A Secret to Successful Relationships Most INFJs Don’t Know About
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
- Hi Everyone, This video is for INFJs and those that have been or are in a relationship with them. In this video I discuss Why INFJs can have problems in relationships and unpack the WHY of this and how to move forward towards a successful relationship.
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Hi Everyone, It would be much appreciated if you would share this video.
This video is for INFJs and those that have been or are in a relationship with them. In this video I discuss Why INFJs can have problems in relationships and unpack the WHY of this and how to move forward towards a successful relationship.
Find Article Here: www.scottericmorgan.com/blog/secret-to-infj-relationships
Takes a long time to learn to respect one's self enough to speak their wishes instead of just hoping for someone to get the picture and then being pissed off and slamming the door because someone couldn't read our mind.
Don't expect anyone to read your mind or even get small hints, speak your heart. If your words fall on deaf ears then move on, they're not on your level and you're wasting both of your times.
You are spot on when you said that when an INFJ is experiencing intense pain in a narc relationship, can finally wake up the INFJ to their unconscious childhood wounds. I am very awake now. Thank you Scott.
No problem at all!
I agree with you. I had supervisor at work who kept making me relive my childhood trauma. I did not slam the door, but closed it and recreated another world within the present world. I use the future dream ability to overcome all the challenges.
the biggest issue I've noticed in INFJs is their belief that they are highly self-aware preventing them from demonstrating self-awareness when it's difficult, confronting and uncomfortable
I'm not sure about other INFJs but I'm speaking as one and as a person more so whose had many humbling lessons in life. It's not so we dont apply the concept of self awareness to ourselves ..we do this like we breath ..its exhausting ..but its rhe possibilities we see in the situation. I believe in seeking every alternative to rule out any doubt...almost like subconsciously projecting on how we want others to treat us. To give us chances and actually dedicate time and effort to understand more. I also have a keen curiosity about the whys and hows that person operates and almost studying that person's psycho dynamics...but that's if I see potential and actually connection has been established. I like to give people or situations a shot because sometimes these people/events need more time to unravel and trust ...anyways I'm not sure if this answer kind of explains your observations
@@Guitana88so should we drop hints back and play the game of hints until we die
I am shaking listening to this accuracy to my life as an INFJ. I'm so happy to have this articulated so well.
I've been through blackout levels of pain.
I'm so sorry Chrisy. I feel I am at rock bottom now after a lifetime of pain. Going to try to pull myself up out of this pit and I believe you have it in you to do the same. Don't give up 🦋.
Mmmhmm..yep. I feel ya…I feel ya…hang in, kiddo. We are out here, rooting you on. -INFJ
This video really summarizes so many of the experiences and lessons I went through from leaving my 8 year relationship. It's been an entire year of learning how disconnected I became from myself, and how much I acted out of my traumas, and how much our dynamic fed into it all on a subconscious level. Hearing that the level of pain I've experienced was the necessary level required to prompt this necessary growth and awareness to lead to the end result that I hope to reach one day of gaining a better sense of peace within myself is really what I needed to hear.
So interesting. For those of us who learned marriage is a sacrament (holy mystery) what you are saying is very in keeping with the meaning of sacrament; the sacrament of marriage is not just about joining flesh with another person, but it is a vehicle for bringing the individual closer to God, (as are all of the sacraments).
Absolutely
sometimes infj's are forced. No choice. They didn't miss any red flags. They understood perfectly. Forced into a situation to wait until they are free.
62 year old INFJ here this hit me deep even though I don’t understand some things 👍
As an INFJ I am aware that I definitely do this analysis of my partner to find issues and work out, in my head, a solution.
Yup! Spot on! Never cease to amaze me and your articulation/interpretation is sooooo validating! Really liked the phrase “hope exhaustion”… exactly what precedes a radical door slam for me. We absolutely do prefer to iron out all potential and perceived hiccups we can see coming down the line before we get there… finding a partner who will help us ease that insight and burden makes a world of difference in creating relationship harmony and security.
You just explained my recent break up perfectly. I am the INFJ, and I slammed the door hard. Now that. you put it this way, and I'm starting to reflect on childhood trauma, I don't feel there was, but them "WHY"? I slam a lot of doors.
I guess after we have done our best and are exhausted we close the door to protect us from going crazy.
I feel like this video came to me at the right time. Thank you.
I’m recognizing the internal why is my own self-abandonment for the sake of harmony or the complete diminishing of my own wants, needs, and feelings for the sake of the other person. 😔
Oftentimes, we try to communicate potential problems way way in advance, to resolve those before enjoying the relationship, it's not timely, but we feel it's better resolved now than later coz it has lasting impact or the chances for the relationship to succeed is higher. This is I think the judging or planning side. But if we are in a relationship with perceiving or focusing on the present, it is rather confusing. Really, the frustration of not having emotional transparency can lead to Door Slam. But, yup, the past wounds are adding to the burden, so I agree it should be healed first so that there will be no problem too big. It's lighter, it's easier to communicate your fears and wants and make small adjustments day by day. Interdependence, that's what I'm learning right now 😊
By 13:49 mark -This IS the video that has confirmed for me INFJ. In finally doing that internal why work. I’ve asked it even in my early 30s but there was a too high of a wall there. Now I realize I had to experience more toxic results from my early programming to see the whole fruit to know the brain seed and tree, do to speak.
I learned what toxic belief system and fears motivated me and then I was able to go back in and find my true north. What do I really want. I
@scott.morgan
Listening to this video, i am not moved by you expressing this. I am in awe how you manage to express this. Unpacking the Why... in fact, this is not limited to relationship, it has also been useful in other aspects of my life. (I have not identified myself as INFJ yet, and at the same time, not convinced my best fit is ENFP.) I remembered your ENFP video did a brief contrast between INFJ and ENFP.
The internal why is so key... and so explored thoroughly. Initially, i thought that the INTERNAL WHY is an INTERNAL FEEL.... but it is isn't a value, "what is important to me" thing though.
Been there! Sucks, but it was a very useful experience.
This has been extremely eye opening. The timing could’ve have been better.
Thank you! -INFJ
Good to have you back 👍🏾👍🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾👏🏾
Thank you!
Goshhhhh! Was execly this video that I was looking for, to put in words, what I was thinking about!
I have never in my life heard this explained SO WELL!⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I love this, when you are loking for your partner to heal you Cptsd, and vice versa, this is unhealthy, it's dysfunctional, the person needs to heal himself or herself to break codependence, be healthy first before getting into a relationship. Or, seek help when you are in a relationship, internally, you should feel good enough so you can handle others.
This was a good video and have just discovered this channel today. That will be unfortunate if videos are longer being created. I hit the patreon link and it seemed to no longer exist.
Mr. Morgan,
You've made your devotion to excellence in your profession very clear. As a 68 yr. old INFJ male who has been in numerous and varied forms
of therapy and growth oriented training, I can recognize what I'll call the therapist's mindset. Perhaps it can be said that a "healthy" NI dominant empath would tend to look at all relationships with this same perspective. ( Not unlike an impartial and benevolent observer).
Your frequent use of the term "un-conscious" makes me want to explore it's meaning. A meaning which takes us to it's ancient and long forgotten roots of "conscious" meaning "ignorant"... Nothing at all like the our more recent adaptations, but still, the roots of a word never really betray it. They can however add layers of understanding.. often bringing us to paradox.. and either stop the pursuit or allow a less traveled pathway to present itself...
Thank you lukula
Dump the therapy, you are good.
Did so decades ago. But did so from experience....@@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied
This is so spot on...and I mean it's just damming. I think the part that hurts most is that the approach Is completely self aware , patient , and pure towards the other party...its not so much the rejection ..but the misunderstanding of our motive which is none...we just want to be seen and at that point weve put ourselves in a vulnerable position as message to the other person that I mean no harm and I only care about you . Yet we are still misjudged . We see potential of that person. For me it was that he understood me and was as weird as I was but we were mirror images of each other...thats what attracted me to that person. But after giving the benefit of the doubt I've relealized he has intimacy issues and is super reserved ...yet he opened up to me ..but not enough . As you said we've ran it through our heads a thousand times and understand the outcomes. Yet we still risk putting ourselves out there. I usually try every rout4 possible once I've tried everything within reason depending what it is..if it's not happening I drop it and I take it as another lesson learned .
Thanks for sharing
"completely self aware, patient and pure towards the other party"
Pardon ..? Doesn't matter how self aware a person is, they won't ever be a 100%. Also, patience and purity are still subjective, and your approach might not be as friendly reassuring as you want it to. We're human beings, we can't be completely devoid of bad/selfish intentions (or at least not on earth); and people around you aren't in your mind, so cannot understand a 100% accurately your thought, even if you share them. Of course, everyone has motives, whether they're good or bad, or somewhere in between. But no one is devoid of bad intentions, no matter how innocent they consider themselves.
As an INFJ that became friends with another INFJ, it does feel like mirrors tho. It's sadly almost bland, because they refuse to develop deeper friendships; while they seem to seek them, and our personality type further confirms it. I guess it's because of environment, and learnt habits from parents with different personalities and needs that we still copied and mirrored. As IXXJ types, we're more likely to listen to other's opinion of ourselves too much in childhood, including harmful and unjustified ones, before we're able to forge our own habits and wants. Then, we get stuck in those; but I guess it's another topic. Perhaps i just need to wait and try to make them understand i'd be happy to get to listen, discuss with them, understand and know them better; if they're okay with it. That's what i did with three INXXs, and after a year or two with an INFP, 4 years with an INFJ and a bit less than a year with an INTJ, i was able to form pretty good friendships with them; and am incredibly grateful to have such wonderful people as friends, each of them having their own qualities that supplement you in a different manner. Please be patient, you'll be glad someday to find people you'll form deeper bonds and friendships with :]
Please take care !
@@-randomuser-4897 great answer ...I agree with you in alot of these points. What I meant in pure meaning I'd gave pure intention towards the other person not that I am pure ...nobody is pure and going back to your points . Perspective and emotional intelligence
Pure gold!
Wow, that's great to hear!
@ MaCoeur - I absolutely agree 👍
I would like to see you cover more about the relationships between INFJs and narcissists. From what I have been seeing, narcissists do not change, and would like to know your insight on the subject matter.
Yep, this pretty well describes it! Spot on 👍
This is so much truth in this material insights
That’s great to hear Jane
Wow this was so accurate. You are very very skilled at this work.
thank you! I am reading right now, I like that you offer both options. Your advice has been so valuable and helpful for me, I really appreciate you taking the time to put all of this on youtube. edit to add: also I agree with the comment at the end of the article...it DOES feel great to be seen, and to be understood. and helped. just awesome. rare! hard to find.
Liked before even watching as Scott always has gems in his videos 👍😊 so thank you in advance 🤗
Update after watching: Yep, as I expected, awesome 💪 You’re a natural 😀 Thank you 😊
Thank you Jackie, much appreciated.
@@scott.morgan Always like to give credit where credit is due 👍
Is an INFJ still an INFJ after they have done this work? I’ve wondered if the childhood programming of abuse/ abandonment and trauma bond is what creates an INFJ or what saves them from turning into one.
Neither. Experience doesn't program your cognitive functions, but your cognitive functions will filter your experience and help shape other areas of your personality.
I meant “or what sanders them from becoming a narcissist”... not INFJ . I bungled that...
@@JoanieDoeShadow doesn’t fear shut down function in your frontal lobe?
@@perfectloveIAM High emotions lowers front lobe thinking yes. But I was referring to cognitive functions as in what makeup the fragment of personality that Jung/MBTI codeifies.
INFJ are: Introverted Intuition, Extraverted Feeling, Introverted Thinking, & Extraverted Sensing.
Not to laugh at this statement but the line u said after we done the work are we infj any more lmfao 🤣 I think that be a good question relly we evolve yo the next level 🤣 😅 well now on the subject of seeing if we are made or born as an infj is definitely a question I had my self or is it more we was just born with true love empathy that no one relly got that an so depending on the era born the ish we go thur. Very interesting indeed here. Thx
1000% watched this again.
Oi...Vou escrever no meu próprio idioma porque eu me expresso melhor nele , embora fale e entenda inglês....
Isso que você falou é desesperador para um infj porque parece que só nós entendemos do que realmente se trata o amor. Não é possível amar profundamente alguém e continuar a alimentar o ego. Por isso usamos , a verdade, o diálogo honesto de coração para coração e nos relacionamos com a essência da pessoa, nos recusamos a joguinhos egoístas que só destroem o amor e alimentam o ego.
E se acontecer de alguma vez cairmos neste tipo de dinâmica a ressaca moral é devastadora.
Amor é passar a sentir mais com o coração do ser que amamos do que com o nosso...Só o amor pode romper as barreiras ilusórias de separação que o ego impõe e as demandas egoístas , que são tão antagônicas ao amor. Nós infj , abrimos mão de tudo em nome da harmonia e do amor, por quem amamos, nos sacrificamos , quase adivinhamos os desejos de quem amamos e mudamos tudo o que poderia ser um obstáculo ao amor, mudamos tudo que poderia machucar quem amamos, fazemos o impossível para ver quem amamos feliz, bem, para agradar, mas nos sentimos devastadoramente sozinhos, desolados, desamparados e angustiados quando vemos que estamos fazendo isso sozinhos e passamos a tentar fazer quem amamos compreender isso a todo custo e entender que ele deve fazer o mesmo para que o amor cresça e se torne indestrutível. Na maioria esmagadora das vezes é inútil, tem o efeito oposto porque o ser humano em geral não sabe amar... Quanto mais agradamos, tentamos e nos doamos, mais na defensiva ou na indiferença o outro age se estiver no ego. E nos sentimos injustiçados, traídos e é algo devastador que todo infj enfrenta.... Parece que acostumamos mal, mimamos e estragamos o outro ao invés de faze lo compreender quão lindo, sagrado e profundo é o amor. É como se a pessoa pensasse: "ok ele( a) está disposto(a) a tudo por mim, então eu posso abusar, eu posso ligar o foda- se e não preciso me esforçar já que ele(a) já faz tudo por mim e pelo relacionamento..."E geralmente empurram com a barriga e não correspondem nossos sacrifícios e esforços para fazer los felizes. O ser humano não tem evolução e maturidade para viver o amor incondicional...Mas eu já pesquisei muito conteúdo sobre isto.
Infjs são conseguem se doar pouco nas relações, é mais fácil dar as costas( door slam)do que não ter expectativas, do que não se sacrificar e do que não mover mundos e fundos por quem amamos porque é o nosso jeito de amar: profundo como o oceano....Nosso amor é como um oceano... Eu entendi depois de sofrer muito, que a pior coisa do mundo que você pode fazer para o seu relacionamento é deixar transparecer amor demais , amor incondicional....A gente tenta conversar muitas e muitas vezes em vão porque esta consciência e vontade de crescer e expandir o amor que sente é do infj, não do outro e não se força ninguém a crescer... Todo infj tem uma fome metafísica por evolução, por ecpandir a consciência e por ser mais amoroso ( a)...Aprendi também que não podemos cobrar isto dos outros.
Voltando aos relacionamentos, insistimos até que um dia percebemos que a pessoa nunca vai mudar porqie ela não quer.
É muito solitário e desesperador. Isso foi o que aconteceu em 99% dos meus relacionamentos....Depois de passar por isso ficamos destroçados e é por issoque a maioria dos infj são celibatários ou solteiros. Grata. Seu vídeo me ajudou muito!🙏🙏
Caramba. Na mosca 👌 e assim aprendemos, nos reconstruimos e seguimos adiante
Brilliant. Thank you.
🤔🧐 well now, very very interesting in alot of ways, alot of different an diverse thoughts upon things here some of which ill admit are truth 🤔 however in content of this many thins are all in an around in a debate for each infj as fur sure we all know that each to their own life an therefore is subject to change, huh in all things here I definitely would like more information on all these things you have mentioned here. An thanks for the definite intrigue of of infj's an how it either help u or me or us lol either way it a win. Oh an how can I be 1000 billion %sure I am an infj like all the ones I seen so far show me to be one buh when I took the test u said about,
it show 3 now tf is that 🤔💯🤦♀️ maybe idk how to explain on them test it like yeah at time do some some time I don't so I add or count even if I did it 1 or twice in My life time dose that or would that make a difference cause I'm like a sliding bar would be nice for the test yes no well maybe what about that so im like what should I put so I put half in a neutral because relly say I do it 4 out of 10 then I say 5 it neutral 😐 🤔 so tbh idk.
Watched his one again.
logic unfortunately aint feelings and Si demon too but I don't want to take on others problems
Is this channel no longer creating videos on youtube?
Do you work with INFJs on their childhood wounds ?
I do, if you would like more information just email me at contact@scottericmorgan.com
A bit like Jesus' sacrifice, the worst thing possible, turned into the best of the best things imaginable
Honestly I can't be Fd with relationships , in fact I've given up on women , the manipulation , fakery and modern illusion , It should be easy and natural but we live in a unatural world , every one else sticks their nose into others business , interference , I'm not stupid and know how to act and treat a women , but simple natural human behaviour has been compromised , All I require is a straight up honest women that I can trust that has great communication skills , that shows affection and true intention , some one to love not pretend. Or I'm wasting my time , who wants to be waiting on a fucking txt for two days ? Replying to messages are essential , mind games and waiting on who's going to message first I can't be fucked with , silly games are for children , I've been around long enough now to be pissed around , I know myself very well and I know others intentions . Maybe I am the problem , maybe I am wrong .
Find a woman who we reply to you quickly
Hi Everyone, This video is for INFJs and those that have been or are in a relationship with them. In the video I discuss Why INFJs can have problems in relationships and unpack the WHY of this and how to move forward towards a successful relationship.
LINK TO THE ARTICLE: www.scottericmorgan.com/blog/secret-to-infj-relationships