10 Signs That You are Trauma-Bonded by Lise Leblanc
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- In this video, I will explain the complex psychological phenomenon known as a trauma or betrayal bond. I will provide 10 signs that indicate you might be trauma bonded.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on UA-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
Trauma-Bond (0:50)
10 Signs of a Trauma-Bond (1:34)
Outro (8:04)
#NPD #covertnarcissist #narcissism #narcissist
1. The abuser drives a cycle of chaos
2. The abuser creates a love/sex addiction which fails to satisfies you
3. Cycle of idealization and devaluation
4. The relationship is emotionally intense
5. You can’t live with them, but you can’t live without them either. May feel like a shell of a persons without them
6. The abuser fails to fulfill promises. Makes you feel like it’s your fault
7. You believe you can make them love you again. You feel like you still must save them
8. Your tolerance for abuse has increased
9 you are loyal and feel obligation unreasonably
10. The narrative in your head is the abuser.
Thank you for this summary!
Felt all the emotions you listed. The despair was something I wouldn't have believed if I didn't experience it. I'm not a victim, but a volunteer. Glad to be away from the madness.
I came on here to take this exact comment. But you beat me to it.
This woman is a genius at describing BPD. No one close to this good.
NPD.
@@monarene44 some behavioral patterns are interchangeable between NPD and BPD
oh how i wish 😞😞😞 Oh how i wish i heard these words 40 years ago . you youngsters listen to this lady . don’t waist another minute living in fear and pain . RUN !!! thank you so Lise , you are truly helping 1,000’s of broken hearts🙏🏼🙏🏼
For anyone who is experiencing an unusual number of unexpected instances of trauma from broken bonds recently,
you are NOT going crazy.
It’s NOT you.
Civilization really is collapsing.
As well camouflaged narcs lose their supply,
they are showing themselves.
This will continue.
It will feel like hell.
The number of people cheering on genocide is intensely disturbing.
However, this always happens during this phase in the cycle.
Find the good people in your community and connect with them.
It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
on my top list in the first entry 8 minutes in is proof there was never a jesus
Exactly what I am coming out of, working hard to heal, nothing works with these people.
It will kill you if you don’t get out, even if you do your health is affected.
The abusers voice and actions in my head, I am blown away now at the abuse I was in😭🙏🙏🙏🥰🥰💔the shock you experience when you start processing is intense.
Your comments are exactly the situations and feelings I've been through. It is so helpful to know that it is real. That the endless circles of "failure" were just a made up, horrible game. "From hero to villian" is the story. I'm her 3rd Hero/Villian (8 years together) and looks like she has found the next one. These videos really help keep me grounded that I'm on the right path to break out of what I now recognize is a trauma bond. It is just like an addiction. Thank you Lisa. You and my therapist are so helpful on this journey.
From hero to villain. Such a true statement regarding being in relationship with one of these monsters. When she and I first got together, I’ve never experienced emotional bliss quite like it has been with her. And then over a few months, the criticism started. Criticism and controlling behavior. It is such a confusing, bewildering situation. If only she can change this and that and stop doing this and respect me again. I figured out I was in love with an illusion. Very hard to see at the beginning.
Thank you ❤ I DESPERATELY needed this reminder and validation today! He was horrid! He physically put his hands around my neck twice in the 4.5 years we were together. He cheated and lied and we would pray together and he would pretend to go to sleep while working out of town and then go and cheat. I never knew any of this. He smeared me without me ever knowing behind my back…lies! He would ghost here and there for a day and I didn’t know what I was dealing with! He was living double/triple lives. Seemingly so kind and helpful so often to me and especially others! “Loving” and affectionate! He’s not the typical narc?? He was attentive. He complimented me. He was so manipulative! Very jealous of my children and myself. It was all so confusing!!! I’m 11 months no contact on December 3rd, and find myself in these deep funks of missing “him” and regular sadness …crying over what I THOUGHT was going to be. Feelings of hopelessness for my future. We were together 4.5 years and engaged. I left because I knew I had to but didn’t want to. He hasn’t hovered and it’s so sick because I want him to! Just for my own validation..so horrible! I know this is the trauma bond but sometimes I forget! 🙈
You deserve better. Only time can heal. The same happened to me. I tried harder to “help her,” but it felt like struggling with quicksand.
Hey Amy, trust me I know the no contact pain, but that guy does NOT deserve a relationship at all....I want no romance for a while, but if the profile pic is you,, I have NO doubt, that you can have someone better in one day, someone who wants to hug you and just give you all his love....trust me you'll find him
I'm going to point out there is nothing in your story for commenters to knock your ex or to say he does not deserve a relationship at all. You did say you left him. But want him to chase you just for your own validation? In other words, you want him to chase you, after you left him, and you want him to chase you in vain because it would only be for your own validation. Sometimes love is knowing someone is better off without your selfishness. The irony is once this is accepted it can build attraction again as well as give you peace. Sometimes our suffering is deserved and meant to teach a lesson to bring us to more awareness of what love is and what love isn't. Love has no room for selfishness.
I totally get the validation that comes with the hoovering, but believe me, it gets so much worst if you accept the hoover, please keep that in mind. That hoover comes with a high price to pay.
You're doing so well Amy, keep going and believing in you. Give all that love to you.
It’s the worst experience of my life. These people are so cruel it’s beyond comprehension. I remember when he sat across from me in a restaurant and totally ignored me. It’s like I didn’t exist in his world anymore.😢
They really are only concerned with what they can gain. Any thing else is just a performance to trick us.
I just went through the discard phase!! Brutally toxic! No contact 10 days now & it’s has me exhausted!
Stay strong my friend
Take time to grieve. And remember you are good enough, find your love within yourself, and the world opens up.
i got discarded a month ago. unfortunately went to see her yesterday. it let me get over my anger and desire for revenge, but now i just miss her unbearably. i just have to remember she didn’t love or respect me so neither should i them.
Im on 3 weeks now. Its horrible.
Squats and deadlifts are the cure 😂💪💪
Ahh Stockholm syndrome, what my psychologist said the other day... getting somewhere now.. learning a lot Lise thanks for being here..
With gentleness humor love and respect and healthy boundaries I stay true to my inner child and find safe enough connection where I can get my needs met , and share my true self , im worth it in a good way. After being 4 years and 7 months in cptsd recovery I have seen that boundaries allowed my authentic self to come out, and authenticity boundaries and healthy attachments is the cure for almost everything. Were worth it . God speed . and we can keep staying true to ourselves and shining our true selves and finding available people . im worth it in a good way. Were worth it :) cheers!! fellow travelers
Got 10/10 right. Feels like a win....the prize was a depression tho (I'm good now and it was a necessary life lesson for me)
Number 10 is a big one. I feel like I AM him. Everything I did, everything I thought, everything I was before him....was horrible. In fact, according to him, before him I was nothing. Thank goodness he came along and saved me 18 years ago. 🙄
😢 You nailed it!
I am so Every Single emotions!
Yep I'm flipping in a trauma bond and I don't think he consciously does this. It still boggles my mind how he is This Way
In the same boat with ya
I felt so great when my former spouse left. After I confronted her about he behaviors, the next day she left when I was at work - after cleaning out the whole house of valuables. She drained my bank accounts like a thief in the night. I came home to an empty house and no note.
And I was elated!!! 😂
You will feel better but you must stick it out
in some ways, the aftermath of breakup with a borderline personality/narcissistic personality is similar to opiate detox, complete with withdrawal symptoms, of which in my experience, lasts longer in duration than opiate detox, this video is in relation to my experiences, regards
Sort of yes, as both work on the dopamine system in your brain known as the "reward center".
On the bright side, many of the skills you learn when breaking the addiction are transferable to other addictions.
It can make you stronger if you let it. ;)
@@AlexRyan agreed
2:30
I have experienced this so much. It's like some type of sick joke. In your mind, you may believe you can fix the problem. Then you may find out that you can't fix the problem. You would think that communication would fix it, but no. No human being can fix these problems. Some of these people may find a way to hurl false accusations toward your way.
Re: Trying to save the abuser because you feel compassion for their suffering.
Lise is 100% correct.
They cannot change who they are and neither can you.
Jesus Christ could “cast out demons”
but you don’t have that technology.
YET. ;)
on my top list in the first entry 8 minutes in is proof there was never a jesus
@@simionenaclably9280 All holy books from all traditions have been somewhat corrupted by the narcissists.
Do not let that blind you to the reality you are witnessing with your own eyes.
The birth of God in the heart of man is the evolutionary force that lifted our species out of barbarism and gave rise to civilization.
In times of peace, the absence of a conscience gives the narcissist a competitive advantage. They seize control of all institutions. They procreate. But when their numbers become too large, civilization collapses back into the barbarism which preceded it.
Then begins the time of trial.
In times of trial, the lineage of God comes together and sacrifices for one another.
In times of trial, the lineage of Satan turns on each other seeking to gain at the expense of one another.
Unit cohesion win the battle. ALWAYS.
Sexual selection may favor the narcissistic lineage of Satan. But natural selection favors the lineage of God.
40,000 years ago the Neanderthals made their last stand in Gibraltar.
They cannibalized each other into extinction.
So too will it be with the narcissists. They too are an evolutionary dead end.
The wrath of God is coming for them. Watch it happen.
@@simionenaclably9280 Why do you feel that way?
@@Bibleinformationandhelp cristianity is narcissism
Thanks for the hard truth with kindness.
There are people out there giving false hope, for more likes, to people who desperately want to believe it.
You can hear relief and delusion in their comments and its just cruel.
Thank you Lise! 3 months out of a 12 month relationship with diagnosed CTPSD (but probably QBPD) and ALL of this fits, from the love bombing, future faking, to the discard.
I ended up being diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, needed therapy and almost had a complete breakdown during the second cycle of her discard and extreme gaslighting. Going much better now, thanks to videos like this and a lot of hard work.
Until this relationship, I'd never had ANY mental health issues and had no idea of BPD/NPD etc. Your work is literally saving people like me from the fog of confusion and showing us a way to peace. You show us that the danger is REAL and have personally helped me to forgive myself for the shame involved in losing myself to this vicious cycle. Love and strength to all!
I gradually and stupidly attached myself to a poisonous woman. She cheated on me months ago and now I'm trauma bonded. I know I need to escape but I don't know how
Thank you so much for all of the information you share with us. You're always so on point. I've never suffered so much in my entire life. I can tell that I'm healing but damnit if it doesn't seem like it most of the time. It's been over a year since I've seen my Mom or talked to my sister. I can't trust anyone in my community because they're all good with her. I just make art and music now and I'm okay with it. I never want to get into another situation like that...
This message is meaningful in my life as it resonates towards my partner of 45 years in a marriage. There has been many times that made me feel unworthy due to the situations I was faced with. He has been unwell for many years and this made me to be compassionate towards his needs regardless. How ever I have experienced a behavior in him that there is infidelity in his lifestyle which has given me a different perspective to his level of care. I have made the decision to value myself and move on with respect and integrity. I am definitely not looking back. I love my life of rich fulfillment. God bless and thank you very much. ❤
Accurate and too close to home. Thank you Lise.🍸
comprehensive objective synopsis of the rollercoaster ride of chaos known as trauma bonding. excellent material.
Thank you so much for this content. You just seem to hit the mark about what I'm going through every time.
Thanks to you, I now have a much better understanding of Covert Narcissism and why I attract them. Where as before I was completely oblivious to these manipulations.
This video describes my narcissistic ex-husband 100%. I was discarded for the final time (Thank God!) 1 month ago.
Thank you, this video is a cure, the knowledge and info helps me feel calmer and logical after the victim narcissist, especially as victim narcissists are liked by so many, very difficult to recognize.
Absolutely perfect video and 100% spot on description!!!!!
Thank you for great observations and advice.
Thanks for your content! It's really good and informative!
Hey Jenny 🌹🌹🌹
How are you doing??
Your understanding of this is great. Best videos I’ve seen. Thank you
Very helpful. Thank you Lisa
If you could make some content about trauma bonding at work (which is also very applicable to men, who often identify a lot with their career), and how to deal with it, I think that would be great!
This information is what I discovered by accident two and a half years ago which became the catalyst to getting free after 37 years of all this crappy madness.
Wow, this applies to my situation at work
Gracias colega 📒✍️
Good video, thx
Dear Lise, you’re very far unto the deep knowledge about those so complicated themes. In the end, you might feel there is no hope of recovering. You just don’t want anything else. You stay atached to those memories of delicated, tender, touch, moments of intimacy, of feeling that feminility you learned to adore. To get away of what make you happy, the enjoy that fullfiel your reason to live… in a way, it was that fragile apearence that captivate you so much. You realise now it was empty in the other side, but for you, it was a true feeling. So you, after some months away from that person, and you did that of getting away, it’s hard. You just remember you gave 10 years, and you have a life, of real feelings to be lived, but you have, still, ‘saudade’.
Lise, you’re in a path only of your own. Thank you to be so near reality, even if there is always something behind. 🙏🏻🤗
Thank you.
Umm .. This is EXACTLY what my most recent 2 year relationship was like!! EXACTLY. To a T! It's so heart wrenching and addictive and painful and amazing and sad all at once... So confusing and devastating... He's in prison now.
I felt like psysiphus pushing the rock up hill for 16 years.
Brilliant as usual
thank you for your help.
10 for 10
I miss her bad but it seems like I was abused. I wish I could find some help
A lot of therapists offer their services online nowadays.
Communities of faith can also be helpful.
No going back the pain being away is WAY BETTER
Feeling this now, total devastation even though I know she's bad for me and her life is one catastrophe after another. I still feel better when I'm with her than when I'm not. She's currently on the look out for a sugar daddy so i should just let her go. Desperately need to grow a set of self esteems!! 🤞
Yes your content is very valuable
Yes I am trauma bonded woah :(
Thank you lise
Spot on.
It took 5 months but the fog is finally clearing. I thought I was making a positive difference. I was a tool.
Hey Mona 🌹🌹🌹
How are you doing?? 😂
One might consider, had the narcissist felt as you did, they'd not have broken it off, been indifferent, or sadistic.
They did not experience the same relationship as you did. So I guess it's dangerous to love an illusion :)
If you think THEY are the one that "made' you feel then you are still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .
#2 ugh
Spot on..
We have been conditioned 🥺😢😡😤
I love her, but i know she really doesnt me, i feel this way. I need help but not sure how to not be and feel how i do. I kept and did all my promises but she didnt. Just blame and ignore or justify blame shifting towards me. Years of being told only they love me as they do or can, and that they did everything but i wouldnt wake up as she kept telling me, told me i ruined this by my own hand but i did nothing that would ruin a normal relationship or the things we both agreed as our requests from each other. But I still got blamed then fully blocked left alone fully and told that, in my own thoughts etc
Is the connection between a person with BPD and a favorite person considered a trauma bond, of sorts?
While not every FP relationship is a trauma-bond, it often is. This is typically due to the person with BPD’s intense fear of abandonment and the extreme behaviours that may result
@@LiseLeblanc I am just trying to understand this perspective. Are you meaning to say that a person who struggles with BPD and unintentionally develops a FP relationship is abusive? This is what I am understanding a trauma bond is from the indicators you describe in your video.
@@amandagagne4916 In my estimation, many borderlines seem to be on the opposite end of the empathy spectrum from narcissists.
Narcissists have no affective empathy
Many borderlines have so much affective empathy that they find it difficult to cope with a world full of monsters. They desperately latch onto the hero who will protect them from a terrifying world and are terrified of losing their protector.
Borderlines have been told by a monstrous medical establishment that THEY have a mental illness. IMHO, this is a lie. They are children of God. More evolved and closer to Jesus than most humans. In a moral world they would be cherished as the best among us. The nobility who established the moral order that made civilization possible.
There is nothing wrong with them. Rather, there is something deeply wrong with a world which allows so many monsters to run free to prey upon the innocent.
My narcissistic ex technically met all the criteria for BPD, but she had zero affective empathy. Her motives were completely different. IMHO these DSM categories are worse than useless.
It’s like you were a fly on the wall during my relationship
Wow! This is my wife! 😮
Bin in it for 60 years from 13 1963 on my own at 73 good. But won't. Lever a me alone. 😭🇬🇧🙏
Interesting. People that aren't numbed yet.
Lol no no going back
She left again... With a promise to return in a few weeks. Time to recharge. We've mostly decided on maintaining a sexual relationship since it's the only time we don't argue, if we can even stop arguing long enough to have sex. Half the time we have to stay up an extra hour or two just to stop the arguing enough to get into the right mood and the other half the time we solve the argument with sex and continue it afterward. I need the weeks just to recover. She's nice for about a week or two before she gets bad fora couple more, then she's just nasty for another two weeks and if she doesn't have anywhere better to go, then sticks it out to absolute craziness for another week or two. I can't stand it when she leaves because she blocks me on her phone and expects me to get a new phone number. I hold out for a week or two before texting her, just to make sure she knows I don't care as much as I do.
That does sound toxic, I hope that you can find a way to smooth things out a bit for both of you
So umm, is it possible to hit every note but not be trauma bonded..? Asking for a friend. My friend. She sucks but I love her, but I also wish I could replace her immediately because I can't stand it anymore😅😅
Why this woman looks like straight from the mental hospital 😂
Maybe you associate her with personal experience? Idk
What a useless comment!
Because people who lack consideration state their prejudices when unwarranted.
Go away.
@@emmarae4322 are you her sister
Its been nearly a year, still feels like I'm dying when I wake up, every god damned day. I hate her, shes ruined me and my kids and I'm still sat here crying. fml.
SO MUCH of this is SO TRUE!!!
But what do I do? I am so financially TIED to her now!
I look back at 39 years... and see so much of this that has played out.
I had a couple of times where I could have just... LEFT!!! But that would have left HER high and dry as it were.
All that I could see was that I WOULD BE THE BAD GUY! So I stayed...
Yeah, that's what I used to think too, until I wrapped my mind around the fact that they are leaving you high and dry every day by withholding, ignoring, stonewalling, etc. Not only that, but they know what they are doing and keep doing it to hurt you. Once you realize that and really think about it, you'll know that you can't leave someone high and dry because they left the relationship a long time ago.