After Narcissism - 5 Overwhelming Symptoms Of C-PTSD
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- micheleleenieve...
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Do YOU want to become a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach? Have you been able to free yourself from emotionally manipulative predators and have learned from first hand experience what is involved with seeing through the manipulation, the difficulty of unmeshing from the abuser in order to get back to the person you truly are (the one the narcissist tried to erase) and do you desire to help those that are not as far along on their healing journey??? If so -here is a link to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Certification Course; micheleleeniev...
It's amazing to look back on these older videos and see just how far I've come on my own healing journey. For anyone that has already done the inner work to heal and now feels passionate about becoming a life coach specializing in breaking through the side effects of cptsd and/or narcissistic abuse - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
For you to be able to reach out and tell your story. Takes courage. A friend of mine who just recently told me she got out of a 21/2 year ordeal. I think she had a flashback was bringing her over something to eat. Then all of the sudden when i knock on door she wouldn't answer. I text said here with chix wings, she said huh and never got a response. Felt so bad for her michele. god bless you that you made out..............
Michelle, where is your video "20 symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome"? I can't find it! I want to share it to a friend!
Where is the link to the from abuse to thrive book? Its not on the website
@@jreedandhismongrolhoardofr3776 I think the book Michele refers to is "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma" by Pete Walker. If you do a search on Amazon you will find it
I've come a long way since I've discovered you.
From a few years ago when I've spent years wondering what was wrong with me and the time of your first video when I had to pull my car over while I was watching you and had a break down at my lowest point of my life.
I've discovered a new and better life.
I just wanted to thank YOU again.
Thank you thank you.
You save my life. 🤜🤛🏻🌈🦋🌈
I pray so deeply for those who are recovering from this abuse
thank you, we need your prayers
Lisa Perez thank you. I so need it. I feel so lost and confused. I don't know why I feel this way.
Thank you ❤️
Lisa Perez Can you pls pray for me? My daughter . A way out. Far. I am wanted dead. TI.
Lisa Perez
I agree, they are victims. This is serious for men and women. God bless them all, me included.
The abuse from narcassist is so insidious and needs a lot of soul searching to heal
It creates layers upon layers that you have to uncover
Very true, a whole lot of soul searching.
Madam, please give your email id.
Reading the Bible helps me a lot. Many people have a lot of problems with the BIble. I believe this comes from dealing with excerpts out of context. Read it from cover to cover and the full picture manifests. Again people who think the Bible is boring but enjoy movies and novels just never read The Bible. It is the opposite of a goodie two shoes book. It is filled with sin and depravity much of which does not seem to be clarified. Upon reading it in it's entirety(and I do mean the apocrypha and Pseudepigrapha as well) one has vistas opened internally. Like a puzzle that when all the pieces are placed the image appears. So much bad press on this book! Sampson in Judges and Jonah in The Book of Jonah. Like old school Comic Books!
Lots of tears. Lots of layers to go through while trying to heal. These people just mind F**** you. Its awful!!!! I could never do these awful things to anyone. They emotionally disregulate a person.
No.. not a mind fk.. a mind RAPE!!
The discouraging thing is friends, who you hid the abuse from, can't understand why we don't heal.
I’m so messed up from narcissistic abuse from My in-laws I’m so miserable it didn’t stop until three years ago and I’m still suffering I’m trying too heal and it’s hard I walked on eggshells for 20 years in my own home it was horrible my mother in-law and the rest of the flying monkeys in the family it was like dealing with demons
What happens after narcisstic abuse is you were always subconsciously aware of those things. And it’s hard to fit in aft the start. It changes you, use at as motivation congratulations. It changed you and when your brain becomes more consciously aware u gained a lot more knowledge. Always use failures for motivation. My experience with the narcissist made me realize how much hidden evil there is in the world. That made me want to become a better person. Now you understand people a lot more. Use it to make an impact. Let’s make the world a better place. I test ever narcissist when I see that they’re making people around them uncomfortable. I hate bullys.
Ronan dinneen how do you test a narc in the wild?
I was raised by narcissistic parents, and was in two long term narcissistic relationships, you would think I would have learned, but I am happy to say I've been out of it for a little over a year. I sometimes, ... most of the times, have no idea who I am, what I like or what I want. I am so thankful I came across your videos. " Thank you. " I'm now 54, and hoping to start my life.
Just start
Its the right time
I HATE MY NARC PARENTS. CAN'T WAIT TILL THEY ENTER HELL
@@narcissistinjurygiver2932 I can understand. I can't spend that energy on them. One is dead but that only makes no contact easy!!! Other alive and 'well'
I understand... I’m going through the same thing. Am 52 and i thought I had dealt with the narcissistic abuse by my dad in my 20’s. But.... 2 devastating relationships with malignant narcissists later, I’ve finally decided to go no contact with all of them, dad included and something deep inside me is getting angry that these men made so much of my life a lie. And for what? Their stupid egos and inability to love or care yet so willing to destroy and conquer.
I still have nightmares of him sitting in my chest pounding my face. Holding me underwater ! Thank God I am a survivor ! He dropped dead of a heart attack 3 years ago
linda from ga 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
linda from ga Amen 🙏🏽 sending warm positive vibes for your healing.
Ahhh dropping dead from heart attack is TIGHT 😜
I hope u had a huge life insurance windfall from it!
Lauren Todd ? No I didn't have a huge life insurance policy! In fact he drained me of my mother's inheridence. He drained me of all the money I earned
My flashbacks effect my physical well-being. My blood pressure gets triggered and I am confused. I am exhausted and sleep a lot during that time. It takes days to get my physical energy back on track.
PinkBelle2006
It's an emotional hangover
Seriously I get them still
PinkBelle2006
Yes days of anxiety to get back on track
PinkBelle2006 same
I also suffer with that too. I still struggle till this day and it’s scary. My immune system got seriously messed up after the breakup and I’m sure it was accumulating throughout the relationship too...
PinkBelle2006 how are you feeling now. Are you learning to cope and face your fears. It took me a good year. I was doing wonderful. Therapy and educating myself. Then the New now ex supply contacted me. I feel like a failure after I’ve done all the work and then some. The key is when you fall don’t shame yourself. Because we are. Human. Pick up where you left off and each time it gets easier. There was a time I was so broken I just wanted relief from these podcast. and didn’t bother trying to give advice to help others. I feel confident enough that I feel others could benefit from me sharing. They could relate.. When someone totally understands you and how your feeling it’s so wonderful. It’s like a load off my shoulder and then some. I hope you are healing because you didn’t get abused overnight and this will take time but if you listen with an open mind. You may just hear something that you know you weren’t imagining. This is why these wonderful people are educating us. I really believe they love it and helps them also. Believe that. 💜
Anyone seen "Get out"? When the main character goes into "the sinking place" it perfectly describes the feeling I got/get during the emotional abuse. Anyone else relate?
It's a horrible experience. Yes I can relate. I numbed myself for years.
I become a two year old. Helpless and hopeless.
I used to describe sinking into a hole. My narc would tell me that wasn't healthy and I needed to get my head checked.
I prefer, I'll get out when I choose and be with who I choose, and after all the narc abuse, I dare someone to try to move me before I want. I'm not one to be messed with any more. And tired of other narc women thinking they have it that way with me or my man or possessions or career etc. I've become one vengeful bitch that won't turn the other cheek, and will make someone rue the day they were born.
That is definitely how I feel when I am disassociating. That’s a really good way to describe it.
I believe channeling the flashback into crying is essential. I noticed my C-PTSD-Symptoms have significantly decreased each time I had a flashback and then broke out into tears. Also crying to me feels validating and aknowledging like nothing else does.
I completely agree!
from surviving to thriving would you go as far and say crying is the ultimate healing step? Of course you have to make sense of what really happened to you and cognitively understand that it is not your fault but to me it really seems like crying is the ultimate healing juice. It's the way how humans emotionally process trauma, right? So you heal by crying everything out. I find that the importance of crying and grieving should be given way more emphasis. What do you think?
I I do think crying is important because in order to validate what happened, you have to acknowledge the pain it inflicted - it's not enough to acknowledge it mentally it has to be acknowledged emotionally - when you can feel the pain that you had formerly stifled deep within, the crying allows you to validate it, process and release it - As much as it hurts in the moment I always feel ten times better right afterward!
From Surviving To Thriving!!
That would explain! I cried buckets last 18 months now, as all kids are still huddling together, mostly adults , are not allowing that release to happen in me, my oldest being nearly in her 30s and youngest 13 who I am working to get back custody of from the children services. All collectively made disclosures last year, in their final attempt, for me and their father to break up because I was going to reconcile being an empath. They couldn’t take the cycle repeating again. Now not only healing myself I dealing with the aftermath left in my kids, which is much bigger than I can handle at the moment with all the various effects it’s had on the kids! I’m finding keeping boundaries too difficult to maintain with them at moment!
I feel such a release of my hurt, anxiety and pain after Crying ❤️💔
My father finally died a year ago at the age of 95. Finally, at the age of 70, I felt such a rush of freedom and the ability to yell out loud to him (wherever he may be) how much he hurt me emotionally and how I'm still dealing with it. On top of his narcissism, I also had to deal with a mother who didn't want me, making me the family scapegoat. She died when I was 53 and I felt the same lightness wash over me.
I’m sorry for your loss but I can relate to the feelings of anger and relief. You’re not alone.
Emotional flashbacks hit me while driving, walking in a store...my heart rate increases & tears well up immediately, I try so hard to distract myself. It's been over a month since going no contact & I thought was getting better but past few days have been terrible :(
bee tee2 I know exactly how you're feeling. Its been almost 2 months since going no contact with my narc ex gf. Ive been living in 3 years of hell since she left me with no warning and i thought ive been getting better but my flashbacks are getting bad again. Everytime i walk by the school, seeing my ex's son falling with me and my ex's traumatizing reaction haunts me.
bee tee 2, you ARE getting better. A month or so is hardly enough time to heal from the abuse. My flashbacks would hit in grocery stores as well, and with certain billboards. Michelle is spot-on (as usual) with her analysis in this video. The conditioned responses to the narc's attacks fade slowly. Like Michelle says in this video, be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. The wounds are deep - that is by the narc's design and considerable effort. Each day you stay no contact, you win. Each day you face as you can the damage done to you, and forgive yourself you heal. As you move forward and begin to feel better, you will have some days that feel terrible. In these days you feel the trauma bond exerting its pull. Stay strong, and it will subside. In time with work and support, you will break this bond.
Day by day .. I’m not sure if The Trauma of it will ever pass. Live Quietly .. Self Love .. Personal Boundaries ❤️
You need more time dear. Don't be hard on yourself. None of this abuse is your fault. Be patient with the child in you. It does get better
@bee tee2..How are you doing today my dear? I've recently broken up with my narcissist ex gf. It's been about 2 months now of no contact and some days I'm ok and others I'm a mess
and I have fantasies of violence towards the narc...I've never ever have had this before.
Anita.......You are under an attack from the forces of evil!!!!!!!!! "He who seeks revenge should dig two graves". From a Chinese proverb. PLEASE count it as a learning experience and by giving forgiveness, you will find a source of healing.
Me Too .. and So Ashamed of Myself for that 💔
this blackcloud syndrom can be overcome with meditation, mainly mindfulness meditation
my anger has now turned into sadness. I am not numb anymore...I've been crying.
it is not about the evil forces, it is about our instinct of survival
...what happens in stories and movies where the main protagonist loses what he/she loves the most? they go for the revenge,.... we don't need to go for the revenge, but we don't need to forgive either, it is not natural....
Overwhelming fear! That’s what I feel. Scared out of my mind! Panic attacks is an understatement.
Exactly!
I spent almost a year believing and praying that God would intervene and heal my broken marriage. I didn’t want to believe that, with time, our relationship couldn’t be better and actually be one worthy of God’s blessing. And then I started watching your videos and researching the psychology behind NPD and psychopathy. And unfortunately, there is now only one path forward... divorce. Never to look back. Never to allow him access to me or my children again. Heal my PTSD. Work to heal all the triggers that surround me in my house and my life. It doesn’t happen overnight but at this point, I finally understand that my health and happiness has to come first. Period. I will never subject myself to the horrors of this demonic man again. I continue to pray for everyone who has been emotionally and physically abused by these terribly sick people. God bless and keep you all. ♥️
sam asif I guess what I’ve learned is this: it is brutally painful, confusing, and unbelievable at times. What I finally accepted was that I had exhausted every single ounce of myself to save him and our marriage. And when you get to that point in the brick wall, there is nothing left but numbness and a myriad of emotions. If you believe in God and if you believe His Word, then you finally reach a point when you have to completely let go of it all. The anger, the blame, the shame and carnage left behind... and trust God. This was a major turning point in my life when I finally accepted it was beyond my control. It was then that I stopped trying to fix all the imaginary crimes and prove my love over and over again --and started working on myself instead. Faith that God’s plan for my life was greater than anything I selfishly believed I had wanted and that was the moment I let him go. For good. Yes it’s painful. Yes there are sleepless nights. Yes regrets. But in the bright sunshine of every new morning comes the promise of 1 Corinthians 15:10 - yet not I but the Grace of God within me.
My heart goes out to you and I pray for God’s healing in your life. ♥️
sam asif You see? Your words show you are truly stronger than you realize. Praise God for your beautiful fruit of children and their health. I’ve figured out that although your life may never be the same... do I really want him now? Do I really want him to come home just to have a warm body next to me? Knowing the vile evil hateful things he is capable of without regard to the damage he caused ME? His God given wife? No. Absolutely not. I am surrounded by people who DO love me... not for who he tried to make me be or who he sadistically manipulated for fleshly pleasure... no. They love me for who I am right this minute. And our God will punish him in His own way and time. That is not my job. My job is to have faith in His Holy will for my life and be thankful and full of grace for my many blessings.
You will survive and in the coming months, you will see how much more beautiful your life is when you embrace the loss and are thankful that there is not one more single minute of abuse and neglect. Praise God.
You need to remember this: YOU ARE WORTHY! You are.
Blessings to you and your children and prayers for peace of mind I give you. Amen.
You deserved to be loved and respected. Cherished.
Hey, even trying all the methods to protect yourself won't entirely heal you. Letting Jesus in your heart will give you a pure connection of love that nobody, no man or anything can give you here on earth....Narcissists are of the devil, void of empathy, looking only to fuel themselves, even if that means destroying you...
Crazy Town Productions
So do we all. I wonder every day why we can’t just be vulnerable, tender, open and true? Why isn’t that treasured? It’s so hard wanting to have that and waiting... in due time... :). Thank you for your kind words.
This video was just great. I used to suffer from horrid panic attacks and still have depression and anxiety. I now know that I had a narc mother, and she did this to me.
Caroline Marty .. Me Too.
Me too
Same same!
THANK YOU!!!!! I have lived with what I now know to be CPTSD my entire life. To hear someone speak so eloquently about everything that has wrecked my life allows me to stop blaming myself and gives me hope that I can control my seemingly unprovoked anxiety attacks and get off that out of control emotional roller coaster of guilt and shame.
This maybe the best video you have made so far and how well you explained emotional flashbacks. I have had to exercise mindfulness tricks to help me snap back but like you have said, one step forward and two steps back when it comes to healing journey. I am grateful that I can relate to majority of survivors and not feel so shameful for even breathing. Taking it a day at a time and sticking to my passions to keep me in the present. Thank you for all that you do and for reminding us that we are adults whom are wonderful empathic and can lead our own healthy lives. May you have a wonderful day. ❤😊
Great explanation of CPTSD. Please consider making a video or videos discussing the other 4 symptoms. Thank you!
Absolutely!
Yes, it's taken me a decade to realize this! I look forward to seeing the rest!
Thanks for video. I truly didn't know I was dealing with cptsd. I was apologizing to god for feeling certain ways when there was no need to feel that way. Now I don't have to feel ashamed of different emotions.
@@FromSurvivingToThriving that's along with all the other PTSD symptoms, right? Including regular flashbacks nightmares and stuff like that?
Michelle, Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been struggling to pinpoint how I’m feeling regarding CPTSD. The flashbacks & nightmares were haunting me. Needed this validation. Much appreciation. 💖
Your videos have been such a massive help to me. I recently came out of a relationship with a narcissist. I had no idea at the time that is what she was, I just knew that I was very confused about a lot of her behavior, and constantly emotionally on edge.
Now, viewing that behavior retrospectively, through the prism of narcissism, I can finally understand and come to peace with the situation, as well as learning and moving forward. In fact, I've found purpose in documenting on UA-cam the self improvement process that videos like this have inspired me to start. Thank you.
I completely relate to the car situation. I would do this thing where I'd focus on an object in the car and my eyes would follow the shape of it over and over and over....this would be me disassociating. I was trapped during his road rages, screaming about killing someone that cut him off, etc. I too was tempted to throw myself from a speeding car. I imagined the pain of hitting the pavement would be welcomed. It wouldn't hurt as much as he was hurting me.
I spent 13 years hiding within myself. It was my only safe place. I am almost at my 2 year anniversary of having left!!! Praise God!!
Emotional flashbacks are so intense
I am so inundated with them I believed they were my internal dialog for a long time. Then again I also have strange flashes of self harm out of the blue when I see a sharp object. I know that isn't my self internal dialog. Some of it is so obviosly "other" programmed that I am incredulous about it. It is still annoying!
After 20 years with a now Ex and a Narc... I'm trying to move on but I often find myself not Trusting ANYONE and prefer to be alone. I used to be a loving joyful person. I often argue with myself about how to get back to the real me..... so many people have Narc traits it scares me and I don't even try. I have chosen to be alone just to heal.....if that ever happens. I'm 63... not sure if I can heal. I get angry at what was stolen from me and I often just grab snippets of what used to make me happy. It helps.
Motherlove, you will be happy & whole one day( I promise.) Just keep going. Healing takes time. Don't worry about being with other people, you need to concentrate on yourself. Take time out & take very good care of yourself & learn to love yourself. Good people(some do exist) will turn up once you are well & in control of your life & happiness. Best Wishes & Hugs.
motherlove we're the same age and I'm just now learning all this. I'm pissed too!
motherlove I’m 59 and I feel the same way!
im 21 and have isolated myself for about a good 7 years and counting. Ive been abused my entire life. I dont even know what people are SUPPOSED to be like. Whenever i try to focus on myself i get scared bc i think IM becoming a narc and then the vicious cycle of anxiety continues. Its hard trusting ANYONE. My best advice is to just focus on yourself. Self healing. Self love. Focus on YOU and dont worry about making friends or being in a relationship. Even if you get lonely.
Completely understand, I'm almost 59 and feel the same way.
A slammed door, without warning.
The knowledge that either of my parents were on their way home....
Michael & Kimberley Bradshaw yes same here ugh it brings me back
@K Brad In 5 words, you have spoken *volumes*. 🚫🚪💥
I think this was a PERFECT explanation of ptsd because People just don’t understand how bad it is for me 😒 I cant help it
My wife's PTSD can be triggered just by visiting a family Member. Sept 2013 we stayed overnight at my wife's aunt's house. We were in love and happy on the way there. 10 minutes after leaving her aunt's my wife just started hating me and has ever since. She couldn't help it as well. 8 months into her hating me my back went and now I am totally disabled. No One does understand truly, because we are all so complex that "it" is all different. We can empathize though, that is what we do! You have come to the right place!
o0o! I have a "for instance"! I made plans to go out with a friend for a couple of months that lived a couple of hours away, so we planned that I would sleep over. We were going to a concert. On the way there, this overwhelming feeling of anxiety hit me! At first I didn't know why. Then I realized, that when I was with the Narc, ANYTHING that I did that took me away from him for any length of time that he specified, if I went over that, I was getting "that call" as to why I wasn't home yet. I was feeling that exact anxiety, on my way to her house before we even went out! Once I got there, I still had it a little, but then I recognized that it was a past experience that I was feeling, and once I realized that I didn't have to worry about that call, I was ok, and I really enjoyed myself that night. It felt great to not have to worry about "that call"! :) Great vid once again! You've gained so much insight Michelle!
Yeah my daughter gets those calls. She's freshly out of her situation of twelve years with a narc. Been out for three months. She's doing better every day. Hasn't gone full no contact yet she's getting there.
Yes. Exact same.
I understand. I catch myself rushing a lot. I started leaving my phone in the car while running errands. That was huge. Baby steps 💕
Oh wow...this made me think. I remember the car rides. I will never forget when I would try and roll a window down. I would get yelled at and told I was running down the battery. Also if I would ask to go to the store, I was told no or that I was using them. Thing is, they never had a problem taking anyone else to the store. One day there was an election of some sort in town. Since we were in close to a store, I wanted to make a quick stop. I was yelled at and told "It's ELECTION DAY". I also have come to notice she only did this when she wanted me to get out of the car, so she could say I started an argument, or say I was mad at her. Also, I just remembered how we would sometimes have good conversations in the car. When we got home, I immediately received the silent treatment. I just never understood that. I use to always think "something must really be wrong with me". Also, when I needed to search for a vehicle, because I finally had the money...I would get stood up while she went out and hung out with her cousin. Not to mention her parents gave her a brand new car, and she said she wanted to give her older car to me. She ended up giving the vehicle to her nephew, and told me I didn't deserve the vehicle. That really made me feel like I was worthless. Wow, this video brought back some intense memories.
I had a nervous breakdown... lost myself completely .. the positive from this is I left him
When the narc yells at you and belittles you in the car, then they expect you to respond when you're in total shock! and they are screaming in your ear to say something...
Yup. Totally. Like what do they expect. " they" say now your not talking " how can you if you ripped them a new pant leg seriously. That's not love
They ripped. Typo
Yep my father used to do this all the time from as young as I can remember plus drive like a maniac and instill fear in us that he will kill us all and himself..... we would be terrified, when he dies, I will feel so relieved and calm, a sense of final peace will wash over me.
Its taken almost two years, but im almost out of the woods. It's definitely made me stronger. Thank you for these videos. edit: also, you're so pretty, lol.
I told the therapist I felt judged. He gave me a pat "I'm not judging you."
It was not convincing at all.
What’s helped is listening to music something I stopped doing ... also somehow my best fiend from school 26 years ago made contact.. we met and talked about the good days
The term, 'emotional flashback,' is so accurate!!
Oh yeah! I know this is true....however if you have a child in the relationship it never ends, never ends. :-(
Yup.... my kids are over 18 and he still believes "they OWE him" a relationship. So far they don't get they will NEVER have the father they need. Very sad.........
bookmouse770 no it doesn't I'll be back in court for my third year they love that place
I meant that when your children grow up, get married...he is there at the wedding (or she)....they will be present for all major events and birthdays unless you move away.....but then they still may be around. eye roll
That is the most painful part. :-(
LifeWillBeBetter right, you always know that the relationship isn't going to work. Most of the time we hang around for our kids anyway. Had no idea how they would use my kid...so sick
My greatest hope is that people that suffered emotional abuse from a narcissist relationship will heal and grow. It has helped me be a more compassionate and loving person. I grew and am glad a grateful experience. Everything happens for a good reason. Trust the process and think positive. Blessings to all
It’s as though something broke inside me after being abandoned by the narcissist- I’m numb, I can’t cry anymore, no matter how sad the occasion or event.
Suffering from being in abuse from a dad narc for 30 years of my life.
All 5 are very accurate
Its not Easy breaking the cycle of abuse.
Cold brings me in an instant flashback. Even the fridges in super markets brings me back to 12 years old instantly. Crazy.
I believe I have this- but I often am angry, and feel like I want to right the wrong and clear my name of the smear campaign - I am angry that anyone would empower a narcissistic liar, that anyone would perpetuate their claims- it’s not all the time, but when something triggers the emotional flashbacks.
I deal by isolating myself from others I care about so as not to lash out at anyone- it sucks, bad- it’s a sick of mind, sick in body feeling.
What to do? Is it wrong to try to handle it myself?
I experience it like that as well. I get tired alot and isolate as well. My stomach hurts alot, too.
💔
Jason Rosner- Bass yep. Know that pain. Sat here for three weeks wondering how to find a social group to talk to. Seems only safe place is to watch these videos. How to break the pattern of withdrawing ...when is the time to go out.
@@ali-es2ye I feel you, I'm over the missing and longing for the snarc, she caused me to lose the only Male friend I had,and although I'm not afraid of her hurting me physically, I dont think I could maintain my composure if I was out alone and ran into her with the new/old supply, or, quite possibly, my former best friend , I believe she would jump all over a chance to throw a few low blows, if I was you I'd get the fellas together and bar-hop or check out a game to get your feet wet again. Like I had to,you gotta realize she bent you up a little but she didnt break you. Good luck *********
Jason Rosner- Bass 11
Or maybe (as in my case) you find yourself in another relationship with a narcissist and they're triggering you. Edit: This video was very helpful. Thankyou❤
C-PTSD was what I thought I had until you said It can come from narcissistic abuse. My Father was a narcissist and My Mother as well.
Just different kinda from abusive narc to manipulative narc.
Me and my sister were treated like we were crazy when we had been having abuse symptoms and PTSD.
My mother fooled me for years into pinning me and my sister against eachother. Anyone who sucked up and wasn't struggling with their abuse was fine. ( ptsd, ctpsd, depression etc. Mental illness )
My sister and I were gaslighted, neglected etc. My sister was going to commit suicide and all my mother said was "you traumatized yourself"
I was fooled into believing my sister is just crazy for feeling it. And suppressed every thing I felt because my mother doesn't like it and will treat me like her.
My sister was the scapegoat, criticized for everything. I was the golden child, used to validate her and criticize along with her.
I have so much stored anger, anxiety, sadness from all my abusive father did, and from all my mother caused to everyone. So much anger for what she manipulated and treated my Sister. With every flashback the C-PTSD and everything I feel start to fade. And I kinda can't do that because my mother is trying to diagnose me with narcissism or something crazy to brash onto me for rebelling. My Sister is severely depressed and sick. But still threatens her to throw her disabled child into the streets where we live ( there are human trafficking rumors, not safe. She even jokes about my sister being raped. Etc things. )
Despite all that, I doubt myself because those feelings I have stuffed were gaslighted for years and years to a child who very much loved her mother and family.
Now it all seem to break apart because I tell her how I feel and what I think is going on, and for her to apologize for mistreating me in certain situations. Never. She never apologizes and projects it back to me. Life with narcissists isn't fun.
My dad was an alcoholic and definitely a narc, somewhere my mum became mental. Av never understood what triggered it but that left us emotionaly abandoned and physicaly too coz it would become worse and she would have to be taken away. I cannot remember what would happen when she would go away. My dad worked away from the time I became aware of myelf. When we were 10 yrs ans below he was friendly with us when he would come around. There after he became very military. He wanred to see us studying all the time so much so that whenever we would here him coming after being away for a while, he used to have a small vehicle so we would know he was coming. Instead of rushing to meet him we would run to get books pretending we were reading. My mum definitely was a codependant coz shed also gone thru issues where her mum was mistreated by the husband coz she had been an orphan. Theres alot of emotions involved that lately are triggering flashbacks and of course these flashbacks are painful in nature. I was taken to boarding school at six yrs which was around the time my mum had began being mental until I was 10 yrs. I was removed from boarding coz my mum's mental issue had been contained. Being in a village in Kenya, Africa as a firstborn you were expected to be responsible as early as 8 yrs doing grown up chores. Its like being with the narc triggered alot of my childhood memories coz may be I was being forced to look within. Thanks for your continued enlightenments, they are going along way in getting us on the right track. Guess you had to go thru abuse longer for a reason. It was not fair but now its working for Good for many and you are rescuing many as you get better yourself.
pure soul appreciate your story. I was the mom that went mental and I'm trying to become gunmetal. I know it has hurt my kids gravely.
Your voice is so soothing
I know! So nurturing.
This is so enlightening. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you!
You can always get to the core of my feelings whenever I watch your videos . You make me face my personal emotional damaged feelings with truth and reality. Sometimes I shake and feel so much pain facing the truth but you help me because I know you persevered and came out on top! Kudos to you . Your a gem...
This is the hardest thing I’ve faced to try and overcome. You don’t hear much about female Narcissist but they are out there and dang, do they know how to hurt you and somehow make you feel guilty and confused about that fact that you’re hurting.... Still can’t understand how one human being can be willing to do this to another human being that loved them...
Thank you so much! It just happened yesterday at my workplace and now I understand it was an emotional trigger. 😔
Don't feel good about myself anymore I do have any purpose no energy no desire for anything.
The most important thing to have is a group of positive, supportive friends
Samee
I get that sinking feeling alot during the days on end at times. And it's not a very nice feeling when you're unable to justify to your own lovely inner child what the actual matter is and how to get past that , mainly. Thank you for your page and the great work that you do.
Yes. That's your inner child. "I feel so empty and alone - why can't I love and be loved."
I recall being with my wife, and all of the sudden I go internally: aaaa aaaa aaaa, sometimes vocally. the first times my wife saw me do that thought I was crazy. I then made some lame excuse: I remember I forgot to do X, W, Z at work. But it was just a release. Like a tick.
David Castillo wow I know exactly what ur describing
Same. My wife gas been trying to understand this stuff to. We try not to fight cause it just throws everything out the window.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. I understand...I really do.
Looking back, i remember hyperventilating when my now ex narc husband was berating me. I have no idea what he was upset about at this time, just remembering the incident. Thank God Im done with that loser!!!! Bye Jeff!!!!
Good riddance
Once you mention not absorbing others negative energy and giving that emotion back to them. You related it to a type of ninja. What type of ninja was that?
Hahaha nice metaphor
I'm so grateful to have found your channel!
After cutting things off with my narcissist about five years ago, I was so confused about what had happened. I wasn't even aware of narcissistic personality disorder until much later, but I knew I felt brainwashed and like I was having a breakdown. Some people said the reason I felt the way I did was that I was just "not over him" and needed to "let go" to fully heal, that it was just a "bad breakup", etc., etc. It wasn't until I started researching that I realized I had indeed been somewhat brainwashed, and was actually dealing with a form of PTSD. I've since had contact with others who exhibit NPD symptoms, and while I've been shaken and upset, they were not able to have the same hold over me because I could recognize their tactics, rationalize, and remind myself that "it's them, not me."
One of the best ways to heal and protect ourselves from future encounters with narcissists is education and awareness, so thank you for sharing your experiences and for providing videos to help others.
I experienced what you are describing while visiting the town I lived in when I was in the abusive relationship. I was driving around and I suddenly started feeling anxiety, sadness, hopelessness out of no where. After several minutes of this discomfort, I realized that I was triggered by partially driving the route i used to take back and forth to his house all the time when we dated. I didn't consciously register it while driving the route, but my brain DID. This happened over a year after I went no contact and I genuinely thought I was fine. It made me really understand just how traumatic the experience had been for me.
Thank you so much for sharing. I remember the invented, manufactured situations leading to hour long screaming lectures in the car. Beatings with nowhere to go. Wanting to kill yourself at 13 years old. I know the pain and it never stops. It never goes away.
I hope it gets better for you
I've been feeling very angry, I have picture flash backs of the last 23 years I'm still with him...
Thanks for this. I identify with your points in your journey. Thanks for creating a pathway for us to heal.
I don't wonder when. I've always wondered if.
I became disabled and chronic. I recently felt shamed by a counselor.
I went into isolation and OCD and became to afraid to answer his call or
Keep appointment. He responded by cancelling the program I was working on.
I felt like the whole thing was my fault.
Dear Michelle
Thank you for enlightening another dark corner. A piece of information that trully brings healing because it validates that I'm not crazy or making "big deal out of nothing".. and "quitt crying or I gove you something to cry about"..
Your explanation and examples bring me closer to restoring/ healing my own inner child/ soul.
I have suffered from these emotional flashbacks for decades. Of course before i knew what was happening and that there is a Term for my experiences.
I had veey many of these abusive situations, mostly in work environment where of course my wellbeing becomes secondary or even nonexistent in the name of "success/profits/ productivity"..
And from recovery stand point - This World makes me sick. It makes all of us sick. Literally on all levels. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually which will definitely manifest Physically.
And all "we" do is run from the pain to numb it.
I immensely appreciate your words and your work. And the only prayers I have is for this world to wake up and return to love without strings attached.
You are an ANGEL!
Thank you SO much for making this video! #lightworker
Now I realize that my night terrors waking up in the middle of the night terrified of my narc parent were emotional flashbacks, and so were so many other things that have triggered me. Thanks for the explanation 👍
great channel I love helping others as I felt so alone
I'm a bit out of sorts where a TI may have nothing to do with Narcissism? Nor mobbing or gang stalking...
A sadness that has no bottom. No tears can ever fix anything about it.
Kathryn Farrell tears just release energy. that's why it's a good thing to cry (not ALL the time obviously) but suppressing your emotions is never good.
U literally talking abt my life...I'm struggling to finish med school due to what ur talking abt ,I don't known if I'll ever make it
proudly African You can and you will. We need doctors like you who *understand* such pains
Nearly 2 years no contact and yet this persons voice is in my head every day.
thank you , i understand now what i am feeling
Thank you so much for your light !! It makes me understand better the kind of ''attacks'' (really bad weird sensations) i experience... merci
Thank you for your videos and advice. I can relate to the pain, I too am going through a very tiring and emotional relationship with a Narc. Its so overwhelming some days, as she constantly has her feelings hurt, and is the master at revenge and punishment. its at the stage now where I feel we are fighting more than loving. Almost done, just working through the fine details for disconnection, very sad and hurt at constantly being made to feel I am worthless and "nobody would love you", you all know the way this works and the things they say all because we apparently don't care about "their" feelings. I remember something you said in one of your videos, Narcs think their emotions are facts, there is nothing more truthful than that statement. :)
I cried so hard listening to this. Thank you so much for all you do.
I know all about the narcissist abusing you in the car. My mothers been doing that since I was a child. As an adult when I'm being sucked back in I still sometimes get in her car!!!! I don't know why I do it!!! I know not to get in her car because its hell. People could see her tearing me to shreds in traffic and me hyperventilating as a child, alot of people knew I was being abused and did nothing, some called child protective services which got me severely beaten and alot of people thought mum was a wonderful person and I was this fucked up child that my poor mother had to deal with
Jess Mosely SAME!! She would verbally assault me in the car right before I had a big appointment like a Dr or glasses important then she'd pretend like she has no idea what's wrong with me. she's trying to crawl back into my life now, but NOPE. I call the shots now
ALL of this. Yes it is feeling like forever now i am super drained today. Flashbacks ruined a lot lately. VERY confusing yes. Sometimes uncertain where what i feel comes from or it is directed. Uncomfortably numb is a good description at times. Had a double dose, ex wife and ex GF no closure much shame yes. This video is well timed. I am soooo tired lol
Trauma is like a long-term poison.
Hi Michelle. I've watched some of your videos and I appreciate your sharing your personal life experiences. I identify with many of the points you address😊 . Keep those videos coming!
Hello Michelle, thanku4 your videos. I feel this amigdala hijacking one day and another. I think I am getting better but then some small issues happened and get blocked again, and feel again too scary and helpless.
The discouraging thing is friends, who you hid the abuse from, can't understand why we don't heal.
Exactly!!
Yes,I need it that to day💓,so THANKS..👍💓
Absolutely dead on. Thank you it all makes sense now. I can find a therapist that deals with C.P.T.S.D. No one seems to know what I'm talking about. My insurance mental health is so bad. It sucks
This is great! First I’ve heard of this. It explains so much. I’m usually very calm in a crisis, but sometimes, before I know it, I snap!! Hate myself later and don’t know why I did that. Come off as a crazy person. I need to learn more about this, thanks Michelle.
FORGIVENESS * FORGIVE YOURSELF FIRST *
I. What Forgiveness is Not:
It does NOT automatically cause Forgetting
It is NOT just an Intellectual Decision
It is NOT the Denial of Feelings
It is NOT a Short-cut for the Grief Process
It is NOT necessarily Reconciliation
A word of caution: With this last point, we may abuse this concept by saying we have forgiven, but still refuse to reconcile, because from our reference point the other person has not accepted responsibility. We need to examine our hearts before God. Although forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation, refusal to reconcile may indeed be refusal to forgive.
II. What Forgiveness Is:
Forgiveness IS a Process
Forgiveness IS releasing the other Person from the Debt
Forgiveness IS releasing us from Spiritual and Emotional Imprisonment
III. Complications in Forgiving:
Many of us have known the principles of forgiveness, but still find it hard to put them into practice. There are many reasons for this, many of which are misunderstood or confusing. The following are just a few of the difficulties or complications in the forgiveness process:
Continuing re-injury in the area that needs forgiveness
Deep levels of injury may not be readily accessible to conscious forgiveness
Lack of awareness that forgiveness is a process, with varying levels that need healing over time. Result may be guilt for not “feeling” forgiving.
Trying to compare the forgiveness process in ourselves to the process in other people
Not understanding volitional vs. emotional forgiveness
Mistaking denial for forgiveness
Lack of awareness of our “control” in either not forgiving, or in forgiving too quickly.
Mistaking as unforgiveness the various feelings that are part of normal grief or pain
Misunderstanding the unique way each person must seek forgiveness. Some peopleprocess information in more detail, others more generally. The forgiveness process will sometimes reflect the difference in how we process information
Confusing or errant theological teaching about forgiveness
Lack of understanding that there is a direct relationship between how much pain and injury has occurred and how long it takes to forgive.
The process of forgiveness is complex, particularly when we have been deeply wounded. Sometimes in trying to understand a complex subject, it is helpful to begin by looking at the drawbacks of both extremes, where the position is clearly unhealthy, and move toward the middle seeking a balance. The extremes in the process of forgiveness are, FORGIVING TOO QUICKLY and NEVER FORGIVING:
IV. DRAWBACKS OF FORGIVING TOO QUICKLY:
May be a way of not facing the immediate pain
May be a way of controlling our fear of insecurity by not “rocking the boat” and risking abandonment
May be a way of not facing old emotional injuries that may have been re-enacted
May thwart the emotional and spiritual growth process in ourselves by circumventing deeper understanding and healing
May thwart the emotional and spiritual growth process in the other person by circumventing deeper understanding and healing
May result in symptoms of depression and anxiety
V. DRAWBACKS OF NEVER FORGIVING:
May be a way of maintaining control so that we will not be hurt again
May be a fear of being vulnerable or of being disempowered
May be a way of trying to make the other person suffer
May turn to deep anger and bitterness
The bitterness may generalize to all of life
Probably will limit the depth of future relationships
May cause suspicion and mistrust of others
Allows the person who hurt us in the past to continue to rob us of joy and fulfillment
VI. FORGIVENESS SEEMS EASIER WHEN:
The other person accepts responsibility for their actions
The other person is able and willing to empathize with the pain they have caused
The other person follows through with the necessary actions that show they are remorseful
The other person verbalizes genuine remorse or sorrow for what they have done
The other person makes a genuine appeal for forgiveness
We believe the other person did not intentionally hurt us
VII. FORGIVENESS SEEMS HARDER WHEN:
The other person sees no need to be forgiven.
The other person continues to re-enact the same hurtful situation.
The other person expects US to ask for forgiveness.
The other person doesn’t understand the magnitude of the pain.
We believe the other person intentionally hurt us.
The person who hurt us is the one we would least expect, so there may be feelings of betrayal.
The pain hits us in areas where we are already vulnerable. It may trigger deep wounds.
The action from the other person seems especially cruel, harsh, or insensitive.
The duration of the offense has happened over a long time period, so that the memories are multi-leveled.
VIII. FORGIVENESS COSTS:
Although forgiveness can free us from bitterness and emotional enslavement, it costs a great deal. It can be difficult and grueling, requiring repeated surrender to God.
Romans 12:17,19
Ephesians 4:32
Colossians 3:13
Matthew 18:21,22
Unforgiveness has emotional implications and it enslaves us:
Acts 8:23
Thx I needed that :D Wow all in one post. Amazing.
the only person who has a right to forgive is the one hurt, not u, and stop telling ppl what to do/think/feel arrogant sanctimonious persona.
-smh: I really love jesus but for the life of me can not stand majority of these bible pushers fake ass so called "christians".
the first part of your comment where you explain what forgivness is true....HOWEVER the rest is total BullShit-psycho babble trying to controll and guilt tripp and disempower people. some of u narcs are probably scared shitless by now roflmao, how it will all blow up in ur faces one day, bc the damage some of u done.....can make some ppl loose it, so the ones in powerfull positions like the usurios jewry cabbal send ppl like u trying to controll the "victims no more folks".....well keep being scared....we will neither forgive or forgett and guess what we are not bitter we are happy and thriving and most of all: we are outta ur controll ......
Forgiveness is a Christian doctrine! And quit frankly just a way of letting arseholes off the hook! Rapists, pedophiles, should we forgive them too? F*&k off bible basher!
true and i see it the same way, i am sck of anyone dictating to victims when and to whom to forgive ! moneymaking bible pushers that is!
Your unsolicited advice is misplaced and inappropriate - and I have been a Christian for 51 years now. My husband does not want or need my forgiveness, nor do I *need* to forgive again. Seventy times seven has already been passed. My situation is in God's hands now. In fact, God and I are in complete agreement about what I need, despite getting NO SUPPORT whatsoever from my church, who asked him to be a deacon as he was entering his third rehab for narcotic and alcohol addiction.
SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME WHAT I NEED.
I agree that I need to forgive my church. That is not hard, because I, too, was mislead.
My husband DOES need God's forgiveness, and I do pray he reaches the point of asking for that forgiveness with humility.
But do I really think he will he ever ask God's forgiveness?
I sincerely doubt it.
You see, he is far too 'special' - entirely superior, and always blameless.
Just ask him.
My name is also Michele Lee. I was named after an 80s soap opera actress. You too?
LOL YES I don't know who she is but my parents said I was named after an actresss!
I have horrible nightmares 3 years later
I'm glad you're talking about PTSD because it's real and it'll take time to rewire the brain.
Peace and healing to all of you.Cptsd is a living hell
What do i do if my father is the narcissist and my family is blinded to it ? Or too afraid to face it?
Yasha Cutter Go no contact. They are all sick and you will not win this battle.
Save yourself !!!
I think this is the first video i saw defining what an emotional flashback is. Thank you!
My whole life feels like a Blurr. I think I've PTSD over narc attempting suicide right in front of me and our 19 yr old ds. I keep feeling all those things panic pain fear no focus, no concentration etc.. I awake at night crying I can't even remember if he did it before or after last Christmas. I'm just so traumatized and he told me to Tell no one and He told the doctor and told me not to!! He wanted me to look bad but he broke me he Left when I got very sick and fell down to 38KG!! He didn't Care, his kids started having night terrors he did not Care about Any one only Himself and I Never seen it at all. Probably too busy with 4kids and a lazy husband.
I love your channel and videos so much! Being able to hear what I've wrestled with inside for my entire life and it being put in to words has been so healing. I am so grateful that I'm not alone in the struggle. Thank you!
I feel so distraught...After being disengaged from by a selfish and twisted covert narcissist,I can not believe that I feel so horrific! At 46 years of age I've gotten through tons of issues in life,but I was not prepared for the devastation after an 18 month relationship with a narcissistic,cold person!
I've been emotionally, mentally and verbally abused my whole life. I never even realized that it wasnt normal. I happened to me by my family and even some friends in different ways. I've cut off family for a couple years and still get emotional flashbacks. I cut off my ex best friend for more than a year. I still hate these people, I still wish them harm and I want them to hurt, I want to hurt them. I want these feelings to end because I never use to be this way. I never was a angry person, spiteful, vindictive, spiteful or jealous but they were and I swear it's like they transferred their energy on to me, it feels so unnatural and I hate my self for feeling these things. I now now suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I never dealt with this before only within the last couple of years.
The best way to release these feelings is it offer help others who suffer.
Hypervigilance is another symptom. Perceiving threats that aren't there....especially in new relationships. 😭😢
This explains sooo much of my emotional issues in my past relationship!! I would suddenly feel the rush of panicky flight response, and then nothing would get resolved because I’m too busy trying to calm myself down enough to talk and listen to my then partner. He purposefully triggered me of course, thinking that I was crying on purpose, but I wasn’t. Thank you for this video.
Thank you so much for this.
After growing up with emotional abuse. And dealing with it from a marriage of ten years. I still have these flashbacks as you say.
The last time it happened it did happen in the car. Because of a nearly ran red light by my fiancee. I shouted and he shouted as well but not even in an angry tone. But it was still enough to make me withdraw. I was suddenly without the ability to even form whole thoughts.
He read my body language emiddiately and held my knee and then my hand. And though i felt his hand holding mine, I could not even push myself to hold his in return. He took me straight home and helped me through my meltdown as I had a panic attack.
This was the first time he's ever seen me flip like that. I think he reacted pretty well. Though he has held me when I panicked over other stress.
I'm going to send him this video though so he gets a clearer picture
Thanks again.
You’re so beautiful inside and out. Thanks for sharing your very intimate vulnerabilities. God bless you. You will help many.
My mom made me feel lesser than human. I’m angry and upset. I need to move on, it won’t be easy though
What is your name?
Yes I was actually diagnosed with dissociative disorder. Aka. Hysterical blindness. It really affects your vision and sense of reality and made me shut out all my responsibilities. Those which took focus and concentration. That was gone. I only did the things I had to do like grocery shop and laundry but it was terribly hard jut even to get out of bed and get motivated for the day.
Emotional flashback is colloquial. They become disregulated .
its not only criing a flashback can also make you feel immensely rageful and you just cant help it. my mother whas extremely narcissistic and i suffered as a child. and i always tried as a boy,to sedate her and begged for peace because my mother was always fighting with my father by extreme loudness.and i often criied please mother if you love me,stop fighting.- but she pusheed me on a side and yelled THATS NOT YOUR CUP OF MEEAT:: AND LATER ON I TOOK A GIRL WHO WAS EXACTLY THE SAME NARCISSIST: AND I TRIED TO CONTINUE TO STOP ARGUING AND FIGHTING WITH ME SHE EVEN HITTED ME THAT I HAD SERIOUS INJURIES: NOW I KNOW THAT I JUST CONTINUED TO MAKE MY MOTHER A PEACEFUL PERSON ;WITH this GIRL: SHE WAS HYSTERIC NEUROTIC HYPOCONDRIC AND ADDICTED TO ARGUING: like my mother SHE WAS MY DOWNFALL: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF VICTIMS: they ARE ALL AROUND -THERE ARE JUST TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE THE ONE ABUSE$ YOU THE OTHERS BECOME ABUSED: MY ADVICE TO ALL YOU GIRLS OUT THERE ;;LET YOUR SELF DEFENCE RISE UP no one is worthy for ass crawling and suffering through abuse. be blessed