You can find more videos to watch on this topic here 👉 “Psychologist On How To Stop A Breakup Or Divorce From Breaking Your Self Esteem“ ua-cam.com/video/N4DydeawCsU/v-deo.html and in my breakup playlist 👉ua-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
It’s worse for me because I never really had a true relationship. I had deep feelings for him but he had absolutely no feelings for me. This was very sad because not only had I choose only him to get close to after losing my husband of nine years. My desired partner had no feelings or desire for me. We weren’t friends, he refused to go anywhere with me or spend any significant time with me. I stayed inside after he accused me of stalking him. I didn’t even want to pass his house. I wish I could have brought him something to make him feel desired and cared about. I wasn’t able to be a real adult and being able to be an adult woman with adult feelings. I want to have the room to express even real low level affection. He never wanted me to touch him. I wish I could have been alowed to be spontaneous and express my very basic hurt emotions. I want to manage my feelings. Better!
My wife just left. She's got a drug problem. I've been trying to help her for ten years. She's wonderful when she's sober. But she chose drugs and alcohol, and walked out. So I am processing. I know it's the best choice to let her go, but... I'm not sure if I'm in love with her,or my idea of her. Thanks for responding to me. You have a great manor.
I lost 10 kg in 1.5 month, my whole world was destroyed by the person whom I trust most in all my life. The shock is still with me with sleeping issues
Exact same situation for me. I lost 10 lbs in a matter of weeks. It has been months and while I am doing better it's still rough. The everyday reminders, the sleepless nights, dreams that are sometimes good sometimes bad where like I'll wake up from crying in my sleep. It's one of if not the worst period of my life.
I'm so sorry you have been through this. Really. I belive that you would get back your own strength and get over. Even if some days you recall the all the memories which slow you down from the healing process. Please just accept it and don't blame yourself on anything. You did your best in your relationship. Really. Now do your best to protect your inner self. I'm praying you will feel better.
I'm 26 and my first relationship of over 8.5 years just ended a few days ago. I am so glad to have found this video because it helps me understand that what I'm feeling is valid and part of healing. Even though it hurts so bad at times, there is also this relief of having space to myself to get to know this "new" version of myself. To discover the identity of who I am without the person I spent almost a third of my life with.
Best of luck on your journey. It can be difficult, messy, confusing, painful, but also transformative and healing on so many levels. Being out of my past relationship for months now, I can confidently tell you that even though it still hurts from time to time, the break up and what I've learned from it was the best thing that could have happened to me. My life is better then ever before. So take this time for yourself, just as you need.
Thank you so much for sharing. I really resonate with what you have been through. I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤
I think the hardest reality that Im facing is that I just did so much work and they just discarded me with no qualms. It’s arduous to not become bitter and evolve into a recluse. People just don’t care about how they make you feel and it all meant nothing
Got broken up with 4 days ago. Feels so shattering, feels like the pain will never go away but i’ve been through this before and i know it will go away with time. Definitely gonna not get into a relationship anytime soon before i’m fully healed and have really met the right one.
I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤. I resonate with Hozier in his song “first time”, the last 4 verses say: “Some part of me must have died The final time you called me baby But some part of me came alive The final time you called me baby”
I'm also 24 and I have broken up on 27 sep ..the last time I called and tried to reached him out was at 5th Oct and he said he's fed up of me and he wants to end the relationship...4 beautiful years together has gone to an end ...and I don't know how to cope with it and accept it...I'm trying my best to accept the fact that he one someone else that's why he wants to break up with him leaving me all the blame to myself.
It took me almost 4 years to climb out of it. I had to claw every inch of the way to move past it. There was a time when I literally felt a sharp pain in my heart cause I felt that he was already with someone else.
Almost 5 years for me. My college sweetheart. After 25 years we finally got together. After all of the suffering I had though my hard life, I finally won. 4 years later she left. Now it’s 9 years later and I’m Still not over it. It’s a bit easier but not one day goes by where I don’t think of her. Why did this happen to me? Why did I lose again….. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I guess I’ll give myself credit for at least surviving.
Good video. 2 months since my wife of 19yrs. left. I find the physiological responses new to me. I’ve never had physical reactions to this extent. From not being able to catch my breath and unable to lay down the night she left to very subtle tremors to this moment. I think the abandonment hurdle is the hardest to overcome.(my mom left my dad multiple times and came back until he finally said no more)
Got broken up 3 weeks ago. I loved her but for some reason she thinks we r not compatible. But in starting she was the one saying we r made for each other. I love her. I feel empty from inside. I can't sleep properly. I can't talk about it to anyone. I want to move on i want to be better. I'm getting anxiety attacks every now and then. The fact that we have same DOB and we were basically have everything in common it makes it harder to move on. But i know everything will be better one day and i will be happy again.
"We are made for each other, no once has ever made me feel this way, it was destiny, it was faith that we met, you are my soulmate, I can see our future together." Sounds familiar?? typical love bombing lines they tell you to get you hooked.
These replies r really helpful. I'm still struggling daily. Just keeping my head up moving as forward as possible everyday. I will update u guys when I be able to be happy and moved on . Thank you guys
@@maharishiprakash398 no worries, currently healing from a 10 year relationship, she monkey branched in 1 week, it hurts, really hurts, this is the 3rd month of healing, 1st month was hard, lost 15lbs in that month, can't eat, can't sleep, don't have any motivation, anything that I usually enjoy just doesn't help, started to hurt myself unfortunitely, went back to drinking and smoking, 2nd month still hurts like hell but I listed all the things that was positive and negative about the relationship, it opened my eyes that I was the one pouring out from my cup and there was no pouring back on her part, realized that I was used to have a comfy life, someone to support her during her lowest times, and discarded like trash when no longer needed. Chin up my dude, it will get better, one step at a time, make a journal of your emotions day by day, and you'll see improvement from the 1st days prior.
@@maharishiprakash398 and BTW people usually try to mirror their SO to make them seem more compatible, and love bombers or narcs also do the same to make you feel like you met the love of your life.
I just came across your videos while I’m going through a very hard breakup. We were together for 11 years and my life was completely shattered and turned upside down. Your videos are so insightful and helpful. Glad I found your page! 😊
Thank you Dr. Steinborn for putting these videos together for all of us. They've been helpful. This last brokeup that happened a year ago still haunts me. Lost over 40lbs in a month and still damaging all aspects of my life, while my ex is enjoying her life with someone else. All this while I was grieving over my father passing away and my mother who is falling into complete paralysis. Feels like I'm losing reasons to get up everyday. Its a shame, I was in the best energy of my life when I met this person and while everything is the same, I have never felt this low in my 38 years or so. So hard to imagine connecting with anyone at a deeper level ever again.
Be strong, Look into Meditation and live in the present. Reminiscing is to be avoided. One day at the time and it will get better. Look after number one, You.
I don’t think my wife ever did this, she moved on with a new relationship 4 months after we separated. I tried to reconcile and was rejected after being together for 9 years. And her behavior is to just blame me and has not taken any responsibility or blame for her part for me to separate. I have got help with seeking counseling, church and turning to God for healing and self reflection.
I just caught my wife after being separated with a pair of g string panties with her new boyfriend’s name on them. She lied and said it was a joke between her and her girlfriends. Divorce hasn’t even been dismissed yet! So we are still married and she basically is having or has an internet to have an affair! 20 years married! 27 years relationship. I’m healing and will never reconcile with her lying ass. Even have 3 kids to! Looks like it’s gonna be parallel parenting!
I'm dealing with the same situation. She won't take responsibility and accountability for the break up 😢. Please share how you gained strength. I can't stop crying 😭😭😭!!!
Same situation here! It's devastating but God will get us thru! They obviously have no true love for us! Letting go is a roller coaster from hell. We will come out better men on the other side. God has my wife now because I couldn't get her to grow up! @@davemedlock6329
23 years married, she had an emotional affair…I was betrayed, lied to, deceived, and then blindsided with divorce. She said she did nothing wrong. This was almost 3 years ago. Doing better and appreciating the good in life.
Not only I was shaming myself for having accepted abuse for so long but once it was over, and after a while. the talk of "friendship" came about and we tried. But I was hurt, angry, at having been abandoned (this is a pattern from childhood). I loved the person too hard and never expctec an ending. So the friendship was triggering resentment for me, and he kept shaming me for feeling that way. The same dynamic as before! So friendship is not the way to go either. I am ready to be a new person, and truly feel I am on my own. Not relying on him for advice, pep talk, or any emotional release. He didn't support me that way before, and won't do it now. This "frienship" is damaging me, keeping my emotions in limbo. To get past someone, I need to cut off contact. This is me getting to know me. I have serious attachment issues. After all, we have been separated for 7 years! But still in contact and that's why contact is not good for me: it won't let me move on. I keep wasting my time on this situation that is over with!
Almost 5 months are gone, it looks like finally I am the 5th stage. I am not ready for another relationship that is for sure. I still need to live and understand myself. But I cannot wait to be ready for the world again. 👍
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
I know how deeply painful this must feel right now. When someone we love leaves, it can feel like a part of ourselves is missing. But here’s something to consider: what if this is an invitation to turn all that love and energy inward? To reconnect with the version of you that maybe got a little lost in the relationship? It's natural for your mind to keep circling back to him-it’s part of the healing process. But instead of fighting those thoughts, ask yourself: What would the version of me who feels whole and confident do right now? That’s your self-concept calling you forward. This isn't about winning him back-it's about reclaiming you. You’ve got this. 💛
Thanks for this. I identify with most of it. Initial signs of anger coming in. Very occasional glimpses of acceptance. Very bad day today in the “If only I’d….” or “If only I was more…” rumination zone. Imagining her with the cool, super chilled guy who has none of the insecurities I let jeopardise the relationship. Also, trying not to forget though that she wasn’t perfect and played her own role in the dysfunction. She was the love of my life though. Don’t see that changing anytime soon.
I know how you feel very well. Months ago, I felt like my life would never be as good as it used to be. I wished so hard I could go back in time and make different choices. I saw his flaws, but thought if only I did this or that, he would have stayed. Well, now I don't believe any of it. My life is better then ever before, I know for sure I didn't lose the love of my life, I'm enjoying single life. Yes, it still hurts from time to time. I feel anxious sometimes. At moments, I can have some doubts. But mostly I am convinced this is the best thing the relationship gave me. Feelings change. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
@ Wishing you fortitude. I don’t even know how I’m doing to be honest. The rumination has decreased a lot and it’s more of a background pain now with ‘occasional outbreaks’. Finally managed to have a break from the boozy weekends which is helping - that was the worst coping strategy, but I think somewhere in the back of my mind I was trying to recreate the circumstances in which is met her. I think I need to leave all of that behind for a while and kind of rebirth myself into a different life. Or take a holiday from many of the old bad habits that remind me of her or weaken me mentally. Slowly becoming more capable of doing that. Still suffering from depression over it, but more functional now. Seeing that there were perhaps some underlying issues in myself that caused such a catastrophic reaction to losing her. Either life will never be the same again and I just have to adapt, or maybe I’ll get over it somehow. I flip flop between glimpses of both possibilities, but can’t see which side it’s going to fall on. Or if it will go in a completely different direction altogether.
@@2660016A wow. I wanna appreciate you for being so open and willing to talk about it. Sounds like you are making strides for the better. The glimpses of both are relatable for me for sure. I’m still struggling with that fact that’s it’s over for good (she told me she wanted a divorce 3 days ago). I don’t feel as if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for the part that I played in the ending of the relationship. I also don’t ever feel like I’ll stop loving her as my wife. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes though. Trying to take it one day at a time and only control what I can AKA me and my actions. Forcing myself to keep good habits and not go back to old conquered demons. Wishing you the best and let me know if you would like to have someone to talk to. I think talking with people going through similar things is very helpful. God bless you my friend and I pray you have better days soon!
Thankyou for your kindness, compassion and understanding. Your gentleness is so healing for me during this unimaginably painful and transformational time.
I'm 26 [male] and my first relationship of over 4.5 years just ended a week ago. Its so hard grieving a person whose alive and well and I am with joy to have found this video. You are helping me a lot and Thanks Dr.
Omg I just had a light bulb moment when you mentioned emotionally addicted abandonment. This is exactly how I felt in my relationship. I was emotionally unavailable and disconnected from my relationship, then I started chasing unavailable women. I failed to go through the process of authentic healing. This was so spot on to my situation. Just have to figure out the abandonment part from my past. I see my psychologist tomorrow. Thank you for enlightening me, it was so very helpful, thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
Maika, this is some crazy timing with you posting this just the day after I broke up with my partner of almost 3 years. I don't even know what to say but thank you for making this video.
Thank you Dr. Steinborn. I spent a day watching your videos (I plan to watch more) and they helped me immensely when I was at my lowest. I learned a lot about myself and my past relationships and have a much better outlook thanks to you. The content as well as your delivery was very comforting. I hope you realize how much good you are doing 💜
Don't wait for explanations from ex that will not hapen or tou don't understand it. If necessary talk with family, friend or specialist. Focus on yourself you are most important not a person who don't want you. Don't think every day what ex do or think, this is independ of you and unnecessarily waiste of time, Don't follow ex on social media, hide every items and fotos to avoid memories. The way takes some time ... and at the end there is possibility that you find someone elese mutch better what I wish for you
Thank you Maika! This helped me understand what I have gone through and what I am going through now - experiencing more of the "lifting." I am realizing more and more that the break up was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was a rude awakening that's turning out to be a beautiful and amazing metamorphosis😇
In-depth, insightful video that explains the process, allowing the process, and great tips to overcome and move-on. Thank you from the bottom of my (shattered) heart
My girlfriend of 4.5 years just broke up with me on Tuesday. Completely shattered my heart and hope for our future together. This video was so helpful in teaching me to identify my emotions and feel them fully without shame. Thank you so much
Thank you so much. I don't have many friends anymore. Nobody to listen to what I'm feeling and everything you said was what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Thank you so much! Beautifully spoken and very wise. I am cycling through all the stages over the last 5 weeks. I am ready to break through and face reality
I really enjoyed your video thanks , I've been going through the most difficult 2 months of my life after breaking up with my partner and everything you said relates to my feelings and emotions , I think it's going to be a long process. Thanks for your help and advice to make me a better person.
It sucks bro. Mine was the worst at month 4. I’m at almost 6 now and finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing you can do but feel the pain and use it as fuel. That’s it. There is a reason for this. You just have to find out what it is. Keep your head up.
He just broke up with me two days ago. Right now I don‘t know what to feel.. I feel lost, numb and somehow betrayed. I didn‘t see it coming and he had been thinking about breaking up for weeks - how is that even possible? And now I question every moment we had the last few weeks - it has all been a lie and I don‘t know how to handle this. I‘m in desperate need of a hug but my family lives 1000km away. Hopeful things will change sooner than later
I just ended a five-year relationship with someone I deeply loved. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done - walking away was shattering and heartbreaking-but I couldn’t stay with someone who didn’t return the love I gave, who lied to me, and who constantly diminished my feelings to make me feel small. I had felt alone in the relationship for a long time, and as painful as it is, I know I’m better off being truly alone than feeling lonely within my relationship. Despite the heartbreak, there was a sense of peace in letting go. I believe there’s hope on the other side, and I trust that peace will come. I will find my way back to myself, to my sparkle, and one day, to a love that is whole and unconditional-not fragmented or one-sided. Perhaps losing him was necessary for me to fully love myself. Instead of seeking validation from others, I’m learning to find it within and reclaim my power.
thank you, I must be coming out of stage 4, just because I have really been trying to sit with this feeling, accept it and be at peace with it, what appears to be something wrong is just something coming right. I found this video calming and confirming and peaceful, like a sign post on the road pointing towards a city and saying I was going the right way, thanks for making it
Awesome video! Thank you so much! I've been feeling so much shame lately and it's so nice to have the compassion and understanding presented here. I'm DEFINITELY realizing I had premature closure lol. Over a year ago a really important person left my life very suddenly. I was completely shattered (Also a great term I'd never heard it before). I cried and mourned and was depressed for over a year. I felt I was starting to get over it. I was putting a lot of effort into dating apps hoping to get back out there but then I had a dream about her. I brought it up in therapy and I could barely even speak about it. I cried and sobbed nearly the whole session. I couldn't say her name. I couldn't say what I missed and loved about her. I couldn't even call her 'she' -- I kept saying 'they' to keep distance from her I felt so much hurt and shame again. Videos like this have given me such peace and support. I'm allowing myself to sit with these old emotions without shame or anger and it feels so comforting, warm and healing. It's so frustrating knowing I'm not over her but it just takes what it takes. It's just evident of what that person meant to me. Thank you for this video and thank you to everyone in the comments. Your stories are worth sharing and have been so uplifting.
First video since I received the news only hours ago. Still shocked and not completely sure this is reality right now but fully accepting my part in the breakdown of his feelings cause I’m unhealed. I pray I can come out of this a better person. The journey starts now and I’m scared to death.
Thankyou, you have helping me so much. Soothing my thoughts through knowledge and understanding, as i could easily get stuck on negative, destructive thoughts
Thank you…. My now ex, just broke up with me after 20 years. Half a life together, 3 kids and what I thought was our common vision for life together, ended with a sudden decision. All the confusion, denial, shock, disbelief, hope, anger, all taking their part in chaotic whirlwinds of emotions, have gradually broken me down, made me cry, sobbing, for the first time in over 30 years. Made me fear a total breakdown, taken away all my strength and made me question if I can take this, take it another second, made me despair if I can handle it. Now it all makes sense. Now I have some help to avoid the traps, understand what I am going through. Thank you for giving us a way to turn the tide, understand and find strength to sort our feelings and work our way through our crisis. This is exactly what I needed. I am filled with so much gratitude, my heart is calling out that it loves this help. Thank you
I just found your channel today. It has been insanely helpful as I navigate an incredibly painful situation. Thank you so much for your insight, and helping all of us understand ourselves a bit more as we heal.
Great video and amazing comments! I’m in my third month of healing. It’s a little better but still not good. It hurts, especially because she rebounded. Awful.
The way you compared missing someone to the same as withdrawing was spot on. I’ve gone through opioid withdrawal and i can honestly say that missing “the one” is equally as painful
I needed this today, 41 days kicked out. Abandoned, I was called an abuser, a manipulator, a gas lighter, and a narcissist. So I left. It had been absolutely a struggle.
Thank you Maika! This helped me think through my post break up journey. It is a real challenge to face up to my feelings and embrace them instead of going into denial, but worth it. I feel lighter now and doing my much needed inner work. I am clearer about myself, my ex and what happened in our relationship; my boundaries and my non-negotiables in a relationship😀The break up is turning out to be a major breakthrough for me🌺
A great video. I am pretty much through the whole lot of it after 21 months. Your videos have helped me immensly, thanks. Now, my biggest problem is actually going through everything that needs to be done after 30 + years. Any way, Maike, thankyou
24, here. My relationship of almost 3 years just ended last month. She broke up with me to heal and grow on her own. She says it’s not fair to me that she’s so damaged but I don’t care and she won’t let me be there for her.
Bro she just found someone new she dont care for you move on dont hope... watch when u find out in the hard way so u better be ready so it wont come as shock to you
Take her word. You *DO NOT NEED NOR WANT TO BE WITH A DAMAGED PERSON,* it will damage and destory you in ways you can't even imagine, because damaged people drag us to their hell, and it is a almost impossible to come out of someone else's hell clean, unmarked or untainted. It happened to me, so I know this firsthand. Always remember this: No one deserves the honor or credit of doing of us what we don't want. You are young, be thankful that she didn't anchor herself to you to solve her problems even if you're willing or believe you can do it. You can't. She's not your daughter. So, shamelessly surrender and dive deep into your emotions, let them flow (knowing it wasn't your fault) and come out of it *FAST.* Grab all that love you have for her and give it to yourself. Learn from your experience and know that you deserve to be with someone that's whole and stable, you WILL find her. And be thankful with whatever deity you believe in that you are still here and not in Hell.
I still hurt every day. My wife left for a drug dealer in 97. I’ve not healed. They say time will heal. I still cry for my family. My kids are grown now. I missed there whole life
Sounds like you are still stuck traumatized from the breakup in 97.. You should seek therapy to be able to reclaim your life where you become more emotionally healed to move on. The best to you.. ❤
Thank you for this video Dr Maika, it was really helpful and resourceful. The first part related to the envision of the whole process was really useful for me, after the breakup I felt everything like a strange mix and going back and forth continuosly but now I know that that's also valid. Thanks and greetings from Spain!
i wasted my 7 years of my life with a man which left me 7 times and always he was coming back… he left again…im destroyed, lost weight, can’t sleep , talking about him a lot… he just walked away with no explanation never even asked if im alive he went back to his ex… hopefully i will find the strength to heal
My husband left me and kids with no explanation at all, 😢 really having a hard time cant eat sleep not relaxing ruminating… praying for you also.. we will be happy soonest
There's really no healthy way to completely stop the pain immediately - it will go away eventually, though. But you can stop adding extra pain (if you're doing that) in the form of self-deprication or pressuring yourself... All the best 💗
interesting question one person had...are you speaking from a position of experience....it does seem...yourcintensity and articulation is very engaging...and very encouraging...i am in month 36 after a seperation and then divorce. we knew each for 23 years.....its been difficult....she refused to talk through it....and this cyclical thing has been my experience....i find this information really uplifting because i was thnking....damn why can i not get over this....but i am progessing...and naturally 23 years being trashed takes time to reorder and reframe. Thanks Doc. i will watch your other material.
There are some days that I have all the stages, on another days there are some or even 1. I even had a day of self superation euphoria. And momments of the day that I lose myself on immense sadness. Havent identify rage yet. I have identify momments of "I did my best, I was kind, I offer the best of me and It didnt matter" saying that to myself. There is also guilt, because it is a fact that there was a problem with me (not toxic behaviours).
My ex partner is an amazing person. I’m very aware of who I was with. A breakdown in communication within a relationship is akin to someone cheating. It’s a slow burn, but make no mistake is completely destroys both. Right now I’m trying to come to terms with someone making a choice to not be with me, for the good of us both! I want to fight! But I know it’s not fair to pursue, because it’ll destroy me. My attachment style is avoidant! It’s horrible, I wish I understood this about myself years ago! Having an avoidant attachment style is horrible. My brain fights with itself, like I know what I should do in situations by I retreat and defend myself, rather than going after the person I love above all. It’s a constant struggle. I don’t want to let go of the love. I don’t want to let it die within me. I can’t accept that I failed, that I wasn’t enough! Mourning over your love, the little moments is when the pain really hits!
Thank you for making me feel human. I'm waiting for her to text me back and say our last goodbyes as lovers, and come back later as friends. It hurts so much but I know she loves me as a person. I just wasn't right for her.
Just broken, thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy I known for thirteen years ago. Gradually he turned into a emotonal immature parent, hanging out with his 26th year adult.
5 years and he just walked away….no explanation, no respect for my feelings. It makes you feel worthless. It is hard to move on when you don’t understand why?
Ive resently broke up with my fiance for 5 years.. I moved out a week ago and she has already met someone new. Its my fault because i drank too much at the weekends and she told me to stop many times but I took it for granted, we had really fun and the intimacy was the best we both ever had(even up to the day I moved out) . I decied to not drink anymore and start doing the things that she loves, but i feel like its too late and its killing me! She will she him again this weekend and he is comming to our place( hers and the kids now) and its devastating. I can see her balcony from my apartment and that I know that he will be there is tearing me apart. I have never felt anger nor hate cause I cant blame her for this. All I want to do now is to show her that I can be the one I should have been and get her back. Hope someone here has been in the same situation as me or similar. Thank you!
I feel you my brother. We are in this together and I hope you are doing better now. I would do this for yourself! You are great and need to let go of the things you did wrong eventually and be the better person. You will never take a great relationship for granted in the future. Sending love my friend.
For me it's worst because he was never a relationship. I only wished he was. I call it my unrelationship or my unfriends. Ir's very sad to not be appreciated on any level
We only dated for 2.5 months and I was devastated distraught and absolutely in agony for 4/5 months, I’ve never had any experience like that before. I’ only now starting to have days where I don’t feel like I’m dying inside. I blamed myself and ruminated on everything that I did ‘wrong’ the last time we saw each other (I had an emotional shutdown and was inadvertently cold and distant) as he broke it off shortly after this by slowly withdrawing and then breaking up over text without first talking or anything and said it wasn’t healthy for us to continue and he didn’t develop feelings. I was absolutely devastated and questioned my reality and sanity for months, going over every single minutia of detail. It was horrific.
Had the same situation. Dated 2,5 months. Then my now ex started going distant. I wanted to meet and we talked. Then my ex said they need some time - 2 weeks. My ex said they would prefer if we still were in contact. We didnt text at all tho, so my ex did a slow fade and broke up with me after 2-3 weeks after the last meet. I offered help, support, space and time. But i also said that i still respect myself and keep being together if I’m only pushing them to do stuff. That it takes 2 people to make a relationship. My ex didnt even respond to this. So i confesed my love for the last time and went no contact. I also ruminated really hard like you. Wondering where it went wrong. I broke no contact 3 months after the break up. About their shirt, only got a single response. I also broke NC a month later (4 months in) to be ghosted. Its now been 9 months. Still no contact and pretty much over it. Ive been going on many trips - abroad, camping, public pools and I’m still hitting the gym as before. It has been the worst pain ever tho so i completely symphatize with you - ruminating about everything. This person was my everything at the time
@@domsh3432 hey I’m sorry you went through that, it does sound very similar to what I experienced - even down to the breaking NC at 3 months. The only difference was that I had experienced an emotional shutdown in response to the change in dynamic as he was less verbally affectionate and emotionally engaged as before, and I felt very unsafe and perceived it as a rejection. But I knew it was me and my own issues so I went ahead and met him on our last date, after seeing me in that shutdown state he went cold and distant and broke it off. If it’s any consolation, your ex sounds like she has avoidant/withdrawal tendencies. Have you looked into attachment styles/theory? That kind of withdrawal and distancing after having an otherwise strong, intense connection is very typical of those who have avoidant tendencies. From the sounds of it you did everything right and couldn’t have done anything differently, this was her own fears/insecurities etc playing up and not anything on your side.
Lowkey affecting every aspect of my life. I work sales commussion only and my sales are down to half what they used to be. I ate like Kirby before the breakup. Now i barely touch food. Its like... i feel like im dying. Its like grief. An unimaginable amout of it. She was my everything. 5 years living together... 7 years of being my best friend. I done fucked it all up. Gotta just accept. Still 2 months in and i feel like im barely out of the denial phase.
It’s Day 11. I am lost, in denial. My ADHD brain is making me hyperfocus on only the pain and the memories. I am crying, hating myself and when I seek for help, there’s nobody. The loneliness makes it exponentially worse. And I am becoming more sure every lday that I can not get through with this.
I'm sorry. I am going through this and whenever I can't shut my brain off I get up and walk. It has helped me. I hope you find something that helps you. You are worth the work.
I'm 47 and my ex broke up with me 2 and a half weeks ago, out of the blue. I am still bouncing between stages, but mostly feeling hurt and confused and sad and hollow. I am seeing a professional in two days though. I am hopeful they can give me some tips to move on productively.
I met someone recently that I didn’t really like at first and since separating from him I feel an intense connection almost like it’s a holy union destined to happen. Very scary because I imagined it so differently and never imagined I could love someone this much.
I was with my fiancé for 18 years, and she wanted a break up. I’m absolutely heartbroken 💔 and I feel so empty inside. She says she still want me in her life, and she said there always hope for us to be a committed couple again, but she says because her ADHD, and somethings I need to work on we need to do it apart from one another.
He broke up with me 2 days ago. In the beginning he was planning a long term relationship. After 2 years (.not living together) he began pulling away 2 months ago. How does someone suck you in using the soulmate thing and then does a 180. Devastating 💔
I was with my ex for 7 years and have been broken up since june of this year. It has been so hard and watching these types of videos helps so much. I have one question. If i still work with my ex’s parents should i stay or should i quit? Im not on bad terms with them or her but seeing them reminds me of her which then brings back memories. Idk if i should stay or go.
I’m glad these videos have been helpful! It’s hard to comment on your question without knowing all the details. You can make a list of the benefits and costs of staying at this job and see if the benefits outweigh the costs or not.
It's hard to come to terms with the fact that even the things we feel the most sure about, like the love from a partner, can just be gone in an instant without any explanation. And we just have to keep smiling and getting up in the morning and doing whatever we're doing and telling people "I'm fine". While inside there is so much pain and suffering. After a couple of times, it makes it hard to be open to do the whole thing again. Sure it feels nice when everything is going well, but is it worth the risk of getting your heart broken again? Going through months of depression, anxiety, longing etc again? It feels like a waste of time by now.
My now ex boyfriend broke up with me two days after meeting my family reasoning being not being over his ex wife. We were suppose to go away this weekend for my birthday. I am still upset over it and he has ignored all my text messages.
You can find more videos to watch on this topic here 👉 “Psychologist On How To Stop A Breakup Or Divorce From Breaking Your Self Esteem“ ua-cam.com/video/N4DydeawCsU/v-deo.html and in my breakup playlist 👉ua-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
It’s worse for me because I never really had a true relationship. I had deep feelings for him but he had absolutely no feelings for me. This was very sad because not only had I choose only him to get close to after losing my husband of nine years. My desired partner had no feelings or desire for me. We weren’t friends, he refused to go anywhere with me or spend any significant time with me.
I stayed inside after he accused me of stalking him. I didn’t even want to pass his house. I wish I could have brought him something to make him feel desired and cared about. I wasn’t able to be a real adult and being able to be an adult
woman with adult feelings. I want to have the room to express even real low level affection. He never wanted me to touch him. I wish I could have been alowed to be spontaneous and express my very basic hurt emotions. I want to manage my feelings. Better!
My wife just left. She's got a drug problem. I've been trying to help her for ten years. She's wonderful when she's sober. But she chose drugs and alcohol, and walked out. So I am processing. I know it's the best choice to let her go, but... I'm not sure if I'm in love with her,or my idea of her. Thanks for responding to me. You have a great manor.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you!
Come on everyone! We’re all going to make it!
I lost 10 kg in 1.5 month, my whole world was destroyed by the person whom I trust most in all my life. The shock is still with me with sleeping issues
Dont hold it in brother , talk , write , sing , cry it out if you need. Time will heal you. Maybe if thats not what you want , that is what you need.
"Better days are coming homeboy keep your head up"
5 pounds in four days for me, my friend. This is terrible.
Exact same situation for me. I lost 10 lbs in a matter of weeks. It has been months and while I am doing better it's still rough. The everyday reminders, the sleepless nights, dreams that are sometimes good sometimes bad where like I'll wake up from crying in my sleep. It's one of if not the worst period of my life.
I'm so sorry you have been through this. Really. I belive that you would get back your own strength and get over. Even if some days you recall the all the memories which slow you down from the healing process. Please just accept it and don't blame yourself on anything. You did your best in your relationship. Really. Now do your best to protect your inner self. I'm praying you will feel better.
I'm 26 and my first relationship of over 8.5 years just ended a few days ago. I am so glad to have found this video because it helps me understand that what I'm feeling is valid and part of healing. Even though it hurts so bad at times, there is also this relief of having space to myself to get to know this "new" version of myself. To discover the identity of who I am without the person I spent almost a third of my life with.
Best of luck on your journey. It can be difficult, messy, confusing, painful, but also transformative and healing on so many levels. Being out of my past relationship for months now, I can confidently tell you that even though it still hurts from time to time, the break up and what I've learned from it was the best thing that could have happened to me. My life is better then ever before. So take this time for yourself, just as you need.
@@101Vrie that is my experience too - the break up being transformative and the pain comes and goes. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing. I really resonate with what you have been through. I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤
@@marcelamm7658 Keep on staying hopeful. It will get better - slowly but surely as you do the needed inner work🌻
My heart goes out to you. Give yourself grace every day and know you will be okay. ❤
I think the hardest reality that Im facing is that I just did so much work and they just discarded me with no qualms. It’s arduous to not become bitter and evolve into a recluse. People just don’t care about how they make you feel and it all meant nothing
Got broken up with 4 days ago. Feels so shattering, feels like the pain will never go away but i’ve been through this before and i know it will go away with time. Definitely gonna not get into a relationship anytime soon before i’m fully healed and have really met the right one.
That is a true grown up way to deal with the situation!
It's been a week for me. I'm so upset with myself for caring so much.
same here
Day 2 no contact after 2 years together, I feel your pain. We can get through this ❤
I feel this man. Same time frame same outlook. Hope the best for all four of us
I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤. I resonate with Hozier in his song “first time”, the last 4 verses say:
“Some part of me must have died
The final time you called me baby
But some part of me came alive
The final time you called me baby”
Beautiful 🌻
I'm also 24 and I have broken up on 27 sep ..the last time I called and tried to reached him out was at 5th Oct and he said he's fed up of me and he wants to end the relationship...4 beautiful years together has gone to an end ...and I don't know how to cope with it and accept it...I'm trying my best to accept the fact that he one someone else that's why he wants to break up with him leaving me all the blame to myself.
My Ex just got Married!! I have never felt so' Peaceful & Free!!!
It took me almost 4 years to climb out of it. I had to claw every inch of the way to move past it. There was a time when I literally felt a sharp pain in my heart cause I felt that he was already with someone else.
Thanks for writing that, I'm about 2.5 years and still in turmoil.
Almost 5 years for me.
My college sweetheart. After 25 years we finally got together.
After all of the suffering I had though my hard life, I finally won.
4 years later she left. Now it’s 9 years later and I’m
Still not over it. It’s a bit easier but not one day goes by where I don’t think of her.
Why did this happen to me? Why did I lose again…..
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I guess I’ll give myself credit for at least surviving.
@@Nogood-q4shave you been with anyone since?
❤
mine is already in relationship after one month, i was in 5 years of relationship. blocked me from everywhere when i tried to talk. it's suffocating.
Good video. 2 months since my wife of 19yrs. left. I find the physiological responses new to me. I’ve never had physical reactions to this extent. From not being able to catch my breath and unable to lay down the night she left to very subtle tremors to this moment. I think the abandonment hurdle is the hardest to overcome.(my mom left my dad multiple times and came back until he finally said no more)
Got broken up 3 weeks ago. I loved her but for some reason she thinks we r not compatible. But in starting she was the one saying we r made for each other. I love her. I feel empty from inside. I can't sleep properly. I can't talk about it to anyone. I want to move on i want to be better. I'm getting anxiety attacks every now and then. The fact that we have same DOB and we were basically have everything in common it makes it harder to move on. But i know everything will be better one day and i will be happy again.
It'll
"We are made for each other, no once has ever made me feel this way, it was destiny, it was faith that we met, you are my soulmate, I can see our future together." Sounds familiar?? typical love bombing lines they tell you to get you hooked.
These replies r really helpful. I'm still struggling daily. Just keeping my head up moving as forward as possible everyday. I will update u guys when I be able to be happy and moved on . Thank you guys
@@maharishiprakash398 no worries, currently healing from a 10 year relationship, she monkey branched in 1 week, it hurts, really hurts, this is the 3rd month of healing, 1st month was hard, lost 15lbs in that month, can't eat, can't sleep, don't have any motivation, anything that I usually enjoy just doesn't help, started to hurt myself unfortunitely, went back to drinking and smoking, 2nd month still hurts like hell but I listed all the things that was positive and negative about the relationship, it opened my eyes that I was the one pouring out from my cup and there was no pouring back on her part, realized that I was used to have a comfy life, someone to support her during her lowest times, and discarded like trash when no longer needed. Chin up my dude, it will get better, one step at a time, make a journal of your emotions day by day, and you'll see improvement from the 1st days prior.
@@maharishiprakash398 and BTW people usually try to mirror their SO to make them seem more compatible, and love bombers or narcs also do the same to make you feel like you met the love of your life.
I never thought I'd be looking for this kind of video, but here I am. Thank you.
As I’m in the last stage - Acceptance - this was a great video to watch as closure to all the emotions I felt throughout the past year ❤
Same here. But it has not been easy but am happy am getting my closure. God is good
I just came across your videos while I’m going through a very hard breakup. We were together for 11 years and my life was completely shattered and turned upside down. Your videos are so insightful and helpful. Glad I found your page! 😊
Hope you feel a tony bit better each day. I broke up with my partner of 6 years im in week two feel shattered still
Thank you Dr. Steinborn for putting these videos together for all of us. They've been helpful. This last brokeup that happened a year ago still haunts me. Lost over 40lbs in a month and still damaging all aspects of my life, while my ex is enjoying her life with someone else. All this while I was grieving over my father passing away and my mother who is falling into complete paralysis. Feels like I'm losing reasons to get up everyday. Its a shame, I was in the best energy of my life when I met this person and while everything is the same, I have never felt this low in my 38 years or so. So hard to imagine connecting with anyone at a deeper level ever again.
Be strong, Look into Meditation and live in the present. Reminiscing is to be avoided. One day at the time and it will get better. Look after number one, You.
I don’t think my wife ever did this, she moved on with a new relationship 4 months after we separated. I tried to reconcile and was rejected after being together for 9 years. And her behavior is to just blame me and has not taken any responsibility or blame for her part for me to separate. I have got help with seeking counseling, church and turning to God for healing and self reflection.
I just caught my wife after being separated with a pair of g string panties with her new boyfriend’s name on them. She lied and said it was a joke between her and her girlfriends. Divorce hasn’t even been dismissed yet! So we are still married and she basically is having or has an internet to have an affair! 20 years married! 27 years relationship. I’m healing and will never reconcile with her lying ass. Even have 3 kids to! Looks like it’s gonna be parallel parenting!
You're taking the right path towards healing 😊 hope in some time you remember this episode without pain.
I'm dealing with the same situation. She won't take responsibility and accountability for the break up 😢. Please share how you gained strength. I can't stop crying 😭😭😭!!!
Same situation here! It's devastating but God will get us thru! They obviously have no true love for us! Letting go is a roller coaster from hell. We will come out better men on the other side. God has my wife now because I couldn't get her to grow up! @@davemedlock6329
@@davemedlock6329 i don't know how but everything will be okay 🙏
Heading for divorce after 20 years. My wife is seeing another man. I’m still processing this, and I really appreciate your video!
Exactly what I’m going through..22years for me. I hope deep healing for you. It’s not you or your fault, they are unhappy with them
25 years. He was never into it. I had the vision, he was along for the ride.
23 years married, she had an emotional affair…I was betrayed, lied to, deceived, and then blindsided with divorce. She said she did nothing wrong. This was almost 3 years ago. Doing better and appreciating the good in life.
14 years for me...
14 years for me as well. I hope you're all doing better on this journey we call life.
I am going through a breakup, this is just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!
On IG
Not only I was shaming myself for having accepted abuse for so long but once it was over, and after a while. the talk of "friendship" came about and we tried. But I was hurt, angry, at having been abandoned (this is a pattern from childhood). I loved the person too hard and never expctec an ending. So the friendship was triggering resentment for me, and he kept shaming me for feeling that way. The same dynamic as before!
So friendship is not the way to go either. I am ready to be a new person, and truly feel I am on my own. Not relying on him for advice, pep talk, or any emotional release. He didn't support me that way before, and won't do it now. This "frienship" is damaging me, keeping my emotions in limbo. To get past someone, I need to cut off contact. This is me getting to know me. I have serious attachment issues. After all, we have been separated for 7 years! But still in contact and that's why contact is not good for me: it won't let me move on. I keep wasting my time on this situation that is over with!
Almost 5 months are gone, it looks like finally I am the 5th stage. I am not ready for another relationship that is for sure. I still need to live and understand myself. But I cannot wait to be ready for the world again. 👍
Great video! Sadly, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The person I thought was the love of my life decided to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. I can’t stop thinking about him, and despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. No matter what I do, he’s always on my mind, and I miss him terribly.
I know how deeply painful this must feel right now. When someone we love leaves, it can feel like a part of ourselves is missing. But here’s something to consider: what if this is an invitation to turn all that love and energy inward? To reconnect with the version of you that maybe got a little lost in the relationship?
It's natural for your mind to keep circling back to him-it’s part of the healing process. But instead of fighting those thoughts, ask yourself: What would the version of me who feels whole and confident do right now? That’s your self-concept calling you forward. This isn't about winning him back-it's about reclaiming you.
You’ve got this. 💛
Thanks for this. I identify with most of it. Initial signs of anger coming in. Very occasional glimpses of acceptance. Very bad day today in the “If only I’d….” or “If only I was more…” rumination zone. Imagining her with the cool, super chilled guy who has none of the insecurities I let jeopardise the relationship. Also, trying not to forget though that she wasn’t perfect and played her own role in the dysfunction. She was the love of my life though. Don’t see that changing anytime soon.
I know how you feel very well. Months ago, I felt like my life would never be as good as it used to be. I wished so hard I could go back in time and make different choices. I saw his flaws, but thought if only I did this or that, he would have stayed. Well, now I don't believe any of it. My life is better then ever before, I know for sure I didn't lose the love of my life, I'm enjoying single life. Yes, it still hurts from time to time. I feel anxious sometimes. At moments, I can have some doubts. But mostly I am convinced this is the best thing the relationship gave me. Feelings change. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
@@101Vrie Thanks - good to know. Hope your journey remains smooth and positive🙂
I feel exactly how you feel right now. Literally exactly. How are you doing now?
@ Wishing you fortitude. I don’t even know how I’m doing to be honest. The rumination has decreased a lot and it’s more of a background pain now with ‘occasional outbreaks’. Finally managed to have a break from the boozy weekends which is helping - that was the worst coping strategy, but I think somewhere in the back of my mind I was trying to recreate the circumstances in which is met her. I think I need to leave all of that behind for a while and kind of rebirth myself into a different life. Or take a holiday from many of the old bad habits that remind me of her or weaken me mentally. Slowly becoming more capable of doing that. Still suffering from depression over it, but more functional now. Seeing that there were perhaps some underlying issues in myself that caused such a catastrophic reaction to losing her. Either life will never be the same again and I just have to adapt, or maybe I’ll get over it somehow. I flip flop between glimpses of both possibilities, but can’t see which side it’s going to fall on. Or if it will go in a completely different direction altogether.
@@2660016A wow. I wanna appreciate you for being so open and willing to talk about it. Sounds like you are making strides for the better. The glimpses of both are relatable for me for sure. I’m still struggling with that fact that’s it’s over for good (she told me she wanted a divorce 3 days ago). I don’t feel as if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for the part that I played in the ending of the relationship. I also don’t ever feel like I’ll stop loving her as my wife. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes though. Trying to take it one day at a time and only control what I can AKA me and my actions. Forcing myself to keep good habits and not go back to old conquered demons. Wishing you the best and let me know if you would like to have someone to talk to. I think talking with people going through similar things is very helpful. God bless you my friend and I pray you have better days soon!
Thankyou for your kindness, compassion and understanding. Your gentleness is so healing for me during this unimaginably painful and transformational time.
I'm 26 [male] and my first relationship of over 4.5 years just ended a week ago. Its so hard grieving a person whose alive and well and I am with joy to have found this video. You are helping me a lot and Thanks Dr.
Omg I just had a light bulb moment when you mentioned emotionally addicted abandonment. This is exactly how I felt in my relationship. I was emotionally unavailable and disconnected from my relationship, then I started chasing unavailable women. I failed to go through the process of authentic healing. This was so spot on to my situation. Just have to figure out the abandonment part from my past. I see my psychologist tomorrow. Thank you for enlightening me, it was so very helpful, thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
I'm glad that comment was helpful! I also have a video on emotional addiction to abandonment: ua-cam.com/video/H-iNy9Iw674/v-deo.html
Maika, this is some crazy timing with you posting this just the day after I broke up with my partner of almost 3 years. I don't even know what to say but thank you for making this video.
Thank you Dr. Steinborn. I spent a day watching your videos (I plan to watch more) and they helped me immensely when I was at my lowest. I learned a lot about myself and my past relationships and have a much better outlook thanks to you. The content as well as your delivery was very comforting. I hope you realize how much good you are doing 💜
Don't wait for explanations from ex that will not hapen or tou don't understand it.
If necessary talk with family, friend or specialist.
Focus on yourself you are most important not a person who don't want you.
Don't think every day what ex do or think, this is independ of you and unnecessarily waiste of time,
Don't follow ex on social media, hide every items and fotos to avoid memories.
The way takes some time ...
and at the end there is possibility that you find someone elese mutch better what I wish for you
Thank you!
Thank you Maika! This helped me understand what I have gone through and what I am going through now - experiencing more of the "lifting." I am realizing more and more that the break up was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was a rude awakening that's turning out to be a beautiful and amazing metamorphosis😇
In-depth, insightful video that explains the process, allowing the process, and great tips to overcome and move-on. Thank you from the bottom of my (shattered) heart
I couldnt make it thru this video without crying...thank you so much. Yes i have to work on myself. Im so happy i found this video ..
My girlfriend of 4.5 years just broke up with me on Tuesday. Completely shattered my heart and hope for our future together. This video was so helpful in teaching me to identify my emotions and feel them fully without shame. Thank you so much
I’m glad this was helpful 🙏🏻 All the best for your healing process ❤️🩹
Love the way you talk as I feel I'm listening to a book read aloud 😊
Thank you so much. I don't have many friends anymore. Nobody to listen to what I'm feeling and everything you said was what I needed to hear. Thank you.
I’m here to talk if you like. I just came out of a 4 yr relationship and I really loved her deeply, it’s been the hardest thing ever.
Thank you so much! Beautifully spoken and very wise. I am cycling through all the stages over the last 5 weeks. I am ready to break through and face reality
I really enjoyed your video thanks , I've been going through the most difficult 2 months of my life after breaking up with my partner and everything you said relates to my feelings and emotions , I think it's going to be a long process.
Thanks for your help and advice to make me a better person.
It sucks bro. Mine was the worst at month 4. I’m at almost 6 now and finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing you can do but feel the pain and use it as fuel. That’s it. There is a reason for this. You just have to find out what it is. Keep your head up.
Wow these comments and what I’m going through make it hard to ever trust being in love again
He just broke up with me two days ago. Right now I don‘t know what to feel.. I feel lost, numb and somehow betrayed. I didn‘t see it coming and he had been thinking about breaking up for weeks - how is that even possible? And now I question every moment we had the last few weeks - it has all been a lie and I don‘t know how to handle this. I‘m in desperate need of a hug but my family lives 1000km away. Hopeful things will change sooner than later
I just ended a five-year relationship with someone I deeply loved. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done - walking away was shattering and heartbreaking-but I couldn’t stay with someone who didn’t return the love I gave, who lied to me, and who constantly diminished my feelings to make me feel small. I had felt alone in the relationship for a long time, and as painful as it is, I know I’m better off being truly alone than feeling lonely within my relationship.
Despite the heartbreak, there was a sense of peace in letting go. I believe there’s hope on the other side, and I trust that peace will come. I will find my way back to myself, to my sparkle, and one day, to a love that is whole and unconditional-not fragmented or one-sided. Perhaps losing him was necessary for me to fully love myself. Instead of seeking validation from others, I’m learning to find it within and reclaim my power.
Thank you. Clear. Concise. Deliberate
The way that you talk and describe these situations are too detaild... Now I know what is happening to me...Thank you for making this video
thank you, I must be coming out of stage 4, just because I have really been trying to sit with this feeling, accept it and be at peace with it, what appears to be something wrong is just something coming right. I found this video calming and confirming and peaceful, like a sign post on the road pointing towards a city and saying I was going the right way, thanks for making it
Awesome video! Thank you so much! I've been feeling so much shame lately and it's so nice to have the compassion and understanding presented here. I'm DEFINITELY realizing I had premature closure lol. Over a year ago a really important person left my life very suddenly. I was completely shattered (Also a great term I'd never heard it before). I cried and mourned and was depressed for over a year. I felt I was starting to get over it. I was putting a lot of effort into dating apps hoping to get back out there but then I had a dream about her. I brought it up in therapy and I could barely even speak about it. I cried and sobbed nearly the whole session. I couldn't say her name. I couldn't say what I missed and loved about her. I couldn't even call her 'she' -- I kept saying 'they' to keep distance from her I felt so much hurt and shame again. Videos like this have given me such peace and support. I'm allowing myself to sit with these old emotions without shame or anger and it feels so comforting, warm and healing. It's so frustrating knowing I'm not over her but it just takes what it takes. It's just evident of what that person meant to me.
Thank you for this video and thank you to everyone in the comments. Your stories are worth sharing and have been so uplifting.
First video since I received the news only hours ago. Still shocked and not completely sure this is reality right now but fully accepting my part in the breakdown of his feelings cause I’m unhealed. I pray I can come out of this a better person. The journey starts now and I’m scared to death.
Thankyou, you have helping me so much. Soothing my thoughts through knowledge and understanding, as i could easily get stuck on negative, destructive thoughts
Thank you….
My now ex, just broke up with me after 20 years. Half a life together, 3 kids and what I thought was our common vision for life together, ended with a sudden decision. All the confusion, denial, shock, disbelief, hope, anger, all taking their part in chaotic whirlwinds of emotions, have gradually broken me down, made me cry, sobbing, for the first time in over 30 years. Made me fear a total breakdown, taken away all my strength and made me question if I can take this, take it another second, made me despair if I can handle it. Now it all makes sense. Now I have some help to avoid the traps, understand what I am going through. Thank you for giving us a way to turn the tide, understand and find strength to sort our feelings and work our way through our crisis. This is exactly what I needed. I am filled with so much gratitude, my heart is calling out that it loves this help.
Thank you
💛🙏🏻✨🌞 All the best
Kk I😊
I am angered right now and was ruminating bad last week, I now recognize your stages are true and an important part of letting go of my ex
I just found your channel today. It has been insanely helpful as I navigate an incredibly painful situation. Thank you so much for your insight, and helping all of us understand ourselves a bit more as we heal.
Great video and amazing comments! I’m in my third month of healing. It’s a little better but still not good. It hurts, especially because she rebounded. Awful.
All the best!
The way you compared missing someone to the same as withdrawing was spot on. I’ve gone through opioid withdrawal and i can honestly say that missing “the one” is equally as painful
I needed this today, 41 days kicked out. Abandoned, I was called an abuser, a manipulator, a gas lighter, and a narcissist. So I left. It had been absolutely a struggle.
Feel this on a different level. Trying to use this to help me be better and pave the way to the future.
Thank you Maika! This helped me think through my post break up journey. It is a real challenge to face up to my feelings and embrace them instead of going into denial, but worth it. I feel lighter now and doing my much needed inner work. I am clearer about myself, my ex and what happened in our relationship; my boundaries and my non-negotiables in a relationship😀The break up is turning out to be a major breakthrough for me🌺
A great video. I am pretty much through the whole lot of it after 21 months. Your videos have helped me immensly, thanks.
Now, my biggest problem is actually going through everything that needs to be done after 30 + years.
Any way, Maike, thankyou
I am in this process ❤😢
24, here. My relationship of almost 3 years just ended last month. She broke up with me to heal and grow on her own. She says it’s not fair to me that she’s so damaged but I don’t care and she won’t let me be there for her.
The exact same thing happened to me :( he wants to be on his own and there is nothing I can do about it.
You are young, move on from her. She’s not for you. Be glad you find out now.
Bro she just found someone new she dont care for you move on dont hope... watch when u find out in the hard way so u better be ready so it wont come as shock to you
Take her word. You *DO NOT NEED NOR WANT TO BE WITH A DAMAGED PERSON,* it will damage and destory you in ways you can't even imagine, because damaged people drag us to their hell, and it is a almost impossible to come out of someone else's hell clean, unmarked or untainted. It happened to me, so I know this firsthand. Always remember this: No one deserves the honor or credit of doing of us what we don't want.
You are young, be thankful that she didn't anchor herself to you to solve her problems even if you're willing or believe you can do it. You can't. She's not your daughter.
So, shamelessly surrender and dive deep into your emotions, let them flow (knowing it wasn't your fault) and come out of it *FAST.* Grab all that love you have for her and give it to yourself. Learn from your experience and know that you deserve to be with someone that's whole and stable, you WILL find her. And be thankful with whatever deity you believe in that you are still here and not in Hell.
Yikes. She’s not “healing”…I hope you realize that when she inevitably try’s to come back
I still hurt every day. My wife left for a drug dealer in 97. I’ve not healed. They say time will heal. I still cry for my family. My kids are grown now. I missed there whole life
Sounds like you are still stuck traumatized from the breakup in 97.. You should seek therapy to be able to reclaim your life where you become more emotionally healed to move on. The best to you.. ❤
Thank you for this video Dr Maika, it was really helpful and resourceful. The first part related to the envision of the whole process was really useful for me, after the breakup I felt everything like a strange mix and going back and forth continuosly but now I know that that's also valid. Thanks and greetings from Spain!
This is extremely validating and amazing advice. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos! ❤❤
i wasted my 7 years of my life with a man which left me 7 times and always he was coming back… he left again…im destroyed, lost weight, can’t sleep , talking about him a lot… he just walked away with no explanation
never even asked if im alive
he went back to his ex…
hopefully i will find the strength to heal
Sorry… people are horrible. We can’t ignore the signs any longer! Stay strong
My husband left me and kids with no explanation at all, 😢 really having a hard time cant eat sleep not relaxing ruminating… praying for you also.. we will be happy soonest
@@georginasvlog4913 we will but at the moment have to build up our confidence and strength not to look back because it’s nothing there for us….
Hey Dr.! Enjoyed your video! A side note: you have really pretty eyes!
Thank you for creating this. It was helpful.
Very helpful, glad I found this. True all of it, two years still processing it all. She left over a text no closure really at all. Just questions.
How do you stop the pain? I😢
There's really no healthy way to completely stop the pain immediately - it will go away eventually, though. But you can stop adding extra pain (if you're doing that) in the form of self-deprication or pressuring yourself... All the best 💗
@@DrMaikaSteinborn aww, you responded 🤍 Thank you so much, Doc! Your videos were very helpful. I’m glad I discovered your channel.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
interesting question one person had...are you speaking from a position of experience....it does seem...yourcintensity and articulation is very engaging...and very encouraging...i am in month 36 after a seperation and then divorce. we knew each for 23 years.....its been difficult....she refused to talk through it....and this cyclical thing has been my experience....i find this information really uplifting because i was thnking....damn why can i not get over this....but i am progessing...and naturally 23 years being trashed takes time to reorder and reframe. Thanks Doc. i will watch your other material.
There are some days that I have all the stages, on another days there are some or even 1. I even had a day of self superation euphoria. And momments of the day that I lose myself on immense sadness. Havent identify rage yet. I have identify momments of "I did my best, I was kind, I offer the best of me and It didnt matter" saying that to myself. There is also guilt, because it is a fact that there was a problem with me (not toxic behaviours).
Thanks for your great video. ❤
My ex partner is an amazing person. I’m very aware of who I was with. A breakdown in communication within a relationship is akin to someone cheating. It’s a slow burn, but make no mistake is completely destroys both. Right now I’m trying to come to terms with someone making a choice to not be with me, for the good of us both! I want to fight! But I know it’s not fair to pursue, because it’ll destroy me. My attachment style is avoidant! It’s horrible, I wish I understood this about myself years ago! Having an avoidant attachment style is horrible. My brain fights with itself, like I know what I should do in situations by I retreat and defend myself, rather than going after the person I love above all. It’s a constant struggle. I don’t want to let go of the love. I don’t want to let it die within me. I can’t accept that I failed, that I wasn’t enough! Mourning over your love, the little moments is when the pain really hits!
Stage 5 Lifting.... cut to me at the gym misreading the instructions
🏋😅
Thank you for making me feel human. I'm waiting for her to text me back and say our last goodbyes as lovers, and come back later as friends. It hurts so much but I know she loves me as a person. I just wasn't right for her.
This! Great perspective and you can still be good friends. That’s my hope as well. Just weren’t the ones for eachother.
Just broken, thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy I known for thirteen years ago. Gradually he turned into a emotonal immature parent, hanging out with his 26th year adult.
5 years and he just walked away….no explanation, no respect for my feelings. It makes you feel worthless. It is hard to move on when you don’t understand why?
Excellent insight, very helpful for my current situation. Thanks
This is immensely helpful. Thank you.
Ive resently broke up with my fiance for 5 years.. I moved out a week ago and she has already met someone new. Its my fault because i drank too much at the weekends and she told me to stop many times but I took it for granted, we had really fun and the intimacy was the best we both ever had(even up to the day I moved out) . I decied to not drink anymore and start doing the things that she loves, but i feel like its too late and its killing me! She will she him again this weekend and he is comming to our place( hers and the kids now) and its devastating. I can see her balcony from my apartment and that I know that he will be there is tearing me apart. I have never felt anger nor hate cause I cant blame her for this. All I want to do now is to show her that I can be the one I should have been and get her back. Hope someone here has been in the same situation as me or similar. Thank you!
I’m going thru something similar 😢
I feel you my brother. We are in this together and I hope you are doing better now. I would do this for yourself! You are great and need to let go of the things you did wrong eventually and be the better person. You will never take a great relationship for granted in the future. Sending love my friend.
For me it's worst because he was never a relationship. I only wished he was. I call it my unrelationship or my unfriends. Ir's very sad to not be appreciated on any level
We only dated for 2.5 months and I was devastated distraught and absolutely in agony for 4/5 months, I’ve never had any experience like that before. I’ only now starting to have days where I don’t feel like I’m dying inside. I blamed myself and ruminated on everything that I did ‘wrong’ the last time we saw each other (I had an emotional shutdown and was inadvertently cold and distant) as he broke it off shortly after this by slowly withdrawing and then breaking up over text without first talking or anything and said it wasn’t healthy for us to continue and he didn’t develop feelings. I was absolutely devastated and questioned my reality and sanity for months, going over every single minutia of detail. It was horrific.
Reading this comment sounds pretty scary since it sounds almost exactly like my situation, where I’m the “he/him”.
@@domsh3432 do you mean you experienced what I did, or were the one who broke it off? If so, what happened?
Had the same situation. Dated 2,5 months. Then my now ex started going distant. I wanted to meet and we talked. Then my ex said they need some time - 2 weeks. My ex said they would prefer if we still were in contact. We didnt text at all tho, so my ex did a slow fade and broke up with me after 2-3 weeks after the last meet. I offered help, support, space and time. But i also said that i still respect myself and keep being together if I’m only pushing them to do stuff. That it takes 2 people to make a relationship. My ex didnt even respond to this. So i confesed my love for the last time and went no contact. I also ruminated really hard like you. Wondering where it went wrong. I broke no contact 3 months after the break up. About their shirt, only got a single response. I also broke NC a month later (4 months in) to be ghosted. Its now been 9 months. Still no contact and pretty much over it. Ive been going on many trips - abroad, camping, public pools and I’m still hitting the gym as before. It has been the worst pain ever tho so i completely symphatize with you - ruminating about everything. This person was my everything at the time
@@domsh3432 hey I’m sorry you went through that, it does sound very similar to what I experienced - even down to the breaking NC at 3 months. The only difference was that I had experienced an emotional shutdown in response to the change in dynamic as he was less verbally affectionate and emotionally engaged as before, and I felt very unsafe and perceived it as a rejection. But I knew it was me and my own issues so I went ahead and met him on our last date, after seeing me in that shutdown state he went cold and distant and broke it off. If it’s any consolation, your ex sounds like she has avoidant/withdrawal tendencies. Have you looked into attachment styles/theory? That kind of withdrawal and distancing after having an otherwise strong, intense connection is very typical of those who have avoidant tendencies. From the sounds of it you did everything right and couldn’t have done anything differently, this was her own fears/insecurities etc playing up and not anything on your side.
Very helpful video, explain very good thanks miss🤗
This is helping me so much, thank you
Thank you so much for this video!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you :)
Such a profound video I am so happy I found you. Thank you.
Lowkey affecting every aspect of my life. I work sales commussion only and my sales are down to half what they used to be. I ate like Kirby before the breakup. Now i barely touch food. Its like... i feel like im dying. Its like grief. An unimaginable amout of it. She was my everything. 5 years living together... 7 years of being my best friend. I done fucked it all up. Gotta just accept. Still 2 months in and i feel like im barely out of the denial phase.
It’s Day 11.
I am lost, in denial. My ADHD brain is making me hyperfocus on only the pain and the memories. I am crying, hating myself and when I seek for help, there’s nobody. The loneliness makes it exponentially worse. And I am becoming more sure every lday that I can not get through with this.
If you need to talk to someone and you're in the US, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) All the best for your healing journey!
I'm sorry. I am going through this and whenever I can't shut my brain off I get up and walk. It has helped me. I hope you find something that helps you. You are worth the work.
Excellently put,
many thanks!
I'm 47 and my ex broke up with me 2 and a half weeks ago, out of the blue. I am still bouncing between stages, but mostly feeling hurt and confused and sad and hollow. I am seeing a professional in two days though. I am hopeful they can give me some tips to move on productively.
This was outstanding thank you 🙏
Not related to the video but could you make a video on setting healthy boundaries with social media while still being compassionate with ourselves?
Thinking about it!
I met someone recently that I didn’t really like at first and since separating from him I feel an intense connection almost like it’s a holy union destined to happen. Very scary because I imagined it so differently and never imagined I could love someone this much.
I was with my fiancé for 18 years, and she wanted a break up. I’m absolutely heartbroken 💔 and I feel so empty inside. She says she still want me in her life, and she said there always hope for us to be a committed couple again, but she says because her ADHD, and somethings I need to work on we need to do it apart from one another.
Thank you...this was helpful.
Thank you.
He broke up with me 2 days ago. In the beginning he was planning a long term relationship. After 2 years (.not living together) he began pulling away 2 months ago. How does someone suck you in using the soulmate thing and then does a 180. Devastating 💔
Oh god they do it all the time
I was with my ex for 7 years and have been broken up since june of this year. It has been so hard and watching these types of videos helps so much. I have one question. If i still work with my ex’s parents should i stay or should i quit? Im not on bad terms with them or her but seeing them reminds me of her which then brings back memories. Idk if i should stay or go.
I’m glad these videos have been helpful! It’s hard to comment on your question without knowing all the details. You can make a list of the benefits and costs of staying at this job and see if the benefits outweigh the costs or not.
Thank you, you videos have helped me
I dont trust anyone anymore, trying to date is scary to me now
Yeag
@@Losermachine35 yeah I feel u.
I really hope I can go through this 😭 although it was just 2 months of dating it's even more difficult because she left because of my past mistakes.
Insightful
This 😢😭😭😭so true !
It's hard to come to terms with the fact that even the things we feel the most sure about, like the love from a partner, can just be gone in an instant without any explanation. And we just have to keep smiling and getting up in the morning and doing whatever we're doing and telling people "I'm fine". While inside there is so much pain and suffering.
After a couple of times, it makes it hard to be open to do the whole thing again. Sure it feels nice when everything is going well, but is it worth the risk of getting your heart broken again? Going through months of depression, anxiety, longing etc again? It feels like a waste of time by now.
My now ex boyfriend broke up with me two days after meeting my family reasoning being not being over his ex wife. We were suppose to go away this weekend for my birthday. I am still upset over it and he has ignored all my text messages.
So sorry about that. May you find the strength to forgive and move on. May there be better at the end. Been there and through the pain