You are not just speaking to the camera. You are rescuing my life in past 3 months. Ive been watching lots of your videos. Thank you from South India. Its very helpful. And why these series aren't getting million views? I think all should watch this. Not only people have complex trauma. Thanks a lot.
@@aaronmann9442 i think they meant they were the echo chamber for someone with victim mentality, at least thats how i understood it, therapist friend but worse 💀
I think 'victim mentality' has a negative connotation and telling someone who has a mental illness that phrase makes it seem like they're to blame for what's happening. I just think the wording should be "stagnant response" or "cyclic response" or something related to learned helplessness. Btw all of your videos have help me tremendously! You put into words what I have experienced but could never explain.
I think, like in all his other presentations, Tim calls it out using real language and what it truly is. I suspect if it’s a triggering term, it’s hitting something that needs to be addressed. 2:12 “A lot of people don’t even see it in themselves”
Bless you Tim for your teaching. It has helped me tremendously and my daughter is also receiving your teaching! It is giving us hope and tools to overcome!
The worst "victim syndrome" is people who in the past have been victims of abuse, and who now deny that their trauma is not yet healed (sometimes they even deny that there ever _was_ a trauma), and instead of trying to heal start abusing others (subconscious trauma reenactment taking the role as abuser and often also misplaced anger), and then they blame the very people they abuse for "victim mentality". Now, that is a real problem. Acknowledging that one has not yet healed from a trauma, is not in itself "victim mentality" (in the meaning of stagnant response or learned helplessness). It is being honest and brave. Just my ten cents.
When I'm bombarded with brain dysregulation, and constant triggers... yes I go directly into self-pity. I can take responsibility for my life and still be triggered by everything happening around me. I can stop telling sad stories though and stop trying to get pity from others.
My brother or sister will beat someone up and say they made me do it. Me I live in victim mentality more so self pity but not blaming others. Which I am learning from this video, is the reason why I am self sabotaging. My oldest brother and youngest sister became the narcissist that wants the world to circulate around them.
Some great research came out after this video- the construct of tendency for interpersonal victimhood (gabay et al). Great read and shows the danger of this approach
Thanks, I was thinking about sending this to someone I know, but I was hesitant, because it can sound very accusatory and a kick in the nuts while you already feel down, and I don't want to cause that in anyone. Thank you for affirming this message can indeed be welcomed 🙂
@marleenstukkien5384 Most people will absolutely be offended being sent this simply because of the title of the video. If they watch it though, and are capable of self reflection, they may not be so offended.
This was excellent and so helpful. I just wish there was a portion on how to approach and set boundaries with someone (especially a family member) who has a victim mentality.
A little bit of tough love seems to be the only way that has worked for me so far. In my experience, being nice about maintaining your boundaries so you don't hurt their feelings doesn't work as they seem to think your not serious. Your boundary will hurt them because they're always the victim but it's either your mental health or theirs, the choice is yours.
Quite the contrary. Everything is our fault. Outside of a child that cannot change their circumstances. If you're an adult, everything is your fault because we have a choice, a choice to leave, a choice to stay.
S---t happens, that's life. How you deal with it makes the biggest difference. Are you going to use the opportunity to learn and grow or sit there and try and get mileage from others from your situation .
@@wendydaniel1110 I think it's still valid to say that some stuff objectively didn't need to happen for people to have to get over, but getting over it is still the best solution.
A woman who is over 60. Has no income of her own - no family to take her in - no bank account - no job - no way to get a job to REALLY support herself (unless she wants to live in the ghetto). Whose narcissistic spouse is committed to make her life a living hell if she leaves - she'll have to fight for every penny - who can't afford a lawyer - whose spouse is verbally/psychologically abusive all the time... he won't go for any counseling. What does she do? I 've spoken with her and if I cud, I'd let her live in our house. How does she have a healthy life?
@@cody_go_createno no, she probably needs to find a situation like a live in Nanny or something g likev that..you know maybe even a company that does professional.Companionship for elderly clients. There's a big industry in Elder day care..the lady does have options. She can get a job, lots of seniors work!! Really! I see them working the cash register at the Super Market, and CVS!
Wow this video is spot on. I met someone who had victim complex recently, couldn’t see their part in their abusive relationship at all nor were they open to seeing it. Passive aggression popped up again and again. How do you find the patience to work with them?
Yes, you deserve a “witness”. My theory (and maybe others too) on healing is we each need ONE person who loves us to hear us, understand us, and ACHE WITH US for that pain holding our mind hostage. Then I think we can heal.
I think narcissist may be overused and in a mentally unhealthy situation two people contribute to mental instability may result which looks like narcissist
No, this's not. He literally explains this - victim mentality is next step after learned helplessness which is result of childhood trauma. Narcs have some similarities as they see themselves as an ultimate victim, but they aren't helpless, they might pretend to be helpless and then weaponize their pretended helplessness to get things from others. But if you don't give to a narc what they want they will hate you for some time and move on onto someone else who will give them what they want. A person who is not narc, but has a victim mentality wouldn't move on onto someone else - they can be stuck in the same cycle with the same people till literally death if they don't realise what's going on and try to get out. They often stuck with a narc as a spouse and enable all that narcissistic behaviour, and the narc spouse often does to them all the abusive behaviours that their parents did. Narcs love this type of people, especially vulnerable narcs love to attach themselves to people with victim mentality - because those people aren't actually as helpless as they think, they are "useful", but they can't escape because they often don't realise they need to escape in the first place. They usually don't know that that's an option, their parents made them believe it was not (and that's true for a child, but because abusive families treat their adult children the same shitty way they treat small kids, nothing changes there, people often don't realise that they aren't little anymore, that being an adult actually means something) .
No dear Fletcher not everyone sensetionalise their story !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep that in your F mind. I barely share my story and my story is really sensational without me making it sensational
My brother or sister will beat someone up and say they made me do it. Me I live in victim mentality more so self pity but not blaming others. Which I am learning from this video, is the reason why I am self sabotaging. My oldest brother and youngest sister became the narcissist that wants the world to circulate around them.
You are not just speaking to the camera. You are rescuing my life in past 3 months. Ive been watching lots of your videos. Thank you from South India. Its very helpful. And why these series aren't getting million views? I think all should watch this. Not only people have complex trauma. Thanks a lot.
I can relate to everything Tim says here. I am getting so much self awareness from listening to Tim. He is amazing
This is for every woman out tgere ever stalked by a man and then called a liar !! Because of the possition they have because of tge job they have !!
This is a very complex subject. I am a victim of the victim mentality due to trauma addiction made it way worse
Lol how can you be a victim of a victim mentality 😂
@@aaronmann9442 i think they meant they were the echo chamber for someone with victim mentality, at least thats how i understood it, therapist friend but worse 💀
I think 'victim mentality' has a negative connotation and telling someone who has a mental illness that phrase makes it seem like they're to blame for what's happening. I just think the wording should be "stagnant response" or "cyclic response" or something related to learned helplessness.
Btw all of your videos have help me tremendously! You put into words what I have experienced but could never explain.
I think here Tim is explaining what happens when learnt helplines is taken to the extreme in adulthood
I agree victim mentality is a harmful label. Cyclic thinking. Stagnant response.
Thank you.
I think, like in all his other presentations, Tim calls it out using real language and what it truly is.
I suspect if it’s a triggering term, it’s hitting something that needs to be addressed.
2:12 “A lot of people don’t even see it in themselves”
Think of victim mentality as a common cold and victim complex is a lifelong chronic illness that will get worse unless the person. pursues recovery.
This is so real for me right now….incredible
I'm definitely grateful for all of these series. Thank you. 🙏
Watching 3rd time with note book. Great truths, that I can validate the pain & respect myself enough to do something about it. Thanks very much.
Bless you Tim for your teaching. It has helped me tremendously and my daughter is also receiving your teaching! It is giving us hope and tools to overcome!
we are taught to be victims. it takes courage to stop this behavior. courage was never modeled for us. fight, fight, fight.
The worst "victim syndrome" is people who in the past have been victims of abuse, and who now deny that their trauma is not yet healed (sometimes they even deny that there ever _was_ a trauma), and instead of trying to heal start abusing others (subconscious trauma reenactment taking the role as abuser and often also misplaced anger), and then they blame the very people they abuse for "victim mentality".
Now, that is a real problem.
Acknowledging that one has not yet healed from a trauma, is not in itself "victim mentality" (in the meaning of stagnant response or learned helplessness). It is being honest and brave.
Just my ten cents.
So grateful that you doing the awkward job of talking to a camera and nobody. Transforming my life!
That’s my parents’ life story right there. So sad.
This gives me so much hope. Three years and counting. Xxx thanks Tim.
So much work to do…
Wow, thanks very much. Got some awareness & tools to grow. Always benefit from your teachings.
You're a God send!Thank you!
A victim mindset is a blueprint for an unfulfilling life with an ocean of undeveloped talents, joys and desires. It creates a fear of being your best.
When I'm bombarded with brain dysregulation, and constant triggers... yes I go directly into self-pity. I can take responsibility for my life and still be triggered by everything happening around me. I can stop telling sad stories though and stop trying to get pity from others.
Sadness is so meaningful to some because it’s mind-blowing to us. Sad songs rule!
We got to get rid of it.
My brother or sister will beat someone up and say they made me do it. Me I live in victim mentality more so self pity but not blaming others. Which I am learning from this video, is the reason why I am self sabotaging. My oldest brother and youngest sister became the narcissist that wants the world to circulate around them.
Some great research came out after this video- the construct of tendency for interpersonal victimhood (gabay et al). Great read and shows the danger of this approach
Tim! You are amazing!! So grateful for your videos 😊
16 minutes in and I’m astounded at how wise Tim is.
Much gratitude 🙏🏻
I wish someone had sent this to me 3yrs ago i/o me finding it on my own, now. Would have saved me quite a bit of heartache.
Thanks, I was thinking about sending this to someone I know, but I was hesitant, because it can sound very accusatory and a kick in the nuts while you already feel down, and I don't want to cause that in anyone. Thank you for affirming this message can indeed be welcomed 🙂
@marleenstukkien5384 Most people will absolutely be offended being sent this simply because of the title of the video. If they watch it though, and are capable of self reflection, they may not be so offended.
Amazing. He's amazing. Thank you Tim
BIG THANK YOU. ❤ Tim
LEARN ALOT From YOU🙏
thank U Tim
Great insight! Many thanks.
This sounds a lot like me, but the good news is that I am doing something about it.
I am not staying a victim.
Thank You So Much!!!!
This was excellent and so helpful. I just wish there was a portion on how to approach and set boundaries with someone (especially a family member) who has a victim mentality.
A little bit of tough love seems to be the only way that has worked for me so far. In my experience, being nice about maintaining your boundaries so you don't hurt their feelings doesn't work as they seem to think your not serious. Your boundary will hurt them because they're always the victim but it's either your mental health or theirs, the choice is yours.
Option - Teri Cole on UA-cam author of "The Boundary Boss".
Perfect video at the perfect time !
Thank you
Choosing pain. So true
He is talking about me wife that always blamed me 40 years of it. Im 63 male who needs therapy
And dude I’m not trying to blame anyone else or not take responsibility but sometimes shit really is not your fucking fault
Quite the contrary. Everything is our fault. Outside of a child that cannot change their circumstances. If you're an adult, everything is your fault because we have a choice, a choice to leave, a choice to stay.
S---t happens, that's life. How you deal with it makes the biggest difference. Are you going to use the opportunity to learn and grow or sit there and try and get mileage from others from your situation .
@@wendydaniel1110 I think it's still valid to say that some stuff objectively didn't need to happen for people to have to get over, but getting over it is still the best solution.
thanks sir
this is all well and good, but does it work? Can one heal?
Ty
A woman who is over 60. Has no income of her own - no family to take her in - no bank account - no job - no way to get a job to REALLY support herself (unless she wants to live in the ghetto). Whose narcissistic spouse is committed to make her life a living hell if she leaves - she'll have to fight for every penny - who can't afford a lawyer - whose spouse is verbally/psychologically abusive all the time... he won't go for any counseling. What does she do? I 've spoken with her and if I cud, I'd let her live in our house. How does she have a healthy life?
Women’s shelter
@@cody_go_createno no, she probably needs to find a situation like a live in Nanny or something g likev that..you know maybe even a company that does professional.Companionship for elderly clients. There's a big industry in Elder day care..the lady does have options. She can get a job, lots of seniors work!! Really! I see them working the cash register at the Super Market, and CVS!
The Ghetto looks different now
She goes on section 8 housing and food stamps
She gets with God!! Pray and let God do what only He can do. He works miracles!
Wow this video is spot on. I met someone who had victim complex recently, couldn’t see their part in their abusive relationship at all nor were they open to seeing it. Passive aggression popped up again and again. How do you find the patience to work with them?
Such a good sound in this one 😭
wish I'd have found your channel at the time all this shite was happening.
Worse than being stuck. Your life starts imploding.
Smh
LOVE THIS ONE!!🙌
@tim How do both people (parents) heal from this cycle ?
Whoa! My life 😢
Omg!! what an epiphany this video is !!
But we not victimized though? I just want someone I know to get that
Yes, you deserve a “witness”. My theory (and maybe others too) on healing is we each need ONE person who loves us to hear us, understand us, and ACHE WITH US for that pain holding our mind hostage. Then I think we can heal.
How many wait on God/ Jesus to come and save them .?
Relying on god is the best thing you can do god created you and would take care of you
This is describing Vulnerable Narcissists?
I think narcissist may be overused and in a mentally unhealthy situation two people contribute to mental instability may result which looks like narcissist
No, this's not. He literally explains this - victim mentality is next step after learned helplessness which is result of childhood trauma. Narcs have some similarities as they see themselves as an ultimate victim, but they aren't helpless, they might pretend to be helpless and then weaponize their pretended helplessness to get things from others. But if you don't give to a narc what they want they will hate you for some time and move on onto someone else who will give them what they want. A person who is not narc, but has a victim mentality wouldn't move on onto someone else - they can be stuck in the same cycle with the same people till literally death if they don't realise what's going on and try to get out. They often stuck with a narc as a spouse and enable all that narcissistic behaviour, and the narc spouse often does to them all the abusive behaviours that their parents did. Narcs love this type of people, especially vulnerable narcs love to attach themselves to people with victim mentality - because those people aren't actually as helpless as they think, they are "useful", but they can't escape because they often don't realise they need to escape in the first place. They usually don't know that that's an option, their parents made them believe it was not (and that's true for a child, but because abusive families treat their adult children the same shitty way they treat small kids, nothing changes there, people often don't realise that they aren't little anymore, that being an adult actually means something) .
The camera work and lighting were done by SNL
No dear Fletcher not everyone sensetionalise their story !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep that in your F mind. I barely share my story and my story is really sensational without me making it sensational
I'm in heal and destroy mode. WorkSafeBC kills. Destroy WorkSafeBC. Heal, learn, destroy. It's important to have goals.
My brother or sister will beat someone up and say they made me do it. Me I live in victim mentality more so self pity but not blaming others. Which I am learning from this video, is the reason why I am self sabotaging. My oldest brother and youngest sister became the narcissist that wants the world to circulate around them.