Playing Games Gets You More Attention - True or False?
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
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Have you ever tried to keep someone’s attraction by “playing the game”?
Maybe you’ve been tempted to respond less to texts, or try to hide the fact you like someone, or followed dating advice that tells you to act aloof and indifferent.
In today’s video, I want to get to the truth about “playing hard-to-get” and what really happens when you try to win attraction by playing games . . .
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 0:53 - Does Playing Games Ever Work?
0:53 - 2:48 - When It Feels Like You Can’t Be Yourself
2:48 - 3:45 - The Standard Is the Challenge
3:45 - 4:12 - Healthy Communication
4:12 - 4:52 - 3 Kinds of People You’ll Encounter
4:52 - 6:40 - Will I Lose My Power?
6:40 - 8:01 - Communicating Your New Truth
8:01 - 11:00 - Tactics vs. Standards
11:00 - 12:54 - Overcoming Unhealthy Patterns
P.S. Head to MHRetreat.com to join me for 6 days of coaching immersion this September. Together we’ll do the deep work to transform your entire approach to relationships so you can communicate YOUR standards with confidence.
I was open and honest with someone about this recently. He decided to cut communication with me after that. Not the result I wanted but I'm glad I stood up for myself.
I am glad you stood up for yourself too.
Any thing or person meant for you will not pass you by. Stay strong.
Same I was blunt but honest if the guy wanted me just for sex he then ghosted me. Figured best thing was to be up front but some how he makes me look like a fool to open up and ask questions
I'm so happy for you! ❤ You are worthy of real love 🙏
You dodged a bullet by the sounds of it.
I just did the same!
2 things I recently learned in dating -
1. I have to stop apologising for being myself (saying sorry for the parts that make me me, and aren't offensive or rude or objectively need to be improved upon)
2. Just because I like someone, doesn't mean they have depth or feel the same ways I do. I need to learn to not project my feelings onto someone, and take them as they are instead
Exactly what I'm struggling with trying to learn ❤
@@MadeleineMedia16Work with therapist if possible. It works
We live in a world where showing interest pushes people away. What on earth. It’s crazy how not caring is valued and that you have to always think twice about whether or not you’re giving too much. Very different times I guess. What has the social media age done to love? With so many options available, people just don’t have the same ability to love like I remember back when I dated 10/15 years ago.
This is great advice. Not to give too much importance to a person that hasn't earned it yet. Not behaving like you're "all in" right away and you're just waiting for their approval.
Honestly for me it was a lot of deprogramming of what I thought love was. I and I think my whole generation was fed by the media that you can accept unacceptable behaviour in the people you date, because deep down they are good and your job is to soften them and change them. Especially that if you are the right kind of woman a disrespectful and emotionally unavailable man will turn into a perfect partner. And once I started to uphold my standards for communication, emotional maturity and honestly from the beginning, I stopped being attracted to men that hurt me. I feel like the media and romantic comedies in particular really did a number on us.
For me it was the same as you say deprogramming the term "love". Looking back it appears I never loved anyone. Love was not accessible for me, with that state of mind.
Well and, friendships are like this too! It's amazing what kind of excuses people come up with for verbally or emotionally abusive bully. If enough time goes by, the people who witnessed the bullying eventually forget about it, and some even befriend the bully; where you become the only one who is affected by the bully. I am not sure if it is just my autism, but that kind of thing never made logical sense to me. I mean, the bully was still being a bully, and they are the type of person who gains pleasure from hurting others; that's all I need to know when deciding to not be friends with somebody. It seems like a person has to put up a great effort to block out the influences of others who try to make excuses for an emotionally abusive person, just to make it possible to use our own minds when making really important decisions about any sort of relationship. Our society is seriously corrupted, quite sadly. 😞
Everyone can benefit from therapy, shadow work and inner child work, but ESPECIALLY those of us who had terrible childhoods. It's not easy, but it's necessary. Speaking as someone with complex PTSD and a disorganised attachment style, dating has been excruciatingly painful and almost impossible but as I continue to work on myself, I'm seeing slow but gradual improvements. Self-love is imperative as well.
By communicating you aren't giving up on power you are claiming your power. ❤
❤
I felt both understood and called out in this video at the same time but Matthew you honestly never cease to MINDBLOW me with how much insight you are still able to give even after watching your videos for so many years! Thank you so much for being you!!!🙏🏽
This is one of the most SPOT ON videos I have ever seen about dating !!!!
You have no idea how much just watching your videos heals a broken heart....love you Matt for being you❤❤
Keep your value high ❤
Thank you for making this video. I really needed it and I know that my childhood trauma is a big reason why I find myself attracted to people that are emotionally unavailable.
Depends on the person. I walk away from B/s which is playing games. To me it would seem, the inability to be honest leads to all types of issues in the future. It's juvenile and not all may comprehend such games as passive flirting to anyone but the game player. It' ruins communication and again, can be juvenile
Concurred.
I was dating this man 8 months.. we spent time together lots , everything was great ,we went for trip , very exlucive . But suddenly, he asked time to be alone . And i was ok with that , but time to time i am wondering what's going on , and he told me that clear if he is not my bf .. he is free man can go with whom and everywhere he likes .
I don't understand just what happened.
But i told him ,. Thank u for being honest , now i can let u to be free !
It is very hurt , and i am quite struggled to kill this feeling .
But i accepted 😢
Mathew I think there is so much wisdom in what you have just said and I see myself in it. Being transparent and fair towards ourselves and the other is the key to healthy relationships in life. The other can be whoever they want to be and no need to shame them, let’s just communicate it from our truth and experience and stick with it and then if they are still around, great. If they are not, we avoid heartbreak and frustration. So happy to listen to wise words instead of ego and techniques that have never made anyone happy.
Truth ❤️
Exactly! It takes time and self-knowledge to form our standards and courage to maintain them. It’s the only way to preserve and respect ourselves as at the end of the day we have to live with ourselves. This is one of your best Matthew! Thank you! Love the sweater :)
Playing games just repel me away immidiately...🤔
When someone stops trying, they have to be downgraded in our lives. ❤
If you tried harder than they did, then that’s fair. If you like him to simp, then it’s not.
It's very simple as to why most of us men find ourselves attracted to the wrong women----------they're often the most physically attractive women, so when they give us interest in the beginning (before becoming avoidant), we get swayed by their hot looks. Regarding why women find themselves attracted to the wrong men, my personal theory is that, again, those men are often the most physically attractive, most powerful men, and or because many women simply love a challenge and find unchallenging men boring, sadly
Such a powerful and important message expressed beautifully. I've always fought for words to describe my thoughts on the matter and this was exactly it. 💝 Hopefully this continues to reach more people.
Being honest is saying he is great and i still want him even though he doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want to be with me and that’s okay. That doesn’t make him less of a good person. I detach because I need to protect my heart, not because is bad because he isn’t chasing me.
This is the best explanation of this I've ever heard. Spot on!! Thank you!
Wow!! Spot on, Matthew. As usual, you nailed it. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much, Matthew, for always sharing such a deep, high Wisdom- valuable, important, inspiring, uplifting and turning attention to the Ultimate Truth, not to the small lies, games and manipulations that sounds nice and look attractive sometimes, but ultimately leaving us empty. Thank you for speaking from the heart and soul and taking the subject of relationships to another level!
Watching this channel (& other heapthy relationship channels) and then going out in the real world is disappointing, most people are not healthy, but i guess the right people will respond to our boundaries
So respectful .... I always felt good about being honest with who we are and now with watching you to go for our standards not tactics, it gave me peace and be consistent with that
So true...even I'm an honest person can't play games..being true to myself nd the person I want give me peace, no matter wat the situation is after that.
Would love for you to do content on how a dismissive avoidant can be in love for 3 years, then bolt as soon as his girlfriend wants to work on their problems with a therapist (both 42/43 years old). Why was his fear of couples counseling and urge to bolt stronger than his desire to remain in a relationship with someone he loved? He discarded me. The abandonment came out of nowhere and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been 5 1/2 months and even though I’ve done SO much work (including therapy), the intense pain, heartbreak, and feeling of betrayal is SO prevalent. How could I have been so wrong about his feelings? How can he walk away on a dime like I (we) never even existed?!
I think to find peace from this situation and to completely get over him, you need to face the fact that he belonged with someone else. I am not saying this to be hurtful. Just a third person perspective. Start dating other men and simply accept that your true love is waiting for you and you are delaying your union with your soulmate by wasting emotional energy on someone who was never meant for you. Much love. Have a good day.
This is by far the very best advice I have ever heard.🙏🏻💜💜💜
I think games only work on those who are naive and don't really know they're being played, or those who either play games themselves, or who aren't really ready for anything serious themselves. Once you are truly ready for something real - game players won't even be attractive to you anymore. If players still keep you guessing, keep you interested, and you keep associating with these types, then the problem is you - not them.
Absolutely.
I just love you matthew. thank you for today's video. ❤
Guys might not respond well to Emotional communication about emotions. They will however receive it well if delivered in a calm and regulated state ❤
Standard is im not interested in this person if they are not trying. ❤
Do you know what I hate about these channels? When I take this liberating information and apply it to the real world, I just get laughed at. I got so tired of dealing with immature and selfish people my own age I just gave up on them. Want to know why so many people struggle with finding a relationship? Because they don’t deserve one. Let them struggle please. Pain is the best teacher, always has been
Maybe we need people to be screened a bit by revealing their knowledge of what it takes to develop thru the stages of romantic love.
You have lot of hate in you. Don’t be so cruel. Many people they don’t have good intentions . They will tell you want you want to hear but they don’t really mean it.
@@isabellacruiz4213 I’d rather be plagued with Hatred than Ignorance, Lovelessness, and ultimately Despair.
Love the call to claim my power by stating my standard 💪🏻 so good!
Standard is something which you will hold on to even if they backed off. You particularly will be happier that they did. You wont reach out to them the next day saying hey wassup.
Great advice and well-said.
I know your videos are more geared towards women, but your advice is so true even for men. I realized these things recently on my own, and then I stumbled on this and it is very true for me
GREAT content like every clip , Matthew ❤
Great job ❤
Thanks so much! Brilliant and understandable
Love your video dear Matthew ❤
yes realationships are about honest communication and setting healthy standards
You have to follow the standard through to the end. The only you can do that is to he congruent with the standard that you are communicating. You have to believe it. It has to be your actual truth. And that comes from having a healthy approach when it comes to dating.
playing games is playing games. playing with the psychie ,emotions and the soul is ill and not flirting its abuse on all levels and kindergarten open the door and for the traschcan.
The most important video on self empowerment !!
Thank you - that is a great advice. I asked myself the same question recently- why am I doing this to myself? I am a stable person only when it comes to 1 specific person I react differently. Why is that so? I have not found the answer yet but it completely changes my approach to the situation. I let it stand where it is.
Great video@
I needed this today
Thanks, Matt. More wisdom here, as expected. 😊
Example: Standards vs. Tactics. This right here. 8:05 time stamp. Listen again.
Don't conflate gamesmanship with being true to your standards. If creating distance to produce a certain effect is your aim, then what standard is that based on? Is that sustainable? Or even desirable?
Setting boundaries 👌💯
as soon as u show abit of interest, they go cold. certainly soon as u 'put out' yr certainly finished! Challenge accomplished for them and they turn into a ghost
He says "honest" like David Beckham in the famous meme. Love the Brits! Great content again, Matt, thanks!
Also Matthew any advice for when you flip flop on your standards to a particular guy? Because I like this guy or in the heat of the moment I go back on what I initially said, and then I feel guilty and empty afterwards. I'm trying to hold onto that feeling so I won't do it again. But I realise I must look a fool to this guy, and I feel silly trying to reinstate my boundaries after I've shown I can go back on them. Any way to make this fullproof?😅 or do I just need to work on my self esteem
One minute in, I’d say please don’t play games, but you need to do what you want to do, make yourself happy, just don’t play games… life is too short, it’s just a ride and no one gets off alive, so enjoy the ride, be yourself, be honest, suit yourself… don’t accept shit. Do what you want to do, don’t intentionally hurt another person, I literally can’t be bothered with games or mental tricks. Yes of course have standards! But games? Grow up. Much love to everyone, as always 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼xx
Me again! I just mean I’ve been there, I’ve done that, it’s ridiculous… overthinking? Analysing? All you’re doing is hurting your own brain. Exhausting yourself. Be honest, do what you want to do on the day, don’t be horrible, and if someone is horrible to you move away! If someone is nice to you, give them a chance. My current BF I wasn’t interested in, at all, met through friends, laughed and laughed and laughed. I fell for someone who wasn’t my “type”, didn’t fancy straight off, and was crushed and distraught and depressed from a previous relationship at the time. And now here we are. There are 8 billion (or whatever) people on this planet, get up, shut up, move along… too much bullshit in this world, just make yourself happy and live in the moment, don’t rely on other people to make you happy, we’ve all been hurt and we will keep getting hurt over and over again. Me? Massively hurt. Hated men, never wanted another man. But I love men, and I can’t stay away from them. But you get up, dust yourself off, and carry on regardless. I do believe women are strong, but I also recognise men get hurt too.. I am absolutely not a man-hater! People get hurt. People hurt people. Just don’t do that. Just be honest. Don’t play games. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Much love, as always, and happy Valentine’s Day to you all 😘❤️😘 Ps. The only person who will always be there for you, is YOU. Take care of yourself, first and foremost. Namaste 🙏🏼 xxxx
Oh and let people do what they want to do, and you’ll see what they’d rather do. Truth. Game over. Suit yourself first. ❤
Great video Matthew always give good advice. I was wondering if you could do a video about sex with benefits vs how do I know if a guy likes me for me. I recently met a guy on a cruise he asked if I had Instagram and I have him my number. During the cruise we flirted and when I got home he started ignoring my texts. I been in a one sided sex with benefits before so seemed familiar territory. I feel hurt that I put myself out there and now I'm scared he only wanted sex from me..thought it would be a good and necessary topic because seems like it happens often to people.
Applause to Jameson too for his consistently clear and focused filming techniques!
It,s so so good 🔥🔥🔥
Matthew I need some advice. I'm 39 years old and my dream is to find a stable partner and start a family, but I feel like it's too late for that. Could you talk about how to overcome this idea?
I like the high definition of this video
Thanks MH, currently reading How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury. Any thoughts on it?
I have anxious attachment and a bit of limerance made a connection with a girl at work because I I spilled my heart out to her to the point of I don't know if I've ruined it. Is it redeemable?
You have to play and be mysterious , but know your standards
It’s being playful - not playing I think that’s the difference
Best vid ever
Standard is who we are. Standard is how we live. ❤
Why does there have to even be a challenge? I can have standards in order to eliminate people who aren’t as into me, but still want to be with someone who wants me not because I’m a challenge but because we enjoy our time together and are attracted to each other. I am capable of being really into a guy without seeing him as someone that’s really attractive to other people and therefore a “challenge”. I’m able to be into someone just because I think they’re someone who is specific to what I want and is able to make me feel happy. I think that’s a healthier mindset than “if I show him that it’s a turn off that he doesn’t like me then maybe he’ll like me.” I’m not turned off by it, I’m hurt by it, and I can make a rational decision to avoid pain. So I can then freely confess how I feel and if they aren’t on the same page, it’s okay that I was vulnerable and didn’t find it super unattractive that they weren’t super into me right away (I’m not for everyone just like everyone’s not for me). I’m tired of fighting my feelings.
Transparece comunication is the Key to have a good relationship witout it ir isn't possible
For the first time in my life im beyond lost because i got into a long distance relationship and he proved his feelings with his actions and consistency for 4 months calling me his GF then turned cold/ distant lately, making excuses to cut communication.
Suddenly he announced that he’s coming to meet me and spend time with me,i was happy and confused because i asked if im still his GF or a friend ( to know how I’ll welcome him) he said what’s the difference.. im just visiting and i hope you’ll show me around. This wasn’t the answer i hoped for so i will have to confront him about my standards. The only reason i like him is how he never played these lame games but if he’s still not sure about me after this. Boy bye 👋🏻 im used to Fboys or nice guys but never a mix of both… this is a first!
Watch Adrienne Everheart. She gives good ideas on getting back with your lover. It's sensible advice.
So Matthew, if the friend has gone quite how do you communicate this standard...
How does one communicate needs in a healthy way
How can you word the message that gets your point across without being harsh about it?
Playing games only attracts other people who play games. Where both of you end up wondering if you are able to trust the other when dealing with serious situations or conflict. A person ends up asking themselves, "Is the other person being genuine, or are they just trying to trick me, manipulate me, and play games? Are they just saying what I want to hear to end the conversation, without caring about resolving the issue?" I would rather be single than have to deal with that nonsense.
Is it a game if because of the other persons behaviour you really really just don't want to be involved in anything that involves them?
I was honest and got ghosted. Didn’t chase but expected him to return. Hasn’t happened.
What's wrong with you that you expect a ghost to return? How low is your self esteem that you want to be disrespected again... Why would he return to someone he doesn't respect? You can't force someone to respect/love you... if they do not respect you it says a lot about them.
@@Verase787 that was a little harsh IMO. My self esteem is fine. I’d never dated a widower before and it brought in different issues. Another lesson learned.
It “works” with people who are “playing games” themselves….. It doesn’t work with people who desire healthy relationships and who are genuinely authentic.
an expert says playing games is sometimes better than open communication!?! not much of an expert in my eyes. playing games is just bs, huge red flag, massive turn off, and shows complete lack of respect for the other person and the relationship as a whole. they are no experts; they are idiots.
The line between games and this is narrow. Blaming games is only part of the scenario.
I have met women who were extremely needy. Their true nature would be to say (after one date only) that they want to meet the mother of the poor guy.
Unless they want to restrict the pool of potential men to Forrest Gump, well they should apply some strategy.
I would run for the hills if a guy behaved like that.
I have built up a life in which I am happy and therefore I do not need to chase anybody. If that was not the case I would probably force myself to play hard to get until I actually become hard to get.
Healing and withdrawing from the world is the way. But you can also heal by continuing meeting people...
You cannot attract without a dance. The game is the dance. Each person has their own take on it. There is no wrong answer, only if you are compatible.
I have been transparent in dating for the last 7 years and i do not attract men and the one's that i do eventually turn off of a truthful communication!
I feel that men want to have a non committed situationship !!
As much as i agree and believe with this
Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be the tendency in dating anymore since the pandemic
Healthy communication produces real results. They aren't of a tactic that will shed off later due to weak standards at the core.
Honestly if I feel a girl playing game, I will walk away. Just not my thing.
I hate games but I’m finding that many men are into them, which is very sad and disappointing
Sadly if you want a man you going to have to play the game hunny
It's because men have to constantly deal with/play/ accept games. If someone is not playing a game, it feels like we're being pranked or it's a prelude to a very big upcoming game.
Silent punishment, what nonsense is this. Is this like training dogs. God has blessed us with this intelligence which separates us from animals. Things like this will make the genuine guys walk away, and the ones who will chase you inpite of this absurd games will eventually leave once they have got what they want.
Tip: never, ever, ever send the ‘hello stranger’ text as a way of making him re-engage. If you’re interested in him, then bloody well TELL HIM. If a guy doesn’t text you in months, it’s because you haven’t bothered your arse to text HIM!
Men pay attention to your ACTIONS - not empty pointless words designed to get him to be a chasing attention giving SIMP. STOP IT!
Am a straight person playing games is for children
🐉🐉🐉
Ihavehighstandards
As an asian man that is +9/10 in looks. When you have over one thousand women interested in you. You dont purposely want to waste anyones time but its difficult to decide
i love to play around in an emotional way. Not in sexual way. i am an Emotional cheater
+9/10 in looks or not , its not nice to lead women on🤷🏾♀️
@@Preeyette When you see my picture. You are going to become one of my options
ROFLOL! Spend much time admiring yourself in the mirror dude?🤣😂🤣😂😆
No need to look in the mirror. When i get out of bed. Never comb hair. Never combed hair in years. Hair is naturally wavy. As an asian man my hair looks better than Caucasian guys.
Just take a lot of selfies. Going to have a hard time finding a girl to trust me. But there's a lot of girls ready to give me money.
A man needs to be attractive to be an emotional cheater
Aries moon sign. Zodiac
@@linnie14 No
This is horrible advice. If you don’t first find out what’s going on with them. Maybe they disappeared for a couple of weeks because of the death of a loved one and they became consumed with that. If you’re only concerned with yourself without without finding out specifics then you are just revealing yourself as a very selfish person. A narcissist only cares how things affect them.
Standards > Games! 🤍🤍🤍