It was horrible. He took on this sulken depressed demeanor, which wasn't him before we walked in. I ended up being called condescending by the therapist because I said "I don't feel like someone in their 40s should treat others this way." He totally passed over the horrendous life threatening abuse that I said should not be happening and instead told me how I shouldn't say 40 year olds shouldn't act a certain way. Then my partner held it against me for a very long time. Every fight then telling me the therapist even said I don't talk right 😵💫
I'm the husband and I was the one being emotionally/psychologically/violently abused for more than 5 years. I finally got the courage and help from my brother/attorney to file a restraining order against her. It's tragic because we now have to share custody of our 5-year-old. She professed to be a Christian, but that's not how she acted when she was violent/abusive! I'm a Christian and I have a lot of sin in my life, but I never would inflict any kind of abuse on anyone I live with at home! My attorney said she is planning on filing a divorce...hasn't happened yet, but I'm waiting to see what will happen.
Therapy for a narcissistic abuser only makes them more skilled at hiding their abuse, more manipulative, and more dangerous. Being in therapy with your abuser is often re-traumatizing - you mast protect yourself. If the abuser had insight, they wouldn't be violent in the first place.
I love my woman somuch, she means somuch to me. also I hate the fact that I get violent and that I raise my hands on a lady , she says hurtful words to me that pains me so deep, sometimes I resist and walk away but sometimes I get carried away forgetting that she is a woman, we breakup and she left , cuz she can't take my stupid acts anymore, it really hurts me so badly, cuz she's that person I put directly after my heart, I doubt if she will ever come back, but please I need advice cuz I don't want to find my self repeating ever again, whether if she comes back or I'm in another relationship
Thank you so much for making this video. You are helping me move on after deciding not to go into counseling with a violent ex-partner. I'm in tears and I feel relief.
I have been really struggling with this and have been growing more and more resentment and almost justify why I should be the same…. I hate that I even have these thoughts
What about a violent ex boyfriend, child’s father who had already started to confess that Jesus is his lord and savior. Has taken time to confess everything, his mis behavior to family members and is seeking help and making serious changes. Currently in domestic violence courses, taking parenting classes for the child. And wants to create change for himself and to please Jesus not only because he would like his family back. He accepts the consequences and just want to start taking better steps in his life. What would be your advice?
I would say that he is trying and you should give him a chance again. Set up boundary’s so that he can succeed. He might stumble from time to time but as long as he keeps going God can do great things.
Hey. I noticed this was 8 months ago and was wondering how the progress is going? My ex has admitted his faults and is open to getting counselling and getting help. I feel like it’s just another trick to manipulate me into thinking everything is going to be ok. Is it?
My girlfriend lied to me about something so small, it made me extremely angry as Im an overthinker and just that alone made me question whether she has lied about something even more serious. She told me the reason she lies is because she doesn't like confrontation. Just angers me that she still held down the lie even when we were calmly discussing our issues. I let everything out, all my truths and expressed to her how I felt and all was "well". I asked her a question an hr later after our discussion and she admitted that she lied. I got so angry because I thought we both admitted to everything in our discussion so I hit her. Guess Im just suppose to walk alway right? I feel extremely hurt and angry when Im there being vulnerable with her, I even was going to take her out to eat after our discussion, I genuinely wanted to have a good time. Little did I know she still held a lie over my head.
Hey this is purely observed thing . Domestic violence can never be resolved by couple counselling . If that thing happens only for first time than that's the only and last time you can run away from that toxic relationship. Or else you will be suffering this hell for rest of your life .
I recently had an altercation with my fiance it involve drinking I was blackout drunk I have vowed to change my ways and was doing good up until this point it was a good solid 3 years before anything like this had occurred I had mention to her sister about how the dogs were using the back bedroom as their bathroom my fiance punch me in the face 3 times I did not retaliate I was hurt emotionally all week trying to resolve our conflict I turned to drinking and I had a intimidating conflict with her I feel horrible about the situation and I do not want this to be the end we've been together seven years and have three kids the youngest 8 months and the oldest 7 years this woman is my world my family is my world
I have one question .. is it right for a girl to hit you scratch your face while driving and get Into a accent and not react towards them and then you become the abuser because you learned something negative from them!!
Leaving is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Those of us who have experienced abuse can tell you, do not blame yourself, or excuse them. Accept your reality about the abuse. Get with your friends and family to support you emotionally through the process of letting go and moving on in your life. Since God hates abuse, then it is your God given right to hate it as well and leave that relationship as you trust God to help you move on , by providing every single thing you will need to help you through and out of the abusive relationship or marriage.
You failed to say we are freakin humans. And emotions get the best of us. Smh. Like it’s the end of the world. My uncle still and Aunt still together after 20 years. You don’t know what you are talking about
Lots of humans make mistakes and let their emotions get the best of them WITHOUT hurting other people. It's a very specific psychology that can't be chocked up to "being human" abusers need to take accountability for their CHOICES
@@megatronsupreme4822 yes I agree but most justify their bad behavior. It’s disappointing to know they will never look within & recognize their wrong doing!
@You are the one who do not know what you are taking about. It's not a once in lifetime mistake , it's a pattern of behaviour and response to things that done in an aggressive manner. This kind of people get triggered by little to nothing to harm or control another person. So, if your uncle changed, he's probably not a regular narcissist
Narcissistic abusers will never ever show vulnerability or empathy.
It was horrible. He took on this sulken depressed demeanor, which wasn't him before we walked in. I ended up being called condescending by the therapist because I said "I don't feel like someone in their 40s should treat others this way." He totally passed over the horrendous life threatening abuse that I said should not be happening and instead told me how I shouldn't say 40 year olds shouldn't act a certain way. Then my partner held it against me for a very long time. Every fight then telling me the therapist even said I don't talk right 😵💫
I'm the husband and I was the one being emotionally/psychologically/violently abused for more than 5 years. I finally got the courage and help from my brother/attorney to file a restraining order against her. It's tragic because we now have to share custody of our 5-year-old. She professed to be a Christian, but that's not how she acted when she was violent/abusive! I'm a Christian and I have a lot of sin in my life, but I never would inflict any kind of abuse on anyone I live with at home! My attorney said she is planning on filing a divorce...hasn't happened yet, but I'm waiting to see what will happen.
I needed to hear this today. Very confused . I am hurt in this marriage😢😢
P. Harper your safety matters!
One year later, I hope you got help and got to safety.
Therapy for a narcissistic abuser only makes them more skilled at hiding their abuse, more manipulative, and more dangerous. Being in therapy with your abuser is often re-traumatizing - you mast protect yourself. If the abuser had insight, they wouldn't be violent in the first place.
I love my woman somuch, she means somuch to me. also I hate the fact that I get violent and that I raise my hands on a lady , she says hurtful words to me that pains me so deep, sometimes I resist and walk away but sometimes I get carried away forgetting that she is a woman, we breakup and she left , cuz she can't take my stupid acts anymore, it really hurts me so badly, cuz she's that person I put directly after my heart, I doubt if she will ever come back, but please I need advice cuz I don't want to find my self repeating ever again, whether if she comes back or I'm in another relationship
Seek God
Then Therapy.
At least you can admit it and want to change
You need to do a behavioural therapy and if you take any drugs (alcohol, weed etc.) you need to get sober
Leave her. I know it’s hard bc you love her, but that love will erode over time and it will be easier to leave.
Thank you so much for making this video. You are helping me move on after deciding not to go into counseling with a violent ex-partner. I'm in tears and I feel relief.
@kate kontra I am so glad to hear that! You are the reason I made this video. You are valuable 💗
I have been really struggling with this and have been growing more and more resentment and almost justify why I should be the same…. I hate that I even have these thoughts
What about a violent ex boyfriend, child’s father who had already started to confess that Jesus is his lord and savior. Has taken time to confess everything, his mis behavior to family members and is seeking help and making serious changes. Currently in domestic violence courses, taking parenting classes for the child. And wants to create change for himself and to please Jesus not only because he would like his family back. He accepts the consequences and just want to start taking better steps in his life. What would be your advice?
I would say that he is trying and you should give him a chance again. Set up boundary’s so that he can succeed. He might stumble from time to time but as long as he keeps going God can do great things.
Hey. I noticed this was 8 months ago and was wondering how the progress is going? My ex has admitted his faults and is open to getting counselling and getting help. I feel like it’s just another trick to manipulate me into thinking everything is going to be ok. Is it?
@@jothikashelley6661 same thing is happening with me right now. Idk what to do.
I'd also love to know how it worked out for you, as I'm currently going through this.
My girlfriend lied to me about something so small, it made me extremely angry as Im an overthinker and just that alone made me question whether she has lied about something even more serious. She told me the reason she lies is because she doesn't like confrontation. Just angers me that she still held down the lie even when we were calmly discussing our issues. I let everything out, all my truths and expressed to her how I felt and all was "well". I asked her a question an hr later after our discussion and she admitted that she lied. I got so angry because I thought we both admitted to everything in our discussion so I hit her. Guess Im just suppose to walk alway right? I feel extremely hurt and angry when Im there being vulnerable with her, I even was going to take her out to eat after our discussion, I genuinely wanted to have a good time. Little did I know she still held a lie over my head.
So happy she’s not with you because you clearly don’t feel bad
Never touch a woman in anger. Never.
Did you leave after all
Hey this is purely observed thing . Domestic violence can never be resolved by couple counselling . If that thing happens only for first time than that's the only and last time you can run away from that toxic relationship. Or else you will be suffering this hell for rest of your life .
My bf wanted to go to therapy with me. I'm saw this before hand.
I needed to hear this. A harsh reality for me, i guess I'll have to leave
I recently had an altercation with my fiance it involve drinking I was blackout drunk I have vowed to change my ways and was doing good up until this point it was a good solid 3 years before anything like this had occurred I had mention to her sister about how the dogs were using the back bedroom as their bathroom my fiance punch me in the face 3 times I did not retaliate I was hurt emotionally all week trying to resolve our conflict I turned to drinking and I had a intimidating conflict with her I feel horrible about the situation and I do not want this to be the end we've been together seven years and have three kids the youngest 8 months and the oldest 7 years this woman is my world my family is my world
@That Oneguy I would definitely encourage you to see a counselor on your own. I am deeply sorry for this struggle. I know it must be so painful.
You forgot financial abuse
Please add citations to sources in the description. Thank you!
I have one question .. is it right for a girl to hit you scratch your face while driving and get Into a accent and not react towards them and then you become the abuser because you learned something negative from them!!
No it’s not okay. I did this to my bf. We didn’t get in an accident thank God. But I’m working everyday to change. Hence why I’m watching this video.
i love my wife...i need to change....but....so does she....or things will never change....it takes two to tango
Ahhhh yes….. here’s a man here to blame her for her not going along with her eroded boundaries …. His encroachments on her turf.
Leaving is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Those of us who have experienced abuse can tell you, do not blame yourself, or excuse them. Accept your reality about the abuse. Get with your friends and family to support you emotionally through the process of letting go and moving on in your life. Since God hates abuse, then it is your God given right to hate it as well and leave that relationship as you trust God to help you move on , by providing every single thing you will need to help you through and out of the abusive relationship or marriage.
Thank you
Excellent.
Michael McCarthy thank you!
I wis h more churches understood this.
Here’s another great resource I just came across: www.verbalabuse.com
This was a great presentation until you brought in religion.
You failed to say we are freakin humans. And emotions get the best of us. Smh. Like it’s the end of the world. My uncle still and Aunt still together after 20 years. You don’t know what you are talking about
Domestic violence can literally be the end of the world. You put your hands on someone even an accident can kill them
You sound like someone who puts their hands on women
Lots of humans make mistakes and let their emotions get the best of them WITHOUT hurting other people. It's a very specific psychology that can't be chocked up to "being human" abusers need to take accountability for their CHOICES
@@megatronsupreme4822 yes I agree but most justify their bad behavior. It’s disappointing to know they will never look within & recognize their wrong doing!
@You are the one who do not know what you are taking about. It's not a once in lifetime mistake , it's a pattern of behaviour and response to things that done in an aggressive manner. This kind of people get triggered by little to nothing to harm or control another person.
So, if your uncle changed, he's probably not a regular narcissist