Ah I could relate so much to wanting to be confident in order for people to like me. My subconscious views lack of confidence as weakness, therefore abandonment and rejection. I try to seem confident, but I actually feel so much anxiety around people. I want to be confident and my authentic self out of a place of love, not anxiety, not shame.
Damn this is deep. I feel the same way and didn’t even realize I value having confidence so much because I just want to finally be VIEWED and treated the way confident people are.
Yes, I have spent my whole 48 years trying to please others to feel good about myself. I am on a long healing journey following parental then spouse narcissistic abuse / marriage. I need to heal my inner child, C-PTSD, change my subconscious programming, heal from co-dependency, learn about attachment styles, gain self-confidence and self-worth........the list is endless but I think I am finally in a position (after 18 months free from the covert narcissist ex) to be able to begin the healing process. It's been 18 months of constant education to understand myself and why I became a victim of narcissistic abuse.
I am breaking free of this insanity. I'm getting more and more comfortable with ME. The true me! When I moved 3 states away from the ex and my FOO, it was scary as all GET OUT! I felt cut free from all these people and places that I gleaned my identity from so then I felt EMPTY! But, that moment I realized the sky was the limit....I now had the opportunity to define myself, get to know me again.... what an ADVENTURE!! 🤗🤗🤗🥰 Letting go of external validation has been like getting a ton of sticky gum off my entire body!! It's so sticky!!!! Now, I get internal validation from me and God. Self talk is getting better!
Thank you so much for this, it really helped clarify why I get so distressed when something is actually going well or when I'm starting to enjoy myself. Just going to the grocery store wrecks me emotionally and I couldn't figure out why until I heard what you said about those subconscious flashbacks.
I find it so hard to motivate myself, enjoy, and stay focused on my agenda. I've spent years motivating myself by imagining I'll get external approval of I do xyz. I've pushed myself, and worked my socks off, for other people's projects, (or what I imagine they want/expect from me.) But trying to focus on my own stuff is harder. I find it difficult to believe that my agenda is important in any way, or meaningful. 🙁
Felt. I'm still enrolled in university but don't believe it'll go anywhere so what's the point of even trying? I'm not a good artist, I'm just wasting my time even though it's my passion. I love working on art, but one look online and I'm crumbled to nothing
You must learn to let go of these toxic things in life that don't serve you nothing at all, don't worry about what people think and say, validate yourself and love yourself and just think positive thoughts 👍 Michelle and survivors and thrivers 🙏 believe in yourself because at the end of the day you have to be able to count on you, and you got this,show up for yourself.
Thank you so much Michelle, we must find value in ourselves and realise there is an element of Divine in us and therefore we have to respect ourselves and do not let anybody take it away from us!
i left my abusive family and got married to someone who is very patient and kind to me but for some reason i still compare my spouse to my abusive family.. why does this happen and how can i stop it??
How would you explain being a good example for the sake of not being a hypocrite because you know deep down you want the best for others; knowing that you are struggling to do things for yourself but caring how others see that. That is taking into consideration what others think but in a healthy way.
Thanks.its like you talking about me.ha,ha.thanks for good explaining how it is.i think perents not liked me enough as a child.i remember when i was very litle and i was saying to myself.i love perents.i wad sending love. like i was expacting love back that i know from other side before i was born that love .nothing back from my perents i was so disapointed .i had to be like 1 year old .but i remember.its gonna help good deal.i just was thinking before watching video how im atracted to girls that dont like me.and that ones that like me i get scared. Of them unbelievable.
The topic about emotional flashbacks when I do something that makes me really happy and I love is my absolutely biggest problem at the moment after living with an elderly mother end 70s but under medication (Which seem to intensify For unbalanced emotions and all the suppressed feelings often into a roller coaster switching very fast ) in the worst narcissistic abusive ways all by myself. I tried to be extremely positive and helped her to heal after a sad operation and then on the inside (as I wanted to give back what she has done good for me which usually was the main lead in our life ) but at the end it turned around and she violated me in various ways emotionally mentally and even physically. This is the hardest part for me. I kept explaining it was the medication plus the disease causing anxiety plus the age plus living alone but yet still it kept happening How could I retrain my brain or deal with those flashbacks ?they are literally running over me any minute which I did not expect after being out of the situation and was hopefully walking towards the future. Through corona being so isolated it makes it even worse. Is there something that I can do or tell myself to better deal with these for flashbacks ? because they suddenly seem to steer the wheel in a different direction to do some thing that I’m used to do under her control or just to not feel it (because it’s so painful looking back and really feeling it almost unbelievable that it happened ) and do something but it gets done under anger and a disconnection. This would be lovely if you could give a response to that thank you so much I deeply appreciate any of your videos. Living with his mom that I love so much and she used to be much different before my father passed away though the under layer always was there for many years.
I feel that I should heal fully of those childhood traumas in order to feel self confidence and I’m struggling cause I don’t know if this is right.. I feel like I’m procrastinating the healing journey so I’m missing lots of opportunities and lots of good people and I feel that I’m going insane cause I don’t know how to heal and I don’t have the ability to go to a therapist
What I meant by that is that if you had a long term relationship (parent or significant other) that made you feel as if you are not enough or not worthy - and you are out of that relationship but haven't healed the core wounds yet - then that is a shame wound. If you believe you are not enough, or unworthy - even though someone else trained you to believe this way or feel this way - if it becomes internalized it is a shame wound
@@FromSurvivingToThriving i agree w that however it doesnt relate to PTSD at all, 2 seperate issues here. U can hv the shame wounds n not hv ptsd as well n visa versa. Ty for answering .
i feel like i am a weird mix-- and i think that is my problem-- because partially i dont care what people think, but if i have to deal with my mother then that is when the brakes go on and i worry about what she is going to say. not because i care, but i dont want to listen to her bitching and belittling. and argue with her. i dont know if i am explaining it enough. there are other variables. she forces you to be reliant on her even when you try not to be. she is narcistic some but sometimes not...counsellor even says that.
Ah I could relate so much to wanting to be confident in order for people to like me. My subconscious views lack of confidence as weakness, therefore abandonment and rejection. I try to seem confident, but I actually feel so much anxiety around people. I want to be confident and my authentic self out of a place of love, not anxiety, not shame.
I can relate, you’re not alone
Damn this is deep. I feel the same way and didn’t even realize I value having confidence so much because I just want to finally be VIEWED and treated the way confident people are.
Crimes of omission = withholding......
love, affection, compliments, support, approval, acknowledgement
which breeds insecurities, inadequacy, low self worth,
self value, self esteem ....
leads to ppl pleasing & appeasing
Yes, I have spent my whole 48 years trying to please others to feel good about myself. I am on a long healing journey following parental then spouse narcissistic abuse / marriage. I need to heal my inner child, C-PTSD, change my subconscious programming, heal from co-dependency, learn about attachment styles, gain self-confidence and self-worth........the list is endless but I think I am finally in a position (after 18 months free from the covert narcissist ex) to be able to begin the healing process. It's been 18 months of constant education to understand myself and why I became a victim of narcissistic abuse.
You can do it Adam!
I am breaking free of this insanity. I'm getting more and more comfortable with ME. The true me! When I moved 3 states away from the ex and my FOO, it was scary as all GET OUT! I felt cut free from all these people and places that I gleaned my identity from so then I felt EMPTY! But, that moment I realized the sky was the limit....I now had the opportunity to define myself, get to know me again.... what an ADVENTURE!! 🤗🤗🤗🥰
Letting go of external validation has been like getting a ton of sticky gum off my entire body!! It's so sticky!!!! Now, I get internal validation from me and God. Self talk is getting better!
Yes! You nailed it!
When I got away from the toxic family, my brain thought I still needed them.
It's crazy that I feel like an imposter when I'm being my authentic self!! I'm getting there, thanks to you Michele.
♥️
Thank you so much for this, it really helped clarify why I get so distressed when something is actually going well or when I'm starting to enjoy myself. Just going to the grocery store wrecks me emotionally and I couldn't figure out why until I heard what you said about those subconscious flashbacks.
Everytime I see your face the only word that comes to mind is adorable. ❤
I find it so hard to motivate myself, enjoy, and stay focused on my agenda.
I've spent years motivating myself by imagining I'll get external approval of I do xyz.
I've pushed myself, and worked my socks off, for other people's projects, (or what I imagine they want/expect from me.)
But trying to focus on my own stuff is harder. I find it difficult to believe that my agenda is important in any way, or meaningful. 🙁
Felt. I'm still enrolled in university but don't believe it'll go anywhere so what's the point of even trying? I'm not a good artist, I'm just wasting my time even though it's my passion. I love working on art, but one look online and I'm crumbled to nothing
You must learn to let go of these toxic things in life that don't serve you nothing at all, don't worry about what people think and say, validate yourself and love yourself and just think positive thoughts 👍 Michelle and survivors and thrivers 🙏 believe in yourself because at the end of the day you have to be able to count on you, and you got this,show up for yourself.
Thank you so much Michelle, we must find value in ourselves and realise there is an element of Divine in us and therefore we have to respect ourselves and do not let anybody take it away from us!
Thanks Michelle .
Thank you, Michele! 🙏🕊🙏
Thank u! God bless..
Thank you so very much
i left my abusive family and got married to someone who is very patient and kind to me but for some reason i still compare my spouse to my abusive family.. why does this happen and how can i stop it??
Nice one
Tips start at @ 13:00
This is getting to the nitty gritty- good work thanks for this please keep going 👍💕
Excellent video, thank you Michele!
so lovely and so wonderful 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌻🌻🌻🌻
Thanks 😊 4 this video pretty woman 👩 I experienced bullying in school 🏫 😔 and abuse from abusive parent 😢 ur video 📹 helped me 👍 👌 🙆♂️feel better 😀
How would you explain being a good example for the sake of not being a hypocrite because you know deep down you want the best for others; knowing that you are struggling to do things for yourself but caring how others see that. That is taking into consideration what others think but in a healthy way.
Thanks.its like you talking about me.ha,ha.thanks for good explaining how it is.i think perents not liked me enough as a child.i remember when i was very litle and i was saying to myself.i love perents.i wad sending love. like i was expacting love back that i know from other side before i was born that love .nothing back from my perents i was so disapointed .i had to be like 1 year old .but i remember.its gonna help good deal.i just was thinking before watching video how im atracted to girls that dont like me.and that ones that like me i get scared. Of them unbelievable.
The topic about emotional flashbacks when I do something that makes me really happy and I love is my absolutely biggest problem at the moment
after living with an elderly mother end 70s but under medication (Which seem to intensify For unbalanced emotions and all the suppressed feelings often into a roller coaster switching very fast ) in the worst narcissistic abusive ways all by myself. I tried to be extremely positive and helped her to heal after a sad operation and then on the inside (as I wanted to give back what she has done good for me which usually was the main lead in our life ) but at the end it turned around and she violated me in various ways emotionally mentally and even physically. This is the hardest part for me.
I kept explaining it was the medication plus the disease causing anxiety plus the age plus living alone but yet still it kept happening
How could I retrain my brain or deal with those flashbacks ?they are literally running over me any minute which I did not expect after being out of the situation and was hopefully walking towards the future.
Through corona being so isolated it makes it even worse. Is there something that I can do or tell myself to better deal with these for flashbacks ?
because they suddenly seem to steer the wheel in a different direction to do some thing that I’m used to do under her control or just to not feel it (because it’s so painful looking back and really feeling it almost unbelievable that it happened ) and do something but it gets done under anger and a disconnection.
This would be lovely if you could give a response to that thank you so much
I deeply appreciate any of your videos.
Living with his mom that I love so much and she used to be much different before my father passed away though the under layer always was there for many years.
I feel that I should heal fully of those childhood traumas in order to feel self confidence and I’m struggling cause I don’t know if this is right.. I feel like I’m procrastinating the healing journey so I’m missing lots of opportunities and lots of good people and I feel that I’m going insane cause I don’t know how to heal and I don’t have the ability to go to a therapist
But thank you so much for this video, I learned something but still i feel like I’m stuck
How is unhealed.ptsd a shame wound??? Its an exaggerated response to trama!!! Real or not...ongoing or not.
What I meant by that is that if you had a long term relationship (parent or significant other) that made you feel as if you are not enough or not worthy - and you are out of that relationship but haven't healed the core wounds yet - then that is a shame wound. If you believe you are not enough, or unworthy - even though someone else trained you to believe this way or feel this way - if it becomes internalized it is a shame wound
@@FromSurvivingToThriving i agree w that however it doesnt relate to PTSD at all, 2 seperate issues here. U can hv the shame wounds n not hv ptsd as well n visa versa.
Ty for answering .
A thought pattern 🤫
i feel like i am a weird mix-- and i think that is my problem-- because partially i dont care what people think, but if i have to deal with my mother then that is when the brakes go on and i worry about what she is going to say. not because i care, but i dont want to listen to her bitching and belittling. and argue with her. i dont know if i am explaining it enough. there are other variables. she forces you to be reliant on her even when you try not to be. she is narcistic some but sometimes not...counsellor even says that.
Thank you, Michele! 🙏🕊🙏
Thank you, Michele! 🙏🕊🙏