1. Admiration. 2. Physical Attraction. 3. Emotional Attraction 4. Compatibility. Great idea to list 'Compatibility areas'. Would love to see 'Emotionial Attraction areas', too.
I mean...what tf you can do if a person fill all the boxes and your relationship have all those things that you said but the physical attraction is in another person (that you don`t have ANY compability)?
@@lauragoiaba i think we all place far different values on these individual areas. it goes 3 4 1 2 for me, but im very aware of how putting emphasis on emotional availability is the be-all end-all, or using emotional reasoning alone to dictate a love life is a dangerous thing. what would be the point in being all loved up in the gutter with a poet who says the most inspired loving emotional sht. like, dude. we need to find shelter why are you reciting poetry rn 😩 i cant know your blindspots is what im saying
It sounds complicated, but if you go back to dating ignoring this fact , it will explode in your face again 😅 compatibility was always the reason for all my break ups .. but the good news are if you know it , you really can save yourself a lot of time and heart aches for you and others ❤
I was thinking along those lines as well and I've never dated properly, even though I'm in my 60s, which is an extremely long story! It seems much easier to stay single and I'm certainly not the only one doing so nowadays. 😊
This isn’t complicated. It’s common sense when you get to a healthy place mentally and with your attachment styles (if you have an insecure one). Hes just breaking it down for people who are not there mentally yet.
As an autistic person, your take on these issues are incredibly helpful. A nice list is much easier to follow, especially as I'm so easily manipulated. My ability to read people's intentions is completely missing. But focusing on specific actions is extremely beneficial. Thank you
This is the advice our parents should have taught us, but never did. Thank you, this is excellent! I’ve experienced so many of these issues in my relationships.
Yes I was thinking the same thing! Wish I knew this 15 years ago. There was talk about compatibility but it always seemed a bit like a joke as if people who said they weren't compatible enough were talking about very simple things that could've easily been resolved. Which made me push the more serious areas of compatibility aside aswell. Also I think it's important to actually see and experience the compatibility, not just talk about it. My husband always talked about wanting the same things but in reality was constantly putting them off.
@@hollyandstelladoodle8748 I think a lot of parents back then didn't have this knowledge either. My parents are learning alongside me and say the same thing as me that they wished they knew these things. I'm really blessed that they still want to learn at this age, it makes our bond stronger.
We should give our parents a little bit of a pass. I've learned that people do what they know. And people don't know a great many things. If they're trying their very best. I think they deserve a little pass. If they aren't trying at all. That's a different story.
This has been completely pivotal for me in the way I date now. So sensible, yet so easily overlooked when in love. I recently walked away from someone I deeply loved because we weren't compatible in several of these areas. It doesn't make it any less painful, but I take comfort in having the knowledge to make better decisions. You have my sincere gratitude, Matthew 🙏
i think its both, there's certain things we should compromise, maybe related to partner's personality that we cant change, then there's things both should sacrifice and change for the better
We have to differentiate between people who are truly incompatible and people who are different but make us better. I used to be super messy, bordering on slovenly. My bf said he loved me but could not live with me or commit to a future with me unless I because neatrr bc I drove him crazy lol. Being a pig was not some indelible part of my personality, it was a flaw that needed changing anyway. Thank god he came along. Now I have a man AND some organization and structure in my life (people who are messy superficially are usually really disorganized and undisciplined on a more macro level and that's generally what "neat freaks" have a problem with, not the sock left out
boundaries might be an area to look into, in terms of setting for others and also mainly yourself? (i ent judging, my place looks like a bomb hit it or a tazmanian devil whizzed through it) but my point is to not rely on anyone else for that structure coz whats gonna happen if he (god forbid) got hit by a bus and you just end up reverting back to your old template behaviours amidst the grief. know what i mean? i just b thinkin' 🤔
Number 5 and 6 are almost too painful when you realise your marriage is failing because of this. Listen to this while you can still walk away without too much heartbreak!
@@cathylam344do you have children? But even if, there might be ways. Don't know about your situation and how complicated it is, but i really wish for you to find a way to not stay in a miserable situation and have the strength to change it if possible..! It's your life and you only got that one. Not saying to let your kids down if you have some, but maybe there is a way to combine theirs and your best interests together...all the best for you 🙏
@@Liluli13 my children are 23 yrs old and 28 yrs old! They are adults now. When they were young, my husband did not teach them any values, it was more like he was babysitting them. He drove them to places and drove them to schools in the morning. We fought over this, I wanted them to take school bus but they could not get up on time every morning…. And my husband would drive them every morning! He spoiled them by not emphasizing the importance of timeliness and responsibilities! My daughter would spend $10 for a bubble tea, I would tell her not to spend on unnecessary things… but my husband say when they grow up one day they will learn! He basically let them grow up by themselves without any discipline nor values! They are adults now and I can’t do much anymore!
I don't have children but I have two cats living with me! But the question with the children also works with my pets, for I love them dearly and they are my family members and I would want them to be taken care of with the same love and respect I give them!🐈🐱💞 Thank you dear Matthew Hussey for this great advice and video👍🏼❣
These are such insightful points. #6 resonated with me most. With a previous relationship, I could not fully articulate that my partner was not capable of meeting my needs, but that was exactly the issue.
For 8 years I've been in a relationship with a woman 11 years older than me. I love her like crazy. Many years into being with her upon talking with my many transitory female workmates, I came to the realization that I love her like a daughter, despite the direction of the age difference. The behaviors I accept and allow from her have boggled the minds of many of the people i've spoken to as completely unacceptable of a partner. And while I agree intellectually I never _felt_ that way, neither before nor after talking. It only made sense if you look at it as if she were my daughter. (Well done to the one coworker who made me see that). I love her more like I were her Dad than her partner. After watching this video ,despite loving eachother so much, I realize we are incompatible in just about every single mentioned way. I have already thought that I don't really want her raising my potential kids but this video was just realisation after realisation that we are beyond incompatible. And the crazy thing is I still can't imagine breaking up with her.
My last ex, I loved him like a son. I was so happy whenever he was happy, and I loved doing things to make him happy. Unfortunately, he didn’t do the same for me
Yes! I always played that game in my head--would I want this person treating my future child this way? Sometimes it's hard to hold standards for myself, but I go into mama bear mode picturing my future kids... I want them treated as gently and kindly and encouragingly as possible. So I want a man who treats everyone (incl me) this way 🤗
That is the best video you made so far. I’m a psychologist and I love studying about relationships and helping my clients improve their love lives as well. Of course everything I studied contributed to my love life and I assessed all of those things when I was dating and choosing who were going to be my partner. Yes, I was VERY selective. Now I truly believe that I found my person and let me tell you: it was really worth it. Do not waste your time if one of these areas are not okay. Be really honest to yourself and to others, you WILL find your person eventually!
This is exactly what I‘ve been living by since my early dating years (17+) as my parents have raised us to look out for these pointers of compatibility. I have always been ridiculed by my generation for not putting attraction first and not “living in the moment” but taking sustainable decisions. Thank you so much for putting this into a video, and drawing attention - yet again - to the important things in life, Matt. I hope people start listening!
I’ve always gone the opposite way. I’ve gotten into relationships solely because of compatibility, lacking the deep love. I love them as a friend, but I didn’t feel that deep romantic connection. Maybe that’s called chemistry.
My previous relationship.. we were in love with each other, but after watching this video I understand we had 0 compatibility in all of the aspects you list. We had attraction, and a lot of things in common. We loved the same movies, music, nature, cats. I am not even sure when thing started falling apart, but after 8 years of our relationship he broke up with me. I will be honest and say that I felt so relieved, because our relationship was getting harder and harder for both of us, yet even after one year of brake up it still feels quite painful.
Matthew...this video is a game changer! In two short months you have completely changed my life and outlook! I had been caught in some very toxic relationships with narcissist types. I have been working on healing from the brokenness and climbing my way up to a better life, and trying to find some peace. But I didn't know how to proceed relationally until I watched your videos. You are giving me confidence and practical wisdom that I was never taught by my family. I am indebted to you because you have changed my life and many lives, not only with great wisdom but with kindness and compassion. And you have a passion to share it and change many lives. I so appreciate that you are doing research in this area and your team. C.S. Lewis said you're never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream. I'm dreaming new dreams of a happy future with the right guy because of you and your team! God bless you all! 😇
Perfect Advice. I love him so much but we are not compatible in the area of our morals and religious values at this point in time. I even deleted my Instagram because we couldnt stop talking to each other. Its the hardest thing Ive ever had to do emotionally. Its been 6 years since we met & I still think about him every single day, even though we dont talk on a regular basis & only see each other at events every now and then. He has a girlfriend now and they've been together for almost 3 years and still arent married. Its very difficult because we are compatible in so many ways except for our moral beliefs, so its pretty rough right now. It wouldnt be so hard if I could meet someone who outshines him and who I love more than him but in the past 6 years I havent so I'm waiting patiently and wont lose hope that he will change one day or Ill that I will find someone else as great as he is who I am compatible with.
It makes sense! But then It’s hard enough to find someone u love. Harder yet - someone who loves u back. Applying all these compatibility criteria on top of that makes the final goal almost unattainable. There is only so many people u can meet in a lifetime, and only so much time in a day.. 🤔
The guy ended things after 3 months (two months of it we were in kind of a relationship) because he said we were not compatible, and Im afraid he was right. But we shared such connection, oue feelings were love or close to love, and it hurt immensely when we decided to cut it off (well, in the end he had the sense to do it, I felt so strongly about him I couldn't bring myself to do it, I wanted him). I understand there was a good chance we wouldn't work out but the "what ifs" and "could have beens" kill me. It was so short there were few arguments or anything negative so it's very hard for me to let this person go. We enjoyed such a deep connection and emotional intimacy, it's crazy. I miss him terribly still, even though we broke up almost a month ago now :( and I keep torturing myself with all sorts of thoughts that maybe if I did this or that differently, we would be very happy now together. But I wasn't completely sure about him all along (in terms of a long-term relationship) and in the end he felt unsure about me in that capacity and neither of us wanted just a fling so we called it off. Mostly by his initiative but I get it. But it hurts so much 😢
I wish I had known this sooner. In my late 50’s and after 2 failed marriages, I can only hope to teach these lessons to my children. So this is the way things work 🤔. Tahnk you for sharing.
1. Do our goals align? - Do you want the same things? (Marriage, children etc.) 2. Does the timeline of your goals align? - Do you want them at the same time give or take? Can you compromise on this or can't you? 3. Are our lifestyles compatible? - Are your differences a constant source of frustration, or an inspiration for growth? 4. Do we make a great team? - Do your argument standards match? - How do you show up in hard times, can you be a team? 5. Would you want this person to raise your children when you're not around anymore? - This REALLY highlights incompatibility - If you wouldn't subject an innocent child to your partner's way of being, then why would you subject yourself to it today? 6. Are they capable of loving you in the way you need to be loved? AND, are you capable of loving THEM in the way they need to be loved? - If you NEED something, and your partner has a fundamental incapability to give this to you, you have an unhappy road ahead of you, no matter how much you love them 7. Do you have the same vision of what commitment is? - And loyalty, monogamy, freedom? - Does being with them make you feel safe in the way you want to be, and free in the way you want to be, and does this also go for them? Don't ignore these points, this makes for a holistic overall view of compatibility that makes for a happy lifetime relationship! ❤ Timing is part of compatibility too There's no such thing as "right person, wrong time", because the wrong time MAKES them the wrong person! Thank you so much Matthew!! ❤❤❤ This helps SO much
I am very tidy and a messy person for me is a red flag. I lived with a messy flatmate. It created conflitcs all the time. I know for sure that I do not want a messy person
Im not looking for love right now, and not sure if i would ever be, but i was not so long time ago, and i find this quite interesting... The compatibility could be discussed, example, i dont see myself marrying, but its not out of scope and if the person that im with wants and sees that as a dream, of course my vision will shift and this will be also something i would want and that would also be exciting for me, and that's not because im a people pleaser, but if that's important to her, it is surelly important to me! the same thing for every other aspect, comunication is key, and once you find that this person could be your person, and vice versa, this makes sense even more.. For the aspects of incompatibility that's why there's a period of dating and this should be done in like the first month at maximum and see if theres a 'meeting point' where both are confortable! (not one year trying to figure this out obviously!! 🙄) And i think love only comes when you overcome this kind of questions, when you see yourself acting normaly arround the person, when you can be whoever you are, showing yourself at the fullest, and that this person also does the same, and you can feel it.. that you both have standards and boundaries and knows how to comunicate and have empathy and are a team on problem solving.. and that you both can live very well with, and for myself i find that sexy! Having this kind of conection is so difficult but when you have it, you will never be abble to accept less than that.. ( and that's why its so difficult to find love nowadays.. )
Adding to your very insightful comment (thank you for sharing!), people must learn to unlearn the harmful patterns in their lives before going into a relationship. Perhaps they're on that journey to healing/undoing the hurt, not fully healed yet (which they may never be, who knows? But they genuinely try), and that's fine. What's not fine is either refusing to work on oneself and being comfortable in the hurt, or expecting the other person to save them from their hurt. Like you said, it's maintaining boundaries and having standards we uphold, respecting others' boundaries and standards and communicating clearly that really make a relationship work, in addition to being compatible on the fronts Matt mentioned in this video. It's hard being in a relationship sometimes, and it's worth it for those who appreciate it. Again, thank you for sharing your insights 🙌 And yes, totally agree no one needs that much time to figure things out, lol.
Why are you not looking for love anymore? It sounds like you have a healthy outlook of what it takes to make a relationship work 😊 In my experience it takes 2-3months of getting to know each other to talk about all the important topics of compatibility and see if we might be compatible enough to make it work. Then it takes a few more months spending time together to see if we can ACTUALLY make it work and be a good team together. I have learned through experience that what values people profess to have and what values they actually live by are often different and words are not enough to assess compatibility for this reason. For example, someone might say that honesty is very important to them, but then you catch them lying... We still need to take that time to really know someone.
@@sara_sofia_1984 Thank you, i also think i have the focus of what is a good relationship, of course being able to listen and learn from mistakes along the way. In my honest opinion, the first month is the most important, because you can talk about what's your needs, listen to the person , set the boundaries, and see if you meet theirs also, lying is something unpredictable, but the red flags should be there from the beginning.. In 3 months with a person that shows up, dont give excuses, takes accountability and meets your standards, it's a good amount of 'time' for you not see this person in a 'rose colored glasses', by this time the person already dropped its baggage, and you would be able to see it by what it really is, this works both ways. Thank you for your insight. 😊
@@maryamalkhairy2547 In my opinion I believe that you actually need to be in a good personal, mental and emotional state to enter in a relationship, or even get to know someone without confusion or doubts, and that's a personal "battle", that the person need to overcome by itself, into this self-work path will for sure grow and be a better self for the future, the goal (or gold) here is that you are always able to learn and be better and seek to make better. Thank you for you comment, appreciated it!
this breakdown of compatibility is a game-changer! It's eye-opening to realize how essential aligning on goals, lifestyles, and timelines is for long-term happiness. Love your practical approach to making relationships work. Everyone def needs this ..
I agree with you 100% that you have to be compatible with a person for a long-term relationship to work, but I also feel that committed COMPROMISE is also paramount. Unfortunately, or fortunately, things change in our lives and as human beings, we continue to grow and evolve. It may come down to the old saying that “women think they can change men and men think women will never change.” You also mentioned dealing with hardship. This is huge, especially as we age and our long term health can become an issue. Life is hard. You have to commit to the ability to adapt and grow to keep LOVE alive.
Been reading the book and i am impressed..just 30 pages in and i recognize so many things ive done in the past and i am learning so much already. Cant wait to go through the whole thing❤
Thank you so much, I just had a brokeup which truly made me sad, as I don't understand why everything looks great, yet suddenly it didn't work out. Now after watching this video , I learned other than Love, we have so many critical things not compatible. I feel relieved to finally have an answer. Thank you
i wanna thank you Matt, for creating this video, it gave me a huge lens in seeing the things i've been missing to see from a person i'm attracted to. Now i can already use these things to choose my person better 😊😊😊
Wow, Matthew thank you for this video. This really explains why my previous relationships haven’t worked and I definitely am going to revert back to this video to ask myself these questions for compatibility in any future relationships.
8:30 i am glad you mentioned this question, it was the eye opener for me to break my first relationship, but now i blame myself for this criteria because later in life i changed my mind about having children anyways !
Happened the same. It was really sad to let someone you loved go but he was actually right, i was in “we are different but we will figure it out” mindset. But yet he did not want to figure out, or he thought that the differences were very fundamental. He said exactly the same, “love is not enough” :/
Wow! Your videos are always so helpful but this one was outstanding!! It’s so important to hear that love isn’t enough because we are so often sold on the idea that love conquers all. But the various compatibility factors are key and cannot be denied. I’m saying that after being in my first long-term relationship since my divorce and realizing that no matter how much the two of us love each other, we are not compatible and it needs to stop before it goes further. Thank you so much.
Before I meet him I had a friend who I felt a deep connection to compatability was the same. I fell in love so much I could see a future with him. But in the end he was not ready for a relationship I wish I could go back in time. And not move on and wait for him. My life would have been so much better.
I loved this content.I really wish everyone could just agree to sit down and talk about this in the early stages of dating. Personally my goals are now different than few years ago.I made peace with the idea that I am not going to have kids because I'll be 44 and I feel that is too much risk biologically and knowing my health history but i constantly come across men that are slightly younger and still want that which I can't give them.I really appreciate this content and how concise and thoughtful it is and such great help to have as it is not always easy to navigate the dating scene 🙏🧡
We align with everything apart from the fact that I want something now and he simply isn’t ready, it’s too soon after his last relationship and I totally respect that, and he respects that I don’t want to continue to talk any more if that’s the case. I’ve left it open ended, he can text me when he is ready and pick up where we left off, but if I meet someone else in that time then sorry buddy
Something I started looking at when I was in my first exclusive dating relationship was, how is he treating me? If he treated our future child this way, how would the little one feel? It's a great way to take a step back abd assess the relationship.
Exactly. I have always wanted marriage. But now in my early 40s with a great career, I’m more afraid of what marrying the wrong man can do to me financially. Will still do a prenup for sure but am afraid of things like alimony and child support if we end up having or adopting any kids together.
@rkk2606 Yes, a prenuptial agreement is essential. Lawyers will say it's important to have even if you're younger and don't have any real assets and then review it and revise it every so many years or with every increase in assets or earnings or if children come into the relationship. I recently had a conversation with a younger couple (mid 20s) who are engaged - my younger cousin and her fiance. They are both smart people and are considering this seriously. Unfortunately people spend more time planning a wedding than the marriage. And that's usually to their detriment later.
so true yet feels impossible to meet someone who I am attracted to and vice versa, we love each other and we are compatible in all the important areas. Recently dated someone and we split because he needed a lot of space and I need a lot of together time. My brother has been married to a woman for 20 years who isn't physically affectionate and it has been an ongoing source of misery in their relationship. I feel that my expectations of meeting someone that ticks all these important boxes is IMPOSSIBLE and I often ask myself if I being UNREALISTIC in my EXPECTATIONS.
This is one of the most important videos, and important topics you've discussed. Every point spot on and someting that parents should be teaching their young adult children. The divorce rate has been steadily around 50% for decades so obviously, most don't.
Question number 5 was the reason I left 3 of my previous long -term relationships (out of 5 total relationships). I realized I just couldn't raise my children with this man, I disagreed too much with what he would want to teach them.
I LOVE THIS!! What you said about how we need to be compatible in how we feel safe and how we feel free! this brings so much clarity to why we may be experiencing conflict. and it's so focussed and simple so that we can have conversations of resolution much more easily! Thank you so much!
Such a great and profound video! Should be seen by everyone because I believe it makes sense in every aspect! And your sense of humour is always appreciated! It is great to follow your work and to listen to so many important ideias for free! Thank you because it helps to clearly understand fundamental ideas and to make sure we can clearly think about them before we make any important step! Do continue with your work, you a your team, it is very different from so many perspectives that I have heard and it makes much more sense to me because It is positive, logical, loving.. I think you surely understand the dynamics of human relashionships, you explain very well, with maturity, depth and kindness. Thank you
This is great Matthew, thank you! ❤ These are very important questions! I'm happy to see that I can answer with a "yes" to amost all of these with confidence in, my relationship. Those that I'm still unsure of however, do lean towards a "yes", and we already have an open communication about them. Time will tell :)
Where were you in 1972 when I was getting married?! I married an alcoholic, who I loved, but we were totally different and I was with him for 11yrs, not getting the kind of love I needed, and never working together as a team. He died of cancer and it's sad to say, but I'm happier by myself. I've been single for 41yrs. My marriage was not an experience I choose to relive!!
Great timing to hearing this. I was “seeing someone” I’m 26 and he’s 42 about to be 43 in July this year. He didn’t want anything serious, but because we were intimate with one another for at least 1.5 years , I caught some feelings and he said he liked me . But forgot to mention he’s an actor, so idk if his feelings were true at all cost and throughout this whole entire time I was seeing him. But anyways, I told him if he’ was ok, sometimes thru text msg it can come off as ,they might not be ok” anyways…. I said some stuff but the stuff I said wasn’t bad at all, at least in my case, he took it wrong. But the response he said was, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” he basically said that. Stuff that he’s already heard many times. But I’m just reminding him and I didn’t say remind. After that he blocked me. He’s a man child . I wa literally helping him tho whole entire time he helped me a few times . I think we are compatible . But in a sense, we didn’t talk much about our future as separate individuals. I hope this story makes sense. There’s more but this is how I can somewhat sum it up
Dear Matt, thank you so much for everything you do ❤ Question please: is it a good idea to share this video with the guy, with whom I want to build a family
Thank you so much Matthew ❤❤❤ Exactly when I needed to hear this... So true and so important... thanks again Sending you lots of love and positive vibes ❤❤❤ Stay blessed 🙌 And May God bless you with a happy and healthy life 🙏🙏🙏
Compatibility is not the same as chemistry. I had red hot chemistry with my ex GF but after a year and what I thought was mutual love and respect, she started to figure out she wasn't compatible with me and started to pull away, pick fights, ect and we eventually weren't together five months later.
very important, common sense & caring message to share with us... Thank you Matthew for your clarity & delivery of this content using contrast, great examples. (very professorial.)
My boyfriend promised me so much when he proposed to me family, marriage a better living place. For 5 years nothing changed I lost myself I am depressed and unhappy
Hmmm, all good points. Maybe we as individuals need to explore our own wants/needs before we attempt relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever asked myself these questions so how could I ever hope to understand where I stand with someone else. Much processing going on! Thanks Matthew.
Such a great breakdown of compatibility! I feel the headline needs to reflect that tho, and say something about compatibility. I almost didnt click on this video. I could have definitely used this info back in 2003. But wow!! Thank you for sharing!! ❤
I will die alone looking for a person who works on every mentioned level …. Like seriously ! My fiancé died and I am not able to meet anyone for 9 years now 😮 it’s always something that is not matching and I just know I can’t sacrifice some of the aspects
I so appreciate your work Mathew, and recently enjoyed listening to your new book. I noticed during this video the zoom ins and zoom outs oscillated too quickly and repetitively to watch comfortably. May want to adjust that in future video edits.❤
So perfect video, Matt, and the best one you have ever made. Thanks ❤ All 7 is essential (no.5 seems to be most interesting as it is an easy indicator you can rely on). However, day by day, I am more and more desperate to be able to find compatible person... 😟
Thank you Matthew, as always great food for thought. However, some days I feel I am on information overload, and cannot reconcile how I will ever remember to use any of the information in any intelligent manner. 🤷♀️😳
1. Admiration. 2. Physical Attraction. 3. Emotional Attraction 4. Compatibility. Great idea to list 'Compatibility areas'. Would love to see 'Emotionial Attraction areas', too.
I would love to see a video like this about admiration too! I think it would be very helpful
I mean...what tf you can do if a person fill all the boxes and your relationship have all those things that you said but the physical attraction is in another person (that you don`t have ANY compability)?
@@lauragoiabaneither is suitable
@@lauragoiaba i think we all place far different values on these individual areas. it goes 3 4 1 2 for me, but im very aware of how putting emphasis on emotional availability is the be-all end-all, or using emotional reasoning alone to dictate a love life is a dangerous thing.
what would be the point in being all loved up in the gutter with a poet who says the most inspired loving emotional sht. like, dude. we need to find shelter why are you reciting poetry rn 😩 i cant
know your blindspots is what im saying
My God! Why does it have to be so complicated to have a healthy relationship? Just hearing this makes me feel daunted just to try and date again.
Perhaps if we focus more on loving ourselves … we’ll attract the right one effortlessly 🤷♀️🙂🍀
It sounds complicated, but if you go back to dating ignoring this fact , it will explode in your face again 😅 compatibility was always the reason for all my break ups .. but the good news are if you know it , you really can save yourself a lot of time and heart aches for you and others ❤
I was thinking along those lines as well and I've never dated properly, even though I'm in my 60s, which is an extremely long story!
It seems much easier to stay single and I'm certainly not the only one doing so nowadays. 😊
This isn’t complicated. It’s common sense when you get to a healthy place mentally and with your attachment styles (if you have an insecure one). Hes just breaking it down for people who are not there mentally yet.
I feel the same.
As an autistic person, your take on these issues are incredibly helpful. A nice list is much easier to follow, especially as I'm so easily manipulated. My ability to read people's intentions is completely missing. But focusing on specific actions is extremely beneficial. Thank you
This is the advice our parents should have taught us, but never did. Thank you, this is excellent! I’ve experienced so many of these issues in my relationships.
Yes I was thinking the same thing! Wish I knew this 15 years ago. There was talk about compatibility but it always seemed a bit like a joke as if people who said they weren't compatible enough were talking about very simple things that could've easily been resolved. Which made me push the more serious areas of compatibility aside aswell. Also I think it's important to actually see and experience the compatibility, not just talk about it. My husband always talked about wanting the same things but in reality was constantly putting them off.
Our parents really left us alone in the wild in this sense.
Thankfully, we parents have these amazing resources to help us guide our children.
Yes, there is so much we aren’t taught growing up about romantic relationships ❤️🔥
@@hollyandstelladoodle8748 I think a lot of parents back then didn't have this knowledge either. My parents are learning alongside me and say the same thing as me that they wished they knew these things. I'm really blessed that they still want to learn at this age, it makes our bond stronger.
We should give our parents a little bit of a pass. I've learned that people do what they know. And people don't know a great many things. If they're trying their very best. I think they deserve a little pass. If they aren't trying at all. That's a different story.
This is the BEST VIDEO you have ever made. Clear. Concise. Comprehensive. And enduring. I’m in my 60’s. It’s relevant now. Wish I’d known this sooner.
This has been completely pivotal for me in the way I date now. So sensible, yet so easily overlooked when in love. I recently walked away from someone I deeply loved because we weren't compatible in several of these areas. It doesn't make it any less painful, but I take comfort in having the knowledge to make better decisions. You have my sincere gratitude, Matthew 🙏
Wow, I’m in the middle of extreme heartbreak, and I’ve watched 143 other videos, this one hit home.
Compromise, not sacrifice, allows us to stay together. You're never going to meet the perfect person.
i think its both, there's certain things we should compromise, maybe related to partner's personality that we cant change, then there's things both should sacrifice and change for the better
We have to differentiate between people who are truly incompatible and people who are different but make us better. I used to be super messy, bordering on slovenly. My bf said he loved me but could not live with me or commit to a future with me unless I because neatrr bc I drove him crazy lol. Being a pig was not some indelible part of my personality, it was a flaw that needed changing anyway. Thank god he came along. Now I have a man AND some organization and structure in my life (people who are messy superficially are usually really disorganized and undisciplined on a more macro level and that's generally what "neat freaks" have a problem with, not the sock left out
boundaries might be an area to look into, in terms of setting for others and also mainly yourself? (i ent judging, my place looks like a bomb hit it or a tazmanian devil whizzed through it) but my point is to not rely on anyone else for that structure coz whats gonna happen if he (god forbid) got hit by a bus and you just end up reverting back to your old template behaviours amidst the grief. know what i mean? i just b thinkin' 🤔
I've never wanted to have children, BUT the children question you use in this video is a great one I will start asking myself to help me in my dating.
Number 5 and 6 are almost too painful when you realise your marriage is failing because of this. Listen to this while you can still walk away without too much heartbreak!
I can totally understand that 😢
@@cathylam344Still happy to learn about it now. Better late then never. Hope you are doing okay😘
@@Lily_and_River Hi Lily, I think it is too late for me 😕
@@cathylam344do you have children? But even if, there might be ways. Don't know about your situation and how complicated it is, but i really wish for you to find a way to not stay in a miserable situation and have the strength to change it if possible..! It's your life and you only got that one. Not saying to let your kids down if you have some, but maybe there is a way to combine theirs and your best interests together...all the best for you 🙏
@@Liluli13 my children are 23 yrs old and 28 yrs old! They are adults now. When they were young, my husband did not teach them any values, it was more like he was babysitting them. He drove them to places and drove them to schools in the morning. We fought over this, I wanted them to take school bus but they could not get up on time every morning…. And my husband would drive them every morning! He spoiled them by not emphasizing the importance of timeliness and responsibilities! My daughter would spend $10 for a bubble tea, I would tell her not to spend on unnecessary things… but my husband say when they grow up one day they will learn! He basically let them grow up by themselves without any discipline nor values! They are adults now and I can’t do much anymore!
It takes a long time to discover the answers to these questions. By that time, you're attached
You just ask
@@rose-pz1isPeople lie or don‘t know themselves. Only actions speak truth
That sounds like your fault. Just be straightforward and ask.
I don't have children but I have two cats living with me! But the question with the children also works with my pets, for I love them dearly and they are my family members and I would want them to be taken care of with the same love and respect I give them!🐈🐱💞
Thank you dear Matthew Hussey for this great advice and video👍🏼❣
These are such insightful points. #6 resonated with me most. With a previous relationship, I could not fully articulate that my partner was not capable of meeting my needs, but that was exactly the issue.
For 8 years I've been in a relationship with a woman 11 years older than me. I love her like crazy. Many years into being with her upon talking with my many transitory female workmates, I came to the realization that I love her like a daughter, despite the direction of the age difference. The behaviors I accept and allow from her have boggled the minds of many of the people i've spoken to as completely unacceptable of a partner. And while I agree intellectually I never _felt_ that way, neither before nor after talking. It only made sense if you look at it as if she were my daughter. (Well done to the one coworker who made me see that). I love her more like I were her Dad than her partner.
After watching this video ,despite loving eachother so much, I realize we are incompatible in just about every single mentioned way. I have already thought that I don't really want her raising my potential kids but this video was just realisation after realisation that we are beyond incompatible. And the crazy thing is I still can't imagine breaking up with her.
I’m sorry whaaat lol you love your partner of 8 years, who you have sex with, like a daughter? That is a weird way to put it
Oh wow this is interesting! How did you guys meet and what kinds of unacceptable acts were done if you don’t mind me asking?
My last ex, I loved him like a son. I was so happy whenever he was happy, and I loved doing things to make him happy. Unfortunately, he didn’t do the same for me
@@MandyC88 And the crazy part is you still feel responsible for his feelings and guilty for breaking up huh
Yes! I always played that game in my head--would I want this person treating my future child this way? Sometimes it's hard to hold standards for myself, but I go into mama bear mode picturing my future kids... I want them treated as gently and kindly and encouragingly as possible. So I want a man who treats everyone (incl me) this way 🤗
No. 5 is the simplest, clearest, best piece of advice I've heard about dating/compatibility.
That is the best video you made so far. I’m a psychologist and I love studying about relationships and helping my clients improve their love lives as well. Of course everything I studied contributed to my love life and I assessed all of those things when I was dating and choosing who were going to be my partner. Yes, I was VERY selective. Now I truly believe that I found my person and let me tell you: it was really worth it. Do not waste your time if one of these areas are not okay. Be really honest to yourself and to others, you WILL find your person eventually!
This is exactly what I‘ve been living by since my early dating years (17+) as my parents have raised us to look out for these pointers of compatibility. I have always been ridiculed by my generation for not putting attraction first and not “living in the moment” but taking sustainable decisions. Thank you so much for putting this into a video, and drawing attention - yet again - to the important things in life, Matt. I hope people start listening!
I’ve always gone the opposite way. I’ve gotten into relationships solely because of compatibility, lacking the deep love. I love them as a friend, but I didn’t feel that deep romantic connection. Maybe that’s called chemistry.
My previous relationship.. we were in love with each other, but after watching this video I understand we had 0 compatibility in all of the aspects you list. We had attraction, and a lot of things in common. We loved the same movies, music, nature, cats. I am not even sure when thing started falling apart, but after 8 years of our relationship he broke up with me. I will be honest and say that I felt so relieved, because our relationship was getting harder and harder for both of us, yet even after one year of brake up it still feels quite painful.
You just described my last relationship. I am devastated.
It’ll get better 🥺
Keep going, it will get better I promise ❤
You should be proud that you are speaking in past tense! 🫶🏼
Matthew...this video is a game changer! In two short months you have completely changed my life and outlook! I had been caught in some very toxic relationships with narcissist types. I have been working on healing from the brokenness and climbing my way up to a better life, and trying to find some peace. But I didn't know how to proceed relationally until I watched your videos. You are giving me confidence and practical wisdom that I was never taught by my family. I am indebted to you because you have changed my life and many lives, not only with great wisdom but with kindness and compassion. And you have a passion to share it and change many lives. I so appreciate that you are doing research in this area and your team. C.S. Lewis said you're never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream. I'm dreaming new dreams of a happy future with the right guy because of you and your team! God bless you all! 😇
Perfect Advice. I love him so much but we are not compatible in the area of our morals and religious values at this point in time. I even deleted my Instagram because we couldnt stop talking to each other. Its the hardest thing Ive ever had to do emotionally. Its been 6 years since we met & I still think about him every single day, even though we dont talk on a regular basis & only see each other at events every now and then. He has a girlfriend now and they've been together for almost 3 years and still arent married. Its very difficult because we are compatible in so many ways except for our moral beliefs, so its pretty rough right now. It wouldnt be so hard if I could meet someone who outshines him and who I love more than him but in the past 6 years I havent so I'm waiting patiently and wont lose hope that he will change one day or Ill that I will find someone else as great as he is who I am compatible with.
Goals.Timing.Compatibilty.Teamwork. Standards &Style. Morals. Emotional matching needs. Visions of commitment matches.
This video is so incredibly relevant to my current breakup, wow.
Resentment is so hard to come to terms with when youre invested
It makes sense!
But then It’s hard enough to find someone u love. Harder yet - someone who loves u back. Applying all these compatibility criteria on top of that makes the final goal almost unattainable. There is only so many people u can meet in a lifetime, and only so much time in a day.. 🤔
💯 doubt anyone has all of this checklist down :D
The guy ended things after 3 months (two months of it we were in kind of a relationship) because he said we were not compatible, and Im afraid he was right. But we shared such connection, oue feelings were love or close to love, and it hurt immensely when we decided to cut it off (well, in the end he had the sense to do it, I felt so strongly about him I couldn't bring myself to do it, I wanted him). I understand there was a good chance we wouldn't work out but the "what ifs" and "could have beens" kill me. It was so short there were few arguments or anything negative so it's very hard for me to let this person go. We enjoyed such a deep connection and emotional intimacy, it's crazy. I miss him terribly still, even though we broke up almost a month ago now :( and I keep torturing myself with all sorts of thoughts that maybe if I did this or that differently, we would be very happy now together. But I wasn't completely sure about him all along (in terms of a long-term relationship) and in the end he felt unsure about me in that capacity and neither of us wanted just a fling so we called it off. Mostly by his initiative but I get it. But it hurts so much 😢
Why are you always nailing it and straight to the point Mattt!! 😍😍😍 you're just awesome☺️
3 months NC, we had different goals. I listen to your book over and over. Thanks bro.
I wish I had known this sooner. In my late 50’s and after 2 failed marriages, I can only hope to teach these lessons to my children. So this is the way things work 🤔. Tahnk you for sharing.
#5 is part of why I have found it so difficult to date after divorce.
1. Do our goals align?
- Do you want the same things? (Marriage, children etc.)
2. Does the timeline of your goals align?
- Do you want them at the same time give or take? Can you compromise on this or can't you?
3. Are our lifestyles compatible?
- Are your differences a constant source of frustration, or an inspiration for growth?
4. Do we make a great team?
- Do your argument standards match?
- How do you show up in hard times, can you be a team?
5. Would you want this person to raise your children when you're not around anymore?
- This REALLY highlights incompatibility
- If you wouldn't subject an innocent child to your partner's way of being, then why would you subject yourself to it today?
6. Are they capable of loving you in the way you need to be loved?
AND, are you capable of loving THEM in the way they need to be loved?
- If you NEED something, and your partner has a fundamental incapability to give this to you, you have an unhappy road ahead of you, no matter how much you love them
7. Do you have the same vision of what commitment is?
- And loyalty, monogamy, freedom?
- Does being with them make you feel safe in the way you want to be, and free in the way you want to be, and does this also go for them?
Don't ignore these points, this makes for a holistic overall view of compatibility that makes for a happy lifetime relationship! ❤
Timing is part of compatibility too
There's no such thing as "right person, wrong time", because the wrong time MAKES them the wrong person!
Thank you so much Matthew!! ❤❤❤ This helps SO much
Thank you for creating this little summary - greatly appreciated 🥰
@cinderling5472 👍🙂
I am very tidy and a messy person for me is a red flag. I lived with a messy flatmate. It created conflitcs all the time. I know for sure that I do not want a messy person
Im not looking for love right now, and not sure if i would ever be, but i was not so long time ago, and i find this quite interesting... The compatibility could be discussed, example, i dont see myself marrying, but its not out of scope and if the person that im with wants and sees that as a dream, of course my vision will shift and this will be also something i would want and that would also be exciting for me, and that's not because im a people pleaser, but if that's important to her, it is surelly important to me! the same thing for every other aspect, comunication is key, and once you find that this person could be your person, and vice versa, this makes sense even more..
For the aspects of incompatibility that's why there's a period of dating and this should be done in like the first month at maximum and see if theres a 'meeting point' where both are confortable!
(not one year trying to figure this out obviously!! 🙄)
And i think love only comes when you overcome this kind of questions, when you see yourself acting normaly arround the person, when you can be whoever you are, showing yourself at the fullest, and that this person also does the same, and you can feel it.. that you both have standards and boundaries and knows how to comunicate and have empathy and are a team on problem solving.. and that you both can live very well with, and for myself i find that sexy! Having this kind of conection is so difficult but when you have it, you will never be abble to accept less than that.. ( and that's why its so difficult to find love nowadays.. )
Adding to your very insightful comment (thank you for sharing!), people must learn to unlearn the harmful patterns in their lives before going into a relationship. Perhaps they're on that journey to healing/undoing the hurt, not fully healed yet (which they may never be, who knows? But they genuinely try), and that's fine. What's not fine is either refusing to work on oneself and being comfortable in the hurt, or expecting the other person to save them from their hurt. Like you said, it's maintaining boundaries and having standards we uphold, respecting others' boundaries and standards and communicating clearly that really make a relationship work, in addition to being compatible on the fronts Matt mentioned in this video. It's hard being in a relationship sometimes, and it's worth it for those who appreciate it.
Again, thank you for sharing your insights 🙌
And yes, totally agree no one needs that much time to figure things out, lol.
Why are you not looking for love anymore? It sounds like you have a healthy outlook of what it takes to make a relationship work 😊
In my experience it takes 2-3months of getting to know each other to talk about all the important topics of compatibility and see if we might be compatible enough to make it work.
Then it takes a few more months spending time together to see if we can ACTUALLY make it work and be a good team together.
I have learned through experience that what values people profess to have and what values they actually live by are often different and words are not enough to assess compatibility for this reason.
For example, someone might say that honesty is very important to them, but then you catch them lying... We still need to take that time to really know someone.
@@sara_sofia_1984 Thank you, i also think i have the focus of what is a good relationship, of course being able to listen and learn from mistakes along the way.
In my honest opinion, the first month is the most important, because you can talk about what's your needs, listen to the person , set the boundaries, and see if you meet theirs also, lying is something unpredictable, but the red flags should be there from the beginning.. In 3 months with a person that shows up, dont give excuses, takes accountability and meets your standards, it's a good amount of 'time' for you not see this person in a 'rose colored glasses', by this time the person already dropped its baggage, and you would be able to see it by what it really is, this works both ways.
Thank you for your insight. 😊
@@maryamalkhairy2547 In my opinion I believe that you actually need to be in a good personal, mental and emotional state to enter in a relationship, or even get to know someone without confusion or doubts, and that's a personal "battle", that the person need to overcome by itself, into this self-work path will for sure grow and be a better self for the future, the goal (or gold) here is that you are always able to learn and be better and seek to make better.
Thank you for you comment, appreciated it!
hearing this now... 8 months deep in the relationship. should've heard it 10 months ughhhhh crying
I usually don’t watch or listen to videos like these, or it’s been a while. This really helped. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
this breakdown of compatibility is a game-changer! It's eye-opening to realize how essential aligning on goals, lifestyles, and timelines is for long-term happiness. Love your practical approach to making relationships work. Everyone def needs this ..
I agree with you 100% that you have to be compatible with a person for a long-term relationship to work, but I also feel that committed COMPROMISE is also paramount. Unfortunately, or fortunately, things change in our lives and as human beings, we continue to grow and evolve. It may come down to the old saying that “women think they can change men and men think women will never change.” You also mentioned dealing with hardship. This is huge, especially as we age and our long term health can become an issue. Life is hard. You have to commit to the ability to adapt and grow to keep LOVE alive.
Been reading the book and i am impressed..just 30 pages in and i recognize so many things ive done in the past and i am learning so much already. Cant wait to go through the whole thing❤
Thank you so much, I just had a brokeup which truly made me sad, as I don't understand why everything looks great, yet suddenly it didn't work out. Now after watching this video , I learned other than Love, we have so many critical things not compatible. I feel relieved to finally have an answer. Thank you
i wanna thank you Matt, for creating this video, it gave me a huge lens in seeing the things i've been missing to see from a person i'm attracted to. Now i can already use these things to choose my person better 😊😊😊
most people don't love you they just love what you can do 4 them
@thematthewhussey.2 and take it where ?
Wow, Matthew thank you for this video. This really explains why my previous relationships haven’t worked and I definitely am going to revert back to this video to ask myself these questions for compatibility in any future relationships.
This video could not have come at a better time!! I’ve literally been questioning if me and my partner are right for each other/compatible 8 months in
8:30 i am glad you mentioned this question, it was the eye opener for me to break my first relationship, but now i blame myself for this criteria because later in life i changed my mind about having children anyways !
It dawned on me why my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. He was like, loving isn't just enough. We are never compatible sadly. 😢
Happened the same. It was really sad to let someone you loved go but he was actually right, i was in “we are different but we will figure it out” mindset. But yet he did not want to figure out, or he thought that the differences were very fundamental. He said exactly the same, “love is not enough” :/
Wow! Your videos are always so helpful but this one was outstanding!! It’s so important to hear that love isn’t enough because we are so often sold on the idea that love conquers all. But the various compatibility factors are key and cannot be denied. I’m saying that after being in my first long-term relationship since my divorce and realizing that no matter how much the two of us love each other, we are not compatible and it needs to stop before it goes further. Thank you so much.
Before I meet him I had a friend who I felt a deep connection to compatability was the same. I fell in love so much I could see a future with him. But in the end he was not ready for a relationship I wish I could go back in time. And not move on and wait for him. My life would have been so much better.
I loved this content.I really wish everyone could just agree to sit down and talk about this in the early stages of dating. Personally my goals are now different than few years ago.I made peace with the idea that I am not going to have kids because I'll be 44 and I feel that is too much risk biologically and knowing my health history but i constantly come across men that are slightly younger and still want that which I can't give them.I really appreciate this content and how concise and thoughtful it is and such great help to have as it is not always easy to navigate the dating scene 🙏🧡
We align with everything apart from the fact that I want something now and he simply isn’t ready, it’s too soon after his last relationship and I totally respect that, and he respects that I don’t want to continue to talk any more if that’s the case. I’ve left it open ended, he can text me when he is ready and pick up where we left off, but if I meet someone else in that time then sorry buddy
This is where I’m at … though letting go has proven difficult for me
Something I started looking at when I was in my first exclusive dating relationship was, how is he treating me? If he treated our future child this way, how would the little one feel? It's a great way to take a step back abd assess the relationship.
Mid-life dating is totally different - marriage is riskier because it can sabotage your financial stability when it comes to retirement/old age
Exactly. I have always wanted marriage. But now in my early 40s with a great career, I’m more afraid of what marrying the wrong man can do to me financially. Will still do a prenup for sure but am afraid of things like alimony and child support if we end up having or adopting any kids together.
@rkk2606 Yes, a prenuptial agreement is essential. Lawyers will say it's important to have even if you're younger and don't have any real assets and then review it and revise it every so many years or with every increase in assets or earnings or if children come into the relationship. I recently had a conversation with a younger couple (mid 20s) who are engaged - my younger cousin and her fiance. They are both smart people and are considering this seriously. Unfortunately people spend more time planning a wedding than the marriage. And that's usually to their detriment later.
But love makes all these things easier. We learn do deal with things when we love
so true yet feels impossible to meet someone who I am attracted to and vice versa, we love each other and we are compatible in all the important areas. Recently dated someone and we split because he needed a lot of space and I need a lot of together time. My brother has been married to a woman for 20 years who isn't physically affectionate and it has been an ongoing source of misery in their relationship. I feel that my expectations of meeting someone that ticks all these important boxes is IMPOSSIBLE and I often ask myself if I being UNREALISTIC in my EXPECTATIONS.
That's more than 3 but all really important to assess a relationship. Helps me right now.
This is one of the most important videos, and important topics you've discussed. Every point spot on and someting that parents should be teaching their young adult children. The divorce rate has been steadily around 50% for decades so obviously, most don't.
Yes these are all true. I ended my 3 months relationship yesterday. He did not deserved someone like me.
WOW what a thought provoking question 😳👌
Question number 5 was the reason I left 3 of my previous long -term relationships (out of 5 total relationships). I realized I just couldn't raise my children with this man, I disagreed too much with what he would want to teach them.
I LOVE THIS!! What you said about how we need to be compatible in how we feel safe and how we feel free!
this brings so much clarity to why we may be experiencing conflict. and it's so focussed and simple so that we can have conversations of resolution much more easily! Thank you so much!
Such a great and profound video! Should be seen by everyone because I believe it makes sense in every aspect! And your sense of humour is always appreciated! It is great to follow your work and to listen to so many important ideias for free! Thank you because it helps to clearly understand fundamental ideas and to make sure we can clearly think about them before we make any important step! Do continue with your work, you a your team, it is very different from so many perspectives that I have heard and it makes much more sense to me because It is positive, logical, loving.. I think you surely understand the dynamics of human relashionships, you explain very well, with maturity, depth and kindness. Thank you
This is great Matthew, thank you! ❤ These are very important questions!
I'm happy to see that I can answer with a "yes" to amost all of these with confidence in, my relationship. Those that I'm still unsure of however, do lean towards a "yes", and we already have an open communication about them. Time will tell :)
Where were you in 1972 when I was getting married?! I married an alcoholic, who I loved, but we were totally different and I was with him for 11yrs, not getting the kind of love I needed, and never working together as a team. He died of cancer and it's sad to say, but I'm happier by myself. I've been single for 41yrs. My marriage was not an experience I choose to relive!!
Omg. That truly helped me a lot to understand and figure out my year long struggles. Thank you a million times
This video is much needed right now. Thank you !
Great timing to hearing this. I was “seeing someone” I’m 26 and he’s 42 about to be 43 in July this year. He didn’t want anything serious, but because we were intimate with one another for at least 1.5 years , I caught some feelings and he said he liked me . But forgot to mention he’s an actor, so idk if his feelings were true at all cost and throughout this whole entire time I was seeing him. But anyways, I told him if he’ was ok, sometimes thru text msg it can come off as ,they might not be ok” anyways…. I said some stuff but the stuff I said wasn’t bad at all, at least in my case, he took it wrong. But the response he said was, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” he basically said that. Stuff that he’s already heard many times. But I’m just reminding him and I didn’t say remind. After that he blocked me. He’s a man child . I wa literally helping him tho whole entire time he helped me a few times . I think we are compatible . But in a sense, we didn’t talk much about our future as separate individuals. I hope this story makes sense. There’s more but this is how I can somewhat sum it up
@@delaslight can you expand on reasons not to date someone that much older than you?
Dear Matt, thank you so much for everything you do ❤
Question please: is it a good idea to share this video with the guy, with whom I want to build a family
Oh my goodness…
That thought experiment has blown my mind…
As I have HIGH standards for the people I have in my boys life…
Why not myself?!?
Excellent content. I can see how much better your content has become, and this is great
What if we are super compatible but I am missing a spark?
Amazing video! Really helps people understand if they should be in their relationship or not! Love it! Thank you!
Thank you so much Matthew ❤❤❤
Exactly when I needed to hear this... So true and so important... thanks again
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes ❤❤❤
Stay blessed 🙌
And May God bless you with a happy and healthy life 🙏🙏🙏
I really enjoyed this video and so many great points, though I do think the zoom ins were a bit too frequent and found it a bit difficult to watch.
Compatibility is not the same as chemistry. I had red hot chemistry with my ex GF but after a year and what I thought was mutual love and respect, she started to figure out she wasn't compatible with me and started to pull away, pick fights, ect and we eventually weren't together five months later.
very important, common sense & caring message to share with us... Thank you Matthew for your clarity & delivery of this content using contrast, great examples. (very professorial.)
Thank you Matt and Jams. This was super helpful.
My boyfriend promised me so much when he proposed to me family, marriage a better living place. For 5 years nothing changed I lost myself I am depressed and unhappy
Hmmm, all good points. Maybe we as individuals need to explore our own wants/needs before we attempt relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever asked myself these questions so how could I ever hope to understand where I stand with someone else.
Much processing going on! Thanks Matthew.
Brilliant! Thank you for your concise articulation!
Such a great breakdown of compatibility! I feel the headline needs to reflect that tho, and say something about compatibility. I almost didnt click on this video. I could have definitely used this info back in 2003. But wow!! Thank you for sharing!! ❤
I will die alone looking for a person who works on every mentioned level …. Like seriously ! My fiancé died and I am not able to meet anyone for 9 years now 😮 it’s always something that is not matching and I just know I can’t sacrifice some of the aspects
Wow! Number 5 is something I never thought about.
I so appreciate your work Mathew, and recently enjoyed listening to your new book.
I noticed during this video the zoom ins and zoom outs oscillated too quickly and repetitively to watch comfortably. May want to adjust that in future video edits.❤
These are all helpful reminders! Thank you!
Now im gonna be alone forever
Great video, Thanks ❤❤😊
I know that with me, things can get pretty much 'ugly' & hard to deal with.
But why?
Number 5 is a game changer question
Thank you for this video 🙌❤️
Thank you for this Mathew! Well said!
Good reality check, Matthew!
Fabulously basically put for us, thank you Mathew
Your videos are always so appreciated. Thank you Matt
So perfect video, Matt, and the best one you have ever made. Thanks ❤ All 7 is essential (no.5 seems to be most interesting as it is an easy indicator you can rely on). However, day by day, I am more and more desperate to be able to find compatible person... 😟
Awesome point outs
One of your best!!
Thank you for your insight and inspiration
Thanks for making this vidéo, it is extremly intresting! I totally agree on these opinions.
Safe and Free ... Does someone make you feel this around them and apart .. So interesting ❤
Thank you Matthew, as always great food for thought. However, some days I feel I am on information overload, and cannot reconcile how I will ever remember to use any of the information in any intelligent manner. 🤷♀️😳