Necessary Attitudes in Recovery - Part 3/9 - Acceptance
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- Опубліковано 1 лют 2019
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Mentioning the internal war is so important.
Internal Family Systems helps me understand myself more, and have compassion for the competing parts within.
The parts that resist change and want to cope are not even dark. They are simply trying to protect us from pain.
So recovery then is about witnessing these parts flare up in resistance to change. Honoring their fears. And as an adult, letting them know it’s okay now. I got you. Validating their experience yet not letting their emotional charge dictate choices anymore.
Being a human is such a trip!!!
Stop and look around, and realize the sheer number of people in the world that complex trauma affects. When I first started recovery I had a sneaking suspicion that many others in my life were addicts (not to substances, but something more subtle). I couldn’t justify that in my mind because of my shame, I kept the finger pointed at myself.
But now years later I hear his description and in those new terms I see clearly what I had wondered about before- how many people in my life are suffering from complex trauma. I have a much more compassionate understanding of their behavior and mine after listening to this.
Yes!
I would say almost every single human is speaking with complex trauma. Because human history is filled with it. And each generation we learn how to be more conscious and heal.
I agree with you that almost everyone is addicted to something.
Our culture vilifies those addicted to substances but conveniently bypasses addictions to people, shopping, electronics.
As somehow those are less harmful than alcohol or heroin.
Sure, some addictions have more obvious consequences.
But at the core they all are an avoidance of self due to pain, and learned patterns of self-abandonment.
I’m with you in that my own recovery has allowed me to look at the world with such a deep well of compassion.
Everyone is dealing with some type of pain and healing process.
Some hide it well, or aren’t conscious of it.
But it’s there.
Dealing not speaking *
Thank you so much, Tim.
These videos have helped tune my perspective.
It’s helped me see the wounded childhood aspects of me that have shunned all responsibility and said NO to everything.
It’s helping me have more compassion for myself and also more conviction in connection to my recovery.
You are a blessing a gift to me and many!
I also appreciate that while you connect recovery to the Bible & Christianity, you do not use dogma or rigidity in your teachings.
Any human can watch these and benefit, regardless of religious beliefs.
I believe God exists beyond religion anyways. And I find truth & love in the teachings of many different religions.
Thank you, again, dear sir.
🙏🌸☯️
The longer I dont do something the less I think of doing it..its sort of like that " out of sight, out of mind " cliche..but its amost the truth!
I didn't think of it as acceptance. I got it tied to gratitude, which was even worse.
One day in my adult life I noticed I didn't really say thank you to anyone. As I pondered why that was I thought of every time I asked for something as a child I was told "just be grateful for what you have." So unmet needs and significant wants drew synonymous with being grateful.
I immediately commenced to start saying thank you for everything. Now is habitual to express gratitude and I really enjoy it, but I didn't know gratitude before this awareness because I thought it meant accepting my needs going unmet... Now I get to revisit this one from the lens of acceptance and see what got encoded there too.
The only thing I disagree with Tim on is that he says it’s no use getting angry about things.
I don’t think he means to ignore your anger, but it feels important to me to honor the emotions, AND accept the situation.
Not “either or,” but “yes, and.”
Interesting about the onion/garlic/spices analogy. Made me think about a piece of advice a sports scientist gave about why people deliberately eat flavorless chicken and broccoli to stay fit. While you could add flavor, the point is to prevent yourself from overeating. If something tastes too good, you'll be tempted to overindulge instead of eating to feel satiated and stay on track with your fitness goals
my mom couldn't nurse...she didn't produce milk. cold connection. lve never really felt a physically intimate, relaxed and healthy bond with anyone and lm in my 50's...l hope l can still find that.
I can relate with this on so many levels. I must work on this and many other issues as well. Life is difficult but noone ever said life was gonna be easy but we must work on ourselves and be the best we can be!
Excellent Video Teaching! Thank you for sharing it online!😊♥️✌️
So grateful for this
❤this is extremely helpful ❤THANK YOU
Ty
I am always wondering if I am running from myself or just a situation. i alwaysfeel likeim in the wrong place. Its never clear if theres baggage and if so, what that would be.
I really appreciate your lectures, but there was something I wish you could've expounded on a bit in this message. There was a part where you made a direct correlation to black men, slavery, prison systems and sleeping with women creating babies and not being responsible ...that was a lot. I think we can agree on several things here, starting with there is a systematic issue that sets many black males up for disproportionate numbers in the judicial system. Also, irresponsible fathers have never been a sole issue for the black community. I don't know if you have the ability to expound on that topic, but it could come across to some followers very misleading.