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Psychology Of No Contact On Dumper or Ex
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- Опубліковано 21 лис 2022
- Coach Craig Kenneth explains the psychology of the no contact rule on a dumper (your ex) after a breakup. Craig is a dating coach and psychotherapist and will help you understand how no contact affects your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend after he/she broke up with you. Craig will explain in detail how psychology and the understanding of people is truly essential to get your ex back. Craig and his team of therapists will always give you the most in depth understanding of breakups.
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Hey Craig, great video!
Me and my ex separated over 16onths ago, my ex pulled the last plug on us and got me removed from the home by some heavies
Since I got removed from the house, I removed myself from my ex and never contacted the ex ever again
No contact, means no contact!
It maybe hard to cut contact but let's make life hard! Let's suffer! and at least then we have something worth fighting for!
Hi can you do a video on nó contact but with kids, I have 3 beautiful girls but I might have to go nó contact with their mother/my wife because of alot if infidelity, emotional affairs, cheating, and multiple affairs. I'd still like us to stay together and work it out. So if I have to go no contact but still want to see my children(2no 12 and a 6 year old) how can I make the no contact work for me?
Thank you just found you're videos💚🇮🇪
@@davidallahgod3217 w
W
Could you please help me with my problem. I was in a serious relationship for almost 6 years .In December of 2022 I decided to walkway from that relationship because of the instability ,the girl was BPD and I was suffering too much in that relationship . I lost the great opportunities and goals and made wrong decisions with my life most of the times,then I realised I should get away from that mess and i did with the big fight where she got immensely hurt and I left but from last 2 months I have been depressed and texting her to please talk to me but she refuses and blocked me everywhere.
Now I want her back .I want to give her everything she deserves and help her with her condition but she made a decision of "no contact"and refuses to talk . I don't know what to do and how to cope up with this . Can you please give a sightful thought about this situation and tell me what should I do next
I'm 23,male.
No contact works !!! It works on them and yourself . Trust me I’m no paid comment I’m a real person who went through this and got my wanted outcome my ex came back like a lost puppy . if you don’t listen to anything coach Craig says listen to this . Make them come to you . Don’t contact them Work on yourself the love you want will come to you !!!!! In a new person or you ex. If your ex comes back they will value you MORE or if they don’t you will have the confidence to move on without them because you have learned to take focus and enjoy your life without them and you worked on you .
Love your story/comment. I'm experiencing it now and I've been doing work on myself and he helped me to love myself more and focus on myself. How long til he reached out to you and broke the no contact?
@@Layla-hg4ux don't... Until they reach out
Trust me
@@cutiecuddle7801 I'm not planning to do that, when or how long did your specific person come back to you?
@@Layla-hg4ux I'm doing it for 2nd time
And the first time I tried no contact really worked... >30 days... The love grew stronger.
This time I'm dealing with someone who's quite strong headed... Who broke up bcz his family didn't accept me...
So less than a month
He'll try to reach out
My plan is to keep him in a doubt... Stay mysterious.
He'll end up chasing me with an apology and begging me to stay
(+Expected+)
(Unattached to the outcome)
@@cutiecuddle7801 haha I like that! Do u listen to father Alex? Toxic dating coach! I gotta be strong headed too believing that he will come back!!
Anyways, I'm dating another guy and he seems nice but yesterday he pulled away afyer I asked him some serious questions and told me he needed 2 weeks break bcos of his job, I was upset n sent him text msgs yesterday but left it like that n go NC.
He reached out to me this morning apologizing and missing my voice and regret what he did. What should I do? Should I respond or let him "suffer" a bit?
if you was a good person in a relationship, you gave it your all and you did your part, then the lost is not yours, it’s actually theirs. love yourself and remind focus on your daily goals in life, and survive one day at a time.
Thank you! The comment I needed. The sad part is I really am more fearful of him eventually coming back after I now put in all I have left in my to just suffer through the grief. He really didn't fight for long imo and threw it all away in a knee jerk reaction, needing space as he has an avoidant attachment style and I simply "forced" the break up because I have too much pride in myself than having allowed him to simply chose on his own that we are on a break and therefore I should just be put on the bench until he might realize he does want me after all.
It's the end of the first week and I just got my things back or lets say I just did go to get them back two dass ago. I guess in the least I am proud for not being a push over once again even while it destroys me to go through with it
@@timothymurray1236 I’m sorry for your situation, and I’m happy to tell you they’re billions of people going through this, please take a week to feel the pain and grieve.
exactly! agree!
Thank you.🙏🏾
Step 1: get over that BS notion that you were perfect in the relationship. You weren’t. No one is. Go no contact, accept accountability for where you went wrong in the relationship and IF they come back you can decide if you want to pursue things with them.
I’m tired of all of this victim mentality BS that always pops up in the comment section of these videos. If you don’t accept accountability and work on yourself your next relationship will be worse than the previous relationship.
If someone disrespects you they don't deserve to be in your life.
Maybe they disrespect you because you don’t respect them. Typically that’s what’s going on
I went no contact for 5 months. She came back and we are now married. Just some hope for everyone out there. Many people that are successful in no contact never come back to the video to let people know. It is effective but only if there was no cheating or abuse, make sure the relationship is built on a strong foundation and they will come back.
@@Akronkangaroo no need to be so negative gang. It worked out for the guy, so good for him!
@@Akronkangaroo maybe, not everyone stays together forever idiot
Im just scared mine will swap Fluids with another man before realizing that she wants me back. Makes it harder to have these thoughts
@@obiej17 im sorry to say this mate. But she will. You have to get over her, and meet others yourself. Don't go and wait, get out there and meet others, it will help. If you wait for her, it will be way worse.
Im in a similar situation.
@@Hughleik we live is a sick messed up society. I hate it. Tearing me up
Here’s the truth: The person you loved never existed because that person never would have hurt you. They were a version you made up in your mind. Once you understand this, you will be able to move on.
Wow! Noted deep.
There’s no “truth” in that at all and if you believe that you’re living in a fairy tale
She reached out after 5 weeks. I realized it's not the same person I wanted back. I don't even like this new meaner person. It's her loss I'm over 5 10 make 200k a year work out 6 days a week. She didn't value me so let her suffer what she gave ip
When you're planning a NO CONTACT, dont expect he/she will come back or CONTACT you. Plan to move forward. It will be Tough 😢.
Good point! You have to put it on the altar and consider it sacrificed.. finished. Burnt up. No going back!
I went no contact, aaaand she turned into the estate bicycle. Its tough orite...... when some dumps on you - its because they didnt want you. Thats what hurts the most
@@boooshman83 Yep, my ex literally started giving her body away at massive parties because I left her
@@AllThingsIzzyTTV that’s the thing. She was never yours. If she truly was, she would have fought tooth and nail to stay at your side. If I don’t see that quality…. I walk on. Life’s too short to give chances where none are given back. You deserve what your content with
@@AllThingsIzzyTTVsounds like you dodged a bullet.
You'll find out in that no contact that you didn't like them as much as you thought you did and move forward.
not always the case but yea sometimes you have that moment of clarity
Social media ruins many relationships.
It really does
Nah. People are weak and don’t use social media properly. Instead they use it to fill a void. Those relationships would’ve eventually been ruined by something else if it wasn’t social media
@@dogsarespecial42 better to laugh than cry I always say
Social media normalizes micro cheating because everyone is posting themselves half naked or totally naked. People are seeing their friends or family's partners in provocative photos. The algorithm normalizes and promotes soft porn too with easy access and overload of sexual and nude content. I wouldn't be comfortable with my future husband using social media unless strictly for business, and even then he will be exposed to the sexualy exploit algorithm. On top of all that, flirting with new people is so much easier online.
Attachment issues more likely.
No contact works! Every.....single....time!
Ten yrs, hardly any rows and got dumped. Devastated to the core. Pure blow. I listened to Craig every single day to help me get through....it worked for me, the anxious type. Cannot thank Craig and team enough. Kept me sane....and strong!
18 months later, Dumper made contact! They....always....do! They realise what they've lost!!
Well, guess what Dumper, I was single for 10 months and found the nicest guy I've EVER met/known. We're celebrating our 1st yr together ❤️
Thank you Dumper, you did me a HUGE favour in the long run 😊
I love this story it gives me life😂❤
Well done!
Thank you for sharing that with us. I’d never take my ex back either. She also did me a favor by discarding me, but I can’t deny that there’s a certain satisfaction to knowing that she’ll eventually realize what she lost. She’s made a few attempts to “just say hi” and to ask “how are you”? I’ve ignored these attempts so far. It’s been three and a half months since the breakup.
It not work for me. They came back but wanted be just friends with benefits........
That’s amazing!
I'm still happy folks. Still with Mr Right ❤ 14 months on now. Mr Wrong...the ex ...made contact AGAIN! A month ago, with my dad, saying he had the best life with me/my family....
YES I KNOW YOU DID!!!! YOUR LOSS DUDE!!
I'm STILL in NC.
I always will be!
My avoidant ex reached out after 89 days. Do the work like Craig says. You will blow them away if they come back. If they don’t the next person will be blown away
❤️🙏
No contact gives you your power back.
By experience, second time around didn't work for me. I've tested it in more than one relationship. So my personal rule now is: "if there is a breakup, even if the feelings are still there, it's over, there is no getting back together". If i'm the one being dumped, IT'S NO CONTACT FOR SURE. Respect yourselves and keep your dignity, even if it hurts like hell. Fast forward in time, you'll thank yourself for it.
Exactly. I am the best ex, I will leave you alone forever.
Indeed, I broke up with my ex the first time and he made the effort that we come back together
I just broke up with him AGAIN regretting that I even forgave his actions
A break up is a finish step when there is a good reason for it.
I think it's worth trying once again if the person was more important than other people/breakups, but likely you are correct and won't work out. It's not bad to try though, if you genuinely feel that the person you could work out things with. I don't like one size fits all rules when it comes to relationships because everyone and every breakup is different.
Infidelity is a no go for me though for anyone to try again with. However, a mutual breakup where you both have regrets and residual feelings? I think depending on the circumstances it's worth another shot.
@@Kyle-pj2vc I agree with you 100%.every situation is different.
I agree because truly it's immature to just walk away and play all these games. Not worth it
I learned to use "no contact" during my college years. Chasing a dumper is humiliating. I'd rather have some self-respect and avoid the humiliation.
It is incredibly healthy for you to go no contact in these situations. Not playing passive aggressive to get attention or get even, but to let it go and be super fricking happy and healthy with YOURSELF! Drink water. Get exercise. Dance it out. Cry it out. Let it go and be an even better you.
Right! Work on you. Forget the outcome period. That’s when better things come along like my husband!!❤️🔥
No contact works. It has worked many times for me, and it will work until you get tired of doing no contact. Think about that. Do it until you are done with that person. 💯
I'm on day 1 of no contact with my ex of 2 years and the last time we spoke I did ask if this breakup was a mistake or if it's the right thing. She didn't fight for us she, wanted the breakup. I don't understand how she can just forget about me and accept that she's never going to see me again. I've done so much for her, the only thing that I did mess up on was that I wasn't overly affectionate all the time. but it's just hard to understand that all the good I did is completely over looked, whether taking her on surprise dates, rubbing her back, complimenting her hair, calling her pretty, telling her I love her everyday being there for her, always trying to help her, spoiling her like getting her nails done. We have had fights in our relationship and when she gets mad she has said very hurtful things to me and she's slammed things. and so I don't understand why I can accept those flaws but she can't accept mine. I really want to reach out and ask if we can talk so we can try again but a part of me is saying to let her go. I guess the number 1 thing that kills me inside is the thought of her being with someone else, being intimate with someone else. I just don't know what to do.
@@marcGOAT1 I read up until I seen where you asked how she could forget about you and accept that she will never see you again? Because she replaced you. Most females do it this way. There usually already talking to your replacement before they even leave you. So they were probably already a couple before you guys broke up..or she has 50 guys in her DM keeping her mind off you 🤷♂️the nature of women is ruthless. Guess what my guy? you can also be ruthless. Trust me its much easier as a man in this world if you do choose to be ruthless. Cant be weak in this world my guy not as a man. You have to be hardcore.
@@marcGOAT1 what you should do my guy is move on. Focus on YOU. Spend all your free time on YOU. Become someone that she can never EVER have a chance with. Outgrow her and her new stupid lover. She will do him the same way..so we will just call him an idiot. He already knows what kind of person she is.. but he still chooses to be with her.. so therefore he is a MORON. Not saying there is another guy but from what you typed out and how she was acting, I can almost guarantee you there is another guy. Take all the pain your feeling, turn it into fuel. Use that fuel on positive things. Like improving yourself. Do not however I repeat do not let that fuel become negative and turn into things like depression and anxiety because that is only going to make you more
likely to do something very stupid, and just slow your growth down man and you dont want that, what you want is a new pair of cheeks bouncing in your lap. Trust me. You are a free man now. Doesnt a new pair of big juicy booty cheeks you can worship sound better than what your going through now? Be a man, do man things my guy. Respect yourself, go get you some new booty cheeks to play with.
That's so truth
@@marcGOAT1 the way you told your story of Ur relationship with her it's seems like she doesn't really appreciate you that much and value you as a good partner. you know it for urself you done everything for her as much as you could but you don't get that much in return.. your being too attached on her and she felt if & just treated you less what you deserve..listen to your intuition is she really the girl that you really wanted to love and spend your time for the rest of Ur life? I think she doesn't deserve you..find someone who truly & genuinely care for you..meet some new people don't focus your whole world on her too much..
You could have told me a hand-written letter was a bad idea a week ago 🤣
Lol
HAHAHAHAHHAHAH FR DUDE… it’ll b okay tho. Keep ur head up ❤️
😂
😅
😂
I’m 43 and I’m so glad I learned this is high school. I let them leave and don’t look back. They’ve always returned. Great video! Thank you.
lol... they've 😅 the irony.
I know - what’s people like nowadays - this is school stuff
I've never gone back to my exes that I dumped so I don't know what you and everyone keeps preaching. Shame on you and your ego
I never learned about attachment styles or going no contact after a breakup in high school
He wanted to leave, he can stay gone--there is no coming back! Within 30 seconds of him discarding me I had him BLOCKED and NO CONTACT---for LIFE. Choices have consequences. He was an idiot to leave me, but I'd be an even bigger idiot to take him back.
Yassss
Agreed
Gosh, i wish i had your strength. Mine dumped me and deleted me as a friend on facebook.
🤣👍✌
YOU… are a bad ass!!!!! ❤❤❤
For me I just move on .. they showed me who they are and I believe them .. for the most part people don't change so just move on you really don't need that person for your happiness and believe me you'll have way more peace of mind without them
No contact is to protect us from being abused by narcissists. It’s not to manipulate regular people.
A message to you all, no contact heals.
Its been about 3-4 months of zero contact. I got blocked super early on, with minimal begging and just respecting myself saying I don’t want to be friends. 3 year relationship with this pretty avoidant girl.
Although my situation for reconciliation feels hopeless at times, especially considering i’ve been blocked for months now. I took this time to heal. I got therapy to really look into my attachment trauma growing up. I have the workbooks to learn how to just be a better person. Going back to school for my degree in electrical engineering soon. I have gotten very good at rock climbing and I climb almost everyday. Over time you really just start to change for yourself. Now, i’m not saying i’m a whole new man, I still have issues. But with everyday that passes you really start to feel stronger.
There are days where I do miss her greatly, but now it doesn’t hurt as much. Eventually you stop blaming and forgive yourself. I don’t know if i’ll ever hear from her again. But, i’m glad I’m not waiting in pain and blaming myself for everything. I’m growing, that’s the power of NC.
Be easy on yourselves, we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. This applies to your partner too! Right now I’m fully focused on myself and growing everyday! If she chooses to come back, sure, i’ll see how it goes. Until then, you grow, and grow, and grow. Who knows, I may end up changing so much I completely outgrow her. No one knows, take it slow, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
As I said above, my situation seems bleak and feelings could change. I don’t know but there is no point in waiting on that for myself. If things do change, i’ll be sure to update on this thread. I wish the best for all of you going through these tough times. Day by day, it does get easier.
P.S. my profile picture is the cat she gave me, so who knows, I may get that “how’s that cat” message one day haha!
I know how you feel. Chances look bleak for me too. I just have to remember that they only come back if you grow and mature and better yourself. That’s the only healthy way to get them back. If it still doesn’t work, you’ll be an improved version of yourself and you’ll find someone who suits the levelled up version of you.
@@alanzo428 I’m no man to tell you what to do. I just hope you know you are worthy in every way brother. Take care of yourself, there is only one of you. I do hope you find peace, allow yourself to grieve. But remember, we all have our own value and we can’t let one person out of 8 Billion people on this planet decide that. The bottle is a dangerous game, but I feel for you. Grow, even if its minimal, you will gain only good from it. I wish you the best.
My ex bf (dumper) who blocked me on all social media accounts just unblocked me 3 days ago. Weiiird. No contact truly works in favor of the dumpee!
@@jon7286 why did you guys break up?
@@alanzo428 i'm sorry, i'm not sure about snapchat though... :(( my ex bf just unblocked me, he didn't reach out yet. I guess he's still contemplating about what happened 3 mos ago. If ever ur ex unblocked your or added u on snap again, don't take the first move. Never. The dumper should initiate ALL the moves, not us (dumpees). 🙂
Just happened to me. Wife rolled out. First week was hard. Mourning the marriage. 2nd week I did the "How could I have done better" then I realized the chick was cheating lol. Now its GYM, reading, creating and building. Betrayal is a no no for me.
I agree, cheating whether it's emotional or physical is very repulsive to me.
Stay strong brother,
because betrayal is the no no
Breaking up with someone and making excuses like "I moved on" is the most evil thing a person can do to someone.
I followed Craigs channel intensely a few years ago when my GF broke up with me out of nowhere. I was truly devastated. I actually used his workbook and other materials to work on myself. To understand my own issues and eventually came to realize that I wasn't heartbroken over HER, but she just triggered my own abandonment issues. His materials really helped me get through that period and I'm a much better man for it. As far as no contact, it's the only way to go. It will hasten their return and if not, you walk away with your dignity in tact and heal faster. If you really work on yourself however, you may realize you don't really want them back.
Yes that was true..I'm happy for you to be able to overcome her and focus more on yourself..just start to love yourself first and don't be too attached to someone who doesn't deserve you..
I feel for your brother mine cut me loose too and like you I'm devastated also I'm having to do the no contact I feel like I've been cut in half so I know where you're at I wish you the best dude God bless you
@@derekneedham4187how u doing now ? Any news
No contact worked for me in order for me to protect my energy and heal. It's been over 5 years and she hasn't come back she is currently dating one of my ex friends for the past 3 years it doesn't always work to get them back but you're the most important person so you have to protect your own self
My biggest fear in a breakup is that I know the person I will become after I'm completely healed up. There's an ugly part of me that I don't like. After a solid breakup, meaning I'm done trying to save the relationship, done giving chances, done done, then I would go into this cold state of being indifferent to them. I would smile to them like I would to strangers or I would pass by them as if they were strangers. What happened to us in the past was just a very distant memory that seems like it belongs to someone else. A memory without feelings like it never existed in my life. The opposite of love isn't hate, the opposite of love is indifference...
Embrace your darkness. There is strength in facing your shadow head on.
@@jeffwilliams6374 You want me to embrace being an asshole?? Lololol😂 I don't like that part of me... being indifferent.
This is deep
@@nightsurfer1I’ll proudly be indifferent to them over anything. After all, that’s what they deserve for playing you and fumbling you. In fact I wish I had never even talked to him in the first place. He’s lucky he even had the chance to meet me, to look at me, to be in my presence, to even breathe the same air as me. Time to level up even harder and act like they don’t exist 💁🏻♀️ They ALWAYS regret it and come back.
this is so fuckin true. Part of me feels like I dont want myself or my ex forget this beautiful magical thing we had. LIke why the fuck would I let go some of the best years of my life
I haven't had contact with my ex in months. I couldn't do the anxiety, toxicity, depression any more. Couldn't be happier!
I logged out of ALL social media’s and don’t plan on going on them anytime soon, I’m happy and feel like I can finally get a clear head 😊
My ex ditched me 13 yrs ago and I never contacted her nor did she but I worked very hard & built a decent career, now I have the confidence to deal with any tough situation and I can also realise I was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years who never cared for my feelings 😊
Hey. Sane happen to me
same
Same here
I’m glad I found this video. Not because I want to get back together with someone. More so the way you explained everything. Hit the nail right on the head. I’ve been through breakups but this one hit harder than most. Being silent is a killer, but I understand now. Thank you.
This is your best work yet Coach Craig! I can't stop watching over and over to let the process sink in mentally.
Wow I needed this. Thank you. Growing up I had the same issues, and didn’t realize why I’ve felt this void in my heart the entire time
After 6 months, I ran into my dumper in a bar. I was with my new partner. Overheard my dumper (who made only the briefest eye contact with me and grunted a hello) complaining to someone at the bar about how bad the past year has been...a nervous breakdown was even hinted at. I could hardly believe it. Craig is so right about the power shift!
Oh my God,same thing happened to me, i was with someone i met for a date and he Was with a girl,i didn't see him only my date asked me do you know them? I was reading cocktails card so i didn't see him passing by,after i lifted my head saw him turning his head to us😂😂
@@lillyrondorf5114 We rock! Their loss!
It works with me but when he did come back I had no feelings for him that's why it's good to pull away and know your real feelings :)
I’m so glad God gave me that detachment trait. I allowed the person numerous times to get better and I was finally like I can’t be empathetic to your trauma anymore because I’m important and I was doing just fine before them, and will be find after them. I wish them well. I can’t play with these narcissists anymore. They play too many mind games.
OMG! Yes! Their past stories, past situations, past hurt…only fell on my shoulders. I feel broken and like I regressed light years BACKWARDS.😞 and I LOVE when they say “you’ve had these issues before me…I just brought them to the surface.” WELL GUESS WHAT? I want someone WHO WON’T GO PICKING AT SCABS THAT WEREN’T EVEN THERE!😡
@@trynatural23 or they could a least make efforts to heal those wounds instead of making excuses for their awful behavior. Grateful to understand that we’re all on separate paths and not to take things personally anymore because it used to hurt me a lot.
@@queenofclarity exactly! And yes…i have to stop taking things personally 💯💯🙏🏾
I dumped and blocked mine. Abandoned me during a very crucial time and had way too much pride and ego. Also, I was walking on eggshells because he was always threatening to leave me. And he said he was unsure he liked or loved me. I love him and I care deeply for him and I pray for him. I just can’t be fighting for us when he’s just fighting me
I have a question do u think of him??
@@darksidecoops Everyday. It’s a process but I’m letting go at all costs. I let him have all of me . Now I have to rebuild and through God I trust I am and will be better
@@ImaginaryBackgroundSinga wow that’s strong thank you
@@darksidecoops you are welcome. I hope that you know you’re strong enough to get past any romantic hurdles that may be weighing you down or holding you back.
@@ImaginaryBackgroundSinga amen keep going.
We're in a similar boat. Trusting god with all your heart is the best way to go.
Thank you, Craig. Your work on UA-cam really did help me. I remain in praise of what you do.
Great information Craig!!! I've been in total radio silence no contact for the past 11 months now; it wasn't easy in the beginning but managed to stick with it! I will remain in no contact forever!
Same here. No contact since last February, though working in the same place makes it sooo hard cz no matter what I do to stick to the no contact thing, we inevitably bump into each other.
@@bouchra8832 did they ever reach out
@@AliKhan-cj3ee we are coworkers. But there pas no contact till this month when my dad fell sick and passed away 2 weeks ago. He was there all the time as friends do, that's all.
My boyfriend of four years just left me. He went to work one day and just never came home. I was completely blindsided. I found out he quit his job and moved. I have no idea where he is and at the beginning when I was trying to text or call him, it was all gaslighting. I was so confused, blindsided, devastated…
It’s just unimaginable that someone you thought you knew could do something so hurtful without reason. It’s hard for me not to text him
I 100% know what you're going through and how painful it is to be blindsided! I've been there too! You have a long storm to ride out but believe me that in time the pain and hurt will go away, I promise you. It's his loss and you're the prize!!! @@HH-gv8mx
I listened to this video many times. Thank you so much, Craig. It's so helpful for me to move on, not just to do "no contact" to get that person back. I'm ready to let go and cut him out of my life.
53 days in no contact. Man its hard BUT with each day it gets better and your healing journey will be worth it at the end. I believe my ex of 13yrs will be back but in the meantime her loss and somebody else is gonna be lucky to have me!
Update ?
anything new?
Out of all the no contact videos I’ve watched, this was my favorite
I like your approach, this is the ONE healthy habit I had in relationships - when it's done I go on my way and don't let them ever see me looking back. If you're ruminating do some pushups or get busy on work or call a friend and ask how THEY are doing, whatever it takes to move your mind off it without beating yourself up or diving headlong into another addiction or relationship.
I used to love him (in a wrong way) he broke up with me and I left right away. He did reach out to me to send me some good words. I stayed silent since then and I don’t wanna go back together with him again. The relationship will never be the same again. It was so dark and I am happy living by myself. Love yourself more. Don’t think about the past.
Every time I go through a break up, I come back to Coach Craig. It’s always such a comfort. Getting me through life since the lockdown days ❤
I am the dumper. I didn’t want it to end, but I had to because after 2 years of dating, he told me he didn’t know if he loved me. I had to walk away, but it hurts so much. Def doing the no contact.
How are you now?
Does He came ?
UPDATE?
I'm sorry but if you dumped just for that reason then he is lucky he does not have to deal with you anymore
This is not a flex!!! That is NO reason to end a relationship. Relationships and marriages are about duty, not feelings or love. You blew it.
The only thing you should concern with yourself with when you enter "no contact" is hopefully never hearing from that person ever again so they can never hurt you again, and focus entirely on yourself, your relationship with God, and your prospects in life. Think of it this way, before you were investing 50% effort into yourself and 50% effort into that person, now you can invest 100% of that effort right back into yourself and become an even better person even quicker. Forget about them, the person you believe exists does not exist, the only closure you need was their action of doubting you and abandoning you. Move on and become better. If you were already good, become even more good.
Love love love this! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
No contact is harder for me because we still share the same house due to financial issues. We get along pretty well, which helps, but I wish I could get out so I could heal completely. It was a pain in the beginning to see him going out with other people while I still could not even talk to someone. Huge process, but at the moment I'm starting to actually don't care anymore and live my life. Meeting new nice people is helping a lot.
Never take back an ex.
If they walked away, let them walk and give them nothing on the way out.
Thank you for all of your hard work. I know this is a hard time for you and Coach Victoria. RIP Coach Margaret. You'll always be in our hearts.
After reading this I am very sad to learn coach Margaret has passed away :/
@@akasickformsame 😢
Omg💔😮
If your ex does not choose you, then she is not the one, so you are mourning not the one, if she was the one, you wouldnt be reading this. I have been there more than once, and now i no longer mourn the girl who was never the one , instead i focus on finding the actual one
Really good! Thanks so much! I just subscribed to your channel! Four months no contact this coming Saturday. I’m staying the course! 💪🏽
She fades away from me
I know what she did/hiding something
We argue
She told me to give her some time
I did and compromise
I told her time is so fast these days
So i move on not telling anything or asking for a breakup
I'm growing day by day easily forgetting her
Now she's calling me at times and i don't even bother.
For all of you here, dont be sad dont do anything to yourself. People come to your life for a reason, either to push you or to downgrade you. Everything you had will be a memory with them. The best things in life is you get to share those memories. Just focus on yourself. Become better and you will be much ahead of them. Life is about you and there is only one life you got. Dont waste it✊
I love you all💯
How does someone of 3 years say they want to marry you then a week later leave you, then tell you they love you they just don't want to work or put in the effort in for it. Then reads my text messages but ignored them like we never existed. This coming from a guy that has talked about marriage, buying a house, having a future together, we did have a very strong soul connection the first 2 years and now all the sudden he is cold to it all.
Ice him out. People don't get to leave and come in your life as they wish😊
This is EXACTLY what happened to me😢
He ever try to come back to you? Something similar happened to me.
it was, what he was feeling in the moment. but key is consistency. mi ex proposed and then went on a dating website. it was crazy
I've learned to be slow to reach out in the beginning, slow to show attachment, slow to give, and to be quick to withdraw when they do. Everything opposite of what I did before.
I fully endorse Coach Craig with the highest esteem and recommendation. God, works through people.
I've been on both sides of this and yeah it's almost worse dumping someone then realising your mistake
Hello Craig. I'm really glad I found this channel. I was dumped in a long distance relationship after three months. She moved onto another guy. I really loved this girl. I'm debating whether or not to go no contact or not. I was going to send her a message, but maybe it's better if I leave it alone completely. I'm hoping that she'll wake up one day and realise or maybe not. She could be crazy in love with this new guy for all that I know, but it's only been just over two weeks. I suppose it's better I work on myself and forget all about her for the time being. Thanks again.
Excellent video coach Craig, really helping me in my nth relationship breakdown in my life (I am no spring chicken). I know I am a big part of the problem since it happened so often, so decided to go ahead and get therapy, but your videos are very helpful in understanding the dynamics of the couple in crisis when there is no contact.
These videos saved my life after my last break up.
You will never have to chase what wants to stay with you. No contact is the way to go. The first few weeks are the hardest, I was stalking his social media constantly, I had so much anxiety about losing him and his attention on me...couldn’t eat or sleep but then I started to shift my perspective on things...with time and space I realized that he wasn’t really happy and there were a lot of things not good in the relationship. I started doing the workbooks and journaling about it after obsessing the first few weeks. No contact is also healthy for you to move on if that is the destiny for both. I’m not sure I want my ex back now...I’m now thinking it’s more his loss than mine. Time and space gives me more insight and now I don’t grieve so much. I have watched other coaches on UA-cam but Craig’s channel is so healthy and it’s about really working on you and being the best option for either your ex or your next relationship. I listen to these videos every day and they really help me understand breakups. Thank you for always being my compass!
This is one of the most crucial videos of this channel
This channel ONLY puts out crucial info!
Thank you so much for valuable advices! She ended up the relation because I was so imature and did everything wrong. This is like 2-3 months ago.. I chased up in first months and now Im fighting to not contact her, there are some days that is hard, but I wont give up and the way you explain in this video and the comments here took my heart to keeping no contact and staying strong!❤
Thank you for posting. Everything you said is true. I met my ex when we were in our early teens, who had to move with his Mom 2 months later. We were having a long distance relationship (off and on) until our early 20's. Our relationship was beyond our years, meaning it was not raging hormones, nor lust at all. Since he was 13 (I was 16), he only cuddled and kissed me because he had deep/profound respect for me. He even looked away once when I wore a tank top. We had a blast, talking and always laughing. After the break up in our 20's, I never chased him. Last month, we reconnected. He admitted he's deep regret in letting me go, the impact of his father's passing at 7 yrs old, and how he never forgot me. To the point, he dated women that reminded him of me. He deeply regrets not marrying me, wishes I was the mother of his children and didn't love/respect his ex-wife like he did with me and still thought of me. I had no idea until he confessed this even admitting he's been driving by my home for decades without my knowledge wondering if we were meant for each other. His fondest memories of me was just my presence, conversing, and how excited he felt being around me. Our bond is so strong that when a robber almost gunned him down, I felt it like out-of-state twins feel. Intuitively knew something life threatening took place. We weren't together at that time and lived in different states. He just told me his life flashed before his eyes and he mentally called out to me. I literally felt it and knew it was him. Even the song, "Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone" by Cinderella still reminds him of me to this day. My belief: "Look back, thank God, Look forward, trust God."
Wow, thankyou for sharing your beautiful story it's like I'm watching a movie😊
@@barbaraandersen2116 Thank you. Some people are only interests and others like him, are deep/divine connections which are rare and unforgettable. Many blessings to you and your loved ones! ☺
@@MG-bq1uk I have this same strong connection with the man I've dated for 4 months & he broke up with my just December just gone. Him & I can really feel each other's vibes & it was like we both can literally read each other's mind, if he's sad or upset & can really feel it. And when we were together it's like we are twins ECT. Well, he broke up with me by some misunderstanding that's all. We were in a long distance relationship. Blessings to you as well💖
@@barbaraandersen2116 💞 Relationships like that are hard to let go and forget. Keep investing in you and being the best you. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, keep being a blessing and let your inner light shine with a beautiful smile. Because you'll never know who needs that light and smile around you who lost theirs. It could even turn around someone's day, even if you don't know them but they see how you carry yourself. Like sunshine on a cloudy/gloomy day. I'm the sunshine for my 8 rescued dogs. Thank you for the blessings.
I can attest, from both sides (dumper and dump-ee) that this works exactly as you say. The "Highlight Reel" is a bugger to have playing in your mind. I think it's even more healthy to block them and allow that you'll reevaluate the decision in a year. I think, if you do it right, you'll forget to unblock them because you have a new life and see that the relationship was toxic. Like it's said, "It's called a breakup because it was broken." The only way I'd go back with an ex is if our first "date" was with a counselor or therapist to address the issues and a commitment to keep doing that work. Otherwise, people fall back into the same habits and the same old triggers.
I was ghosted by my bf after 6 months. I'm pretty sure hes an avoidant and bi-polar w/ PTSD. I'm sure hes happy w/ the no contact. He was able to get out of it w/ no confrontation. While I'm left w/ a broken heart
Then I'm glad you are healing yourself and getting ready for the next partner which you will make sure that he will treat you the way you want to be treated.
She left me on valentines day it's hurts feels like your dying but I didn't choose this she did I will get through this
I'm over 2 months since I've seen her. 5 weeks since last spoke. Its gonna take a miracle for me 😔. These videos however help a ton. I'll continue my work and growth and pray she returns
Keep going, keep battling through it
Any updates?
@@skyt8327 update is. I never heard from her. Most of her is faded anyways to be honest. I remember the stress and struggles i went thru and i have met someone new. Almost dating a year now. I now look back and think what did i stress over. She was nothing. Nothing overall good about her. Although im thankful now for it because the dumping got my head in some relationship books and i learned so much i never would have had this not happen. My gf now is amazing. She shows me more lobe then any woman could even come close to. I realized my ex did not. She was terrible. And did not care about my feelings on a lot of stuff.. Anyone going thru a break up. Become a better you and use what you learn on the next girl or guy who actually cares and who will matter. I used everything i learned on my gf now and it couldn't be a better relationship
I was the dumper and can comfirm this worked. Cheers
''this worked'' as in you regretted your choice and reached out?
@@yasmincc5432 Yes, i ghosted and 5-6 mo later I am/was begging for them back. Now I am working on myself to deserve them again. Hope this helps.
I love this self realization. I hope things rings true, I’m hurting
This is a great reminder! Thanks for making this video
I'm good but thanks for the information. I kick my Narc out and blew that bridge up. Not thinking about looking back. I wish her all the best 💯💯💯
As someone that watched Ask Craig during a rough long term break up. ( dated age 15 -31). I watched and tried doing no contact. But my insecure attachment style got the best of me.
Looking back at the process it works. They reached out but i was stubborn and full of such emotions. I ruined my chances. Follow this. It works. But dont let your insecurities get the best of you. When tbey do reach out. Dont react with emotions. Join the gym. Work on yourself.
I am going through something similar I guess . I have anxious attachment, and i just got dumped today. Out of the blue, i mean he went from saying how much he loved me in texts , to telling me that he felt like he couldnt open up to me when he was stressed because it made him feel worse. All ive done is been supportive of him while he has been going through tough times. Long story, but my fear is that after he text ended it with me(which to me is very immature) he didnt respond to all my texts, my 2 phone calls. All of them desperate, needy and explaning myself. I guess I need to go into no contact from here, but this is so hard, and im not young, im 56
@@erinlarge5649 Yes, it can be tough when one has anxious attachment style. I recommend working on improving it. Work on loving yourself while doing no contact. I know its hard. But its worth it in the long run as you'll find strength in you that you never realized you had.
Do yourself a favor if your EX is seeing somone else than runs back to you walk away they will leave you again they will never think you are good enough they just want you as a safty net
This is exactly why my ex came back after we had broken up. He started to see other people but they weren't the safety net I had become, so he came back. When we broke up again, he had said I wasn't good enough, but I was his safety. I took him to the airport on his various trips, would buy him everything he wanted, and he even asked me to pay his rent. I said no more! I'm sure he'll come back to me because no one will allow themselves to be taken advantage of as much as I allowed him to take advantage of me. But i did love him so there's that. Also, we had great times and great sex, but there was definitely bad times too. He was shocked I needed a no contact period of 6 months for me to heal. I'm not sure if 6 months is enough right now, but it's only been 2 weeks. I'm already improving my life and hope to become a much better person. I know I learned a lot from him, good and bad.
Excellent video as always sir!
I definitely needed this session, thank you for sharing this valuable information.
This almost sounds like this gives you hope they would come back. Do not think that, get that hope out of your mind. If you go back they will only get that control back, dump you and you are back at square one. If you get dumped, take control and do not let them back in. The old saying, "fool me once...".
When someone breaks my heart it is very hard for me to let them in my life again.. I don’t wanna get hurt again, so if she breaks up with me I know there’s no point of being with them again because doing so by that decision I just know she’ll never love me as I am
I think going no or very low contact just helps both parties heal. You don't have the constant reminders and it allows you both to meet potential partners that would be a better fit. Plenty of good people are just not good together.
The dumper usually has something lined up already and has notions that the grass is greener on the other side. It’s the one being pushed away, bread crumbed, and devalued that needs the healing. Hence NO CONTACT is necessary. It protects the broken hearted. The broken hearted and left behind has no obligation to soften the break for the dumper
Thanks for the upload Coach!
Anyone who discards me no longer gets me back
It's not no contact. Its take a breath, find yourself, and realise you have goals to obtain.
"Where ever you go, there you are" now succed!
This video has excellent explanations and very informative content. It made me feel better. Thank you
I just think this guy is great , so entertaining love the chuckles in-between the advice
Eventually, in my case, I would hear from them 2-3 times a year….I never reached out to them. I had to stop reading into it. It didn’t mean anything. At some point if they are not trying to get you back, no contact will eventually turn into never hearing from them anymore.
Out of all the people I’ve listened to your the best Craig your advice is so sound and calm and reasonable
Never do this to get your ex back, if someone left you they WILL I repeat they WILL do it again, don’t be pathetic and waste your time. Find someone better who respects your from the beginning to the end and doesn’t devalue you or take you for granted. No Contact is for you to grow, not stay in the same place.
Things repeat themselves
not when you are the one😉 it happens❤
Engaging in No Contact is its own reward. It shouldn't be done for the sake of getting the other person back. If that person does reach out to you, it is an ancillary benefit, assuming you even care anymore about that person.
No contact works. I went through a bad break up 10 years ago, I ended up having to go to a women's shelter. There were contact for a few months and I decided to not bother (and I shouldn't have in the first place) anymore because there was no benefit in keeping the ex in the picture. As per today, still no benefit in contacting him. To recover, to help yourself: go to the gym. take a class, go back to school if you can, travel a little, clean up your social media, eat better, lose weight, basically please look after yourself. The first thing I did when breaking up was to delete him off my social media and also blocked him. Out of sight, out of mind. As time went on, I never had the desire to reach out to him because he already wasted 10 years of my life and I highly value my time, more than I did back then. Look after yourself and who gives a damn about your ex certainly not you. This goes for women and men.
She was gaslighting and ghosting, then bread crumbing, then blaming and pulling back...rinse repeat. I said either show up and do this with me, or Im cutting you off, because you're giving zero back. No contact since. As it turns out she already had other supply in place and still does. Good riddance
Great points. I've been NC, for 30 days. Thank you a partner in life.
Great video! Thank you for sharing!
The changes that I show is that they're now dead to me. A stranger they were before and a stranger they will become again that I never met.
He’s not curious about what I’m doing.. he’s probably seeing someone else
Best video I could have watched! Thank you Craig
I think no contact affects the avoidant dumper worse than people realize or it did my ex. It took about 5 months of no contact and she would contact me. I don't think avoidants are confident enough to handle the breakup when they start to grieve. I watch the videos and have done the workbooks.
My first love and I had an upsetting angry breakup at 25 after 5 years. We sat up talking all night after we agreed to split, all the anger and gone. We talked about our lives together and the good times. I told her we could be making a mistake, but only time would tell & we should speak in a YEAR if we had doubts (I didn’t know any theory about this at all), then I got in the car and left.
A couple of weeks later, I went back with a van for my stuff.
I had up & down days - after 5 months or so, I was working nights and sometimes "My Immortal" by Evanescene would come on the radio, and the lyrics gave me an overwhelming sense of sadness. The first cut is the deepest after all. But, I got myself in shape, made new friends & reconnected with old ones and hobbies.
She did call, bang on a year.
She had moved for work and I think she was lonely. I told her I had lost 50lbs (true), was running a lot, had taken up a motorsport that it had been my ambition to try for years, had a new career etc... she was pleased for me, yet sad as well. I'd stayed totally single and was happy, she'd started seeing somebody 3 months after we split, but it had only lasted a few months. At the end of the call, she asked in a small voice if we had made the right decision. Yes was the answer.
We have never spoken again.
10 years later, she was married and they wanted to adopt. My parents got a letter trying to contact me, as the adoption agency had to find me and interview me about her.
At the same time this was happening, I found that my LinkedIn profile had been searched by 3 people from a company in a totally different industry & city. I went and rifled through their connections - and there she was. She had found me herself, but had chickened out of messaging me unless the agency failed in their quest. We are both very clever people and sparred playfully a lot to be the smartest. I went to her profile whilst logged in so she would know I'd clocked her. It was amusing, a chance to end that game permanently as the winner.
I did the interview. I was effusive about what a good person she is (true) and played up all of her qualities. The woman interviewing me could tell - and she clearly really lkked my ex and wanted me to. It got quite emotional at times which shocked me. I welled up a bit at one stage. It lasted about 90 minutes and I learned a bit about her life since "us" - at the end, the woman thanked me, then she said "I'm not really supposed to comment on these things, but you two were clearly very special for each other. I would like you to know that when I had to do all of this with her in even more detail, she wanted to come to you last, and the tissues were needed"
I still sometimes wonder what might have been with that one if my answer had been different. I was young and arrogant and felt very let down by the fact that she had done most of the "ending" when I was at a very low ebb. Pride would never have let me take her back at that age. 20 years older and wiser, and realising now that part of me will always love her, what we had truly was special, and that we really were very compatible, if I had a time machine and could go back to that day again, I'd probably tell my younger self to give it a go.
What a story 😢
There’s a reason things didn’t work out, I think you’re in love with the idea of this person more than the person itself. And that’s ok… we are allowed to dream ❤️
@yaseengaffoor I am not in love with her, I still love her. Different.
Being in love requires present feelings in the here and now. I don't have any.
But, we didn't heap bad memories onto the many good ones. All those good memories and emotions are buried in our subconscious minds. I can't access 99% of them now, but when I talked about her for 90 minutes straight, enough of the 1% come out to pull the others closer to the surface.
The key difference is, I have never talked or even thought about her for more than about 2 minutes since in a way that was "present" and made me go back to old events. I have no need or desire to do so. I have closure. When I say I love her, that is really a philosophical statement about the continued existence of those past experiences and emotions in my subconscious mind. Wondering what might have been doesn't cause any real emotional response, just curiosity.
Completely different with my most recent ex. We split 6 months ago. I am not over her, I do actively wish we hadn't split... so, I am still in love with her even if I don't want to be.
Thank you so much. Time heals everything
NC is so hard lol. I have been trying for a about a month but this is the first time I got help, in the form of this video.
Excellent explanation!
Thank you!
Great video especially this time of year
Sadly this happened 3 different times with the same person and I kept begging and sabotaging. Now I’m completely blocked. I’ll probably never hear from this person again and I’m learning to be ok with it.