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guys thank you all for reminding but I wanna say sth happened and I broke no contact.. It's day 4th now unfortunately.. I am trying so hard .. I watched a video from Dr Romani that she was explaining why we keep this trauma bond..bc we prefer the familiar hell to unknown heaven... anyway ... I pray for all us and I am trying to forgive myself that I couldn't keep my indifference .❤
Of course it hurts, but she sent me on my path of self-improvement for me and only me. The breakup was right and it showed me, that i never really was ready for a relationship. So now i‘ll work on myself and it will take time. I‘m grateful for the time and memories we had, but now it’s my time. (She broke up with me)
This pain is unbearable, I hope and pray anyone going through this can find peace. I’ve been divorced and dumped by a new girlfriend since October of 2023. I have a high tolerance to physical pain but I am emotionally fragile when it comes to moving on…..I wish all of you the best
@@muhairabumgaiseeb5739 Thanks. What's hard about break-ups is the rejection. Also, I feel like some men they are soo superficial/shallow, they think they can do better than you! The key words are frustration and disappointment for me. I can't believe I spent six months learning about him, building memories together, being intimate, meeting his stupid family, to nothing. I don't like his family either they have an air of arrogance to them! I wish I never met him to be honest. This fat white guy! It's been a year and my god my trust in people but especially men! He was a nerd (not that I didn't like nerds) but worse was that he was immature daddy's boy in his 40's who still lived with his parents! He thought he could get someone in their twenties instead. Like cruel much??!!
Same, September/october 2023, she ended our 9 year relationship. I was shocked. And I’m still in unbearable pain/sadness from it. Trying to move on, but it’s so hard
I really didn't not want to hear this. I really don't want it to be over, it was not my choice and I feel like I had/have a total lack of control. I just really don't want to be where I am. So this was good to hear but very hard to accept.
My relationship break up is a separation with a baby horse I raised where a situation became out of my control. It's similar in that I'd much rather be part of her every day life and future like before. It's very painful to think of our sudden separation. I often find myself falling into the bargaining or depression part of grief. Two thoughts keep me moving forward. One is to "Let go and feed your soul" meaning to do the emotional / spiritual processing work now, instead of staying in resistance. The second is the Serenity Prayer (which is kind of the same thing said in another way): Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. We must treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a friend - do the emotional operation that allows the pain to be lifted. I feel your pain - it's definitely not easy to let go. I think Maika's right though - we're made to heal. So newness will probably come on it's own, with our own cooperation! Best wishes, and you're not alone in how you feel.
My ex is also sending me messages even after divorce messages like oh the song just come on whilst i was in taxi having an overseas holiday in Ibiza sure you miss me in Ibiza post divorce holiday just after a week she left for Ibiza haha... and another email come after2 days oh the her grand ma is sick etc as she knows i was close to her I didn't reply to that either as I want to heal from it all. if I wasnt good enough for her then bye.
Such a good feeling when you finally understand that you no longer want to see them again and that nothing on Earth would make you go back. Your emotions literally turn 180 degrees, from doing anything to get back, to block that number, delete everything. Then you gotta face up to what you did to keep that rollercoaster rolling, learn the lessons and move back into yourself again.
I asked maika in a comment on a previous video if she could make a video for people who are having a hard time moving on from their ex. This is the SECOND time she had answered one of my video requests with a video! Wow! Maika thank you so much for your help, and I really have to applaud you for caring so much about your viewers enough to actually take on their requests. I really hope your channel blows up too because your takes are always helpful. Thank you 🙏
I’m in my 4th month of no contact and I think I’ve accepted it. My problem is that after 14 years together, I don’t understand how he cheated on me, lied, gaslighted me, abandoned and treated me so cruelly and coldly in the end.
There probably will never be closure, true closure is something most people do not find and for this reason. Ask yourself? If he gave you an answer and it was the truth, as he knew it, would it still satisfy you? The truth is, probably not. You will probably never get the answer to your questions and if you did, you may not even like or accept them. Closure is a myth. The key is this. For the time that you were together, did the relationship work and served its purpose, hopefully so. We can love other people in our life time. To think in a world of 8 billion people, that there is only one person who can love you back is simply absurd, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Go live your life, do not be bitter. There are 8 billion people and the world will go one without you and I, but this is our only chance at this one life.
Omg! Exactly the same situation! 14 years together and her cheated and lied to me on the last years in a really bad way. He dumped me and is cold! Keeps me with hot and cold and now is done for real and it hurts sooo bad. But I need him back..idk why! I must love myself more but is so hard when you're a bit introvert...
@@MM-zt9tf you do not need him back, you want him back. You have proven you can live without him. You want him back, so you can show others and yourself that you are not a loser. If you NEEDED him to live your life, you would be dead already. He showed you his character, why are you killing yourself for him. You’re hanging on to a dead relationship, because of your insecurities. Quit blaming him,
The hardest part is hurting someone and then not realizing you love them until they stop giving you access to them. I could have another girl easily, but they will never be like her. We as men have got to realize when we have a good woman in front of us before it’s too late.
@@basketballgod2791 Yup my boyfriend just dumped me and I’m probably the best thing he’s ever ever gonna have - He’s an alcoholic and I put up with a lot of sh*t from him, but I still stuck by his side and accepted him for who he was & he still threw it away and now he can’t come back - hurts like hell us women go through hurt too 😢 💔
@@basketballgod2791 Could you tell that to my ex boyfriend? He threw our relationship away bc of his insecurities, and wouldn’t talk to me about it, I stood by him, supported him, didn’t cheat etc Now it’s over and he will not be able to get me back because he did too much damage women hurt too 😢💔
I don’t often watch videos on UA-cam that help me but this video is absolutely fantastic, it is realistic, mature and understanding. There’s no claim about healing in 1 month guarantee or anything like that. Simply understanding reality and how acceptance of a situation can help start the healing process. Thank you for this video.
The hardest thing is the relationship felt as perfect as could be, and the breakup was out of the blue without a word of discussion before it was final. She said she wanted to be with me but was scared of being hurt. It feels like her love for me was at the highest peak moments before she left me. Her mum left when she was 4, I think that wound was triggered when things got serious.
@@IvanCumpian We've been broken up for 9 weeks now, 6 weeks no contact. It was my birthday 1 week ago and that's when she unfriended me on fb. She did reach out 3 weeks after breakup but just asking how my week was and talking about olympics. She acted like she wasn't affected by the break up but still showed empathy... I think it did affect her, otherwise why unfriend me a day after my birthday?
Feeling the most incredible pain I didn't even think was possible after being dumped for someone else, despite the deep connection and love between us, despite having solved our issues. I've tried it all to fix things but nothing worked because now, in just a few days that person became more important. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Your heart and soul just feel ripped off. It's been 3 weeks now and still feels a nightmare. Going through hell right now.
Thank you for posting these videos. They're helping me a lot in getting over my breakup. Ever since the break up a few months ago I was stuck in a state where I felt hope, like I was in control of me and my ex getting back together (partly because I blamed myself for a lot of things). I always thought breakups would get easier the older I get but I came to realise that is not the case. I've watched almost every video in this playlist and it has helped me a lot in reflecting about contributions and accepting the reality. Though it is still painful, I'm calmer and in a much better mental state. Thank you.
Thank you for this video. It’s what I needed to hear. I knew all this going into the break up. Throw in a month of sleep depravation, not eating and unbearable heart pain and your emotional decisions take over.She met someone new right away and finding out I honestly said “I love you and am happy for you and support you” But pain and lack of sleep made me decide “I’ll always regret it if I didn’t try everything to get her back”. All that did was prolong my pain, force her to be harsh with me to lovingly make sure I have no hope, and jeopardized any future friendship. Holding on has a huge cost. In fact it makes you less attractive and less likely to get back together with the person later on.
Thank you, Maika. No one had ever explained it so clearly to me. Or perhaps I wasn't ready to understand it. I remained emotionally attached to my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I thought I was doing fine, that I had overcome it, only to discover two months ago that he got married in 2021 and has a child. When I learned the news, I broke down like a giant dam and all the emotions just overflown me. The fact that he has an avoidant personality type didn't help either (I only learned about that personality type classification just now while trying to make sense of it all). I did keep receiving mixed signals during the first three years after the separation. I have been in therapy since, losing sleep over it, and crying every single day. Let's just say that I acquired a completely new respect for my own mind and its mysteries. I never thought I could have created this 'safe' bubble and survived within it for so many years... I am finally accepting the reality and the break up, but, the cost has been deary. I wish you all that are in pain over a broken heart to find peace and are able to move on. This kind of unendurable pain is not something you'd like anyone to experience...
Wow.... I didnt realize this is what I was doing. I didnt want to let go, so I was holding on. I didnt even know I was doing it. I romanticize that she will come back, but the reality is something I didnt want to accept. I also realize now that Im not going back to the old me, but a new, different me. She is perfect, and I will miss her. But its time to make that hard decision. I can do this. Thank you.
Love your videos, and great advice! It'll be almost a year since the breakup of my ex gf, and I'm still at a point where I can't believe this happened. I'm stuck in this anger/love thing. Your advice is spot on. Accept the breakup rather than hold on emotionally. I'll try. Thank you.
I have had massive breakup pain for four months. I was blindsided with an 'it's over' text after one year. Nothing she said made any sense. Then four weeks later there was a car on her drive early one morning. She had found someone else. How can women be so incredibly cruel, I am devastated.
Women tend to detach emotionally before they do physically. We generally grieve right away whereas it takes some time for men to start grieving. Be easy on yourself. You deserve your love.
@@mezlandia yep I'm learning this now. My ex broke up with me in mid July after almost 4 years together. I'm now 40 and she is 31. She said she has emotionally given up on this relationship months ago as in Feb. She said she gave me many chances to change but I didn't and just kept my ways and it was enough is enough for her. She broke up with me on the phone in a 1 min convo. I didn't reach out for almost 2 months then texted her to talk and try and get my closure, That was a mistake as I heard many things I didn't want to hear but at the same time I needed to hear to start moving on. Its so hard to live with knowing my depression and sheltering out myself was the cause of me losing the love of my life. It wasn't easy hearing her say move on try some dating sites, I don't see myself spending my life with you anymore and I'm not going backwards its over forever.
I have a son with my ex, so coming to terms with the breakup has been a rocky road. I didn't want it so clung on to hope for several months. She's been seeing someone else but trying to keep it hidden from me. I've been such an idiot clinging on to something that wasn't there. I'm not waiting around any more and I'm moving on. You really do have to give up the hope and believe in yourself again. It takes time. It still hurts and I still feel so much guilt for not being able to give my son his family back. You have to let go though. A few months ago I would have done literally anything to make it work with her again, yet now I'm moving on, for myself and for my kid. It can be done, I promise.
This explained my life exactly right now. I’m stuck. Bad things were don’t to me , after 20 year marriage infidelity, abuse , estranged from my daughter. I forgave and tried only for my wife to make me feel like I’m the one at fault and not sincere. Im in shock how you were able to describe exactly what I’m doing not accepting it in my head it hearts and let go and allow for new things to happen. I work a lot and keep busy and hope for something to change. I know when into no about it the horrible things she did to me and I don’t know why I’m not angry and forgive and keep thinking they are my wife and family and I should keep trying.
It's possible that you saw the breakup coming and you prepared for it ahead of time. Makes getting over the relationship easier. Nothing worse than being in a marriage that makes you feel alone, isolated, and all the problems are your fault.
I don't want her ever to be in my life again, but I want to see God, karma and Univeral make her suffer for what she did to me by cheating, breadcrumb and stonewalling for 3 months. I was loving and caring boyfriend did not deserve this brutal breakup out of blue. Saturday night kissed her good night by Sunday afternoon she become monster towards me. Breakup without closure and betrayal involved are worst of the worst bc it's traumatizing.
I was in same boat after two years she left for a guy from high-school just found out after year they are engaged. Man she used me bad and the manipulative, gaslighting, ect.. I think she changed for him it sucks
As always 💯 correct! I have accepted and gone through the emotional connection, and I have now detached that from me. It's an empowering feeling. Thank you, Maika ❤ You are the best😘
I really felt that the breakup happened for me over a couple of years. Once we broke it off, I felt suddenly done, I feel no pain, but relief. But the past couple of years has been very distant, and I really tried to get closer, tried to get her to come in closer, only to get pushed away hundreds of times. She could not believe I broke it off, but I really tried, and some mutual friends were surprised I didn’t break up with her several years ago. I held on far too long.
It has been 6 weeks past our breakup (2 years long relationship). I met her a few times after she moved out, we agreed to be together again a few times but she would always drift apart after I came back to my town. Untill she didn't wanted to meet me anymore but still wanted to talk daily. She wanted to keep me as a friend. Today I finally put a stop to it. It was very hard to do. I love her. I would love to keep talking to her daily but she is drifting apart, she is talking about us going separate ways but keeping contact and that is too painful to me because I actually want to be with her. But this is the only way to heal. Life sucks sometimes.
It took me eight months to let things sink in. I ruminated, I denied, because I wasn't able to accept to pain of the breakup all at once. No one can, that's why there's denial it lets you accept it gradually over time.
Wow.. these videos are like a light breeze in your mind, that let you think in such a relaxing way even if you're in a break-up state Thanks you so much, every time I feel relieved and a step further for my self improvement! ✨
I'm sure it's the best general advice but very GenX and younger centric. As people age finding better opportunities becomes harder and harder and of course there are plenty of scenarios where a partner leaves through death or a worsening mental illness. These situations are not uncommon and allow for completely different coping strategies. There are are widows who never remarry for a reason and no one looks down on them for honoring the memory of their "ex" until their own death as well. The video is glib to ignore this psychology and how it might also justifiably apply. The more these situations accumulate over a lifetime especially among people who have reason to feel confident in their relationships the harder it becomes to trust one's own judgement and the easier it is to find relationships that compromise yourself and a subsequent partner. The number of reasons for just "giving up" are endless, especially in an age of dating apps that deceive people into thinking their options are endless rather than just filled with people addicted to the mate market "chase" and who are in reality more closed off and selfish than ever.
What I'm experiencing is kind of a "limbo breakup". We didn't have any problems within the relationship. We broke up due to external forces. We're still very much in love with each other. That I can be certain. However by lowering down my hope, I'm not removing the possibility of getting back together anyway. It just helps me heal faster. If we're meant to be together, we'll be together. That said, I find it very hard to stop hoping entirely especially because of the way we parted. But whenever I find myself hoping, I just kindly tell myself to stop there.
To anyone going through a similar situation, where you simply cannot reduce your hope level to zero because both parties are still in love with each other and there's a real possiblity to get back together if circumstances change, I'd say instead of assuming the worst (which counters the hope but worsens the mood), say "I don't know". Accept the uncertainty.
2 weeks in after being told she wants to divorce. I go to sleep feeling I’ve made progress and accepted it. Then wake up back to the pain and still wanting her like an endless cycle. This video helps, I just need more time it seems.
Have you seen this video? Psychologist On If It Makes Sense To Get Back Together With Your Ex | 10 Points To Consider ua-cam.com/video/Osw3fxT5a98/v-deo.html
It´s been 6 months since the breakup 2 months without contact, still overthinking a lot but moved forward, started a new hobby, going outside more often meeting friends, if I see something of interrest..like a concert..i just buy a ticket for myself instead of holding me back because of the fear to go alone. I don´t want to miss out anymore. In 3 days she has her birthday, I still have stuff of her - now contemplatiting if i send it to her or not, add a note or not, ass her favourite snack or not...
@@lorenson I am not totally sure. I think she has borderline personality disorder which I learned about after being discarded. I lived with her for 9 years and she locked the door and never let me back in after a heated argument. She claimed I have anger problems because I argued with her, she was emotionally immature. I left to my parents to cool off and she packed up all my stuff in garbage bags. She never let me say bye to the cats or my step daughter. I could not sleep for 2 weeks. Worst experience to date at 39 years old.
I do not have a lot of relationship exp, but I had two and both ended in break-ups. In both the girl would break up with me. What I learned (and still am learning) that 'No contact' works. No contact means basically that they are dead to you. No looking at their pictures, no stalking on social media. No calls. Sometimes I feel guilty when I do this, because the other person may still be there and may still want to be together, but if they did not want to be there in the first place, why they are changing their choice. Therefore understanding that you feel guilt is not bad, tho you need to coerse this emotion into understanding where you were wrong about them and what you did not right yourself. Break-up can be seen as positive, if you frame it that way. What you can learn from that exp about humanity is valuable.
After all the times I was there for her how can a person just do that to you? I truly felt like my heart and mind was played with after we initially separated in September 2023 after 4 years. Then I’m July this year at 5 years to the date we met she officially said that’s it with a proud and boastful voice. She seems very happy and proud now.
Going thru virtually the same thing. It helps you get over them when they’re so arrogant. You were special enough to attract someone like her into your life , you can do it again. But this time you’ll be even better . With someone even healthier. Not sure if you plan on keeping in contact , but I wouldn’t. Show strength by walking away. Get revenge by making something awesome out of your life . She’ll catch wind of it someday somehow. You never know what’s going to happen in the future . Keep looking for good and positive things to happen . And they will!
It wasn’t communicated. He brought up ways it wouldn’t work out between us (like me having kids) and I asked if he was done dating me and he said no. But that was the last time we talked, with the exception of one lame text from him. I wish he would have severed it in a mature way. 😢The shock of an abrupt ending of getting ghosted (like a death) is setting me back on my healing. I knew we were a temporary thing. I just wasn’t ready to let go of “us” yet.
Hi Doctor, I don’t mean to come off weird but you have the prettiest eyes. I’ve never seen that shade before, they’re almost violet looking. So pretty.
I'm in my second divorce. Painful beyond belief. He just moved out after 1 year of cohabitation in a very difficult situation. Hate is now in the picture between us. Times get lonely and scarry managing it all on my shoulders. I will never see him or hear from him ever again after 14 years. It was my decision to split then he wanted it too. I deserve better. It's done. I'm processing now. Healing is now. The reason I stayed unhappy for so long was fear of being alone. Fear I will have to go through this pain. I'm going through now what I tried to avoid. I'm doing it
i am so hurt right now. it happened two weeks ago and it started as mutual until it just was him breaking up with me. he wanted to stay friends and we tried but i couldn’t handle it. i hung out with guy friends who he found out liked me, even though it wasn’t like that for me. he got really jealous and said i was going to get back with you till you did that. well i asked him to come over and talk yesterday and we did. he said we have no hope and i need to move on. I asked him if he still loves me and he said i love you like i love my friends. I’m not in love with you. i was visibly upset and then he said he still was in love with me…confusing. anyways, i tried to get him to change his mind but he said he didn’t treat me good and it makes him mentally feel unhealthy because he can’t make the effort he knows he should. he wants his own time and he knows he’s going to regret it in the future and that even if he does he will not try to get me back. i am so confused right now. he was my first everything and I love him. we dated freshman year for four months… broke up, he slept with my best friend. the 7 months later i took him back and it was amazing in the beginning but towards the end of our year and a half relationship i was so sad. i miss him being my best friend and i don’t know how to let go because i want to try again in the future. i made him cry during our talk last night and i feel so bad about it. i told him i deserve someone who would finish a photo album i made for them (i made it as a present for our first six months, he was supposed to finish it for our one year) he did one page. i also said I deserve someone who doesn’t get mad at me for every small thing. i said he was horrible. i said why am i the one trying to save our relationship when I should be the one leaving you? he had tears falling and i felt so sad about saying those things. he said those are the reasons he can’t get back with me. he said I deserve better. but why can’t he be better?:( I also lied to him the week of our break up and i have always struggled with lying. he was going to break up with me for that, then he said he will get over it. I apologized profusely and I thought we were good. we slept together and he told me he wouldn’t leave me. the next day he says he thinks we need to break up. I ask if it was about the lie, and he says no. he said his actions made me scared to tell him the truth. (he gets very very mad about small things) and that it isn’t healthy for me to be scared of him that I would feel like I have to lie. but I lied because I didn’t want him to overthink over nothing. it was wrong and I know that. he told me a week after we broke up lying was what broke the camels back, but then yesterday he told me lying had nothing to do with our break up. I hate myself why did I do that. also a week before all that he had been talking about how he saw me as the future mother of his children, best friend, future wife, etc… and how he wanted to marry his highschool sweetheart and build a house in the mountains and homestead. how can you go from that to leaving?
Doc,can you do a video on how to deal with a break up that involves a child/Teen. Most videos involve Ex but not much in there when it involves a child, where a parent practices manipulation to make the child be on her side and the child changes too. Its hard to move on when a child is involved
The pain is caused by not fully understanding “breakups”. You have to decide who you want to be during and after the breakup. That is actually all that is needed for accepting the breakup. You can’t control the decision of your ex. But you can control how you respond to the decision of your ex. Because you don’t know the reason of the breakup, you only can respond by accepting it. Not accepting it (even when you said you did to your partner) is wanting to control the outcome of a situation and feeling of someone you can’t control without knowing enough to maintain the relationship. That is not the best way to react to a difficult situation. Then you eventually make it worse for yourself. And since every breakup is based on feelings rather rationality, your ex can never say entirely why the relationship is not possible anymore. No answer would be good enough for you either. So accept the pain and become friends with it. Because the pain will learn you something valuable.
I dated a girl for a year got engaged but overlooking the red flags. Hearing she had bad relationships and her daughter didn’t have a dad. I went out of my way to do everything I can for the both of them. But when they have caused so many problems and turn the page and I’m the one the problem. I had talked about things that upsets me and all I get is your being in your feelings and your being to emotional. I never been so hurt by anyone. And loosing my mom this past July her daughter and my x didn’t seam to care only putting stress on me.Never thought putting so much love and care trying to be the man she wanted in the end my heart was ripped out. I guess it’s okay to ? Everything I do. But ? Things about her was a fight. No man wants to think he his her rock to find out she ask other men for ideas and there opinions . GOD HEAL MY PAIN!!!!
You seem to have good knowledge for recovering from a breakup. A suggestion for a video would be a breakup that involved abuse. The advice on this video is good but I can’t relate it to inner turmoil of a trauma bond etc.
It’s been 8 months, of silence, being strong, avoiding contact… she tries to reach out again, yet only as a friend.. and only after watching this video.. I realize.. I still have hope.. my heart bleeds.. and my eyes shed the pain I was holding on to… I am heart broken.. but I it’s all I have.
If you’re experiencing automatic thoughts about her that pop up spontaneously, I wouldn’t think of that as holding on, that’s your mind processing and grieving. It will decrease naturally with time. Allow it to a certain degree while simultaneously doing things to occupy your mind with other things.
Me and my girlfriend broke up back in November of 2023 I've been hurting everyday but when you made the statement of holding on I think that's where I'm at and how she was giving me the subtle hints of hope for the whole late months then she finally just told me we couldn't see each other ever again I've been in so much pain and it's been really hard to let her go can somebody please how I make that personal decision to let her go emotionally? I just don’t know how because I still love her.
How do I let her go emotionally please help Where do I start? I find myself looking at pictures of us. I cry deeply. I’m so hurt. I just wanna let her go. I just don’t know how sometimes. I must’ve had that. We really just started talking 11 days ago. We’ve been broke up, but we’ve been communicating here and there and finally she cut off all communication.
@@4theloveofytubeit’s good that you’ve cut off all communication , because if there is any hope , she needs time to miss you and feel the Absence of your presence . Go no contact , and maybe get into the 7 principles to get an ex back. I don’t want to give you any false hope , but you almost need to try so you can see for yourself if there is , or if there’s not any hope . Then you can decide for yourself and let her go . It also gives you a chance to correct any behavior so the new you is ready for the new her / OR someone like her .
Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and you can find more videos on healing from a breakup in my breakup playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH.html
it's been 17 days of no contact. i just hope after 6 month i came here and edit this comment and say i feel better . i am moving forward
I’m at about the same place you are. It’s been 3 weeks and two days. We will make it through this and past this. Happier days are ahead of us.
week 3 😢
My First month
It's day 1 for me
guys thank you all for reminding but I wanna say sth happened and I broke no contact.. It's day 4th now unfortunately.. I am trying so hard .. I watched a video from Dr Romani that she was explaining why we keep this trauma bond..bc we prefer the familiar hell to unknown heaven... anyway ... I pray for all us and I am trying to forgive myself that I couldn't keep my indifference .❤
Of course it hurts, but she sent me on my path of self-improvement for me and only me. The breakup was right and it showed me, that i never really was ready for a relationship. So now i‘ll work on myself and it will take time. I‘m grateful for the time and memories we had, but now it’s my time. (She broke up with me)
You’re not alone, going through the same thing brother.
Same same. Great self awareness 🙌
Same. Honestly I’m crap in relationships 🙁
right here with you
You’re not alone, being through the process 9 months ago, crossed my path twice, with another man, it wasn’t easy to manage but, it’s a process
This pain is unbearable, I hope and pray anyone going through this can find peace. I’ve been divorced and dumped by a new girlfriend since October of 2023. I have a high tolerance to physical pain but I am emotionally fragile when it comes to moving on…..I wish all of you the best
you are afraid that you won’t be fine by yourself and you are wrong. you define yourself and nobody else
@@muhairabumgaiseeb5739 Thanks. What's hard about break-ups is the rejection. Also, I feel like some men they are soo superficial/shallow, they think they can do better than you! The key words are frustration and disappointment for me. I can't believe I spent six months learning about him, building memories together, being intimate, meeting his stupid family, to nothing. I don't like his family either they have an air of arrogance to them! I wish I never met him to be honest. This fat white guy! It's been a year and my god my trust in people but especially men! He was a nerd (not that I didn't like nerds) but worse was that he was immature daddy's boy in his 40's who still lived with his parents! He thought he could get someone in their twenties instead. Like cruel much??!!
Same, September/october 2023, she ended our 9 year relationship. I was shocked. And I’m still in unbearable pain/sadness from it. Trying to move on, but it’s so hard
I'm on the same boat .. the pain is really unbearable. Not fading away with time
Right there with you. It’s the worst pain ever. Feels hopeless but I know I’ll get back up and move on at some point
I really didn't not want to hear this. I really don't want it to be over, it was not my choice and I feel like I had/have a total lack of control. I just really don't want to be where I am. So this was good to hear but very hard to accept.
My relationship break up is a separation with a baby horse I raised where a situation became out of my control. It's similar in that I'd much rather be part of her every day life and future like before. It's very painful to think of our sudden separation. I often find myself falling into the bargaining or depression part of grief. Two thoughts keep me moving forward. One is to "Let go and feed your soul" meaning to do the emotional / spiritual processing work now, instead of staying in resistance. The second is the Serenity Prayer (which is kind of the same thing said in another way): Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. We must treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a friend - do the emotional operation that allows the pain to be lifted. I feel your pain - it's definitely not easy to let go. I think Maika's right though - we're made to heal. So newness will probably come on it's own, with our own cooperation! Best wishes, and you're not alone in how you feel.
Fucking amen to this.
You can always try to get your ex back. It is not impossible, trust me.
This is very well said. “Do you want to be someone’s backup plan?”
My ex is also sending me messages even after divorce messages like oh the song just come on whilst i was in taxi having an overseas holiday in Ibiza sure you miss me in Ibiza post divorce holiday just after a week she left for Ibiza haha... and another email come after2 days oh the her grand ma is sick etc as she knows i was close to her I didn't reply to that either as I want to heal from it all. if I wasnt good enough for her then bye.
there is no other creator who gives the most realistic advices when it comes to these topics. The best
You are a separate single individual who does not belong attached to something that no longer exists. Very enlightening. Thank you.
Nostalgia is a monster, it makes me feel so sad and gives me weird mixed emotions. Thank you so much for this video.
Such a good feeling when you finally understand that you no longer want to see them again and that nothing on Earth would make you go back. Your emotions literally turn 180 degrees, from doing anything to get back, to block that number, delete everything.
Then you gotta face up to what you did to keep that rollercoaster rolling, learn the lessons and move back into yourself again.
I don’t WANT to let go😢 But I know I NEED to. Hence, here I am burning these words into my brain🤍
I love you 💕
I’ve been sleeping to your videos because I’m going through it. It has helped so much
Same.
i really needed to hear all this 😞 especially when we both still love each other and want to keep each other in our lives
I asked maika in a comment on a previous video if she could make a video for people who are having a hard time moving on from their ex. This is the SECOND time she had answered one of my video requests with a video! Wow! Maika thank you so much for your help, and I really have to applaud you for caring so much about your viewers enough to actually take on their requests. I really hope your channel blows up too because your takes are always helpful. Thank you 🙏
I’m in my 4th month of no contact and I think I’ve accepted it. My problem is that after 14 years together, I don’t understand how he cheated on me, lied, gaslighted me, abandoned and treated me so cruelly and coldly in the end.
I hear you Kori, it's very difficult and only adds to the damage and feelings of betrayal. Finding that closure in ourselves is the key
There probably will never be closure, true closure is something most people do not find and for this reason. Ask yourself? If he gave you an answer and it was the truth, as he knew it, would it still satisfy you? The truth is, probably not. You will probably never get the answer to your questions and if you did, you may not even like or accept them. Closure is a myth. The key is this. For the time that you were together, did the relationship work and served its purpose, hopefully so. We can love other people in our life time. To think in a world of 8 billion people, that there is only one person who can love you back is simply absurd, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Go live your life, do not be bitter. There are 8 billion people and the world will go one without you and I, but this is our only chance at this one life.
@@JimClark-m7j”go live your life, do no be bitter” 💗🙏🏼 Beautiful advice. All of it.
Omg! Exactly the same situation! 14 years together and her cheated and lied to me on the last years in a really bad way. He dumped me and is cold! Keeps me with hot and cold and now is done for real and it hurts sooo bad. But I need him back..idk why! I must love myself more but is so hard when you're a bit introvert...
@@MM-zt9tf you do not need him back, you want him back. You have proven you can live without him. You want him back, so you can show others and yourself that you are not a loser. If you NEEDED him to live your life, you would be dead already. He showed you his character, why are you killing yourself for him. You’re hanging on to a dead relationship, because of your insecurities. Quit blaming him,
The hardest part is hurting someone and then not realizing you love them until they stop giving you access to them.
I could have another girl easily, but they will never be like her. We as men have got to realize when we have a good woman in front of us before it’s too late.
@@basketballgod2791
Yup my boyfriend just dumped me and I’m probably the best thing he’s ever ever gonna have -
He’s an alcoholic and I put up with a lot of sh*t from him, but I still stuck by his side and accepted him for who he was & he still threw it away and now he can’t come back - hurts like hell us women go through hurt too 😢 💔
@@basketballgod2791
Could you tell that to my ex boyfriend? He threw our relationship away bc of his insecurities, and wouldn’t talk to me about it, I stood by him, supported him, didn’t cheat etc
Now it’s over and he will not be able to get me back because he did too much damage women hurt too 😢💔
This 👆
I ended it. And I am inundated with sadness. Despite the lack of reciprocation by the other party. I truly want to grieve.
“Emotional healing over absolute certainty” Key take-away from this fabulous video!
"It's so painful that I begged God to heal my heart. "
"Never again", I said to myself, to ever give someone that power to hurt me like this.
I don’t often watch videos on UA-cam that help me but this video is absolutely fantastic, it is realistic, mature and understanding. There’s no claim about healing in 1 month guarantee or anything like that. Simply understanding reality and how acceptance of a situation can help start the healing process. Thank you for this video.
The part where it’s okay to stop hoping - is literally the best advice I saw online in the past month since she left me . Thank you 🙏🏻
The hardest thing is the relationship felt as perfect as could be, and the breakup was out of the blue without a word of discussion before it was final. She said she wanted to be with me but was scared of being hurt. It feels like her love for me was at the highest peak moments before she left me. Her mum left when she was 4, I think that wound was triggered when things got serious.
Has she come back?
@@IvanCumpian We've been broken up for 9 weeks now, 6 weeks no contact. It was my birthday 1 week ago and that's when she unfriended me on fb. She did reach out 3 weeks after breakup but just asking how my week was and talking about olympics. She acted like she wasn't affected by the break up but still showed empathy... I think it did affect her, otherwise why unfriend me a day after my birthday?
@@bearface9706 sending you a hug bro
Good advice for people with prospects. I'm in a the "heartbreak is my identity" phase until the end and I've accepted that.
Feeling the most incredible pain I didn't even think was possible after being dumped for someone else, despite the deep connection and love between us, despite having solved our issues. I've tried it all to fix things but nothing worked because now, in just a few days that person became more important. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Your heart and soul just feel ripped off. It's been 3 weeks now and still feels a nightmare. Going through hell right now.
Really hope ur feeling a lil better...:s
Thank you for posting these videos. They're helping me a lot in getting over my breakup. Ever since the break up a few months ago I was stuck in a state where I felt hope, like I was in control of me and my ex getting back together (partly because I blamed myself for a lot of things). I always thought breakups would get easier the older I get but I came to realise that is not the case. I've watched almost every video in this playlist and it has helped me a lot in reflecting about contributions and accepting the reality. Though it is still painful, I'm calmer and in a much better mental state. Thank you.
I‘m glad the breakup playlist has been helpful 🙂, all the best for your continued journey 🌱
Thank you for this video. It’s what I needed to hear. I knew all this going into the break up. Throw in a month of sleep depravation, not eating and unbearable heart pain and your emotional decisions take over.She met someone new right away and finding out I honestly said “I love you and am happy for you and support you” But pain and lack of sleep made me decide “I’ll always regret it if I didn’t try everything to get her back”. All that did was prolong my pain, force her to be harsh with me to lovingly make sure I have no hope, and jeopardized any future friendship.
Holding on has a huge cost. In fact it makes you less attractive and less likely to get back together with the person later on.
Thank you, Maika. No one had ever explained it so clearly to me. Or perhaps I wasn't ready to understand it. I remained emotionally attached to my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I thought I was doing fine, that I had overcome it, only to discover two months ago that he got married in 2021 and has a child. When I learned the news, I broke down like a giant dam and all the emotions just overflown me.
The fact that he has an avoidant personality type didn't help either (I only learned about that personality type classification just now while trying to make sense of it all). I did keep receiving mixed signals during the first three years after the separation.
I have been in therapy since, losing sleep over it, and crying every single day. Let's just say that I acquired a completely new respect for my own mind and its mysteries. I never thought I could have created this 'safe' bubble and survived within it for so many years... I am finally accepting the reality and the break up, but, the cost has been deary. I wish you all that are in pain over a broken heart to find peace and are able to move on. This kind of unendurable pain is not something you'd like anyone to experience...
Wow.... I didnt realize this is what I was doing. I didnt want to let go, so I was holding on. I didnt even know I was doing it. I romanticize that she will come back, but the reality is something I didnt want to accept. I also realize now that Im not going back to the old me, but a new, different me. She is perfect, and I will miss her. But its time to make that hard decision. I can do this. Thank you.
I’m going through a separation and this has been the most helpful video I’ve found
I cried with this. Thank you for making such helpful videos. I love your content, short, direct and focus on people healing not publicity.
Love your videos, and great advice! It'll be almost a year since the breakup of my ex gf, and I'm still at a point where I can't believe this happened. I'm stuck in this anger/love thing. Your advice is spot on. Accept the breakup rather than hold on emotionally. I'll try. Thank you.
Maika - This came from a very authentic place within yourself. Thank You!!
"you're not taking away the chance to say yes then, by chosing your mental health and healing now."
I have had massive breakup pain for four months. I was blindsided with an 'it's over' text after one year. Nothing she said made any sense. Then four weeks later there was a car on her drive early one morning. She had found someone else. How can women be so incredibly cruel, I am devastated.
4 days ago I walked in and saw her with naked in bed with another man. Consider yourself lucky you don’t have that image in your head
Women tend to detach emotionally before they do physically. We generally grieve right away whereas it takes some time for men to start grieving. Be easy on yourself. You deserve your love.
@@mezlandia yep I'm learning this now. My ex broke up with me in mid July after almost 4 years together. I'm now 40 and she is 31. She said she has emotionally given up on this relationship months ago as in Feb. She said she gave me many chances to change but I didn't and just kept my ways and it was enough is enough for her. She broke up with me on the phone in a 1 min convo. I didn't reach out for almost 2 months then texted her to talk and try and get my closure, That was a mistake as I heard many things I didn't want to hear but at the same time I needed to hear to start moving on. Its so hard to live with knowing my depression and sheltering out myself was the cause of me losing the love of my life. It wasn't easy hearing her say move on try some dating sites, I don't see myself spending my life with you anymore and I'm not going backwards its over forever.
At least you received a text. Several months in, things seemed great, and then, nothing. No response to my outreach.
Awww❤️ we can do it!!! We will heal with self work + time 🥹
Thank you Dr Steinborn!
I really appreciate your resources!!!!
This is spot on in all levels. Thank you🙂❤️
I have a son with my ex, so coming to terms with the breakup has been a rocky road. I didn't want it so clung on to hope for several months. She's been seeing someone else but trying to keep it hidden from me. I've been such an idiot clinging on to something that wasn't there. I'm not waiting around any more and I'm moving on. You really do have to give up the hope and believe in yourself again. It takes time. It still hurts and I still feel so much guilt for not being able to give my son his family back. You have to let go though. A few months ago I would have done literally anything to make it work with her again, yet now I'm moving on, for myself and for my kid. It can be done, I promise.
The hardest is when you both still want it, but know we need to separate. How do we move past that? Neither of us want to cut ties.
Okay this is what I’m going through cause neither of us want to stop talking 😭
Am really broken
Thank you ❤ Today I had a breakdown, and I needed to listen to this. Those words exactly. You're amazing!
Your amazing! Not because I know you, simply because you’re trying to heal and you will heal.
Thank you I really needed to hear this tonight.A painful truth.
I needed this calm message. Thank you. 🙏
This explained my life exactly right now. I’m stuck. Bad things were don’t to me , after 20 year marriage infidelity, abuse , estranged from my daughter. I forgave and tried only for my wife to make me feel like I’m the one at fault and not sincere. Im in shock how you were able to describe exactly what I’m doing not accepting it in my head it hearts and let go and allow for new things to happen. I work a lot and keep busy and hope for something to change. I know when into no about it the horrible things she did to me and I don’t know why I’m not angry and forgive and keep thinking they are my wife and family and I should keep trying.
It's possible that you saw the breakup coming and you prepared for it ahead of time. Makes getting over the relationship easier. Nothing worse than being in a marriage that makes you feel alone, isolated, and all the problems are your fault.
I needed to hear this. It still hurts, but thank you.
I don't want her ever to be in my life again, but I want to see God, karma and Univeral make her suffer for what she did to me by cheating, breadcrumb and stonewalling for 3 months. I was loving and caring boyfriend did not deserve this brutal breakup out of blue. Saturday night kissed her good night by Sunday afternoon she become monster towards me. Breakup without closure and betrayal involved are worst of the worst bc it's traumatizing.
I was in same boat after two years she left for a guy from high-school just found out after year they are engaged. Man she used me bad and the manipulative, gaslighting, ect.. I think she changed for him it sucks
@asafselevanay1330 I feel you brother and it sucks because it's like the universe is ass backwards we suffer while they are happy with the new person
I we t through a similar situation. He was future faking me for three years
@@nosakhareobakpoler9825me too. Two years and counting.
Dr Maika...How I survived without you until today?! Please continue like this. Thank you
I'm so grateful for this video! All of the said things are so true! I needed this very badly. Thank you!
If they chose to open the door, let em walk through it.
As always 💯 correct!
I have accepted and gone through the emotional connection, and I have now detached that from me. It's an empowering feeling.
Thank you, Maika ❤
You are the best😘
This is such wonderful, tender and honest advice. Thank you
I really felt that the breakup happened for me over a couple of years. Once we broke it off, I felt suddenly done, I feel no pain, but relief. But the past couple of years has been very distant, and I really tried to get closer, tried to get her to come in closer, only to get pushed away hundreds of times. She could not believe I broke it off, but I really tried, and some mutual friends were surprised I didn’t break up with her several years ago. I held on far too long.
It has been 6 weeks past our breakup (2 years long relationship). I met her a few times after she moved out, we agreed to be together again a few times but she would always drift apart after I came back to my town. Untill she didn't wanted to meet me anymore but still wanted to talk daily.
She wanted to keep me as a friend. Today I finally put a stop to it. It was very hard to do. I love her. I would love to keep talking to her daily but she is drifting apart, she is talking about us going separate ways but keeping contact and that is too painful to me because I actually want to be with her.
But this is the only way to heal. Life sucks sometimes.
He broke up with me 6 months ago and I ruminate over it daily. I can say yes in the future and move on with life. This really helped me, thank you.
Thank you very much for making these videos. It’s truly helping me to overcome my heartbreak . Really feeling so grateful to you ❤
Thank you for this content. It's what I needed to hear tonight.
The pain is unbearable. Going through it now!!!
This shit hurts
It took me eight months to let things sink in. I ruminated, I denied, because I wasn't able to accept to pain of the breakup all at once. No one can, that's why there's denial it lets you accept it gradually over time.
Thank you I really needed to hear this
So good. I really needed this
Wow.. these videos are like a light breeze in your mind, that let you think in such a relaxing way even if you're in a break-up state
Thanks you so much, every time I feel relieved and a step further for my self improvement! ✨
Thank you. You speak genuinly and straight to the heart. This was spot on ❤
I'm sure it's the best general advice but very GenX and younger centric. As people age finding better opportunities becomes harder and harder and of course there are plenty of scenarios where a partner leaves through death or a worsening mental illness. These situations are not uncommon and allow for completely different coping strategies. There are are widows who never remarry for a reason and no one looks down on them for honoring the memory of their "ex" until their own death as well. The video is glib to ignore this psychology and how it might also justifiably apply. The more these situations accumulate over a lifetime especially among people who have reason to feel confident in their relationships the harder it becomes to trust one's own judgement and the easier it is to find relationships that compromise yourself and a subsequent partner. The number of reasons for just "giving up" are endless, especially in an age of dating apps that deceive people into thinking their options are endless rather than just filled with people addicted to the mate market "chase" and who are in reality more closed off and selfish than ever.
Dr Maika. thank you.
You have saved my life.And I mean that.
I'm out of the darkness now!
What I'm experiencing is kind of a "limbo breakup". We didn't have any problems within the relationship. We broke up due to external forces. We're still very much in love with each other. That I can be certain. However by lowering down my hope, I'm not removing the possibility of getting back together anyway. It just helps me heal faster. If we're meant to be together, we'll be together. That said, I find it very hard to stop hoping entirely especially because of the way we parted. But whenever I find myself hoping, I just kindly tell myself to stop there.
To anyone going through a similar situation, where you simply cannot reduce your hope level to zero because both parties are still in love with each other and there's a real possiblity to get back together if circumstances change, I'd say instead of assuming the worst (which counters the hope but worsens the mood), say "I don't know". Accept the uncertainty.
This video is so true 😢
Thank you so much for your videos on break ups, you've helped me more than I can say ❤️
2 weeks in after being told she wants to divorce. I go to sleep feeling I’ve made progress and accepted it. Then wake up back to the pain and still wanting her like an endless cycle. This video helps, I just need more time it seems.
Thank you. I really enjoy your videos. Very helpful!
I'd love to see a video on what may qualify a healthy situation to get back together with someone.
Thank you for the amazing content!
Have you seen this video? Psychologist On If It Makes Sense To Get Back Together With Your Ex | 10 Points To Consider ua-cam.com/video/Osw3fxT5a98/v-deo.html
It´s been 6 months since the breakup 2 months without contact, still overthinking a lot but moved forward, started a new hobby, going outside more often meeting friends, if I see something of interrest..like a concert..i just buy a ticket for myself instead of holding me back because of the fear to go alone. I don´t want to miss out anymore. In 3 days she has her birthday, I still have stuff of her - now contemplatiting if i send it to her or not, add a note or not, ass her favourite snack or not...
After 9 years she broke up with me in a nasty cold way. I am finally slowly starting to feel better 5 months deep.
Sorry to hear that. What happened?
That is rough. I proud that you made it to 5 months.
@@lorenson I am not totally sure. I think she has borderline personality disorder which I learned about after being discarded. I lived with her for 9 years and she locked the door and never let me back in after a heated argument. She claimed I have anger problems because I argued with her, she was emotionally immature. I left to my parents to cool off and she packed up all my stuff in garbage bags. She never let me say bye to the cats or my step daughter. I could not sleep for 2 weeks. Worst experience to date at 39 years old.
I do not have a lot of relationship exp, but I had two and both ended in break-ups. In both the girl would break up with me. What I learned (and still am learning) that 'No contact' works. No contact means basically that they are dead to you. No looking at their pictures, no stalking on social media. No calls.
Sometimes I feel guilty when I do this, because the other person may still be there and may still want to be together, but if they did not want to be there in the first place, why they are changing their choice. Therefore understanding that you feel guilt is not bad, tho you need to coerse this emotion into understanding where you were wrong about them and what you did not right yourself.
Break-up can be seen as positive, if you frame it that way. What you can learn from that exp about humanity is valuable.
You come across as caring yet very stern, and it feels.. different but also like i kinda need that?
Your videos are so helpful, I´m really tankful for them.
This was very healing
Brutal, but so true…
I very much appreciate this. Thank you.
Incredible advice
Thank you
You are a life saver
Thank you 👍👍
After all the times I was there for her how can a person just do that to you? I truly felt like my heart and mind was played with after we initially separated in September 2023 after 4 years. Then I’m July this year at 5 years to the date we met she officially said that’s it with a proud and boastful voice. She seems very happy and proud now.
Going thru virtually the same thing. It helps you get over them when they’re so arrogant. You were special enough to attract someone like her into your life , you can do it again. But this time you’ll be even better . With someone even healthier. Not sure if you plan on keeping in contact , but I wouldn’t. Show strength by walking away. Get revenge by making something awesome out of your life . She’ll catch wind of it someday somehow. You never know what’s going to happen in the future . Keep looking for good and positive things to happen . And they will!
Thank you for this
indeed, whay i needed to hear right now.
It wasn’t communicated. He brought up ways it wouldn’t work out between us (like me having kids) and I asked if he was done dating me and he said no. But that was the last time we talked, with the exception of one lame text from him. I wish he would have severed it in a mature way. 😢The shock of an abrupt ending of getting ghosted (like a death) is setting me back on my healing. I knew we were a temporary thing. I just wasn’t ready to let go of “us” yet.
Hi Doctor, I don’t mean to come off weird but you have the prettiest eyes. I’ve never seen that shade before, they’re almost violet looking. So pretty.
I'm in my second divorce. Painful beyond belief. He just moved out after 1 year of cohabitation in a very difficult situation. Hate is now in the picture between us. Times get lonely and scarry managing it all on my shoulders. I will never see him or hear from him ever again after 14 years. It was my decision to split then he wanted it too. I deserve better. It's done. I'm processing now. Healing is now.
The reason I stayed unhappy for so long was fear of being alone. Fear I will have to go through this pain. I'm going through now what I tried to avoid. I'm doing it
i am so hurt right now. it happened two weeks ago and it started as mutual until it just was him breaking up with me. he wanted to stay friends and we tried but i couldn’t handle it. i hung out with guy friends who he found out liked me, even though it wasn’t like that for me. he got really jealous and said i was going to get back with you till you did that. well i asked him to come over and talk yesterday and we did. he said we have no hope and i need to move on. I asked him if he still loves me and he said i love you like i love my friends. I’m not in love with you. i was visibly upset and then he said he still was in love with me…confusing. anyways, i tried to get him to change his mind but he said he didn’t treat me good and it makes him mentally feel unhealthy because he can’t make the effort he knows he should. he wants his own time and he knows he’s going to regret it in the future and that even if he does he will not try to get me back. i am so confused right now. he was my first everything and I love him. we dated freshman year for four months… broke up, he slept with my best friend. the 7 months later i took him back and it was amazing in the beginning but towards the end of our year and a half relationship i was so sad. i miss him being my best friend and i don’t know how to let go because i want to try again in the future. i made him cry during our talk last night and i feel so bad about it. i told him i deserve someone who would finish a photo album i made for them (i made it as a present for our first six months, he was supposed to finish it for our one year) he did one page. i also said I deserve someone who doesn’t get mad at me for every small thing. i said he was horrible. i said why am i the one trying to save our relationship when I should be the one leaving you? he had tears falling and i felt so sad about saying those things. he said those are the reasons he can’t get back with me. he said I deserve better. but why can’t he be better?:( I also lied to him the week of our break up and i have always struggled with lying. he was going to break up with me for that, then he said he will get over it. I apologized profusely and I thought we were good. we slept together and he told me he wouldn’t leave me. the next day he says he thinks we need to break up. I ask if it was about the lie, and he says no. he said his actions made me scared to tell him the truth. (he gets very very mad about small things) and that it isn’t healthy for me to be scared of him that I would feel like I have to lie. but I lied because I didn’t want him to overthink over nothing. it was wrong and I know that. he told me a week after we broke up lying was what broke the camels back, but then yesterday he told me lying had nothing to do with our break up. I hate myself why did I do that. also a week before all that he had been talking about how he saw me as the future mother of his children, best friend, future wife, etc… and how he wanted to marry his highschool sweetheart and build a house in the mountains and homestead. how can you go from that to leaving?
he said he thinks it will be better for him. then he said for me… then he said for himself? wth.
Great advice!!!
beautiful content! thank you
Doc,can you do a video on how to deal with a break up that involves a child/Teen. Most videos involve Ex but not much in there when it involves a child, where a parent practices manipulation to make the child be on her side and the child changes too. Its hard to move on when a child is involved
Yes, when children are involved it can be more challenging… I‘ll note down your request ✍️
Accepting the reality of break up
Was it for me
I don’t want him back bc he’s not changing anything so the relationship would still be the same
The pain is caused by not fully understanding “breakups”. You have to decide who you want to be during and after the breakup. That is actually all that is needed for accepting the breakup. You can’t control the decision of your ex. But you can control how you respond to the decision of your ex. Because you don’t know the reason of the breakup, you only can respond by accepting it. Not accepting it (even when you said you did to your partner) is wanting to control the outcome of a situation and feeling of someone you can’t control without knowing enough to maintain the relationship. That is not the best way to react to a difficult situation. Then you eventually make it worse for yourself.
And since every breakup is based on feelings rather rationality, your ex can never say entirely why the relationship is not possible anymore. No answer would be good enough for you either. So accept the pain and become friends with it. Because the pain will learn you something valuable.
I dated a girl for a year got engaged but overlooking the red flags. Hearing she had bad relationships and her daughter didn’t have a dad. I went out of my way to do everything I can for the both of them. But when they have caused so many problems and turn the page and I’m the one the problem. I had talked about things that upsets me and all I get is your being in your feelings and your being to emotional. I never been so hurt by anyone. And loosing my mom this past July her daughter and my x didn’t seam to care only putting stress on me.Never thought putting so much love and care trying to be the man she wanted in the end my heart was ripped out. I guess it’s okay to ? Everything I do. But ? Things about her was a fight. No man wants to think he his her rock to find out she ask other men for ideas and there opinions . GOD HEAL MY PAIN!!!!
You seem to have good knowledge for recovering from a breakup. A suggestion for a video would be a breakup that involved abuse.
The advice on this video is good but I can’t relate it to inner turmoil of a trauma bond etc.
This was so hard to watch
😢 i am so heartbroken 💔
Listened loved 🥰 ❤
Been 3 weeks post break up. This is enough… .. accept and move on
It’s been 8 months, of silence, being strong, avoiding contact… she tries to reach out again, yet only as a friend.. and only after watching this video.. I realize.. I still have hope.. my heart bleeds.. and my eyes shed the pain I was holding on to… I am heart broken.. but I it’s all I have.
The thing is, how do I stop holding on? She’s surging through my head like a maelstrom
If you’re experiencing automatic thoughts about her that pop up spontaneously, I wouldn’t think of that as holding on, that’s your mind processing and grieving. It will decrease naturally with time. Allow it to a certain degree while simultaneously doing things to occupy your mind with other things.
Me and my girlfriend broke up back in November of 2023 I've been hurting everyday but when you made the statement of holding on I think that's where I'm at and how she was giving me the subtle hints of hope for the whole late months then she finally just told me we couldn't see each other ever again I've been in so much pain and it's been really hard to let her go can somebody please how I make that personal decision to let her go emotionally? I just don’t know how because I still love her.
How do I let her go emotionally please help Where do I start? I find myself looking at pictures of us. I cry deeply. I’m so hurt. I just wanna let her go. I just don’t know how sometimes. I must’ve had that. We really just started talking 11 days ago. We’ve been broke up, but we’ve been communicating here and there and finally she cut off all communication.
@@4theloveofytubeit’s good that you’ve cut off all communication , because if there is any hope , she needs time to miss you and feel the Absence of your presence . Go no contact , and maybe get into the 7 principles to get an ex back. I don’t want to give you any false hope , but you almost need to try so you can see for yourself if there is , or if there’s not any hope . Then you can decide for yourself and let her go . It also gives you a chance to correct any behavior so the new you is ready for the new her / OR someone like her .