You can find more videos to watch on this topic here 👉 “Psychologist On How To Stop A Breakup Or Divorce From Breaking Your Self Esteem“ ua-cam.com/video/N4DydeawCsU/v-deo.html and in my breakup playlist 👉ua-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
It’s worse for me because I never really had a true relationship. I had deep feelings for him but he had absolutely no feelings for me. This was very sad because not only had I choose only him to get close to after losing my husband of nine years. My desired partner had no feelings or desire for me. We weren’t friends, he refused to go anywhere with me or spend any significant time with me. I stayed inside after he accused me of stalking him. I didn’t even want to pass his house. I wish I could have brought him something to make him feel desired and cared about. I wasn’t able to be a real adult and being able to be an adult woman with adult feelings. I want to have the room to express even real low level affection. He never wanted me to touch him. I wish I could have been alowed to be spontaneous and express my very basic hurt emotions. I want to manage my feelings. Better!
My wife just left. She's got a drug problem. I've been trying to help her for ten years. She's wonderful when she's sober. But she chose drugs and alcohol, and walked out. So I am processing. I know it's the best choice to let her go, but... I'm not sure if I'm in love with her,or my idea of her. Thanks for responding to me. You have a great manor.
I lost 10 kg in 1.5 month, my whole world was destroyed by the person whom I trust most in all my life. The shock is still with me with sleeping issues
Exact same situation for me. I lost 10 lbs in a matter of weeks. It has been months and while I am doing better it's still rough. The everyday reminders, the sleepless nights, dreams that are sometimes good sometimes bad where like I'll wake up from crying in my sleep. It's one of if not the worst period of my life.
I'm so sorry you have been through this. Really. I belive that you would get back your own strength and get over. Even if some days you recall the all the memories which slow you down from the healing process. Please just accept it and don't blame yourself on anything. You did your best in your relationship. Really. Now do your best to protect your inner self. I'm praying you will feel better.
I don’t think my wife ever did this, she moved on with a new relationship 4 months after we separated. I tried to reconcile and was rejected after being together for 9 years. And her behavior is to just blame me and has not taken any responsibility or blame for her part for me to separate. I have got help with seeking counseling, church and turning to God for healing and self reflection.
I just caught my wife after being separated with a pair of g string panties with her new boyfriend’s name on them. She lied and said it was a joke between her and her girlfriends. Divorce hasn’t even been dismissed yet! So we are still married and she basically is having or has an internet to have an affair! 20 years married! 27 years relationship. I’m healing and will never reconcile with her lying ass. Even have 3 kids to! Looks like it’s gonna be parallel parenting!
I'm 26 and my first relationship of over 8.5 years just ended a few days ago. I am so glad to have found this video because it helps me understand that what I'm feeling is valid and part of healing. Even though it hurts so bad at times, there is also this relief of having space to myself to get to know this "new" version of myself. To discover the identity of who I am without the person I spent almost a third of my life with.
Best of luck on your journey. It can be difficult, messy, confusing, painful, but also transformative and healing on so many levels. Being out of my past relationship for months now, I can confidently tell you that even though it still hurts from time to time, the break up and what I've learned from it was the best thing that could have happened to me. My life is better then ever before. So take this time for yourself, just as you need.
Thank you so much for sharing. I really resonate with what you have been through. I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤
It took me almost 4 years to climb out of it. I had to claw every inch of the way to move past it. There was a time when I literally felt a sharp pain in my heart cause I felt that he was already with someone else.
Almost 5 years for me. My college sweetheart. After 25 years we finally got together. After all of the suffering I had though my hard life, I finally won. 4 years later she left. Now it’s 9 years later and I’m Still not over it. It’s a bit easier but not one day goes by where I don’t think of her. Why did this happen to me? Why did I lose again….. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I guess I’ll give myself credit for at least surviving.
Got broken up with 4 days ago. Feels so shattering, feels like the pain will never go away but i’ve been through this before and i know it will go away with time. Definitely gonna not get into a relationship anytime soon before i’m fully healed and have really met the right one.
Got broken up 3 weeks ago. I loved her but for some reason she thinks we r not compatible. But in starting she was the one saying we r made for each other. I love her. I feel empty from inside. I can't sleep properly. I can't talk about it to anyone. I want to move on i want to be better. I'm getting anxiety attacks every now and then. The fact that we have same DOB and we were basically have everything in common it makes it harder to move on. But i know everything will be better one day and i will be happy again.
"We are made for each other, no once has ever made me feel this way, it was destiny, it was faith that we met, you are my soulmate, I can see our future together." Sounds familiar?? typical love bombing lines they tell you to get you hooked.
These replies r really helpful. I'm still struggling daily. Just keeping my head up moving as forward as possible everyday. I will update u guys when I be able to be happy and moved on . Thank you guys
@@maharishiprakash398 no worries, currently healing from a 10 year relationship, she monkey branched in 1 week, it hurts, really hurts, this is the 3rd month of healing, 1st month was hard, lost 15lbs in that month, can't eat, can't sleep, don't have any motivation, anything that I usually enjoy just doesn't help, started to hurt myself unfortunitely, went back to drinking and smoking, 2nd month still hurts like hell but I listed all the things that was positive and negative about the relationship, it opened my eyes that I was the one pouring out from my cup and there was no pouring back on her part, realized that I was used to have a comfy life, someone to support her during her lowest times, and discarded like trash when no longer needed. Chin up my dude, it will get better, one step at a time, make a journal of your emotions day by day, and you'll see improvement from the 1st days prior.
@@maharishiprakash398 and BTW people usually try to mirror their SO to make them seem more compatible, and love bombers or narcs also do the same to make you feel like you met the love of your life.
I just came across your videos while I’m going through a very hard breakup. We were together for 11 years and my life was completely shattered and turned upside down. Your videos are so insightful and helpful. Glad I found your page! 😊
I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤. I resonate with Hozier in his song “first time”, the last 4 verses say: “Some part of me must have died The final time you called me baby But some part of me came alive The final time you called me baby”
Thanks for this. I identify with most of it. Initial signs of anger coming in. Very occasional glimpses of acceptance. Very bad day today in the “If only I’d….” or “If only I was more…” rumination zone. Imagining her with the cool, super chilled guy who has none of the insecurities I let jeopardise the relationship. Also, trying not to forget though that she wasn’t perfect and played her own role in the dysfunction. She was the love of my life though. Don’t see that changing anytime soon.
I know how you feel very well. Months ago, I felt like my life would never be as good as it used to be. I wished so hard I could go back in time and make different choices. I saw his flaws, but thought if only I did this or that, he would have stayed. Well, now I don't believe any of it. My life is better then ever before, I know for sure I didn't lose the love of my life, I'm enjoying single life. Yes, it still hurts from time to time. I feel anxious sometimes. At moments, I can have some doubts. But mostly I am convinced this is the best thing the relationship gave me. Feelings change. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Thankyou for your kindness, compassion and understanding. Your gentleness is so healing for me during this unimaginably painful and transformational time.
I needed this today, 41 days kicked out. Abandoned, I was called an abuser, a manipulator, a gas lighter, and a narcissist. So I left. It had been absolutely a struggle.
Maika, this is some crazy timing with you posting this just the day after I broke up with my partner of almost 3 years. I don't even know what to say but thank you for making this video.
Omg I just had a light bulb moment when you mentioned emotionally addicted abandonment. This is exactly how I felt in my relationship. I was emotionally unavailable and disconnected from my relationship, then I started chasing unavailable women. I failed to go through the process of authentic healing. This was so spot on to my situation. Just have to figure out the abandonment part from my past. I see my psychologist tomorrow. Thank you for enlightening me, it was so very helpful, thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
i wasted my 7 years of my life with a man which left me 7 times and always he was coming back… he left again…im destroyed, lost weight, can’t sleep , talking about him a lot… he just walked away with no explanation never even asked if im alive he went back to his ex… hopefully i will find the strength to heal
My husband left me and kids with no explanation at all, 😢 really having a hard time cant eat sleep not relaxing ruminating… praying for you also.. we will be happy soonest
Just broken, thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy I known for thirteen years ago. Gradually he turned into a emotonal immature parent, hanging out with his 26th year adult.
Almost 5 months are gone, it looks like finally I am the 5th stage. I am not ready for another relationship that is for sure. I still need to live and understand myself. But I cannot wait to be ready for the world again. 👍
I just found your channel today. It has been insanely helpful as I navigate an incredibly painful situation. Thank you so much for your insight, and helping all of us understand ourselves a bit more as we heal.
Don't wait for explanations from ex that will not hapen or tou don't understand it. If necessary talk with family, friend or specialist. Focus on yourself you are most important not a person who don't want you. Don't think every day what ex do or think, this is independ of you and unnecessarily waiste of time, Don't follow ex on social media, hide every items and fotos to avoid memories. The way takes some time ... and at the end there is possibility that you find someone elese mutch better what I wish for you
I really enjoyed your video thanks , I've been going through the most difficult 2 months of my life after breaking up with my partner and everything you said relates to my feelings and emotions , I think it's going to be a long process. Thanks for your help and advice to make me a better person.
It sucks bro. Mine was the worst at month 4. I’m at almost 6 now and finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing you can do but feel the pain and use it as fuel. That’s it. There is a reason for this. You just have to find out what it is. Keep your head up.
Thank you for making me feel human. I'm waiting for her to text me back and say our last goodbyes as lovers, and come back later as friends. It hurts so much but I know she loves me as a person. I just wasn't right for her.
It would be interesting to see this from the perspective of the one who initiated the breakup. Sometimes it seems like they come back when you’re healed.
We only dated for 2.5 months and I was devastated distraught and absolutely in agony for 4/5 months, I’ve never had any experience like that before. I’ only now starting to have days where I don’t feel like I’m dying inside. I blamed myself and ruminated on everything that I did ‘wrong’ the last time we saw each other (I had an emotional shutdown and was inadvertently cold and distant) as he broke it off shortly after this by slowly withdrawing and then breaking up over text without first talking or anything and said it wasn’t healthy for us to continue and he didn’t develop feelings. I was absolutely devastated and questioned my reality and sanity for months, going over every single minutia of detail. It was horrific.
In-depth, insightful video that explains the process, allowing the process, and great tips to overcome and move-on. Thank you from the bottom of my (shattered) heart
Thank you Maika! This helped me think through my post break up journey. It is a real challenge to face up to my feelings and embrace them instead of going into denial, but worth it. I feel lighter now and doing my much needed inner work. I am clearer about myself, my ex and what happened in our relationship; my boundaries and my non-negotiables in a relationship😀The break up is turning out to be a major breakthrough for me🌺
24, here. My relationship of almost 3 years just ended last month. She broke up with me to heal and grow on her own. She says it’s not fair to me that she’s so damaged but I don’t care and she won’t let me be there for her.
Bro she just found someone new she dont care for you move on dont hope... watch when u find out in the hard way so u better be ready so it wont come as shock to you
Take her word. You *DO NOT NEED NOR WANT TO BE WITH A DAMAGED PERSON,* it will damage and destory you in ways you can't even imagine, because damaged people drag us to their hell, and it is a almost impossible to come out of someone else's hell clean, unmarked or untainted. It happened to me, so I know this firsthand. Always remember this: No one deserves the honor or credit of doing of us what we don't want. You are young, be thankful that she didn't anchor herself to you to solve her problems even if you're willing or believe you can do it. You can't. She's not your daughter. So, shamelessly surrender and dive deep into your emotions, let them flow (knowing it wasn't your fault) and come out of it *FAST.* Grab all that love you have for her and give it to yourself. Learn from your experience and know that you deserve to be with someone that's whole and stable, you WILL find her. And be thankful with whatever deity you believe in that you are still here and not in Hell.
There are some days that I have all the stages, on another days there are some or even 1. I even had a day of self superation euphoria. And momments of the day that I lose myself on immense sadness. Havent identify rage yet. I have identify momments of "I did my best, I was kind, I offer the best of me and It didnt matter" saying that to myself. There is also guilt, because it is a fact that there was a problem with me (not toxic behaviours).
My girlfriend of 4.5 years just broke up with me on Tuesday. Completely shattered my heart and hope for our future together. This video was so helpful in teaching me to identify my emotions and feel them fully without shame. Thank you so much
I hate that I broke up with my ex wayyy back then. We got together ten months later but the damage was done and couldn't sustain. I look back now and I cannot believe how cold I was to her. I'm sorry, Baby Girl. I should have been better. At least now I know that I need to work on me. I wish not to cause this pain ever again.
Ive resently broke up with my fiance for 5 years.. I moved out a week ago and she has already met someone new. Its my fault because i drank too much at the weekends and she told me to stop many times but I took it for granted, we had really fun and the intimacy was the best we both ever had(even up to the day I moved out) . I decied to not drink anymore and start doing the things that she loves, but i feel like its too late and its killing me! She will she him again this weekend and he is comming to our place( hers and the kids now) and its devastating. I can see her balcony from my apartment and that I know that he will be there is tearing me apart. I have never felt anger nor hate cause I cant blame her for this. All I want to do now is to show her that I can be the one I should have been and get her back. Hope someone here has been in the same situation as me or similar. Thank you!
There's really no healthy way to completely stop the pain immediately - it will go away eventually, though. But you can stop adding extra pain (if you're doing that) in the form of self-deprication or pressuring yourself... All the best 💗
thank you a lot Maika, appreciate your work a lot :) i have 3 questions relating to grief: 1. Is it possible to suppress pain so deeply through distraction that it never comes up? 2. does the time length of a relationship play a big role in this, or is it rather the emotional intensity of the relationship (even short term relationships) which makes a breakup so painful? 3. What is the average length of time it takes to go through all the stages of grief for a healthy person? best regards =)
Hey I gotta tell you from my perspective as a man going through a break up after being cheated on. Don't look for numbers or "normal" time to heal. Just focus on yourself and do things you love, each person has its own emotional clock. I'm month and a half in and sometimes feel going backwards after a few good days, it is normal don't fight it and love yourself❤
All of these emotions come in waves and they just hit you whenever. Male often deal with break-ups later on where times passed by and they start to grieve the relationship, whilst women on the other hand are the first one to suffer and embrace the pain, hence when the male starts to come back after months, women are too empowered to take them back. It doesn’t really matter with how much time you had with the person, in my opinion. I’ve been only with my ex for seven months but the quality of our love was deep and pure. It depends when you look back on your relationship and start to outweigh the good with the bad.
Hi Ari! When pain is suppressed it always leads to more difficulties down the road - that can take many shapes and forms. All circumstances of the breakup - length of the relationship, intensity etc. - affect the way someone feels after a breakup, definitely! It's hard to say how long it takes, it's very individual. What I can say: it takes time and when you're there, you'll know 🙂
I was with my ex for 7 years and have been broken up since june of this year. It has been so hard and watching these types of videos helps so much. I have one question. If i still work with my ex’s parents should i stay or should i quit? Im not on bad terms with them or her but seeing them reminds me of her which then brings back memories. Idk if i should stay or go.
I’m glad these videos have been helpful! It’s hard to comment on your question without knowing all the details. You can make a list of the benefits and costs of staying at this job and see if the benefits outweigh the costs or not.
My now ex boyfriend broke up with me two days after meeting my family reasoning being not being over his ex wife. We were suppose to go away this weekend for my birthday. I am still upset over it and he has ignored all my text messages.
I'm 47 and my ex broke up with me 2 and a half weeks ago, out of the blue. I am still bouncing between stages, but mostly feeling hurt and confused and sad and hollow. I am seeing a professional in two days though. I am hopeful they can give me some tips to move on productively.
I was with my fiancé for 18 years, and she wanted a break up. I’m absolutely heartbroken 💔 and I feel so empty inside. She says she still want me in her life, and she said there always hope for us to be a committed couple again, but she says because her ADHD, and somethings I need to work on we need to do it apart from one another.
You can practice making inner room & radically accepting for the uncomfortable sensations that come up with accountability. Blaming someone else for our own mistakes is a (dysfunctional) attempt at coping with these uncomfortable emotions and sensations. Once you've developed more of a tolerance for this discomfort, you won't be so stressed by it, so you won't need the dysfunctional coping mechanism of blame 🌱
My relationship of a year and a half just ended because I cheated. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt. Biggest mistake of my life. I wish I could go back in time. The pain is unbearable.
Ah I’m so confused as to where I’m at. 16 year breakup in March last year, only relationship I ever had. If anything I feel stuck in first two stages. Lived together for a year after and work at the same place. Bonus points for late autism diagnosis 3 weeks ago and numerous changes and turmoil in my working life. Autism includes some alexithymia too, which does not help matters. On the plus side, I’m still here, just about.
I had 7 and half years relationship and he dated someone new and slept with many women when we were in no contact. I just left him a week ago, and today he texted me that he's sorry about what he has done to me. I'm sorry but I can't go back to this relationship anymore which not valuing me.
Lost 15 pounds the person that I trusted the most, shares my weakest point . Only for her to stab me right in the fucking heart. 3 months still hurt. We got 2 year old together.
I want people to stop sending me videos to make me depressed I want to meet a new female that does not call me handsome I don’t like that word I want to find a girl that calls me something else that is better I don’t like my city either because all the single young woman are hiding or somebody tries to wreck what I’m trying to do
After a week without communication she made a call cause I ask her to he's brother girlfriend,and she said why you need to ask someone else regarding about her,I didn't do that to your siblings
Yes, how long it takes is individual. It depends on different factors like a person's history with relationships, what the relationship was like, how long it lasted, the circumstances of the breakup...
ahh my ex just dumped me after 4 years. he's 41 and just figured out he is a fearful avoidant with trauma. way to go wasing my fertile years :( Now I'm worried I might never have a family, because I chose the wrong person (again). It sucks. At least when I was younger, there was a hope and now at age 34, that seems gone.
I am currently in the lifting stage (occasionally revisiting the other stages) and feel very deeply for those in the early stages ❤️🩹 It gets so much better. While I’m still healing, I’m past the stages of shock, physical pain/nausea and obsessive rumination (which I started referring to as intrusive thoughts 😂). I wish I came across this video in the early stages but perhaps I needed to be in the state I am now to receive this message. Sending lots of love to those in the earlier stages. Take care of yourselves as though you’re caring for someone extremely precious because you are 🫶🏻
You can find more videos to watch on this topic here 👉 “Psychologist On How To Stop A Breakup Or Divorce From Breaking Your Self Esteem“ ua-cam.com/video/N4DydeawCsU/v-deo.html and in my breakup playlist 👉ua-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
It’s worse for me because I never really had a true relationship. I had deep feelings for him but he had absolutely no feelings for me. This was very sad because not only had I choose only him to get close to after losing my husband of nine years. My desired partner had no feelings or desire for me. We weren’t friends, he refused to go anywhere with me or spend any significant time with me.
I stayed inside after he accused me of stalking him. I didn’t even want to pass his house. I wish I could have brought him something to make him feel desired and cared about. I wasn’t able to be a real adult and being able to be an adult
woman with adult feelings. I want to have the room to express even real low level affection. He never wanted me to touch him. I wish I could have been alowed to be spontaneous and express my very basic hurt emotions. I want to manage my feelings. Better!
My wife just left. She's got a drug problem. I've been trying to help her for ten years. She's wonderful when she's sober. But she chose drugs and alcohol, and walked out. So I am processing. I know it's the best choice to let her go, but... I'm not sure if I'm in love with her,or my idea of her. Thanks for responding to me. You have a great manor.
I lost 10 kg in 1.5 month, my whole world was destroyed by the person whom I trust most in all my life. The shock is still with me with sleeping issues
Dont hold it in brother , talk , write , sing , cry it out if you need. Time will heal you. Maybe if thats not what you want , that is what you need.
"Better days are coming homeboy keep your head up"
5 pounds in four days for me, my friend. This is terrible.
Exact same situation for me. I lost 10 lbs in a matter of weeks. It has been months and while I am doing better it's still rough. The everyday reminders, the sleepless nights, dreams that are sometimes good sometimes bad where like I'll wake up from crying in my sleep. It's one of if not the worst period of my life.
I'm so sorry you have been through this. Really. I belive that you would get back your own strength and get over. Even if some days you recall the all the memories which slow you down from the healing process. Please just accept it and don't blame yourself on anything. You did your best in your relationship. Really. Now do your best to protect your inner self. I'm praying you will feel better.
Come on everyone! We’re all going to make it!
I don’t think my wife ever did this, she moved on with a new relationship 4 months after we separated. I tried to reconcile and was rejected after being together for 9 years. And her behavior is to just blame me and has not taken any responsibility or blame for her part for me to separate. I have got help with seeking counseling, church and turning to God for healing and self reflection.
I just caught my wife after being separated with a pair of g string panties with her new boyfriend’s name on them. She lied and said it was a joke between her and her girlfriends. Divorce hasn’t even been dismissed yet! So we are still married and she basically is having or has an internet to have an affair! 20 years married! 27 years relationship. I’m healing and will never reconcile with her lying ass. Even have 3 kids to! Looks like it’s gonna be parallel parenting!
I'm 26 and my first relationship of over 8.5 years just ended a few days ago. I am so glad to have found this video because it helps me understand that what I'm feeling is valid and part of healing. Even though it hurts so bad at times, there is also this relief of having space to myself to get to know this "new" version of myself. To discover the identity of who I am without the person I spent almost a third of my life with.
Best of luck on your journey. It can be difficult, messy, confusing, painful, but also transformative and healing on so many levels. Being out of my past relationship for months now, I can confidently tell you that even though it still hurts from time to time, the break up and what I've learned from it was the best thing that could have happened to me. My life is better then ever before. So take this time for yourself, just as you need.
@@101Vrie that is my experience too - the break up being transformative and the pain comes and goes. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing. I really resonate with what you have been through. I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤
@@marcelamm7658 Keep on staying hopeful. It will get better - slowly but surely as you do the needed inner work🌻
My heart goes out to you. Give yourself grace every day and know you will be okay. ❤
It took me almost 4 years to climb out of it. I had to claw every inch of the way to move past it. There was a time when I literally felt a sharp pain in my heart cause I felt that he was already with someone else.
Thanks for writing that, I'm about 2.5 years and still in turmoil.
Almost 5 years for me.
My college sweetheart. After 25 years we finally got together.
After all of the suffering I had though my hard life, I finally won.
4 years later she left. Now it’s 9 years later and I’m
Still not over it. It’s a bit easier but not one day goes by where I don’t think of her.
Why did this happen to me? Why did I lose again…..
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I guess I’ll give myself credit for at least surviving.
@@user-us1gv2ej9ihave you been with anyone since?
Got broken up with 4 days ago. Feels so shattering, feels like the pain will never go away but i’ve been through this before and i know it will go away with time. Definitely gonna not get into a relationship anytime soon before i’m fully healed and have really met the right one.
That is a true grown up way to deal with the situation!
It's been a week for me. I'm so upset with myself for caring so much.
same here
Day 2 no contact after 2 years together, I feel your pain. We can get through this ❤
I feel this man. Same time frame same outlook. Hope the best for all four of us
Got broken up 3 weeks ago. I loved her but for some reason she thinks we r not compatible. But in starting she was the one saying we r made for each other. I love her. I feel empty from inside. I can't sleep properly. I can't talk about it to anyone. I want to move on i want to be better. I'm getting anxiety attacks every now and then. The fact that we have same DOB and we were basically have everything in common it makes it harder to move on. But i know everything will be better one day and i will be happy again.
It'll
"We are made for each other, no once has ever made me feel this way, it was destiny, it was faith that we met, you are my soulmate, I can see our future together." Sounds familiar?? typical love bombing lines they tell you to get you hooked.
These replies r really helpful. I'm still struggling daily. Just keeping my head up moving as forward as possible everyday. I will update u guys when I be able to be happy and moved on . Thank you guys
@@maharishiprakash398 no worries, currently healing from a 10 year relationship, she monkey branched in 1 week, it hurts, really hurts, this is the 3rd month of healing, 1st month was hard, lost 15lbs in that month, can't eat, can't sleep, don't have any motivation, anything that I usually enjoy just doesn't help, started to hurt myself unfortunitely, went back to drinking and smoking, 2nd month still hurts like hell but I listed all the things that was positive and negative about the relationship, it opened my eyes that I was the one pouring out from my cup and there was no pouring back on her part, realized that I was used to have a comfy life, someone to support her during her lowest times, and discarded like trash when no longer needed. Chin up my dude, it will get better, one step at a time, make a journal of your emotions day by day, and you'll see improvement from the 1st days prior.
@@maharishiprakash398 and BTW people usually try to mirror their SO to make them seem more compatible, and love bombers or narcs also do the same to make you feel like you met the love of your life.
As I’m in the last stage - Acceptance - this was a great video to watch as closure to all the emotions I felt throughout the past year ❤
I just came across your videos while I’m going through a very hard breakup. We were together for 11 years and my life was completely shattered and turned upside down. Your videos are so insightful and helpful. Glad I found your page! 😊
Hope you feel a tony bit better each day. I broke up with my partner of 6 years im in week two feel shattered still
I am going through a breakup, this is just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!
On IG
I’m 24 and my boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. We had been together for 4 years and it was a very healthy and beautiful relationship, I was so shocked when it happened. It has been shattering but I also feel very hopeful for the future❤. I resonate with Hozier in his song “first time”, the last 4 verses say:
“Some part of me must have died
The final time you called me baby
But some part of me came alive
The final time you called me baby”
Beautiful 🌻
Thanks for this. I identify with most of it. Initial signs of anger coming in. Very occasional glimpses of acceptance. Very bad day today in the “If only I’d….” or “If only I was more…” rumination zone. Imagining her with the cool, super chilled guy who has none of the insecurities I let jeopardise the relationship. Also, trying not to forget though that she wasn’t perfect and played her own role in the dysfunction. She was the love of my life though. Don’t see that changing anytime soon.
I know how you feel very well. Months ago, I felt like my life would never be as good as it used to be. I wished so hard I could go back in time and make different choices. I saw his flaws, but thought if only I did this or that, he would have stayed. Well, now I don't believe any of it. My life is better then ever before, I know for sure I didn't lose the love of my life, I'm enjoying single life. Yes, it still hurts from time to time. I feel anxious sometimes. At moments, I can have some doubts. But mostly I am convinced this is the best thing the relationship gave me. Feelings change. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
@@101Vrie Thanks - good to know. Hope your journey remains smooth and positive🙂
Thankyou for your kindness, compassion and understanding. Your gentleness is so healing for me during this unimaginably painful and transformational time.
I needed this today, 41 days kicked out. Abandoned, I was called an abuser, a manipulator, a gas lighter, and a narcissist. So I left. It had been absolutely a struggle.
Maika, this is some crazy timing with you posting this just the day after I broke up with my partner of almost 3 years. I don't even know what to say but thank you for making this video.
Wow these comments and what I’m going through make it hard to ever trust being in love again
Omg I just had a light bulb moment when you mentioned emotionally addicted abandonment. This is exactly how I felt in my relationship. I was emotionally unavailable and disconnected from my relationship, then I started chasing unavailable women. I failed to go through the process of authentic healing. This was so spot on to my situation. Just have to figure out the abandonment part from my past. I see my psychologist tomorrow. Thank you for enlightening me, it was so very helpful, thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
I'm glad that comment was helpful! I also have a video on emotional addiction to abandonment: ua-cam.com/video/H-iNy9Iw674/v-deo.html
i wasted my 7 years of my life with a man which left me 7 times and always he was coming back… he left again…im destroyed, lost weight, can’t sleep , talking about him a lot… he just walked away with no explanation
never even asked if im alive
he went back to his ex…
hopefully i will find the strength to heal
Sorry… people are horrible. We can’t ignore the signs any longer! Stay strong
My husband left me and kids with no explanation at all, 😢 really having a hard time cant eat sleep not relaxing ruminating… praying for you also.. we will be happy soonest
@@georginasvlog4913 we will but at the moment have to build up our confidence and strength not to look back because it’s nothing there for us….
Just broken, thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy I known for thirteen years ago. Gradually he turned into a emotonal immature parent, hanging out with his 26th year adult.
Heading for divorce after 20 years. My wife is seeing another man. I’m still processing this, and I really appreciate your video!
Almost 5 months are gone, it looks like finally I am the 5th stage. I am not ready for another relationship that is for sure. I still need to live and understand myself. But I cannot wait to be ready for the world again. 👍
I just found your channel today. It has been insanely helpful as I navigate an incredibly painful situation. Thank you so much for your insight, and helping all of us understand ourselves a bit more as we heal.
I couldnt make it thru this video without crying...thank you so much. Yes i have to work on myself. Im so happy i found this video ..
Don't wait for explanations from ex that will not hapen or tou don't understand it.
If necessary talk with family, friend or specialist.
Focus on yourself you are most important not a person who don't want you.
Don't think every day what ex do or think, this is independ of you and unnecessarily waiste of time,
Don't follow ex on social media, hide every items and fotos to avoid memories.
The way takes some time ...
and at the end there is possibility that you find someone elese mutch better what I wish for you
I really enjoyed your video thanks , I've been going through the most difficult 2 months of my life after breaking up with my partner and everything you said relates to my feelings and emotions , I think it's going to be a long process.
Thanks for your help and advice to make me a better person.
It sucks bro. Mine was the worst at month 4. I’m at almost 6 now and finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing you can do but feel the pain and use it as fuel. That’s it. There is a reason for this. You just have to find out what it is. Keep your head up.
Thank you for making me feel human. I'm waiting for her to text me back and say our last goodbyes as lovers, and come back later as friends. It hurts so much but I know she loves me as a person. I just wasn't right for her.
It would be interesting to see this from the perspective of the one who initiated the breakup. Sometimes it seems like they come back when you’re healed.
Don’t ever let them do that to you. At that point it’s a game and meaningless.
Even if you imitate break up it can be very very difficult…
We only dated for 2.5 months and I was devastated distraught and absolutely in agony for 4/5 months, I’ve never had any experience like that before. I’ only now starting to have days where I don’t feel like I’m dying inside. I blamed myself and ruminated on everything that I did ‘wrong’ the last time we saw each other (I had an emotional shutdown and was inadvertently cold and distant) as he broke it off shortly after this by slowly withdrawing and then breaking up over text without first talking or anything and said it wasn’t healthy for us to continue and he didn’t develop feelings. I was absolutely devastated and questioned my reality and sanity for months, going over every single minutia of detail. It was horrific.
The way that you talk and describe these situations are too detaild... Now I know what is happening to me...Thank you for making this video
In-depth, insightful video that explains the process, allowing the process, and great tips to overcome and move-on. Thank you from the bottom of my (shattered) heart
Thank you Maika! This helped me think through my post break up journey. It is a real challenge to face up to my feelings and embrace them instead of going into denial, but worth it. I feel lighter now and doing my much needed inner work. I am clearer about myself, my ex and what happened in our relationship; my boundaries and my non-negotiables in a relationship😀The break up is turning out to be a major breakthrough for me🌺
I was blocked a week ago by someone who we agreed to be together forever .
It’s devastating I know. It’ll get better, and you’ll be fine. Just have to go through the 5 stages.
Very helpful video, explain very good thanks miss🤗
24, here. My relationship of almost 3 years just ended last month. She broke up with me to heal and grow on her own. She says it’s not fair to me that she’s so damaged but I don’t care and she won’t let me be there for her.
The exact same thing happened to me :( he wants to be on his own and there is nothing I can do about it.
You are young, move on from her. She’s not for you. Be glad you find out now.
Bro she just found someone new she dont care for you move on dont hope... watch when u find out in the hard way so u better be ready so it wont come as shock to you
Take her word. You *DO NOT NEED NOR WANT TO BE WITH A DAMAGED PERSON,* it will damage and destory you in ways you can't even imagine, because damaged people drag us to their hell, and it is a almost impossible to come out of someone else's hell clean, unmarked or untainted. It happened to me, so I know this firsthand. Always remember this: No one deserves the honor or credit of doing of us what we don't want.
You are young, be thankful that she didn't anchor herself to you to solve her problems even if you're willing or believe you can do it. You can't. She's not your daughter.
So, shamelessly surrender and dive deep into your emotions, let them flow (knowing it wasn't your fault) and come out of it *FAST.* Grab all that love you have for her and give it to yourself. Learn from your experience and know that you deserve to be with someone that's whole and stable, you WILL find her. And be thankful with whatever deity you believe in that you are still here and not in Hell.
Yikes. She’s not “healing”…I hope you realize that when she inevitably try’s to come back
There are some days that I have all the stages, on another days there are some or even 1. I even had a day of self superation euphoria. And momments of the day that I lose myself on immense sadness. Havent identify rage yet. I have identify momments of "I did my best, I was kind, I offer the best of me and It didnt matter" saying that to myself. There is also guilt, because it is a fact that there was a problem with me (not toxic behaviours).
Excellent insight, very helpful for my current situation. Thanks
I dont trust anyone anymore, trying to date is scary to me now
Yeag
@@hotrodZack1948 yeah I feel u.
My girlfriend of 4.5 years just broke up with me on Tuesday. Completely shattered my heart and hope for our future together. This video was so helpful in teaching me to identify my emotions and feel them fully without shame. Thank you so much
I’m glad this was helpful 🙏🏻 All the best for your healing process ❤️🩹
Thank you...this was helpful.
Very helpful, glad I found this. True all of it, two years still processing it all. She left over a text no closure really at all. Just questions.
Excellently put,
many thanks!
I am in this process ❤😢
Such a profound video I am so happy I found you. Thank you.
I hate that I broke up with my ex wayyy back then. We got together ten months later but the damage was done and couldn't sustain. I look back now and I cannot believe how cold I was to her. I'm sorry, Baby Girl. I should have been better. At least now I know that I need to work on me. I wish not to cause this pain ever again.
Ive resently broke up with my fiance for 5 years.. I moved out a week ago and she has already met someone new. Its my fault because i drank too much at the weekends and she told me to stop many times but I took it for granted, we had really fun and the intimacy was the best we both ever had(even up to the day I moved out) . I decied to not drink anymore and start doing the things that she loves, but i feel like its too late and its killing me! She will she him again this weekend and he is comming to our place( hers and the kids now) and its devastating. I can see her balcony from my apartment and that I know that he will be there is tearing me apart. I have never felt anger nor hate cause I cant blame her for this. All I want to do now is to show her that I can be the one I should have been and get her back. Hope someone here has been in the same situation as me or similar. Thank you!
I’m going thru something similar 😢
I think I’m between stage 3 and 4 stage, I’m trying so hard to not hate my ex and let it go every negative emotions against him.
How do you stop the pain? I😢
There's really no healthy way to completely stop the pain immediately - it will go away eventually, though. But you can stop adding extra pain (if you're doing that) in the form of self-deprication or pressuring yourself... All the best 💗
@@DrMaikaSteinborn aww, you responded 🤍 Thank you so much, Doc! Your videos were very helpful. I’m glad I discovered your channel.
thank you a lot Maika, appreciate your work a lot :)
i have 3 questions relating to grief:
1. Is it possible to suppress pain so deeply through distraction that it never comes up?
2. does the time length of a relationship play a big role in this,
or is it rather the emotional intensity of the relationship
(even short term relationships) which makes a breakup so painful?
3. What is the average length of time it takes to go through
all the stages of grief for a healthy person?
best regards =)
Hey I gotta tell you from my perspective as a man going through a break up after being cheated on.
Don't look for numbers or "normal" time to heal.
Just focus on yourself and do things you love, each person has its own emotional clock.
I'm month and a half in and sometimes feel going backwards after a few good days, it is normal don't fight it and love yourself❤
All of these emotions come in waves and they just hit you whenever. Male often deal with break-ups later on where times passed by and they start to grieve the relationship, whilst women on the other hand are the first one to suffer and embrace the pain, hence when the male starts to come back after months, women are too empowered to take them back.
It doesn’t really matter with how much time you had with the person, in my opinion. I’ve been only with my ex for seven months but the quality of our love was deep and pure. It depends when you look back on your relationship and start to outweigh the good with the bad.
@@belle7437 agree :) thank you
Hi Ari! When pain is suppressed it always leads to more difficulties down the road - that can take many shapes and forms. All circumstances of the breakup - length of the relationship, intensity etc. - affect the way someone feels after a breakup, definitely! It's hard to say how long it takes, it's very individual. What I can say: it takes time and when you're there, you'll know 🙂
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you for that beautiful answer :)
Thank you, you videos have helped me
I was with my ex for 7 years and have been broken up since june of this year. It has been so hard and watching these types of videos helps so much. I have one question. If i still work with my ex’s parents should i stay or should i quit? Im not on bad terms with them or her but seeing them reminds me of her which then brings back memories. Idk if i should stay or go.
I’m glad these videos have been helpful! It’s hard to comment on your question without knowing all the details. You can make a list of the benefits and costs of staying at this job and see if the benefits outweigh the costs or not.
My now ex boyfriend broke up with me two days after meeting my family reasoning being not being over his ex wife. We were suppose to go away this weekend for my birthday. I am still upset over it and he has ignored all my text messages.
I'm 47 and my ex broke up with me 2 and a half weeks ago, out of the blue. I am still bouncing between stages, but mostly feeling hurt and confused and sad and hollow. I am seeing a professional in two days though. I am hopeful they can give me some tips to move on productively.
I was with my fiancé for 18 years, and she wanted a break up. I’m absolutely heartbroken 💔 and I feel so empty inside. She says she still want me in her life, and she said there always hope for us to be a committed couple again, but she says because her ADHD, and somethings I need to work on we need to do it apart from one another.
Stage 5 Lifting.... cut to me at the gym misreading the instructions
🏋😅
Not related to the video but could you make a video on setting healthy boundaries with social media while still being compassionate with ourselves?
Thinking about it!
I was listening to this with no video while at the gym, and I kept picturing Winona Ryder talking to Mr Deeds.
People keep saying I remind them of her ☺️
This is helpful,I want to stop insulting my ex.How do I stop blaming her for my own mistakes?
You can practice making inner room & radically accepting for the uncomfortable sensations that come up with accountability. Blaming someone else for our own mistakes is a (dysfunctional) attempt at coping with these uncomfortable emotions and sensations. Once you've developed more of a tolerance for this discomfort, you won't be so stressed by it, so you won't need the dysfunctional coping mechanism of blame 🌱
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank you so much good Dr.
For me its 6)
A few weeks after the break up she sleeps with her 30 year older ex Boss...
100%. Thank you.🙏
i want to find a way to move on that honors her and our relationship but still i could heal and go forward.
My relationship of a year and a half just ended because I cheated. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt. Biggest mistake of my life. I wish I could go back in time. The pain is unbearable.
Ah I’m so confused as to where I’m at.
16 year breakup in March last year, only relationship I ever had.
If anything I feel stuck in first two stages.
Lived together for a year after and work at the same place.
Bonus points for late autism diagnosis 3 weeks ago and numerous changes and turmoil in my working life.
Autism includes some alexithymia too, which does not help matters.
On the plus side, I’m still here, just about.
I had 7 and half years relationship and he dated someone new and slept with many women when we were in no contact.
I just left him a week ago, and today he texted me that he's sorry about what he has done to me.
I'm sorry but I can't go back to this relationship anymore which not valuing me.
This 😢😭😭😭so true !
Lost 15 pounds the person that I trusted the most, shares my weakest point . Only for her to stab me right in the fucking heart. 3 months still hurt. We got 2 year old together.
I want people to stop sending me videos to make me depressed I want to meet a new female that does not call me handsome I don’t like that word I want to find a girl that calls me something else that is better I don’t like my city either because all the single young woman are hiding or somebody tries to wreck what I’m trying to do
Just get another one.
Are you speaking from experience?
Fresh hurts
After a week without communication she made a call cause I ask her to he's brother girlfriend,and she said why you need to ask someone else regarding about her,I didn't do that to your siblings
do some people heal faster than others?
Yes, how long it takes is individual. It depends on different factors like a person's history with relationships, what the relationship was like, how long it lasted, the circumstances of the breakup...
Women heal within some weeks usually. Except women with low self esteem.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn 80% of dumpers are women and the females attitude is usually very immoral. They just don't care.
I thought he was the love of my life... Turns out he was like all the rest. 🤦 Unfortunately I married him!!!
ahh my ex just dumped me after 4 years. he's 41 and just figured out he is a fearful avoidant with trauma. way to go wasing my fertile years :( Now I'm worried I might never have a family, because I chose the wrong person (again). It sucks. At least when I was younger, there was a hope and now at age 34, that seems gone.
I am currently in the lifting stage (occasionally revisiting the other stages) and feel very deeply for those in the early stages ❤️🩹 It gets so much better. While I’m still healing, I’m past the stages of shock, physical pain/nausea and obsessive rumination (which I started referring to as intrusive thoughts 😂). I wish I came across this video in the early stages but perhaps I needed to be in the state I am now to receive this message. Sending lots of love to those in the earlier stages. Take care of yourselves as though you’re caring for someone extremely precious because you are 🫶🏻