After 3 failed marriages and countless crappy situationships I think I’m resigned to being single.. less drama, no problems no stress.. I’m 52 and I’m tired of being someone’s therapist, maid, and/or mommy.. I have my work, my hobbies, and my dog🤷🏻♀️
I am definitely unhappily single- at 52 I still hope I can find someone- but so far that has not worked out. I hope that I can heal my childhood trauma to not only find a mate- but also be able to be ok financially.
@@MsCyberNewt Well I feel the same way. I'm in South Africa and we have huge drug problems. The pool of suitable partners is just so small. Never lose sight of what you want to achieve. I think our prognosis looks better by the day. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Good luck to all of us
There are some comments here that can be boiled down to "I've given up", "it's too hard", "I'll never recover". For someone who has been healing/growing, those messages are scary and create anxiety, BUT I took a step back and thought "Okay, I hear those stories: Are these messages helpful? What purpose do they serve? What will these stories do for me?". I think you know. Maybe I will be alone, maybe I won't. Not trying to heal my CPTSD, not addressing my trauma, not *trying* for the future I want is pretty much garaunteeing my future unhappiness, though. If I'm alone for months or years, doesn't matter, I should try to find a way to be a healed, happy, connected person. If there's someone in my future? Amazing! I still need to be that person. I'm not gonna give up. I have hope.
That is exactly right, and I wish I could frame what you said here for all to see. I don't want to exclude the people who come and express their own hopelessness, because they just might have a breakthrough, like you have! I'm sure they don't realize how much it discourages other people. But one powerful thing you can do when you're down is encourage others.
I noticed, and was initially negatively affected by, those comments but I'm at an early stage in my healing and found your comment super helpful. Thank you and good luck with your journey.
It might well be Acceptance and Stating their Actual Experiences that you are reading in those comments. With passage of years comes more and more Pasts abd Past Experiences. You ain't going to be meeting anyone who has a clean slate past with no baggage anymore as you mature in years. Plus folk get more stuck and rigid as they mature in years. That's a major factor in why it gets harder to meet someone who is capable of being fully available as one matures. It is even true of new friendship making in mature years. Healing or no healing.
Thank you for your comment ! So well said; I so agree and I am with you. Part of self love and self compassion is never giving up on ourselves. We need hope to cultivate faith and love ❤🎶🙏🏼😇🕊️💫
I can validate so much of what you said. I picked badly until I tried to get my narcissist parents in counseling and realized that was never going to work so I started working on myself, didn't date for years (working and going to school fulltime made that easy), I made a list of what I wanted and was told it was unrealistic. But I was okay with being single until I found what I wanted. Ironically it was one of my parents who told me don't look for someone to change because people don't change. I wasn't looking when my husband came into my life and we took our time getting to know each other. Twenty years later I still think he's a keeper. He told me I was attractive to him because I had my act together and wasn't desperately looking for someone to make me happy.
My partner has PTSD, we have been together for a long time we have a 3 yr old together. She pointed out things I didn't realize about myself. She took the time to think and had the courage to say she wasn't happy. I started therapy and realized I have a lot of work to do. I read Adult Children of emotionally immature parents so I could understand what she went through. The book pointed out things I was doing that wasn't helping her feel emotionally safe. I am working to show I can be the man I should be for my girls. I know theirs no magic to encourage her to stay. Especially when she took the first step to say she wasn't happy. She has dealt with and worked through a lot in her life. I guess I am here listening so I can better understand...Thank you
Do you have any suggestions, should I stop telling her I love her if she doesn’t say it. It feels bad seeing her when we are at home not pretending I don’t care but does it just remind her I am thinking about me over her?
The fact that you are watching UA-cam videos and reading books on related mental health topics…, that’s accountability and empathy👏❤. You might not be able to convince your partner to stay, but do continue to express your love for her. I also would recommend Patrick Teahan on UA-cam. All the best to you❤️‼️
@@jenniferg6818 I need so much help, I realized so many mistakes I have made and my partner has so much resentment. I also have been on my own mental health journey and have been diagnosed with a mood disorder. Intrusive thoughts and I over analyze everything. We now are really giving each other space, she’s staying with friend. We started couples therapy, but she’s so mad about the past and I own it…but theirs no time table on when it might or if it can ever be repaired. I hope my family can come back together and I am terrified, so far all I have done is made is worse by wanting to talk about it every day.
"For all you know, the greatest love you could possibly know may still lie ahead of you, especially if you keep healing from what happened in the past. And that longing you feel when you're lonely, especially now, has a message for you: that it's real, and it's pointing the way towards your home." wow wow wow. you've opened my mind and my heart in ways I didn't think were possible. thank you for your work that has been so integral to my journey.💜
I wish I had a crappy childhood fairy when I was a "serial dater"! I totally fell head over heels on the first date then blew it with limerence. Then I was on the receiving end of limerence after one date. It's yucky either way. So glad I found this place with so many stories that mirror my problems and best of all there are solutions! Thank you Anna
I am lucky enough to have overcome and heal enough to find a wonderful man, and I was fairly young- 25- but I’m so proud to say that we have been happily (though not unrockily) married for 14 years. It can happen! My husband had a hard childhood too, and it is his second marriage, but that crappy first marriage made him appreciate an accept me so much more than I think he would otherwise. That being said, it still astounds me how low my self can be. I have everything a person could want- a beautiful home, the love and devotion of a wonderful partner, two amazing kids who are thriving, and a newly minted masters degree. On my worst days I shame myself about i. “It makes no sense! Why am I so sad?” It’s hard to be a person
I can relate. I think it's the emptiness of a traumatic childhood. Over time I've adopted an all black wardrobe, a melancholy aura, without really meaning to...I feel more myself then ever though, I'm in a perpetual state of mourning, of longing for....something, I'm not quite sure what. I feel like my wing were cut as a child and as an adult I keep trying to fly, fly high like other people do...and I can't. Of course I can't, I dont have wings, i will never fly. But I survive! And I take comfort in that I will do anything to make sure my children have a better childhood, a full, happy and loving childhood. They will fly and that is my comfort.
@misspeach3755 this is not true. Does jesus comfort the broken? absolutely but we will never be healed or whole until we get to heaven. Thats kind of the point...we are chosen to be broken so that wevcan relate to this Jesus, this man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief, he understands us and we understand him and most useful of all we can empathize with peoples condition because we know their pain. Thats the whole point....I gave my life to the Lord at 18 and ive had trauma upon trauma....your understanding of the holy spirits work does not fit...not on my case anyway...so no, Jesus does not fill the cracks, he creates more...blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted....
This channel really came into my life at the right time, I had already made some great strides such as getting into a better career path and out of a 8 year relationship that drained me. Still, my previous bad experiences were still seeping out of me in all my interactions, specifically romantic ones. Thankfully this channel made me realize that it wasn’t a good idea for me to harp about the past and center conversations about my trauma. I am now in a relationship with a stable, kind and generous man who is honestly just incredible. Not in the over the top love bombing, fairytale kind of way, but in the way were he does the dishes for me because I am stressed and running late even though I said I would do them and buys me my favorite chapstick that I lost on the subway the previous day. I come from such chaos and he provide me with such peace and stability. God bless him and God bless this channel for showing me how I was ruining my own chances to find a healthy partner ❤️
My recent problem was that I finally found this wonderful, calm, patient guy! But all I did was panic and feel bored, so I kept pushing him away, then pulling him back, then pushing away. I really hurt him with my projecting. I couldn’t stop it. I had no control. I feel like I love him but I’m pretty sure it’s too late. I’m so drained and confused and keep shaming myself.
I definitely came from a traumatized child hood. Knowing something was wrong, but not bring able to know what it was. Many years later, still dealing with the after affects.,I would say picking the wrong partners was a direct result. Finding that so many people have been and are broken. I'm still climbing and hope to find a healthy partner.
I've always had bad relationships. I thought I was too ugly, and not worthy. Guys never looked at me. I'm 70 and will never have what I've always craved, a good relationship. I've decided to just focus on me. I'm learning to love myself. I've promised all my kisses to my cat and that's the name of that tune. My cab light has never worked. And, my "picker" is broken. My wall is up as I just can't be rejected or abandoned again.
EMDR therapy is very effective for reducing/resolving traumatic memories, clearing the way for healthier socialising. If you have a chance to socialise and meet people, go to it! You deserve love and heaps of 'unattractive' people are in relationships. To the right person, you are attractive.
@@taleandclawrock2606absolutely right. I have observed that the happiest marriages are among 'average' looking couples, no glamour. I think more research would be helpful. Being conventionally good looking can attract superficial and selfish people
The irony of childhood PTSD is that it makes you realize later in life that you are still a child. It also makes you feel the same vulnerability as you did as a child. There must be something parenting us. It may be a god, the universe itself, or possibly everything thing in this world as a whole together if we choose to see it. It kinda reminds me of when astronauts speak about how there is something greater once they experience the flight of space looking down at our world. 🌎
Unfortunately, this is me. Thank you very much for the help you've given all of us. 🌹. Trying to get therapy, can't find one who treats multiple PTSD. Why I'm so grateful to you. 🙏🏻
Better help online therapy works great. Zoom therapy, Journaling, worksheets and books to read. Goal driven. I use it to help heal and it's working. Ready to have narcissist move out of my home and life. Now I ha e to carefully execute the plan
These videos always appear right when I need them. I want to believe that I too can experience love and it’s been getting harder and harder to discover all my inner barriers at each turn. It’s a different feeling realizing that my pain now is self inflicted and impacts those who really have cared for me. I want to feel close to others so badly but there’s a part of me that fears that vulnerability the most. That part is so strong and the more I suppress it the more overpowering it becomes. I wish I could share the love in my heart freely. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m starting to accept the journey it will take to get there. The encouragement and understanding that you provide has given me so much solace in a period that I have felt completely alone and misunderstood. I hope to be able to accept myself enough to continue this journey in a meaningful and consistent way. I want to follow through even if my fears and barriers remain present and feel impeding (as they often do.).I no longer want to be dictated by my survival mechanisms. Thank you for shedding light on hope and a chance at a new perspective
This has to be one of the best videos on the internet for people like me. THANK YOU SO MUCH! OMG this thing is packed with amazing info and insights. This disregulation stuff is really challenging because often it can happen with no discernible cause. I've been amazed when talking with my sister how suddenly and almost instantaneously I can go from being happy, joyful and free to intensely RAGE FILLED. It often happens so fast I don't even know why. All I know is that a second ago, I was fine, NOW I'm so mad I can't even understand it. Simply recognizing the change of state has been enough for me and I'll excuse myself, go to the bathroom and either pray, call my sponsor or simply sooth myself. I can usually get back to an easy and laid back feel fairly quickly but man this instant rage stuff is so strange to me. I feel sometimes like I got hit by a bolt of lightening that's filled with rage. Anyways - thanks again for all your suggestions and your down to earth approach. AND I absolutely LOVE your channel name!!! haha it always brings a smile to my face and your wisdom brings peace to my heart. Thank you again and I can't wait to watch more vids!!
I cannot express how helpful all this information has been. Before this I was scrambling trying to figure out why people treated me the way they did. I found tons of info and got lots of answers except how to fix me. I'm taking all of this to heart and I will say I'm confident my life can change. It's sooooo nice to see that someone totally gets it. THANK YOU!
You are such a blessing to me, Anna! I am so glad I stumbled upon your channel. I can't stop watching your videos. I never even knew what abandonment issues were. I, literally, only thought abandonment was being left in a basket on someone's doorstep or being put in a dumpster. Yet you explained what I go through and have been going through my entire life. You are the MENTOR and teacher I have been needing my WHOLE life and I am very grateful to God to have found you! This video really hit home! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU DO AND SHARE!!
Thank you, Anna. Getting out of limerence took years, sadly to admit. I'm listening and learning because I say I want to be married, but have not dated in many, many years.
This is so crazy, I have been dealing with the problem you mentioned at the very moment UA-cam recommended this. I was seeing someone who seemed really good for me and promised they'd keep in touch and treat me well, and then they disappeared without even a text and I've been feeling confused and betrayed and like there really are no good people out there
Getting back on the dating sites (on the advice of my therapist) has made all of this feel even more impossible! What a mistake that was! Now it feels inevitable that I'll crawl back into my hole and just stay there until I die. I'm happy that the CCF found her way out and met someone great and got the life she wanted, but for some of us it feels like it isn't in the cards.
Her objective is to give you hope ... "the good news is you have the potential to change this and it starts by healing the hurts that dim your light, and you do this both through brain healing and through a loving and honest self-assessment around where you might be putting up a barrier between where you are and what you want now" (minute: 7:04).
@@michelerutherford719 I understand that and it’s a lovely sentiment but for some people, two to three decades of loneliness has robbed us of the most important ingredient; Hope. I watch these videos and I think they’re fantastic. It’s given me a name for my feelings and experiences. That has helped me communicate with my therapist, But dating is still impossible. This cab light thing is really cute, so this is all really entertaining until I decide that I’ve had enough,
@@elipotter369 I agree with all of that but the problem is not generating interest, for me at least. I’m handsome and not creepy so getting replies isn’t hard. But then almost immediately the talk turns boring when I get one word answers or they simply don’t have anything to talk about. It takes a toll on you when you put as much effort into putting your best foot forward but they don’t. I will admit, I have been wanting to go back to painting so I do like your art class idea. It would be for ME but if I find someone of make friends at least that would be a great bonus!
@@elipotter369 I’m pretty sure you’re right. I’ve done the online thing on and off for decades but real life stuff hasn’t worked either so it ain’t in the cards. Anyways, good luck to you as well.
After 39 years with a narcissist...I don't know who I am anymore as far as relating to women. I know I'm an empathetic person but I fear another relationship. Right now I feel like romance is BS. I know what real love is because I never had it from my wife. God is real love...treat others with honor and respect.
Finally leaving my narcissistic husband after 20 years of suffering. Not financially secure so its scary. So thankful for all your knowledge and support.
Thank you so much for this Video and I am 38 years old and I finally undersrtand why I am get hurt so easily. I am crying watching you talking. Again thank you.❤
Signs for green light 💚 1. It’s a feeling in you that I’m attracted to them and it shows that they’re interested in me 2. They’re not already in a relationship 3. Get it clear: is it a date or hanging out together? Are they interested or is it friendship? Are they emotionally available ? 4. They talk about you, ask questions about who you are. 5. They listen to what you say. They understand you, they get you. 6. They make it clear that they’re interested in you and that it’s a date. Clarity. You don’t want to wait around. 7. They’re open about themselves and what they’re looking for (red flag: them talking about their ex, childhood trauma,…the first dates). The vision they have for themselves in their lives (marriage, children,…). 8. Are they logistically available ? They live close to you, they have time, they are stable. 9. They treat you and everyone else (food servers, animals, people in the street,…) with kindness. 10. They’re honest. 11. They are considerate of making plans with you. They show up. They call you. They warn if they’re late,… 12. How do you feel when you’re dating them? If you feel good, that’s a green light 🙂💚 You feel like a better version of yourself around them. Ideally, you both have this feeling.
❤ After my last financial disaster of a breakup, next time I’m tempted to start dating I’m just gonna find a guy I hate, buy him a house and give him half my money.
I think we may have to "settle" because many of us have set our sights expectations too high. Only to have relationships with successful narcisstic type. You might meet someone who doesn't give you the same level of excitment. Or have the same success as the others. I think the most important part is getting to know someone and being friends first without all the sexual distractions. For a while at least
I'm 53 and have given up on dating... Building and Collecting Model cars have filled that void for me-( And it has done wonders for my self esteem!!)..
I'm on my 4th marriage, with yet another failing on the horizon, and she is getting Alzheimer's. BUT I am glad to have found you again, Fairy. You have matured as well, and you make my life easier to take. ❤
I don’t have much hope that I’ll ever have the life long relationship I want. I just don’t feel like I’m capable of it. My temperament. My selfishness. But hopefully one day I’ll eat my words about that
I watched your Jonah Hill video and the fact that you have empathy for your ex tells me that you may be less selfish than you think. If you had trauma by others, your self-narrative was put there by others. I hope you challenge your self-narrative whenever you think youre incapable or too selfish. You might be! I have no idea, but if you're operating on a warped self-narrative how would you know the truth? That's just my "stranger on UA-cam" opinion. Good luck!
It seems like such a daunting task to give up additions like drugs, porn, and past entanglements cause they are being used to numb the pain from the underlying issues. What a vicious cycle to try and break free from. Thank you for your videos ❤️
"You're wondering why you keep attracting people who are either not functional, not into you, or outright hurtful to you..." Um, I'm really wondering why I don't attract anyone at all. I don't even attract jerks or emotionally unavailable people. I just attract no one. Never even had a relationship. 🤔
I have a friend like this and I don't have the heart to tell her she needs to do some serious work on herself, develop her social skills and take better care of her appearance. She is pushy, rude, dominates every conversation, likes to diagnose people and gives tons of unsolicited advice. It's stressful to be around. She tends to be very aggressive with men and they don't like it.
I’ve been working on myself for over 3 years to repair and heal. The path is tough but necessary. Thank you for even more tools to heal and repair myself.
I'm so glad you speak to the spirituality of love conscious awareness & awakening . The one thing that IS the basis of the universe is PERFECT LOVE , who The Lord of All Divine Spirits IS & we are the expression of that Perfect Love, not unlike the grace & beauty & miracle of a butterfly transforming 🐛🦋⚡💕🙏🏼😇🎶🌠🕊️💫
My mom left when I was four, with a smile on her face. My dad remarried a real Mommy Dearest type, possibly with OCPD and CPTSD. I let whatever woman that wanted to put in the effort basically have me. I've had one relationship in my 30s that felt like love, but I didn't know how to communicate through challenges, and I would just shut down. When that relationship ended I stopped trying for about a decade, until a drop dead gorgeous woman flirted with me for about 7 months. I didn't trust her intent at first, but she was so persistent. I ended up asking her on a date and she turned me down saying she wasn't available for dating right now. It hurt, and she agreed that she led me right into it. I was disappointed, but I dropped it. About 6 weeks later I bump into her and she is flirting aggressively again, so I start falling for it again. She starts popping up randomly around my daily routine. The coffee shop before work, the grocery after work, walking by my house when I'm in my yard on weekends, running by and asking if she leave her hoodie on my porch because it was too hot to wear it. I end up asking to kiss her and things start feeling like they are headed towards something really healthy and fun for me. But then she starts saying little negative things about my friends and I call her out on it and she shuts me down. So I back off again... and then we bump into each other again and she is flirting again, and dang it if I didn't fall for it again. So I start asking her out again and she says yes, but I could never get her to commit to any plans at all, no matter how direct I was. She flirted with me all the way up until a few weeks ago, and now I think she is dating someone else. I think she wanted me to chase her, but I have issues with the catch-and-release treatment from her, because I feel like my own mother made me chase her love my entire life, and I get quickly impatient when my honesty is responded to with games. What I want is someone who will be honest with me and not treat me like a tourist attraction or a temporary stand-in. She is pretty messed up, but plays it off like it is everyone else. I think she is a "Boy Collector" to reenact her issues with her dad being a serial cheater, and her mom telling her she isn't pretty. I am ready to date again, but I'm not really prepared to date again. I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm in therapy and I think I'm a good communicator. While this one is incredibly attractive to me, she just isn't the whole package. I want to keep clearing my own trauma so I am better prepared emotionally/mentally to start meeting people again. I want it.
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Dating and Relationships bit.ly/CCF-Dating -Cara@TeamFairy
I’m 40 and have never been in a stable, loving relationship with a trustworthy and healthy partner where we have a mutual attraction… However I wasn’t healed until I had my daughter almost three years ago and left a dangerously abusive person. Since then I’ve done the work but am still scared of “love”. What helps me is to stay chaste and just be open to platonic friendships.
Thank you thank you thank you so glad I found you everything makes sense I'm 69 years old and I've had years of psychotherapy and none of this was ever addressed❤
Yes Anna, That's what I've lived like.. Until 2 years ago. My girlfriend has saved me.. And taught me and teaching me things I should have known when I was younger...
Oh wow wow wow!!! I had never heard of limerence until I found this channel a few weeks ago. I'm learning so much, I can hardly believe it. I actually had a pretty good and normal childhood but I obviously had some cptsd because now I recognize so many of the patterns. 2 of my 3 "relationships" were limerent. And the 13 year marriage I'm in now started when I was trying to get away from the previous limerence. I haven't really cared for any of the men I've been with in the beginning, but once we got physically involved I got completely lost and obsessed. I almost got away within the first 6 months or so, from the man I am married to now but started having health problems which made me afraid to leave and here I am 13 years later. Health problems got much worse and which caused major cptsd and he hasn't been supportive of me during these issues and I'm finally (at 63) really working on getting out, even though it scares the heck out of me. Thank you so much Anna, I've been struggling hard to get myself to leave for the last couple of years and listening to you is helping me finally get there. WOW!!! ❤
I hate to say it but as a successful, independent woman in her 60's I've pretty much given up. I don't go to bars on line dating is full of creepy, lo level man dnd lots of scammers. I do need to be more social . I know joined a hiking group. Maybe there is hope.
Too much is made of romantic love...satisfying, loving relationships can be found outside of such relationships. I've been single for six years and never felt such freedom!
Anna can you make a video on the causes of lack of male attention while growing up ..cause i struggle with male attention from a young age ..anyway always thankful to you ❤
Your content is really authentic and resonates with me but I just can't believe anyone is out there for me. 2007 since my last relationship. 3 months just passed with someone who presented as my life partner and then hurt me in the most unexpected way. Right in trauma now even though I made the decision to end it. Feel too old to find anyone.
At 61, most men are looking for a housekeeper, nurse and/or meal ticket. It may happen that I find a rare exception, if not, that's OK. I have friendships I cherish. My practice of yoga, martial arts, meditation and volunteer work. Nature, art, music, and the beauty of New York City.
I feel what is for you is for you . an you don't need Direction . Just Respect and understanding and I believe that works both ways . To have the desired effect . It isn't ever something that can be or should be forced for in trying to implement it you forget .
@benjamintice6400 you said it best; Not trying to heal our cptsd will guarantee our failure for a chance at healthy connectedness. When we feel hopless, the irony is that fortunately, you can never be worse off than at the bottom of failure right? So the only way to go from being stuck is up, a thought that builds hope. So it is surely worth a try because there is nothing to lose. Therefore, we can afford to be fearless.
thank you 🙏 for unpacking cpsd in away that was easy to understand i think i’ll try your method and will look that up next it’s worth a shot because i feel like my cpsd is holding me back in life. again thank you 🙏 ❤
I completely understand! I was with a narc that fooled me good! Now I’m scared I will be deceived again so I’m not even putting myself out there again!
I was 20 yrs in w mine. Doing a lot of therapy now. Experiencing aread of healing. So far I've learned that enforced boundaries and non negotiables as well as not ppl pleasing are significant deterrents for narc abuse. Also, knowing how to meet my own needs and soothing my own wounds keeps me from seeking out potentially harmful others. Lastly, the gut feeling, intuition. It's always right. Don't ignore it. Hope that helps.
@@hautecouture2228 I just thought about how I wasn't being fully honest posting that without pointing out that on dating sites and in life I'm only finding very out-of-shape and unattractive and traumatized women. It offends me how they think they even have a chance with me just based on looks and even the "big" women think they deserve a man who makes a 1% income. Thanks for the good question. I guess I was venting and you're right maybe this isn't the space for that kind of language.
How come all these people who have "given up on love" are bothering to watch this video? Seems like some folks aren't being honest with themselves about what they want.
My last relationship was with a workaholic. The beginning of this video really struck me. It wasn't a dreadful relationship by any means and had some great aspects to it. But the personal chemistry was not there. I was inspired by her drive but as we entered the post-honeymoon phase it dawned on me that she would not hatch into this more moderate, warmer version of herself. She took the space I gave her and used it for secrecy and distance. Obviously it was my bad for not seeing her for who she was initially. She never really pretended otherwise. I just couldn't face my negative feelings about the communication in time and got swept up in limerence.
Cab light! I like the metaphor! ❤. On another note.. Horoscopes usually do put compatible signs together. I wouldn't compare that with tarot cards. I’ve read about signs since high school, guessed people’s signs many times. Not by chance, but educated process of elimination.
this woman expresses out loud things i thought were my innermost secrets.
Same!!!!!
Yes yes yes.
Yes and so on point.
Yes
spot on
After 3 failed marriages and countless crappy situationships I think I’m resigned to being single.. less drama, no problems no stress.. I’m 52 and I’m tired of being someone’s therapist, maid, and/or mommy.. I have my work, my hobbies, and my dog🤷🏻♀️
Yep. I'm 52, Dad to 9yr old, fit, non drinker and just not meeting anyone that I would even want to try and date.
It’s very disappointing😢
Wow. I am so sorry for the things that you have experienced
@DEEPCYCLEGARAGE , hugs and the best as you move forward
Amen🙏🏻 (Same here!)
Meeting healthy, available people with whom you share mutual attraction and values is so rare especially the older you get.
I am definitely unhappily single- at 52 I still hope I can find someone- but so far that has not worked out. I hope that I can heal my childhood trauma to not only find a mate- but also be able to be ok financially.
@@MsCyberNewt Well I feel the same way. I'm in South Africa and we have huge drug problems. The pool of suitable partners is just so small. Never lose sight of what you want to achieve. I think our prognosis looks better by the day. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Good luck to all of us
Mom had two great guys chasing her in her 80s! It was so cute to witness.
I agree.
It is still possible ❤ I believe it.
There are some comments here that can be boiled down to "I've given up", "it's too hard", "I'll never recover". For someone who has been healing/growing, those messages are scary and create anxiety, BUT I took a step back and thought "Okay, I hear those stories: Are these messages helpful? What purpose do they serve? What will these stories do for me?". I think you know. Maybe I will be alone, maybe I won't. Not trying to heal my CPTSD, not addressing my trauma, not *trying* for the future I want is pretty much garaunteeing my future unhappiness, though. If I'm alone for months or years, doesn't matter, I should try to find a way to be a healed, happy, connected person. If there's someone in my future? Amazing! I still need to be that person.
I'm not gonna give up. I have hope.
That is exactly right, and I wish I could frame what you said here for all to see. I don't want to exclude the people who come and express their own hopelessness, because they just might have a breakthrough, like you have! I'm sure they don't realize how much it discourages other people. But one powerful thing you can do when you're down is encourage others.
I noticed, and was initially negatively affected by, those comments but I'm at an early stage in my healing and found your comment super helpful. Thank you and good luck with your journey.
It might well be Acceptance and Stating their Actual Experiences that you are reading in those comments.
With passage of years comes more and more Pasts abd Past Experiences. You ain't going to be meeting anyone who has a clean slate past with no baggage anymore as you mature in years. Plus folk get more stuck and rigid as they mature in years. That's a major factor in why it gets harder to meet someone who is capable of being fully available as one matures. It is even true of new friendship making in mature years.
Healing or no healing.
so well said and thank you!
Thank you for your comment ! So well said; I so agree and I am with you. Part of self love and self compassion is never giving up on ourselves. We need hope to cultivate faith and love ❤🎶🙏🏼😇🕊️💫
I can validate so much of what you said.
I picked badly until I tried to get my narcissist parents in counseling and realized that was never going to work so I started working on myself, didn't date for years (working and going to school fulltime made that easy), I made a list of what I wanted and was told it was unrealistic. But I was okay with being single until I found what I wanted. Ironically it was one of my parents who told me don't look for someone to change because people don't change. I wasn't looking when my husband came into my life and we took our time getting to know each other. Twenty years later I still think he's a keeper. He told me I was attractive to him because I had my act together and wasn't desperately looking for someone to make me happy.
Congrats! So glad there are some people who manage to find the right people. The "keeper"😍
My partner has PTSD, we have been together for a long time we have a 3 yr old together. She pointed out things I didn't realize about myself. She took the time to think and had the courage to say she wasn't happy. I started therapy and realized I have a lot of work to do. I read Adult Children of emotionally immature parents so I could understand what she went through. The book pointed out things I was doing that wasn't helping her feel emotionally safe. I am working to show I can be the man I should be for my girls. I know theirs no magic to encourage her to stay. Especially when she took the first step to say she wasn't happy. She has dealt with and worked through a lot in her life. I guess I am here listening so I can better understand...Thank you
Do you have any suggestions, should I stop telling her I love her if she doesn’t say it. It feels bad seeing her when we are at home not pretending I don’t care but does it just remind her I am thinking about me over her?
The fact that you are watching UA-cam videos and reading books on related mental health topics…, that’s accountability and empathy👏❤. You might not be able to convince your partner to stay, but do continue to express your love for her. I also would recommend Patrick Teahan on UA-cam.
All the best to you❤️‼️
Good for you.
@@jenniferg6818 I need so much help, I realized so many mistakes I have made and my partner has so much resentment. I also have been on my own mental health journey and have been diagnosed with a mood disorder. Intrusive thoughts and I over analyze everything. We now are really giving each other space, she’s staying with friend. We started couples therapy, but she’s so mad about the past and I own it…but theirs no time table on when it might or if it can ever be repaired. I hope my family can come back together and I am terrified, so far all I have done is made is worse by wanting to talk about it every day.
You found the path my friend. Seeking help, doing the work, and having the courage to grow has huge rewards for you and everyone in your life.
"For all you know, the greatest love you could possibly know may still lie ahead of you, especially if you keep healing from what happened in the past. And that longing you feel when you're lonely, especially now, has a message for you: that it's real, and it's pointing the way towards your home." wow wow wow. you've opened my mind and my heart in ways I didn't think were possible. thank you for your work that has been so integral to my journey.💜
I lost years of my life in toxic relationships. I’ve spent most of my life alone because of this.
Same here
Aaaaand here!
Me too spend most of my time work ing 7 days a week now . Isolated. But I’m at peace. I enjoy my own company most of the time.
She’s right. Romance is cotton candy. Real love is what you do for each other.
I wish I had a crappy childhood fairy when I was a "serial dater"! I totally fell head over heels on the first date then blew it with limerence. Then I was on the receiving end of limerence after one date. It's yucky either way. So glad I found this place with so many stories that mirror my problems and best of all there are solutions! Thank you Anna
I am lucky enough to have overcome and heal enough to find a wonderful man, and I was fairly young- 25- but I’m so proud to say that we have been happily (though not unrockily) married for 14 years. It can happen! My husband had a hard childhood too, and it is his second marriage, but that crappy first marriage made him appreciate an accept me so much more than I think he would otherwise. That being said, it still astounds me how low my self can be. I have everything a person could want- a beautiful home, the love and devotion of a wonderful partner, two amazing kids who are thriving, and a newly minted masters degree. On my worst days I shame myself about i. “It makes no sense! Why am I so sad?” It’s hard to be a person
I can relate. I think it's the emptiness of a traumatic childhood. Over time I've adopted an all black wardrobe, a melancholy aura, without really meaning to...I feel more myself then ever though, I'm in a perpetual state of mourning, of longing for....something, I'm not quite sure what. I feel like my wing were cut as a child and as an adult I keep trying to fly, fly high like other people do...and I can't. Of course I can't, I dont have wings, i will never fly. But I survive! And I take comfort in that I will do anything to make sure my children have a better childhood, a full, happy and loving childhood. They will fly and that is my comfort.
@@BooThing14 beautifully said x
When I felt that way it was physical. Low vitsmin d that affected my hormones.
@@elipotter369 Yeah! teary, tired, brainfoggged and nauseus..I gotta cut the sugar man..
@misspeach3755 this is not true. Does jesus comfort the broken? absolutely but we will never be healed or whole until we get to heaven. Thats kind of the point...we are chosen to be broken so that wevcan relate to this Jesus, this man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief, he understands us and we understand him and most useful of all we can empathize with peoples condition because we know their pain. Thats the whole point....I gave my life to the Lord at 18 and ive had trauma upon trauma....your understanding of the holy spirits work does not fit...not on my case anyway...so no, Jesus does not fill the cracks, he creates more...blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted....
I cried the moment you finished your first sentence “it is not supposed to be that way”
Whew. I’m ready for love ❤
This channel really came into my life at the right time, I had already made some great strides such as getting into a better career path and out of a 8 year relationship that drained me. Still, my previous bad experiences were still seeping out of me in all my interactions, specifically romantic ones. Thankfully this channel made me realize that it wasn’t a good idea for me to harp about the past and center conversations about my trauma. I am now in a relationship with a stable, kind and generous man who is honestly just incredible. Not in the over the top love bombing, fairytale kind of way, but in the way were he does the dishes for me because I am stressed and running late even though I said I would do them and buys me my favorite chapstick that I lost on the subway the previous day. I come from such chaos and he provide me with such peace and stability. God bless him and God bless this channel for showing me how I was ruining my own chances to find a healthy partner ❤️
Huh? My cablight only works when I am happily taken.why am I the only one saying this? I am chronic PTSD and very damaged.
My recent problem was that I finally found this wonderful, calm, patient guy! But all I did was panic and feel bored, so I kept pushing him away, then pulling him back, then pushing away. I really hurt him with my projecting. I couldn’t stop it. I had no control. I feel like I love him but I’m pretty sure it’s too late. I’m so drained and confused and keep shaming myself.
I’ve been there as well 😓
Wow
Damn. Same
Oh my this is my exact situation
He held on for 5-6 years too. Such a sweet soul
Same
I definitely came from a traumatized child hood. Knowing something was wrong, but not bring able to know what it was. Many years later, still dealing with the after affects.,I would say picking the wrong partners was a direct result. Finding that so many people have been and are broken. I'm still climbing and hope to find a healthy partner.
keep working on being ...a healthy partner too
I've always had bad relationships. I thought I was too ugly, and not worthy. Guys never looked at me. I'm 70 and will never have what I've always craved, a good relationship. I've decided to just focus on me. I'm learning to love myself. I've promised all my kisses to my cat and that's the name of that tune.
My cab light has never worked. And, my "picker" is broken. My wall is up as I just can't be rejected or abandoned again.
EMDR therapy is very effective for reducing/resolving traumatic memories, clearing the way for healthier socialising. If you have a chance to socialise and meet people, go to it! You deserve love and heaps of 'unattractive' people are in relationships. To the right person, you are attractive.
I'm almost 68 and I have never been married and now I'm asking God for a marriage 💖🙏
@@taleandclawrock2606absolutely right. I have observed that the happiest marriages are among 'average' looking couples, no glamour. I think more research would be helpful. Being conventionally good looking can attract superficial and selfish people
The irony of childhood PTSD is that it makes you realize later in life that you are still a child. It also makes you feel the same vulnerability as you did as a child. There must be something parenting us. It may be a god, the universe itself, or possibly everything thing in this world as a whole together if we choose to see it. It kinda reminds me of when astronauts speak about how there is something greater once they experience the flight of space looking down at our world. 🌎
Unfortunately, this is me. Thank you very much for the help you've given all of us. 🌹. Trying to get therapy, can't find one who treats multiple PTSD. Why I'm so grateful to you. 🙏🏻
Trying to find the right therapist to treat c-PTSD is more traumatic than trying to find a decent partner.
Better help online therapy works great. Zoom therapy, Journaling, worksheets and books to read. Goal driven. I use it to help heal and it's working. Ready to have narcissist move out of my home and life. Now I ha e to carefully execute the plan
They treat multiple PTSD etc...
These videos always appear right when I need them. I want to believe that I too can experience love and it’s been getting harder and harder to discover all my inner barriers at each turn. It’s a different feeling realizing that my pain now is self inflicted and impacts those who really have cared for me. I want to feel close to others so badly but there’s a part of me that fears that vulnerability the most. That part is so strong and the more I suppress it the more overpowering it becomes. I wish I could share the love in my heart freely. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m starting to accept the journey it will take to get there. The encouragement and understanding that you provide has given me so much solace in a period that I have felt completely alone and misunderstood. I hope to be able to accept myself enough to continue this journey in a meaningful and consistent way. I want to follow through even if my fears and barriers remain present and feel impeding (as they often do.).I no longer want to be dictated by my survival mechanisms. Thank you for shedding light on hope and a chance at a new perspective
Anna, I cried my heart out listening to this…..thank you for all that you do. God bless you.
You are so welcome
This has to be one of the best videos on the internet for people like me. THANK YOU SO MUCH! OMG this thing is packed with amazing info and insights. This disregulation stuff is really challenging because often it can happen with no discernible cause. I've been amazed when talking with my sister how suddenly and almost instantaneously I can go from being happy, joyful and free to intensely RAGE FILLED. It often happens so fast I don't even know why. All I know is that a second ago, I was fine, NOW I'm so mad I can't even understand it.
Simply recognizing the change of state has been enough for me and I'll excuse myself, go to the bathroom and either pray, call my sponsor or simply sooth myself. I can usually get back to an easy and laid back feel fairly quickly but man this instant rage stuff is so strange to me. I feel sometimes like I got hit by a bolt of lightening that's filled with rage.
Anyways - thanks again for all your suggestions and your down to earth approach. AND I absolutely LOVE your channel name!!! haha it always brings a smile to my face and your wisdom brings peace to my heart. Thank you again and I can't wait to watch more vids!!
I can’t believe this video exists!!! This is so dangerously spot on!!! It’s like you’ve been watching me my whole life!!!
Good to hear the video resonates with you. Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
I cannot express how helpful all this information has been. Before this I was scrambling trying to figure out why people treated me the way they did. I found tons of info and got lots of answers except how to fix me. I'm taking all of this to heart and I will say I'm confident my life can change. It's sooooo nice to see that someone totally gets it. THANK YOU!
You got this! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I am certain that i have never had healthy love in an adult partnership thus far at 53.
I feel a love for and from God now. This is new for me too.
You are such a blessing to me, Anna! I am so glad I stumbled upon your channel. I can't stop watching your videos. I never even knew what abandonment issues were. I, literally, only thought abandonment was being left in a basket on someone's doorstep or being put in a dumpster. Yet you explained what I go through and have been going through my entire life. You are the MENTOR and teacher I have been needing my WHOLE life and I am very grateful to God to have found you! This video really hit home! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU DO AND SHARE!!
Thank you, Anna. Getting out of limerence took years, sadly to admit. I'm listening and learning because I say I want to be married, but have not dated in many, many years.
This is so crazy, I have been dealing with the problem you mentioned at the very moment UA-cam recommended this. I was seeing someone who seemed really good for me and promised they'd keep in touch and treat me well, and then they disappeared without even a text and I've been feeling confused and betrayed and like there really are no good people out there
Getting back on the dating sites (on the advice of my therapist) has made all of this feel even more impossible! What a mistake that was! Now it feels inevitable that I'll crawl back into my hole and just stay there until I die. I'm happy that the CCF found her way out and met someone great and got the life she wanted, but for some of us it feels like it isn't in the cards.
Her objective is to give you hope ... "the good news is you have the potential to change this and it starts by healing the hurts that dim your light, and you do this both through brain healing and through a loving and honest self-assessment around where you might be putting up a barrier between where you are and what you want now" (minute: 7:04).
I'm with ya!😢
@@michelerutherford719 I understand that and it’s a lovely sentiment but for some people, two to three decades of loneliness has robbed us of the most important ingredient; Hope. I watch these videos and I think they’re fantastic. It’s given me a name for my feelings and experiences. That has helped me communicate with my therapist, But dating is still impossible. This cab light thing is really cute, so this is all really entertaining until I decide that I’ve had enough,
@@elipotter369 I agree with all of that but the problem is not generating interest, for me at least. I’m handsome and not creepy so getting replies isn’t hard. But then almost immediately the talk turns boring when I get one word answers or they simply don’t have anything to talk about. It takes a toll on you when you put as much effort into putting your best foot forward but they don’t. I will admit, I have been wanting to go back to painting so I do like your art class idea. It would be for ME but if I find someone of make friends at least that would be a great bonus!
@@elipotter369 I’m pretty sure you’re right. I’ve done the online thing on and off for decades but real life stuff hasn’t worked either so it ain’t in the cards. Anyways, good luck to you as well.
After 39 years with a narcissist...I don't know who I am anymore as far as relating to women. I know I'm an empathetic person but I fear another relationship. Right now I feel like romance is BS. I know what real love is because I never had it from my wife. God is real love...treat others with honor and respect.
Finally leaving my narcissistic husband after 20 years of suffering. Not financially secure so its scary. So thankful for all your knowledge and support.
You make me feel so seen… as hard as it is, knowing I am not the only person that experiences these things is deeply comforting
Thank you so much for this Video and I am 38 years old and I finally undersrtand why I am get hurt so easily. I am crying watching you talking. Again thank you.❤
Signs for green light 💚
1. It’s a feeling in you that I’m attracted to them and it shows that they’re interested in me
2. They’re not already in a relationship
3. Get it clear: is it a date or hanging out together? Are they interested or is it friendship? Are they emotionally available ?
4. They talk about you, ask questions about who you are.
5. They listen to what you say. They understand you, they get you.
6. They make it clear that they’re interested in you and that it’s a date. Clarity. You don’t want to wait around.
7. They’re open about themselves and what they’re looking for (red flag: them talking about their ex, childhood trauma,…the first dates). The vision they have for themselves in their lives (marriage, children,…).
8. Are they logistically available ? They live close to you, they have time, they are stable.
9. They treat you and everyone else (food servers, animals, people in the street,…) with kindness.
10. They’re honest.
11. They are considerate of making plans with you. They show up. They call you. They warn if they’re late,…
12. How do you feel when you’re dating them? If you feel good, that’s a green light 🙂💚 You feel like a better version of yourself around them. Ideally, you both have this feeling.
Thank you for this list. There are several elements that were absent from my marriage
❤ After my last financial disaster of a breakup, next time I’m tempted to start dating I’m just gonna find a guy I hate, buy him a house and give him half my money.
😮
LOL. Jump right to the end of the book.
😂
Totally get it!
🤣🤣🤣 Sorry, that sucks, but your resillient humor is gold!💨💥💯
I really like the way you explain things. Your voice is very soothing. I don’t think you can push any triggers in anyone. Appreciate all your work.
I’ve never cried so hard from a UA-cam video but here I am 🫠 this hit home in so many ways, I’m grateful for your work Anna ❤
Real love . .I can't wait ❤❤
Healing healing healing . .shadow work . Daily practices . .i just wanna feel normal
I think we may have to "settle" because many of us have set our sights expectations too high. Only to have relationships with successful narcisstic type.
You might meet someone who doesn't give you the same level of excitment. Or have the same success as the others.
I think the most important part is getting to know someone and being friends first without all the sexual distractions. For a while at least
This is exactly what I needed while dating in 2024 ❤
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm 53 and have given up on dating... Building and Collecting Model cars have filled that void for me-( And it has done wonders for my self esteem!!)..
And it’s your model cars that will hold your hand in a nursing home and organise your funeral
Tom it’s great that you have a hobbie/outlet for loneliness! I think that’s a good idea for a lot of people 🙂
@@hautecouture2228 what exactly do you mean??.. I need to have an outlet or be in a rubber room!!
This comment section is depressing. Thanks for the video Anna very informative.
they are the ones who won''t heal - self-defeating, lazy and not getting it
I'm on my 4th marriage, with yet another failing on the horizon, and she is getting Alzheimer's.
BUT I am glad to have found you again, Fairy. You have matured as well, and you make my life easier to take. ❤
Every time I listen to you. I am happy.
Happy to hear that! :)
Nika@TeamFairy
You are absolutely right, God is perfect love, His love heals and will help us heal and find human love, the 'one'. Love your videos
I don’t have much hope that I’ll ever have the life long relationship I want. I just don’t feel like I’m capable of it. My temperament. My selfishness. But hopefully one day I’ll eat my words about that
Hugs and the best to you
I watched your Jonah Hill video and the fact that you have empathy for your ex tells me that you may be less selfish than you think. If you had trauma by others, your self-narrative was put there by others. I hope you challenge your self-narrative whenever you think youre incapable or too selfish. You might be! I have no idea, but if you're operating on a warped self-narrative how would you know the truth? That's just my "stranger on UA-cam" opinion. Good luck!
It seems like such a daunting task to give up additions like drugs, porn, and past entanglements cause they are being used to numb the pain from the underlying issues. What a vicious cycle to try and break free from. Thank you for your videos ❤️
"You're wondering why you keep attracting people who are either not functional, not into you, or outright hurtful to you..."
Um, I'm really wondering why I don't attract anyone at all. I don't even attract jerks or emotionally unavailable people. I just attract no one. Never even had a relationship. 🤔
Same...sadly.
Probably bc you’re a healthy person!
I have a friend like this and I don't have the heart to tell her she needs to do some serious work on herself, develop her social skills and take better care of her appearance. She is pushy, rude, dominates every conversation, likes to diagnose people and gives tons of unsolicited advice. It's stressful to be around. She tends to be very aggressive with men and they don't like it.
Its not easier attracting many and still chosing wrong over and over
The second video was so beautiful and heartfelt. Thanks so much for sharing those sentiments.
I’ve been working on myself for over 3 years to repair and heal. The path is tough but necessary. Thank you for even more tools to heal and repair myself.
We're here to support you. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm so glad you speak to the spirituality of love conscious awareness & awakening . The one thing that IS the basis of the universe is PERFECT LOVE , who The Lord of All Divine Spirits IS & we are the expression of that Perfect Love, not unlike the grace & beauty & miracle of a butterfly transforming 🐛🦋⚡💕🙏🏼😇🎶🌠🕊️💫
First time to your channel because I am currently working every day on myself to heal because I am tired of not being able to meet the right people
My mom left when I was four, with a smile on her face. My dad remarried a real Mommy Dearest type, possibly with OCPD and CPTSD.
I let whatever woman that wanted to put in the effort basically have me. I've had one relationship in my 30s that felt like love, but I didn't know how to communicate through challenges, and I would just shut down. When that relationship ended I stopped trying for about a decade, until a drop dead gorgeous woman flirted with me for about 7 months. I didn't trust her intent at first, but she was so persistent. I ended up asking her on a date and she turned me down saying she wasn't available for dating right now. It hurt, and she agreed that she led me right into it. I was disappointed, but I dropped it. About 6 weeks later I bump into her and she is flirting aggressively again, so I start falling for it again. She starts popping up randomly around my daily routine. The coffee shop before work, the grocery after work, walking by my house when I'm in my yard on weekends, running by and asking if she leave her hoodie on my porch because it was too hot to wear it. I end up asking to kiss her and things start feeling like they are headed towards something really healthy and fun for me. But then she starts saying little negative things about my friends and I call her out on it and she shuts me down. So I back off again... and then we bump into each other again and she is flirting again, and dang it if I didn't fall for it again. So I start asking her out again and she says yes, but I could never get her to commit to any plans at all, no matter how direct I was. She flirted with me all the way up until a few weeks ago, and now I think she is dating someone else. I think she wanted me to chase her, but I have issues with the catch-and-release treatment from her, because I feel like my own mother made me chase her love my entire life, and I get quickly impatient when my honesty is responded to with games.
What I want is someone who will be honest with me and not treat me like a tourist attraction or a temporary stand-in. She is pretty messed up, but plays it off like it is everyone else. I think she is a "Boy Collector" to reenact her issues with her dad being a serial cheater, and her mom telling her she isn't pretty.
I am ready to date again, but I'm not really prepared to date again. I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm in therapy and I think I'm a good communicator. While this one is incredibly attractive to me, she just isn't the whole package. I want to keep clearing my own trauma so I am better prepared emotionally/mentally to start meeting people again. I want it.
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Dating and Relationships bit.ly/CCF-Dating
-Cara@TeamFairy
You’re incredibly insightful, and courageous to let her go. Sending you love and prayers for an excellent partner in your future 💜
This video was extremely compassionate, straightforward, and professional. Thank you.
I can relate very well to being with bums or psychos. That’s what happens when our traumas aren’t resolved. Wishing you the very best dear. ❤❤❤
I’m 40 and have never been in a stable, loving relationship with a trustworthy and healthy partner where we have a mutual attraction… However I wasn’t healed until I had my daughter almost three years ago and left a dangerously abusive person. Since then I’ve done the work but am still scared of “love”. What helps me is to stay chaste and just be open to platonic friendships.
Thank you thank you thank you so glad I found you everything makes sense I'm 69 years old and I've had years of psychotherapy and none of this was ever addressed❤
I'm so glad you found the channel! -Calista@TeamFairy
You are amazing. You’ve just nailed it. All of it. You speak so kindly and respectfully while keeping it real. Thank you ☺️
Thank you for your kind words! I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have a Divination business…. I’m not stopping what I do for a living. In tarots defense it’s almost always right 😅
9:27 carrying a lot of anger, drama, conflict create a barrier for healthy relationship
Yes Anna,
That's what I've lived like..
Until 2 years ago.
My girlfriend has saved me..
And taught me and teaching me things I should have known when I was younger...
Oh wow wow wow!!! I had never heard of limerence until I found this channel a few weeks ago. I'm learning so much, I can hardly believe it.
I actually had a pretty good and normal childhood but I obviously had some cptsd because now I recognize so many of the patterns.
2 of my 3 "relationships" were limerent. And the 13 year marriage I'm in now started when I was trying to get away from the previous limerence. I haven't really cared for any of the men I've been with in the beginning, but once we got physically involved I got completely lost and obsessed. I almost got away within the first 6 months or so, from the man I am married to now but started having health problems which made me afraid to leave and here I am 13 years later. Health problems got much worse and which caused major cptsd and he hasn't been supportive of me during these issues and I'm finally (at 63) really working on getting out, even though it scares the heck out of me. Thank you so much Anna, I've been struggling hard to get myself to leave for the last couple of years and listening to you is helping me finally get there. WOW!!! ❤
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I sabotaged a relationship with a sweet, steady man who loved me for years. I friendzoned him constantly because I didn’t feel sparks.
No relationship for me while I'm healing.
I hate to say it but as a successful, independent woman in her 60's I've pretty much given up. I don't go to bars on line dating is full of creepy, lo level man dnd lots of scammers. I do need to be more social . I know joined a hiking group. Maybe there is hope.
I'm 53 and have pretty much given up too...
Opposites attract until they become alike then they repel. Stay opposite ?
There is always hope😊
There is hope. Good things will happen
43 here and gave up too.
Too much is made of romantic love...satisfying, loving relationships can be found outside of such relationships. I've been single for six years and never felt such freedom!
On my 2nd divorce. But smarter now . thanks to Anna❤
This video gives me so much hope after many, many years of failed relationship attempts
So glad to hear it! Thanks for your comment!
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna can you make a video on the causes of lack of male attention while growing up ..cause i struggle with male attention from a young age ..anyway always thankful to you ❤
Your content is really authentic and resonates with me but I just can't believe anyone is out there for me. 2007 since my last relationship. 3 months just passed with someone who presented as my life partner and then hurt me in the most unexpected way. Right in trauma now even though I made the decision to end it. Feel too old to find anyone.
At 61, most men are looking for a housekeeper, nurse and/or meal ticket. It may happen that I find a rare exception, if not, that's OK. I have friendships I cherish. My practice of yoga, martial arts, meditation and volunteer work. Nature, art, music, and the beauty of New York City.
That second clip, from during the pandemic lockdown, is so heartfelt and inspiring ❤
it was part of the PLANdemic.....to cause more depression, anxiety, isolation. Communist agenda
Thank you for the videos and the time spent making them. You talk straight to my heart. You have such a loving and caring spirit. You give me hope ❤
What a kind thing to say! We appreciate it!
Nika@TeamFairy
I so admire your gift in uraveling complicated situations. You are wise and do it with honesty and truth and love.
Thank you for your kind words. Glad to hear you enjoy watching Anna's videos!
Nika@TeamFairy
I feel what is for you is for you . an you don't need Direction . Just Respect and understanding and I believe that works both ways . To have the desired effect . It isn't ever something that can be or should be forced for in trying to implement it you forget .
@benjamintice6400 you said it best; Not trying to heal our cptsd will guarantee our failure for a chance at healthy connectedness. When we feel hopless, the irony is that fortunately, you can never be worse off than at the bottom of failure right? So the only way to go from being stuck is up, a thought that builds hope. So it is surely worth a try because there is nothing to lose. Therefore, we can afford to be fearless.
thank you 🙏 for unpacking cpsd in away that was easy to understand i think i’ll try your method and will look that up next it’s worth a shot because i feel like my cpsd is holding me back in life. again thank you 🙏 ❤
I'm glad that I found this video. It's so helpful at this point in my life. Gives me some hope.
I'm so glad the video was helpful! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for tying this teaching in with how it relates to God.
Thank you for the reminder that there's still time.
Yeah, Anna, I DO THIS! It's called self sabotage?
...that makes sense 🤔🤔🤔
So don't be insecure. Great advice. What if no one wants you still?
1:06:00 - I did asked him about his childhood and he said, he doesn’t have traumas like me and I was judging him.
My partners have never been willing to help me during bad times. Which has made me feel even more alone.
same here - I am a recovering "nurse"...we are the worst, most codependent species there is.
getting divorced from a narc. married 36 years...the thought of dating again is terrifying. what if I chose the beautiful narc again?
I completely understand! I was with a narc that fooled me good! Now I’m scared I will be deceived again so I’m not even putting myself out there again!
I was 20 yrs in w mine. Doing a lot of therapy now. Experiencing aread of healing. So far I've learned that enforced boundaries and non negotiables as well as not ppl pleasing are significant deterrents for narc abuse. Also, knowing how to meet my own needs and soothing my own wounds keeps me from seeking out potentially harmful others. Lastly, the gut feeling, intuition. It's always right. Don't ignore it. Hope that helps.
Happy on my own.☮️ It's hard to convince well-meaning friends of that fact of tho...😥
Yep! As I said in another comment. I'm a fit 52-year-old Dad and just don't need anyone in my life stressin' me out.
don't worry, nobody needs to validate our choices
@@y.peffle2802 thanks, I needed that. 👍
@@DEEPCYCLEGARAGEwhy do you keep posting the same comment over again how fit you are. This is not a dating site
@@hautecouture2228 I just thought about how I wasn't being fully honest posting that without pointing out that on dating sites and in life I'm only finding very out-of-shape and unattractive and traumatized women. It offends me how they think they even have a chance with me just based on looks and even the "big" women think they deserve a man who makes a 1% income. Thanks for the good question. I guess I was venting and you're right maybe this isn't the space for that kind of language.
How come all these people who have "given up on love" are bothering to watch this video? Seems like some folks aren't being honest with themselves about what they want.
Yes, I've wondered that too. One thing to watch. Another to complain that the video doesn't match their non-interest.
Thanks for insight I struggle finding the forever relationship!
Most people fall in need not in love.
Single since I was 43 I'm now 66
I plan to remain single
I love the peacefulness of being alone.
My last relationship was with a workaholic. The beginning of this video really struck me. It wasn't a dreadful relationship by any means and had some great aspects to it. But the personal chemistry was not there. I was inspired by her drive but as we entered the post-honeymoon phase it dawned on me that she would not hatch into this more moderate, warmer version of herself. She took the space I gave her and used it for secrecy and distance. Obviously it was my bad for not seeing her for who she was initially. She never really pretended otherwise. I just couldn't face my negative feelings about the communication in time and got swept up in limerence.
This supposes that there IS a right person out there.
if people get off their damn devices,...yes
I pray for Love 💕 and Peace for EveryOne and then do as God Prompts me. 😊❤
This is a masterpiece. Thank you for doing what you do.
37:59 "tiny peeled grape out in the world just trying to pretend you're tough as a rock" 👌🏻 well said that's me 🙏🏻
I love your content and find it all very informative, insightful and helpful.
Cab light! I like the metaphor! ❤. On another note.. Horoscopes usually do put compatible signs together. I wouldn't compare that with tarot cards. I’ve read about signs since high school, guessed people’s signs many times. Not by chance, but educated process of elimination.
We both did it to each other
24:30 thank you for acknowledging this.
Very helpful videos, Anna! Thanks❣️
Life can be good, Michelle 🍀
19:50
21:27
This 🍀
Thank you Anna !
Profound
So Let Your Light So Shine Before Men an Woman
❤❤thanking you lady from New Zealand
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy