed". I watched him fly higher and higher away from the battle until unseen by cloud cover...
.... But It wasn't cloud cover... IT WAS A STEALTHED XENOS FLAGSHIP.
Ciaphas Cain had HEROICLY piloted the gunship straight into the Xenos flagship. He then dove both vehicles down, straight into the enemy forces. I didn't even know Commissar Cain knew how to pilot a gunship much less perform such aerial maneuvers. Truly a courageous man. But it doesn't stop there! On the decent, Melta Bomb's fell from the gunship destroying the Xenos forces. Then the Xenos flagship crashed destroying a chaos ritual.
After doing a barrel roll into a loop de loop Commissar Cain safely landed the now inoperable gunship and walked away without a scratch.
It was then I remembered his words to me "Not where I'm headed". He wasn't rejecting my family... he was saving them. He must have planned the WHOLE DAMED THING!
That day I named my son after him.
Commissar Ciaphas Cain is nothing short of a HERO of the imperium.
I was there as a tank commander supporting the heroes troops. The tyranids were endless, their bio-forms ripping apart my comrades. Cain jumped into our Leman Russ and said to fall back. As we turned and fell back to the next line of defense, hordes of necrons teleported into the ranks of the tyranid armies. The two sides decimated each other, thats when the space marines arrived to pick off the scattered pieces of the two. I only wish to be the tenth of a man Commissar Cain is.
I was with them with squad when that happen! it was truly a majestic sight to behold. he was with us before he went to the gunship. and piloted it to destroy the xeno flagship, we thought he had abandoned us. but I was a fool to think of that.
not only did he, save us from the xeno ship. he revealed the location of cloaked eldar regiment that was flanking us, and dropped a melta charged at them. it was as if he knew they were there and dropped it on them while also taking care of the xeno flagship.
and after he landed, he went back to my regiment. as we sat there in aw, he asked us frantically for a gun. obviously, he knew the fight wasn't over. and so we fought, at first i thought he was shooting randomly at the xenos. but he was actually taking care of strategic targets. AND HE ONLY HAD A LAS PISTOL ON HIM!
truly, he is a man worth following even to the end of life itself.
I was only a Whiteshield when that event unfolded on Gebiss V. Hope was almost lost, what with the tyranids, eldar, and necron infesting the planet. We were beset on all sides by the enemy with nothing but a bayonet, a lasgun, and a couple of tanks and chimeras to defend the small manofactorum in the planet. We were all under the threat of death. One morning, an Ork Rokk dropped hundreds of kilometres away, but their Waaaghs! sounded closer than that. What little hope we had evaporated. That was until Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium, stepped forth from an unknown bunker deep beneath the manofactorum!
He was a sight for sore eyes, that man. His wide grin gave everyone, even the pessimists and the hopeless, a hint that victory was near! The first thing he said to us was to "...hold out a little longer," while he explored the bunker further, needing only a little more time to surprise the greenskins. Even though I was merely a conscript, he handed me command of my own soldiers to lead the defensive line. I was scared, I had no formal training before then, and I was afraid that I would lead these soldiers to their deaths unnecessarily!
When the Orkz came with their clunky scrapped vehicles, the gun fire began. They tore through one of our tanks so easily first. Their superior firepower pinned down even our heavy guns. I was shouting orders, but it fell on deaf ears as my comrades hid in cover. In a moment of bravery or stupidity, I stood out and shot back at the Orkz to make an example... or to end my suffering as I had nothing else to lose. A couple followed suit, shooting back recklessly and without thought. We hit a couple of Orkz, but they hit back harder as they directed their fire towards us. It was then that suddenly, Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium, emerged from the Manofactorum with a BANEBLADE! The roars of its 11 barrels of hell ripped and tore through the Orkz, causing them to flee!
*YOU BEAUTIFUL FOOLS!!*
@@nervehive2768 indeed.
I call this "When in RP your character is supposed to be hella weak, but you got god-like rolls"
When the comic relief character throws a Hail Mary shot into the big bad and somehow kills the BBEG
Grendel the acolyte sends his regards. Ever seen an obese middle aged man knife a bloodthirster to death on accident? Hell, Grendel got immortalized in a Dark Heresy book after the greentext got released.
Look, I threw all my training into swordsmanship, OK? I'll just have my character sit things out in a nice quiet artillery regiment.
So... a Giant dad, then.
@@cptcarlos583 No? GiantDad was built from the ground up to be the most annoying pvp experience possible at the time.
The worst part about Ciaphis Cain? He's a genuine hero, and *that's* what makes his life a sad joke. That he alone of all people can't see himself for what he truly is. Maybe in the beginning he might've been a coward. But he faced the enemy, head on, and fought surviving as much by his own skill and determination as by his luck and Jurgen's unrepentant hypercompetence. In the end, he hates himself for nothing more then being a human who remembers when he was terrified, but still standing up and marching forward into danger.
Seriously if the Imperium had more "cowards" like Cain the enemies of the Imperium wouldn't just be on the defensive. They'd be facing extinction.
True. He thinks he's been pretending to be a hero for his whole life but he doesn't realise that it stopped being an act long ago.
And I think that's what Amberley saw in him.
Underserved praise be damned. If his luck gives results like THAT it doesn't matter if it's intentional or not.
"Unrepentant hypercompetence" is worth points as an accusitory compliment-
Oh, recording angels, take note & append 17,519 "silver-tongued devil" points to the resume of Aaron Bosen........ you can spend them on cool prizes in the afterlife 😁
The man slept with an Inquisitor, a techpriest who didn't want to get rid of their more intimate parts, the heiress to a planet, and a Slanneshi cultist that got turned into a Daemon prince later.
He has a very nice record indeed.
That last one seems a bit heretical.
@@salmonroe5608 Who cares? This man's luck alone could save humanity.
@@Resi1ience Sure, but i'm not certain that it was a good idea.
@ArenVrem Ok that helps xD
And a police officer, a Navy Officer, a PDF Sergeant, and a lady Commissar from Catachan.
Virtually Every 40K Character in TTS: Humorous exaggeration of who they are in actual 40K canon
Ciaphas Cain in TTS: Literally just the same character but animated
What about Colonel Straken?
@@somethinglikethat2176 this guy needs no parody version.
@@somethinglikethat2176 how does one parody a catachan? They're literally an army of space Rambos.
No doubt Cain screams his lungs out and cries when he's taking his rudimentary hot showers after accidentally running into Nids, and Necrons when he was just having a look around the place
Their portrayal of Sly Marbo is completely accurate.
Finally Calgar has someone to share his problems with now.
But how will being friends with Calgar affect Cain's inevitable meeting with Rowbeot Gillyman?!?!
We've already established Cain will fear the Ultra Primarch will have seen through his facade and is constantly toying with him, only for Gillyman to just genuinely appreciate an fellow sensible Imperial Commander!
@ivan ivanovitch ivanovsky Sometimes we like to tease the people we appreciate. Guilliman taking the piss out of him would likely be good natured, but Cain will just be that more paranoid that someone has seen through his facade.
I thought amber vale i think her. Ame is has already seen through his facade
@@dominicvucic8654 Yes, that's right. But it might be harder to get used to a Primarch, one of the Emperor's Sons, knowing.
SirBrasstion the Munitorium has a standing order that it is to refuse any reports of him being dead even if there is proof. As far as they’re concerned he can never die. Also there are rejuvenate treatments that he can access due to his relationship with Amberley Vale. He and Jurgan both get access to it because of her.
Meanwhile on terra
Rogal Dorn: Why continue this mans suffering?
Emperor: because I find it hilarious.
Rogal: that’s cruel father.
Emperor: I have been on this throne for millennia. I will have this joke if it’s the last thing I do.
And I heard that in Rogal Dorn's voice. Scary. And perfect. Besides, the man's getting stuff done. And he is, as the Emprah says, hilarious.
Ah the Emperor's old tricks agian
I want this as an actual thing made by alfabusa.
@@Wudanty Yes, he is one of the few parts of the Imperium that is not actually on fire. It would be a definite change of pace for the current coverage of the Bombperium.
10 millennia*
Even in death. Cain is still written as "Active". And yes he is dead. He died of old age. Full military honors. Yet Cain has "died" so many times and turns out he have lived. The Imperium given up writing him "Killed in Action".
Between the fact that he is literally unable to die according to the munitorium, the Imperium's mass propaganda of him making him known to almost every Guardsman and cadet in the Commissariat and the Tallarn sect, I've a suspicion that Commissar Cain is actually a Living Saint at this point.
You wouldn't *believe* the amount of paperwork they'd need to process if they declare Cain dead and he turns up alive *again*. So he's missing in action.
His corpse will be mummified and carried around like Lord Kroak. It is the only way to assure *VICTORY.*
This is probably behind some of the highest seals the inquisition can muster. But the imperium keeps clones of its greatest heroes and generals. It could very well be that Caine has actually died every single time he has been listed as such. However to keep morale up, a new Caine was plopped from the cloning vats and into his boots.
I love that, one of the greatest generals of all time was allowed to die of old age even though the imperium is able to extend one's life for a seemingly unlimited amount of time.
Warhammer 40K: The Musical is looking great.
If Alfabusa did a musical I... I'd probably forget to eat and sleep with all the rewatches.
Well there is Stringstorms insane 40k themed Idol competition. Which I swear is in the same universe as TTS.
Fund it.
If there will be a musical of 40k on this channel I'll surely support it!
Someone's gonna do this now, huh?
Calgar on literally anyone else: I cast FIST!!
Calgar on Cain: I cast ....... HUG!!
Peter Jason Anderson not Vulkan?
@@dekaw9138 No because Vulkan would cast hug on him before Calgar could even blink
Jedy Zichterman he can tank it though
@@jedyzichterman358 "NEPHEW! GIVE UNCLE VUKLAN A HUG! Now where is my bruddah, I must too give him the hug of friendship!"
"Uh, most honored lord primarch, he is in stasis because-"
"TURN OFF THE STASIS FIELD YOU ZOGGIN GIT, ROBUTE NEEDS SOME HUGGIN!"
Gary Gardner goddamit I read that in their voices.
Best thing about Cain is, he actually is a complete badass and a legendary soldier. He just doesn't realise it. He constantly gets lucky. But his strategies are always sound and he never abandons anyone to their fate if he can save them, even if he's against impossible odds
If I remember correctly his sword skill is recognized even by astartes
@LOAN NGUYEN I just finished that book fun read. I can’t imagine many commissars are normal humans can make such a claim
@@kreigguardsman3355 What's the name of the book
Cain legit beat an Ork warboss entirely on his own with only a chainsword and no Jurgen interrupt.
@LOAN NGUYEN not a headmaster, just a tech marine, not gonna take away the achivement tho as he has repeatedly defeated chaos marines and god knows what else....
My personal belief is that Cain is actually an ongoing battle between Tzeench and the Laughing God with the Tzeench constantly trying to kill him in even grander ways and the other just constantly Uno reversing it at the last second.
and Emps just letting it happen cause Cain keeps getting him wins. I love the idea of Cegorach actually doing something useful.
@thebighurt2495 let's be real, he also thinks it's funny
Draw four, ya jabbering mollusk
@@helmutstein1178”oh look he’s crying again, it’s even funnier the 47th time!”
I wouldn’t even be surprised if emps is secretly paying the jester in Eldar souls to keep Cain alive and mess with Tzeentch, although I suspect he’s doing the latter for free!!! 😂
The way he slowly sinks into his coat in absolute horror and panic at seeing the Commander made my day.
Space Marines can be stealthy when they want to be.
Good thing Calgar finally found MOOD KINDRED with Ciaphas Cain
That death glare is not doing Calgar any favors either
I had thought it was a black templar until he spoke.
@@Jampolo_OG
You try not looking pissed when you have to deal with the Ultramarines' chanting and patting themselves on the back all the time.
@@mizuhokusuha That would be very, very bad for morale
In Cain's sobbing at the end it sounds like he cries out "it feels like there's only war, why is there only war?"
Because... ABANDON REASON! KNOW ONLY WAR!
Holy shit thats actually what he says:" I feel like theres only war. Thats all there is." Wow well spotted!
He's not the only one to make that realisation. I recall a couple drunk Tannith troops and a future vessel of a living saint both came to that conclusion, in canon.
I'm kind of impressed they had the guts to make an in-universe character give the '...only war' phrase.
Topped with "Finally, my day isn't horrible..."
Shut your face ghost ferrus you are not friend
This grimdark Flashman McBlackadder has a “perfect” voice - and chin...
He reverts back to his second form in the second act.
And unlike the Flashman he isn't a rapist to get the ladies.
Hector Rivera or a jerkish asshole in general
Cain is the one time 40k made something nicer than the orginal
YES
…I just realized. Cain’s complaining that things that should kill him/out him turn out to be to his advantage, due to some freak act of luck.
…the commander of the ultramarines, one of the only people in the galaxy with the authority and competency to execute a commissar of his caliber on a whim, found out he’s a piece of shit and a coward…and then reveals himself to be a kindred spirit who’s also a piece of shit, who embraces him like a brother in arms.
Cain thinks his luck finally run out, when ironically this is EXACTLY the kind of situation that would’ve killed a lesser Commissar. He didn’t run out of luck, he rolled his greatest nat 20 in the entire fucking Imperium by finding a true friend.
"Is that an astartes? What is about to happen-"
[It's Calgar]
"Oh. OH!"
Funny story, by the way: Even Lords General tend to have trouble getting the Astartes in any given warzone to follow a common strategy with the rest of the imperial forces.
Astartes have been known to _defer to Cain_ in matters of tactics.
GaldirEonai When was this?
@@asonofhoruslegionary
The Greater Good. The Reclaimers detachment at the research base defer to Cain when it comes to anti-tyranid tactics.
@@GaldirEonai Considering the Reclaimers entire lore is literally just 5 pages of question marks, that... is oddly fitting.
@@adamcarroll9613 Also because he saved their asses in a previous story inside a Space Hulk.
While trying not to get killed.
...he was being very Ciaphas Cain. All the smart decisions to not have to do shit.
Still ends up having to save the day.
Still does it.
And is superglad to get away.
That Space Hulk adventure preceeding it ends with him getting rid of a creepy fangirl aristocrat that hooked the local governor and with him prepping to be off to a (he thinks) safer venture.
I like to think Juergen hears these rantings daily and just thinks “Commisar’s being harsh on himself again, that Schola training to always excel must cut deep” and goes about putting on more tanna
Pretty sure both Jurgen AND Vail are the only people who know that he beats himself up like this. The fact they still call him Hero is telling.
@@boxtank5288 Cain may hate himself, but he still plenty of heroic deeds. If those deeds had been intended than his self-image would not be so bad.
@@robertnelson9599 he basically stumbles into being a hero more than half the time, from what I know. He probably isnt nearly as self serving as he claims though...
@@LordTyph At this point I'm pretty sure he has all the leftover good luck from the Lamenters... and it seems that level of cosmic good fortune is quite the curse itself.
@@VallornDeathblade sounds like Komaeda would be another Mood Kindred then
I...
I did not expect Calgar AND Cain hugging it out.
I WANT MORE.
stop thats slaaneshi!
@@NameIsDoc nah, not enough EXTREME BDSM for Slaneeshi aproval.
basically, if it is in moderation, it is not Slaneeshi tier trash.
Me neither. But the moment I heard Karl's voice, I knew exactly what was going to happen. Still laughed my ass off tho.
although, that makes me wonder, if Slaneesh can be everything you want, what would happen to that extreme BDSM Manifestation, if you want to be someone coming back to your spouse for passionate loving marathon sex?
a "does not compute" or what?
I ALSO WANT MORE, TRUE MOOD KINDRED
TTS Characters: exaggerated caricatures
Ciaphas Cain: Literally just Ciaphas Cain
Pretty much
What is being shown: Ciaphas Cain *Hero of the Imperium* at last breaks under the load of his reputation and its contrast to his true personality
what I see and hear: *Ci Ci Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM*
Yeah he could make a video of that alone being looped and I'd still watch/listen to it! XD
Yeah, I want a full track of this chant, maybe turn into a full song even.
Ci!
Me: "Ciaphas Cain is fair layered character, with a bit of impostor syndrome and genuine fear of a bleak reality he finds himself in, but despite that he has inadvertently created a lot of good he is oblivious to by sheer reputation alone, while also genuinely being a fun character to follow. In this TED talk, I will.....
Also me: "CI CI CIAPHAS CAIN"
@@Deckaio and the Intro of the sung are not brassblowers doing heroic fanfare but instead collectiv Victory Revs of Chainswords. Why is this not a thing yet? Chainsword Remix of actual songs
Kitten: My Lord, why did you give all your luck to this one man?
God-Emperor: I am constantly in pain, equal to stubing my to toe, all over my body. Someone else should feel my pain
*God*-Emperor? The Emperor disapproves.
@@Matihood1 Look, it takes a REEEEEALLY long time for the new name to travel across the massive expanse of the Imperium, we can let a few back world leaders still use the G term until they can get a hang of our glorious Man-Emperor of Mankind's new name
Gramps, could you spare some of those luck to the lamenters?
They really need a break.
@@Matihood1 ALL HAIL MAN-EMPEROR OF MANKIND
@@ChronoTriggerHappy Hmhmpm, mine message is our Boiz Bemperor of mankind.
Ciaphas Kaine, a walking paradox.
He thinks himself a coward when he's in fact brave, because Imperium doesn't value bravery, but fearlessness and Caine has to fight his fear every time fate throws him into another do or die situation.
He thinks himself a scoundrel, when in fact he's a faithful servant of God-Emperor and does his duty every single time, and his attempts to avoid said duty are perfunctory at best.
He thinks he doesn't deserve any of his glory, when in fact only big-dick space marine commanders have a better track record, and they have the advantage of transhuman physiology, hundreds of years of combat experience and a chapter of devoted murdermachines at their beck and call.
That's pretty much impostor syndrome in a nutshell - someone who's actually competent/talented/knowledgeable, but has a hard time recognizing it themselves.
Impostor Syndrome and Depression can do that to a man.
I would gladly follow a man who believes he is a fraud over a man who thinks everything he says or does is infallible. Humility is a virtue, not a weakness, and overwhelming Hubris never ends well. Ciaphas Cain is a better man than he knows or will admit.
I mean, to be fair to Cain, he's actually had his skill in battle recognized BY space marines before. He dueled a loyalist space marine techmarine, and scratched the guy's armor... which the Techmarine keeps as a reminder not to underestimate people.
His bravery is kind of half-and-half: he'll always fight if it will save his life, but he'll also leave an entire planet to its doom instead of fighting a battle, if he's certain losing the planet won't come back to bite him.
The funniest part is that Cain is probably one of the nicest characters in the warhammer universe, attempting to execute soldiers much much less than his peers, which led his regiments to have extremely high morale without sacrificing combat effectiveness. Cain is a really cool character
I love his reasoning for doing so too. By showing kindness and respect to his regiments, the Guardsmen will in turn do anything and everything they can to protect him and keep him from any sort of harm since if Cain is killed, they'll get another commissar who is likely to be far more traditional and liberal with the summary executions. By pretending to care about the soldiers under him, Cain is able to put as many willing bodies between his skin and the enemy as possible and make the Guard think it was all their idea in the first place.
Cain is the textbook example of a good leader in wartime.
The guardsmen have already be disiplined and conditioned for war, the trick to keeping them fighting is to reward them for good service and failing that, simply for surviving against terrible odds.
Yes, it does consequently make them want to protect Cain so that the regiment as a whole doesn't get a commisar that is a real piece of shit- but at the same time it's fairly obvious that Cain gives a fuck about those that fight with him.
In the first book he understood that having the troops killed would shatter the already fragile trust the newly formed regiment had.
To my knowledge, he's only ever BLAMed two people and they were Genestealered. He was doing them a favor and no one held it against him.
@@VegetaLF7 The really fun part of the Cain novels is when you realize that he actually does give a shit about the women and men around him. Amberly remarks that there's plenty of times where he takes on more personal risks just to save the lives of the soldiers around him without even thinking about the "maintaining the myth" reasoning that he tells himself is the only reason he does anything dangerous.
Nearly died when I saw Ciaphas Cain's portrait of himself bearing a galactic size chin and grin.
He is the Inevitable!
Everyone: freaking out about Ciaphas' breakdown and how he totally deserves his reputation for pushing through his basic nature to make it work in spite of himself...
Me: Do you people not see how much Calgar needed this, too?
"Yeah, but, _Wardian Smurfs._ "
(eeeeeeewwww)
@@rusdanibudiwicaksono1879 Chapter Master Calgar hates what his Chapter have become, too. He cast Fist on Cato Sicarius.
@@MrMortull But Sicarius kinda deserves being FISTED. Someones gotta check his ego from time to time.
What about Gaunt? Or Schaeffer? Easily in same category but personality issues take back seat.
@MrMortull But Calgar is the Chapter master of The Ultramarines The Greatest Of Them All how could possibly
hate them for that
Cain: I'm worthless and a complete coward
Also Cain: One time I charged a greater demon with only a broken bayonet and a vial of holy water.
Also also Cain: But no seriously I'm a coward, please don't venerate me.
That incendent needs a short story around it, because there's no way in the warp that Cain would do anything like that if there was literally any other option.
@@jtfbreedlove There was most likely NO OTHER OPTION so he thought "If I am going to die I am going down swinging". Has a last ditch for survival it worked.
As Cain himself puts it: A 0.00001% chance of survival is still better than none at all.
@@jtfbreedlove I mean, he's survived close quarters combat against Chaos Space Marines, Hive Tyrants, a Genestealer Patriarch, and an Ork Warboss to name only a few incidents. He's a far more capable fighter than he gives himself credit for.
@@Fourtytwo4242 The best bit is this story is mentioned very off-handedly as he is charging a Hive Tyrant with just a chainsword and laspistol WHILE SUFFERING A MAJOR HEAD WOUND all the while going 'look, technically, these actions, while looking super heroic, I swear they aren't, it was totally the best option of a bad bunch, please don't think of me as a hero.'
He also technically beat a Dark Eldar Succubus is a Duel without any outside help. A little history on that, said Succubus specifically hunted down Cain with the express purpose of bringing him back Commorragh to torture/rape/kill because his reputation was so vast and well known amongst the Dark Eldar, that anyone who succeeded in killing him, and providing the proof, would get mad kudos from the rest of the Dark Eldar society. How he won was pretty cool too. He knew that eventually the Dark Eldar's stamina and combat drugs would wear him down, so he said "fuck it, I don't wanna get captured and tortured to death by the Dark Eldar" and went to blow his brains out with his laspistol, only for the Succubus to let her guard down and try to stop him, cause she wanted to bring him back home for the torture, and he bisected her with his chainsword.
Was that the one where the dark eldars jumped cain while he was eunning from some tyranids? And the tyranids endup killing like almost all of the dark eldar squad while the dark eldar kill all the tyranids and save cain from them in the process? And while both forces fight cain is parring atcks from both fronts?
It is so very fitting that she believed his desire to die rather than be captured was greater than his desire to live if he could. That's how basically any other Imperial would think and would pull the trigger instead of using the opening.
Could you say which book was that ?
@lapantony It's not from one of the books, it's from an audio drama called "The Devil You Know".
The way I understood it, Cain was not actually intending to shoot himself - it was a calculated gamble that she would stop him, giving him an opening to kill her. Though he did acknowledge that if she didn't, it would be a preferable fate to being captured.
And yet if you read the novels, even Cain himself admits he's had moments where his first instinct was to protect or help the troops under his care, with the rationalization of why he did that a being self-serving coming later as an afterthought.
I'd like to think yes, he's a big coward, but he's got an even bigger heart that allows him to do heroic things even while scared out of his wits. Dude just has a massive inferiority complex.
That’s what I think. He is a perfectly normal soldier who wants to not die a horrible death, but thanks to Schola indoctrination that instinct was supposed to be beaten out of him so he feels guilty for it and sees himself as a complete cowardly fraud when in reality he’s a tactical savant and has an intact will to live
Big Mood 10/10 excellent Cain analysis
I agree. In any other universe, he’d be a straight-up hero... but this is 40k, where anything but frothing, suicidal zeal is considered cowardice. He’s been conditioned to think that refusing to throw himself into a meat-grinder is a moral failing, instead of a very reasonable and human reaction.
To quote his girlfriend Amberley Vail:
“It is also worth reflecting that if, as is often asserted, courage consists not of the absence of fear but the overcoming of it, Cain does indeed richly deserve his heroic reputation, even if he always steadfastly denied the fact!”
@goff0103 Correct me if I'm wrong, but if he genuinely wanted them purely as meat shields, wouldn't that entail him deliberately letting them take the hits he's afraid of taking? That seems to contradict with his drive to keep them alive even in situations where there would be no risk to himself to let them die, as that's their job as meatshields. I'm just saying, his assertions that he's actually being a selfish coward who keeps his troops alive simply to have something to throw between himself and the enemy ring hollow when he often throws himself into danger to save them.
@@TheAngryXenite He generally rationalizes it as "It's better if I make it so they WANT to take the hits for me instead of me ORDERING them to!" So he takes every opportunity to make a show of how much he cares about them and how he would totally do the same for them... To the point where does legitimately care for them and would totally take serious heat off of his subordinates (if he thinks he can afford it, despite the danger), but he doesn't realize that. His self-esteem is so deep in the gutter that he thinks all of his compassionate actions is just him building up a moral debt with others, for him to cash in when it all goes to Hell
But up to his peaceful death, he never ends up cashing it all in.
And that day Ciaphas Cain's fame grew as he was known to be called the brother of the chapter master of the legendary UltraMarines. The only human to ever be given such a great honor.
He legit earned respect of at least one chapter to the point when they thought sparring with him was worthwhile, reclaimers I think it was.
@@michalsoukup1021 Yes the Reclaimers. In "The Emperors Finest". Drumom had to hold back a little. But Cain did manage to land several strikes against his armor. No small feat against an augmented superhuman. Even if he holds back. A testament to his sword-fighting skills.
@@blackadder564 wait, I thought that was a techmarine
@@sirskitariibush5570 Yes. You are right. Drumon. Tnx. I'll change it.
Remember , true bravery is BEING a coward and still facing what scared you.
@MrNahual2099
the shit Courage is up against would send anyone running
@MrNahual2099 Cowardly Lion trope to be exact
MrNahual2099 Courage, Ciaphus, and Luigi are the real chads
As the man himself said: when your only chance for survival is to charge a raging Carnifex with nothing but a broken table leg, you charge the Carnifex.
Well considering that Cain is always running away from things that scare him, it is only cosmic level joke that he ends up running into something worse most of the time
A continuation of Cain's luck. Admitting inadvertently EVERYTHING to the ONE MAN who would understand him.
Man, this episode of Space Blackadder got weird.
lol "Space Blackadder" that's awesome.
@@johnroscoe2406 It's also a half accurate summation. The other half is Flashman.
Baldrick? Where's Baldrick??
@@skepticalmagos_101 That would be Gunner Jurgen - not very well portrayed here, Imperial unregistered Blank, porn-enthusaist, and the filthiest soldier in the Imperial Guard. He practically has a miasma of BO that precedes him by several feet.
ariandynas Don’t forget his innate ability to destroy at least 2 oared cars and 12 lampposts whenever he drives
Ah yes, Commissar Ciaphas Cain, ine of the finest living embodiments of "The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.".
Mr. Ciaphas I've been expecting your victory in another 5 minutes
You would certainly know…
There's something funny about this coming from Gordon Freeman
But is he prepared for unforeseen consequenceS?
"So wake up... Mr. Cain. wake up... and sssssmelll the .... ashes."
"He was waiting for you, sir."
Why do I get the feeling Jurgen knows exactly what Cain is up to behind closed doors?
Jurgen wouldn't be the galaxy's best commissar's aid if he didn't know.
He's literally one of the only people who do know, in canon, I believe.
the real horror is what jurgen is doing behind closed doors.....some dude from the 597th told me that hes doing something that he called "scratchting the cheese stick"
There are a great short story that demonstrates that Jurgen is incredibly competent. He knows but he just doesn't care.
Suprisingly he actually doesnt
For those wondering why Calgar and Caine are mood kindred -
“Calgar”isn’t his real name. It’s the name of a dead rich kid he stole the identity of. He pulled a Don Draper, and it’s the only reason he was able to become a marine.
He’s a literal fraud, but his heroism is real.
This video was weirdly fortuitous.
I actually didn't know that. Thanks!
@@Nosnoug in case you want more detail - the real Marnius Calgar was the handsome, blond, overachieving young heir of an important Ultramar noble family. He was being tutored to stand for the Astartes trials when he was killed by cultists. So his personal bond slave, who was the same age and also blond haired, took his name, and stood for the trials in his place.
And that’s the very short version of how “Marnius Calgar” joined the Adeptus Astartes.
@@AnIdiotsLantern That's genuinely interesting to know. Thank you!
@@AnIdiotsLantern Wait, is that really canon? 0.o Where do you find this information???
I’m just now realizing how many heroes of the imperium are just lucky assholes who secretly long for death.
Pretty sure Dante fits that bill, for example.
Cain don't want death, he just longs for a little bit of calm and tranquility, but noooooo the universe as other plans for him, and considering the fact that he is a born leader the emperor probably send him waves after waves of problems because he can take it
@@travelingspartan2035 especially dante ,he was reduced to sobbing boy in his "dying" dream after soloing swarmlord, dreaming himself returned to his father (not sanguinus his real one) and show him he became an angel.
@@jalpat2272 Dante also had a dying dream of sanguinus during another battle, where sanguinus said something like this to him: My son, the greatest of my sons, you have fought longer and harder than most, forgive me, but it is not yet your time to rest. Dante's men were trying to hold him down as he was screaming for his sanguinus to take him with him. Feels bad man, Dante just wants to die after centuries of fighting, he is tired, duty is the only thing that keeps him going, for the blood angels, for the imperium, for the emperor. Dante: Man literally too loyal to die, even though he wants to.
@@voidstrider801 So it's literally Dante's Inferno. There is probably an engraving on the chestplate of his power armor "Abandon hope all ye who enter here"...
I need 10 minutes straight of that "Ci- Ci- Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium" It is amazing.
Hear hear!
@@spade3798 Hear hear to that!!
Seconded!
It's so damn catchy. I'd love to see more 40k marching songs in general
Same
Meanwhile Comisar Yarrik on Armageddon: "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO REGROW THAT ARM STICK THAT POWERCLAW ON IT AND GIVE ME MY GUN!"
Robot eye goes bzzzzztt
OOOO ZOG!
I immagin Yarrick talking like a warboss. Like Vulkan.
"Advanced" ork wargear like the power claw could not function without Waagh power. Yarrik I such a massive badass that he is the orks Boogy man. He can use their own powers against them.
@@ieuanhunt552 He heard rumors from the Orks that he could kill with a stare and got his eye modded to actually shoot lasers.
Ciaphas Cain has reappeared after he was thought to be dead so many times that he's officially still alive in Imperium records, even though he had a full-on military funeral in which the body was present.
He will rise back from the dead after god knows what shenanigans he pulls off in the Imaterium
I swear Amberley must have faked his death.
The thing is we didn't even know if it was HIM, there's no confirmation recorded from reliable soruces or any other
For all we know he might've faked his death and Amberley picked him up and they're enjoying retirement together 😂
I mean, he may become an apparition/angel whatever. Warpfuckery being what it is
question is was Urgan at the funeral?
I love how Ciaphas Cain is so untouchable that even when Calgar found him out, he surprisingly feels the exact same way and just wants to be best friends. This man doesn't just have Astarte grade plot armor, Commissar Cain has a man-god-emperor-damned plot fortress!
They're both entombed within Plot Dreadnoughts and they know it. Hence the Mood Kinship.
@@TooBadThatDidntKillMe Don't you mean Imperator Class Titan Grade Plot Armor?
Calgar had a similar breakdown in an earlier "If The Emperor Had A Text To Speech Device" after I, Cato Sicarius, successfully captured Magnus The Red and put him in a box. I, Cato Sicarius, then found all the remaining Salamander artifacts which returned Vulkan to life.
@@TooBadThatDidntKillMe In other words, Cain is one of the rare male Living Saints?
@@danniluxgarbe429 If he was and he found out, he would really have a crying breakdown.
Just realized that the entire time the grunts are cheering him for his genuinely glorious tactical mind, he is slowly slouching backward like his soul was slowly seeping away.
@John Doe And yet, it is. Spoilers for the book, but
Ciaphas lives long enough to _retire and die of old age._ He's buried with full military honors.
@@MalachiteDragon1 Fucking what, he dies of old age?
@@void5506 He dies of old age according to the lore, but the Imperial Records listed him as still in service in the Astra Militarum because everytime he seemingly gets Killed In Action from a mission, He returns safe and alive weeks or months later. Hes just that lucky that the Adeptus Ministorum stopped giving a fuck about his passing, and forever immortalized him.
He dies of old age in a setting where there's a treatment for aging in circulation and people can live indefinitely unless assassinated.
... I suspect Amberley may have arranged for a proper retirement for the old hive boy.
@@vincentmuyo i believe cain was 200+ ish years old
My headcanon when reading the Cain series in chronological order is that at first Cain was every bit the self serving coward he thinks of himself as, but as time went on he slowly grew out of that and became a genuine hero but he still thinks of himself to his dying days as a fraud
Only to become a living saint
My headcanon is that the propaganda is actually 100% accurate and that the whole series is actually self-insert fanfiction by Amberley Vail, who had to make him out to be flawed to make herself shine more.
@@OmgPuppies Except she's not present in most Cain books, or is getting her ass kicked as well, so how does any of that make her look more badass?
@@floppydisksareop She's a better-than-average fanficer and doesn't make her self-insert character a Mary Sue but the Love Interest for the Protag instead.
I love when he does something balls out suicidal like the Khorne Berserker Duel to protect others, but that doesn't fit his worldview that he's a coward, so throws out a really flimsy excuse as to why it was actually a calculated act of cowardice.
I love the tiny detail of how at 1:10 when the Guard was talking about his "plans" you can visually see him starting to shrink a tiny bit, he was knowing that this was absolute bullshit.
Agree
I love how when he's alone Cain literally melts into his true self.
And then instantly reassumes his Hero of the Imperium persona the second he knows he's being watched
@@FreemanicParacusia Like Allmight.
I think in canon only Jurgen and Vail now hes doing this
This stuff is better than the official lore. God I love Alfa’s stuff.
...but this is actual 40K canon, he really is a self-deprecating coward with the most ridicculously rotten good luck of the imperium whose actions somehow always end up being missinterpreted as the ones of a brave tactical genius; granted, he geniunely cares for his troops and when cornered, he'd rather stand his ground doing the right thing than lie down & die, but he will soil his pants while doing so
ITEHATTSD is canon as far as I am concerned.
@@dumpsockpuppet5619 "he really is a self-deprecating coward with the most ridicculously rotten good luck " open for interpretation tbh.
Could also be a major case of character developement with Cain only BELIEVING he is the coward he was in the beginning. Could be, even in his memoirs, that he's putting up a show. Could be that he really is that coward...
This is actually oddly in tune with the official lore and novels. He (unjustly) does see himself in this bad a light consistently.
...he's a human being doing great things, being good at his job and having insane amounts of luck.
...He genuinely doesn't understand why he's alive. But also how all this insane shit keeps bumping into him.
He actually has nightmares of all the daemons, Necrons and other filth he has had to deal with.
@@Darthvegeta8000 Doesn't Jurgen help with aforementioned nightmares, which has a side effect of...unfortunate implications?
I like to think that either the Chaos Gods or the God Emperor himself is keeping Caine alive...as a joke.
It must be whatever force keeps making the Ultramarine not be able to fail.
"Huh, this one hasn't broken yet. Guess I'll use him again."
@@thepopulargirl1784
that's just following the manual written by their spiritual liege, The Codex Astartes, to a T
I can't confirm nor deny
Well, there is a small sect of the Imperial Cult on Tallarn who believe Cain to be a prophet and conduit of the Emperor's Will. Mostly, I think Cain is just very resourceful and has such a tenacious will to survive, that he'd kick death in the junk if it ever actually came for him
Coming back to this after two years, and listening to most of the audio books, even if Cain were to go out there and tell the truth most of the troopers under his command would think he was just being the ever humble commisar, downplaying his own heroics. So even if he did tell the truth, it would only make his inflated reputation even worse.
So I guess that means even more rabid cheering?
They'd be right...
Inquisitor Amberly Vail: "Jurgen, have you seen Cain of late?"
Jurgen: "He was in his office, ma'am, having one of his 'moments.' And it appears the Commander decided to join him in it."
Vail: "Ah."
Does Cain actually have one of these moments in the book?
It's Jürgen. At least use "ue" if you do not have an Umlauts.
Tech Priest well he does have the skills to get him out of some pretty bad situations as long as it doesn’t effect his sense of self preservation. Also for a selfish coward he has done some selfless deeds to save his “friends.”
@@shadowdctr How does one NOT have an Umlaut though? It's literally 5 seconds of looking up "German alphabet". And it's even easier on mobile when it's a part of the standard English keyboard...
@@Matihood1 Honestly tho, i was not that serious. Just reminded me of that Jew that got asked to leave like his grandpa did after not using an Umlaut(tru the chimney).
I like how he starts melting when they're complimenting him.
Ciaphas Cain: Did we just become best friends!?
Calgar: Yep!
this would a great Bro-Trio for the two of them
Ciaphas Cain: as a commissar, if you keep on executing guardsmen when you're gonna be with them in a battlefield where they all have lasguns, you won't stay an active commissar for long.
The Inquisition and the Commissariat: GENIUS!
Cain: Treat them like friends and they will follow you to the ends of the earth.
Other Commissars: But what if they screw up?
Cain: I don't know, just give them harsh, but fair punishments, threaten to make them scrub the latrines for a month with only a toothbrush. When marching towards the next location, they have to carry the heavy bits of the regiment gear. Tell them that you will play Cats on repeat for six hours. Actually, scratch that last one, they might end themselves if you choose that one. Too Cruel and Unusual.
@@Forestxavier20 And now I'm imagining Cain accidentally starting a chain reaction of reforms throughout the Imperium that results in humanity returning to their prime, lol.
@@randomintrovertedspider7510 actually his memoirs were doing it. What we read is basically the 'real' copy with all the annotations in the margins.
Ciaphas Cain is a true hero. Unlike what he thinks, he isn't "a piece of shit". He doesn't want to be on the frontline (or in any danger), but when the danger inevitably comes to him, he makes what is necessary to survive. He cares about his soldiers even if he doesn't really realize it... It's a 100% better than the "heroes" who charge to their death with their men for "glory" or something...
SOUNDS LIKE Y' DON'T FOIGHT IN MELEE, BOI. WOT'RE YA, A FOKIN' TAU?
Whahaha( I tried to write it Orkish but this stupidity needs to rebuked the proper way. So you can see the error in your ways...
"Ciaphas Cain is a true hero." True hero's are not villains on another side(this time the Orks)
"Unlike what he thinks, he isn't "a piece of shit"" Whatever he thinks is irrelevant, his actions are. His actions show much of a hero her truly is.
"He doesn't want to be on the frontline (or in any danger), but when the danger inevitably comes to him, he makes what is necessary to survive" This is normal, not hero like, this is how all "normal" humans will act. None wants to be in the front. But there you are wrong, very wrong. A true hero's shows courage, some even volunteered, the realization that if you do not do it other will die for it, spurs you into action, regardless the costs (for his own survival) What you just described my dear Vince is the way of a coward. I agree it might be better then reckless charges, but it's still the cowards way of survival.
The man who can admit that he’s failure, is a bigger hero than Cato Sicarius.
as per his girlfriend's words "he doesn't give himself enough credit"
@@DoesNotComphoot Tau are the only faction following the social distancing rules.
*Khorne:* A worthy trophy
*Nurgle:* Too... Clean... Uurhgh
*Tzeentch:* He's not in my plans?!
*Slaanesh:* Notice me Senpai!!!
*Emperor:* Damn plot armour. Where was mine?!
Nurgle would be too interested in Jurgen to notice Cain.
Cain literally has a slaaneshi deamon prince(ss) stalking him (he killed her when she was mortal) His battle record would probably impress even kharne and Tzeetnch is wondering just how in the warp he's survived so long.
@@scienceme9794 Too bad that he is a blank like being anti AIDS for AIDS ;P
*Gork, Mork, Malice:* _Sitting on the sidelines laughing with giant bowls of popcorn and tacos._
@@cid76 He literally gave Cain the idea of using blessed serum to combat a zombie plague, so yes, very much so.
(He survived getting bit since he's a blank.)
Love Cain in the books is constantly just trying to keep his troops and himself alive, and ends up completely destroying what semblance of order the enemies of the imperium have by his continued existence alone. I remember when he accidentally got stuck in a warchiefs camp while trying to avoid said orks altogether, and got out of there by first dueling the acting warchief, winning said duel in killing him off, and buggering off as the rest of the warchiefs guards and seconds in command started fighting each other for dominance, and the entire organizational structure of the orks completely fell apart on itself over the night as a result which lead to mass confusion over the orks actions to the imperial forces who promptly turned a downhill battle across multiple continents into a massive one sided slaughter. Also people keep forgetting about Jurgen. I love whenever the guy pipes up.
Dude that duel was awesome. Warboss dead, Cain wants to start shooting but Jurgen goes "Nope, let them figure it out my lord" and the nobs start killing one another, as finding out who's in charge is WAY more important than smacking humies
Jurgen? What, the smelly guy?
@@vincentmuyo Yeah Jurgen is a type of badass all by himself
Jurgen is great! And with all the pict-casts done about Cain, Cain is always upset that Jurgen never makes it into those stories. See, despite his self-professed fraud and self-interest he really does care a great deal about his people.
What book was that one in?
I like how TTS predicted Calgar having an imposter syndrome.
I need a 10 hour version of "CI- CI-CIAPHAS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!"
By the end of which he’s leaning so far back that he’s done a backflip
MIGHTY STRINGSTORM, HEAR US!! By all the powers of the Warp, we summon thee!!
@@danielsnow4989 I, knew you'd, ask that. Yeaugh.
*Summoning ritual begins.*
@@zubbworks Does the ritual require goats or virgins? Or virgin goats?
@@Beowulf_DW Both? Both is good.
NGL, that was genuinely heartwarming.
Cain KNOWS he's propped up on a bed of lies but while it does cut deep into his soul how his whole existence is a fraud, he's more worried that once it all comes crashing down the people under him will get hurt.
Cain is too NobleDark for this GrimDark Universe.
NobleDark is the single best description of the Cain books ever.
"Yes, life sucks in the Imperium. No, it is not actually hellish. People are miserable and poor, but still have mostly normal lives. No, the IG or Navy are not stupid. No, the Arbites are not incompetent turds. No, the PDF isn't completely useless. No, the SMs are not cold-hearted killing machines.....
The Sororitas, though? Total waste of resources and protein.
@@thebighurt2495 With the exception of one Ephrael Stern, which still demands protein to keep her considerable mass at PEAK PERFORMANCE
All of those things are true, just not always true.
Sometimes the imperial navy and guard are useless from terrible command, sometimes the Arbites are uncompromising ass holes enforcing ludicrous laws, sometimes the space marines are just cold blooded murderers;like say the Space Sharks or Marines Malevolent; sometimes the PDF is no better then mall cops, and sometimes; like life on Terra; life is so abysmal and horrific it be a layer of hell in its own right.
That’s said it’s a massive universe, and there exist many exceptions. No one description could truly encompass the whole of the Imperium.
On the Sororitas, they’ve got one big advantage over their space marine allys. Their rate of falling to heresy and becoming traitors is by comparison virtually nonexistent.
@@macromicro1715 That's because they die from head wounds long before they can fall to chaos.
That's why we love him
Whole Cain crying to himself sequence is probably canon and he does that always
Ciaphis Cain is dead in Canon.
I mean, it was mentioned in his memoir that he sometimes felt the need to guard from Amberley. His GF. Simply because Amberley is Inquisitor and it was her job to shot danger to Imperium. This usually including cowards and charlatan.
_Usually._
@@endworldkrawky600 Not until the administratum declares him as such. So, never.
@@kazaddum2448 If they declared him dead, he'd probably pop back somewhere random
@@endworldkrawky600 I think you'll find the administratum records have him listed as MIA