This is great because I just distance myself from a guy because he can’t be in a “relationship” he would do everything but the emotional involvement, so I walked away from that, my wounds felt like I was doing the wrong thing but listening to this helps me to understand that I made the proper decision
I feel you my girl😭im going through the same. He strung me along for months, even promised a relationship then got a cold feet and started seeing someone else all the while keeping me as an option as it turned out. Devastated but not surprised, i seem to ignore all red flags and end up w these unavailable men all the damn time
@@bianka94825 I'm going through something similar. It sucks and it hurts so bad. How did you find out that he was seeing someone else? Did he try to hide it? Did he slowly become distant from you.?
@@bianka94825oh my god. The same thing happened to me. And I didn’t even feel like an option, but like backup. And I blamed myself because I knew I wasn’t the best either and my emotions for him were coming from a place of trauma. Which wasn’t fair to him. I’m so sorry someone else is feeling like this, but at least we’re not alone.
Yes, because it's an addiction. Surely it is.I went the other way with dating/relationships....the older I get, the more I learn, the more I heal, the more scared I am of getting back into BUT it's also because things have gotten worse with the addiction to devices, porn and so people ARE a whole more messed up now than ever. No reflection, seeking healing and help. A major plandemic of isolation and just so many attacks from every angle. Good on/for you, keep strong in focus on your deeper inner healing. I wish we could all gather for holidays because the entire reason we seek, consciously or subconsciously, what we do? Is because of our family issues.
I am 1.5 months into the breakup with someone like this. It's been confronting how it has felt like life eroding and losing purpose, despite how aware I am that the relationship was not what I needed or even wanted (for 5 years!)
To me, If I am looking for a relationship that I want to be in love with someone, and visa versa, I think it’s super important to take all the time you need to fall in love with the quirks about the person. They have to do the normal things throughout a date that are considered important… all that is occurring, but for me, I need to really like his silliness, or how he. Is when he’s upset, or upset with me. If I am in love with the little things, then I can fall in love with him. Being able to allow ourselves to do this.. actually allows you that courting experience you’re desiring. Both people usually want sincere. This takes you on the courtship path! It’s the best!!!
This video is really useful to me because I was neglected, so Im programmed to handle breadcrumbing and disappearing. I’m used to reading love into neglect. Thank you 🙏
Whoah....this is a good one. I recently had an encounter with a dissmissive avoidant. I felt sooo sorry for him, but I knew this was a ball of complicated string. I walked away! It was kinda hard cause he looked alot like steve mcqueen....but Anna...I saw the future pain of anguish. Thank you for all your great advice!🤗
This is inspiring! I am currently focused on breaking that cycle of attraction to this type of partner, and very wary of my judgement in that regard. I will reflect on that pain I've experienced in such relationships as a motivator (or a detractor!) in future. Thank you!
I'd like to mention in the farm situation, as a person who is pulled towards limerant relationships, being in a small off grid community could be a recipe for more control and hurt as in those kinds of groups it can be easy to put aside ones own belief in lui of the groups beliefs in order for them to accept you. It can be the beginning of cultic relationships. If she's saying the group is being drained by her and excluding her instead of trying to help her, this could be a redflag for further exclusion down the line.
It sounded like this guy was trying to get her whooped and. Invited her to go to this land with all these others that love him too. Sex with all 11 of them.
The last guy I dated dumped me and only wanted sex after that which I hated myself for doing it but I was addicted to him. When I finally asked what I did that was so bad he said nothing and that he would basically be settling. I was devastated. I am watching these videos like crazy because I know I’m drawn to lousy people and relationships and don’t know how to change it. I hope this helps
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏 As a survivor of C-PTSD and DV, etc...this video resonates with my soul❤. My relationships have always been this way...I accept the "crap fit," and attached to the feelings of love, even when I know that I am being manipulated. I am trying so hard to heal myself...and then life hits me hard...I get overwhelmed and lonely...then I meet someone who gets my mind of my struggles and gives me hope, but I never get the love or relationship that I want, need and deserve. Instead I get involved with someone who manipulates me again, so I feel the highest of highs and lowest of lows...but when I reach out, to share my love, fear and joy...I'm always alone. It feels like being abandoned over and over, again... I'm over it...I'm still lonely, but happy and ready to move forward. I deserve someone that can love me with their whole heart.💜
I'm curious if it's the quality of your videos getting better, where what your saying makes more and more sense to me, or if it's evidence that I'm healing. Whatever the case, I'm so grateful for your videos. You are a voice of reason in the chaos that overwhelms me. Thanks for what you do.
I have been finding some of the recent topics on the channel so specific to the experiences CPTSD can lead you into that I can fully relate to the content. I have not found another source of such relevant and helpful advice. I second your gratitude to Calista and the team! Let's keep learning and healing ❤️
I realize that feelings that I feel for someone and that someone never loves me back ...like im priming myself to love someone that abandons me like my feelings in childhood was always abandon. Thats why I am breaking that pattern of toxic relationships and interactions.. From Crappy Childhood videos, I am learning to assume that if a man is not initiating contact consistently, he is not interested and I should just stop trying to reach out to him. Like my ex bf, for a year i was trying to reach out to him etc after he broke up with me. I was so heartbroken. I had to stop reaching out to him and accept the situation for what it is. I also cut off a male friend I been obsessed with because he didnt return the energy or feelings I had for him.
H Anna, "holding space" is a spiritual term for listening to someone without interrupting from a empathic and somewhat meditative place, so to speak, and therefore giving that person the space/ the feeling they are permitted to be there with whatever is troubling them.
Thank you so much for all you!! I pray no one lives a life as I did and you said it so right it’s very very painful!! Did not realize at the time!! I was in a marriage pretty much one sided! Oh my god the energy I put into this marriage because I was so afraid of being alone!! I had no self value no confidence from a violent childhood!! I was so mentally ill ! It took most of my life to realize I did not deserve and didn’t deserve it!! The lady who wrote in please please don’t spend a lifetime of pain!!leave please leave it does not get better when there is no respect in your relationship it’s never going to be ok!!
Everything you say, every single analysis, is spot on. I have only ever had abusive relationships in my life. Watching your videos is the slap of reality I need. Thank you.❤
confession to the community: my Limerent person kept asking me why I was quiet. It was very likely because I didn't really have a lot to say to her except I love you I love you I love you. I think that's why it blew up and fell apart. No contact no contact and no contact. Thank you for splashing the cold water on my face Anna. Her silence is definitely conviction.
I do the disappearing thing too. I get burnt out, then can’t perform any emotional labor and my relationships suffer. Just one more reason why healing is so important.
You aren't alone. I still shut down and drop off the face of the earth, but have gotten way better at communicating what's going on. My friends are very understanding.
@@Fae313 sounds like your an empath like myself, the abuse did that. What I'm now finally starting to understand the difference between CPTSD symptoms and empath burn out. I don't beat myself up over empath burn out, I just allow myself time to recharge. I answer texts, other than that it's me time with my dog. Don't beat yourself up because you need to recharge! It's not your fault, you just need to. Be well.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🚪 *Loving someone who can't reciprocate can be painful, especially when they switch between being loving and distant. Self-change is crucial in such situations.* 02:35 🤔 *Partners of individuals with CPTSD may struggle, experiencing periods of disappearance, emotional issues, and difficulty in communication. Recognizing and addressing these issues is important.* 05:48 💔 *Periodic abandonment creates a trauma bond, an intense attachment formed through love cycles. It distorts thinking, leading to self-isolation and adapting to emotional abuse.* 08:36 🌈 *A healthy partnership involves clear communication, respect, and alignment in activities. It's essential not to compromise your needs and remain true to yourself in a relationship.* 10:40 🚑 *Leaving a trauma bond requires human support, therapy, and planning for joy. Acknowledging the emotional abuse, breaking patterns, and seeking support are crucial steps.* 13:23 🌀 *Limerence, an infatuation without reciprocal stability, can lead to searching for hidden signs and giving ordinary things mystical meanings. Breaking free from limerence is crucial for healing.* 18:53 🔄 *An individual shares a complex story of unreciprocated love, longing for more, and struggling with anxiety and emotional pain. It's essential to face the reality and break the cycle of limerence.* 22:38 🚦 *New age spirituality can sometimes lead individuals to justify harmful situations, especially in relationships.* 24:15 🚨 *Rapidly attaching oneself to a shared goal or mission with a partner without sufficient clarity about the other person's character and intentions can be risky.* 25:38 🕰️ *Rushing into intimacy, especially for individuals with attachment wounds, can lead to devastating consequences, impacting mental and emotional well-being.* 27:13 🚆 *Having sex can trigger deep-seated wounds and emotions, particularly for those with attachment issues.* 29:58 🌌 *Clinging to a fleeting feeling of support can mask the lack of genuine connection and commitment in a relationship.* 32:43 🤔 *Expressing concerns and breaking up didn't alleviate the pain but rather intensified the emotional distress.* 34:52 🔄 *Reuniting with someone who only wants friendship after a year reveals a significant misalignment in romantic feelings.* 36:00 🚪 *Living together without intimacy or deep connection creates a soul prison, causing distress and triggering CPTSD flashbacks.* 39:41 🔄 *Continuing to pursue a relationship where the other person is not inclined to reciprocate efforts can lead to emotional exhaustion and strained connections.* 42:39 🧠 *Rejection can be challenging for those with CPTSD, making it difficult to navigate emotions and move on.* 43:20 🌿 *To overcome attachment and move on from rejection, practical steps like distancing from reminders and cultivating one's life and interests are crucial.* 44:32 🩹 *Seeking guidance and support, such as through a dating course or coaching, can be beneficial for those dealing with trauma-driven dating patterns.* 45:40 🚨 *A viewer seeks advice on a relationship with a partner who revealed childhood sexual abuse trauma and is struggling emotionally. The advice emphasizes the need for caution and setting boundaries for personal well-being.* 47:26 🛑 *A tough love response to a viewer involved with a partner dealing with mental health issues and suicidal thoughts, stressing the importance of prioritizing one's safety and well-being.* 49:18 🕰️ *One month into a relationship, the advice is to avoid making long-term commitments and to be cautious about getting involved with someone in a fragile mental state.* 54:41 🔄 *Encouragement to step back and let the person dealing with mental health issues focus on their healing journey without the pressure of a relationship.* 57:29 🌌 *Fantasy relationships, where intense feelings are one-sided and hidden, are cautioned against. Building real connections involves vulnerability and openness.* 58:09 🧠 *A letter from someone emotionally neglected as a child highlights the impact on adult relationships. Recognizing and addressing emotional needs is crucial for personal growth and healthier connections.* 01:02:03 🎭 *Limerence is explored through a personal story of unrequited feelings for someone met at a summer camp. The narrative reflects the emotional turmoil and longing associated with limerence.* 01:04:22 🌱 *Understand the challenge of distinguishing normal feelings from unhealthy obsessions when attracted to someone.* 01:05:30 🧠 *Recognize the impact of childhood emotional neglect on adult relationships and the importance of emotional availability.* 01:08:15 💔 *Acknowledge the need to prioritize quality time with kids over the pressure to find a romantic relationship.* 01:13:24 🚦 *Take relationships slow as a single parent, ensuring compatibility and protecting children from relationship complexities.* 01:17:44 ⚠️ *Avoid volunteering at locations where someone who rejected you is present to prevent obsessive behaviors and prioritize self-respect.* 01:19:07 🌍 *Ground yourself in reality, focusing on real connections and avoiding fantasy relationships that hinder personal growth.* 01:21:00 💔 *Embrace honesty about feelings and express interest genuinely, allowing for authentic connections and gracefully handling rejection.* 01:23:59 🔄 *Utilize daily practice techniques to process disappointments, embarrassments, and rejections, fostering inner peace and personal growth.* 01:24:26 🚪 *Be emotionally available and avoid being tied up in a fantasy to connect with real-world women looking for a relationship.* 01:24:53 🤔 *Training from childhood trauma may lead to shame about feelings and needs; being overly nice may not be attractive in relationships.* 01:25:22 📚 *Recommended book for men: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, addressing codependent relationship patterns.* 01:25:48 🌈 *Limerence is normal, but holding onto it for too long can hinder emotional availability for genuine connections.* 01:26:32 🏠 *Prioritize focus on children and develop emotional availability for them; less volunteering and more connection at home.* 01:27:31 💔 *Acknowledge when a relationship is not reciprocated; avoid getting stuck in a fantasy, learn to identify an available person, and consider seeking support.* 01:28:12 🤝 *Seek support from friends or consider joining a 12-step program like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous to address patterns of limerence.* Made with HARPA AI
Anna, your voice is so soothing! Once your videos start, I immediately feel better. Thank you so much for your content, you’ve given me so much insight over my behavior and the behavior of others around me. I’m ever so grateful. Thank you! ❤🙏🏻
She displays strong narcissistic traits and a high degree of grandiosity. (walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, might be NPD.) She love-bombed me for years, and the devaluation phase was slow and subtle. We were together 11 years, The last year was absolutely horrible. I'm codependent CPTSD and I want back the person I imagined her to be which she most certainly is not. I mirrored back to her the grandiose persona she wants the world to believe . I asked her to leave and went no contact 544 days ago and yet I still pine for the fantasy I created in my own mind. I ruminate, possibly obsessively. Am I feeling limerent or is this trauma bond? I definitely do not want her back.. Intellectually, I understand the toxic nature of her true self. I know that things could never be what they seemed like in the early years. I need to figure out how to kick this feeling so that I can move forward.
Whew, I relate to the second person so much! I have abandonment, am recovering from Codependency, and have suffered lots of rejection from unavailable people. My situation with my coworker just about mirrors hers, except he told me straight out that he didn't want commitment. I tried to fool myself into thinking I could handle it b/c I wasn't all that emotionally invested at first and just wanted to satisfy my lust, frankly. Tale as old as time- I ended up falling for him after he was acting like he liked me- being sweet, always coming to my desk to speak to me, holding me, spending lots of time together. He started pulling away, and we had a falling out b/c he talked about me to coworkers. I was in so much pain when this happened b/c it felt like something had been ripped from me, which was of course my broken feelings b/c he shut me out but also that abandonment, soul ties created from the sex, and my rejection wound. We didn't speak for weeks, and as I started processing the pain and trying to move forward, we came back together to talk. He apologized and said what Anna said about the guy mentioned- he pulled away b/c he wasn't interested in a relationship and he felt the need to do it b/c he perceived that I wasn't getting the hint. I confronted him about the fact that his words didn't match his actions, which is what made it easy for me to fall for him. He took responsibility for leading me on. However, I take responsibility for sleeping with him knowing good and well I can't handle a casual relationship. All the advice I've received says set boundaries and don't even be friends with him. This would be easier if we didn't work together. He has begged me to stay friends with him b/c he says he loves me as a person and that I'm genuine, etc. I did explain to him that its a bit inconsiderate for him to expect me to suddenly cut off my romantic attraction to him and just be friends. To top it off, he still flirts with me! Admittedly, I flirt back as well b/c I'm still attracted to him. (Sigh). Whenever he calls, I answer quickly most times, and I still have a willingness to spend time with him and not just as friends. So I agree with Anna- its best to cut him off cold turkey. I need to find a way to get to that place in my mind where I am not attracted to him and move on. I relate to the limerence too b/c I find myself Googling.for signs about certain things he does, smh. When me and my guy weren't speaking, although painful initially, I felt that I was starting to focus more on myself, and it was easy not to speak to him. I think getting a new job would help as well, though he says that me and one other person is the reason he stays at our job.
The way you explained childhood trauma and limerence, really opened my eyes. This one video may have changed everything for me, thank you so much. This is a gift. ❤
First 20 seconds is such an exact match with h3 (husband #3). We are separated, and would be divorced but he wouldn't sign the papers. When he feels safe he's back to kind, friendly, helpful, generous... giving me tiny hope, yet i know the avoidance and resistance will return... and it did yesterday. I accept and take his help with needed house renovations, but occasionally remind him to get the divorce papers when he's ready to sign them. I work on my self and other female relationships to help keep me grounded as I work through my personal abandonment issues. It's very validating to hear you verbalize crazy-making crap so clearly! And, yes, I'm great at crap-fitting... another perfect description haha. I'm done with that... you and other resources clarifying dysfunctional junk helps me SEE and change. Thanks for all your work CCF ❤
I can't find myself to 'hate' or dispise my husband enough to leave him knowing he is clinically depressed. I am not healed enough to be a kind support. I live with the negative energy and can't deflect it enough to be ok in my own skin. I don't want to feel this way, yet don't know the next right thing to do. I live by the serenity prayer. I need to believe in the power of change but cannot change him, just me. The negative energy in my life is limiting my potential as much as it does in his. I am going to start therapy again in two weeks, but it's not soon enough.
Speaks so much to me. In my past I’ve dealt with guys like this and while I think I initially entered the world with reasonable expectations and boundaries, dating men like this over and over made me think that maybe I was the issue or common denominator and I just didn’t “get” how relationships worked. I think I’m finally on the other side with a healthy relationship, but I still sometimes look back and wonder how these relationships that gave me so little were able to entrap me for so long.
My mother abandoned me over and over growing up and I never understood why..now as an adult I have estranged myself from family and I don’t have any meaningful close relationships. I am in EMDR Trauma therapy and have a relationship with Jesus and that’s been helping me a lot but it’s still very painful for her not to have a relationship with me or my siblings.
A great way to get clarity about difficult relationships is through Daily Practice. Check out the free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I stumbled upon your channel and subscribed immediately minutes after I watched the first video. Regardless of the topic your channel is just very therapeutic. Good for my mind. Better for my soul. Thank you.
Since I’ve used limerence and fantasy since I was a child as a way to self soothe. Nowadays,I still allow for it but tell myself “ok, go ahead but just know this isn’t real”
It was a very interesting concept to think about developing cptsd or trauma bonding from simply trying to do deal with an avoidant person who we were trying to understand about .
I said Last night, i can't be with someone that pack up and leave with out saying anything ....I have been going through this for 3 years and I mentally can not handle it any more ..this behavior became normal for me....
Watching your vids. I realized I grew up invalidated. I was never paid attention to. I was hit. Shouted at. My mother was not emotionally there for me. So when I fall I fall HARD . When I attach. I attach hard. And now i see a pattern .....I love people that don't love me . Trust issues galore.
The universe brought me to Crappy Childhood Fairy; for years I unknowingly suffered from CPTSD which led into limerence and a destructive situationship with a NPD which i was codependent too. I was so unaware of all of these monstrosities until I landed here a few months back by way of watching Cristian based videos. I have informed myself watching everything it’s been an awakening. I knew I had to detach and remove myself. I prepared myself while still in the situationship I would observe him and I started to grown cold towards the whole of it. I finished the feeling and now I’m liberated, healing and thriving. I joined CoDa as Anna suggested am on the twelve steps and am living for myself. God is in control. Deliverance is possible. Anna you are my Guardian Angel. I plan on attending one of your retreats.
Crap fitting....boy does that sum up some stuff😅 This is the best iv heard. You describe my repeated crap fitting precisely. This gives a lot of confidence that this is healable.
A great way to get clarity about difficult relationships is through Daily Practice. This is also a great tool to calm triggers and sort through things that feel confusing. Check out the free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Hookup culture is so painful for people with CPTSD. Literally there's a guy I liked, I wanted to wait a year before engaging in sex because I'd been celibate for so long my soul felt at ease. He said he can't wait a year because if I love him I should be sexually attracted to him too, I got scared of losing him, I gave in, few days after he ghosted then came back saying he's not ready for a relationship then said we should be friends but also have sex😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I was hurt for a while but God healed me. Right now I'm celibate, I take therapy, prayer and self reflection very seriously and I'm now comfortable with being on my own other than having those painful relationships. Of course I'm looking forward to a healthy relationship in the future and I trust that I'll be able to recognize what's good for me by God's strength
This guy is on drugs, he abandons this woman for days because he knows she won't approve. He comes in gets his fix from her then takes off and uses her like a drug. Players know how to manipulate their victims.
Once again, these valuable videos are really appreciated. I think with my current LO could be my last. I will be 69 soon and these patterns have not changed. I have been doing Anna's daily practice when i can. I realize how much I really dispise myself and try to get some man to love me when i cant love myself. I tried to stay away totally from my LO and became physically attracted to him. I could not tell him. I am so ashamed. But i told him eventually how i feel about him and i think he accepts it. I know he loves to know people admire him, as he likes to feel like a rescuer. He tries to get close to women but is so disorganuzed they wind up breaking up. Im pretty sure he has ADHD but denies it. I may have it too. I asked him to not talk about how many women 'hit on' him. He continues to talk about and 'help' others. He says he loves people who 'need him'. I think i am having a nervous breakdown. Crying all the time, depressed, worn out. But i still crave him to be kind to me too. I have been diagnosed with a brain tumor and trigeminal neuralgia and am trying to decide what my options are after seeing a neurosurgeon. Im again trying to distance myself from him but i feel so alone with littlecsupport. I feel so much shame and lonliness.
Hi Anna, will you post soon about navigating the holidays when you've had a crappy family/childhood? We never had a Thanksgiving dinner when I was growing up. Now, I'm married to someone who grew up in a great family and we spend Thanksgiving with them every year at my/our home. Well, my mom has been guilting me about this for the past 2 years. It's frustrating that she is demanding this from me when it was something we never did when I was growing up. I'm sure there are other types of situations you can speak to as well and would love to hear your thoughts/advice about handling crappy family situations during the holidays.
I understand. I was 'done' in 2010. A couple of more attempts, but no good. Times are not better now, ether overall in the world -- internet addictions, Apps which made people addicted, impatient, lazy emotionally.... :( Prayers and
I’m emotionally vulnerable to seemingly significant eye contact & begin inner storytelling guess-ology with cyclic rumination, am nervously hopeful (starvedly hungry) for any meaningful reason/s, for however long…. Gotta stop putting that rhinestone collar on; I have better things to do, like being the one who Sees myself (with God’s guidance❤).
I met a guy friend. He is nice and meets my ideals. I don't know him very well. I met him in January. I started being attracted to him in March. He doesn't want to get married bc he has bipolar and feels that he doesn't function well enough to ever be married. I am not his type anyways. He said he could not see us together. That stung. He is still the homie though. We agreed to be stay friends and he doesn't think I'm weird which is good. I told him although I know he doesn't want to get married I imagine we end up together in different scenarios. So to bring myself to reality I told him about this. I'm very smart and self aware. He is too. But I told him my feelings about him to be rejected by him and give myself a reality check. I told him I'm Delulu. I've gotten better over the years but I see how my trauma has made me limerent and I want to break free from this and actually be in a romantic relationship where my feelings are reciprocated.
My husband had to drown in the tub before I was free of 30+ yrs. of his narcissistic abuse. At least Im still somewhat young, but oh! that I said yes to such profound rejection for so long!😮😮😢😢
The last guy: I'm sure he would pull back as soon as she showed him her interest, he's not emotionally available, he needs to work on himself for sure I have a friend who pretends he's just my friend but I can tell he wants more, he's energy is obvious to me and it's repelling ( as Anna described) because I know the truth and I feel like he's trying to manipulate me.
Not proud to admit this but I do this with my wife and have our entire marriage but it has gotten worse over time now to the point where there is no intimacy and I've told her im aware im not able to provide the emotional support she needs and she has for a long time pulled away for her own survival in this and I understand why. I know it's not fair and I've admitted that yes this is emotional abuse and I'm not happy I'm doing this to her. Many times I whish someone would replace me as a husband who can provide her needs. I've done it my entire life and it's been my way to escape from unhappiness marriage and other aspects of my life unfortunately. I have PTSD from childhood and other along with ASD, and Schizoeffective disorder diagnoses. Im not sure what to do. I see a therapist weekly for years and we have together as well. It feels like just a survival partnership trying to maintain the basics of a friendship. Idk.
Wow. This makes a lot of sense. My ex deals with the same issues as well. I had to leave because he was emotionally abusing but he couldn't understand why I felt this way. This is only 1 of our 20 other issues but this one was the one I couldn't live with because it was tearing me down emotionally.
@@kaylees1072 I'm sorry you had to go through that emotional roller coaster. I'm sorry I do it to my wife it's such a natural default position for me to go to, I'm not pleased I do it it hurts me that I hurt her emotionally as it affects every aspect of her life and mine and ours together. It is sad I try using tools /methods to help counter the thoughts and behavior but it is very difficult. I would say at least 80% of our marriage not just marriage is me being isolated in some way shape or form. A lot of times I feel It would be better for us to be separated but me be available for any support or needs she and my adult children may need as I still want to help where I can I'm just not emotionally available the way a typical person usually is. I feel foreign to and disassociated with everything even things I used to enjoy. It's very complex in my mind hard for me to understand let alone my wife or anyone not experiencing it. It is torture that I can say for sure obviously for my family but for me as well.
@eferrill981 Thank you for sharing this with me. Everything you are saying about yourself applies to my ex-husband. He tries as much as he can to be there for me and our kids but there's a lot that he will not allow me in for. Our marriage could never fully work because of this. You being honest is helping me tremendously with my own struggles.
I just avoided a man that was holding the door open for me . Lately that hasn't been a issue. He just seemed like he would see me . Idk as what? I know i look a hot mess. Self care has definitely been a issue of mine.
My question is I finally made up my mind to leave someone who only gives me bread crumbs. It has been 2 years already. I'll never put myself in any situation with him ever again. But I feel so broken. I felt as if the limerence (not just for him but for limerence itself) is what keeps me to stay hopeful in life. Everything seems meaningless now. I just try to stay alive and that's it. I don't know how to shake this feeling , they don't seem to go away when time goes by, and I don't think it's getting any better. What should I do?
Lolll I made my LO tell me that he didn’t care, wouldn’t be my bf or ever date me. This fool had the nerve to say “this is really hard” . Awww sorry king baby did I make it weird for u?!!
My guy who came into the relationship like a tornado, made me feel like a dream relationship in the beginning. Then i slowly started noticing him pulling back. 5 mo into the relationship he txt me aug 11th, i was at work. He says...ive been up all night thinking i need to be alone. I have to much going on in my life & im being pulled in every direction & im feeling overwhelmed & i don't like it. I said..so..you're basically telling me u have no feelings for me or not into or pursuing someone else. He said..i never said i don't have feelings for you. So i asked him what he wanted me to do with the few things of his he had at my house. He said..keep them there if thats ok. I told him i wanted to give him his stuff. I just don't understand
He got the excitement from you & it wore off as he wants to get back to that feeling that only comes from chasing his options. You deserve better. Run, no contact.
what of it Is a friend who does that to you and leaves and goes silent for says when he is depressed or distressed and he is definitely a pretty broken person? how do you tell them that it sucks being left all the time!
Hey Anna, if someone tells you in initial getting to know each other stage, that they cheated on their ex wife/the love of their life, should you even consider them or just wish good luck and get out of that right away?
I totally had no excuse because my girl with borderline personality disorder never let me back white, and stabbed me in the back, so it just means I'm just stupid. And while I can think of it as limerence, I always knew exactly who she was, and I liked who she was. She wasn't an object to me, and I never ignored her flaws or exaggerated her good qualities. Just a different kind of dummy am i. Not trying to say that I am special :-). It's just that when someone no contacts you, and then stabs you in the back or maybe even it was the front, how dumb is that :(? Funny thing is, and I'm not trying to manipulate the truth but I've always believed that all the bad things that happened to me where my own fault.
Have compassion for yourself. You’re not a dummy, just heavily programmed to take crumbs as love. We’re pretty much all like that here. “We’re all mad here” Alice in Wonderland.
But he won't stop hacking and bullying n stealing n destroy my stuff so controlling my life like a prisoner whilst he does most worst thin̈gs as sex̌ addict pimp and stole decafmde of my life Stella off me he won't stop he hates me n I love him but I let him go on don't stop nothing he doesn't let me survive y I don't understand y he hates me
There is a LOT great here, but can I again give you props (and thank God first and foremost) for saying "false god?" YES yes yes yes yes. You are balanced and that's what we need.Real psychological science, and the faith, but not just psych, and also not delusional religion. You know what I say to guys as a practicing Catholic? "Are you following Jesus? ..because it sure seems like you are hiding behind Him. And they are two very different things." Many imbalanced people in ALL different religions can become extreme and DELUSIONAL. "You're still single Jennifer, because you didn't do enough Novenas or Rosaries." No, I'm actually single because I trust radically in God's divine providence, I am being prudent, and working on healing since I"m messed UP from emotional abandonment, and even physical when I would get bullied by family (a sibling, then when I would cry about her physical., emotional, mental ...let's just say every type aside from sexually and financial, but then again money was used as a "consolation" in lieu of apologies, confessions, admittance, humility, etc."), the other family members either joined in OR stayed silent. This was not just in childhood AND this pattern went right into school, work, and for 4 decades....I finally crashed and hit a wall losing my life physically and then the HEALTHCARE system abandoned me over and over with critical symptoms, during the plandemic. I am also a nurse. When I died, with miraculous unexpected survival (it was easy to die, but I'm hard to kill...comes with my blood, faith, and...c-ptsd survival skilllllzzz ;) ), but then part II where I still am,4 years later? figuring it all out!! And all this is relatable (and the sex? You are RIGHT on..I am waiting for marriage, never been happier because in the guy department, I see things for what and who they are with NO BEER goggles. Chastity is AWESOME (hard but you see who is a true lover as love = sacrifice so if he can put YOU above his penis and fantasy? Great! Good sign. If a women opens her legs, she already told him she is broken, cheap and dying for respect and is willing to get herself sick on birth control, balloons in the vagina (condoms), or pregnancy when not ready, therefore abortion, or parenting, or adopting...all hard. Then there is the disease factor - condoms prevent nothing, like masks don't block viruses)...so right on with that. Keep it out of the bed and there is no limerence :) One less thing to worry about and it's a great tool to assess males for whether they are a MAN or a boy...).Anyway, I love my family very, very much. I help them all the time, and physically, my parents help me. They are all I have. However, my care is mind, body and spirit. I only get the physical part. Anyway, I was over-functioning with out knowing it. I was "doing my vocations" and "serving God." No regrets because I know a lot of good came of it...for others. However, I crashed, burned and here I am. "False gods." ...... keep up the awesome work. You are a blessing. We usually are, when we are humble enough with humility to learn and grow, and help other see the need for themselves to grow. Finding other healing/healed persons? We need a singles group for serious people who are emotionally available and 'get it.' Thank you! Sorry, brevity ain't my forte.
I refuse to take anymore breadcrumbing. He's done for me! And it Hurts like I'm withdrawing from drugs. I have nightmares if them making out and doing things. It makes me actually sick. I wake up crying from the thoughts. He has really wrecked my CNS. The trauma is harsh.
This is great because I just distance myself from a guy because he can’t be in a “relationship” he would do everything but the emotional involvement, so I walked away from that, my wounds felt like I was doing the wrong thing but listening to this helps me to understand that I made the proper decision
It sounds like you did make the right decision! We're all sending you encouragement :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
I know it hurts and it's hard girl but you're doing the right thing
I feel you my girl😭im going through the same. He strung me along for months, even promised a relationship then got a cold feet and started seeing someone else all the while keeping me as an option as it turned out. Devastated but not surprised, i seem to ignore all red flags and end up w these unavailable men all the damn time
@@bianka94825 I'm going through something similar. It sucks and it hurts so bad. How did you find out that he was seeing someone else? Did he try to hide it? Did he slowly become distant from you.?
@@bianka94825oh my god. The same thing happened to me. And I didn’t even feel like an option, but like backup. And I blamed myself because I knew I wasn’t the best either and my emotions for him were coming from a place of trauma. Which wasn’t fair to him. I’m so sorry someone else is feeling like this, but at least we’re not alone.
I broke up with someone like this 4 months ago. It’s a lot like getting sober. I have to take it one day at a time.
Sending you my support, you are not alone, this will pass, heal at your own speed, only you know your feelings and needs🙏🏼
Yes, because it's an addiction. Surely it is.I went the other way with dating/relationships....the older I get, the more I learn, the more I heal, the more scared I am of getting back into BUT it's also because things have gotten worse with the addiction to devices, porn and so people ARE a whole more messed up now than ever. No reflection, seeking healing and help. A major plandemic of isolation and just so many attacks from every angle. Good on/for you, keep strong in focus on your deeper inner healing. I wish we could all gather for holidays because the entire reason we seek, consciously or subconsciously, what we do? Is because of our family issues.
Awesome thankyou
I am 1.5 months into the breakup with someone like this. It's been confronting how it has felt like life eroding and losing purpose, despite how aware I am that the relationship was not what I needed or even wanted (for 5 years!)
To me,
If I am looking for a relationship that I want to be in love with someone, and visa versa,
I think it’s super important to take all the time you need to fall in love with the quirks about the person.
They have to do the normal things throughout a date that are considered important… all that is occurring, but for me, I need to really like his silliness, or how he. Is when he’s upset, or upset with me.
If I am in love with the little things, then I can fall in love with him.
Being able to allow ourselves to do this.. actually allows you that courting experience you’re desiring.
Both people usually want sincere.
This takes you on the courtship path!
It’s the best!!!
This video is really useful to me because I was neglected, so Im programmed to handle breadcrumbing and disappearing. I’m used to reading love into neglect. Thank you 🙏
If someone doesn't respect or put the effort in to build a 2 way relationship. Move on from cruelty.
Whoah....this is a good one. I recently had an encounter with a dissmissive avoidant. I felt sooo sorry for him, but I knew this was a ball of complicated string. I walked away! It was kinda hard cause he looked alot like steve mcqueen....but Anna...I saw the future pain of anguish. Thank you for all your great advice!🤗
This is inspiring! I am currently focused on breaking that cycle of attraction to this type of partner, and very wary of my judgement in that regard. I will reflect on that pain I've experienced in such relationships as a motivator (or a detractor!) in future. Thank you!
Damn congrats!! I don’t think I could have walked away from Steve Mcqueen. lol
My Guy looks like Steve McQueen too haaa, at least I used to think so
I'd like to mention in the farm situation, as a person who is pulled towards limerant relationships, being in a small off grid community could be a recipe for more control and hurt as in those kinds of groups it can be easy to put aside ones own belief in lui of the groups beliefs in order for them to accept you. It can be the beginning of cultic relationships. If she's saying the group is being drained by her and excluding her instead of trying to help her, this could be a redflag for further exclusion down the line.
It sounded like this guy was trying to get her whooped and. Invited her to go to this land with all these others that love him too.
Sex with all 11 of them.
The last guy I dated dumped me and only wanted sex after that which I hated myself for doing it but I was addicted to him. When I finally asked what I did that was so bad he said nothing and that he would basically be settling. I was devastated. I am watching these videos like crazy because I know I’m drawn to lousy people and relationships and don’t know how to change it. I hope this helps
I'm so sorry you had to experience that! We're glad you're here now, you deserve better :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for taking the time to read and respond!
6 years in this relationship and I feel like your spoke to me personally
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏
As a survivor of C-PTSD and DV, etc...this video resonates with my soul❤. My relationships have always been this way...I accept the "crap fit," and attached to the feelings of love, even when I know that I am being manipulated. I am trying so hard to heal myself...and then life hits me hard...I get overwhelmed and lonely...then I meet someone who gets my mind of my struggles and gives me hope, but I never get the love or relationship that I want, need and deserve. Instead I get involved with someone who manipulates me again, so I feel the highest of highs and lowest of lows...but when I reach out, to share my love, fear and joy...I'm always alone. It feels like being abandoned over and over, again... I'm over it...I'm still lonely, but happy and ready to move forward. I deserve someone that can love me with their whole heart.💜
"I want to be with you (for now)" is not the same as real love
I'm curious if it's the quality of your videos getting better, where what your saying makes more and more sense to me, or if it's evidence that I'm healing. Whatever the case, I'm so grateful for your videos. You are a voice of reason in the chaos that overwhelms me. Thanks for what you do.
I'm glad the channel has been helpful, we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It definitely depends on how things link up with you, but I too thought a couple of the recent videos were absolutely outstanding.
I love this comment. The more one heals, the more awake and aware they are. There are so many things I've learned.
I have been finding some of the recent topics on the channel so specific to the experiences CPTSD can lead you into that I can fully relate to the content. I have not found another source of such relevant and helpful advice. I second your gratitude to Calista and the team! Let's keep learning and healing ❤️
44:10 “False god” is a great description for a limerent object.
I realize that feelings that I feel for someone and that someone never loves me back ...like im priming myself to love someone that abandons me like my feelings in childhood was always abandon. Thats why I am breaking that pattern of toxic relationships and interactions..
From Crappy Childhood videos, I am learning to assume that if a man is not initiating contact consistently, he is not interested and I should just stop trying to reach out to him. Like my ex bf, for a year i was trying to reach out to him etc after he broke up with me. I was so heartbroken. I had to stop reaching out to him and accept the situation for what it is. I also cut off a male friend I been obsessed with because he didnt return the energy or feelings I had for him.
I find hobbies helpful in dealing with my loneliness....
So agree 👍🏼
H Anna, "holding space" is a spiritual term for listening to someone without interrupting from a empathic and somewhat meditative place, so to speak, and therefore giving that person the space/ the feeling they are permitted to be there with whatever is troubling them.
Thank you so much for all you!! I pray no one lives a life as I did and you said it so right it’s very very painful!! Did not realize at the time!! I was in a marriage pretty much one sided! Oh my god the energy I put into this marriage because I was so afraid of being alone!! I had no self value no confidence from a violent childhood!! I was so mentally ill ! It took most of my life to realize I did not deserve and didn’t deserve it!! The lady who wrote in please please don’t spend a lifetime of pain!!leave please leave it does not get better when there is no respect in your relationship it’s never going to be ok!!
Wow, thank you for sharing this with us. I am so glad you were able to get out of that marriage, you deserve better things :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Just the first 10 minutes has so much wisdom!
Everything you say, every single analysis, is spot on. I have only ever had abusive relationships in my life. Watching your videos is the slap of reality I need. Thank you.❤
confession to the community: my Limerent person kept asking me why I was quiet. It was very likely because I didn't really have a lot to say to her except I love you I love you I love you. I think that's why it blew up and fell apart. No contact no contact and no contact. Thank you for splashing the cold water on my face Anna. Her silence is definitely conviction.
I feel overwhelmed with gratitude Anna for your work, your help!! God bless you!
Anna, you have helped me immensely!
Your work is vitally important for us with CPTSD ❤️
Edit: i do the disappear thing. Working on communication.
I'm so glad Anna has been helpful! We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you, again she's been incredibly helpful!
I do the disappearing thing too. I get burnt out, then can’t perform any emotional labor and my relationships suffer. Just one more reason why healing is so important.
You aren't alone. I still shut down and drop off the face of the earth, but have gotten way better at communicating what's going on. My friends are very understanding.
@@Fae313 sounds like your an empath like myself, the abuse did that. What I'm now finally starting to understand the difference between CPTSD symptoms and empath burn out. I don't beat myself up over empath burn out, I just allow myself time to recharge. I answer texts, other than that it's me time with my dog.
Don't beat yourself up because you need to recharge! It's not your fault, you just need to.
Be well.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 🚪 *Loving someone who can't reciprocate can be painful, especially when they switch between being loving and distant. Self-change is crucial in such situations.*
02:35 🤔 *Partners of individuals with CPTSD may struggle, experiencing periods of disappearance, emotional issues, and difficulty in communication. Recognizing and addressing these issues is important.*
05:48 💔 *Periodic abandonment creates a trauma bond, an intense attachment formed through love cycles. It distorts thinking, leading to self-isolation and adapting to emotional abuse.*
08:36 🌈 *A healthy partnership involves clear communication, respect, and alignment in activities. It's essential not to compromise your needs and remain true to yourself in a relationship.*
10:40 🚑 *Leaving a trauma bond requires human support, therapy, and planning for joy. Acknowledging the emotional abuse, breaking patterns, and seeking support are crucial steps.*
13:23 🌀 *Limerence, an infatuation without reciprocal stability, can lead to searching for hidden signs and giving ordinary things mystical meanings. Breaking free from limerence is crucial for healing.*
18:53 🔄 *An individual shares a complex story of unreciprocated love, longing for more, and struggling with anxiety and emotional pain. It's essential to face the reality and break the cycle of limerence.*
22:38 🚦 *New age spirituality can sometimes lead individuals to justify harmful situations, especially in relationships.*
24:15 🚨 *Rapidly attaching oneself to a shared goal or mission with a partner without sufficient clarity about the other person's character and intentions can be risky.*
25:38 🕰️ *Rushing into intimacy, especially for individuals with attachment wounds, can lead to devastating consequences, impacting mental and emotional well-being.*
27:13 🚆 *Having sex can trigger deep-seated wounds and emotions, particularly for those with attachment issues.*
29:58 🌌 *Clinging to a fleeting feeling of support can mask the lack of genuine connection and commitment in a relationship.*
32:43 🤔 *Expressing concerns and breaking up didn't alleviate the pain but rather intensified the emotional distress.*
34:52 🔄 *Reuniting with someone who only wants friendship after a year reveals a significant misalignment in romantic feelings.*
36:00 🚪 *Living together without intimacy or deep connection creates a soul prison, causing distress and triggering CPTSD flashbacks.*
39:41 🔄 *Continuing to pursue a relationship where the other person is not inclined to reciprocate efforts can lead to emotional exhaustion and strained connections.*
42:39 🧠 *Rejection can be challenging for those with CPTSD, making it difficult to navigate emotions and move on.*
43:20 🌿 *To overcome attachment and move on from rejection, practical steps like distancing from reminders and cultivating one's life and interests are crucial.*
44:32 🩹 *Seeking guidance and support, such as through a dating course or coaching, can be beneficial for those dealing with trauma-driven dating patterns.*
45:40 🚨 *A viewer seeks advice on a relationship with a partner who revealed childhood sexual abuse trauma and is struggling emotionally. The advice emphasizes the need for caution and setting boundaries for personal well-being.*
47:26 🛑 *A tough love response to a viewer involved with a partner dealing with mental health issues and suicidal thoughts, stressing the importance of prioritizing one's safety and well-being.*
49:18 🕰️ *One month into a relationship, the advice is to avoid making long-term commitments and to be cautious about getting involved with someone in a fragile mental state.*
54:41 🔄 *Encouragement to step back and let the person dealing with mental health issues focus on their healing journey without the pressure of a relationship.*
57:29 🌌 *Fantasy relationships, where intense feelings are one-sided and hidden, are cautioned against. Building real connections involves vulnerability and openness.*
58:09 🧠 *A letter from someone emotionally neglected as a child highlights the impact on adult relationships. Recognizing and addressing emotional needs is crucial for personal growth and healthier connections.*
01:02:03 🎭 *Limerence is explored through a personal story of unrequited feelings for someone met at a summer camp. The narrative reflects the emotional turmoil and longing associated with limerence.*
01:04:22 🌱 *Understand the challenge of distinguishing normal feelings from unhealthy obsessions when attracted to someone.*
01:05:30 🧠 *Recognize the impact of childhood emotional neglect on adult relationships and the importance of emotional availability.*
01:08:15 💔 *Acknowledge the need to prioritize quality time with kids over the pressure to find a romantic relationship.*
01:13:24 🚦 *Take relationships slow as a single parent, ensuring compatibility and protecting children from relationship complexities.*
01:17:44 ⚠️ *Avoid volunteering at locations where someone who rejected you is present to prevent obsessive behaviors and prioritize self-respect.*
01:19:07 🌍 *Ground yourself in reality, focusing on real connections and avoiding fantasy relationships that hinder personal growth.*
01:21:00 💔 *Embrace honesty about feelings and express interest genuinely, allowing for authentic connections and gracefully handling rejection.*
01:23:59 🔄 *Utilize daily practice techniques to process disappointments, embarrassments, and rejections, fostering inner peace and personal growth.*
01:24:26 🚪 *Be emotionally available and avoid being tied up in a fantasy to connect with real-world women looking for a relationship.*
01:24:53 🤔 *Training from childhood trauma may lead to shame about feelings and needs; being overly nice may not be attractive in relationships.*
01:25:22 📚 *Recommended book for men: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, addressing codependent relationship patterns.*
01:25:48 🌈 *Limerence is normal, but holding onto it for too long can hinder emotional availability for genuine connections.*
01:26:32 🏠 *Prioritize focus on children and develop emotional availability for them; less volunteering and more connection at home.*
01:27:31 💔 *Acknowledge when a relationship is not reciprocated; avoid getting stuck in a fantasy, learn to identify an available person, and consider seeking support.*
01:28:12 🤝 *Seek support from friends or consider joining a 12-step program like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous to address patterns of limerence.*
Made with HARPA AI
Anna, your voice is so soothing! Once your videos start, I immediately feel better. Thank you so much for your content, you’ve given me so much insight over my behavior and the behavior of others around me. I’m ever so grateful. Thank you! ❤🙏🏻
She displays strong narcissistic traits and a high degree of grandiosity. (walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, might be NPD.) She love-bombed me for years, and the devaluation phase was slow and subtle. We were together 11 years, The last year was absolutely horrible. I'm codependent CPTSD and I want back the person I imagined her to be which she most certainly is not. I mirrored back to her the grandiose persona she wants the world to believe . I asked her to leave and went no contact 544 days ago and yet I still pine for the fantasy I created in my own mind. I ruminate, possibly obsessively. Am I feeling limerent or is this trauma bond? I definitely do not want her back.. Intellectually, I understand the toxic nature of her true self. I know that things could never be what they seemed like in the early years. I need to figure out how to kick this feeling so that I can move forward.
Listening to the story from that hippy girl was pretty painful.
Whew, I relate to the second person so much! I have abandonment, am recovering from Codependency, and have suffered lots of rejection from unavailable people.
My situation with my coworker just about mirrors hers, except he told me straight out that he didn't want commitment. I tried to fool myself into thinking I could handle it b/c I wasn't all that emotionally invested at first and just wanted to satisfy my lust, frankly. Tale as old as time- I ended up falling for him after he was acting like he liked me- being sweet, always coming to my desk to speak to me, holding me, spending lots of time together. He started pulling away, and we had a falling out b/c he talked about me to coworkers. I was in so much pain when this happened b/c it felt like something had been ripped from me, which was of course my broken feelings b/c he shut me out but also that abandonment, soul ties created from the sex, and my rejection wound. We didn't speak for weeks, and as I started processing the pain and trying to move forward, we came back together to talk. He apologized and said what Anna said about the guy mentioned- he pulled away b/c he wasn't interested in a relationship and he felt the need to do it b/c he perceived that I wasn't getting the hint. I confronted him about the fact that his words didn't match his actions, which is what made it easy for me to fall for him. He took responsibility for leading me on. However, I take responsibility for sleeping with him knowing good and well I can't handle a casual relationship.
All the advice I've received says set boundaries and don't even be friends with him. This would be easier if we didn't work together. He has begged me to stay friends with him b/c he says he loves me as a person and that I'm genuine, etc. I did explain to him that its a bit inconsiderate for him to expect me to suddenly cut off my romantic attraction to him and just be friends. To top it off, he still flirts with me! Admittedly, I flirt back as well b/c I'm still attracted to him. (Sigh). Whenever he calls, I answer quickly most times, and I still have a willingness to spend time with him and not just as friends. So I agree with Anna- its best to cut him off cold turkey. I need to find a way to get to that place in my mind where I am not attracted to him and move on. I relate to the limerence too b/c I find myself Googling.for signs about certain things he does, smh. When me and my guy weren't speaking, although painful initially, I felt that I was starting to focus more on myself, and it was easy not to speak to him. I think getting a new job would help as well, though he says that me and one other person is the reason he stays at our job.
The way you explained childhood trauma and limerence, really opened my eyes. This one video may have changed everything for me, thank you so much. This is a gift. ❤
Wow, that's amazing! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
THAT WAS NOT MAGIC,THAT WAS CPTSD I felt that.
I'm going to watch this like 5 times, thank you so much
I'm so glad it was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Sooo very helpful. Thank-you Anna. This video was perfection; helpful, insightful and every single thing you said made so much sense.
I'm so glad! Thank you for commenting, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
First 20 seconds is such an exact match with h3 (husband #3). We are separated, and would be divorced but he wouldn't sign the papers. When he feels safe he's back to kind, friendly, helpful, generous... giving me tiny hope, yet i know the avoidance and resistance will return... and it did yesterday. I accept and take his help with needed house renovations, but occasionally remind him to get the divorce papers when he's ready to sign them. I work on my self and other female relationships to help keep me grounded as I work through my personal abandonment issues.
It's very validating to hear you verbalize crazy-making crap so clearly! And, yes, I'm great at crap-fitting... another perfect description haha. I'm done with that... you and other resources clarifying dysfunctional junk helps me SEE and change.
Thanks for all your work CCF ❤
I can't find myself to 'hate' or dispise my husband enough to leave him knowing he is clinically depressed. I am not healed enough to be a kind support. I live with the negative energy and can't deflect it enough to be ok in my own skin. I don't want to feel this way, yet don't know the next right thing to do. I live by the serenity prayer. I need to believe in the power of change but cannot change him, just me. The negative energy in my life is limiting my potential as much as it does in his. I am going to start therapy again in two weeks, but it's not soon enough.
Your topics your bring up are always so on point and so accurate
Speaks so much to me. In my past I’ve dealt with guys like this and while I think I initially entered the world with reasonable expectations and boundaries, dating men like this over and over made me think that maybe I was the issue or common denominator and I just didn’t “get” how relationships worked. I think I’m finally on the other side with a healthy relationship, but I still sometimes look back and wonder how these relationships that gave me so little were able to entrap me for so long.
We understand as few others can. Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You are god send. Every video you make speaks to me. Every single one. And this pops up when I need it the most 😢
My mother abandoned me over and over growing up and I never understood why..now as an adult I have estranged myself from family and I don’t have any meaningful close relationships. I am in EMDR Trauma therapy and have a relationship with Jesus and that’s been helping me a lot but it’s still very painful for her not to have a relationship with me or my siblings.
A great way to get clarity about difficult relationships is through Daily Practice. Check out the free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm in the same boat. I'm sorry, I send love and prayers
I stumbled upon your channel and subscribed immediately minutes after I watched the first video. Regardless of the topic your channel is just very therapeutic. Good for my mind. Better for my soul. Thank you.
Thank you for being a part of our community here! And thanks for your comment!
Nika@TeamFairy
I was in a similar situation to Lisa a few years ago my heart goes out to her. Did she ever send in an update?❤
Ugh! So painful to hear these stories. 💔
I love you Anna Runkle...your a amazing person..your videos are awesome ❤
Since I’ve used limerence and fantasy since I was a child as a way to self soothe. Nowadays,I still allow for it but tell myself “ok, go ahead but just know this isn’t real”
Doing this is addictive...your brain won't know the difference. You have to let go of limerance 100%
Whew… u are hitting the mail on the head. I still miss my x . I truly loved them , even after being betrayed. I even dream about them.
It was a very interesting concept to think about developing cptsd or trauma bonding from simply trying to do deal with an avoidant person who we were trying to understand about .
I said Last night, i can't be with someone that pack up and leave with out saying anything ....I have been going through this for 3 years and I mentally can not handle it any more ..this behavior became normal for me....
Watching your vids. I realized I grew up invalidated. I was never paid attention to. I was hit. Shouted at. My mother was not emotionally there for me.
So when I fall I fall HARD . When I attach. I attach hard.
And now i see a pattern .....I love people that don't love me .
Trust issues galore.
That sounds hard but we're glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
this was just amazing 😢
The universe brought me to Crappy Childhood Fairy; for years I unknowingly suffered from CPTSD which led into limerence and a destructive situationship with a NPD which i was codependent too. I was so unaware of all of these monstrosities until I landed here a few months back by way of watching Cristian based videos.
I have informed myself watching everything it’s been an awakening.
I knew I had to detach and remove myself. I prepared myself while still in the situationship I would observe him and I started to grown cold towards the whole of it. I finished the feeling and now I’m liberated, healing and thriving. I joined CoDa as Anna suggested am on the twelve steps and am living for myself. God is in control. Deliverance is possible.
Anna you are my Guardian Angel. I plan on attending one of your retreats.
Thank you for taking the time to comment! We would love to see you on Anna's retreat!
Nika@TeamFairy
Crap fitting....boy does that sum up some stuff😅
This is the best iv heard. You describe my repeated crap fitting precisely.
This gives a lot of confidence that this is healable.
It is! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Reminds me of my husband and also a psychopath online stalker who pretends to be in a relationship with me.
My husband was like this too. Went on for 43 years! He drowned 3 1/2 years ago. It's been hard but I'm so relieved that sh** is over.
Such an honest video. Thank you for all you do Anna and everyone else who is actively bettering themselves❤‼️❤️‼️❤️‼️
Im so sick and tired of this. One moment I miss and love him..the other moment I wish him death for leaving me...I feel soooo unbalanced and abused.
A great way to get clarity about difficult relationships is through Daily Practice. This is also a great tool to calm triggers and sort through things that feel confusing. Check out the free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Move on . Your peace of mind matters.
Hookup culture is so painful for people with CPTSD. Literally there's a guy I liked, I wanted to wait a year before engaging in sex because I'd been celibate for so long my soul felt at ease. He said he can't wait a year because if I love him I should be sexually attracted to him too, I got scared of losing him, I gave in, few days after he ghosted then came back saying he's not ready for a relationship then said we should be friends but also have sex😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I was hurt for a while but God healed me. Right now I'm celibate, I take therapy, prayer and self reflection very seriously and I'm now comfortable with being on my own other than having those painful relationships. Of course I'm looking forward to a healthy relationship in the future and I trust that I'll be able to recognize what's good for me by God's strength
This guy is on drugs, he abandons this woman for days because he knows she won't approve. He comes in gets his fix from her then takes off and uses her like a drug. Players know how to manipulate their victims.
Once again, these valuable videos are really appreciated. I think with my current LO could be my last. I will be 69 soon and these patterns have not changed. I have been doing Anna's daily practice when i can. I realize how much I really dispise myself and try to get some man to love me when i cant love myself. I tried to stay away totally from my LO and became physically attracted to him. I could not tell him. I am so ashamed. But i told him eventually how i feel about him and i think he accepts it. I know he loves to know people admire him, as he likes to feel like a rescuer. He tries to get close to women but is so disorganuzed they wind up breaking up. Im pretty sure he has ADHD but denies it. I may have it too. I asked him to not talk about how many women 'hit on' him. He continues to talk about and 'help' others. He says he loves people who 'need him'. I think i am having a nervous breakdown. Crying all the time, depressed, worn out. But i still crave him to be kind to me too. I have been diagnosed with a brain tumor and trigeminal neuralgia and am trying to decide what my options are after seeing a neurosurgeon. Im again trying to distance myself from him but i feel so alone with littlecsupport. I feel so much shame and lonliness.
Sending you so much love
Heart breaking.
Hi Anna, will you post soon about navigating the holidays when you've had a crappy family/childhood? We never had a Thanksgiving dinner when I was growing up. Now, I'm married to someone who grew up in a great family and we spend Thanksgiving with them every year at my/our home. Well, my mom has been guilting me about this for the past 2 years. It's frustrating that she is demanding this from me when it was something we never did when I was growing up. I'm sure there are other types of situations you can speak to as well and would love to hear your thoughts/advice about handling crappy family situations during the holidays.
I remember those days I just don't do relationships let myself go so I wouldn't be attractive and be tempted that was 2005
I understand. I was 'done' in 2010. A couple of more attempts, but no good. Times are not better now, ether overall in the world -- internet addictions, Apps which made people addicted, impatient, lazy emotionally.... :( Prayers and
I feel like so many parts of this video would make amazing tiktok sounds
I’m married to Someone who
Doesn’t love me and I’m not sure he ever has. Married 40 years.
I'm so sorry, you deserve better. ❤
A loveless marriage sounds so evil & wrong. Sad DJT you. That is a long time.
Very smart women!!! Thank you so much, love you ❤
Narcissists have cptsd also, and their way of coping is ongoing victim mentality, and abuse.
"Rejection breeds obsession " JILLIAN TURECKI
But…rejection can be protection.
I avoid relationships so I don't have to be crushed when my heart gets broken again... 😢 Sad...
Same
Same
I’m emotionally vulnerable to seemingly significant eye contact & begin inner storytelling guess-ology with cyclic rumination, am nervously hopeful (starvedly hungry) for any meaningful reason/s, for however long….
Gotta stop putting that rhinestone collar on; I have better things to do, like being the one who Sees myself (with God’s guidance❤).
I met a guy friend. He is nice and meets my ideals. I don't know him very well. I met him in January. I started being attracted to him in March. He doesn't want to get married bc he has bipolar and feels that he doesn't function well enough to ever be married. I am not his type anyways. He said he could not see us together. That stung. He is still the homie though. We agreed to be stay friends and he doesn't think I'm weird which is good. I told him although I know he doesn't want to get married I imagine we end up together in different scenarios. So to bring myself to reality I told him about this. I'm very smart and self aware. He is too. But I told him my feelings about him to be rejected by him and give myself a reality check. I told him I'm Delulu. I've gotten better over the years but I see how my trauma has made me limerent and I want to break free from this and actually be in a romantic relationship where my feelings are reciprocated.
This guy is definitely in another relationship. I have cptsd and don’t behave like this
My husband had to drown in the tub before I was free of 30+ yrs. of his narcissistic abuse. At least Im still somewhat young, but oh! that I said yes to such profound rejection for so long!😮😮😢😢
What the number 1 tip to overcome limerence? I cant get over it almost 2 years 💔 he wants my friend
For me it's my friends. Like I even gave them space only to bread crumb me again. It sucks. 😭😭😭
Great show
Thank you very much.
The last guy: I'm sure he would pull back as soon as she showed him her interest, he's not emotionally available, he needs to work on himself for sure
I have a friend who pretends he's just my friend but I can tell he wants more, he's energy is obvious to me and it's repelling ( as Anna described) because I know the truth and I feel like he's trying to manipulate me.
What makes you think he was trying to manipulate you?
Thank you for you videos Anna 🙏
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Not proud to admit this but I do this with my wife and have our entire marriage but it has gotten worse over time now to the point where there is no intimacy and I've told her im aware im not able to provide the emotional support she needs and she has for a long time pulled away for her own survival in this and I understand why. I know it's not fair and I've admitted that yes this is emotional abuse and I'm not happy I'm doing this to her. Many times I whish someone would replace me as a husband who can provide her needs. I've done it my entire life and it's been my way to escape from unhappiness marriage and other aspects of my life unfortunately. I have PTSD from childhood and other along with ASD, and Schizoeffective disorder diagnoses. Im not sure what to do. I see a therapist weekly for years and we have together as well. It feels like just a survival partnership trying to maintain the basics of a friendship. Idk.
Wow. This makes a lot of sense. My ex deals with the same issues as well. I had to leave because he was emotionally abusing but he couldn't understand why I felt this way. This is only 1 of our 20 other issues but this one was the one I couldn't live with because it was tearing me down emotionally.
@@kaylees1072 I'm sorry you had to go through that emotional roller coaster. I'm sorry I do it to my wife it's such a natural default position for me to go to, I'm not pleased I do it it hurts me that I hurt her emotionally as it affects every aspect of her life and mine and ours together. It is sad I try using tools /methods to help counter the thoughts and behavior but it is very difficult. I would say at least 80% of our marriage not just marriage is me being isolated in some way shape or form. A lot of times I feel It would be better for us to be separated but me be available for any support or needs she and my adult children may need as I still want to help where I can I'm just not emotionally available the way a typical person
usually is. I feel foreign to and disassociated with everything even things I used to enjoy. It's very complex in my mind hard for me to understand let alone my wife or anyone not experiencing it. It is torture that I can say for sure obviously for my family but for me as well.
@eferrill981 Thank you for sharing this with me. Everything you are saying about yourself applies to my ex-husband. He tries as much as he can to be there for me and our kids but there's a lot that he will not allow me in for. Our marriage could never fully work because of this. You being honest is helping me tremendously with my own struggles.
@@kaylees1072 you're welcome.
I just avoided a man that was holding the door open for me . Lately that hasn't been a issue. He just seemed like he would see me . Idk as what? I know i look a hot mess. Self care has definitely been a issue of mine.
My question is I finally made up my mind to leave someone who only gives me bread crumbs. It has been 2 years already. I'll never put myself in any situation with him ever again. But I feel so broken. I felt as if the limerence (not just for him but for limerence itself) is what keeps me to stay hopeful in life. Everything seems meaningless now. I just try to stay alive and that's it. I don't know how to shake this feeling , they don't seem to go away when time goes by, and I don't think it's getting any better. What should I do?
I need to know too 😔
42:00 is a really god point
43:41
So spot on right now.
B"H
I don't think you're crappy... you're wonderful. Thanks for the insight!
Its the childhood that is crappy, not the fairy 😅
@@kendrar3072 I agree!
Your videos are so helpful. Thank you.
So glad to hear it!
Nika@TeamFairy
This video is exactly what I needed to hear, today. Thank you 🙏
I'm so glad, thanks for being here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
9:30 🍎 Perfect 👍🏻 analogy!
I needed this … thank you
Lolll I made my LO tell me that he didn’t care, wouldn’t be my bf or ever date me. This fool had the nerve to say “this is really hard” . Awww sorry king baby did I make it weird for u?!!
My guy who came into the relationship like a tornado, made me feel like a dream relationship in the beginning. Then i slowly started noticing him pulling back. 5 mo into the relationship he txt me aug 11th, i was at work. He says...ive been up all night thinking i need to be alone. I have to much going on in my life & im being pulled in every direction & im feeling overwhelmed & i don't like it. I said..so..you're basically telling me u have no feelings for me or not into or pursuing someone else. He said..i never said i don't have feelings for you. So i asked him what he wanted me to do with the few things of his he had at my house. He said..keep them there if thats ok. I told him i wanted to give him his stuff. I just don't understand
He got the excitement from you & it wore off as he wants to get back to that feeling that only comes from chasing his options. You deserve better. Run, no contact.
23:23
Do you have any advice on how you say no and reject people nicely?
what of it Is a friend who does that to you and leaves and goes silent for says when he is depressed or distressed and he is definitely a pretty broken person? how do you tell them that it sucks being left all the time!
Hey Anna, if someone tells you in initial getting to know each other stage, that they cheated on their ex wife/the love of their life, should you even consider them or just wish good luck and get out of that right away?
Get out, at least in my opinion. I’ve never been cheated but I have heard someone say, “once a cheater, more than likely to repeat.”
I totally had no excuse because my girl with borderline personality disorder never let me back white, and stabbed me in the back, so it just means I'm just stupid. And while I can think of it as limerence, I always knew exactly who she was, and I liked who she was. She wasn't an object to me, and I never ignored her flaws or exaggerated her good qualities. Just a different kind of dummy am i. Not trying to say that I am special :-). It's just that when someone no contacts you, and then stabs you in the back or maybe even it was the front, how dumb is that :(? Funny thing is, and I'm not trying to manipulate the truth but I've always believed that all the bad things that happened to me where my own fault.
Have compassion for yourself. You’re not a dummy, just heavily programmed to take crumbs as love. We’re pretty much all like that here. “We’re all mad here” Alice in Wonderland.
@@alethea6781 thank you !!
This happens to guy’s too
"Someone who's really with you" whats that?
I struggle w this ,,,
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You’re assuming this is not Limerence
How do I arrange for you to work with me on my issues?
You can check out Anna's courses and the coaching programs here: crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/ -Calista@TeamFairy
Hope you text one day
Not the Truth that needs healing..
Its the LIES that need it
But he won't stop hacking and bullying n stealing n destroy my stuff so controlling my life like a prisoner whilst he does most worst thin̈gs as sex̌ addict pimp and stole decafmde of my life Stella off me he won't stop he hates me n I love him but I let him go on don't stop nothing he doesn't let me survive y I don't understand y he hates me
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
There is a LOT great here, but can I again give you props (and thank God first and foremost) for saying "false god?" YES yes yes yes yes. You are balanced and that's what we need.Real psychological science, and the faith, but not just psych, and also not delusional religion. You know what I say to guys as a practicing Catholic? "Are you following Jesus? ..because it sure seems like you are hiding behind Him. And they are two very different things." Many imbalanced people in ALL different religions can become extreme and DELUSIONAL. "You're still single Jennifer, because you didn't do enough Novenas or Rosaries." No, I'm actually single because I trust radically in God's divine providence, I am being prudent, and working on healing since I"m messed UP from emotional abandonment, and even physical when I would get bullied by family (a sibling, then when I would cry about her physical., emotional, mental ...let's just say every type aside from sexually and financial, but then again money was used as a "consolation" in lieu of apologies, confessions, admittance, humility, etc."), the other family members either joined in OR stayed silent. This was not just in childhood AND this pattern went right into school, work, and for 4 decades....I finally crashed and hit a wall losing my life physically and then the HEALTHCARE system abandoned me over and over with critical symptoms, during the plandemic. I am also a nurse. When I died, with miraculous unexpected survival (it was easy to die, but I'm hard to kill...comes with my blood, faith, and...c-ptsd survival skilllllzzz ;) ), but then part II where I still am,4 years later? figuring it all out!! And all this is relatable (and the sex? You are RIGHT on..I am waiting for marriage, never been happier because in the guy department, I see things for what and who they are with NO BEER goggles. Chastity is AWESOME (hard but you see who is a true lover as love = sacrifice so if he can put YOU above his penis and fantasy? Great! Good sign. If a women opens her legs, she already told him she is broken, cheap and dying for respect and is willing to get herself sick on birth control, balloons in the vagina (condoms), or pregnancy when not ready, therefore abortion, or parenting, or adopting...all hard. Then there is the disease factor - condoms prevent nothing, like masks don't block viruses)...so right on with that. Keep it out of the bed and there is no limerence :) One less thing to worry about and it's a great tool to assess males for whether they are a MAN or a boy...).Anyway, I love my family very, very much. I help them all the time, and physically, my parents help me. They are all I have. However, my care is mind, body and spirit. I only get the physical part. Anyway, I was over-functioning with out knowing it. I was "doing my vocations" and "serving God." No regrets because I know a lot of good came of it...for others. However, I crashed, burned and here I am. "False gods." ...... keep up the awesome work. You are a blessing. We usually are, when we are humble enough with humility to learn and grow, and help other see the need for themselves to grow. Finding other healing/healed persons? We need a singles group for serious people who are emotionally available and 'get it.' Thank you! Sorry, brevity ain't my forte.
I refuse to take anymore breadcrumbing.
He's done for me! And it Hurts like I'm withdrawing from drugs. I have nightmares if them making out and doing things. It makes me actually sick. I wake up crying from the thoughts. He has really wrecked my CNS. The trauma is harsh.