I have finally realized that I can’t save her and have decided to let her go , she wants to have a baby with me and wants to be my wife ,but I know if I take that step , my life is done
No closure is hard. Be honest with yourself about what you think you need to hear from them and then consider how realistic it is for them to actually connect with you in that way. The majority of the person you love may only exist in your mind. I'm sorry. Be strong for the healthy integrated one: yourself.
in a real trauma bond, breaking the psychological bond is absolutely impossible to just “do”. rumination and intrusive thoughts are absolutely constant.
After 2 years, it is still pervasive in my mind. Because I thought I loved her, independent of the way I was treated. I thought that was unconditional love.
@@doranvee5944 I thought it was me. 2.5 years since I escaped. Asking myself if I made a mistake. Was I wrong about her etc. Yet logically, I can I see it was the right thing to do. 12 years of marriage.
I just want to say I wish all of the people in the comments the best. You're not alone and you didn't deserve any of their abuse. We can break our patterns so this doesn't happen again. I believe in you!!
You say we didn't deserve this and then tell us that our "patterns" need to be broken implying that we are to blame. Therapists come from drug addict child molester Freud and Satanist Leary it's a demonic Godless religion. Antisocial perspective, It's not our fault that we can love. God is real.
After 6 years away she's still haunting me. I truly understand things now. However, the good times were so good and nothing in this life prepared me for someone who lacks empathy, compassion and conscience. Two years together meant nothing to her. She undermined my understanding of humanity fundamentals.
Thank god mine was only half year and I bailed out, because of my previous relationship. I vowed for myself, I will never ever put someone above me for a longer period of time, no matter how much I love her or what I feel. It may seems not much, and it isnt, but ofc it was intense. I also have some very good moments, what I crave to get again. But often when I imagined she is back in my life, with her full persona, I got dizzy. Probably the best resolution is to handle those moments as fake. Because mostly they are. Like a dream. Or like she was a paid actor. In this case a mentally ill person. However with time it fades away. You have to focus you and not her. Holding no contact, slowly developing new contacts, and later a new relationship, when you can have back those moments, and this time with a healthy person, and realize this time you can even have more potential. My first serious relationship was accidentally pretty healthy, and we had very much good moments together. Also good to remember, that you lost what you lost, but you can get new, equally or even better moments with someone else, you are just too attached the things in the past, due to trauma.
14 years later and I´m walking away for the last time. My heart is cold, my body hurts but my brain knows it´s the right thing to do. Somehow, even though i´m dead inside a part of my brain is trying to rationalize everything and give it another try, even though i know it kills me, just like and addiction. That feeling is incredibly strong and scary once you become aware of it. Thank you for sharing this information, it is the only thing that keeps me together.
I have been going through all this on top of having job related ptsd. . Now after having EMDR I dealt with my past trauma only to be abused by my wife and her narcissistic way always trying to fix it for our family ! My daughter is grown ! My step son sees this and is understanding I need to leave ! He made me see he respected me and that I have been good ! Oh he’s a Usmc Officer /aviator. 1 week away from 24 yrs of marriage -27 yrs with such a rollercoaster ride ! 🙏🏼👨🏻🚒 I will be ok !
Get out man. Get out... the beginning will suck worse than anything... But afterwards... When you start forgetting them... That will hurt too, but youll just be different and better and happier... Youll look at who you are and realize... Wait... Im better without her... This is actually better.
This is mad insightful. Its now 2 and a half months of NO CONTACT and I feel much better. I feel like I can relate with everything being discussed in them videos.
Same here. I can relate to all the videos I've watched in this channel. I just discovered it 10 days ago. Such an amazing and extremely helpful channel.
I've just been discarded for the final time after 12 years and many discards. I feel like I'm drowning and each time I feel weak and want to contact my ex-husband, I watch videos from this channel & another one (my 2 favorite channels on Narcissism) in order to distract me and prevent me from resuming my abusive roller-coaster relationship which destroyed me psychologiccally & emotionally.
I think the way they discard is important. If they truly cared, would it have been this way? We wouldn't do it and hope he/she wouldn't either. But we have to realize that we will likely never understand them because they don't allow us to get too close. They want us to believe things, and likely they could not be further from the truth. They want you to believe a lie that likely they rehearse within themselves because they can't even face the horrible self they truly are. We also must realize that who we are is not what they project on us. We are kind, loving, caring, thoughtful, and considerate people. You have a treasure hidden within you. Realize that. And no matter what, whether you have someone in your life or not, you are a valuable person. We must rebuild after years of tolerating their abusive behavior. We must become our own person. In June of 2022, I was thrown away like a piece of trash. I didn't realize she was having an affair. We were married 20 years, and she threw it away to go swim in the sewer. Yet, the scenario she presents is one she made up. She is lying to herself, but there is nothing I can do. Time to rebuild and discover a new me, a new life, a new destiny. I asked Jesus back into my life and have a church family that surrounds and uplifts me. It was the best decision I made in 32 years.
My experience is that I have been gangstalked relentlessly throughout my life by narcissists. They seem to be a hive mind and when you get rid of one, there is another one lurking around the corner sizing you up for an opportunistic attack. It is not what led ME to the relationship. It is like telling the deer that it is at fault to be stalked by wolves at every turn.
I’ve had a similar experience. I believe narcissism is diabolical. The “hive mind” is real, and I believe this is due to the preternatural nature of this “condition”. These people do pretty much the same things, use the same tactics… and it’s always to harm others. They are vampires.
There should be more research and focus on the victims of narcissistic partners. They make YOU feel like the problem. Turn everyone against you. It's so sad for men and women.
After 24 years United States Army I thought I was strong my wife manipulated me and abused me I'm glad I found this just may have saved my life a veteran with PTSD and suicidal ideology my wife was encouraging me to do it telling me I didn't have the guts to go through with it she wanted me dead but she couldn't do it herself
I’m very sorry you went through all of this. If you have access to therapy, I highly recommend EMDR or brain spotting. I’d be happy to send you a free pdf copy of my PTSD guide to help you in your trauma recovery. If interested, email me at info@liseleblanc.com
I feel like I broke free from my relationship for a while during our breakup but let her guilt trip me back into it. Things have gotten a lil better but I know I probably shouldn't have came back knowing we both have trauma to deal with on our own. Having kids complicates things further because I want to be there for them and can't fully cut off ties with my partner.
I’m here because I just got involved with an extreme toxic person. We only went on 4 dates but there were so many red flags and he was extremely volatile. Watching / reading all the information on toxic behavior abuse and personality disorders helped me understand these peoples pathologies and prepare myself for future issues like this one. I believe the knowledge I had learned about these patterns kept me safe from this man that would have destroyed me. And I am proud of myself for standing up and walking away so early instead of trying to please him. Education on these topics are so important and the pain that these people cause is great motivation to never give another one a chance.
Oh my god, this video cut me to the core. I just escaped YET ANOTHER narcissistic relationship. I thought I was saavy and could avoid that crap on my own. I realize I clearly need help to break these patterns. Thank you for being so candid and really driving that home. Love your videos!
Me too brother... I literally thought I had my narc goggles on and until you do the work internally... All the info in the world doesnt fill that desperation... I knowingly ignored all the red flags...
Ugh same. I rationalized the red flags because I loved her so much. Even when it was undeniable, I still thought I could navigate her behaviour as if watching these videos was enough to protect me. I made the mistake of calling out her behaviour (never mentioned NPD though). She had a meltdown, tried to kill herself and then blamed me. I knew I had to get out but was scared to break up with her. My therapist friend said I was an emotional hostage situation. She discarded me by phone a week later. I guess she was satisfied I was sufficiently hurt and that her "payback" was complete. This was just a week ago and I'm still fucked up about it. Combined with the realization she was 100% cheating on me. On the plus side, I've booked sessions with a trauma therapist that specializes in EMDR. I'm making the change so this doesn't happen again. Thanks for reading and I hope thanks are getting better on your end brother @@blaqshiep4920
@@kmatviw that's another big thing im coming to terms with... Sure this behavior is all abusive and psychologically damaging, but im in shock... Like the lies are so big and run so deep... Like i can handle that you got drunk and cheated and you're sorry. I likely wouldn't be able to get over it, but it makes sense in my mind... These people are completely different people... Its unfathomable... Reach out anytime... You're not alone
@@blaqshiep4920it’s like the things they lie about are so insane that you can’t even fathom the fact someone could go this far with a lie and continue to live it out and play it as it’s not a lie that you literally can’t even believe this person could do this. I watched my ex get her cousin 15-30 years in prison on a bold face lie cause she was so fucking demented. And she still to this day pretends that the situation that happened with him happened the way she lied about it happening and not what really happened. It’s so sickening.
I did the positive and negative stuff. Which turned into a letter. A 43 page letter. All on A4 paper. I sent her the letter after months of psychological abuse. Being cheated on. Being humiliated. Being used. Being manipulated. Having her try and turn my own friends and family against me. All I did was love her. I have a copy of the letter on my phone in a notepad. I sometimes read parts of it to remind myself how disgusting she was with me. I still cry now. And it's been months. It's still difficult to let go. Even though I know all her "love" for me was fake. It was abuse from nearly the very start. I'm so traumatised. I can't delete her pictures and videos. I barely look at them. It's the letter I look at most.
For me is the same, but instead I humiliate myself writing a love letter, spent so much time on it, just to be lied to, and betrayed, treated like nothing…. She even had the audacity to say the she wasn’t being rude to me…😑 Today I woke up so upset, I can’t even explain how I’m feeling, it’s been months, and I still feel pain now and then…
@mukesh.dhimar you've started on the path. My ex wife narcissist tried to break me. I was nearly there. Separation was freedom. It's been a painful journey but I am free and recovered. You will get there too
Thank you so much for these videos… you have helped me understand a lot and I am so happy that I now know what has happened to me and I’m asking my Primary Care Physician for a recommendation of a Trauma Therapist… thank you again
This is a really helpful video. I am only beginning to learn about trauma bonding as I am engaged in trauma therapy. I AM going to take your suggestion to write all about it. Free-writing, or just putting down on paper everything as it comes is often very helpful to bring out deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that have contributed to unhelpful core beliefs. One of the most difficult things is realizing how this relationship, so far in the past, has directed the trajectory of my life, and how that one dysfunctional relationship has affected almost all of my subsequent relationships. “No one is coming to save you from your own self-sabotaging behaviours” - this has been the most difficult, yet the most empowering idea that has helped me take control and responsibility to get support to make major changes in my life. I hope this video helps so many others to make this realization so they can begin to make true changes. Thank you for helping me find the next steps I need to take. 🌹❤️🌹
If you're a musician (guitar, keyboard, whatever), learning and singing/playing these songs have been good for my mental health and moving on: - Hurt (Johnny Cash version) - Gives You Hell (All-American Rejects) - Somebody That I Used to Know (Gotye) - Inside Out (Eve 6) - Creep (Radiohead) - I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor) - Landslide (Fleetwood Mac) - Cold as Ice (Foreigner)
I just wanna add, from my xp: to anyone who's ever been a victim of hate / violence because of their appearance, gender, orientation, race : DO NOT ever let a hateful notion 'there's something wrong with me' sink in. Trust me, it's a recipe for self hatred and compulsive anxieties later on. When we suffer and we need a break, it's only natural to think: maybe if I wasn't 'different', if I was 'normal' I would be accepted. No, haters will always find something else to prey upon. I've always had kinda androgynous look, which was a fuel for bullies when I was growing up. I embraced it, used it to my advantage in my acting / modeling career, I was almost the face of Leon in these new Resident Evil games :) Beware of toxic people who can see our potential and value but will keep and drag us down with intent and hideus determination. They do it out of jealousy, they don't want to see us happy or successful.
For me it was 3 years. I went from the healthiest happiest most adventturous person I'd ever been, to being someone who literally wasn't allowed to take care of myself, talk to my kids, my siblings, friends, even pray or meditate, without being accused of neglecting him. It made me physically sick as well, I developed a vagal nerve issue, and a cervical column issue that kept me from doing the things I love, and the more I wasn't able to be his complete caretaker, it became seriously verbally abusive, and I finally had a seizure, while he screamed at me what a horrible person I was and how no one could ever love me. I've been 2 years in recovery and may never recover fully, but I believe I would be dead now if I hadn't gotten out, and gotten good therapists and Drs that helped me. Prayers for you, fellow survivor. Therapy can help to keep you from getting in another narc relationship.
@cyndidaugherty4907 sorry to hear all that but I'm glad you're out now. I fell for the female narc's tricks but I'm proud that there was always a little voice saying something was "off". Research is now showing the narc and borderline both cross over into psychopathy which isn't surprising. Lise says their game playing is subconscious but I'm not so sure after what I just want through in a very short time.
Thanks Lise! I’m watching a tv series The Affair on Prime Video and they actively promote the EMDR process within the storyline. Interestingly, it seems to be a legitimate therapy for dealing with trauma bonding , as you have so noted. I will now look into this process. Thanks again for your commitment and consideration.
Thank you so much , the way you word this knowledge is so clear and the most helpful out of all the many narcissism research I have listened to . ❤️❤️❤️
You have helped me more than anything else. You’re saving me. I know these things are true. So hard, but true. I am very appreciative of the distress you are helping me with. So hard. So true… this video is now downloaded. Big hug from me.
What I’m learning from you Lisa is my role in this relationship that has ended. That scares me more than the relationship. I’m scratching the surface of processing it. It is the ultimate opportunity to grow personally and I need to go through it to find a better version of myself. Today is an opportunity. Thank you for the 10 tips. I wrote them down and added my reflection on each one. I’m climbing a mountain one step at a time. I suspect the view at the top will be amazing. But, along the way are beautiful trees, animals, and surprises.
It's very hard because it's so insidious and I find that only people that have been through it understand. Trying to make sense of the senseless has been difficult for me. I see my part more over time but it still is difficult. They pick their victims based on our qualities which they reflect back to us in the beginning. Ive learned I'm very co dependent.
Thank you so much. I have watched a lot of your content o er the last month all excellent and enlightening, but this ine really gives me hope that I can actually get free of the bond. More than that it encourages me to want to be free. Thank you . I am sharing this to a bunch of men in the same situation.
There were a few pointers in here that didn't apply to me, and I think I know why. I recognized my partner as adversarial years before we actually separated ...largely due to educational videos like these. I'd have never made it outta that hell without channels like this. Yes, I still need to see a therapist, but resources are scant. The important point is, identify your foe. Defeat it.
Bro story of my life. i straight out caught her cheating, she knew. she didnt come back to her house for 3 days with the 4 kids. said i was making the kids feel uncomfortable me being there. so i left. i could go on for days..... thankyou for this video i thought i was going crazy. this only happened last friday
… as a German Biologist - this is about Endurance and Inner Strenegth training A weak person accepts any Manipulation No matter how absurd and delusional deceiving This is about a encountering a singular person - a Solist Inept to be part of any TEAM A Slave Owner, Sadist - who always MUST win at all cost. This is evident in Social Awareness Training - when you see in the beginning of an encounter the absolute entitlement in everything Easily offended for no reason “walking on Eggshells” all the time Force to surrender to a totalitarian dictator. There is never any Discussion. Easy to spot I walk away instantly Train endurance and Inner Strength to never ever get into this Slavery
Firstly, I wouldn’t want to judge her personality as it is not up to me to do so. However, I am definitely trauma bonded and keep thinking I don’t want to be treated like that, but at the same time doing everything possible to keep this thing going. This is such a dichotomy to trying to keep the thing going that hurts me. We are working extremely close together and started dating about a year ago. At first she was sweet but then she started to get mood swings where something was my fault and no matter what I did or said she would not go back to behaving her normal self. It felt like I had to practically beg on my knees to get her to calm down. This has gotten progressively worse and I felt like walking on eggshells so as not to trigger her. Last week I tried to get her to open up about her feelings and empathise when she was upset at work and she turned the situation around, blaming me and making me feel like I am in an impossible situation to handle. I then told her that I do not want to be treated that way (as this has happened often before) and said I will have to end this conversation now. She then told me yesterday that she does not want to continue seeing me as she has the feeling she can not express herself freely. I should’ve glad about the outcome, but I am trauma bonded and feel withdrawal like crazy and still have to work with her every day 😢
Will not work. She already has you in the weakest position. She will continue to embarrassing and blame you. Stand up and ignore her at work and be professional. Or find a other job. She will destroy you and humiliate you even more.
In the same position myself. We work about a foot away from each other in the kitchen. We used to make beautiful food together and (supposedly) shared a vision of a shared future together. It's difficult to realize that it was really only a one sided vision. I poured myself into this woman, tried to make a life for US, tried everything to make the situation work. Even offered to help her get help in the form of therapy. And I get exactly what you're saying here. All I did was love her. I would have given her the world. I treated her like a future and she treated me like an option. Worse even. The way she treated me was beyond disgusting and awful and I still feel that attachment. That wanting to make it right. It's hard brother. Stay strong and remember that you deserve better. You didn't lose anything, she lost YOU. She lost someone who loved her unconditionally. She lost someone who cares. And while you go on to lead a fulfilling life, she'll be the one who ends up abandoned, and rejected, and alone in the end.
Im glad to have 4 years and 7 months in healing from my childhood ptsd stuff, and specially seeing the power of having self compassion healthy boundaries and integrity / attunemtn to my inner child and true self, which allows me to be my authentic self and advocate for my needs in healthy ways and find safe enough connection where I can get my needs met and share my true self, available connection feels right and its ok to choose people who choose me, and keep healing with gentleness humor. love and respect healthy boundaries being my true self and having safe enough connection where I can self and corregulate. Im worth it in a good way, were worth it :) God speed. the grieving part is important. for sure. and completely removing hope , and it was not our fault that part is very important. I will continue to love honor listen attune and stay true , defend when necessary to my inner child and find my safe enough connection im worth it in a good way were worth it . Keep healing shining and grieving, and having healthy self respect to keep my dignity ,and choosing safe enough connection to self and corregulate in were worth it. Cheers!
From the bottom of my heart, I really want to thank you for this video Thank you for helping me and most others who are listening to this I am in a very challenging job and have very little time to focus on myself and almost going to be done with the most expensive divorce
Thank you was very helpful 💕 I am glad you bring up the toxic marriage of the two celebrities, I was right about many red flags I saw about their relationship! Confirming to trust my Got !
Great video Lise. My ex-narc monkey-branched to some guy we knew that was orbiting her on f/b. She ended up going for the "greener grass", canceling plans we had made last summer and ghosting me. I hadn't realized at the time I was trauma-bonded until the cptsd hit. It was bad. I dropped 30 lbs. in 3 weeks, couldn't sleep, basically a nervous wreck for months. She finally called me back & told me what I already knew, she was dating this a-hole, who in my opinion, was a narc, although he claimed to be an empath. One of the last things she said was she wanted us to remain "best friends". I told her there is no way in hell that was going to happen. I told her she probably will never see me again. 15 mos. later I still ruminate @ all the fun times we had over 12 years. Never felt so crushed in my life. I am doing much better now, but still struggle. Thanks for vids. like these for helping good souls that had to go through these experiences. Even though it wasn't our fault. I never got a hoover & hope I never do. The only thing I ever did was try to put a smile on her face. To just abandon me is something I'll always have a tough time understanding. A lyric from Ann & Nancy Wilson from Heart that I'll remember: "They never realize the way love dies when they crucify its soul". Good luck to all dealing with these narcissists. Once you get past this, there won't be anything you can't.
I feel that very much. I tried to bring a smile on a friends face who is mentally struggling. Asked for having a tea together, had a little present. It was too much to ask after a couple of years as a friend. I ended up ghosted and stonewalled. Could contact him through another person. No empathy, nor remorse. Monsters are out there, hurt people who hurt others...
Hi, I am watching your videos, and I must say they are really guiding me to understand more and more. Could you please make a video on Quiet Personality-Based Disorders (PBD) and Narcissists, focusing on the stages they go through after a breakup?
Absolutely ! My covert fiancée is the result of bad parenting conbined with the perfect little daughter first in class and listening-caring child portray... The WORST ! How can she desire to change when she's not aware of what she does and when she's the perfect person on earth.
Gotta a appreciate Will Smith's ability to hold accountability for his actions....cant say the same for Jada....great example to prove your point....and another point regarding celebrity life....although i dont think that was apart of your intentions....either way...i get your point.....
I def saw the redflags (created a scene at the very first party with my friends for attention). I even told my friends, huge redflag. But i was like "whatever, my life was quite boring the last year, lets go for the ride anyway." So my decision to be with her was def. lack of other options. Lovebombing def. had its impact. The first time i left her, i had huge physical cravings and my body was in fight or flight mode 3 days straight. I took her back, but i never was invested as hard as before. Defended my boundaries more etc. You could see and i felt how her interest was less and attempts of devalue increased. I fought her alot when she tried to devalue me, but eventually i got tired and after the last Narcrage i decided to leave for good. Currently NC. Although iam def. traumabonded and its not easy, iam still thankfull for the experience. Nobody has ever highlighted to me what defending boundaries means like her. I was not aware how much of an empath iam etc. Iam sure the experience makes me a better person in the future and i got a bit more narcissistic myself (in a positive way) What kept me sane during the whole "experience" was my past relationship which was totally drama free. So the experience of whats normal and what not. And my hobby, fitness - which i made clear i would nobody get in the way of that. Once i saw that the RL had an impact on my hobby, i knew things are off.
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This. I Needed To Hear This I Was Horribly Abused Tortured Through Emotional Abuse For Over 9 Yrs. I Was Horribly Discarded In April Like Trash Never Spoken To Again. I’m Struggling To Disconnect Detach I’m Severely Trauma Bonded. I Need Help Detaching.The Narcissist Is Controlling Me By Having Nothing To Do With Me
Hi Lise Thank you again and especially for this video, that for me feels like the last puzzle piece to fit into the way to get better. I have been agonizing over the past months if I should write it all down, good, bad and ugly, but abandoned that project because I had the feeling that the thoughts started to hurt me physically and would deepen the trauma bond. Looking at the parallels of obsessive thoughts in OCD, and based on what you recommend later on, I tried to instead distract me away from the whole sordid story. Apparently, the sequence matters: first writing of timeline, then cut off person and thoughts. Now I know that I have to go back to the keyboard. And a visit to the doctor is also in order. This process is way more laborious than I thought. Thanks for the resolution.
Writing things out surely is a great way to reflect and understand feelings. It is also true that you can take back the power you give to negative people. This can happen from one day to the next - it's simply your decision to put it into action. Thanks for the video Lise. Best regards, Liz
I've been stuck in a trauma bond with a somatic narcissist for 7 years. I was always his secondary supply (unknowingly at first), and I just found out he has a new main supply who is pregnant. He's blocked everywhere but I feel completely stagnant.
It was forced marriage, then all my family pressured me to stay in that toxic relationship for over 30 years and now my body and soul ripped to shreds, don't want to be in this World, as even in 4 years of healing my body still have agrophoebia, crippling anxiety, my body doesn't want to eat or drink, please pray that I die soon as can't live this way.😢😢😢
Our first mistake is to not believe in ourselves. In doing so, we are looking for someone else for the wrong reasons. We don't know ourselves, and so look for a feeling of completeness with someone else. It blinds us to their faults, which they had from the start. We just didn't notice. Our partners don't deliberately 'catch us'. That said, once the relationship gets confusing, that is when to decide if you want to continue. If you hang in, you need to resolve the issue of confusion. This is where the trap is. We think it will resolve its self. It doesn't. I think it is childhood trauma or radicalisation of thoughts that causes people to have strange behaviors. Very tricky subject.
I'm looking to connect with an in-person, narcissistic abuse support group in either Montreal, QC; or New York City. Any leads/links would be greatly appreciated.
She said all her friends and family said "finally," when discarding. They knew only the harmful, false smears she had been spreading. How well did they know me, talk to me, spend time with me. Did they ever know all the good things I said and did? Doubt it.
I made sure my exes family knew how good I was to him. I recorded him being disrespectful and talking down to me. Those recordings went to his family when everything ended. His family knew exactly who he was.
@bettysims9284 maybe they knew, but did it make a difference? My wife was having an affair right in front of her mother, calling him a "close friend." Her mother believed it all or chose to ignore what she saw right in front of her. Amazing how perception controls reality.
Dear Lise , thanks a lot for all your great work and the sincerity you put into it. I was also positively surprised to see Sadhguru in your video… all the best to you 😊👏👍
One thing that never gets addressed is what the correct action is when you've had children with a narc. We all know that if you are the supply, and you remove yourself from the situation, the narc will find a new supply. Obviously, if children are present, one or more of them are likely to "win" that lottery. As narc victims tend to be empaths, the thought of abandoning your children to the narc is unbearable. You still realize that the relationship is not modeling healthy behavior to the kids, but it seems the lesser to the greater evil of abandoning them to be directly abused.
This is exactly the situation I'm in. I don't really want to be in this marriage anymore, but I'm afraid if things will get better or worse for my kids if I'm out of the picture. I'm worried what kind of damage my wife can do to them. They are such good kids, so I'd rather be the one to get hurt. Sometimes I have to physically get between her and my son, because I'm afraid she's going to hit him for no good reason. To make matters worse, my wife is from another country, so I'm worried about her going back home with them permanently. Just a big headache, and I feel doomed most days.
Big respect for Lise! Thank You for your work! But- Not even the Buddha can fill a cup that is full. We accepted abuse... that is why they kept on abusing us. We wanted to be the hero in the battle...That is why we have so mutch scars. We wanted to be there all the time... That is why they kept us on the waiting list. We wanted to be the good guys... This is why we are not truley respected. We wanted to be their treasure... This is why we were treated like belongings, toys or goods. We wanted to pump infinite love in their hearts ... this is why they kept it full of holes ... We wanted to stay constant... this is why they spinned us around... We wanted to save them ... this is why we did not save our selves. We put them first all the time ... this is why we can only be second, and they compare us to others all the time. .. We made them the center of our universe... this is why we seem to be just orbiting around them. ... We are to blame! We made thease mistakes! POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH my friends... Stay in the present moment ... keep your focuse on your self, on your surroundings, on YOUR NEEDS!
Easy, as soon as we had our first child. It was full blown abuse (mental and physical). I've had my own drink thrown at me several times. Threats on my life, punched in the face, turning her family against me. Nothing I do is ever enough. I can clean her car, buy flowers, be really good to her. Never enough. It's made me SO jaded to relationships. I honestly feel ruined for life to other women. I feel bad for the good women I could have met. I know I'm a good dude, but have met enough women that are SO nasty.
THE GHOST OF A BEATING HEART I’m haunted by The ghost of a beating heart. She haunts me Through censored visions of what has been And a fiction of future days. She calls to me In howls and hushed enticings like the song of the siren And I turn in her direction Involuntarily. So lash me to the mast and make the cords tight: To stop my ears is not enough. She haunts me from inside and never leaves. She comes to me in my dreams And waits at the doors of my consciousness. So, lash me to the mast To stop my ears is not enough: The siren’s voice is mine. - Scott Edgar
Your channel is so good. Thank you.. Damn....this explains the Chris Rock slap....and then the crying. It's a horrible place to be. God Speed to Will Smith. ..and to all of us.
So glad when Tom Brady got rid of that despicable, narcissist, cheating wife. Stand up for yourself gents, don't allow yourself to be disrespected no matter how beautiful she is.
Lise this is not possible when you have a child with them. She torments me through my child. Unnecessary hospital emergency visits where they tell her my son just needs to be well hydrated - 3 times in a week!! Constantly usinng him as a messenger. Making him aleep in her bed and terrorizing him. How is a parent supposed to brewak free. Already 2.5 years in family court. False allegations that are arill ongoing.
Yes i think i was trauma bonded to my ex wife. Notice the words EX wife. Demeaned, subtle put downs, gradually cut-off from fiends and activities. Yup all those. Looking back it's obvious.
She drained me emotionally, financially, and with time.... she idealized me in the beginning, i felt more of a man when i was with her, but gradually she pull back, untill she made me feel like i am trash, didnt matter how hard i was gtrying to give, how hard i was trying, she broke up with me when i was at my lowest, i chased her for a month, she still vlamed me for everything, i feel trapped with this truama bond. From this momnet. I'll start no contact, although i have been blocked in multiple places.
I have finally realized that I can’t save her and have decided to let her go , she wants to have a baby with me and wants to be my wife ,but I know if I take that step , my life is done
If you see it as your life is over than yeah run for the hills
Please run and never come back My son wasn’t so strong His wife is so toxic She was even abusing me
No closure is hard. Be honest with yourself about what you think you need to hear from them and then consider how realistic it is for them to actually connect with you in that way. The majority of the person you love may only exist in your mind. I'm sorry. Be strong for the healthy integrated one: yourself.
"Dont save her, she dont wanna be saved" - J. Cole
Same here. God kept stopping me from making that next step. As time went on more and more of her other side was revealed. Video spot on.
in a real trauma bond, breaking the psychological bond is absolutely impossible to just “do”. rumination and intrusive thoughts are absolutely constant.
You have to wait it out for along time
Yes they are… every single day!!!
After 2 years, it is still pervasive in my mind. Because I thought I loved her, independent of the way I was treated. I thought that was unconditional love.
It's like you're in a jail with no bars.
@@doranvee5944 I thought it was me. 2.5 years since I escaped. Asking myself if I made a mistake. Was I wrong about her etc. Yet logically, I can I see it was the right thing to do. 12 years of marriage.
I just want to say I wish all of the people in the comments the best. You're not alone and you didn't deserve any of their abuse. We can break our patterns so this doesn't happen again. I believe in you!!
Thank you and same to you. ❤
Thank you. We will get through this.
There is no such thing as "deserve", but we can fight our damndest for inner peace
You say we didn't deserve this and then tell us that our "patterns" need to be broken implying that we are to blame. Therapists come from drug addict child molester Freud and Satanist Leary it's a demonic Godless religion. Antisocial perspective, It's not our fault that we can love. God is real.
Thank you
After 6 years away she's still haunting me. I truly understand things now. However, the good times were so good and nothing in this life prepared me for someone who lacks empathy, compassion and conscience. Two years together meant nothing to her. She undermined my understanding of humanity fundamentals.
You will be fine and better in time. Time heals all wounds. You will survive and meet someone who locks your socks off…
Nobody could have prepared any of this from these monsters. Take it easy on yourself, you're gonna be fine.
Thank god mine was only half year and I bailed out, because of my previous relationship. I vowed for myself, I will never ever put someone above me for a longer period of time, no matter how much I love her or what I feel.
It may seems not much, and it isnt, but ofc it was intense. I also have some very good moments, what I crave to get again. But often when I imagined she is back in my life, with her full persona, I got dizzy.
Probably the best resolution is to handle those moments as fake. Because mostly they are. Like a dream. Or like she was a paid actor. In this case a mentally ill person. However with time it fades away. You have to focus you and not her. Holding no contact, slowly developing new contacts, and later a new relationship, when you can have back those moments, and this time with a healthy person, and realize this time you can even have more potential.
My first serious relationship was accidentally pretty healthy, and we had very much good moments together.
Also good to remember, that you lost what you lost, but you can get new, equally or even better moments with someone else, you are just too attached the things in the past, due to trauma.
14 years later and I´m walking away for the last time. My heart is cold, my body hurts but my brain knows it´s the right thing to do. Somehow, even though i´m dead inside a part of my brain is trying to rationalize everything and give it another try, even though i know it kills me, just like and addiction. That feeling is incredibly strong and scary once you become aware of it. Thank you for sharing this information, it is the only thing that keeps me together.
I have been going through all this on top of having job related ptsd. . Now after having EMDR I dealt with my past trauma only to be abused by my wife and her narcissistic way always trying to fix it for our family ! My daughter is grown ! My step son sees this and is understanding I need to leave ! He made me see he respected me and that I have been good ! Oh he’s a Usmc Officer /aviator. 1 week away from 24 yrs of marriage -27 yrs with such a rollercoaster ride ! 🙏🏼👨🏻🚒 I will be ok !
Get out man. Get out... the beginning will suck worse than anything... But afterwards... When you start forgetting them... That will hurt too, but youll just be different and better and happier... Youll look at who you are and realize... Wait... Im better without her... This is actually better.
I can't escape yet, but listening to you makes me feel very protected
Same!!
This is mad insightful. Its now 2 and a half months of NO CONTACT and I feel much better. I feel like I can relate with everything being discussed in them videos.
Same here. I can relate to all the videos I've watched in this channel. I just discovered it 10 days ago. Such an amazing and extremely helpful channel.
I've just been discarded for the final time after 12 years and many discards. I feel like I'm drowning and each time I feel weak and want to contact my ex-husband, I watch videos from this channel & another one (my 2 favorite channels on Narcissism) in order to distract me and prevent me from resuming my abusive roller-coaster relationship which destroyed me psychologiccally & emotionally.
Same!!!
I think the way they discard is important. If they truly cared, would it have been this way? We wouldn't do it and hope he/she wouldn't either. But we have to realize that we will likely never understand them because they don't allow us to get too close. They want us to believe things, and likely they could not be further from the truth. They want you to believe a lie that likely they rehearse within themselves because they can't even face the horrible self they truly are.
We also must realize that who we are is not what they project on us. We are kind, loving, caring, thoughtful, and considerate people. You have a treasure hidden within you. Realize that. And no matter what, whether you have someone in your life or not, you are a valuable person. We must rebuild after years of tolerating their abusive behavior. We must become our own person.
In June of 2022, I was thrown away like a piece of trash. I didn't realize she was having an affair. We were married 20 years, and she threw it away to go swim in the sewer. Yet, the scenario she presents is one she made up. She is lying to herself, but there is nothing I can do.
Time to rebuild and discover a new me, a new life, a new destiny. I asked Jesus back into my life and have a church family that surrounds and uplifts me. It was the best decision I made in 32 years.
Rumination sucks ass and it’s all i fucking do
"Hurt people hurt people" is no excuse.
My experience is that I have been gangstalked relentlessly throughout my life by narcissists. They seem to be a hive mind and when you get rid of one, there is another one lurking around the corner sizing you up for an opportunistic attack. It is not what led ME to the relationship. It is like telling the deer that it is at fault to be stalked by wolves at every turn.
Exactly
I’ve had a similar experience. I believe narcissism is diabolical. The “hive mind” is real, and I believe this is due to the preternatural nature of this “condition”.
These people do pretty much the same things, use the same tactics… and it’s always to harm others. They are vampires.
I left one after six years and instantly got nabbed by another a hundred times worse . It was only a month but she was an expert.
There should be more research and focus on the victims of narcissistic partners. They make YOU feel like the problem. Turn everyone against you. It's so sad for men and women.
Thank you for this, I have taken my first real move after watching this clip so well done for reaching me
After 24 years United States Army I thought I was strong my wife manipulated me and abused me I'm glad I found this just may have saved my life a veteran with PTSD and suicidal ideology my wife was encouraging me to do it telling me I didn't have the guts to go through with it she wanted me dead but she couldn't do it herself
I’m very sorry you went through all of this. If you have access to therapy, I highly recommend EMDR or brain spotting. I’d be happy to send you a free pdf copy of my PTSD guide to help you in your trauma recovery. If interested, email me at info@liseleblanc.com
I feel like I broke free from my relationship for a while during our breakup but let her guilt trip me back into it. Things have gotten a lil better but I know I probably shouldn't have came back knowing we both have trauma to deal with on our own. Having kids complicates things further because I want to be there for them and can't fully cut off ties with my partner.
I’m here because I just got involved with an extreme toxic person. We only went on 4 dates but there were so many red flags and he was extremely volatile. Watching / reading all the information on toxic behavior abuse and personality disorders helped me understand these peoples pathologies and prepare myself for future issues like this one. I believe the knowledge I had learned about these patterns kept me safe from this man that would have destroyed me. And I am proud of myself for standing up and walking away so early instead of trying to please him. Education on these topics are so important and the pain that these people cause is great motivation to never give another one a chance.
Oh my god, this video cut me to the core. I just escaped YET ANOTHER narcissistic relationship. I thought I was saavy and could avoid that crap on my own. I realize I clearly need help to break these patterns. Thank you for being so candid and really driving that home. Love your videos!
Me too brother... I literally thought I had my narc goggles on and until you do the work internally... All the info in the world doesnt fill that desperation... I knowingly ignored all the red flags...
Ugh same. I rationalized the red flags because I loved her so much. Even when it was undeniable, I still thought I could navigate her behaviour as if watching these videos was enough to protect me. I made the mistake of calling out her behaviour (never mentioned NPD though). She had a meltdown, tried to kill herself and then blamed me. I knew I had to get out but was scared to break up with her. My therapist friend said I was an emotional hostage situation. She discarded me by phone a week later. I guess she was satisfied I was sufficiently hurt and that her "payback" was complete. This was just a week ago and I'm still fucked up about it. Combined with the realization she was 100% cheating on me. On the plus side, I've booked sessions with a trauma therapist that specializes in EMDR. I'm making the change so this doesn't happen again. Thanks for reading and I hope thanks are getting better on your end brother @@blaqshiep4920
@@kmatviw that's another big thing im coming to terms with... Sure this behavior is all abusive and psychologically damaging, but im in shock... Like the lies are so big and run so deep... Like i can handle that you got drunk and cheated and you're sorry. I likely wouldn't be able to get over it, but it makes sense in my mind... These people are completely different people... Its unfathomable... Reach out anytime... You're not alone
@@blaqshiep4920it’s like the things they lie about are so insane that you can’t even fathom the fact someone could go this far with a lie and continue to live it out and play it as it’s not a lie that you literally can’t even believe this person could do this. I watched my ex get her cousin 15-30 years in prison on a bold face lie cause she was so fucking demented. And she still to this day pretends that the situation that happened with him happened the way she lied about it happening and not what really happened. It’s so sickening.
Your partner picker is broken. A simple rule is that if you’re attracted to them then they’re most likely wrong for you.
great video 🙏🏽
very insightful
taking responsibility and taking action to heal and move on
Knowledge recognition and acceptance is the key to recovery and looking after yourself !
Lise, you put out very high quality, helpful content. As a therapist and priest, I appreciate your channel and enjoy it very much. Thank You
I did the positive and negative stuff. Which turned into a letter. A 43 page letter. All on A4 paper. I sent her the letter after months of psychological abuse. Being cheated on. Being humiliated. Being used. Being manipulated. Having her try and turn my own friends and family against me.
All I did was love her.
I have a copy of the letter on my phone in a notepad. I sometimes read parts of it to remind myself how disgusting she was with me. I still cry now. And it's been months.
It's still difficult to let go. Even though I know all her "love" for me was fake. It was abuse from nearly the very start. I'm so traumatised. I can't delete her pictures and videos. I barely look at them. It's the letter I look at most.
For me is the same, but instead I humiliate myself writing a love letter, spent so much time on it, just to be lied to, and betrayed, treated like nothing…. She even had the audacity to say the she wasn’t being rude to me…😑
Today I woke up so upset, I can’t even explain how I’m feeling, it’s been months, and I still feel pain now and then…
You've broken free. Use that letter as a source of strength.
You have purpose and motivation to move forward.
@@sorearm Thank you very much for your reply. Yeah I'm trying. It's so difficult sometimes. But I will keep trying.
@mukesh.dhimar you've started on the path. My ex wife narcissist tried to break me. I was nearly there. Separation was freedom.
It's been a painful journey but I am free and recovered.
You will get there too
@@sorearm I really hope so..
I have made notes and will read this everyday. Thank you so much. Yes, time is ticking away.
Thank you so much for these videos… you have helped me understand a lot and I am so happy that I now know what has happened to me and I’m asking my Primary Care Physician for a recommendation of a Trauma Therapist… thank you again
This is a really helpful video. I am only beginning to learn about trauma bonding as I am engaged in trauma therapy. I AM going to take your suggestion to write all about it. Free-writing, or just putting down on paper everything as it comes is often very helpful to bring out deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that have contributed to unhelpful core beliefs. One of the most difficult things is realizing how this relationship, so far in the past, has directed the trajectory of my life, and how that one dysfunctional relationship has affected almost all of my subsequent relationships. “No one is coming to save you from your own self-sabotaging behaviours” - this has been the most difficult, yet the most empowering idea that has helped me take control and responsibility to get support to make major changes in my life. I hope this video helps so many others to make this realization so they can begin to make true changes. Thank you for helping me find the next steps I need to take. 🌹❤️🌹
If you're a musician (guitar, keyboard, whatever), learning and singing/playing these songs have been good for my mental health and moving on:
- Hurt (Johnny Cash version)
- Gives You Hell (All-American Rejects)
- Somebody That I Used to Know (Gotye)
- Inside Out (Eve 6)
- Creep (Radiohead)
- I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)
- Landslide (Fleetwood Mac)
- Cold as Ice (Foreigner)
Your videos are extremely helpful! Thank you 🙏🏽
thank you so much for your great awesome videos I have broke the trauma Bond I've now got closure watching your videos
god bless you
I just wanna add, from my xp: to anyone who's ever been a victim of hate / violence because of their appearance, gender, orientation, race : DO NOT ever let a hateful notion 'there's something wrong with me' sink in. Trust me, it's a recipe for self hatred and compulsive anxieties later on. When we suffer and we need a break, it's only natural to think: maybe if I wasn't 'different', if I was 'normal' I would be accepted. No, haters will always find something else to prey upon. I've always had kinda androgynous look, which was a fuel for bullies when I was growing up. I embraced it, used it to my advantage in my acting / modeling career, I was almost the face of Leon in these new Resident Evil games :)
Beware of toxic people who can see our potential and value but will keep and drag us down with intent and hideus determination. They do it out of jealousy, they don't want to see us happy or successful.
Wow
I appreciated this comment. Still awesome almost the face of Leon. 🙌
Incredible comment. X
You’re a gift. Thank you
I just had about 2 months of it and escaped. I can't imagine what you long term sufferers are going through.
For me it was 3 years. I went from the healthiest happiest most adventturous person I'd ever been, to being someone who literally wasn't allowed to take care of myself, talk to my kids, my siblings, friends, even pray or meditate, without being accused of neglecting him. It made me physically sick as well, I developed a vagal nerve issue, and a cervical column issue that kept me from doing the things I love, and the more I wasn't able to be his complete caretaker, it became seriously verbally abusive, and I finally had a seizure, while he screamed at me what a horrible person I was and how no one could ever love me. I've been 2 years in recovery and may never recover fully, but I believe I would be dead now if I hadn't gotten out, and gotten good therapists and Drs that helped me. Prayers for you, fellow survivor. Therapy can help to keep you from getting in another narc relationship.
@cyndidaugherty4907 sorry to hear all that but I'm glad you're out now. I fell for the female narc's tricks but I'm proud that there was always a little voice saying something was "off". Research is now showing the narc and borderline both cross over into psychopathy which isn't surprising. Lise says their game playing is subconscious but I'm not so sure after what I just want through in a very short time.
8 years!
Thank you Lise. Time for me to take that deep dive into liberation. Your 10 tips are so helpful.
Thanks Lise!
I’m watching a tv series The Affair on Prime Video and they actively promote the EMDR process within the storyline. Interestingly, it seems to be a legitimate therapy for dealing with trauma bonding , as you have so noted. I will now look into this process. Thanks again for your commitment and consideration.
Thank you so much , the way you word this knowledge is so clear and the most helpful out of all the many narcissism research I have listened to . ❤️❤️❤️
A very powerful video, maybe even too full. Going to have to watch a few times because all of it resonated so much. Thanks
You have helped me more than anything else. You’re saving me. I know these things are true. So hard, but true. I am very appreciative of the distress you are helping me with. So hard. So true… this video is now downloaded. Big hug from me.
The one thing I still ponder is if they are simply hurt people hurting people, or if they are intrinsically evil.
What I’m learning from you Lisa is my role in this relationship that has ended. That scares me more than the relationship. I’m scratching the surface of processing it. It is the ultimate opportunity to grow personally and I need to go through it to find a better version of myself. Today is an opportunity. Thank you for the 10 tips. I wrote them down and added my reflection on each one. I’m climbing a mountain one step at a time. I suspect the view at the top will be amazing. But, along the way are beautiful trees, animals, and surprises.
It's very hard because it's so insidious and I find that only people that have been through it understand. Trying to make sense of the senseless has been difficult for me. I see my part more over time but it still is difficult. They pick their victims based on our qualities which they reflect back to us in the beginning. Ive learned I'm very co dependent.
Thank you so much. I have watched a lot of your content o er the last month all excellent and enlightening, but this ine really gives me hope that I can actually get free of the bond. More than that it encourages me to want to be free. Thank you . I am sharing this to a bunch of men in the same situation.
Thank you for sharing! I wish you all the best in your recovery
There were a few pointers in here that didn't apply to me, and I think I know why. I recognized my partner as adversarial years before we actually separated ...largely due to educational videos like these.
I'd have never made it outta that hell without channels like this.
Yes, I still need to see a therapist, but resources are scant.
The important point is, identify your foe. Defeat it.
Bro story of my life. i straight out caught her cheating, she knew. she didnt come back to her house for 3 days with the 4 kids. said i was making the kids feel uncomfortable me being there. so i left. i could go on for days..... thankyou for this video i thought i was going crazy. this only happened last friday
… as a German Biologist - this is about Endurance and Inner Strenegth training
A weak person accepts any Manipulation
No matter how absurd and delusional deceiving
This is about a encountering a singular person -
a Solist
Inept to be part of any TEAM
A Slave Owner, Sadist -
who always MUST win at all cost.
This is evident in Social Awareness Training -
when you see in the beginning of an encounter
the absolute entitlement in everything
Easily offended for no reason
“walking on Eggshells” all the time
Force to surrender to a totalitarian dictator.
There is never any Discussion.
Easy to spot
I walk away instantly
Train endurance and Inner Strength
to never ever get into this Slavery
Firstly, I wouldn’t want to judge her personality as it is not up to me to do so. However, I am definitely trauma bonded and keep thinking I don’t want to be treated like that, but at the same time doing everything possible to keep this thing going. This is such a dichotomy to trying to keep the thing going that hurts me. We are working extremely close together and started dating about a year ago.
At first she was sweet but then she started to get mood swings where something was my fault and no matter what I did or said she would not go back to behaving her normal self. It felt like I had to practically beg on my knees to get her to calm down. This has gotten progressively worse and I felt like walking on eggshells so as not to trigger her.
Last week I tried to get her to open up about her feelings and empathise when she was upset at work and she turned the situation around, blaming me and making me feel like I am in an impossible situation to handle. I then told her that I do not want to be treated that way (as this has happened often before) and said I will have to end this conversation now. She then told me yesterday that she does not want to continue seeing me as she has the feeling she can not express herself freely. I should’ve glad about the outcome, but I am trauma bonded and feel withdrawal like crazy and still have to work with her every day 😢
Sorry, I feel u. But don't go back. Never. Just befriend the pain of withdrawal and everything will be oky.❤
Will not work. She already has you in the weakest position. She will continue to embarrassing and blame you. Stand up and ignore her at work and be professional. Or find a other job. She will destroy you and humiliate you even more.
In the same position myself. We work about a foot away from each other in the kitchen. We used to make beautiful food together and (supposedly) shared a vision of a shared future together. It's difficult to realize that it was really only a one sided vision. I poured myself into this woman, tried to make a life for US, tried everything to make the situation work. Even offered to help her get help in the form of therapy. And I get exactly what you're saying here. All I did was love her. I would have given her the world. I treated her like a future and she treated me like an option. Worse even. The way she treated me was beyond disgusting and awful and I still feel that attachment. That wanting to make it right. It's hard brother. Stay strong and remember that you deserve better. You didn't lose anything, she lost YOU. She lost someone who loved her unconditionally. She lost someone who cares. And while you go on to lead a fulfilling life, she'll be the one who ends up abandoned, and rejected, and alone in the end.
Im glad to have 4 years and 7 months in healing from my childhood ptsd stuff, and specially seeing the power of having self compassion healthy boundaries and integrity / attunemtn to my inner child and true self, which allows me to be my authentic self and advocate for my needs in healthy ways and find safe enough connection where I can get my needs met and share my true self, available connection feels right and its ok to choose people who choose me, and keep healing with gentleness humor. love and respect healthy boundaries being my true self and having safe enough connection where I can self and corregulate. Im worth it in a good way, were worth it :) God speed. the grieving part is important. for sure. and completely removing hope , and it was not our fault that part is very important. I will continue to love honor listen attune and stay true , defend when necessary to my inner child and find my safe enough connection im worth it in a good way were worth it . Keep healing shining and grieving, and having healthy self respect to keep my dignity ,and choosing safe enough connection to self and corregulate in were worth it. Cheers!
Thanks for the video lisa ❤
From the bottom of my heart, I really want to thank you for this video
Thank you for helping me and most others who are listening to this
I am in a very challenging job and have very little time to focus on myself and almost going to be done with the most expensive divorce
I wish you all the best as you move forward with your life
Thank you was very helpful 💕 I am glad you bring up the toxic marriage of the two celebrities, I was right about many red flags I saw about their relationship! Confirming to trust my Got !
Great video Lise. My ex-narc monkey-branched to some guy we knew that was orbiting her on f/b. She ended up going for the "greener grass", canceling plans we had made last summer and ghosting me. I hadn't realized at the time I was trauma-bonded until the cptsd hit. It was bad. I dropped 30 lbs. in 3 weeks, couldn't sleep, basically a nervous wreck for months. She finally called me back & told me what I already knew, she was dating this a-hole, who in my opinion, was a narc, although he claimed to be an empath. One of the last things she said was she wanted us to remain "best friends". I told her there is no way in hell that was going to happen. I told her she probably will never see me again. 15 mos. later I still ruminate @ all the fun times we had over 12 years. Never felt so crushed in my life. I am doing much better now, but still struggle. Thanks for vids. like these for helping good souls that had to go through these experiences. Even though it wasn't our fault. I never got a hoover & hope I never do. The only thing I ever did was try to put a smile on her face. To just abandon me is something I'll always have a tough time understanding. A lyric from Ann & Nancy Wilson from Heart that I'll remember: "They never realize the way love dies when they crucify its soul". Good luck to all dealing with these narcissists. Once you get past this, there won't be anything you can't.
I feel that very much. I tried to bring a smile on a friends face who is mentally struggling. Asked for having a tea together, had a little present. It was too much to ask after a couple of years as a friend. I ended up ghosted and stonewalled. Could contact him through another person. No empathy, nor remorse. Monsters are out there, hurt people who hurt others...
Wow thank you. This one was awesome! ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for your content. It‘a helped me gain the inner strength to make boundaries and end my toxic relationship
This is me. Jeez, she's knowledgeable. ❤
What a fantastic way to spend 18 minutes! This piece is so valuable for all relationships and self respect and cultivation.
oh my gosh, this info is For Real! xoxox
What Sadhguru says is so true thanks for adding the clip
THANK YOU VERY MUCH! FROM MEXICO
Thanks for your videos ❤ btw your hair looks amazing ❤🇦🇺
Hi, I am watching your videos, and I must say they are really guiding me to understand more and more. Could you please make a video on Quiet Personality-Based Disorders (PBD) and Narcissists, focusing on the stages they go through after a breakup?
It would be great to have one with parents 🙏
Absolutely ! My covert fiancée is the result of bad parenting conbined with the perfect little daughter first in class and listening-caring child portray... The WORST ! How can she desire to change when she's not aware of what she does and when she's the perfect person on earth.
Gotta a appreciate Will Smith's ability to hold accountability for his actions....cant say the same for Jada....great example to prove your point....and another point regarding celebrity life....although i dont think that was apart of your intentions....either way...i get your point.....
Your video on UA-cam was great thanks
She had me second guessing my boundary of letting me know if she's running late from work to get our kid since we live in 2 different homes
I def saw the redflags (created a scene at the very first party with my friends for attention). I even told my friends, huge redflag. But i was like "whatever, my life was quite boring the last year, lets go for the ride anyway." So my decision to be with her was def. lack of other options.
Lovebombing def. had its impact. The first time i left her, i had huge physical cravings and my body was in fight or flight mode 3 days straight. I took her back, but i never was invested as hard as before. Defended my boundaries more etc. You could see and i felt how her interest was less and attempts of devalue increased. I fought her alot when she tried to devalue me, but eventually i got tired and after the last Narcrage i decided to leave for good. Currently NC.
Although iam def. traumabonded and its not easy, iam still thankfull for the experience. Nobody has ever highlighted to me what defending boundaries means like her. I was not aware how much of an empath iam etc. Iam sure the experience makes me a better person in the future and i got a bit more narcissistic myself (in a positive way)
What kept me sane during the whole "experience" was my past relationship which was totally drama free. So the experience of whats normal and what not.
And my hobby, fitness - which i made clear i would nobody get in the way of that. Once i saw that the RL had an impact on my hobby, i knew things are off.
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This.
I Needed To Hear This I Was Horribly Abused Tortured Through Emotional Abuse For Over 9 Yrs.
I Was Horribly Discarded In April Like Trash Never Spoken To Again.
I’m Struggling To Disconnect Detach I’m Severely Trauma Bonded.
I Need Help Detaching.The Narcissist Is Controlling Me By Having Nothing To Do With Me
You are not alone.
My 85 yo & healthy mother has gone nuts bc everyone has been up to speed with her BEING my victim.
Hi Lise Thank you again and especially for this video, that for me feels like the last puzzle piece to fit into the way to get better. I have been agonizing over the past months if I should write it all down, good, bad and ugly, but abandoned that project because I had the feeling that the thoughts started to hurt me physically and would deepen the trauma bond. Looking at the parallels of obsessive thoughts in OCD, and based on what you recommend later on, I tried to instead distract me away from the whole sordid story. Apparently, the sequence matters: first writing of timeline, then cut off person and thoughts. Now I know that I have to go back to the keyboard. And a visit to the doctor is also in order. This process is way more laborious than I thought. Thanks for the resolution.
you really helped me....because of you, i found out what i was living. i'm glad she left but after 6 months I still can't get ovet it.
Important knowledge! Thank you!
Another excellent video, Lise! Thank you so much.
Thank you so much!
Writing things out surely is a great way to reflect and understand feelings. It is also true that you can take back the power you give to negative people. This can happen from one day to the next - it's simply your decision to put it into action. Thanks for the video Lise. Best regards, Liz
Great video. Thank you, much appreciated and needed. 💚
Thank you for the positive feedback!
I've been stuck in a trauma bond with a somatic narcissist for 7 years. I was always his secondary supply (unknowingly at first), and I just found out he has a new main supply who is pregnant. He's blocked everywhere but I feel completely stagnant.
It was forced marriage, then all my family pressured me to stay in that toxic relationship for over 30 years and now my body and soul ripped to shreds, don't want to be in this World, as even in 4 years of healing my body still have agrophoebia, crippling anxiety, my body doesn't want to eat or drink, please pray that I die soon as can't live this way.😢😢😢
Our first mistake is to not believe in ourselves.
In doing so, we are looking for someone else for the wrong reasons. We don't know ourselves, and so look for a feeling of completeness with someone else. It blinds us to their faults, which they had from the start. We just didn't notice. Our partners don't deliberately 'catch us'. That said, once the relationship gets confusing, that is when to decide if you want to continue. If you hang in, you need to resolve the issue of confusion. This is where the trap is. We think it will resolve its self. It doesn't. I think it is childhood trauma or radicalisation of thoughts that causes people to have strange behaviors. Very tricky subject.
I'm looking to connect with an in-person, narcissistic abuse support group in either Montreal, QC; or New York City. Any leads/links would be greatly appreciated.
Really love you saying why you are not getting help you need and the Sadguru’s saying…😊
Thank you
She said all her friends and family said "finally," when discarding. They knew only the harmful, false smears she had been spreading. How well did they know me, talk to me, spend time with me. Did they ever know all the good things I said and did? Doubt it.
I made sure my exes family knew how good I was to him. I recorded him being disrespectful and talking down to me. Those recordings went to his family when everything ended. His family knew exactly who he was.
@bettysims9284 maybe they knew, but did it make a difference? My wife was having an affair right in front of her mother, calling him a "close friend." Her mother believed it all or chose to ignore what she saw right in front of her. Amazing how perception controls reality.
Dear Lise , thanks a lot for all your great work and the sincerity you put into it. I was also positively surprised to see Sadhguru in your video… all the best to you 😊👏👍
That’s pretty helpful, thank you.
One thing that never gets addressed is what the correct action is when you've had children with a narc. We all know that if you are the supply, and you remove yourself from the situation, the narc will find a new supply. Obviously, if children are present, one or more of them are likely to "win" that lottery. As narc victims tend to be empaths, the thought of abandoning your children to the narc is unbearable. You still realize that the relationship is not modeling healthy behavior to the kids, but it seems the lesser to the greater evil of abandoning them to be directly abused.
This is exactly the situation I'm in. I don't really want to be in this marriage anymore, but I'm afraid if things will get better or worse for my kids if I'm out of the picture. I'm worried what kind of damage my wife can do to them. They are such good kids, so I'd rather be the one to get hurt. Sometimes I have to physically get between her and my son, because I'm afraid she's going to hit him for no good reason. To make matters worse, my wife is from another country, so I'm worried about her going back home with them permanently. Just a big headache, and I feel doomed most days.
@@DarthB8744 At least I didn't have to deal with physical threats. I wish you well. It's a rough road.
Whenever I think about how bad my life is I think of Will Smith and instantly feel better
Big respect for Lise! Thank You for your work!
But-
Not even the Buddha can fill a cup that is full.
We accepted abuse... that is why they kept on abusing us.
We wanted to be the hero in the battle...That is why we have so mutch scars.
We wanted to be there all the time... That is why they kept us on the waiting list.
We wanted to be the good guys... This is why we are not truley respected.
We wanted to be their treasure... This is why we were treated like belongings, toys or goods.
We wanted to pump infinite love in their hearts ... this is why they kept it full of holes ...
We wanted to stay constant... this is why they spinned us around...
We wanted to save them ... this is why we did not save our selves.
We put them first all the time ... this is why we can only be second, and they compare us to others all the time. ..
We made them the center of our universe... this is why we seem to be just orbiting around them. ...
We are to blame! We made thease mistakes!
POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH my friends...
Stay in the present moment ...
keep your focuse on your self,
on your surroundings, on YOUR NEEDS!
Easy, as soon as we had our first child. It was full blown abuse (mental and physical). I've had my own drink thrown at me several times. Threats on my life, punched in the face, turning her family against me. Nothing I do is ever enough. I can clean her car, buy flowers, be really good to her. Never enough.
It's made me SO jaded to relationships. I honestly feel ruined for life to other women. I feel bad for the good women I could have met. I know I'm a good dude, but have met enough women that are SO nasty.
THE GHOST OF A BEATING HEART
I’m haunted by
The ghost of a beating heart.
She haunts me
Through censored visions
of what has been
And a fiction of future days.
She calls to me
In howls and hushed enticings
like the song of the siren
And I turn in her direction
Involuntarily.
So lash me to the mast
and make the cords tight:
To stop my ears is not enough.
She haunts me from inside and never leaves.
She comes to me in my dreams
And waits at the doors of my consciousness.
So, lash me to the mast
To stop my ears is not enough:
The siren’s voice is mine.
- Scott Edgar
It's really brutal, when it is with a parent.
My X left me for a rebound guy. She left me with no closure. After a while, it did not matter. I leveled up and my X down graded 😅
Your channel is so good. Thank you.. Damn....this explains the Chris Rock slap....and then the crying. It's a horrible place to be. God Speed to Will Smith. ..and to all of us.
So glad when Tom Brady got rid of that despicable, narcissist, cheating wife. Stand up for yourself gents, don't allow yourself to be disrespected no matter how beautiful she is.
Spot on. Thank you
Thank you for the nice comment!
Thak you! ❤
1 year after narcissistic cold and painful discard and still there is no single day when I am free of ruminating:( This is torture
4 years out. Trust me it will fade away. It’s just going slowly. Some days will be worse than others. Just hang in there… time is your ally
Two years here. It never lets up, does it? And then we return to YT once again.
Thank you for saying the hard truth.
Lise this is not possible when you have a child with them. She torments me through my child. Unnecessary hospital emergency visits where they tell her my son just needs to be well hydrated - 3 times in a week!! Constantly usinng him as a messenger. Making him aleep in her bed and terrorizing him. How is a parent supposed to brewak free. Already 2.5 years in family court. False allegations that are arill ongoing.
Wow!! Thank you so much. Amazing ❤
I feel for Will Smith...
I wonder if Jada had the hit put on Tupac. Because he broke the bond!
Yes i think i was trauma bonded to my ex wife.
Notice the words EX wife.
Demeaned, subtle put downs, gradually cut-off from fiends and activities. Yup all those.
Looking back it's obvious.
Hopefully I am not getting too personal, but I'll vote for black hair! (then you could say "I'm black again")
She drained me emotionally, financially, and with time.... she idealized me in the beginning, i felt more of a man when i was with her, but gradually she pull back, untill she made me feel like i am trash, didnt matter how hard i was gtrying to give, how hard i was trying, she broke up with me when i was at my lowest, i chased her for a month, she still vlamed me for everything, i feel trapped with this truama bond. From this momnet. I'll start no contact, although i have been blocked in multiple places.
THEY DON’T CARE!!!
emdr
Hypnotizing an already hypnotized individual.
Excellent.
Thank you!
@@LiseLeblanc Thank you for your excellent videos on the Favourite Person. 😎
Thank you 💜✞