Thank you so much! Since Christmas I’ve felt shut-down, just numbed out and blank. This month has been just so over-the-top stressful and capped off by trigger after trigger on Christmas Day. I am a Christian and pray and worship every morning, and I’ve felt so disconnected from Jesus for the last 3 weeks, just unable to really get going in either of these things. This video has opened my eyes-you are certainly gifted, I see now that I’ve been ruminating in many anxious thoughts that have effectively put a wall up around my heart-a very old habit that I conquered before with the help of scripture and His Holy Spirit. I feel absolutely blessed by hearing from you today!!❤️❤️❤️
I feel you :) there´s a video of Eckhart Tolle about this topic where he suggests to cultivate and invite presence (when you are in nature for example) into your life in ordinary situations, so it can be there in challenging situations. When you are in the present moment and focus on breathing it is maybe less devastating and overextending...I´m working on that and hope I´ll remember it when the next trigger is coming...best regards :)
My panic button is immediately detach myself (maybe my ego) from the situation and act like im in a bird’s eye view..looking down at the scenario. Then breathe, be silent, think, thennn finally react with as little words as possible.
I totally understand. Being codependent I react before I even process. I found a little gray stone which I call my 'gray rock' and carry it to remind me I'm in charge. Coda's are super empaths so not easy to go with the flow when ego feels attacked. Not proud of reacting but definitely happy I am an empath, I just needed to learn how to navigate unnecessary requests/comments that 'tug' and process each one as they happen. Good luck
This is wonderful. Im 50 and 2yrs ago I went to the police and ended up in court with a deviant who sexually abused me as a 8/9yr old. I kept all that in for 48yrs. It was horrendous. But one of the most important things I learnt then to help me through court, was the breathing. I have learnt your other 2 points since then. I love watching your videos. They are soothing in themselves, just listening to you....thank you. Ps..... he got 20yrs in prison!
@@sandrasim1 thank you lovely. Its been horrendous, but im starting to live my life properly now. If anybody ever needs any support or advice from me regarding child sexual abuse and healing, im always available to help xx
What bugs me is other people who weren’t traumatized in childhood and had great parents don’t have a clue why I am emotional in the first place and don’t understand how far I have come on my journey to wholeness ❤
Better idea when triggered is to find a way to release the energy in the quickest way ie through exercise.. breathing is great but if you're highly traumatized, let's be real, you're not about to sit and breathe when you're enraged. So my suggestion would be go for a walk, run, anything that allows you to release the tension and cope with the discomfort of emotions without allowing it to overcome you... just a suggestion because as a therapist, a lot of my clients say they are way too stimulated to sit and breathe when triggered because of the intensity of emotions. Also don't underestimate how long you can stay triggered... I have had to sit for HOURS at times when triggered before my system calms down. So be patient with yourself, sometimes it takes a while for the emotions to pass through. Thank you for the video ❤️🙌
@@Sanjas.83for me, I work in a gas station so I run into CRAZY a-holes especially as a girl, I take about a ten minute bathroom break, and I kid you not, i do pushups. Like it releases that anxious energy. Or do jumping jacks. Your body is “reacting” and sending you into fight or flight, sometimes breathing doesn’t work. Dispel the energy.
Valid. If I'm practically hysterical at work, breathing isn't going to do shit for me. Getting up and leaving the situation helps, but that often leads to more problems. Trying to advocate for myself git me labeled insubordinate. Screamed that at me actually. Twice. I really wish employers would recognize that some people struggle so much, you really need to give them far more time and patience than is considered OK. I worked in healthcare through a pandemic. I'm not ok. I wasn't ok before. My employer blamed anyone who wasn't ok, and promptly came up with a plan to get rid of them, while making it appear like the employees fault. There's little you can do when you aee that coming.
First of all, you never understand you’re being triggered, unless you know what those triggers are … my life has been so full of horrible things from being raped at 11 years old to having two alcoholic parents beat the crap out of each other every day until I was 12 and they finally divorced. Nothing in my life was easy there are triggers everywhere, so I just get through my life the best I can, and never worry about triggers I don’t worry about people I don’t worry about any of the bull crap that all these therapists tell you to worry about, I push through and I’m fine and please don’t tell me I’m not fine cause you don’t know me. I am a strong, independent, observant, well versed, non-irrational human being that knows how to deal with everything that has ever been thrown at me without therapy. I’m not an angry person, I used to be yes, but I learned how to deal with my losses my anger and my hurt life is never easy. It will never be easy for anyone whether they’ve been traumatized and abused or not it’s still is life and life is messy. Life is hard life is random there’s never easy you can’t have a good without bad you can’t have a happy without sad and you can’t have right without wrong it’s just life, it’s never going to be perfect no matter what it is no matter how much money you have no matter how much support you have no matter how much good there is there’s gonna be bad and if the bad didn’t happen, you wouldn’t know what the good was just deal with it and know that tomorrow’s another day and you’re gonna come out the other side, stronger and better for having lived through it
Wish I had seen this 2 hours ago. Massively triggered, behaved very regressively then felt massive guilt from self and others ("confused or critical" exactly as you say).
I had the same problem this morning... I was triggered from an interaction with someone else and let it take over my mood, ended up snapping at my kids. Now that I've got some space to calm down and clear my head I know I can move forward with love and compassion the rest of the day. Whereas before I would've let it ruin my entire weekend. Not 100% the outcome I would've liked, but that's still huge progress for me.
My reaction is make negative UA-cam comments. Cuz a lot of times what can trigger me is the stuff I see in the video. That being said I usallly get told if I feel this way keep scrolling. Like honestly I feel like most humans have this magical power to just not be triggered.
An hour ago I had an argument with my family. My mother came home from a fam gathering, she said I should've gone, everyone was there. I told her how when we were kids she wouldn't let us go to these gatherings/functions and now when we don't wanna go you force us to go. She was like wow I don't even remember stop talking about the past, everyone sided with her, told me not talk like this to mother. I'm still crying, somehow can't bring myself to stop. When my siblings have a problem my mother listens to them though her help to them looks like denying their experiences lovingly but when I say something she just outright shuts me down like I'm not supposed to have difficult feelings and hold up myself all the time. This hurts a lot. I've completely turned towards myself for space, support, love. I'm so grateful to contents like that and the healing community, it's much easier now. Idk where I'd have ended up without, I'm tuning in. I'm sorry for the long rant. I feel much better now
I’ve learned that someone makes negative comments containing the word “you,” it usually has nothing whatsoever to do with me, and may be an attack on their part where they are actually purposely trying to trigger me. Once you get that, the trigger goes away, and you are like, yeah, uh huh, I should have gone. Watch for these objectively and turn it into a game. You should have done this, you look tired, you were really emotional, etc.
Same for me. Honestly, they always be saying how disrespectful it is to tAlK tO eLdeRlYs lIke ThaT but Idc I want the same amount of respect back as I am giving. I didn't choose to be younger than them and I can't change it, but I somehow seem to be able to use my brain better than those who have "been living 20 years longer on this earth" than I have.
My triggers make me feel like such a terrible person like I've been thru so much sexual abuse, neglect growing up and mental emotional abuse growing up , homelessness and domestic violence and now I'm with this wonderful man and I feel like I can't even function in a healthy relationship 😢 I've done counseling and the Lord has healed me so much but I'm grateful to have come across this channel as it reminds me that no matter how far I get in life I still have gone thru what I have and these moments don't make me a bad person but is result of a heavy life...thanks so much
Thank you for this! I'm an abandoned daughter here. I am currently dealing with triggers and each time I get triggered, I tell myself that it's wrong to feel that way. I learned that I must honor my emotions as a normal part of life. More power to you!
Great information. •Identify our emotional triggers and how they pop up. • When triggers happen, calmly acknowledge and replace with a positive reaction.
this is the first vid that popped up when i search 'what to do when im triggered' and i got excited because ive been following the holistic psychologist on IG for a while and didnt know she had a channel!! i was EXTREMELY triggered but this helped me sooo much thank you!
😂 the word “Ego” triggered me. I’m an only child & so I’ve heard the word egocentric easily thrown about in a presumptuous prejudice off the cusp way so many times in my life and I’ve had to self heal from many who tried to devalue my worth. Then I learned that sometimes people are just hurting so they’re hurtful. I stopped taking these things personally & internalizing it but I guess it was thanks to my strong “ego” as you call it, that protected me. Now my ego is out of wack from prior to learning this & all the years of internalizing so I’ve become defensive. I’ve always thought ego was a bad thing and never heard this term used this way but now I’m understanding that it can be both like a double edged sword. Thanks for sharing this wisdom.
I have to say a few things and trust me, they are all good. Thank you, first and foremost. You changed my life!!! Your book, the way you explain things and presented them were so clear. The awareness I gained so early on in the book blew my mind! The ego. My entire perspective of old and new beliefs has changed. What I really wanted to say is this: This just proved to me it was that it had an immediate impact on my life. I just watched this video and I cried. I cried because I realized “I am practicing” (self journal) the steps you laid out here. I cannot thank you enough. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Something I learned that helped me on breathing is the explanation of, when we are triggered, our mind and body goes into fight or flight mode. Then our breathing changes to short quick breaths. The heart beats faster in response to the faster, shallow breaths. So by changing the breaths to long slow breaths it slows the heart rate and calms the nervous system down.
Dr. Nicole, you made such a great point in this video. For so long I've tried only to tame the wild horse that is my emotions (ESPECIALLY when triggered). I may have an inkling of an idea as to why I haven't been as successful as I have hoped. Though I am improving at recognizing when I am experiencing an emotional trigger, much of my self talk is largely negative: "You SHOULDN'T feel this way. This ISN'T appropriate". When really, in parallel to your video this week, I should be saying "You're allowed to feel this way, but you don't have to let it influence how you decide to react". Zooming out and looking at past trauma/pain has helped me find some legitimacy to my triggers without doing this all or nothing dance of either thinking that my feelings are valid and therefore I'm going to act this way or my feelings aren't supposed to be here and therefore I'm going to try and push them away and act in a way that is "rational". I also wanted to add that while future self journalling the other day I had a realization that part of my pattern shift I am working on (emotional reactivity, heh, stole your example) involves not being emotionally reactive TO MYSELF. Sometimes I get so upset with myself about getting emotionally reactive with other people that I create another emotional reaction but I never counted it before because all of it was internal. You've helped me turn a long needed eye to my inner child. Thank you again for all that you do. I look forward to your videos every week!
Wow yes. I’ve observed in myself this same pattern...it’s like the image of the snake eating itself...if I’m feeling a negative reactive emotion then feeling bad about that which in turn makes me feel WORSE and it’s goes on and on ☠️
Changing the narrative and witnessing the ego as an observer 👌👌 I had a narrative of being unloved. I just meditated for 5 minutes and began changing the narrative. I can literally feel the release in my physical and emotional body. It’s like a giant weight has been lifted off my chest. Thank you so much. 🙏
I felt that release you just described when I cried in front of a really old friend just the other day. It felt like I list 60 lbs of stress that morning.
Love your videos so much. I'm originally a Creative Writing major but started taking psych classes because I was really interested in the mind and why we do the things we do, and I've come to realize just how spirituality and psychology really supplement one another. Your channel is a testament to that as well. Thank you for your content :)
Thank you so much for this video. After finally reporting an assault I’m experiencing something like “flash rages” when triggered, which is personally very uncharacteristic. Your advice is so helpful, I can’t even begin to tell you. I am so grateful I found you and all of your information and I’m now hopeful for healing.
I was triggered today, i felt it like a shock through my body, i new at that moment i was triggered, by past experience, i had to work through it. I new nothing in this moment was hurting me but my thoughts. Its not always easy not to let these triggers control the moods and emotions of my day, which made me look this up. It was very helpful, Thankyou!! i'll be looking for more content ;) I just have to figure out why it bothered me so....
it can be used in different ways. But your self-image or self-concept is not You - yet it is obviously something evaluative representing You - the living You. We also make an image of others that is not who they are. The confusion is in a way like being phished, or retriggered into strategies of coping with loss of peace, trust, felt connection of joy or relationship that are old scripts or conditioned behaviours that we learned to survive social realities, but don't serve now and are not what is actually happening now. The willingness to look at or on the ego with curiosity, undoes or fades the urge to defend, mask, pretend or justify ourself. Not knowing can be more helpful that believing we already know ;-) The desire to truly know stirs a self-honesty. But learning to present a 'better mask' of savvy can bury it. Living relationship with ourself and others can also open intimacies where fears are triggered. I see looking within at the same time as looking out as being conscious or present in an active appreciation. Our 'observer' grows our capacity to abide through judgement resistance or reflections (self or other) to share in the qualities of being uniquely this moment, situation or relationship.
You are so kind to share your knowledge and personal stories in such an accessible and inclusive manor, taking your time to help others is truly one of the best gifts given by someone. You have, and are helping me daily. Thank you. A genuine offering like this where people have free access to heal and therefore heal others around them. you are seen. Keep up the fantastic work cant wait to read your book, your hard and consistent work is a credit to you. x
I appreciate your video. I have abandonment issues & this video made me cry & cry. It's the truth, and that's why it hurts. I lost a good man because I never dealt with my issues
I don't normally comment but I just wanted to say thank you so much, I was spiralling and this video really helped to calm myself down and start to see things in a different light. Thank you so much for making these resources available.
Thank you for this! I have been suffering from relationship anxiety for the last 17 years. Half my life. As someone who has been loved by everything one of my partners I always ended up ruining everything by causing conflict from feeling triggered. I’m tired of it and I just want to life a life of love and being loved.
This is one of your most powerful videos, I saved it! Every one of these steps is hugely helpful. Another tool I use and have started doing again is self talk, just having an out loud conversation with myself definitely helps me calm down and brings me back into my body and not in my past. Healing myself with your tools is really changing everything for me. Unraveling 40 yrs of trauma, dysfunction and instability takes time but with your help I am pushing forward. Great advice, thank you Dr. Nicole ❤
I'm glad I found this today. I am working on triggers, and Nicole makes it very understandable. I feel healing in just listening to it. Bravo to this talented lady!
I’ve come back to this video so many times, whenever I’m having an anxiety attack and triggered by something. And it has helped me so many times. Thank you ❤
In the example you give I experienced that my “instincts were scream at me endlessly forcing me to see the cheating” my spouse used gaslighting and emotional abuse to create serious self worth issues. This is an example of what I’m Concerned about loosing as I heal and spend more time in control consciousness Thank you
It helped me to put a 5 minute timer as soon as i wake up in the morning to do breathing. 4 seconds inhale, 8 seconds exhale. Repeat. Do it for a full minutes. If thoughts are coming, welcome them dont try to push them away. But keep bringing attention back to the breath count. I find that this breathing practice helps me stay non reactive in triggering situations.
This is the best explanations I’ve heard about identifying and dealing with an emotionally triggered feeling and/or response. Non clinical real time application to be used when triggered.
Thank you for saying to not to wait until you are triggered to practice belly breathing, and that I will forget!!! That is exactly what happens to me, It is too late and then I am 100% triggered. If I predict this is a situation that MIGHT trigger me, I can already start the breath technique. I know for me the physiological is a big one because I go from 0 to 100 in tenths of a second, and I am working on it. You are right about the past trauma too, and you could say I am trying to sort that out too.
Dr. Nicole you are (almost) psychic!!! My future-self journaling is about being less triggered among my family, especially my own child (who needs me constantly). I tried a version of this "stop-drop-breathe" it worked to a certain extent, then usually when I'm really tired (at the end of the day, and partner usually come home late) I just lost it --> this is when I regret it the most. I hope to incorporate your suggestions here to do better next time. Thank you!
I am in a similar situation. Have you found anything that worked for you? I find that breathing technique works during the days when I am in "Mom mode", but find that those evenings can become quite heavy and at times terrifying after the kids fall asleep. I wonder if there is a specific type of journaling technique or something that I could use during this time.
When a co-worker set a trap recently I wished I knew about belly breathing because my heart was racing and I felt dizzy while I watched it happen. I snapped afterwards which is exactly what she had planned. 😔
Thank you!! This was much needed. I’m looking forward to practicing this. I’m ready to alter my experiences. My past is sometimes so prominent. I love that even while acknowledging the discomfort, I would still accept myself.
Great. Thank-you. On the 24th day of journaling today and my aim is not to react with violence (to what triggers me). After opening the Christmas presents I got that feeling of "never getting what I wanted, nobody gives /knows what I want" (self-pity?! whatever the name is it has been with me since ever) but I didn't react ... I nearly did but I chosed to love the people around me and kiss them good night and after feeling the pain , a feeling of self-love of being enough to fulfil my needs came.!!!It's happening so grateful to your techniques !!!! love and Light
This is Gold Dr Nicole, I love that it is only 3 steps, so that is do--able in just about every situation. And, although seemingly simple, these 3 steps pretty much cover every process involved in stress and anxiety. I,m going to make a conscious effort to do this all day. My problem is, I can be totally "Zen" like on my own LOL, but as soon as I engage with another person, I instantly get drawn into either their energy or me wanting to either "help" them or to always " be right, and Know Better" than them. At least I have become aware of this the past few years, but it is an instant "automated" response from my ego. It is a habit that I will break, and even the first step of watching my breath will be a huge shift for me.
Wonderful insightful information… at age 62 I’ve had a life long Fight V Flight surrounded me l.unfortunately it’s left scars that have only started to heal through the passing of the controllers and judgements /narcs .. and the one final remaining trigger folk I’ve decided to walk away from ..I don’t need to spend the rest of my life ‘trying’ to fight ( or breathe my way out of these ‘types’) these manipulative bullies. The breathing for my soul is wonderful… the more I surround good kind people around me …and choose to leave behind the toxins , the calmer and sweeter my life will be 😇😇. Thank you for this ❤️
Just learning what an emotional trigger is was a huge step towards self-acceptance for me. "OH, I'm not actually a horrible person who refuses to take constructive criticism! I'm feeling past pain right now."
I'm just after getting triggered and searched for this. I felt so fearful in that moment and if I didn't notice it I probably would've went back to unhealthy coping mechanisms later on (mindless scrolling, binge eating or drinking) Did some slow, deep breathing. I'm about to do some stretches out in the garden. Gradually becoming aware and learning to emotionally regulate and not let the emotions get stuck. I'm halfway through HTDTW. Think ti's time to pick it up again.. Thank you x
Outstanding Presentation and When "dealing" with triggered stress, I learned/experienced that breathing and taking a walk worked wonders across the board.
😮 OMG! This happened to me last week over a minor mistake that I made and I was so triggered and overreacting internally. This is so helpful. Belly breathing takes practice. Good advice. ❤
This is absolutely brilliant. I could even relate to the abandonment issues being triggered and then i am right in the Ego observing and making a negative narrative. Thank you
Nicole, it feels almost safer to be in this triggered state. I feel like it’s getting closer to a release when I go into this defense mechanism, but getting out of it is tricky because it’s a fine line when I am done being sad and can make conscious choices to shift my mood or physiology
So true. Recently, I had a mini nervous breakdown due to a financial problem. I called one of my best friends and she helped me off the ledge by making me breathe as you recommend. The next day I handily took care of what originally felt like the end of the world, but though I am a steady, high energy person, I was completely exhausted the next day, which was scary. I was born into a family financial disaster that was resolved fairly quickly but lingered in our lives for years, psychologically. I was also abused by my mother for years over it, when it had nothing to do with me. In other words, I was her scapegoat around finances. No wonder I go overboard, panicking at even do-able money problems. I’m acting out my mother’s trauma that she passed on to me. Daily meditation, prayer, observing, self-love affirmations and yes breathing exercising -as well as Pilates sessions a few times a week have really brought me into a kinder, more self-healing anxiety-relieving place. I also do a lot of self-soothing, hugging myself, talking to myself like I’m my own best mother, reassuring myself that I’m safe. Thanks for this. Very helpful! ❤❤😊😊
While trying to work on the last energetic tie to my covert narc ex, I would get triggered A LOT! Now, when thoughts of him creep back in, I literally have a conversation with my ego that goes something like this: "Hey ego, knock it off! We didn't do all this soul healing work just so you could sabotage it. Remember, you are a divine being worth more than what he ever gave. Now shut up and sit down!" 😂😂😂
you are truly a light in the dark! thank you very much! it really tires me been vigilant of my ego all the time ....how can I handle it better....thank you so much! :D
I get trigger when I’m on the job as a auto technician and the way they make things just sets me off. The stupidity of how they make it so hard to get things apart is a trigger I’ve had for a long time! I said to my self today that I come here and the stupidity of these engineers is unreal and it gets worse by the year. I’m gonna try your technique. Some of y’all might say get a different job. I agree. I just want to fix the response to the triggers. Thanks for the video.
Another tradesman here, welder and now a crane operator apprentice at 50, and I can relate to this, It’s a great place, But when circumstances like you mentioned occur , I’m emotionally unregulated and i struggle to talk calmly and respectfully, and I say to myself,to not talk back to authority as I know it has bit me in the arse in the past, and then I ruminate about that the current one , and past scenarios of how I could’ve handled them better along with better boundaries. (More aware of patterns) I don’t blow up anymore, as I know what happens , although , the anger is inside and people can sense it and withdrawal, then the shame inside spirals, and the inner voice is very critical. ( I should be able to handle that better) I have a hard time not showing this non verbally, “one getting over it” some people say get a different job, but I know if I don’t heal what’s inside, it follows a person everywhere they go.
Thank you so much for all your amazing videos and Insta posts. They are so helpful and comforting to so many people. Hope you have a really nice Christmas and New Years.
At 4:40. I really like this point that is being brought up. I believe when someone used to text you on a regular basis, but then the rate falls off to almost nothing, then something indeed has happened. I don’t know if I would call it abandonment per se but it is a trigger for past events or patterns of abandonment. Either way, the person, for whatever reason, has decided that having regular conversations with you is no longer something they have the time for or want. That is the reality of the present day situation with or without being triggered. One step further. You have the person who texts you and clearly states they want to do something in the coming week. You text them back, with a couple of days and times that will work for you. No response. Again the person initiated the conversation with an invitation to do something. You promptly respond, followed by silence. So it is difficult sometimes not to feel as if there is some level of abandonment. Given enough of it in the present moment can transport you to previous times when something similar has happened. Although different, the pattern seems to continue. Perhaps it is me. I am in counseling and my counselor has not detected some issue that I am not seeing. It might be a simple as finding other folks who are more available. Constructive comments always welcome.
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How many of you feel a lil triggered by watching Nicole? hahahha there's a little temptation of being distracted while listening and I don't understand exactly why but might be because all she is saying it's much very true and hurts. Like it touches the wounds and I actually need to breath while listening her and remembering my own stuff. What a nice feeling of the selfhealing! Love this so much.
Cristhiam López Arcia I do too ❤️ My perception is that doing these videos might be triggering to her and I can feel the nervous energy, and so I notice myself getting nervous too. But I totally regognize this level of nervousness, it happened to me every time I opened my mouth during my yoga teacher training and later on I realized it was because I was not feeling safe in that space and went into full on trauma mode. Maybe Nicole too is trying to overcome the fear of being seen? ❤️
I would say, therapy? If there’s dissociation it means there’s trauma. You need to reintegrate that trauma to heal. That’s what I read about dissociative disorders. It might be difficult to face the past wounds alone so I think it would be better to go on therapy 🤔
New to this stuff after realising my anxiety was a problem my whole life and “normal” people don’t feel the way I do. Had some traumatic experiences that lasted for years and I’ve carried the toxic effects for long enough. Thanks for the content you are a godsend and I’m sure there are more like me that owe you plenty for getting us through the dark times. Have a great Xmas and all the best from Australia. 😊
Thank you for this. My husband of nearly 26 years full filled for divorce and sent me a text yesterday morning telling me the papers were waiting for me. Set of abandon issues from my past and I hit triggered. Ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. Thru diagnosed severe anxiety attack and broken heart syndrome . I'll use your lessons to help control my response in the future
I watched a video about the power of allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and our pain. it is said to heal pain, and calm emotion almost instantly. I practiced a few times and it worked so I am already used to self acceptance. but I didn't know the first 2 steps, so I'll test it. thanks! (for people who begin, it feels counter-intuitive at first, you have to push through your temptation to walk away from your emotions, because this is so intense you feel like you're going to explode if you get too close to them. but the truth is, it will go very high for a few seconds, and then it will crash down. really, it's a crash. and you'll be almost normal after just 1 or 2 minutes. it's really a matter of seconds. push through, feel your anger, your fear or your guilt and accept your are feeling it, be brave! be yourself.)
Sooo helpful! Last week I was triggered when my bf wouldn’t reply fast enough. When he took hours to reply. My story was that he forgot about me.... so now I see that, that was my ego talking.... Super helpful!! I get triggered multiple times a day!
Thank you for this video, which I know was made a few years back. After a lot of searching I was aware that my codependent 'ego' was driving this bus but I needed something to reign it in. Being injured by a rude, inconsiderate person, doesn't even make sense as their point of view etc really doesn't mean much, except to a codependent who has lived with this 8 decades. You addressed the issue in your video, which is 'the Ego.' I can get into the breath etc, however I found I still reacted first because I've over polite and respond, which is a big NO NO with this person, so I bring a small gray stone in my pocket when in his company and hold it, to reminds me to 'know whose company I am with' and NEVER forget for one instance, which then frees me to be myself with my dear friend and others without a blip. From you I learned 'whatever works to get me to that 'breath' and it does. My deepest thanks.
Two seconds in... I liked you respectfully. I've just recently have learned to take responsibility and not take it out on my partner or whomever it's applicable.. Literally yesterday I came to the understanding of" personaltriggers". Thank you so much for investing your time to us in need. Have some work to do indeed but thank you for your page.
Any advice for communicating needs and desires? If something IS a major trigger due to past wounding, what are healthy ways to communicate without the other feeling like it’s coming from a place of trying to control their behaviour? Looking at my past, I can see I’ve had a habit of invalidating my own needs and desires and suppressing my emotions because I felt I didn’t have a right to ask for them to be met, heard, that they were “bad”or selfish, or having poor boundaries in relationships etc...which leaves a feeling of powerlessness and also a tendency to be a doormat which I can see from personal experience can lead to resentment toward the person/s but many time’s I feel it could have been dealt with by being able to communicate clearly without invalidating my own feelings in the process 🤷♀️
Excellent! Very practical and straight to the point. Autonomous responses are learned and deeply engrained. To weaken them, we need our responses to be autonomous and engrained. Breathing, observing, and acceptance must be practiced to be available when we need them! Thanks
Heck yes this was helpfu! I’m being triggered now. I’m not sure why or from what? Just don’t want to work at the moment but I have to. The work is annoying me but deeply… like upsetting… and I’m trying to breathe…. Accept that my ego is trying to protect me…. And also reminding myself the work isn’t doing this to me it just work… and working through it! You’re so great! Thank you. Will spread this channel with people!😊
I tried to do this when I was triggered but then another thought took over.....what if my ego is weaving the correct story? What if the abandonment narrative is true?
Exactly, I felt and think the same. My ambition is not to ignore that "warning feeling" but not be controled by it. To be able to express myself and act with dignity instead of feeling like am I going to pass out, cry, Run or yell.
I know that feeling. My suggestion is to note that belief, and tell yourself you will come back to it later. Then, after the immediate feelings of panic / anxiety etc have passed and you're feeling calm again, reconsider the belief and decide whether you need to do anything about it. :)
@Asfana Islam When I reach a narrative that is negative as you stated...I then question the belief itself and ask for proof...and let’s say at the time I do see things that prove I was ‘abandoned’ I then go a step further and ask :ok so what can I do about it now?...while breathing to space out my thoughts, I ask how am I going to choose to effectively deal with this?...remind myself I am safe and I am an adult that has been taking care of my self all this time...basically I find ways to self sooth and make things ok within my own self...not sure if this is the correct method but it helps me and hope it clarify things for you too.
Thanks for these videos. What I want to learn is how to use the knowledge found in this work and still be able to relate to others. I get that facing what the trigger is alerting me to but how do I keep the ego at bay enough to not feel ashamed or withdrawn?
I believe the next step is accepting. Accepting that it is okay for you to feel that way, because it is a journey as the Doctor asserts. Be loving to yourself. Just to be here thinking how to improve is already your step ahead. Good luck!
Can a 60 yr old recover from childhood abandonment and childhood physical & emotional abuse? A person who self medicated with alcohol for most of their life, but got sobre and now has to deal with the constant memories and the nightmares.
triggers are opportunity for growth when someone says something or does something that make us feel a certain way it not there fault there doing what there meant to be doing being the activator the trigger what we should be doing is not attacking them verbally but thanking them for showing us what we need to work on within are self
Discovered even vaguely recounting the past, thinking that is safe, still triggers tears, even if I’m feeling confident to be able to mention things. I’ve just realised when that happens... I hold my breath and tell myself not to break down like this, it’s embarrassing! Thank you for your tips... here I go. Next time I’ll breathe, and acknowledge myself with some statement, rather than “sorry”, but perhaps “here it is”... loving theses practices. Forever grateful, love Lili ❤️🌞🤸♀️🕊🌻
Girl, are you reading my mind?! Are you outside of my house? I’m just watching video after video and I’m like...either I found a dope UA-camr or a stalker cause how does she know?! Literally back to back videos of what I need to hear, who I am right now and more. It’s crazy. Love it tho.
It is almost impossible for human beings to switch off reactive anger at the heat of the moment. All the books and podcasts and lectures in the world cannot fathom how the brain works.
Thank you so much. It would be nice if the video comes with subtitles, I'd like to share it with people I know, who need to see this too but don't speak English...I'm from Italy and I'm so grateful for your work and for sharing these precious "shortcuts to healing". Much Love!
It's absolutely true that most of the time, the other person is not really abandoning us. Our ego is assuming that but it's not true. But what would you advise when it's actually true? Radical acceptance? Sometimes our instincts are right. We might even be being gaslit about it, which makes the whole abandonment trigger worse because it confirms our fear.
#selfhealers, I hope this is helpful. Remember, our triggers are teachers. Our work is just to see them that way. -Nicole
🎀wonderful🎀
Thank you 🙏 very much.
*triggers are teachers* ..............100% meant to be teachers
Merch idea lol but seriously, I'm going to write that down everyday💡
Thank you so much! Since Christmas I’ve felt shut-down, just numbed out and blank. This month has been just so over-the-top stressful and capped off by trigger after trigger on Christmas Day. I am a Christian and pray and worship every morning, and I’ve felt so disconnected from Jesus for the last 3 weeks, just unable to really get going in either of these things. This video has opened my eyes-you are certainly gifted, I see now that I’ve been ruminating in many anxious thoughts that have effectively put a wall up around my heart-a very old habit that I conquered before with the help of scripture and His Holy Spirit. I feel absolutely blessed by hearing from you today!!❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this! You have helped me immensely. My prayers were answered. 💓💕
It’s so easy to forget all this when the trigger comes. Need a panic button that automatically plays this video! X
I feel you :) there´s a video of Eckhart Tolle about this topic where he suggests to cultivate and invite presence (when you are in nature for example) into your life in ordinary situations, so it can be there in challenging situations. When you are in the present moment and focus on breathing it is maybe less devastating and overextending...I´m working on that and hope I´ll remember it when the next trigger is coming...best regards :)
Yes!!
My panic button is immediately detach myself (maybe my ego) from the situation and act like im in a bird’s eye view..looking down at the scenario. Then breathe, be silent, think, thennn finally react with as little words as possible.
@@Peresphonethis sounds healthy actually
I totally understand. Being codependent I react before I even process. I found a little gray stone which I call my 'gray rock' and carry it to remind me I'm in charge. Coda's are super empaths so not easy to go with the flow when ego feels attacked. Not proud of reacting but definitely happy I am an empath, I just needed to learn how to navigate unnecessary requests/comments that 'tug' and process each one as they happen. Good luck
If your mind is a garden, and your thoughts are seeds, you can either grow flowers or grow weeds
A poem!
Gurudra - Emotional Health & Peace ✅
WOW.....
And yet a weed is in the eye of the beholder. 😉
Crazy I just saw this saying this morning on Facebook now here! I love it!
This is wonderful. Im 50 and 2yrs ago I went to the police and ended up in court with a deviant who sexually abused me as a 8/9yr old. I kept all that in for 48yrs. It was horrendous. But one of the most important things I learnt then to help me through court, was the breathing. I have learnt your other 2 points since then. I love watching your videos. They are soothing in themselves, just listening to you....thank you. Ps..... he got 20yrs in prison!
You're strong sister !! I wish all your dreams come true !
Good for you for finding your voice! 🙌❤
Wow, this is amazing! Way to be the hero of your own story! 🙏🏼
Wow! So much respect and admiration for you, such a strong woman. Wishing you a wonderful life ahead
@@sandrasim1 thank you lovely. Its been horrendous, but im starting to live my life properly now. If anybody ever needs any support or advice from me regarding child sexual abuse and healing, im always available to help xx
What bugs me is other people who weren’t traumatized in childhood and had great parents don’t have a clue why I am emotional in the first place and don’t understand how far I have come on my journey to wholeness ❤
Better idea when triggered is to find a way to release the energy in the quickest way ie through exercise.. breathing is great but if you're highly traumatized, let's be real, you're not about to sit and breathe when you're enraged. So my suggestion would be go for a walk, run, anything that allows you to release the tension and cope with the discomfort of emotions without allowing it to overcome you... just a suggestion because as a therapist, a lot of my clients say they are way too stimulated to sit and breathe when triggered because of the intensity of emotions. Also don't underestimate how long you can stay triggered... I have had to sit for HOURS at times when triggered before my system calms down. So be patient with yourself, sometimes it takes a while for the emotions to pass through. Thank you for the video ❤️🙌
Also valid thanks
Thx but at work I can't suddenly go for a walk. What could help me at work?
@@Sanjas.83go in your car and take a drive in your break
@@Sanjas.83for me, I work in a gas station so I run into CRAZY a-holes especially as a girl, I take about a ten minute bathroom break, and I kid you not, i do pushups. Like it releases that anxious energy. Or do jumping jacks. Your body is “reacting” and sending you into fight or flight, sometimes breathing doesn’t work. Dispel the energy.
Valid. If I'm practically hysterical at work, breathing isn't going to do shit for me. Getting up and leaving the situation helps, but that often leads to more problems. Trying to advocate for myself git me labeled insubordinate. Screamed that at me actually. Twice. I really wish employers would recognize that some people struggle so much, you really need to give them far more time and patience than is considered OK. I worked in healthcare through a pandemic. I'm not ok. I wasn't ok before. My employer blamed anyone who wasn't ok, and promptly came up with a plan to get rid of them, while making it appear like the employees fault. There's little you can do when you aee that coming.
First of all, you never understand you’re being triggered, unless you know what those triggers are … my life has been so full of horrible things from being raped at 11 years old to having two alcoholic parents beat the crap out of each other every day until I was 12 and they finally divorced. Nothing in my life was easy there are triggers everywhere, so I just get through my life the best I can, and never worry about triggers I don’t worry about people I don’t worry about any of the bull crap that all these therapists tell you to worry about, I push through and I’m fine and please don’t tell me I’m not fine cause you don’t know me. I am a strong, independent, observant, well versed, non-irrational human being that knows how to deal with everything that has ever been thrown at me without therapy. I’m not an angry person, I used to be yes, but I learned how to deal with my losses my anger and my hurt life is never easy. It will never be easy for anyone whether they’ve been traumatized and abused or not it’s still is life and life is messy. Life is hard life is random there’s never easy you can’t have a good without bad you can’t have a happy without sad and you can’t have right without wrong it’s just life, it’s never going to be perfect no matter what it is no matter how much money you have no matter how much support you have no matter how much good there is there’s gonna be bad and if the bad didn’t happen, you wouldn’t know what the good was just deal with it and know that tomorrow’s another day and you’re gonna come out the other side, stronger and better for having lived through it
I was in the middle of a trigger when I found this and worked myself out of a potential spiral. Thank you.
Me too 🙋🏽♀️
Learning how to control my reactions has been one of the BEST skills I've learned.
Thank you for this video.
Me too.
same here I'm triggered so fast. Now i have to tell myself 'don't respond' whenever a thought arises!
@@bottlefly5124 This is me too, I think these 3 steps will help me though.
This is what I have to work on also.
@@kobalt77 It takes time. You really have to be intentional and wait a 1/2 second before responding! It's like a muscle... just keep working at it.
Wish I had seen this 2 hours ago. Massively triggered, behaved very regressively then felt massive guilt from self and others ("confused or critical" exactly as you say).
I had the same problem this morning... I was triggered from an interaction with someone else and let it take over my mood, ended up snapping at my kids. Now that I've got some space to calm down and clear my head I know I can move forward with love and compassion the rest of the day. Whereas before I would've let it ruin my entire weekend. Not 100% the outcome I would've liked, but that's still huge progress for me.
I had a similar thing happen. Being able to show ourselves compassion is so difficult but so important 😩
You are not alone!
My reaction is make negative UA-cam comments. Cuz a lot of times what can trigger me is the stuff I see in the video. That being said I usallly get told if I feel this way keep scrolling. Like honestly I feel like most humans have this magical power to just not be triggered.
Thank you from all of us still suffering from past wounds. So refreshing to be validated instead of being critised.
An hour ago I had an argument with my family. My mother came home from a fam gathering, she said I should've gone, everyone was there. I told her how when we were kids she wouldn't let us go to these gatherings/functions and now when we don't wanna go you force us to go. She was like wow I don't even remember stop talking about the past, everyone sided with her, told me not talk like this to mother. I'm still crying, somehow can't bring myself to stop. When my siblings have a problem my mother listens to them though her help to them looks like denying their experiences lovingly but when I say something she just outright shuts me down like I'm not supposed to have difficult feelings and hold up myself all the time. This hurts a lot. I've completely turned towards myself for space, support, love. I'm so grateful to contents like that and the healing community, it's much easier now. Idk where I'd have ended up without, I'm tuning in. I'm sorry for the long rant. I feel much better now
I tell my family how it is despite how many are against me. Fuck them. My feelings are valid & so are yours.
I’ve learned that someone makes negative comments containing the word “you,” it usually has nothing whatsoever to do with me, and may be an attack on their part where they are actually purposely trying to trigger me. Once you get that, the trigger goes away, and you are like, yeah, uh huh, I should have gone. Watch for these objectively and turn it into a game. You should have done this, you look tired, you were really emotional, etc.
Yes indeed Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe.....we are more than enough
Same for me. Honestly, they always be saying how disrespectful it is to tAlK tO eLdeRlYs lIke ThaT but Idc I want the same amount of respect back as I am giving. I didn't choose to be younger than them and I can't change it, but I somehow seem to be able to use my brain better than those who have "been living 20 years longer on this earth" than I have.
Just disown her.
My triggers make me feel like such a terrible person like I've been thru so much sexual abuse, neglect growing up and mental emotional abuse growing up , homelessness and domestic violence and now I'm with this wonderful man and I feel like I can't even function in a healthy relationship 😢 I've done counseling and the Lord has healed me so much but I'm grateful to have come across this channel as it reminds me that no matter how far I get in life I still have gone thru what I have and these moments don't make me a bad person but is result of a heavy life...thanks so much
Thank you for this! I'm an abandoned daughter here. I am currently dealing with triggers and each time I get triggered, I tell myself that it's wrong to feel that way.
I learned that I must honor my emotions as a normal part of life.
More power to you!
Great information.
•Identify our emotional triggers and how they pop up.
• When triggers happen, calmly acknowledge and replace with a positive reaction.
this is the first vid that popped up when i search 'what to do when im triggered' and i got excited because ive been following the holistic psychologist on IG for a while and didnt know she had a channel!! i was EXTREMELY triggered but this helped me sooo much thank you!
😂 the word “Ego” triggered me. I’m an only child & so I’ve heard the word egocentric easily thrown about in a presumptuous prejudice off the cusp way so many times in my life and I’ve had to self heal from many who tried to devalue my worth. Then I learned that sometimes people are just hurting so they’re hurtful. I stopped taking these things personally & internalizing it but I guess it was thanks to my strong “ego” as you call it, that protected me. Now my ego is out of wack from prior to learning this & all the years of internalizing so I’ve become defensive. I’ve always thought ego was a bad thing and never heard this term used this way but now I’m understanding that it can be both like a double edged sword. Thanks for sharing this wisdom.
I have to say a few things and trust me, they are all good.
Thank you, first and foremost. You changed my life!!! Your book, the way you explain things and presented them were so clear. The awareness I gained so early on in the book blew my mind! The ego. My entire perspective of old and new beliefs has changed.
What I really wanted to say is this:
This just proved to me it was that it had an immediate impact on my life. I just watched this video and I cried. I cried because I realized “I am practicing” (self journal) the steps you laid out here.
I cannot thank you enough. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Warms my heart, Thank you!
Go you 👍
Something I learned that helped me on breathing is the explanation of, when we are triggered, our mind and body goes into fight or flight mode. Then our breathing changes to short quick breaths. The heart beats faster in response to the faster, shallow breaths. So by changing the breaths to long slow breaths it slows the heart rate and calms the nervous system down.
Dr. Nicole, you made such a great point in this video. For so long I've tried only to tame the wild horse that is my emotions (ESPECIALLY when triggered). I may have an inkling of an idea as to why I haven't been as successful as I have hoped. Though I am improving at recognizing when I am experiencing an emotional trigger, much of my self talk is largely negative: "You SHOULDN'T feel this way. This ISN'T appropriate". When really, in parallel to your video this week, I should be saying "You're allowed to feel this way, but you don't have to let it influence how you decide to react". Zooming out and looking at past trauma/pain has helped me find some legitimacy to my triggers without doing this all or nothing dance of either thinking that my feelings are valid and therefore I'm going to act this way or my feelings aren't supposed to be here and therefore I'm going to try and push them away and act in a way that is "rational".
I also wanted to add that while future self journalling the other day I had a realization that part of my pattern shift I am working on (emotional reactivity, heh, stole your example) involves not being emotionally reactive TO MYSELF. Sometimes I get so upset with myself about getting emotionally reactive with other people that I create another emotional reaction but I never counted it before because all of it was internal. You've helped me turn a long needed eye to my inner child. Thank you again for all that you do. I look forward to your videos every week!
I’m exactly the same 🙈❤️
Wow yes. I’ve observed in myself this same pattern...it’s like the image of the snake eating itself...if I’m feeling a negative reactive emotion then feeling bad about that which in turn makes me feel WORSE and it’s goes on and on ☠️
Being the observer is SO POwERfUL !!! Being our own best friend ❤❤❤❤❤
Changing the narrative and witnessing the ego as an observer 👌👌
I had a narrative of being unloved. I just meditated for 5 minutes and began changing the narrative. I can literally feel the release in my physical and emotional body. It’s like a giant weight has been lifted off my chest. Thank you so much. 🙏
I felt that release you just described when I cried in front of a really old friend just the other day. It felt like I list 60 lbs of stress that morning.
Love your videos so much. I'm originally a Creative Writing major but started taking psych classes because I was really interested in the mind and why we do the things we do, and I've come to realize just how spirituality and psychology really supplement one another. Your channel is a testament to that as well. Thank you for your content :)
Perfect timing, going to see my parents and brother and always triggering when we all gather for Christmas! Happy Holidays and thank you!
Thank you so much for this video. After finally reporting an assault I’m experiencing something like “flash rages” when triggered, which is personally very uncharacteristic. Your advice is so helpful, I can’t even begin to tell you. I am so grateful I found you and all of your information and I’m now hopeful for healing.
I was triggered today, i felt it like a shock through my body, i new at that moment i was triggered, by past experience, i had to work through it. I new nothing in this moment was hurting me but my thoughts. Its not always easy not to let these triggers control the moods and emotions of my day, which made me look this up. It was very helpful, Thankyou!! i'll be looking for more content ;) I just have to figure out why it bothered me so....
Really helpful. The only part I struggle with is to understand what an ego is. Such an abstract concept with so many definitions.
it can be used in different ways. But your self-image or self-concept is not You - yet it is obviously something evaluative representing You - the living You.
We also make an image of others that is not who they are.
The confusion is in a way like being phished, or retriggered into strategies of coping with loss of peace, trust, felt connection of joy or relationship that are old scripts or conditioned behaviours that we learned to survive social realities, but don't serve now and are not what is actually happening now.
The willingness to look at or on the ego with curiosity, undoes or fades the urge to defend, mask, pretend or justify ourself.
Not knowing can be more helpful that believing we already know ;-)
The desire to truly know stirs a self-honesty.
But learning to present a 'better mask' of savvy can bury it.
Living relationship with ourself and others can also open intimacies where fears are triggered.
I see looking within at the same time as looking out as being conscious or present in an active appreciation.
Our 'observer' grows our capacity to abide through judgement resistance or reflections (self or other) to share in the qualities of being uniquely this moment, situation or relationship.
You are so kind to share your knowledge and personal stories in such an accessible and inclusive manor, taking your time to help others is truly one of the best gifts given by someone. You have, and are helping me daily. Thank you. A genuine offering like this where people have free access to heal and therefore heal others around them. you are seen. Keep up the fantastic work cant wait to read your book, your hard and consistent work is a credit to you. x
I appreciate your video. I have abandonment issues & this video made me cry & cry. It's the truth, and that's why it hurts. I lost a good man because I never dealt with my issues
No he wasn't the man for you, if he was he would still be beside you!
I don't normally comment but I just wanted to say thank you so much, I was spiralling and this video really helped to calm myself down and start to see things in a different light. Thank you so much for making these resources available.
breathing is so important. the first step. I know for me, I forget to breathe when I'm triggered.
Thank you for this! I have been suffering from relationship anxiety for the last 17 years. Half my life. As someone who has been loved by everything one of my partners I always ended up ruining everything by causing conflict from feeling triggered. I’m tired of it and I just want to life a life of love and being loved.
This is one of your most powerful videos, I saved it! Every one of these steps is hugely helpful. Another tool I use and have started doing again is self talk, just having an out loud conversation with myself definitely helps me calm down and brings me back into my body and not in my past. Healing myself with your tools is really changing everything for me. Unraveling 40 yrs of trauma, dysfunction and instability takes time but with your help I am pushing forward. Great advice, thank you Dr. Nicole ❤
At work many things can make me feel not enough. I am realizing this more and really feeling that anxiety. This video is an answer to prayer.
I'm glad I found this today. I am working on triggers, and Nicole makes it very understandable. I feel healing in just listening to it. Bravo to this talented lady!
I’ve come back to this video so many times, whenever I’m having an anxiety attack and triggered by something. And it has helped me so many times. Thank you ❤
For me, this truly is one of the most important videos you ever did. This is super helpful. Thank you sooooo much💕.
LOL
Because you needed it in this season
In the example you give I experienced that my “instincts were scream at me endlessly forcing me to see the cheating” my spouse used gaslighting and emotional abuse to create serious self worth issues. This is an example of what I’m
Concerned about loosing as I heal and spend more time in control consciousness
Thank you
It helped me to put a 5 minute timer as soon as i wake up in the morning to do breathing. 4 seconds inhale, 8 seconds exhale. Repeat. Do it for a full minutes. If thoughts are coming, welcome them dont try to push them away. But keep bringing attention back to the breath count. I find that this breathing practice helps me stay non reactive in triggering situations.
This is the best explanations I’ve heard about identifying and dealing with an emotionally triggered feeling and/or response. Non clinical real time application to be used when triggered.
You were so helpful to me today. Thank you for your work, it has been so healing. ✨🙏🌱
Thank you for saying to not to wait until you are triggered to practice belly breathing, and that I will forget!!! That is exactly what happens to me, It is too late and then I am 100% triggered. If I predict this is a situation that MIGHT trigger me, I can already start the breath technique.
I know for me the physiological is a big one because I go from 0 to 100 in tenths of a second, and I am working on it. You are right about the past trauma too, and you could say I am trying to sort that out too.
Dr. Nicole you are (almost) psychic!!! My future-self journaling is about being less triggered among my family, especially my own child (who needs me constantly). I tried a version of this "stop-drop-breathe" it worked to a certain extent, then usually when I'm really tired (at the end of the day, and partner usually come home late) I just lost it --> this is when I regret it the most. I hope to incorporate your suggestions here to do better next time. Thank you!
Me
I am in a similar situation. Have you found anything that worked for you? I find that breathing technique works during the days when I am in "Mom mode", but find that those evenings can become quite heavy and at times terrifying after the kids fall asleep. I wonder if there is a specific type of journaling technique or something that I could use during this time.
When a co-worker set a trap recently I wished I knew about belly breathing because my heart was racing and I felt dizzy while I watched it happen. I snapped afterwards which is exactly what she had planned. 😔
Thank you!! This was much needed. I’m looking forward to practicing this. I’m ready to alter my experiences. My past is sometimes so prominent. I love that even while acknowledging the discomfort, I would still accept myself.
We are a common denominator in every situation in our lives. Overwhelming at first and it can eventually become empowering.
Great. Thank-you. On the 24th day of journaling today and my aim is not to react with violence (to what triggers me). After opening the Christmas presents I got that feeling of "never getting what I wanted, nobody gives /knows what I want" (self-pity?! whatever the name is it has been with me since ever) but I didn't react ... I nearly did but I chosed to love the people around me and kiss them good night and after feeling the pain , a feeling of self-love of being enough to fulfil my needs came.!!!It's happening so grateful to your techniques !!!! love and Light
This is Gold Dr Nicole, I love that it is only 3 steps, so that is do--able in just about every situation. And, although seemingly simple, these 3 steps pretty much cover every process involved in stress and anxiety. I,m going to make a conscious effort to do this all day. My problem is, I can be totally "Zen" like on my own LOL, but as soon as I engage with another person, I instantly get drawn into either their energy or me wanting to either "help" them or to always " be right, and Know Better" than them. At least I have become aware of this the past few years, but it is an instant "automated" response from my ego. It is a habit that I will break, and even the first step of watching my breath will be a huge shift for me.
How are you doing now, a year later?
@@sachaglazer7048 Amazing ! Life still has it's ups and downs, but I cope so much better, and stuff shifts quicker. Best wishes to you.
Wonderful insightful information… at age 62 I’ve had a life long Fight V Flight surrounded me l.unfortunately it’s left scars that have only started to heal through the passing of the controllers and judgements /narcs .. and the one final remaining trigger folk I’ve decided to walk away from ..I don’t need to spend the rest of my life ‘trying’ to fight ( or breathe my way out of these ‘types’) these manipulative bullies. The breathing for my soul is wonderful… the more I surround good kind people around me …and choose to leave behind the toxins , the calmer and sweeter my life will be 😇😇. Thank you for this ❤️
I’ve followed you for a few years on Instagram, but just came across your channel here. I really needed this lesson today, thank you!!
Just learning what an emotional trigger is was a huge step towards self-acceptance for me. "OH, I'm not actually a horrible person who refuses to take constructive criticism! I'm feeling past pain right now."
I'm just after getting triggered and searched for this. I felt so fearful in that moment and if I didn't notice it I probably would've went back to unhealthy coping mechanisms later on (mindless scrolling, binge eating or drinking) Did some slow, deep breathing. I'm about to do some stretches out in the garden. Gradually becoming aware and learning to emotionally regulate and not let the emotions get stuck. I'm halfway through HTDTW. Think ti's time to pick it up again.. Thank you x
Thank you. this message helps me cope with my emotions when I remember the pain in the past.
Perfect timing!! Thank you! A little late for my triggers this weekend but practicing for next time .
Outstanding Presentation and When "dealing" with triggered stress, I learned/experienced that breathing and taking a walk worked wonders across the board.
😮 OMG! This happened to me last week over a minor mistake that I made and I was so triggered and overreacting internally. This is so helpful. Belly breathing takes practice. Good advice. ❤
This is absolutely brilliant. I could even relate to the abandonment issues being triggered and then i am right in the Ego observing and making a negative narrative. Thank you
Nicole, it feels almost safer to be in this triggered state. I feel like it’s getting closer to a release when I go into this defense mechanism, but getting out of it is tricky because it’s a fine line when I am done being sad and can make conscious choices to shift my mood or physiology
So true. Recently, I had a mini nervous breakdown due to a financial problem. I called one of my best friends and she helped me off the ledge by making me breathe as you recommend. The next day I handily took care of what originally felt like the end of the world, but though I am a steady, high energy person, I was completely exhausted the next day, which was scary. I was born into a family financial disaster that was resolved fairly quickly but lingered in our lives for years, psychologically. I was also abused by my mother for years over it, when it had nothing to do with me. In other words, I was her scapegoat around finances. No wonder I go overboard, panicking at even do-able money problems. I’m acting out my mother’s trauma that she passed on to me. Daily meditation, prayer, observing, self-love affirmations and yes breathing exercising -as well as Pilates sessions a few times a week have really brought me into a kinder, more self-healing anxiety-relieving place. I also do a lot of self-soothing, hugging myself, talking to myself like I’m my own best mother, reassuring myself that I’m safe. Thanks for this. Very helpful! ❤❤😊😊
While trying to work on the last energetic tie to my covert narc ex, I would get triggered A LOT! Now, when thoughts of him creep back in, I literally have a conversation with my ego that goes something like this:
"Hey ego, knock it off! We didn't do all this soul healing work just so you could sabotage it. Remember, you are a divine being worth more than what he ever gave. Now shut up and sit down!" 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you for making this so simple to follow and understand. I am grateful to have found you!
you are truly a light in the dark! thank you very much! it really tires me been vigilant of my ego all the time ....how can I handle it better....thank you so much! :D
I get trigger when I’m on the job as a auto technician and the way they make things just sets me off. The stupidity of how they make it so hard to get things apart is a trigger I’ve had for a long time! I said to my self today that I come here and the stupidity of these engineers is unreal and it gets worse by the year. I’m gonna try your technique. Some of y’all might say get a different job. I agree. I just want to fix the response to the triggers. Thanks for the video.
Another tradesman here, welder and now a crane operator apprentice at 50, and I can relate to this,
It’s a great place,
But when circumstances like you mentioned occur , I’m emotionally unregulated and i struggle to talk calmly and respectfully,
and I say to myself,to not talk back to authority as I know it
has bit me in the arse in the past,
and then I ruminate about that the current one , and past scenarios of how I could’ve handled them better along with better boundaries.
(More aware of patterns)
I don’t blow up anymore, as I know what happens , although ,
the anger is inside and people can sense it and withdrawal,
then the shame inside spirals, and the inner voice is very critical. ( I should be able to handle that better)
I have a hard time not showing this non verbally, “one getting over it”
some people say get a different job, but I know if I don’t heal what’s inside, it follows a person everywhere they go.
Thank you so much for all your amazing videos and Insta posts. They are so helpful and comforting to so many people. Hope you have a really nice Christmas and New Years.
At 4:40. I really like this point that is being brought up. I believe when someone used to text you on a regular basis, but then the rate falls off to almost nothing, then something indeed has happened. I don’t know if I would call it abandonment per se but it is a trigger for past events or patterns of abandonment. Either way, the person, for whatever reason, has decided that having regular conversations with you is no longer something they have the time for or want. That is the reality of the present day situation with or without being triggered.
One step further. You have the person who texts you and clearly states they want to do something in the coming week. You text them back, with a couple of days and times that will work for you. No response. Again the person initiated the conversation with an invitation to do something. You promptly respond, followed by silence. So it is difficult sometimes not to feel as if there is some level of abandonment. Given enough of it in the present moment can transport you to previous times when something similar has happened. Although different, the pattern seems to continue. Perhaps it is me. I am in counseling and my counselor has not detected some issue that I am not seeing. It might be a simple as finding other folks who are more available. Constructive comments always welcome.
How many of you feel a lil triggered by watching Nicole? hahahha there's a little temptation of being distracted while listening and I don't understand exactly why but might be because all she is saying it's much very true and hurts. Like it touches the wounds and I actually need to breath while listening her and remembering my own stuff.
What a nice feeling of the selfhealing! Love this so much.
Cristhiam López Arcia I do too ❤️ My perception is that doing these videos might be triggering to her and I can feel the nervous energy, and so I notice myself getting nervous too. But I totally regognize this level of nervousness, it happened to me every time I opened my mouth during my yoga teacher training and later on I realized it was because I was not feeling safe in that space and went into full on trauma mode. Maybe Nicole too is trying to overcome the fear of being seen? ❤️
I appreciate having things written down so simply
just seeing and hearing you heal me so thank you sooo much 💕💕💕💕💕💕
Thank you. You explain a lot in easy to understand concepts. I'm sure I will go back to this video
Thank you for the video! Could you make one on how to heal dissociation pls ?
Yes! 😼
I would say, therapy? If there’s dissociation it means there’s trauma. You need to reintegrate that trauma to heal. That’s what I read about dissociative disorders. It might be difficult to face the past wounds alone so I think it would be better to go on therapy 🤔
Yes please!!!
I second this!!
Thank you so much, I have something I can come listen to now when I feel like I'm losing control, I appreciate you.
New to this stuff after realising my anxiety was a problem my whole life and “normal” people don’t feel the way I do. Had some traumatic experiences that lasted for years and I’ve carried the toxic effects for long enough. Thanks for the content you are a godsend and I’m sure there are more like me that owe you plenty for getting us through the dark times.
Have a great Xmas and all the best from Australia. 😊
Thank you for this. My husband of nearly 26 years full filled for divorce and sent me a text yesterday morning telling me the papers were waiting for me. Set of abandon issues from my past and I hit triggered. Ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. Thru diagnosed severe anxiety attack and broken heart syndrome . I'll use your lessons to help control my response in the future
❤️✨🍀🙏🏻❤️
This was beautifully explained. Thank you. ❤
I watched a video about the power of allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and our pain. it is said to heal pain, and calm emotion almost instantly. I practiced a few times and it worked so I am already used to self acceptance.
but I didn't know the first 2 steps, so I'll test it. thanks!
(for people who begin, it feels counter-intuitive at first, you have to push through your temptation to walk away from your emotions, because this is so intense you feel like you're going to explode if you get too close to them. but the truth is, it will go very high for a few seconds, and then it will crash down. really, it's a crash. and you'll be almost normal after just 1 or 2 minutes. it's really a matter of seconds. push through, feel your anger, your fear or your guilt and accept your are feeling it, be brave! be yourself.)
Sooo helpful! Last week I was triggered when my bf wouldn’t reply fast enough. When he took hours to reply. My story was that he forgot about me.... so now I see that, that was my ego talking....
Super helpful!! I get triggered multiple times a day!
Thank you for this video, which I know was made a few years back. After a lot of searching I was aware that my codependent 'ego' was driving this bus but I needed something to reign it in. Being injured by a rude, inconsiderate person, doesn't even make sense as their point of view etc really doesn't mean much, except to a codependent who has lived with this 8 decades. You addressed the issue in your video, which is 'the Ego.' I can get into the breath etc, however I found I still reacted first because I've over polite and respond, which is a big NO NO with this person, so I bring a small gray stone in my pocket when in his company and hold it, to reminds me to 'know whose company I am with' and NEVER forget for one instance, which then frees me to be myself with my dear friend and others without a blip. From you I learned 'whatever works to get me to that 'breath' and it does. My deepest thanks.
Hi can you do one of these videos for when you ARE being abandoned or invalidated (i.e. ghosted, gaslighted, etc)
Thanks a ton! This video saved me from getting carried away with my triggered emotions. 🙂 Feeling much better!!
Always grateful for your weekly videos, notifications are on 😉
Two seconds in... I liked you respectfully. I've just recently have learned to take responsibility and not take it out on my partner or whomever it's applicable.. Literally yesterday I came to the understanding of" personaltriggers". Thank you so much for investing your time to us in need. Have some work to do indeed but thank you for your page.
Any advice for communicating needs and desires? If something IS a major trigger due to past wounding, what are healthy ways to communicate without the other feeling like it’s coming from a place of trying to control their behaviour? Looking at my past, I can see I’ve had a habit of invalidating my own needs and desires and suppressing my emotions because I felt I didn’t have a right to ask for them to be met, heard, that they were “bad”or selfish, or having poor boundaries in relationships etc...which leaves a feeling of powerlessness and also a tendency to be a doormat which I can see from personal experience can lead to resentment toward the person/s but many time’s I feel it could have been dealt with by being able to communicate clearly without invalidating my own feelings in the process 🤷♀️
Excellent! Very practical and straight to the point. Autonomous responses are learned and deeply engrained. To weaken them, we need our responses to be autonomous and engrained. Breathing, observing, and acceptance must be practiced to be available when we need them! Thanks
“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you ever be polished?”
I think it is acceptable to be irritated but being polished is pausing and not immediately acting on the irritation.
Heck yes this was helpfu! I’m being triggered now. I’m not sure why or from what? Just don’t want to work at the moment but I have to. The work is annoying me but deeply… like upsetting… and I’m trying to breathe…. Accept that my ego is trying to protect me…. And also reminding myself the work isn’t doing this to me it just work… and working through it! You’re so great! Thank you. Will spread this channel with people!😊
I tried to do this when I was triggered but then another thought took over.....what if my ego is weaving the correct story? What if the abandonment narrative is true?
Exactly, I felt and think the same. My ambition is not to ignore that "warning feeling" but not be controled by it. To be able to express myself and act with dignity instead of feeling like am I going to pass out, cry, Run or yell.
I know that feeling. My suggestion is to note that belief, and tell yourself you will come back to it later. Then, after the immediate feelings of panic / anxiety etc have passed and you're feeling calm again, reconsider the belief and decide whether you need to do anything about it. :)
@Asfana Islam When I reach a narrative that is negative as you stated...I then question the belief itself and ask for proof...and let’s say at the time I do see things that prove I was ‘abandoned’ I then go a step further and ask :ok so what can I do about it now?...while breathing to space out my thoughts, I ask how am I going to choose to effectively deal with this?...remind myself I am safe and I am an adult that has been taking care of my self all this time...basically I find ways to self sooth and make things ok within my own self...not sure if this is the correct method but it helps me and hope it clarify things for you too.
@@suset813 well done !!v
Thank you very much for the ideas! Especially point 2 I didn't know yet. It helps a LOT in understanding my reactions in some situations.
Thanks for these videos. What I want to learn is how to use the knowledge found in this work and still be able to relate to others. I get that facing what the trigger is alerting me to but how do I keep the ego at bay enough to not feel ashamed or withdrawn?
That must mean more work!
I believe the next step is accepting. Accepting that it is okay for you to feel that way, because it is a journey as the Doctor asserts. Be loving to yourself. Just to be here thinking how to improve is already your step ahead. Good luck!
Yes, acceptance has occurred.during these recent transits.
Can a 60 yr old recover from childhood abandonment and childhood physical & emotional abuse? A person who self medicated with alcohol for most of their life, but got sobre and now has to deal with the constant memories and the nightmares.
triggers are opportunity for growth when someone says something or does something that make us feel a certain way it not there fault
there doing what there meant to be doing being the activator the trigger what we should be doing is not attacking them verbally but thanking them for showing us what we need to work on within are self
I've done a lot of work in this area, and the way you explain this is so simplistically beautiful 😊👌
It's worse when you're a sensitive person
Discovered even vaguely recounting the past, thinking that is safe, still triggers tears, even if I’m feeling confident to be able to mention things. I’ve just realised when that happens... I hold my breath and tell myself not to break down like this, it’s embarrassing! Thank you for your tips... here I go. Next time I’ll breathe, and acknowledge myself with some statement, rather than “sorry”, but perhaps “here it is”... loving theses practices. Forever grateful, love Lili ❤️🌞🤸♀️🕊🌻
Girl, are you reading my mind?! Are you outside of my house? I’m just watching video after video and I’m like...either I found a dope UA-camr or a stalker cause how does she know?! Literally back to back videos of what I need to hear, who I am right now and more. It’s crazy. Love it tho.
This fed me so much. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for sharing this!!
It is almost impossible for human beings to switch off reactive anger at the heat of the moment. All the books and podcasts and lectures in the world cannot fathom how the brain works.
thank you, /i was going through it today. ready to find a new place, a new job a new everything. its very self destructive inorder to find peace
What if you have misophonia to many sounds...
Thank you so much. It would be nice if the video comes with subtitles, I'd like to share it with people I know, who need to see this too but don't speak English...I'm from Italy and I'm so grateful for your work and for sharing these precious "shortcuts to healing". Much Love!
🌺 Grateful for you Dr. Nicole & your spreading Knowledge!! 💞💞💞 Blessings!!
It's absolutely true that most of the time, the other person is not really abandoning us. Our ego is assuming that but it's not true. But what would you advise when it's actually true? Radical acceptance? Sometimes our instincts are right. We might even be being gaslit about it, which makes the whole abandonment trigger worse because it confirms our fear.