"Don't ever think you're important, young lady." Those words were said over and over to me while I was growing up. It's taken me over 70 years to feel a sense of worth.
Stop and look around, and realize the sheer number of people in the world that complex trauma affects. When I first started recovery I had a sneaking suspicion that many others in my life were addicts (not to substances, but something more subtle). I couldn’t justify that in my mind because of my shame, I kept the finger pointed at myself. But now years later I hear his description and in those new terms I see clearly what I had wondered about before- how many people in my life are suffering from complex trauma. I have a much more compassionate understanding of their behavior and mine after listening to this.
Yes! I would say almost every single human is speaking with complex trauma. Because human history is filled with it. And each generation we learn how to be more conscious and heal. I agree with you that almost everyone is addicted to something. Our culture vilifies those addicted to substances but conveniently bypasses addictions to people, shopping, electronics. As somehow those are less harmful than alcohol or heroin. Sure, some addictions have more obvious consequences. But at the core they all are an avoidance of self due to pain, and learned patterns of self-abandonment. I’m with you in that my own recovery has allowed me to look at the world with such a deep well of compassion. Everyone is dealing with some type of pain and healing process. Some hide it well, or aren’t conscious of it. But it’s there.
Mentioning the internal war is so important. Internal Family Systems helps me understand myself more, and have compassion for the competing parts within. The parts that resist change and want to cope are not even dark. They are simply trying to protect us from pain. So recovery then is about witnessing these parts flare up in resistance to change. Honoring their fears. And as an adult, letting them know it’s okay now. I got you. Validating their experience yet not letting their emotional charge dictate choices anymore. Being a human is such a trip!!!
Mister fletcher I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this most important and valuable and the best ever helpful teaching about all the things I seem to habe missed out! I wish I could just watch all of your videos and just be healed but its so slow! Thank you for showing me that its okay! I just feel so at ease but not at ease of course but just at tje right spot to learn! You have made my life so much more better for me and others! Forever grateful
I didn't think of it as acceptance. I got it tied to gratitude, which was even worse. One day in my adult life I noticed I didn't really say thank you to anyone. As I pondered why that was I thought of every time I asked for something as a child I was told "just be grateful for what you have." So unmet needs and significant wants drew synonymous with being grateful. I immediately commenced to start saying thank you for everything. Now is habitual to express gratitude and I really enjoy it, but I didn't know gratitude before this awareness because I thought it meant accepting my needs going unmet... Now I get to revisit this one from the lens of acceptance and see what got encoded there too.
Interesting about the onion/garlic/spices analogy. Made me think about a piece of advice a sports scientist gave about why people deliberately eat flavorless chicken and broccoli to stay fit. While you could add flavor, the point is to prevent yourself from overeating. If something tastes too good, you'll be tempted to overindulge instead of eating to feel satiated and stay on track with your fitness goals
Thank you Tim. Recovery is the painful process indeed. It is not easy to accept myself in hypersensitive version. I'm still in the process but at least your clip encourages me all along.
Thank you so much, Tim. These videos have helped tune my perspective. It’s helped me see the wounded childhood aspects of me that have shunned all responsibility and said NO to everything. It’s helping me have more compassion for myself and also more conviction in connection to my recovery. You are a blessing a gift to me and many! I also appreciate that while you connect recovery to the Bible & Christianity, you do not use dogma or rigidity in your teachings. Any human can watch these and benefit, regardless of religious beliefs. I believe God exists beyond religion anyways. And I find truth & love in the teachings of many different religions. Thank you, again, dear sir. 🙏🌸☯️
I can relate with this on so many levels. I must work on this and many other issues as well. Life is difficult but noone ever said life was gonna be easy but we must work on ourselves and be the best we can be!
The only thing I disagree with Tim on is that he says it’s no use getting angry about things. I don’t think he means to ignore your anger, but it feels important to me to honor the emotions, AND accept the situation. Not “either or,” but “yes, and.”
I have heard other lectures that say you should be able to confront but you don’t know how to- you avoid it and that’s not good. We need to know how to handle a confrontation! He agreed with that. I’m sorry you missed that one.
Maybe many want to love in denial since this video hasn't got many views it's very awful when people are old they lived in denial it can make them demented
Nutrition, nursing and breast-feeding and worked in the field for 40 years. I was not breast-fed. I was bottle fan and felt like if I had the skin to skin contact in the attachment with my mother bonding during breast-feeding I would’ve had less attachment difficulties. I really think that there is something to this that maybe Should be included in this program
Breastfeeding is not a thing that will fix attachment issues. Those are more caused by parents not responding to their children’s needs when they’re young. A baby can be bottle fed and still have good attachment. The parents can still do skin to skin contact, carry their babies in slings, respond to their cries instead of leaving them to Cry It Out. Breastfeeding is great, but it’s only a small part of the picture.
my mom couldn't nurse...she didn't produce milk. cold connection. lve never really felt a physically intimate, relaxed and healthy bond with anyone and lm in my 50's...l hope l can still find that.
I'm sorry. That must be hard, having issues from a time you cannot even remember. :( I pray you all recover. It's been 5 years since this comment. How are you doing?
Nutritionist and nurse and I worked for the WIC program for over 20 years and studied as a lactation specialist while I was listening to many of these videos. I really think the lack of breast-feeding has a role and all of this we learn that we are studying that breast-feeding courses of how the attachment forms With the skin contact and I feel like they would’ve been a difference if I was not bottlefeed and breast-fed instead
Attachment wounds can be healed. Normally self acceptance is the most important thing. Then accept your inner and outer reality. I really think this guy is excellent
I am always wondering if I am running from myself or just a situation. i alwaysfeel likeim in the wrong place. Its never clear if theres baggage and if so, what that would be.
I really appreciate your lectures, but there was something I wish you could've expounded on a bit in this message. There was a part where you made a direct correlation to black men, slavery, prison systems and sleeping with women creating babies and not being responsible ...that was a lot. I think we can agree on several things here, starting with there is a systematic issue that sets many black males up for disproportionate numbers in the judicial system. Also, irresponsible fathers have never been a sole issue for the black community. I don't know if you have the ability to expound on that topic, but it could come across to some followers very misleading.
Yeah, it was alarming to hear that in his lecture. I was expecting more comments about it as well. This is basically information is rooted in bias plain and simple. I’m so disappointed, I wanted to share this channel with others, but now I don’t think I could. I do like the lectures in general and I’ve found them extremely helpful. I think that one bit would actually trigger people’s trauma, so it’s kind of ironic being brought up within this topic. I wish it was cut out of the video.
I am happy you added this comment because I felt it may not have reached anyone else as alarming or disproportionate to the topic or reality. It's sad to say I actually hadn't been as active on this channel since then, as I was actually hurt by his point of view. There are so many lectures that has helped me in my trauma, fortunately race issues have not been something that notably affects me negatively, but it's sad to have someone I look up to have these ideals of other members of humanity. I wish you peace on your healing journey, my friend.
Thanks for the warning, I think I'll skip this message in order to not muddy the waters. These videos have been helpful, but something like what you described might tarnish that.
I originally had responded before hearing that part specifically. I am completely with you in calling out @TimFletcher here to grow his understanding of the black people’s history and not further subjugate them to a story that they are irresponsible because they were previously slaves. They were “freed” into a country that continued to brutalize and terrorize them on a daily basis. They were not all of a sudden given ultimate freedom and were shirking responsibility of a free life like he alludes. Every day is a fight for black men to just be recognized as a men. Yes we do need to be responsible for our actions when we choose violence and negligence, but then so does the abusive system. And here I do not feel Tim is giving credence to the impact that abusive system has and how that is not a parent we can simply choose to move away from.
"Don't ever think you're important, young lady." Those words were said over and over to me while I was growing up. It's taken me over 70 years to feel a sense of worth.
Stop and look around, and realize the sheer number of people in the world that complex trauma affects. When I first started recovery I had a sneaking suspicion that many others in my life were addicts (not to substances, but something more subtle). I couldn’t justify that in my mind because of my shame, I kept the finger pointed at myself.
But now years later I hear his description and in those new terms I see clearly what I had wondered about before- how many people in my life are suffering from complex trauma. I have a much more compassionate understanding of their behavior and mine after listening to this.
Yes!
I would say almost every single human is speaking with complex trauma. Because human history is filled with it. And each generation we learn how to be more conscious and heal.
I agree with you that almost everyone is addicted to something.
Our culture vilifies those addicted to substances but conveniently bypasses addictions to people, shopping, electronics.
As somehow those are less harmful than alcohol or heroin.
Sure, some addictions have more obvious consequences.
But at the core they all are an avoidance of self due to pain, and learned patterns of self-abandonment.
I’m with you in that my own recovery has allowed me to look at the world with such a deep well of compassion.
Everyone is dealing with some type of pain and healing process.
Some hide it well, or aren’t conscious of it.
But it’s there.
Dealing not speaking *
@@the.kai.eros.experience DEEP. Thank you for sharing this 🎯💯
Mentioning the internal war is so important.
Internal Family Systems helps me understand myself more, and have compassion for the competing parts within.
The parts that resist change and want to cope are not even dark. They are simply trying to protect us from pain.
So recovery then is about witnessing these parts flare up in resistance to change. Honoring their fears. And as an adult, letting them know it’s okay now. I got you. Validating their experience yet not letting their emotional charge dictate choices anymore.
Being a human is such a trip!!!
The longer I dont do something the less I think of doing it..its sort of like that " out of sight, out of mind " cliche..but its amost the truth!
Mister fletcher I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this most important and valuable and the best ever helpful teaching about all the things I seem to habe missed out! I wish I could just watch all of your videos and just be healed but its so slow! Thank you for showing me that its okay! I just feel so at ease but not at ease of course but just at tje right spot to learn! You have made my life so much more better for me and others! Forever grateful
Thank you for the Bible teaching section. It is fantastic. It connects recovery with God and this gives hope
I didn't think of it as acceptance. I got it tied to gratitude, which was even worse.
One day in my adult life I noticed I didn't really say thank you to anyone. As I pondered why that was I thought of every time I asked for something as a child I was told "just be grateful for what you have." So unmet needs and significant wants drew synonymous with being grateful.
I immediately commenced to start saying thank you for everything. Now is habitual to express gratitude and I really enjoy it, but I didn't know gratitude before this awareness because I thought it meant accepting my needs going unmet... Now I get to revisit this one from the lens of acceptance and see what got encoded there too.
Interesting about the onion/garlic/spices analogy. Made me think about a piece of advice a sports scientist gave about why people deliberately eat flavorless chicken and broccoli to stay fit. While you could add flavor, the point is to prevent yourself from overeating. If something tastes too good, you'll be tempted to overindulge instead of eating to feel satiated and stay on track with your fitness goals
I've learned so much from these videos and Tim nails it on the head every time
This video hit me the best. Multiple breakthroughs! Adding logic into the spiritual equation thank you Tim. Real practical advice.
Thank you Tim. Recovery is the painful process indeed. It is not easy to accept myself in hypersensitive version. I'm still in the process but at least your clip encourages me all along.
Thank you so much, Tim.
These videos have helped tune my perspective.
It’s helped me see the wounded childhood aspects of me that have shunned all responsibility and said NO to everything.
It’s helping me have more compassion for myself and also more conviction in connection to my recovery.
You are a blessing a gift to me and many!
I also appreciate that while you connect recovery to the Bible & Christianity, you do not use dogma or rigidity in your teachings.
Any human can watch these and benefit, regardless of religious beliefs.
I believe God exists beyond religion anyways. And I find truth & love in the teachings of many different religions.
Thank you, again, dear sir.
🙏🌸☯️
Excellent insights,...thank you, Tim
Excellent Video Teaching! Thank you for sharing it online!😊♥️✌️
We actually have to accept that life is more than suffering and take our power with that!
I can relate with this on so many levels. I must work on this and many other issues as well. Life is difficult but noone ever said life was gonna be easy but we must work on ourselves and be the best we can be!
Knowing how damaged iv been makes me more insightful about others
Si thankfull for Tim Fletcher... These videos have helped me so very much
The only thing I disagree with Tim on is that he says it’s no use getting angry about things.
I don’t think he means to ignore your anger, but it feels important to me to honor the emotions, AND accept the situation.
Not “either or,” but “yes, and.”
I have heard other lectures that say you should be able to confront but you don’t know how to- you avoid it and that’s not good. We need to know how to handle a confrontation! He agreed with that. I’m sorry you missed that one.
Maybe many want to love in denial since this video hasn't got many views it's very awful when people are old they lived in denial it can make them demented
So grateful for this
Nutrition, nursing and breast-feeding and worked in the field for 40 years. I was not breast-fed. I was bottle fan and felt like if I had the skin to skin contact in the attachment with my mother bonding during breast-feeding I would’ve had less attachment difficulties. I really think that there is something to this that maybe Should be included in this program
Breastfeeding is not a thing that will fix attachment issues. Those are more caused by parents not responding to their children’s needs when they’re young.
A baby can be bottle fed and still have good attachment. The parents can still do skin to skin contact, carry their babies in slings, respond to their cries instead of leaving them to Cry It Out. Breastfeeding is great, but it’s only a small part of the picture.
❤this is extremely helpful ❤THANK YOU
my mom couldn't nurse...she didn't produce milk. cold connection. lve never really felt a physically intimate, relaxed and healthy bond with anyone and lm in my 50's...l hope l can still find that.
My mom did nurse me but i feel all the same feelings you do. I wonder if she got no oxytocin during the birth.
Same here
I'm sorry. That must be hard, having issues from a time you cannot even remember. :( I pray you all recover. It's been 5 years since this comment.
How are you doing?
Nutritionist and nurse and I worked for the WIC program for over 20 years and studied as a lactation specialist while I was listening to many of these videos. I really think the lack of breast-feeding has a role and all of this we learn that we are studying that breast-feeding courses of how the attachment forms With the skin contact and I feel like they would’ve been a difference if I was not bottlefeed and breast-fed instead
Attachment wounds can be healed. Normally self acceptance is the most important thing. Then accept your inner and outer reality.
I really think this guy is excellent
I am always wondering if I am running from myself or just a situation. i alwaysfeel likeim in the wrong place. Its never clear if theres baggage and if so, what that would be.
Ty
I expect everyone else to be healthy but expect them to accept me unhealthy! Yeah that's how it works! Lol
I really appreciate your lectures, but there was something I wish you could've expounded on a bit in this message. There was a part where you made a direct correlation to black men, slavery, prison systems and sleeping with women creating babies and not being responsible ...that was a lot. I think we can agree on several things here, starting with there is a systematic issue that sets many black males up for disproportionate numbers in the judicial system. Also, irresponsible fathers have never been a sole issue for the black community. I don't know if you have the ability to expound on that topic, but it could come across to some followers very misleading.
Yeah, it was alarming to hear that in his lecture. I was expecting more comments about it as well. This is basically information is rooted in bias plain and simple. I’m so disappointed, I wanted to share this channel with others, but now I don’t think I could. I do like the lectures in general and I’ve found them extremely helpful. I think that one bit would actually trigger people’s trauma, so it’s kind of ironic being brought up within this topic. I wish it was cut out of the video.
I am happy you added this comment because I felt it may not have reached anyone else as alarming or disproportionate to the topic or reality. It's sad to say I actually hadn't been as active on this channel since then, as I was actually hurt by his point of view. There are so many lectures that has helped me in my trauma, fortunately race issues have not been something that notably affects me negatively, but it's sad to have someone I look up to have these ideals of other members of humanity.
I wish you peace on your healing journey, my friend.
Thanks for the warning, I think I'll skip this message in order to not muddy the waters. These videos have been helpful, but something like what you described might tarnish that.
Thanks for these words. Do you think you can expound on this? It sounds like you can and I would be interested to hear your insight here.
I originally had responded before hearing that part specifically.
I am completely with you in calling out @TimFletcher here to grow his understanding of the black people’s history and not further subjugate them to a story that they are irresponsible because they were previously slaves. They were “freed” into a country that continued to brutalize and terrorize them on a daily basis. They were not all of a sudden given ultimate freedom and were shirking responsibility of a free life like he alludes.
Every day is a fight for black men to just be recognized as a men. Yes we do need to be responsible for our actions when we choose violence and negligence, but then so does the abusive system. And here I do not feel Tim is giving credence to the impact that abusive system has and how that is not a parent we can simply choose to move away from.