I am so happy that Matt addressed emotional stunting. This is one of the most common things I find with people I try to date. They're just not in a good enough place to date ANYONE successfully even if they really want to.
If you're into Indian men, you can try Indian matrimonial websites where you can date to marry. Having dated both Indian and American men, I've realised the avg Indian man is more emotionally available and seeking long term commitments. But that's a me perspective. Could be different for you.
Most people don’t spend the time to truely work on their inner self when single…idk why… that’s the prime time to do it. Most people just wanna run from themselves
Im 34 and am working on accepting I am simply not meant to have that. I’ll just focus on being successful and maybe adopt in my 40’s. It’s a strange world at this point, stay sane out there. ✌️
I know people in my life that have found their love, REGARDLESS of age. What matters here, and only that, is attitude. The people who found love are in their mir twenties or even sixties and they have gone through a lot of pain to arrive at this point. They have been cheated on, abused, neglected and ghosted. Yet they decided to not give up and fight through the pain to arrive somewhere where they could call their life fulfilled again, and feel confident and secure within themselves. And furthermore, they maintained trust in themselves and the universe, attracting the positive. They’ve found each other on dating platforms, through class reunions or birthday parties. It is never too late, the only thing you gotta do is have trust and never. Become. Bitter.
A teammate is what I have always wanted, just like Matthew says. It must feel amazing to have someone by your side and has got your back no matter what.
I was super excited about dating at first after my divorce I waited a very long time. I did a little and now I'm not excited anymore it's stressful and depresses me. I figured once I feel hopeful again I'll try.
I've taken a break to work on myself. It's awesome to work on this. Chemistry is good, but consistency, and quality are what will help someone go the distance. Making that person your best friend is even better.
It’s futile. So happy I am fine alone! My God, there’s soooo much to discover in this world and so many ways to help others…and live a fulfilled life!!!! I see people so miserable in their relationships. Its sad. So amazing to be living an authentic life, happy and single!!
This is exactly what I’m going through and completely relate. It makes me incredibly sad inside and I don’t want to continue feeling this way in life but also don’t want to lose faith. I’m 41, successful in a career, and a good person. I think I value normal things like honesty, open communication, emotionally available, transparency, similar values and life goals, integrity, etc. and I need chemistry im a passionate person. But is all this too much to ask for?? I have so much love to give and the pain of still not finding the one and fear of growing old alone and missing out on so much more is crushing. 😔. I’m always putting on a smile and brave face trying to just keep moving forward embracing life but humans aren’t meant to be alone for years.
Speaking as a 41 year old man; probably the biggest hurdle is not being able to realistically have children. A lot of guys have a longer time to decide on that; and as a 41 year old man, I haven't given up hope, and so a woman my age, doesn't work. Your career generally doesn't matter to most men who have their own careers. I'd prefer a woman making $40K who is financially responsible over a woman making $150K and having much higher financial expectations. The higher you go up the corporate ladder, the less options you will have for a guy who is equal or above you financially; and those guys will generally be dating......YOUNGER.. Also- the older I've gotten the more I've realized how hollow careers are and people who are hyper focused on selling theirs souls for a tiny bit more money; scare me.
Maybe you could open yourself up to dating single fathers if unable to find a suitable man that is your age or older. I’m not saying to give up, but maybe broaden your search - provided you don’t mind considering this.
@@musicgal9830 I personally think dating single fathers and single mothers as a childless person is very tough. You get attached; but they aren't yours. You help them financially, but they aren't yours. The relationship ends, and you never see them again. Their biological parent/ex is usually in the background. Its all the reasonability of parenting but none of the rights. Its a bad deal no matter how you slice it.
@@delawarehistory1675 I shouldn’t be punished because I do well in a career. I worked hard but never jeopardized that over love. I could care less how much money a man makes as long as he’s happy and motivated. Please don’t make assumptions. I want my best friend and lover to make memories and grow old together. What matters most to me is finding him and if WE together decide to have a child at 41 then wonderful but if not then it will be ok.
@@musicgal9830thank you 😊 oh yes I have done that lol most men my age are divorced with kids. I’m ok with that. I’m very open minded to all that however if he’s emotionally unavailable because he’s still comparing and living in the past I don’t deserve that. No one does. And that’s been a common problem. And many times these men don’t want marriage again. I won’t sacrifice that part of me. I deserve marriage to a stable man.
Once again, thank you Professor Hussey. While I watch your videos I feel like I’m in a classroom full of lovely, adoring, well meaning people, hanging on your every word. It reminds me of my art history classes in Uni - a sea of perfect young girls. At least that’s what I thought they were, back in my late teens and early 20s. There I was, comparing myself to people I had no real clue about. 40 years later I’m still that insecure girl, but then again I’m not. marriage, widowhood, children, empty nester, amazing career and stepping back by choice. When I hear people say “my standards are now higher”, maybe it’s more they have learned to open their eyes, heart and brain to accept themselves and realize they are WORTHY as they always have been. Life gets in the way of that self perception which obviously affects how we relate to potential partners. In my only foray into crush land, I emerged single, a bit emotionally bruised, but so appreciative of the learning curve. I still think the guy is lovely and I have no ill will towards him. I accept my role in muddying the waters, having unreal interpretations of his intentions. Your words have helped me see the responsibility that I have to bring my worthy self to the table. I am guilty of flying the “Unloveable” flag - cue The Smiths. It’s comfortable, goes well with wine, coffee and rainy lonely days.I have the clothes for every season! Now I’m ready to say I want companionship, kindness, adventure and tenderness and perhaps that means love. I have put away that flag mostly, walking on a new gang plank. I still have that wardrobe but accessorize with new found self respect and the Rolodex of wisdom you have helped me find…. And that guy out there wherever he is better like Morrissey! Matthew - you provide such a service to people. THANK YOU!❤
@dmo12618 : you just described me to a "T". Entirely. And we're the same age. Great wardrobe, beautiful little home, retired and for the first time finding the space and time to embrace the greater wisdom now. We are still learning, still hopeful and figuring it out. Which makes me honestly pretty happy with myself, and you should be also. Hugs!!
@@karenblack2869 hugs and best wishes to you! I guess we’re both at a stage of life where we can be grateful and accept ourselves for the amazing ladies we are! 😉🙌🏻
@dmo12618 Yes!! Totally. A month ago I ended a 17-month relationship with a man who confounded me so badly that I ended up going down the Thais Gibson rabbit hole of attraction styles and determined that he was a dismissive avoidant - and that I ended up having anxious avoidant tendencies *because* of his actions!! If you haven't perused her videos here I might suggest that you do. I can tell you for sure that I will be asking some specific questions on 2nd or 3rd dates from now on! I don't really want to end up alone but I will not settle ever again. Life is too short and I'm smarter now!!
I've given up. I was in a relationship with a man who claimed he was single but was, in fact, married. He called me his "girlfriend," which was a joke. I wasted too many years on him and he told me to many lies. So now I've given up
12:01 I agree that chemistry is a very personal thing. However I also believe that chemistry can and should be built. If there is a basic level of attraction between two people and they’re willing to explore and work on their relationship then their chemistry can and will improve and expand.
women go on and on about the spark or chemistry. The spark is only for an instant. While chemistry will eventually fizzle out and become a stable element. But stable is boring for them
As a guy, I really appreciate you, Matthew. You've helped me through so many struggles of my own with relationships and heartbreak. I'm at a point in my life where even though I'm young (26), I feel so 'done and dusted' with dating. I know my standards are high, and I simply don't wish to settle. At the same time, I crave being in love with someone. Thanks for all your words, my man. Hope I'm lucky enough to find and keep love again.
I'd rather be happy with a long-term partner than rush into marriage honestly! Better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones. @@ModelJames13
Ahhh, this video came at the perfect time...I was so confused for the person whom I'm seeing right now, because of his height and 1 more thing which is not even important for a good relationship I said No to him, I'm friends with him from last 14 years, actually he's my best friend but I never thought about him romantically. Few months ago he proposed me but I was confused and I said No, he's the person who make me the happiest, he's the person with whom I am the happiest and I love myself a little more, he's the kindest soul I have ever met... This video cleared my mind and now I'm clear what I have to do now... Thank you so much.... ❤❤❤
I am so damn tired! Will I ever meet my person? I actually tried to lower my standards. Guess what, it didn’t work out and he dumped me. Ouch. But he was right, you know, it can’t be love if you feel like you’re lowering your standards, it’s like ok, let it be you, whatever.
I'm so grateful I came across this particular video, ESPECIALLY during the holidays when it seems very challenging to be alone after a breakup or other circumstances. I'm really thankful for this continued content & it's really helping me immensely in my progressive dating life, many thanks♡
He is so right when he talked about other people judging the person you are interested in. YES! This has happened to me a couple of times. My godmother can be pretty judgmental and she has never ever met any of the men I have been interested in and all of a sudden they are all wrong for me and I should not give any of them a chance. Yep! These people are out there. She may mean well I’m sure she does but she does not know these men. How can she give me an unbiased judgement of if they would be great partners for me or not?
Our faithful marriage of over 30 years was ended by my wife. We hit some financial difficulties, I love you,but i'm not in love with you...etc. Two weeks after doing this she falls for a rich bachelor that has swept her off her feet. Kids are devastated, I'm devastated and heartbroken. Cried daily for 2 months. Tried counselling, everything I could think of, but she is smitten. I can see deep in her eyes, some sadness that she knows it is wrong, but she is doing it anyway. I expected more from her. Maybe I didn't wake up in time to correct our marriage. Betrayal is awful. Severe heartbreak is traumatic. I must have been in love with my own altered version of her, to not even realise that she could be capable of such behaviour. I obviously didn't know her as well as I thought I did. Even after 30 years. 4 months later and it is time to truly let go.
That's terrible mate. Hope everything works out well for you. There's a big chance it's all about chemistry between your ex and her rich bachelor and not about compatibility, what Matthew is talking about. Anyway, keep working on yourself, your passions, the relationship with friends and family. You are worthy.
With the uprise of dating sites it is even harder to find the right partner. So many people are on dating sites as they are still heartbroken over their Ex, and are looking for a quick fix (get under one to get over one vibe)… recipe for disaster 😢
Does anyone else just feel like he completely avoided Stacy's question and just addressed people who need to get to the same point as Stacy? Like I've fixed all of the 3 mistakes he mentioned. Now let's answer Stacy's question, please.
I was a single mom for a long time. Now that I'm married I realize that being single was fun because in your head you can have your own thoughts. In marriage, what's hard is that there are few sacred thoughts. I really don't have the same mental clarity or peace tbh.
This is legitimately a thing. Honestly I feel like some people have been like oh you don't have to have someone you have things in common with. Like what? Why would I date someone I have nothing in common with. I've tried that. I hated it. At the same time, I know I deserve to be treated well and I can't seem to find a guy that fits me and my life...
You’re a woman u don’t need to “find” anyone. Men do the finding. It says in the Bible “he who finds a wife” not “she who finds a husband”. Stop worrying about trying to find someone
@@Diarrheagod honestly the happier relationships I've been in are ones where I approach him. He can do the rest but still. I don't like the Bible or care about anything it says
@@danielleh5804 I have been told by guys that they don’t like women that approach them because it’s “too easy”. And I’ve known guys who don’t approach and prefer women to and it’s because they are highly insecure. lol it’s funny how we all have our own unique experiences.
its been 21 days since my ex and i had contact and honestly i thought it was gonna get better but i find myself still clinging on to him. i just wish this pain to end. this is my 5th relationship and i fought so hard for this because i wanted him to be the one only for him to give up on what we had because apparently it was easier for him to do that than to fight and strengthen our relationship. its honestly so draining and frustrating to start all over again. at this point i'm convinced that i'm never going to find true love. i'm tired of always giving my all - time, love, patience, effort, and care only for people to just wake up one day and decide to leave as if you meant nothing.
That's exactly what I've experienced this month. I thought he was the one and he thought that too We loved each other so much and we wanted to get married but when things got hard he abandoned me bcz it was easier. This broke my heart because if I was him I would never leave my love. I think I loved him more than he loved me or he was too weak to fight for me. Our break up was because of the red flags I've been trying to not see I was in love so I was making excuses for him doing wrong things to me Don't be hopeless. I'm 22 and I'm soooo hopeless and so depressed because I think I did soooo much for him and we thought it's our true love, and the reason that makes me more depressed is that when something like what we had can be ruined, what will happen to my future relationships. I'm so hopeless but I think I should work on me more Keep moving forward ❤
That's exactly what I've experienced this month. I thought he was the one and he thought that too We loved each other so much and we wanted to get married but when things got hard he abandoned me bcz it was easier. This broke my heart because if I was him I would never leave my love. I think I loved him more than he loved me or he was too weak to fight for me. Our break up was because of the red flags I've been trying to not see I was in love so I was making excuses for him doing wrong things to me Don't be hopeless. I'm 22 and I'm soooo hopeless and so depressed because I think I did soooo much for him and we thought it's our true love, and the reason that makes me more depressed is that when something like what we had can be ruined, what will happen to my future relationships. I'm so hopeless but I think I should work on me more Keep moving forward ❤
@@mishan3150the reason why you feel so bad is because you were trying to be the perfect girlfriend… he had everything on a plate without doing no damn effort
Love Thyself & God/Universe 💜💙💜💙Pour allllllll the love compassion & everything else into yourself!!!!! Learn to be comfortable alone( I use to read this & think yeah right...but girl it's true💜) be ok with you/love U more & pick up hobbies & forget a partner for awhile! Way too draining! Friends will come into ur life! You'll know when your ready( but try to be by yourself for a good while) read more...do things alone...enjoy your own company 🥂💙💜
Same experience here. 13 years long relationship, including 7 years long marriage. It always went great, we were always seen as the "perfect couple" and we always saw ourselves growing old together. Last 3 years were rough because I got lot of things going on (burnout + death of my father + brand new career after all that) and it was the first time in 13 years that our couple was going through a crisis because I wasn't as caring and available as before. My wife suddenly surrounded herself with new people this year and she totally changed. She closed herself from long time friends, got into a romantic relationship with another man (one of these new people), totally changed attitude. And now we're divorcing because she says she can't cut ties with this guy and doesn't love me anymore. This is so sudden. From the perfect love story to divorce in the lapse of a few months.
Relationships must have the right amount of essential ingredients just like a recipe. Leave something out it just isnt quite right. If women are being asking for regular sex there must be attraction, chemistry present, but in the right amount. If a relationship is to sustain compatibility & healthy communication has to be in large measures. + committment ❤
This year I rearranged my whole life to make space for a relationship. Therapy, the work, a healthy job, choosing better, work life balance and self love and not much has changed. I'm still single... I give up.
'' I have an amazing career '' as if it has anything to do with it, honestly. We're not kids we all understand what financial stability means but heck, even the lack of one didn't stop many great relationships to start x) and above all thing, once you go past the threashold of stability it's not a bloody videogame, you don't get more stats out of it. Many testimonies on those video talk right away about how great the person is in the financial and self development department ( that curse that means '' I work hard at being a productive drone until I die '', but anyway ) and if one can't define their own characteristics of what makes them a decent human being, how can they see that in someone else? Again, we've already established that it is hard to find a good partner. Everyone seems to be busy '' exploring '' sex, multiple relationships at the same time, world trips on a whim etc. Or just straight up consumption of others. It is tough to live among teenagers who just seem to never grow out of it and seem drowned by options, like me spending 20 minutes looking for food and not picking anything at the end. Or worse, that box of shitty biscuits that gives instant gratification. Dammit. My point is, if you treat yourself as a product, you don't increase your chances of being treated as a human and you overlook your capacity of bringing up that humanity in others, in your interactions. Drop the social status BS, I've buried my parents and other loved ones and it was not on the list of things that matters when facing the only certainty of this life, both for them and me.
Decided better to not care so I'm ambivalent. Listening to this is kinda academic since as a person with a mobility disability it's not like I can go out and look. Only one person I ever wanted to want me but that was before I lost a lot of normalcy. So, it is what it is.
I just want a kind , loyal man and I don’t want to get married unless I find him. But it’s not happening so I decided to stay alone I been alone 7 years every guy I date act like my children when they was 5 . Men need to grow up too not just us woman are the problem. Men see a good woman and run to the bad one.
And women need to stop ignoring or swiping left on the good men out here and then crying "Where are all the good men?" on UA-cam. Like you, many men are checking out, too. We can only be rejected and ignored so many times before we just decide it's not worth it and just step away from the game. That's what I've done.
@JohnSmith-hv6ks John, I hate to burst your bubble, but to us, there is no such thing as a man who doesn't need to improve. That's a lie you tell yourself. 😂
@@Rut-vi7iz i never said that. Guys who can easily get girls are the ones that never has the drive to improve. the question is how long that relationship lasts. he can easily move to the next girl
Thank you! As always, amazing advice and information! Also about chemistry, it can work in the opposite direction too. Amazing chemistry at first, and then as you learn more about the person and see the person in new situations and experiences, that chemistry can being to fade or disappear all together!
Such good advice. My last relationship who I felt truly compatible with ended because he cared how his friends & family thought of us. Some his family and a couple of his friends did not like us being together. He cared so much for their approval it eventually destroyed us. I could not stand that he did not defend our love. He told me I was not wanted I his family. My self worth was detrimentally affected by this. I wish Mathew had been on my radar back then.
I definitely agree with the points you’ve made, and it’s something I’ve been working on. But I’m also finding that the men have very high expectations. As a woman in her mid to late 40s, it has been my experience that men these days also expect the Instagram/fitness model-looking women. I know that might not be the case for all the single men, but it seems to be a large proportion of the ones I’ve come across since becoming single over the last 3 years.
Yes, most men want a woman who is in good shape as it’s a sign that the women takes her physical health seriously. Men don’t have it easy though, women expect them to be confident and have social status.
Well I can tell u I'm a 28 yr old man and I find older women more attractive for some reason. You don't need to be a model but should be a healthy weight. I think guys in your age range rather target younger women unfortunately
Many men?! The VAST majority of men have very little options. It's women who have the majority of options. But yes, relationships are difficult for everyone for sure and it's a rough dating world for both men and women for different reasons.
@@joshb7326 I'm 37 and I had a pretty good run from 18-32 truth be told but the last 5-7 years have been really, really rough. Something has changed and sex, dating and relationships are MUCH harder to navigate than they were before. We're seeing much more content that is in no way conducive to successful relationship building and dating app, social media and seeing SO many options have completely fried everyone's brains. The fantasy is better than the reality so no one commits to anything or anyone.
Thank you again brotha. The energy shift has been happening. This video tied it in. This translates to everything in life attracting better things because we’re shifting towards it ourselves
I've had a weird life and never had a long-term relationship like only flings here and there in way. I'm 28 and I haven't had the most positive dating experiences so far. When he explained the unique chemistry thing it's for what feels like the first time I feel a tad hopeful about romance. I used to think chemistry was just 1 thing but maybe I've been mistaken all along!
The thing is, it isn't that it's sparse, there are plenty of really decent people out there looking for the same people who would be super compatible. I was going to say that Stacey is likely setting the bar too high. Just because she's worked hard and has a great career doesn't mean a future partner who would be great for her would value that. I'm nit saying Stacey should bring down her standards just a bit, but don't moan that you are not finding anyone who's good, because good comes in many forms if you're willing to flex a bit
I know I should look at myself but after recent last one, who said I'm not even doing anything wrong, they're not feeling adequate. I'm just convinced people are not valuing people and relationships anymore, all I hear is "I want friends with benefits" ALL.THE.TIME. They "don't want the responsibility" which is, frankly, cowardly, sorry
@@JDfaith2024 I'm very sorry to hear that but why does it have to be a relationship? why not focus on making lovely friends for a while? You can be lonely in a relationship too.
My last date I met online was a bit of a disaster. The person shared an awful story about their family and how they have been carrying around resentment and unforgiveness for 43 years. They supposedly love the Lord but I couldn’t see any fruit. The stone cold heart was problematic and tells me that this person isn’t capable of the depth of connection I’m looking for.
Ppl who complain about "can't find someone that are up to my standards" are more than likely not holding *themselves* to a standard that makes *them* attractive both internally and externally. I see incredible men and women who make it a point to hold *themselves* to a standard that makes them attractive and as a result they have no trouble attracting and coupling up with the ppl they want 🤷♂️. Focus on whether *you* are to an attractive standard and you will simply attract and have your pick
As a "kind, conscientious, respectful" single guy, its really fustrating that many women say they want this, but their actions completely contradict this with their choice of partners. Hello, im here waiting quietly for a lady to notice my value
It is frustrating; I believe that is the part of healing the women need to do in this world. Learn to be more self loving and assertive, letting real love in and set boundaries and make space for healthy anger. So they don’t feel attracted to the unhealthy men who need to develop the exact opposite traits. Love is out there, it truly is. And it is also within ourselves :) even if the ladies don’t notice, you certainly can.
On the other side, sitting quietly won't bring you a lady. Your actions will! Just saying...too many men doing nothing, testosterone check might be a good idea!
I never encounter people that I’m interested in. I’m 31, live in California (highly populated state) and I literally have not come across a single man who I’d want to date, or one that I even find attractive. It’s incredibly frustrating. In an attractive woman, and all I ever see are men who are unattractive and badly out of shape. They also rarely ever dress well. In professional environments, most men are either married, or way outside of what I’m looking for. Keep in mind that if you’re not actually attracted to a person, you probably never will be, and if you try to have a relationship with them it will be forced and will eventually fail. It’s hard for me to believe how rarely I see a man who is even remotely attractive to me. I’m not picky on purpose, and I also can’t force myself to find a man attractive. It’s such a difficult situation to be in. I know how to be a wonderful partner and all I want to do is be a supportive loving partner/wife but I never even come across a man who I’d want to give that to.
It’s because we live in Ca 😂 😖 the men here honestly suck. You’re young enough go on adventures and travel. Everything you said I completely relate to. Don’t give up faith 🙏🏻
I was about to accuse you of being picky, but then realized you're living in California. A consequence of you ladies voting in lefty social justice nonsense is that yes, the men in California look pathetic. However, I'm wondering if you're really as attractive as you claim to be, or are you just attractive relative to other Californians? Been to California, the women are not exactly good looking either.
Thank you, Mathew! This was so profound. That we need to feel chemistry with not the person whom our parents hv in mind for us, or our friends hv in mind for us...but for whether WE feel that for them...and they may b far removed from the ideal partner for us...but they may b the best for us... In my case, in my twin flame, tho v r seperated, I tend to discover newer and newer aspects of them energetically, and earlier, I wud hv immediately dismissed this person...but it seems like the Divine wants us to heal and relook at the connection...and now it seems comfortable...much much better than at the beginning...I was very choosy in my younger days...and tho my tf was sought after, dynamic etc...all that came crumbling down, when I got to know him energetically...but he was damaged and hence his energy... with the Divine awakening him...I'm getting to see that he is so much like me...after his mask is getting removed...it has taken me 4 yrs of separation to understand ths...tho I thought that he was the ideal mate for me 35 yrs ago... God wanted him to heal himself by going inwards...and he is coming out as a much cleaner individual...
I’ve a friend who’s extremely judgemental. She suggested I dated someone younger and she tells me if her brother was dating someone my age she tell him wtf. Or when she thinks 40 she thinks crazy menopause woman. Mind you she’s 40 and she’s verbally and physically abusive.
Mannnn you're bowling up my alley! Thx Stacy. One. I've raised my standards bc God has changed me now it seems I have interest in fewer women, now. I'm taking notes. Thanks. Also I just noticed a ring on your finger...Congrats!😊
Why I haven't met the right person yet? Because I'm not looking and I'm genuinely okay with this 🙂 I'm relocating out-of-state in the next couple of years and I'm not going to use a local someone for temporary amusement. Seems kinda sleezy and I'm not keen on situationships nor locationships. Still interested in what is going to be shared
Accurate of what we're doing wrong.. I can see myself being attracted to the wrong attraction to people who don't even know I exist don't care that I exist don't appreciate me even if I'm borderline personality disorder I get mad because it's not being reciprocated the care and concern isn't ricpoated
I was told yesterday that I was being emotional during our conversation because I upset my partner for having our pup with us when we didn’t make major plans. I said I want to see her and just hangout. She got upset that I brought our dog. I apologized for not asking, but due to circumstances I had to. She then asked why are you getting sensitive, I’m not scolding you. I said that I felt bad for not thinking to ask and making the mistake. To then be told they weren’t upset and they just wanted to have a conversation. When they were clearly upset with their tone and body language. Am I wrong for my emotions and feeling like my feelings were invalidated once I listened to hers and apologizing for my mistake???
Thank you Matt! Another great video with excellent points!! I recently went on a date with someone that isn’t even sure he’s looking for a relationship… so despite the fact that we actually seem have “chemistry” and a good comfortable vibe… he’s not in the same place as me regarding relationship seeking. And for me to continue to pursue that would be risking the formation of an “anxious attachment” to an “avoidant/dismissive type of man.” And that’s not good!! 😂 Secure relationship style is the only type I want moving forward 💚❤️
@@navalfa7291I doubt any sane woman would reject the opportunity but she didn't even imply that. I imagine it's safer to assume she meant both men and women when using the word "singles". Honestly almost arranged marriage at that point..
I'm concentrating on real standards, there's just no one who can reach them and has same ideas of life. Onlinedating is full of emotional unavailable people and freaks. So I guess, I'll be forerver alone.
I dont know...i have never ever felt a change in chemistry towards a friend or a date. No matter how long do I know a person it's either there or not there. Never changes. Am I the only one 😕?!
Actually, it's true what you said. Ladies these days seem to be of a different planet, species. One moment, they say they are interested, but, then, just ghost when start communicating then they complain no one wants them or confused. I agree a relationship is not finding someone "great" but, someone "right" for you. Hence, being attracted to the person is important but, compatibility, trust are more important, probably 80%, 20% is attraction/chemistry.
If we can't determine if we have chemistry until we meet in person, and attraction is only a small part of.... what's the best way to connect with someone in online dating?
At my age (61), three quarters of the men are divorced. A few are even widowers. I see broken people, those still hurting about their exes, people who live out in the boonies and won't travel 90 minutes for love. A lot of men just don't expend much effort. They want it to be easy. Finding real love is not easy! The hook-up culture is working against women like me who want long-term commitment, too. I am not impressed by the shallow stuff like his height or salary. Dependability, consistency, compatibility, similar values are way more important than similar hobbies.
That's all very well and good ...... but where does one go if you're middle-aged (or older) to find a man who hasn't had hoards of children by multiple women (all of whom are now bleeding him dry, financially), isn't bitter and twisted because of that experience, and isn't just looking for a new financially stable partner to help him pay his child support? There must be a 'man island' somewhere in the UK where good men (ie emotionally and financially stable) are hiding - just wish I had the roadmap to get there!
I started to believe in the right one "law" The right Person I told you before that my man didn't excited. Bec I never met Him and now I know He's not of this 🌎 ❤💙💛
Matthew, I haven't watched for quite some time so was glad to see you again. You look great as usual, and also noticed your wedding ring! My very best wishes to you and a very lucky lady, to have such a great guy for her husband. Congratulations!! ( I'm a 66 year old divorced woman fo rtoo many year sno an have had a rough time dating with very long 'dry' spells. Your advice is good for all ages.Thanks!
Only the top 1% don't settle the rest of us have to accept we arnt going to get the perfect partner. There is nothing wrong with settling on some one who's only 85% of what you want than dieing alone watting on Mr or miss 100%
You're right. As long as it's still a healthy relationship and you're happy, it's fine. No one is perfect. However, a lot of these people out here settle for wayyyyy less than they deserve and are in really toxic relationships as a result.
@@Liz-wz8dh and even more of them are average people who feel entitled to above average people. I thank a lot of people were raised on every one gets a trophy every one is a winner and they thank that's how the real world works. If your over wight make minimum wage and live with your mom, your going to be watting a long time for a attractive funny driven person to want to settle on you. People have a over inflated image of them selfs. Lot of people are confusing confidence with denial and thank they can hold out for the funny down to earth super model with the 300 IQ and 3 figger job. If they existed there not settling for you. No such thing as a incel just people who thank there to good for there options.
85% is still really good. That's like an 8/10 to somebody. I think the problem is most people are forced to settle for a 50% or less, and that's really bad. 😎
Long-term teammate. That's all people really need to understand. If a relationship isn't reciprocal, move on. Look for three simple criteria (relationship trinity): Faithful, Truthful, and Trustworthy. Lots of ways to test for these three traits...including where your own heart is.
I think i seriously need to put myself out there somehow. Im a near death experiencer and was recovering from it but healed now. I know what love is and im emotionally available. Most guys though are porn addicted....
Mat, i do hear you, but isn't valuing aspects like financial stability, social-standing, equally important? You won't really settle for someone who's giving you the time simply because they have nothing else to do right?? How/where do we draw that balance?
What if after years of being stupid, you followed all 3 things and the other person rejected you? It is all luck. My best friend rejected me despite good compatibility and bonding, talking daily and hanging out every weekend. Despite sharing our deepest most darkest things with each other he rejected me coz i am 4 year older. We both are in 20s.
@ananyatyagi441 Hi there, I'm sorry to hear that but the reason he gave also shows his great immaturity - there are age gap relationships with much bigger gaps where the woman is older and they work. You are both very young but you are CLEARLY much more mature than him - my advise would be to - as hard as this may seem - distance yourself from him for a while. Focus on other friends, go out with other people, learn something new, focus on your growth. You might find out that you don't want a close friendship with someone who is this immature and perhaps even buys into misogynist/sexist/ageist stereotypes about the appropriate age of a woman he could see himself dating, let alone a relationship. It's definitely not all luck - a lot of it is but not all of it. And a lot of it is perspective too - and that'll change as you age and that is a good thing. I strongly believe that aging is a very good thing for women too, because as you get wiser you tend to put up with less bs too. Don't put any pressure on yourself either. You'll be fine
You guys have dates and choices? 😮 Where are even the single women? Finding/meeting someone out the blue is so hard and online is really not it. At a certain age it’s just difficult to meet new people as work, family, life etc just continues.
I thought this video was interesting. I'm still trying to get over a crush, I had ever since I was 17. I've had a crush on this one girl I met at CIY and I felt some kind of spark despite me talking to her for at least 30 minutes. To make it a long story short, She ghosted me and before she did that, she told me she's always busy and doesn't have time to chat. I later found out that she was in a relationship with someone else. I eventually found out that they both got married two days ago. I'm just really heartbroken and don't really know what to do. I have tried putting myself out there hoping I would replace that with talking/investing time into another woman but, I also feel like it's not worth it. There's apart of me that wants to put myself back out there again but there's the other half that thinks its completely pointless. I'm still going through life trying to figure out what my purpose is in this world and trying to meet some people along the way who guide me towards that, but every time, it just seems that everyone else's around me is fulfilled and happy whereas my life is not as awe-inspiring.
What the woman (and man) needs to understand about point 1.): If the other one is good at these not so important standards like attractiveness and especially if he has a lot of girls interested into him, then the probability that he is low on important things is very high. Stop believing that you are the princess he have been waiting all the time for a perfect relationship. He is single because thousands of girls before you rejected him. There is at least one reason why he (or she) is single. And you need find someone where this reason doesn't care you, because it is not so important to you.
People, especially women, need to realize that a human does not have "A value". We all have multiple values. Our value is always situational. You might be the best lawyer in the world, but that doesn't grant you any value at all as a wife, or a friend, or a mother, or an auto mechanic, etc. We tend to value ourselves based on our greatest value, and others based on their lowest value. Everyone needs to start looking at values, their own and others', based on the role you want or need to fill, or to have filled.
I am so happy that Matt addressed emotional stunting. This is one of the most common things I find with people I try to date. They're just not in a good enough place to date ANYONE successfully even if they really want to.
Exactly
If you're into Indian men, you can try Indian matrimonial websites where you can date to marry. Having dated both Indian and American men, I've realised the avg Indian man is more emotionally available and seeking long term commitments. But that's a me perspective. Could be different for you.
Most people don’t spend the time to truely work on their inner self when single…idk why… that’s the prime time to do it. Most people just wanna run from themselves
I resemble that remark.
Im 34 and am working on accepting I am simply not meant to have that. I’ll just focus on being successful and maybe adopt in my 40’s. It’s a strange world at this point, stay sane out there. ✌️
16yrs and couldn't find a single person
*eye roll*
How sad
Just because it hasn't happened for you yet doesn't mean it won't happen ;) Let's not draw conclusions about our futures. Sending love
@@flexster5385it also doesn't mean it will happen.
I'm curious as to why you believe that?
I know people in my life that have found their love, REGARDLESS of age. What matters here, and only that, is attitude. The people who found love are in their mir twenties or even sixties and they have gone through a lot of pain to arrive at this point. They have been cheated on, abused, neglected and ghosted. Yet they decided to not give up and fight through the pain to arrive somewhere where they could call their life fulfilled again, and feel confident and secure within themselves. And furthermore, they maintained trust in themselves and the universe, attracting the positive. They’ve found each other on dating platforms, through class reunions or birthday parties. It is never too late, the only thing you gotta do is have trust and never. Become. Bitter.
A teammate is what I have always wanted, just like Matthew says. It must feel amazing to have someone by your side and has got your back no matter what.
I like what you wrote
Attraction vs compatibility….great point!
I was super excited about dating at first after my divorce I waited a very long time. I did a little and now I'm not excited anymore it's stressful and depresses me. I figured once I feel hopeful again I'll try.
I've taken a break to work on myself. It's awesome to work on this. Chemistry is good, but consistency, and quality are what will help someone go the distance. Making that person your best friend is even better.
It’s futile. So happy I am fine alone! My God, there’s soooo much to discover in this world and so many ways to help others…and live a fulfilled life!!!! I see people so miserable in their relationships. Its sad. So amazing to be living an authentic life, happy and single!!
This is exactly what I’m going through and completely relate. It makes me incredibly sad inside and I don’t want to continue feeling this way in life but also don’t want to lose faith. I’m 41, successful in a career, and a good person. I think I value normal things like honesty, open communication, emotionally available, transparency, similar values and life goals, integrity, etc. and I need chemistry im a passionate person. But is all this too much to ask for?? I have so much love to give and the pain of still not finding the one and fear of growing old alone and missing out on so much more is crushing. 😔. I’m always putting on a smile and brave face trying to just keep moving forward embracing life but humans aren’t meant to be alone for years.
Speaking as a 41 year old man; probably the biggest hurdle is not being able to realistically have children. A lot of guys have a longer time to decide on that; and as a 41 year old man, I haven't given up hope, and so a woman my age, doesn't work. Your career generally doesn't matter to most men who have their own careers. I'd prefer a woman making $40K who is financially responsible over a woman making $150K and having much higher financial expectations. The higher you go up the corporate ladder, the less options you will have for a guy who is equal or above you financially; and those guys will generally be dating......YOUNGER.. Also- the older I've gotten the more I've realized how hollow careers are and people who are hyper focused on selling theirs souls for a tiny bit more money; scare me.
Maybe you could open yourself up to dating single fathers if unable to find a suitable man that is your age or older. I’m not saying to give up, but maybe broaden your search - provided you don’t mind considering this.
@@musicgal9830 I personally think dating single fathers and single mothers as a childless person is very tough. You get attached; but they aren't yours. You help them financially, but they aren't yours. The relationship ends, and you never see them again. Their biological parent/ex is usually in the background. Its all the reasonability of parenting but none of the rights. Its a bad deal no matter how you slice it.
@@delawarehistory1675 I shouldn’t be punished because I do well in a career. I worked hard but never jeopardized that over love. I could care less how much money a man makes as long as he’s happy and motivated. Please don’t make assumptions. I want my best friend and lover to make memories and grow old together. What matters most to me is finding him and if WE together decide to have a child at 41 then wonderful but if not then it will be ok.
@@musicgal9830thank you 😊 oh yes I have done that lol most men my age are divorced with kids. I’m ok with that. I’m very open minded to all that however if he’s emotionally unavailable because he’s still comparing and living in the past I don’t deserve that. No one does. And that’s been a common problem. And many times these men don’t want marriage again. I won’t sacrifice that part of me. I deserve marriage to a stable man.
I will never ignore the chemistry, chemistry is awesome, just don’t fall too quickly. But appreciate chemistry
Once again, thank you Professor Hussey. While I watch your videos I feel like I’m in a classroom full of lovely, adoring, well meaning people, hanging on your every word. It reminds me of my art history classes in Uni - a sea of perfect young girls. At least that’s what I thought they were, back in my late teens and early 20s. There I was, comparing myself to people I had no real clue about. 40 years later I’m still that insecure girl, but then again I’m not. marriage, widowhood, children, empty nester, amazing career and stepping back by choice. When I hear people say “my standards are now higher”, maybe it’s more they have learned to open their eyes, heart and brain to accept themselves and realize they are WORTHY as they always have been. Life gets in the way of that self perception which obviously affects how we relate to potential partners. In my only foray into crush land, I emerged single, a bit emotionally bruised, but so appreciative of the learning curve. I still think the guy is lovely and I have no ill will towards him. I accept my role in muddying the waters, having unreal interpretations of his intentions. Your words have helped me see the responsibility that I have to bring my worthy self to the table. I am guilty of flying the “Unloveable” flag - cue The Smiths. It’s comfortable, goes well with wine, coffee and rainy lonely days.I have the clothes for every season! Now I’m ready to say I want companionship, kindness, adventure and tenderness and perhaps that means love. I have put away that flag mostly, walking on a new gang plank. I still have that wardrobe but accessorize with new found self respect and the Rolodex of wisdom you have helped me find…. And that guy out there wherever he is better like Morrissey! Matthew - you provide such a service to people. THANK YOU!❤
@dmo12618 : you just described me to a "T". Entirely. And we're the same age. Great wardrobe, beautiful little home, retired and for the first time finding the space and time to embrace the greater wisdom now. We are still learning, still hopeful and figuring it out. Which makes me honestly pretty happy with myself, and you should be also. Hugs!!
@@karenblack2869 hugs and best wishes to you! I guess we’re both at a stage of life where we can be grateful and accept ourselves for the amazing ladies we are! 😉🙌🏻
@dmo12618 Yes!! Totally. A month ago I ended a 17-month relationship with a man who confounded me so badly that I ended up going down the Thais Gibson rabbit hole of attraction styles and determined that he was a dismissive avoidant - and that I ended up having anxious avoidant tendencies *because* of his actions!! If you haven't perused her videos here I might suggest that you do. I can tell you for sure that I will be asking some specific questions on 2nd or 3rd dates from now on! I don't really want to end up alone but I will not settle ever again. Life is too short and I'm smarter now!!
Fabulous comments here. Feeling the same at 54. Julie 🌹
@@jstanders6973 thanks! Fly your flag at any age🥰
I've given up. I was in a relationship with a man who claimed he was single but was, in fact, married. He called me his "girlfriend," which was a joke. I wasted too many years on him and he told me to many lies. So now I've given up
Oh, God! That's really hard these days.. but I am still looking for a trusted relationship
I’m at the stage of giving up. I don’t think even you could find someone for me. 😂
I feel the same way 😢
I feel ya
Me three
Yes, same
Mee too
“It takes time for people to know your value”
12:01 I agree that chemistry is a very personal thing. However I also believe that chemistry can and should be built. If there is a basic level of attraction between two people and they’re willing to explore and work on their relationship then their chemistry can and will improve and expand.
women go on and on about the spark or chemistry. The spark is only for an instant. While chemistry will eventually fizzle out and become a stable element. But stable is boring for them
As a guy, I really appreciate you, Matthew. You've helped me through so many struggles of my own with relationships and heartbreak. I'm at a point in my life where even though I'm young (26), I feel so 'done and dusted' with dating. I know my standards are high, and I simply don't wish to settle. At the same time, I crave being in love with someone.
Thanks for all your words, my man. Hope I'm lucky enough to find and keep love again.
You better hurry up and find a wife in your 20's while you have the chance. 😎
I'd rather be happy with a long-term partner than rush into marriage honestly! Better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones. @@ModelJames13
Ahhh, this video came at the perfect time...I was so confused for the person whom I'm seeing right now, because of his height and 1 more thing which is not even important for a good relationship I said No to him, I'm friends with him from last 14 years, actually he's my best friend but I never thought about him romantically. Few months ago he proposed me but I was confused and I said No, he's the person who make me the happiest, he's the person with whom I am the happiest and I love myself a little more, he's the kindest soul I have ever met... This video cleared my mind and now I'm clear what I have to do now... Thank you so much.... ❤❤❤
I totally feel that First Lady who work on her self 10 years and still single and no faith now or hope to find love
I am so damn tired! Will I ever meet my person? I actually tried to lower my standards. Guess what, it didn’t work out and he dumped me. Ouch. But he was right, you know, it can’t be love if you feel like you’re lowering your standards, it’s like ok, let it be you, whatever.
Hi Mathew, congratulations on your wedding 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you! 😃
This makes so much sense out of where I’m at in life right now. Thank you Matthew Hussey.
I'm so grateful I came across this particular video, ESPECIALLY during the holidays when it seems very challenging to be alone after a breakup or other circumstances. I'm really thankful for this continued content & it's really helping me immensely in my progressive dating life, many thanks♡
He is so right when he talked about other people judging the person you are interested in. YES! This has happened to me a couple of times. My godmother can be pretty judgmental and she has never ever met any of the men I have been interested in and all of a sudden they are all wrong for me and I should not give any of them a chance. Yep! These people are out there. She may mean well I’m sure she does but she does not know these men. How can she give me an unbiased judgement of if they would be great partners for me or not?
Our faithful marriage of over 30 years was ended by my wife.
We hit some financial difficulties, I love you,but i'm not in love with you...etc.
Two weeks after doing this she falls for a rich bachelor that has swept her off her feet.
Kids are devastated, I'm devastated and heartbroken. Cried daily for 2 months.
Tried counselling, everything I could think of, but she is smitten.
I can see deep in her eyes, some sadness that she knows it is wrong, but she is doing it anyway.
I expected more from her.
Maybe I didn't wake up in time to correct our marriage.
Betrayal is awful.
Severe heartbreak is traumatic.
I must have been in love with my own altered version of her, to not even realise that she could be capable of such behaviour.
I obviously didn't know her as well as I thought I did. Even after 30 years.
4 months later and it is time to truly let go.
That's terrible mate. Hope everything works out well for you. There's a big chance it's all about chemistry between your ex and her rich bachelor and not about compatibility, what Matthew is talking about. Anyway, keep working on yourself, your passions, the relationship with friends and family. You are worthy.
im 20 years old and your videos have really helped be become stronger and able to express how I feel.
With the uprise of dating sites it is even harder to find the right partner. So many people are on dating sites as they are still heartbroken over their Ex, and are looking for a quick fix (get under one to get over one vibe)… recipe for disaster 😢
Does anyone else just feel like he completely avoided Stacy's question and just addressed people who need to get to the same point as Stacy? Like I've fixed all of the 3 mistakes he mentioned. Now let's answer Stacy's question, please.
This 🫡
Yes
I was a single mom for a long time. Now that I'm married I realize that being single was fun because in your head you can have your own thoughts. In marriage, what's hard is that there are few sacred thoughts. I really don't have the same mental clarity or peace tbh.
This is legitimately a thing. Honestly I feel like some people have been like oh you don't have to have someone you have things in common with. Like what? Why would I date someone I have nothing in common with. I've tried that. I hated it.
At the same time, I know I deserve to be treated well and I can't seem to find a guy that fits me and my life...
Yeah i want to rly be friends with a girl not feel like we just do busniess.
You’re a woman u don’t need to “find” anyone. Men do the finding. It says in the Bible “he who finds a wife” not “she who finds a husband”. Stop worrying about trying to find someone
@@Diarrheagod honestly the happier relationships I've been in are ones where I approach him. He can do the rest but still. I don't like the Bible or care about anything it says
@@agentnukaz1715 exactly
@@danielleh5804 I have been told by guys that they don’t like women that approach them because it’s “too easy”. And I’ve known guys who don’t approach and prefer women to and it’s because they are highly insecure. lol it’s funny how we all have our own unique experiences.
its been 21 days since my ex and i had contact and honestly i thought it was gonna get better but i find myself still clinging on to him. i just wish this pain to end. this is my 5th relationship and i fought so hard for this because i wanted him to be the one only for him to give up on what we had because apparently it was easier for him to do that than to fight and strengthen our relationship. its honestly so draining and frustrating to start all over again. at this point i'm convinced that i'm never going to find true love. i'm tired of always giving my all - time, love, patience, effort, and care only for people to just wake up one day and decide to leave as if you meant nothing.
That's exactly what I've experienced this month.
I thought he was the one and he thought that too
We loved each other so much and we wanted to get married but when things got hard he abandoned me bcz it was easier. This broke my heart because if I was him I would never leave my love. I think I loved him more than he loved me or he was too weak to fight for me.
Our break up was because of the red flags I've been trying to not see
I was in love so I was making excuses for him doing wrong things to me
Don't be hopeless. I'm 22 and I'm soooo hopeless and so depressed because I think I did soooo much for him and we thought it's our true love, and the reason that makes me more depressed is that when something like what we had can be ruined, what will happen to my future relationships. I'm so hopeless but I think I should work on me more
Keep moving forward ❤
That's exactly what I've experienced this month.
I thought he was the one and he thought that too
We loved each other so much and we wanted to get married but when things got hard he abandoned me bcz it was easier. This broke my heart because if I was him I would never leave my love. I think I loved him more than he loved me or he was too weak to fight for me.
Our break up was because of the red flags I've been trying to not see
I was in love so I was making excuses for him doing wrong things to me
Don't be hopeless. I'm 22 and I'm soooo hopeless and so depressed because I think I did soooo much for him and we thought it's our true love, and the reason that makes me more depressed is that when something like what we had can be ruined, what will happen to my future relationships. I'm so hopeless but I think I should work on me more
Keep moving forward ❤
@@mishan3150the reason why you feel so bad is because you were trying to be the perfect girlfriend… he had everything on a plate without doing no damn effort
Love Thyself & God/Universe 💜💙💜💙Pour allllllll the love compassion & everything else into yourself!!!!! Learn to be comfortable alone( I use to read this & think yeah right...but girl it's true💜) be ok with you/love U more & pick up hobbies & forget a partner for awhile! Way too draining! Friends will come into ur life! You'll know when your ready( but try to be by yourself for a good while) read more...do things alone...enjoy your own company 🥂💙💜
Same experience here. 13 years long relationship, including 7 years long marriage. It always went great, we were always seen as the "perfect couple" and we always saw ourselves growing old together. Last 3 years were rough because I got lot of things going on (burnout + death of my father + brand new career after all that) and it was the first time in 13 years that our couple was going through a crisis because I wasn't as caring and available as before. My wife suddenly surrounded herself with new people this year and she totally changed. She closed herself from long time friends, got into a romantic relationship with another man (one of these new people), totally changed attitude. And now we're divorcing because she says she can't cut ties with this guy and doesn't love me anymore.
This is so sudden. From the perfect love story to divorce in the lapse of a few months.
Relationships must have the right amount of essential ingredients just like a recipe. Leave something out it just isnt quite right. If women are being asking for regular sex there must be attraction, chemistry present, but in the right amount. If a relationship is to sustain compatibility & healthy communication has to be in large measures.
+ committment ❤
This year I rearranged my whole life to make space for a relationship. Therapy, the work, a healthy job, choosing better, work life balance and self love and not much has changed. I'm still single... I give up.
First you need to ditch the "therapy". 😎
Don'
t give up. Findig love is a mix of patience & luck. Its NT "instant" ---and we live in an instant sOciety. Hang in! Keep REACHING OUT!
'' I have an amazing career '' as if it has anything to do with it, honestly.
We're not kids we all understand what financial stability means but heck, even the lack of one didn't stop many great relationships to start x) and above all thing, once you go past the threashold of stability it's not a bloody videogame, you don't get more stats out of it.
Many testimonies on those video talk right away about how great the person is in the financial and self development department ( that curse that means '' I work hard at being a productive drone until I die '', but anyway ) and if one can't define their own characteristics of what makes them a decent human being, how can they see that in someone else?
Again, we've already established that it is hard to find a good partner. Everyone seems to be busy '' exploring '' sex, multiple relationships at the same time, world trips on a whim etc. Or just straight up consumption of others. It is tough to live among teenagers who just seem to never grow out of it and seem drowned by options, like me spending 20 minutes looking for food and not picking anything at the end. Or worse, that box of shitty biscuits that gives instant gratification. Dammit.
My point is, if you treat yourself as a product, you don't increase your chances of being treated as a human and you overlook your capacity of bringing up that humanity in others, in your interactions. Drop the social status BS, I've buried my parents and other loved ones and it was not on the list of things that matters when facing the only certainty of this life, both for them and me.
Decided better to not care so I'm ambivalent. Listening to this is kinda academic since as a person with a mobility disability it's not like I can go out and look. Only one person I ever wanted to want me but that was before I lost a lot of normalcy. So, it is what it is.
I just want a kind , loyal man and I don’t want to get married unless I find him. But it’s not happening so I decided to stay alone I been alone 7 years every guy I date act like my children when they was 5 . Men need to grow up too not just us woman are the problem. Men see a good woman and run to the bad one.
And women need to stop ignoring or swiping left on the good men out here and then crying "Where are all the good men?" on UA-cam. Like you, many men are checking out, too. We can only be rejected and ignored so many times before we just decide it's not worth it and just step away from the game. That's what I've done.
women chase the guys who never need to improve because they naturally attract women with their confidence.
@JohnSmith-hv6ks John, I hate to burst your bubble, but to us, there is no such thing as a man who doesn't need to improve. That's a lie you tell yourself. 😂
@@Rut-vi7iz i never said that. Guys who can easily get girls are the ones that never has the drive to improve. the question is how long that relationship lasts. he can easily move to the next girl
@@JohnSmith-hv6ks agreed
Thank you! As always, amazing advice and information! Also about chemistry, it can work in the opposite direction too. Amazing chemistry at first, and then as you learn more about the person and see the person in new situations and experiences, that chemistry can being to fade or disappear all together!
5:00 So kindness, loyalty, consistency women day they want , but the men they are having sex with don't have that... message received .
Such good advice. My last relationship who I felt truly compatible with ended because he cared how his friends & family thought of us. Some his family and a couple of his friends did not like us being together. He cared so much for their approval it eventually destroyed us. I could not stand that he did not defend our love. He told me I was not wanted I his family. My self worth was detrimentally affected by this. I wish Mathew had been on my radar back then.
I feel we had a similar relationship. Sucks when people are judging you without KNOWING who you are at all. So much projection... not fair.
I definitely agree with the points you’ve made, and it’s something I’ve been working on. But I’m also finding that the men have very high expectations. As a woman in her mid to late 40s, it has been my experience that men these days also expect the Instagram/fitness model-looking women. I know that might not be the case for all the single men, but it seems to be a large proportion of the ones I’ve come across since becoming single over the last 3 years.
Yes, most men want a woman who is in good shape as it’s a sign that the women takes her physical health seriously. Men don’t have it easy though, women expect them to be confident and have social status.
Well I can tell u I'm a 28 yr old man and I find older women more attractive for some reason. You don't need to be a model but should be a healthy weight. I think guys in your age range rather target younger women unfortunately
You said it!! And we're living in a world where relationships are so difficult and many men can't commit because they have so many choices.
Many men?! The VAST majority of men have very little options. It's women who have the majority of options. But yes, relationships are difficult for everyone for sure and it's a rough dating world for both men and women for different reasons.
I'm a 32 professional guy with Masters degree. I've been single my entire life, never had a relationship, just sayin
@@joshb7326 I'm 37 and I had a pretty good run from 18-32 truth be told but the last 5-7 years have been really, really rough. Something has changed and sex, dating and relationships are MUCH harder to navigate than they were before. We're seeing much more content that is in no way conducive to successful relationship building and dating app, social media and seeing SO many options have completely fried everyone's brains. The fantasy is better than the reality so no one commits to anything or anyone.
What? Hell no. It’s the other way around buddy.
@@fenukii Women's "options" are overwhelmingly for immature men who won't commit and just want a FWB. They're not real options.
Thank you again brotha. The energy shift has been happening. This video tied it in. This translates to everything in life attracting better things because we’re shifting towards it ourselves
Great video Matt! You keep it real whilst also leaving us with a sense of hope
Before I even watch the video a big answer is “luck”. Plain and simple. On with the video…
I've had a weird life and never had a long-term relationship like only flings here and there in way. I'm 28 and I haven't had the most positive dating experiences so far. When he explained the unique chemistry thing it's for what feels like the first time I feel a tad hopeful about romance. I used to think chemistry was just 1 thing but maybe I've been mistaken all along!
The thing is, it isn't that it's sparse, there are plenty of really decent people out there looking for the same people who would be super compatible. I was going to say that Stacey is likely setting the bar too high. Just because she's worked hard and has a great career doesn't mean a future partner who would be great for her would value that. I'm nit saying Stacey should bring down her standards just a bit, but don't moan that you are not finding anyone who's good, because good comes in many forms if you're willing to flex a bit
Hobbies are important.
Yes 😊
Thank you! I feel very empowered by this video, especially the bit at the end where you emphasise the importance of self-trust in this journey.
I know I should look at myself but after recent last one, who said I'm not even doing anything wrong, they're not feeling adequate. I'm just convinced people are not valuing people and relationships anymore, all I hear is "I want friends with benefits" ALL.THE.TIME. They "don't want the responsibility" which is, frankly, cowardly, sorry
Nobody dies of being single but a lot of people died because they were with the wrong person.
Actually, loneliness is very hard on one's physical health and stress level.
Having sexual chemistry with someone does not mean they are not a criminal or drunkard.
Cope
Actually that’s not true. Loneliness can kill. I know I’m going through it. It’s crushing inside when you have no one and no support.
@@JDfaith2024 I'm very sorry to hear that but why does it have to be a relationship? why not focus on making lovely friends for a while? You can be lonely in a relationship too.
My last date I met online was a bit of a disaster. The person shared an awful story about their family and how they have been carrying around resentment and unforgiveness for 43 years. They supposedly love the Lord but I couldn’t see any fruit. The stone cold heart was problematic and tells me that this person isn’t capable of the depth of connection I’m looking for.
Ppl who complain about "can't find someone that are up to my standards" are more than likely not holding *themselves* to a standard that makes *them* attractive both internally and externally. I see incredible men and women who make it a point to hold *themselves* to a standard that makes them attractive and as a result they have no trouble attracting and coupling up with the ppl they want 🤷♂️. Focus on whether *you* are to an attractive standard and you will simply attract and have your pick
As a "kind, conscientious, respectful" single guy, its really fustrating that many women say they want this, but their actions completely contradict this with their choice of partners. Hello, im here waiting quietly for a lady to notice my value
It is frustrating; I believe that is the part of healing the women need to do in this world. Learn to be more self loving and assertive, letting real love in and set boundaries and make space for healthy anger. So they don’t feel attracted to the unhealthy men who need to develop the exact opposite traits. Love is out there, it truly is. And it is also within ourselves :) even if the ladies don’t notice, you certainly can.
On the other side, sitting quietly won't bring you a lady. Your actions will! Just saying...too many men doing nothing, testosterone check might be a good idea!
Then stop sitting around doing nothing. Doing nothing reaps nothing.
@@The_Curious_Capsule You think I havnt tried that seriously?!?!
@@silentvoice4970 I have a Masters degree, I work in wildlife conservation as a data analyst, I don't just sit around doing nothing.....
I never encounter people that I’m interested in. I’m 31, live in California (highly populated state) and I literally have not come across a single man who I’d want to date, or one that I even find attractive. It’s incredibly frustrating. In an attractive woman, and all I ever see are men who are unattractive and badly out of shape. They also rarely ever dress well. In professional environments, most men are either married, or way outside of what I’m looking for. Keep in mind that if you’re not actually attracted to a person, you probably never will be, and if you try to have a relationship with them it will be forced and will eventually fail. It’s hard for me to believe how rarely I see a man who is even remotely attractive to me. I’m not picky on purpose, and I also can’t force myself to find a man attractive. It’s such a difficult situation to be in. I know how to be a wonderful partner and all I want to do is be a supportive loving partner/wife but I never even come across a man who I’d want to give that to.
It’s because we live in Ca 😂 😖 the men here honestly suck. You’re young enough go on adventures and travel. Everything you said I completely relate to. Don’t give up faith 🙏🏻
@@JDfaith2024 Thank you!! The men here are TERRIBLE!!! I know so many single women who have been searching for a man for YEARS……..
Guess you should give up? 😎
I was about to accuse you of being picky, but then realized you're living in California. A consequence of you ladies voting in lefty social justice nonsense is that yes, the men in California look pathetic. However, I'm wondering if you're really as attractive as you claim to be, or are you just attractive relative to other Californians? Been to California, the women are not exactly good looking either.
Thank you, Mathew! This was so profound.
That we need to feel chemistry with not the person whom our parents hv in mind for us, or our friends hv in mind for us...but for whether WE feel that for them...and they may b far removed from the ideal partner for us...but they may b the best for us...
In my case, in my twin flame, tho v r seperated, I tend to discover newer and newer aspects of them energetically, and earlier, I wud hv immediately dismissed this person...but it seems like the Divine wants us to heal and relook at the connection...and now it seems comfortable...much much better than at the beginning...I was very choosy in my younger days...and tho my tf was sought after, dynamic etc...all that came crumbling down, when I got to know him energetically...but he was damaged and hence his energy... with the Divine awakening him...I'm getting to see that he is so much like me...after his mask is getting removed...it has taken me 4 yrs of separation to understand ths...tho I thought that he was the ideal mate for me 35 yrs ago...
God wanted him to heal himself by going inwards...and he is coming out as a much cleaner individual...
What do I have to do to get you? Haha!
Thanks a lot for sharing, really great job!
I wish you a happy Christmas holiday and great coming year! 👍🎅🙌❤🎁🎄🎉
I’ve a friend who’s extremely judgemental. She suggested I dated someone younger and she tells me if her brother was dating someone my age she tell him wtf. Or when she thinks 40 she thinks crazy menopause woman. Mind you she’s 40 and she’s verbally and physically abusive.
Mannnn you're bowling up my alley! Thx Stacy. One. I've raised my standards bc God has changed me now it seems I have interest in fewer women, now. I'm taking notes. Thanks. Also I just noticed a ring on your finger...Congrats!😊
Why I haven't met the right person yet?
Because I'm not looking and I'm genuinely okay with this 🙂
I'm relocating out-of-state in the next couple of years and I'm not going to use a local someone for temporary amusement. Seems kinda sleezy and I'm not keen on situationships nor locationships.
Still interested in what is going to be shared
Accurate of what we're doing wrong.. I can see myself being attracted to the wrong attraction to people who don't even know I exist don't care that I exist don't appreciate me even if I'm borderline personality disorder I get mad because it's not being reciprocated the care and concern isn't ricpoated
I was told yesterday that I was being emotional during our conversation because I upset my partner for having our pup with us when we didn’t make major plans. I said I want to see her and just hangout. She got upset that I brought our dog. I apologized for not asking, but due to circumstances I had to. She then asked why are you getting sensitive, I’m not scolding you. I said that I felt bad for not thinking to ask and making the mistake. To then be told they weren’t upset and they just wanted to have a conversation. When they were clearly upset with their tone and body language. Am I wrong for my emotions and feeling like my feelings were invalidated once I listened to hers and apologizing for my mistake???
Thank you Matt! Another great video with excellent points!! I recently went on a date with someone that isn’t even sure he’s looking for a relationship… so despite the fact that we actually seem have “chemistry” and a good comfortable vibe… he’s not in the same place as me regarding relationship seeking. And for me to continue to pursue that would be risking the formation of an “anxious attachment” to an “avoidant/dismissive type of man.” And that’s not good!! 😂 Secure relationship style is the only type I want moving forward 💚❤️
thats why some men are not honest and lie about wanting relationships othervise you are honest on dont get pussy because of that
im very sad.. a lot of people tell me that im good.. kind... etc but i remain single... im struggling depression
Hey! Matthew should create a group for singles who want to date with the condition of being coached by him😊
Just say you want to date Mathew and produce his kids.
@@navalfa7291I doubt any sane woman would reject the opportunity but she didn't even imply that. I imagine it's safer to assume she meant both men and women when using the word "singles". Honestly almost arranged marriage at that point..
I'm concentrating on real standards, there's just no one who can reach them and has same ideas of life. Onlinedating is full of emotional unavailable people and freaks. So I guess, I'll be forerver alone.
I dont know...i have never ever felt a change in chemistry towards a friend or a date. No matter how long do I know a person it's either there or not there. Never changes. Am I the only one 😕?!
Me too. I mean if I didn’t have chemistry I don’t have it, but chemistry might be ruined for me.
Actually, it's true what you said. Ladies these days seem to be of a different planet, species. One moment, they say they are interested, but, then, just ghost when start communicating then they complain no one wants them or confused.
I agree a relationship is not finding someone "great" but, someone "right" for you. Hence, being attracted to the person is important but, compatibility, trust are more important, probably 80%, 20% is attraction/chemistry.
If we can't determine if we have chemistry until we meet in person, and attraction is only a small part of.... what's the best way to connect with someone in online dating?
Get to the phonecall (not your primary number) and meet fast somewhere public... remembering they are a stranger.
Meet them in person. Arrange to meet in a public place that is conducive to conversations.
This was more helpful than I expected
Thank you Matthew, you're just in time
I am going thru what Stacy are experiencing ! Its sounds exactly my life.
“ never apologise for having high standards. Those who belong in your life will meet you at your level” 👑❤️
I am so looking forward to receiving your book. I believe those nuggets of wisdom will propel me onward and upward. ☺️
At my age (61), three quarters of the men are divorced. A few are even widowers. I see broken people, those still hurting about their exes, people who live out in the boonies and won't travel 90 minutes for love. A lot of men just don't expend much effort. They want it to be easy. Finding real love is not easy! The hook-up culture is working against women like me who want long-term commitment, too. I am not impressed by the shallow stuff like his height or salary. Dependability, consistency, compatibility, similar values are way more important than similar hobbies.
That's all very well and good ...... but where does one go if you're middle-aged (or older) to find a man who hasn't had hoards of children by multiple women (all of whom are now bleeding him dry, financially), isn't bitter and twisted because of that experience, and isn't just looking for a new financially stable partner to help him pay his child support? There must be a 'man island' somewhere in the UK where good men (ie emotionally and financially stable) are hiding - just wish I had the roadmap to get there!
Personally, I can’t think of anything worse than going on a dating app..
I think seeing people above them is another reason people don't try.
I really love your relationship advices and your ideas, I appreciate your work. God bless matthew.
I ❤what you said about following our hearts and that yes we can be a model for others .
QUESTION : can you talk about navigating potential relationships coming from business/client contacts?
I started to believe in the right one "law" The right Person
I told you before that my man didn't excited. Bec I never met Him and now I know He's not of this 🌎 ❤💙💛
The right person, who is a cardiac surgeon who can cook Gourmet meal, who falls in deep love with Amira here..
@@navalfa7291 One day I'll meet Him face to face.
Matthew, I haven't watched for quite some time so was glad to see you again. You look great as usual, and also noticed your wedding ring! My very best wishes to you and a very lucky lady, to have such a great guy for her husband. Congratulations!! ( I'm a 66 year old divorced woman fo rtoo many year sno an have had a rough time dating with very long 'dry' spells. Your advice is good for all ages.Thanks!
Only the top 1% don't settle the rest of us have to accept we arnt going to get the perfect partner. There is nothing wrong with settling on some one who's only 85% of what you want than dieing alone watting on Mr or miss 100%
You're right. As long as it's still a healthy relationship and you're happy, it's fine. No one is perfect. However, a lot of these people out here settle for wayyyyy less than they deserve and are in really toxic relationships as a result.
@@Liz-wz8dh and even more of them are average people who feel entitled to above average people. I thank a lot of people were raised on every one gets a trophy every one is a winner and they thank that's how the real world works. If your over wight make minimum wage and live with your mom, your going to be watting a long time for a attractive funny driven person to want to settle on you. People have a over inflated image of them selfs. Lot of people are confusing confidence with denial and thank they can hold out for the funny down to earth super model with the 300 IQ and 3 figger job. If they existed there not settling for you. No such thing as a incel just people who thank there to good for there options.
@@robertstone9988you nailed it
85% is still really good. That's like an 8/10 to somebody. I think the problem is most people are forced to settle for a 50% or less, and that's really bad. 😎
Long-term teammate. That's all people really need to understand. If a relationship isn't reciprocal, move on. Look for three simple criteria (relationship trinity): Faithful, Truthful, and Trustworthy. Lots of ways to test for these three traits...including where your own heart is.
This is pure gold.
I think i seriously need to put myself out there somehow. Im a near death experiencer and was recovering from it but healed now. I know what love is and im emotionally available. Most guys though are porn addicted....
Mat, i do hear you, but isn't valuing aspects like financial stability, social-standing, equally important? You won't really settle for someone who's giving you the time simply because they have nothing else to do right?? How/where do we draw that balance?
What if after years of being stupid, you followed all 3 things and the other person rejected you? It is all luck. My best friend rejected me despite good compatibility and bonding, talking daily and hanging out every weekend. Despite sharing our deepest most darkest things with each other he rejected me coz i am 4 year older. We both are in 20s.
His rejection is a blessing. Be glad it happened now vs after 40 years! ❤
@@ckl5801 thanks 💛
@ananyatyagi441 Hi there, I'm sorry to hear that but the reason he gave also shows his great immaturity - there are age gap relationships with much bigger gaps where the woman is older and they work. You are both very young but you are CLEARLY much more mature than him - my advise would be to - as hard as this may seem - distance yourself from him for a while. Focus on other friends, go out with other people, learn something new, focus on your growth. You might find out that you don't want a close friendship with someone who is this immature and perhaps even buys into misogynist/sexist/ageist stereotypes about the appropriate age of a woman he could see himself dating, let alone a relationship. It's definitely not all luck - a lot of it is but not all of it. And a lot of it is perspective too - and that'll change as you age and that is a good thing. I strongly believe that aging is a very good thing for women too, because as you get wiser you tend to put up with less bs too. Don't put any pressure on yourself either. You'll be fine
@@kullererbsenbucher4672 Thanks a lot. Your words and efforts of encouragement mean a lot to me.
You guys have dates and choices? 😮 Where are even the single women? Finding/meeting someone out the blue is so hard and online is really not it. At a certain age it’s just difficult to meet new people as work, family, life etc just continues.
You are in a right place
Thank you Matthew this really help me and I love watching your videos 🙂
You're so welcome!
I thought this video was interesting. I'm still trying to get over a crush, I had ever since I was 17. I've had a crush on this one girl I met at CIY and I felt some kind of spark despite me talking to her for at least 30 minutes. To make it a long story short, She ghosted me and before she did that, she told me she's always busy and doesn't have time to chat. I later found out that she was in a relationship with someone else. I eventually found out that they both got married two days ago. I'm just really heartbroken and don't really know what to do. I have tried putting myself out there hoping I would replace that with talking/investing time into another woman but, I also feel like it's not worth it. There's apart of me that wants to put myself back out there again but there's the other half that thinks its completely pointless. I'm still going through life trying to figure out what my purpose is in this world and trying to meet some people along the way who guide me towards that, but every time, it just seems that everyone else's around me is fulfilled and happy whereas my life is not as awe-inspiring.
Perfect timing :) Pre ordered your book a week ago :)
Wishing you a wonderful Holiday Season. Sending much love and good vibes
Thank you! You too!
Thanks❤It was said so nicely and in a sensitive manner. Is a book only for some countries?(Slovakia?)
He’s very accurate ❤
Is the book also for guys?
Love this advice! It’s a great guidance to dating life and finding the one
What the woman (and man) needs to understand about point 1.): If the other one is good at these not so important standards like attractiveness and especially if he has a lot of girls interested into him, then the probability that he is low on important things is very high. Stop believing that you are the princess he have been waiting all the time for a perfect relationship. He is single because thousands of girls before you rejected him. There is at least one reason why he (or she) is single. And you need find someone where this reason doesn't care you, because it is not so important to you.
People, especially women, need to realize that a human does not have "A value". We all have multiple values. Our value is always situational. You might be the best lawyer in the world, but that doesn't grant you any value at all as a wife, or a friend, or a mother, or an auto mechanic, etc. We tend to value ourselves based on our greatest value, and others based on their lowest value. Everyone needs to start looking at values, their own and others', based on the role you want or need to fill, or to have filled.
Thank you Matthew! 🥹❤️
Great video! thank you!
I have a suggestion: what about reaction videos?