10 Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубліковано 13 чер 2024
- We have all experienced relational conflict at one time or another, and probably said and done some things in the heat of an argument that were hurtful. But when does a person’s actions cross over to being emotionally “abusive”? This can feel like a grey area for many, but there are some clear signs that indicate whether you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. In this video Dr. Hawkins gives you 10 signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. If any of these ring true for you, we encourage you to check out the “Is It Abuse” section on our website where you can find more information on what abuse is: marriagerecoverycenter.com/is...
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
🌐 WEBSITE: marriagerecoverycenter.com/
☎️ PHONE: (206) 219-0145
📧 EMAIL: info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#reactiveabuse #reactive #emotionalabuse
We are often trapped by finances
I'm in an abusive marriage, when we go out he flirts with young girls. right in front of me. I told him please he can go. I can't cop with those insults. Honestly, I ignore him Dr, you describe my relationship. I got sick and tired of him. I'm glad because I found this channel in English. Thanks Dr, for your program.
You’re exactly right. That’s the hard part for those of us who have been stay at home moms.
Even if you can leave the hard part is paying for a divorce, making sure you get a lawyer who knows how to fight for your half of the income…if you’ve been married for a certain length of time, sometimes you’ll be awarded half the income, or spousal support depending on state laws. Use your time to research those things in your state.
There are scissors & when guided in the right direction they slice. After living in misery for 18yrs & suffering thru recovery 10yrs, believe you me, it was like walking away from a hanging. I am free to be the person God CREATED ME TO BE
I have my own income, always had.
my sister, laura sacks is rapped in an ED relationship due to finances!
Sad, but all ten describes my marriage. After 44 years I woke up and left. It's been almost four months now and I feel much better. I thank God everyday for people like you who shed light on a situation that was difficult to explain to others without feeling like I was the crazy one. Now I know. It wasn't me ❤❤❤
Glad to hear you are free and hope you find healing for your heart.
So glad you are free. I left my 18 year marriage 5 years ago. Contentment is so underrated!
I'm getting a divorce also after 11 years of this..It is destroying my health..
@@bd7628 so glad you are getting out before your health is completely destroyed. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue 22 years ago with no light at the end of the tunnel.
Me too...only I stayed for 49 years and left...been out about 5 months and filed for divorce. Gotta work on getting me back now. God bless you!
I spent 35 years in this exact relationship that the doctor speaks about..all 10 apply to me. My husband passed away but I'm still reeling from it. But one thing I can say, I will NEVER remarry..freedom is sweet
Yeah, it’s better on the other side, but takes a while to,get used to,
I am glad you feel free.
Me too, i couldn’t have said it better. I had 31… God bless you!!❤
@@eugenia-divinecasey2755 God bless you also!! 💕
1st sign watching a video about emotional abuse
Yep
Dr. Hawkins, everything you say is true. I'm age 80, married over 50 years, dismissed red flags before the marriage, persisted in trying to please him, never gave up hope. Eventually, my body broke down. Now, I live with crippling autoimmune disorder that attacks my skin with horrible itchy blisters. I cannot live alone anymore and have nowhere to go. Please continue to educate people about the severe consequences of living with emotional abuse.
I am so sorry to hear this. I pray you find comfort and peace and healing. Seek the most high and he will help you. He is with the broken hearted. I have gone almost 10 yrs not giving up hope even tho I should’ve left and stayed gone so many times. It has become insanity thinking this marriage is going to work. He has not changed, he just does this manipulation in a different way now. Tonight I packed my stuff and left. I am very sad, scared of what I’m going to do, live etc.. But I have support and will lean on those that I know truly love me. I pray you have even at least one person to lean on.
Mary I feel awfull what you have endured. I understand the pain of it all that it has caused you. I've also had issues with my skin, that all of a sudden showed up. I managed to clear it up with natural remedies, but I know with the stress of it all it could come back. The stress we endure is the route of health issues, because it comprimises the immune system. You should try seeing a Natropathic Doctor because they asses the whole body and your life. I pray for God to guide you in your steps and to direct a caring and knowledgeable person to help you with your health.
God Bless you Mary. Wish you good health and a way out for you....✝️💟🙏
Your story has touched me deeply. I pray sincerely for you. Lots of love to you!
There were no warning signs before marriage. Everything started after we got married. We just had our 28th anniversary. I'm stuck in this marriage
Herem,nothing
He flips everything back on me. It’s got to the stage I just shut down.
Yes me too
Yes!!
That is their point ... to shut us down.
I shut off too, there was never any point in raising any questions just to be met with flipping it back on me as if I had done it to him. When your in a position where your unable to work have no financial back up of your own. He is all over everything monitoring your every move your trapped until he decides otherwise and even then he still controls your life from afar.
The system is all wrong for those with controlling husbands.
It's so frustrating! I've never dealt with that type of person before. Thank God we only dated for a little while.
1. I do not feel safe. 2. Never talk about issues. 3. My opinion or choices not respected 4. Feel disregarded, voiceless, unheard in this relationship. 5. Person become enraged if I questioned anything, can’t disagree. 6. Care very little about my likes, hopes, things I value. 7. Always walking on eggshells. 8. Cause you to feel 9. Feel isolated and alone (still your joy and happiness) 10. Cause chronic stress and fatigue. 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
That's toxic family to be honest.
My marriage has all 10
8. Cause you to feel anxious
@@metalbarbie7226mine too..😂
All of them in a 16 year marriage
46 years of not being able to put my finger on it & you've nailed it in under 8 minutes! Thank you!!
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Cost of living is too crazy, makes it hard to leave but I rather give up everything and having my peace 🎉
same here so do I leave at 70 years old?????
@@dianebarron8362I would say if you think you would like to, then I would find a way. One knows when one is ready. Sometimes one just has to take the flying leap. Into the the unknown, the uncomfortable and the unusual for while to see that they can look back one day and say Holy Cow! I got through it.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her/him?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
This is a trauma bond.
You nailed it. My marriage in a nutshell. My anxiety has even almost killed me. I am now divorcing him.29 years of it. Am starting over for peace and serenity.
Peace sounds lovely
You know you have two choices, which i learned 20 years ago. There issues with Drinking are not your issues unless it Messes with Finances... or getting angry. You'll blame that other person. Or death. And thankyou to God the Officer pointed that out to me, because i would'nt have been here to enjoy my Grandsons. They mean more to me Than a stupid Drink.😊
Amen!!!! Thank GOD you are delivered.
Freedom! And I'd never look back!
All 10 describe my 53 yrs of marriage. I felt so alone and nervous and lost my voice for 3 yrs and could not speak a word. Speech therapy for 3 yrs because of a man who was controlling me . I did not enjoy going any where with him, in fear of being shot down if I spoke. It was not a relationship. He was such a miserable man to be with.
I was married 23 years and i blamed myself and tried to please. Wrong move cause he got worse. I wondered why i felt stupid and nervous all the time. It was affecting my memory, my self esteem and i had pains in my back. I was going crazy , i didnt want to be near him and i went out often. I met a man who listened and understood me. I went for counseling and i left my marriage. It has been a journey to recover and feel worthy. Glad to be away from the crazy making.
Sadly all ten describe my marriage of 38 years. I am trapped due to financial ties. Just trying to do me and trust God. But it is very hard and painful
We understand leaving is simply not an option for many people. Here's a video that talks about what you can do when divorce or leaving is not an option: ua-cam.com/video/NVT5PKBlgwc/v-deo.html
I am in the same boat. I am sorry.
I am in the same situation. Married 32 years.
Yes,folks and Dr's will suggest get out but many of us haven't the means ,truly, or family .
This is the same for me .16 years
This has made me cry. I knew I was emotionally unsafe, I felt it in my gut. Silent treatment for over a year and verbal abuse, he called me names. I moved out in 2021. Divorced in 2022. So grateful for my job and for being the one to make a decision. ✨✨✨🌈🌈🌈 He was nice to everyone else.....
Same here. Sibling and mother.
"There's no free exchange of information" hit hard for me. So true. Thank you.
Laid on my sofa 3 hours into my silent treatment in tears. Broken and exhasuted. Exactly this and its hit me harder than any video before.
I’m in an extremely abusive relationship. I’ve reached a point of total isolation and insanity dealing with the ongoing psychological abuse. Leaving the relationship becomes like navigating a minefield, where I am the bad guy and I am horrible for leaving. He also lives in my house which makes me “leaving” a LOT more difficult.
These relationships are life sucking.
Pray and seek help, when you’re out of this nightmare please learned from it and beware of these warning signs! These bad relationships can suck the life out of you. Hopefully you’ll get your peace back soon…. 🙏 ❤️
Same 😢
Me too😓 I don’t even go to the gym anymore I live with him and I’m stuck in mountains. 3 miles to the main road. Because it’s his house for 4 yrs How do you I’ve never been able to organize my things to fix on living out of bags and tubs have a good night Resoure I was married for 22 years before him call her mom please my kids does that all the money from selling my home, no job. I don’t talk to my friends Anymore Because of the turbulence of relationship, nitpicks everything. so constantly putting me down. I go to my Instagram or Facebook see how happy I was. You need to be strong and remember what you brought when you enter and hang onto until you can leave, that’s what I’m doing
He is jealous and envious of your house. He wants and needs what you have and won’t easily let it go. He will either eventually drive you mad or drive you out of your own house. Just got out of this situation. The quicker and sooner you can leave the better. He won’t go, ever…even if it is your house.
Call the police and have him removed if it is your house. Contact a battered women's shelter for counseling.They are very helpful.Because I would argue that this is every bit as harmful as being beaten ;perhaps even more so.I have had a marriage with both physical, and emotional abuse.The emotional seemed worse.
This is my life. I pretend to myself that it’s ok. I go to work and pretend to myself I have a normal home life. I need to get out of this. It’s taken over me and I’m alone with this empty angry nightmare of a man. I don’t talk at all because he will rubbish what I say. He doesn’t talk because he is an empty shell. He waits for me to break the silence so that he can rubbish what ever I say. He’s so defensive and acts like he’s under attack every time I speak to him. I’m very lonely and fed up. He’s horrible and I’ve had enough. He had a difficult childhood and I believe he’s stuck in his ways. I need to get out of this relationship.
Run!
I know how you feel it’s easy to say leave him and that’s what you know you should do but I’m in the same position a nightmare that you can’t get away from day after day I hope you are stronger than I am and get your life back to something calm and peaceful it only gets worse the longer it goes on believe me I know .
Sounds just like my husband, you can’t say anything without him being defensive. We went to a therapist and the therapist asked him why are you so defensive when I ask you a question, it caught my husband off guard and he said I don’t know? I sat there and couldn’t believe he noticed that and I wasn’t delusional, I actually was validated. I never mentioned it once to the therapist either.
A lot of people have hard childhoods and don't become abusive. No excuses. Work on healing you, especially codependency to avoid repeating the situation. Don't stay. You're so much more valuable than that. Your life is priceless. It's hard, but God hears every cry and He will deliver you in His timing. 💛
I can feel your pain! Make a plan and follow through. Surround yourself with good people who will understand and supprt you! It can get better!
My ex boyfriend just stared blankly at me when I expressed a concern about us- I asked him do you have anything to say? He calmly said No, then I asked”what are you thinking?” His answer- “I’m thinking I want to bend your fingers backwards!” And laughed saying “I’m joking!!” I knew then I was dealing with a person I knew nothing about. It was scary!!
That's annoying
My exN once laid on top of me (smotheringly) to keep me from leaving. I knew I was dealing with a cuckoo at that point. The more I tried, the worse he got...so I pretended it didn't bother me and it got boring to him. It was MY house, MY property and I wanted to leave, not fair. I had to scheme to escape him. Finally got him away for good less than a month later. Miserable short marriage. Abusive.
Narc
The blank stare is a HUGE red flag, friends.
@natural3362 not scary?
Pretty much describes how my husband was heading. I started to stand up for myself and was seriously thinking about leaving.
Then he got diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer. Turned out to be terminal. I threatened to leave him when he was screaming at me. He tried to blame the medicine he was on. I told him it wasn't.
I stayed with him to the end. He wasn't like this when we got married. But, he started to drink and it changed him.
I don't miss the man he became, but I miss the man I married.
Thanks for sharing your story and hope you have found healing.
@@drdavidbhawkins I have through God.
Yes chemo or pain can cause changes in personality
@@elizabethwilk9615 he started drinking well before he was diagnosed with cancer. That's what changed him. He became an alcoholic and was a mean drunk.
I begged him for months to go to the doctor before he finally went to the ER. They kept him for 11 days and he came home with a colostomy bag.
When he first went to change it on his own, he became very frustrated and was taking it out on me. I refused to let him. I was willing to help him, but was NOT willing to be verbally abused. He had me in tears before I fought back.
Sounds like you're the abuser. Threatening to leave him is abuse
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Thank God, no longer!
It really freaking hurts when it's your own child.
Hi are you talking about a parent being abusive to their child? Because if you are...I get it, BOY do I get it.😔
Yes makes your heart bleed.
@@mary-louisemifsud30no not what they meant. A child abusing the parent! Happens a lot but still taboo because of how society programs everyone
cut ties🤔. Grown folk need their own. Unless a child is unsafe, let go.
Dependent children need boundaries all of the time🥰
Yes but you can change it.
Yup, the Silent Treatment, two weeks at a time....The De-value....." You need to get a job to support yourself", after being a stay-At-Home Mom,, raking, shoveling, mowing, cleaning, cooking, and finally the "Discard" ......there's the DOOR, go!!!
😢
Yup, 45 years. At least once a year.
Me too!
Not rage but silent rage where there was vengeance
Yes, the silent rage is just as bad as the overt.
It’s sad but it’s kinda comforting to know that the mistakes I made in my relationship of 45 years through trying hard to make it work and finally leaving. The price I paid was the options, attitudes and cruel behaviour of 2 adult children. I lost my whole family but I found peace.
You can pray to God to help your children see the truth. At least for all the sacrifice you deserve their love. Importantly hold on to God's love, it doesn't fail even when all else does. So develop a steady walk with Him and with His peace expect your safe harbor. Cheers!
I’m proud of you. It takes tremendous courage to choose a better life , especially after being in that relationship for so long. I’m so happy you chose yourself.
Sounds like my husband but everyone loves him. He has charm.
I get it!
Please find a way to leave as soon as you can. He sounds like a narcissist. They are charming to the outside world. Don’t stay, they never get better. Save yourself, you’re the only one who can.
Ditto...been there and am glad I divorced him. I am alone and happy to be so for now.
Yes they are charmingly decietful 😢
Same!!
Wow! You nailed it!
I lasted for 43 yrs in the marriage but then when all of our children grew up and moved on in life, I was the only target so I moved out also.
Most people will never know the person I knew because he is different around everybody else . I called him Mr. Jolly when others were around. No matter what I did he would find offense with it. But the last straw was when he said, he was more valuable than I was as the man of the house. So I walked away and gave him the house. That was a moment of truth, when I realized that was the root to his behavior towards me. Thank you for sharing this information with us all!
Excellent. Thank you for the clarification. I'm 72, still hurting, still angry but at last I see the whole picture.
Sadly, this describes my marriage with my husband. He grew up in a very dysfunctional family and his father is narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, and abusive-emotionally, verbally, financially, borderline physically with his spouse and family members. So my husband's model for marriage and family relations is based on this, it's his "copy & paste" for his life as an adult. He never went to therapy/counseling or had healing from this. He didn't get along with his dad and when I met him he seemed the complete opposite of his dad (very caring, kind, generous, sweet and wanted to be anything but his dad), but when he began behaving more like his dad and I became more and more unhappy in our marriage, he would gaslight me and minimize any problems, saying the problem was my expectations of marriage are very idealistic. Well, after 9 years, I've had enough. A counselor at church asked me why I wanted to stay in the marriage and told me it's abusive and recommended a good lawyer, in short. I've finally realized it's never going to get any better and my husband will never even take responsibility.
Wow. I could’ve wrote this. My husband told me he was the opposite of his father and he didn’t have any issues from childhood. It was my fault for being too sensitive. He never takes accountability. It is always about my flaws.
What on earth? I could have written this as well! Every bit-including the 9 years. Unbelievable! Thank you for your comments, it does help to know I’m not alone, however it would be much better if you didn’t have to go through it all.
Looking for patterns, occurrences over and over again.
1. I do not feel safe bringing a concern to him/her. 2. Cannot talk about issues without him/her becoming extremely angry. 3. My opinions, feelings, and choices are not respected or heard. 4. I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless, and invisible in this relationship. 5. He/she becomes enraged if i question or contradict anything they do. 6. They know and care very little about my likes and dislikes, my values, hopes, and desires. 7. I feel as if i am always walking on egg shells. (Always guarding against their disapproval). 8. I often feel anxious when i am around this person. 9. It is difficult to put into words what it is like to be with this person, therefore, i feel extremely isolated and alone. 10. Because of all of this, i have chronic stress, fatigue, insomnia, signs of PTSD, possibly complex PTSD.
There is
No free exchange of thoughts, feelings, or information.
(True communication)
I'm in the same boat as you. Why I'm planning on leaving soon.
It shatters my heart to know I put up with all ten of these for almost two years, and I had myself convinced he could be better over and over and over again. I’ll never abandon myself again.
coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't just toxic or unhealthy it was straight up emotional abuse that really explains why i am the way i am today :/
All ten unfortunately are how I feel in my marriage.
Here are some videos on healing that we hope you find helpful: Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ua-cam.com/play/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz.html
I thought I was crazy or alone in all of this. Jesus, help me.
This describes my whole life of mental and emotional abuse from the people who are supposed to care, love and nurture me My Parents. I have lived on antidepressants and a string of counsellors been hospitalised because of their abusive behaviour which lasted until the day each of them died. The day each of them died was more relief than grief. It set me free to work through the unhealthy effects of their ignorance and Nieves lack of parenting skills. It’s worth the pain and suffering to be healed.
So glad to hear you found healing. Thanks for sharing.
I feel that if anyone including family continues to be abusive is perfectly fine to estrange for the sake of your emotional, spiritual and mental health. I hope you are finding your happiness and peace within. ❤
After 34 years of marriage, I have all 10 PLUS occasional physical abuse, and I’m certain I have complex PTSD. I left for 6 mos. back in 2006, came back, things got worse, then I asked him for a separation months ago, and he laughed it off. The last time I got something thrown at me that hit me I called the police got a restraining order and now we’re headed to divorce finally. Now, I’m finally going to be completely free, but my kids aren’t happy about the restraining order because it limits the grandkids from seeing both grandma and grandpa at their events. I’m struggling with their disapproval.😢
They will get over it if they love you-they won't want you to be abused.
The wife/mother get blamed for everything that went wrong in the family even though we did the most ...Clutch your pearls and keep it moving. 💯
They will truly understand one day .as longest you show them your love and time it’s all the matters . They will grow and do their own life’s so do you ❤
Let your loved ones appreciate your need for safety and love as they do. Importantly seek help over their understanding in Jesus by praying about it. Your safety matters to love increasingly
I’m so sorry. The children and grandchildren are the hard part. No easy answers…but your safety and well being need to be protected.
I always thought that maybe I was reading into it and maybe he wasn’t emotionally abusive. After this video all but one of the 10 was a definite yes. So nice to feel like I know what is happening for sure.
I sat down next to him and played this. It would be the only way he would hear, but I don’t think it’s registering.
I know what he would say. ‘If you don’t like it, you can leave.’
What happened? Did you leave?
Then leave
Exactly what mine says to me. But financially I'm constrained.
@@theplantbasedsaffer6235 can you get a job and save money?
I would do just that.
Wow! Thank you. Feels good to have someone get it. I’ve felt so alone for so long. Appreciate this.
So glad it resonated with you. Hope you are getting the help you need to heal. Here are some videos you may find helpful: Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ua-cam.com/play/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz.html
I have felt the same way...
As long as I don’t share anything going on with me and just listen to my mother’s issues, then everything goes fine. I wish I had learned this a few decades ago. She gave birth to me, but doesn’t want me to actually exist except to satisfy her psychological needs. One time she actually asked me how things were going with my business. I said about two sentences and she quickly tuned out. In the past that would have really upset me. But now I realize she’s just a narcissist, so she’s no longer able to trigger me with these sleights. I don’t take the bait anymore.
I hope everyone here dealing with emotional abuse finds the courage to leave, heal and grow again ❤ Doctor, you described it very accurately "a pattern of constant devaluing". You seem very empathetic and understanding, I'm subscribing ✨
Glad you found it helpful, thank you for your feedback
I agree
I appreciate videos like this so that my children actually understand that this kind of “relationship “ isn’t normal. Beyond that, it is indeed abuse.
All 10 already left but thought of returning. No way grateful for the clarity
Stay strong. Please don’t go back! It will only be worse if you do. You got this! Hang in there. Blessings to you
Please dont go back, they will be mad because you left, and punish you.
My Ex did all ten. Freedom reigns left and divorced. Gos is good all of the time!!!✝️🙏
Very well presented. I can really appreciate the emotionally abusive angle, instead of talking about narcissistic behavior. This all fits my life and I am on the cusp of putting an end to it. The one thing you should mention, if you do this video again, is that for most people the emotionally abusive person works hard to establish how much they can get away with and is often very intermittent with the worst of their behavior, so that the one being abused doesn't completely figure it out and leave before the abuser wants them to. In fact, they often want to be the one who discards since they are, paradoxically, afraid you'll leave them.
You’re so right! This is my experience right now. The hot n’ cold, intermittent reinforcement, spontaneous love bombing gets me every time and convinces me that the relationship is so wonderful that the bad stuff will never happen again. In fact, I forget all the bad stuff and tell myself I was just being a drama queen for thinking I was being mistreated. Anyway, I have a good friend who “woke me up” to the fact that this is an emotionally abusive relationship and with the help of videos like this I have educated myself and I feel so much stronger. I “came clean” to my mum this week and she reassured me. So now I think I am almost strong enough to be able to leave. The sad part is that I have suffered physical health symptoms as a result of all this, so I’m angered that I have sacrificed my health for this BS - but anger is a very useful energy for fuelling decisive action! 😉
Wishing you and everyone who may be reading this comment strength, healing and lots of love xxx
All ten of those was definitely in my short marriage. I got out before he could or would have killed me. Be careful if you start learning who these people are and standing up to them because they go into a narcissistic rage. It's almost like some demon overtakes them. It's really creepy and a very huge evil presence. Don't get physically close. Sometimes when you feel terror it's not time to confront but to hide and protect yourself. Then fight back legally etc.
Thanks for your input
Correct!
You are so right. The rage was like a rabid animal, literally foaming at the mouth. He would never cross the line into physical abuse, he had very good control over that because he was a physician and he knew I would destroy his career. I would even get up in his face and challenge him to hit me, I’m sure he wanted to but never did. I truly would have destroyed him.
@@cindytrayer4279 Mine was a former officer.. so he knew as well. The problem is he was starting to lose control. He crossed over and was violent with our pet cat. This is a cat he snuggles with. I knew I was next so had to leave. My second attempt to leave was successful because I left when he was at work and he thought I was waiting for him to come home. I had to pack as fast as I could and take what I could fit in the car. It's amazing cuz it was even hard to leave the region because of a snowstorm. I felt like hell was fighting against me but I was going to escape.
@@ellymayflower1762 I’m glad you got out. Thankfully, I was never married to him and we didn’t live together so it was an easy out. He was so controlling that if he was getting on my nerves and I would tell him it’s time for him to go home, he would just ignore me, wait a short time, and then when he would decide to leave he made it seem like it was his decision. And then he would jokingly say things like i know you’re going to be sad but I have to leave. He just had to have that control and could never respect my wishes and just leave when I asked him to. They’re insane.
I have been searching UA-cam for exactly this. I listened to several channels about narcissism, but they didn’t fit the description of my husband. Yours does. You have described my life to a T. I have been married to my “roommate” for over 28 years and have wanted to leave since my son was born.
My life outside of my house is rich…. My school is my save haven… I am loved (truly loved) respected, and very successful there.
I am going to watch all your videos a d learn so much more for myself and how to cope with my husband. Thanks for such enriching content.
Cope? Leave!
Get out as you can. The child will feel it and see it.
Quite shocking when you hear it from a professional... ALL of these things fit my 25 year marriage also...except that he "cares very little" about my likes, hopes,desires and feelings... no, he does not care AT ALL!
It is isolating (and many times I do feel alone) because to EVERYONE ELSE my spouse is a "great guy"...but I have to experience his other side, the side that no one else gets to see or experience.
But, I have come to appreciate that I am married to a grandiose or overt narcissist.
I wish I could find a counselor who is educated in helping people who are dealing with narcissistic abuse in their life.
It's so sad to hear all these gut-wrenching stories. Including yours, friend .
I find my peace and counsel in all of these videos and subscriptions.
I don't need therapy.
These subscriptions are my God sent therapy. It's from people who live it. And counselors and therapist who understand this mental illness.
No one will understand, unless they've lived it, like we do. It's not something we can explain. Because there are no physical scars to show for it. No-one will believe us.
The wounds are below the surface
@@bronwynsimons7028 Very nice comment. I appreciate your input!
Thank you so much!
Best wishes to you! 💕
I recently ended a 15 year long friendship and this list was spot on for me. After ending it I suddenly felt all this anxiety leave my body. So much stress and fear that I wasn’t even consciously aware I was carrying. In the months since our “break up” my depression is gone, my mood is stable and my overall quality of life is so much better!
(For the record, this former “friend” has been officially diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, refuses to go to therapy and self medicates by smoking weed…)
I've reported an emotionally abusive relationship perpetuated by others in my areas via cellphone for years. I'm ready for it to end, all included keep denying it.
This video is sobering. This video has finally put into words my experience in the last 15 years in my marriage. God bless you, sir. 😢😢
Thank you for this! I have encountered all of these things with the narcissist family members. They ask you if you are alright and then act bored and completely unconcerned when you tell them what you are going through. It is as if they wanted information but not for the purpose of showing empathy. In fact, I think they asked so they have an opportunity to subtly put us down for our trial, as though it is not important to them at all. The narcissists always judge us in ways that are not true but we can't clear it up because they say we are "complaining." Everything we say and do is treated as though we are doing something foolish. Since I have removed myself the peace in my soul has increased, but is disrupted every time I know they are coming to visit. I pray and depend on the Lord to give me the words and reactions only He wants.
We must be related because that sounds like my family.
Yes, I see this too. It's like you're being baited to talk, drawn out, a trap set up, just so he can be nasty about it.
hum yes I see it too
I heard screaming and yelling for over 10 years! If I asked for breakfast while working from home, it would be a screaming episode! It would be 4-5-6 hours later she would cook one egg and a few pieces of bacon after cussing me, telling to STFU. For 4 years plus she would argue over preparing breakfast as I worked in the other room 9-10-11-12 hours a day. I would walk the dog, cook, clean up all while working from home while she would say, I was going to do that. I would ask for help, she would ignore me, even when I would call out to her (knowing she heard me), she would still ignore me. Being married, living in another state, it was painful and awful to deal with. I tried for years to save my marriage to no avail! She would get angry about my feeding the dog, not mistreating the dog, but feeding him, and I LOVE dogs/animals. If she saw me showing the dog affection, she would shake her head in disgust. Having cancer, suffering from migraines, and PTSD, it didn't matter. All that mattered was her anger and getting it out. The amount of anger got even worse after she had a stroke. When she wasn't screaming or angry, I would pick a spot/time to express myself, but it would end in a screaming episode or outright denial. I am blessed to sing, write music and share inspirational videos, and not one time has she ever commented on one a message or video! But she would express her anger in the drop of a hat about anything, about nothing. After years of this I found myself being quiet (QUIET/QUIET) in order not to cause a screaming episode and sinking into a deep depression. Having no family or relatives or even childhood friends in the area made living in another state even worse. I finally decided ENOUGH was enough and I took my LIFE back! It's mine to live not mine to be abused! So, for anyone out there who reads this! Please, don't take verbal abuse at all! It will change you on the inside forever! #EyeLoveMyPEACE
I wish you the best . I hope YOU have the dog(s)
@@bawillard2578yea, I second that!!
These abusers know who they are abusing, what they’re trying to keep in check: a rare gem, something they admire and resent because they could never be, a beautiful and powerful soul that has the capacity to wreck them. They just don’t want their victims to see it, or anybody else. Stay strong if you’re going through this and remember who you are, and how invaluable you’d be to the right partner.
All of this is a description of my feelings in my last relationship. I checked out because of a deep despair of hopelessness and starving of security, affection and perspective.
I was totally at my limits.
The 11th question is:
How can I let go the feeling that I'm the problem and I am an unlovable person?
Rember it's not your fault, you are a better person than them, and you can start over, and do one nice thing for yourself every day. Doesn't have too be a big thing, just for you
10 / 10 - Out now for 3.5 Months - Recovering slowly
Praise be to GOD!!!!
I think the stonewalling is the worst to tolerate..
I worked in a very emotionally abusive workplace under a narcassist. He was known in the industry to have a toxic workplace and I was warned before taking the gig how toxic the environment was.
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because of the human and heart in me, but I soon recognized what I was dealing with. I now know not to feel the need to waste time with people who are treating me so poorly regardless of pay.
Yep, all ten. Left after 15 years and felt it was life or death. Al
Most two years out. Love my peace and freedom
52 years of this. All so true. Wish I had left.
58 years here! We barely speak now! I can't look at his face. I'm afraid!😢
Oh I so understand. Married 53 years. Left me for a week right before our 7th anniversary. Lied to me about where he went for 42yrs. He went to a coworkers home 6 hrs away and cheated on me. He had a massive stroke 31 years ago. I stood by his side taking care of him keeping a job and everything else. Just found out the truth 4yrs ago. He says I don't understand that he can no longer talk very well. I don't understand how that has anything to do with what he did. He wants the old me back. I have told him she died when hearing the delayed truth. Am I in the wrong for feeling angry and betrayed. He repeatedly says he just made a mistake.
This is my life. All those points are him. My husband has ASD, professionally he is worshipped but at home he feels he needs to attack any hurt I have over anything. He has to be right. He even told the DV counsellor he was required to see, he would prefer to be right than to be happy. But nothing changed. They didnt do anything for me. Any any hurt I have, is offensive to him. 35 years. Im trapped, no income of my own, no family support, and now I have early stages of heart faillure and advanced CVD. Im almost glad I might not have too many years now to put up with this. I dont want to live thur this much llonger. Thankyou for not making me feel its me at faultt.
Here are some videos that we hope can help you take some first steps towards healing:
Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ua-cam.com/play/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz.html
Yep,10...but this year we had a lot of breakthrough!
The pastor that he came to respect was able to speak to our issue- Im starting to be very very happy after years of more and more sorrow. I GIVE ALL THE GLORY TO JESUS!
I hope this helps someone. All of these fit me. I stayed for 20 year's. This bled over into my job, i worked in the ER. The reason I say this, is because my son got very sick, and he died. It's a long story. I stayed out of fear. It started with threat's to my parents, then it was the kids. He always found something to make me tow the line. When I got out, it was because he got a hold of my Mom and drug her acrose my front yard. She found out what was going on, and she was trying to take up for me. 5ft 3in 110 lbs, against a 6ft 1in 190lb nothing but muscle. I've felt guilty, her and my kid's going through this. I thought I was protecting them. I wasn't. I put them through more, because i stayed. I'm a Christian, and thought God wanted me to stay, but I learned he didn't. ❤ To anyone going through this, whether it's woman or men. God bless you, and Dr hawkins, thank you. I just found this channel.
All those issues crept into my life & made me ill.
Tackled the toxicity.
Well and safe now.
Long process.
Most of these are present in my marriage. One thing he does that makes me feel so confused is when I try to talk to him about anything (finances, our son, etc) he makes it miserable and gets very defensive and angry (probably out of his own guilt/shame) and yells and threatens to leave (which he never does!) and then blames me for his aggressive reaction, "You can't just run your mouth and expect for nothing to happen. What you do has consequences!" So then I feel like I can't talk about anything and nothing ever gets resolved. I've been a SAHM for 20 yrs so my work experience is outdated and I'm not sure what kind of job I could get. Oftentimes, I don't feel like I could handle a job outside of the home due to stress, anxiety and exhaustion.
Oddly I'm grieving for the loss of a relationship i was in, yet he ticks every box of these behaviours and made me feel so irrelevant and worthless. I hope i find my path to healing so i can show up as the best mum i can be. Thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Sounds like my ex-husband. I felt like the more time that went on, the more of myself that I lost. I did not know what to call it at the time, but apparently, he is an OCD Narcissist.
We actually have a video on that. Hope you have found healing.
@@drdavidbhawkins yes I have! My life is totally different and I am free!
I could have written everything you said. My ex is a covert narc with OCD. Years of chipping away at who I am without me realizing that was happening even though I knew for years that he was a narcissist. That’s how insidious it all is. They are extremely dangerous.
@songbird716;
You're not alone. When you are feeling that, it's really what is happening to you. Same here. I said to my friend I think I am way more damaged than I think. You just know you are. Just knowing we aren't the same is a part of the impact, and I knew it has to be worse than I know. These monsters bring out the worst in us, at least this passive-aggressive Covert Narcissistic husband did. He would do the worst things to me on a daily basis for 8 years. I just recently separated from him. But i still have to deal with him about our assets. I wish I didn't have to but I do what I have to do. Here he is, ignoring my texts and phone calls because he portrays the scorned one, the victim which is pathetic. He is one sick and rediculous man -child. No shame for his actions does he ever have doing vindictive things to me. It's scary to me that he goes so far to hurt me.
I truly can check off all 10 things you said repeatedly. I even do it, but I wasn’t supposed to do and came to him and told him he’s being emotionally abusive and I think he’s a narcissist. Because I’m such a superior empath, I attracted one of the most worst narcissist I ever could. It’s not just emotional abuse. I could tell everyone so many stories that are horrifying. He’s done to me that literally shouldn’t even be legal. It’s bringing me down and he’s currently sleep depriving me. When I told him how I felt, I expected him to give me some of that temporary trauma bond. Nope he said he agrees this is crazy.
Leave and take accountability for life.
@@cc3822 oh I would’ve been gone long ago but they don’t show the side so you have . I have four young children the childcare would be $75 a day for each when you add up five days a week this $6000 a month. No one has this kind of money.. and if I did, I would definitely leave. Just commenting that emotional abuse is real and narcissist are very good at what they do and I can tell it’s his natural nature because he knows nothing else.. one day I will leave. a few more years and my children can stay home alone then it will be a different ball game. It’s really sad but I’m definitely trapped. I agree with what you’re saying to leave but it’s not as easy as taking a accountability for my life. I do take accountability for my life. I spend one day a week with him.
You know what’s absolutely sad, you don’t even realize it until after you get out. While you’re in it, you know something is off, but for me, I didn’t understand it was emotional abuse. I didn’t know my craziness and lash outs were reactive abuse either. I was always blamed for how I responded, but he never took accountability (unless it benefited him) for what he did to cause my reaction. Looking back, it saddens me that I didn’t love myself and my self esteem was extremely low to tolerate that dynamic for almost 13 years. (Off and on) After 5 years, I got out and made it almost a year and then went back because he claimed he had changed and of course I didn’t understand what was happening, all to go thru the same things again and then bring a child in the mix. It’s like he felt in control at that point and I really started to see his true colors. He was so mean to me and dismissive and I could not understand how someone who claimed they loved me and kept coming back to me could treat me that way. It was a nightmare and I was very lost and stuck in a toxic dynamic even more because of the baby. Then again in 2021, he proclaimed change and wanting to be a better Man and all of a sudden interested in marriage. I fell for it once again, but of course it didn’t last and the break ups were always because of my “insecurities and inability to let go of the past” some of which I didn’t know was even going on behind my back until he told me. I was in such a brain fog and I truly felt stuck. I remember crying so much and just not wanting to be around anymore because of the pain and misery…of course I realize now that was the trauma bond and me being addicted to him. Had no idea that was even a thing! Just thought that intense feeling I had, had to be love and maybe it was me who needed to work on some things. Anyways…Our son is 8 now and it’s been about 9 months since the last discard and I won’t go back ever again. I understand what has happened all those years and I’m working on loving myself and rebuilding my self esteem. I’ve started working out and practicing a lot of self love. I’m very proud of myself, but I have moments of sadness because there’s still unhealed pieces and a lot to unravel. Day by day for sure!! Anyone reading this, you are enough and it’s never too late to start your journey of self love. Thank you for taking the time to read my comment.
I'm so proud of you!! You made it out!! I'm still stuck in a similar dynamic. It's been 29 years for me. I was so blind to what he was doing for so long. I feel so dumb now. I just recently started being able to see what had been going on and realize that it WASN'T my fault. So, now I need to get financial independence and then be brave enough to break free. Keep going! You're doing so well! You are an inspiration to me. Be blessed.
I am in one for 43 years I feel like I am on another planet, I still am amazed at the crazy that comes out of his mouth. It's not a relationship exactly.
Wow, my husband exemplifies all of these horrible traits. Unfortunately, we have young children ages 5, 3, and 1; and he is the sole breadwinner. I feel so trapped.
You feel trapped because you are. I have been through something similar many years ago. I don't normally give advice to strangers on the internet, but here goes: love your children and be the best mom you can be, get involved with a group or activity where you're interacting with others, isolation is a killer and gives the abuser leverage over you. I know your kids are little, but see if there are any work from home opportunities you can pursue. If you have other family to help you, draw on that. If there is physical abuse, don't tolerate it. It will happen again, even when they promise it won't.
This describes my relationship. Less than a year so not as bad as others but he is the *only* person i have in my life, no friends, no family and so it's now co-dependant and i'm worried about beingn totally alone wothout him. Started therapy today so hopefully after a while i'll feel strong enough to return to the workforce and be alone. Thank you for this.
Be strong, look to Jesus Christ, HE will set you free!
@michaellopez4018 i don't believe in Jesus. But i did find my strength, the ex left over 6 weeks ago and i started a new job just over 4 weeks ago. Things are looking up 😊
This has been my experience the past 3 years. It was hard leaving since he kept promising me things he was going to do but noting was materializing but finally he ghosted me after I started detaching from the relationship and I stopped caring too. I have so far gone no contact, deleted his contacts and I do not look forward to ever talking to him again. He was also manipulative, gaslighting, refuses to be accountable and constantly lying. He was jealous that I have my own apartment and he had nothing. I refused to co-sign a loan facility and he became so enraged and bitter. He never supported my goals. He refused to attend my graduation, claiming he got stomach problems which was a lie, he ignored my birthdays. I am happy I left
Thank you 🙏 for being here and sharing this. Blessings to you always
Thank you for this channel! I came across it while looking for clinical information about trauma & ties to generational family dynamics that contain a history of domestic violence & abuse that’s been passed down. Between my childhood & 2 marriages that include 3 children, I have been the most vocal on healing my own patterns & becoming more trauma informed. Our society still has some sort of an aversion to facing the perpetual cycle of abuse and so it continues. It makes things especially hard when churches end up being another unsafe place to go because leaders deny or excuse or ignore what goes on, sometimes inside their walls, and that only ends up protecting predators or abusers while further traumatizing the ones seeking refuge. Love wasn’t ever meant to harm our lives. Religion is suppose to help our human nature become more humane, but abuse continues to prevail both in personal and professional relationships because we don’t talk about the issue on a larger scale. I’ve spent my life holding on to Hope as an anchor of strength to continue becoming informed & speaking out about the negative impact that can occur when silence & shame are used to accommodate human abuse & violence from generation to generation. 😢💔🙌🏻
This was my relationship for the last 4-5 years... the biggest problem is, I was the abuser and I didn't realize it. I was the asshole monster and my wife suffered through this a long time. She finally detached of course, but now I have realized what I have done all this time and I cannot forgive myself. How could she?
Great video.
1. I do not feel safe to express my concerns; I am met with aggression, retribution or stonewalling.
2. I can never talk about issues without him or her becoming extremely defensive and angry and shutting down. They are going to flip it back on me with blame-shifting, stonewalling, denial, minimization, rationalization, justification, excuse making, playing the victim.
3. My opinion, feelings and choices not respected or heard.
4. I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless and invisible, unheard in this relationship. I don’t really exist in this relationship, I am just here but I am not asked about my day and how I think. I dare not disagree in any form.
5. The person becomes enraged if I question or contradict anything that they say or do. They are so thin skinned if I disagree or challenge them in any way.
6. They know and care very little about my likes, my dislikes, my values, my hopes and my desires. People who value us care about those things.
7. I feel like I am always walking on eggshells, nothing I do is right. I am always guarding against getting their disapproval.
Summary: Emotional abuse is a pattern of feeling devalued and dominated. It is pervasive.
8. I often feel anxious around this person for fear of disapproval. There is no free exchange of information and feelings.
9. I feel extremely isolated and alone. It is not really a relationship, it is two people living in the same home or working together or doing life together in some regard.
10. I experience chronic stress, fatigue and insomnia. In some instances a person develops PTSD or CPTSD.
Thank you for putting this in actual words!
Every last one of these applies. I just wish my kids could understand.
What can we do when you weren’t married but have children with him. He’s a millionaire, the children have been privately educated from age 3 & now approaching 16 but he’s continually threatening the cost of their education? Meanwhile he owns 2 cars, a Bentley Continental & top of the range Mercedes. Owns property in excess of £5 million. Owns an accountancy practice and building development firm. We’re reliant on what he decides is ‘child maintenance’, which he already halved 3 years ago leaving us struggling since.
He shames me and my parenting at every chance. I stopped defending myself years ago upon realising his enjoyment & excitement from it!!!
Same with our children. They sadly rely on him for their education so are too frightened to confront him
That is not just emotional mental abuse that is grandiose NARCISSISM!
LEAVE & GET A DIVORCE...SILENTLY SAVE UP AND GET OUT!
WORK OUT WORK SCHEDULES & HELP EACH OTHER..JOBS FOR EACH OF THEM OR SILENTLY SAVE UP AND LEAVE AFTER THEIR EDUCATION!
Please SEEK JESUS, HE WILL PROVIDE A WAY FOR YOU TO BE FREE!
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK HIM.
I recognise all ten in my 35 years relationship. I have a paralysing fear: all ten are often what i am being accused of. When i listen to these ten things, i have a warning that says: as soon as i would express this, it will be turned around and thrown at me. Second huge fear: losing my three adult sons, since the smart way of hiding it and also the loyalty and personal pain of our three sons. Thank you so much for putting out these video's. God bless
Ohhh this is so an accurate! My ex used to gaslight me, he would say that I watched stupid stuff on TV, read books too much, called me names. The eggshells thing was my life. I finally gathered the courage to leave him after 5 years of marriage. Glad I got out!
I've experienced the gaslighting and the eggshells thing, too. So happy for you! You were so brave! Sadly, I'm 29 years in. I'm trying to get out now. He has me financially dependent on him, so I'm working on that.
@@wingandaprayer935 I am so sorry! It’s what they do, make you dependent on them. I have been 15 years free from him and I refuse to even be in a relationship ever again. I love living alone, my cat and I. He lives with the woman who he cheated with, and she can have him! His parting shot was that he was never going to marry again and it was my fault. I said “Ditto!!.” You will find a way, honey. You will. I’ll pray for you. It is absolutely soul crushing.
Mine is so subtle...the rage is soft, cold, yet it huts badly. I feel nullified. Sometimes i wonder has he been trained by mossad...i do have cptsd...and parkinsons. Exahusted and nowhere to go. Thank u dr for the info. ❤❤
Glad it was helpful, and hope you are getting the help you need to heal.
A friend is going through this one step further car keys being taken away. I guess she hit a nerve it's so sad..
This describes my family and upbringing in every detail. You've really hit the nail on the head. And I am truly grateful for you work and efforts. Thank you so so much.
The real hard part is that the family don’t see half of the misery and loss of inclusion and the loneliness’s of just existing!
This perfectly explains the relationship with my parents
And then my ex
Very well stated
Glad you found it helpful. Here are some videos on healing we hope can be helpful to you. Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ua-cam.com/play/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz.html
Thank You For Sharing This You Are Absolutely Right I Am Going Through This Know.With An Overt Malignant Narcissist.
I'm.also Been Financially Abused.
Hope you are getting the help you need to heal
@@drdavidbhawkins
I Am Currently Seeing A Therapist I’m Severely Depressed
I’m Severely Trauma Bonded .I’m Struggling To Detach Block Delete This Person
I Was Cruelly Discarded In April.
Every single thing that you said is my relationship. I am chronically stressed. Sick. By his behavior
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Described my relationship with my ex husband on every single one of these. Unfortunately it took me 30 yrs. To finally leave this toxic marriage😢
I’m only in a few years and walking away. You’re strong for making it 30 years.
What do we do if the other person has the same complaints? How do you know what is real anymore?
At least nine of those symptoms describe my relationship with my wife. I protect myself by saying very little to her. She feels my opinions aren’t valid and that I am always wrong on issues and she’s right. If I want to bring up a suggestion or talk with her about an issue it is disregarded or wrong. I feel like I am an unwanted roommate.
Where does it fit in where they're lying about things, then blaming your inability to handle things when you ask why they would keep up w a lie.
Thank you for speaking so clearly.
All these women choosing the “hot shots” who had clear red flags and warning signs, it’s both frustrating and sad because so many men are incurably selfish and will destroy your life. Know the signs, learn what to look for, and put these monsters out of your life! It really is the only way
Spot on. Great video.
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback!
This is super helpful, and I hope it can get in front of the people who can most benefit from it.
Unfortunately this applies to my youngest daughter whom last January had to completely cut out of my life … for years she would rob my home of many items when confronted blame me I was crazy …she withheld my grandchildren from us … last time was 8 years… of no contact because I confronted her with more home theft….we missed the most important development of our grandsons lives… I just can’t have this in my life any longer..@ 70 years old I’m focused on MY mental well being… no more making excuses for others…🙏Amen