Really appreciate this conversation and how you flowed with it effectively. I really like the key points you made, Awareness of Attachment Style Instilling Change And If Not Willing to Change, It Will Continue. I think you explained attachment style well, I picked up on attachment style from my parent and now in my mid 20s I am currently working on breaking out of it. Examples that have been given for me are present in my workplace. Very difficult conversation to come up with however you delivered eloquently. Thank you for sharing this space.
Attachment style can definitely manifest in all areas of our lives, so I think it's helpful to recognize it within ourselves in order to then navigate all kinds of relationships in a way that feels good for us.
@@kat.eleftheriou Absolutely! One of the big changes highly needed to make is to create and maintain boundaries. I personally am a very big giver and enjoy gifting, I’ve picked up along the way that not everyone receives gracefully. Some will take,take, take; Thus creating a negative space for us. However, rediscovering that in order to instill change, the giver should be aware of their boundary limit. Only giving what is necessary and not overly. If you’re comfortable speaking upon a subject of that matter I will be interested to hear your thoughts! Mindful chats are a fav.
People stomp on my wounds as hard as they can as soon as they figure out what they are which triggers my avoidant and i banish them from. My life because they refuse to stop picking my scabs and rubbing dirt in them.
I feel like i avoid people because they leave me no alternative. I will start out trying to logically argue a situation, then i try reasoning, i try bargaining, i try setting boundaries, i try explaining using gigantic paragraphs in detail what it is they are doing that is upsetting me, repeat myself 15 times, give warning after warning, increasingly stern warnings, last warnings, THEN it escalates to ok i have exhausted every alternative and you wont stop.....you are cut from my life. Get out of my sight and dont come back. This causes the person to throw a tantrum like a 5 year old. And then they declare war on me and smash every button i have, press on every wound, while i am trying frantically to get them out of my life, cutting every tie, burning the bridge, and setting the ground on fire aeound me to keep them out and they just wont leave. And i am like ok i gave you a million warnings, i set the boundaries, your not capable of respecting them, we talked about it 5 times, i laid out the consequences, you didnt listen, your gone. Get out of my house NOW. And then they wont leave and keep fighting with me.
I feel like if you are expressing your viewpoint, putting up boundaries, and explaining... then you are not avoidant and these people are just not respectful to YOU. You abandon them because they do not respect you. That's good, that's the final "boundary" you can put on someone- no energy from you unless they change. A true avoidant cannot express these feelings as it is painful/disappointing/act of shame. Hope this helps you.
Honestly, I think one or two warnings is enough for someone to get it. If they don't get it, they don't get it, and all you need to do is make sure you're protecting yourself, even if that means removing them from your life.
I always thought it was more in the direction of fear of rejection. But actually fear of disappointment makes a lot of sense
I'm glad this concept resonates with you!
Really appreciate this conversation and how you flowed with it effectively. I really like the key points you made,
Awareness of Attachment Style
Instilling Change
And If Not Willing to Change, It Will Continue. I think you explained attachment style well, I picked up on attachment style from my parent and now in my mid 20s I am currently working on breaking out of it. Examples that have been given for me are present in my workplace. Very difficult conversation to come up with however you delivered eloquently. Thank you for sharing this space.
Attachment style can definitely manifest in all areas of our lives, so I think it's helpful to recognize it within ourselves in order to then navigate all kinds of relationships in a way that feels good for us.
@@kat.eleftheriou Absolutely! One of the big changes highly needed to make is to create and maintain boundaries. I personally am a very big giver and enjoy gifting, I’ve picked up along the way that not everyone receives gracefully. Some will take,take, take; Thus creating a negative space for us. However, rediscovering that in order to instill change, the giver should be aware of their boundary limit. Only giving what is necessary and not overly. If you’re comfortable speaking upon a subject of that matter I will be interested to hear your thoughts! Mindful chats are a fav.
This is the hardest battle of my life atm. Thank you so much for sharing your experience on this topic, it helps me a lot❤
I'm glad this helps!
It is not just attachment style it is more of relating style. Not just to people but to important things and situations too.
Yes, attachment applies to every kind of dynamic in our lives and the way we navigate through it!
This popping up on my timeline was so timely.
Great point on the being an adult part
People stomp on my wounds as hard as they can as soon as they figure out what they are which triggers my avoidant and i banish them from. My life because they refuse to stop picking my scabs and rubbing dirt in them.
That's frustrating and must be very painful to experience. It's good that you stand up for yourself and remove them from your life.
Thank you for your words. You did a great job and have given me lots to consider ❤️
I'm glad this was helpful :)
I feel like i avoid people because they leave me no alternative. I will start out trying to logically argue a situation, then i try reasoning, i try bargaining, i try setting boundaries, i try explaining using gigantic paragraphs in detail what it is they are doing that is upsetting me, repeat myself 15 times, give warning after warning, increasingly stern warnings, last warnings, THEN it escalates to ok i have exhausted every alternative and you wont stop.....you are cut from my life. Get out of my sight and dont come back.
This causes the person to throw a tantrum like a 5 year old.
And then they declare war on me and smash every button i have, press on every wound, while i am trying frantically to get them out of my life, cutting every tie, burning the bridge, and setting the ground on fire aeound me to keep them out and they just wont leave.
And i am like ok i gave you a million warnings, i set the boundaries, your not capable of respecting them, we talked about it 5 times, i laid out the consequences, you didnt listen, your gone. Get out of my house NOW.
And then they wont leave and keep fighting with me.
I feel like if you are expressing your viewpoint, putting up boundaries, and explaining... then you are not avoidant and these people are just not respectful to YOU. You abandon them because they do not respect you. That's good, that's the final "boundary" you can put on someone- no energy from you unless they change. A true avoidant cannot express these feelings as it is painful/disappointing/act of shame. Hope this helps you.
Honestly, I think one or two warnings is enough for someone to get it. If they don't get it, they don't get it, and all you need to do is make sure you're protecting yourself, even if that means removing them from your life.
well explained, thank you for this insight
Glad it was helpful!
I want Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now playing throughout this entire episode. 😞😶🌫️☁️☁️
❤