"Bad company corrupts good character." When we live with mean people we become like them, If we go against the narcissist we are punished. However, this is good, it caused me to get away rather than become like them.
Gwendolyn Wehage You are 100% correct. There are several problems here. The mental health profession is driven by profit, and many if not most psychiatrists/ counselors are narcissists themselves, just like so many pastors/ priests. They do NOT want this information out there. I know, i am a counselor and there is no training going on for narcissism.
I thank God that my children left just to be away from their narc father.He tried to contact them just be his flying monkeys against me but I never stop reaching out to them telling them I love them so much.The narc was so envious because our children are achievers and telling people that how unlucky he was with his children.Two of my kids were good in soccer and painting but he destroyed their dreams.But now they are successful and happy with their respective career.I know sooner or later the narc will have his time to reap what he sow.
Empaths are strong yes they will take time to heal narc injury trauma bond but will heal eventually Nothing is more scary and hated for a narc then a intelligent empth
Just the validation of hearing another person say these things out loud has helped me so much. I've gained confidence from knowing there are people out there that see through this type of abuse.
You can choose your friends but not your family. Nearly all my family, relationships and friends were mostly toxic. I had to distance myself from 99% of my family and friends. My healing journey wasn’t easy but God gave me wisdom to overcome.
Nicola Bless I went no contact with my immediate family when I was 18 and I'm 66. I didn't know my mother was a narcissist. So glad I followed my gut all those years ago.
Once I starting putting boundaries up in my life and actually started caring about myself and taking care of my well being, the narc's naturally fell by the wayside. They just disappeared from my life. They realized that I was no longer going to put up with their BS. They hate being called out on it so much that they will block you out. But you have to be able to put up with being blocked out. It's a blessing, not a punishment.
canadian bacon I thought I was healed. Only bc I loved myself for once. But I didn’t know until finding these videos that my mom is a narcissist. All my spouses/boyfriends have been. And thinking about it now. All my closest friends in school too. I stopped allowing people to call me names. But I still seem to be narc bait.
It took me until I was 60 to finally open that box called DENIAL and crawl out of it and watch many videos like this and self analyze and move forward and thrive....now I can share my knowledge....unfortunately I did waste most of my life with narcissistic cruel parents, step parents , in laws and spouses and even children to an extent because they saw me mistreated....the very first step is recognizing that you attract and enforce these behaviors in others....never too late....I would so much like to share my knowledge to help younger people who will have that "light bulb moment"... thank all of you for sharing your experiences on yt
I shift between not standing up for myself to being overly aggressive for minor things and fixating on wrongs done to me. An imbalance rather than complete passivity.
That’s how I started and then it turned to times where I completely lost all emotion and feeling and then times where I had amplified emotions and slowly it’s come to where I don’t care about anything anymore and whatever happens happens, no emotion, no sadness/sorrow, when someone dies I just shrug it off because it’s in the past already and what can I do. Also don’t understand the point to why any of us are here, our existence is so minuscule and unimportant in the grand scheme of things why does what we say and do matter in day to day life? It simply doesn’t.
@@ninjapowerx11 I remember feeling this way, too. Please know you’re important! You are here for a purpose only you can fulfill. God loves you and wants you to know how important you are to Him and all mankind!
I left home at 16. I had these difficulties until I was 57. My mom died and finally things started getting better. I managed to resist the pull to serve her. That resulted in a lifetime of hearing, “ You’re always against me. Ever since you were little, you’ve always been against me.” I was a fighter and she couldn’t win. After several years of this, the damned if you do, damned if you don’t, I started being myself and ignoring her needs. The constant battles always took its toll, but I preserved and eventually won the fight, but not only until she passed.The anger still exists, unfortunately, but is fading since the irritant is gone. Needless to say, I’ve been through A LOT of therapy.
All my therapists wanted me to come back to my family. “What did you do to your mother so that she doesn’t like you?” Dumb/incompetent/narcissistic therapist.
I remember my father (narc mothers enabler) always telling me to "Smile!" Or, "Smile, what's wrong with you!". However, the "what's wrong with you" is *not* posed as a question. No one ever ever came to me with a genuine concern, giving me a loving, safe environment to open up about whatever might be bothering or hurting me. At the time, I thought it was just how my family was. It was annoying and frustrating being told to "Smile!" all the time. As an adult looking back it's: No one ever wondered why I might look depressed or sad?! It was literally like I was expected to go around with perma-smile on all the time. That's just not reasonable, especially in that tender/vulnerable pre-teen and teenager time. I didn't even have a clue that I had a dysfunctional family growing up until I was in the discovery stage of finding out that my husband was a covert narcissist and I was being emotionally destroyed by him as well as co-dependant.
I totally relate. I too am codependent and my mom was a narcissist, and my dad a drug addict. Then at 16 married and pregnant, Im 62 now, barely learning all this about my life, wow, what a discovery. How does one recover from a lifetime of self loathing, neglect, violent parents, a covert narc husband and 3 damaged children still suffering now in their 40s. Its almost unbearable.
If there were no UA-cam & channels like yours and others, I wouldn't have survived. I might have been a very different person today. I'm a Scapegoat of my NPD family unit.
It's spooky when your videos describe my childhood so perfectly :\. But it helps to know that my instincts that something was off in our family were right. And btw, you are a very pleasant person to watch!
For years my mom fooled all the people she worked around and I began to work at the same work place....I was suffering trying to pretend that she was the perfect mom.....I listened to all my co workers come to me and say awwwww your mom is the sweetest lady.....i would just say yea she is and just walk away..........last week after 5 years i finally broke down to my boss about her.......Turns out that everone already knew she was crazy.....They just didnt bring it up to me cause i was her daughter and they didn't wanna hurt my feelings😂........I finally learned that it ok to talk about it cause people may understand more then you know
blackgirlsareperfect THIS!! I was just telling my in-laws- my husbands mom & mine were best friends when we were little. I told them that it used to hurt me worse when I was young. Everyone telling me how cool or funny or sweet my mom is. When I saw the monster. They see it now. Having everyone see her for who she is makes me feel so much better.
blackgirlsareperfect I am beginning to see how true this is which is making it easier to keep talking about it and to tell another person. some people will tell me they wish they could have grew up in our home and I typically tell them to be careful what they wish for. I used to just say yeah, and leave it at that, but no more.
A large reason why so many adult children of Narcissistic Parents suffer for so long - even while under the care of therapists/psychiatrists - is that mental health care (like the rest of medicine) has become profit driven by treating symptoms rather than actually curing the underlying condition. You can't force a Narcissist to change or prescribe medication to them...but you can prescribe medication to someone experiencing the effects of Narcissistic Abuse (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, etc.)...or send them to never ending therapy sessions and/or classes/groups. In many cases, the victims condition actually worsens all while the Narcissist continues to wreak havoc. Psychiatry has utterly failed many (including myself) as the life destroying effects of abuse are just not taken seriously. I have literally had multiple psychiatrists declare that my parents are Narcissists / have a "Cluster B type Personalty Disorder" and then try to change me/give me medication so that I can adapt to my parents toxicity. ...and this is only if they actually recognize the symptoms of Narcissism. I have to wonder if Narcissism and other abusive personality types is not understood in psychology or if it is just glossed over. Thank you so much for putting these videos out there. So many of us would still be wondering around trying to figure out what was going on and loaded up with unnecessary/dangerous medication, if not for you and others breaking down what Narcissism actually is and how to deal with it. Thank you so much!
Chance Templeton Hello there I've experienced something similar coming up. However, have you considered (besides dealing with your childhood traumas) emdr therapy? Emdr therapists speacialize in helping those who have suffered from narcissistic abuse as children &/or adults. Hope this helps blessings
Chance Templeton - Thank you for your spot-on comment. I have been to therapists/psychiatrists for almost twenty years with no help given to me ever. Just meds and no answers.
Eternal Jay, I have not heard of Emdr...but I've had nearly every other damn thing done to me. My Narcissistic parents were in charge of my treatment and it wasn't until I started questioning their actions and motives (and that the abuse became especially violent) that I found a lady willing to call my parents out for what they were and stand up for me. I'll look into Emdr and thank you for the suggestion.
Ame3thyst3, There are a lot of people who have been where we are and they have come back...and that gives me hope to keep going - and I hope it does the same for you to! If you can, it is probably best to avoid medications as much as possible and find healing yourself by other means. I have a feeling that the sharp rise in suicides and school shootings is due to the surging use of anti-depressants...when what those people really needed were interventions to stop emotional and physical abuse. Hang in there and all the best!
Thanks Chance. I do have hope or I wouldn't be on Michele's channel. I agree that decreasing my meds is going to help me in the long run. I agree with you regarding anti-depressants causing much higher suicide rates. I believe that social media has increased narcissism because people can "act" however they want to "act" and this makes it much easier for narcissists to find empathic people to abuse. Just a guess. : )
I feel a connection to everyone that’s been through this, like I’ve never felt before. We don’t know each other’s names or personality etc, but We understand each other on a different level. I’m proud of everyone that’s struggling but hasn’t given up. That’s desperately trying to correct, relearn and or come to peace with what is. As Louise Hay would say; and so it is. There’s no coincidence why may of us have Fibromyalgia.
My mom was the narcissist. My dad was the co-dependent. It wasn't fun. My brother's are both narcissists...one more pronounced than the other. I am a magnet for them.
Michele, I am really sorry that you were raised by a Narc mother and had a Narc husband, and I cannot imagine how hard this must have been for you. I am very proud of you for having the strength to recover. I only had to deal with my soon to be Narc ex-wife. Your videos have helped me very much, so thank you. Your friend Warren
Having a narcissistic family life programs one to self- destruct. You can reprogram yourself; it takes determination, consistency & learning to love yourself. It's not easy & takes time. I am worth the time it takes to do it; so are you.
When the Diagnostic Statistical Manual V for psychiatric disorders was being created, personality disorders were initially going to be left out....because many clinicians are themselves NPD...Personality disorders have been acknowledged fairly recently...we are all getting education about it...and the damage it creates...
@@trailbunny So narcissism is new territory for psychology? and if so, why so much advertising and publication about a disorder that will likely be redefined several times over the next decade? My concern is that I hear the word narcissist 3 or 4 times a day about someone, anyone, who isnt behaving in the way the another person thinks they should, so they label the person a narcissist, its as if we are giving society permission to be gaslighters... I dont want to accuse anyone of something they cant fix or change, ever. I understand putting information about toxic people but the whole Narssist "movement" is unsettling to me.
@@jillybeenerw1165 It is unsettling to me that there seems to be an epidemic of 'narcissism' ie. self absorbed, self serving people w little empathy. Many psychiatrists did not want personality disorders included in the revision of the Diagnostics & Statistical Manual V. of mental disorders..because so many physicians actually have these characteristics. ... the psychologists insisted that the PD be included in the DSM V.
@@trailbunny I understand, I think giving so much publicity to an issue that people who arent equiped to make such diagnoses, is an open invitation to attach a horrific label to any negative reaction people get from another, is also a concern. I hope that was how my comment is being read. I did not mean that narcissism isnt something to be concerned about, but that professionals should be the ones exploring and diagnosing, not a plumber or architect...ect...People should understand what behaviors they should not allow or even attempt to work through with someone. Its the horrible label, and to see the million comments all claiming to be with a narcissist that troubles me.
Michele, I am the parent who had to walk away. I can't thank you enough for this insight. This is the most comprehensive video on this issue that I have ever heard.
I did as well. He brainwashed my child and used her to continue to abuse me after we divorced. When she became an adult she told me that in order to have a relationship with her, I would have to have one with her narc father. I feel bad because I know she is manipulated but I still had to walk away from her to get away from him. Hopefully when she is more mature she will see the truth.
I’m terrified right now. But I have to accept these truths during my recovery. I wish I was younger learning this. I’m 40 now, and still desire to have kids and a loving family. Sadly, I didn’t know that my NP was ruining me from birth. I’ve just got be to strong. I pray for others in their recovery that you get the true happiness that you deserve. Thanks 🙏🏿 Michelle.
I almost forgot what my mum had been like when I lived with her as a child. Since I had lived on my own we had actually become what I thought was really good friends, and I brushed off childhood events as "the past". Then I stood up for myself one day as an adult. Wow did the mask come off! I calmly said to her "I'm not really happy about what happened on Friday." and she was like HOW DARRRRRREEEE YOUUUUUU! , followed by hours of angry emails from her telling me how terrible I am, later the same day being "disowned" and then sending messages to my ex saying the kids were in danger.. crazy stuff! I later realised our adult relationship had all been fake. I had just been getting the public mask that whole time :/
Same here...left home at 17 cause of narcissistic mother. Was manipulated to move back at 27. Had 2 girls and continued to clash with this domineering and critical mother over everything especially my children. I believe she was jealous of my relationship with my girls and she knew that I was the mother to my girls that she NEVER was to me and my brother. This woman let me take the accusations and blame for the nefarious activities that she was involved with...using me as a scapegoat. Ever since finding out and confronting her about lying and hiding the truth regarding my father, she has done nothing but try to destroy me. Or at least sit back while her co-conspirators attempt to. Narcissist parents not only damage their children but everyone else that is involved with the children, since these abusive egomaniacs always have to be right, and look like they are good people, they spend hours spinning their webs around everyone...which is a Sick inversion of good and evil. Right actions and wrongdoing. Psychotic. Oh and my mother uses her Therapy license as a cover. She obviously had plans a long long time ago. Imagine a therapist who has never heard of Mind Control. lol right...she is Most Definitely doing some occult activity.
@@justaroot4315 so sorry been there..yelled at me cuz I'm going thru divorce and she never offer to help pay yet said I DNT even buy HER a chocolate....mind you I'm in a house that is going to be forclosed on and have no money to pay for lunch...pure EVIL...all about them.... knowing that I have just survived sepsis and pancreatitis....almost died..There is a God, I took the Narc Parents and kids and almost all the so called FAMILY and cut them all out of my life...true friend and family do not look to destroy you when your sick and only beat you down with words and actions that are considered pure selfish... Jeh God will bless us....
I had my tell me get over myself and my siblings want me to apologize for HER behaviors against me , and literally said if you apologize she will. What type of childish ish that. I don’t even want an apology it wouldn’t be genuine. And I’ll stand on what I stand on and won’t apologize.
@@Joshdifferent I’m actually in shock of even coming to the realization. I don’t have much feedback for how to get over it , more so healthily accept it and try to navigate my life to do what makes me happy.
Every day that my narcissistic father is not breathing, is a gift, and I have the champagne on standby waiting for my enabler mother to take her last breath. I envy people who’ve never met them …
Decades ago i gave my nar mother the book "When i Say No, I feel Guilty" bc i was so sick of her martyrdom and endless recitals of how others used her. She glanced thru the book , then told me the guy who wrote it must be a terrible ,selfish person. She had no intention of trying to fix her problems, she loved the feeling of superiority from being the martyr who just gave and gave to people who took advantage of her. That included her kids. It was like watching someone commit slow suicide, denying any responsibility for changing and blaming all their misery on YOU.
she is sick... try not to take it too personally.. leech would tell you that you are the bad guy, that's why your blood needs to be sucked.. and wolf would tell you the sheep is in the wrong..
That's one of the best books for those of us who are children of narcissistic parents and have to stop being people-pleasers. I gave up trying to get through to my parents decades ago: they weren't willing to accept any responsibility for abusive behaviours, got defensive and would blame me - when a child and teen - for 'causing' the parental abuse. So moving on and working with such books, seeing a good psychological therapist, and going No Contact or Limited Contact was what's helped me. That and accepting my parents would never change - not easy to accept!
I couldn't discuss anything with my N-Mother. She'd attack me for my feelings and difference of opinion. I found Karyl McBride's 'Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers' excellent for my understanding and healing. HG Tudor's books and articles are brilliant (narcsite.com), Lundy Bancroft's book 'why does he do that?' is excellent, as is Susan Forward's 'Toxic Parents', and Avery Neal's 'If he's so great, why do I feel so bad?', (for victim-N or 'covert' abuse). For everyone reading here, don't believe what your toxic family members said about you; their opinion is BS. You are a precious person! I wish you peace, real love, and continued healing.
So correct about no boundaries and needs not being met. Counter parenting and siding with the mother is right on. I was the golden child and codependent to my mother. And I joined the hate bandwagon against my dad who gave up. It took me until I was 60 to figure this all out. You are also correct on adopting Narcissistic characteristics and neglecting my needs and not being assertive. Wild.
Narcissist have reward all three children every time I tried to establish healthy boundaries. Amazing! I have been made into the villain in this relationship totally. Its painful. My children are used as effective weapons. Everything you have stated is true.
Thank you for doing this video. It really throws light on some of my thoughts , i still can't allow myself to have certain thoughts and feel certain things regarding my childhood. I am nearly 30 and still trying to heal from all the emotional abuse from my narcissistic family. "My personality has been so dictated " as you say so well. Everything you say is so true and so real for me.
This is brilliant. Basically explaining my life. I've been working on myself for years but it seems not a day goes past that I don't learn more about NPD's. It's remarkable. We need more therapists to have this knowledge.
My husband who is 61 now was emotionally verbally and physically abused by two narcissist parents. My husband is a narcissist too, he does to me what was done to him
That anger is like me. I am anger all the time at myself and the world. Many of the videos on UA-cam on Narcissism has been good for me and an eye opener. I do thank you for this and the other videos.
Really great .. We have to make a decision to no longer take responsibility for anyone else’s choices.. this is what ends up happening .. as children we take responsibility for narcissistic parents who are emotionally not there for their children
what happens when both your parents are narcissistic and its a constant war zone ,when your a child you do not realise whats going on ,one parent manipulating the other ignoring you, its been 60 years and finally putting the jig saw in my head together ,its a shame we did not have youtube 40 years ago
Thank you so much for your videos. You are so knowledgeable which I think only comes from experiencing this crap and getting through it. I can't imagine any psychologist or counselor ever having this level of knowledge unless they actually experience it themselves. This should be a requirement for certification - there needs to be a separate specialty in psychology focused on narcissistic abuse recovery and the requirement that you have to have been a survivor of it.
Eliza - You are so right. Michele has been the most help to me that I have ever had. The word is finally getting out that there is an epidemic of narcissism today. Others just don't understand it if they haven't lived it.
My ex narc left me and children for another woman, he didn't bother himself with his children until they as adults contacted him. On meeting their father after 6years, the father told them all the bad things their mother is. He was shocked that these young adults refused to listen to his lies about their mother, he than told them that they had been brainwashed. He is so toxic they found having a relationship with him is impossible.
If you really look at the family dynamics presented in this video and apply it to our world today it makes so much sense to what is happening currently. I bet if it were mandatory to have a psychiatric evaluation to hold a public office our country would be totally different! I bet there is a narcissist behind every tree cut down in our rain Forrest , every bit of plastic trash floating in our oceans, the list can go on and on. How do we fix this? It's way deeper than just one person or a family. And don't forget about all the flying monkeys that help them along the way! Maybe instead of a personality awareness day, we need to make it our priority every day until we can all see and the narcissist is truly defeated.
I had the worst Family system where Dad is an Overt Narc & Mum is the Spiritual Covert Narc & flying Monkeys around them to maintain the status quo. To the Public that's a rich successful educated family everyone wishes for but on the inside was pure Evil. I spoke out when I became a mature adult & understood everything & I was scapegoated for that. I had to go No Contact in order to speak the Truth & I've never felt so much more peace in my life 🙏🏽
This is the most thorough best explanation of Narc family dynamics I have ever come across and I went through this so I know what a narc family is like. Brilliant! Well done for a great video.
The statement at the beginning, that was read, is exactly what I just realised I am dealing with, how I am feeling. It scares me. And I realise that I was raised by narcs, a grandparent by marriage and a parent. Unfortunately due to financial reasons I am living with the one, and the other relative is living here as well. I left an abusive relationship and I wanted to get help, but the shelter here was full. I started working but was laid off. It is very hard, because I feel like I can't recover adequatly when I am still exposed to it. And yes, not allowed to have boundaries, express basic feelings. Even as an adult. In fact, there was physical violence when those were expressed. Always holding it in because it's like I'm not even a person. Thank you very much for doing this video, because it has been really, really rough.
Wow I've been so naive for so long. Used and misused. I can't explain how I feel after learning the truth. I am shattered into small little pieces. Since childhood till date. Lol. They were not even planning to stop. They wanted me dead or truly mad so they can finally get rid of the problem. Now am here trying to understand and love myself. I feel like am 6months old learning everything from scratch. I lost myself long time ago. Switched off almost completely. Am sad for my sister. I don't know how to help her snap out of it! Still under the evil spell 😥
Lornah, it's as if I wrote this reply myself. (Except for the sister part). We are not alone. Yet, this feels utterly lonely. We've come this far and we are here for some reason. We must continue our fight to survive this. And with this knowledge learn to understand, love ourselves, fix and heal ourselves, and find our true, authentic self♡
In this family i am not even allowed to get angry and defend myself! Sometimes I think about suicidal because I can’t burry the feeling of not having freedom to be me!
Thank you Michele. Every time I watch one of your video's, I learn something huge each time. Your knowledge on the subject of narcissism is incredible, and I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to you. This has given me foresight when having to deal with toxic family members occasionally.
Oh the last part..was me...always worried about them ! Never allowed to share how we felt..as IF we didn't matter..becoming people pleaser s .and YES LOTS OF ANGER
Thank you for validating my experience growing up in a narc. home. I still have to fight my way through life just to feel validated in any thing I do or stance that I take. It's hard to feel any peace when you've been engulfed by two of the most overbearing opinionated people who have to subvert you in order to validate themselves - but they can be old & still never stop this behavior, they just get worse! If you have BOTH parents as PDs, then you're really screwed. NPD & BPD: abuse not recognized by ACON until middle age. Abuse gets WORSE as they age. In this case, we wish they'd get divorced but of course they don't. You get good cop/bad cop triangulated forever.
U just explain my mother in law I was always wondering what she is doing to her kids ! She is a narc mom and that's explain my narc's husband actions..wow u just nail it !!
I never even knew what boundaries were till finding out about narcissist abuse after a google search at 26 y.o, I never thought I would go no contact w: my mom but 6 months now yay 😀
how would you feel (If you don’t mind me asking) if your mom died tonight and you haven’t spoke to her for 6 months? yes, have boundaries, but don’t delete her completely from your life... sometimes our parents did not know how to love us for reasons we don’t know. Perhaps they never received that as well. I am talk about my own family experience when I say that. we can break that cycle improving ourselves as I believe you already are, and sometimes the narcissist can change as a consequence. I changed, my mom changed, my family was restored! God makes wonderful things!! God bless you
Great video. Its amazing how bad we can be treated by our parents and we think its normal. Its awful when people think getting beaten by their parents was normal or even loving and they then go do do it their own kids. They say "i turned out fine". Theyre not fine. Its an awful cycle.
Make me wonder what wasnt "normal" about my childhood. Id have 2 kno about someone's else's childhood 2 compare...ok so start from the beginning..1st u were born, then what? (😒..listening )
It makes me feel sick, even at 38, to suggest they might be wrong. Even though I've confronted them, separately, which is painful as it is because they've been divorced since I was eleven; seeing the baffled and pained look on their faces brings me back to having to be the *mediator, the "father/husband", and janitor.* I had no space to rebel, so I punished myself internally. I have had several serious _depression breakthroughs_ of an average of 40 days, self-admitted hospitalization. And as of this Fall, it will be 2 years since the last. I am so broken. All I can do it make the best of what I have. All my hopes, and dreams, are exhausting mountains that only a young naive child could climb. I didn't comment for sympathy. Apologies. I wanted to just say *thanks* for making this clear to register within me positively. I've shared this with someone in my own immediate family. I need them to see that they dealt with this also, and that it affects the young ones. You're a blessing to many I'm sure. 👍
Keep your eye on the bigger universe. Specifically there is a heaven. This isn't Heaven here on Earth and many of us have things to suffer. I'm sorry your parents made you feel that way. I hope you heal.
You're a great teacher, great educational helpful information, no unnecessary chit chat, but come across as a nice understanding empathetic person. Thank you for making the effort to share your knowledge and help others. Keep up the good work. 😊👏
This makes so much sense. There are families and friends that acted a certain way. I always wondered why. It's like finally finding the missing piece to a puzzle. BTW. Love the smile!
Michele, I can’t express how grateful I am to you for uploading this video. I have recently come to a crisis point at the age of 50 after many years of suffering. For the first time in my life after years of searching for answers, I am finally at the point where I can see the extent of the trauma I have experienced and just about been able to connect all the dots. It feels horrific and I have to remind myself it has happened to me, so numb and confused have I been all these years, I am only now beginning to understand the scale of the disconnection to emotion and self. My journey of recovery starts at 50. I usually don’t listen anymore to women as the gender bias and sexism is toxic. You are different, unbiased and a pure soul. Thank you for helping me and I imagine soo many more people. God Bless You
I have 10 brothers and sisters we are all in our 60s and 70s I wish I would have known about this before I couldn't understand what the hell was wrong with our family I realize now I'm 71 years old that my mother and father hated each other and I feel like they hated us three of my siblings are passed away and my two sisters were bipolar it was horrible they one was 49 and the other one was like 53 they had a horrible life and then my oldest brother he was like 52 he died of heart failure which I believe was brought on by our dysfunctional family I just thank God everyday that I survived I still fight with it everyday thank you for helping us
So, we children of single and narcisstic parents are a dead end - we either grow up extremely narcissistic or extremely codependant. That is a bold statement.
Michele, I vote this video to be your most brilliant, ever! You have such a grasp on emotions I've been feeling since infancy, that have contributed to many poor choices I've made in the past...Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you!!
I would NEVER under any circumstance tell anyone what was going on! The very concept shamed and terrorized me so much, I thought other adults would treat me the way my mother would treat me, and that it was just an accident that they didn't know who I really was and thats why they were nice to me.
I've recently been in sexual assault counselling, and all the childhood things have come up from the locked vault where I'd pushed them down. As the video stated: "there was no one to tell". I've realised that my brother at 48 years old is acting in a hypervigilent manner, as though he's triggered. I'm going to start a gentle conversation with him to begin our healing process; we will finally have another witness to validate our feelings and what happened. I love him, and I want him to have some counselling. Since he became a Dad 13 years ago, he would never let our N-Mother mind the children, see them naked, or be alone with them. Of course, N-Mother would detonate rage explosions because she couldn't control him, and then smear him to me. He was the black sheep of the family once she couldn't control him, and he couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Typical N-behaviour. Typical destructive, boundary-disrespecting BS. The N-parent makes it all about them. "I'm their grandmother! How could you treat me like this? I don't know why I ever had children!" Demanding rights. Demanding access. Demanding trust. No apologies ever. Now that my memories have resurfaced, I TOTALLY get it and support him.
Hearing “the children are there to serve the parents and the parents have no obligation to care for the children” rang so true. I was an honor roll student with an IQ of 135 and my mother tried to have me declared legally incompetent when I turned 18 so she’d have grounds for conservatorship and keep control over me as an adult. It was a ridiculous endeavor, so it went nowhere but I am still incredibly disturbed by it and if that’s not narcissistic “you’re here for my needs” I don’t know what is (shudder)
Goodness.. you just described my entire childhood.. which is bad enough but what is worse is that most of us don't have the healthy childhood, and then on top of it we are robbed of having a healthy, happy, and emotionally balanced adult life because 99% of it has to be spent constantly engaged in full-on recovery mode trying to heal from having been constantly subjected to the behaviors you describe here. And it's really hard to do so.. because one also, in the midst of that healing process, has to constantly contend with people who have never been through that kind of torture (and so will never be able to truly fathom or understand what you've been put through and the toll it's taken on your sense of self) downplaying, denying, or diminishing the abuse and it after-effects.. and all while typically, if you're very unlucky, somehow going about abusing the one attempting to recover and rebuild their healthy sense of self in most of the very same ways that person was abused in the first place. It's basically torture on top of torture while trying to recover (if we ever can) from torture. I have so much incredible and genuine love and respect for ANYONE who has been subjected to a childhood full of that and then can actually succeed with the self-healing process and make it out the other side during their adulthood.. because it is really no picnic in the park. It takes a warrior spirit who is unrelenting and NEVER quits.
Difficult. having to learn normality well into adult years. becoming a magnet for needy people. as a boy, its a double shaming e.g "why did'nt you stand up for self" they ask and other stupid uneducated questions. Much improved now, but has taken decades of psychological work.
Warrior spirits, CRUSADERS, YES! It's hard, it's painful but also so worth it because each of us is WORTH IT. Thanks for sharing & encouraging me to keep forging ahead in self-recovery. To others reading...don't give up.
I divorced my narc husband 25 years ago. We had split custody. My grown children have sided with their narc dad...and I just realized my daughter is a narc. My 2 other chidren have sided with dad against me. I have tried for years to connect and I feel that I have lost the battle. The one aspect of narcs that people don't talk about is how the narc uses every event or crises to benefit themselves. They never care about what is the truth. The only thing they care about is how they are peceived. When my son went through an addiction, I begged my ex to sit down to discuss how we could help my son. He refused...but during the course of the addiction used every crises event to prove how bad I was ....that I was enabling my son etc...I admit I was wrong about a lot of things....but I was also trying very hard to help him...while the whole time being attacked viciously by he and my daughters. That was 4 years ago...and my son is doing well. I have tried to repair the damage...but the girls have shut down completely. They dont talk to me unless they need me to babysit. They turned my son against me. They dont text or call to chat. I do so much for them and they show no appreciation, and call me selfish. They call me "needy"...but I have never asked them for anything. I have a good job am healthy and never tell them my problems. The only thing I ever asked was for them to read a book that I was writing and give me some input. They said NO! I was devastated! My son lectured me for being "needy" for asking! Tomorrow is Mothers Day. And I'll be alone. I'll see who texts me...but I wont hold my breath.
@@chrisgould101 that's horrific. Evil crearutes. Thank God you don't have their genetics. Think of me... I cannot look in the mirror as I look like the woman that destroyed my life. It's very disturbing. I understand how MJ had a lot of plastic surgery to not look like his abusive father. I hate looking at myself. I find it very frightening. Imagine being triggered by even looking at yourself 😔 you can't ever escape it.
I always thought that the environment was unfair but I thought it was because it was easier for to understand and flow ( control ) in the environment. I thought it was an intelligence issue but the narcissistic tactics are very intelligent .
"They go into adulthood having no idea who they really are." This has been the most difficult thing in my journey. Every word you said describes my childhood and some even up to know having still have to deal with the narcissistic mother and sisters. I only hope and pray that I survive this. Thank you so much for explaining and giving light to much of the questions that I have had as I was growing up. You shed light on the answers to all of my WHY and HOW COULD SHE/THEY question all this time. I can never forget what my mother keeps saying as I was growing up; "I won't respect you because I am THE mother."
Gosh, your video explained so many unexplained feelings and ruminating thoughts. Often made me feel like I was a very broken person. It all now makes sense, especially the constant internal anger. Thank you.
Thank you for your video. For years I struggled not knowing what was happening but now there is a light shining on this problem. Trying to focus on love and positive things because I really don't want all that hate and darkness in my life anymore. ❤
Good video. Thank you. Dad the narc; mom certifiably mentally ill. She hated us. We were just in the way. Catholic, so they had eight children they never really wanted. Very little nurturing or structure. Youngest sister the "golden child" -- a real Jezebel. True about low self esteem; spent years working on that one. When I pointed a family injustice out to my mother she'd say, "You and your logic," in a real nasty tone -- as if logic, being fair to everyone, was something bad. I'm not glad that she passed some 22 years ago, but I'm relieved that she's no longer around. Who I am as a person was never OK with her.
Ugh.... This video hits home so hard. Thanks for the validation. I know many of us adult children don't feel understood as to what it was like for us growing up. We have stories.
My step kids finally got away from the narcissistic mother at 11 and 15 years old when they came to live with their dad and I. Both had ptsd and suffer from major anxiety and depression. Been giving them lots love and therapy. Hoping they will have better adulthoods for that. This will all take time. Trying now to legally protect them from their mother and (also narcissistic) stepfather.
teresa Klein the legal has nearly killed us, too. The courts aught to do free psyche evals when there has been registered abuse in the home. The court's desire to see both parents at fault often renders them blind to the true perpetrator who continues to covertly harm the children behind closed doors.
Thank GOD I am praying for them my grandchildren are in the same situation with the mother only...psycho narcissist..those people should not have children period...
Tysm for your videos! It's in some ways very hard to hear what you have to say. I am working very hard to heal the core issues. Both my parents were Narcissist with addictions & severe emotional & physical abuse. I am the 2nd of 4 siblings. I ended up being the severe codependent that attracted the worst form of relationships & my 2 sisters & brother are all narcissist. By the age of 9 I knew I was different that the rest of my family. My older sister was as abusive as my mom. Now in my mid 50's I am finally fully understanding the death of the toxicity of my family. It's been very heartbreaking to realise that they can never be part of my life. I accept it now & am realizing my greatness one moment at a time. I have given up on conventional therapy. Being misdiagnosed with bipolar disorter in my nud 30's to later finding out that I had severe post traumatic stress syndrome. It has been a long haul to heal. Slowly pealing away the onion layers of my struggles & seek out my amazing authentic self. Videos like this one & many mote on youtube have been a valuable friend & learning tool to heal even more. Love & blessings to you! I'm truly grateful for all the amazing help you & the other therapist for guiding the survivors of narcissist abuse! Love Melanie 💗
Thank you for this,i grew up with a narcissist father and my mother who was completely emotionally detached,i am now 52 and still strugling with evrything....
You are so right Michele! You can tinker with the symptoms of narc abuse but nothing changes until you go right back to the original memories and recognise what they did to you and how you were 'disabled' by them. It seems to be a 'requirement' of the conscious self to bring all the wrongs to light so we can process it and move on. Thankyou for your insightful video.
This makes so much sense and I can't stop crying watching this necauae now I understand my own behavior as well as a close friend that I loved and lost because we both had severe trauma done to us in our childhood and adulthood from this type of family relationship.. Thank you for this knowledge. It was truly helpful!
You are the only person who has an idea of how I feel and have been through. Now I feel am not alone in the world. You are the best thing that happened to me. I would have died!
This is an excellent explanation of parental alienation. This accurately explains what alienated children and parents are experiencing. Sadly few in family court or children services... understand these dynamics. They are only focused on making the dad pay child support. Mothers convince the kids that the father in harmful and dangerous and needs to be despised. The intent that the kids don't want to see the father and spends most if not all of the time with the mother, entitling the mother to larger child support. The father had a very hard time reversing the kids mindset because they rarely see them and they are too scared of the mother. They don't realize that they can escape by being with me because I am portrayed as a person with no good qualities, my house is not good enough, my car is not good enough, I'm not good enough. Everybody dislikes everything about me. Yet the kids are quarantined from everyone so that they don't hear an opposing idea. To watch your kids be mentally abused and not be able to protect them is the source of a fathers tears. It is inconceivable that a mother would hurt her kids emotionally to get at the father, but I guess they don't realize nor care.
@@chrisgould101 we came to this world alone and leave the same way. All that matters is the journey and who we meet along the way. Things my still around. We don't know what great things could be in the future. We come here to learn to make life better for others and ignore the bad things others do to us. Don't let others destroy you. That is there intent.
This is SPOT ON!......I wish the information about this was out 2 decades ago. NOW I suffer from PTSD because of my family's narcissistic abuse. The parentified child is a most UNHEALTHY place to be.
Very well done Michelle. Thank you for the work you are doing to make people aware and bring enlightenment to the collective consciousness for the resolution of this abusive problem. Divine Blessings, Tom
Me too. My current therapist doesn't see my constant lack of self-care. Maybe I should show up to my next appointment looking like I really look like all the time. Self-care is a huge problem for me too. Good luck Teresa! : )
teresa Klein i too had 2 nar parents. After years of work i manage codependency fairly well. I am aware of and can spot and avoid narcissists . But self care physically is still a problem. I neglect my health and on some level im not really interested in being in this world. I need some reason to care but have not found it yet.
No you hav co-narcissistic like me you are not codependent since it was very traumatic abusive environment and you was silenced &tortured you have co-narcissistic symptoms of severe abuse ptsd Stockholm syndrome trauma bonding do you know even 58yrs later I’m still trauma bonded with my evil parents even tho I went no contact my -1 child very sadistic narc for 27 long years wow how painful what a massive shock
Sadly true. So extra PAINFUL for the victimized parent. The vicitemized parent is suffering terribly. Then to be shamed by the child(children) that you love so much & you want to help so much, is absolutely crushing. The emotional pain is practically unbearable.
Michelle, my mom was schizophrenic and dad was a narc. Talk about emotional neglect... and... I was scapegoat child. Heroine addicted narc sister was golden child. One brother was victim narc, also heroine addicted. Other brother handicapped. Thank you for your work 💕. Yes. #3. Always pretending life was a-ok. And #4 😔
From what I've learned so far. The key word is "awareness". Confirming who is the narcissists around me and educating myself on how to deal with that person was a relieving breakthrough
Lord Yeshua/ Jesus please help me! This beautiful lady just portrait every detail about my childhood/adult life, it's scary, shocking but also relieving....oh God, I need you!
God is who, for ten years, walked me through to healing from my childhood. Now I must begin my healing from abuse in adulthood. You become what you behold, keep your eyes on God.
The truth!!! My children lean towards my wife, the narcissist. All three children have cast me aside. I see clearly what’s going on and am helpless to do anything about it.
Record everything. Screenshot texts. Keep a diary. Get ready for divorce n get custody of your children. Get them into therapy. Speak to a lawyer n get your eggs all in a basket now.
creator yes! My ex did the same and his sisters saying their mother was jealous and caused all this issues but after living with him I see that she was probably actually the victim and his fathers behaviours were actually the same as his
Great video! Several years ago I decided to not do anything that made me feel uncomfortable in order to respect my true self. I consciously refused to do anything out of a misplaced sense of obligation. I listened to my inner voice and didn't howl it down. Little by little the stress and anxiety in my life, which was my normal, started to shift and my confidence started to develop. This in turn gave me more strength to develop boundaries with my narc mother. Thank you for your insights.
Wow, that’s the family my Narcissistic husband is from. And that’s how my husband acts. Often angry and irritable and fluctuating with depression. Always uptight. I’ve almost never seen him happy and relaxed except for during the honey moon phase of our relationship. Wow, this is him! All his family is superficial and fake. His sister called me before a big party she was having and told me how was supposed to behave. Not to let anyone know about any of my personal relationship issues, as this would ruin HER party. No one should know. What insane controlling behavior. I’m so glad he finally initiated separation/D as I’ll be better off without him in the long run. Who needs a selfish stressed out person around. Narcissist be gone!
I can’t thank you enough for being here. I was scapegoated my entire life by my mother. She would say things like, “it’s all your fault, you selfish little b**tch, you ruin everything, your father never wanted you.” Starting from around five years of age. I developed depression, severe anxiety, CPTSD, and was told that I was just “crazy, or being a drama queen.” I blamed myself for all of these years. I knew my mom was a malignant narcissist? But I had no idea how deeply it affected me to my core. Thank you for giving me these tools to better myself. You are a gift to those of us who are just now discovering ourselves in later life. Thank you! 🙏💖
"Bad company corrupts good character." When we live with mean people we become like them, If we go against the narcissist we are punished. However, this is good, it caused me to get away rather than become like them.
Thank you for saying that so well!!
Thats right.They will destroy a good soul.Actually living with fools is a big setback
Gwendolyn Wehage You are 100% correct. There are several problems here. The mental health profession is driven by profit, and many if not most psychiatrists/ counselors are narcissists themselves, just like so many pastors/ priests. They do NOT want this information out there. I know, i am a counselor and there is no training going on for narcissism.
I thank God that my children left just to be away from their narc father.He tried to contact them just be his flying monkeys against me but I never stop reaching out to them telling them I love them so much.The narc was so envious because our children are achievers and telling people that how unlucky he was with his children.Two of my kids were good in soccer and painting but he destroyed their dreams.But now they are successful and happy with their respective career.I know sooner or later the narc will have his time to reap what he sow.
Empaths are strong yes they will take time to heal narc injury trauma bond but will heal eventually
Nothing is more scary and hated for a narc then a intelligent empth
Just the validation of hearing another person say these things out loud has helped me so much. I've gained confidence from knowing there are people out there that see through this type of abuse.
You can choose your friends but not your family. Nearly all my family, relationships and friends were mostly toxic. I had to distance myself from 99% of my family and friends. My healing journey wasn’t easy but God gave me wisdom to overcome.
I have done the same... hopefully you are doing well..
I just got to this point… smh! It’s tuff
Facts. 99%
Nicola Bless I went no contact with my immediate family when I was 18 and I'm 66. I didn't know my mother was a narcissist. So glad I followed my gut all those years ago.
This gives me so much hope!
Once I starting putting boundaries up in my life and actually started caring about myself and taking care of my well being, the narc's naturally fell by the wayside. They just disappeared from my life. They realized that I was no longer going to put up with their BS. They hate being called out on it so much that they will block you out. But you have to be able to put up with being blocked out. It's a blessing, not a punishment.
Their energy vampires, and like the vampire of lore they are more powerful if you invite them in.
canadian bacon I thought I was healed. Only bc I loved myself for once. But I didn’t know until finding these videos that my mom is a narcissist. All my spouses/boyfriends have been. And thinking about it now. All my closest friends in school too. I stopped allowing people to call me names. But I still seem to be narc bait.
canadian bacon I agree it’s a true blessing...narcs cannot stand being confronted with the truth, they accuse you of being crazy...need to be strong
Amen!
@@Jezebel066 HANG IN THERE! If I can do it, anyone can. You're finally GONNA SAY NO to those people, one by one.
It took me until I was 60 to finally open that box called DENIAL and crawl out of it and watch many videos like this and self analyze and move forward and thrive....now I can share my knowledge....unfortunately I did waste most of my life with narcissistic cruel parents, step parents , in laws and spouses and even children to an extent because they saw me mistreated....the very first step is recognizing that you attract and enforce these behaviors in others....never too late....I would so much like to share my knowledge to help younger people who will have that "light bulb moment"...
thank all of you for sharing your experiences on yt
I shift between not standing up for myself to being overly aggressive for minor things and fixating on wrongs done to me. An imbalance rather than complete passivity.
That’s how I started and then it turned to times where I completely lost all emotion and feeling and then times where I had amplified emotions and slowly it’s come to where I don’t care about anything anymore and whatever happens happens, no emotion, no sadness/sorrow, when someone dies I just shrug it off because it’s in the past already and what can I do. Also don’t understand the point to why any of us are here, our existence is so minuscule and unimportant in the grand scheme of things why does what we say and do matter in day to day life? It simply doesn’t.
I can relate to this currently.
This.
Same. Or I am made to feel awful for standing up for myself.
@@ninjapowerx11 I remember feeling this way, too. Please know you’re important! You are here for a purpose only you can fulfill. God loves you and wants you to know how important you are to Him and all mankind!
I left home at 16. I had these difficulties until I was 57. My mom died and finally things started getting better. I managed to resist the pull to serve her. That resulted in a lifetime of hearing, “ You’re always against me. Ever since you were little, you’ve always been against me.” I was a fighter and she couldn’t win. After several years of this, the damned if you do, damned if you don’t, I started being myself and ignoring her needs. The constant battles always took its toll, but I preserved and eventually won the fight, but not only until she passed.The anger still exists, unfortunately, but is fading since the irritant is gone. Needless to say, I’ve been through A LOT of therapy.
My mom would say the same
Good for you Joseph
Going no contact after all these years is the best thing to become ME again.
same. disconected from everyone to discover a new person in me.
did you also mean the same?
Same here and away from in laws who are dysfunctional.
I went no contact, but feel very guilty about it. Not sure if they were the problem, or something else..
All my therapists wanted me to come back to my family. “What did you do to your mother so that she doesn’t like you?” Dumb/incompetent/narcissistic therapist.
@@paulocl2 that's awful. my therapist said "If you haven't got what you're looking for from them by now, what makes you want to try again?"
I remember my father (narc mothers enabler) always telling me to "Smile!" Or, "Smile, what's wrong with you!". However, the "what's wrong with you" is *not* posed as a question. No one ever ever came to me with a genuine concern, giving me a loving, safe environment to open up about whatever might be bothering or hurting me.
At the time, I thought it was just how my family was.
It was annoying and frustrating being told to "Smile!" all the time.
As an adult looking back it's: No one ever wondered why I might look depressed or sad?! It was literally like I was expected to go around with perma-smile on all the time. That's just not reasonable, especially in that tender/vulnerable pre-teen and teenager time.
I didn't even have a clue that I had a dysfunctional family growing up until I was in the discovery stage of finding out that my husband was a covert narcissist and I was being emotionally destroyed by him as well as co-dependant.
I totally relate. I too am codependent and my mom was a narcissist, and my dad a drug addict. Then at 16 married and pregnant,
Im 62 now, barely learning all this about my life, wow, what a discovery. How does one recover from a lifetime of self loathing, neglect, violent parents, a covert narc husband and 3 damaged children still suffering now in their 40s. Its almost unbearable.
If there were no UA-cam & channels like yours and others, I wouldn't have survived. I might have been a very different person today. I'm a Scapegoat of my NPD family unit.
This was the household I grew up in: awful. The description fits it perfectly.
It's spooky when your videos describe my childhood so perfectly :\. But it helps to know that my instincts that something was off in our family were right. And btw, you are a very pleasant person to watch!
Monique Kok you're not alone 🙏🏽
That's right
Same here.
Same here
Monique Kok p you find yourself you save job
For years my mom fooled all the people she worked around and I began to work at the same work place....I was suffering trying to pretend that she was the perfect mom.....I listened to all my co workers come to me and say awwwww your mom is the sweetest lady.....i would just say yea she is and just walk away..........last week after 5 years i finally broke down to my boss about her.......Turns out that everone already knew she was crazy.....They just didnt bring it up to me cause i was her daughter and they didn't wanna hurt my feelings😂........I finally learned that it ok to talk about it cause people may understand more then you know
blackgirlsareperfect THIS!! I was just telling my in-laws- my husbands mom & mine were best friends when we were little. I told them that it used to hurt me worse when I was young. Everyone telling me how cool or funny or sweet my mom is. When I saw the monster. They see it now. Having everyone see her for who she is makes me feel so much better.
blackgirlsareperfect I am beginning to see how true this is which is making it easier to keep talking about it and to tell another person. some people will tell me they wish they could have grew up in our home and I typically tell them to be careful what they wish for. I used to just say yeah, and leave it at that, but no more.
I made it through the 40 year hell more or less alone, don't care how long it takes to find someone i'm having fun healing and coming back to myself.
A large reason why so many adult children of Narcissistic Parents suffer for so long - even while under the care of therapists/psychiatrists - is that mental health care (like the rest of medicine) has become profit driven by treating symptoms rather than actually curing the underlying condition. You can't force a Narcissist to change or prescribe medication to them...but you can prescribe medication to someone experiencing the effects of Narcissistic Abuse (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, etc.)...or send them to never ending therapy sessions and/or classes/groups. In many cases, the victims condition actually worsens all while the Narcissist continues to wreak havoc.
Psychiatry has utterly failed many (including myself) as the life destroying effects of abuse are just not taken seriously. I have literally had multiple psychiatrists declare that my parents are Narcissists / have a "Cluster B type Personalty Disorder" and then try to change me/give me medication so that I can adapt to my parents toxicity. ...and this is only if they actually recognize the symptoms of Narcissism. I have to wonder if Narcissism and other abusive personality types is not understood in psychology or if it is just glossed over.
Thank you so much for putting these videos out there. So many of us would still be wondering around trying to figure out what was going on and loaded up with unnecessary/dangerous medication, if not for you and others breaking down what Narcissism actually is and how to deal with it. Thank you so much!
Chance Templeton Hello there I've experienced something similar coming up. However, have you considered (besides dealing with your childhood traumas) emdr therapy? Emdr therapists speacialize in helping those who have suffered from narcissistic abuse as children &/or adults. Hope this helps blessings
Chance Templeton - Thank you for your spot-on comment. I have been to therapists/psychiatrists for almost twenty years with no help given to me ever. Just meds and no answers.
Eternal Jay, I have not heard of Emdr...but I've had nearly every other damn thing done to me. My Narcissistic parents were in charge of my treatment and it wasn't until I started questioning their actions and motives (and that the abuse became especially violent) that I found a lady willing to call my parents out for what they were and stand up for me. I'll look into Emdr and thank you for the suggestion.
Ame3thyst3, There are a lot of people who have been where we are and they have come back...and that gives me hope to keep going - and I hope it does the same for you to! If you can, it is probably best to avoid medications as much as possible and find healing yourself by other means. I have a feeling that the sharp rise in suicides and school shootings is due to the surging use of anti-depressants...when what those people really needed were interventions to stop emotional and physical abuse.
Hang in there and all the best!
Thanks Chance. I do have hope or I wouldn't be on Michele's channel. I agree that decreasing my meds is going to help me in the long run. I agree with you regarding anti-depressants causing much higher suicide rates. I believe that social media has increased narcissism because people can "act" however they want to "act" and this makes it much easier for narcissists to find empathic people to abuse. Just a guess. : )
I feel a connection to everyone that’s been through this, like I’ve never felt before.
We don’t know each other’s names or personality etc, but We understand each other on a different level.
I’m proud of everyone that’s struggling but hasn’t given up.
That’s desperately trying to correct, relearn and or come to peace with what is. As Louise Hay would say; and so it is.
There’s no coincidence why may of us have Fibromyalgia.
This is my childhood explained so concisely 💯
I've been no contact for years. Narc mother knows no limits to her crual and demonic ways. She is 93 and still going strong.
I feel you. it's so much hard
yes very demonic...old and sly😈
She just left always a complete nightmare
"still going strong"??? I think it's is your toxic inner talk, fight it, because you poisoning yourself. Good luck
Demonic is the exact word to describe these snake parents. Just don’t have a child.
My mom was the narcissist. My dad was the co-dependent. It wasn't fun. My brother's are both narcissists...one more pronounced than the other. I am a magnet for them.
I feel you 💔
Michele,
I am really sorry that you were raised by a Narc mother and had a Narc husband, and I cannot imagine how hard this must have been for you.
I am very proud of you for having the strength to recover.
I only had to deal with my soon to be Narc ex-wife. Your videos have helped me very much, so thank you.
Your friend Warren
Having a narcissistic family life programs one to self- destruct. You can reprogram yourself; it takes determination, consistency & learning to love yourself. It's not easy & takes time. I am worth the time it takes to do it; so are you.
I'm floored at how many counselors aren't trained to pick up narcissistic abuse symptoms 😰
When the Diagnostic Statistical Manual V for psychiatric disorders was being created, personality disorders were initially going to be left out....because many clinicians are themselves NPD...Personality disorders have been acknowledged fairly recently...we are all getting education about it...and the damage it creates...
@@trailbunny So narcissism is new territory for psychology? and if so, why so much advertising and publication about a disorder that will likely be redefined several times over the next decade? My concern is that I hear the word narcissist 3 or 4 times a day about someone, anyone, who isnt behaving in the way the another person thinks they should, so they label the person a narcissist, its as if we are giving society permission to be gaslighters...
I dont want to accuse anyone of something they cant fix or change, ever. I understand putting information about toxic people but the whole Narssist "movement" is unsettling to me.
@@jillybeenerw1165 It is unsettling to me that there seems to be an epidemic of 'narcissism' ie. self absorbed, self serving people w little empathy. Many psychiatrists did not want personality disorders included in the revision of the Diagnostics & Statistical Manual V. of mental disorders..because so many physicians actually have these characteristics. ... the psychologists insisted that the PD be included in the DSM V.
@@trailbunny I understand, I think giving so much publicity to an issue that people who arent equiped to make such diagnoses, is an open invitation to attach a horrific label to any negative reaction people get from another, is also a concern. I hope that was how my comment is being read. I did not mean that narcissism isnt something to be concerned about, but that professionals should be the ones exploring and diagnosing, not a plumber or architect...ect...People should understand what behaviors they should not allow or even attempt to work through with someone. Its the horrible label, and to see the million comments all claiming to be with a narcissist that troubles me.
Michele, I am the parent who had to walk away. I can't thank you enough for this insight. This is the most comprehensive video on this issue that I have ever heard.
I did as well. He brainwashed my child and used her to continue to abuse me after we divorced. When she became an adult she told me that in order to have a relationship with her, I would have to have one with her narc father. I feel bad because I know she is manipulated but I still had to walk away from her to get away from him. Hopefully when she is more mature she will see the truth.
I'm assuming the 107 dislikes are the ones who are the narcissist
LOL! ❤
I’m terrified right now. But I have to accept these truths during my recovery. I wish I was younger learning this. I’m 40 now, and still desire to have kids and a loving family. Sadly, I didn’t know that my NP was ruining me from birth. I’ve just got be to strong. I pray for others in their recovery that you get the true happiness that you deserve. Thanks 🙏🏿 Michelle.
I almost forgot what my mum had been like when I lived with her as a child. Since I had lived on my own we had actually become what I thought was really good friends, and I brushed off childhood events as "the past". Then I stood up for myself one day as an adult. Wow did the mask come off! I calmly said to her "I'm not really happy about what happened on Friday." and she was like HOW DARRRRRREEEE YOUUUUUU! , followed by hours of angry emails from her telling me how terrible I am, later the same day being "disowned" and then sending messages to my ex saying the kids were in danger.. crazy stuff! I later realised our adult relationship had all been fake. I had just been getting the public mask that whole time :/
Same here...left home at 17 cause of narcissistic mother. Was manipulated to move back at 27. Had 2 girls and continued to clash with this domineering and critical mother over everything especially my children. I believe she was jealous of my relationship with my girls and she knew that I was the mother to my girls that she NEVER was to me and my brother. This woman let me take the accusations and blame for the nefarious activities that she was involved with...using me as a scapegoat. Ever since finding out and confronting her about lying and hiding the truth regarding my father, she has done nothing but try to destroy me. Or at least sit back while her co-conspirators attempt to. Narcissist parents not only damage their children but everyone else that is involved with the children, since these abusive egomaniacs always have to be right, and look like they are good people, they spend hours spinning their webs around everyone...which is a Sick inversion of good and evil. Right actions and wrongdoing. Psychotic. Oh and my mother uses her Therapy license as a cover. She obviously had plans a long long time ago. Imagine a therapist who has never heard of Mind Control. lol right...she is Most
Definitely doing some occult activity.
@@justaroot4315 so sorry been there..yelled at me cuz I'm going thru divorce and she never offer to help pay yet said I DNT even buy HER a chocolate....mind you I'm in a house that is going to be forclosed on and have no money to pay for lunch...pure EVIL...all about them.... knowing that I have just survived sepsis and pancreatitis....almost died..There is a God, I took the Narc Parents and kids and almost all the so called FAMILY and cut them all out of my life...true friend and family do not look to destroy you when your sick and only beat you down with words and actions that are considered pure selfish... Jeh God will bless us....
I had my tell me get over myself and my siblings want me to apologize for HER behaviors against me , and literally said if you apologize she will. What type of childish ish that. I don’t even want an apology it wouldn’t be genuine. And I’ll stand on what I stand on and won’t apologize.
How do you get over this ?
@@Joshdifferent I’m actually in shock of even coming to the realization. I don’t have much feedback for how to get over it , more so healthily accept it and try to navigate my life to do what makes me happy.
This video was so loaded with the Information that i need. I feel so validated. Thank you so much for doing what you do.
Every day that my narcissistic father is not breathing, is a gift, and I have the champagne on standby waiting for my enabler mother to take her last breath.
I envy people who’ve never met them …
This happens amongst siblings as well. Great video!
The worst is when ur portrayed as the bad one and the other (the narcissist sibling) portrays himself as the victim and everyone believes him
Decades ago i gave my nar mother the book "When i Say No, I feel Guilty" bc i was so sick of her martyrdom and endless recitals of how others used her. She glanced thru the book , then told me the guy who wrote it must be a terrible ,selfish person. She had no intention of trying to fix her problems, she loved the feeling of superiority from being the martyr who just gave and gave to people who took advantage of her. That included her kids. It was like watching someone commit slow suicide, denying any responsibility for changing and blaming all their misery on YOU.
she is sick... try not to take it too personally.. leech would tell you that you are the bad guy, that's why your blood needs to be sucked.. and wolf would tell you the sheep is in the wrong..
That's one of the best books for those of us who are children of narcissistic parents and have to stop being people-pleasers. I gave up trying to get through to my parents decades ago: they weren't willing to accept any responsibility for abusive behaviours, got defensive and would blame me - when a child and teen - for 'causing' the parental abuse. So moving on and working with such books, seeing a good psychological therapist, and going No Contact or Limited Contact was what's helped me. That and accepting my parents would never change - not easy to accept!
I couldn't discuss anything with my N-Mother. She'd attack me for my feelings and difference of opinion.
I found Karyl McBride's 'Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers' excellent for my understanding and healing. HG Tudor's books and articles are brilliant (narcsite.com), Lundy Bancroft's book 'why does he do that?' is excellent, as is Susan Forward's 'Toxic Parents', and Avery Neal's 'If he's so great, why do I feel so bad?', (for victim-N or 'covert' abuse).
For everyone reading here, don't believe what your toxic family members said about you; their opinion is BS.
You are a precious person!
I wish you peace, real love, and continued healing.
Caroline R Thank you
Sept îles Québec Canada
So correct about no boundaries and needs not being met. Counter parenting and siding with the mother is right on. I was the golden child and codependent to my mother. And I joined the hate bandwagon against my dad who gave up.
It took me until I was 60 to figure this all out. You are also correct on adopting Narcissistic characteristics and neglecting my needs and not being assertive. Wild.
Do you have any advice for the receiving side of the hate bandwagon? Would you have believed the truth if you had been confronted with it by your dad?
Narcissist have reward all three children every time I tried to establish healthy boundaries. Amazing! I have been made into the villain in this relationship totally.
Its painful. My children are used as effective weapons.
Everything you have stated is true.
Thank you for doing this video. It really throws light on some of my thoughts , i still can't allow myself to have certain thoughts and feel certain things regarding my childhood. I am nearly 30 and still trying to heal from all the emotional abuse from my narcissistic family. "My personality has been so dictated " as you say so well. Everything you say is so true and so real for me.
This is brilliant. Basically explaining my life. I've been working on myself for years but it seems not a day goes past that I don't learn more about NPD's. It's remarkable. We need more therapists to have this knowledge.
My husband who is 61 now was emotionally verbally and physically abused by two narcissist parents. My husband is a narcissist too, he does to me what was done to him
I’m so sorry. I’m 62 and my husband of 39 years is still being ruled by his parents, now in their 90s. It’s been a hard 4 decades
That anger is like me. I am anger all the time at myself and the world. Many of the videos on UA-cam on Narcissism has been good for me and an eye opener.
I do thank you for this and the other videos.
Really great .. We have to make a decision to no longer take responsibility for anyone else’s choices.. this is what ends up happening .. as children we take responsibility for narcissistic parents who are emotionally not there for their children
what happens when both your parents are narcissistic and its a constant war zone ,when your a child you do not realise whats going on ,one parent manipulating the other ignoring you, its been 60 years and finally putting the jig saw in my head together ,its a shame we did not have youtube 40 years ago
Thank you so much for your videos. You are so knowledgeable which I think only comes from experiencing this crap and getting through it. I can't imagine any psychologist or counselor ever having this level of knowledge unless they actually experience it themselves. This should be a requirement for certification - there needs to be a separate specialty in psychology focused on narcissistic abuse recovery and the requirement that you have to have been a survivor of it.
Eliza - You are so right. Michele has been the most help to me that I have ever had. The word is finally getting out that there is an epidemic of narcissism today. Others just don't understand it if they haven't lived it.
AMEN!
My ex narc left me and children for another woman, he didn't bother himself with his children until they as adults contacted him. On meeting their father after 6years, the father told them all the bad things their mother is. He was shocked that these young adults refused to listen to his lies about their mother, he than told them that they had been brainwashed. He is so toxic they found having a relationship with him is impossible.
If you really look at the family dynamics presented in this video and apply it to our world today it makes so much sense to what is happening currently. I bet if it were mandatory to have a psychiatric evaluation to hold a public office our country would be totally different! I bet there is a narcissist behind every tree cut down in our rain Forrest , every bit of plastic trash floating in our oceans, the list can go on and on. How do we fix this? It's way deeper than just one person or a family. And don't forget about all the flying monkeys that help them along the way! Maybe instead of a personality awareness day, we need to make it our priority every day until we can all see and the narcissist is truly defeated.
I had the worst Family system where Dad is an Overt Narc & Mum is the Spiritual Covert Narc & flying Monkeys around them to maintain the status quo. To the Public that's a rich successful educated family everyone wishes for but on the inside was pure Evil. I spoke out when I became a mature adult & understood everything & I was scapegoated for that. I had to go No Contact in order to speak the Truth & I've never felt so much more peace in my life 🙏🏽
This is the most thorough best explanation of Narc family dynamics I have ever come across and I went through this so I know what a narc family is like. Brilliant! Well done for a great video.
The statement at the beginning, that was read, is exactly what I just realised I am dealing with, how I am feeling. It scares me. And I realise that I was raised by narcs, a grandparent by marriage and a parent. Unfortunately due to financial reasons I am living with the one, and the other relative is living here as well. I left an abusive relationship and I wanted to get help, but the shelter here was full. I started working but was laid off. It is very hard, because I feel like I can't recover adequatly when I am still exposed to it. And yes, not allowed to have boundaries, express basic feelings. Even as an adult. In fact, there was physical violence when those were expressed. Always holding it in because it's like I'm not even a person. Thank you very much for doing this video, because it has been really, really rough.
Wow I've been so naive for so long. Used and misused. I can't explain how I feel after learning the truth. I am shattered into small little pieces. Since childhood till date. Lol. They were not even planning to stop. They wanted me dead or truly mad so they can finally get rid of the problem. Now am here trying to understand and love myself. I feel like am 6months old learning everything from scratch. I lost myself long time ago. Switched off almost completely. Am sad for my sister. I don't know how to help her snap out of it! Still under the evil spell 😥
Lornah, it's as if I wrote this reply myself. (Except for the sister part). We are not alone. Yet, this feels utterly lonely. We've come this far and we are here for some reason. We must continue our fight to survive this. And with this knowledge learn to understand, love ourselves, fix and heal ourselves, and find our true, authentic self♡
In this family i am not even allowed to get angry and defend myself! Sometimes I think about suicidal because I can’t burry the feeling of not having freedom to be me!
Thank you Michele. Every time I watch one of your video's, I learn something huge each time. Your knowledge on the subject of narcissism is incredible, and I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to you. This has given me foresight when having to deal with toxic family members occasionally.
Oh the last part..was me...always worried about them ! Never allowed to share how we felt..as IF we didn't matter..becoming people pleaser s
.and YES LOTS OF ANGER
Thank you for validating my experience growing up in a narc. home. I still have to fight my way through life just to feel validated in any thing I do or stance that I take. It's hard to feel any peace when you've been engulfed by two of the most overbearing opinionated people who have to subvert you in order to validate themselves - but they can be old & still never stop this behavior, they just get worse! If you have BOTH parents as PDs, then you're really screwed. NPD & BPD: abuse not recognized by ACON until middle age. Abuse gets WORSE as they age. In this case, we wish they'd get divorced but of course they don't. You get good cop/bad cop triangulated forever.
Jeah well said they are very demeaning, highhearted and narrowminded.
U just explain my mother in law I was always wondering what she is doing to her kids ! She is a narc mom and that's explain my narc's husband actions..wow u just nail it !!
I never even knew what boundaries were till finding out about narcissist abuse after a google search at 26 y.o, I never thought I would go no contact w: my mom but 6 months now yay 😀
how would you feel (If you don’t mind me asking) if your mom died tonight and you haven’t spoke to her for 6 months? yes, have boundaries, but don’t delete her completely from your life... sometimes our parents did not know how to love us for reasons we don’t know. Perhaps they never received that as well. I am talk about my own family experience when I say that. we can break that cycle improving ourselves as I believe you already are, and sometimes the narcissist can change as a consequence. I changed, my mom changed, my family was restored! God makes wonderful things!! God bless you
Great video. Its amazing how bad we can be treated by our parents and we think its normal. Its awful when people think getting beaten by their parents was normal or even loving and they then go do do it their own kids. They say "i turned out fine". Theyre not fine. Its an awful cycle.
Make me wonder what wasnt "normal" about my childhood. Id have 2 kno about someone's else's childhood 2 compare...ok so start from the beginning..1st u were born, then what? (😒..listening )
Don't you know? Kids bounce right back.
These past generations (before Gen Z) are so disgusting and disrespectful. There’s something that needs to be done.
Wow! Only 3 minutes in, and you are speaking some serious TRUTH girl! Weeping over here.
It makes me feel sick, even at 38, to suggest they might be wrong.
Even though I've confronted them, separately, which is painful as it is because they've been divorced since I was eleven; seeing the baffled and pained look on their faces brings me back to having to be the *mediator, the "father/husband", and janitor.*
I had no space to rebel, so I punished myself internally.
I have had several serious _depression breakthroughs_ of an average of 40 days, self-admitted hospitalization.
And as of this Fall, it will be 2 years since the last.
I am so broken. All I can do it make the best of what I have.
All my hopes, and dreams, are exhausting mountains that only a young naive child could climb.
I didn't comment for sympathy. Apologies.
I wanted to just say *thanks* for making this clear to register within me positively.
I've shared this with someone in my own immediate family.
I need them to see that they dealt with this also, and that it affects the young ones.
You're a blessing to many I'm sure.
👍
The definition was me except I knew why! They made me feel like I was brought into the word to be hated.
So sorry, I’m sure you’re a lovely person. You deserve to be loved. We all do. The universe loves you!
Keep your eye on the bigger universe. Specifically there is a heaven. This isn't Heaven here on Earth and many of us have things to suffer. I'm sorry your parents made you feel that way. I hope you heal.
That’s real sad. I hope u know that isn’t true and hope u get the chance to experience real love.
@EyesToSee Love and peace to you. It is all I have to offer but I mean it from my heart.
Hey Kayla. Power to heal to you
You're a great teacher, great educational helpful information, no unnecessary chit chat, but come across as a nice understanding empathetic person. Thank you for making the effort to share your knowledge and help others. Keep up the good work. 😊👏
This makes so much sense. There are families and friends that acted a certain way. I always wondered why. It's like finally finding the missing piece to a puzzle. BTW. Love the smile!
Michele, I can’t express how grateful I am to you for uploading this video. I have recently come to a crisis point at the age of 50 after many years of suffering. For the first time in my life after years of searching for answers, I am finally at the point where I can see the extent of the trauma I have experienced and just about been able to connect all the dots. It feels horrific and I have to remind myself it has happened to me, so numb and confused have I been all these years, I am only now beginning to understand the scale of the disconnection to emotion and self. My journey of recovery starts at 50.
I usually don’t listen anymore to women as the gender bias and sexism is toxic. You are different, unbiased and a pure soul. Thank you for helping me and I imagine soo many more people. God Bless You
Thank you! Appreciating how you get at root cause. Yes Dad suffered in Mum's narcissism
I have 10 brothers and sisters we are all in our 60s and 70s I wish I would have known about this before I couldn't understand what the hell was wrong with our family I realize now I'm 71 years old that my mother and father hated each other and I feel like they hated us three of my siblings are passed away and my two sisters were bipolar it was horrible they one was 49 and the other one was like 53 they had a horrible life and then my oldest brother he was like 52 he died of heart failure which I believe was brought on by our dysfunctional family I just thank God everyday that I survived I still fight with it everyday thank you for helping us
So, we children of single and narcisstic parents are a dead end - we either grow up extremely narcissistic or extremely codependant. That is a bold statement.
Leon David Kocurek this video is SO limited dude.
You're oversimplifying. Generalizing is not a good idea. It's just a UA-cam video.
Or you self-correct by choosing to get empowered with new perspectives and knowledge.
Michele, I vote this video to be your most brilliant, ever! You have such a grasp on emotions I've been feeling since infancy, that have contributed to many poor choices I've made in the past...Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you!!
I would NEVER under any circumstance tell anyone what was going on! The very concept shamed and terrorized me so much, I thought other adults would treat me the way my mother would treat me, and that it was just an accident that they didn't know who I really was and thats why they were nice to me.
loverainthunder they dont talk about anything its unreal
You arent alone
I still feel like an evil person although I never hurt anyone. Apart from my mom who blames me for her whole life.
Yes I always thought that I was bad to the core but at 58 found out it wasn't me all along. It was them.
I've recently been in sexual assault counselling, and all the childhood things have come up from the locked vault where I'd pushed them down.
As the video stated: "there was no one to tell".
I've realised that my brother at 48 years old is acting in a hypervigilent manner, as though he's triggered. I'm going to start a gentle conversation with him to begin our healing process; we will finally have another witness to validate our feelings and what happened. I love him, and I want him to have some counselling.
Since he became a Dad 13 years ago, he would never let our N-Mother mind the children, see them naked, or be alone with them. Of course, N-Mother would detonate rage explosions because she couldn't control him, and then smear him to me. He was the black sheep of the family once she couldn't control him, and he couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Typical N-behaviour. Typical destructive, boundary-disrespecting BS.
The N-parent makes it all about them. "I'm their grandmother! How could you treat me like this? I don't know why I ever had children!"
Demanding rights. Demanding access.
Demanding trust.
No apologies ever.
Now that my memories have resurfaced, I TOTALLY get it and support him.
Hearing “the children are there to serve the parents and the parents have no obligation to care for the children” rang so true. I was an honor roll student with an IQ of 135 and my mother tried to have me declared legally incompetent when I turned 18 so she’d have grounds for conservatorship and keep control over me as an adult. It was a ridiculous endeavor, so it went nowhere but I am still incredibly disturbed by it and if that’s not narcissistic “you’re here for my needs” I don’t know what is (shudder)
Goodness.. you just described my entire childhood.. which is bad enough but what is worse is that most of us don't have the healthy childhood, and then on top of it we are robbed of having a healthy, happy, and emotionally balanced adult life because 99% of it has to be spent constantly engaged in full-on recovery mode trying to heal from having been constantly subjected to the behaviors you describe here. And it's really hard to do so.. because one also, in the midst of that healing process, has to constantly contend with people who have never been through that kind of torture (and so will never be able to truly fathom or understand what you've been put through and the toll it's taken on your sense of self) downplaying, denying, or diminishing the abuse and it after-effects.. and all while typically, if you're very unlucky, somehow going about abusing the one attempting to recover and rebuild their healthy sense of self in most of the very same ways that person was abused in the first place. It's basically torture on top of torture while trying to recover (if we ever can) from torture. I have so much incredible and genuine love and respect for ANYONE who has been subjected to a childhood full of that and then can actually succeed with the self-healing process and make it out the other side during their adulthood.. because it is really no picnic in the park. It takes a warrior spirit who is unrelenting and NEVER quits.
Difficult. having to learn normality well into adult years. becoming a magnet for needy people. as a boy, its a double shaming e.g "why did'nt you stand up for self" they ask and other stupid uneducated questions. Much improved now, but has taken decades of psychological work.
Yes! I almost died and lost the battle but being a warrior type I've survived!
Warrior spirits, CRUSADERS, YES! It's hard, it's painful but also so worth it because each of us is WORTH IT. Thanks for sharing & encouraging me to keep forging ahead in self-recovery. To others reading...don't give up.
I divorced my narc husband 25 years ago. We had split custody. My grown children have sided with their narc dad...and I just realized my daughter is a narc. My 2 other chidren have sided with dad against me. I have tried for years to connect and I feel that I have lost the battle. The one aspect of narcs that people don't talk about is how the narc uses every event or crises to benefit themselves. They never care about what is the truth. The only thing they care about is how they are peceived. When my son went through an addiction, I begged my ex to sit down to discuss how we could help my son. He refused...but during the course of the addiction used every crises event to prove how bad I was ....that I was enabling my son etc...I admit I was wrong about a lot of things....but I was also trying very hard to help him...while the whole time being attacked viciously by he and my daughters. That was 4 years ago...and my son is doing well. I have tried to repair the damage...but the girls have shut down completely. They dont talk to me unless they need me to babysit. They turned my son against me. They dont text or call to chat. I do so much for them and they show no appreciation, and call me selfish. They call me "needy"...but I have never asked them for anything. I have a good job am healthy and never tell them my problems. The only thing I ever asked was for them to read a book that I was writing and give me some input. They said NO! I was devastated! My son lectured me for being "needy" for asking! Tomorrow is Mothers Day. And I'll be alone. I'll see who texts me...but I wont hold my breath.
My father was the enabler. Mother the narcissist.
Hope you are healthy and safe
Me too. But they adopted me. Actually choose to adopt a child then throw them away may be even worse. At least I don't have their genetics.
@@chrisgould101 that's horrific. Evil crearutes. Thank God you don't have their genetics. Think of me... I cannot look in the mirror as I look like the woman that destroyed my life. It's very disturbing. I understand how MJ had a lot of plastic surgery to not look like his abusive father. I hate looking at myself. I find it very frightening. Imagine being triggered by even looking at yourself 😔 you can't ever escape it.
My parents are number 3 and do victim playing. There was no boundaries or respect.
I always thought that the environment was unfair but I thought it was because it was easier for to understand and flow ( control ) in the environment. I thought it was an intelligence issue but the narcissistic tactics are very intelligent .
"They go into adulthood having no idea who they really are."
This has been the most difficult thing in my journey. Every word you said describes my childhood and some even up to know having still have to deal with the narcissistic mother and sisters. I only hope and pray that I survive this. Thank you so much for explaining and giving light to much of the questions that I have had as I was growing up. You shed light on the answers to all of my WHY and HOW COULD SHE/THEY question all this time.
I can never forget what my mother keeps saying as I was growing up; "I won't respect you because I am THE mother."
Gosh, your video explained so many unexplained feelings and ruminating thoughts. Often made me feel like I was a very broken person. It all now makes sense, especially the constant internal anger. Thank you.
Thank you for your video. For years I struggled not knowing what was happening but now there is a light shining on this problem. Trying to focus on love and positive things because I really don't want all that hate and darkness in my life anymore. ❤
Good video. Thank you. Dad the narc; mom certifiably mentally ill. She hated us. We were just in the way. Catholic, so they had eight children they never really wanted. Very little nurturing or structure. Youngest sister the "golden child" -- a real Jezebel. True about low self esteem; spent years working on that one. When I pointed a family injustice out to my mother she'd say, "You and your logic," in a real nasty tone -- as if logic, being fair to everyone, was something bad. I'm not glad that she passed some 22 years ago, but I'm relieved that she's no longer around. Who I am as a person was never OK with her.
Ugh.... This video hits home so hard.
Thanks for the validation. I know many of us adult children don't feel understood as to what it was like for us growing up. We have stories.
Yes sister. You got it on the head. Exactly how I feel at times. Never feel good enough even when I over achieve.
My step kids finally got away from the narcissistic mother at 11 and 15 years old when they came to live with their dad and I. Both had ptsd and suffer from major anxiety and depression. Been giving them lots love and therapy. Hoping they will have better adulthoods for that. This will all take time. Trying now to legally protect them from their mother and (also narcissistic) stepfather.
Kristin M Oh yes. My step children both have CPTSD, it’s horrible.
teresa Klein the legal has nearly killed us, too. The courts aught to do free psyche evals when there has been registered abuse in the home. The court's desire to see both parents at fault often renders them blind to the true perpetrator who continues to covertly harm the children behind closed doors.
hunkydoryorder thank you hunkydoryorder. I am doing my best. It has been a tough ride, but worth it.
Deborah Cooper Hi Deborah. I don't understand the implications of the link you pasted.
Thank GOD I am praying for them my grandchildren are in the same situation with the mother only...psycho narcissist..those people should not have children period...
I tried to get away from them and they guilted me in to coming back. I paid for it dearly. Now feeling more trapped than ever.
Tysm for your videos!
It's in some ways very hard to hear what you have to say. I am working very hard to heal the core issues. Both my parents were Narcissist with addictions & severe emotional & physical abuse. I am the 2nd of 4 siblings. I ended up being the severe codependent that attracted the worst form of relationships & my 2 sisters & brother are all narcissist. By the age of 9 I knew I was different that the rest of my family. My older sister was as abusive as my mom. Now in my mid 50's I am finally fully understanding the death of the toxicity of my family. It's been very heartbreaking to realise that they can never be part of my life. I accept it now & am realizing my greatness one moment at a time. I have given up on conventional therapy. Being misdiagnosed with bipolar disorter in my nud 30's to later finding out that I had severe post traumatic stress syndrome. It has been a long haul to heal. Slowly pealing away the onion layers of my struggles & seek out my amazing authentic self. Videos like this one & many mote on youtube have been a valuable friend & learning tool to heal even more.
Love & blessings to you!
I'm truly grateful for all the amazing help you & the other therapist for guiding the survivors of narcissist abuse!
Love Melanie 💗
I got blown out of the water when you described my family 😬
Thank you for this,i grew up with a narcissist father and my mother who was completely emotionally detached,i am now 52 and still strugling with evrything....
You are so right Michele! You can tinker with the symptoms of narc abuse but nothing changes until you go right back to the original memories and recognise what they did to you and how you were 'disabled' by them. It seems to be a 'requirement' of the conscious self to bring all the wrongs to light so we can process it and move on. Thankyou for your insightful video.
This makes so much sense and I can't stop crying watching this necauae now I understand my own behavior as well as a close friend that I loved and lost because we both had severe trauma done to us in our childhood and adulthood from this type of family relationship.. Thank you for this knowledge. It was truly helpful!
You are the only person who has an idea of how I feel and have been through. Now I feel am not alone in the world. You are the best thing that happened to me. I would have died!
This is an excellent explanation of parental alienation. This accurately explains what alienated children and parents are experiencing. Sadly few in family court or children services... understand these dynamics. They are only focused on making the dad pay child support. Mothers convince the kids that the father in harmful and dangerous and needs to be despised. The intent that the kids don't want to see the father and spends most if not all of the time with the mother, entitling the mother to larger child support. The father had a very hard time reversing the kids mindset because they rarely see them and they are too scared of the mother. They don't realize that they can escape by being with me because I am portrayed as a person with no good qualities, my house is not good enough, my car is not good enough, I'm not good enough. Everybody dislikes everything about me. Yet the kids are quarantined from everyone so that they don't hear an opposing idea. To watch your kids be mentally abused and not be able to protect them is the source of a fathers tears. It is inconceivable that a mother would hurt her kids emotionally to get at the father, but I guess they don't realize nor care.
Saint M my ex husband Alienated my oldest daughter from me. 100-%!Narc , psychopath. May Jesus have mercy on his soul.
I feel your pain and also have the same tears . Sometimes it doesn't feel worth it to continue, all of this since I was a child, its all an illusion.
@@chrisgould101 we came to this world alone and leave the same way. All that matters is the journey and who we meet along the way. Things my still around. We don't know what great things could be in the future. We come here to learn to make life better for others and ignore the bad things others do to us. Don't let others destroy you. That is there intent.
This is SPOT ON!......I wish the information about this was out 2 decades ago. NOW I suffer from PTSD because of my family's narcissistic abuse. The parentified child is a most UNHEALTHY place to be.
Very well done Michelle. Thank you for the work you are doing to make people aware and bring enlightenment to the collective consciousness for the resolution of this abusive problem. Divine Blessings, Tom
You have described my family of origin exactly. Thank you for your insightful videos. They’ve helped me so much. 🌸
Shannon O'Brien so glad the sun is shining for u now🙏
Amanda Louw - thank you. 🌸
Shannon O'Brien my pleasure🤗 we do recover by the grace of God
This was my childhood, except I had 2 narc parents. 5 years+ of therapy to learn self care. I still struggle with co dependence.
Me too. My current therapist doesn't see my constant lack of self-care. Maybe I should show up to my next appointment looking like I really look like all the time. Self-care is a huge problem for me too. Good luck Teresa! : )
Same here - still can't manage self-care in middle age. They wrecked me.
teresa Klein i too had 2 nar parents. After years of work i manage codependency fairly well. I am aware of and can spot and avoid narcissists . But self care physically is still a problem. I neglect my health and on some level im not really interested in being in this world. I need some reason to care but have not found it yet.
Same. Self care is a daily struggle even this many years afterward..
No you hav co-narcissistic like me you are not codependent since it was very traumatic abusive environment and you was silenced &tortured you have co-narcissistic symptoms of severe abuse ptsd Stockholm syndrome trauma bonding do you know even 58yrs later I’m still trauma bonded with my evil parents even tho I went no contact my -1 child very sadistic narc for 27 long years wow how painful what a massive shock
Sadly true. So extra PAINFUL for the victimized parent.
The vicitemized parent is suffering terribly. Then to be shamed by the child(children) that you love so much & you want to help so much, is absolutely crushing.
The emotional pain is practically unbearable.
Michelle, my mom was schizophrenic and dad was a narc. Talk about emotional neglect... and... I was scapegoat child. Heroine addicted narc sister was golden child. One brother was victim narc, also heroine addicted. Other brother handicapped. Thank you for your work 💕. Yes. #3. Always pretending life was a-ok. And #4 😔
Sorry to hear that.. you sound like a wise person..
As for your siblings
easier to numb the pain....
Godbless all of you.. and guide your siblings
From what I've learned so far. The key word is "awareness". Confirming who is the narcissists around me and educating myself on how to deal with that person was a relieving breakthrough
You have described many of my family members. The grace of God has delivered me from hurt and pain.
Wow! I'm blown away. My childhood exactly. At last there is somebody who knows, who gets it. I gotta let this sink in...
Thank you Michelle!
Both my parents are narcissists. This is my childhood. I also married a narcissist. It took 39 years to break the cycle of abuse
Dear Second Chance, hope you are or have broken free. By what I read, you have given yourself a second chance in life.
Everyone is a narc! Pretty much everyone
Lord Yeshua/ Jesus please help me! This beautiful lady just portrait every detail about my childhood/adult life, it's scary, shocking but also relieving....oh God, I need you!
Keep calling out to God and he will heal your mind
God is who, for ten years, walked me through to healing from my childhood. Now I must begin my healing from abuse in adulthood. You become what you behold, keep your eyes on God.
The truth!!! My children lean towards my wife, the narcissist. All three children have cast me aside. I see clearly what’s going on and am helpless to do anything about it.
D. Kirk if you do the right thing and be totally reliable, chances are they’ll come round later!
Just keep being decent. Eventually they might realise it themselves. I did :)
We also need to make sure we are watching our own behavior honestly at least as much as we call out others'. Projection is very tricky and deceiving.
Record everything. Screenshot texts. Keep a diary. Get ready for divorce n get custody of your children. Get them into therapy. Speak to a lawyer n get your eggs all in a basket now.
My son is going through the same with his wife
I pray God breaks these chains in Jesus name Amen and Amen
My ex would talk about his fathers behavior. He was mean and abusive.Yet, he blamed his mother who was also controlled and abused by him.
creator yes! My ex did the same and his sisters saying their mother was jealous and caused all this issues but after living with him I see that she was probably actually the victim and his fathers behaviours were actually the same as his
Thank you- I’ve been piecing together my family dynamics and this helps too. Thank you
Great video! Several years ago I decided to not do anything that made me feel uncomfortable in order to respect my true self. I consciously refused to do anything out of a misplaced sense of obligation. I listened to my inner voice and didn't howl it down. Little by little the stress and anxiety in my life, which was my normal, started to shift and my confidence started to develop. This in turn gave me more strength to develop boundaries with my narc mother. Thank you for your insights.
Wow, that’s the family my Narcissistic husband is from. And that’s how my husband acts. Often angry and irritable and fluctuating with depression. Always uptight. I’ve almost never seen him happy and relaxed except for during the honey moon phase of our relationship. Wow, this is him! All his family is superficial and fake. His sister called me before a big party she was having and told me how was supposed to behave. Not to let anyone know about any of my personal relationship issues, as this would ruin HER party. No one should know. What insane controlling behavior. I’m so glad he finally initiated separation/D as I’ll be better off without him in the long run. Who needs a selfish stressed out person around. Narcissist be gone!
I can’t thank you enough for being here. I was scapegoated my entire life by my mother. She would say things like, “it’s all your fault, you selfish little b**tch, you ruin everything, your father never wanted you.” Starting from around five years of age. I developed depression, severe anxiety, CPTSD, and was told that I was just “crazy, or being a drama queen.” I blamed myself for all of these years. I knew my mom was a malignant narcissist? But I had no idea how deeply it affected me to my core. Thank you for giving me these tools to better myself. You are a gift to those of us who are just now discovering ourselves in later life. Thank you! 🙏💖