Why the F*%k Do Men Always Come Back?! | Matthew Hussey
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- Опубліковано 19 бер 2022
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You can set your watch to it. They break up with you . . . you spend weeks-in fact, months-hurting and getting over them, and just as you realize you no longer think about them all the time and begin to feel happy again, you get the text.
“Hey, how you doing?”
Does this sound familiar? I suspect it does . . .
So what is this phenomenon? Why do they always come back? What does it mean? And more importantly, what do you SAY when they do?
In today’s new video, I talk about 5 possible reasons why they come back.
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What’s been your experience with people who just can’t stay away? Let me know in the comments!
Because I was the one who rejected them - they can’t stand the ego bruise and/or NPD (actual not just using it flippantly as the cool flavour of the month ;-) ) love these videos as always, thank you!
I was going to say NPD also. They always want someone in the wings
Hey Matt, I'm quite emotionally torn, I called this off myself for valid reasons,i kept doing this earlier as well and he kept coming back but always with words are louder than actions approach, he never seemed to have put any efforts other than texting - it was just 1 year relationship and he never met me - we haven't seen each other and I was so frustrated to this point that I had to call this off. Not sure if he will ever come back to me as this is the longest we haven't texted each other - 15 days. Who knows may be he has moved on, please advise
@@akshitasharma8585 1 year without even meeting? I’d move on.
Mine came back after 3 years, year after he got married “to check if I’m ok”. Which quickly changed into “I never had sex this good” and “she doesn’t understand my needs” 🙄🙄Needless to say he was the #1 case, plus unfaithful to his new wife.
"sometimes you have to leave the one you love for someone who loves you."
This is so true.
It’s sad but it’s so true agree
Amen
I simply can't 😔😔😔
I totally agree ❤
I’ve been in 4 serious relationships that lasted for more than 2 years. All of them come back, I tell them all “no” because if it was “true love”, they would have never let’d me go to be with someone one else. I only became a priority when they lost me and that’s not how I look at myself. I’m not a place holder. I’m not a last resort.
Thank you. This comment is life
Good for you x
So true. I couldn’t take someone back. I tried once. They’re like a different person, not that they changed, but I definitely did. I just winded up blocking them because it wasn’t going anywhere and I was actually moving along with college. I prioritized myself. Keep it up!
Damn right! You are not a placeholder..
I been in that situation, and my last boyfriend keeps wanting to come back ...and I always tell him , there is a reason why you are my ex...I’m that kind of a person that it might take me long to make a decision, but once I’m done , I’m done there is not coming back. I do not indulge in “ selective memory “
I know your main target audience consists of women, but as a guy who’s new to the whole love thing, these videos help me understand myself and my own feelings and intentions better. Thank you.
So cute. This gives me hope, guys watching this...
King.
Never use anyone
@@eline4382 Well, I can definitely use the advice and insight, cause the one person I fell in love with… We were never together, but let’s just say I became too much to deal with to the point where we no longer speak 😢
I hope to learn from videos like these, cause if she ever decides to give me another chance (maybe?), even if it’s just as a friend, I wanna be ready and not ruin it again. And it may also help me if I ever fall in love again, though that’s hard to think about right now.
@@shubhangikaushik4354 Never.
I've always called this the "toy truck syndrome". It's like a toddler putting down a toy truck because they're no longer interested in it, until they perceive another kid is about to pick it up. We all know how that plays out.
Interesting
It’s not about the truck. It’s about control
Lol my dog does the same thing. He will dig a hole on the beach and be very proud of it. Then he will get over it. But if another dog comes to check it out he’s like “nooo, MY hole!!”
Not an apt analogy. At the end of day, the toddler who owns the truck, goes home with it!
Haha as a toddler mom I love this 🔥 👏🏼
*"Only when you are capable of saying no are you capable of saying yes in the right way."* THIS. THANK YOU.
Yes!
I'm not a fan of letting people come back if they're the ones that left. It's not my problem someone didn't realize my value when they had me. If you ARE gonna let someone back into your life after discarding you, my advice is to raise the bar 10x higher than it ever was when they were with you the first time. They would have to offer you MORE than what you could have from someone that never hurt you in the first place for it to be worth re-investing. That's AFTER they repair 100% of the harm they did on their way out- which is mandatory. IF they're willing to do all that, without complaining, maaaaybe they're worth a second chance. But they better be prepared to prove it every day for the duration of the relationship. Even then, I'd rather make them have to live with their shitty decisions and find someone better. Or find no one, it doesn't matter that much to me. I'm good on my own until someone shows up that's worth it.
@@Revolution-tl5wo Neither am I.
So good!
This!
“I forgive, but I also learned a lesson. I won’t hate you, but I’ll never get close enough for you to hurt me again. I can’t let my forgiveness become foolishness.”
Amen, you better tell it.
6. He just checks in to see, if he has his magic over you and that you still cry your pillow full without him. If he sees, that his magic is fading, and you are kind of getting over, he makes a move to pull you back, and then leaves satisfied, when you're back in the pit.
So true
Narcissistic pit! That’s why with toxic relationships zero contact (if possible) is best… 💜
This is what happening with me.. When I get too involved he pushes himself away.. He has blocked me and i can't help bt keep calling and messaging him.. I evn realise that this is foolish bt not able to come out.. 😞
Demon spawn
@@csoph550 yes..! But i have that fear like feeling that he will be no more there..
This video couldn't come at a better time than now, I would always take him back again and again, after 3 years of not talking to each other he came back last week, felt so good to tell him to f*ck off and leave me alone this time around, worked so hard to be where I am now, not going to let him ruin it. Thanks for this video Matthew 🙏
That's awesome! You deserve so much better and he knows that now!
👏👏👏👏👌😂
lol! Good Move- Takes Strength
Good on you dude 💪🏻
« A good horse doesn’t turn it’s head back to eat the hedge it’s just passed » 😜
Wise words from my mum💝
Why do I come back? To see my bro's🔥content obviously. 😇
Hahha
Yes right ☺️
Haha Nice 🔥
I can't wait to see more vids from you Stephen......😉
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
You don't need to care why they come back. Let them live with it. The best man never leaves. ..ever!
That’s a load of crap
@@sirperduwynwhy is that?
Men don’t usually come back because they care about you. They come back because they want to see if they still can. And that’s why you ignore the hell out of them when they try. Don’t even validate them with a response.😒
I totally responded
@@SuctionMonsters then cultivate the self respect to stop doing that.
If a man cannot see my worth the first time, he won’t ever. I know my worth and I don’t prove it, I don’t accept “come backs”
Ok bobby
Okay then ikaw na
Slay queen
@daniellem4585Or unblock him and if he contacts you, ghost him. That is even better.
Yep! I’m sorry but I don’t have any patience for slow learners and men that like to stall. He’s just doing that so he can continue doing his bs in the dark while still stringing you along.
3 words I always stick by once a relationship is done is ‘never go back’ being single might not be easy but going back to an old relationship more than likely ends up the same way as before.
I TOTALLY AGREE...TOOK..HIM BACK X2..IT ENDED THE VERY SAME WAY..EVEN..WORSE..🤨
I'm at the point in my life where single life feels more comfortable. Yes I miss him and sometimes feel so strongly to be with him but it's a temporary state. In the bigger picture, am thankful to myself that I didn't let him back in and thought rationally when he was attacking me with his emotional drama.
Same! Never go back and exes can't be friends (99% of the time)
And NOTHING will make you feel more stupid than being hurt the same way twice
@@realSimoneCherie 🤣😂too many times😇i've got court restaining order for him for 1 year as he was brutally violent last time
There are people who just like to test their charm and they get satisfied whenever they can see they still have a power on you. They are not genuinely trying to make the relationship work, they, as always only care how they feel. They will never leave you in peace but they will never truly be there either. I will not want to waste one more sec on these ones. They are drama seekers fishing for validations through vulnerable souls to be part of their dramatic scripts.
No
Not always! Some are genuine I’m saying this based on my own experience
@@carlel121 They didn't say it applies to everyone, hence the "there are people", as in, these people exist.
Then they tell you you're dramatic when in fact they are the ones who always play games, can't even have honest conversation
@@jhen494 exactly, they escape instead of confront, babies 🙄
Most of us don't appreciate friends or lovers until they're gone! It's just human nature.
I can answer this question for you...
Men come back to you after they decided you weren't good enough for whatever reason and went after who they did want. He didn't really like you UNTIL he went after someone he wanted and got rejected. Men come back to you to help lick their wounds and give them a little ego boost because you were the girl who looked at them like they were Superman. He still doesn't want you fyi , but it makes him feel better to know someone wants him after the other chicks shot him down and treated him like he wasn't good enough. Its also possible he realized he can't do better and in comparison to the other women, you weren't so bad afterall.
Wow
wow... sounds legit
Come on Preacher!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yep, you’re right!!
Ouch
I'm not a fan of letting people come back if they're the ones that left. It's not my problem someone didn't realize my value when they had me. If you ARE gonna let someone back into your life after discarding you, my advice is to raise the bar 10x higher than it ever was when they were with you the first time. They would have to offer you MORE than what you could have from someone that never hurt you in the first place for it to be worth re-investing. That's AFTER they repair 100% of the harm they did on their way out- which is mandatory. IF they're willing to do all that, without complaining, maaaaybe they're worth a second chance. But they better be prepared to prove it every day for the duration of the relationship. Even then, I'd rather make them have to live with their shitty decisions and find someone better. Or find no one, it doesn't matter that much to me. I'm good on my own until someone shows up that's worth it.
THIS is the smart way to think about it.
Thanks for this.
P
Great post! Couldn't be said better!!!
i 100% agree, but what if someone comes back after several months (was before very serious about you in actions), but u were the one having fucked up?
Took him back after no contact, 5 months later broke up with me again with the same reason. They always say they had it figured out, no, they don't, they can say anything when they want you. Learnt my lesson, no more recycling to me, date new people is better
Sorry that happened to you, my ex came back after a month I made it difficult to him, but eventually we moved in together and married, not all men are the same! Some of them are genuine and really miss you and appreciate you when you are in distance, others just don’t know what they want ever! 🤷♀️
6 years later, 5 of those years of being married, he did it again. Leaving me with a son on the way this time.
@@judithgutierrez7538 😢
@@carlel121 a Month is reasonable but 3 years! Man that's insanity!
@@carlel121 Well, my ex after second broke up kept contacting me and saying he missed me & asked to meet up, that was genuine as well, should I take him back? I'm glad your broke up didn't break your trust to him, but for me, a man who truly loves you would not leave you easily.
Amen. The on-again-off-again was my hamster wheel with my last ex. He’s a narcissist and my current bf helped me understand it’s pathological behavior. It’s been wonderful to have the support of a partner who doesn’t play games but tells it to me straight and helps me “heal” from past situations.
@Never Idle Life , this is so wonderful to read, thank you!! You are a glimpse of hope these guys exist... 🙏🏻🙌🙆💋
Narcissists are the worst because they’re like a parasite that feeds off of ANY energy you have, positive or negative…. Zero contact strong boundaries are your best shield
You're lucky to have a normal bf who helps you to see and get out of the toxic cycles
I would highly encourage you to not to use your partner as a counselor or guide in this. Perhaps he is a good guy and has your best interest at heart, but I would highly advise you to get a counselor who is impartial and can give you Objective advice. No one can give a psychological diagnosis of another person unless they are trained to do so.
Amen
If he’s not happy with you and not happy without you, he’s just not happy
Society is full of people who are, to varying degrees, unaware of their constant reenacting childhood trauma. Domination + Obedience.
❖ 5 Reasons Why They Come Back
0:21 1) They're horny and selfish
1:37 2) Single life isn't what it's cracked up to be
3:48 3) It's comfortable
5:15 4) He genuinely misses you
7:44 5) They genuinely want you back for a real relationship
❖ 3 Principles For Letting Someone Come Back
10:13 1) Let them back in slowly
10:27 2) Look for evidence of change
10:51 3) Set a new standard for what you need from them
Because most men have less options than women so its harder for them to rebound and move on.
Why are you adding the last part ?? Did he say that in the vid ? (Didn’t watch it but I remember him saying you shouldn’t consider taking anyone back)
Thank you ☺️
Thanks
Thank youuu
My ex didn't come back but he did come back in texts and we even had a call once. He missed the comfort and probably felt lonely too. He wanted us to go back to being friends and probably wanted us to talk everyday like we used to. But I was thinking no, you don't deserve to talk to me everyday like we used to. You broke up with me and I need to move on. Having him in my life doesn't allow me to move on. If he wanted to be friends then he shouldn't have started a relationship with me in the first place. If we hadn't started something we could have remained friends.
👏 good for standing your ground. You're right, men dig these holes for themselves because they don’t value female friendship but then they expect you to treat them just like any friend.
@@maheenm.k1015 Yeah. I get that he misses what we had and he misses our friendship but he doesn't get to have it back. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you break up with someone you should just let them go so that they can move on and find someone who actually wants to be with them.
I've seen people become friends after the relationship ended, but it was never immediately after the break up. It took time for friends to transition into more than friends, and it takes very long for that transition to complete in the other direction.
But what your experience sounds lile he gets the benefits of having you in his life, without making a commitmemt...you are more than someone's convenience.
@@corneliahanimann2173 Exactly! Thanks.
Yrh thars what my ex wants. He wants to talk online every day and chat. But not meetv in.person. all the while he chats to other women online. It still hurts after 4 years of him leaving me. He says he misses me and wants me back, but he won't commit to my basic request of meeting face to face. Thats my standard and he is not meeting it, so he doesn't get the benefits of my amazing g personality.
Protect yourself at all times ladies.
I’ve had several men trying to come back into my life. Men from years to even over a decade ago. It’s so weird.
A decade ? For real ? Wow
@@kimbaumann826 17yrs for me…just this week actually. It’s hard to tell if it’s flattering or disturbing honestly :-/
Because most men have far less options than women so its harder for them to rebound and move on.
You must be leaving all modes of communication open with them then. When it’s over for me I delete and block on all platforms. They’d have to show up at my house to come back into my life and well that’s not happened so I know they’re not that serious about coming back 🤷🏻♀️
@@maheen158 I’ve had the same phone number for 20 years. That’s how they’re contacting me. Not social media. And when I say try, they’re contacting me but that doesn’t mean I’m responding.
If people really appreciate you, they wouldn't let you go. They just miss access to you that's all!
I think even if you get back together, that magic that you initially had has changed dynamically. I’m starting to realize to not let people back in that couldn’t see what they had in the first place, it effects your self esteem whether you want to admit it or not.
so true, resentment cant be erased...
Yeah for sure, just move on and don't come back .
Absolutely. I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to finally admit this to myself 😢 so many years of my life wasted..time I can never get back.
It’s just not worth it. The resentment will eventually consume your entire being, and turn you into someone you never wanted to be and no longer recognize at all. I actually avoid mirrors now because I can’t bare to look at my own reflection most days 😢 I have so much healing to do. I doubt I could ever heal all of this pain in just one lifetime..
Kimberly look in those mirrors and grow in love with yourself. No time wasted just lesson to be learned.
It took me so long and heartache to learn these lessons. When I made a decision to heal myself and show myself love I stopped playing into this toxic cycle of back and forth with exes. Now once I'm done I don't go back and the door is closed. I still wish them the best and want them to eat, just not at my table. 😘
He is back because he got dumped by other girls and he has no one else at this point in time
Exactly. Men have way less options than women. That's why he comes back
Yep that is what happened to me he was dumped lol😂karma 😂
So bottom line, easiest/safest thing to do is to leave the past in the past, leave closed doors closed. So often we hold onto hope, especially when you're in love with that person. Smh 😔.
I agree! Whatever the reason, at the end of the day same result. Waste of valuable time!
What helped me , was sitting in those feelings of being abandoned , ignored and not loved….and after some period of that pain, I got more realistic and less emotional . So, I believe it’s important to sit in the pain,and not trying to find excuses for any behavior, but realizing how he makes you feel trough letting yourself feel it. That is hard and it hurts, but I am sure that will take away that false hope..because that hope is present if we idealize someone who is obviously giving us pain and bad treatment. I think it goes against our bodies and psychology to hope and want back the person that makes us feel terrible or uncomfortable. The only time that happens is when we lie ourselves trough memories we play in our head, and remembering cute moments…but all those aren’t realistic situations of the “now”. It’s important to detect that a person makes you feel like 💩(and even 💩 doesn’t deserve that)
There is always a learning for us when we are in that position. Sometimes it takes years to heal (as in my case) as it depends on how deep seated the childhood trauma and associated relating patterns are.
@@viktorijanovak336 this comment helped me so much. Knowing the pain is serving a purpose actually makes me more hopeful.
@@viktorijanovak336you are so right!!! I finally got tired of what started to feel like begging for his approval, attention, basic respect even!!! I decided the right man for me is going to be a kind, compassionate, grown up man who has no need for childish games or abuse of any kind, to anybody. I lost respect for him in a big way and realized that all he has are good looks, and one day that will be gone. Unfortunately he’s just another narcissist in a sea of narcs. I’m moving on 😊
Never let them back. They just want validation and if they didn't appreciate the comfort supplied first time around they will not do so second time around either. Every wrong guy you give time too slows the progress towards the right guy. 😊
Hello dear how are you doing ?
great advice 😊
Nah that’s just your experience
I had to end things with my partner because of this. He doesn't know what he wants, said he feels he's not ready for commitment and wants to go out and enjoy his youth. Its a horrible feeling to not feel wanted or feel like you're enough. I know he has intentions of coming back so I'm working on getting myself to a place where I feel confident that I do not need him, like Matthew said. Because if he does return I want to also be able to say no and value myself enough to hold him to standards of what I need (copying Matthew here as well) if I say yes. Thank you so much for the great advice Mathew I really needed it
Hey Aliyah. same here. broke up with my ex a month ago. because he was not ready to commint and proceed forward to moving in together. we been together for a year, tried living together for some times, and are both 33 y.o. he always told me he wants a family and he loves me...but now, he "is not ready". left him for good and now 1 month in no contact. i wish us both (you and i) to stay strong. seems like we were too comfortable and accepted more of their things instead of placing our boundaries. stay strong sis!
That means he's Narcissistic Aliyah Miller , it won't get better , he will get worse if you take him back & ignore your own true feeling
Yep. Selfish all the way. Mine happened nearly TWO YEARS later! "I don't want you back, but I miss your friendship." Gag me with a spoon! Email followed by a text. Didn't respond to either and deleted both. Just evidence of his total lack of awareness and completely self-centered nature. Not engaging made it easier to walk away.
UPDATE: He just tried to connect on another platform. Jeez. GO AWAY. 🤬
You can't need them. So true. Know your worth people, and when you truly know that, things will fall into place 🥰
Just because you know your worth doesn't mean everything is going to fall into place. Lots of people out there are great but just don't find love due to luck. There's a lot of luck involved, and even hard work in terms of getting out and meeting new people or getting online and going through profiles. I would not wait for everything to magically "fall into place." I'm 43 and still single. The truth is some people might not ever find love, and not through any fault of their own.
My experience is that if they break up with you in the first place they didn't really want you. It's not really a good idea to go back to your ex, because you will feel like you are walking on eggshells and have to appease that person which means you can't even be yourself
Yes, there’s a lot of reasons not to get back together with someone but I have known some couples that have gotten back together and have made their relationship successful so there are some that work.
My friends used to tell me men always come back and I never fully understood this until it indeed happened to me! The reasons u mentioned are so accurate
Because most men have less options than women so its harder for them to rebound and move on.
@@SuperMurray2009 rebound is more than likely to make you grieve longer instead of the reverse imo
@@FistOfHatred The opposite actually
@@SuperMurray2009 rebound never works. But maybe it allows healing. Anyways it’s a dead subject but it keeps working so more videos I guess
@@SuperMurray2009 i had a rebound pretty soon after and It didn’t do shit except fuck me up even more lol
Hi Matthew I'm saying this without any negativaty whatsoever. Some men just want the thrill of a chase no matter how much time
& patience/chances you give them and some men have narcissist traits and may not change. Genuine men strive on a positive
level to make a relationship work with solid foundation without any fear or guilt/blame.
Because most men have far less options than women so its harder for them to rebound and move on.
150% true. It happened to me and can't believe it did
@@SuperMurray2009 ok… so that should make anyone in right of being better… now let’s just say born sociopaths/ psychopaths is what it is. That’s dark matter… makes no sense. If something is super hard to come by I’ll do whatever it takes to preserve the otherwise I starve for whatever it is I’m craving. Like wtf
@@sexygabby30 I dont what the hell you just typed
@@SuperMurray2009 it’s pretty simple… but ok
I think the last point is the most important, not only for taking someone back, but for even starting a relationship at all. If you aren't in a good and stable place yourself you will never have a healthy relationship and a relationship can never be a replacement for living your own live and fullfilling your own dreams. A partner can only be alongside you on your journey, he should never be the goal of it.
people have respect for yourself
and learn to love yourself
I appreciate this message. Thank you.
“Only if you are capable of saying no, you are capable of saying yes in the right way”.
🙌🏼
Yes love this!
I'm not a fan of letting people come back if they're the ones that left. It's not my problem someone didn't realize my value when they had me. If you ARE gonna let someone back into your life after discarding you, my advice is to raise the bar 10x higher than it ever was when they were with you the first time. They would have to offer you MORE than what you could have from someone that never hurt you in the first place for it to be worth re-investing. That's AFTER they repair 100% of the harm they did on their way out- which is mandatory. IF they're willing to do all that, without complaining, maaaaybe they're worth a second chance. But they better be prepared to prove it every day for the duration of the relationship. Even then, I'd rather make them have to live with their shitty decisions and find someone better. Or find no one, it doesn't matter that much to me. I'm good on my own until someone shows up that's worth it.
@@Revolution-tl5wo well said. I needed to hear this today. ❤
Great comment. Really helpful to me. Ty ♥️
Two years on and off with my ex. Two years apart. Then he came back for 3 years and about a month after our 3 yr anniversary he hightailed it out of there. I genuinely believe he was at Number 5 but just hadn’t done the work that was necessary. I’m wiser now and won’t let this happen again. Thankfully my life is full and complete with or without a partner. 🥰.
Energy too! If it was toxic, best way to move on is zero contact (I.e. narcissists). Keeping boundaries and healing the wounds are important- and it’s harder to do if you allow continued contact.
I'm currently in a situation where I am going back to my ex girlfriend. This video screammeeeedd at me, but I really hope that I'm #5 in this case. I want to prove that I can change and put in the work to do it right this time. I broke up with her because we went into a long distance relationship when I went to college, and I sort of gave up. I had decided that the situation was going to be too hard and wasn't worth it, but after being apart, maybe for all the reasons you listed in this video, I knew it was a mistake. She is so wonderful, like a puzzle piece that fits to me. I hope I can grow and put in the effort she deserves. Thanks for the great content!
Update? 🙏 Hope it worked out for you
@@jadeyy We are happily together and are making long distance work, even if the situation sucks and is hard as hell, I'm so happy we get to be together!
They usually only want you back when they know you have moved on whether emotionally or with someone else.
Sounds dangerous
It's interesting this is directed at Women, about men, because I've experienced pretty much all of these as a man, coming from women. I've had;
1) An ex who kept trying to come back into my life every time she was in the mood and had nobody else.
2) An ex (wife) who cheated, which is why I left, and wanted me back after he dumped her and left her single.
3) An ex who kept trying to come back because she "missed snuggling" and all the "good guy" stuff I did for her.
4) An ex who left me for 2 years, then wrote me to let me know she missed me and often thought about me.
5) An ex who flat out told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and was full of regret over our breakup
Bonus) An ex who was so toxic she kept playing games to mentally tear me down long after our relationship ended.
While I was weak with a couple, and let them back in to my life for a very short visit, today they are all out of my life and I'm better for it. I had to analyze these relationships and determine the actual reasons they went bad. I had to take my part of the responsibility for those relationship failures, no matter how large or small my part actually was. It always takes 2 to make a relationship work, so ignoring my own failures was not an option. Instead, I tried to learn from them. Not learn what women to avoid, although that naturally happens, but I had to learn about how I could improve as a partner in a relationship. Two of the big ones were learning to communicate my needs (since I'm much more a doer than a receiver) and also to be a better listener.
About going back to an ex though? There's one simple thing I discovered. No matter how I felt about these women while we were in the relationship, I've changed with every breakup. Even if a break-up happened last week, I'm no longer the same person I was a week ago. I have been impacted and changed by that life altering situation. Be it through heartache, anger, pain, relief, or any other kind of emotion that reveals itself during a breakup. It will always change you. Because of that the relationship could never be what it once was. This is why, despite failing a couple times, I try very hard to never look back. Let the bitterness fade, the good memories remain, but leave the relationship in the past.
Not saying it could never work, going back to an ex, but in my experience your odds are probably less than winning the lotto.
👍🏽I’m with you on that. Is a revolving door for failing over and over again. As a woman I experience similar issues with my ex husb and it is us as individuals that need to make the change to accept the correct human that fits in to our life’s. Now is all ears and eyes open to listing and see actions.
my ex's all wanted back, or take it all back , I didn't let them back in though, I went through heart break, then picked myself up and slowly started to find myself again, what life and love do I truly want.
They kept coming back and back, But my ex husband the last time saw and said wow, you have more friends then me, your so beautiful that other people are now seeing the beautiful person you are.
I started feeling good about myself, I had someone said your funny Meryl, I said I am.
for me I'm not a lonely person so when they're not around I'm OK, I started taking care of sick animals something I never thought I'd ever do, I found my purpose in life. if I die single and I haven't found the right man to appreciate me as I show appreciate them, thats ok cause I found me again.
Happy.
My ex husband told me he wished he never left, when he left all I felt was relief, I was being abused mentally and I couldn't figure out how to get out without being physically hurt, so I thought I was given a gift by him, took me 20 years to never hear from him, I didn't talk or answer calls, changed my number, etc. Got a new life in between him, I'm proud of myself for standing strong he left me broke, and needed a surgery.
Ladies you can do it even when days go by when you think you can't, You can.
It took me all this time years, now I think its time for love in my life, good love and the minute I feel in my gut he's putting me down , even in a cute way
their out. time is running out can't waste time.
I know what I want like I never knew when I was younger. We all deserve the good love, wait for it.
This is so amazing.
I love when you said , ' Yes I am or I know'
Can’t agree with this video more. My ex and I went through around 5, or 6 breakups over the course of four years… each time he would show up after 1-2 months and try to get me back, usually all tears and full of regrets. One time he did therapy and another time he pulled out a ring to propose to me (during our breakup period). Each time it caused me a lot of confusion and pain… and just like Matthew said, each time he nipped a new potential relationship of mine right in the bud. And each time he seemed to forget why we didn’t work in the first place. Now looking back, my ex’s motives for trying hard to get me back checked all five points each time. Finally, after four long years, it was me who decided that this pattern should end for good. If I could go back in time, I wish I could break through this loop that’s going nowhere sooner than I did.
You nailed it! After many years of back and forth, I finally decided I had had enough of the foolishness. Now after more than 6 years of me calling it quits, he suddenly called me yesterday, and I'm glad that I missed the call, and that I am truly over him.
🔥
I get them coming back after a few weeks or months but 6 years wtf is that about surely he should know you wouldn't want to talk to him good for you not talking to him👍
@@Sharon-777 😊
After 6 years wow 😂 but I am glad you got your peace
Narcissist never fully move on.
I had an ex that ended up helping me out at a tough time just before I had to move from the city back home to family. That, alongside us never having stopped seeing each other post-break up, led to us staying in regular contact when I moved home. He'd call and video chat with me especially when COVID started, I kept up with his daughter, etc. Over time he seemed to pull away, and eventually I started to in response, but we still would call and chat/flirt/talk about seeing each other. He tended to always make the move to call for a long time or to suggest romantic or physical things, and I'd always ask if he was seeing anyone, to which he'd always say no. Eventually it came out he was seeing a new girl though, and the timing was weird considering how often we'd talk. She looked the spitting image of me, and we stopped talking.
A few months later he starts chatting again, calling me, flirting, etc. I let it continue for a while but eventually asked how he was able to talk with me, what his status was, etc. Poor fellow tried turning it around and saying he couldn't meet my romantic needs and that we were just having consensual distance romance fun, and kept insisting even after I pointed out I'd not done or expected anything of the sort.
After all that, I wrote a long letter (think Friends) getting everything off my chest, sent it to him, and felt like I'd freed myself of all the emotional weight I'd been holding on to. A few months later, amongst a lot of unrelated drama in mutual friend groups, I'd found out he'd moved in with his new girlfriend well before I found out about her, and they'd been living together still when we got back in touch. To this day I don't get why a man would insist on reaching out, sexting, planning with, and getting waxing nostalgic with an ex now living half way around the world, especially when a literal clone was next to him every night.
Thinking about it caused me a lot of anxiety and IBS, so eventually I told the gf what had happened over the course of that year, backed with some more milder screenshots of our conversations...not long after I got angry messages from this guy's sister and mom about how I was vengeful and trying to destroy a family. Looking back I'm not sure I'd do what I did again, but it definitely upset me at the time how much flack I got about things that were verifiably true.
That's my story of ex's coming back, and also why I've decided to stay single for the next bajillion years. Thanks for coming to my TED talk lol
You did the right thing. Kudos to you!
Did the gf leave him. Fuck the sister and mom, you don't get to keep your family together at the cost of using and playing with people. Wanting him to live a consequence free life 🙄.
You couldn't know. Later when you told her, I get it, solidarity among woman is important. She can do with the info what she wants. Maybe you saved her from a marriage - shitty relationship - divorce thing, saving years! She can find a man who likes and wants HER.
You did the right thing.
Man I can’t imagine what you went through… it would break me finding out he found someone else. Im sorry you went through this, just remember what’s meant to be will be💕
I've been off and on with my partner 5 times already but we kept taking each other back and improve ourselves each time we back together again. Now I'm in a steady and healthier relationship with him for almost 11 years. I guess when you both are truly soulmates you will always find a way to be together and sometimes your soulmate isn't someone who is good for you from the beginning. Soulmates are those who fought for each other no matter how many times they had to experienced defeat.
Don't let nobody spin the block. Only give men one chance with you.
How many times does he have to break up with you before you realize that #5 will NEVER happen?
Guys generally have way less options than women. Harder for them to move on.
I didn’t do anything mentioned in this video when the person got back and paid a high price for that 🤦♀️ Rationality over emotions is an absolute must ladies!
They don't always come back... some simply just don't care anymore...
Some come back when they realize you were the one, it has nothing to do with being bored or rejected, if he stays single 4 a while it may become clear to him the love was real & no one else will do !
That’s true! My friend and her now fiancé didn’t talk for 3 months and then came back to each other and been happy together for years :)
Can't come back, I always block them. Gone is gone, bye!
This is the reason why I never let anybody to come back. I'm very emotional person, even when I broke up it's hard to me to move one,to heal. And when I get better I had no reason to go back to that pain. I can talk to them,go on a coffee, explain the reason why I can't let them back, sometimes I can offer friendship,bud it's no way back in emotional way.
It’s kind of the same like cheating, if he run away once he will do it again! Maybe not right away, but the option he is capable it’s enough proof not to trust him anymore! Totally avoid these selfish, scared or “don’t know what I want” kind!!!! Btw all of my exes did the same, they broke up but then they wanted to get me back…but not as a girlfriend, just as a lover! Unbelievable they are able to offer this after they broke up with you😳😳😳
He could be a NARCISSIST trying to 'hoover' you back...this is normal modus operandi for a narcissist and a victim should be hyper-vigilant of this behavior.
I’ve gotten back together with ex’s and all the first 4 reasons were likely at play to a greater or lesser extent. Never have I found, or they found that reason 5 is true. Getting back together is a waste of time and keeps you from healing. We broke up for a reason.
Sometimes I miss an ex. And then I ask myself if I would ever trust them again. The answer is 99 percent of the time “no”. And that makes it easier to move on.
Sad it never worked out with you, it did with me and my sister!
This guy is selling the snake oil. Heartbroken women want to believe that they are "the one" and their loved one will comeback to them for good reasons.
Well why did you break up at the first place ?
Only things that can't be forgiven are cheating and intentional manipulation. Everything else seems like a childish reason to break up.
@@lunalu552 a lot of guys comeback for good reasons, not all of them are you! 🙄
@@angelg3642 Because he wasn't in love with them. Why would someone leave the person they love or all in love with?
That's the main reason but people usually say something like "we weren't compatible", "we had different prioritities".
Sometimes it’s better to be single live life on your own terms I watched my mother spend the last 5 years of her life being In a marriage she had no business being in. Until a meaningful relationship with a woman happens that’s my plan.
Dear Sir Matthew Hussey, words cannot describe how thankful I am for this video from you. The insights, reminders and advices truly impacted how I am feeling and on my mindset to change. You are great, you are awesome and GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS!! It is really wonderful to be a follower of yours!! Hoping to attend your retreat one day soon. Once again, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your contents!!
My ex and I went through a chaotic breakup. We have both done a ton of work individually and always spent time together as friends. We were able to let go of our resentments and accept responsibility for our actions. People ask me if we would get back together. And no we wouldn't, we had fundamental problems together that aren't going to change. But we do have a wonderful, loving friendship and for both of us, that is all we want from each other. While, it wasn't ever going to work out as a romantic relationship, we have helped each other to individual greater emotional maturity. Whoever becomes my next romantic partner should write him a thank you note.
Matthew provides the best advice and best presentation style that I have encountered on You Tube. I really appreciate that he gets right to the point and his presentations are total substance, not meandering fluff like most presenters. Also, his advice is powerful wisdom; like in this video. I’m very glad I found his channel and I appreciate his direct, concise, substantive approach.
I used to say to friends he must like me he keeps coming back, couldn’t understand it, weeks would go by, then he would want a holiday companion. Eventually in one of the gap times I was fortunate enough to meet someone who did want to share his life properly with me, and after 20 years I have never felt insecure, but with the previous on off relationship I never had a moment of feeling secure and that’s the difference!
@Susan Kingston that is a really helpful perspective. Thanks.
I try to hold onto that, that missing someone who made me insecure and wanting to get back with him is a temporary feeling of loneliness, during which my brain will play clever tricks on me to think that he was maybe "the one." I am reminding myself that the right "one" will not make me feel insecure and will be able to give me what I need without it being an issue that I asked (multiple times). Thank you.
That's why I block them, they don't reach me again. If you let me go, you're a fool. I don't do fools.
Never go backwards if it was meant to be it would have been
There's only ONE reason. The ASSETS, whether that's sex, loneliness, validation, etc. It's ALL JUST FOR ASSETS.
My ex who cheated me and replaced me, use to come back for mental emotional support, as his gf was cheating on him, he use to manipulate me saying emotional and sweet things, like he misses me, he still have feelings for me, he can't live without me, I'm the best girl for him etc etc.. After 5 years i got to know about the reality that he was using me...
I took him back. We've been together again now a year. And I am 15 weeks pregnant. Unplanned pregnancy but here we are. You'd have to know our whole back story to understand.
Our baby is 2 months old. Ngl I'm having a hard time but we still love each other and we are doing our best. :) our baby girl is the light of our lives. Our first girl ♡ We are fighting a lot but we talked about it. And we are working on it. And I feel good about it. It's hard haha. Having a new baby. Wish us luck in our journey
@@ashleybellerose7104Aww good luck ❤
They’re narcissistics. It’s called hoovering. Freud said narcissists do approach and avoid over and over cause they’re stuck at an infantile stage. It’s a part of stalking.
I don't know about that
Absolutely agree mark. Narcissists return time and again, often years later, to try to hoover you after they have run out of their current sources of supply. It is stalking, sometimes rapid (like a week or two) and sometimes much more protracted. The disorder means you are and never have been more than an introject and thus they own you, like property, discarding you, then hoovering you, then discarding.
@@thrivingnow7395 My ex behaved exactly like that. He dumped me and one week later he was at my door asking me out on dinner, he didn't want me back just wanted to spend time together. I cut him off and he came back begging and crying he said i should treat him as a slave for punishment. This lasted until...next supply ofc.
I'm not sure if he's a narcissist or not but he checks for being a spoiled only child who took a degree in acting because "he loved the cameras and attention...and helped him express emotions". His own words.
But at this point i think it's common male behavior just ones are more dramatic than others.
@@lunalu552 it is not common male behaviour though. It is a real disorder. Normal breakups are not like that. They just aren't.
@@thrivingnow7395 I think it's normal behavior when men are using the woman as a placeholder AKA until someone better comes along.
The guy I dated before him used me for the semester dumped me when the beginning of new semester met a new girl and started to date 2 weeks after, he eventually married her. I wondered if he hadn't find his Mrs. Right he would still try to return to me or maybe not since he had so many options to entertain him.
With stated to date the 2nd guy i had been single for more than one year and made it clear that I wanted a long term commited serious relationship and if he wanted a "temporary relationship" (he brought the relationship talk) we would better just stay as friends, because I didn't want to go through all the pain again.
Ofc he lied but short after he started the push and pull behaviors, I was feeling something off and started to question about his family and friends, there was always an excuse, he finally dumped me (after 3 months of 'official' relationship) when he told me I could spend holidays alone or just go travel with some friend (note: I was an expat in his country and had no friend or family nearby. He knew I would spend holidays - 2 weeks -alone).
I ended up flying to a nearby country where friends of mine lived. I felt like i had been stabbed and just blocked him to take my mind out of it. So he found my flight back and came to the airport "You blocked me so I had to come here to talk to you" - crying- "I want you to come back".
I've talked to plenty of other women and almost all of them seem to have at least one case of the "i wanna comeback" guy. That's why there are so many videos with "why (exes)men always comeback?"
If they don't have anyone aligned or the single life doesn't turn as they've expected they turn to the ex who might still nurture feelings for them and let them slide in. 🤷 If women accept being strung along as "friends" or "fbuddies" they don't feel the need to "come back".
I never had a guy come back but then I'm the same way so i dont even expect any guy to come back . Once I'm done I'm done for good, I just move on and close that door . I never wanted an ex back . It's never been a thing for me. I don't hold grudges or anything I just don't feel inspired to go back if it didn't work the first time. I lose interest and usually want to meet someone new. I'm usually very transparent and straightforward so maybe they know the door will be shut for good once we are done.
I am also over, as soon as the breakup happens (scorpio😂), but my three exes still all came back. one after freaking 14 years!! insane. But I don‘t go back.
I genuinely think you are a gift … all the things you say make me stop
And think and over the years I have been in many unhealthy relationships, not only with men, but myself. My self-confidence, my boundaries, what I accept and what I give to others. So your work makes me think about what I’m doing and accepting as a woman but also understand the behaviours behind some of the men I’ve dated and unfortunately endured many hours or heartache and tears over also. I wish I’d have known a few things then that I know now. Thank you for your work and making these videos accessible to us all without having to pay the earth. I will sign up to one of your programmes soon. I’d like to go a step further.
Go you for giving us all some well needed answers!! 🎉 🙏😘
I appreciate the tips at the end as a woman who loves her ex boyfriend but is hurt and skeptical. You're so right. My life must be robust and I strong. Happy with or heaven forbid without him. Thanks Matthew!
This is my ex. Every few months calls and texts me then disappears. Selfish as they come. I don't give him anything after the second time of falling into that trap 😱
For me as a woman, once its over its over. I fight for it when it is in the phase of breaking to do anything to make it work. But once you leave, you are not coming back into my life. There are good reasons why we broke up in the first place. Lets not watch the movie again when we already know the ending. Rather work on yourself, raise your standards and meet new exciting people.
Even if you claim to have changed, no.
Also my eperience is that people do not change. In their cores they are the same. They might be in different phases of their lives but not miraculously become someone else. They can become better versions of themselves but still the same person.
Edit: Also I have noticed that many of women around me find it flattering or egoboosting when an ex seem to be interested in them. "oh, he finally wants me back" " he finally realised that I was the right one"... I however genuinely feel sorry for the ex if the they are going past into the past instead of being happy. There is no egoboost in someone you care for being unhappy.
👏🏾👏🏾
None of these comments mention that maybe a man left because he was not happy with what the woman was giving to the relationship. Maybe he has come back in hopes that things have changed with her...?
@@thrilla72 I agree that is usually a reason why people leave. Sometimes they are not happy and sometimes they think that life is better with someone else. And sometimes they realise that maybe life was better with the previous partner or that, like you mentioned... Things might be different now.
However, Instead of leaving, you can try to talk things through or seek counselling if you really want a relationship to work.
I personally as a woman have to think about my worth and my self respect and how I want to be treated. And how I can become a better version of myself. If you think that I was so easily disposable in the first place and you think you can come and go in my life when it suits you, no thank you.
Also I have noticed women in general (me included) spend way more time analysing a guys behaviour, about why he is behaving like this or maybe he is feeling this thats why he did that. Instead of focusing on "how is this making me feel or how is this affecting me". Are we speaking the same love language or the same language for that matter.
Well said, thank you.
Yeah, I told him to leave me alone and not even 24 hours was he trying to come back in. Not giving him the chance to destroy me emotionally again
Thank you for this! I gave my now boyfriend a second chance, and we are happier than ever. It's good to know I followed the right steps when we were entering this relationship. I can't believe we are together again, but it's for sure made us stronger.
Great to hear! ☺️
Brittany How long were you broken up for when he came back? I had a guy who broke up with me - it was really hard because I felt he was the one - he started chasing me but not until four years after the break up. He continued chasing me on and off for the next five years but I didn’t do anything. I wish now I had, but he did have a lot of opportunities to make things right with me in that four years.
@@georgialee6755 We were broken up for about 5 months when he reached out to me again asking for a second chance.
@@britanyschoenrock6832 How's things now, after 3 months. Has he maintained authentic love and respectful connection with you?🤔
@@britanyschoenrock6832 if i may ask, what was the reason of the break-up back then?!
Thank you so much, this is just what I needed right now. I see this happening in my life and now I know how to deal with it. To not give room for them too quickly, I will try my best to constantly remind myself of it through repeating it to myself, but also forgive myself if it were to happen anyway despite my efforts. All the best to all who's reading this!❤
By the way, we shouldn't forget that it's HARD to do this when you'd really want them back😅 so mistakes will be made, but it's okay because YOU are at least willing to work on yourself and your standards
surreal how real this video perfectly explains the most mistakes we make
This is true on so many different levels. Being a man myself, I can see how I fit into the various categories when I was wanting to get my ex back. Earlier, I did not necessarily have such distinct realisations of the reasons which led to my actions. Thanks, Matthew!
So helpful as I’ve had three ex’s come back into my life. One was a clear hell no, the other probably not, and the third well maybe, will take it slow and see how it goes, looking for those changes and setting standards for sure. Making sure I’m solid in myself and my life. Thanks for this. Also grateful I’ve worked hard on myself so that I don’t really prioritize what he wants too much, but prioritize what I want more. Which is why I said a clear hell no to the first one, as he’s not what I want at all! 💪😊⭐️💗
1. Horny and Selfish.
2.Single life isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
3.It’s comfortable.
4.He genuinely misses you.
5.He genuinely knows your the one.
And he's a narcassist...
@@francescaspencer1700 exactly .
You speak such sense.
6. Because most men have less options than women so its harder for them to rebound and move on.
It’s always 1
You're a Genius!!! Just had a conversation with my ex. This came in a perfect time!
Thank you!❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
I ve been ghosted and totally devastated thinking we were happy for almost 4 yrs and drove myself literally insane and I never want to love anyone again.... I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE PERIOD
Matthew you’re pure gold. Thank you for these pearls of wisdom and guidance
I dated a narcissist who came back claiming his undying love for me , and telling me how much of a jerk he was, and how much he missed me, telling me he loved me and was gonna be different this time. Then not too far into our round three, he was just the same and I knew he was texting and pursuing another woman while he was trying to keep me, probably in case it didn't work out for her. He is now dating that woman. Still trying to build back my self esteem and angry at myself for not being smarter, and taking him back when he was so horrible the first two times.
Hope you can move on from him at some point
hope you finally learned the lesson.
That's why I don't like these coaches. A 34 year old man who spent last 10 giving women relationship advice?
Men are simple but not honest with their intentions. I called some guys out on this behavior (even not about me) and the denial was strong until they finally admitted.
I talked with a dude who was in a 3 year relationship then broke up and tried to rekindle the relationship months after. He said "I missed her but for the relationship to work she would gave to change x and y but she didn't". Actually he just went back to her because of pandemic and he didn't have many options being in locked down. The "changes" she had to made were basically to fit his convenience but obviously he convinced her that the relationship didnt work because of x and y about her, that she needed to change.
Selfishness and convenience. I won't even call it narcissism but rather a typical male behavior because everyone seemed to have experienced it.
Everyone is a narcissist apparently
Same here, I was with a Narcissist and he has nearly destroyed me. I let him back twice, now he's discarded me again and left me for dead.
When you're dealing with a (malignant) narcissist, expect them to hoover you around the 6 months mark, and then in 6 months intervals.
Hmm.. interesting..mine are in 3months, 6months and 1yr intervals 😅😂
Facts. Even years..
This guy is so wise and deserves all his success. He really knows his shit. This point by point discussion is what he does best. Distilling just common sense advise without the pscyhobabble and waffle. And what I love about Matthew is that his advice is devoid of anondyne mantras and meaningless positive affirmations. Rather he goes to the meat of the issue and does not condescendingly give you what you would like to hear. I think he is an old soul that is just spot on with almost everything he says. Really excellent work.
Your the only coach I’ve seen on UA-cam that is spot on and tackles every angle of a possible outcome and what is actually necessary for a relationship to succeed. Most relationship UA-camrs just focus on getting an ex back without going over the entire situation and the self work it requires to succeed when you get back with someone. Not to mention they charge $400 a Skype session 😂 insane.
Really insightful. I just adored this video. Such great points.
You are spot on! As soon as I was living my life for me and not needing him, he starts calling and bringing my mail by! It's like he got a signal from outer space "Hey, she don't need you!" I really don't feel any romance towards him but I like talking to him but NOT all the time! He won't leave me alone! I have to have a talk with him. He really hurt me and there is no going back. We'll see what he does after this? I really don't care. Thank you Matthew! I was reading my journal last night when all the break up stuff was going on and how upsetting it was having to move out. It was very hard and I'm not about to pick up all my stuff and move back in for him or anyone! Hell no! I think it's important to write down what is happening in the moment so you can look back and say "oh yeah! I forgot he said this or did that!" It has helped me so much to stay on track! Thank you! You are an Angel from Heaven St. Matthew!❤🙏❤
Can you please add the “Thank you” button to show support …
With me they never come back. I'm so easily forgotten.
When people leave and don't come back they're being selfish, and they're constantly thinking about what they want, until you almost forgotten about them and they try to come back at that point you've meet a better person, no one walks backwards in life, you walk forward you may change direction but you're still going forward.
I'll be watching this two more times so it's ingrained in my brain, and paying lots of attention this time. Thanks!
😅
HE IS SOO EASY ON THE EYES.. I USSUALLY WATCH VIDEOS TWICE.. TO JUST FOCUS ON WHAT HE IS SAYING THAN ADORING HIM AS USUAL... 💖💖
This is spot on. Hard to hear these truth but also hard to deny..