Breakups (when you have to see your ex regularly)
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- This topic arrives as a video request several times a week: "How do I move on (and move forward) when I see my ex on a regular basis?" Here are my tips on how to that with confidence and emotional safety:
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When they pretend that nothing happened its the worst
I think once you say to yourself, that this person did not value you, it brings back a little more power that you gave them and the "relationship" And one day at the time you heal. Remind yourself, it has to be mutual.And it's not.
See my ex at university and I'm just ignored. Makes me feel very low and worthless, constantly being rejected and being around the person who has rejected me. Every time I feel like I've made progress in healing, I get propelled back. It's exhausting.
Did it get better?
Can u please tell how did u get over this
What works for me... It was when I stopped putting them on a pedestal and remember all the negative things they did to me. It really does make you differently when you remember all the negative aspects. Thank you Susan! 👍
Tried ever since and it still dont work . Love her so much. And im the one who broke it off because she has every npd characteristic and it was draining me. Nothing works
@@orangecheez Nope... You're correct. You can't be in a relationship if the other person does not want any part of it. Or... accept them as they are...
Such a great question! Those repeated exposures feel like you are always picking at the scab that’s already formed in an attempt to heal. Mental programming... It’s taxing to try not to go there mentally.
Gorgeous Colors for a Top!
Yes, yes! (and thanks for the compliment on the blouse)
“Rightsize the person . . . “ Susan, you have NO IDEA how much these few words are immediately helping me. The Arnold Schwarzenegger of my mind is quickly becoming Barney Fife. THANK YOU!
His car is my trigger too. VW GTI dark gray... His name a is a major street in my city and seeing the street sign triggers me too.
I've seen her with different guys after our break up, several times. I'm humbly accepting that I had no value to her. It hurt each time but I feel better accepting this now. I feel as if I've taken the step up the ladder of moving on...
Living with an ex was an awful experience for me - wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
I left my job to get away from a BPD ex. Decided that I couldn't let seeing her run my life. That facing fear and exposure to her would help so I returned to the area. I see her car everyday parked out of my building of work, it has magnified the pain, needed this video. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears everyday before going in to work and seeing her car. I will try this. Thank you Susan.
Paul Dipetro plenty of other options out there for you ! There will always be a better one ahead! A lovely woman is already looking for you , you just don’t see her yet! Good luck 😉
I know. It's so hard when they live or work nearby.
I feel your pain, Paul. I also felt like there is no way out but leave my job to be able to get over somebody... It was incredibly painful... Torture...
Oh I just went through this torture recently. He is in the neighborhood. & every place at home & around reminded me of him. Imagine, no respite even at home. Aaaaa! But Feeling better now. Did you guys recover? & How?
I am a member of a narcissistic support page and they do say this for toxic men (or women) to write down the pros and cons, if the cons are longer than the pros we really need to have cause for concern but when we miss them, when we pine for them instead of wishing we could be in their warm embrace when it was good, remind ourselves where they disrespected us, humiliated us, made us feel less than, the contempt look of disatisfation. These would be all the reasons we left, or wanted to leave because if we went back in again this is how we were going to be treated again.
@@crimestoppers1877 its also the cognitive dissonance that doesn't help here causing people having physiological stress because toxic people have a tenancy to re programme your mind...
Great formula. Thanks for the share
Could can you please share that narcissistic support page information?
@@mzsommore a lot of narcissistic channels do this but Dana Morningstar does this best. Type her in to your you tube search engine, and she does a piece on cognitive dissonance type that in and she explains it so well and if you watch all her videos which was what I did there was this one where she talks about doing a vision board so it's both the pros and cons and also, reminding yourself of all the reasons not to go back, she also talks about especially with narcissium that you miss the person you thought they were or that part of themselves - your not actually missing them, your missing their false self that they presented out to you. Check her out. Xxx
@@crimestoppers1877 Well I do now but it comes from those experiences and life experiences as well.
Wow!!! I thought I was over this person but everytime I see them old feelings come into play was wondering what was wrong with me it's a mind thing Thank you
Of course, and it's completely normal. It takes serious mental strategy to get better when you're reexposed to the same virus.
You are not the only one.. I see mine almost every day (bus driver on my route). I look forward to when he's off work, cause I know I wont see them. I'm equally happy and sad when I see him.. what pisses me off is that, he never calls or texts, but as soon as he sees me and I get on the bus, he wont shut up. He'll still be talking to me as I step of the bus and its like nothing ever happens... its like WTF..
I really wish someone would explain it to me.
Miss Lana. M. Hudson I think they do this because they are too uncomfortable or scared to contact you now after a bad breakup.
@@misslanapford9169 What state do he drive a bus in cause I know someone like this
@@ameerahrashada4515
I'm in the north of England...
Perfect timing. A new winter, a new break up.
IM SO sorry to read this, but so pleased my video arrived in time!!
Come to Toronto please 😊
a good way is negative thoughts about this particular person. anytime you start to fantasize about them, stop yourself and go negative
Thank you for reminding us that something in them isn't as valuable as we think since they don't value us.
I don't feel horrible when I see my ex at all...after 45 years we finish each others thoughts...you will never remember the BAD over the long haul...ONLY the GOOD...
Yea, that’s what she’s saying. You actually have to keep reminding yourself of the negatives or the fact that they didn’t value you enough to stay in the relationship .
Wow! What was that like? Did you recover Dave? Pls share your breakup wisdom.
Thank you. You suggested to watch this video I just recently ended a relationship and there was something he didn't do that bothered me. And what he didn't do was tell me how beautiful I looked on a day that I really tried my best to look good for him. I asked him, why didn't you say that I looked pretty today.? His respond "I didn't know I was obligated too". Even talking about this right now just hurts my feelings so much. I do hate him for saying that. because I wasn't obligated to open up and let him in if you know what I mean, but I did because I I thought he cared. He only cares for himself and what's good for him. I got to keep remembering what he said I can hear it clearly " I didn't know I was obligated too". When I see him I want to walk with my head up my shoulders back and I want to walk with lots of confidence not for him but for me. Men can be such jerks. I hadn't dated anyone in over 20 years and I chose this person. What a joke what a disappointment. I am a survivor and I will survive this too .. will I ever trust again will I always have doubt? Absolutely! I really like your videos I'm going to continue to watch them thank you have a blessed day.
I had a moment of weakness today while seeing her at work and I almost broke no contact. This video reminded me of the course i'm on , thank goodness!
I go back and review the "not fabulous things about her" but tbh there's a place in my heart that just doesn't care she's not perfect. I still love her with all my heart and the pain that I'm going through is way too real idk what to do when I see her in uni tomorrow I'm really so hurt and so confused
did you get over? how did it go?
@@vinsvince8160 Yeah I ended up not going to uni anymore, I was absent for the better part of this school year, now I'm going back there and when I see that person I have nothing but resentment, no more love, sadly. I spent the year dating other people, failing, succeeding, volunteering, playing lots and lots of music, etc. Now I've made my decision to leave my uni and go to another, the time I took off helped me see i am not in the best place I can be in academically. So.. yeah we all go through it one way or another, we all find our way whether we like it or not.
I'm so glad I found you Susan. You speak right to me and you say exactly what I needed to hear to feel stronger.
Currently experiencing this now. I am finding it increasingly difficult to change my mind set but the more I put the message across to myself the better I feel. Thanks for a great video 👍
I see my ex everyday at work, and seeing her ignore me was painful. What's worse is the days I have to be on the same shift as her, and since me and her live close by, I have to take the same cab to office as her. And her scent and presence bring back the good memories in a painful way. And I just heard that she was dating someone else, and it felt like a part of my heart was ripped out violently, leaving me with only 50 percentage left. Recently, I began reminding myself of the bad she did. My friends are helping me at it, and it seems to help to an extent. There will be momentary relapses, but I'll keep focus and move on.
She keeps doing things that pits me down, yet I still care about her. How do I NOT do that because I really don’t want too anymore. She’s secretly horrible too me. She knows im quiet and pushes me out conversations I have with my friends. I feel like crap when I see other guys constantly asking for her number and making her uncomfortable, but i can’t even do anything about that anymore because I’d seem stupid. She never even told me the reason why she wanted to break up. The only reason was that the small things I do she finds “annoying” now. She’s taking my friends from me and I can’t even be around her without feeling anxious, and I have to be around her everyday soon. I have no idea what to do. I’m completely lost.
My ex would be friends . I have decided not . I didn’t value me and I don’t want him back but seeing him would be a constant reminder of his rejection , in fact all my rejections . I truly don’t want him , I wasn’t that sure when with him but having him as a friend would not benefit me . I’m almost sure it would make me feel badly , I had enough of that with him .
Dear Susan,
I am in love with your energy.
I work with my ex and he has been indifferent to me at the workplace post break up and is definitely happy. He told me i was the worst thing that happened to him.i decided to go into no contact. While he hasnt blocked me, he has asked me to hide all my statuses and other social media from him. As per him, i am a hypocrite trying to be happy and enjoying now while I was bad to him. I am unsure how to behave now at work place. If i am happy i look hypocrite to him. Love and Peace!
Just look him every day. After some days u will find out you don't have any feelings about him. It's like regular things. In 2008 I was in relation ship. But after one year she left me. That time I was 20 year old. I really love her. I am still waiting for her. After 12 years we met accidently on the road. She smiled. I was so happy. After that I tried to talk with her but she ignore me. I felt uncomfortable. Now I look her regular with no feelings.
Rima T if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t feel the need to tell you anything or act out in front of you. He is hurt and probably feels ego bruised, as selfish people do. Give him the cold treatment and live your life to the fullest.
@@hellgirlheleena u r absolutely right madam
@@hellgirlheleena thanks a lot. Now that because of lockdown we stopped seeing each other at all and workplace is closed, there is completely no contact. Zero interaction.
You only see what they want you to see. Don’t give them your power.
Is it fine to ignore them, especially if they hurt you so much? Hate to do it, but being kind to them has only gotten me manipulated and more hurt 😂
I’m the same! I tried to be mature and be friends. But I look back and think about all the times he never asked how me and my daughter were. Just went on about all the bad things in his life….I wanted to fix him so it made me want him again 😅 best to just pretend they do not exist
I’ve been asking this question for yearssssssss. Broke up with an ex almost 2 years ago... I see him often especially during the summer but nowwww I feel like I can see him and have absolutely no feelings for him. It’s kinda a thing where you have to force yourself to get over them
Best wishes from Ireland Susan! Love your videos
Top of the day to you, Grace!!
Even after 23 years, it's still hard!!!
Woww! Did you break up 23 yrs ago?!!! Wtf!! & you still haven't recovered?!! Are you serious? 😭 Pls share your story & your wisdom. 🙏
Thanks Susan!! I think the list is a good idea. There are days honestly where I want to feel the pain and I know that isn’t healthy. Think the pain of a breakup does ease up and get better. However, we don’t totally forget it and it comes out often when we date other people. In my experience I guard myself or the opposite reveal my deep feelings early before they express their feelings. It does effect us longterm and how we enter other relationships. We should be aware of it and try to not treat our new partners like the ones who left us.
Its excruciating susan💔😪😪..
When ever i see him , i shatter into pieces 💔. Being ignored by him even after 4 years of breakup is crushing experience.
The only thing i do, i leave the party, leave the ceremony.. i run away....
But for how long???😭.
@Pete Romeo No..
@Henry Anderson thanks dear.
But i just want to move on..
I want to forgive and forget. I am 42 years old now. I cant afford another shock. 💔 i have 4 children to raise.
I keep running into her at the gym , and she always works out close to me i just put my hat down and hoodie and and keep it pushing no contact no talking nothing
F***!!! The gym was my situation too! 😭 & Gym is bang in front of my house. So even tho I stopped going to the gym, no escape at home too. 😭
Hi Susan! I really needed this! Thank you!
I've been watching your videos for a while now because I'm desperate to get over an ex who was my co-worker...It's been 3 years since he left me and it's been specially hard for me since I fell in love with him deeply and I had to see him almost daily after the breakup (we worked on the same floor)
Later on he started dating someone else in the office and they just had a baby (they are not married but are living together) and I got very affected by it (even when I know I shouldn't)
So finally I decided to quit my job in an attempt to stop seeing him and move on with my life, but I recognize I still have a lot of internal work to do...
Thank you for the advice in this video, hopefully it would help me get through this!
Sometimes that is the best thing to do, a clean break.
Thank you, Susan! This is really helpful! I work with him and it's been hell...
Glad it was helpful!
Thought I was over my ex after she left me for another guy but when I see her around now it gets me everytime. Thanks for the video Susan.
@Henry Anderson no. I do my best to avoid her. But it's kinda hard when we're living in the same area.
Oh my goodness! I’m at the gym and I keep doing the jaw drop, the “ooooooooh my gaaaaaawd” and “Oh my goodness I pieces of what happened” and “Are you freakin kidding me!?”
Just searching for content that would push me further in the direction of unfriending her on social media so that I don't have her in my face every time I open my phone and this did just that. Thanks.
I was signed of work for 3 weeks by the doctor with depression and anxiety because I could not face seeing her. She ended it by phone, and the only contact after that was via messages, so the last time I actually saw her and looked into her eyes we were still together. I have to return to work and I'm terrified how I will react seeing her. I desperately need to leave or get her back. Sadly I think I know what is more likely. I am broken. I'll try these tips and hope for strength from somewhere.
Love your thoughts on how to traverse through love life.
I recently had a breakup with a wrong person, but I fell in love. Now that we’re broken up, my style is to shut off completely unless the person needs help/support from me. Here’s my problem: I still yearn for the love he didn’t have for me. I realise it’s a mental thing, I’ve tried various tactics to get my power back, and I know it’s a function of time: with time, I’ll feel better & better.
I’ve also started to date other people, but I feel uncomfortable dating multiple people at the same time. My energy is genuine & the guys who date me see that. I just feel guilty for stringing them along. Would
Love to hear your thoughts on how women can date multiple people guilt-free!
Maybe get to know them like you would get to know a new friend.
Don’t touch or flirt until it seems prudent to move forward with the right one :) then go slowly. Very. Slowly.
I’m so crushed by my spouse leaving me and the children... my way now is I dnt go to the door when he collects or drops off the children as they are old enough to greet their father them selves.. it’s only 3 months since he left with pathetic excuses that I have tortured myself cried amd cried day after day begged and pleaded for him to come home... so now I dnt contact him I will reply if he messages but I refuse to see him physically as I end up a mess all over again . I love him so much and miss him terribly this is just my way of letting go I guess . I’m not sure if it’s the correct way but the hurt when I see him and the feelings of love I have still crushes me when I look at him
This is an amazing video. Thank you
Excellent Tips! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Susan and niko❤️🌹
How long does that take, Susan? My friend seems to be torturing herself by staying in a social group where she sees her ex at least once a week. I'm going to show her this video but I really think it's preferable for her to just stop hanging out with this crowd for a while. They're doing that "oh we've worked it out and we're good friends now" malarky but she still gets starry-eyed talking about him and never says a bad word, but I know she's miserably lonely and won't even look at another guy. They've been broken up 2 years.
Thank you Susan
Hi Susan, any advise about the situation where I had to let someone go I loved deeply, but where I felt she just wasn't the one for me? I see her in the gym on a regular base and It's the only gym nearby so I can't change gyms..
Any progress?? I'm in the same situation and I do want her back..
Is it just that my mines messed up? Why do I feel like me and her can get back together down the road?
Hi Susan I have a question ? I have been in a relationship with a guy for the last year and recently found out that for the first 3 months of our relationship he was chatting to and flirting with someone else ! Now he is begging for forgiveness and swearing he loves me !. Ugh I can’t bring myself to believe it why do men do this ?? Help
This is funny. My X has been married 4xs. We have a daughter. Everytime I see her at a family gathering I see my X. Then I always ask the Same thing? What's your new husband's name? There has been so many. I lost track. She gets so mad. I love it. Then she gives me a dirty look. I was first. My daughter can't even remember all there names. She did a great job with my daughter. But the men in her life have been disasters.
Hi Dear
just broke up with him almost one month ago and I texted him happy new year and he was very cold and said thank u . And he texted me one week ago only one word and I was stupid again and I replied and he disappeared again and never return my text . 2 days ago he texted me one word again and I completely ignored him and he texted me again one word last night . So I don’t wanna answer him anymore because he doesn’t even see me as an option he only wants to keep me somewhere in his life for texting once a month one word . If he is really wanna have conversation with me and want me to comback in his life he would text and call consistently. Can u give me your opinion please ?? Do you think why he textedw like this
Best Regards
Oh thank u 🙏 I’ll do it
The reason I didn’t do it because i thought he wants to comeback
I want to hug your dog I love pomeranians
Is there any real/hard data dealing with compatibility with gender & birth order? E.g. OK for a first born male to date a last born female but not the reverse? Or, only children females should not pair with last born males? While you're at it, whats a good pairing for an ISTJ? Etc.
If you don't see your ex on a regular basis (like never) is it okay to envision the possibility of Maybe getting back together? It'll likely never happen but you still wonder what if it would?
@@animalames78 i know as if I had money to anyway hahah :p
Get over a partner? Get under or over a new one!
Oh, shut up
@@cjvrnn not sure how to take that comment..