Top 5 Problems Created By Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 13 чер 2021
- Narcissism is a well defined pattern of living that reveals a troubled foundation for life. It creates consequences that significantly whittle away at your quality of life. Dr. Les Carter taps into his years of discussions with people who have lived with narcissists, and identifies the top 5 problems he has witnessed. His aim is to show that you are not making it up when you feel hurt. Then he offers hope as you determine how to move forward despite the impact narcissists may have had upon you.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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"They can pull anger out of you with their frustrating behavior, and then they turn around and blame you for having anger". A truer sentence was never uttered. Throw in gaslighting as well.
Agree 100%. Wish they wore warning signs 😁
@@mdee860 I've seen some people wear face masks, shirts, etc that say "toxic" or something similar. In my mind I thank them. They may think they're being cute or hip. But why would you choose to display something like that if you didn't mean it?
@@Hi-Phi We all wish we understood this sooner. The aggressor knows exactly what is going on. We're the boiling frogs. And they don't care.
I now know first hand why they say “all my ex’s are crazy!” I had to go on anti-anxiety meds during the relationship while enduring the psychopathology. Just over a year later I hired movers and left him with his mouth hanging open….like “your leaving me?” Ya, ya got that part right!
He had me fooled for a long time. But now I see it I can't unsee it and it is so sad. He keeps going saying awefull things to me until I react and then it's Gotcha! So sad and sick.
You don't miss them when they're gone. Not one minute.
Don’t count on them for any emotional support ! Ever !
Truth... this bit is killing me 😡
They have no emotions and your have no peace..Its sad they really think your the problem 😕.
I fall for this one as I think maybe if I talk to she will understand and be nice..... Nope gotcha now I feel 1000 times worst
@@matildasfarm9450 I know right ! At the end of the discussion you feel weak for having a desire to have them to understand.
@@matilda1505 I am going through this and it's causing depression. It was only yesterday I tried to get understanding, I now know, when lies were told in front of my face in front of the owner that they have been told twisted unreal stories about me. I'm so upset about it all. I wish I was stronger
They drive you crazy and, when you explode in anger they say: "You think i deserve that?!! Look at how you treat me!!"
It's their "Gotcha" game. Dr. C
Having baited and baited you , they then walk into the other room and tell ur parents that you’re a very angry person, and impossible ....
@@SurvivingNarcissism I wish I had known that the times I confronted my mother on things. She paints me to ppl as a horrible and ungrateful child yet she pretends she's such a sweet and caring mother. I finally quit talking to her in 2019.
We had a big holiday last month that I prepared everything for, hours of cooking. My narcissistic mother kept trying to poke at me to get me to explode, but I didn't bite.
...then it turns out she had been poking at my little sister the whole time too. And sure enough, at dinner time when my sister got a little angry, my mother had her excuse to lock herself in her room and make a huge scene about what a victim she is to everyone. Hours of yelling and crying.
It hurts extra when children are involved for sure. It took me this whole month to get back to normal after that but I think with each incident like this, it's easier and easier to really see the truth of them and feel like you don't need to care.
DARVO
DENY
ATTACK
REVERSE the role of
VICTIM and
OFFENDER
Living with narcissists is like having someone give you a thousand pin pricks daily but you never know exactly when they are coming!
Literal torture.
I call it the death of a thousand cuts
Or WHY.
So true
@@ashandwit I feel ya, I've just learned to resolve it as they are very mentally & emotionally unwell. That's the Why. ☮️ and 💜
Where do I even start? They can manufacture problems out of thin air and create drama when there is none.
I'll bet you're sitting on a bucket-full of examples. Dr. C
Very true!!!
Mine was always creating drama and then would tell me that there was too much drama. 🙄
I was told I was negative … only because I did not conform 😞
@@SurvivingNarcissism Sadly so. Thank you for your videos and work in educating others about narcissism.
Parental alienation is probably the cruelest, sickest, and most damaging behavior a narcissist can inflict. The court system is soooo far behind the curve in understanding this dynamic.
Nominated for best comment ever. The courts don’t care about parental alienation. But by mental health experts it’s deemed as child abuse .
Boy you said it. We need all guardians and judges trained in it.
Agreed.
Yes, so far behind.
And yet, I'm sure these lost souls have NO IDEA what damage they're doing to their children. Surely, they need to be pitied?
If you start putting yourself first, not in a greedy, mean, selfish way, but with moderation, these narcissists won't even want to be around you.
Exactly!
I was groomed to be a chauffeur for my narc mother 1st. She passed away her narc sister took over. I started putting my foot down & said no. I have such pleasant drives now.🚗 she would get drunk & yell at me for no reason. Try guilting and shaming me into giving her parasitic leech friends rides. They tried turning me into a complete doormat. The $ I've saved on ⛽ gas is unbelievable.
Many of them will try to convince you that you’re being selfish the second you set a boundary. If you don’t allow them to affect your view of yourself, then you are absolutely right. Knowing is 1/2 the battle
well simple if you are talking about a friend but if you are married to one (or even a boss or co-worker) they will use all these against you to abuse you, call you selfish, that you do nothing all day, you don't help them, you don't care about them, you don't love them, you are lazy, you are a bad person, you you.
@@dcg31free especially a drunken 1. My mother wasn't a big drinker, but she wanted to start fights every time I got behind the wheel. & That is so dangerous!🥺
“Walk with.a psychological limp”. Yes that is me but I will run again and be whole. I pray for strength and grace for all narc victims. May we all run victoriously together!
Thank you.
Amen Greta! I wholeheartedly agree! You will be whole as will I. Dr. Carter’s videos have been so insightful, healing. It’s the medicine, along with what we do with what we learn, that will help bring us back to wholeness. ☮️
Greta... May we educate and support each other... those who have something to give ❗🕊️
Stay strong, dear
It’s amazing. All these people who have never met each other whose dealt with a narcissist have the same stories. Narcs are disgusting human beings.
The narcissist deliberately sows chaos in your life. They keep you running from brush fire to brush fire of their own creation. This is to keep you so focused on "fixing the problems" that you don't have time to actually take a deep breath and realize THEY are the reason your life is sliding into the garbage pit. Remember when your mom tried to explain why classmates were jerks by saying "well, they think bad attention is better than no attention." This is the core of a narcissist .
They can start a fight over anything… it validates them and confirms their view that they are the victim
@ zen wolf - Bingo! Exactly my situation. However, when we we finally DO start learning about Narcassism - whoa! The gig's up! Time to take the trash out.
@@mdee860 I love that ! “ The gig’s up ! Time to take the trash out ! “ !
@@matilda1505 - 😘 Right? There is no changing or 'fixing them. I do not have the ability nor do I care to help him. It is a decades long pattern with him & he quite enjoys the way he is. His issues are his own problems to deal with. I am not responsible for him. The only thing I feel sorry for is the future Victim #5.
True freaking story 😡
Cognitive dissonance, low selfesteem, bad finances, broken marriages, damaged children?
Sounds about right..👍🏽
Narcs , very jealous people like to spoil/ ruin your happiness 😣
Ruin your life is more accurate.
Life is absolutely HELL with these people run far away while you still can.
Got my husbands two kids from his foreign country. He has never lived with us and while they were young they were “your kids” now that they are raised and on their own they are “ my daughter/ son”
Narcissists are very adept at twisting someone else's words into something completely different and horrible. They then use the twisted words against their target. Even worse is when they get other people to team up against their target when the target is not at fault. Experiencing this is so unpleasant.
Spot on!!!
They feel justified in creating misery in other people! Absolutely spot on!
Stephanie Wall,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷
The horrible grief of realizing I have spent most of my life sacrificing myself trying to make my narcissistic spouse happy is overwhelming at the moment. I’ve been watching these videos for a couple of years and it’s been a learning process but the full impact of living in this messed up situation finally hit me right between my eyes. Now I have to figure out who I am and where I go from here.
Yep. I've realized that it also primes you for being susceptible to other narcissists to come in and gang up in ruining your happiness. I would suggest a few things that are almost guaranteed to turn things around. They all boil down to "learning to love yourself" by putting effort into improving you.
1) Start exercising. Just go for walks, join a gym, do "anything" because getting out of the house and being mobile will eliminate that anxiety and frustration.
2) Buy some relationship/self help books and read them. I liked "the verbally abusive relationship" and "maybe you should talk to someone." Both on amazon and great reads. "The road less traveled" is a good one too, along with "how people change."
3) Absolutely no contact with these people if they're out of your life, or as minimal contact as possible. They are really good at tricking you into thinking things are ok; don't believe it. Gray rock these people.
4) Pick up an old hobby, or any hobby, that you can do in your downtime. Sometimes you'll have to force yourself to do it but once you get started it's much easier to keep it going. The idea is you have to force yourself into things that are good for you; narcissists work by keeping us from doing these things, slowly making us miserable over time.
That makes two of us. Imagine if there was no Internet ??
I thot only Hitler and Adi Amin type were Narcissists. While I was a scape goat in the narc family. 8 narcs out of 11.
I feel your pain.
Just for fun, going to take a prescient stab at this one!
1) CONFUSION/brain fog/low energy/fatigue - as a result of their gas-lighting and lies (to themselves and/or others) and trying to figure out what the truth is
2) MISTRUST - because of the tangled web of lies, their self-deception and resulting deception of others
3) Wasted time and life
4) lost friendships & opportunities
5) health problems due to stress
That reactive abuse .. when they antagonize you till you flip out .. and with a straight face , calm & innocent look at you how your yelling and being abusive . . I wish they'd teach this in high-schools this NPD bc this is the real pandemic
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 my mother even concocted a lie just to taunt me, telling me I'd left my "snaps" at their place. Like sewing button snaps. just to apparently let me know they were pushing me to the point I'd snap. I haven't really though...I've told some blunt truths....like that she is a sadist and a psychopath....but all she did was deny it, haughtily. Just the way you'd expect a psychopath to.
You have a very strange idea of "fun".
@@sheilajac
Sounds like you're still at the "engaging with the narcs" stage. Ever heard of the saying, "don't wrestle with a pig, you'll only get covered in .... and the pig will enjoy it".
You don't live with them so just go no contact!
@@obscurum6 the "snap" thing was 4-5 years ago, however, I am pretty damn sure I saw my mother in the town I live in yesterday, with some older man I don't know driving her car (she's sick and had cataract surgery recently, so I don't think she's driving anymore). they happened to be going the same way I was, I was behind them, I realized the car was identical to my mother's and then they pulled right into the parking lot of the dog park, which is where I was going and where I am often stalked and fked with. Why I didn't walk up to them and see if it was her/make up a dumb question in case it wasn't, I don't know. My brother has also been stalking me where I live, despite living 40 minutes away from me, driving past my house wearing disguises, in my mom's car once with my nephew and I believe my dad stole my keys and made a copy of my house key last year, and that my brother has been in my house when I wasn't home, probably also has a key now...I have no idea why or wtf other than that they are delusional and psychotic, which they accused me of being. I confronted my brother with that smear last week (after no contact since 2018) and he denied it....I have it in quotes from my doctor, in my medical records. So its now 100% confirmed he is a liar as well.
I'm in total isolation because of long-term stalking & harassment, since 2014, so "fun" for me these days is using my mind, hiding in the house. I've had 2 set-up, insurance fraud "accidents", one in 2017 and one in 2018, then had my first "at fault" parking lot ding a couple months ago, trying to avoid anyone setting me up again, ironically, so my insurance has doubled and they won't insure me for collision even, so I am afraid to drive anywhere and last summer I was stalked and tripped and broke a piece off my hip at my favourite beach close to my house, so now I no longer even want to go there. I'm a prisoner in my own house. Someone even poisoned my sushi 2 years ago, with a laxative. 3 tires ruined by intentional sabotage, one of which was a 4" flat-head bolt!!! Like you'd need a sledgehammer to get that thru a tire. While I was at another of my favourite places, that I don't go to anymore. Another time it was 2 screws less than 1" apart, so the tire couldn't be repaired and I had to buy a whole new set because Costco won't let you replace just 1 tire. I need legal help, as in police and a lawyer. Like yesterday....which might be part of the motive for some of the harassment, trying to distract me. I have the means to off myself at any moment but I am sure as hell not going to do that until I file a lengthy and thorough police report with a cop who isn't retarded or corrupt. 5 women in a group I used to be a part of, have killed themselves. I was supposed to be one of them. Mental and psychological torture by proxy with messed up crap being said to me for 5 years, mostly by strangers. and my family.
It's not only teaching them, child, to hate other parent, the clever sneaky narcissistic parent teaches child to patronise, disregard and disrespect the other parent.
My ex-husband acted exactly like you described, especially with the gaslighting and blaming. I finally divorced him 3 years ago.
At some point you have to move on! Dr. C
Good for you! 👏
In my Marriage 27 years just last year discoverd he is for sure a Covert Narc. I was oringinally researching my parents. My dad ud 10 out if 10 a grandiose Narc. Wondering if I get an attorney will he/she be fooled!
@@SurvivingNarcissism I did, but it was only after 30 years of marriage that we divorced. Better late than never.
I didn't know what I didn't know. My covert narcissist also checks every box (toss in aspects of the communal an toxic narc). Those of you who left ... was the divorce a worse battle than expected or is life better now?
For what it is worth all I can say is there are decent people out there. Escape the narcissist and start finding these people.
Yes! Dr. C
The grief of emotional neglect/abuse. Knowing that they're not completely safe or won't ever truly be in your corner.
Extremely accurate. Very painful reality.
Not to mention the terror of realizing they are the enemy.
@@erinmorrow5001 yep
They should teach this subject in high school. These videos are excellent!
That would be dangerous!
To be self aware instead of going with the flow going no where but down
Remember the bully in the school ground?
It’s gone from that to murderous rages!
This is an exact correlation of taking the Lord’s Prayer out and in its stead- a dead conscience of protecting children!!!
I no longer play the self-blame game - “why didn’t I see that coming? How could I sleep with someone so deplorable?” - anymore and I literally just realized it as I watched this video. Thank you so much, Dr. Les!
Sometimes Les is more
@@collie8 I’m sitting outside in public and just shouted, “YES!” so you damn mfn right amen 🙏🏾
Dr. Carter, confronts the tough issues…
I’ve experienced this level of alienation, gaslighting And still resolving a legal matter birthed out of a narcissistic relationship…. I love his philosophy about respect and decency…
The good stuff!
@@collie8 😆👍
@@s.carter4087 I heard a saying somewhere- maybe it was a meme someone posted on Quora. "There's nothing worse than being played by someone you lowered your standards for." AAAAHHHHH.....love..not! In my case, I was being understanding of the fact that he was going through a rough time; lost his job and car...Fortunately he never asked me for anything materially, but man he was abusive psychologically.
An adult narcissistic adult child is the most painful to let go of. I beat myself up asking myself where did I go wrong. But there comes a time when enough is enough. When I have no more tears, it's time to move on. When I found out and was shown that I was secretly taped, found out others were told what a horrible person I was, had my own adult child tell me I was an unfit parent, told I would never see my grandchild ever again, paid for a cellphone that he then sold to get a better cellphone, lost friends at work, got written up for lost work days because I was dragged into court over his refusal to go to school, and he didn't care about the other siblings...that was enough. And yeah, I still love him and I miss him, but when the stakes are too high, when the abuse it out of control..I had to make the painful choice to move on. It killed me to do it. The grief is so painful. What hurts worse is the support and snide remarks I receive from the idiot flying monkeys...who have no idea what I went through. Family is not a Hallmark card. It is real, dirty, and hearts bleed. No one leaves unscathed.
Thank you for this video.
I understand what you are saying. My oldest son destroyed my life. I love him so much still. But I refuse to see him. He's dangerous now. It hurts more than words can express.
My adult child, was a lier and disloyal, it took years 4 me to see what she really was, there were many signs even from a young age, but u try so hard to help them become a nicer person my oh my do they pull the wool over yr eyes. Especially if u have not heard of Narcissistic behaviour.. Her father was one. I am free now 4 yrs. Glad to be rid.
BIG HUGS, I know how lonely and gut wrenching it is to love someone like this.i was married st 14, oh I could write a book on being beaten threatened with taking my kids who I lived for so once they got older he worked them good and all three hate me now. It kills me to even think about it. I'm 59 now still with him ,I didn't even know what narc was till my therapist said you need to study it.I wish I could put my memories into words and help other young people think before falling for someone t h at only brings doubt and pain. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE
@@DiamondGirl333 I'm so sorry I know your pain first hand. Its more than the death of your dreams its the death of your soul.
Yes, the flying monkeys should be called idiot monkeys as one UA-camr said.
Children should not be exposed to narcissists, because the children will end up being abused. I hope someday there's a test for parenthood, which depends on the presence or absence of narcissism. Narcs are dangerous and should be identified as such in a formal way.
This test is repentance of sin (pride/narcissism) and following Jesus (being humble/grateful = Isaiah 53).
You will know the true followers of Christ by their actions...
John 16:33
@@jsf8145 ... please read another book, which you may like equally well....Who Wrote the New Testament? The Development of the Christian Myth, by scholar Burton Mack.
The story is quite fascinating, is derived from historical elements, and told with sensitivity and great care. The concluding chapter is most appropro for people living today.
@@jeanettecook1088
Thanks for the recommendation and I will check it out!
If interested in a book I've found to be helpful as extra food for thought, please consider checking out a book called "The Case for Christ" written by a former atheist Lee Strobel.
Also, I've enjoyed reviewing the science & geological evidence presented in a documentary on UA-cam called "Is Genesis History - Full documentary". Very interesting perspectives given by scientists with Phd's in geology.
I've always felt it's good to be open minded to other people's perspectives for a deeper understanding.
Touché
Yes and also a vetting process to keep malignant narcissist's/sociopath's/psychopath's out of positions of power.
That’s happening to me NOW. My own daughter took away my grandchildren! I’ve lost them for saying no . My heart is shattered!!!!
Sandy Prinz,You are beautiful 🌷,I think you deserve better 🙏
Oh, Dr Carter, the Covert Narcissist who secretly destroys their spouse and all financial security at an advanced age. There need to be Laws. There is no point in a legal battle, they always win. The response I get after 35 years of Marriage is, You are not my responsibility. The Stress of dealing with what remains is a challange. Yes, found a history of Affairs. All Secret. I never imagined this is my Life. I am a Decent, Caring person. So Sad these Disordered people enjoy the Abuse.
I was married 35 years too. I left an empty shell of myself. Slowly finding out who I am. Money sucks at this point.
they win because they have no issue with lying their asses off, unless you can catch them in a provable lie, that's really the only way you might get them.
A problem is with narcs and creating laws is the ability to prove from outside the relationship who is doing the lying and drama generating and who is baring the burden
Especially among teens and young adults. While the minds are so quick and there's so much creativity. How do you stop a sick child from hearing from the narc, it's going to be alright, to its your fault you know..
They're both lies. One. is a lie to generally jump start security And the other is to say, I ain't taking blame for this, even though your a kid and have never experienced a repeated good example of responsibility from your parent.
You can't pass a law against all lies. Because some lies are meant to help.
Like, you can't make a law preventing all liberty. That's worse than slavery.
We could eliminate marriage based in mutual attraction to love and create all marriage as pre_arranged. But we wouldn't have the American system anymore. We might have India, or China, or Muslimbook but it wouldn't be the America people born before 1970 know/knew.
people have to learn to handle it as Dr Led says, in their own way, even if it means changing their lives.
You know in your head you'll be thinking.. you frigging ruined my life. But it's also I have live what jerks, life, the government thru at me... at least it somehow balances, manages, perfect storms it way out. I agree in the Laws thing to say, but can not see how we will maintain America as AMERICA(I'm over 60), any. I'm still dealing with creeps BS, but...
Good luck
I believe I saw a news story that the UK is considering bringing out a criminal charge for “coercive control”.
He made sure to have me homeless or live and be dependent on him. No way. Left the country to live cheaply but it’s heaven however all the ground and security I lost through his sabotage has left me vulnerable economically. That’s the hardest part.
I am a 70 yr. old mixed race, senior native woman who loves my solitude. As a post single parent I am stingy with my time cuz i cannot, will not bend (in the chorus of so-called "compassion") to those who behave like adolescents. Hence; it is most difficult to find mature people who do not behave as self centered pre-teens. There r so many adults (both male & female) who cannot be trusted - even those who pontificate about "community" yet remain stuck in their little malicious cliques. Adrienne Rich's book title keeps replaying in my head: Lies, Secrets & Silence. QUESTION: Why/how do so many people become "useful idiots/flying monkeys" to the Narcissist's mind games?
2:25 "These are demented people who try to make your life miserable and then want to turnaround and blame it on you."
That message really impacted me.
Someone in this world needs to be healthy and maybe it has to be me.
I just divorced a malignant narcissist alcoholic.
It was already traumatic enough going through the unexplainable insidious abuse , serial cheating, neglect, …his secret double life, …but he would then double the abuse by gaslighting,blaming me ,smear campaigning , triangulating everyone including my children against me
Congratulations!! I'm sorry you have suffered.. I hope you have a new happiness and freedom. Much love to you. ❤️✌️💕
God bless you. May you have true peace and go on detached from all your past unkindness, into God glorious light and love.
@@dirtysanchez941 love and blessings to you ❤️
@@susanmunoz7688 Blessings and love to you as well ❤️
Parental alienation is probably the cruelest, sickest, and most damaging behavior a narcissist can inflict.
Misery loves company!
I was trying to explain that to someone. They get some kind of sick satisfaction out of making you feel uncomfortable, or just plain bad.
Yes, I believe you"
@@Donita1213 Yes, I believe you" ...
I need counseling bad. I don’t socialize or have any friends. I have a cat
Practice self care. Just knowing someone would make the effort to know you and assist you can be so valuable. Dr. C
Lucky you to have a cat ! Love your cat ...and yourself ! And also, ...see , being here on this channel... you can see ..that you are not alone !!! All the best wishes to you !🧡
I've seen a child end up being nothing but a messenger n spy for sick parents. Little weapons n pawns. Very sad.
Good way to describe how it devolves. Dr. C
For some of my family and "friends," I say shame on them for believing my sister's lies. They knew she was a liar. They just didn't understand the DEPTH of her selfishness until she had to sell the home my mother gave her 37 years ago because she borrowed against it to fund a lifestyle she couldn't afford.
Then it came to light how far in debt she really was. She also got sued. Don't know by whom, but she tried to tell people it was me. It was not. So glad I'm free now.
Holy hell, that sounds like my aunt. I recently saw all the court filings against her, she never lost, not even once. It’s a weird circle of like 8 narcs who all sorta hate eachother (but weirdly respect eachother for their narc tendencies, it’s strange af), and they take it out on all the normal folk around. Now, half have bought into the QAnon funkiness, which, dont get me wrong I love a good conspiracy, leads to even more reality shattering capacity, it’s quite odd.
My piano performance friend deals with a similar thing, and recently had to cut ties with everyone in the family. One of them convinced the entire family to sell everything and build an underground bunker for the “apocalyptic event on the horizon”. The best thing anyone can do is avoid putting gas on the fire, but there’s a lot of gas lying around atm.
I’m glad you’re out of the mess, it is extremely taxing on everything. Gl out there buddy 🤟🦔🦝🌙
She got exposed. Good for you.
i have a sister just like yours.
That is horrible! So sorry! Sending you love and hugs 💜
Damn
The ex Narc would shout at me for turning the lights off, saying 'We can afford it'. Then when the electric bill came in, he'd wave it in my face and have a go at me over the amount.
They are batshit!!
And after he threw his toddler tantrum he then insisted YOU apologize.
I am heavily berated for spending a few pounds on an essential spare part for my classic car which helps to maintain its value, whereas my narc will happily spend over £100 on a pair of shoes which are worthless after the first time they are worn.
1. 2:44 Alienating Children from you
2. 5:00 Create an atmosphere of rage, anger, abuse
3. 6:30 Discovering a Narcissist’s long held secrets
4. 7:40 Creating a groupthink atmosphere
5. 8:45 Passive aggressive punishment
You are a wonderful human being. I just want a peaceful life. I need to stop putting myself last. Start loving myself and forgiving myself. I would feel so much better away from this person. Staying positive
Me too Gary. These people are despicable. They try and destroy us. Good wishes to you . I'm done. It's just a financial thing for me right now with affording my own place or I'd be gone yesterday. Just remember how empty they are and be proud to be you !!! Good luck !
Thank you Deborah for your kindness and support. I’m here if you need someone to listen and help in any way
If freedom is what you want, I hope that you can create a plan to escape. I know it’s not easy. In my experience, narcs are usually miserable and they like to keep others miserable as well.
Dr. C. is truly a wonderful person in a very sick world full of a miserable, harmful people.. He's like a fresh breath of normalcy. I wish you all the best! I pray that we all get to live a life of freedom and peace 🙏🏻🌷
When me & my kids are happy, laughing & enjoying each other's company, the Narc always interrupts that with lame excuses of needing help, ask a question, etc. Just tries to stop our togetherness without him!
I know about that, they can't stand to see happiness or positivity. They're straight trash!!!
Yes the are experts in ‘Happiness Prevention’. Every time my family planned a get together and each of brought our specialties, we were the last ones there cause mr narc would have sabotaged my efforts in making my contribution, and then drive either like a maniac or a snail. I’d be in tears along the way, but try to compose myself in front of the family.
Not going through that again. I’ll just stay home.
My narcissist,” thank God you are wearing the shoes I picked out for you instead of those horrible shoes you wear!”
I’ve heard similar. Sorry. I’m sure your shoes were much nicer!
My mom.
🤣 oh yes....I was told " oh you look much fair skinned now that you use my home made oil...you used to look sooo dark before " and " oh ...you dress up much better ever since you came into our family..." And " oh you must have learnt that from me ....it's so beautiful " etc etc etc
Recently my daughter hosted a family dinner at her house where I was meeting her in-laws for the first time, as I had just moved to the area. There were not enough chairs at the table for everyone so my daughter exited, came back with a chair for herself and sat down with her back to me as I was standing at the kitchen counter with my plate. I stood there for 15 minutes picking at my food and no one - not a single person, child or adult - even looked my way. That was the moment of truth when I finally had to admit the fact that the narc (her dad, who had recently passed away) would be living in her forever. My young grandson was sitting at that table as well. My daughter was teaching him to have no respect or care for me just as her dad had taught her to have none for me - let alone the message my daughter was sending to the in-laws. It really does not matter how caring, helpful, devoted or present I am for my daughter and grandson - the narc will always take control when it matters. The evil influence of narcissism and the way it divides families and sets hearts apart forever is the most cruel and terrible thing.
I'm so sorry. Hold onto your good character. Dr. C
My father has done the same thing with my sister and her son. I don’t like going home anymore.
To the person who said "You raised her" - actually the narc and I raised her. Anyone who's been in a situation like that will understand the kind of subversion and behind-the-scene undermining that goes on in such a relationship, often totally unbeknownst to the parent who is not the narc. I only see what he did in retrospect. It never occurred to me that anyone would purposefully try to place a divide between their child and the other parent, particularly during a time when the parental relationship seemed stable. So yes a lot of me is in her - but a lot of the narc is in her too, and it comes out in unexpected ways and times.
@@tulanzuya - That was an awful thing that happened to you. Even more shocking than the things that were done to me. I'm sorry.
While I was reading your post, I thought back to when I was nursing the baby. Is it possible these games would start that early.? He started before the baby was 4 mos. checking on us nursing in the bedroom. Kept saying "done yet?" Soon he took the baby, sat him up in the high chair and started feeding him the early baby food, rice cereal, fruit. So every day he took the baby and fed him breakfast. 4mos the baby didn't want anything to do with me any more. I felt like my baby had been stolen from me. But I told myself that was a good thing that he wanted to take care of the baby. Now I'm not so sure.
Showing any sign of compromise, they will eat you alive!!! Nailed it Doc. Thank You again!!
I wonder if narcissists subconsciously realize how lucky they are that their victims are usually truly good people. (Of course they probably don’t). Knowing these creeps will never change means death is the only permanent end to the sadistic behavior they inflict. If we all were as soulless as the narcs, there’d be a lot of bodies. Thank God the people who come here for advice aren’t evil. Blessings to you sir. You’re a lifesaver on many levels.
The after effect....choose health.
Took years to totally turn my children around after the damage my ex husband inflicted against them and me. LOVE Love love towards them and Open communication won out. It wasn’t easy. I just never gave up.
Congratulations! I’m certain it was incredibly tough. So good hearing you remained committed to love....and it paid off.
Congrats!
@@brettneuberger6466 ❤️
@@tracydanneo ❤️
Glad it worked out for you, Sticks & Stones. I loved my daughter and kept trying for 25 years to reconcile, but she wouldn't talk to me, only treat me with hatred and contempt. She believed all the lies and forgot who I was. As you say, love and open communication. It's hard for children when they're being encouraged to distrust and suspect a parent who loves them. They're abused psychologically and emotionally and confused and learn to deceive, gossip, be secretive, entitled, contemptuous, judgemental and angry. They miss out on their loving family. Finally I learnt about NPD and gave up my false hopes, let go and stopped begging. She'd been telling me to f... off for decades and says I'm a crazy f...... bitch. It's been torture.
Just learned this quote
“Even a lion, can’t take down a herd!”
So uplifting to know there is a support community that reflects this.
Thank you and Laura👼
This was one of the most powerful videos you have made! “Or physically collapse, “ ( I did) hospitalized and near death….
I can’t see my grandchildren, six out of seven! I’m devastated.
Thank you Dr. C and🎉 team healthy
🙃🦋SURVIVOR🦋
Thank you, D M. #TeamHealthy
My former Narc spouse talks smack about me to our adult children, but thinks it's 'weird' that I don't want to communicate w/ him.😑 His live in gf joins in too~I surmise it's a 'bonding' experience for them.
@Gemma Dann Yes. I've embraced the grey rock method for many years. My daughter is getting married in 2022 & his insecurities are getting triggered that people will note us not speaking @ her event. Nobody cares! It's her day, not his.
@Gemma Dann 👍😊
At some point you have to forgive yourself for whatever bad choices resulted from being in these situations. As empathic people we wanted to believe something that wasn’t true: that all people are good people. It is so hard to accept this isn’t true. But when you do, you can understand and let go of your own naive choices. Our trusting nature taught us to trust everyone to be good at their core and that was a huge mistake.
Yes, because we assumed other people would have the moral compass we have, and it takes years to realize that they didn't and they don't nor will they ever. It is a relief, because then you can forgive yourself and move forwards, good luck!
The subject is not difficult … after 34 years of being married to a covert narcissist … it all boils down to choices … good v evil …. and being educated throughly on narcissistic traits. I had a very evil one and it took about 5 years for me to put the puzzle parts together … without Gods help … I’d be sick and helpless. Thanks for educating on this very sinister subject.
Putting the puzzle pieces together is exactly it..it is so confusing and they are expert at keeping us confused and feeling guilty. I left 1.5 years ago I can see clearly now that he can’t mess with my brain anymore.
Amen‼️
This is so true. The narcs choose evil and try to block our access to the light . Walking away takes courage and determination and loving support.
My Mother would sell my beloved belongings without warning when she was "disappointed" in me.
@Pearl Clutch
Sorry for his loss.
It's been 21 years since her death and she is still a complete anomaly.
Team healthy.... Not always easy to get to but it is the only choice..
dont ever take their money, it isn't about helping you it is about controlling you
Setting boundaries will put you almost immediately in the discard phase, but it's a blessing in disguise.
Number four describes how my family behaved. I never went along with their hate, constant criticism of other people, especially total strangers , and my family members toxic negativity, and I was therefore, the Black Sheep.
Remarkable video. When you try to explain to someone your tribulations with the narcissist you can come off as being hyper-sensitive or not in control of your emotions. The calm cool narcissist easily deflects any wrongdoing on their part. Now that you understand narcissism and have experienced it firsthand, you won't fall in that trap again. Now you just have to heal your wounds. I'm still working on it.
I believe the appearance of being calm and cool is a total sham. They are seething inside like a dormant volcano and God help you when they explode. At least that’s been my experience for 57 years with mine. 57 years, Mark is a lifetime ….wasted. There is no healing, just lick the wounds you received today and brace yourself for more sh++
to come! I wish you best of outcomes..
the worst thing about these people is their spirit and energy
I cried watching this video. From the opening statement to "I know you're not making this up" to "sometimes the effects have been so strong that you have a long mountain to have to climb just to get back up to a place of normal" to the last word, this video is a salve for my wounds. Sometimes, I think I lost my life to my narcissistic family system (and tertiary narcissists who sensed my vulnerability). Other times, I see how miraculous my climb up the mountain has been. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for these validating words.
So pleased the video resonated, Sherry. My heart is with you. Dr. C
The ex narcissist use to repeat most conversations I had with him about any of our children directly to our children with his manipulative twists included. My youngest child when in primary school use to say to me "I know everything, dad tells me everything". Its absolutely disgusting & evil what these narcs do & are capable of.
Parents shouldnt be telling their kids "everything" anyway, it goes to show how messed up they are, they dont have anyone else to talk to. Really they need a therapist of their own
These are the worst, they know what they are doing is wrong.
⁵sept:kazë: glad to see 'Ex-narc...'
sharing from other 📫 post.
my three children have suffered emotional violence and psychological violence under the care of my spouse their father. I got to endure the physical violence, my middle child tried to call me a martyr for staying, because i mentioned i was sort of a deflection for them from the abuse. I said nope, not a martyr because i chose to put my career goals and personal goals aside temporary, as i raised a 'FAMILY', what? was i suppose to just walk out on my family the first time he insulted me, devalued me or physically abuse me (because he often threatened to take my/our children away). Told my child there was nothing that was going to take me away from 'MY FAMILY', not while i was still standing.
Sure, currently separated due to assualt family violence case against him (no contact order), my children are pissed at me and blame me for him being taken into custody. My therapist says they are going through the 'Stockholm Syndrome'. I make sure when they are around me, i do not speak of their dad (no bad mouthing) , what he's done or is doing to me, don't use them to gather information on my spouse or send messages through them, try my very best not to include them in what my spouse and i are currently dealing with. Was suggested to me to break all physical ties temporarily with my children while we (spouse and i) are in the midst of the storm (talk of divorce and 2 year protective order against him).
Because like some on this post are going through, the children are currently siding with my spouse and for now i am ok with that (brain wash...), at least they are no longer in the toxic household with two people who could no longer stand each other, no 'RESPECT' either way . Perhaps now our children will see and realize how different each parent really is, me for example started healing by not living in chronic hypervigilant survival mode, no more mania from constant threats of being taken to the mental hospital when he was triggered.
Your children need to see the hope, see that you stood up for yourself and for them and said 'this ends here and now'. See that you do have purpose, have meaning, and command respect not demand it. We as parents are 'an OBLIGATION' to our kids 'NOT AN OPTION'.
I was under pressure to deal with my kids' behaviour. "I cant do anything with them, you sort them out". I learned very quickly that sorting them out when they were misbehaving by doing it in a calm and non confrontational way was not allowed because she would accuse me of undermining her. So I'd be stressed to make sure the kids were 'sorted', and I became more and more unloving and correcting them in unhealthy ways. The kids suffered. And I was deemed the aggressive unloving parent with childhood issues, and that was all used to reinforce the parent alienation. My kids are grown now .. and there is no relationship with them. It's the worst thing ever. I view these people as thieves .. she stole my own children's view of me and I do believe it will never be resolved. There are times I still hate her because of that .. every now and then. I'm making a life with peace .. but there is something in me that's died, it had to .. and as much as I've grieved over it I've had to reach a point of acceptance .. but nothing can fill what that hateful person stole.
My partner is going through this, now. Sad thing is, his Mother is the narcissist that has used the kids as tools. (Along with their mother's help) it's hard to explain, this woman literally has everyone she comes in contact with become her supporters. Family, extended family, friends, colleagues.... it truly blows my mind.
@@AzazelsWings I'm very sorry this is happening. Yes, my mum and her husband too .. everybody. It's not right, or fair, didnt deserve it .. we know what's happening/happened.. and sadly this is not a situation we can hope for the best with is it. The betrayal .. its soul destroying. Its good you're there. It's just me now .. I left them all, bit by bit. It's been sooooo hard. We dont deserve it. And we realize, they never loved us .. so £u@€ them. I'm never letting anybody do this to me ever again, and I'm gonna enjoy my life. Mum died Christmas Day just gone. I'm just glad I saw it all and have worked through it. They're miserable thieves. I'm so sorry. You both don't need them, none of them. Keep well and praise God for showing you
The thief comes to steal kill and destroy but I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full. ~ Jesus
Lord, in Jesus name please return to us every thing that has been stolen from us by the enemy. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
They are thieves, Jack, you made no mistake in that assessment. The worst kind of thieves in my opinion. For that the price needs to be paid.
@@AzazelsWings yes its like they posses people.
16yrs since I've seen my grandchildren bc my daughter hates me, her shunning has had far reaching dismal consequences on my entire family.
I haven't seen my 6 yo grandson in 18 months. My children are afraid to speak to me for fear she will cut them off too.
@@elaineproffitt1032 Sorry for you hun, yep flying monkeys all over the place. Sending virtual hugs.
Yes , Elaine I haven’t seen my 6 year old grandson for 18 months and my daughter told me that he thinks I’m dead. Broke my heart. I can’t take her to court as she a solicitor and is so good with words that I would lose. Miss my grandson. 😌
21 since I have seen my son.
@@MichNative01 I completely understand how painful it is for you not being able to enjoy your family. Those young children we cherished have also grown older tho not necessarily wiser, and many have become complete strangers, to our regret. They disavow our spiritual values, patriotism, political views, educational institutions, military service to our country, and in many cases, employment. We had dreams for our children’s future success, but our dreams are not always their dreams, are they?
I wish I would have heard this years ago. It would have explained a lot of the abuse I have been subjected to.
Understatement of the century
My biggest issue is the constant lies that completely go against all the so called “promises” by these toxic people. Every time I try to have conversations with them about any of this behavior, they pull out all the cards of manipulation and then completely invalidate any and everything no matter how obvious the fact.
" Sometimes you have to climb a mountain just to get back to normal" I can so relate to that. I've climbed that mountain one too many times in my life. If only I had the insight I do now.....But at least I can wake up, hold my head up, and understand I have choices today to live in my own peace.
Amen! I'm standing beside you ❤️
@@micheleshively8557 Thank you Sis! 🥰
Dr. Carter is always spot on with his assessments of these narcissistic situations from both points of view. My favorite UA-cam personality, he makes crystal clear sense but when you're in these situations with these types of people it's very hard to regulate your emotions and behaviors. We try though
Thank you for these words of encouragement. Dr. C
I agree. Different levels of course. But even a little is very toxic. It compounds
@@hebertjerome Sad but true. I have been forced to isolate myself from family and friends because of his unsocial behavior. His tantrums have become increasingly problematic. His “will do better.” has never happened. How would he know how to do better? Regrettably he has declined personal counseling. Though I received so much guidance and wisdom from family therapist, but he, wait for it folks, he “didn’t need it.” Thankfully we had no children, so innocent folks haven’t been impacted. He shows no empathy or concern regarding anything. Gray rock? It’s like two strangers on a bus to no where, we’ve been married 57 years, I just wish for one good day.No need to ask why we remained married, call me Stupid.
1. alienating children
My mother alienated children from her three husbands, and from me, her scapegoat daughter. Result is I'm blocked from my grandchildren and contempt is passed down to the next generation.
2. Creating an angry environment
My stepfather used to rage, but now I understand that my mother was provoking him and pitting us against each other. She didn't yell herself but gloated in others' distress.
3. Long held secrets
I was lied to about who my father was and how it happened, and she concealed my grandmother's claim that my grandfather had illegitimate sons
4. Group think
Yes, the flying monkeys and other more passive enablers believed her smear campaign without question. Nothing she said was beyond belief for them. They think and speak alike because they keep gossiping together and the narcissist sets people up to appear to confirm what's been said.
5. Passive aggressive punishment
Continually gaslighted, slandered, blamed, stonewalled, treated contemptuously, etc.
Stirring up drama and inflicting pain while acting innocent is who my mother was.
They don’t have to get their hands dirty. It can be very confusing to figure out who is the main narc. Unless you happen upon a nasty letter or Facebook comments written by a flying monkey like I did.
@@TWILLIE639 Yes, very confusing. But now Dr C is helping us understand at last. May every broken heart be comforted.
Alienating children is the hardest thing to deal with. My sister withholds my nephew to punish me. When he was younger, she let him visit because it was free babysitting for her but he's almost 15 now and she hasn't let him visit in over two years. It is the absolute hardest thing to deal with. Out of all of her tactics, this one breaks my heart.
That's why I made it point #1. It's an impossible conundrum. Dr. C
I have experienced all of these with the narcissists in my life... I have gone no contact since 2 years now and have never had more peace in my life. I know they smear campaigned me and I no longer care! God bless you and thanks for all you do for us viewers as validation goes a long way in healing from all the narcissist abuse.
They also enjoy being the center of attention and being told how wonderful and beautiful and perfect they are; they are happiest when they are being admired. They LOVE sycophants.
This is what makes people think that these narcissists are demonic. Thank you for the comfort you offer.
Damage control:
1. Be assertive where necessary
- establish boundaries
- speak your truth where helpful
2. Acknowledge your limitations
- accept damage already done, grieve, may walk with a psychological limp
- maintain least interaction with them
- drop the coulda, woulda, shoulda within yourself
- remember others have gone through the same
- can't afford to take on the blame and shame they put on you
3. Above all, believe in yourself. Live in to self-respect, self-trust and what you know is tight and appropriate.
"I'm not buying into their games any more."
Have a sense of honesty about what we're dealing with, know who they are and choose to think and act in a healthy way; dignity, respect, civility.
Thank you, Dr C
My sisters have caused me a lot of pain in my life. They are both supreme narcissists. One of them even committed elder abuse, which is a crime in Michigan. We couldn't do anything about it, because we didn't have the money to prosecute her. Our satisfaction is knowing that the judge pronounced her guilty of a crime!
I can't believe I survived my family narcisim. I lived it for 52 years. Which also includes 2 ex partners. My daughter & I were thrown out on the street. 3 years on, we have rebuilt our lives after been emotionally & financially bankrupt. I am so glad I found your channel.
I'm most familiar with #5 - it's a continual grinding process that slowly eats away at your sense of self worth...
Thank you for the "...could of, should of or would of..." advice. That is liberating from the anxiety...
It’s all so true! Still missing my beautiful granddaughter. My daughter in-law & her sister refuse to allow their in-laws visits with their grandchildren. While their own mother never skips a beat. I thank God for getting me through this time as His Word assures me that He settles all accounts. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My friends experienced this with their grandson. Take heart. When their grandson was able to leave the home, he reached out to them wanting a relationship. I pray this happens with your granddaughter.
Roberta, my friend, I understand your feelings, regrettably. I pray that God will work His miracles and change their cold and mean spirited hearts. For what it’s worth, they are the real losers here. Keep the faith, it is no secret what God can do. In the meantime, being away from them minimizes your exposure to the increasing risks of Covid. Stay strong! ❤️ eliz
My son died. I get 3 days a year visit with my granddaughter on my DIL’s terms only. I do it with the hopes the child might want to learn more about her daddy as she gets older. Are all these people narcissists or just plain mean?
@@TWILLIE639 I’m so sorry about your son. I believe that narcissism is a learned behavior as my daughter in-law, her sister & their parents seem to all have it. Their abuse is constantly intensifying. It never stops. I continue to pray without ceasing & I know that God is watching & that his Word says that he settles all accounts. 🙏🏻
My stbx narc spouse has tried since our daughter was young to create an alliance with her against me. He was unsuccessful, but it was very hurtful. Now, as an adult, she has chosen to go NC with him, and now he complains that I have turned her against him. It's all so crazy and unnecessary.
Thank goodness it didn't work and she's your ally.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg I am so grateful that she was smart enough to see through his ruse. I read so many stories about victims of narcs whose children sided with the narc. My stbx was actually one of those children himself- he sided with his own narc father against his mother.
Living with the reality of being used for so long by people who were suppose to be your closet allies is hard to overcome, I fight the battle daily, the thing that helps more than anything is realizing they are still in control if I allow them in my mind, I survived them, I won, they lost in the end...Live in the now.
My narcissist ex husband died recently. But my pain did not die with him. I feel less fear but I struggle to let it all go.
Thank you so much, Dr. Carter for saying you know we’re not making this up. That’s exactly what it feels like when I’ve tried to share with people with whom i thought i could trust the information concerning the relationship i have with the narcissist in my life. I know most people just don’t know what to say. But most also believe the covert when he paints a pretty picture held by a person playing the victim and acting like “she’s crazy.” Thank you for validation and for help/guidance.
💯 percent
He has the perfect “nice guy” image, always the victim….. I am the crazy one for not sticking around to “work” on the relationship…he told me I need Double the meds! for anxiety (he created). So glad I left.
I had same experience, talking with friends about what I been through - they often come to the wrong conclusion and saying "call them", "talk with them". We know its the oposit we need to do, it just doesnt make sence for others (which ofcourse is understandable). So its very difficult to talk about and we all need to talk about things which is preventing us for moving forward, like this. I found that not using the N-word and just describe what happened in the situations gave better results. We can use the word to make us understandable to each other because we have been through it. Beside of that, be carefull only to talk about this subject to people you know would do the same things for you, that you anytime would do for them. And remember if you and the N know the same people, the N probably already have secured he/she looks better in their eyes - long time before you had a chance. That way, people you thought you know before, now suddenly have changed their position in favour of the N. That is the worst part.
Yes, thank you. Nacrs are very good at making themselves look good and you are the bad person. Oh, the stories I could tell...you would not believe.
Priceless.
I so love the validation & sanity.
As of tomorrow I'm going no contact. I'm losing my daughter and 3 grandsons. I've talked to her twice in the last year, one of those times she hung up on me. Im tired of her silence, gaslighting and re-writing her growing up. When I try to tell her she is wrong, she loses it.
I'm done.
You too huh? Went no contact with entire narc family after my parents passed. I had tried everything. It took me 50 years to finally realize there was a name and action plan for their disorder. Good luck with your process
I don't want to bother you, but saying a childs experience is not true is gaslighting.
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Yes but who is doing the gaslighting?? I agree....but who is the narc??
So telling me, who paid 4 and arranged many of these events that it did not happen, when I know they did?? Who is doing the gaslighting?
@@MichNative01 You said, she complains about her growing up and you talk about of some paid events? First I don't know what you are talking about and second, all about money is a part, too.
Mentally and emotionally drained 😩 I’ve made the decision to walk away. They are like vampires.
I'm moving in a few days. After a lifetime of abuse and trauma bonding I cannot wrap my head around the new sensations of freedom, joy, new friends, etc.
This could have been a Top 500.
Well, good point. Dr. C
This is hard to hear. BUT, I appreciate the honesty. I needed to hear that I'm not the only one today. I needed to hear that I'm not over reacting to the problems they create. I needed to hear that walking with a "limp" is to be expected. I ALSO needed to hear that I CAN walk in my own dignity, integrity, respect, and civility; and be a member of team healthy with a lot of other wonderful people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. C
You're right, it really can be hard to come to terms with this, given the fact that some are going to come against you no matter what. Stay steady and keep learning, Carol. Dr. C
Dr. Carter should be nominated for the Templeton Prize.
I hate that I feel like there will never be justice.. the legal system already failed me. I went from an abused stay at home parent to an alienated one.. 😔
This has happened to me and to others I have met, the grandchildren have been isolated from their grandparents. The grandparents do not know why and the adult children will not discuss why they refuse to allow the grandparents to see the grandchildren. The refusal to have a discussion is a clue that they have nothing in particular but perhaps became angry when the grandparents have boundaries that the adult children do not like.
My situation was excactly the other way around. Grandparents that didn't know any boundaries. We, as adult children, did the excact same thing as the children mentioned in your comment. It's a difficult situation.😞
They are miserable people!! I have taken away so much life saving information from you Dr. C.
Thank you ♡
Pattern #2: shunned at work by the group, ugh. Recovering now from that traumatic abuse.
1. Alienate children from you.
2. Create an atmosphere of anger and rage.
3. Discover long held standing secrets.
4. Creating a group think atmosphere and you feel " other".
5. A passive aggressive style of ..........
Pull anger out of you. Nice one.
Very true… they definitely teach their children to hate the same way they do. It’s sad… Making their child their crutch…
You’ve just described to a “T” my ex husband & 47 year old daughter. I had to completely walk away.
My parents and oldest daughter …. I moved away three years ago , it’s hard but had to get away
I need to get away too, but the older you get the harder it is to do.
Having someone describe things that happened in my family years ago based on others who have done the same things really does help to make me feel a little less isolated. Thanks.
Keep watching Dr. Carter.. You'll learn even more wonderful things about yourself. I don't know you, but I love you. We are like family here. Best wishes and keep feeling better, less isolated. "You know we aren't making this up." As Dr. Carter said. In two years time, watching Dr Carters channel, I've really worked through a lot of anger, and pain. I'm amazed at how accurate his description is. ❤️❤️❤️
Same here. Because dealing with the meanness and contempt from a narcissist is so isolating and lonely. Watching these videos and reading these comments has made me see how many others suffer with this also.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE‼️
Oh my… all of the above! “The problem that keeps on giving.”
This video really described my mother.
Wonder Granny,You deserves better 🙏
So hard to sustain peace, it comes but then gets driven out by the ruminating mind. It feels like for every step forward you take three steps back.
Lovely kids now adults, now narcissists themselves, no turning back the clock, all your goodness and love has been wiped clean by the covert spouse. Only the betrayed can fully grasp this evil, nobody else gets it. And it changes you forever, it takes tremendous courage and fortitude to let them go, to realise the clock is never going to turn back. That is step one, the rest is day by day, week by week.
Another great video when I needed it. Just described my life. No contact for 3 1/2 years and it’s hard still. Hard to feel joy. Hard to be isolated. Hard not to hate them. Hard not to feel defeated, paranoid, worried, angry, and disgusted. This behavior, and they did it all, is so harmful 😢
My mother, ex-husband and one of my children are narcissists. It’s a wonder I am still sane. I only have a relationship with my daughter because of her children. My grandsons deserve a grounded kind person in their lives to counteract her craziness.
I am with you, Dear One. 🙏🏼❤️🕊
It's one thing to protect yourself from their tactics- but it's a whole other ballgame to protect any children in their care who are dependent on them. I can't handle witnessing their suffering, knowing there's nothing I can do to stop it.