Agreed....I use negative people as a mirror to prevent negativity in myself....its quite empowering...for instance,.when I see road rage guy it reminds me not to be "that guy", and instead of becoming incensed I laugh inside at the spectacle "that guy" makes of himself.
Assim o juiz se uniu para ficar do lado dela e contra mim o juiz se unir para ficar do lado deles dela e contra mim então agora ele se une para matar ela que todos os juízes já tem todos os processos na mão que ela tá mentindo e que Ela montou e projetou minha vida tudo mentira todo juiz já tem as provas concretas na mão deles todos os juízes e todo mundo já tem as provas que eles confessaram que me deram eles confessa direto que me deram para o juiz e povo na rua então agora cabo juiz yunire para condenar ela juntar as peças toda todos juízo junta as peças toda da montagem que ela fez e pede para apresentar as provas se ela não tiver mata ela se vocês não mataram a decisão é de vocês eu vou mandar botar fogo no Congresso inteiro Vocês escolhe ou mata ela com vocês vai ficar aqui vai queimar o conversa de vocês para vocês acabar toda hora de vocês porque a sujeira tem que ser queimada e limpa
Eu minhas forças para isso para pegar o juiz corrupto que eu sabia que ia ter um monte por isso que eu não ia se fosse para pegar o juiz corrupto que eu sei que tem um monte no mundo inteiro tem um monte e aqueles que se uniram para fazer ficar contra mim sabe muito bem ciúme fazer da mesma forma julgar a pessoa que tá mentindo escolhe tenho dinheiro que ele escolher ou eles faz o correto eu infelizmente converso vai ser queimado porque a chuteira tem que ser limpa o jeito Tem que ser queimada tá ok sujou jogou debaixo do tapete vai ser queimado Agora se vocês não acredita Tô com a******** que você gosta d********* continua porque eu já tava fechando o circo e eu te garanto que não vou demorar muito não que eu não gosto de esperar muito eu não tenho tempo a perder não reagiu logo quanto mais rápido você fizer melhor porque eu não vou dar muito tempo para você não deu tempo eu já dei demais eu nem as forças para isso que eu sabia que ia encontrar uma escova para passar por cima dele por isso que é unir as forças que eu sei muito bem com quem eu tô mexendo por isso que eu não ia as forças que eu sei os lixos que tá no meio e vocês acha que eu não sei então continua p****** porque eu vou responder e não vou
Back in the 90's and early 2000's all this information and techniques had to be found in a library in the psychology section. Jocko's podcast, as well as others, give such a wealth of knowledge in such a small amount of time. I've been mining this gold mine since podcast #1.
oh are you another one of those people who like an easy ride, need to be spoon fed. You obvioulsy diddnt get Jocko's philosphy. Good things take "time" and "effort" if that means going getting up going to the library, then so be it. I think there are tougher things than that.
@@TMGVideoDiaries it's also about time management dummy, go ahead and waste precious hours hunting down that book I'll sit listen and ponder the wisdom he gives us and apply it to my life in less than an 30 min
"Oh those people . . . " That alone succinctly sums them up. You know the type, those that immediately came to mind when he said it, whoever they are for you lol
He hits it at the right spot. I too already dealt with negativity and found out that Jocko is right. Takes strength to take and absorb but not call them out on their negativity. Negative people dont believe they are negative!!!! I love this episode!!!!
I have to do this on the daily with someone who works under me. It insane. Absorb and don't take it personally. Besides I think it is WAY more fun to hear them not get the response they wanted, then they have no idea where to go from there. When there is no resistance, there is no conflict.
I used to be that negative guy. I still struggle with it, but in my older years, I realize how much people avoid a person like me at all costs. It wasn't the fact that I was right or wrong; people just didn't want any part of the negativity. I appreciate people like Jocko who have tolerated people like me and helped me to become better. After all, acid does more damage to the vessel it is carried in, than whatever it's poured on.
Nice comment dude 👍 I know a few negative people and I know there is a better person behind the negativity, I guess you just try to help them see the positives and one day someday they might see the positives... even if it’s just for a little bit...
Thank you. This is a great way to react. I’ve found myself apologizing and trying to take on other people’s emotions when I’m confronted with negativity. This is a much better way to redirect the energy rather than to take it as a personal attack.
It's taken me years to learn how to deal with negative people...I'm talking about people I have been involved with for years...Mostly family..They refuse to change...Sometime you have to just eliminate them...
I'm stuck on this. What if a family member is loving, amazing, thoughtful and has dedicated their life to you yet they are negative as negative can be. My mother will go from family member to family member picking pointless fights. A big part of it is mental issues. I love my mother more than anything so cutting her from my life is not an option. I try to go a week at a time without talking to her but that hurts me too because she has no friends or anyone to talk to. She doesn't work so she doesn't leave her house. It's a tough situation. I'm a Strong believer in never giving up on family. And having kids of my own now I see how much dedication it takes to be a parent so I can't dismiss the life my parents provided me. I feel.like there is no perfect answer. Just try my best to see the best in her and one day when she dies hopefully I won't regret anything.
@@northface484 I don't know. The. bad is bad but she was an amazing mother growing up. Mental health and depression.os the issue I believe. So hard to know what the right thing to do is. I have walked away from friends and relationships when they became toxic but a close family member is a tough one. My biggest fear is when she is gone and thinking that I just let the last years go without trying. Guess there is no right answer.
@carpentryfirst3048 I'm 5 years too late, my mum sounds simalar to yours she's a great women loving and all but she's got a negativity to her. Be it she's learned the picking fights with me will result in ignoring her, so she doesnt do that now but she's got this things where she loves to bitch about people I used to correct her or point out the people she was bitching abouts good qualities, I realised it's not great tk be constantly going back and forth getting involved with it so now I just kinda nod make a grunt as tho im listening while tuning the bitching out, she's happy she's bitching and im happy to be in la la land deep in thought about other stuff lol its difficult when ya dealing with mental health but somtimes can be better for both to tune out the negative, which occationally if it's OTT I tend to add my ten cent in and disagree
Everyone has a reason to see things through dark lenses. If you can see things through his dark lense and fortify your own will, you just learned how to win.
Walk away and don't give them the time of day. They are addicted to conflict and will cause caustic and toxic situations to prove themselves right, as they live their lives in a self fulfilling prophecy.
I learned the hard way to cut my losses with anyone who doesn't take an olive branch / chance to grow. Yet if you have to deal with them, this is a good backup plan.
Tbf, these people generally became negative like that because people kept walking out on them since they were a child. Only things that can change them are death or to show them you're not like the rest, usually their biggest wish is to be proven wrong tbh.
Thank you for an excellent piece of advice. I am a bus operator in a public transportation field and deal with negative and on the defense people. I have lashed back at them only to find an escalated situation. Humor them with their better way of thinking and as you say turn the situation around. When people feel they have gotten their way they become more cooperative and less confrontational!
Became a manager at my job recently and this video is going to help me a lot. Quite a few angsty teenagers that are very negative and you're completely right. They just want that little explosion, but it is time to use their negative energy and turn it into positive!
Jocko has a good handle on this. Some negative people are looking for the bomb but some people are just concerned types looking to be heard. His choice of action provides a little comfort for the cautious that they have been heard and that can at times embolden them. He isn't looking to "wrek" people he is looking to build them up. This is awesome and something we need a lot more of.
Seals we some of the nicest, calm, and cool dudes I’ve ever met in my life... always trying to pass it forward. I remember during the fight for Sadr City in 2004. My squad was on the move. Conventional army movements, ducking and diving behind cover and concealment at every opportunity. Bullets and explosions everywhere. Behind us from down the road walk these two seals. Just kind of give us that nod like, “what’s up”. I’ll never forget that day. It’s all about respect.
Then if you really respect the Navy SEALS, and other special ops soldiers what are you doing and are in the process of doing in order for you to accomplish "Making yesterday jealous"??
Jennifer Dana I do not intend on making yesterday jealous. Yesterday already happened, I’m looking ahead to tomorrow and paving the way for tomorrow’s success.
@@danthaman7777 I did 20 slow rep push-ups today. Sonny Puzikas said, "If you want to be a warrior, do 20 slow rep push-ups every day." How many slow rep push-ups did you do today?"
I've been like that & what Jocko says is spot on. Really cool of you to "Bring people back to the light", good on you man. All these people talking about "just ignore them" are completely wrong - you're not obligated to be nice to people who are negative, or give them the time of day...but ignoring them certainty does nothing to help change them. Setting a badass example and having the Roger That (google David Goggins) attitude can make them think "damn that person's got it squared away - I want to be like that". Thanks you to all you people who deal with negative people and try to help them rather than ignoring them/leaving them in the dust, it takes guts to do that.
You have to play the “ push and pull” method with these individuals. Don’t make yourself easily predictable. Play into their disinterests as a strategy to gain insight into their weaknesses and use it against them covertly
It's important to remember that they are not they, they are us, just in a different state of mind. I've been the possitive one most of my life, but there have definitely been moments in life where I was the negative one. Some are in a perpetual state of that mindset, but they are still us. Don't make them them. That's the important part. The further we make divides the more we encourage people to distance each other from one another.
Dude, do what you need to to be happy in your life, I cut my dad out of mine three years ago and I've been succeeding on new levels since. Obviously our stories with them are probably very different but from someone who has taken that leap and has stuck to the decision for three years now, it feels alot better not having him and his issues he brought hanging over my head
@@ravenousmma1554 that sounds harsh, but a good decision to be made, better surround your with less negative people, but more true openness to see the world more clearly and in a better way for you
The idea of creating a positive self fulfilling prophecy in a teammate has never crosses my mind, but in retrospection now realize the impact that strategy has had on my own development. Hot damn, that’s some quality leadership advice.
A lot of the time negative people are perfectionists who give up when they don't think they can get the perfect outcome. The challenge presented is to make them okay with a passing grade instead of an A. Because it's better to pass than it is to fail.
NO WAY!!! It's better to gradually work towards a perfectly satisfying, extremely rewarding, outcome...than by refusing to take action and do necessary things to achieve your wants, desires, interests, wishes, hopes, likes, fantasies and goals.
Hey guys, Love the podcast and everything you do. Marine Corps OIF veteran here. This message is very useful for people you encounter on a regular basis. How about defusing an agitated person who has turned aggressive but hasn't taken physical actions. This was a recent experience that occurred after a traffic accident.
This is why I love Echo, such a generous guy. Always handing out large, pre-taxed donations to random people in the comments, people he doesn't know, like me.
Jason Salistean it’s hard you could come off as to polite and they think you’re trying to insult them or they could just turn what you say into a negative it’s hard
Toxic/negative people will slowly infect you and the team. If you are able to get rid of them, do so. If not, 'absorbing' their negativity is like playing with a nuclear reactor.
Negative emotion can bring as much happiness as positive emotion, if not more so. The problem is some people get addicted to negative emotion and use it as their sole source of happiness, especially when they're losing.
These are very good pieces of advice. I work in an IT company where MANY people have negative vision. I guess it's part of developers mentality. And now I see which mistake I did. I overreact. It draws me out. When you debate with a person whose primary concern is to make you feel bad do not connect emotionally. It's very hard. Especially for people like me. I am very emotional. And they use it. Against me. As a result, I feel tired. They just suck energy from me. All positive things are not relevant to them. Some of them very weak. They don't train, learn and love. Some of them are alone at their 30s. And every time when I start a small conversation about bjj or Jocko's podcast they laugh at it and say that Jocko is a dumb or that I have a hero complex. And etc. Suggestion from my psychologist was not to talk about personal life at all. Do not touch personal topics. It's very hard for me because I am a very open man. I like to talk to people. I cannot simply spend 8 hours per day by just sitting and coding. It's not my way.
Thanks for your no nonsense message. You remind me of my leadership in my Marine ANGLICO unit that got disbanded. Great mentors. Was in from 99-2003 with 3rd Marine Div. Kaneohe Bay. I worked with some of the SDV guys at Pearl Harbor on a couple FX such as RIMPAC. Off the USS Boxer.
Some people take your constructive criticism as you being a negative person. It’s hard for some people to distinguish negativity from actual criticism.
Jocko, I always need to use my discipline when I read negative comments about you and other guys haters make negative, unkind, comments about. Who I feel are like my family, and who I have decided it is way better for me to respect, care about and admire those I want to be like. "OK...don't get bent out of shape and lose my cool. I feel so angry that I know I WANT TO BEHAVE aggressively violently towards these guys dissing ..you and others I care about and won't resolve my anger issues if I handle things the wrong ways. Which won't solve the problems. What I will do instead is: BE DISCIPLINED. TAKE ACTION. EAT LESS CARBS. STAY HYDRATED. WORK OUT. DO CARDIO. IMPROVE MY PHYSIQUE. BE MY BEST. BE MORE TROUBLE TO EVIL BAD GUYS. FORGIVE MYSELF. MAKE MY LIFE BETTER. THANK YOU for helping me and being a terriffic Angelic Blessing in your own ways!!! I realize I need to accept and take responsibility for my health, my actions, my behaviors, thoughts and instead of complaining...do things to improve myself and my life. Be and physically look and improve my physical appearance so I will behave more like the guys I respect, admire and want to be exactly like. Modify and correct my own attitudes and behaviors to improve. Stop blaming these haters. Since I want to be aggressively physically violent towards them...but that won't solve my issues. Being disciplined, taking action by doing everything I need to do to get better will be: MORE EFFECTIVE HELPFUL JUST FAIR FEEL BETTER Allowing me to accomplish greatness. Take charge of making my life better. Because getting angry and not channeling that the right ways will only make everything worse instead of better. I WILL TAKE ACTION & DO WHAT I NEED TO SO I GET MYSELF TO WHERE I WANT TO BE.
Jocko Willink means to discover and learn ways you can lead effectively in positive, good ways. You won't regret it. Want examples of great leaders? Jackie Robinson, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman. Jocko Willink means to be a leader and make a positive difference in the society. That....is the kind of leadership he is talking about doing when he tells people to be leaders.
Be careful if it’s someone you have to be around for a while, like parents. They may interpret this as you trying to be better than them or something, and might try to destroy you
I have found that bullies like this are always cowards. When confronted directly, they are deterred very quickly because: 1. If their claims were refuted right away, they usually do not keep attacking. Even a toxic and sick person tends to know when his hand is beat. 2. Bullies per definition bully people because they do not expect you to hit back. When I spent time in prison, a Mexican gangbanger started hitting me in the rib cage every day with strong shots. I am not a professional fighter by any means, but when I hit back and caught him one time, the abuse immediately stopped. Bullies in general are cowards, and when attacked forcefully, tend to run for the hills. Likewise, if you have a platform of 50,000 people and they are all aware that this person was coming after you maliciously for literally no reason, the person who was coming after you nearly always regrets it once they get blowback. They simply did not consider that anything would happen to them, but they thought wrong. Always at least consider the consequences of direct confrontation, and build up a strong line of defense to fortify yourself.
Very true it's why they target those they know will not fight back or confront them because they dont want to actually be engaged they just want no opposition. They want to hit hit hit and hurt people's reputations with no resistance. It's called "drive by insulting." They drop by, try to sow discord with some vague attacks and nastiness, then leave. When these people get hit hard, they usually stop. Just my 2 cents. If you are dealing with professional work and admit fault that isn't there, you look weak and hurt your own bottom line. Be a man, be assertive and firm, and lay down the law on those losers. They'll be running for the hills like ninety goin north
Early in my career I did both. Guy fired a nasty comment that was so toxic I pulled the ejection cord in epic fashion. I laid it out epically in my departure to a greener pasture. More than doubling my pay. 5 years later I’ve now tripled it and move even further passing that guy by. If I did it again today, I’d detach and just do the bail out. Taking the behavior as a prompt to evaluate my situation. I ran into him two years after I left, I sincerely thanked him for it. The fact I blew the bridge so hard friends told me he was never the same entertains me, did also cause some people to get raises that were well deserved, but still probably not my best moment. That could have blown up on me really badly.
Jennifer Dana didn’t lose any friends. Only person who didn’t like me at the end still didn’t like me. No factor. Those that did like me, thanked me. Just means I’m never working there again, and I’m okay with that.
Ahhh omg my new boss is doing exactly that too me on my new contract job!! To be fair it works a treat. I'm not negative btw, really helped me enjoy my 1st day! Deffo feel like solid part of the team making me want to work harder as a result!
I tend to ask those people, "What do you see, what did I miss" and that gives them an out but it also gives me an in with them. I totally disarm them in that moment.
Watched this thinking I was gonna figure out how to deal with negative people and realized I’m just as negative as others just on a different subject matter 😂😂🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️ very funny how dumb I was thank you for this man I’ll learn from this fr
I'm far from being a psychologist but what you are saying is spot on. It is how I think. I'm not saying I can execute like you do, but I sure agree with what you say. My opinion
Absorbing it, no. It is not our business to take on other people's energy. Observe' is the thing we all ought to do for the betterment of all. Be present, and dissociated from your own ego structure/the reactive one, and be truly present with compassion. And that doesn't mean taking care of them like a baby, but seeing and hearing them, but not reacting, rather responding and staying in one's own space. From there, remain there or leave, both physically in the moment, and long term in regards of relationship(s).
Many times perceived negativity is exactly what people need to hear, but not willing to hear in order for them to stay in their illusion bubbles. If you tell someone throwing their trash on the beach while they are having fun the group will condemn you as a negative person and look at you funny. If you talk sense to someone who is living a selfish existence and causing harm while being in their positive bubble they will call you negative. Positivity is used as a joker in a pack of card to rule over all logic and realism. And prevent people from thinking objectively many times and seeing the real picture, but sure jump on the band wagon and all jump off the mountain together while remaining positive.
Realise the other person is you.... we all have times of negativity, our ego probably blocks us from seeing it but we have more in common with everyone than we do differences...
Its super hard when its your son thats being negative. My son is 23 and works for me and is negative a lot, I try daily to help him see things in a positive light, but its super taxing sometimes.
In the late 70's there was a TV show based on the movie Operation Petticoat, Jim Varney played Seaman "Doom and Gloom" Broom, if I remember on one episode the sub lost power and was going too deep and he said "We're going to get squished like a can of rotten tomatoes." When some told him to think positive he said "I'm positive we're going to get squished like a can of rotten tomatoes." ;-)
I love the advice! One thing that I would like to ask is how would you counter people who are constantly saying negative things about themselves? This is on a similar vein for sure, but I think it's worth asking. Great video!
@@ppiron6 Haha! 'Omdenken' means 're-thinking'. 😁 Instead of thinking something negative, you bend that thought into something positive. 💪🏽🤓 Kudos for your interest in the Dutch language! 💕
I can handle people being negative and who speak hyperbolically but the problem i have is when their exaggerations change the way people look at you. I have a manager that complains about everything when things don't go well, she then tells all of her people that my team is trash...i don't know how to fix cancerous people
"Deal with them by absorbing". Later in the video, a short while in, twice: Deflect!!! Total opposites in essence. However, I do appreciate your positivity and natural way of being here.
I wrote a science book that was the best-selling chess book released in 2018. It was ruthlessly trolled by people, causing some magazines to fire people for writing libelous reviews that crossed the bounds of legality. Authors and their livelihoods are in fact protected from many dishonest things. Of course, it would be ridiculous (and even dishonest and pathetic on my part) to say, "You're right. I made lots of simple analytical errors in this 100% hard science." People who directly confronted these types of people made them look extremely bad. Imagine that you wrote a medical textbook and someone with no training in the subject matter at all tried to pretend to be an expert and fake corrected non-existent errors in your book, then wrote libelous reviews, lying about the book's contents and errors in it. It would be dishonest and weak to give an inch. You hit back and 99% of normal people will see that this was just a troll and if you calmly factually correct them, it will look quite brutal. Frequently, these trolls will not even know what hit them. I have seen countless cases of these types of trolls stunned and begging for mercy, because they just lost all of their minimal cred in their own community for a few fake reviews. In the end, they realized it wasn't worth it, and only resort to covert trolling operations under cover, i.e. "protected trolling" in closed quarters. Even then, if you infiltrate and smash them, they are likely to stop. People do not like being humiliated in front of their friends for their own aggressions.
Correct. When people are engaged in real smear campaigns, take the law into your hands and put the burden of proof on them to point out a real mistake in your work. Call on them to make a genuine correction, not just wildly attacking anything and hoping to hit something
See a negative person as a blessing, by improving your self-discipline not to get embroid in their negativity.
Sounds like a Stoic reading of the situation.
Well said. Check your ego at the door
Good strategy, whatever keeps you calm and able to think. 👍🏻
Agreed....I use negative people as a mirror to prevent negativity in myself....its quite empowering...for instance,.when I see road rage guy it reminds me not to be "that guy", and instead of becoming incensed I laugh inside at the spectacle "that guy" makes of himself.
Embroiled
This is why I love Jocko. He’s always positive, always spartan. He’s the guy I wanna be around when shit hits the fan.
And most importantly, I'd say, you also wanna become that guy.
@@aripmjr Anyone with any sense would.
May all the men who had weak fathers find an influence like this man
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Proverbs 27:17
Definitely sent chills down my spine.
Am En E!
Jocko is the only man who wears sunglasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
Connor Francis “GOOD”
Very nice 😂👌
shut up XD
Assim o juiz se uniu para ficar do lado dela e contra mim o juiz se unir para ficar do lado deles dela e contra mim então agora ele se une para matar ela que todos os juízes já tem todos os processos na mão que ela tá mentindo e que Ela montou e projetou minha vida tudo mentira todo juiz já tem as provas concretas na mão deles todos os juízes e todo mundo já tem as provas que eles confessaram que me deram eles confessa direto que me deram para o juiz e povo na rua então agora cabo juiz yunire para condenar ela juntar as peças toda todos juízo junta as peças toda da montagem que ela fez e pede para apresentar as provas se ela não tiver mata ela se vocês não mataram a decisão é de vocês eu vou mandar botar fogo no Congresso inteiro Vocês escolhe ou mata ela com vocês vai ficar aqui vai queimar o conversa de vocês para vocês acabar toda hora de vocês porque a sujeira tem que ser queimada e limpa
Eu minhas forças para isso para pegar o juiz corrupto que eu sabia que ia ter um monte por isso que eu não ia se fosse para pegar o juiz corrupto que eu sei que tem um monte no mundo inteiro tem um monte e aqueles que se uniram para fazer ficar contra mim sabe muito bem ciúme fazer da mesma forma julgar a pessoa que tá mentindo escolhe tenho dinheiro que ele escolher ou eles faz o correto eu infelizmente converso vai ser queimado porque a chuteira tem que ser limpa o jeito Tem que ser queimada tá ok sujou jogou debaixo do tapete vai ser queimado Agora se vocês não acredita Tô com a******** que você gosta d********* continua porque eu já tava fechando o circo e eu te garanto que não vou demorar muito não que eu não gosto de esperar muito eu não tenho tempo a perder não reagiu logo quanto mais rápido você fizer melhor porque eu não vou dar muito tempo para você não deu tempo eu já dei demais eu nem as forças para isso que eu sabia que ia encontrar uma escova para passar por cima dele por isso que é unir as forças que eu sei muito bem com quem eu tô mexendo por isso que eu não ia as forças que eu sei os lixos que tá no meio e vocês acha que eu não sei então continua p****** porque eu vou responder e não vou
I repel negativity as if my life depended on it. This is helpful advice.
Your life does depend on it! Keep it up.
Back in the 90's and early 2000's all this information and techniques had to be found in a library in the psychology section. Jocko's podcast, as well as others, give such a wealth of knowledge in such a small amount of time. I've been mining this gold mine since podcast #1.
oh are you another one of those people who like an easy ride, need to be spoon fed. You obvioulsy diddnt get Jocko's philosphy. Good things take "time" and "effort" if that means going getting up going to the library, then so be it. I think there are tougher things than that.
@@TMGVideoDiaries Hey look, a negative person, lmao.
@@TMGVideoDiaries it's also about time management dummy, go ahead and waste precious hours hunting down that book I'll sit listen and ponder the wisdom he gives us and apply it to my life in less than an 30 min
Thank god for podcasts
Which is why we are in a world of misinformation where opinions are the new facts. Not being negative now😅
"Oh those people . . . "
That alone succinctly sums them up. You know the type, those that immediately came to mind when he said it, whoever they are for you lol
He hits it at the right spot. I too already dealt with negativity and found out that Jocko is right. Takes strength to take and absorb but not call them out on their negativity. Negative people dont believe they are negative!!!! I love this episode!!!!
"Come back to the light." lol that's awesome
I have to do this on the daily with someone who works under me. It insane. Absorb and don't take it personally. Besides I think it is WAY more fun to hear them not get the response they wanted, then they have no idea where to go from there. When there is no resistance, there is no conflict.
. When there is no resistance, there is no conflict. yes
Amazing way of looking at it, ‘where there is no resistance there is no conflict’ , these are words to live by when dealing with these people 👏
I used to be that negative guy. I still struggle with it, but in my older years, I realize how much people avoid a person like me at all costs. It wasn't the fact that I was right or wrong; people just didn't want any part of the negativity. I appreciate people like Jocko who have tolerated people like me and helped me to become better. After all, acid does more damage to the vessel it is carried in, than whatever it's poured on.
Nice comment dude 👍 I know a few negative people and I know there is a better person behind the negativity, I guess you just try to help them see the positives and one day someday they might see the positives... even if it’s just for a little bit...
This is some mental judo.
I think he’s prefer “mental bjj” lol
Yeah, Aikido all of that negative force into a positive one. lol
A Survey of Metaphysics by E.J Lowe is mental BJJ.
Jiu jitsu
Thank you. This is a great way to react. I’ve found myself apologizing and trying to take on other people’s emotions when I’m confronted with negativity. This is a much better way to redirect the energy rather than to take it as a personal attack.
I agree this is a great approach, negative people are like leeches.
It's taken me years to learn how to deal with negative people...I'm talking about people I have been involved with for years...Mostly family..They refuse to change...Sometime you have to just eliminate them...
I'm stuck on this. What if a family member is loving, amazing, thoughtful and has dedicated their life to you yet they are negative as negative can be.
My mother will go from family member to family member picking pointless fights. A big part of it is mental issues. I love my mother more than anything so cutting her from my life is not an option.
I try to go a week at a time without talking to her but that hurts me too because she has no friends or anyone to talk to. She doesn't work so she doesn't leave her house.
It's a tough situation.
I'm a Strong believer in never giving up on family. And having kids of my own now I see how much dedication it takes to be a parent so I can't dismiss the life my parents provided me. I feel.like there is no perfect answer. Just try my best to see the best in her and one day when she dies hopefully I won't regret anything.
@@carpentryfirst3048 Sounds like she has some other qualities that will out weigh the bad...
@@northface484 I don't know. The. bad is bad but she was an amazing mother growing up. Mental health and depression.os the issue I believe. So hard to know what the right thing to do is. I have walked away from friends and relationships when they became toxic but a close family member is a tough one. My biggest fear is when she is gone and thinking that I just let the last years go without trying. Guess there is no right answer.
@carpentryfirst3048 I'm 5 years too late, my mum sounds simalar to yours she's a great women loving and all but she's got a negativity to her. Be it she's learned the picking fights with me will result in ignoring her, so she doesnt do that now but she's got this things where she loves to bitch about people I used to correct her or point out the people she was bitching abouts good qualities, I realised it's not great tk be constantly going back and forth getting involved with it so now I just kinda nod make a grunt as tho im listening while tuning the bitching out, she's happy she's bitching and im happy to be in la la land deep in thought about other stuff lol its difficult when ya dealing with mental health but somtimes can be better for both to tune out the negative, which occationally if it's OTT I tend to add my ten cent in and disagree
Everyone has a reason to see things through dark lenses. If you can see things through his dark lense and fortify your own will, you just learned how to win.
Perfect mate!
Jeffrey Stewart why can’t I remember this stuff when I’m out at work or social stuff
These are great tactics to use with negative students in the classroom. 👍
Holly White I’ve been applying them with my coaching and I’ve seen improvement 🙌🏻
Walk away and don't give them the time of day. They are addicted to conflict and will cause caustic and toxic situations to prove themselves right, as they live their lives in a self fulfilling prophecy.
Yup
So true.
Facts
I learned the hard way to cut my losses with anyone who doesn't take an olive branch / chance to grow. Yet if you have to deal with them, this is a good backup plan.
Tbf, these people generally became negative like that because people kept walking out on them since they were a child.
Only things that can change them are death or to show them you're not like the rest, usually their biggest wish is to be proven wrong tbh.
Thank you for an excellent piece of advice. I am a bus operator in a public transportation field and deal with negative and on the defense people. I have lashed back at them only to find an escalated situation. Humor them with their better way of thinking and as you say turn the situation around. When people feel they have gotten their way they become more cooperative and less confrontational!
Became a manager at my job recently and this video is going to help me a lot. Quite a few angsty teenagers that are very negative and you're completely right. They just want that little explosion, but it is time to use their negative energy and turn it into positive!
Jocko has a good handle on this. Some negative people are looking for the bomb but some people are just concerned types looking to be heard. His choice of action provides a little comfort for the cautious that they have been heard and that can at times embolden them.
He isn't looking to "wrek" people he is looking to build them up. This is awesome and something we need a lot more of.
Jocko per usual you're saving lives with these lessons.
Seals we some of the nicest, calm, and cool dudes I’ve ever met in my life... always trying to pass it forward.
I remember during the fight for Sadr City in 2004. My squad was on the move. Conventional army movements, ducking and diving behind cover and concealment at every opportunity. Bullets and explosions everywhere. Behind us from down the road walk these two seals. Just kind of give us that nod like, “what’s up”. I’ll never forget that day. It’s all about respect.
Then if you really respect the Navy SEALS, and other special ops soldiers what are you doing and are in the process of doing in order for you to accomplish "Making yesterday jealous"??
Jennifer Dana I do not intend on making yesterday jealous. Yesterday already happened, I’m looking ahead to tomorrow and paving the way for tomorrow’s success.
@@jenniferdana5665 lol ur a clown
@@danthaman7777 I did 20 slow rep push-ups today. Sonny Puzikas said, "If you want to be a warrior, do 20 slow rep push-ups every day." How many slow rep push-ups did you do today?"
@@jenniferdana5665 - That's quite the mini work out lol.
Thanks to you sir. I'm getting after it 🤘
And shave that head bold.
I've been like that & what Jocko says is spot on. Really cool of you to "Bring people back to the light", good on you man. All these people talking about "just ignore them" are completely wrong - you're not obligated to be nice to people who are negative, or give them the time of day...but ignoring them certainty does nothing to help change them. Setting a badass example and having the Roger That (google David Goggins) attitude can make them think "damn that person's got it squared away - I want to be like that". Thanks you to all you people who deal with negative people and try to help them rather than ignoring them/leaving them in the dust, it takes guts to do that.
That is a great approach
You have to play the “ push and pull” method with these individuals. Don’t make yourself easily predictable. Play into their disinterests as a strategy to gain insight into their weaknesses and use it against them covertly
It's important to remember that they are not they, they are us, just in a different state of mind. I've been the possitive one most of my life, but there have definitely been moments in life where I was the negative one. Some are in a perpetual state of that mindset, but they are still us. Don't make them them. That's the important part. The further we make divides the more we encourage people to distance each other from one another.
Sonny Brown So true. And some of us don’t want to stay negative. Learning to not fall into those old habits is not easy.
Nah
Individuals are individuals you are who you are, life is full of choices.
“Oh those people” I do not ever want to be “one of those people” with jocko peering into my soul
Without negative people, you have no way to gauge what is positive.
My father is the most negative person I have ever met... I gotta get away
How though? Is he a bitch
Sometimes hard boundaries are necessary
Try applying Jocko's philosophy on this and you may find out that your father gave you more than you thought...
Dude, do what you need to to be happy in your life, I cut my dad out of mine three years ago and I've been succeeding on new levels since. Obviously our stories with them are probably very different but from someone who has taken that leap and has stuck to the decision for three years now, it feels alot better not having him and his issues he brought hanging over my head
@@ravenousmma1554 that sounds harsh, but a good decision to be made, better surround your with less negative people, but more true openness to see the world more clearly and in a better way for you
This guy is a genius. He literally has a good response for EVERYTHING.
The idea of creating a positive self fulfilling prophecy in a teammate has never crosses my mind, but in retrospection now realize the impact that strategy has had on my own development. Hot damn, that’s some quality leadership advice.
I continue to listen to these and not only do I learn, and really listen, and sometimes write stuff down, I always laugh. Thank you
This is such great knowledge to have! Thank you! I've been wondering how to combat this sort of attitude for a while.
Looking at things detached and realistically works best for me. Not positive, not negative.... but how they are.
A lot of the time negative people are perfectionists who give up when they don't think they can get the perfect outcome. The challenge presented is to make them okay with a passing grade instead of an A. Because it's better to pass than it is to fail.
NO WAY!!!
It's better to gradually work towards a perfectly satisfying, extremely rewarding, outcome...than by refusing to take action and do necessary things to achieve your wants, desires, interests, wishes, hopes, likes, fantasies and goals.
"oh those people".. This is everyone I work with.
Some folks NEED to express and push negativity on others.To make their “pain” make sense.
That's unexcusable though
Hey guys, Love the podcast and everything you do. Marine Corps OIF veteran here. This message is very useful for people you encounter on a regular basis. How about defusing an agitated person who has turned aggressive but hasn't taken physical actions. This was a recent experience that occurred after a traffic accident.
This is why I love Echo, such a generous guy. Always handing out large, pre-taxed donations to random people in the comments, people he doesn't know, like me.
I used this to such good effect that the person no longer contacts me. Thanks Jocko.
The deflecting is easy the complimenting negative people in the workplace is what I struggle with.
Jason Salistean it’s hard you could come off as to polite and they think you’re trying to insult them or they could just turn what you say into a negative it’s hard
Toxic/negative people will slowly infect you and the team.
If you are able to get rid of them, do so.
If not, 'absorbing' their negativity is like playing with a nuclear reactor.
Do you have a topic for dealing with toxic n negative family? It’s easier with “people” but how do you deal with negative family?
Very helpful!! "You just got deflected!" love it...thank you!
Negative emotion can bring as much happiness as positive emotion, if not more so. The problem is some people get addicted to negative emotion and use it as their sole source of happiness, especially when they're losing.
These are very good pieces of advice. I work in an IT company where MANY people have negative vision. I guess it's part of developers mentality.
And now I see which mistake I did. I overreact. It draws me out. When you debate with a person whose primary concern is to make you feel bad do not connect emotionally. It's very hard. Especially for people like me. I am very emotional. And they use it. Against me. As a result, I feel tired. They just suck energy from me.
All positive things are not relevant to them. Some of them very weak. They don't train, learn and love. Some of them are alone at their 30s. And every time when I start a small conversation about bjj or Jocko's podcast they laugh at it and say that Jocko is a dumb or that I have a hero complex. And etc.
Suggestion from my psychologist was not to talk about personal life at all. Do not touch personal topics. It's very hard for me because I am a very open man. I like to talk to people. I cannot simply spend 8 hours per day by just sitting and coding. It's not my way.
Awesome!! Thank you for another excellent podcast 🙌
As someone who can be too negative on the job, he's 100% right. That stuff would totally work on me.
I wish I had more leaders like Jocko in the past.
I want this man's discipline and command
/khyati // start workin’
Take action and behave in ways Jocko speaks of.
I DEAL WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME...
NO PROBLEM
BUT I DO HAVE A PROBLEM DEALING WITH PEOPLE WITH SKINNY KNEES
Hahahahahaha
It's so overused that it starts to getting funny again :D
What’s wrong with skinny knees lolol I’m a real skinny guy fast metabolism
I'm humbled by this guy :o
Stay away from negative people...they will never EVER change= its who they are
mont john ah, what a positive comment
@@stevebean1234 hahaha yes or no but its the truth......
mont john, they can change. People can change.
I had to search this because of some personal things I experienced in the navy and wow what an insight. This will really help.
Thanks for your no nonsense message. You remind me of my leadership in my Marine ANGLICO unit that got disbanded. Great mentors. Was in from 99-2003 with 3rd Marine Div. Kaneohe Bay. I worked with some of the SDV guys at Pearl Harbor on a couple FX such as RIMPAC. Off the USS Boxer.
Jocko goes to a war to relax 💪
Thank you jocko I been overreacting sometimes and I realized I just gotta absorb and deflect thx.
Some people take your constructive criticism as you being a negative person. It’s hard for some people to distinguish negativity from actual criticism.
Jocko,
I always need to use my discipline when I read negative comments about you and other guys haters make negative, unkind, comments about. Who I feel are like my family, and who I have decided it is way better for me to respect, care about and admire those I want to be like.
"OK...don't get bent out of shape and lose my cool. I feel so angry that I know I WANT TO BEHAVE aggressively violently towards these guys dissing ..you and others I care about and won't resolve my anger issues if I handle things the wrong ways. Which won't solve the problems.
What I will do instead is:
BE DISCIPLINED.
TAKE ACTION.
EAT LESS CARBS.
STAY HYDRATED.
WORK OUT.
DO CARDIO.
IMPROVE MY PHYSIQUE.
BE MY BEST.
BE MORE TROUBLE TO EVIL BAD GUYS.
FORGIVE MYSELF.
MAKE MY LIFE BETTER.
THANK YOU for helping me and being a terriffic Angelic Blessing in your own ways!!!
I realize I need to accept and take responsibility for my health, my actions, my behaviors, thoughts and instead of complaining...do things to improve myself and my life.
Be and physically look and improve my physical appearance so I will behave more like the guys I respect, admire and want to be exactly like.
Modify and correct my own attitudes and behaviors to improve. Stop blaming these haters. Since I want to be aggressively physically violent towards them...but that won't solve my issues. Being disciplined, taking action by doing everything I need to do to get better will be:
MORE EFFECTIVE
HELPFUL
JUST
FAIR
FEEL BETTER
Allowing me to accomplish greatness. Take charge of making my life better.
Because getting angry and not channeling that the right ways will only make everything worse instead of better.
I WILL TAKE ACTION & DO WHAT I NEED TO SO I GET MYSELF TO WHERE I WANT TO BE.
Jocko Willink means to discover and learn ways you can lead effectively in positive, good ways. You won't regret it.
Want examples of great leaders?
Jackie Robinson, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman. Jocko Willink means to be a leader and make a positive difference in the society.
That....is the kind of leadership he is talking about doing when he tells people to be leaders.
Be careful if it’s someone you have to be around for a while, like parents. They may interpret this as you trying to be better than them or something, and might try to destroy you
I really want to do this stuff, thanks J
If only I found this before. I got one of the most negative coworker everrrr. Glass half empty kinda person.
Nice gameplan! Will try this next time !! Thanks for sharing!!!
OMG your channel. Emotionally lifesaving.
I have found that bullies like this are always cowards. When confronted directly, they are deterred very quickly because: 1. If their claims were refuted right away, they usually do not keep attacking. Even a toxic and sick person tends to know when his hand is beat. 2. Bullies per definition bully people because they do not expect you to hit back. When I spent time in prison, a Mexican gangbanger started hitting me in the rib cage every day with strong shots. I am not a professional fighter by any means, but when I hit back and caught him one time, the abuse immediately stopped. Bullies in general are cowards, and when attacked forcefully, tend to run for the hills. Likewise, if you have a platform of 50,000 people and they are all aware that this person was coming after you maliciously for literally no reason, the person who was coming after you nearly always regrets it once they get blowback. They simply did not consider that anything would happen to them, but they thought wrong. Always at least consider the consequences of direct confrontation, and build up a strong line of defense to fortify yourself.
Very true it's why they target those they know will not fight back or confront them because they dont want to actually be engaged they just want no opposition. They want to hit hit hit and hurt people's reputations with no resistance. It's called "drive by insulting." They drop by, try to sow discord with some vague attacks and nastiness, then leave. When these people get hit hard, they usually stop. Just my 2 cents. If you are dealing with professional work and admit fault that isn't there, you look weak and hurt your own bottom line. Be a man, be assertive and firm, and lay down the law on those losers. They'll be running for the hills like ninety goin north
Could have used his advice in high school. Mentally tough.
Thanks from France sir !
Early in my career I did both. Guy fired a nasty comment that was so toxic I pulled the ejection cord in epic fashion. I laid it out epically in my departure to a greener pasture. More than doubling my pay. 5 years later I’ve now tripled it and move even further passing that guy by.
If I did it again today, I’d detach and just do the bail out. Taking the behavior as a prompt to evaluate my situation.
I ran into him two years after I left, I sincerely thanked him for it.
The fact I blew the bridge so hard friends told me he was never the same entertains me, did also cause some people to get raises that were well deserved, but still probably not my best moment. That could have blown up on me really badly.
It blew up on you so badly that you lost friends. Poor choices will do that.
Jennifer Dana didn’t lose any friends. Only person who didn’t like me at the end still didn’t like me.
No factor. Those that did like me, thanked me.
Just means I’m never working there again, and I’m okay with that.
Your response to this was a little surprising at first, but then I got it. Thank you.
To reach success one has to go through C.R.A.P. Which stands for criticism, rejection, assholes, and pressure.
Ahhh omg my new boss is doing exactly that too me on my new contract job!! To be fair it works a treat. I'm not negative btw, really helped me enjoy my 1st day! Deffo feel like solid part of the team making me want to work harder as a result!
I tend to ask those people, "What do you see, what did I miss" and that gives them an out but it also gives me an in with them. I totally disarm them in that moment.
Jocko is always on the money
Watched this thinking I was gonna figure out how to deal with negative people and realized I’m just as negative as others just on a different subject matter 😂😂🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️ very funny how dumb I was thank you for this man I’ll learn from this fr
Factssssssss
Real, effective and simple. 👍👍
I start my day with listening to u , u make my day .thank u
y t u welcum
I'm far from being a psychologist but what you are saying is spot on. It is how I think. I'm not saying I can execute like you do, but I sure agree with what you say. My opinion
BJJ isn't just physical. What was said reflects the mats perfectly too.
Absorbing it, no. It is not our business to take on other people's energy.
Observe' is the thing we all ought to do for the betterment of all. Be present, and dissociated from your own ego structure/the reactive one, and be truly present with compassion. And that doesn't mean taking care of them like a baby, but seeing and hearing them, but not reacting, rather responding and staying in one's own space.
From there, remain there or leave, both physically in the moment, and long term in regards of relationship(s).
Simplify and amplify, great method gunna use
For me, I drop em.
Same. Wtf why would you have them around anyway. Other than maybe work.
Excellent leadership.
Many times perceived negativity is exactly what people need to hear, but not willing to hear in order for them to stay in their illusion bubbles. If you tell someone throwing their trash on the beach while they are having fun the group will condemn you as a negative person and look at you funny. If you talk sense to someone who is living a selfish existence and causing harm while being in their positive bubble they will call you negative. Positivity is used as a joker in a pack of card to rule over all logic and realism. And prevent people from thinking objectively many times and seeing the real picture, but sure jump on the band wagon and all jump off the mountain together while remaining positive.
you're great! and make me smile.
Realise the other person is you.... we all have times of negativity, our ego probably blocks us from seeing it but we have more in common with everyone than we do differences...
Its super hard when its your son thats being negative.
My son is 23 and works for me and is negative a lot, I try daily to help him see things in a positive light, but its super taxing sometimes.
In the late 70's there was a TV show based on the movie Operation Petticoat, Jim Varney played Seaman "Doom and Gloom" Broom, if I remember on one episode the sub lost power and was going too deep and he said "We're going to get squished like a can of rotten tomatoes." When some told him to think positive he said "I'm positive we're going to get squished like a can of rotten tomatoes." ;-)
unironically excellent advice
Oh man. This is exactly what I'm doing right now with people :-D
Jocko is a babe with that knowledge
I love the advice! One thing that I would like to ask is how would you counter people who are constantly saying negative things about themselves? This is on a similar vein for sure, but I think it's worth asking. Great video!
Talksserious sence
Cant believe only came across Jocko within last week r 2 ,savage stuff.
Deflecting is what I do too!! In Dutch we say 'omdenken'. 💯
That's a fine lookin' dutch word, oohhm - den - ken. Learned some dutch ;) thanks
@@ppiron6 Haha! 'Omdenken' means 're-thinking'. 😁 Instead of thinking something negative, you bend that thought into something positive. 💪🏽🤓 Kudos for your interest in the Dutch language! 💕
I can handle people being negative and who speak hyperbolically but the problem i have is when their exaggerations change the way people look at you. I have a manager that complains about everything when things don't go well, she then tells all of her people that my team is trash...i don't know how to fix cancerous people
"Deal with them by absorbing".
Later in the video, a short while in, twice: Deflect!!!
Total opposites in essence.
However, I do appreciate your positivity and natural way of being here.
I wrote a science book that was the best-selling chess book released in 2018. It was ruthlessly trolled by people, causing some magazines to fire people for writing libelous reviews that crossed the bounds of legality. Authors and their livelihoods are in fact protected from many dishonest things. Of course, it would be ridiculous (and even dishonest and pathetic on my part) to say, "You're right. I made lots of simple analytical errors in this 100% hard science." People who directly confronted these types of people made them look extremely bad. Imagine that you wrote a medical textbook and someone with no training in the subject matter at all tried to pretend to be an expert and fake corrected non-existent errors in your book, then wrote libelous reviews, lying about the book's contents and errors in it. It would be dishonest and weak to give an inch. You hit back and 99% of normal people will see that this was just a troll and if you calmly factually correct them, it will look quite brutal. Frequently, these trolls will not even know what hit them. I have seen countless cases of these types of trolls stunned and begging for mercy, because they just lost all of their minimal cred in their own community for a few fake reviews. In the end, they realized it wasn't worth it, and only resort to covert trolling operations under cover, i.e. "protected trolling" in closed quarters. Even then, if you infiltrate and smash them, they are likely to stop. People do not like being humiliated in front of their friends for their own aggressions.
Correct. When people are engaged in real smear campaigns, take the law into your hands and put the burden of proof on them to point out a real mistake in your work. Call on them to make a genuine correction, not just wildly attacking anything and hoping to hit something
This how an effective, influential leader leads. Take note kids.
Explain and share how you feel and why. Jocko Willink does. In his own way. 😊😎👍👍👍👍
This video is pure LEADERSHIFT, like John C. Maxwell teaches! ❤
Thats awesome, great application