Story of my life. I'm 44 and I just learned about CPTSD. You worded my entire drama. I listened almost all your videos in two days. This is huge and I start to understand what's going on with me for decades.Thank you.
Something I struggle with is that I tend to fall in love with people who also show signs of dysregulation and I don't find myself as attracted (if at all) to people who are just sort of baseline secure. I'm attracted to people who are usually avoidant. I'm able to mostly regulate my emotions nowadays which has been a blessing, but I still struggle with this thought "I'll never be understood by normal, healthy people who have no experience of trauma." But I think I benefit from experiences with secure people who didn't have crappy childhoods.
Hi Deanna i understand this but im not sure someone who is 'normal' would get it or get me. Its great you can regulate your emotions. Me too and its a lifes learning. Good luck ❤️
Same. I deeply value, respect, and admire people who have overcome great obstacles or have survived horrific trauma. Maybe it’s because I see myself in them and I really do feel that those of us who are broken are the only ones who truly get it. My relationship with my current BF has been tumultuous, but we are learning to heal and grow together. It’s a weird thing, but I think we both have baby faces because we’re both innocent children at heart who’ve had our innocence and sweetness desecrated. Even though it’s been hard, the moments of deep mutual understanding have been transcendentally healing. Beyond anything I’ve seen with a more “secure” person who just kind of understands the struggle on a surface level.
These regulation techniques are totally founded by sensory integration principles used by occupational therapists with children and their sensory disregulation. Excellent approach! Thank you Anna for all you do to educate and help people.
I found your site recently. You may change my life. I have suffered with this my whole life. I'm 62. A survivor of many forms of childhood abuse. I will follow you now. I have become very isolated. Thank you so much for giving me hope. I flash back daily. Many memories surface daily. I beat myself up all the time and think I'm a bad person. Now I feel like I can maybe understand and learn to temper my irrational thoughts and behavior. Bless you Anna.
Anna I am absolutely speechless…I had no idea that I was actually over reacting and as a result of defending myself in a false reality that I was constantly zoning out to escape. I literally subconsciously set the stage to leave every relationship at 5-6mths or 5-6years…I leave them before they leave me. Currently I was triggered causing deep wounds of exploitation, abandonment, shame, guilt, neglect and devaluation you’ve given me the tools a name for my dis-regulation. My husband and I are definitely trauma bonded and trigger each other this helps tremendously thank you I appreciate you more than you know! I see my husband in a whole new light he is not apart of the pack of wolves chasing me…
This is so good to hear Donna. Thank you for your kind words and for describing what it's like to heal from our terrible thinking. Sending love to you and your husband!
This helped me so much. My husband has so much trouble regulating himself and if I cannot get past my own dysregulation we end up with horrible fights. He has ended our marriage 13 times- by telling me (yelling at me/stomping away saying I’m a btch and he is DONE- that he wants a divorce- since I found out about his affair 19 months ago. We have two small children and I’ve been trying to keep our family together. I’ve been fawning for most of our relationship and when I can’t take it anymore I fight. He fights and then flees… he thinks he has no problems, no “baggage” but he has been emotionally abusive toward me and physically and emotionally abusive toward the kids. I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep. I keep trying to figure out how to leave him but I just cringe at every scenario because I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I promised him my loyalty, but he has broken every promise to me. And I’m so raw. So hurt. I am in a hole of desperation. Thank you for your work. I’ve watched 30 videos of yours at least and my sisters and I have found a route of healing. Thank you so much, Anna. Mahalo from Maine.
do not have any more children with this man. My parents were like you two- the children suffer for life from this behavior. then they come to the Crappy Childhood fairy. Break the cycle for them in Love. With Husband
What a wonderful video - I see that fight mode a lot in my practice ( and personally as well ) and the one thing I would say is don't beat yourself up! This is opportunity to look at our reactions and be the agent of change like Anna says. I love her daily writing exercise - I find writing helps us do a brain dump and can even help you sleep. It's really the best way to vent safely.
I think you may have just saved my marriage. Not knowing our problem is that we are triggering each other without even realizing it. I’m bawling right now. I learned so much from you today in one day than I have in therapy for 5 years. Why didn’t I find you sooner?? I’ve never felt so understood until today. Thank you for UNDERSTANDING. I have felt so alone and misunderstood in my whole 31 years of life and you have given me hope.
I know the feeling. I'm so glad you're here now! Lots of videos for you and a lovely community of people who have these symptoms and are working to heal. I invite you to check out my website crappychildhoodfairy.com.
I like to think of them as a teacher If you are both self aware and self reflective you can absolutley heal individually, together. Triggers are helpful because you can decipher WHY you are reacting the way you are
I'm soooo grateful that people like you exist, Anna! It reminds me that there is still faith in humanity after all because despite all of our crappy childhoods and continued relationship problems due to that intense anxiety of abandonment, I love how you highlight that having awareness is not enough, but you go above and beyond and actually give some real tips and advice that have work for you that worked when I've tried stuff from your channel, and I don't do this very often but I really really wanted you to know how much you touched my life and have helped me in all of my important relationships, just spreading that beautiful energy of love acceptance in empathy as fellow human beings, you're deeply appreciated. ⚡🙏⚡
I’m sick and tired of being in a marriage where I’m just tolerated and I’m tolerating the other person. I want more from a relationship. But I don’t know how to leave.
Your insights are so helpful. I've done years of therapy and meditation but your clarity and simplicity of expression have really helped cut through to the nub of the issue. Childhood trauma was never mentioned in any of my therapy or healing sessions but I can see now how that's my issue and with your tools that specifically address this, I'm feeling so much better 🙏🧡
to lidia, i ask you got rid of your problems? cptsd problems? for good? because i too have been helped a whole lot by this wonderful woman. but i've only been watching for several months. im thirsty for more and continued help, but i cant imagine being completely healed from cptsd. in fact im concerned it will come back. how long have you been working on your problems?
@@tomjames7713 In tandem with the Crappy Childhood Fairy, the Personal Development School and Therapy In A Nutshell UA-cam channels have helped me a lot with healing. Good luck and be gentle with yourself.
What a great idea! I'm looking forward to seeing your new mini-coaching videos. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, but looking back I can think of two I was in where we triggered one another. Two dysregulated people, who have no idea that's what's going on, having a disagreement, is never going to go well. Now I know, I'll be better able to spot it in others, in myself, and have a much better idea of how to handle it.
As I started listening to your videos last week I can’t believe, I’m utterly in shock, that you speak as if you know me. I thought I was in my own private hell constantly pushing people away and getting into relationships with people who don’t really love me, but at least they stay. Angry, depressed, tired all the time. I’m honestly stunned. I’ve been in therapy most of my adult life and never have been told this and no one has ever mentioned CPTSD. Thank You. It’s good to know there are other people out there dealing with this successfully with the proper tools. Are there any support groups for CPTSD?
When you talked about when someone important to you is mad at you go back to childhood and are afraid of being abandoned. I'm saying me too.I'm afraid that I will lose everything that is important to me (my kids, a place to live, etc.) It comes with a panic attack. I'm sorry that it happened to you and others, but I know that I'm not alone. So in a way I'm not alone.
I can relate/resonate with Sarah. My over reactions did trigger the last person I was dating. When I asked for a "break," he may have heard "breakup." I did not reassure him that I would be back, but I never stopped texting, and I shared my clips of your videos with him because I am not sure he will watch all of them in English. My note was simply, "her (your) videos have helped me." I did not label him. I wrote than I think we both have CTPSD, not anything more really, except that we cope in different ways, he avoids, I pursue, this scares him more, he avoids more....I found it interesting that your husband is like that as well, he also gets overwhelmed by your emotional reactions when you get triggered, which triggers your abandonment. A year ago, I was overwhelmed with the abandonment because of my circumstances (explained in other comments). Now, I know I am here for myself, so it's not as big a deal, I don't need him. I just want the connection back. He does know "I am working on it." I don't know if he is "working on it," because there has not been any dialogue since April, no really meaningful conversation since February, but for some reason we're both still in the same town, still single and we have not blocked one another (at least not permanently). You give very good advice, much better than the "therapist." Thank you, Anna.
I am definitely going through a situation like this where it caused me my recent relationship. It is definitely devastating and is so worth the going through the healing. I pray for those feeling like this. CPTSD is so pricey
This is very interesting to me, here's why. If I'm too emotional, I am supposed to be calm and speak calmly. However, if I stay calm and manage myself during any conversation, he grows increasingly agitated and tells me he cannot handle it at all if I stay calm because it makes him incredibly angry that I am maintaining myself.
My mom and i trigger each other. I used to be sidelined and surprised by it before i moved back to town, now i have extreme anxiety before she comes over to my house.
Whenever I am so sad bc of the loss of the relationship again and maybe even start crying, I watch this video and it instantly gets me back into reality
Okay... That abandonment melange only happend with my ex, not with anyone before, and started (the week before my periods) after half a year. He being avoidant, me being anxious. He couldn't deal with my emotions, I couldn't stand the pain of him withdrawing. Stupid trauma bond. I worked extra to make it work (go to therapist etc) and he? He stopped trying altogether. I don't know if I'm even more traumatized now but I'm really messed up and very, very tired. And the stupid thing is I really miss him. Fuck :(
I can relate to the husband's experience. You briefly mentioned that you had advice for him, but unfortunately that was not included in this video, unless I missed it. I'll watch your video titled 'If you partner has CPTSD, watch this' in the hope that the advise I need can be found there. Thank you for your uploads, they are tremendously helpful
I find Laura Doyles’s podcast and books to be very helpful for women trying to repair their relationships. It was a life saver for me at the start of the pandemic when both my husband’s and my ptsd and cptsd was really flaring up.
i'm so desperately trying to support my partner with cptsd. she's been disregulated for SUCH a long time after seeing her abuser (her mom) for the first time in 6+ years. she's explosively angry and when she's in it she truly believes it's me that's causing it no matter how hypervigilant i'm being WRT her triggers/possibly upsetting her. i've tried to tell her that her thoughts/feelings are valid but that i know i'm not the problem, i've tried setting boundaries... i'm beside myself. we live together. we have a family. i just don't know what to do anymore.
Anna, you don't know it yet, but you are my friend, my virtual friend. 😉 I come to you almost every day to listen to your precious advice! I am so happy that I met you some weeks ago. Thank you so very much. 😊
This has been so helpful! My partner and I have been butting heads more so then usual recently but what was described has sounds like us to a T. Loved this! Thank you so much Anna
this is so valuable. ty for saying it in this particular way. It helps so much that you really get it. Committing to saying I’m going to come back has been working well for abandonment fears in my relationship when I have to step out. I will try this left right technique next time. Cold showers have been my go to, or ice cubes in hands. Reading about cptsd is hard for me but I love the videos.
I'm the same some of these videos trigger me,although I enjoy most of them.ive already learned quite a lot from these and only found this channel maybe two weeks ago.i know its important to learn so will take the chance,n I have healthier coping mechanisms anyway n can deal with triggers.
this is all very helpful!! Thank you so much! I have learned a meditation where you look at a candle flame and repeat to yourself that that is the flame and you are you, to find a separateness and allow for it. I now find, when I am feeling triggered by another including my spouse, if I can remember I am me and they are they, I become less emeshed and able to handle the discord.
Fear responses like freezing can be paralyzing. To help with fear try the free mini course, 'The Daily Practice' found here: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com -Cara@TeamFairy
Abandonment for me makes me feel nauseous, alone, afraid panicked and if I sense it’s coming like a partner taking time away from me during a disagreement I actually feel like I’m going to die. If they leave I will die is what I tell myself. So I beg and plead and apologise even if I’m not the one in the wrong, I will take all of the flack just to stop them leaving. My last partner wouldn’t give in to my emotional pleading and he would leave for hours and turn off his phone. I’d stay in my bed in a foetus position until he’d come back. I literally couldn’t function if he wasn’t in the house. I told myself he had avoidant issues to my abandonment issues but maybe I was just too much. It only happens to me in a romantic relationship where I feel the most vulnerable and exposed. How can one solve it if the persons timeout causes such distress.
It sounds like you need more help and support. We have that available, particularly in the membership with lots of opportunity for live connection and group coaching with Anna :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy
although it is your job to regulate yourself, it does seem quite cruel to me that your last partner was willing to ignore your obvious despair. it almost feels like punishment. not wanting to deal with disproportionate anger is one thing, not caring when someone is crying is another. being with a partner who literally abandons you every time you are in despair, well... no shit your abandonment wound gets triggered.
Both me and my partner have immense past trauma. We both get triggered so easily and fall into impulsive behaviors that hurt eachother. Its really hard
I am the first person to say I know I get triggered easily.. The hardest part of being a relationship for me is when I need just a few minutes to explain why I feel the way I do it feels as if I am completing with a stopwatch... I remember in a past relationship if I had a particularly hard day I only had my thirty minute ride home to reset myself or I was just being negative and complaining... It eventually made my GF start talking to me about how hard her day was as I walked through the door so I couldn't talk about the struggles I had.... I finally just started telling her everything was fine, even when it wasn't... The relationship didn't last much longer... It really was too bad....
I can really relate to this - sometimes I feel like my husband has all the rights to ventilate and I have none. Yet, sometimes I think all his talking does him more harm than good.
I had to stop the video to comment. If my husband and I have a fight/disagreement over something as little as “the dishes”, my mind goes straight to “omg we are going to get a divorce” every time!!! It’s nuts I know but that’s the CPTSD talking. Black or white thinking.
I'm going through something right now...my friend became cold towards me bc I didn't reciprocate his romantic feelings, he didn't say anything but that's 100% what's going on. I know logically that's ok, he has the right to do so, I don't feel romantic towards him and I'm ok to lose this friendship because I really like and respect him....but on the other hand my abandonment wounds are bleeding 😳 I feel very negative emotions towards him, I'm angry, disgusted, I " hate" his guts😤 I don't express myself , remain friendly ( we work together) but inside I constantly fight with him. I know it's my trauma and it will pass but for now it's very difficult, I can't stop thinking about it. Good job that I'm aware what I'm going through and I'm not acting on it but the pain is real😭
DBT has been the most helpful tools for me...years of cognitive therapy was a waste of time. I had NO access to "logical or wise mind" when I'm triggered and immersed in "emotional mind" 😏
This just came to mind... What are the differences between cptsd and Codependency? I know Codependency happens in childhood and that cptsd can happen at any point in time but I'm wondering the real significant differences between the two. Can anyone point me in the right direction?
CPTSD is a pattern of trauma responses that arose due to unsafe relationship patterns, starting in childhood. Codependency is a pattern of relating that applies to adult relationships (mostly) and it means basically s lack of boundaries between self and other (e,g., feeling like I am responsible for regulating, or 'fixing', my partner's dysregulation; or my partner has to take care of my dysregulation. All of it starts in infancy, when we first learn to regulate with others.
jayloiselle9281 CPTSD is neurological and physiological- someone with CPTSD may also have a codependent personality but certainly not everyone -Cara@TeamFairy
OMG this is my spouse n I. Triggered each other for 26 yrs. From get go. We really tried hard. We have a beautiful son together. But we are parting amicably
When I was a month old, I had to be separated from my parents by an inevitable circumstance. And before my parents come back to take me back, my grandparents had nutured me (quite well) for a month. Would that affect my attachment development or have built a trauma?
I had the same experience. I was willing to work through it, but she wasn't, so I had to let it go. Then I realised the other part of it was we just weren't a very good fit. Could that be the case with you too?
I understand completely... I have a friend who triggered my insecurities continually then disappear... She would then return like nothing happened... The issue for me was that she was living a life of privilege with very little responsibility... Very unbalanced friendship... I eventually became jealous of her privileges and walked away...
I think that’s the issue I am having right now with a close friend. I got too overwhelming with showing affection and giving gifts ( its a love language of mine but I took it to an extreme and I now that I see it, I feel so ashamed ) alsoI didn’t realize I was trauma dumping on her :( . I don’t know if it’s because she showed me such a kindness and a closeness that I had no felt in ages..We come from similar backgrounds so I was delighted to connect with someone so like me. It took her ghosting me to understand and reflect. She reached out again and we talked it out but our relationship is strained. Im really hoping it can be fixed. I never realized how much my fear of rejection and my abandonment wounds drove me until I discovered your videos Anna. Im trying to help myself so I stop hurting relationships with people who actually care about me.
Is there ever a time where I actually need my anger and it is legitimate and yes, in a triggered state I just roar and tell someone to leave me alone, because the space I've been asking for is stomped over time and time again ? Or am I just going to be labeled as just another "dysregulated person"? I mean the dysregulation is also a sign that things have been driven to far and I am actually DEMANDING to be respected/heard/seen/understood?
Thank you for this. I'm really struggling with a trigger in my relationship and caught between whether it's rational or not 😢 my young life wasn't to traumatic. A little abusive maybe but not much
I get disregulated too. My bf doesn’t understand though. He thinks that therapy isn’t helping me, but I really think I need trauma therapy. I can’t explain what happens in my brain, but I’m not doing it on purpose and it sucks having to explain that and constantly apologize for that. I feel so bad like it’s always me. I have to re-parent myself cause my crappy childhood.
You're in the right place! You'll find in my videos and courses lots and lots of tools to heal your symptoms and start changing your life. If there's a video that really speaks to you on my channel, it could be a good one to share with your boyfriend, just to communicate to him what it's like.
Sounds like EFT and DBT skills in this educational video with writing to regulate to take a break to regulate. Well said. Thanks Ann Runkle 😊 for your time and support 🙏 have a great weekend 😀
I had a relationship where my partner had intense emotions, not shouty but moody, stone walling mostly. It would trigger me hugely and I would fly into rages. We tried and tried to resolve this but it just continued. We had to break up in the end, I was scared of it escalating to violence. I am not sure why I was so triggered so much and we loved each other. Such a shame and a hard, hard lesson to learn. Im not sure I'll ever understand what happened or fully get over this
Wish I saw this months ago. Probably would of saved me my last relationship. I believe she has cptsd due to lots of childhood trauma. When she would have episodes I became triggered and responded in an unhealthy way. Then she pulled away and resented me. Was a push pull until I had no choice but to Walk away after having the police called on me when we argued. No abuse, just arguing. Was tired of being framed as an abusive monster while she played victim, she won me over early on pouring her bad childhood on me making me feel bad and like she just needed someone to love her. And when I did love her she became bored, didn't respect me or take care of my needs but expected me to take care of hers. It's so complex and confusing, part cptsd part bpd or part narcacissm. I just don't know she has. Were were fine until her abusive mother moved back to NY, once she moved back my fiance changed, became hateful towards me. I'll never really understand what happened but I do know it's not my fault even though she tried to make me feel like I was the cause of all her problems.
U explain exactly what me n my partner are going through but I’m trying to break free to regulate and get some professional help because I have a 15 month old and I don’t want her to ever be exposed to this and it’s getting harder to keep it together and away from her hearing a bicker her n there . We are amazing parents n we make a good parenting team but I’m on empty I have only focus on my priority now is my child she needs me and I can’t show her my inability to handle my emotions. I rather be away from anything that can be a possible trigger which is usually ones I have resented now . He wants me to stay so he can help days off work so I can reset rest and recharge. I don’t believe I want to halfway charged when he is the only person I will lose it for the slightest thing due to so much unresolved issues I keep in . We can’t even small talk. I tell him he isn’t mindful of what he says or realizes how much energy i end up giving into him so he doesn’t get the feeling of negligence . I’ve been literally locking myself in the room after I sleep her avoiding anything I have not had a 30 minute alone time in two weeks. Tomorrow I make a decision
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Anna shared more videos on this topic, if you'd like to take a look. Here are some of them: • Don't Let Your Partner Blame You for Their CPTSD TRIGGERS ua-cam.com/video/R-LA4bIkOhQ/v-deo.html • Is Your Partner Affected by Childhood Trauma? Here's What to Do. ua-cam.com/video/050kuj4Aiho/v-deo.html • Partner with CPTSD? These Tips Can Help Have a Great Relationship ua-cam.com/video/dIWVRnB9O4c/v-deo.html • If Your PARTNER Has CPTSD, You'll Want to WATCH THIS ua-cam.com/video/mt3hJf9sD4U/v-deo.html • Couples That Trigger Each Other's CPTSD Reactions: One-on-One Coaching with Anna ua-cam.com/video/-x8W4Wx0CUs/v-deo.html • Fighting Doesn't Always Spell the End for Couples with CPTSD ua-cam.com/video/9AR0ICl6L2Y/v-deo.html • CPTSD: How to Stay Regulated in a Relationship ua-cam.com/video/_2A8e9YdJzo/v-deo.html Nika@TeamFairy
This is my partner and i’s problem. We have a great relationship UNLESS we argue and then we both just ping pong off of each others triggers and we both feel so helpless on how to slow the trigger process.
I hear you. You will find more videos on this topic here: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=partner And if you'd like to work deeper, Anna created a course that might be interesting for you, "Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD": bit.ly/3IBbrv7 Nika@TeamFairy
What do you do when you dissociate constantly? How do you lessen your reaction when you don't know what you're saying or doing for days at a time? Feeling desperate.
Loved this video, I’m always the one to threaten to leave the relationship. I scream I tell my bf hurtful words because I feel so alone like he doesn’t care about how I feel. He is avoidant and shuts down when we fight and stone walls me. How can I get your coaching ?
..."only the truth will liberate us", if /when /you find ,strenght ,tell him, describe him, how you feel about it...when he acts out in such extraordinary mood...
@Julie_Anne_Moore_Edwards Daily Practice is 100% all about getting free enough to not need those apologies (not that they aren't nice when we do get them!). bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy
I often try to give us space but she will insist on trying to fix the issue or wants me to validate how she feels. I dont get time to even understand exactly what i did wrong so i dont do it again. It often happens after lots of really good positive days. Then its my fault all the good is gone. I am a happiness thief. I want nothing more for her to be happy and us to be balanced
You have an eerily similar answer to how my partner feels about my CPTSD. I don’t allow proper space sometimes because of my abandonment issues, and often times at the end he’s not even sure what he did wrong so he doesn’t do it again, especially when it was a trigger left over from someone else. They say they feel like they ‘ruin my days’ and I feel so guilty bc I don’t want them to feel like that it’s just so hard to get back to that lovey dobey mindset after being so triggered.
I keep suggesting to my daughter that she watch your channel cause as a mother living with someone with C-PTSD when your in recover with a 12step program and your the cause of why her C-PTSD exists is extremely challenging to say the least.
@@Missgevious I’m sorry. Your partner probably feels relieved at the moment because they’re getting the distance they crave. How are you handling things? I imagine it must be very tough for you right now.
@@Cutest1TheGame yes he probably is but I didn’t resist his break up either, I sent him off lovingly and it actually made him start balling his eyes out crying. I just kept sending him love and said I support his decision as it’s the best way he knows how to deal with whatever he’s going through. That made him cry even more. I am very sad yes. I am doing my best to be aware of my feelings and taking positive steps forward today but it is hard emotionally (and my thoughts keep jumping to thoughts that no one will ever love me or there’s no one as compatible as him because I’m so complex!)
@@Missgevious You’re doing a great job of being aware of your feelings. Give yourself a hug for that. Being aware of your feelings will lead you to the right future partner. As for worrying you won’t find someone compatible because you’re “complex”, I think you will. My mom had wrongly taught me men don’t like high maintenance women, which was her way of calling me “complex”. That was a really stupid thing and got me into all kinds of wrong relationships. In 2003, I read a book called “Why Men Love Bitches” where the author Sharon Argov claimed being a BITCH, a Babe in Total Control of Herself, is a wonderful thing. When I started dating my now husband in 2006, I warned him before the first kiss: “You sure you want to do that? You’re asking for trouble if you do, because I’m high maintenance and you need to be prepared for that. You are not going to get a woman of this quality without her being complex and high maintenance.”
I realize that I've said so many wrong things and taken wrong actions in the height of emotional triggers and trauma (please forgive me LORD GOD ALMIGHTY for EVERY SINGLE TIME)... maybe it's spiritual warfare that's sent against us in the renewing of our minds. Keeping our minds on JESUS CHRIST and HIS love and obedience is the beginning of a blessed healing process. I pray that those seeking healing find the LOVE of OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST as COMFORTER and HEALER... JEHOVAH RAPHA, JEHOVAH JIREH... HOLY SPIRIT. AMEN
so triggered atm. us men are told to leave the room. which im great at. what im not great at? being followed, stood over and demanding answers from me. i cant even begin to explain how bad this rattles my cage. i can rip this plane of existence in half in these moments.
@Kyle_Zen_Patriot_Nicholas I'm glad you're here, get lots of support! Divorce is extremely dysregulating and difficult, but it is survivable :) -Cara@TeamFairy
Story of my life.
I'm 44 and I just learned about CPTSD. You worded my entire drama. I listened almost all your videos in two days. This is huge and I start to understand what's going on with me for decades.Thank you.
Same here!!!!
Something I struggle with is that I tend to fall in love with people who also show signs of dysregulation and I don't find myself as attracted (if at all) to people who are just sort of baseline secure. I'm attracted to people who are usually avoidant. I'm able to mostly regulate my emotions nowadays which has been a blessing, but I still struggle with this thought "I'll never be understood by normal, healthy people who have no experience of trauma." But I think I benefit from experiences with secure people who didn't have crappy childhoods.
Healing - in a structured intentional way- really helps with this, I used to be same way. bit.ly/2rukHvh
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, so much this. Even with friendships. 😔
Hi Deanna i understand this but im not sure someone who is 'normal' would get it or get me. Its great you can regulate your emotions. Me too and its a lifes learning. Good luck ❤️
Same.
Same. I deeply value, respect, and admire people who have overcome great obstacles or have survived horrific trauma. Maybe it’s because I see myself in them and I really do feel that those of us who are broken are the only ones who truly get it.
My relationship with my current BF has been tumultuous, but we are learning to heal and grow together. It’s a weird thing, but I think we both have baby faces because we’re both innocent children at heart who’ve had our innocence and sweetness desecrated. Even though it’s been hard, the moments of deep mutual understanding have been transcendentally healing. Beyond anything I’ve seen with a more “secure” person who just kind of understands the struggle on a surface level.
These regulation techniques are totally founded by sensory integration principles used by occupational therapists with children and their sensory disregulation. Excellent approach! Thank you Anna for all you do to educate and help people.
Thanks for the testimonial :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I found your site recently. You may change my life. I have suffered with this my whole life. I'm 62. A survivor of many forms of childhood abuse. I will follow you now. I have become very isolated. Thank you so much for giving me hope. I flash back daily. Many memories surface daily. I beat myself up all the time and think I'm a bad person. Now I feel like I can maybe understand and learn to temper my irrational thoughts and behavior. Bless you Anna.
This is wonderful to hear. I'm glad you found me. Change is entirely possible!
Anna I am absolutely speechless…I had no idea that I was actually over reacting and as a result of defending myself in a false reality that I was constantly zoning out to escape. I literally subconsciously set the stage to leave every relationship at 5-6mths or 5-6years…I leave them before they leave me. Currently I was triggered causing deep wounds of exploitation, abandonment, shame, guilt, neglect and devaluation you’ve given me the tools a name for my dis-regulation. My husband and I are definitely trauma bonded and trigger each other this helps tremendously thank you I appreciate you more than you know! I see my husband in a whole new light he is not apart of the pack of wolves chasing me…
This is so good to hear Donna. Thank you for your kind words and for describing what it's like to heal from our terrible thinking. Sending love to you and your husband!
This helped me so much. My husband has so much trouble regulating himself and if I cannot get past my own dysregulation we end up with horrible fights. He has ended our marriage 13 times- by telling me (yelling at me/stomping away saying I’m a btch and he is DONE- that he wants a divorce- since I found out about his affair 19 months ago. We have two small children and I’ve been trying to keep our family together. I’ve been fawning for most of our relationship and when I can’t take it anymore I fight. He fights and then flees… he thinks he has no problems, no “baggage” but he has been emotionally abusive toward me and physically and emotionally abusive toward the kids. I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep. I keep trying to figure out how to leave him but I just cringe at every scenario because I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I promised him my loyalty, but he has broken every promise to me. And I’m so raw. So hurt. I am in a hole of desperation. Thank you for your work. I’ve watched 30 videos of yours at least and my sisters and I have found a route of healing. Thank you so much, Anna. Mahalo from Maine.
Glad this helped you and that you and your sister are feeling more confident on your path to healing. We're rooting for you! - Ashley, Team Fairy
do not have any more children with this man. My parents were like you two- the children suffer for life from this behavior. then they come to the Crappy Childhood fairy. Break the cycle for them in Love. With Husband
What a wonderful video - I see that fight mode a lot in my practice ( and personally as well ) and the one thing I would say is don't beat yourself up! This is opportunity to look at our reactions and be the agent of change like Anna says. I love her daily writing exercise - I find writing helps us do a brain dump and can even help you sleep. It's really the best way to vent safely.
Really appreciate this comment, the "Brain Dump" has been helping me for many years :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I think you may have just saved my marriage. Not knowing our problem is that we are triggering each other without even realizing it. I’m bawling right now. I learned so much from you today in one day than I have in therapy for 5 years. Why didn’t I find you sooner?? I’ve never felt so understood until today. Thank you for UNDERSTANDING. I have felt so alone and misunderstood in my whole 31 years of life and you have given me hope.
I know the feeling. I'm so glad you're here now! Lots of videos for you and a lovely community of people who have these symptoms and are working to heal. I invite you to check out my website crappychildhoodfairy.com.
I like to think of them as a teacher
If you are both self aware and self reflective you can absolutley heal individually, together.
Triggers are helpful because you can decipher WHY you are reacting the way you are
I'm soooo grateful that people like you exist, Anna! It reminds me that there is still faith in humanity after all because despite all of our crappy childhoods and continued relationship problems due to that intense anxiety of abandonment, I love how you highlight that having awareness is not enough, but you go above and beyond and actually give some real tips and advice that have work for you that worked when I've tried stuff from your channel, and I don't do this very often but I really really wanted you to know how much you touched my life and have helped me in all of my important relationships, just spreading that beautiful energy of love acceptance in empathy as fellow human beings, you're deeply appreciated. ⚡🙏⚡
What a kind thing to say! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I’m sick and tired of being in a marriage where I’m just tolerated and I’m tolerating the other person. I want more from a relationship. But I don’t know how to leave.
Do you want to leave? Or so you want things to be different?
I’m so sorry for what you are experiencing. Hugsss
@chocolatekay66 thanks for being here
-Cara@TeamFairy
Your insights are so helpful. I've done years of therapy and meditation but your clarity and simplicity of expression have really helped cut through to the nub of the issue. Childhood trauma was never mentioned in any of my therapy or healing sessions but I can see now how that's my issue and with your tools that specifically address this, I'm feeling so much better 🙏🧡
Ana, because of your channel I got rid of my problems. Thank you so much
to lidia, i ask you got rid of your problems? cptsd problems? for good? because i too have been helped a whole lot by this wonderful woman. but i've only been watching for several months. im thirsty for more and continued help, but i cant imagine being completely healed from cptsd. in fact im concerned it will come back. how long have you been working on your problems?
@@tomjames7713 dear, my problems were not very serious, but the Ana's exercises really helped, ex- writing your fears, ect
@Lidia_Kotlova_Piano_ Studio_Classical_and_Popular that's great! Thanks for sharing with us
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@tomjames7713 In tandem with the Crappy Childhood Fairy, the Personal Development School and Therapy In A Nutshell UA-cam channels have helped me a lot with healing. Good luck and be gentle with yourself.
Might be one reason I avoid relationships.. I'm afraid to trigger someone else....
What a great idea! I'm looking forward to seeing your new mini-coaching videos.
I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, but looking back I can think of two I was in where we triggered one another. Two dysregulated people, who have no idea that's what's going on, having a disagreement, is never going to go well. Now I know, I'll be better able to spot it in others, in myself, and have a much better idea of how to handle it.
Glad you like the new idea :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
As I started listening to your videos last week I can’t believe, I’m utterly in shock, that you speak as if you know me. I thought I was in my own private hell constantly pushing people away and getting into relationships with people who don’t really love me, but at least they stay. Angry, depressed, tired all the time. I’m honestly stunned. I’ve been in therapy most of my adult life and never have been told this and no one has ever mentioned CPTSD. Thank You. It’s good to know there are other people out there dealing with this successfully with the proper tools. Are there any support groups for CPTSD?
We have a TON of support in our membership program. bit.ly/CCF-Courses
-Cara@TeamFairy
When you talked about when someone important to you is mad at you go back to childhood and are afraid of being abandoned. I'm saying me too.I'm afraid that I will lose everything that is important to me (my kids, a place to live, etc.) It comes with a panic attack. I'm sorry that it happened to you and others, but I know that I'm not alone. So in a way I'm not alone.
You're NOT alone
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate/resonate with Sarah. My over reactions did trigger the last person I was dating. When I asked for a "break," he may have heard "breakup." I did not reassure him that I would be back, but I never stopped texting, and I shared my clips of your videos with him because I am not sure he will watch all of them in English. My note was simply, "her (your) videos have helped me." I did not label him. I wrote than I think we both have CTPSD, not anything more really, except that we cope in different ways, he avoids, I pursue, this scares him more, he avoids more....I found it interesting that your husband is like that as well, he also gets overwhelmed by your emotional reactions when you get triggered, which triggers your abandonment. A year ago, I was overwhelmed with the abandonment because of my circumstances (explained in other comments). Now, I know I am here for myself, so it's not as big a deal, I don't need him. I just want the connection back. He does know "I am working on it." I don't know if he is "working on it," because there has not been any dialogue since April, no really meaningful conversation since February, but for some reason we're both still in the same town, still single and we have not blocked one another (at least not permanently). You give very good advice, much better than the "therapist." Thank you, Anna.
I am definitely going through a situation like this where it caused me my recent relationship. It is definitely devastating and is so worth the going through the healing. I pray for those feeling like this. CPTSD is so pricey
This is very interesting to me, here's why. If I'm too emotional, I am supposed to be calm and speak calmly. However, if I stay calm and manage myself during any conversation, he grows increasingly agitated and tells me he cannot handle it at all if I stay calm because it makes him incredibly angry that I am maintaining myself.
A very generous gift. Thank you Anna.
Thank you for saying so. :)
My mom and i trigger each other. I used to be sidelined and surprised by it before i moved back to town, now i have extreme anxiety before she comes over to my house.
I understand and this can get much better if using the Daily Practice bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Absolutely adore this live session and the techniques you describe. Wish I had seen this a week ago 😭
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Whenever I am so sad bc of the loss of the relationship again and maybe even start crying, I watch this video and it instantly gets me back into reality
You're in the right place!
Nika@TeamFairy
Okay... That abandonment melange only happend with my ex, not with anyone before, and started (the week before my periods) after half a year. He being avoidant, me being anxious. He couldn't deal with my emotions, I couldn't stand the pain of him withdrawing. Stupid trauma bond. I worked extra to make it work (go to therapist etc) and he? He stopped trying altogether. I don't know if I'm even more traumatized now but I'm really messed up and very, very tired. And the stupid thing is I really miss him. Fuck :(
Your content is far more impactful than my marriage counselors
I can relate to the husband's experience. You briefly mentioned that you had advice for him, but unfortunately that was not included in this video, unless I missed it. I'll watch your video titled 'If you partner has CPTSD, watch this' in the hope that the advise I need can be found there. Thank you for your uploads, they are tremendously helpful
Excellent and very true to the experiences my husband and I have had as two who both deal with CPTSD. Thank you so much!!
I find Laura Doyles’s podcast and books to be very helpful for women trying to repair their relationships. It was a life saver for me at the start of the pandemic when both my husband’s and my ptsd and cptsd was really flaring up.
...lady, i am repeating myself, but, yes , you are genius..., and thank you 😘💕🕊️...forever...for everything...
You're the best!
-Cara@TeamFairy
i'm so desperately trying to support my partner with cptsd. she's been disregulated for SUCH a long time after seeing her abuser (her mom) for the first time in 6+ years. she's explosively angry and when she's in it she truly believes it's me that's causing it no matter how hypervigilant i'm being WRT her triggers/possibly upsetting her. i've tried to tell her that her thoughts/feelings are valid but that i know i'm not the problem, i've tried setting boundaries... i'm beside myself. we live together. we have a family. i just don't know what to do anymore.
Anna, you don't know it yet, but you are my friend, my virtual friend. 😉 I come to you almost every day to listen to your precious advice! I am so happy that I met you some weeks ago. Thank you so very much. 😊
This is such a healthy conversation ❤️❤️❤️
This has been so helpful! My partner and I have been butting heads more so then usual recently but what was described has sounds like us to a T. Loved this! Thank you so much Anna
Oh great! So glad it was useful for you
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much! You’re wonderful and so helpful!!
this is so valuable. ty for saying it in this particular way. It helps so much that you really get it. Committing to saying I’m going to come back has been working well for abandonment fears in my relationship when I have to step out. I will try this left right technique next time. Cold showers have been my go to, or ice cubes in hands. Reading about cptsd is hard for me but I love the videos.
So glad the videos are helping!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm the same some of these videos trigger me,although I enjoy most of them.ive already learned quite a lot from these and only found this channel maybe two weeks ago.i know its important to learn so will take the chance,n I have healthier coping mechanisms anyway n can deal with triggers.
this is all very helpful!! Thank you so much! I have learned a meditation where you look at a candle flame and repeat to yourself that that is the flame and you are you, to find a separateness and allow for it. I now find, when I am feeling triggered by another including my spouse, if I can remember I am me and they are they, I become less emeshed and able to handle the discord.
±2348073317460⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,
±2348073317460⏯⏯❣❣
Text him on this number
What a powerful boundary setting meditation. I will try that, thank you for sharing!
When in relational conflict I freeze and can hardly even speak. Then I'm in shock for hours/days after and feel horrible.
Fear responses like freezing can be paralyzing. To help with fear try the free mini course, 'The Daily Practice' found here: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
Abandonment for me makes me feel nauseous, alone, afraid panicked and if I sense it’s coming like a partner taking time away from me during a disagreement I actually feel like I’m going to die. If they leave I will die is what I tell myself. So I beg and plead and apologise even if I’m not the one in the wrong, I will take all of the flack just to stop them leaving. My last partner wouldn’t give in to my emotional pleading and he would leave for hours and turn off his phone. I’d stay in my bed in a foetus position until he’d come back. I literally couldn’t function if he wasn’t in the house. I told myself he had avoidant issues to my abandonment issues but maybe I was just too much. It only happens to me in a romantic relationship where I feel the most vulnerable and exposed. How can one solve it if the persons timeout causes such distress.
It sounds like you need more help and support. We have that available, particularly in the membership with lots of opportunity for live connection and group coaching with Anna :)
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/
-Cara@TeamFairy
although it is your job to regulate yourself, it does seem quite cruel to me that your last partner was willing to ignore your obvious despair. it almost feels like punishment. not wanting to deal with disproportionate anger is one thing, not caring when someone is crying is another. being with a partner who literally abandons you every time you are in despair, well... no shit your abandonment wound gets triggered.
Both me and my partner have immense past trauma. We both get triggered so easily and fall into impulsive behaviors that hurt eachother. Its really hard
I feel like screaming, I want a do-over!
I get that completely but turned out there was so much good left to find :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am the first person to say I know I get triggered easily..
The hardest part of being a relationship for me is when I need just a few minutes to explain why I feel the way I do it feels as if I am completing with a stopwatch...
I remember in a past relationship if I had a particularly hard day I only had my thirty minute ride home to reset myself or I was just being negative and complaining... It eventually made my GF start talking to me about how hard her day was as I walked through the door so I couldn't talk about the struggles I had....
I finally just started telling her everything was fine, even when it wasn't... The relationship didn't last much longer... It really was too bad....
I can totaly relate to that! I always thought I'm the weird one. But I'm not alone in my "weirdness".
@Willliam_Hunfnagel glad you're here there's so many tools to help :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can really relate to this - sometimes I feel like my husband has all the rights to ventilate and I have none. Yet, sometimes I think all his talking does him more harm than good.
Thank you thank you 🙏 you are helping me to understand myself and my partner
Wow... what do you do when ur husband refuses to try,heal, communicate,be honest ,or acknowledge the reality of the situation?
Thank you so much for creating these videos, I've been having a lot of these issues lately and had no idea how to manage it, this helps a lot.
I'm so glad!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had to stop the video to comment. If my husband and I have a fight/disagreement over something as little as “the dishes”, my mind goes straight to “omg we are going to get a divorce” every time!!! It’s nuts I know but that’s the CPTSD talking. Black or white thinking.
This channel is gold!
I'm going through something right now...my friend became cold towards me bc I didn't reciprocate his romantic feelings, he didn't say anything but that's 100% what's going on. I know logically that's ok, he has the right to do so, I don't feel romantic towards him and I'm ok to lose this friendship because I really like and respect him....but on the other hand my abandonment wounds are bleeding 😳 I feel very negative emotions towards him, I'm angry, disgusted, I " hate" his guts😤 I don't express myself , remain friendly ( we work together) but inside I constantly fight with him. I know it's my trauma and it will pass but for now it's very difficult, I can't stop thinking about it. Good job that I'm aware what I'm going through and I'm not acting on it but the pain is real😭
DBT has been the most helpful tools for me...years of cognitive therapy was a waste of time. I had NO access to "logical or wise mind" when I'm triggered and immersed in "emotional mind" 😏
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Omg, I really like your work.
Thank you! Cheers!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you , Anna.Another great show.
This poor woman. 8 years in an avoidant-anxious dynamic finally wore me down.
This just came to mind...
What are the differences between cptsd and Codependency?
I know Codependency happens in childhood and that cptsd can happen at any point in time but I'm wondering the real significant differences between the two.
Can anyone point me in the right direction?
Codependency is a style of relating. Cptsd is difficulty regulating emotion caused by relational trauma. This is how I understand the two concepts.
CPTSD is a pattern of trauma responses that arose due to unsafe relationship patterns, starting in childhood. Codependency is a pattern of relating that applies to adult relationships (mostly) and it means basically s lack of boundaries between self and other (e,g., feeling like I am responsible for regulating, or 'fixing', my partner's dysregulation; or my partner has to take care of my dysregulation. All of it starts in infancy, when we first learn to regulate with others.
@@SoZen08 so if you have cptsd you also have Codependency?
And vice-versa?
Seems to me that they are very closely related
jayloiselle9281 CPTSD is neurological and physiological- someone with CPTSD may also have a codependent personality but certainly not everyone
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG this is my spouse n I. Triggered each other for 26 yrs. From get go. We really tried hard. We have a beautiful son together. But we are parting amicably
When I was a month old, I had to be separated from my parents by an inevitable circumstance. And before my parents come back to take me back, my grandparents had nutured me (quite well) for a month. Would that affect my attachment development or have built a trauma?
I just lost a friend in part bc we triggered one another.
I had the same experience. I was willing to work through it, but she wasn't, so I had to let it go. Then I realised the other part of it was we just weren't a very good fit. Could that be the case with you too?
@trejea sorry to hear that, I get it
-Cara@TeamFairy
I understand completely... I have a friend who triggered my insecurities continually then disappear... She would then return like nothing happened... The issue for me was that she was living a life of privilege with very little responsibility... Very unbalanced friendship... I eventually became jealous of her privileges and walked away...
So sad :(((
I think that’s the issue I am having right now with a close friend. I got too overwhelming with showing affection and giving gifts ( its a love language of mine but I took it to an extreme and I now that I see it, I feel so ashamed ) alsoI didn’t realize I was trauma dumping on her :( . I don’t know if it’s because she showed me such a kindness and a closeness that I had no felt in ages..We come from similar backgrounds so I was delighted to connect with someone so like me. It took her ghosting me to understand and reflect. She reached out again and we talked it out but our relationship is strained. Im really hoping it can be fixed. I never realized how much my fear of rejection and my abandonment wounds drove me until I discovered your videos Anna. Im trying to help myself so I stop hurting relationships with people who actually care about me.
Is there ever a time where I actually need my anger and it is legitimate and yes, in a triggered state I just roar and tell someone to leave me alone, because the space I've been asking for is stomped over time and time again ? Or am I just going to be labeled as just another "dysregulated person"? I mean the dysregulation is also a sign that things have been driven to far and I am actually DEMANDING to be respected/heard/seen/understood?
Relationships suck
😢
Thank you for this. I'm really struggling with a trigger in my relationship and caught between whether it's rational or not 😢 my young life wasn't to traumatic. A little abusive maybe but not much
I get disregulated too. My bf doesn’t understand though. He thinks that therapy isn’t helping me, but I really think I need trauma therapy. I can’t explain what happens in my brain, but I’m not doing it on purpose and it sucks having to explain that and constantly apologize for that. I feel so bad like it’s always me. I have to re-parent myself cause my crappy childhood.
You're in the right place! You'll find in my videos and courses lots and lots of tools to heal your symptoms and start changing your life. If there's a video that really speaks to you on my channel, it could be a good one to share with your boyfriend, just to communicate to him what it's like.
You're a really good crappy childhood fairy ❤ 😂
I think there is 5 'f"s Fight Flight Freeze Fawn and Fix
Good one!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sounds like EFT and DBT skills in this educational video with writing to regulate to take a break to regulate. Well said. Thanks Ann Runkle 😊 for your time and support 🙏 have a great weekend 😀
Glad you enjoyed it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had a relationship where my partner had intense emotions, not shouty but moody, stone walling mostly. It would trigger me hugely and I would fly into rages. We tried and tried to resolve this but it just continued. We had to break up in the end, I was scared of it escalating to violence. I am not sure why I was so triggered so much and we loved each other. Such a shame and a hard, hard lesson to learn. Im not sure I'll ever understand what happened or fully get over this
Wish I saw this months ago. Probably would of saved me my last relationship. I believe she has cptsd due to lots of childhood trauma. When she would have episodes I became triggered and responded in an unhealthy way. Then she pulled away and resented me. Was a push pull until I had no choice but to Walk away after having the police called on me when we argued. No abuse, just arguing. Was tired of being framed as an abusive monster while she played victim, she won me over early on pouring her bad childhood on me making me feel bad and like she just needed someone to love her. And when I did love her she became bored, didn't respect me or take care of my needs but expected me to take care of hers. It's so complex and confusing, part cptsd part bpd or part narcacissm. I just don't know she has. Were were fine until her abusive mother moved back to NY, once she moved back my fiance changed, became hateful towards me. I'll never really understand what happened but I do know it's not my fault even though she tried to make me feel like I was the cause of all her problems.
U explain exactly what me n my partner are going through but I’m trying to break free to regulate and get some professional help because I have a 15 month old and I don’t want her to ever be exposed to this and it’s getting harder to keep it together and away from her hearing a bicker her n there . We are amazing parents n we make a good parenting team but I’m on empty I have only focus on my priority now is my child she needs me and I can’t show her my inability to handle my emotions. I rather be away from anything that can be a possible trigger which is usually ones I have resented now . He wants me to stay so he can help days off work so I can reset rest and recharge. I don’t believe I want to halfway charged when he is the only person I will lose it for the slightest thing due to so much unresolved issues I keep in . We can’t even small talk. I tell him he isn’t mindful of what he says or realizes how much energy i end up giving into him so he doesn’t get the feeling of negligence . I’ve been literally locking myself in the room after I sleep her avoiding anything I have not had a 30 minute alone time in two weeks. Tomorrow I make a decision
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Anna shared more videos on this topic, if you'd like to take a look. Here are some of them:
• Don't Let Your Partner Blame You for Their CPTSD TRIGGERS
ua-cam.com/video/R-LA4bIkOhQ/v-deo.html
• Is Your Partner Affected by Childhood Trauma? Here's What to Do.
ua-cam.com/video/050kuj4Aiho/v-deo.html
• Partner with CPTSD? These Tips Can Help Have a Great Relationship
ua-cam.com/video/dIWVRnB9O4c/v-deo.html
• If Your PARTNER Has CPTSD, You'll Want to WATCH THIS
ua-cam.com/video/mt3hJf9sD4U/v-deo.html
• Couples That Trigger Each Other's CPTSD Reactions: One-on-One Coaching with Anna
ua-cam.com/video/-x8W4Wx0CUs/v-deo.html
• Fighting Doesn't Always Spell the End for Couples with CPTSD
ua-cam.com/video/9AR0ICl6L2Y/v-deo.html
• CPTSD: How to Stay Regulated in a Relationship
ua-cam.com/video/_2A8e9YdJzo/v-deo.html
Nika@TeamFairy
It is like we are drunk. Thank you!
emotional sobriety!
This is my partner and i’s problem. We have a great relationship UNLESS we argue and then we both just ping pong off of each others triggers and we both feel so helpless on how to slow the trigger process.
I hear you. You will find more videos on this topic here: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=partner And if you'd like to work deeper, Anna created a course that might be interesting for you, "Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD": bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Nika@TeamFairy
What do you do when you dissociate constantly? How do you lessen your reaction when you don't know what you're saying or doing for days at a time? Feeling desperate.
Well, I've seen that happen. Many times.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Loved this video, I’m always the one to threaten to leave the relationship. I scream I tell my bf hurtful words because I feel so alone like he doesn’t care about how I feel. He is avoidant and shuts down when we fight and stone walls me. How can I get your coaching ?
Did the boyfriend shut down or did he rage out on her? My ex rage out on me when I would bring up issues. How would you handle this?
YES. I’ve been getting triggered in a bad way by husband’s cranky/emotionally cold behavior + I can’t get out of it until he apologizes...help.
..."only the truth will liberate us", if /when /you find ,strenght ,tell him, describe him, how you feel about it...when he acts out in such extraordinary mood...
@@nensi1972 I have. He leaves me to suffer + cry.
@Julie_Anne_Moore_Edwards Daily Practice is 100% all about getting free enough to not need those apologies (not that they aren't nice when we do get them!). bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you, yes, I need to take the course again.
I wish I had you as my therapist
My gf has abandonment triggers...but her coping mechanisms push me away...reinforcing her abandonment issues.
We understand as few others can! I’m glad you’re here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I often try to give us space but she will insist on trying to fix the issue or wants me to validate how she feels. I dont get time to even understand exactly what i did wrong so i dont do it again. It often happens after lots of really good positive days. Then its my fault all the good is gone. I am a happiness thief. I want nothing more for her to be happy and us to be balanced
You have an eerily similar answer to how my partner feels about my CPTSD. I don’t allow proper space sometimes because of my abandonment issues, and often times at the end he’s not even sure what he did wrong so he doesn’t do it again, especially when it was a trigger left over from someone else. They say they feel like they ‘ruin my days’ and I feel so guilty bc I don’t want them to feel like that it’s just so hard to get back to that lovey dobey mindset after being so triggered.
One tool that helps me is smelling neroli oil. For some reason it just snaps me right to.
Where's the link to the video for partners of disregulated people?
At the very end of the video -- the "next up" video.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks!
So is it Abandonment we are unable to deal with or the Fear of change cause nobody likes change
Or Both together
I keep suggesting to my daughter that she watch your channel cause as a mother living with someone with C-PTSD when your in recover with a 12step program and your the cause of why her C-PTSD exists is extremely challenging to say the least.
We all have our personal fears, this is a free course explaining exactly how to get rid of them bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wait! What about the bf?!?!!
Dose a alcoholic dysregulate?
Many do!
I divorced my 2nd husband because of it
That's a hard road. I hope things have gotten easier for you.
A book on attachment styles claims the anxious and the avoidant will trigger each other.
My avoidant partner just broke up with me. I’m anxious style
@@Missgevious I’m sorry. Your partner probably feels relieved at the moment because they’re getting the distance they crave. How are you handling things? I imagine it must be very tough for you right now.
@@Cutest1TheGame yes he probably is but I didn’t resist his break up either, I sent him off lovingly and it actually made him start balling his eyes out crying. I just kept sending him love and said I support his decision as it’s the best way he knows how to deal with whatever he’s going through. That made him cry even more.
I am very sad yes. I am doing my best to be aware of my feelings and taking positive steps forward today but it is hard emotionally (and my thoughts keep jumping to thoughts that no one will ever love me or there’s no one as compatible as him because I’m so complex!)
@@Missgevious You’re doing a great job of being aware of your feelings. Give yourself a hug for that. Being aware of your feelings will lead you to the right future partner. As for worrying you won’t find someone compatible because you’re “complex”, I think you will. My mom had wrongly taught me men don’t like high maintenance women, which was her way of calling me “complex”. That was a really stupid thing and got me into all kinds of wrong relationships. In 2003, I read a book called “Why Men Love Bitches” where the author Sharon Argov claimed being a BITCH, a Babe in Total Control of Herself, is a wonderful thing. When I started dating my now husband in 2006, I warned him before the first kiss: “You sure you want to do that? You’re asking for trouble if you do, because I’m high maintenance and you need to be prepared for that. You are not going to get a woman of this quality without her being complex and high maintenance.”
@@Cutest1TheGame that’s very cool thanks for sharing! I love your style and it was encouraging to read. 🙏🏻
I realize that I've said so many wrong things and taken wrong actions in the height of emotional triggers and trauma (please forgive me LORD GOD ALMIGHTY for EVERY SINGLE TIME)... maybe it's spiritual warfare that's sent against us in the renewing of our minds. Keeping our minds on JESUS CHRIST and HIS love and obedience is the beginning of a blessed healing process. I pray that those seeking healing find the LOVE of OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST as COMFORTER and HEALER... JEHOVAH RAPHA, JEHOVAH JIREH... HOLY SPIRIT. AMEN
so triggered atm. us men are told to leave the room. which im great at. what im not great at? being followed, stood over and demanding answers from me. i cant even begin to explain how bad this rattles my cage. i can rip this plane of existence in half in these moments.
💜♾🙏🏼🕉
It's too bad that this advice came to me too late. My marriage is ending. He abandoned me. I need help.
Me too we broke up and we both need help so I’m totally alone and so is he:(
@Kyle_Zen_Patriot_Nicholas I'm glad you're here, get lots of support! Divorce is extremely dysregulating and difficult, but it is survivable :)
-Cara@TeamFairy