This happened to me. Can’t believe the same person who was so concerned about my wellbeing in the beginning, could turn out to be someone who had no empathy for my suffering (when they caused the suffering)...
Disagree. Ladies should always be treated like princesses. If you don't, you'd regret a cop coming to you and beat the living crap out of you or if you are in the west, you don't want to go to prison and lose job or have another guy be angry at you. Be thankful and don't be a b*tch. People are not the issue even if they poor hot coffee at you. JESUS SAYS DON'T JUDGE LESS THEE BE JUDGED. Lets not see more poor mentality. I'm agreeing with him. Relationship isn't build on excitement but day to day stuff you do.
@@danimarcushevic3114 Disagree. I met some narcissistic abuser "ladies" who hide behind titles of a "good Christian girl." Nobody should be on the pedestal. Everyone should seek equality and balanced partnership.
"A relationship is not built on excitement of the initial passion, it is built on the day to day stuff you have to do". People need to frame this quote.
I feel like a fool just because of that person who caused me to let my guard down and he's not reciprocating this time. He love-bombed me like for weeks before I succumbed and guess what? He disappeared. Not sad, but appaled; people shouldn't act that way.
You are not a fool. There's nothing wrong you have done. You have done what's natural - falling in love honestly. If the recepient isn't compatible with your goals or abilities why do you blame yourself? Have you fallen in love to suit your ego or to fulfill a void in your heart, ask yourself this question. Your resolution to this query will help you deal with your discontentment & unhappiness. Wish you good luck.
If there's no reciprocity and they're always undervaluing your company, feeding you breadcrumbs, all the while seeking validation elsewhere, being promiscuous...then just walk away, it's a bitter pill to swallow but if they didn't value your worth first time around then they wouldn't miss your absence either they were just an attention junkie. Never yearn or wait for someone whose running away from you but only value the ones running towards you. Their loss is someone else's gain.
@@BrendaBaBoom absolutely, I had to learn it the hard way. But eventually over time post reflecting everything I am grateful for the lesson learned as I truly learned to prioritise myself first.
The thing is the first ones were running towards me in the beginning.. Anyway I find it sad that we can relate to that being on different continents. The modern dating world and technologies have turned relationships into painful nonsense.
This is an extremely mature perspective. Many are still stuck in their child hood or teen years wanting excitement but are not built for consistency of a lasting relationship. Sadly I think technology and easy access to cheap casual sex is to blame as well. No one wants to invest in stability nor are they equipped for it. I don't want them if that's how they will be... Gotta be reliable and safe and secure as that is what builds trust.
Yeah I think this is what I've gone through recently. Someone who is a grown adult but still in her teen years in her mind. She wanted stability and a long term relationship (at the start) and we seemed very right for each other in that sense But as soon as that early honeymoon period started to wear off, she bailed. Obviously when one person is seeing the relationship as something with so much more potential and the other has this pretty childish way of thinking and suddenly just drops you because they're bored, it can be heartbreaking.
@Alex_006 When a woman says she doesn't feel loved your marriage is doomed. She lacks introspection and is unable to view the world objectively. Everything revolves around her selfish needs. A child of divorced parents. Whrn you feel unloved ask how much love do you give. Love is an action not a stinking left wing countercultural 'feeling'. Bla!!!
I am getting so strong. After a year of active dating, ghosting has built a kind of resilience I am grateful for. It has taught me to create boundaries, be my absolute self, measured, steady and yes, confident in what I want. It's unsettling to think you have found someone when you haven't, but it's also a great opportunity to learn more about ppl and yourself.
You dont need to be ghosted to find resiliance. Dont kid yourself. I understand what you mean but it still hurts the same after a year. People who ghost are scum of the earth.
He was probably a narcissist. Remember most men dont wanna be married at all. Some get married once or maybe twice but hardly ever 7 times. He might be gay & using women as cover ups.
That’s exactly my story. Awesome start to a relationship first 3 months, All of a sudden pulling away , silent treatments started. Constantly using work as an excuse. Space and time was given .Despite that same issues. Finally found out the guy was back on all the dating apps.He tells me he doesn’t want a commitment. Exactly at 6 months I ended it.
Similar story. He said he wasn't ready for sth serious, me wanting give it a try and agree to lower myself to not naming the relationship. Just today, i decided to step out. Can't hold on to someone who doesn't share the same feeling
Common S it’s not easy but it’s like ripping off bandaid , now weeks later I feel a lot better and glad I did it cause he didn’t deserve me , he was one of those that needs constant validation and I definitely did not want a partnership with someone who has low self esteem.
Doesn't want commitment but on dating apps 🤦♀️ so just wants validation from lots of different people. I wish people were upfront from the start instead of leading people on.
yes I get that desensitised feeling too, of going through the motions and feeling nothing apart from a glimmer of initial hope and the very familiar “and here we are back here again”..
I feel that If what happened to me in this relationship happens again, I wont be able to cope with it. I've been so tortured emotionally in the "love" sector in life that I cant stand an other let down in the future. I need to find real love at last. I feel deserve love and kindness, all I've gotten in life so far is loneliness and a feeling that Im not a priority for no woman I like or care.
Sometimes (In my case) when they see my real self and that Im romantic and wanting a relationship, they flake out even after saying in the beggining they wanted a relationship. And they say "im not looking for a relationship" cos all they want is sex. Well guess what? im not just a sex tool, and im tired of all these men acting like youre too "emotional" for them.. really annoys me.
I’ve been through this, for me it was about finding self worth, loving myself first, it wasn’t easy, but when I accepted me and put myself first, practiced self love then I realised that the thoughts and feelings I had for this person weren’t real, they were based on a fantasy of what I wanted them to be not who they were and when I saw them for who they were then I had the strength to walk away.
I agree, love yourself first. Like attracts like and if you love you then you don’t need anyone to validate you. I fully understand and am working on it.
I wish I understood this in my teens n 20's n not when I'm 30.. because I did loose my 20's figuring out what was wrong with me. But truly nothing was wrong with me .. i was just in lack of information and in denial that ppl can be horrible and use others for their own good. Finally i fell for a narcissist and that was my biggest lesson. Now I'm done.. it took me 30 years.. but i still have hope somewhere in my heart that there are good people out there .. and if ever i fall again I know in early stages to let go.
I hope you and others find a really nice trustful partner. I heard that my crush might be married now after I haven't seen her for 4 years after we finished college. She liked me in the beginning which made me like her but for some reason it seemed she didn't want me to hang around her on our last year. I wish it was the other way around where I moved on and she still thinks about me
I experienced this, and it sucked. He went from attention bombing me (more than he did any other woman) to disrespect when I showed interest and started reciprocating. Long after the attention bombing stopped, I was still head over heals and he was just moving on.
“Never put your life on hold for another person.” Thank you Susan for your invaluable advice.👏 I dated a narcissist last year and he tried to put my life on hold for his selfish reasons. I’m so thankful I had the discernment and courage to move on! Now, I’m happy, healthy and chasing my dreams!❤️
I just broke up from a toxic relationship, I didnt had the courage to brake up with her unfortunately, she did, I hope I find the courage to look forward and find real love soon.
Happened to me recently, he love bombed me and then went cold, slowly replied, ignored. After I confronted his behaviors, he said he doesn’t have the feelings for me and we don’t match as a couple. Very sudden and sadness, but it is what it is… nothing I can do but walk away and no contact since that.
Whether it's a friend, family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, pet, or even a celebrity who someone looks up to..... Don't become completely attached and put him/her on a pedstal that's so high above everyone else. Meet different people, embrace the good moments, learn from the bad moments, and enjoy the adventure that's called life ;)
“There are people that are only good at the first part.” Truer words were never spoken, and exactly what I Am living right now. Two months ago she even suggested MARRIAGE, but just today I Am being told, she “needs to focus on bettering her life for her and her kids.” To which I graciously accepted of course. 😑 Very timely video Ms. Winter.
Rene sorry to hear that but that is her loss you deserve better than that.... Paul horn are you suggesting dating married ones then?...not all single mothers use their kids as an excuse to end a relationship....no good relationships end for nothing, it's due to miscommunication, cheating or not being respected or no effort being put in to grow the relationship....I've been a single mother on and off and will continue to do so until I find the right person who matches my efforts.... relationships take work, time and effort by both parties and if one doesn't make that a priority then you get out of it if they are not willing to invest... your comment is like those women who say all men are the same liars and cheater's...no they are not that is a person's character not a default gene with one species xo
zenmaiden1 Unfortunately for me, I did not actually dodge that bullet. This breakup with her is not the first. I’ve been seeing this woman and been in the hell of toxic torture since 2018. It’s just I Am long since trauma bonded, from the toxic cycle of abuse. This is just a repeat of the cycle of idealization, devaluation, discard, and eventual hoover, that takes place upon an individual that has been unwittingly entrapped, and suffering on the rollercoaster of emotional devastation. At this point, I Am just looking to get off of it, but thanks.
@@renep7008 unfortunately there's alot of women and men that are toxic and shouldn't be in relationships and this one don't for any reason go back too....get through the process of healing yourself look up Craig Kenneth on UA-cam his videos will help you alot and once your in the right place to start dating again make it a rule 1 break up is a mistake, 2nd time it's a choice 3rd time it's a unhealthy pattern do not do the back and forth on and off and only go back a 2nd time if the issues have been discussed and improved greatly...you guys were just not right for each other and possibly bought out the worst in each other...if it's not healthy then leave it out with the trash...we cause ourselves these heart breaks hanging on settling and accepting this type of bullshit from others teaching them how they can treat us, I don't care man or woman do not put up with toxic behaviour from anyone....and don't give up and become like them....there is someone out there who will give you the love you deserve, but start by loving yourself first and you won't accept fake love anymore and they can step up or step out of your way xo
Susan Winter I know, My dear. We will, in February. This time it was me 😢. Roles changed. But what you say is absolutely describing me and I need to analyze that. 🤦🏼♀️ Sending you lots of love! S
I'm wondering why isn't your channel monetised yet? The amount of value I received each videos is beyond comprehension. So I wouldn't mind seeing ads so just I can give back you you this way. This is channel is best out here. Thank you Susan.
Airborne Mark Thank you very much. I’ve never thought of it. I’m only intent upon getting the information out that can help people. But I’m probably leaving money on the table. So in time I do plan to look into this
Susan Winter oh my goodness Susan, you are not monetised? 😱 That cannot be! The value that you bring to us, indeed, it’s definitely worth it. There is no reason not to monetise the videos, it’s all original content, so helpful and some very innovative and profound ideas. This is your work and your brain Susan, having them at the beginning is no problem! (It can get annoying when they interrupt the video 😅)
inzigzag I’m having somebody look into this for me. I was always irritated by having to wait a couple seconds to start a video. I thought it was cheap. But if I can find an elegant and non-invasive way to do so I will indeed begin to monetize
@@SusanWinter Each and every single of videos we watch on YT is monetised anyway. So we don't mind you getting your well deserved share . I have received so much healing here as I have been going through the break up in the last few weeks. You do leave money on table indeed. And its been my wondering why you don't do so since the very first video I watched. You deserve so much more for your outstanding work. You are healing thousands and thousands of people.
I'm a year out of a relationship that was just this sort of thing: 2 months love-bombing and then 5 weeks of distancing and the discard. Shocking how dismissive she was after the first 8 weeks! My take: Likely BPD with a touch of covert narcissism. I'm not a certified anything, but boy have I researched! So it's just my opinion, because this was all so unusual. My advice, and things to watch for (from this experience): If it feels like manipulation, it's most likely manipulation! Stonewalling is a purposeful assertion of control, and unnatural silent stretches are indeed "the silent treatment", be it for more control or actual relationship sabotaging maneuvers. I only spoke up once when I was rudely cancelled on (last minute, no good reason) from a mutually agreed upon prearranged date. We got past it... and I glossed over what really was right in front of my eyes: this person was not prepared for the longer haul. What started out as a pleasant kind of "girlishness" in this 53 year old women was really a lack of maturity and depth. Yep, I got my heart broken... but I did eventually stand by what I consider to be healthy boundaries (I require mutually respectful, open communication) so her TEXTED discard (yes, a text message!) left things pretty much done. I responded politely and with care, but that was her ghosting of me. No contact a year now. She was with a new guy within 2 months of our parting. I like me. I was treated badly by her. I don't need that, so moving on. It took a tough year to get here though. Get counselling if you get really low. I did, and it helped. Take care all .
I've been in this kind of relationship and it was so toxic. I wanted to give him another chance but little did I know he was flirting with someone else while "asking for forgiveness and in the process of taking me back to his life". I already severed ties with him. I don't need this kind of person. He doesn't deserve me. He has a new girl now (which was my classmate before). I just hope he will not do what he did to me to his new gf.
hey man, wow. I swear mine was BPD and covert narc but the worst part is not knowing for sure... im 95% sure but it was a LDR. But from what I experienced I knew enough. It also forced me to research so much and its left me a little scarred. Do you wanna chat sometime online? If you're interested, maybe I can tell you some of the things she was doing and you can help me crack the case?? Let me know :) Daniel
Men like the challenge more than the person. Once they get the prize theyre off to the next one. Thats why I wait at least 3 months before I sleep with someone.
@@bch5758 Sorry, youre absolutely right! That was a sexist statement and I apologize ✌🏼 I have a few friends who dispose of men like they throw away their garbage...🙂
That's true. I also think that us introverts get overwhelmed when things aren't quite right with someone. Your intuition kicks in and knows something's off.
Wonderful video. The part about having a relationship in which the person is there for the sick kids, sick dog, and your colonoscopy is so true and right on key. Love it!
Recently, I had the best first date of my life, and saw the decline which lead to ghosting. My gut told me "she did it for validation," and I believe I was right. Susan you are spot on. If its too good to be true, and early on too, something is up. Simple.
I was once adored and now everything about me is wrong. I went from a queen to being treated like a child in trouble. When I am in need of emotional support from my partner, I am given the silent treatment and accused of being emotionally unstable. But when they need validation or reassurance I am expected to be there. It’s always my fault and it’s exhausting.
It will never go back to the way it was in the beginning, no matter how hard you try. Nothing is enough for the narcissist. You can never satisfy their misery. They gradually erode your self esteem over time which can be hard to recover from afterwards. The sooner you cut it off the better.
You said it, Susan, they don’t have the ethics to sustain in a relationship. It’s important to love ourselves enough to accept that some people, no matter how amazing they appear to be, are really quite limited as far as their ethics. And the best thing we can do is leave if the person is not willing to be open and honest.Very criticallay important to believe them right when they show you who they really are. I love the lessons I have learned. Appreciate your great videos, Susan!💜
7:28 "Who brings quality to the table 90% /85% of the time, that's a good relationship" 💖 Don't hold back on giving top quality but also feel this from the other too. If the relationship ends, at least you know you were generous in this regard and it's easier to move on.
Ismail Patel I disagree. I had someone like this but she’s young. She’s a full time nursing student. Full time work. She was head over heals for me, I gave her a painting I made to thank her for her kindness and excitement and the trust she had in me. It hurt that she went cold but since then our eyes have met and the same amazing smile comes over her face that she had last year all the time. But she catches herself and looks away. I also saw a psychic who said she would come back to me later in the year. She even saw us travelling together. But her change made me really look inward. I’m learning how to love myself. Trust myself. Which I’ve never done honestly before. I care for her a lot but I’m learning to let go. I’m learning to live in the moment and trust in the universe. She’s the first person to show real interest in me, in a real moment of vulnerability she said she believed in me and had faith in me. And I know she still does. And I’m at the point where if she comes back it will be amazing but if she doesn’t that’s ok too. I have learned so much because of her, she’s given me a lot, more than she knows. But I gotta take her off the pedestal cause we’re equals. Equals on this journey that’s life. Some might play mind games but from my experience that’s not the case. Those who do are doing so out of some kind of fear, and like was said here, perhaps some kind of inexperience with how to move forward.
I don't know how about the rest of you, boys and girls, but in my life, the one who is always consistent, and doesn't withdraw all of a sudden, is my wonderful Border Collie 😊
People are fickle and people are moody-when we FALL in love-that is infatuation-its chemistry-its a high-its a drug-they are enamored-and then poof gone-some are avoidant-they get scared-some r narcs and they r onto a new supply-we can never know and ruminating only makes it worse-its hard not to try to figure it out-there r people who can not deal with a healthy relationship-they r emotionally immature and unstable-people have issues--humans are complex-there are many layers to us-just focus on you steer clear dont chase-love is a risk-you cant outsmart falling in love- go with flow and know u were true to YOUR heart
Thank you so much for this Susan. I went through a similar situation where everything seemed so rosy and perfect in the beggining, he was even making future plans. And then he suddenly disappeared. I wish I had led the focus into thinking: “is this all you can give me? Is this far that you can sustain it? Shame on you”, and walk away to mind my business, but instead I was caught in a wild spiral of self blaming, misunderstanding and started acting as you said: as an addict circling their drug. Trying to figure it all out on my own was very detrimental for my self steem and mental health, but at the moment it seemed like the right thing to do in order to solve the problem. But I was never the problem, it was him. He could not sustain it and that reason never made sense in my mind, but yeah some people are quite limited. Once you understand that it is much easier to free yourself from pain. x
Just experienced it - once again. 😐 Thank you for that eye opener, Susan. We tend to think that WE did something wrong, too late, too soon. Why could we not meet their expectations? Could we have done something differently? What we hardly ever consider is what you said! And the moment you showed that peak and decline I said “Yes, excactly! That’s what happening to me. OMG, it’s happening to Susan Winter, too?!” And I suddenly spot that pattern. I fall for extremely cute guys that are always enthusiastic at the beginning and after weeks and months this enthusiasm is gone. I did not change. But why did they change? It is their problem! Whether they get bored easily, want to date as many women they can, feel too close or just can’t be the dream guy for more than a short amount of time. Thank you so much for this video! ❤️😘
Spot on! It’s happened to me over the years where one minute me and a girl are always talking then suddenly without warning they just blank me and treat me like I don’t exist or act a bit hostile when I didn’t do anything wrong. I would always ask myself what went wrong as there would be no given reason but I think often it’s because they weren’t totally nice and probably fake and/or like you said, it doesn’t go beyond stage one and they are just inconsistent. Great video :) it really hit home for me
Thank you Susan, you are the voice of reason! It can really drive you absolutely crazy when you are right in the middle of it, you don't know how to deal with the situation and your confidence is already low to begin with.
right about 3 months into it, she lost all interest... went from good morning texts every day to breaking up with me... over a year later I'm juts now getting over it.
3 months cmon man, try six years and then she hung up on me twice , blocked me and thn blamed me for not beng in touch! Women have a lot of growing up to do , and no I wont come back to you F** right off ex gf!
Such amazingly great observations Susan!! Everything you said is true!! Getting burned myself awhile back was so painful and now? Now I can actually see the truth of the matter. It's LIFE and it's here to teach us the TRUE value of things. Consistency!!! Dependability!! Rational! Caring and giving people. I've learned to let go of those old flames because its impossible to keep them alive. They were NEVER what I wanted, just a projection of my dreams. Better to go with reality and stop trying to make the connection work. Especially when they show their true colors. Thank you Susan! Amazing advice as always!! 👍
I think I know what you mean, but men don't want women to lead their lives. I suspect your the alpha female that is career minded and wants a man to follow your vision. Masculine men aren't attracted to that. Biologically, men are set up to be leaders and to "conquer." The types of men that are going to follow you as you pursue your dreams are not going to be the types of men you're attracted to. Don't hate me for saying this, but I've dated many career oriented women and they all have this mindset and it just kills attraction in us men.
Susan this is the best overview of a relationship headed down the wrong path. Our relationship goals should be based on consistency. Truly, life is not perfect but we all stand a better chance of living a full life when we surround ourselves with people who truly are respectful of who we are and we can trust to have r back.
Very true. And people change. They may make poor choices and then it impacts the relationship you have. It hurts sometimes but worth the moments. Yes, love, self care, positive consistency, courage and discernment are key.
Wow thank you so much Susan. I’ve been going through this for a while with a girl. Going up and down constantly from adoring to ignoring and it’s been killing me! Like you were saying in this video, it doesn’t even have to be romantic. She’s my friend and I just really want her to take me as seriously as I take her, and it really hurts when she doesn’t support me how I support her. I hate that it feels like I’m chasing after someone who’s just a friend. Right now I’m just trying to stay away so I can heal and it seems like she doesn’t even give a damn like we were never friends even though she swears that we are. This situation sucks!
I like this video. I have been through this many times. I learned a lot about myself also. I give 100% of myself every time, but get pushed away. I figured that since I'm not a needy person those individuals get everything they wanted. It hurt me, but I'm a survivor.
I thought I heard it all, but suddenly you come up with something I needed to hear a year ago:) I didn’t know I wasn’t alone and my experience wasn’t as unique.
I was feeling really down about my break up from my previous long term relationship (7.5 years) and listening to this video m made me feel so much comfort. I always appreciate your perspectives and insight, Susan. ❤️
I had that just happen to me, and I'm 38 years old! I thought I was more on top of my game. I told her "I loved her", she been ghosting me for 4 weeks now, and hasn't returned my phone calls even after I wished her Happy Mother's Day. Well, I do love her but I know she's not good for me. But I do know my value now after seeing that she can't even see mine.
RMJ, no matter how on top of our game we believe we are, with these people in these situations it's a No Win. Even when you know you have done nothing wrong, you cannot help feeling stupid when the drop comes. Recently I found an old diary of mine where I happened to write about the whirlwind phase, and reading it now there were that many red flags in this person's behaviour! He basically tells me point blank he has a history of failed relationships and a string of enemies, but of course at the time it was all fun and excitement. Now I understand why.
This is precisely the topic I need to address and get ...sort of OUT of. It's like, "what do I dooooo?!!!" ...and nobody else wants or can! Talk with me about it. I'm so glad to find that you're talking about this!!!!!!!
It is crucial to realize our own egoic addictive patterns otherwise they drive you. Your Self or the Source in you has to be realized or experienced so you can transcend them as they appear in our field of conciousness.
Interesting, well said and finally said " some are only good at part one". And then there are the ones that are lousy on part one, but great on the following parts. So maybe that dull boring geek could be a diamond found in the dirt. Cant judge a book by its cover. And all in all, I think most are doing the best they can with what they are mentally, emotionally equipped with, so if that is all the other person is capable of, then so be it. Hopefully it is a learning opportunity, then one needs to make a decision to move on or whatever it may be.
This just happened to me with the last person in the world I wanted this to happen with: A great friend. Thank you for some clarity, yet again. I will miss him with all my heart. Feels weird to say that here, but I know it will pass.
@@andresfernandez6227 Yeah, apparently it can happen more than once to some of us. I agree it is hurtful. But I took the whole thing as a learning opportunity. I am actually beyond that situation by light years! Thank you for asking. It's crazy how fast you can find yourself wrapped up in an idea with someone else, and then they let you down so the fall tends to take longer to work through. One thing I learned this time, though, is that LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be wrapped up in a dead-end idea with someone who doesn't deserve your time and energy. When I did that I became available to other connections and flirtatious encounters with much cuter gentlemen. That's the goal I mean. Haha // I hope you are in a good place, too. Are you doing alright? Peace.
@@jofacio Hey! Thank you for answering, your response was the one I related to the most. To be honest I´m not feeling so great at the moment, this just happened to me and the wound really hurts, somedays I wake up feeeling ok and suddenly I start getting this negative thoughts of what I could've done better to save the friendship, but you know what? I truly believe I gave my heart on this friendship, I gave him all of my love, support and time, I delivered my best. I guess that is why it hurts so much, because he never appreciated it and I'm here crying alone. I wish I can get to the point where you are, look back and say "whatever, next!" At this point I just want to concentrate in myself, my inner growth and gain more self love. But I can't deny this hurts like a breakup, even worse, I would´ve never thought that letting go of someone you thought would be in your life forever would be one of the hardest things ever. Your answer really gave me a little bit of hope, I´m glad you are doing better now. Thanks a lot and peace from Colombia. :)
@@andresfernandez6227 You are welcome. I understand your present state of feelings. It will pass soon enough, and the painful vibes will become peaceful vibes. For some, sooner than others, but I think what helped me get over the hurt feelings was when I realized this person never deserved so much of my attention. When it hits you, you will be like: BOOM! NEXT! /// And you will make yourself UNAVAILABLE to the person in the truest sense of that word. It takes strength to truly become unavailable to someone you thought you could kick it with "forever" -- but, in some cases, it's necessary for connections that are too awkward/painful. Life sucks huh? But not really it doesn't because that person is not your source of fulfillment.. First and foremost that person is you. So you have to push yourself to get off that rollercoaster /// So if you know that the next step is to realize that he doesn't deserve your friendship, I would want to get off the rollercoaster they put me on as soon as possible. Reason being... then your spirit will be ready to tap into a new connection with someone who is actually available for you. I was mind blown when I learned this. You will be, too. Best wishes to you in Columbia.
Your videos are like having a chat with a close friend over a mug of hot chocolate and some tissues for the nose. Thank you for beeing so real and kind.
Susan you are now one of my role models! I love your grounded confidence, how real you are and how you try to empower others as well. I'm sure many of your audience, as well as me, would love to know a bit more about you and your past experiences, career wise and relationship wise! I'm sure it will help many to see how they can grown from their own experiences.
Kiana K That is so sweet. I feel like I reveal a lot in these videos but those are more personal questions I guess about life and my own journey. I’d be happy to tell you about it. I started as an opera singer, became a corporate spokes woman For about half of the fortune 500 companies, and then moved into my own TV show on FNN - Financial News Network-Which is now CNBC
He would never give me even 5 minutes of conversation. I saw it was not going well. Then when he did not even wish me Happy New Year I lost my s#!£. I broke it off. He wss shocked. Now I feel less anxiety but I feel a void.
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I was in a situation like this recently, but I was the "offender." The reason it fizzled was because they got clingy. Calling me at 5am because I said I was setting my alarm for that time, wanting to speak several times a day, then always begging to see me. Things were cool for a few weeks but then tanked kind of fast. I wouldn't write this person off for the future if they deal with whatever made them so clingy, because the initial attraction was there...but I needed to step away. I can't be depended upon emotionally to that degree.
Thank you Susan for letting me know it isn’t me. It’s them. I learned a lot from this crappy experience and I know whom I shall be looking for next time. I learned to be picky first before I devote my affection
Susan, thanks for touching on this very important topic. I experienced this in a relationship with a lady that was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Unfortunately when we first started dating i was not aware that she had this disorder. At first, the relationship was a dream come true,but after several months it started to go from heaven to hell. The verbal and emotional abuse that i was subjected to became unbearable and i finally left the relationship. I realize that in your video you probably were not talking about being in a relationship with someone that has BPD , but felt it was important to bring this information to light. Sometimes we get in relationships with the wrong people. We are human and make mistakes, bad judgements, but it is just a mistake not a life sentence. We are human and this is part of life. We need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward in a positive direction. Thank you for your wonderful advice, and thank you for letting me throw in my two cents worth! Looking forward to your next video.
Get rid and move on some people out grow each other some don’t know what they want just say ok and say nothing more know your worthy. Susan I love you and your channel thank you again seriously 👍👍😘
I feel shattered sometimes. I was at my goal age, was in a long term relationship. I experienced a lot of stress during the relationship but was just glad that I had potential marriage lined up. But no. We’ve broken up. And now I’m mentally stuck between hoping I find someone new but afraid of wasting time again if I do.
From adored to ignored, and what now? Personally speaking, the pain cut like a sword, and I prayed to the Lord, eventually I got bored, then I fell asleep and snored, and the feeling I abhorred, I no longer stored, and I'll no longer hoard, a false feeling of "amor", because I just can't afford, to be hurt to the core, because she's out the door, and I don't care anymore!
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“We don’t want to believe it “ so true ! Then the orbiting starts , looking for that hit like the initial days . Unfortunately that never comes back . Thanks for such a great video . Simple words but very powerful for people in situations like mine.
This was the answer to a a very long sort out question that I have been searching for. Thank you Miss Susan for your wisdom and insight! Much love and light to you! 🙏🏾
Susan! This is the best video that I've discovered on your channel! It sums up everything that I've been through. Thank you so much for giving me a clear insight into why I was blindsided. I definitely know what to look out for now!
No matter what...When you are involved...you are involved.....People never forget the people who they loved. They only get used to not being with them ...
Sometimes they are in step 0.5 and still we convince ourselves they are at step 1. Some people can't even reach step 1, but as we can, we expect others to do the same. The blame is all on us.
Some people are good starters at projects and that's Okay! It takes all kinds to make the world go round and once we all start to realize this we can follow our skill sets accordingly.
I fell for a player. Everyone warned me about him. I did not believe it. Guess what? It took me seeing one of his other lovers and it hit me like a wrecking ball.
Yes! I thought I had a developing relationship that finally going to the next step and boom, the relationship wasn’t real nor defined nor healthy. No boundaries, what was actually I thought was there wasn’t reality. They didn’t value me not what I bought. They did not see an ‘us’. I got tossed to the curb like a piece of trash. What health loving caring human being does that to another... they aren’t healthy nor healed.
You can't leave this empty live and learn is too simple of a phrase however true. We must go on. We want a relationship with a health person who doesn’t play games and values us appropriately like we deserve. I didn’t know I needed a o learn about red flags, signs & effects of emotional abuse, narcissism, etc. but my experience and yours is all part of learning exactly what we want in a partner. Saying I want a healthy partner isn’t enough. I am finding my healing, I hope you find yours. The love is real but the reality of the relationship was not.
Hi Susan. I was exactly having this situation with my best friend. People really changed in one night, it was a horrible time for me, I was dropped to the bottom of the world, this still cutting my heart since two years before. Is my luck to see your video and I feel a little bit comfortable after watched this video, but I really hope one day I will understand what was really happened. Thank you very much!
This happened to me. Can’t believe the same person who was so concerned about my wellbeing in the beginning, could turn out to be someone who had no empathy for my suffering (when they caused the suffering)...
BINGO!!!!
Exactly 💔💔
Literally the exact same. After a near four year relationship. A relationship that she wanted....
Bpd!
Yea man. Lost count how many times I've had that trick pulled on me
Never put anyone on a pedestal, it just ends in pain.
Amen I learned that the hard way.
Easier said than done, but you're right @Brac Cameron.
Disagree. Ladies should always be treated like princesses. If you don't, you'd regret a cop coming to you and beat the living crap out of you or if you are in the west, you don't want to go to prison and lose job or have another guy be angry at you. Be thankful and don't be a b*tch. People are not the issue even if they poor hot coffee at you. JESUS SAYS DON'T JUDGE LESS THEE BE JUDGED. Lets not see more poor mentality. I'm agreeing with him. Relationship isn't build on excitement but day to day stuff you do.
@@danimarcushevic3114 Disagree. I met some narcissistic abuser "ladies" who hide behind titles of a "good Christian girl." Nobody should be on the pedestal. Everyone should seek equality and balanced partnership.
"A relationship is not built on excitement of the initial passion, it is built on the day to day stuff you have to do". People need to frame this quote.
Love this quote!!!
Yeah and me and my ex had that
When you need someone and they aren't there for you, that is where the rubber meets the road.
K. W. Well said and soooo true!
Use lubricant!
Fact
Truly!
That is true..
I feel like a fool just because of that person who caused me to let my guard down and he's not reciprocating this time. He love-bombed me like for weeks before I succumbed and guess what? He disappeared. Not sad, but appaled; people shouldn't act that way.
You are not alone. Same thing for me. He's purposely playing with my emotions. I'm done. No more for me.
I know. Such poor behavior. It's truly unbelievable that there at those who do this
Lovebombing is a red flag. Never engage in anything with someone who does that.
You are not a fool. There's nothing wrong you have done. You have done what's natural - falling in love honestly. If the recepient isn't compatible with your goals or abilities why do you blame yourself? Have you fallen in love to suit your ego or to fulfill a void in your heart, ask yourself this question. Your resolution to this query will help you deal with your discontentment & unhappiness. Wish you good luck.
Happens to the best of us. Believe you'll be OK though.
If there's no reciprocity and they're always undervaluing your company, feeding you breadcrumbs, all the while seeking validation elsewhere, being promiscuous...then just walk away, it's a bitter pill to swallow but if they didn't value your worth first time around then they wouldn't miss your absence either they were just an attention junkie. Never yearn or wait for someone whose running away from you but only value the ones running towards you. Their loss is someone else's gain.
Brilliant 👌
Well said
saad saif You got it ALL right💯. So when you notice the signs that they’ve checked out, it’s time to BAIL.
@@BrendaBaBoom absolutely, I had to learn it the hard way. But eventually over time post reflecting everything I am grateful for the lesson learned as I truly learned to prioritise myself first.
The thing is the first ones were running towards me in the beginning.. Anyway I find it sad that we can relate to that being on different continents. The modern dating world and technologies have turned relationships into painful nonsense.
Why don't all the good stable consistent people get together, and leave the bad ones forever. Just a suggestion.
Vim Raj I look for consistency and believe me it’s hard to come by. However, I continue to keep my bar high anyway.
Lol
😂 ikr.
Lol... Weird how I had this exact conversation with a person, who turned out to be a silent goner 2mnths later... 😂.
The trouble is their are to many of the bad ones, the good ones like me and my bf are RARE
This is an extremely mature perspective. Many are still stuck in their child hood or teen years wanting excitement but are not built for consistency of a lasting relationship. Sadly I think technology and easy access to cheap casual sex is to blame as well. No one wants to invest in stability nor are they equipped for it. I don't want them if that's how they will be... Gotta be reliable and safe and secure as that is what builds trust.
Yeah I think this is what I've gone through recently. Someone who is a grown adult but still in her teen years in her mind. She wanted stability and a long term relationship (at the start) and we seemed very right for each other in that sense But as soon as that early honeymoon period started to wear off, she bailed. Obviously when one person is seeing the relationship as something with so much more potential and the other has this pretty childish way of thinking and suddenly just drops you because they're bored, it can be heartbreaking.
Thanks for your share
@Alex_006
great insight
@Alex_006 When a woman says she doesn't feel loved your marriage is doomed. She lacks introspection and is unable to view the world objectively.
Everything revolves around her selfish needs. A child of divorced parents. Whrn you feel unloved ask how much love do you give. Love is an action not a stinking left wing countercultural 'feeling'. Bla!!!
Steve Alderley
Excuse me Sir, but were we dating the same woman? 😬
I am getting so strong. After a year of active dating, ghosting has built a kind of resilience I am grateful for. It has taught me to create boundaries, be my absolute self, measured, steady and yes, confident in what I want. It's unsettling to think you have found someone when you haven't, but it's also a great opportunity to learn more about ppl and yourself.
You dont need to be ghosted to find resiliance. Dont kid yourself. I understand what you mean but it still hurts the same after a year. People who ghost are scum of the earth.
OMG! First boyfriend issue!! Looked him up 40 years later, he's been married seven times!
@Robert Blackford
Missed her Train that was
D E R A I L E D. 🚆 @ 7:40
You certainly lucked out
He was probably a narcissist. Remember most men dont wanna be married at all. Some get married once or maybe twice but hardly ever 7 times. He might be gay & using women as cover ups.
Oh dear. He seems to be addicted to the honey moon phase
LMAO
That’s exactly my story.
Awesome start to a relationship first 3 months, All of a sudden pulling away , silent treatments started.
Constantly using work as an excuse.
Space and time was given .Despite that same issues. Finally found out the guy was back on all the dating apps.He tells me he doesn’t want a commitment.
Exactly at 6 months I ended it.
Similar story. He said he wasn't ready for sth serious, me wanting give it a try and agree to lower myself to not naming the relationship. Just today, i decided to step out. Can't hold on to someone who doesn't share the same feeling
Common S it’s not easy but it’s like ripping off bandaid , now weeks later I feel a lot better and glad I did it cause he didn’t deserve me , he was one of those that needs constant validation and I definitely did not want a partnership with someone who has low self esteem.
Same . Ended up being ignored by her lol
Doesn't want commitment but on dating apps 🤦♀️ so just wants validation from lots of different people. I wish people were upfront from the start instead of leading people on.
I really don't think they ever leave the dating apps they never left they were always there.
I've let go so many times that I'm not even effected anymore. I'm desensitized. It's sad..
Thank you for your invaluable wisdom. ❤️
yes I get that desensitised feeling too, of going through the motions and feeling nothing apart from a glimmer of initial hope and the very familiar “and here we are back here again”..
I’m on this point too. Immune ! Lol
Same. Sad, really. I'm so tired of being hurt.
I feel that If what happened to me in this relationship happens again, I wont be able to cope with it. I've been so tortured emotionally in the "love" sector in life that I cant stand an other let down in the future. I need to find real love at last. I feel deserve love and kindness, all I've gotten in life so far is loneliness and a feeling that Im not a priority for no woman I like or care.
Sometimes (In my case) when they see my real self and that Im romantic and wanting a relationship, they flake out even after saying in the beggining they wanted a relationship. And they say "im not looking for a relationship" cos all they want is sex. Well guess what? im not just a sex tool, and im tired of all these men acting like youre too "emotional" for them.. really annoys me.
I’ve been through this, for me it was about finding self worth, loving myself first, it wasn’t easy, but when I accepted me and put myself first, practiced self love then I realised that the thoughts and feelings I had for this person weren’t real, they were based on a fantasy of what I wanted them to be not who they were and when I saw them for who they were then I had the strength to walk away.
I agree, love yourself first. Like attracts like and if you love you then you don’t need anyone to validate you. I fully understand and am working on it.
I pray i could have this strength too. I'm currently on this situation now. Its so hard to walk away 😭
I wish I understood this in my teens n 20's n not when I'm 30.. because I did loose my 20's figuring out what was wrong with me. But truly nothing was wrong with me .. i was just in lack of information and in denial that ppl can be horrible and use others for their own good.
Finally i fell for a narcissist and that was my biggest lesson.
Now I'm done.. it took me 30 years..
but i still have hope somewhere in my heart that there are good people out there .. and if ever i fall again I know in early stages to let go.
J R don’t feel bad - it took me 60 years.
You could be learning in you 60's like me
It happens to all of us baby girl...youth is wasted on the young. Keep at it!!
I hope you and others find a really nice trustful partner. I heard that my crush might be married now after I haven't seen her for 4 years after we finished college. She liked me in the beginning which made me like her but for some reason it seemed she didn't want me to hang around her on our last year. I wish it was the other way around where I moved on and she still thinks about me
I can feel you. I am 30 too
I experienced this, and it sucked. He went from attention bombing me (more than he did any other woman) to disrespect when I showed interest and started reciprocating. Long after the attention bombing stopped, I was still head over heals and he was just moving on.
Some people are just sick. I had someone do this to me over a period of six months. On and off, on and off.
@@runningwithscissors1564 yeah it really sucks like why even start it in the first place.
They don’t have the skill set for the “wow” long term. So sad yet true. Keep legs closed ladies.
And keep your jimmy in your pants fellas !
keeping legs closed isn't necessarily part of this. that sounds like religious and misogynistic bs.
“Never put your life on hold for another person.” Thank you Susan for your invaluable advice.👏
I dated a narcissist last year and he tried to put my life on hold for his selfish reasons. I’m so thankful I had the discernment and courage to move on! Now, I’m happy, healthy and chasing my dreams!❤️
Chasing my dreams instead of a dude!! Wow!!
I just broke up from a toxic relationship, I didnt had the courage to brake up with her unfortunately, she did, I hope I find the courage to look forward and find real love soon.
Happened to me recently, he love bombed me and then went cold, slowly replied, ignored. After I confronted his behaviors, he said he doesn’t have the feelings for me and we don’t match as a couple. Very sudden and sadness, but it is what it is… nothing I can do but walk away and no contact since that.
Always felt like it was me as the problem after stage one but now I realise it's them.
Lucy A, you deserve a good man!
That would be a ..."next!" from me. I'm soo bored of love bombers.
Whether it's a friend, family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, pet, or even a celebrity who someone looks up to.....
Don't become completely attached and put him/her on a pedstal that's so high above everyone else. Meet different people, embrace the good moments, learn from the bad moments, and enjoy the adventure that's called life ;)
“There are people that are only good at the first part.”
Truer words were never spoken, and exactly what I Am living right now. Two months ago she even suggested MARRIAGE, but just today I Am being told, she “needs to focus on bettering her life for her and her kids.” To which I graciously accepted of course. 😑
Very timely video Ms. Winter.
Never ever ever date a single mother.
Rene sorry to hear that but that is her loss you deserve better than that....
Paul horn are you suggesting dating married ones then?...not all single mothers use their kids as an excuse to end a relationship....no good relationships end for nothing, it's due to miscommunication, cheating or not being respected or no effort being put in to grow the relationship....I've been a single mother on and off and will continue to do so until I find the right person who matches my efforts.... relationships take work, time and effort by both parties and if one doesn't make that a priority then you get out of it if they are not willing to invest... your comment is like those women who say all men are the same liars and cheater's...no they are not that is a person's character not a default gene with one species xo
You dodged a bullet, better see the true colors sooner than after it’s too late.
zenmaiden1
Unfortunately for me, I did not actually dodge that bullet. This breakup with her is not the first. I’ve been seeing this woman and been in the hell of toxic torture since 2018. It’s just I Am long since trauma bonded, from the toxic cycle of abuse. This is just a repeat of the cycle of idealization, devaluation, discard, and eventual hoover, that takes place upon an individual that has been unwittingly entrapped, and suffering on the rollercoaster of emotional devastation. At this point, I Am just looking to get off of it, but thanks.
@@renep7008 unfortunately there's alot of women and men that are toxic and shouldn't be in relationships and this one don't for any reason go back too....get through the process of healing yourself look up Craig Kenneth on UA-cam his videos will help you alot and once your in the right place to start dating again make it a rule 1 break up is a mistake, 2nd time it's a choice 3rd time it's a unhealthy pattern do not do the back and forth on and off and only go back a 2nd time if the issues have been discussed and improved greatly...you guys were just not right for each other and possibly bought out the worst in each other...if it's not healthy then leave it out with the trash...we cause ourselves these heart breaks hanging on settling and accepting this type of bullshit from others teaching them how they can treat us, I don't care man or woman do not put up with toxic behaviour from anyone....and don't give up and become like them....there is someone out there who will give you the love you deserve, but start by loving yourself first and you won't accept fake love anymore and they can step up or step out of your way xo
Moving on... again
Ohhhhh. We need to talk, Stephanie
Susan Winter I know, My dear. We will, in February. This time it was me 😢. Roles changed. But what you say is absolutely describing me and I need to analyze that. 🤦🏼♀️ Sending you lots of love! S
Dating is hard for men as well. Things are so complicated nowadays 😒
I'm wondering why isn't your channel monetised yet? The amount of value I received each videos is beyond comprehension. So I wouldn't mind seeing ads so just I can give back you you this way. This is channel is best out here. Thank you Susan.
Airborne Mark Thank you very much. I’ve never thought of it. I’m only intent upon getting the information out that can help people. But I’m probably leaving money on the table. So in time I do plan to look into this
Susan Winter oh my goodness Susan, you are not monetised? 😱 That cannot be! The value that you bring to us, indeed, it’s definitely worth it. There is no reason not to monetise the videos, it’s all original content, so helpful and some very innovative and profound ideas. This is your work and your brain Susan, having them at the beginning is no problem! (It can get annoying when they interrupt the video 😅)
inzigzag I’m having somebody look into this for me. I was always irritated by having to wait a couple seconds to start a video. I thought it was cheap. But if I can find an elegant and non-invasive way to do so I will indeed begin to monetize
@@SusanWinter Each and every single of videos we watch on YT is monetised anyway. So we don't mind you getting your well deserved share . I have received so much healing here as I have been going through the break up in the last few weeks. You do leave money on table indeed. And its been my wondering why you don't do so since the very first video I watched. You deserve so much more for your outstanding work. You are healing thousands and thousands of people.
@@SusanWinter put them at the end! People can let it play and ignore it :)
Hard to pry away from a narcissist. It's a kind of stepping away educated, gentlely and strategically.
I'm a year out of a relationship that was just this sort of thing: 2 months love-bombing and then 5 weeks of distancing and the discard. Shocking how dismissive she was after the first 8 weeks!
My take: Likely BPD with a touch of covert narcissism. I'm not a certified anything, but boy have I researched! So it's just my opinion, because this was all so unusual.
My advice, and things to watch for (from this experience): If it feels like manipulation, it's most likely manipulation! Stonewalling is a purposeful assertion of control, and unnatural silent stretches are indeed "the silent treatment", be it for more control or actual relationship sabotaging maneuvers.
I only spoke up once when I was rudely cancelled on (last minute, no good reason) from a mutually agreed upon prearranged date. We got past it... and I glossed over what really was right in front of my eyes: this person was not prepared for the longer haul. What started out as a pleasant kind of "girlishness" in this 53 year old women was really a lack of maturity and depth.
Yep, I got my heart broken... but I did eventually stand by what I consider to be healthy boundaries (I require mutually respectful, open communication) so her TEXTED discard (yes, a text message!) left things pretty much done. I responded politely and with care, but that was her ghosting of me. No contact a year now. She was with a new guy within 2 months of our parting.
I like me. I was treated badly by her. I don't need that, so moving on. It took a tough year to get here though. Get counselling if you get really low. I did, and it helped. Take care all .
ebill66
Yep!
I've been in this kind of relationship and it was so toxic. I wanted to give him another chance but little did I know he was flirting with someone else while "asking for forgiveness and in the process of taking me back to his life".
I already severed ties with him. I don't need this kind of person. He doesn't deserve me.
He has a new girl now (which was my classmate before). I just hope he will not do what he did to me to his new gf.
It sounds like you may have been right about the BPD and narcissism. Those types you simply cannot have a respectful relationship with of any kind.
hey man, wow. I swear mine was BPD and covert narc but the worst part is not knowing for sure... im 95% sure but it was a LDR. But from what I experienced I knew enough. It also forced me to research so much and its left me a little scarred. Do you wanna chat sometime online? If you're interested, maybe I can tell you some of the things she was doing and you can help me crack the case?? Let me know :) Daniel
I'd also love to hear your story so we can compare!!
Men like the challenge more than the person. Once they get the prize theyre off to the next one. Thats why I wait at least 3 months before I sleep with someone.
Not just men! - I’m not like that 🙂
@@bch5758 Sorry, youre absolutely right! That was a sexist statement and I apologize ✌🏼 I have a few friends who dispose of men like they throw away their garbage...🙂
@@lizzierose007 🙂 No worries ..! - yes, It happened to me unfortunately ..
@@bch5758 The only thing I can say to that is count your blessings & NEXT!!! 😉✌🏼🌼
"Emotional Boo-boo" I love that Susan
Sometimes people distance themselves for other reasons, some are introverted and get overwhelmed.
That's true. I also think that us introverts get overwhelmed when things aren't quite right with someone. Your intuition kicks in and knows something's off.
Jackie James
And sometimes the introvert is off.
Relationship Math: Consistency + Ethical Behavior + Transparency / Time (Consistency plus ethical behavior plus transparency over time)
Wonderful video. The part about having a relationship in which the person is there for the sick kids, sick dog, and your colonoscopy is so true and right on key. Love it!
Cathy M Just saying it like it is Cathy
Great video, although the live bombing will very likely happen again if the person doesn't leave...
Recently, I had the best first date of my life, and saw the decline which lead to ghosting. My gut told me "she did it for validation," and I believe I was right. Susan you are spot on. If its too good to be true, and early on too, something is up. Simple.
I was once adored and now everything about me is wrong. I went from a queen to being treated like a child in trouble. When I am in need of emotional support from my partner, I am given the silent treatment and accused of being emotionally unstable. But when they need validation or reassurance I am expected to be there. It’s always my fault and it’s exhausting.
This person is a narcissistic- they love bomb you and they start to devalue you. Cut them off, don’t let them bring you down.
Leave him asap
It will never go back to the way it was in the beginning, no matter how hard you try. Nothing is enough for the narcissist. You can never satisfy their misery. They gradually erode your self esteem over time which can be hard to recover from afterwards. The sooner you cut it off the better.
Narcissistic behavior
That top looks great on you! Love the red!
MB York Hey there MB. Thank you so much.
You said it, Susan, they don’t have the ethics to sustain in a relationship. It’s important to love ourselves enough to accept that some people, no matter how amazing they appear to be, are really quite limited as far as their ethics. And the best thing we can do is leave if the person is not willing to be open and honest.Very criticallay important to believe them right when they show you who they really are. I love the lessons I have learned.
Appreciate your great videos, Susan!💜
7:28 "Who brings quality to the table 90% /85% of the time, that's a good relationship" 💖 Don't hold back on giving top quality but also feel this from the other too. If the relationship ends, at least you know you were generous in this regard and it's easier to move on.
Lucy A Hi Lucy. I appreciate your support
@@SusanWinter I appreciate your support Susan. Sending lots of love 💖🙏💃🏼
This is SO TRUE
Basically cowards playing mind games and messing with your head avoid these people at all costs .
Ismail Patel I disagree. I had someone like this but she’s young. She’s a full time nursing student. Full time work. She was head over heals for me, I gave her a painting I made to thank her for her kindness and excitement and the trust she had in me. It hurt that she went cold but since then our eyes have met and the same amazing smile comes over her face that she had last year all the time. But she catches herself and looks away. I also saw a psychic who said she would come back to me later in the year. She even saw us travelling together. But her change made me really look inward. I’m learning how to love myself. Trust myself. Which I’ve never done honestly before. I care for her a lot but I’m learning to let go. I’m learning to live in the moment and trust in the universe. She’s the first person to show real interest in me, in a real moment of vulnerability she said she believed in me and had faith in me. And I know she still does. And I’m at the point where if she comes back it will be amazing but if she doesn’t that’s ok too. I have learned so much because of her, she’s given me a lot, more than she knows. But I gotta take her off the pedestal cause we’re equals. Equals on this journey that’s life. Some might play mind games but from my experience that’s not the case. Those who do are doing so out of some kind of fear, and like was said here, perhaps some kind of inexperience with how to move forward.
@@steveleeart that's nice, but perhaps you should check the countless cases of obsessed psyhco lovers (males and females)
That’s what I’m trying to do.
So true. Get off this failing train when u smell this.
Yes..... sadly true.
I don't know how about the rest of you, boys and girls, but in my life, the one who is always consistent, and doesn't withdraw all of a sudden, is my wonderful Border Collie 😊
Nikka agrees.
People are fickle and people are moody-when we FALL in love-that is infatuation-its chemistry-its a high-its a drug-they are enamored-and then poof gone-some are avoidant-they get scared-some r narcs and they r onto a new supply-we can never know and ruminating only makes it worse-its hard not to try to figure it out-there r people who can not deal with a healthy relationship-they r emotionally immature and unstable-people have issues--humans are complex-there are many layers to us-just focus on you steer clear dont chase-love is a risk-you cant outsmart falling in love- go with flow and know u were true to YOUR heart
Exactly. You never know why
Thank you so much for this Susan. I went through a similar situation where everything seemed so rosy and perfect in the beggining, he was even making future plans. And then he suddenly disappeared. I wish I had led the focus into thinking: “is this all you can give me? Is this far that you can sustain it? Shame on you”, and walk away to mind my business, but instead I was caught in a wild spiral of self blaming, misunderstanding and started acting as you said: as an addict circling their drug. Trying to figure it all out on my own was very detrimental for my self steem and mental health, but at the moment it seemed like the right thing to do in order to solve the problem. But I was never the problem, it was him. He could not sustain it and that reason never made sense in my mind, but yeah some people are quite limited. Once you understand that it is much easier to free yourself from pain. x
Just experienced it - once again. 😐 Thank you for that eye opener, Susan. We tend to think that WE did something wrong, too late, too soon. Why could we not meet their expectations? Could we have done something differently?
What we hardly ever consider is what you said! And the moment you showed that peak and decline I said “Yes, excactly! That’s what happening to me. OMG, it’s happening to Susan Winter, too?!” And I suddenly spot that pattern. I fall for extremely cute guys that are always enthusiastic at the beginning and after weeks and months this enthusiasm is gone. I did not change. But why did they change? It is their problem! Whether they get bored easily, want to date as many women they can, feel too close or just can’t be the dream guy for more than a short amount of time.
Thank you so much for this video! ❤️😘
Spot on! It’s happened to me over the years where one minute me and a girl are always talking then suddenly without warning they just blank me and treat me like I don’t exist or act a bit hostile when I didn’t do anything wrong. I would always ask myself what went wrong as there would be no given reason but I think often it’s because they weren’t totally nice and probably fake and/or like you said, it doesn’t go beyond stage one and they are just inconsistent. Great video :) it really hit home for me
Narcissist's do this they love bomb you then your devalue you, but it happens in other relationships too. Good video.
Thank you Susan, you are the voice of reason! It can really drive you absolutely crazy when you are right in the middle of it, you don't know how to deal with the situation and your confidence is already low to begin with.
Emma Harrop, you look stunning
right about 3 months into it, she lost all interest... went from good morning texts every day to breaking up with me... over a year later I'm juts now getting over it.
You're not alone!
3 months cmon man, try six years and then she hung up on me twice , blocked me and thn blamed me for not beng in touch! Women have a lot of growing up to do , and no I wont come back to you F** right off ex gf!
Females experience this too. I wish people were upfront from the start. But I guess if they are mental and immoral they won't advertise it.
I can't let him go. And I don't want to yet. We have always worked through all of our problems.
Such amazingly great observations Susan!! Everything you said is true!! Getting burned myself awhile back was so painful and now?
Now I can actually see the truth of the matter. It's LIFE and it's here to teach us the TRUE value of things. Consistency!!! Dependability!! Rational! Caring and giving people. I've learned to let go of those old flames because its impossible to keep them alive. They were NEVER what I wanted, just a projection of my dreams. Better to go with reality and stop trying to make the connection work. Especially when they show their true colors.
Thank you Susan! Amazing advice as always!! 👍
John G. Thank you for your amazing commentary John
“The Fall From The Cliff” was so artistic!
I have a wonderful life except dating so I’m going to continue pursuing my dreams and maybe that wonderful man will want to come along 😊
@@crimestoppers1877 I always do. Not anymore. I agree with the original post.
New Beginnings That’s a fabulous perspective to have and it will serve you well
I will do the same. In this day and age who has a wonderful dating life really?
I think I know what you mean, but men don't want women to lead their lives. I suspect your the alpha female that is career minded and wants a man to follow your vision. Masculine men aren't attracted to that. Biologically, men are set up to be leaders and to "conquer." The types of men that are going to follow you as you pursue your dreams are not going to be the types of men you're attracted to. Don't hate me for saying this, but I've dated many career oriented women and they all have this mindset and it just kills attraction in us men.
Ihope he will find amazing woman like you.
Susan this is the best overview of a relationship headed down the wrong path. Our relationship goals should be based on consistency. Truly, life is not perfect but we all stand a better chance of living a full life when we surround ourselves with people who truly are respectful of who we are and we can trust to have r back.
It’s literally a nauseating feeling when this happens
I honestly think Susan is underrated! I love listening to her it’s like talking to a friend. She’s much more amazing than other relationship experts!
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
Very true. And people change. They may make poor choices and then it impacts the relationship you have. It hurts sometimes but worth the moments. Yes, love, self care, positive consistency, courage and discernment are key.
Wow thank you so much Susan. I’ve been going through this for a while with a girl. Going up and down constantly from adoring to ignoring and it’s been killing me! Like you were saying in this video, it doesn’t even have to be romantic. She’s my friend and I just really want her to take me as seriously as I take her, and it really hurts when she doesn’t support me how I support her. I hate that it feels like I’m chasing after someone who’s just a friend. Right now I’m just trying to stay away so I can heal and it seems like she doesn’t even give a damn like we were never friends even though she swears that we are. This situation sucks!
Mrsuperspartanman
Her toxic behavior is YOUR TORTURE!
Run away fast, and never look back.
Now if only I could take my own advice.
Who brings quality to the table ? I love this
I like this video. I have been through this many times. I learned a lot about myself also. I give 100% of myself every time, but get pushed away. I figured that since I'm not a needy person those individuals get everything they wanted. It hurt me, but I'm a survivor.
I thought I heard it all, but suddenly you come up with something I needed to hear a year ago:) I didn’t know I wasn’t alone and my experience wasn’t as unique.
Olga J You are not alone Olga
I went through this too. You are not alone.
I was feeling really down about my break up from my previous long term relationship (7.5 years) and listening to this video m made me feel so much comfort. I always appreciate your perspectives and insight, Susan. ❤️
happy to read this, Carmen!
Carmen Corea, you deserve better
Yup you're Right Some People Are Only Good in The Beginning But Not for The Long Run That's Red Flag 😉
I had that just happen to me, and I'm 38 years old! I thought I was more on top of my game. I told her "I loved her", she been ghosting me for 4 weeks now, and hasn't returned my phone calls even after I wished her Happy Mother's Day. Well, I do love her but I know she's not good for me. But I do know my value now after seeing that she can't even see mine.
RMJ, no matter how on top of our game we believe we are, with these people in these situations it's a No Win. Even when you know you have done nothing wrong, you cannot help feeling stupid when the drop comes. Recently I found an old diary of mine where I happened to write about the whirlwind phase, and reading it now there were that many red flags in this person's behaviour! He basically tells me point blank he has a history of failed relationships and a string of enemies, but of course at the time it was all fun and excitement. Now I understand why.
Getting closure is a very difficult part for me.
This is precisely the topic I need to address and get ...sort of OUT of. It's like, "what do I dooooo?!!!" ...and nobody else wants or can! Talk with me about it. I'm so glad to find that you're talking about this!!!!!!!
It is crucial to realize our own egoic addictive patterns otherwise they drive you. Your Self or the Source in you has to be realized or experienced so you can transcend them as they appear in our field of conciousness.
Interesting, well said and finally said " some are only good at part one". And then there are the ones that are lousy on part one, but great on the following parts. So maybe that dull boring geek could be a diamond found in the dirt. Cant judge a book by its cover. And all in all, I think most are doing the best they can with what they are mentally, emotionally equipped with, so if that is all the other person is capable of, then so be it.
Hopefully it is a learning opportunity, then one needs to make a decision to move on or whatever it may be.
Consistency is key...yes yes. Ur so right my sister
This just happened to me with the last person in the world I wanted this to happen with: A great friend. Thank you for some clarity, yet again. I will miss him with all my heart. Feels weird to say that here, but I know it will pass.
Same thing happened to me, it hurts really bad. How are you doing now?
@@andresfernandez6227 Yeah, apparently it can happen more than once to some of us. I agree it is hurtful. But I took the whole thing as a learning opportunity. I am actually beyond that situation by light years! Thank you for asking. It's crazy how fast you can find yourself wrapped up in an idea with someone else, and then they let you down so the fall tends to take longer to work through. One thing I learned this time, though, is that LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be wrapped up in a dead-end idea with someone who doesn't deserve your time and energy. When I did that I became available to other connections and flirtatious encounters with much cuter gentlemen. That's the goal I mean. Haha // I hope you are in a good place, too. Are you doing alright? Peace.
@@jofacio Hey! Thank you for answering, your response was the one I related to the most. To be honest I´m not feeling so great at the moment, this just happened to me and the wound really hurts, somedays I wake up feeeling ok and suddenly I start getting this negative thoughts of what I could've done better to save the friendship, but you know what? I truly believe I gave my heart on this friendship, I gave him all of my love, support and time, I delivered my best. I guess that is why it hurts so much, because he never appreciated it and I'm here crying alone. I wish I can get to the point where you are, look back and say "whatever, next!" At this point I just want to concentrate in myself, my inner growth and gain more self love. But I can't deny this hurts like a breakup, even worse, I would´ve never thought that letting go of someone you thought would be in your life forever would be one of the hardest things ever. Your answer really gave me a little bit of hope, I´m glad you are doing better now. Thanks a lot and peace from Colombia. :)
@@andresfernandez6227 You are welcome. I understand your present state of feelings. It will pass soon enough, and the painful vibes will become peaceful vibes. For some, sooner than others, but I think what helped me get over the hurt feelings was when I realized this person never deserved so much of my attention. When it hits you, you will be like: BOOM! NEXT! /// And you will make yourself UNAVAILABLE to the person in the truest sense of that word. It takes strength to truly become unavailable to someone you thought you could kick it with "forever" -- but, in some cases, it's necessary for connections that are too awkward/painful. Life sucks huh? But not really it doesn't because that person is not your source of fulfillment.. First and foremost that person is you. So you have to push yourself to get off that rollercoaster /// So if you know that the next step is to realize that he doesn't deserve your friendship, I would want to get off the rollercoaster they put me on as soon as possible. Reason being... then your spirit will be ready to tap into a new connection with someone who is actually available for you. I was mind blown when I learned this. You will be, too. Best wishes to you in Columbia.
Your videos are like having a chat with a close friend over a mug of hot chocolate and some tissues for the nose. Thank you for beeing so real and kind.
Susan you are now one of my role models! I love your grounded confidence, how real you are and how you try to empower others as well. I'm sure many of your audience, as well as me, would love to know a bit more about you and your past experiences, career wise and relationship wise! I'm sure it will help many to see how they can grown from their own experiences.
Kiana K That is so sweet. I feel like I reveal a lot in these videos but those are more personal questions I guess about life and my own journey. I’d be happy to tell you about it. I started as an opera singer, became a corporate spokes woman For about half of the fortune 500 companies, and then moved into my own TV show on FNN - Financial News Network-Which is now CNBC
He would never give me even 5 minutes of conversation. I saw it was not going well. Then when he did not even wish me Happy New Year I lost my s#!£. I broke it off. He wss shocked. Now I feel less anxiety but I feel a void.
Susan, this is EXACTLY what I needed! Thank you!
The relationship is built on the day to day....PREACH
Totally my experience dating a Narcissist: 5 months of affection/admiration and then rapid devaluation
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I was in a situation like this recently, but I was the "offender." The reason it fizzled was because they got clingy. Calling me at 5am because I said I was setting my alarm for that time, wanting to speak several times a day, then always begging to see me. Things were cool for a few weeks but then tanked kind of fast. I wouldn't write this person off for the future if they deal with whatever made them so clingy, because the initial attraction was there...but I needed to step away. I can't be depended upon emotionally to that degree.
Please tell me.that you have at least communicate this problem. Otherwise how can they change.
I was so adored! For 20 years. Now he’s someone else.
Thank you Susan for letting me know it isn’t me. It’s them. I learned a lot from this crappy experience and I know whom I shall be looking for next time. I learned to be picky first before I devote my affection
Susan, thanks for touching on this very important topic. I experienced this in a relationship with a lady that was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Unfortunately when we first started dating i was not aware that she had this disorder. At first, the relationship was a dream come true,but after several months it started to go from heaven to hell. The verbal and emotional abuse that i was subjected to became unbearable and i finally left the relationship. I realize that in your video you probably were not talking about being in a relationship with someone that has BPD , but felt it was important to bring this information to light. Sometimes we get in relationships with the wrong people. We are human and make mistakes, bad judgements, but it is just a mistake not a life sentence. We are human and this is part of life. We need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward in a positive direction. Thank you for your wonderful advice, and thank you for letting me throw in my two cents worth! Looking forward to your next video.
Get rid and move on some people out grow each other some don’t know what they want just say ok and say nothing more know your worthy.
Susan I love you and your channel thank you again seriously 👍👍😘
I am SOOOOOO happy that I found you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Youe expertise makes sense....I am in the DISCARDED phase......
I feel shattered sometimes. I was at my goal age, was in a long term relationship. I experienced a lot of stress during the relationship but was just glad that I had potential marriage lined up. But no. We’ve broken up. And now I’m mentally stuck between hoping I find someone new but afraid of wasting time again if I do.
From adored to ignored, and what now? Personally speaking, the pain cut like a sword, and I prayed to the Lord, eventually I got bored, then I fell asleep and snored, and the feeling I abhorred, I no longer stored, and I'll no longer hoard, a false feeling of "amor", because I just can't afford, to be hurt to the core, because she's out the door, and I don't care anymore!
I just went through this!!! Thank you!! “Cut yourself a break...” love that!! I realize how valuable consistency is for me!
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“We don’t want to believe it “ so true ! Then the orbiting starts , looking for that hit like the initial days . Unfortunately that never comes back . Thanks for such a great video . Simple words but very powerful for people in situations like mine.
When they start pulling back it activates that fear of wanting what you fear you might loose.
This was the answer to a a very long sort out question that I have been searching for. Thank you Miss Susan for your wisdom and insight! Much love and light to you! 🙏🏾
Susan! This is the best video that I've discovered on your channel! It sums up everything that I've been through. Thank you so much for giving me a clear insight into why I was blindsided. I definitely know what to look out for now!
No matter what...When you are involved...you are involved.....People never forget the people who they loved. They only get used to not being with them ...
Yup,
It devastated me
The beginning is unsustainable in the long run.
Yay to Nay !
Thank you, Susan! I wish I had your advice 15 years ago!
Sometimes they are in step 0.5 and still we convince ourselves they are at step 1. Some people can't even reach step 1, but as we can, we expect others to do the same. The blame is all on us.
Wizard9 Oh that’s clever. Great comment
Wizard9 Yep, we always need plenty of watchful discernment when dealing with our heart💕
Some people are good starters at projects and that's Okay! It takes all kinds to make the world go round and once we all start to realize this we can follow our skill sets accordingly.
Booming Bubble Bus,hope you are with a good man! cause you too pretty
I fell for a player. Everyone warned me about him. I did not believe it. Guess what? It took me seeing one of his other lovers and it hit me like a wrecking ball.
the consistent wow🔥
Does she have a hidden camera in my mind 😂
Preeti Oh I love this comment thank you so much
You are like a cool, wise aunt Susan. Your advice has summed up how I have been feeling in the last few months. Bravo!
Lee Jay Just call me auntie Susan
Yes, this is what has thrown me in my history! Glad it’s not just me. ❤️
I needed to hear this so badly. Thank you so much you're amazing.
HI Emilee. glad to read this
Yes! I thought I had a developing relationship that finally going to the next step and boom, the relationship wasn’t real nor defined nor healthy. No boundaries, what was actually I thought was there wasn’t reality. They didn’t value me not what I bought. They did not see an ‘us’. I got tossed to the curb like a piece of trash. What health loving caring human being does that to another... they aren’t healthy nor healed.
You can't leave this empty
Is there room in that boat for one more? 💔
You can't leave this empty live and learn is too simple of a phrase however true. We must go on. We want a relationship with a health person who doesn’t play games and values us appropriately like we deserve. I didn’t know I needed a o learn about red flags, signs & effects of emotional abuse, narcissism, etc. but my experience and yours is all part of learning exactly what we want in a partner. Saying I want a healthy partner isn’t enough. I am finding my healing, I hope you find yours. The love is real but the reality of the relationship was not.
Just want to give Susan a big hug! She is that amazing! Cant thank you enough you are more than relationship coach you are life coach!
HI JO!! Thank you for the great message.
Hi Susan. I was exactly having this situation with my best friend. People really changed in one night, it was a horrible time for me, I was dropped to the bottom of the world, this still cutting my heart since two years before. Is my luck to see your video and I feel a little bit comfortable after watched this video, but I really hope one day I will understand what was really happened. Thank you very much!