Dealing with Avoidant Men
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- Опубліковано 29 кві 2024
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This woman truly changed my life and outlook on relationships not only romantic but all interpersonal dynamics. I followed her advice on manifesting your dreamlife in 3 months and in less than 3 months I went from not being able to leave the bed crying after a breakup to landing my dream job and reaching my lifelong dream of moving to Europe. Thank you thank you thank you a thousand times. You’re the big sister every 20 something girl needs
She’s tooo good. Always so real and raw!! What we need!
WOW! so inspirational :))
That’s beautiful! So happy for you!
We fall in love with people who validate our beliefs about ourselves. If you think you are worthy of love, you will fall for people who give you love. If you think you are not worthy of love, you will fall in love with avoidants.
Waiting for marriage can help weed out SO many of these avoidant men. They have a long timeframe to opt out if they can’t handle their “biological urges”.
PREACH.
The easiest way to deal with avoidant men is to avoid them 🤣
Avoidant women are just as bad. RUN away fast
Glad you added this. I was going to say the same. Avoid the avoidant at all cost. I’m SA and it was an utterly horrific experience. Way worse than any narc I had ever encountered! I have read this so many times as well. People would rather take a narc than an avoidant. 🥴 Obviously, you want neither. Run for your life!
Spat my coffee out at "brother ew" 😂😂😂 you're too funny
She has the funniest “plug-ins”. Just sneaks them in😂
Me too i was like “wtf” did she really just say that 😂😂😂
Omg same I guess she must have seen the original meme
Tips for dating an avoidant: Just don’t.
A man here: when I was 21 I was wildly unavailable, avoidant, insecure, closed off, etc.
I am now 27 and have achieved a level of success and fulfillment to where I am ready to settle down with a good woman.
That’s all there is to it.
People are simply READY or NOT ready to be serious. You don’t need to overthink it all. Toxic people may be good people 5 years from now…but it’s not your job to wait for them. Find people who are ready and avoid those who aren’t. Simple. And if you aren’t ready, don’t be a POS…don’t date anyone
Yeah the material security work have been done but what about the emotional part ? They for sure are partly linked but definitely not only.
But only future relationships will give you the tone so... Let's see I guess 😺
@@de3207 they’re the same thing, is what I’m trying to say. The emotional part for men is largely due to the material reality they’re in. If they’re broke, or never hit the gym and are noticeably weak, or can’t lead bc they’ve never been in a leadership position before, for example. This is going to dramatically hurt their confidence and ability to open up in a relationship. The insecurity will prevent them. Bc deep down a man (a decent one at least) knows that his job is to protect and provide for his girl. If he knows he’s in no position to do that for you, then he feels unworthy of your love. There’s NO amount of “processing emotions” and thinking about it that is going to change that physical reality for men. For women this is totally different. Y’all can just delude yourselves and do mental judo to cope with your emotional problems, and that’s a super power y’all have lol. For men, our self worth and mental health is directly tied to results.
Okay I agree for a big part of what you said but if a part of self material security (maybe less but far from zero) has to be done for women for many valuable reasons, I suppose the same about emotions have to be done (proportionally) for men.
I'm french and I try not to use translation to express my opinion so sorry for my light "argument" 😂
But you got many valide points !
@@de3207 French? That’s awesome. On a side note, I’m praying that you guys save your beautiful culture from all the third-world migrants that have invaded your country. Much love from America 🇺🇸♥️🇫🇷
@@DevilFrog61Here is the part where, as a half- "third- world migrant" I definetly can't join your point of view 🫤
How to deal with avoidant men: The block button
Agree, no other way, no relationships
Lol….truth
same that's what i thought. how to deal w avoidant men: don't!
Your regular videos coming out these past few weeks have been a life saver Margarita, thank you, thank you. I've listened to the Golden Retriever/Black Cat video numerous times to steady myself in knowing my worth and self control in being the chasee. To me, you are the best at what you do!
Fear of them leaving is not in you. You are afraid because you dont trust this specific person. You probably had a lot of guys who were into you but you werent so much into them. Were you afraid they will leave? You didnt care if they did. So find out why you are still interested in people who cause you anxiety.
"Please be precious with yourself like you would if you were your own best friend or your own child or your own pet. We look after our pets very well. Look after yourself like your your own chihuahua"
Margarita, you are a godsend. Been going through a real tough situation lately and your videos have been the only source of calm. Your videos around this topic mean more than I can express in words. Just thank you ❤
Margarita, you are such an inspiration! I have been binge-watching your videos lately and just pre-ordered your audiobook. Kudos to you for completing the recording process while attending to the needs of your lovely baby daughter.❤
I love this ep and style ! Covering soooo much 👌
Love the question and answer format. Hoping that you'll do more. Thank you for all your great advice!
Follow up question to the avoidant segment in this video -
I’m more anxiously (possibly disorganised) attached and my partner is somewhat secure with avoidant tendencies. I’m aware of my issues and have tried to work on them, while in a long distance relationship for 3 years. My partner spends around half his time with me and half back home switching every 6-18 weeks. I have been trying to be more secure, self soothing and detached, however it usually for me ends up swinging so far the other way from anxious, I actually become hyper-independent and also hyperfixate on the lack of energy and “love” from my boyfriend. I end up becoming very resentful, only able to focus on the negative feelings and essentially convince myself that all he does is hurt me and that i’m not asking for too much, i’m just asking the wrong person, that I should dump him and move on. This happens pretty much every time he goes home and gets lazy with putting effort into the relationship or gets focused on a work project. However, when things are good i’m really happy, we have a great friendship, and I’ve considered moving 5000 miles to be with him. We’re currently in what feels like an irreconcilable low and I don’t know what to do anymore. :(
I can relate. It’s difficult and the long distance sure doesn’t help. All we can do is try to enjoy our own life, occupy yourself with your own interests and activities (doesn’t matter how small they might seem as long as they’re enjoyable to you!), spending time with your friends etc. Whenever you guys talk, be as fun and lighthearted as possible - I know that’s hard sometimes when you have stress and concerns, but just try girl. Ldr for 3 years is no joke and you have done a good job so far sustaining it.
You need to find a way to deal with your insecure attachment style. I have the same tendency, to become hyper-independent, especially when there is distance. Usually it is to protect myself from being hurt.. as you are unable to perform control the same way with the distance as without the distance. That’s why it’s nice once you are together. You can let go, because you feel in control. In the end though, hyper independence is not a stand-above-all or secure way of attaching, it is a way to deal with the unbearable uncontrollability of the situation.. You can start working on it. But keeping yourself busy will not do it. It’s vital to have your own life, but you have to learn to be secure even if it’s very quiet around you, these are the most vulnerable moments. Good luck for your relationship 💖
I pre-ordered your audio book. Looking forward to it.
Margarita your regular uploads are getting me through some hard weeks. Thank youuuu so much ❤❤❤
Love this Q and A! Much love from Texas!❤
Loved the Q&A!
Margarita this was so fun and good. Love all your insights.
I can’t wait to finish your audio book! ❤
Just finished listening with my podcast subscriber. Loved it!!
I love this format! You answering questions in real time ❤
I always learn something from your videos and this q and a style was definitely interesting.
your videos always come to me as a message from the universe or something bc I’ve been really struggling with my anxious attachment recently (which has gotten worse bc I recently experienced a traumatic event) and my actions are really pushing my spouse away 😭😭 I really love learning about attachment styles bc they make me realise that people are not inherently bad if they are for example anxious or avoidant. I shall take embodying secure attachment as a part of my healing journey ❤️
That analogy of the pint glass and the shot glass is brilliant. I never thought of it like that but totally makes sense. I needed a lot of energy being an anxious attachment and he didn’t need much being an avoidant but I didn’t even know about this until after we broke up a few weeks ago. I read the book you suggested “Attached” in one weekend that book was so eye opening. Thank you so much for your knowledge and sharing it with us Margarita! ❤
very good format also this one- take care!
Goodness gracious. There must be somethin’ in the air, ‘cause I have been dealing with an avoidant, the last two weeks (well, and over 15yrs) - and all my favorite UA-camr’s have been putting out videos, specifically, on dealing with avoidant people.
Thank you.
What has helped? I also have an avoidant partner and people are so harsh in the comments. It’s always “don’t deal with them” “leave”
Lovedddd this style 💗💗💗🙏
I loved this style Q&A! thank you for sharing Margarita!
You’re an amazing woman, thank you for sharing your knowledge.
This was awesome! Thank you. X
You are wonderful! Thank you for these videos 🎉🎉❤🎉🎉
This goddes doesn’t even need makeup ❤️🔥😮
And neither do you!!!
Honestly love your videos , I learn too much ❤❤
Needed this thank you ❤
You are THE best! I love watching and listening. I feel so understood in this amazing community of feminine energy babes!! And I love the Q&A! Keep them coming girl ❤🎉
Thankful for you woman! 🐈⬛
You are the best. Thank you as always for the truth
“Listen baby…”. Love you!
Thank you for bringing who you are to this platform ♥️
Could you please upload a video about maintaining feminine energy in friendships?
You have such a strong mother nature, I admire your work and the protective energy you put out there for us ❤
My first ever relationship was so toxic and tormenting, I read as much as I could to educate myself because the only explanation I could come up with is that I was absolute shit at picking the right men. I had a good run, but now I’ve been slowly but surely falling in love and losing my mind! I come to your channel to remember who I am, who I want to be and to remember how to control my emotions.
Thank you, you are amazing❤️
This format is great
Love your content ❤
Truly life changing ❤
Omg this is what I wanted today
there is also disorganized and fearful avoidant attachment styles
Honey, you have given me the most proper ass kicking today with your truths! I watched about 6 videos and all hit home and left me like “damnnnnn I got ALOT of work to still do!” However, I absolutely LOVE your delivery, it’s “matter of fact” but it’s still “girlfriend” if that makes sense. Thank you for all of the great gems. I am an anxious attachment and my fiancé (well I blurted out recently I can’t do this anymore….sooooo) is an avoidant but these videos have truly been helpful!
Thank you so much !!!!!!! ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
10:53 yesss the vampirism of it!!
Love your videos ❤
came right in time
Margarita!❤❤
i love your energy a lot Margarita. You're like a big sister that I always wanna have. Thanks the universe or anything guide me to watch your vdos. Hope you have a great abundance life. with love and kindness. From your fan in Thailand
Thinking you may have encountered narcisists,can you make a video on that too...Relationships with narcissists!!!!!
Margarita you are truly amazing. I wish you were making videos when I was a teenage girl wondering why my perverted boyfriend didn’t treat me well. 🤨 I fell into 2-3 bad relationships before finding my husband. If I had your knowledge, I would’ve been spared a lot of heartache. You teach women such valuable lessons- lessons my mom probably tried to teach me but it didn’t stick 😂 You frame it in a way we can understand… in a way that’s modern yet traditional. I don’t know how you do it, but you are spot on! You are the godmother I never had 🥰 if I ever have a daughter, I will keep your rules in mind. Every woman could benefit from hearing your words. Thank you 🙏 can’t wait to see more!
Love this
So grateful for you, Margarita!! 🙏🏾
You’re the besttttt
Margarita can you please make a video explaining the difference between avoidants and narcissists because they are extremely similar.
yes this!! It's so confusing
Not at all. I’m avoidant as a female, I always sabotage before a relationship can start, but I always explain why I can’t be with the person. I never disappear on people or ghost. Some can avoid the talk because you don’t want to hurt them, still sabotage the relationship, but will never be abusive. It’s the abuse that is the difference. All narcissists are avoidants though! But not all avoidants are narcissists.
They are not similar.
People just overdiagnois narcissist.
They especially have a similar effect on the psyche of someone who is anxious attachment. Like basically dealing with a narcissist and dealing with an avoidant affects our brain in the same way.
exactly
Margarita omg! The question about jealously towards the childs mom was almost an argument/conversation I was going to start today about something that grabbed my attention yesterday. Now I just want to go for a run because that was wrong of me to even have it cross my mind. And I definitely have to be mature for the kids because he’s worth it. I really am being immature but it’s crazy that it was one of the questions😮 I guess I needed to hear that!
Do you also have kids? How old are you? Take these things into consideration. If you don’t have kids, ask yourself if you really want a man who already has them. I only say that because I was with a man who had kids and I thought I would be okay with that situation but I discovered that I really want to be the first & only woman he had kids with.
@@KB-sg7tv I’m 27 I don’t have any, but he has 2 with the same woman. It’s just getting more serious between us and I see how hard this really is. You’re right I’m really trying, he’s great though! But I don’t like not being first.. and I understand that I’m not. I just may need some time to think!
It’s not wrong for it to just cross your mind love…That’s shaming yourself & all your feelings are there to send you a message.
The key that helps me is to not automatically believe everything I think or feel as absolutely true.
I become curious without shaming myself to notice my thoughts & feelings…especially if there is a pattern with them. This is what a good coach, therapist etc can help you with.
If we shame ourselves simply for our brain coming up with stuff, we’re adding another layer of emotion (shame) that will generally block the ability to allow the moment to be there, be curious & process. This is how this stuff can get stuck within us & even go so far as to create things like anxiety disorders.
I’m still doing all this work myself & I heard myself in your statement.
I hope this can be of some help. 🤍🙏💫
Love is nice. But make sure you are not taking on any extra responsibility before you are being made his wife and its worth for you as well. Have a timeline, and see how it goes. You mentioned its hard for him… But never disregard your own needs, feelings either , he also needs to worry how hard it is for You! For women 5 yrs wasted are much more important, than 5 yrs to a guy. He has all that experience already that you did not, so for him having a young understanding partner is a jackpot, but for you ? You have all the rights wanting things , experiences as well. Invest into yourself, make sure can have options if needed to . Also, he needs to take care of you as well, and his actions should show that he is counting you into his life, you are not left out just to keep the smile. He must behave the way,
that you sure, that your unity is also very important to him !
@@orscha6126 thank you so much for your response I needed to hear that. I will definitely stick to my timeline regardless of what his plans are I have to remember my needs. I’ve already made that mistake once and I don’t have time to waste.
I love these videos I find myself coming back to them to "self soothe".
Please can you film a video on marriage and how to not keep having petty fights and arguments. I'm hitting my year mark and I just find myself clashing with him constantly because are egos are butting heads. Also how do I self soothe?? I feel like my emotions are always related to how he's feeling and one minute he's fine the next he becomes moody and I find myself being affected easily. I'd also love a video on dealing with anger and frustration
Ahahahaha your first 4mins alone is cracking me up 😂
Thanks Margarita as always. How about how to deal with Golden retriever energy and take advantage of that? Like deal with men that chase 😗
girlfriend thank youuuu this topic is importante
I absolutely cringe at it. Personally, that’s something that should never be done. If you’re married, cool, but if not, nope. No ring, no commitment, no texts like that. To me, it’s a dignity issue. Flirting without giving it all is best.
Love your content Margarita, and I’m a Man.
New sub to your channel, I am in the US I would love your book, but I do not have a kindle, is there another way to receive your book?
Thank you my friend.
Ps. I am 53 and have been divorced since 2009, stayed home raised my girls now starting over and trying to live and feel like I did not waste my life and time on someone who did not love or want me, and trying not to have anxiety on trying to make up for all my loss years with someone I thought I would have a family and life long future partner, did not go the way planned.
Thank you for giving me hope.
This anxious and avoidant example is exactly what I am going through right now. And I understand everything you said and its 100% true. But I always ask myself, does an avoidant person need another avoidant person to feel understood? And the anxious person another anxious one so they both shower each other with love and attachment? Or is the goal only to be secure..because often I feel like avoidant people do not want to become secure because they think their way is the only right one…they seem „confident“ much more than the anxious person..
You look very lean and skinny. Glowing!
Just get yourself someone who’s NOT avoidant. This is too much work. I’d rather find someone who’s a lover/giver just like me.
Oh that is too hard in today's world. Gentlemen are so hard to find these days ugh
Avoid the avoidant at all cost. It’s an investment with zero return. Super damaging also.
your latest tik toks about black cat energy, you speak of.. can you put them into your UA-cam shorts?
Thanks!
The handkerchief and holding of the jacket are directly taken from Matthew Hussey.
I love listening to you, you're intelligently funny (idk if that makes sense, but it makes sense for me alsbjds)
The best decisions on how to deal with an avoidant man I've found myself: just give it up, let it go, go away, block them, ect🌚🗝️
I would love to hear your perspective on women that can’t be in their divine feminine “have an exciting life” because of health issues, etc. You say a lot to be obsessed with yourself and be busy but how do we navigate this if we aren’t able to do that quite in that way for whatever reason.
I just love your channel, thank you very much for your truth and inspiration.
So excited to read your book, I must say your personality is great I at least laugh once while listening.
( I like your bum, No 😊)
Blessings to you and your family.
Love from USA Washington State😊
Heyy @Margarita.Nazarenko
Can you please please please make a video for disorganized attachment style people????? 😗🥺 That's me, my attachment style has turned out to be Disorganized and I don't know what to do ? Or how to change that to secure attachment style..? 😶
How to differentiate between a narcissist & an avoidant?
Do we really need to ?
Thank you for your podcast. I am in a LDR relationship. He is younger and yes he is still a bit emotional available. Traumatized! I am trying to get secure but how on earth do you deal with an avoidant who says he wants to marry you and he has deep moments when he speaks about his inner thoughts. He says I am the first ever who made it to his heart. I was happy and positive. He said he will be doing better when he will come to me and marry me! I told him he has to start now to heal. What do I do with a man I love but he can come and hide when he pleases online and is hurt when confronted with my questions . I do not always want to walk on eggshells all the time. He is afraid I will leave him and he apologizes . He is gotten a little bit better. But oh I have not all the time of this world. I do not doubt his love but he needs help and I do not know what to do anymore.😢
"...then ...that's between you and God." *Smashes the like button!* Absolutely!
Why was he unavailable and avoidant with me for two years to point of my nervous system completely rewiring (ticked all the boxes of emotional unavailability) 6 months later is now in a very serious committed relationship? - wasn’t anxious prior to
It's because he was avoiding YOU, but he is not a proper avoidant person
what does it mean if my avoidant ex who broke up with me out of stress, blocked me, (because i asked for quality time with him after not being able to see him for 2 weeks, (we were in an LDR, no voice/video calls because he was 'busy.') and 3 weeks later, he unblocked me and didn't reach out to me? since he was the one who dumped me, i know i shouldn't be the one to reach out to him...
which type of avoidant? fearful vs dismissive, BIG difference. Dismissives could not care less about their partner's emotional needs, they're indifferent
"Look after yourself like you're~your own chiwawa!"
What if I'm the avoidant girl
9:30 time stamp for myself
Can you please make a video about what to do if a boyfriend ghosted me without any reason even more things was very good
Leave him alone, no second chances , even when he calls back. Focus on self-love. Trust me they always come back .I'm 43
@@agneslaufer9579 they always come back indeed, not to stay, but to pull the same stunt twice (or how many times you let them)
So if a guy ghost you and meeage you after 1 or 2 week that he's missing you or how are you.... How to reply him??
'That's between you and the old gods'
Do you offer therapy one on one
My boyfriend is friends with two of his ex girlfriends both of whom he claims cheated on him. Is this a red flag? I find it odd. My ex boyfriends wouldn't be friends with me 😂
HOLY. MOLY.
"If your husband is the black cat, was he always the black cat...? Or did he have to become a black cat, because you Golden Retrievered so much?"
BINGOOO.
Time for a reset. Bless.
fake it till you make it
I don't have kids, we're not actually busy😂
1. Don’t
How about initiating sex in marriage... most women don't. You say "initiate away" trouble is most women struggle to do this on a regular basis. Perhaps you could speak to this.
❤💯