@@glitter2664 i think you first need to find a way to make an income from home, (for example i bake cakes from home and i sell them in the neihgboarhood). Second of all, you have to find a safe place to stay with your kids, at least while you get a more stable income so you can afford paying rent. But you cant tell your spouse about it yet. But before all of that, you have to be very honest with you and recognize if your husband is rude but wont ever get to the point to phisically abuse you. If that is the case make sure you are submiting to your husband as the bible commands us to do. Thats what i do. And at least im not phisically abused. I just focus on my house chores as well as my little baking business and on teaching the word of God to my children. I trully wish you the best, and i hope you always seek advice in the word of god before making any desition.
I feel dead inside..he has killed my spirit and violated my soul. I don't want to live anymore. I'm wrecked and I've no hope or desire for repair. I want to go home. I need my grandmother who showed me real love and I want to be with her so badly. Goodbye to this torture and be welcomed with the love and light of a much better place. ✨
Becca Young, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully you can reach out and get some help to figure out your options and choose one that will support your health.
same..ive told him now that if he doesnt treat me in a kind and respectful manner, I want no more contact.... so he stormed out taking his things...so be it ENOUGH ABUSE.....ENOUGH being yelled at to STFU.....NO more...Id been kind, caring and forgiving for 13 yrs.....He comes back in little sheep role.....Nope, cos the wolf is lurking underneath
When I was a child, my sisters and brother would always start verbal and physical fights with me. My mom would never stop them and she would always say when she punished us by whipping you that she didn’t care to hear who started it, I got you both for fighting. I would always tell my dad (after he was home from work) and he would say to my mom and siblings that he means he want them to stop it and cut it all out and he meant it. In the meantime my mom who was a drama mom she would threaten me behind my dad’s back that I’d better not tell him anything about what was going on and if I did either her or both, her and my grandmother would whip me with abusive force at all times. My mother never had any concerns about this happening to me and in me trying to explain to her or my grandmother (her mother) I just got whipped more because I was told to shut up they don’t care to hear about it. I felt so abused that when someone (adults) visited at my house I used to ask them if I could go home with them to live and stay. My mom’s friend that lived in another state knew what I experienced and she said your mom will not allow you to never go anywhere, but if she would have let you go home with me to visit, I was never going to bring you back home to her because of the way you were treated. I left home early and wanted to join the service after high school but they never called me and so I ended up marrying ten months after high school, to someone I dated and graduated with from high school. He pretended that he was so in love with me and he wanted to get married right away and I gave up going to the armed forces for a career and got married to a narcissus and have been married for forty six years which has been a roller coaster ride or yoyo for me. He is an adulteress, liar, manipulator,plays games,silent treatment, verbal abuse and more, my family (is on his side) believes he is a victim, has been having a flirting relationship with my younger sister for three years or maybe more (I just happen to notice the private texting recently by our bill reference), and many more things. My in laws don’t seem to like me and I never did anything to them because I am shy and was (as a kid in growing up) never allowed to go around anyone or play with anyone outside of my home as a kid. I worked twenty three years two jobs and now I have been on disability since the middle of 2004 and had around twelve surgeries (and need more) and I am not giving up or allowing myself to have low self-esteem, but my son has it and it really hurts to see him have that but I feel that his dad is responsible for that due to what he did when he was a child in belittling me all the time in front of him and I asked for help in keeping him (while I worked if I would divorce) from my mom and she cursed me out and said I told you not to get pregnant no matter if you are married, because you are going to have trouble raising children as a single parent, that is why you don’t have babies when you are not guaranteed that you will be with your husband, because I (my mom said) was guaranteed to be with my husband and my children. I am handicap (have a disability), 63 years old and I do not have any family and my spouse turned my son against me, just wish that god sends someone (people) nice, honest and loyal people my way that I can communicate with and move on in life (of what is left) and get out of my situation regardless of the years, just feel robbed of my life that it is ruined and hate that I did not know and understand about the type of person that I am with. I have more to say, but I will end it here.
I've been doing these tactics for 8 years trying to get my husband to stop. Narcissists don't care if they hurt you. They care about the reaction they get from it. Starve the narcissist. Dont react at all.
8 years? You poor person, I hope you're okay. Verbal abuse is classed as domestic abuse in America, so what you're going through might be illegal depending on where you live in the world. Just something to consider if you ever plan on leaving.
Rachel Troumbly I am so sorry this has happened to you. I’ve unfortunately been in this same situation since I was 19 ( in my fifty’s now). No matter who I am married to it happens. I figure I am the common thread with those relationships, so it must be me.
Lachika Latina, I get what you are saying, and I have seen it happen. I will never give up hope and trying. Thank you for your service to those in need.
Holly Wood, it is possible to break the negativity chain. I invite you to keep watching, perhaps specifically in the Positive Parenting Playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. We also have a free 25 minute breakthrough call with me or one of my coaches: calendly.com/liveonpurpose-team/free?month=2019-12
You are right. My husband came from family whose parents are always fighting. For 16 years we are married it seems he still possess the trauma, he still hyper even Im just only quiet. I dont know what to do, its difficult if Ieave my son who is 15 years old.
My husband doesn't verbally abuse me on a daily basis. He tries to be a good guy, but he has a temper. When he gets angry, he can say abusive/hurtful things. When I verbally stand up for myself, that makes him more angry. Then, after my feelings are thoroughly hurt, I stay away from him (sometimes for days, but sometimes weeks). Avoidance is my self-protective mechanism when I can't get some kind of emotional closure (i.e. a sorry). I think I may try the method suggested in this video, even though I am tired of trying new things to figure out how how to deal with my husband and his anger. I'm tired of the emotional pain he causes me. My husband has never laid a hand on me, and has made apologies in the past. Not all the time, but at least some of the time. I have determined that my husband doesn't know how to deal with feelings, and lashes out like a small child when confronted with them. There are many adults who are actually wounded children on the inside and they lash out at people. He is definitely one of them. He has admitted that he has a temper, so at least he is not totally clueless there. Yet, he doesn't know how to stop reacting in a mean way. I think many men, when experiencing strong emotions, take pot shots at their wives to alleviate the anger inside them. It's not right, and it's not fair. In my case, I have suffered the ramifications of my husband's inability to handle his anger for 21 years. I would say that it's okay to try a suggestion like this Dr. is suggesting. If it doesn't work, then you may be dealing with someone who is not only angry and abusive, but lacks empathy and compassion for others as well. And, in those cases...you may have to leave. Sometimes I dream of leaving, but here I stay.
Jalena, I hope it does work for you. It would be best if he could get in therapy and figure out the anger inside, the wounded child as you say. You are very insightful.
I'm here because I've been that abusive adult child. I never laid a hand on my Wife but the hurtful things I've said are just as bad. I never wanted to hurt her, I got angry and reacted wrong. I was very loving and compassionate as well. Made dinner, cleaned the house, gave her massage's, ect. She left 3 months ago and I have our 3 sons. I teach them daily what to do and what not to do in a marriage. They know what I've done and know I'm working on getting better and they support me. I hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me. I have a fear of failing I got from childhood, depression, and insecurities. For the first time in our 12 years of marriage I'm actually working on fixing me. I'm so terribly sorry for what I've done and have cried more times than I can count over the guilt. We need help.
Ruby Morris, I am truly sorry for the verbal abuse which you have endured. I say this with sincere compassion, because I believe forgiveness - even when the other person doesn't deserve it - is freeing for YOU. Please consider watching this video: "How To Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You" - ua-cam.com/video/xx-wJcCoVD0/v-deo.html Please also consider spending some additional time here on the channel to see if there are any more topics we can help you with.
Live on purpose TV. I think you are completely out of touch. Saying "ok" will let him/her carry on the abuse. It's like you're agreeing with them. I don't do that. It's stupid. One thing you can do, is to just leave. Just saying.
Good advice but it does not apply to Cluster B disordered people. If they know what hurts you, they’ll do more to hurt you. They’re sadistic and letting them know about your vulnerability only teaches them how to hurt you more next time
Shel Chicago YES. This. Just tonight I was told by him that he knows exactly what he’s saying. He told me he’s the type of person who will say the worst things possible to someone to make them feel awful about myself, because it makes him feel better and know he has won.... won? Won what?
I’ve wasted so much energy reasoning with an abuser. Leaving is the only way for them to have true consequences of their behavior. Very rarely will it work while staying in a relationship. The honeymoon period may last longer but in my experience they will resort back to abusive language once they’re stressed and angry enough.
We are all products of our enviroment,regardless of our behavior to someone.If you truely care or love someone you shouldnt treat them in a bad or disrespectful way.
"Like I always say..." Is that supposed to make your advice seem more superior? At least, if I heard another doctor say that...🤷 But please, I'll be sure to take notes of your wisdom in regards to abused people working on being more positive! 🧚💖💐🌅🦋
Can a large number of women in AGREEMENT possible be wrong = of course not !! Can all men be closet female haters, or be shamelessly women-blaming ~ yes yes of course !! Men are irrational or evil ~ AND YOU'RE SURE THIS ISN'T PROJECTION ~ LOL !
I’ve been horribly verbally/emotionally abused for years. I just got out 3 weeks ago. After yet another raging verbal assault on me that ended up with him shoving and threatening to punch me, he threw me out of the home he had bullied me over for years. I just want to say that I disagree with the statement that your partner just “doesn’t know how to treat you”. He treats no one else like he treats me. He just doesn’t do this to anyone but me. Everyone believes he’s a great guy. In fact, what I believe is happening over and over is that he is too cowardly to stand up to any family member, friend, or co-worker who makes him angry and he would come home and project all his negative emotions onto me. I was the scapegoat and the whipping post. He refuses to take any responsibility and blames me. Always. He says my children hate me, my family hates, his family hates me. He tells me I have no friends, says I’m A liar, nothing I do or say is right or true, says I am worthless, add nothing, contribute nothing and calls me the filthiest names you could imagine. He always bullies me with the house, the dog, you name it. Anything I care about, anything I say is weaponized against me. It could go on for hours. If I’m silent it’s bad. If I defend myself it’s worse. The thing is that everything he says about me is actually what he’s doing to me. He has used me. He has put me down. He has abused me. It’s all lies and manipulations. I’m exhausted and so beaten down. I’ve been afraid. I’m not living like this anymore. It’s not my responsibility to train him. We are both from traumatic childhoods but thank God I developed some compassion and learned not to pay forward the cruelty, neglect, and abuse that I have endured to others. But his story is I always that I have it coming. He is the judge and jury. Then he spends the initial time after his verbal/emotional assault telling me I need help and then asking me to come back without any real apology or willingness to get help or to change. I get that it’s my fault for allowing this for years. I was trained to live like this from an infant. But I’m out. And out I will stay.
Going through it as we speak! Mine is verbally physically emotionally abusive! He has put his hand over my mouth to shut me up! Never punched me but I’m sure it’s gonna happen! I’m 43 and have a 14 year old girl! I’m so scared for her to think this is okay !! I feel depleted I have this knot in my stomach! I’m gonna leave Thankyou for sharing this !!! You left !!! I want to know how it went? Does he stalk you? Did he accept you are done? God bless you I hope you are okay
I am on the same situation and I have a 3 year old daughter who nows understands things and gets scared with abusive fights. I fear what mental trauma she might have as she is growing. Please help what should I do
I followed the instruction in this video. I said to my spouse, "I don't like what you said. I feel it's disrespectful. Don't say that again." And he started to accuse me a lot as usual, but I just said "OK." and left him. He stopped accusing me with confusion, I noticed he felt a little fear how I reacted with only 1 word "OK". Thank you.
me too...but im not saying ok... just leave.. because it never change for months he perfectly like a sniper.. i know i cant handle for more abusive situation like a physical abuse lead to murder..
Found my husband had created a dating profile on a app. And had reached out to other women. I found out. I Told him. "You being on a dating site made me feel unsafe and unhappy." He told me. "Your happiness is not my responsibility" That was when I realized what I was dealing with
Just leave a toxic man without telling him where youre going and youre going to leave him permanently. Take control of your life just leave and live very very far away from him. Do not confront him just leave quietly when hes not home. Just take everything you need when you leave and dont ever go back.
Absolutely rubbish! You cannot train an abuser! I got verbally and financially abused for 25 yrs and I did speak up and got a black eye for doing so. I have now managed to get away from him .Thats the only way! You cannot change someone that’s what I learned the hard way!
Lisa Lyttle, I am glad you were able to get away. I do not like abuse in any form, but some people are reluctant to leave the relationship and want it to work. This is for them.
After watching your poignant video it's become abundantly clear to me after 14 years of all my friends family and other professionals such as pastors pleading with me to leave my partner that I need to leave my partner period!.. I have tried and tried and tried with him and he has done nothing but be a narcissist and verbally abusive. He has also been physically abusive to me it has escalated in the last year. I am taxed, and have lost my sense of self completely. Thank you for this video and the inspiration to finally take the step to walk out the door. Actually developed anorexia in the last year and a half due to his abuse and cheating and am only 5'5 and him down to 95 lb
In the past I thought the personal attacks and belittling was because he wasn't showed and understand how to treat someone and I for 19 years have tried to explain. Today I told him what would you do if you overheard our daughter's boyfriend talk to her word for word how you just talked to me. First he said nothing and I asked again and he said it's not the same. After I reflected on everything I realized he has always known it's abuse because he knows not to treat me that way in front of extended family or friends. In his eyes it's not the same because I don't deserve to be treated with love and respect. I do deserve love and respect regardless of what he thinks💕
I have been dealing with my verbally abusive husband for years. He’s getting so bad and he does say “yes, you need to feel like shiit and you need to change! I hate you and your ruined my life, you’re my biggest mistake I’ve ever made “… by just saying “ok” he just keeps going. I’ve started recording his ramblings. I’m trying to leave. He constantly tells me I need to leave, that I’m not welcome in the home any more, but sadly I’m not at a financial point where I can leave yet.
Omg I just literally left my husband also same thing say ain shit without him,,call me names even when I ignore it he goes on In on,, Tonight i pick up stuff in left I said I can't take this no more this insane that's not even all the abuse also please if u Kno a word of prayer pray for me
Mine tells me to leave and tries to say I can’t leave because I can’t support myself, even though I have a job.. and I’ve bailed him out of so much mess but graduating college, getting a good job and taking care of my family for two years, then my Mother died. I told him I wanted to be at home with our children bc the kids were grieving for their Nana. My Mother was the only family I have left, other than my Grandmother, who passed last April. It’s almost like he feels good that I don’t have much of a support system anymore..so he always tells me to “hit the f’ing road.” But I’m not leaving my kids..but I will hit that road! I can work and save for a good lawyer and he can pay child support. So done with this..been with this man since I was 17 years old. Over half my life almost.
Georgiana Salter, a slight correction: I said "Maybe you can help to train them." It was not a command, I offered a way to help someone. Who better to do it than the person who knows them best?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV you need to do more research on narcissistic abuse. Not all abusers can be "changed" and instead of telling the victim to leave, your telling them to tolerate it and shrug it off. Unbelievable.
Why are we NOT taking notes from this Doctor who must be a freaking master of this subject!? 🧚💖🦋🧠 I don't care how much he paid from a degree mill, I'm just really floored, especially when he says "As I've always said" (in another response), it's amazing... please check out all his stars on Facebook!! 🎉
How do you get above an abusive relationship when your husband has put you in a life trap, (no job, no money, no education, no friends, no love)? And still feels the need to record your arguments and say he's saving them for the court IF we divorce someday.
Ruca Fria, I am saddened to hear that you are in this situation. Unfortunately I cannot help you here in the comment section. However, we do have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches available. If you think that would be helpful, you can schedule it here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. Best wishes, and I hope we hear from you.
@@geraldinevisitas405 So saddened to hear this. Please seek help... someone, somewhere. I don't know if you're able to, but we do have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. Please go to DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall and schedule if you can.
I agree with alot of these comments. My husband is verbally abusive. I ignore it mostly and try not to respond to his huge outbursts but guess what he still does it. I really dont think he cares. He never apologizes, he is completely incentive to me. This has been going on for 18 years. It wont stop until I leave.
I'm so happy I found your channel! I've been having problems with communicating with my brother and father after my mother died couple of months ago. She was all empathy and positive vibes and without her there's a lot of misunderstandings and anger. I love how you say it's simple but not easy, it's so true! And I love the simplicity of: 'When X happens I feel Y' then 'Is that what you were going for?' then 'OK' The example with mother and son is almost exactly how my brother treated our mother and is now treating me similarly, together with 'youre just over-sensivite and over-reacting'
Learning to establish healthy boundaries in my marriage. After 9 years not much has changed, tried so much. Painful when it’s a one sided relationship 😢 he refuses couples counseling, we have a small child. I appreciate all your content.
My husband disrespected both myself and my mom tonight - in the same sentence. It felt - oddly freeing. I’d been praying for guidance and wisdom… about some stuff that didn’t seem to rise to the level of abuse but gave me yellow and orange flags in my spine. I feel free now and clear that my next steps with therapy will focus less on trying to fix us and more on becoming more independent. We have very young kids and that will make things difficult but - all the more reason to illustrate a model of healthy relationships instead of what we’ve been doing. So, it may be worth it. Hoping it inspires change in each of us, but not expecting any change for the positive.
I guess you have never been abused by a family member on a continuous day to day . It prisons your body and mind and fear keeps you from moving forward It was not until the OJ Simpson case that he allegedly murdered his wife , it was not unto that year that police would step in a domestic fight. My husband told the police I fell down the stairs , I was black and blue, the police said goodnight and left 2:00 in the morning I prayed for 10 years before I was sent a angel to help me
theresa ricca, this video talks about verbal abuse. I don't like abuse in any form. This video came from a viewer suggestion. If there is physical abuse and people aren't safe, they need to leave and find safety. I am so glad you have an angel who has been able to help you.
There's no way to negotiate with the verbally abusive partner. The more you question them about the words they use the more they do it. I have lived with such a man for 17yrs and eventually it turned into physical and emotional abuse. Don't try this it doesn't work.
@@Gracious1290 facts. Even if they genuinely desire to change and feel remorseful, their brains are not wired correctly. They must rewire it, suffer the consequences of losing the relationship, and do the work themselves. Never play therapist to an abuser.
A toxic man will never change. They will beg you so you wont leave them. But that man wont change will never change believe me, based on my personal experience. So for your peace of mind and sanity just walk away from him without explanation. A man like that knows what hes doing he knows hes being mean to you. But he wont change. No one could change that kind of man. He just want you around for his own benefit but he will never be nice to you.
I have a 40 year old uncle who cusses at me when I can't give him what he wants (free babysitting, money, rides, etc). He tends to wait until I'm alone with my young child and calls us both "stupid 'effing' b*tches" and when I ask him if he can please treat me with the same level respect that I treat him with, he always tells me "I'll treat a b*tch the way I want to treat a b*tch". I never know how to answer, so I walk away and ignore it. Recently I've been speaking up so he's been more verbally abusive and has gotten to the point where he's stealing things from me and blames me for his life not being in order. It doesn't help that my other relatives enable him and when I ask them for help they simply say, "he's just like that, that's just him. You need to get used to it. If he didn't respect his wife or his girlfriends what makes you think he'll respect you, his niece?" I'm starting to think I just need to severe ties with my birth family and move as far as I can before it gets worse. Especially when he gears that abuse towards my now 4 year old daughter. No matter what anyone says, that's not okay and it's not normal.
Adrienne Barcenas, you are correct that this behavior is not okay. Thank you for watching the video. Please consider making a plan to become independent and stay focused on that. Moving away might be a good idea. Try to remain positive yourself, despite your situation. Show your daughter an abundance of love to counteract the surrounding negativity. If you think a coaching call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches may benefit you, you can schedule that here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. We are on your team!
You can’t train a verbally abusive person ; they break you from the inside. A trainer is a rational person in a position of authority not a broken down person. Your mind stops working correctly when you are verbally abused . Abusive people are bad people and know exactly what they are doing . The best way to disempower them is to leave them and start on your healing journey . May be you can to do a video about training the abuser how not to abuse.
These strategies assume the idea that your spouse can be self reflective and cares about how you are feeling. By definition, abusive people do not care about your feelings.
None of these suggestions worked because a narcissist takes no responsibility. An abusive person doesn't stop they are relentless. Sorry Sir but unless you've been in an actual abusive relationship you don't know what you're talking about.
Donna Gagne, I recognize that my tips will not work for every one in every circumstance. However, I have had some success with them in my practice. I want marriages and families to work, and will do what I can when healing is possible.
The good Doctor obviously never met my Husband. Backpedal? No Sir. Whenever I say to him: 'i wish u would stop the verbal abuse. It makes me feel very bad' or I would say: 'You don't mean that's He tells me he means EVERY WORD he says & if I don't like it I could leave. How could u possibly change some1 so mean & cold?
I didn't want him to buy a motorcycle I just didn't think we could afford it we had other necessities & bills that were more important. Been going on 5 months now. I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years & I felt like he saved me from that now 11 years later I get this. Idk how I lived through the abusive relationship many times I should of been dead. I tell Mr husband now that there's nothing he can do or say that hasn't already been done to me or said to me. I just sit quietly & go on with my days my life.
This is really helpful. I started doing step number 1 and 2 a year ago, but I didn't see this video until today. I was told it was just a joke and I was too sensitive. I'd go to step 2 And he would say yes 😟. I wish I would have done step 3, but I would argue back after that point. After 3 years of being persistent that I'm not just too sensitive, things are actually better. I'm going to start implementing step 3 now that I am properly equipped.
This does not work with my husband, he tells me that I do this or that as well, I'm so nervous all the time. I studder at times when I speak.. When I cry he says don't start with that crybaby shit. He sucks the joy out of everything. He picks apart everything I do. Nothing is right, then he says he is trying to teach me how to do it right, like I'm a child. I have no where else to go and its been 20+yrs.
I have sent this video to my husband. If he doesn't heed to your advice, I am going to leave him. I am done telling him that I do not deserve this unkindness
@@LiveOnPurposeTVThank you so much for your kind words and reply. I appreciate every single word so much and take them to heart. We did that for 3 mths. I was totally over him, but he was lost without me and the kids-no sense of identity I guess, Idlk. He basically lied and said he would spend the rest of his days making up for it. After over 18 urs of that, and his promise(his word) I gave in and we got married. Within less than a year, it had all trickled back in, little by little. It hurts worse when you learn to love someone all over again and forgive them , only for the stuff that hurt so much to trickle back in. It almost hurts worse. I dont cry anymore. I just get really angry with myself for ever forgiving him . Especially with kods involved. I feel like Ive spent most of my adult life dealing with someone else's brokenness. I wake up happy. I laugh at myself. I don't dwell on or let things bother me more than a few minutes. Oh, I can hold a grudge, but only to prevent hurt or further abuse from others. He doesnt hear/listen to anything I say or do. If I have a different opinion, I am immediately wrong and the enemy. He emotionally, physically, and verbally pushes me away because that was done to him as a child. Emotional currency. Or lack of. My whole stupid life I have believed in love and chased affer it, stayed longer in the name of it. Only now, I am 53 and being told I am yelling when I am not, then told to F Off? When I did norhing wrong, but he perceives a wrong out of nothing and decides to take offense at smthg I said or did. I wish, when we were both 40, when I said no morre and get out, he could have been objective and selfless enough to say to himself and me, look, I will never be able to love you, I am damaged, I dont even know what love is. I can't offer you smthg I know nothing about. Instead, he stalked me relentlessly. I had moved on! He should have let me go instead of being selfish. I was so happy. It was like a slumber party every day, to have no one to object to my friends-i had a whopping 2 firends, wow. I was still young enough to repair and rebuild my life. My eldest was really angry with me for tolerating him sleeping over on the couch and cooking and showering at my house. She was eight. It set a terrible example. I was strong enough to move on witbout him, but he would not let me. Why? He had gotten his wish, I F'd off. I am not like him. I dont use words and my love as a weapon. Words are not for hurting is an actual child's book. I read it to all the classes I volunteered at. I AM special. I know I am. People are drawn to me. Strangers tell me their deepest darkest secrets without me even prying. I am an empath. I feel and sense things I have no business knowing. It may be from being an artist and my photographic memory. I see and feel what I see so deeply. Yeah, I have been told, I wish I had a Joann. I am 53, and I still look like I did when I was 17. Same body, same face. I have been lucky to have had some really great genes and live a healthy lifestyle asode from this stuff. I guess you cant have it all. And nobody gets out unscathed I guess. I wonder what would my life have been like, had I not felt love was so important. It has been so d@mn elusive. Always just out of my reach, or fleeting. I never wanted to be stuck in this like this. You cant MAKE or will somebody to do right by you. They have to want to. Being tired, not feeling well, or being mad at someone else, is no excuse to inflict pain or hurt on someone else. What a cop out. And it's just being mean and a choice. I don't make that choice. Not when I had my period, not when I was pregnant, never. Just because someone is nice and not a fighter, doesnt mean they should have to out up with so much all the time. It hurts. But thank you. I do love your content and I wish he would be the one to listen and heed to your advice. He really needs it. I sent him your video. Hopefully, someday, it will do some good for him. I am not a cheater. But how long can a person ove without feeling loved, or wondering when the next argument is coming out of no where ? Idk anymore ❤️🙏
Tee Rajput, I don't necessarily agree. I have seen many times where the person realized what they did and turned themselves around. Very difficult, but it has happened. It is a gift to allow someone to change.
This is my life with my husband almost everyday. Everything is my fault, every time he says that I'm nothing if something doesn't work for him. They never change always get the first opportunity to be evil...
country autumns, I have seen a lot and I understand that not everyone will react right away. We do our best and then decide if we want to be in the relationship.
Ok this is a big deal for me with my husband. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING I’ve tried has worked. I am going to try this advice out. I’m hopeful but skeptical….. thank you for taking time out to make this video much appreciated no matter the outcome. This is a great video.
Rem Nant, I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I invite you to see if there are any relevant videos on the "How To Fix A Marriage that's been Damaged" playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html. See if there are any ideas that resonate with you, that you can work on with your husband. If there is no improvement, it might be time for you to decide if you want to stay in the relationship. Thank you for watching, and best wishes.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV oh my goodness, your response is watching more of your videos after what happened!? I'm sure they probably don't want to watch your videos, are you serious!? 🤨🤷🤯
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I know he is wrong, but since I willingly married him, even though I saw the red flags. In the back of my mind, it's almost like a punishment.
You cannot change abuser.the only change pack your suitcase over night and hide underneath the bed and just take your own time and go and no return..abuser made up there mind..it enbeden in them....
@@LiveOnPurposeTV if we are all honest we can see narcissist traits in ourselves. But being as that may , if you see or are honest then that would indicate your not a narcissist. (Maybe) I have learned to not let my wife be so controlling simply by not letting her decide things like. Where we go to church. Where I work Who my friend are If I feel any sense of manipulative control I purposely do it any way, It drives her nuts but i I have my sanity!!
My husband comes from a family where the parents ignored the children and concentrated about their own pleasures and youth ... And even now it is the same treatment my son gets from my in laws all about themselves and their priority even when baby had fever or other discomfort I have to oblige and accept the decisions every single time ... it is beyond my understanding why such people have children... M tired of the marriage of their insensitive and abusive son.. but for my baby I cannot leave.. I feel so stuck... No matter how patient, how loving I am to them it is always my fault.. but anything good is only cuz they are in picture
Here’s the problem with “when you do this, I feel that” the abuser deep down, WANTS to cut you, but they will never admit it. Yes, they can then say “I was only joking, can’t you take a joke?” and then there’s “don’t be so sensitive!” all kinds of retorts like this to shift the blame back to you. I’d really like some good shields that will throw it back on them
Suzanne Dawson, you might find more helpful info in the video, "How To Save A Marriage From Divorce," ua-cam.com/video/S3MrqOjk2VA/v-deo.html. Pay particular attention when I speak about the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Or you can browse around in the Positive Relationship Resources playslist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX.html. Or the "How to Fix a Marriage That's Been Damaged" playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html. If your husband is willing, perhaps the 2 of you together can take advantage of our free, 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
Unless you’re dealing with my husband who says he loves to say these awful things to me because he likes to see me feel awful about myself, so he can feel good and know that he won.
@@training4chocolate Awe Chelsea, I was married to that man. I know him well. He must’ve been committing polygamy as well. Divorcing him was one the best decisions I ever made in my life. Marrying him was the worst. He spoiled me for ever wanting to marry again, though.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV There was no saving a marriage to a crazy man. No saving a marriage that was quickly escalating down a seriously dangerous path. In fact, you can’t even call it a marriage. It was a living hell! I have no doubt I would have ended up in the hospital or worse if I hadn’t left when I did. The truth is, I should have stopped dating him very early on, but for some ridiculous (and insane) reason I thought If I just loved him more or better I could fix it.
I told him that when he threatens me and makes me feel like he wants to kill me and make me disappear. And he said keep doing what you’re doing and you will be met with no peace. That was his answer. Am I supposed to say OK to that? I feel like he’s going to kill me
Any abuse is not o.k. It sounds like you need to get in a safer place, physically. Reach out to the programs in your area. He has already told you he isn't going to act different. Stay safe.
So wait if the abuse is constant, every day. And you follow these three steps every time, I can already see him saying something about how I repeat myself like a script. He’s smart I feel like this would only make matters worse and make him pop off even more... I’ve tried stuff like this. I’ve tried calm and collected, telling him how I feel, asking if he realizes that’s what’s happening, then ending with an okay. I wish this method was as easy as you’re making it out to be :(
Chelsea W, I am sorry this hasn't worked for you. It sounds like you are doing everything right. I don't know your whole situation - so I'm not sure if you are already doing these things... small acts of quiet kindness can soften hearts. Remember to keep the lines of communication open, and do your best to keep it positive. Actively look for things to be grateful for, and share them with your husband whenever possible. I have a couple video recommendations for you: "How To Deal With Frustration With Husband" - ua-cam.com/video/6TjZuadq8FM/v-deo.html "What To Do When Your Husband Hates You" - ua-cam.com/video/YxOaY6MYvtU/v-deo.html Lastly, we do have a free, 25 minute breakthrough call available where you could speak to one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you think that might be of some value, you can schedule it here: www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
If asking "is that what you were going for, is that what your intended..." and they respond with "you're accusing me" what the heck do you do next? They flip it into manipulation "it was only a joke. you don't trust me? why are you treating me this way? I don't deserve this negativity, i'm not your enemy, why are you questioning me?" Then you have crazy making bunch of questions thrown back at you and you're accused of accusing them!
A Rosebud, thank you for watching and trying to understand. Perhaps you can respond with, "I am not accusing, just trying to clarify and understand." Communication is absolutely essential to a healthy relationship. Always try to keep it positive.
YES! They turn stuff around! They say, "You attacked me!" etc. My hubs has lots of practice, is smart, and very skilled at retorts. I have always been a little passive, so I'm a sitting duck for all his techniques. I found that I can get him to stop temporarily, but the monster comes back when he's had too many beers, or if he's angry about something else not related to me.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV my spouse drowns me out with screaming. Never hear s me. Like I’m supposed to be thinking with from one mind. I guess it’s to much to negotiate. Sometimes. Makes a argument out of nothings. The most stupidest stuff. So it must be just to railroad the wife. Wow. Think they call that crazy making. Like when he’s saying to me to be more polite while he called me lazy using my Dads name in vain
Narcisistic responses are like this. They never assume ANY responsibility. It's always other people that are to blame for their unhappiness.. unfortunatelly it has no cure :(
Thank you. I have tried before to tell him that when he says certain things he makes me feel disrespected. He tells me that I am too sensitive & this is his personality. He use to not do this; it seems like he started it when the kids got older. He makes potshots, it feels like every time I open my mouth he says them. He has many great qualities responsible, hard working, good dad (other than not being a good example as a husband), not on drugs, doesn’t cuss or hit me and a good provider. I feel like, what do I have to complain about? I just feel like I annoy him & he hates my voice. I don’t want to talk anymore to protect myself especially in front of the kids so they don’t pick up this behavior. He has improved before but then it goes back to the way it was or just below the radar. I feel like he is gaslighting me, maybe unconsciously. I don’t want to have to open up this can of worms again. He will resent me if we go to marriage counseling and would not want to have to pay for it. I just want to speak to someone to help me from emotionally crumbling. I guess he doesn’t love me anymore & he is tired of trying to make the marriage work but won’t divorce me. I guess I need to find a free service or find a way to pay cash for help for myself. Sorry this was so long.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for always reaching out, bless you.🙏🏼I will start looking for some ways to get help I can afford. I am going to try to make one of your live shows also. Sorry for all the previous post’s typos 🤦🏻♀️apparently when I am emotional my grammar suffers. 😏Take care.
We are losing our voice and the words I Love You are becoming rare, you are not alone, we are not alone, God is always there, call on Him for heavenly strength..even though we need not open our mouth
Nobody is entitled to disrespect. I need to hear it right now. I don't think my husband will change. Everytime he went home under the influence of alcohol, he always shouts at me and throw things in front of my children. I am so worried about my children, at the same time scared of what might happen. 😭😭😭
I am not sure where he thinks that power comes from. If you weren't able to do what you do at home, he would have to do it or get someone to do it. You are adding a service and very important to any success he enjoys.
My husband has a temper.. he yells, if I try to explain he yells even more n say I have full of excuses. His temper frightens me. I feel sick to my stomach. He tells me I made him angry, I provoked him. He comes up with many things like, m ungrateful, m selfish, I don't listen and the list goes on.. I don't understand and at the end of It I get so exhausted n confuse that mostly I think perhaps he is right and I suppressed everything and apologized and I act normal. It is not possible to disagree or argue on matters with him. I avoid saying anything now. Can this be verbal abuse ...???
Please consider get counseling and if he's not willing just leave him altogether. It's not worth suppressing and repressing who you are and feeling sick inside.
Yes, but it also can be you're doing things wrong. What I mean is: when he's throwing a tantrum there's no way you'll get him to talk to you. Wait till things get calmer and try to speak about those episodes and what both of you can do to avoid some situations. I am in no way saying it's ok to yell or call names, but your situation seems more like an anger management issue than a narcisistic behavior, and that sure is good news! Hope you and your hb can get along better!
I just missed his phone call and when I picked up he said why don't you die, then he started abusing me with very abusive words, then after some time he said sorry. I forgave him. 2 days ago he did the same thing in front of his friends 😢I found it very insulting I don't know what is my mistake 😢 He cheated on me and broke my trust many times, I think it was my mistake to forgive him
This is flat out dangerous advice for victims of abuse. It is NOT the responsibility of the victim to try to 'train' an abuser. It could escalate badly.
truthmerchant1, there are always options to leave the relationship, this is for people who want to try to make their relationship work. Abuse should never be tolerated.
The principles can be applied to either party in the marriage, randomarioful. The video came as a request from a viewer. Kids should not be part of the equation. Do what is necessary to keep the kids safe.
I don't think you ever heard me say that women are not guilty of bad behavior. The video came as a result of a viewer request, K Allen. Find the principles and apply them to whatever situation you find. Hope that helps and thank you for watching and commenting.
He says "husband or spouse" in the beginning. But there is an unspoken key difference: women can often get away w/ abuse far easier and may not even realize how bad they abuse feeling its OK or not as bad b/c men are generally "tougher" and "stronger" than females, but fail to realize men are equally human as well & do not deserve abuse either Edit: I must say the "OK" response is a key tool you can "use to diffuse", it often satisfies the abuser and the lack of any rebuttal/input discourages further abuse, especially in front of kids. When kids are present the best way to think IMO is to really step back out of your mindset and try to put yourself in their shoes _the entire_ time. Try doing this (and the OK tactic) the best you can. It will help prevent YOU from poorly reacting and the kids will see everything for themselves. They are more important than your ego and your dignity. Do whatever it takes to protect them
This works.I have personally experienced this.But mentally we must be strong to follow these steps...Nowadays many people are not patient enough to handle situations.
Noone can help my husband no matter what I do or say.ive been praying everyday for this man he is just evil.Im trying so hard to keep this family together but you can only deal with so much
Bee M, that is an option. This video came to be through a question. They didn't want to leave their spouse and until someone sees that as an option, it isn't an option for them. Sometimes they want to try. Everyone has to come to the limit of their patience.
Ken n Gabby Andrews, it is true that some people will unfortunately use that against you. However, I have found that that is not the case every time. If the husband continues to hurt you and is not willing to change, then hard decisions need to be made about whether or not to stay. Thanks for watching and commenting.
Let’s try this strategy on what I remember from my marriage: Me - “When you start raging and throwing things because I put the coffee cups in the dish washer backwards, I feel disrespected, threatened and horrible.” Him (Yelling) - “YOU’RE FEELINGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! YOU HAVE GOT TO LEARN HOW TO KEEP HOUSE RIGHT!” Next: Me - “Is that what you intended? Him - (yelling) “IF YOU DON’T START LISTENING TO ME I’M GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL” (Comes at me with a bar stool) Next: Me -“Ok” ????????????????? I don’t think so. I got out as fast as I could
I got involved with a woman that was so kind in many ways but she was almost constantly verbaly condescending .It eventually broke my heart.I was accused of having other women on the side etc. I know I was being tested but all of this meant was that we became lonely in the relationship and lack of closness increased.I knew she was looking for someone else but in the meantime we just ending hurting each emotionally often in subtle ways. She broke it of with me recently by text and blocking eg overnight.I am amazed harsh, mostly women do this. It is very hurtfull.I was very kind to her but I knew she was not up front with me.I am now texting through much pain. Unfortunately I can't just take this on the chin but I will have too.A little bit of brain fog going on.Its going to take time.
"Yeah, I wanted to disrespect you!" , He says, who's going to say that? I'm like, ummm, abusive people do say that...or things like it. He'd be suprised.
My wife is like that when she is angry. Swearing, call me loser and kick at objects in the home. Even though I'm night shift, attend classes, sleep a couple of hours and pick up our son to care for him, I still cop a serving about the home. Accused of not doing anything. But I'm the one every evening before work maximising the 4 hours to feed our son, wash up, clothes washing and get ready for work! I was taking out the trash last night and thinking all the stuff I try and do won't get noticed anyway. It's such a huge deal that I haven't had time to change the silicon seal around the bath basin or spend a few hours changing the fly screen on one of our balcony doors (changing to that tough aluminium stuff). It was extremely hard when I had spent 2 days chasing a specific cake for our son's daycare (must be eggless) and coming home late and tired. I got our son ready and carried him to her car. She screamed at me to hand over my garage remote (hers is not working) and out the front kept yelling loser at me despite me protesting I'm night shift and doing everything whilst she sleeps and works... Even today I attended class after night shift, drove to the office to change the garage key, went to the shops for my son's dinner tonight and now I'm trying to rest at nearly 1pm when I must be up at 5:30 to pick him up from daycare... not to mention all the assessments I fell behind in at uni :( I hate being called a loser. I overwork myself sometimes. I work in a good job mostly night shifts and study nursing. I don't smoke, drink or play up. I just work, study, clean and care for my son...
Matt NA, you and anyone who sees what you are doing knows that you are not a loser. Know that this says more about your wife than it does you. Keep focused on your son and hopefully soon you can afford to get some extra help with the household stuff so that you can focus what time you have on your son.
You sound like an awesome dad & husband 🦸♂️ Please take care of yourself so you can be a great dad for your son 🙋🏻♂️ Please be aware not to burn out. Hope you have people who can help you. Parenting & balancing family & work is very challenging 😣 Praying for you and all who struggle 🙏✝️ God Bless you and your family 💗👼
The only thing i know how to handle my fiance everytime he talked shits about me is just to remain calm and silent. When i do that, after a few minutes he will realized that im not responding or reacting on whatever hes saying. (Even if it hurts me a lot) and it will make him feel guilty and sorry about what he have said to me.
If I speak up it usually gets worse and develops verbal abuse to physical abuse.... I could avoid by talking nicely to him but it is only spoiling the husband and not solving any problems =(
I'm sorry, but you can't train someone, people are pretty set in their ways. It's like saying, you can change someone. No way, you can't change people, they are who they are, and unfortunately people think they can change a person, but they can't.
I do believe many people don't understand they're abusive. A lot of people are hung up on the trained comment and trust i get that but us, as those being abused, we do need to speak up - if you're with a narcissist, u stay in a vicious cycle thanks to the narcissist and unfortunately its up to us to leave them alone. You can use grey rock techniques when leaving the relationship as well as this gentleman's advice. For example, I've since showed my abuser that i am not afraid of him, his words don't shake me, etc. Now, he has nothing to work with besides his own internal anger and insecurities. If you KNOW youre with a narcissist, its time you turn to your support system (if u have any) and find strength within. Its hard and literally mind altering but Some of y'all are saying you been with an abuser for over 30 years.........? So you remained abused for over 30 years because? Stop putting your destiny in these mens hands.
A J, this is something I talk about that it isn't an option for people until they see it as an option. Whether someone understands that they are being abusive, the abuser hopefully sees that they don't need to continue being abused. I am glad you spoke up and have changed the situation.
I have delt with these for 13 years. I have given up that he will change. When i tell him these steps he turns it on me and then walks off. No apologies, he just thinks its funny to see me upset and bothered. I tell him im not going to fight or argue and that he's not allowed to speak to me like that and then i am the bad one and he ignores me for a week.
Rebecca Martinez, I am glad that you are not willing to get into an argument. If you want to engage the services of a life coach to help you through your struggle, contact us at drpauljenkins.com.
I love him and I can't get the courage to leave because of how good my life is outside of his anger......... I guess in a shorter form you would call it selfishness it's harder to leave when you have almost everything you've ever wanted in life..... (ALMOST)
Mrs Glitter, I am glad you recognize that there are trade offs to every situation. I am sad that you are suffering verbal abuse and hope that the situation can change. I hope he can see how life could be better with an adjustment. We have coaches who can help work on this if he is ready.
This is very true it takes the wind out of their sails. My husband has a mouth on him when one answers like this they have no come back and shut their mouths as they end up arguing with themselves. One cannot argue with a reasoning calm person it drives them up the wall and they storm off to sulk. It is hard to do as one naturally wants to fight back tooth and nail, it takes a lot of practice, but restrain your comebacks and answer calmly ok and they cannot give an answer. They lose the power they think they have by trying to dominate you. One cannot dominate a calm person it is impossible. Like my father always said, " Let them stew." If one is getting bashed one should leave immediately. Call the cops have them arrested but if you have a husband like mine who runs off at the mouth to try and dominate and get their way, it works.
I get where you're coming from, yet the verbal abuse from people who don't care how they treat family members... My kids learned how to do this from their father, and expect me to just accept it! So, I camly stated to my Adult son, to stop calling me names! I wasn't upset yet he got really upset when he noticed that I was calm, and quiet, this only made him even more angrier, he wanted me to get upset, so that he could then use my reaction as a reason to keep me hostage to him, and not actually focus on his bullying tactics, but on my reaction instead.
I wish in all marriages that we could work together as a team and not compare ourselves to one another but work to complement each other with our strengths and weaknesses. Good luck, April Phister.
Unfortunately you can not train them. After 19 yrs. and 5 children, I finally got the courage to leave! Thank God for His protection and provision.
I am glad you made it out safely, Donna Gagne.
How do you leave when you have children and you are financially dependent on the abuser
Lucky you! I’m glad you kicked the abuser and I wish you a happy fun life with a good partner.🌺✨
@@glitter2664 i think you first need to find a way to make an income from home, (for example i bake cakes from home and i sell them in the neihgboarhood). Second of all, you have to find a safe place to stay with your kids, at least while you get a more stable income so you can afford paying rent. But you cant tell your spouse about it yet. But before all of that, you have to be very honest with you and recognize if your husband is rude but wont ever get to the point to phisically abuse you. If that is the case make sure you are submiting to your husband as the bible commands us to do. Thats what i do. And at least im not phisically abused. I just focus on my house chores as well as my little baking business and on teaching the word of God to my children. I trully wish you the best, and i hope you always seek advice in the word of god before making any desition.
Glad ur safe xxxx now
I was crying 30 seconds in. "Nobody deserves abuse." I needed to hear that.
xy, I truly believe that, and you don't deserve abuse. I hope the video helps you to understand that and things change for you.
Me too
I feel dead inside..he has killed my spirit and violated my soul. I don't want to live anymore. I'm wrecked and I've no hope or desire for repair. I want to go home. I need my grandmother who showed me real love and I want to be with her so badly. Goodbye to this torture and be welcomed with the love and light of a much better place. ✨
@@PrismosPicks same dear....you are not alone. Stay strong sister. There is a lot of good things remain waiting for u in you life.
Good information about verbal abuse. Does abusers know what they do when they say the words and do that things that cause heartache?
I can't stand being yelled at anymore. It's making me feel physically ill.
Becca Young, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully you can reach out and get some help to figure out your options and choose one that will support your health.
same..ive told him now that if he doesnt treat me in a kind and respectful manner, I want no more contact.... so he stormed out taking his things...so be it ENOUGH ABUSE.....ENOUGH being yelled at to STFU.....NO more...Id been kind, caring and forgiving for 13 yrs.....He comes back in little sheep role.....Nope, cos the wolf is lurking underneath
Same here!
@@IwasBlueb4 ugh that’s so true, the wolf in sheep’s clothing. That’s exactly what I’m dealing with.
Hugs
I did speak up. I dont think you can "train" your spouse to stop abusing you. Not possible. No strategies when it comes to abuse
Marcie C, If they aren't listening, then it might be time to take additional steps. It is not o.k. to be abused.
Marcie C
That’s how I feel
I don't think that his strategy is meant to train someone to stop the abuse. It mostly helps you to step out of the victim role.
When I was a child, my sisters and brother would always start verbal and physical fights with me. My mom would never stop them and she would always say when she punished us by whipping you that she didn’t care to hear who started it, I got you both for fighting.
I would always tell my dad (after he was home from work) and he would say to my mom and siblings that he means he want them to stop it and cut it all out and he meant it. In the meantime my mom who was a drama mom she would threaten me behind my dad’s back that I’d better not tell him anything about what was going on and if I did either her or both, her and my grandmother would whip me with abusive force at all times. My mother never had any concerns about this happening to me and in me trying to explain to her or my grandmother (her mother) I just got whipped more because I was told to shut up they don’t care to hear about it. I felt so abused that when someone (adults) visited at my house I used to ask them if I could go home with them to live and stay. My mom’s friend that lived in another state knew what I experienced and she said your mom will not allow you to never go anywhere, but if she would have let you go home with me to visit, I was never going to bring you back home to her because of the way you were treated.
I left home early and wanted to join the service after high school but they never called me and so I ended up marrying ten months after high school, to someone I dated and graduated with from high school. He pretended that he was so in love with me and he wanted to get married right away and I gave up going to the armed forces for a career and got married to a narcissus and have been married for forty six years which has been a roller coaster ride or yoyo for me. He is an adulteress, liar, manipulator,plays games,silent treatment, verbal abuse and more, my family (is on his side) believes he is a victim, has been having a flirting relationship with my younger sister for three years or maybe more (I just happen to notice the private texting recently by our bill reference), and many more things.
My in laws don’t seem to like me and I never did anything to them because I am shy and was (as a kid in growing up) never allowed to go around anyone or play with anyone outside of my home as a kid. I worked twenty three years two jobs and now I have been on disability since the middle of 2004 and had around twelve surgeries (and need more) and I am not giving up or allowing myself to have low self-esteem, but my son has it and it really hurts to see him have that but I feel that his dad is responsible for that due to what he did when he was a child in belittling me all the time in front of him and I asked for help in keeping him (while I worked if I would divorce) from my mom and she cursed me out and said I told you not to get pregnant no matter if you are married, because you are going to have trouble raising children as a single parent, that is why you don’t have babies when you are not guaranteed that you will be with your husband, because I (my mom said) was guaranteed to be with my husband and my children. I am handicap (have a disability), 63 years old and I do not have any family and my spouse turned my son against me, just wish that god sends someone (people) nice, honest and loyal people my way that I can communicate with and move on in life (of what is left) and get out of my situation regardless of the years, just feel robbed of my life that it is ruined and hate that I did not know and understand about the type of person that I am with. I have more to say, but I will end it here.
@@renasantos7509 Sorry to hear about your life. May God have Mercy on you and give you peace of mind ❤️
I've been doing these tactics for 8 years trying to get my husband to stop. Narcissists don't care if they hurt you. They care about the reaction they get from it. Starve the narcissist. Dont react at all.
8 years? You poor person, I hope you're okay. Verbal abuse is classed as domestic abuse in America, so what you're going through might be illegal depending on where you live in the world.
Just something to consider if you ever plan on leaving.
Rachel Troumbly, I am sorry to hear your husband did not change, despite your hard work for so many years. Thank you for trying.
Thanks for watching and supporting others on the channel, Zoe Coxall.
Rachel Troumbly I am so sorry this has happened to you. I’ve unfortunately been in this same situation since I was 19 ( in my fifty’s now). No matter who I am married to it happens. I figure I am the common thread with those relationships, so it must be me.
My bf gets really mad if I don't answer the question why are you mad right away.
I’m a psych nurse. It’s easier Jesus come back to earth than an abuser to change and it’s a fact
Lachika Latina, I get what you are saying, and I have seen it happen. I will never give up hope and trying. Thank you for your service to those in need.
Not true
Most people that come from a dysfunctional family dont know how to dwell in a lovable family
Holly Wood, it is possible to break the negativity chain. I invite you to keep watching, perhaps specifically in the Positive Parenting Playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. We also have a free 25 minute breakthrough call with me or one of my coaches: calendly.com/liveonpurpose-team/free?month=2019-12
You are right. My husband came from family whose parents are always fighting. For 16 years we are married it seems he still possess the trauma, he still hyper even Im just only quiet. I dont know what to do, its difficult if Ieave my son who is 15 years old.
YES!!!!
Omg you nailed it!
Your right
My husband doesn't verbally abuse me on a daily basis. He tries to be a good guy, but he has a temper. When he gets angry, he can say abusive/hurtful things. When I verbally stand up for myself, that makes him more angry. Then, after my feelings are thoroughly hurt, I stay away from him (sometimes for days, but sometimes weeks). Avoidance is my self-protective mechanism when I can't get some kind of emotional closure (i.e. a sorry). I think I may try the method suggested in this video, even though I am tired of trying new things to figure out how how to deal with my husband and his anger. I'm tired of the emotional pain he causes me. My husband has never laid a hand on me, and has made apologies in the past. Not all the time, but at least some of the time. I have determined that my husband doesn't know how to deal with feelings, and lashes out like a small child when confronted with them. There are many adults who are actually wounded children on the inside and they lash out at people. He is definitely one of them. He has admitted that he has a temper, so at least he is not totally clueless there. Yet, he doesn't know how to stop reacting in a mean way. I think many men, when experiencing strong emotions, take pot shots at their wives to alleviate the anger inside them. It's not right, and it's not fair. In my case, I have suffered the ramifications of my husband's inability to handle his anger for 21 years. I would say that it's okay to try a suggestion like this Dr. is suggesting. If it doesn't work, then you may be dealing with someone who is not only angry and abusive, but lacks empathy and compassion for others as well. And, in those cases...you may have to leave. Sometimes I dream of leaving, but here I stay.
Jalena, I hope it does work for you. It would be best if he could get in therapy and figure out the anger inside, the wounded child as you say. You are very insightful.
I understand entirely. I want to leave. Im so exhausted.
It feels like I wrote your comment because I have the same in here. 50 years of it. So tired of him.
I'm here because I've been that abusive adult child. I never laid a hand on my Wife but the hurtful things I've said are just as bad. I never wanted to hurt her, I got angry and reacted wrong. I was very loving and compassionate as well. Made dinner, cleaned the house, gave her massage's, ect. She left 3 months ago and I have our 3 sons. I teach them daily what to do and what not to do in a marriage. They know what I've done and know I'm working on getting better and they support me. I hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me. I have a fear of failing I got from childhood, depression, and insecurities. For the first time in our 12 years of marriage I'm actually working on fixing me. I'm so terribly sorry for what I've done and have cried more times than I can count over the guilt. We need help.
I'm sorry but you're making excuses for him. Why don't you leave until he seeks help. Or kick him out until he seeks help.
My husband has verbally abused me for 37 years. It will never stop. I hate him.
Ruby Morris, I am truly sorry for the verbal abuse which you have endured. I say this with sincere compassion, because I believe forgiveness - even when the other person doesn't deserve it - is freeing for YOU. Please consider watching this video: "How To Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You" - ua-cam.com/video/xx-wJcCoVD0/v-deo.html
Please also consider spending some additional time here on the channel to see if there are any more topics we can help you with.
I'm going through hell with my husband
Live on purpose TV. I think you are completely out of touch. Saying "ok" will let him/her carry on the abuse. It's like you're agreeing with them. I don't do that. It's stupid. One thing you can do, is to just leave. Just saying.
Ruby, what actions are you going to take to stop this? I am just curious.
I think we need to be strong enough to get out.They should be X -hub
Good advice but it does not apply to Cluster B disordered people. If they know what hurts you, they’ll do more to hurt you. They’re sadistic and letting them know about your vulnerability only teaches them how to hurt you more next time
Sometimes you do need to move on, Shei Chicago. This will work with a fair number of individuals.
Sound like the monster I'm married to
Shel Chicago YES. This. Just tonight I was told by him that he knows exactly what he’s saying. He told me he’s the type of person who will say the worst things possible to someone to make them feel awful about myself, because it makes him feel better and know he has won.... won? Won what?
@@training4chocolate thats my life exactly.. he also does it more when im already hurt or sad
@@training4chocolate forgot to mention he is 1st in line to tell me I deserve all the hurt i receive while telling he hasn't done anything
You don't try to reason with an abuser. You show them that you will not tolerate by LEAVING.. Go no contact
Like I always say, it isn't an option until you see it as an option, Scovya Porsha. Thanks for watching.
He became physical I left went no contact! Never engage or negotiate it will not work. Can’t talk with a mentally sick abuser.
Nope, no idea what “family first means”
GREAT advice
I’ve wasted so much energy reasoning with an abuser. Leaving is the only way for them to have true consequences of their behavior. Very rarely will it work while staying in a relationship. The honeymoon period may last longer but in my experience they will resort back to abusive language once they’re stressed and angry enough.
We are all products of our enviroment,regardless of our behavior to someone.If you truely care or love someone you shouldnt treat them in a bad or disrespectful way.
I agree, Steve Stegman. We can only really control ourselves and we need to show love, not just profess it.
"Like I always say..." Is that supposed to make your advice seem more superior? At least, if I heard another doctor say that...🤷 But please, I'll be sure to take notes of your wisdom in regards to abused people working on being more positive! 🧚💖💐🌅🦋
WELL SAID, Steve
My husband follows up his verbal abuse with "I'm just joking"
That is not cool, Sarah J. It is still abusive and you deserve better.
Same here. Not married . Together 9 years off and on. We have a son together
100% true
When you abuse him, you're freaking serious !!
Can a large number of women in AGREEMENT possible be wrong = of course not !!
Can all men be closet female haters, or be shamelessly women-blaming ~ yes yes of course !!
Men are irrational or evil ~ AND YOU'RE SURE THIS ISN'T PROJECTION ~ LOL !
Victim: "I feel disrespected."
Abuser: "I can careless about your feeling."
You know where you and they stand and can make your decision from there.
Exactly. Infact it angers them if you try to stand up to them.
Okay doesn't stop or solve the problem.
I’ve been horribly verbally/emotionally abused for years. I just got out 3 weeks ago. After yet another raging verbal assault on me that ended up with him shoving and threatening to punch me, he threw me out of the home he had bullied me over for years. I just want to say that I disagree with the statement that your partner just “doesn’t know how to treat you”. He treats no one else like he treats me. He just doesn’t do this to anyone but me. Everyone believes he’s a great guy. In fact, what I believe is happening over and over is that he is too cowardly to stand up to any family member, friend, or co-worker who makes him angry and he would come home and project all his negative emotions onto me. I was the scapegoat and the whipping post. He refuses to take any responsibility and blames me. Always. He says my children hate me, my family hates, his family hates me. He tells me I have no friends, says I’m
A liar, nothing I do or say is right or true, says I am worthless, add nothing, contribute nothing and calls me the filthiest names you could imagine. He always bullies me with the house, the dog, you name it. Anything I care about, anything I say is weaponized against me. It could go on for hours. If I’m silent it’s bad. If I defend myself it’s worse. The thing is that everything he says about me is actually what he’s doing to me. He has used me. He has put me down. He has abused me. It’s all lies and manipulations. I’m exhausted and so beaten down. I’ve been afraid. I’m not living like this anymore. It’s not my responsibility to train him. We are both from traumatic childhoods but thank God I developed some compassion and learned not to pay forward the cruelty, neglect, and abuse that I have endured to others. But his story is I always that I have it coming. He is the judge and jury. Then he spends the initial time after his verbal/emotional assault telling me I need help and then asking me to come back without any real apology or willingness to get help or to change. I get that it’s my fault for allowing this for years. I was trained to live like this from an infant. But I’m out. And out I will stay.
Glad you are out and safe. So glad you can begin building a positive life.
This is definitely narcissistic abuse. Great of you to have mustered the courage to get out. May you prosper in your new phase of life.
Going through it as we speak! Mine is verbally physically emotionally abusive! He has put his hand over my mouth to shut me up! Never punched me but I’m sure it’s gonna happen! I’m 43 and have a 14 year old girl! I’m so scared for her to think this is okay !! I feel depleted I have this knot in my stomach! I’m gonna leave Thankyou for sharing this !!! You left !!! I want to know how it went? Does he stalk you? Did he accept you are done? God bless you I hope you are okay
I am on the same situation and I have a 3 year old daughter who nows understands things and gets scared with abusive fights. I fear what mental trauma she might have as she is growing. Please help what should I do
Hello,I hope you are doing much better now....
I followed the instruction in this video. I said to my spouse, "I don't like what you said. I feel it's disrespectful. Don't say that again." And he started to accuse me a lot as usual, but I just said "OK." and left him. He stopped accusing me with confusion, I noticed he felt a little fear how I reacted with only 1 word "OK".
Thank you.
Mizy M, that is very interesting! You put him on alert, and maybe he's not used to that. Way to go! Thank you for being willing to try something new.
me too...but im not saying ok... just leave.. because it never change for months he perfectly like a sniper.. i know i cant handle for more abusive situation like a physical abuse lead to murder..
I'm going to try this with my boyfriend.
Found my husband had created a dating profile on a app. And had reached out to other women.
I found out. I Told him. "You being on a dating site made me feel unsafe and unhappy."
He told me. "Your happiness is not my responsibility"
That was when I realized what I was dealing with
Mag, that does say a whole lot, hope you are exploring your options.
Seriously? I hope he is now an ex
“It takes one thousand ‘Adda-boys’ to erase one ‘You’re no damn good!’”
-Dr. Phil
Often the negative words are the hardest to erase.
Just leave a toxic man without telling him where youre going and youre going to leave him permanently. Take control of your life just leave and live very very far away from him. Do not confront him just leave quietly when hes not home. Just take everything you need when you leave and dont ever go back.
Absolutely rubbish! You cannot train an abuser! I got verbally and financially abused for 25 yrs and I did speak up and got a black eye for doing so. I have now managed to get away from him .Thats the only way! You cannot change someone that’s what I learned the hard way!
Lisa Lyttle, I am glad you were able to get away. I do not like abuse in any form, but some people are reluctant to leave the relationship and want it to work. This is for them.
After watching your poignant video it's become abundantly clear to me after 14 years of all my friends family and other professionals such as pastors pleading with me to leave my partner that I need to leave my partner period!.. I have tried and tried and tried with him and he has done nothing but be a narcissist and verbally abusive. He has also been physically abusive to me it has escalated in the last year. I am taxed, and have lost my sense of self completely. Thank you for this video and the inspiration to finally take the step to walk out the door. Actually developed anorexia in the last year and a half due to his abuse and cheating and am only 5'5 and him down to 95 lb
ChrissyCat, I am glad you have a good support network to help you with what lies ahead. Our videos will be here for you.
In the past I thought the personal attacks and belittling was because he wasn't showed and understand how to treat someone and I for 19 years have tried to explain. Today I told him what would you do if you overheard our daughter's boyfriend talk to her word for word how you just talked to me. First he said nothing and I asked again and he said it's not the same. After I reflected on everything I realized he has always known it's abuse because he knows not to treat me that way in front of extended family or friends. In his eyes it's not the same because I don't deserve to be treated with love and respect. I do deserve love and respect regardless of what he thinks💕
You do deserve love and respect - always. Thank you for standing up for yourself. Hoping things will change for you.
That doesn’t work on my verbally abusive husband, he goes out of his way to attack me every chance he gets.
Catherine Malloy, I hope you can find a solution. You don't deserve to be verbally abused, no one does.
I have been dealing with my verbally abusive husband for years. He’s getting so bad and he does say “yes, you need to feel like shiit and you need to change! I hate you and your ruined my life, you’re my biggest mistake I’ve ever made “… by just saying “ok” he just keeps going. I’ve started recording his ramblings. I’m trying to leave. He constantly tells me I need to leave, that I’m not welcome in the home any more, but sadly I’m not at a financial point where I can leave yet.
I hope you can find a way to get out sooner. There are support groups to help abused women. Look for one close to you.
Omg I just literally left my husband also same thing say ain shit without him,,call me names even when I ignore it he goes on In on,, Tonight i pick up stuff in left I said I can't take this no more this insane that's not even all the abuse also please if u Kno a word of prayer pray for me
Christina, i would say the exact same words
I totally understand the financial part esp
Mine tells me to leave and tries to say I can’t leave because I can’t support myself, even though I have a job.. and I’ve bailed him out of so much mess but graduating college, getting a good job and taking care of my family for two years, then my Mother died. I told him I wanted to be at home with our children bc the kids were grieving for their Nana. My Mother was the only family I have left, other than my Grandmother, who passed last April. It’s almost like he feels good that I don’t have much of a support system anymore..so he always tells me to “hit the f’ing road.” But I’m not leaving my kids..but I will hit that road! I can work and save for a good lawyer and he can pay child support. So done with this..been with this man since I was 17 years old. Over half my life almost.
Was married for two years and was verbally abused by my own husband. It went from verbal abuse to emotional, and then physical.
Love tolerance, so sad. It should not be this way, I am glad you are safe.
This is so sad 😔
I can't believe he said that the victim is expected to train the abuser.
Georgiana Salter, a slight correction: I said "Maybe you can help to train them." It was not a command, I offered a way to help someone. Who better to do it than the person who knows them best?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV 😻
@@LiveOnPurposeTV you need to do more research on narcissistic abuse. Not all abusers can be "changed" and instead of telling the victim to leave, your telling them to tolerate it and shrug it off. Unbelievable.
Why are we NOT taking notes from this Doctor who must be a freaking master of this subject!? 🧚💖🦋🧠 I don't care how much he paid from a degree mill, I'm just really floored, especially when he says "As I've always said" (in another response), it's amazing... please check out all his stars on Facebook!! 🎉
How do you get above an abusive relationship when your husband has put you in a life trap, (no job, no money, no education, no friends, no love)? And still feels the need to record your arguments and say he's saving them for the court IF we divorce someday.
Ruca Fria, I am saddened to hear that you are in this situation. Unfortunately I cannot help you here in the comment section. However, we do have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches available. If you think that would be helpful, you can schedule it here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. Best wishes, and I hope we hear from you.
Mine has done the exact same thing to me, he then calls me a bitch and the c word and smashes things up!
Same
@@geraldinevisitas405 So saddened to hear this. Please seek help... someone, somewhere. I don't know if you're able to, but we do have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. Please go to DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall and schedule if you can.
Same here. They trap you so you have nowhere to go
I agree with alot of these comments. My husband is verbally abusive. I ignore it mostly and try not to respond to his huge outbursts but guess what he still does it. I really dont think he cares. He never apologizes, he is completely incentive to me. This has been going on for 18 years. It wont stop until I leave.
S Crow, I hope you can find the happiness and life you deserve. Abuse is not o.k.
Oh my god,this guy is delusional.Totally freaking delusional.Women,you need to get away.
Thanks for watching anyway, Georgia Myers.
This man clearly doesnt realize abusive people are toxic
Yeah, I'm appalled watching this.
This is one of the very FEW videos that actually has an amazing purpose!
Thank you for taking time out of your busy days//week to make these! ❤
Melissa Jamigan, so nice of you. It is my goal to Live On Purpose.
I'm so happy I found your channel! I've been having problems with communicating with my brother and father after my mother died couple of months ago. She was all empathy and positive vibes and without her there's a lot of misunderstandings and anger.
I love how you say it's simple but not easy, it's so true! And I love the simplicity of:
'When X happens I feel Y' then 'Is that what you were going for?' then 'OK'
The example with mother and son is almost exactly how my brother treated our mother and is now treating me similarly, together with 'youre just over-sensivite and over-reacting'
Glad you in our community. I wish you the best in working with your brother. I am glad you are clarifying things with him. Don't give up.
Learning to establish healthy boundaries in my marriage. After 9 years not much has changed, tried so much. Painful when it’s a one sided relationship 😢 he refuses couples counseling, we have a small child. I appreciate all your content.
Honored to be on your team through this difficult time.
My husband disrespected both myself and my mom tonight - in the same sentence. It felt - oddly freeing. I’d been praying for guidance and wisdom… about some stuff that didn’t seem to rise to the level of abuse but gave me yellow and orange flags in my spine.
I feel free now and clear that my next steps with therapy will focus less on trying to fix us and more on becoming more independent.
We have very young kids and that will make things difficult but - all the more reason to illustrate a model of healthy relationships instead of what we’ve been doing.
So, it may be worth it.
Hoping it inspires change in each of us, but not expecting any change for the positive.
I hope he can see the benefit of learning a new way to engage with those around him who should mean the most.
I guess you have never been abused by a family member on a continuous day to day . It prisons your body and mind and fear keeps you from moving forward
It was not until the OJ Simpson case that he allegedly murdered his wife , it was not unto that year that police would step in a domestic fight.
My husband told the police I fell down the stairs , I was black and blue, the police said goodnight and left 2:00 in the morning
I prayed for 10 years before I was sent a angel to help me
theresa ricca, this video talks about verbal abuse. I don't like abuse in any form. This video came from a viewer suggestion. If there is physical abuse and people aren't safe, they need to leave and find safety. I am so glad you have an angel who has been able to help you.
That's horrible. Are you safe?
There's no way to negotiate with the verbally abusive partner. The more you question them about the words they use the more they do it. I have lived with such a man for 17yrs and eventually it turned into physical and emotional abuse. Don't try this it doesn't work.
@@Gracious1290 facts. Even if they genuinely desire to change and feel remorseful, their brains are not wired correctly. They must rewire it, suffer the consequences of losing the relationship, and do the work themselves. Never play therapist to an abuser.
A toxic man will never change. They will beg you so you wont leave them. But that man wont change will never change believe me, based on my personal experience. So for your peace of mind and sanity just walk away from him without explanation. A man like that knows what hes doing he knows hes being mean to you. But he wont change. No one could change that kind of man. He just want you around for his own benefit but he will never be nice to you.
I have a 40 year old uncle who cusses at me when I can't give him what he wants (free babysitting, money, rides, etc). He tends to wait until I'm alone with my young child and calls us both "stupid 'effing' b*tches" and when I ask him if he can please treat me with the same level respect that I treat him with, he always tells me "I'll treat a b*tch the way I want to treat a b*tch". I never know how to answer, so I walk away and ignore it. Recently I've been speaking up so he's been more verbally abusive and has gotten to the point where he's stealing things from me and blames me for his life not being in order. It doesn't help that my other relatives enable him and when I ask them for help they simply say, "he's just like that, that's just him. You need to get used to it. If he didn't respect his wife or his girlfriends what makes you think he'll respect you, his niece?" I'm starting to think I just need to severe ties with my birth family and move as far as I can before it gets worse. Especially when he gears that abuse towards my now 4 year old daughter. No matter what anyone says, that's not okay and it's not normal.
Adrienne Barcenas, you are correct that this behavior is not okay. Thank you for watching the video. Please consider making a plan to become independent and stay focused on that. Moving away might be a good idea. Try to remain positive yourself, despite your situation. Show your daughter an abundance of love to counteract the surrounding negativity. If you think a coaching call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches may benefit you, you can schedule that here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. We are on your team!
You can’t train a verbally abusive person ; they break you from the inside. A trainer is a rational person in a position of authority not a broken down person. Your mind stops working correctly when you are verbally abused . Abusive people are bad people and know exactly what they are doing . The best way to disempower them is to leave them and start on your healing journey . May be you can to do a video about training the abuser how not to abuse.
We have help for everyone at go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
These strategies assume the idea that your spouse can be self reflective and cares about how you are feeling. By definition, abusive people do not care about your feelings.
Chanah-Rivka M, I hope you can explore all your choices and alternatives to the situation you are in.
None of these suggestions worked because a narcissist takes no responsibility. An abusive person doesn't stop they are relentless. Sorry Sir but unless you've been in an actual abusive relationship you don't know what you're talking about.
Donna Gagne, I recognize that my tips will not work for every one in every circumstance. However, I have had some success with them in my practice. I want marriages and families to work, and will do what I can when healing is possible.
The good Doctor obviously never met my Husband. Backpedal? No Sir. Whenever I say to him: 'i wish u would stop the verbal abuse. It makes me feel very bad' or I would say: 'You don't mean that's He tells me he means EVERY WORD he says & if I don't like it I could leave. How could u possibly change some1 so mean & cold?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Classic textbook answer.
Verbal abuse by ITSELF should not be under estimate . It has drained me for 24 years.
Li Es, I hope you can find a resolution that gives you peace.
I didn't want him to buy a motorcycle I just didn't think we could afford it we had other necessities & bills that were more important. Been going on 5 months now. I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years & I felt like he saved me from that now 11 years later I get this. Idk how I lived through the abusive relationship many times I should of been dead. I tell Mr husband now that there's nothing he can do or say that hasn't already been done to me or said to me. I just sit quietly & go on with my days my life.
You deserve to be respected and happy, able to speak your mind.
This is really helpful. I started doing step number 1 and 2 a year ago, but I didn't see this video until today. I was told it was just a joke and I was too sensitive. I'd go to step 2 And he would say yes 😟. I wish I would have done step 3, but I would argue back after that point.
After 3 years of being persistent that I'm not just too sensitive, things are actually better. I'm going to start implementing step 3 now that I am properly equipped.
Erica, you got this!
This does not work with my husband, he tells me that I do this or that as well, I'm so nervous all the time. I studder at times when I speak.. When I cry he says don't start with that crybaby shit. He sucks the joy out of everything. He picks apart everything I do. Nothing is right, then he says he is trying to teach me how to do it right, like I'm a child. I have no where else to go and its been 20+yrs.
There is a way out. I hope you keep looking if that is what you want.
I have sent this video to my husband. If he doesn't heed to your advice, I am going to leave him. I am done telling him that I do not deserve this unkindness
JO MAMA, you deserve to be respected and hopefully he will wake up and realize what he has to lose and makes some changes.
@@LiveOnPurposeTVThank you so much for your kind words and reply. I appreciate every single word so much and take them to heart. We did that for 3 mths. I was totally over him, but he was lost without me and the kids-no sense of identity I guess, Idlk. He basically lied and said he would spend the rest of his days making up for it. After over 18 urs of that, and his promise(his word) I gave in and we got married. Within less than a year, it had all trickled back in, little by little. It hurts worse when you learn to love someone all over again and forgive them , only for the stuff that hurt so much to trickle back in. It almost hurts worse. I dont cry anymore. I just get really angry with myself for ever forgiving him . Especially with kods involved. I feel like Ive spent most of my adult life dealing with someone else's brokenness. I wake up happy. I laugh at myself. I don't dwell on or let things bother me more than a few minutes. Oh, I can hold a grudge, but only to prevent hurt or further abuse from others. He doesnt hear/listen to anything I say or do. If I have a different opinion, I am immediately wrong and the enemy. He emotionally, physically, and verbally pushes me away because that was done to him as a child. Emotional currency. Or lack of. My whole stupid life I have believed in love and chased affer it, stayed longer in the name of it. Only now, I am 53 and being told I am yelling when I am not, then told to F Off? When I did norhing wrong, but he perceives a wrong out of nothing and decides to take offense at smthg I said or did. I wish, when we were both 40, when I said no morre and get out, he could have been objective and selfless enough to say to himself and me, look, I will never be able to love you, I am damaged, I dont even know what love is. I can't offer you smthg I know nothing about. Instead, he stalked me relentlessly. I had moved on! He should have let me go instead of being selfish. I was so happy. It was like a slumber party every day, to have no one to object to my friends-i had a whopping 2 firends, wow. I was still young enough to repair and rebuild my life. My eldest was really angry with me for tolerating him sleeping over on the couch and cooking and showering at my house. She was eight. It set a terrible example. I was strong enough to move on witbout him, but he would not let me. Why? He had gotten his wish, I F'd off. I am not like him. I dont use words and my love as a weapon. Words are not for hurting is an actual child's book. I read it to all the classes I volunteered at. I AM special. I know I am. People are drawn to me. Strangers tell me their deepest darkest secrets without me even prying. I am an empath. I feel and sense things I have no business knowing. It may be from being an artist and my photographic memory. I see and feel what I see so deeply. Yeah, I have been told, I wish I had a Joann. I am 53, and I still look like I did when I was 17. Same body, same face. I have been lucky to have had some really great genes and live a healthy lifestyle asode from this stuff. I guess you cant have it all. And nobody gets out unscathed I guess. I wonder what would my life have been like, had I not felt love was so important. It has been so d@mn elusive. Always just out of my reach, or fleeting. I never wanted to be stuck in this like this. You cant MAKE or will somebody to do right by you. They have to want to. Being tired, not feeling well, or being mad at someone else, is no excuse to inflict pain or hurt on someone else. What a cop out. And it's just being mean and a choice. I don't make that choice. Not when I had my period, not when I was pregnant, never. Just because someone is nice and not a fighter, doesnt mean they should have to out up with so much all the time. It hurts. But thank you. I do love your content and I wish he would be the one to listen and heed to your advice. He really needs it. I sent him your video. Hopefully, someday, it will do some good for him. I am not a cheater. But how long can a person ove without feeling loved, or wondering when the next argument is coming out of no where ? Idk anymore ❤️🙏
I love your rhetorical question, "Who is going to say that?" Well, my spouse does all the time.
Chanah-Rivka M, I wish he could hear himself.
Once an abuser always an abuser.
Tee Rajput, I don't necessarily agree. I have seen many times where the person realized what they did and turned themselves around. Very difficult, but it has happened. It is a gift to allow someone to change.
This is my life with my husband almost everyday. Everything is my fault, every time he says that I'm nothing if something doesn't work for him. They never change always get the first opportunity to be evil...
I hope you can find a way forward for you that is more positive.
Some men are so nasty to their wives.
Hurt people hurt people. I hope they can get the help they need.
I have never heard the step two, verify, ever in my life. This seems groundbreaking. I’m going to try that. Thank you so much.
You are welcome. It can save so many arguments and hurt feelings.
He's out of touch. He's talking as if the perpetrator is going to calmly change.
country autumns, I have seen a lot and I understand that not everyone will react right away. We do our best and then decide if we want to be in the relationship.
Ok this is a big deal for me with my husband. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING I’ve tried has worked. I am going to try this advice out. I’m hopeful but skeptical….. thank you for taking time out to make this video much appreciated no matter the outcome. This is a great video.
You got this! Thanks for trying it. I hope you get some resolution and change.
My husband said “so what now? Is that all you’ve got? I don’t give a __ how you feel. I don’t sugarcoat __”.
Still does it, smh
Rem Nant mine said that same thing to me tonight.
Rem Nant, I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I invite you to see if there are any relevant videos on the "How To Fix A Marriage that's been Damaged" playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html. See if there are any ideas that resonate with you, that you can work on with your husband. If there is no improvement, it might be time for you to decide if you want to stay in the relationship. Thank you for watching, and best wishes.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV oh my goodness, your response is watching more of your videos after what happened!? I'm sure they probably don't want to watch your videos, are you serious!? 🤨🤷🤯
Yep mine said he doesn't care
They don't change the more I attempt to stand uo for myself, the angrier he gets. The more he punishes me financially and verbally
I hope you can find the resources in your community that will help you to get to a better place.
He would say it's my fault, that I deserve it.
Do you leave open the consideration he is wrong? No one deserves to be abused, in any form.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I know he is wrong, but since I willingly married him, even though I saw the red flags. In the back of my mind, it's almost like a punishment.
You cannot change abuser.the only change pack your suitcase over night and hide underneath the bed and just take your own time and go and no return..abuser made up there mind..it enbeden in them....
Good point, the only behavior we control is our own.
Cant train a narcissist. I’d like to know any one who knows of a narcissist that chose to change or even admitted that they had a problem
I would like to hear what people say.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV if we are all honest we can see narcissist traits in ourselves. But being as that may , if you see or are honest then that would indicate your not a narcissist. (Maybe)
I have learned to not let my wife be so controlling simply by not letting her decide things like.
Where we go to church.
Where I work
Who my friend are
If I feel any sense of manipulative control I purposely do it any way,
It drives her nuts but i I have my sanity!!
It's difficult to deal with abusive husband. It affects you badly
Soniya Bakshi, it just makes me sad to hear this. You don't deserve to ever be abused.
My husband comes from a family where the parents ignored the children and concentrated about their own pleasures and youth ... And even now it is the same treatment my son gets from my in laws all about themselves and their priority even when baby had fever or other discomfort I have to oblige and accept the decisions every single time ... it is beyond my understanding why such people have children... M tired of the marriage of their insensitive and abusive son.. but for my baby I cannot leave.. I feel so stuck... No matter how patient, how loving I am to them it is always my fault.. but anything good is only cuz they are in picture
Testcit si, I hope you can find a way to live peacefully.
Here’s the problem with “when you do this, I feel that” the abuser deep down, WANTS to cut you, but they will never admit it. Yes, they can then say “I was only joking, can’t you take a joke?” and then there’s “don’t be so sensitive!” all kinds of retorts like this to shift the blame back to you.
I’d really like some good shields that will throw it back on them
Suzanne Dawson, you might find more helpful info in the video, "How To Save A Marriage From Divorce," ua-cam.com/video/S3MrqOjk2VA/v-deo.html. Pay particular attention when I speak about the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Or you can browse around in the Positive Relationship Resources playslist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX.html.
Or the "How to Fix a Marriage That's Been Damaged" playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPD7ZFUy4BGprDhRq8tDD2yg.html. If your husband is willing, perhaps the 2 of you together can take advantage of our free, 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
Unless you’re dealing with my husband who says he loves to say these awful things to me because he likes to see me feel awful about myself, so he can feel good and know that he won.
@@training4chocolate Awe Chelsea, I was married to that man. I know him well. He must’ve been committing polygamy as well. Divorcing him was one the best decisions I ever made in my life. Marrying him was the worst. He spoiled me for ever wanting to marry again, though.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV There was no saving a marriage to a crazy man. No saving a marriage that was quickly escalating down a seriously dangerous path. In fact, you can’t even call it a marriage. It was a living hell! I have no doubt I would have ended up in the hospital or worse if I hadn’t left when I did. The truth is, I should have stopped dating him very early on, but for some ridiculous (and insane) reason I thought If I just loved him more or better I could fix it.
Thank you for making this video. And you are 100% right. I deserve and am worthy of love, kindness, and respect. Liked and subscribed.
Wonderful!
I told him that when he threatens me and makes me feel like he wants to kill me and make me disappear. And he said keep doing what you’re doing and you will be met with no peace. That was his answer.
Am I supposed to say OK to that?
I feel like he’s going to kill me
Any abuse is not o.k. It sounds like you need to get in a safer place, physically. Reach out to the programs in your area. He has already told you he isn't going to act different. Stay safe.
Any form of abuse is abuse = disrespect = divorce.
Lol
S P always an option. Abuse should not be tolerated.
So wait if the abuse is constant, every day. And you follow these three steps every time, I can already see him saying something about how I repeat myself like a script. He’s smart I feel like this would only make matters worse and make him pop off even more... I’ve tried stuff like this. I’ve tried calm and collected, telling him how I feel, asking if he realizes that’s what’s happening, then ending with an okay. I wish this method was as easy as you’re making it out to be :(
Chelsea W, I am sorry this hasn't worked for you. It sounds like you are doing everything right. I don't know your whole situation - so I'm not sure if you are already doing these things... small acts of quiet kindness can soften hearts. Remember to keep the lines of communication open, and do your best to keep it positive. Actively look for things to be grateful for, and share them with your husband whenever possible. I have a couple video recommendations for you:
"How To Deal With Frustration With Husband" - ua-cam.com/video/6TjZuadq8FM/v-deo.html
"What To Do When Your Husband Hates You" - ua-cam.com/video/YxOaY6MYvtU/v-deo.html
Lastly, we do have a free, 25 minute breakthrough call available where you could speak to one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you think that might be of some value, you can schedule it here: www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
How are you doing now Chelsea?
If asking "is that what you were going for, is that what your intended..." and they respond with "you're accusing me" what the heck do you do next? They flip it into manipulation "it was only a joke. you don't trust me? why are you treating me this way? I don't deserve this negativity, i'm not your enemy, why are you questioning me?" Then you have crazy making bunch of questions thrown back at you and you're accused of accusing them!
A Rosebud, thank you for watching and trying to understand. Perhaps you can respond with, "I am not accusing, just trying to clarify and understand." Communication is absolutely essential to a healthy relationship. Always try to keep it positive.
YES! They turn stuff around! They say, "You attacked me!" etc. My hubs has lots of practice, is smart, and very skilled at retorts. I have always been a little passive, so I'm a sitting duck for all his techniques. I found that I can get him to stop temporarily, but the monster comes back when he's had too many beers, or if he's angry about something else not related to me.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV my spouse drowns me out with screaming. Never hear s me. Like I’m supposed to be thinking with from one mind. I guess it’s to much to negotiate. Sometimes. Makes a argument out of nothings. The most stupidest stuff. So it must be just to railroad the wife. Wow. Think they call that crazy making. Like when he’s saying to me to be more polite while he called me lazy using my Dads name in vain
Narcisistic responses are like this. They never assume ANY responsibility. It's always other people that are to blame for their unhappiness.. unfortunatelly it has no cure :(
Thank you. I have tried before to tell him that when he says certain things he makes me feel disrespected. He tells me that I am too sensitive & this is his personality. He use to not do this; it seems like he started it when the kids got older. He makes potshots, it feels like every time I open my mouth he says them. He has many great qualities responsible, hard working, good dad (other than not being a good example as a husband), not on drugs, doesn’t cuss or hit me and a good provider. I feel like, what do I have to complain about? I just feel like I annoy him & he hates my voice. I don’t want to talk anymore to protect myself especially in front of the kids so they don’t pick up this behavior. He has improved before but then it goes back to the way it was or just below the radar. I feel like he is gaslighting me, maybe unconsciously. I don’t want to have to open up this can of worms again. He will resent me if we go to marriage counseling and would not want to have to pay for it. I just want to speak to someone to help me from emotionally crumbling. I guess he doesn’t love me anymore & he is tired of trying to make the marriage work but won’t divorce me. I guess I need to find a free service or find a way to pay cash for help for myself. Sorry this was so long.
I hope you seek help for yourself. It is well worth whatever you have to do to get the help. He doesn't have to come along.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for always reaching out, bless you.🙏🏼I will start looking for some ways to get help I can afford. I am going to try to make one of your live shows also. Sorry for all the previous post’s typos 🤦🏻♀️apparently when I am emotional my grammar suffers. 😏Take care.
We are losing our voice and the words I Love You are becoming rare, you are not alone, we are not alone, God is always there, call on Him for heavenly strength..even though we need not open our mouth
Nobody is entitled to disrespect. I need to hear it right now. I don't think my husband will change. Everytime he went home under the influence of alcohol, he always shouts at me and throw things in front of my children. I am so worried about my children, at the same time scared of what might happen. 😭😭😭
Gwapa Koh, I hope he can help for his alcoholism.
I'm a housewife and my husband often degrades me because of that. He knows that him having a job gives him more power over me.
I am not sure where he thinks that power comes from. If you weren't able to do what you do at home, he would have to do it or get someone to do it. You are adding a service and very important to any success he enjoys.
PRE-marital REQUIREMENT: read the comment sections of these
My husband has a temper.. he yells, if I try to explain he yells even more n say I have full of excuses. His temper frightens me. I feel sick to my stomach. He tells me I made him angry, I provoked him. He comes up with many things like, m ungrateful, m selfish, I don't listen and the list goes on.. I don't understand and at the end of It I get so exhausted n confuse that mostly I think perhaps he is right and I suppressed everything and apologized and I act normal. It is not possible to disagree or argue on matters with him. I avoid saying anything now. Can this be verbal abuse ...???
Demi Lyndem, verbal and psychological abuse. For close relationships we need to have both partners be able to express their feelings and be heard.
It most definitely verbal abuse and emotional abuse and it can make you very ill. Please take good care of your health
Please consider get counseling and if he's not willing just leave him altogether. It's not worth suppressing and repressing who you are and feeling sick inside.
Yes, but it also can be you're doing things wrong. What I mean is: when he's throwing a tantrum there's no way you'll get him to talk to you. Wait till things get calmer and try to speak about those episodes and what both of you can do to avoid some situations.
I am in no way saying it's ok to yell or call names, but your situation seems more like an anger management issue than a narcisistic behavior, and that sure is good news!
Hope you and your hb can get along better!
I just missed his phone call and when I picked up he said why don't you die, then he started abusing me with very abusive words, then after some time he said sorry. I forgave him. 2 days ago he did the same thing in front of his friends 😢I found it very insulting I don't know what is my mistake 😢 He cheated on me and broke my trust many times, I think it was my mistake to forgive him
It's due to hoeflation
You dont need to train a full grown adult. You need to expose them and leave them in the dust. 🍂💜
This is flat out dangerous advice for victims of abuse. It is NOT the responsibility of the victim to try to 'train' an abuser. It could escalate badly.
truthmerchant1, there are always options to leave the relationship, this is for people who want to try to make their relationship work. Abuse should never be tolerated.
Sometimes you have to leave, at least temporarily. At least stop speaking to them until they apologize.
Thank you.
Is there one for how to handle same abuse from wife (or ex), and in front of kids?
Right how is this title just husband like women arnt doing it..... i had some respect for this guy but he just lost some from me.
The principles can be applied to either party in the marriage, randomarioful. The video came as a request from a viewer. Kids should not be part of the equation. Do what is necessary to keep the kids safe.
I don't think you ever heard me say that women are not guilty of bad behavior. The video came as a result of a viewer request, K Allen. Find the principles and apply them to whatever situation you find. Hope that helps and thank you for watching and commenting.
I guess you could use the same advice.
He says "husband or spouse" in the beginning. But there is an unspoken key difference: women can often get away w/ abuse far easier and may not even realize how bad they abuse feeling its OK or not as bad b/c men are generally "tougher" and "stronger" than females, but fail to realize men are equally human as well & do not deserve abuse either
Edit: I must say the "OK" response is a key tool you can "use to diffuse", it often satisfies the abuser and the lack of any rebuttal/input discourages further abuse, especially in front of kids. When kids are present the best way to think IMO is to really step back out of your mindset and try to put yourself in their shoes _the entire_ time. Try doing this (and the OK tactic) the best you can. It will help prevent YOU from poorly reacting and the kids will see everything for themselves. They are more important than your ego and your dignity. Do whatever it takes to protect them
This works.I have personally experienced this.But mentally we must be strong to follow these steps...Nowadays many people are not patient enough to handle situations.
Lathabhaduri Prabakar, it does take effort and work, but I find I value those things more than what comes easily.
Noone can help my husband no matter what I do or say.ive been praying everyday for this man he is just evil.Im trying so hard to keep this family together but you can only deal with so much
The Dennis Family, I wish you the best.
Do not try to educate your abusive spouse. They will learn and use it to abuse. Do not go to counselling with an abuser.
Bee M, that is an option. This video came to be through a question. They didn't want to leave their spouse and until someone sees that as an option, it isn't an option for them. Sometimes they want to try. Everyone has to come to the limit of their patience.
Trust me they can't be "trained". They can only change when they WANT to change and get professional help for themselves.
Andrea Kniffley, we hopefully can get them to the point where they want to do those things.
This lock down has made life scary at home
shripuja siddamsetty, That doesn't sound good. I hope you are all safe.
If you give away the "Y" then he will KNOW HOW to hurt you more with the "X"..you give him MORE power and more tools to brake/hurt you 🙄
Ken n Gabby Andrews, it is true that some people will unfortunately use that against you. However, I have found that that is not the case every time. If the husband continues to hurt you and is not willing to change, then hard decisions need to be made about whether or not to stay. Thanks for watching and commenting.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV You should SAY that in the video
Simply Brilliant! I love u Dr. Paul. Plz don't stop making these helpful videos.
I have no plans to stop, Layal Lebanon. Thanks for watching.
Let’s try this strategy on what I remember from my marriage:
Me - “When you start raging and throwing things because I put the coffee cups in the dish washer backwards, I feel disrespected, threatened and horrible.”
Him (Yelling) - “YOU’RE FEELINGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! YOU HAVE GOT TO LEARN HOW TO KEEP HOUSE RIGHT!”
Next:
Me - “Is that what you intended?
Him - (yelling) “IF YOU DON’T START LISTENING TO ME I’M GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL” (Comes at me with a bar stool)
Next:
Me -“Ok”
????????????????? I don’t think so. I got out as fast as I could
I'm glad you did. You have to keep safe. Some people don't see leaving as an option and until they do, they won't.
Never! Tolerate! a bully! Go no contact. Period.
Thank you for commenting.
I got involved with a woman that was so kind in many ways but she was almost constantly verbaly condescending .It eventually broke my heart.I was accused of having other women on the side etc. I know I was being tested but all of this meant was that we became lonely in the relationship and lack of closness increased.I knew she was looking for someone else but in the meantime we just ending hurting each emotionally often in subtle ways. She broke it of with me recently by text and blocking eg overnight.I am amazed harsh, mostly women do this. It is very hurtfull.I was very kind to her but I knew she was not up front with me.I am now texting through much pain. Unfortunately I can't just take this on the chin but I will have too.A little bit of brain fog going on.Its going to take time.
"Yeah, I wanted to disrespect you!" , He says, who's going to say that? I'm like, ummm, abusive people do say that...or things like it. He'd be suprised.
That's very unfortunate, Corey Anderson.
My wife is like that when she is angry. Swearing, call me loser and kick at objects in the home. Even though I'm night shift, attend classes, sleep a couple of hours and pick up our son to care for him, I still cop a serving about the home. Accused of not doing anything. But I'm the one every evening before work maximising the 4 hours to feed our son, wash up, clothes washing and get ready for work! I was taking out the trash last night and thinking all the stuff I try and do won't get noticed anyway. It's such a huge deal that I haven't had time to change the silicon seal around the bath basin or spend a few hours changing the fly screen on one of our balcony doors (changing to that tough aluminium stuff).
It was extremely hard when I had spent 2 days chasing a specific cake for our son's daycare (must be eggless) and coming home late and tired. I got our son ready and carried him to her car. She screamed at me to hand over my garage remote (hers is not working) and out the front kept yelling loser at me despite me protesting I'm night shift and doing everything whilst she sleeps and works...
Even today I attended class after night shift, drove to the office to change the garage key, went to the shops for my son's dinner tonight and now I'm trying to rest at nearly 1pm when I must be up at 5:30 to pick him up from daycare... not to mention all the assessments I fell behind in at uni :(
I hate being called a loser. I overwork myself sometimes. I work in a good job mostly night shifts and study nursing. I don't smoke, drink or play up. I just work, study, clean and care for my son...
Matt NA, you and anyone who sees what you are doing knows that you are not a loser. Know that this says more about your wife than it does you. Keep focused on your son and hopefully soon you can afford to get some extra help with the household stuff so that you can focus what time you have on your son.
You sound like an awesome dad & husband 🦸♂️ Please take care of yourself so you can be a great dad for your son 🙋🏻♂️ Please be aware not to burn out. Hope you have people who can help you. Parenting & balancing family & work is very challenging 😣 Praying for you and all who struggle 🙏✝️ God Bless you and your family 💗👼
He needs to add in there "this video does not pertain to narcissistic abusers"
I hear that quite a bit, Tess Parker.
Mine it's very aware that he have been abusing me emotionally and verbally.I just feel so unloved and disrespected.😢
Sounds like you have the information you need to decide what to do next.
The only thing i know how to handle my fiance everytime he talked shits about me is just to remain calm and silent. When i do that, after a few minutes he will realized that im not responding or reacting on whatever hes saying. (Even if it hurts me a lot) and it will make him feel guilty and sorry about what he have said to me.
You might want to rethink his being your fiancé before he ends up as your husband.
If I speak up it usually gets worse and develops verbal abuse to physical abuse.... I could avoid by talking nicely to him but it is only spoiling the husband and not solving any problems =(
I'm sorry, but you can't train someone, people are pretty set in their ways. It's like saying, you can change someone. No way, you can't change people, they are who they are, and unfortunately people think they can change a person, but they can't.
Grace Hall, the only person who can change us is ourselves.
If someone is watching this, he’s EXTREMELY UNCONNECTED to Our Reality… Unreal!!!
Thank you for watching. I hope you get the life you want.
My husband was raised where name calling in anger was normalized.
Joanna Rushing, a lot of people were, we can be the chain breakers in our families.
I do believe many people don't understand they're abusive. A lot of people are hung up on the trained comment and trust i get that but us, as those being abused, we do need to speak up - if you're with a narcissist, u stay in a vicious cycle thanks to the narcissist and unfortunately its up to us to leave them alone. You can use grey rock techniques when leaving the relationship as well as this gentleman's advice. For example, I've since showed my abuser that i am not afraid of him, his words don't shake me, etc. Now, he has nothing to work with besides his own internal anger and insecurities. If you KNOW youre with a narcissist, its time you turn to your support system (if u have any) and find strength within. Its hard and literally mind altering but Some of y'all are saying you been with an abuser for over 30 years.........? So you remained abused for over 30 years because? Stop putting your destiny in these mens hands.
A J, this is something I talk about that it isn't an option for people until they see it as an option. Whether someone understands that they are being abusive, the abuser hopefully sees that they don't need to continue being abused. I am glad you spoke up and have changed the situation.
I have delt with these for 13 years. I have given up that he will change. When i tell him these steps he turns it on me and then walks off. No apologies, he just thinks its funny to see me upset and bothered. I tell him im not going to fight or argue and that he's not allowed to speak to me like that and then i am the bad one and he ignores me for a week.
Rebecca Martinez, I am glad that you are not willing to get into an argument. If you want to engage the services of a life coach to help you through your struggle, contact us at drpauljenkins.com.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you
How are you doing now Rebecca?
I love him and I can't get the courage to leave because of how good my life is outside of his anger......... I guess in a shorter form you would call it selfishness it's harder to leave when you have almost everything you've ever wanted in life..... (ALMOST)
Mrs Glitter, I am glad you recognize that there are trade offs to every situation. I am sad that you are suffering verbal abuse and hope that the situation can change. I hope he can see how life could be better with an adjustment. We have coaches who can help work on this if he is ready.
This is very true it takes the wind out of their sails. My husband has a mouth on him when one answers like this they have no come back and shut their mouths as they end up arguing with themselves. One cannot argue with a reasoning calm person it drives them up the wall and they storm off to sulk. It is hard to do as one naturally wants to fight back tooth and nail, it takes a lot of practice, but restrain your comebacks and answer calmly ok and they cannot give an answer. They lose the power they think they have by trying to dominate you. One cannot dominate a calm person it is impossible. Like my father always said, " Let them stew." If one is getting bashed one should leave immediately. Call the cops have them arrested but if you have a husband like mine who runs off at the mouth to try and dominate and get their way, it works.
Leons Lioness NZ, thank you for sharing your experience. It is better to remain calm.
I get where you're coming from, yet the verbal abuse from people who don't care how they treat family members... My kids learned how to do this from their father, and expect me to just accept it! So, I camly stated to my Adult son, to stop calling me names! I wasn't upset yet he got really upset when he noticed that I was calm, and quiet, this only made him even more angrier, he wanted me to get upset, so that he could then use my reaction as a reason to keep me hostage to him, and not actually focus on his bullying tactics, but on my reaction instead.
I am glad you are not giving into his tactics and remaining calm. He will back down eventually.
Really good stuff, thank you kindly for sharing your wisdom with us.
Glad it was helpful!
Great advice. I hope I remember next time my husband criticizes me for always being right (as in how dare I be smarter than him).
I wish in all marriages that we could work together as a team and not compare ourselves to one another but work to complement each other with our strengths and weaknesses. Good luck, April Phister.