Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 10/11 - Unresolved Anger
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2019
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Grew up with a mother who told us anger was a sin, but then when she was angry it was acceptable. Pointing out her behavior resulted in further punishments.
that sounds rough! how did you cope
@@TheBillaro Marlboros 😉
@@Jess-kn8vlmine was my dads Camels
I 14 tr ř
@@Jess-kn8vl😂
True. I pretend I’m good but as soon as a trigger comes up I immediately fall back into the anger.
That's a good thing. Allow it. Thats the way out. Allowing.
Same 😢
Most children recognize gaslighting asap, even well-meaning gaslighting. And there is a term called “toxic positivity”, that is major gaslighting too, even to your own self.
Gaslighting goes way beyond that, even a well meaning compliment from your girlfriend, you lose the can you lose the girlfriend, lose the compliment. The value is in seeing their emotions disappearing with the money going away. Money can buy love but not the one you wanted.
Can = car*
Those Law of attraction people cause alot of harm with their toxic Positivety so do these new 'spiritual' types if they preach it,
it's a good sign they're false teachers
I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue in my late 20's - as well as IBS. Going no contact and focusing on my healing, growth & maturity has provided so much relief physically and mentally.
man. i repressed so much anger. at 49 i'm tired and fed up with it.
It takes practice, but ‘No’ is a complete sentence
You aren’t kidding
Same 😢
When i was 10, after years of traumatic events and difficult parental relationships, in which they were never wrong, my mum made a suicide attempt, and never returned to my family home. I was devastated by the loss, tried to keep the household care tasks going, without complaint, was bullied at school, and absent angry father ( busy 24/7). I overheard my Dad say on the phone to a relative, about me, " oh shes fine, shes handling it really well. "
I experienced such an intense flash of rage and hurt, i nearly passed out. From that moment for the next 14 years, i did not experience the emotion of anger. At all. I was the ' nice girl', ' the good student'.
As a result, i was a complete victim, repeatedly victimised. I couldnt protect myself, i had no anger energy. It took many more years to regain a basic healthy emotional response and resillience, and to be able to live a normal life, without chronic stress, social phobias, bodily pain and depression. I now have Hashimoto's, and my stomach is terribly oversensitive and reactive.
I also got hypothyroid several years back, was living with pornoaddict, I was " frozen" all my life.
P.s. Medical Medium info ( Anthony William) helped me with Hashimoto's
I remember the people in my family saying that about us ("They are handling it all really well") and feeling acknowledged and proud of myself for being so grown up. Everybody seemed to appreciate a grown up and self-reliant child.
💗
So understand and so sorry for you.
My heart goes out to that little girl. ❤
Nothing is more infuriating to me than when someone says "Fake it until you Make It". That has no meaning whatsoever and it's utter garbage.
as an authentic person who values authenticity very veyr much, I agree with you completely. Inauthentic people make my hairs in the back of my neck stand up.
It only works when it comes to smiling.
A fake smile is worse than no smile at all.
Sorry to say but fake it until you make it can work. It really depends on how you use it. It's more of a boot straping system them a disingenuous behaviour. It's more like using certain postures to trigger certain responses in the brain.
For example, let's say you have social anxiety and you want to improve your comfort when you walk in a public space. Well the "fake it 'till you make it" method would imply that you walk mindfully. So you try to stay aware of your body: back strait, shoulders up, look ahead, slower pace, breathing deeper... That is the physical attitude of social comfort and it will clash with the anxiety in the brain. Which ever source of feed back (anxious brain or confident body) you will feed the most will eventually take over.
Of course, this is just a patch if you don't do real psychological work on yourself but it a great way to start the process.
I agree. It depends on how and when you apply this technique. It's great when practicing self confidence, because it encourages practice :)
Jim Fletcher presents such valuable information so effectively, and with love. So grateful!
*Tim Fletcher
Thank you for giving me the tools I was craving to learn as a child I don’t blame my parents they were hurt and sick too , but I want to get and be healthy and not living on disability due to the trauma ❤🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I have smoked cigarettes since I was 16. Of course I wasn’t consciously aware that I was using cigarettes to regulate myself/cope with major depression & deep traumas. The chemicals in them are insidiously addictive. At 51 I was diagnosed with COPD & had to go on disability. It’s all based on trauma. I now want more than anything else to get & keep my lungs/body as healthy as possible. I’m now able to return to work PT. I will continually (as long as there’s air in my lungs) be healing ❤️🩹 along with Tim Fletcher. So beyond grateful for him. God bless your journey.
@Tonya, when I finally quit after five years of starting and stopping I felt like I lost my best friend.
Yes! They we’re my only constant that never abandoned me, the comfort became such damage & self harm. & Good for you, on healing & taking care of you! ❤️🩹@@bruceanderson4120 Yes!
"be angry about stuff" it's easier said than done, when one are in this chronic freeze response and you don't feel anything at all 😅
True….taken me years to get out of the freeze response
Me too "frozen", just going through life emotionlessness
Feeling nothing is actually feeling too much. Start by noticing whatever u can and allowing.
Anger from being the scapegoat for decades caused the premature death of my husband….he had healed his mind quite a bit w/EMDR, cbt, chanting….but his body didn’t recover
So sorry about your loss, what kind of chanting he did?
I’m so sorry too. And heartened to know he found someone to love him after all the abuse.
I’d also love to know what kind of changing he was doing if you happen to know.
@@svetlanafedorova6647 thank you
I'm sorry for your loss. Was he no contact with his family?
@@kayb5550 yes, we went full no contact in March ‘15…… so he had a few yrs and prior to that he didn’t see them too much since ‘12
This was the most important and complete message I’ve ever received on what I’m dealing with in my journey of healing from complex trauma! I’m blown away. ❤🙌🏼🙌🏼
@Tim Fletcher I joined tonight to say thank you for everything you're doing for all of us. Your videos are excellent. The fact that you tie in ministry at the end makes it perfect. I thank God for putting people like you on my path of healing. You give a delivery in your lectures like no other. I feel it coming from your heart. I really appreciate your authenticity. It enables me to respect you and pay attention. That's the only way I can think to say that. All Praise To The Most High💜🔥✝️💯
Dr. Mate is a work of art. Im grateful for him🙏🏻🙏🏻
The biggest problem I had was not honoring myself
DescriptionPudd'nhead Wilson is a novel by American writer Mark Twain. Its central intrigue revolves around two boys-one, born into slavery, with 1/32 black ancestry; the other, white, born to be the master of the house. The two boys, who look similar, are switched at infancy. Each grows into the other's social role.
12:15 wearing a mask
28:52 7 A's of healing. 1. Acceptance: courage to look at past, say it was crappy, did damage, but cannot redo, must accept. Not going to keep getting angry or wish I had another life. Starting point.
Gosh, I stumbled across this channel and found all your content is so precious. Thank you so so much for sharing that knowledge with us. Blessings. ❤
This makes me want to return to Christianity. It brings such relief to hear these after living with a narcissist and leaving finally a couple days ago trying to start over now. I need God more than ever and believe I was led to these videos on how to heal myself and how to in the future when the time is right, be within an intimate relationship.
I began my healing process 5 years ago and the first thing I did was go to church and beg God to help me. From that day until now my life has never been better. I have a lot to heal from and couldn't have done it without the lord. I hope you can heal and come to have a relationship with Christ. May God bless you always.
God loves you and I pray that you are able to enter a church or get into a bible study. God delivered me from drugs and an abusive relationship.🙏
You disconnect from it, not because you don't know it's a mechanism that keeps you from blowing your brains out. Like my ex-wife, the mind can only handle so much and then it disconnects. But there is a price to pay addiction or insanity or death. Then when you're more able to handle issues that you didn't have the psychological tools to understand they become manageable in a, mindfulness order.
Wow. This is a very well written and succinct way to describe disassociation and it’s progression in human beings. Thank you
I have autoimmune, IBS, fibromyalgia, poor sleep, depression and brainfog. I fixed some with diet but still struggling and know I have a lot of unresolved anger. I am a codepend and take a lot of lies and disrespect. I also denied it my whole life. I denied my childhood trauma.
You’re not alone ❤
so do i
One year later I hope you are doing better. I share many of your issues and I wish you all the best.
💝
You're not alone. I also have childhood trauma that was repressed. When I recalled the memory I was in my 20s. At the same time, I was having crazy appetite changes and heart palpitations. I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism (autoimmune). Should've gone to a therapist then because I was depressed and had brainfog. I wish you well in your healing
These lessons are life changing 🙏🏽
Instead of a PTSD dog, we all should have an Emotional Support Ram 🐏
Tim Fletcher, this is so good! You know it's the truth when what you hear brings on that back of the throat prickling of imminent tears, of finally being understood. I once heard 'behind anger is fear & behind fear is longing'. I have been told "you're just angry" and so, not acceptable. Now I know why.
Behind anger is injustice. Undressed injustice
I knew your body's emotions impact your health.
Incredible / sad... perhaps this is why my parents died so young.... my body so full of aches /chronic pain.... stuffed emotions...
Angry mom, back to back punishments for just asking or raising a question?
Such and irony that what we were born with naturally, the art of saying no for our safety was snatched previously by my a caretaker and now we are re leaning and it’s so so f in hard.
It sucks, but hang in there.
One day soon you'll wake up and see in your life how it is to have healthy boundries, being able to say NO without guilt, leaving any kind of assult/abuse with the person who commited it. Being able to forgive others and yourself and how freeing this is.
And you will find yourself standing up for yourself.
That is victory and it is very good.
I can only do this through and with Jesus by my side. I am responsible and accountable for me and my thoughts, words and actions- no one else.xo
This is exceptional content and I am grateful to have found it 🙏 God bless you 🕊️
Very useful information presented in a very caring way. Thanks.
Interesting. I have been sick and well enough times to know that in getting well, at some point I go thru anger.
My husband and sister are chronically sick. They refuse to get angry.
❤️ I’ve listened all the anger episodes…still some to go. But this one is so clear! Thank you so much Tim, you explain it so in detail…It gives me such inside to see what my problem could solve. ❤️
I enjoy the way you present yourself and explain things very clearly so thank you
Thanks beloved ! I can confirm that fibromyalgia is caused by repressed anger and incapacity to say "no", because I was exactly like that and was really sick. Abba Father leads me to healness by helping me expressing the anger, and say "no" when it is "no" without culpability. I cannot say that I am completly healed, but it is rare now to have crisis. HalaluYah ♪♫
I grew up with a mum and a brother who would get angry and violent at anything, and I think I went too far in the other direction.
I suppress anger when I should be angry, because I was so terrified of them, and it comes out inevitably, it's made me sick, all this anger and sadness....
I wish I could just go to heaven.
I just can’t get enough of this! Thanks
Incredible. Thank you from the bottom of my ❤️
WOW. It's very rare that i've been able to find information on the effects of the death of a parent as a child. I do remember finding one statistic that about 5% of people lose their parents as a child. so 5% of the population but 40 % of cancer patients. My mind is blown right now. I found this video because I lost my dad when I was 8 and I've spent the last few years exploring repressed grief. It's occurred to me recently that I never experience anger and I need to address repress anger as well. Everything i've been reading and hearing about repressed anger rings true to me, particularly the psychosomatic effects in the body. I started grinding my teeth when I was 18. I've had shoulder pain since my early 20s. My legs started aching constantly for no apparent reason in my early 30s.
💝
I have the leg aching too. Did you figure out what’s causing it?
Trusting god was like trusting Lucy with the football-sorry, believing in false assistance makes CPTSD worse. However, Tim Fletcher is phenominal at explaining CPTSD
I agree. It's a false sense of hope. Works for some but the bible is not designed for people who have suffered trauma. If anything it makes it worse. Constant push n pull relationship just like having a relationship with abusers
Expressing anger can cause all sorts of problems…..😂😂😂😂😂. Explosive anger.
This is a God-send
Nope, it's a gift of humanity!!
Could you elaborate? I'm putting on my thinking cap here 🤔
Thank you…I am beginning to be aware of the repressed anger in my life and the effect it has had on my health at all levels. Thank you
Diseases represented by religious groups of roles given to women to fill . Facing the perception women must fill roles or be disrespected. Taught to ignore and be what you don’t want to be.
Thank you for all of your information. You provide such a service to so many.
I would like some advice for when you do start setting boundaries and taking your mask off: how to find safe connections because in my experience everybody that was in my life that I was connected to were only there because I didn’t have boundaries. They were in relationship with me only for what they got out of it. so starting over is very difficult especially when you still feel subconsciously, draw to the familiar
Also, I struggle with being ready or able to feel deserving of receiving anything rather than just being the giver all the time
@@TeaandLaceJournals 💝
start w one person..the worst one.. Talk to a mirror.. practice.. imagine what setting a boundary looks like and practice practice practice
You are describing my life
❤ thanks pastor Tim. So appreciative. These videos are golden.
i guess I'm pretty randomly asking but do anyone know of a good website to watch new tv shows online?
@Lennox Roger I watch on FlixZone. You can find it on google :)
@Jeremiah Misael Yup, been watching on Flixzone for years myself :D
@Jeremiah Misael Thank you, I went there and it seems like they got a lot of movies there =) Appreciate it!
@Lennox Roger Happy to help =)
Thank you for sharing this Pastor Tim!!
The way you explain it brings to me great clarity
Add to my personal struggles exterior struggles living in Israel and feeling angry at how we are being treated and yet seeing how Arabs can live work in Israel and get help while i as a non Arab Isrseli receive no help from my government and then the world and media accuses Israel of discrimination while i ,a Jewish Israeli with so much PTS from all these wars receive no help is absurd
Again this is me again n your right on
You are SO helpful ❤
Blessings as "easy" --- My mom's god is convenience and comfort.
All my questions about why do my children and myself behave in certain ways is answers by listening to your wonderful talk but I wish I know how to help myself and my young adult children. I can’t find any talk about how to fix these childhood wounds 😢
You don’t. You encourage therapy. Therapy cannot work if the young adults aren’t willing. They need to be willing participants.
However, you can help yourself. Perhaps start there?
I find the lectures very good, very helpful, but at the same time quite heavy. I feel like going through all of the lectures will take me like 6 months. Firstly, there are many of them (thanks for that!); secondly, I can only do one lecture every other days, I need a couple of days break after each one.
Exactly. It is quite overwhelming-so much helpful information!
But that is a good way, Baran. Maybe even take one lesson a week and think about it for the rest of the week before you get to the next lecture.
If you're a man of prayer, maybe pray for understanding and how to contemplate this into your life.
I think it is very difficult for many people- including myself.
Wishing you ALL THE BEST on your way of recovery.💔❤️🩹💞💖😇
God's Will for me is outlined in the Holy Bible. Someone actually blessed me with that just this year. Simple. Who would have thought.
Wow! Tim Fletcher, this is so far the best lesson I 've heard from your channel! Thank you so very much for this lesson!
I found this tremendously helpful. Thank you!
Hugely helpful scientific info in the first portion. One of the best sermons at the end. Very well done.
Thank you for these talks/presentations. As I listen to you, I have the impression that you are talking about me, and, indeed, you are. The information you convey and the way you convey it help a lot.
The best class ever. Thanks Tim 👍
Wow thank you❤
My mother was an anorexic, hypochondriac who micromanaged my every move and whined about her health all day long and would ignore me for days if she felt slighted in the least. My father was verbally and physically abusive, and only spoke to me to tell me I’m a fuck up.
40 years later, I am horribly controlled by someone I thought would love me to make up for all the love I never get. Lol once a fuck up akways a fuck up. 🏆
So was Moses.. Jesus loved him anyway. He also loves me. Loves you. ❤Truly try this love..🙌🏾
Why not choose the single life and heal
Thank you ✨🙋🏼♀️
One thing I am worried about is what if the pain is unresolvable.
I hear this!
💝Me too. I'm still dealing with my emotionally immature parents, I look for tools to help me, like tell myself: "They do not know what they do." But in real everyday life I find my real thoughts and feelings are constant anger. It's difficult. Courage to you💓
The only person allowed to be angry in my family was my father. Then my brother deceloped a strategy where he became even more violent than our father, whilst mother & i descended into depression & panic attacks. Father is now 98 & still as controlling & manipulative as ever. I'm the only one left (mother & two brothers all passed away) & he tells everone how terrible i am & they all believe him, thinking he's fantastic still living independently. He has an interfering lady friend & he doesn't realise she's playing him as much as he's playing her - like attracts like. They knows the truth of his violence or how it affected me. I can't wait for all this to be over so i can eventually find some peace - i can't put things in the past while they continue to happen in the present. The physical violence has stopped but not the disgusting mind games & manipulation. I'm in my 60s now & keep telling myself, 'this, too, will pass' but i just don't know when.
It's time to distance yourself you owe him nothing❤❤❤
@@user-bx2fy6sd4j Thank you.
Very helpful
Very good information.
I was told it was bad to be angry.. PTSD dog, amazing!
Thank you!
go raibh mile maith agat, Tim...another fantastic talk
Thanks!
This was a great video
Let's see I've had uterine fibroids, 2 knee surgeries, part of my kidney removed and the last, bone marrow transplant in 2020 to beat leukemia, because my DNA mutated. I'm healthy and strong otherwise but have loved my entire adult life in and out of the hospital. Everything you speak about happened in my childhood. These are painful pills to swallow and it's like being punched in the gut, but just like the chemotherapy, I need this to restart my system. This therapy is the stem cells to my new life. It really hurts to hear that because of the way you were treated as a child will lead you to a life of physical illness and suffering, it's like reaffirming how much your family of orign hated you. Ugh. Thank you so much for putting out these series. And you everyone reading this, I send you nothing but love. Not to have toxic positivity, but we are facing this head on which means, it's only up from here 💞💕💗
You forgot practice self compassion....🙏
🙄
Masks I'm not sure for me that's the right analogy for my mind. Because I don't think fast enough to keep up with the free flow of information. I am extremely analytical and I may not have an answer this week or longer on a given subject. Because the more I understand the more I realize how little I know.
Thanks 🙏
I had a dream that saved my granddaughter's life.
Sharing Tim's videos.. For such a time as this.
Very interesting how the human breast is affected by trauma.
It's the organ that stimulates seratonin production and nurtures the new born.
It's the only organ to excrete outside of the body that excretes nourishment. All others excrete waste (except perhaps the sweat glands).
It's the site of the first emotional bond all of us form.
It's the milk of human kindness made manifest.
It's also something a mother and child learn to do without in the process of moving from "diode" to individuals.
The pièta, the wilfull act of letting go of an attachment (look up Michelangelo's Pièta in Rome).
8:03 AND isolation from the ENVIRONMENTS a person finds themselves in. Cannot separate a person from their environments.
0:15 I hope that people grow out of perpetuating the 'santa-claus conspiracy'. Purposefully and ritualistically lying to children.
🤣 🤣 🤣 Where and when did Santa Claus hurt you? I think it's a wonderful tradition, and an historical lesson on being good (Saint Nicholas) and giving to the less fortunate.
If you had the slightest idea where these stories come from (hence hour cultural background), you wouldn't call it a lie but instead could find joy in our wonderful and rich traditions
Thanks
Ty sir
I wonder if this explains recent reactions to something at work where it feels like nobody is listening to me when offering advice or recommendations based on experience.
Also had the thought alcohol will absolutely amplify the cortisol effects mentioned. Itd snother layer of physical damage and offset for homeostasis.
YOUR SIENCE IS INCORRECT! NO EVERYONE IS THE SAME!
This one time.. my heroine alcoholic father kidnapped me (a few times) this particular time he had came over to my grandmothers house and pushed pass my protection found me hiding in the attic (it really isn’t the best place to hide, run) He was driving on the freeway where he had simply pulled off to the emergency lane to catch some much needed sleep. It’s now dusk and I can see water so I sneak off for a little wooden adventure.. (I’m 7 keep in mind) I ended up startling some guy who was fishing, I can’t imagine what that COP was thinking!! Good ole pops, wasn’t to happy when some guy woke him up asking if he needed help? That officer saved my butt in more than just one way. Pops passed away in 2019 all by himself in a motel room. Nine days later Pops daughter passed, my sister. How about that global pandemic though..
My dad is a minister.... there ya go.
Will you please tell this to psykiatri and social child Care system. Thank you.
Yep. To me god went from a hope of love into just another nasty and sadistic man, like any other. The only difference between him and the rest is the fact that he has his evil tentacles in my life. If god is in control than he is responsible.
First you say to get anger and not deny it..but then you say that anger is associated narcissism ...
He’s advocating for processing it rather than letting it brew until it becomes a disease or a personality disorder. There are healthy ways to deal with anger that don’t entail abusing others.
Thank you ❤️🩹
12:45 - Complex Trauma - Living with no boundaries.
I shut down for 4 years. Everyone gone.
IBS is not inflammation of the intestines...that is called ulcerative colitis...🙏
Healthcare completely agree
The unconscious comes into existence as a result of repression. Repression is the condition where what has been suppressed intentionally, in the beginning, becomes automatic. To "re" press is to press again. All it takes is a couple of times and voila, the "problem" suppression tried to solve becomes no longer a problem. That problem is YOU. So, for all intents and purposes, YOU must be "done away with" to get out of the pain and stress that comes from you being you. The thing is, it doesn't work without causing a lot of other things going wrong inside you. Trying to make the outside different than it is by changing the inside into something that it isn't is magical thinking, to say the least. Hence, no vacation from reality can be enjoyed. It's just stressful and always there is thus little "knocking at the door" that spoils any fun. It is really difficult to have what's repressed express. But once it happens, it's a game changer. You live again. You "really" live.
I was fully agreed until sacrificed on the alter. If it was a visual image...even that didnt resonate good. Resist yes.
I'm not an expert... but to me, what I just listened to is how someone might potentially develop ADHD and ASD. It's a pretty interesting theory, even though off topic a little bit. No one can seem to pin it down to anything else yet, as far I know.
31:40 - Confident Assertion
42
Let's remember that anyone can publish a scientific paper. Having a paper published doesn't mean is reliable or accurate even after peer review. Would be nice to see the link to those papers related to cancer to see how they actually did the experiments.
@@hellothere98765 No sure why, but my previous answer to you was deleted, maybe the fact that I post a link with the source.
So, cientific paper are not different from newspaper, some are reliable, some are not. There is even a software that generate random papers, that was previus sent to be published to prove that even random information with no real meaning can be acepted on the cientific communiti.
What a bummer, now I do not have a solution for my cptsd-religion helped cause mine :Scripture says to deny yourself...I did