I try to fill the emptiness in my heart every day by daydreaming about fictitious scenarios with unavailable people and characters. I struggle with loneliness but have severe anxiety around others and even leaving my house is terrifying. This limerence fantasy is the only place I feel I have control and letting go is so painful, but necessary to move forward.
@juliette ferrars:sounds like you might have social anxiety .I have it too .take care and be well.by the way,I'm a man that's saying this and it's hard to admit.
Having survived limerence with a person who was single when I met him and then he got married during a visit to his country, and come through to the other side, I want to encourage everyone watching this video to believe that you can recover from your infatuation/obsession. And life is truly very beautiful on the other side. The initial pain can be excruciating and it can be hard to even imagine life without that person, but it's SO worth it to get your life back. You can do it.
I needed to hear this. The worst part for me is my LO flirts with me. I developed feelings for him when I thought he might be available and was turning them off when I found out he wasn’t. But just when I thought our chemistry was all in my head, now he likes to squeeze my arm and run his finger down my back and he just got remarried. It’s made turning those feelings off so hard, because he’s giving me the attention I crave from him. I know I’ll get over it, but it’s really hurting me and I seem to not be able to tell him to stop. He’s also someone I can’t avoid., it’s brutal. 😢
@@laurafedora5385I can’t tell you how much I understand and sympathize. You sound strong though. It seems to me that you can see beyond this person. Keep your eyes on your beautiful future. It’s very painful but you can do it.
@@laurafedora5385 When he touches you that way, and he's married and you want to stop, realize he is sexually teasing you in a very cruel and stupid way. For your own well-being and to get back your bodily integrity, the next time he does it, pull away sharply and tell him to "Cut it out. You're married, and I don't fool around with married men." Just say it straight out to him. Right now he is toying with your sexual response and your romantic emotions. Not a nice guy. Move on. NEXT!
I went through same. I am feeling much much better because it took me years to ease the strong love feeling and hoping for someone who was and is Farr away .I am lucky that my feeling that we could be together and one day ww would have connected again and he would love me so on goneeee. Also , I realized what kind of person he really is . He had many many young girlfriends and lovers so on.. and knowing that he would always be that kind of person and eve it happened it was not gonna be good for me ... I am proud of myself that I could see this now.Even it took yers for me.
Thank you for putting Limerence in the spot light! This is huge in the twin flame world, and although there can be a spiritual connection... thinking of someone 24/7 isn't a divine gift. It's an internal problem.
I did not know about the concept of limerence until I discovered your channel. I experienced a lot of dysfunction/trauma in my chaotic childhood. I am 52 years old and have experienced this (limerence) my entire life. I have never had a real romantic partnership - just obsessing over men I cannot have. Thanks so much for your work and your channel. Being in ACA, therapy, and watching videos such as yours has been truly helpful to me.
Yep I had a very similar experience, it happened when I was 17. It lasted 6 weeks, in hindsight I think she was just using me for sex. She was mostly emotionally unavailable. It took me years and years to get over her. I had a crappy childhood, therapy has helped a lot. I'm still prone to limerance, I'm 42 and recently had an obsession with a woman for a few months, but I seem to be able to recognise and get over it quickly (within a month or so) after I had therapy.
Go NO contact. And that include not even thinking about her. If a thought pops up let it pass through like a cloud on the sky. - EFT may help you to take the edge of your obsession (and the well greased neuronal paths ;). Dawson Church has free instructions on his website (easy and fast to learn, and also a technique that laypersons can use. Else you can go to a practicioner even a therapist that has EFT (or other varieties of meridian tapping) in their toolbox. On the channel of following Fenna you will find short vids about what strict no contact means and the brain chemistry behind that strict rule. Most people in an intense limerent episode do not manage at the first attempt to go strictly no contact - but if your limerence is so strong it still haunts you after 20 years, it would be the best to strive for that.
I have a similar memory of a boy from when I was in high school, thinking of how different my life might have been if I'd avoided a relationship with an older man and instead had a boyfriend the same age as me. I'm mourning what I lost and what might have been, but I realise it has more to do with me than the boy from 20 years ago. I hope to accept the path my life has taken, in time. Wishing you healing too, my friend 💜
Why you don't have millions of subs is beyond me my fairy Godmother. I've listened to many a podcaster... but you are the one that I keep coming back to. Your calm and straight to the point demeanor are so humbling. Thank you for everything you do for us folk in healing. You truly are an angel xxo
I agree completely. This video always pulls at my heart strings. The way she explains limerence is so profound. I never realized until this video how very unhealthy and lonely limerence was making me. I thought it was helping me keep hope alive but it was trapping me on fantasy. It is like an addiction. I've used it to calm feelings and fears about loneliness. Instead of facing my fears and opening my heart for love in real life. I absolutely love Anna. One day I will be brave enough to write in. ❤
mine too, it´s just sometimes things that you can't control make life stressful, it is so tempting to go to "Fairytale land" but after a while is disappointing, i am trying to at least not to spend the day there
I wish one phrase and concept would disappear from our culture-- this nonsense about "we are meant to be". You are only meant to be with someone who has made a commitment to you, and that you are committed to. Anything else is just magical thinking, living in a fantasy. No horoscope signs, no "meet cute" encounters where you are quickly swept off your feet. I lived too much of my life deluded by these nonsensical notions. How I wish I could have cut it out decades later than I did. When I found my partner, there were no fireworks-- just the realization that after all the wrong turns I made, here was a person I could get along with, who wanted me in their life. There was very little drama about it. Instead, calmness and sanity. What a frigging relief.
Yes!! Our Society and Pop Culture have implimented these altruistic lies about “Prince Charming”, “The One”, etc. 😅 Love yourself enough to have self-worth, long-term goals, hobbies, a social circle and love yourself enough to have better discernment in choosing partners and friends. ❤
There is a talk by Alain de Botton on Romanticism that covers a lot of what you are saying, about how our culture has trained us to expect to one day meet someone, "the one", who will automatically know what we want, read our minds basically and be able to meet all of our needs. It's a very damaging fantasy. The talk is available on UA-cam, I highly recommend it.
When you have grown up from a disfuncual family you do find some men boring but actually those ones are better partners , you find them boring because they are not taking you on the roller coaster ride of your childhood.
I was in therapy for 2 years, and never knew about limerence until I found your channel. Thank you for changing my life with your knowledge. I'm slowly breaking my 13-year cycle of limerence.
After a 4 year long romanticized relationship in my head with this guy I’m finally coming to reality. It suddenly hit me that the relationship was mostly all made up in my head. It hurts and I’m not sure how or if I will ever be able to completely let go of this person but I’m working on it.
How have I never heard of this concept before? I work in mental health! I've been in therapy all my life! This is why I can't have relationships! THANK YOU! ♥️♥️♥️♥️
OMG what a HUGE and impactful statement that I never even considered. 29 minutes in you see “I don’t see anything safe about being alone the rest of your life.” The sense of safety is so important for those of us with CPTSD. But we also tend to isolate. This concept that sharing life with someone is a mental game changer. Im all about shifting beliefs and this is a good way to see something from a new place.
Limerence comes from not loving yourself and using other people to fill that void.it never works for very long and u still feel just as empty as before.love yourself fully first and everything else falls into place.
I'm currently breaking this cycle, and I feel so lost in life. I feel like a shell of a person without the ability to disassociate or indulge in limerance. I am so stunted in life and in my personal growth. Time is passing me by. I've been relying heavily on my over eating habits to deal with avoiding limerance. Obviously when you are stressed or lonely you want to feel loved or atleast imagine someone loving you.
I was thinking about this topic and your video dropped. The Universe is kind. Now I understand why my love life has always been a hot mess.CPTSD is something else, I tell you.
"Actual relationships" are triggering, yes, that's why I seek unavailable people, I know this will never work, so in some weird way it's "better", except it's not...
Hi Anna, I just came over here to say that I’m finally starting the Dysregulation boot camp 🎉🎉🎉🎉 And to say God bless you!!! Thank you so much for the work you do. I can’t fully put it into words honestly. I look forward to speaking with you on a call one day. I’m also starting Pete Walker’s book. It’s intense, but already very helpful. So grateful for you in my life. Xoxoxo Krisma
I went through this very thing only a few months ago. I was drawn to someone I couldn't have and her situation was not likely to change. I fell and fell very hard for her, which resulted in her being constantly in my mind - my routine, my sleep, my wakeup..it was all affected, she was just always there. I somehow managed to get out of this but it took a great deal of willpower. I would see her and meet up with her and we'd always have a wonderful time, but the second I got back home, reality hit, and i knew I had to do something. Telling her how I felt about her was futile and so I didn't, preferring to just try and deal with things on my own. We're still friends to this day but I'm looking at it now in a whole new light and she's no longer constantly in my mind. I know the pain only too well though. All I wanted and all that seemed to matter was her and I just couldn't continue if this was how things were gonna be in my life. Recovery from this sort of thing IS possible.
The first time I've found a video on this. With my history of bpd and cptsd this happens frequently to me... Thank you for helping me understand what's going on
Your videos are incredibly helpful. I am also a believer in using psychedelics intentionally in a therapeutic way. It can go directly to the addiction, obsession, rumination, etc., and “clear” these blockages.
Thank you once again. I lived a life similar to the person who went to Africa. Different, but I unconsciously chose Mom every time. Thinking this time I'd get reciprocal love. Nope. I took 13+ years off after my last heartbreak. I've grown a lot in the quiet time. But your advice and free step process are amazing. I have only just begun. I really understand now why we take at least a year to really know a person. When studying for my degree in counseling I understood as a student not a CPTSD person. Funny: I've recently joined a reputable dating site. I have yet to meet one person who thinks taking a year to get to know each other is a good idea... But that is their problem/ choice bit mine. Mine is trusting the boundary I set. Thank you so much for these letters!!
Yeah! I'm friends with people who really care about who I am in real-time, and I always get bored when I tell stories about my fantasy man. They are just not interested! I think because they feel that I'm wasting my time and potential for virtually nothing if they indulge me. It helps me a lot! I become more real and more present.
Wow! I didn't know I've always loved to have male friends bc od my relationship with my mom as a child. She grew up almost as an abandoned child in a very disfunctional family. She was very young as she became a mom and she could not provide us with affection.... i hope she gets healing. But somehow it also damaged my image of women, and after many bad experiences with female friends I decided I just want men around me. It has never been a problem for any of us. Bur it is nice to know there is sonething I should work on: getting female friends. Especially now, since I've been isolated for at least 8 years. Thank you, Anne.
35:00 Powerful. I will do it. My apology is to stay away from him. But I just wanna say my case is slightly different, because I don't wish to extinguish the friendship. I will be open if he wants to talk, because if I just doorslamed him, then that would make me emotionally available, and that's not fair for him (because it's me who started the pursuing). However, I am done with breadcrumbs and mixed signals. I made my line now. Relationship requires effort from both sides.
"What would I do if you haven’t come into my world to change it forever? What would I do if you have never looked at me and reawakened love within me my gorgeous prince with those beautiful big blue eyes? I was praying to meet someone like you, and as if you were godsent, your first presence has just changed my world in an instant. Otherwise, I was hurt by all the disappointments in love, constant painful abandonment, hopelessness in an endless vaccuum of desperation. And it did take us a while to be together that I nearly gave up. But, here we are in your hometown where you lived before you moved to mine, and we are spending our first holiday to experience the summer together. I did not plan to do this amazing trip, certainly not. You’ve surprised me with all these nice monuments, streets and parks that carried your name. Yes, and I want to follow your footsteps, find your name, and be where ever you have been! I’m so eager to feel and see your world and breathe the air you breathed so your past will be mine too, as if we have always been together."
"And I'm glad you looked back at me. It’s then I dared to approach you. I’ll take you through my city on my bicycle today. Let's go through the park!"
"I bet you used to ride your bicycle through this big park everyday and do lots of sports and outings with your work mates, drinking, laughing and having fun.”
" Sweetie, let’s sit down here. This a pleasant park restaurant with many benches with tables outside."
"Oh, I see you’ve spent so much time in this place, is it your favourite place? So much people are eating out here. It’s teeming with happy weekenders...unlike us, it’s certainly our first honey moon together."
"The beer I grabbed at the bar desk is delicious with a hint of sweetness, light and thirst quenching. Do you wanna have a taste?”
The bar attendant approaches her and asks her "Would you like to have something else m'am?" She looks down and answers "No, thanks." She gets up of the bench immediately and then leaves to explore more of the city.
"Oh, it must be there you used to jump in the stream and have a swim to cool down the heat of July?"
"Yes, I’ve done it many time with friends."
"I’m tired of walking, yet I cannot sit anywhere. I feel like going around the entire city today. No need of your car or bicycle. We should walk all around and visit all churches and museums together and every tiny corner."
"It’s your city now, and we may well come back to settle down here together, buy a house and have children." "Oh dear, in this case I'll have to find a job too."
"Not immediately! Initially, I’ll take care of you. And you’ll be at home caring for our kids."
"I'm feeling tired, let's sit down by the stream as I need to rest my feet by dipping them in the fresh water."
The young students are chilling in groups by the alertedly running stream and the water feels cool when she puts her feet in the stream. All of sudden, a bloke looks like he is creeping towards her and she starts to feel uncomfortable, so she pulls her feet out of the water right away and puts her shoes on and leaves without having fully enjoyed the moment. "Where are you going beautiful lady?" the bloke mumbles to her without her taking any notice of him.
"Oh, I have to hurry out of here to get away from this intrusive fellow, nobody will ever take your place."
Later, as the night falls, the rain begins to pour down, but luckily she has her big dark green umbrella with her. At tis point she feels to tired to pursue anything, and therefore she decides to return to the hotel. "W're well tired my love, aren't we, let's call it a day and another exciting day awaits us tomorrow."
"Oh, ye, of course, I showed you my entire life here in my city today, sweetheart, and I can't wait until we arrive to our hotel."
In the hotel room, she changes her clothes and slips on her pyjamas, and then goes to her comfy double bed that’s covered with white sheets and duvets. She feels restless so she starts to scroll through her mobile to calm herself down to aid her falling asleep. On the other side of the big bed, she has put her small backpack, and scattered her clothes and other hygiene items all over it. The first hours of night elapse but she is still wide awake. She has a long day ahead of her tomorrow to explore more of his city.
"Why? why did you come and leave without saying good bye? Life has become utterly unbearable and I’ve lost all of my will to live that even daily joys as small as painting my nails, had lost its excitement. Why did I look at you when you were stealing a lusty glance at me that changed my life in a second and made me feel something? What would have happened if I never did? You left out of the blue and made my days dull and hopeless until I fell apart. You allured me with long talks about your life, yet I knew that you would be just as everyone else, there was nothing promising. And since then something have died inside of me and despite of that I’ve chosen you to be the last one ever to love." Says she to herself and then she sobs for a short instance in silence until her tears have fallen on the pillow underneath her head.
Hey Anna, I love your videos, they're so helpful and informative. I don't know if you changed your UA-cam settings but there are a lot more ad breaks happening, they're really interrupting my attention to what you're saying. Can you do something about this, or is it a thing that UA-cam decides? It didn't used to be like this a few months back. Thanks Anna, and keep up your great work, it is much appreciated!
I know three comments. But this one really hits home. Since I was starving for this info for decades it's like a feast in the desert. Your description of how to date is my new boundaries list. Your description of writing down what we want in a healthy relationship partner is a huge puzzle piece I "felt" was missing but didn't Know was missing. Also I would be a good Dad to my younger dating self. Thanks. Again... There's No R u s h...
I have limerance for my ex therapist. I still love her so very much. Not sure if this is really limerance or transference or both but man it really sucks!
@@Eighteen19 It can most certainly happen with someone like that even with a professional thearpist. Transference and limerence can be tied together, it happens. What it honestly does is that it can help to uncover wounds and trauma within yourself
This is really good information, truth and tough love. I'm glad you give concrete direction too. I know Alanon, counseling and finding the strength I needed in a 12 steps group led me to facing reality as it is. Love in real life takes work and investment. But the dividends of truly showing up and being Vulnerable far out way any internal fantasy I create. We can carry ourselves into and safely out of real relationship.
I'm in love with a fictional character, but right now I'm okay with that. I know he's not real, but having a real romance right now isn't possible. So I'm content with fantasies about him. I am not sure if I ever want to date again, tbh.
I started reading a "romance" novel recently for the first time in my life. It's a little cheesy, but it feels nice to think about romance and not have my attention be on the person i experience limerance for, which is often distressing.
I posted this in a response, but I’ll repeat here: I needed to hear this. The worst part for me is my LO flirts with me. I developed feelings for him when I thought he might be available and was turning them off when I found out he wasn’t. But just when I thought our chemistry was all in my head, now he likes to squeeze my arm and run his finger down my back and he just got remarried. It’s made turning those feelings off so hard, because he’s giving me the attention I crave from him. I know I’ll get over it, but it’s really hurting me and I seem to not be able to tell him to stop. He’s also someone I can’t avoid., it’s brutal. 😢
Hi, is that married man still toying with you ? If so you could ask him if it is O.K. to tell his wife. (and the supervisor and Human Resources). Else he should completely leave you alone. do you meet him at work, or when he visits family ?
There are so many people who seem to have limerence because of bad and toxic people. I fell for one once but then never again, they sicken me now. Now I fall for men who are the opposite. If you feel limerent for a terrible person, it is clearer that it is not about love but what about men who seem like genuinely good people? Who have good qualities and who do also actions that prove that they have these qualities. That is the reason why I still can't define if I feel only limerence or other things like admiration or a deeper infatuation or even some form of love or something like that because there are good men I wish the best for, even if they are not in my life at all.
Hello! I just wanted to know how and if I can get access to the website. Unfortunately, it says it's not available in my country...Is there a way to work around that? 'Cause I'm very interested in your material,guides, all of it. Could really use some help or an answer... Thank you in advance! Best wishes and many thanks for this channel! Really helpful. A goldmine actually!
Here are some of Anna's videos on this topic: • "Learn to See the Signs That Someone Isn't REALLY Available": ua-cam.com/video/s2oh-0JSQyc/v-deo.html • "How to Tell Someone Could Be a Great PARTNER: Watch for These Signs": ua-cam.com/video/e09JUri5QQY/v-deo.html Many more videos on this topic are here: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=red%20flags Nika@TeamFairy
I am suffering from limerance for a woman, but I hate hearing about it because SHE is similarly obsessed with a guy who regularly beats her and uses her. She and I can talk and text for hours, laugh, she can be impressed by my personality and what I do, but she will NEVER feel the attraction toward me that she feels toward a guy who beats her, abuses her in every way, has abused her son (he is no longer allowed around the son). And despite being fully entrenched in a pathetic cliche, I can’t get her out of my mind, and I can’t not feel awful when I drive by her apartment complex, (she lives near me and I pass by normally, not on purpose) and see his vehicle there. I know time will mitigate this but if I don’t get a good relationship I feel like I’ll have some feelings about this for a disturbingly long time.
Can i have limerince on a platonic basis? We are friends I (male) ande she... but when she wants no contact or distance I go in full obsession mode. When we are having normal contact, text and in real life appointments I dont go in crazy obsess but the moment she holds me back or wants distance I go littarly crazy.. im acting like a little Child whos mamma left him behind... its awfull is it an attachment thing from childhood? Also fear of abondoment comes up... I want to hold someone close but the only thing that this obsession causses is distance? Should I break full contact? Im going now in NC. Because if i text anymore i will ruin the relationship for sure. TBH i think some distance is good for me but to break this relationship for good terrefies me as well. Maybe someone has some info.. and sorry for my english its not my first language. Kind regards from a male 35 from europe..
Does my dead fiance count as limerance? It's been 21 years since he suddenly passed. I've moved on married, divorced. It's just easier to dream about what life would have been with my fiancé. Been single, not dating for 12 years. I'm comfortable.
Took me a while to get past my Limerence with the person from church during the pandemic. Come to find out, I don't like her very much at all, as a person. She was hot but I can say all kinds of mean-spirited things about her. She was flaky too. First interactions were warm and inviting… And then I met her online. Cue the song the wicked witch from the west from Wizard of Oz. I forgive her though. I still don't like her though. If I never have to speak to her again, that would be great. She sure loves animals though.
I think a part of what's happening is that as women, we are mortified by sexual rejection. Especially if we are fit, healthy, fertile young women with a reasonable level of physical attractiveness. Men are biologically wired to want to reproduce with as many women as possible. Quantity is generally more sought after than quality in their experience. Generally speaking, women are supposed to be choosy whereas men are lucky to have the attention of even one woman. And so rejection from a man, especially when you are young, is so so painful beyond words. He's basically saying you're not good enough to bear his children. And men aren't supposed to be picky about that sort of thing from an evolutionary standpoint. If you're an attractive young woman reading this, you shouldn't be asking what is wrong with *him* so much as what is wrong with *you*. Your desirability is not the issue. It's who you choose to desire that matters, and you should only desire high quality men. When I was 21 I thought I had fallen in love with someone ten years older than me. A broke musician with no talent and a terrible personality. Meanwhile I didn't feel any attraction to a handsome, brilliant young man in medical school who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Obviously I had a lot of trauma and emotional baggage to work through, but I was incapable of seeing it at the time. Now in my late 30s, I realize my life is completely ruined. But I don't think there's anything I could have done about it when I was young because trauma is trauma and it can take many decades to "recover" to any meaningful degree. If you currently feel an obsessive attraction to a particular man, you need to step back and impartially evaluate his quality in comparison to the men who are actually interested in you. Chances are, you're currently getting attention from men who have better qualities than this one particular man who rejects you. Why are you chasing a guy who is less desirable than your other options? What is it exactly that emotionally compels you to pursue this type of person? It's a question I'm still asking myself and will probably be working through for the rest of my life.
Yeah, it's a compilation just like all of Anna's longer videos. That said, there's usually a new segment at the beginning which this one doesn't appear to have.
This lady went to Africa to find someone like him and she thought like others like her could control Him with money. And too much motherly love .He knew she and others want sex from Him .She should be honest to herself .
This is a "best-of" compilation video and includes excerpts from multiple videos. Anna posts these every once in a while as some viewers enjoy this type of video centered on one topic. They are always the longer (1hr+) videos and she mentions they are compilations in the description so you can more easily identify them. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Looking for a familiar face in a crowd.... so yeah we broke up and just couldn't get back together again. Now and then I think of her, and.....naw, I don't think so Does that count?
I'd be hugely interested in a vid on avoidance too.. Im nearing 50 and have never had a relationship longterm. I'm not overly bothered about it, enjoy being in my own company and could very happily live without ever having a relationship. But just like most people, the physical element is something I wouldn't mind having in my life.. And it is probably a nice thing to share time, good and bad, with someone you care about and who cares about you back.. Again though, I'm painfully aware being in a couple doesn't guarantee any of those things 😁.. I grew up with a very negative view on relationships, I think I decided VERY early on that would be much better off on my own. I still think that may be the case. But an opinion would be great. Thanks for ur vids Anna, always interesting and straight up..
THIS ! Oh God, I thought I was one of the very few or that I am aromantic. Only had 1 longterm relationship, starting at 29 (was only 1.5 years long, too). Also, in my case, I wouldn't mind having kids, but don't see myself with a longtime partner somehow. I have to discuss this in my therapy
@@di7787 well I don't know if this will hinder or help 🙈 I DID actually do the "child" bit.. (let's say after a very "brief encounter").. I absolutely LOVED the mother role, (all grown up now), fell COMPLETELY in love with my child from the get go to this day.. So I'm content at least I'm not totally devoid of love n attachment.. 😁
My past destroyed me that’s why I can’t date just can’t I’m very hard on myself 68 just can’t I always picked men like me felt comfortable but in the end when it doesn’t work at all just doesn’t I have a million different experiences and a million mistakes but when it comes to men I only learn a little I know I pick men like me num but I know in the end it doesn’t work today not num but A is my fantasy man every four years or twenty years running out of years lol don’t like mushy men don’t like cold men don’t like highly intelligent because I only went to the 8 th grade catholic school so I know intellectual people won’t want me I’m not on their level today my boundaries are so tight I can’t stand it all started from 17 years old till now I’m safe I’m alone safe ❤@lorraineamicothemakeupartist
I live in a fantasy love with a guy in and out of all my men and two twenty year husbands for all my life with this one person but his family doesn’t want him with me really now he’s 61 and I’m 68 been alone for twenty three years but went to his house last January spoke with him a year before for a whole year on and off for year till we got together oh well another one bites the dust ❤ true I get obsess only about him my whole life and had twenty year husbands to and one year in a half I rather stay alone I know it can’t ever be he’s still a little boy and I’m kinda grown up lol @lorraineamicothemakeupartist
I’ve always helped my two husbands with the daughter of the second husband put her through one in a half years of catholic school but he gave it back to me down the road it was four hundred a month for a year in a half I’ve been through a million in a half of my money now I live tightly shame on me bought my love and still didn’t work I was never selfish with my money now I am older and sickly oh well another lesson learned my mom took all my money when I worked at 15 years old as a sales girl after awhile I wanted to buy clothes told her can’t give you money I need to look great for work so I stopped giving money then at 18 I get thrown out into the streets so from that point on always gave money that was my life so I wouldn’t be abandoned like my mom did to me shame on me I am beat down to the ground literally 😢@lorraineamicothemakeupartist
A use to call me everyday for hours to talk once a week we wouldmeetfor five years I was with a husband of twenty years he is a very bad man extremely he was my first husband craziness my first husband was extremely bad use to play poker every night never coming home so A fit in nicely he was 19 I was in my early twenty’s much more to my life a normal man couldn’t ever be with me could never so I stayed with people like me but wasted my all youth waste now Im sickly now I’ll never meet 😢@lorraineamicothemakeupartist
I try to fill the emptiness in my heart every day by daydreaming about fictitious scenarios with unavailable people and characters. I struggle with loneliness but have severe anxiety around others and even leaving my house is terrifying. This limerence fantasy is the only place I feel I have control and letting go is so painful, but necessary to move forward.
Same. You got this. 💖
@@blurhapsody1739 ❤
I relate.
@@doreenplischke2169 ❤
@juliette ferrars:sounds like you might have social anxiety .I have it too .take care and be well.by the way,I'm a man that's saying this and it's hard to admit.
“We suffer more from imagination than reality”- Seneca… Limerance in a nutshell
The things we do for love. So embarrassing! I look back on my entire life with shame
Having survived limerence with a person who was single when I met him and then he got married during a visit to his country, and come through to the other side, I want to encourage everyone watching this video to believe that you can recover from your infatuation/obsession. And life is truly very beautiful on the other side. The initial pain can be excruciating and it can be hard to even imagine life without that person, but it's SO worth it to get your life back. You can do it.
I needed to hear this. The worst part for me is my LO flirts with me. I developed feelings for him when I thought he might be available and was turning them off when I found out he wasn’t.
But just when I thought our chemistry was all in my head, now he likes to squeeze my arm and run his finger down my back and he just got remarried.
It’s made turning those feelings off so hard, because he’s giving me the attention I crave from him.
I know I’ll get over it, but it’s really hurting me and I seem to not be able to tell him to stop. He’s also someone I can’t avoid., it’s brutal. 😢
@@laurafedora5385I can’t tell you how much I understand and sympathize. You sound strong though. It seems to me that you can see beyond this person. Keep your eyes on your beautiful future. It’s very painful but you can do it.
@@laurafedora5385 When he touches you that way, and he's married and you want to stop, realize he is sexually teasing you in a very cruel and stupid way. For your own well-being and to get back your bodily integrity, the next time he does it, pull away sharply and tell him to "Cut it out. You're married, and I don't fool around with married men." Just say it straight out to him. Right now he is toying with your sexual response and your romantic emotions. Not a nice guy. Move on. NEXT!
It's been 1 year still I am obsessing with him. Please help me. I am dying inside.
I went through same. I am feeling much much better because it took me years to ease the strong love feeling and hoping for someone who was and is Farr away .I am lucky that my feeling that we could be together and one day ww would have connected again and he would love me so on goneeee. Also , I realized what kind of person he really is . He had many many young girlfriends and lovers so on.. and knowing that he would always be that kind of person and eve it happened it was not gonna be good for me ... I am proud of myself that I could see this now.Even it took yers for me.
Thank you for putting Limerence in the spot light! This is huge in the twin flame world, and although there can be a spiritual connection... thinking of someone 24/7 isn't a divine gift. It's an internal problem.
I did not know about the concept of limerence until I discovered your channel. I experienced a lot of dysfunction/trauma in my chaotic childhood. I am 52 years old and have experienced this (limerence) my entire life. I have never had a real romantic partnership - just obsessing over men I cannot have. Thanks so much for your work and your channel. Being in ACA, therapy, and watching videos such as yours has been truly helpful to me.
Ugh, I'm still haunted by a girl I dated for six weeks 20 years ago. Thinking about how different my life would have been if I had handled it better.
Yep I had a very similar experience, it happened when I was 17. It lasted 6 weeks, in hindsight I think she was just using me for sex. She was mostly emotionally unavailable. It took me years and years to get over her. I had a crappy childhood, therapy has helped a lot. I'm still prone to limerance, I'm 42 and recently had an obsession with a woman for a few months, but I seem to be able to recognise and get over it quickly (within a month or so) after I had therapy.
How strange … Exactly the same story on my side . Glad I am not alone in this madness 😅
Go NO contact. And that include not even thinking about her. If a thought pops up let it pass through like a cloud on the sky. - EFT may help you to take the edge of your obsession (and the well greased neuronal paths ;). Dawson Church has free instructions on his website (easy and fast to learn, and also a technique that laypersons can use. Else you can go to a practicioner even a therapist that has EFT (or other varieties of meridian tapping) in their toolbox.
On the channel of following Fenna you will find short vids about what strict no contact means and the brain chemistry behind that strict rule. Most people in an intense limerent episode do not manage at the first attempt to go strictly no contact - but if your limerence is so strong it still haunts you after 20 years, it would be the best to strive for that.
I have a similar memory of a boy from when I was in high school, thinking of how different my life might have been if I'd avoided a relationship with an older man and instead had a boyfriend the same age as me. I'm mourning what I lost and what might have been, but I realise it has more to do with me than the boy from 20 years ago. I hope to accept the path my life has taken, in time. Wishing you healing too, my friend 💜
It's hell and I'm going through it right now , God have mercy on my soul , and every soul experiencing this ...
Why you don't have millions of subs is beyond me my fairy Godmother. I've listened to many a podcaster... but you are the one that I keep coming back to. Your calm and straight to the point demeanor are so humbling. Thank you for everything you do for us folk in healing. You truly are an angel xxo
I agree completely. This video always pulls at my heart strings. The way she explains limerence is so profound. I never realized until this video how very unhealthy and lonely limerence was making me. I thought it was helping me keep hope alive but it was trapping me on fantasy. It is like an addiction. I've used it to calm feelings and fears about loneliness. Instead of facing my fears and opening my heart for love in real life. I absolutely love Anna. One day I will be brave enough to write in. ❤
Sometimes, I wonder if anyone on this planet is not broken from their childhood...
A lucky few
Broken childhood = life
I feel you 😢
I'm so tired and exhausted fighting this. My limerance is paired with disassociation. "Fairytale land" when I'm stressed and anxious.
mine too, it´s just sometimes things that you can't control make life stressful, it is so tempting to go to "Fairytale land" but after a while is disappointing, i am trying to at least not to spend the day there
I wish one phrase and concept would disappear from our culture-- this nonsense about "we are meant to be". You are only meant to be with someone who has made a commitment to you, and that you are committed to. Anything else is just magical thinking, living in a fantasy. No horoscope signs, no "meet cute" encounters where you are quickly swept off your feet. I lived too much of my life deluded by these nonsensical notions. How I wish I could have cut it out decades later than I did. When I found my partner, there were no fireworks-- just the realization that after all the wrong turns I made, here was a person I could get along with, who wanted me in their life. There was very little drama about it. Instead, calmness and sanity. What a frigging relief.
Really happy you've been able to find a healthy relationship, you give me hope! Thank you :)
Yes!! Our Society and Pop Culture have implimented these altruistic lies about “Prince Charming”, “The One”, etc. 😅
Love yourself enough to have self-worth, long-term goals, hobbies, a social circle and love yourself enough to have better discernment in choosing partners and friends. ❤
There is a talk by Alain de Botton on Romanticism that covers a lot of what you are saying, about how our culture has trained us to expect to one day meet someone, "the one", who will automatically know what we want, read our minds basically and be able to meet all of our needs. It's a very damaging fantasy. The talk is available on UA-cam, I highly recommend it.
When you have grown up from a disfuncual family you do find some men boring but actually those ones are better partners , you find them boring because they are not taking you on the roller coaster ride of your childhood.
❤ truth
I was in therapy for 2 years, and never knew about limerence until I found your channel. Thank you for changing my life with your knowledge. I'm slowly breaking my 13-year cycle of limerence.
Appropriate and available people are hard to find. Sadly, I settled on life's consolation prize. I have nothing but regret.
If you don't mind sharing, what is your "life's consolation prize"?
@@nicolesteiner3172The appropriate answer should be "me, myself"...
Mulholland Drive is a fantastic film about limerence, I highly recommend it to anyone struggling with this addiction.
Yessss
And
Movie DAMAGE
I wonder if this is what happens in thoses dating romance scams where ppl send life savings to a foreigner.
It's tragic when someone says maybe we'll get together in the future if it's fate. It's very self-serving for the person saying it.
Also a future fake
Was thinking exactly this!
Yep, keeping you hanging on and hoping so they can have you whenever they want. Gross.
I've had so many struggles with Limerence I've given up on love and am just working on myself...
After a 4 year long romanticized relationship in my head with this guy I’m finally coming to reality. It suddenly hit me that the relationship was mostly all made up in my head. It hurts and I’m not sure how or if I will ever be able to completely let go of this person but I’m working on it.
I hear you. You're in the right place and we're all sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
How have I never heard of this concept before? I work in mental health! I've been in therapy all my life! This is why I can't have relationships! THANK YOU! ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Because it’s ever evolving lol. Wait til you pick up the Betrayal Bond by Carnes. Or Why Does He Do That by the mighty Lundy Bancroft
OMG what a HUGE and impactful statement that I never even considered. 29 minutes in you see “I don’t see anything safe about being alone the rest of your life.” The sense of safety is so important for those of us with CPTSD. But we also tend to isolate. This concept that sharing life with someone is a mental game changer. Im all about shifting beliefs and this is a good way to see something from a new place.
It’s relieving and also scary to see other people struggle with this too
Limerence comes from not loving yourself and using other people to fill that void.it never works for very long and u still feel just as empty as before.love yourself fully first and everything else falls into place.
I'm currently breaking this cycle, and I feel so lost in life. I feel like a shell of a person without the ability to disassociate or indulge in limerance. I am so stunted in life and in my personal growth. Time is passing me by. I've been relying heavily on my over eating habits to deal with avoiding limerance. Obviously when you are stressed or lonely you want to feel loved or atleast imagine someone loving you.
Same here I wish you the best in your journey
Please don’t give up. Sometimes the turning point is the hardest ❤
@@laurafedora5385 truth spoken Laura..
Wanting to feel love is so integral to us as human beings. I understand your fears. We all do. Please be kind to that part of you that needs comfort.
People can sense your frequency.
I was thinking about this topic and your video dropped. The Universe is kind. Now I understand why my love life has always been a hot mess.CPTSD is something else, I tell you.
"Actual relationships" are triggering, yes, that's why I seek unavailable people, I know this will never work, so in some weird way it's "better", except it's not...
I date people I'm not attracted to...pretty same outcome
Hi Anna, I just came over here to say that I’m finally starting the Dysregulation boot camp 🎉🎉🎉🎉
And to say God bless you!!! Thank you so much for the work you do. I can’t fully put it into words honestly. I look forward to speaking with you on a call one day. I’m also starting Pete Walker’s book. It’s intense, but already very helpful.
So grateful for you in my life.
Xoxoxo
Krisma
Your videos are the only thing that is helping me
Glad you're here! TeamFairy
I wish there were more videos on non romantic limerance. All my situations were friends that seemed to trigger father/big brother hunger.
I also want to get out of this loneliness 😔
Join the community
Wow. 10:50 the way you just said that is so real. You're so right. Wow. I did not feel real at all
You know! 💯💯💯
I promise to watch all the commercials at the end did not skip through them
Since I discovered I struggle with limerence, I watch your videos everyday to learn about it and heal. It's very helpful, thank you for your help 😊
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the videos have been helpful. -Calista@TeamFairy
I went through this very thing only a few months ago. I was drawn to someone I couldn't have and her situation was not likely to change. I fell and fell very hard for her, which resulted in her being constantly in my mind - my routine, my sleep, my wakeup..it was all affected, she was just always there. I somehow managed to get out of this but it took a great deal of willpower. I would see her and meet up with her and we'd always have a wonderful time, but the second I got back home, reality hit, and i knew I had to do something. Telling her how I felt about her was futile and so I didn't, preferring to just try and deal with things on my own. We're still friends to this day but I'm looking at it now in a whole new light and she's no longer constantly in my mind. I know the pain only too well though. All I wanted and all that seemed to matter was her and I just couldn't continue if this was how things were gonna be in my life. Recovery from this sort of thing IS possible.
The first time I've found a video on this. With my history of bpd and cptsd this happens frequently to me... Thank you for helping me understand what's going on
Your right can’t help them mentally that’s why we have people like you
Your videos are incredibly helpful. I am also a believer in using psychedelics intentionally in a therapeutic way. It can go directly to the addiction, obsession, rumination, etc., and “clear” these blockages.
Tysvm for this comment!!🙏🏼🍄⚕️❤️🩹 🌱I love sharing the power of RESPONSIBLE plant medicine use in healing!
Thank you once again. I lived a life similar to the person who went to Africa. Different, but I unconsciously chose Mom every time. Thinking this time I'd get reciprocal love. Nope.
I took 13+ years off after my last heartbreak.
I've grown a lot in the quiet time. But your advice and free step process are amazing. I have only just begun.
I really understand now why we take at least a year to really know a person.
When studying for my degree in counseling I understood as a student not a CPTSD person.
Funny: I've recently joined a reputable dating site. I have yet to meet one person who thinks taking a year to get to know each other is a good idea... But that is their problem/ choice bit mine. Mine is trusting the boundary I set.
Thank you so much for these letters!!
The movie”DAMAGE”is perfect .
Yeah! I'm friends with people who really care about who I am in real-time, and I always get bored when I tell stories about my fantasy man. They are just not interested! I think because they feel that I'm wasting my time and potential for virtually nothing if they indulge me. It helps me a lot! I become more real and more present.
Wow! I didn't know I've always loved to have male friends bc od my relationship with my mom as a child. She grew up almost as an abandoned child in a very disfunctional family. She was very young as she became a mom and she could not provide us with affection.... i hope she gets healing. But somehow it also damaged my image of women, and after many bad experiences with female friends I decided I just want men around me. It has never been a problem for any of us. Bur it is nice to know there is sonething I should work on: getting female friends. Especially now, since I've been isolated for at least 8 years.
Thank you, Anne.
35:00
Powerful. I will do it. My apology is to stay away from him. But I just wanna say my case is slightly different, because I don't wish to extinguish the friendship.
I will be open if he wants to talk, because if I just doorslamed him, then that would make me emotionally available, and that's not fair for him (because it's me who started the pursuing). However, I am done with breadcrumbs and mixed signals. I made my line now. Relationship requires effort from both sides.
Wanting to stay friend with the person you're obsessed on is not different at all. It's one of the later stages of limerence.
Sounds a lot like what I've been through...I am glad I now recognize it and can tell myself to stop if that makes sense.
Thanks so much for replays & compilation replays. So helpful, especially for people who are new to this amazing channel♥️
In limirence
"What would I do if you haven’t come into my world to change it forever? What would I do if you have never looked at me and reawakened love within me my gorgeous prince with those beautiful big blue eyes? I was praying to meet someone like you, and as if you were godsent, your first presence has just changed my world in an instant. Otherwise, I was hurt by all the disappointments in love, constant painful abandonment, hopelessness in an endless vaccuum of desperation. And it did take us a while to be together that I nearly gave up. But, here we are in your hometown where you lived before you moved to mine, and we are spending our first holiday to experience the summer together. I did not plan to do this amazing trip, certainly not. You’ve surprised me with all these nice monuments, streets and parks that carried your name. Yes, and I want to follow your footsteps, find your name, and be where ever you have been! I’m so eager to feel and see your world and breathe the air you breathed so your past will be mine too, as if we have always been together."
"And I'm glad you looked back at me. It’s then I dared to approach you. I’ll take you through my city on my bicycle today. Let's go through the park!"
"I bet you used to ride your bicycle through this big park everyday and do lots of sports and outings with your work mates, drinking, laughing and having fun.”
" Sweetie, let’s sit down here. This a pleasant park restaurant with many benches with tables outside."
"Oh, I see you’ve spent so much time in this place, is it your favourite place? So much people are eating out here. It’s teeming with happy weekenders...unlike us, it’s certainly our first honey moon together."
"The beer I grabbed at the bar desk is delicious with a hint of sweetness, light and thirst quenching. Do you wanna have a taste?”
The bar attendant approaches her and asks her "Would you like to have something else m'am?" She looks down and answers "No, thanks." She gets up of the bench immediately and then leaves to explore more of the city.
"Oh, it must be there you used to jump in the stream and have a swim to cool down the heat of July?"
"Yes, I’ve done it many time with friends."
"I’m tired of walking, yet I cannot sit anywhere. I feel like going around the entire city today. No need of your car or bicycle. We should walk all around and visit all churches and museums together and every tiny corner."
"It’s your city now, and we may well come back to settle down here together, buy a house and have children."
"Oh dear, in this case I'll have to find a job too."
"Not immediately! Initially, I’ll take care of you. And you’ll be at home caring for our kids."
"I'm feeling tired, let's sit down by the stream as I need to rest my feet by dipping them in the fresh water."
The young students are chilling in groups by the alertedly running stream and the water feels cool when she puts her feet in the stream. All of sudden, a bloke looks like he is creeping towards her and she starts to feel uncomfortable, so she pulls her feet out of the water right away and puts her shoes on and leaves without having fully enjoyed the moment.
"Where are you going beautiful lady?" the bloke mumbles to her without her taking any notice of him.
"Oh, I have to hurry out of here to get away from this intrusive fellow, nobody will ever take your place."
Later, as the night falls, the rain begins to pour down, but luckily she has her big dark green umbrella with her. At tis point she feels to tired to pursue anything, and therefore she decides to return to the hotel. "W're well tired my love, aren't we, let's call it a day and another exciting day awaits us tomorrow."
"Oh, ye, of course, I showed you my entire life here in my city today, sweetheart, and I can't wait until we arrive to our hotel."
In the hotel room, she changes her clothes and slips on her pyjamas, and then goes to her comfy double bed that’s covered with white sheets and duvets. She feels restless so she starts to scroll through her mobile to calm herself down to aid her falling asleep. On the other side of the big bed, she has put her small backpack, and scattered her clothes and other hygiene items all over it. The first hours of night elapse but she is still wide awake. She has a long day ahead of her tomorrow to explore more of his city.
"Why? why did you come and leave without saying good bye? Life has become utterly unbearable and I’ve lost all of my will to live that even daily joys as small as painting my nails, had lost its excitement. Why did I look at you when you were stealing a lusty glance at me that changed my life in a second and made me feel something? What would have happened if I never did? You left out of the blue and made my days dull and hopeless until I fell apart. You allured me with long talks about your life, yet I knew that you would be just as everyone else, there was nothing promising. And since then something have died inside of me and despite of that I’ve chosen you to be the last one ever to love." Says she to herself and then she sobs for a short instance in silence until her tears have fallen on the pillow underneath her head.
Hey Anna, I love your videos, they're so helpful and informative. I don't know if you changed your UA-cam settings but there are a lot more ad breaks happening, they're really interrupting my attention to what you're saying. Can you do something about this, or is it a thing that UA-cam decides? It didn't used to be like this a few months back. Thanks Anna, and keep up your great work, it is much appreciated!
Such an eye opener for me and I see the signs in my own life. Going to soak all of this in and mat ask follow up questions. I'm in awe.
That's great!! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I know three comments. But this one really hits home. Since I was starving for this info for decades it's like a feast in the desert. Your description of how to date is my new boundaries list. Your description of writing down what we want in a healthy relationship partner is a huge puzzle piece I "felt" was missing but didn't Know was missing.
Also I would be a good Dad to my younger dating self. Thanks. Again... There's No R u s h...
I have limerance for my ex therapist. I still love her so very much. Not sure if this is really limerance or transference or both but man it really sucks!
Sounds like an inexperienced therapist… they have their own healing to do. Normally doesn’t happen with a good therapist.
@@Eighteen19why can’t it happen with an experienced therapist, in your opinion?
@@Eighteen19 It can most certainly happen with someone like that even with a professional thearpist. Transference and limerence can be tied together, it happens. What it honestly does is that it can help to uncover wounds and trauma within yourself
This is really good information, truth and tough love. I'm glad you give concrete direction too. I know Alanon, counseling and finding the strength I needed in a 12 steps group led me to facing reality as it is. Love in real life takes work and investment. But the dividends of truly showing up and being Vulnerable far out way any internal fantasy I create. We can carry ourselves into and safely out of real relationship.
I've always went for EUM and I know now it's down to my up bringing, and losing my parents at 18 years old.
I'm in love with a fictional character, but right now I'm okay with that. I know he's not real, but having a real romance right now isn't possible. So I'm content with fantasies about him. I am not sure if I ever want to date again, tbh.
I started reading a "romance" novel recently for the first time in my life. It's a little cheesy, but it feels nice to think about romance and not have my attention be on the person i experience limerance for, which is often distressing.
I posted this in a response, but I’ll repeat here:
I needed to hear this. The worst part for me is my LO flirts with me. I developed feelings for him when I thought he might be available and was turning them off when I found out he wasn’t.
But just when I thought our chemistry was all in my head, now he likes to squeeze my arm and run his finger down my back and he just got remarried.
It’s made turning those feelings off so hard, because he’s giving me the attention I crave from him.
I know I’ll get over it, but it’s really hurting me and I seem to not be able to tell him to stop. He’s also someone I can’t avoid., it’s brutal. 😢
his behavior is disrespectful towards you and his spouse. Another reason to work hard on yourself to not fall for people like that. Good luck
Hi, is that married man still toying with you ? If so you could ask him if it is O.K. to tell his wife. (and the supervisor and Human Resources). Else he should completely leave you alone. do you meet him at work, or when he visits family ?
Calm simple had crazy all my life exausted from all
There are so many people who seem to have limerence because of bad and toxic people. I fell for one once but then never again, they sicken me now. Now I fall for men who are the opposite. If you feel limerent for a terrible person, it is clearer that it is not about love but what about men who seem like genuinely good people? Who have good qualities and who do also actions that prove that they have these qualities.
That is the reason why I still can't define if I feel only limerence or other things like admiration or a deeper infatuation or even some form of love or something like that because there are good men I wish the best for, even if they are not in my life at all.
Same❤
Hello! I just wanted to know how and if I can get access to the website. Unfortunately, it says it's not available in my country...Is there a way to work around that? 'Cause I'm very interested in your material,guides, all of it. Could really use some help or an answer...
Thank you in advance!
Best wishes and many thanks for this channel! Really helpful. A goldmine actually!
around 1:00:00 despite 12 step program for codependents she fell for a con-artist in Africa that was really into young girls even teenagers.
Elizabeth sounds like you're a fucking catch babe. You heal yourself and you make a life that makes you happy :) I'm working on similar things too
So can you do a video on how to detect red flags and detect if someone is healthy , and if they are showing genuine interest ?!
Here are some of Anna's videos on this topic:
• "Learn to See the Signs That Someone Isn't REALLY Available": ua-cam.com/video/s2oh-0JSQyc/v-deo.html
• "How to Tell Someone Could Be a Great PARTNER: Watch for These Signs": ua-cam.com/video/e09JUri5QQY/v-deo.html
Many more videos on this topic are here: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=red%20flags
Nika@TeamFairy
@ thank you so much watching now !
It's difficult to deal with when you have to work with the person too😟
Edit: And then they leave the organisation😥
Huh. I guess the worst is having anxiously effed up something that actually happened. The mind wanders with real data of memories
Was the last story about the gifts one supposed to cut off at the end?🤔
I am suffering from limerance for a woman, but I hate hearing about it because SHE is similarly obsessed with a guy who regularly beats her and uses her. She and I can talk and text for hours, laugh, she can be impressed by my personality and what I do, but she will NEVER feel the attraction toward me that she feels toward a guy who beats her, abuses her in every way, has abused her son (he is no longer allowed around the son). And despite being fully entrenched in a pathetic cliche, I can’t get her out of my mind, and I can’t not feel awful when I drive by her apartment complex, (she lives near me and I pass by normally, not on purpose) and see his vehicle there.
I know time will mitigate this but if I don’t get a good relationship I feel like I’ll have some feelings about this for a disturbingly long time.
Anna will always help me.❤
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Can i have limerince on a platonic basis? We are friends I (male) ande she... but when she wants no contact or distance I go in full obsession mode. When we are having normal contact, text and in real life appointments I dont go in crazy obsess but the moment she holds me back or wants distance I go littarly crazy.. im acting like a little Child whos mamma left him behind... its awfull is it an attachment thing from childhood? Also fear of abondoment comes up... I want to hold someone close but the only thing that this obsession causses is distance? Should I break full contact? Im going now in NC. Because if i text anymore i will ruin the relationship for sure. TBH i think some distance is good for me but to break this relationship for good terrefies me as well. Maybe someone has some info.. and sorry for my english its not my first language. Kind regards from a male 35 from europe..
Great video,
16:18, yup
mine all over again, lol. always mine. i'm in all.
We are glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Does my dead fiance count as limerance? It's been 21 years since he suddenly passed. I've moved on married, divorced. It's just easier to dream about what life would have been with my fiancé. Been single, not dating for 12 years. I'm comfortable.
Yes, it does.
Nika@TeamFairy
Took me a while to get past my Limerence with the person from church during the pandemic. Come to find out, I don't like her very much at all, as a person. She was hot but I can say all kinds of mean-spirited things about her. She was flaky too. First interactions were warm and inviting… And then I met her online. Cue the song the wicked witch from the west from Wizard of Oz.
I forgive her though. I still don't like her though. If I never have to speak to her again, that would be great.
She sure loves animals though.
I think a part of what's happening is that as women, we are mortified by sexual rejection. Especially if we are fit, healthy, fertile young women with a reasonable level of physical attractiveness. Men are biologically wired to want to reproduce with as many women as possible. Quantity is generally more sought after than quality in their experience. Generally speaking, women are supposed to be choosy whereas men are lucky to have the attention of even one woman. And so rejection from a man, especially when you are young, is so so painful beyond words. He's basically saying you're not good enough to bear his children. And men aren't supposed to be picky about that sort of thing from an evolutionary standpoint.
If you're an attractive young woman reading this, you shouldn't be asking what is wrong with *him* so much as what is wrong with *you*. Your desirability is not the issue. It's who you choose to desire that matters, and you should only desire high quality men. When I was 21 I thought I had fallen in love with someone ten years older than me. A broke musician with no talent and a terrible personality. Meanwhile I didn't feel any attraction to a handsome, brilliant young man in medical school who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Obviously I had a lot of trauma and emotional baggage to work through, but I was incapable of seeing it at the time. Now in my late 30s, I realize my life is completely ruined. But I don't think there's anything I could have done about it when I was young because trauma is trauma and it can take many decades to "recover" to any meaningful degree.
If you currently feel an obsessive attraction to a particular man, you need to step back and impartially evaluate his quality in comparison to the men who are actually interested in you. Chances are, you're currently getting attention from men who have better qualities than this one particular man who rejects you. Why are you chasing a guy who is less desirable than your other options? What is it exactly that emotionally compels you to pursue this type of person? It's a question I'm still asking myself and will probably be working through for the rest of my life.
I've heard this one before... Why does it say 9hrs ago? Is this another one of those supercut recycles folks are doing a lot these days?
Yeah, it's a compilation just like all of Anna's longer videos. That said, there's usually a new segment at the beginning which this one doesn't appear to have.
I had emotional story of my father and led my life till now but I cut all men out at my age theirs slim pickings so I’ll never meet lol 😊
boring doesn’t sound so bad to me.
1:06:00 If it's meant to be we will come together later ....
Limerence sucks!!
Yeah i've been limerant. Haha
Limerence was so bad that I had a gf that i was pretending was the other person in my head
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This lady went to Africa to find someone like him and she thought like others like her could control Him with money. And too much motherly love .He knew she and others want sex from Him .She should be honest to herself .
Is this a reply? I'm sure I've heard this before...
Yes, she will typically edit a collection of past videos together on a certain topic.
Some of Anna's videos are complication videos. They are her longest videos and are noted as such in the description. - Ashley, Team Fairy
It would be more helpful if the word compilation was either in the title or somewhere else obvious. Tnx
Yeah nobody
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Why did I do this
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Why the repost? I've seen this already
This is a "best-of" compilation video and includes excerpts from multiple videos. Anna posts these every once in a while as some viewers enjoy this type of video centered on one topic. They are always the longer (1hr+) videos and she mentions they are compilations in the description so you can more easily identify them. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Looking for a familiar face in a crowd.... so yeah we broke up and just couldn't get back together again. Now and then I think of her, and.....naw, I don't think so
Does that count?
is max gay?
Why are you being so harsh and rude to elizabeth? I even sense a bit of sacasm.. hmm...
I'd be hugely interested in a vid on avoidance too.. Im nearing 50 and have never had a relationship longterm. I'm not overly bothered about it, enjoy being in my own company and could very happily live without ever having a relationship. But just like most people, the physical element is something I wouldn't mind having in my life.. And it is probably a nice thing to share time, good and bad, with someone you care about and who cares about you back.. Again though, I'm painfully aware being in a couple doesn't guarantee any of those things 😁.. I grew up with a very negative view on relationships, I think I decided VERY early on that would be much better off on my own. I still think that may be the case. But an opinion would be great. Thanks for ur vids Anna, always interesting and straight up..
THIS ! Oh God, I thought I was one of the very few or that I am aromantic. Only had 1 longterm relationship, starting at 29 (was only 1.5 years long, too). Also, in my case, I wouldn't mind having kids, but don't see myself with a longtime partner somehow. I have to discuss this in my therapy
@@di7787 well I don't know if this will hinder or help 🙈 I DID actually do the "child" bit.. (let's say after a very "brief encounter").. I absolutely LOVED the mother role, (all grown up now), fell COMPLETELY in love with my child from the get go to this day.. So I'm content at least I'm not totally devoid of love n attachment.. 😁
My past destroyed me that’s why I can’t date just can’t I’m very hard on myself 68 just can’t I always picked men like me felt comfortable but in the end when it doesn’t work at all just doesn’t I have a million different experiences and a million mistakes but when it comes to men I only learn a little I know I pick men like me num but I know in the end it doesn’t work today not num but A is my fantasy man every four years or twenty years running out of years lol don’t like mushy men don’t like cold men don’t like highly intelligent because I only went to the 8 th grade catholic school so I know intellectual people won’t want me I’m not on their level today my boundaries are so tight I can’t stand it all started from 17 years old till now I’m safe I’m alone safe ❤@lorraineamicothemakeupartist
I live in a fantasy love with a guy in and out of all my men and two twenty year husbands for all my life with this one person but his family doesn’t want him with me really now he’s 61 and I’m 68 been alone for twenty three years but went to his house last January spoke with him a year before for a whole year on and off for year till we got together oh well another one bites the dust ❤ true I get obsess only about him my whole life and had twenty year husbands to and one year in a half I rather stay alone I know it can’t ever be he’s still a little boy and I’m kinda grown up lol @lorraineamicothemakeupartist
I’ve always helped my two husbands with the daughter of the second husband put her through one in a half years of catholic school but he gave it back to me down the road it was four hundred a month for a year in a half I’ve been through a million in a half of my money now I live tightly shame on me bought my love and still didn’t work I was never selfish with my money now I am older and sickly oh well another lesson learned my mom took all my money when I worked at 15 years old as a sales girl after awhile I wanted to buy clothes told her can’t give you money I need to look great for work so I stopped giving money then at 18 I get thrown out into the streets so from that point on always gave money that was my life so I wouldn’t be abandoned like my mom did to me shame on me I am beat down to the ground literally 😢@lorraineamicothemakeupartist
A use to call me everyday for hours to talk once a week we wouldmeetfor five years I was with a husband of twenty years he is a very bad man extremely he was my first husband craziness my first husband was extremely bad use to play poker every night never coming home so A fit in nicely he was 19 I was in my early twenty’s much more to my life a normal man couldn’t ever be with me could never so I stayed with people like me but wasted my all youth waste now Im sickly now I’ll never meet 😢@lorraineamicothemakeupartist
That sounds hard! You’re in the right place.
-Cara@TeamFairy